0:00:02 > 0:00:07What happens to our cute kids? One minute they're sweet and adorable...
0:00:07 > 0:00:11and before you know it, they've morphed into moody teenagers...
0:00:11 > 0:00:12This is useless.
0:00:12 > 0:00:15- ..struggling with challenges of adolescence...- Sitting up here,
0:00:15 > 0:00:17- doing nothing.- Get out! - ..leaving parents wondering
0:00:17 > 0:00:20exactly where did they go wrong?
0:00:20 > 0:00:22RAISED VOICES
0:00:22 > 0:00:25No kicking. The situation was bad enough.
0:00:25 > 0:00:28You just said you weren't hungry.
0:00:28 > 0:00:30What d'ya mean, you? You know exactly what you're doing.
0:00:30 > 0:00:33Hey, hey! Rachel...
0:00:33 > 0:00:36These three families are suffering serious teen trouble.
0:00:36 > 0:00:40Desperate for change, they've signed up for a week-long retreat,
0:00:40 > 0:00:43away from their usual routines and home comforts, in a bid to turn
0:00:43 > 0:00:48their lives around. The location - Newcastle, County Down,
0:00:48 > 0:00:50where an expert team awaits.
0:00:52 > 0:00:54They'll push them to their limits...
0:00:54 > 0:00:57- We're supposed to be doing this together.- I don't care.
0:00:57 > 0:01:00..in an attempt to rebuild their confidence...
0:01:00 > 0:01:03- Stop!- ..and their relationships.
0:01:03 > 0:01:05But can they step up to the challenge and grasp this
0:01:05 > 0:01:07once-in-a-lifetime opportunity?
0:01:07 > 0:01:10THEY SCREAM
0:01:42 > 0:01:46The road to understanding themselves and each other this week
0:01:46 > 0:01:47has been a bumpy one...
0:01:47 > 0:01:49This is our time, me, you and Beano. Family time.
0:01:49 > 0:01:52- Scared?- Scared when he roars at ye an' all.
0:01:52 > 0:01:56I'm not a big, bad wolf or something.
0:01:56 > 0:02:00- Shut up.- Why? - Because I told you to.
0:02:00 > 0:02:03- Ciara...I need your help to do it. - I don't care.
0:02:03 > 0:02:07Of course it's hard to take, because she won't let you in there.
0:02:07 > 0:02:09I don't really know why, you know,
0:02:09 > 0:02:13she resented her older sister so much.
0:02:13 > 0:02:15Amy, what is the big deal?
0:02:15 > 0:02:18I can't do all of it at once.
0:02:19 > 0:02:22..though perseverance and a willingness to change
0:02:22 > 0:02:26have provided signs of real progress.
0:02:26 > 0:02:28We are actually getting on better here than at home.
0:02:28 > 0:02:31- It's different.- Class!
0:02:31 > 0:02:33For Andrea and her three teens, Naomi, Josh and Rachel,
0:02:33 > 0:02:36the sibling rivalry between the sisters
0:02:36 > 0:02:40- had been tearing the family apart. - Get out!
0:02:40 > 0:02:42This week, Naomi and Rachel have been forced to face up
0:02:42 > 0:02:43to their behaviour.
0:02:43 > 0:02:45RECORDED SHOUTING
0:02:45 > 0:02:46- Shall we stop?- Yeah.
0:02:46 > 0:02:49And it seems Rachel is ready for change.
0:02:49 > 0:02:53I just want everyone to get along and stop the fighting
0:02:53 > 0:02:56and anger and jealousy and things.
0:02:58 > 0:03:01- No, get off me. - Siobhan has gained an insight
0:03:01 > 0:03:05into how her and Ciara's stormy relationship affects the family.
0:03:05 > 0:03:08Everything that happens is about me and Ciara
0:03:08 > 0:03:11and the other two are sort of pushed to the sidelines and left out of it.
0:03:11 > 0:03:14And in an effort to redress the balance,
0:03:14 > 0:03:18youngest daughter Hannah has joined them for a few days.
0:03:18 > 0:03:20And it's clear that Siobhan is slowly but surely
0:03:20 > 0:03:24breaking down the barriers between her and Ciara.
0:03:24 > 0:03:27And what about me touching you and hugging you?
0:03:27 > 0:03:32- All right.- She didn't just boot me into that hedge!
0:03:32 > 0:03:36Chloe's challenging behaviour and difficult relationship
0:03:36 > 0:03:40with her stepdad, Beano, brought mum Cathy here looking for solutions.
0:03:40 > 0:03:43- Come on, love.- Being flung together on outdoor pursuits
0:03:43 > 0:03:46has helped bring Chloe and Beano closer.
0:03:46 > 0:03:49SHE LAUGHS
0:03:49 > 0:03:51And heeding the advice provided this week has given Cathy
0:03:51 > 0:03:54a new sense of empowerment.
0:03:54 > 0:03:57I'm not going to let Chloe be in control of me.
0:04:01 > 0:04:04Another day begins and Cathy's new parenting skills
0:04:04 > 0:04:06are about to be tested.
0:04:06 > 0:04:07Wellbeing expert Amanda Hamilton
0:04:07 > 0:04:10has invited the group to a morning exercise session,
0:04:10 > 0:04:12but almost immediately hits a snag.
0:04:12 > 0:04:16Take your socks and shoes off out there.
0:04:16 > 0:04:19- Take your socks off.- Why?- What's the big deal about your feet?
0:04:19 > 0:04:22Unexpectedly, a row is about to erupt over, of all things,
0:04:22 > 0:04:24bare feet.
0:04:24 > 0:04:25I'm not doing this.
0:04:25 > 0:04:27CATHY: Why are you not taking your socks off?
0:04:27 > 0:04:29- They're not making me. - Who's not?- You.
0:04:29 > 0:04:32- Take your socks off, please. - I don't have to. Make me.
0:04:32 > 0:04:34- I've mine off.- Aye, that's you! - Chloe, don't roar at me.
0:04:34 > 0:04:38Please don't roar at me. Get the socks off ye, now!
0:04:38 > 0:04:39Chloe, get the socks off ye.
0:04:39 > 0:04:43I'm not going to ask you another time. I'll ask you one more time.
0:04:43 > 0:04:47- Go you on.- I'm not going in. - No, I'm not doing it.
0:04:47 > 0:04:50That's all right, I'm sitting here, then. We'll all be.
0:04:50 > 0:04:52- Don't care, not doing it. - I'm sittin' here along wi' you.
0:04:52 > 0:04:54Go on, just go on, if you want me socks...
0:04:54 > 0:04:57No, take your socks off while we're going in to do an activity.
0:04:57 > 0:05:01- I don't want to do it. - Well, we're all doing it.
0:05:01 > 0:05:04- Please take your socks off. - Beano gets to keep his on.
0:05:04 > 0:05:06- Beano's different.- Ah, so I'm not?
0:05:06 > 0:05:11Everybody else gets to keep theirs on and I don't. Aye, right.
0:05:11 > 0:05:16- My feet's stinkin' but sure I'm... - Shut up.- Get your socks off.
0:05:16 > 0:05:18Chloe, take your socks off.
0:05:18 > 0:05:21Amanda has stepped in to try to defuse the situation,
0:05:21 > 0:05:25but despite this, Chloe's decided to sit this one out.
0:05:25 > 0:05:27You sit down and get ready.
0:05:27 > 0:05:29- Leave me alone!- That's right.
0:05:29 > 0:05:32Chloe, you got your socks off, do you want to come through?
0:05:32 > 0:05:34No, I don't want to do it.
0:05:34 > 0:05:38- You're not going to do it? - No. Don't want to do it.- OK.
0:05:38 > 0:05:40Try and look at a single point...
0:05:40 > 0:05:42While the others get flexible,
0:05:42 > 0:05:46Chloe ponders the injustice of the situation.
0:05:46 > 0:05:50'Not fair, like. All them 'uns get to keep theirs on, like, I don't.
0:05:50 > 0:05:53'Like I'm the one different or something.'
0:05:53 > 0:05:55No harm to ye, I had to get something out,
0:05:55 > 0:05:56I had to say anger out.
0:06:01 > 0:06:04It's testament to the impact the week must be having.
0:06:04 > 0:06:05Rather than another row,
0:06:05 > 0:06:08Chloe has chosen a more grown-up way of dealing with things.
0:06:08 > 0:06:12I'm not going into that. I'm not going back into an argument with you.
0:06:12 > 0:06:14- I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Mummy. - It's all right.
0:06:14 > 0:06:17The apology is a sign of huge progress.
0:06:17 > 0:06:21Contemplating how her role as a mother has now changed,
0:06:21 > 0:06:24Cathy is with clinical psychologist Dr Raman Kapur.
0:06:24 > 0:06:27She has to learn I am the mommy
0:06:27 > 0:06:32- and that she's the child.- Yes. - And it's not equal any more.
0:06:32 > 0:06:36I've only became a parent to Chloe this week.
0:06:37 > 0:06:40Because when I look back now,
0:06:40 > 0:06:42there has been no discipline,
0:06:42 > 0:06:46she's been let do what she wants to do.
0:06:46 > 0:06:51- In a sense, she can't rule the roost so much.- Not any more.
0:06:51 > 0:06:55She has to grow up as well. I have to let her grow up.
0:06:55 > 0:06:58Chloe is still my baby. She was my lifeline
0:06:58 > 0:07:01because God knows where I would be today.
0:07:03 > 0:07:07A long time ago, alcohol sort of took over my life
0:07:07 > 0:07:12and then when I did fall pregnant with Chloe I just stopped drinking.
0:07:12 > 0:07:15And I haven't drunk since.
0:07:15 > 0:07:19- She brought a new life for you then?- Yes. I got a second chance.
0:07:25 > 0:07:28To balance the intensity of the psychotherapy sessions,
0:07:28 > 0:07:32Amanda has organised a series of outdoor challenges across the week.
0:07:32 > 0:07:35Today, the families have been taken to a local quarry.
0:07:35 > 0:07:37Facing your fears and doing it anyway
0:07:37 > 0:07:40is something that, whether you're a teenager or adult,
0:07:40 > 0:07:44is difficult to do, but you can feel great afterwards.
0:07:44 > 0:07:48- You're afraid of heights but you're going to go rock-climbing?- Yeah.
0:07:48 > 0:07:51So what we've decided to do is a bit of climbing and abseiling,
0:07:51 > 0:07:53in the hope they get that great sense
0:07:53 > 0:07:56of self-satisfaction and confidence.
0:07:57 > 0:08:00Despite being terrified of leaving the ground,
0:08:00 > 0:08:02Beano makes the climb look easy.
0:08:04 > 0:08:06- AMANDA:- Well done, Beano.
0:08:09 > 0:08:11All right. I've got you. Brilliant.
0:08:11 > 0:08:14CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:08:17 > 0:08:20He's not the only one stepping up, or should that be down,
0:08:20 > 0:08:23- to the challenge.- Fantastic, yeah. Sit yourself down.
0:08:23 > 0:08:25SHOUTS OF ENCOURAGEMENT
0:08:25 > 0:08:27I don't think I can do it.
0:08:27 > 0:08:29Whoo!
0:08:29 > 0:08:32Concentrate at the end. I don't want to fall.
0:08:32 > 0:08:33CATHY: Take your time.
0:08:33 > 0:08:34It's scary.
0:08:34 > 0:08:38Would you all stop talking to me until I get it done?
0:08:38 > 0:08:43Come on, Chloe. Stand there and rest yourself for a wee minute, darlin'.
0:08:43 > 0:08:46- INSTRUCTOR:- You're doing really good.
0:08:46 > 0:08:48I'm shaking here, you know, and them rocks are breaking.
0:08:48 > 0:08:51SHE GROWLS
0:08:51 > 0:08:55CATHY: You can do it. Brilliant. So proud of you.
0:08:55 > 0:08:58Come on. That's it.
0:08:58 > 0:09:01You've only got about two more steps and that's you at the top. Come on.
0:09:01 > 0:09:04- I'm taking a breather, here. - OK, then.
0:09:04 > 0:09:06Oh, Mummy!
0:09:06 > 0:09:09She'll be all right. It's just one more wee...
0:09:09 > 0:09:15- Once she gets her foot there... - It's the height, Beano.
0:09:15 > 0:09:19Don't be looking down, Chloe, look at the fella at the top.
0:09:19 > 0:09:23CHEERING
0:09:23 > 0:09:26Well done!
0:09:28 > 0:09:32Beating her fear and overcoming her panic is another triumph for Chloe.
0:09:32 > 0:09:36This week's physical challenges all serve to reinforce the mind work.
0:09:36 > 0:09:40They're designed to build confidence and self-esteem, encourage teamwork
0:09:40 > 0:09:42and help the families have a bit of fun together.
0:09:42 > 0:09:45And Amanda has something else up her sleeve.
0:09:45 > 0:09:47So, everybody, you might be wondering why I've got
0:09:47 > 0:09:52such a delicious mid-morning treat on the table here.
0:09:52 > 0:09:59Well, it's to give you enough fuel for tonight's expedition.
0:09:59 > 0:10:03We're beside the beautiful hills and I thought wouldn't it be great
0:10:03 > 0:10:05if you all went camping?
0:10:07 > 0:10:08Going to have a lovely lunch
0:10:08 > 0:10:12and then you're going to get set off as families
0:10:12 > 0:10:13and walk to the campsite.
0:10:13 > 0:10:15- I can't wait.- You really excited?
0:10:15 > 0:10:17- So am I.- Really excited about it?
0:10:17 > 0:10:20- So is everyone up for it? - ALL: Yes.
0:10:20 > 0:10:23- Cathy?- I like the comforts of my bed, but...
0:10:23 > 0:10:26- we'll have a go.- Yeah? - We'll have a go.
0:10:26 > 0:10:30- Ciara?- Yeah, I like camping.- Great! - I want a campfire.
0:10:30 > 0:10:32Get off me, right now!
0:10:32 > 0:10:36So far, the focus for Ciara has been on the breakdown in communication
0:10:36 > 0:10:40with her mum, Siobhan, who's been bringing up her three daughters
0:10:40 > 0:10:44by herself since she split with the girls' father, four years ago.
0:10:44 > 0:10:47- We're supposed to be doing this together.- I don't care.
0:10:52 > 0:10:55Today, Dr Rachel Andrew is taking Ciara's session outside,
0:10:55 > 0:10:58hoping that the change of environment
0:10:58 > 0:11:00will give Ciara more space to think.
0:11:00 > 0:11:05I think I thought when I got to a certain age, I would know it all,
0:11:05 > 0:11:07that it would all suddenly makes sense.
0:11:07 > 0:11:09It doesn't really ever get to that stage.
0:11:09 > 0:11:13But were you thinking it might happen at some point for you,
0:11:13 > 0:11:16you would figure it all out and be able to deal with everything?
0:11:16 > 0:11:19Kinda. I just didn't know when.
0:11:19 > 0:11:23When I heard, "You're like my age or a couple of years younger",
0:11:23 > 0:11:27all people talk to you about is your future.
0:11:27 > 0:11:30All I see is blackness. I don't see one.
0:11:30 > 0:11:35- Really?- Yeah. It's not as dark as it used to be, though.
0:11:35 > 0:11:39- But there's still not a picture there.- Mmm.
0:11:39 > 0:11:43And can you remember what led up to that?
0:11:43 > 0:11:47No, not really. It was just there.
0:11:47 > 0:11:50Was it around that same time, like being 11?
0:11:50 > 0:11:54Yeah, like from the end of first year.
0:11:54 > 0:11:57It was around the same type of time when
0:11:57 > 0:12:01- your mum and dad split up.- Yeah.
0:12:04 > 0:12:10Do you think that would have had anything to do with the blackness?
0:12:10 > 0:12:14Uh...yeah.
0:12:17 > 0:12:20As Rachel had hoped, Ciara has dug deep
0:12:20 > 0:12:24and in talking to Raman, mum Siobhan reveals that her thoughts
0:12:24 > 0:12:25have followed a similar path.
0:12:26 > 0:12:30She's insisted to me and I've asked so many times
0:12:30 > 0:12:32is this anything to do with that? And she's,
0:12:32 > 0:12:35"No, I've finished talking about that a long time ago."
0:12:37 > 0:12:42But obviously there's something more deep-seated there.
0:12:43 > 0:12:44Some sort of...
0:12:47 > 0:12:51..blame against me for the fact that we're on our own.
0:12:51 > 0:12:54I just don't know.
0:12:54 > 0:12:58It's the only thing that I can really pinpoint
0:12:58 > 0:13:03to when things spiralled really out of control with her.
0:13:03 > 0:13:07I really want it to work. I want things to get better.
0:13:10 > 0:13:14You're trying to do it all on your own, trying to be brave for them
0:13:14 > 0:13:17and give them everything they need and...
0:13:17 > 0:13:21sometimes you just can't do enough.
0:13:22 > 0:13:28Perhaps it's really accepting that you can only do so much.
0:13:28 > 0:13:31I think because you have such a pressure to make it right,
0:13:31 > 0:13:34it can make you feel bad or guilty quite quickly
0:13:34 > 0:13:37when something breaks down.
0:13:37 > 0:13:42So maybe really trying to appraise, "Well, what is the most realistic
0:13:42 > 0:13:45"and reasonable thing I can do here? I'm on my own."
0:13:45 > 0:13:49If you factor that in it may help you think about things a bit more
0:13:49 > 0:13:51but most importantly take that pressure off you
0:13:51 > 0:13:54which I think is Herculean.
0:13:56 > 0:13:58Speaking about hopes and fears
0:13:58 > 0:14:02has become easier for everyone on this retreat, though dealing
0:14:02 > 0:14:06with the emotions this stirs up is always difficult.
0:14:07 > 0:14:11Every step taken is a step towards what they all came here looking for
0:14:11 > 0:14:14- a better family life.
0:14:16 > 0:14:20Whilst the route to harmony at home may take in some rough terrain,
0:14:20 > 0:14:25only by sticking together will they find their own path.
0:14:25 > 0:14:28- Maybe if we walk faster, we'll get there quicker?- Nah, you're all right.
0:14:28 > 0:14:30Think I'll take my time.
0:14:33 > 0:14:37What, for you, is the success here? How do you define success?
0:14:37 > 0:14:40Because, of course, in the physical sense it's much easier to see
0:14:40 > 0:14:44if there's a dramatic change. In the emotional sense,
0:14:44 > 0:14:46it's slightly harder to measure.
0:14:48 > 0:14:51With Ciara and Siobhan, I know Ciara sets herself
0:14:51 > 0:14:57some goals for the end of the week - to be nicer was her main goal.
0:14:57 > 0:15:01What I'd like to see is more of that in Ciara.
0:15:01 > 0:15:04I think we've started to see her
0:15:04 > 0:15:05be a little bit warmer and nicer
0:15:05 > 0:15:09and I think seeing even more of that by the end of the week
0:15:09 > 0:15:12for me would be a success.
0:15:12 > 0:15:14- Tie my shoe, please. - Can you not tie it yourself?
0:15:14 > 0:15:17It just comes out and then I have to bend over and fix my trousers.
0:15:17 > 0:15:19You have to bend over? Oh, that's awful!
0:15:22 > 0:15:24What should happen next with Cathy?
0:15:24 > 0:15:27Cathy's been a star in my world, she really has.
0:15:27 > 0:15:32She's been so open, honest, she's connected with her feelings
0:15:32 > 0:15:36and thoughts, talked about them and wants to make the absolute best
0:15:36 > 0:15:39of her time with me individually and in the group.
0:15:39 > 0:15:42She's taken every opportunity, I think, within this week,
0:15:42 > 0:15:48to learn new things and try to develop both within herself
0:15:48 > 0:15:51- and then as a mum.- I've got huge hope for that family.
0:15:51 > 0:15:54I just think they need the real, practical guidelines
0:15:54 > 0:15:57to really help make it all function.
0:15:58 > 0:16:01Lastly, onto the colourful Crillys.
0:16:01 > 0:16:04I think Andrea has become a very good thinking mum in the work
0:16:04 > 0:16:06- that I've done with her... - She speaks very well.
0:16:06 > 0:16:08..and is prepared to think things through
0:16:08 > 0:16:11and wants to think things through and wants to do the best
0:16:11 > 0:16:13for her two girls and son.
0:16:13 > 0:16:15I think there's a huge amount of love in that family.
0:16:15 > 0:16:18It's just become muddled and difficult
0:16:18 > 0:16:21because of the personality differences,
0:16:21 > 0:16:23but there's a huge amount of emotion between them all
0:16:23 > 0:16:25that's electric.
0:16:29 > 0:16:32You fading, Ciara?
0:16:32 > 0:16:35- Dyin'.- No, you're not.
0:16:35 > 0:16:38We're nearly there. It's just over there.
0:16:38 > 0:16:41Road! Beautiful road! Long way from the mud!
0:16:41 > 0:16:45# Follow the yellow... Follow, follow, follow
0:16:45 > 0:16:47- # Follow the yellow brick road! # - Mummy!
0:16:47 > 0:16:49- Don't start me. I'm not in the mood.- Oh, Chloe!
0:16:49 > 0:16:50I have to go to the toilet.
0:16:50 > 0:16:53Having put some beautiful country miles behind them,
0:16:53 > 0:16:55one by one the families arrive.
0:16:55 > 0:16:58Chloe, go and see if you can give me a cup of tea, please.
0:16:58 > 0:17:01- Where?- Chloe, calm down. I'm only asking you for tea,
0:17:01 > 0:17:02not a Chinese.
0:17:02 > 0:17:05But there's no time to rest,
0:17:05 > 0:17:07they all need to get their tents up before it gets dark.
0:17:21 > 0:17:24Get round this side and pull the blue material.
0:17:24 > 0:17:28Put that one into there. Beautiful!
0:17:30 > 0:17:32- Blazes!- Four of us!
0:17:36 > 0:17:38Have to make another one.
0:17:38 > 0:17:40No, YOU don't!
0:17:40 > 0:17:43No, I'm just annoyed at her because she's done nothing, Mum.
0:17:43 > 0:17:45While we're breaking our backs.
0:17:45 > 0:17:47- Chloe.- What?
0:17:47 > 0:17:49# Welcome home... #
0:17:49 > 0:17:52- Mummy, shut up.- # Welcome home... # - Shut up!
0:17:52 > 0:17:57It was easy enough once you got the main poles in.
0:17:57 > 0:18:02Once the sleeping bags an' all's in, it might be all right.
0:18:02 > 0:18:04With sleeping arrangements sorted,
0:18:04 > 0:18:07everyone's ready for a hot meal and a sit down.
0:18:07 > 0:18:10The warmest thing I've touched all day.
0:18:10 > 0:18:13Amanda's keen to find out how the families have got on.
0:18:13 > 0:18:17Hello, folks! Mind if I join you in this lovely mountain restaurant?
0:18:17 > 0:18:19LAUGHTER
0:18:19 > 0:18:23- How's it going? How was the walk? - Hard work.- Hard work?- Yeah.
0:18:23 > 0:18:27- You don't know the meaning of hard work!- It was really good.
0:18:27 > 0:18:29- Was it really good?- It was. - What was the best thing about it?
0:18:29 > 0:18:32- Getting here!- What about you, Cathy, how did you get on?
0:18:32 > 0:18:37I didn't like it. I just didn't like walking, you know,
0:18:37 > 0:18:40- but I was glad I done it. - Not even with the scenery?
0:18:40 > 0:18:44Scenery was beautiful. It's just the walking!
0:18:44 > 0:18:46But it was nice to do something as a family, you know,
0:18:46 > 0:18:52- and we did it.- No major arguments? - ALL: No.- No, no?
0:18:52 > 0:18:57- Peace and harmony! And what about getting the tents up?- Hard!- Hard!
0:18:57 > 0:19:02- But we got there. We got there. - Good.
0:19:03 > 0:19:07It seems all the effort they've been putting in during the week
0:19:07 > 0:19:10is paying off. Happy but exhausted, it's not long
0:19:10 > 0:19:12before everyone's tucked up for the night.
0:19:14 > 0:19:18SNORING
0:19:23 > 0:19:26With at least one of the group having had a good night's sleep,
0:19:26 > 0:19:29they're back at base and ready for the day ahead.
0:19:29 > 0:19:31Raman has a group session planned,
0:19:31 > 0:19:34which involves all the parents and all the teens
0:19:34 > 0:19:37and Cathy's giving Rachel a heads-up on what to expect.
0:19:37 > 0:19:39Yous would really need to talk
0:19:39 > 0:19:42because we're drained wi' talkin' to him.
0:19:42 > 0:19:44Got nothing left to say to people.
0:19:44 > 0:19:48See, once you speak to him... he sits like this, right...
0:19:48 > 0:19:52and he sits like this...
0:19:52 > 0:19:54and he flicks his tie.
0:19:54 > 0:19:59And while he's flicking his tie, the wee ball starts to roll and everything, and mammy'll say...
0:19:59 > 0:20:02It's just that first moment when you walk in.
0:20:02 > 0:20:06Oh, no, then the silence stops again. Then we've got this complete silence. It seems for hours.
0:20:06 > 0:20:10- There's like five-minute gaps in-between everything. - More than five!
0:20:13 > 0:20:16Raman doesn't usually work with younger people
0:20:16 > 0:20:21so today's family group is a new experience for him too.
0:20:21 > 0:20:24Well, this is a chance for me to meet everybody.
0:20:24 > 0:20:30And a chance for everybody just to say what they think and feel about being here.
0:20:41 > 0:20:45I just wonder whether one of the biggest things everybody's learnt
0:20:45 > 0:20:51is that parents have got feelings and children have got feelings?
0:20:51 > 0:20:55People have seen another side maybe of their parents as well?
0:20:55 > 0:20:58Mum's not stressed out.
0:21:00 > 0:21:04It's like when you're not stressed, we're not stressed.
0:21:04 > 0:21:07I haven't even felt that stressed out this week that much.
0:21:20 > 0:21:24The friction between sisters Naomi and Rachel is ever present.
0:21:24 > 0:21:27I don't think me and Naomi are ever really going to get along.
0:21:27 > 0:21:29- You're not?- No.
0:21:29 > 0:21:33Because you don't even try. All you do is criticise.
0:21:33 > 0:21:37People have to handle a little bit of criticism in life, like.
0:21:37 > 0:21:39I know they do, Rachel, but you do it for no reason.
0:21:39 > 0:21:43When I say something, you just completely say the opposite.
0:21:43 > 0:21:47- I'm just saying what I think. - Well, don't. You don't have to say what you think all the time.
0:21:47 > 0:21:50Really?
0:21:52 > 0:21:55Do you not know when you hurt people's feelings?
0:21:55 > 0:21:57- Or do you just not care? - I'm just saying what I think.
0:21:57 > 0:21:59But you don't have to say what you think all the time.
0:21:59 > 0:22:01- I want to say it. - Well, don't say it!
0:22:01 > 0:22:03I hate people who stress out about nothing.
0:22:03 > 0:22:07Naomi is everything I don't like in a person.
0:22:07 > 0:22:11All in one. So I can't stick her altogether.
0:22:11 > 0:22:14Did you have to say that? Really?
0:22:14 > 0:22:17Well, I can't take it back now.
0:22:19 > 0:22:23You're trying your freaking damnedest to put me down.
0:22:23 > 0:22:26In the house you say exactly what you feel like saying.
0:22:26 > 0:22:29I'm talking about now when we're trying to change and you put me down constantly.
0:22:29 > 0:22:31Well, you try and change. I'm just doing what I think.
0:22:31 > 0:22:35I mean, if someone said that to me I wouldn't have reacted like that.
0:22:35 > 0:22:38- Really, Rachel?- It depends who said it. If she said it, maybe not.
0:22:38 > 0:22:41- But if I said it, I'm sure it would. - I wouldn't be crying.
0:22:41 > 0:22:45You cried your face off a couple of days before we came here because he said he hated you.
0:22:45 > 0:22:47Yeah, I cried. Everyone cries.
0:22:47 > 0:22:51- I never said I hated anyone. - You said you didn't like her.
0:22:51 > 0:22:54At times.
0:22:55 > 0:23:01As the group has witnessed, it doesn't take much to spark a row between the sisters.
0:23:01 > 0:23:05Rachel definitely knows what buttons to press
0:23:05 > 0:23:08to get a reaction from anybody in this house.
0:23:08 > 0:23:12Maybe apart from Josh, who doesn't react to her any more.
0:23:12 > 0:23:15He used to, but not any more.
0:23:15 > 0:23:21She's changed very much. And I kind of see her as a drag on the family,
0:23:21 > 0:23:23that if Rachel were to be changed,
0:23:23 > 0:23:25I think that this family would be so much better.
0:23:25 > 0:23:31Following the public outburst the family has withdrawn to the privacy of their cabin.
0:23:31 > 0:23:34What did I ever do?
0:23:34 > 0:23:37- I just don't like your personality. - But why?!
0:23:37 > 0:23:41- There's always a reason! - If I was going to say what I think, I might as well be honest, like.
0:23:41 > 0:23:45And not...try to hide it.
0:23:45 > 0:23:47There's people out there going to see what you really are like.
0:23:47 > 0:23:50- People are going to see... - Because you're a wee delicate baby.
0:23:50 > 0:23:56OK, time-out. Stop. Stop. That's not going to get us anywhere. Stop.
0:23:56 > 0:24:04You can get lunch and I'm going to think of a suitable punishment.
0:24:04 > 0:24:07- A suitable punishment? - Excuse me.
0:24:07 > 0:24:12- I can cry too.- I know you can cry. You're not as hard as you let on.
0:24:12 > 0:24:14So if I cry right now will I not get a punishment?
0:24:14 > 0:24:17- Oh, you will get a punishment. - Because I said, "Really?"
0:24:17 > 0:24:19You can't be mean to people just to make yourself feel better.
0:24:19 > 0:24:25I wasn't. I wanted to put my point across and I don't do it very well. I don't do it.
0:24:25 > 0:24:29You apologise for being so insensitive.
0:24:29 > 0:24:32I apologise for being so insensitive.
0:24:32 > 0:24:35And think about it, Rachel. Think about how you treat people.
0:24:35 > 0:24:37No, I take it back. Sorry, I'm not doing that.
0:24:37 > 0:24:39Right. Well, we're going to lunch.
0:24:39 > 0:24:43Rachel, you can stay here and think about what you've learned this week.
0:24:48 > 0:24:50Mummy said she thinks she's changed over the week,
0:24:50 > 0:24:53and has not been stressed out, and I said, "Really?"
0:24:53 > 0:24:57Because she's been so stressed out and she's been so mean this week and I didn't agree with it.
0:24:57 > 0:25:01And then apparently I'm just some bad guy,
0:25:01 > 0:25:04cos I said what I think. Mum told me to open up more
0:25:04 > 0:25:06and I did, and I get punished for it?
0:25:11 > 0:25:14A follow-up session with Raman lets Andrea reflect
0:25:14 > 0:25:17on just how far she's come this week.
0:25:17 > 0:25:21I'm glad it happened here, before we went home.
0:25:21 > 0:25:24I got to practise.
0:25:24 > 0:25:27Yes, in a very real way!
0:25:27 > 0:25:33You really had to see if your thinking self was going to work.
0:25:33 > 0:25:36Yeah. I was a bit scared for a moment
0:25:36 > 0:25:39because the emotions just went right up to here.
0:25:39 > 0:25:43And then it was, "What if nothing comes?" You know?
0:25:43 > 0:25:45- But it did.- But you were able to sit with it.- Yeah.
0:25:45 > 0:25:48And we've talked about that here, rolling with the punches.
0:25:48 > 0:25:53It's that new idea, that new kind of skill really
0:25:53 > 0:25:55that you've kind of perhaps learnt here.
0:25:55 > 0:25:58And then, you know, the other parents were looking at me
0:25:58 > 0:26:01and I think everybody was waiting for me to respond.
0:26:01 > 0:26:04Because it was so horrible.
0:26:06 > 0:26:09But I didn't want to add my emotions to the mix.
0:26:10 > 0:26:14Because I've known from past experience that that creates chaos.
0:26:17 > 0:26:21As the retreat nears its end, it's important that, like Andrea,
0:26:21 > 0:26:26everyone focuses on what they've learned to prepare for the reality of life back home.
0:26:26 > 0:26:29To help with this process Rachel has an assignment for them.
0:26:29 > 0:26:35What I would like you to each do is to write a letter to your family.
0:26:35 > 0:26:37I want you to think back over the last week.
0:26:37 > 0:26:42And let the rest of your family know what you've noticed about them
0:26:42 > 0:26:44that you think has really made a difference.
0:26:44 > 0:26:49'The letter writing task is about giving the families time for reflection.'
0:26:49 > 0:26:53So them thinking about all they've achieved throughout the week,
0:26:53 > 0:26:56and then thinking what that might lead to in the future.
0:26:56 > 0:26:59So if you pass these round.
0:26:59 > 0:27:02'I'm also hoping what the task will do is help them all notice
0:27:02 > 0:27:06'the changes in each other. So by writing the changes down,'
0:27:06 > 0:27:09I'm hoping that will help maintain change within the family.
0:27:13 > 0:27:16Armed with pen and paper, they head back to their cabins.
0:27:16 > 0:27:20The teens, as it turns out, put off the job until tomorrow.
0:27:20 > 0:27:23But the parents are keen to make a start tonight.
0:27:27 > 0:27:34"Dear family, I have really enjoyed spending the last week with each one of you."
0:27:34 > 0:27:40"Chloe and Beano, I am so proud of you both for what you have achieved this week."
0:27:44 > 0:27:49"I hope that one day I will not only be your mother, but also your best friend.
0:27:49 > 0:27:53"I love you today and always. Mummy."
0:27:55 > 0:28:00Next time, have Ciara and Siobhan gained a new level of trust?
0:28:00 > 0:28:03- You won't let me fall?- No.
0:28:05 > 0:28:08Rachel's letter is a revelation.
0:28:08 > 0:28:12"I know I can seem hard-hearted and mean, but I don't mean what I say."
0:28:14 > 0:28:16And for all three families -
0:28:16 > 0:28:18it's back to the reality of home life.
0:28:18 > 0:28:22As I came here last week, I came into the unknown.
0:28:22 > 0:28:25So I'm going back into the unknown now.
0:28:25 > 0:28:27# Back to life
0:28:27 > 0:28:31# Back to reality. #
0:28:32 > 0:28:36Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd