0:00:02 > 0:00:06The romantic idea of a happy marriage that would last a lifetime
0:00:06 > 0:00:10has never been more tested than in the 20th century.
0:00:10 > 0:00:14This three-part series celebrates the enduring power
0:00:14 > 0:00:18of an age-old institution that has survived into the modern age
0:00:18 > 0:00:20of individual freedom and affluence.
0:00:21 > 0:00:25We begin by taking a new look at marriage during the first half
0:00:25 > 0:00:29of the century, when the wedding day was often the culmination
0:00:29 > 0:00:33of a long courtship and, finally, a proposal.
0:00:34 > 0:00:39I arranged to meet her, sat down on the bench
0:00:39 > 0:00:43and said, "Darling, I've got 25 quid, will you marry me?"
0:00:51 > 0:00:53And so she became my fiancee.
0:00:54 > 0:00:58# Life is wonderful when you love... #
0:00:58 > 0:01:02This was an era when the ideal of romantic love in marriage
0:01:02 > 0:01:06had to withstand the harsh realities of a world very different to today.
0:01:11 > 0:01:14Yet many marriages were defined by friendship
0:01:14 > 0:01:17rather than conflict and strife.
0:01:17 > 0:01:21Above all else, couples wanted to provide a stable and loving home
0:01:21 > 0:01:22for their children.
0:01:22 > 0:01:26This was even true of those who struggled to bring up large families
0:01:26 > 0:01:28on the breadline.
0:01:28 > 0:01:31I did not want a great large family.
0:01:31 > 0:01:34It was a case of, what God sends you you've got to put up with.
0:01:34 > 0:01:38And God sent me all these kids and I've got to put up with them
0:01:38 > 0:01:40and I brought them up.
0:01:40 > 0:01:43And I didn't ask God, man or the devil for help to bring them up.
0:01:43 > 0:01:46I brought them up myself, my husband and I.
0:01:46 > 0:01:48He worked for them and I looked after them.
0:01:48 > 0:01:50So what more could we want?
0:01:52 > 0:01:55Despite the separation and tragedy of two world wars,
0:01:55 > 0:01:58most marriages not only survived,
0:01:58 > 0:02:01some became even stronger.
0:02:02 > 0:02:05A commitment to see things through, whatever challenges lay ahead,
0:02:05 > 0:02:10bonded couples together for life in the most powerful way.
0:02:11 > 0:02:14How does one describe
0:02:14 > 0:02:19the feeling that you have of being complete
0:02:19 > 0:02:22when the other person is with you?
0:02:22 > 0:02:25Then you feel whole.
0:02:28 > 0:02:32I'm very, very glad I loved my husband.
0:02:32 > 0:02:37And I was lucky in getting Reg and a man like Reg.
0:02:51 > 0:02:54At the beginning of the 20th century,
0:02:54 > 0:02:57most girls grew up believing it was their destiny
0:02:57 > 0:03:01to one day fall in love, get married and have children.
0:03:02 > 0:03:05Victorian attitudes to innocence and sexual purity
0:03:05 > 0:03:08ensured that many girls and boys would remain ignorant
0:03:08 > 0:03:10of the basic facts of life,
0:03:10 > 0:03:13as ideals of ladylike and gentlemanly behaviour
0:03:13 > 0:03:16were passed down through the generations.
0:03:18 > 0:03:20This is the Norfolk country estate
0:03:20 > 0:03:24where writer Diana Athill spent much of her childhood
0:03:24 > 0:03:28dreaming of one day meeting her own Prince Charming.
0:03:29 > 0:03:34My granny had very firm ideas.
0:03:35 > 0:03:39I don't know whether she told me or whether my mother told me,
0:03:39 > 0:03:45but granny believed that no lady could possibly
0:03:45 > 0:03:47let a man kiss her
0:03:47 > 0:03:50unless they were going to get married.
0:03:50 > 0:03:52Unless she was in love with him.
0:03:52 > 0:03:55She wouldn't like it unless she was in love with him.
0:03:55 > 0:03:58And no gentleman would dream of kissing a girl
0:03:58 > 0:04:01unless he was going to marry her because he was in love.
0:04:01 > 0:04:04This was what her daughters were brought up believing
0:04:04 > 0:04:05and I think my mother was.
0:04:08 > 0:04:12This ideal of romantic love had long been the stuff of popular fiction.
0:04:12 > 0:04:16Many couples expected to fall in love at first sight,
0:04:16 > 0:04:18like Diana's mother and father.
0:04:20 > 0:04:22He fell in love with her on sight...
0:04:23 > 0:04:26..and I think it was in the conservatory,
0:04:26 > 0:04:29half way through the dance, he kissed her,
0:04:29 > 0:04:32where upon, of course, my mother,
0:04:32 > 0:04:34who enjoyed it immensely -
0:04:34 > 0:04:37she'd never been kissed by anybody, it was terribly exciting,
0:04:37 > 0:04:40she thought, she was so excited and delighted
0:04:40 > 0:04:43she had been kissed by this extremely nice young man,
0:04:43 > 0:04:45she thought she was in love with him.
0:04:45 > 0:04:47She had let him kiss her
0:04:47 > 0:04:50and, according to my grandmother, that meant she was in love.
0:04:52 > 0:04:56Convinced that they were in love with each other, Diana's parents
0:04:56 > 0:05:01were married in 1916, totally unprepared for what was to follow.
0:05:01 > 0:05:05She hadn't a clue of what sex was going to be like.
0:05:05 > 0:05:09And, I must say, I think it's quite possible my father hadn't either.
0:05:09 > 0:05:11His colonel wrote a letter
0:05:11 > 0:05:14to all the young officers who joined the regiment
0:05:14 > 0:05:17and one of the things he said was that there would always be
0:05:17 > 0:05:20plenty of sport of every kind
0:05:20 > 0:05:24that he encourages his officers to indulge in -
0:05:24 > 0:05:28football, tennis, cricket, hunting, of course, and riding.
0:05:28 > 0:05:33But he did not like young men who spent a lot of time
0:05:33 > 0:05:35messing about in London.
0:05:35 > 0:05:38That meant women.
0:05:38 > 0:05:41And so I'm quite certain my father hadn't spent a lot of time
0:05:41 > 0:05:44messing about in London.
0:05:44 > 0:05:48It's quite likely that he was as virginal as my mother was.
0:05:50 > 0:05:54It's likely too that many of the young, single men who volunteered
0:05:54 > 0:05:58to serve in the First World War were also virgin soldiers.
0:05:58 > 0:06:02They'd been brought up to believe that a man had to be patriotic
0:06:02 > 0:06:06and protective towards women and children if he wanted a wife.
0:06:06 > 0:06:11This ideal of manliness saw war as a great adventure
0:06:11 > 0:06:14and an opportunity to prove courage and valour,
0:06:14 > 0:06:18encouraging some boys to lie about their age on joining up,
0:06:18 > 0:06:20like 17-year-old George Louth.
0:06:21 > 0:06:25My captain said to the sergeant next to me,
0:06:25 > 0:06:27he said, "Louth,
0:06:27 > 0:06:30"we're going to France..." he said,
0:06:30 > 0:06:36"..and we don't want you crying when we get over there,
0:06:36 > 0:06:40"saying you're not old enough...", he said, "..because it wont happen.
0:06:40 > 0:06:43"You won't come back. So say it now."
0:06:43 > 0:06:46I said, "I'm going with the lads."
0:06:50 > 0:06:53Totally unprepared for what was to come,
0:06:53 > 0:06:56the horror of trench warfare shattered the innocence
0:06:56 > 0:06:58of a generation of young men.
0:07:00 > 0:07:03George narrowly survived the slaughter
0:07:03 > 0:07:05of the Battle of the Somme.
0:07:05 > 0:07:06Suffering from shell shock,
0:07:06 > 0:07:09he was discharged and sent to work on the land in Dorset.
0:07:09 > 0:07:12But then life completely changed for George.
0:07:13 > 0:07:17At the age of 20, he fell in love for the first time,
0:07:17 > 0:07:20with the daughter of his landlady.
0:07:20 > 0:07:22Her name was Ellen
0:07:22 > 0:07:25and we courted for eight months.
0:07:25 > 0:07:27And, erm...
0:07:27 > 0:07:31we came out the backdoor together
0:07:31 > 0:07:35and I said, "Will you marry me?"
0:07:35 > 0:07:38She was shook.
0:07:40 > 0:07:43So, then we decided,
0:07:43 > 0:07:47when we went indoors and we gave the news to the mother-in-law,
0:07:47 > 0:07:49and she clapped.
0:07:49 > 0:07:51She clapped.
0:07:54 > 0:07:57The lasting memory of the war for George Louth
0:07:57 > 0:07:59was not valour or glory,
0:07:59 > 0:08:03but the true love which he had found with his sweetheart Ellen.
0:08:03 > 0:08:06Their wedding day was on November 11th 1918
0:08:06 > 0:08:10which, unbeknown to them, turned out to be Armistice Day.
0:08:11 > 0:08:15Got married and, as we came out,
0:08:15 > 0:08:17we see all the flags flying.
0:08:17 > 0:08:20We thought it was for us and it wasn't.
0:08:20 > 0:08:23It was Armistice Day, eleven o'clock...
0:08:23 > 0:08:25when we got married.
0:08:29 > 0:08:34Yeah, she was my first and only.
0:08:34 > 0:08:38Never strayed from when we met, right to this.
0:08:39 > 0:08:42Some men did stray, however, and official information films
0:08:42 > 0:08:46were quick to point out the dangers posed by loose liaisons.
0:08:46 > 0:08:50Staying true to a fiancee or wife, these films warned,
0:08:50 > 0:08:56was the key to avoiding sexually transmitted disease like VD
0:08:56 > 0:08:58for which there was no cure at the time.
0:09:01 > 0:09:04"Emotional Control" was the only option for those
0:09:04 > 0:09:07like Diana Athill's parents
0:09:07 > 0:09:10who were stuck in a sexually incompatible marriage.
0:09:11 > 0:09:16She never did actually find him physically attractive.
0:09:16 > 0:09:19And this was the secret of how...
0:09:20 > 0:09:24You made the best of it in those days if this happened.
0:09:24 > 0:09:27But this was the reason why their marriage,
0:09:27 > 0:09:31although she always knew he was a very nice man,
0:09:31 > 0:09:35but she did not like sex with him,
0:09:35 > 0:09:40which was an underlying tension in their marriage from then on,
0:09:40 > 0:09:44which we as children, of course we didn't know what it was,
0:09:44 > 0:09:48but we sensed always that there was this something wrong between them.
0:09:50 > 0:09:54It was only much later that Diana discovered what had happened
0:09:54 > 0:09:56between her mother and father.
0:09:57 > 0:10:03One of his fellow officers and my mother began an affair.
0:10:05 > 0:10:10And she discovered during this what sex was really like
0:10:10 > 0:10:14and that she loved it - it was all right, you know.
0:10:14 > 0:10:19But this affair came to light.
0:10:21 > 0:10:24It was a frightful time. It must have been ghastly.
0:10:26 > 0:10:30She had become pregnant.
0:10:31 > 0:10:36And my father, being an extremely honourable and kind and good man,
0:10:36 > 0:10:38did accept it
0:10:38 > 0:10:40and my sister Patience was born.
0:10:41 > 0:10:46And...one of the reasons why...
0:10:46 > 0:10:49By the time I was 18,
0:10:49 > 0:10:54I guessed that my sister was not my father's daughter.
0:10:56 > 0:11:01One of the reasons was, he was always so much nicer to her,
0:11:01 > 0:11:03and he was nice to all of us,
0:11:03 > 0:11:06but he was especially, especially nice to her.
0:11:06 > 0:11:09And that was how I figured, you know,
0:11:09 > 0:11:13he would have done that because he wasn't going to blame the child.
0:11:14 > 0:11:17Diana's parents stayed together for life
0:11:17 > 0:11:21in an era when divorce was very difficult and dishonourable.
0:11:27 > 0:11:29Since before the First World War,
0:11:29 > 0:11:32the Suffragette movement had been demanding rights for women
0:11:32 > 0:11:35as a way to create more equal marriages
0:11:35 > 0:11:38and a more equal and better world.
0:11:38 > 0:11:42And although most women over 30 would gain the vote in 1918,
0:11:42 > 0:11:45social changes were slow in coming.
0:11:46 > 0:11:50Many accepted their parents would help them choose their husband,
0:11:50 > 0:11:54like Hetty Bower, who grew up in an Orthodox Jewish family.
0:11:55 > 0:11:59I just took it for granted that one day it would happen.
0:11:59 > 0:12:03I didn't spend time dwelling on it.
0:12:03 > 0:12:07I was a very practical... Hockey was my great joy
0:12:07 > 0:12:11and I was hockey captain of the school
0:12:11 > 0:12:14and that occupied me.
0:12:14 > 0:12:19My parents would probably find me a suitable young man.
0:12:19 > 0:12:22I would look at his photograph and decide,
0:12:22 > 0:12:26or several photographs and pick which one.
0:12:29 > 0:12:32But Hetty's views on life and love were about to change,
0:12:32 > 0:12:37inspired by the rise of a new political force in British life,
0:12:37 > 0:12:40the labour and trade union movement.
0:12:40 > 0:12:44The First World War had not brought an end to poverty, unemployment
0:12:44 > 0:12:49and appalling housing conditions, as many politicians had promised,
0:12:49 > 0:12:51so an impassioned young Hetty
0:12:51 > 0:12:55joined the ranks of the Labour Party in London's East End
0:12:55 > 0:12:58as a volunteer, collecting subscriptions door to door.
0:13:00 > 0:13:03I went to number 60 Montague Road
0:13:03 > 0:13:10and a little woman with bright blue eyes said, "Mr N Bower?
0:13:10 > 0:13:13"Nobody called N Bower.
0:13:13 > 0:13:15"What's it about?"
0:13:15 > 0:13:18And I said, "Well, I'm from the Labour Party."
0:13:18 > 0:13:23"Oh!", she said, "That's our Reg."
0:13:24 > 0:13:26She called up the passage,
0:13:26 > 0:13:30"Reg! Reg! There's somebody here from the Labour...",
0:13:30 > 0:13:35and left me and this young... very good-looking young man
0:13:35 > 0:13:39with the most charming smile,
0:13:39 > 0:13:45and my first reaction immediately was, what a pity he's not Jewish!
0:13:46 > 0:13:50Hetty soon discovered that Reg not only shared her politics,
0:13:50 > 0:13:54he also shared her passion for the countryside and music.
0:13:56 > 0:13:59Their love gave Hetty the strength to resist
0:13:59 > 0:14:04her parent's initial disapproval of her non-Jewish boyfriend.
0:14:04 > 0:14:06His kindness,
0:14:06 > 0:14:09his courtesy...
0:14:11 > 0:14:16..his warmth for humanity.
0:14:16 > 0:14:19You felt you couldn't help but feel it.
0:14:22 > 0:14:26In the 1920s, those who lived and worked in the countryside
0:14:26 > 0:14:30had fewer choices of partner than in the cities.
0:14:30 > 0:14:33A sweetheart was often met at the local school
0:14:33 > 0:14:35or at work on a local farm.
0:14:37 > 0:14:41This was how Marian Atkinson came to fall in love in the remote
0:14:41 > 0:14:45Rosthwaite Valley in the Lake District, where she'd grown up.
0:14:46 > 0:14:49In 1922, she was working as a farm servant
0:14:49 > 0:14:53when she met her first love.
0:14:53 > 0:14:56We knew one another when we were 12 and went to the same school.
0:14:56 > 0:15:01And when I was 17, I went to this place
0:15:01 > 0:15:05and, low and behold, my husband was the horseman there.
0:15:08 > 0:15:10I always liked him.
0:15:10 > 0:15:14He was a big, tall, good-looking bloke.
0:15:14 > 0:15:17I used to go into my own bedroom at night,
0:15:17 > 0:15:19I used to think, I wonder if he'll ask me out.
0:15:25 > 0:15:27I was allowed out on Sunday afternoon
0:15:27 > 0:15:31and I could go to church if I wanted to.
0:15:31 > 0:15:37It took, oh, five or six months before it got to the stage of saying,
0:15:37 > 0:15:40"Don't go to church. When I've had my tea,
0:15:40 > 0:15:43"I'll come down and we'll have a walk across the fields."
0:15:44 > 0:15:48After we'd been walking for a while and we'd admired the flowers
0:15:48 > 0:15:52and the trees and that, he got a bit closer and put his arm around me
0:15:52 > 0:15:55and we walked and I put my arm around the back of him
0:15:55 > 0:15:58and we walked quite close together.
0:15:58 > 0:16:01As we were striding across the field, I slipped,
0:16:01 > 0:16:06and he grabbed me in both hands and he kissed me on that bank.
0:16:06 > 0:16:09And that was the first time I can remember he ever kissed me.
0:16:12 > 0:16:16After a two-year courtship, Marian and Bill married in 1924
0:16:16 > 0:16:20and their first baby arrived a year later.
0:16:20 > 0:16:23But this was no romantic rural paradise.
0:16:23 > 0:16:27Life was hard, and dominated by work and constant childbearing.
0:16:27 > 0:16:29In remote areas, there was little knowledge
0:16:29 > 0:16:32of contraception and pregnancy
0:16:32 > 0:16:36and childbirth was accepted fatalistically.
0:16:36 > 0:16:40Marian had six children in quick succession
0:16:40 > 0:16:43yet she still managed to create a stable family life,
0:16:43 > 0:16:47working almost every day with her husband on the farm.
0:16:48 > 0:16:52When I found out I was pregnant again, I used to say to my husband,
0:16:52 > 0:16:55"Oh, God, not again! How are we going to manage?"
0:16:55 > 0:16:56But we did manage.
0:16:59 > 0:17:03It was just blooming hard work and that was the end of it.
0:17:03 > 0:17:05Sometimes you think, what the devil am I doing this for?
0:17:05 > 0:17:07I'm getting nothing out of it.
0:17:07 > 0:17:10But we were getting something out of it.
0:17:10 > 0:17:13And when you're married to a man and been married to him for years,
0:17:13 > 0:17:15you've got to pull with him.
0:17:15 > 0:17:18Could you have stood by and seen your husband
0:17:18 > 0:17:20work his fingers to the bone without helping? No.
0:17:20 > 0:17:24I had to muck in and do men's work.
0:17:24 > 0:17:26It was hard work, blooming hard work,
0:17:26 > 0:17:30and I couldn't...I didn't agree with all of it, but I did it.
0:17:31 > 0:17:34Love on the dole was even harder to sustain.
0:17:34 > 0:17:38In the 1920s and '30s, Britain suffered mass unemployment
0:17:38 > 0:17:42as traditional industries like textiles, shipbuilding
0:17:42 > 0:17:44and coal mining declined.
0:17:44 > 0:17:47With unemployment reaching three million,
0:17:47 > 0:17:49the self esteem of a generation of young men
0:17:49 > 0:17:54who believed it was their duty to be a breadwinner took a serious blow.
0:17:54 > 0:17:58Most jobs on offer were short term and unskilled
0:17:58 > 0:18:00as Yorkshireman Robert Williamson discovered.
0:18:00 > 0:18:04They were all casual jobs which you got.
0:18:04 > 0:18:09Eight weeks. You'd get eight weeks with your local council.
0:18:09 > 0:18:12We used to call it eight weeks' desk work.
0:18:12 > 0:18:13You know, you'd be navvying.
0:18:13 > 0:18:15Laying cables, you know,
0:18:15 > 0:18:19everybody were going on to electricity in them days
0:18:19 > 0:18:21and there was always jobs going
0:18:21 > 0:18:25digging the pavement up and laying high-tension cables.
0:18:26 > 0:18:30Skilled men were doing the digging and filling in.
0:18:32 > 0:18:33You felt embittered
0:18:33 > 0:18:37but, you see, it was commonplace.
0:18:39 > 0:18:42When I got married, I didn't have a job.
0:18:43 > 0:18:4819th December, 1931.
0:18:51 > 0:18:55Poverty surveys into working-class life in the 1930s
0:18:55 > 0:19:00revealed one key factor in family survival through hard times -
0:19:00 > 0:19:03the love and labour of the wife and mother.
0:19:04 > 0:19:08Her skills in cooking, cleaning, washing and housekeeping
0:19:08 > 0:19:11were respected in the control she was often given
0:19:11 > 0:19:13over the family finances.
0:19:13 > 0:19:16John Salinas grew up in Liverpool.
0:19:16 > 0:19:21I always thought of poverty as my mother's purse,
0:19:21 > 0:19:25which contained the wealth of the family.
0:19:25 > 0:19:29Imagine the wealth of the family was in that purse.
0:19:29 > 0:19:33It was put in on payday
0:19:33 > 0:19:36and it had to last to the next payday.
0:19:36 > 0:19:39And very, very often it didn't.
0:19:39 > 0:19:43And when the last penny was gone from the purse, that was it.
0:19:43 > 0:19:47No money meant the rent collector couldn't be paid
0:19:47 > 0:19:49on his weekly visit.
0:19:49 > 0:19:53But every mother knew the best, time-honoured way to avoid him.
0:19:53 > 0:19:56We would hear him approach from afar.
0:19:56 > 0:19:59And the doors would go, dud, dud, dud, dud.
0:19:59 > 0:20:04And then the next door would go, dud, dud, dud, dud.
0:20:04 > 0:20:07And then everything must be silent
0:20:07 > 0:20:12and he would appear at your door in the shape of the shadow
0:20:12 > 0:20:16of the two legs between the bottom of the door and the lobby.
0:20:16 > 0:20:19And then that clap would come on your door.
0:20:22 > 0:20:25And all was silent, silent, silent.
0:20:26 > 0:20:29And after a while it would go again.
0:20:29 > 0:20:30Twice.
0:20:30 > 0:20:34And then you would hear it go further down the street
0:20:34 > 0:20:36and we all breathed again then.
0:20:38 > 0:20:41It was a lovely day when you could pay the rent.
0:20:41 > 0:20:46Oh, door was open, everybody happy in the house.
0:20:48 > 0:20:50Even well-to-do families
0:20:50 > 0:20:53who enjoyed what seemed to be an idyllic life in the countryside
0:20:53 > 0:20:58could not escape the economic turmoil of the 1930s.
0:20:58 > 0:21:00Diana Athill's family inheritance,
0:21:00 > 0:21:05handed down from one generation to the next, was dwindling fast.
0:21:05 > 0:21:08Her parents found it difficult to come to terms
0:21:08 > 0:21:10with their reduced circumstances,
0:21:10 > 0:21:13but Diana believed that marriage would save her
0:21:13 > 0:21:15from having to work for a living.
0:21:15 > 0:21:20We ourselves, in my family, were always a bit short of money.
0:21:20 > 0:21:23And there was a terrible time when the bank said...
0:21:23 > 0:21:27My mother was extravagant, my father was very careful.
0:21:27 > 0:21:31The bank told them they mustn't cash another cheque at one point.
0:21:31 > 0:21:36Panic stations all round because we didn't have much money.
0:21:36 > 0:21:39We felt, I was being told from when I was a child,
0:21:39 > 0:21:42"When you grow up you have to earn your own living",
0:21:42 > 0:21:45which used to frighten me as being rather shocking,
0:21:45 > 0:21:48considering what I was surrounded by at that time.
0:21:48 > 0:21:51But I thought, I suppose that will be so,
0:21:51 > 0:21:54except I will be married by then so my husband will keep me.
0:21:57 > 0:22:02Young ladies like Diana usually found prospective marriage partners
0:22:02 > 0:22:04from a closed circle of eligible young men
0:22:04 > 0:22:07they met at balls, dances and dinners.
0:22:09 > 0:22:13When she was 17, Diana went to a dance with Tony,
0:22:13 > 0:22:15a student at Oxford University
0:22:15 > 0:22:18with whom she'd secretly fallen in love.
0:22:20 > 0:22:22Driving home after the dance,
0:22:22 > 0:22:25Diana wondered if he felt the same way about her.
0:22:29 > 0:22:32There was a level crossing and the train was coming
0:22:32 > 0:22:34so we stopped at the level crossing
0:22:34 > 0:22:39and at the level crossing, Tony didn't just put his arm around me,
0:22:39 > 0:22:41but he kissed me.
0:22:42 > 0:22:48And to this day I can remember it was rather a disappointing kiss
0:22:48 > 0:22:53because I had expected my first kiss would be a sort of rapture.
0:22:54 > 0:22:58But he had been sitting with the cold air blowing in on his face
0:22:58 > 0:23:02and his lips were cold and rather sort of sticky.
0:23:02 > 0:23:06I thought, that's not much fun, and I remembered reading somewhere,
0:23:06 > 0:23:09I think it was in one of Thomas Hardy's books,
0:23:09 > 0:23:12first kisses are usually disappointing.
0:23:12 > 0:23:16Thomas Hardy said first kisses are disappointing, so that's all right.
0:23:22 > 0:23:26REPORTER: Before May is upon us, let's take a look at wedding styles.
0:23:27 > 0:23:30In a time of economic uncertainty,
0:23:30 > 0:23:33the allure of true love and the glamorous white wedding
0:23:33 > 0:23:36became even more captivating.
0:23:36 > 0:23:39But influenced by the new ideals of feminism and socialism,
0:23:39 > 0:23:42a growing number of modern women like Hetty Bower
0:23:42 > 0:23:46wanted something much more simple and unconventional,
0:23:46 > 0:23:49so Hetty got married in her local registry office.
0:23:50 > 0:23:58Wednesday was the early closing day for that area of Clapham
0:23:58 > 0:24:04and so we arranged to get married on Wednesday afternoon.
0:24:04 > 0:24:09My sister Anita was, er...
0:24:10 > 0:24:15..disapproved of a modern woman marrying.
0:24:15 > 0:24:20She, you know, thought marriage was totally unnecessary.
0:24:23 > 0:24:27One campaign which helped define the modern woman's attitude to marriage
0:24:27 > 0:24:31was the Family Planning movement inspired by Marie Stopes.
0:24:31 > 0:24:34She emphasised the importance of contraception
0:24:34 > 0:24:36in preventing unplanned large families
0:24:36 > 0:24:41and established the first birth control clinic in London in 1921.
0:24:45 > 0:24:47Coming from a family of ten,
0:24:47 > 0:24:51Hetty was determined not to fall into the same trap as her mother.
0:24:52 > 0:24:59I knew I was never, never going to go in for a family that size
0:24:59 > 0:25:05so I had to take precautions about becoming pregnant.
0:25:05 > 0:25:09I didn't want to have a baby
0:25:09 > 0:25:15before I had saved quite an amount of money
0:25:15 > 0:25:22so that I could be at home with the baby for at least two years
0:25:22 > 0:25:23after birth.
0:25:25 > 0:25:30It was in the countryside that large families remained more commonplace.
0:25:30 > 0:25:33Here, the benefits of modern family planning
0:25:33 > 0:25:35took effect much more slowly.
0:25:35 > 0:25:38But few families grew as large as that of Marian Atkinson
0:25:38 > 0:25:40in the Lake District.
0:25:40 > 0:25:44She and her husband Bill raised 15 children.
0:25:44 > 0:25:48Children, when they came as quick as the came to me,
0:25:48 > 0:25:51got a burden at times.
0:25:51 > 0:25:54And you used to feel you can't put up with any more of it.
0:25:54 > 0:25:57"I've had enough. I'm going to run away."
0:25:57 > 0:26:01I said many a time in my married life I'm going to run away.
0:26:01 > 0:26:04And I'd walk out of the back door and I'd look at the door and I'd think,
0:26:04 > 0:26:08I've no money and nowhere to go so I'd better go back in.
0:26:09 > 0:26:11So what could you do?
0:26:11 > 0:26:16I mean, don't get me wrong, life wasn't all roses, because it wasn't.
0:26:16 > 0:26:18We had our ups and downs and our fall-outs,
0:26:18 > 0:26:20many a time over the children.
0:26:22 > 0:26:26Despite the isolation and the unrelenting nature of farm work,
0:26:26 > 0:26:30surprisingly, the shared hardship between husband and wife
0:26:30 > 0:26:33often created a strong sense of solidarity.
0:26:33 > 0:26:39In these unremittingly tough times, marriages had to be equally robust.
0:26:39 > 0:26:41They were all in bed by 8:30pm
0:26:41 > 0:26:44while my husband and I used to go to bed at 9pm to 9:30pm.
0:26:44 > 0:26:48So we had an hour and we used to sit each side of the fireplace
0:26:48 > 0:26:52and discuss things you can't discuss in front of children
0:26:52 > 0:26:57or talk about how we were managing or what we would like to do.
0:26:57 > 0:27:04or where we were going next or... just things between me and him,
0:27:04 > 0:27:07or what we would have liked to have done
0:27:07 > 0:27:09or where we would have liked to have been.
0:27:09 > 0:27:13We did discuss all these things but we never let the children know.
0:27:13 > 0:27:15We never let them think we were discontent.
0:27:15 > 0:27:20We used to like to make them feel they were a contented family.
0:27:20 > 0:27:22A happy contented family.
0:27:26 > 0:27:29This was the '30s image of the ideal family.
0:27:29 > 0:27:32Suburban, middle class and built on the solid foundation
0:27:32 > 0:27:37of a father at work, a full time mother and two children.
0:27:37 > 0:27:41But during the economic depression, the love and commitment
0:27:41 > 0:27:45of comfortable middle class couples would also be tested to the limit.
0:27:45 > 0:27:49When Denise Robertson's family were plunged into poverty
0:27:49 > 0:27:51after her father's company went bankrupt,
0:27:51 > 0:27:55her mother was determined to put a brave face on it.
0:27:55 > 0:28:00When things got really bad she would sit down and play the piano.
0:28:00 > 0:28:04The song she used to play was Spread a Little Happiness.
0:28:04 > 0:28:07# Even though the darkest clouds are in the sky
0:28:07 > 0:28:10# You mustn't sigh and you mustn't cry
0:28:10 > 0:28:14# Spread a little happiness Till clouds roll by. #
0:28:17 > 0:28:21# Life is wonderful when you love... #
0:28:21 > 0:28:25Denise and her sister came to believe that as in the movies,
0:28:25 > 0:28:28true love was the key to the happiness of her mother and father.
0:28:28 > 0:28:31He used to come home for lunch
0:28:31 > 0:28:33and when it was time for him to go back,
0:28:33 > 0:28:36they would go into the hall and my sister and I,
0:28:36 > 0:28:40we would run up the stairs and look through the bars
0:28:40 > 0:28:43and scream "Hollywood, Hollywood!",
0:28:43 > 0:28:47because they were locked in one another's arms, kissing,
0:28:47 > 0:28:51and they couldn't bear to part for him to go back after lunch.
0:28:51 > 0:28:56I think there was a fair degree of passion in that relationship.
0:28:56 > 0:28:58Come along now, into bed.
0:28:58 > 0:29:02Got a good night kiss for Daddy? Night-night.
0:29:03 > 0:29:09It made me realise that a good marriage could withstand
0:29:09 > 0:29:12whatever came against it from outside
0:29:12 > 0:29:19because we were being battered from outside by all kinds of things.
0:29:19 > 0:29:22The lack of money,
0:29:22 > 0:29:25the fact that they had come down in the world,
0:29:25 > 0:29:27which I think had a profound effect on them.
0:29:27 > 0:29:31I don't think my father ever really recovered from it.
0:29:33 > 0:29:37In 1936, Diana Athill went up to Oxford University
0:29:37 > 0:29:39and soon immersed herself
0:29:39 > 0:29:42in the privileges and pleasures of university life.
0:29:46 > 0:29:49As an 18-year-old woman, Diana had lost
0:29:49 > 0:29:52none of her enduring seriousness about marrying the right man.
0:29:52 > 0:29:56Her relationship with Tony had developed slowly and steadily.
0:29:56 > 0:29:59He was the man she loved.
0:30:01 > 0:30:04Tony had by now joined the RAF
0:30:04 > 0:30:07but, although he was stationed in Lincolnshire,
0:30:07 > 0:30:10this didn't prevent him from coming to Oxford on regular visits.
0:30:10 > 0:30:14He used to fly down from Grantham, where he was stationed,
0:30:14 > 0:30:17which was terribly dashing compared to everybody else.
0:30:17 > 0:30:21My young man would fly down and would come and take me out.
0:30:21 > 0:30:23And we used to have lovely times.
0:30:25 > 0:30:30For Diana, her relationship with Tony had reached a turning point.
0:30:30 > 0:30:34Things warmed up gently
0:30:34 > 0:30:36to the point where, at the end of one term,
0:30:36 > 0:30:40we spent our first night in bed together.
0:30:41 > 0:30:43As a matter of course, really.
0:30:44 > 0:30:49There was no question of telling anybody
0:30:49 > 0:30:52and very soon afterwards we got engaged.
0:30:52 > 0:30:56The taboo about sex before marriage remained as strong as ever
0:30:56 > 0:30:59and early sex education films were warning young women...
0:30:59 > 0:31:03I believe you're only amusing yourself.
0:31:03 > 0:31:05..men were only after one thing...
0:31:05 > 0:31:08All this is a game to you.
0:31:08 > 0:31:11..and it was the girl who said no that got her man.
0:31:11 > 0:31:15- I love you.- How many girls have you said that to?- No, Betty, I mean it.
0:31:16 > 0:31:20For a new generation of young women like Diana Athill,
0:31:20 > 0:31:22this prudery seemed old fashioned,
0:31:22 > 0:31:26but the serious business of marriage was unquestioned.
0:31:26 > 0:31:27I was a virgin
0:31:27 > 0:31:32and I didn't actually particularly enjoy the first time because of that,
0:31:32 > 0:31:37excepting for the wonderful fact that this was happening,
0:31:37 > 0:31:41because, you know, I was very much in love with him by then
0:31:41 > 0:31:45and so it could only be a good thing.
0:31:47 > 0:31:51Couples dreaming of marriage were beckoned by a brave new world
0:31:51 > 0:31:54of suburban semi-detached and detached homes.
0:31:54 > 0:31:57Between the wars there was a boom in home ownership
0:31:57 > 0:31:59amongst the middle classes
0:31:59 > 0:32:03and local councils built a million homes for rent on cottage estates.
0:32:03 > 0:32:06In 1938, Robert Williamson and his family
0:32:06 > 0:32:10moved into their brand-new council house in Leeds.
0:32:10 > 0:32:14And when we moved into this council house, 61 Howlett Road,
0:32:14 > 0:32:16it was like going into heaven.
0:32:16 > 0:32:19It was a block of four and we were on the end,
0:32:19 > 0:32:21which meant ours was semi-detached.
0:32:23 > 0:32:26It was easier being at home then
0:32:26 > 0:32:29because you had something to do worthwhile.
0:32:29 > 0:32:32Get your garden right.
0:32:34 > 0:32:38There were many undreamt-of luxuries that came with his new council house
0:32:38 > 0:32:41and to Robert it seemed that life could only get better
0:32:41 > 0:32:43for him and his family.
0:32:45 > 0:32:48Every night, my wife would run the bath.
0:32:48 > 0:32:52When it was ready, she'd call down,
0:32:52 > 0:32:56"Come up, Daddy! The bath's ready. Norma's waiting."
0:32:56 > 0:33:02So I'd go up, splash a time or two, then I'd croon her a tune.
0:33:02 > 0:33:06# Swing me in the moonlight
0:33:06 > 0:33:10# In the moonlight tonight. #
0:33:10 > 0:33:14But Robert's dream of domestic bliss was cut short when war with Germany
0:33:14 > 0:33:20was declared in September 1939 and conscription was introduced.
0:33:21 > 0:33:24Britain's young husbands, fathers and fiances
0:33:24 > 0:33:28marched off to a war from which they might never return.
0:33:28 > 0:33:32For some, the last goodbye was unbearable.
0:33:34 > 0:33:37Me and my wife, we couldn't talk about this separation
0:33:37 > 0:33:40because it was too painful.
0:33:40 > 0:33:42There was always that knowledge
0:33:42 > 0:33:46that we may never see each other again.
0:33:49 > 0:33:53I never thought I'd come back. Never thought I'd come back.
0:33:53 > 0:33:57And I think that the people who saw you off didn't think...
0:33:57 > 0:34:01Well, they didn't come to see you off because it was too harrowing.
0:34:01 > 0:34:04The only person that was there to see me off was my dad
0:34:04 > 0:34:08because he'd gone through the same situation, hadn't he?
0:34:08 > 0:34:10But he'd come back alive.
0:34:12 > 0:34:15For John Salinas, who had joined the Merchant Navy in 1935,
0:34:15 > 0:34:20shore leave during the war took on an entirely new meaning.
0:34:20 > 0:34:22It gave John the opportunity to continue his courtship
0:34:22 > 0:34:25with his new girlfriend Dorothy.
0:34:25 > 0:34:29They had met and fallen in love just weeks before the war started.
0:34:30 > 0:34:35I remember coming home up from London to Lime Street.
0:34:35 > 0:34:39Dorothy was meeting me on the station
0:34:39 > 0:34:44and as I walked down the platform, I passed a very pretty girl
0:34:44 > 0:34:48and she had a picture hat tilted on one side
0:34:48 > 0:34:53and a beautiful suit and I felt a little bit guilty.
0:34:53 > 0:34:55Anyway, I couldn't find Dorothy,
0:34:55 > 0:34:59and I went back and it was this lovely girl.
0:34:59 > 0:35:01It was she.
0:35:08 > 0:35:12Whenever I was on leave, we used to go to the cinema.
0:35:12 > 0:35:16We spent our courting days in the cinema, sitting by one another,
0:35:16 > 0:35:21holding hands, and it was, I can't... It was heaven.
0:35:21 > 0:35:26And, of course, there was always the smell of her.
0:35:26 > 0:35:28The smell of her clothes
0:35:28 > 0:35:31and the smell of her self that was special.
0:35:35 > 0:35:39We had a marvellous time when I was on leave and so it went on.
0:35:39 > 0:35:44Voyage, leave, fun, voyage.
0:35:45 > 0:35:48# Sweets to my sweet
0:35:48 > 0:35:53# Let them entreat you to forgive me, darling... #
0:35:53 > 0:35:57And then, one day, my sister Lil said to me,
0:35:57 > 0:36:02"Do you intend marrying Dorothy?" I said, "Of course I do."
0:36:02 > 0:36:03And she said,
0:36:03 > 0:36:06"You'd better get on with it or you're going to lose her."
0:36:06 > 0:36:10# Now, once upon a time we'd bill and we'd coo
0:36:10 > 0:36:14# We promised that we'd both be true... #
0:36:14 > 0:36:19I immediately took Dorothy to Sefton Park,
0:36:19 > 0:36:21sat down on a bench
0:36:21 > 0:36:26and said, "Darling, I've got 25 quid, will you marry me?"
0:36:33 > 0:36:37And so she became my fiancee...
0:36:37 > 0:36:40and we were betrothed.
0:36:42 > 0:36:46For Diana Athill, the outbreak of war meant an inevitable delay
0:36:46 > 0:36:50in her plans to marry her RAF fiance Tony
0:36:50 > 0:36:53to whom she had been engaged since 1938.
0:36:53 > 0:36:57Tony was stationed in the Far East with an RAF bomber squadron.
0:36:57 > 0:37:00Diana knew he was in considerable danger
0:37:00 > 0:37:02and was determined to keep in touch.
0:37:04 > 0:37:07Letters flew back and forth between us.
0:37:09 > 0:37:13And I loved writing. I was a very good letter writer.
0:37:14 > 0:37:18And I remember him, in one of his letters, he said,
0:37:18 > 0:37:22"Look, I'm not nearly such a good letter writer as you are.
0:37:23 > 0:37:26"It's much harder for me to write letters
0:37:26 > 0:37:30"so I won't be writing quite as many letters as I ought to.
0:37:30 > 0:37:33"Don't let that stop you writing
0:37:33 > 0:37:36"because I'd die if you stopped writing to me."
0:37:36 > 0:37:42So when his letters started falling off, I went on writing.
0:37:46 > 0:37:50After that I had two letters from him.
0:37:50 > 0:37:52Just as good as they used to be...
0:37:53 > 0:37:56..and then silence.
0:37:56 > 0:37:58Absolute silence.
0:37:58 > 0:38:03I thought, he told me not to stop writing, so I didn't stop writing.
0:38:06 > 0:38:09I don't know how long I went on writing into this silence
0:38:09 > 0:38:11but it was quite a long time.
0:38:12 > 0:38:15I didn't know what had happened.
0:38:15 > 0:38:20And it was not knowing that was so terribly painful.
0:38:22 > 0:38:26Living in wartime London, Diana was well aware of a new spirit
0:38:26 > 0:38:30of living for the moment in the face of an ever-present threat of death.
0:38:30 > 0:38:33This often led to the casting aside of convention
0:38:33 > 0:38:35and the breaking of solemn promises.
0:38:35 > 0:38:40But after not hearing from her fiance Tony for more than a year,
0:38:40 > 0:38:44Diana still had no idea what his silence meant.
0:38:45 > 0:38:50I got from him at that stage a little formal letter saying,
0:38:50 > 0:38:55would I kindly consider our engagement over
0:38:55 > 0:38:58because he was marrying somebody else.
0:38:59 > 0:39:02And it was a terrible...
0:39:03 > 0:39:05..awful shock, really,
0:39:05 > 0:39:09because I thought to myself, I had this image in my head,
0:39:09 > 0:39:12I was lying in bed and my mother brought that letter up
0:39:12 > 0:39:14and silently handed it to me.
0:39:15 > 0:39:18I read it and I thought,
0:39:18 > 0:39:21well, anyhow, I suppose it means that it's over.
0:39:22 > 0:39:25And I realise that it wasn't over for me.
0:39:25 > 0:39:28And I had a, sort of, picture in my mind...
0:39:30 > 0:39:35..of a long bridge between two supports
0:39:35 > 0:39:38and one of the supports had been knocked away.
0:39:38 > 0:39:41And the bridge was still sticking out there.
0:39:42 > 0:39:45And it was bad.
0:39:53 > 0:39:57I was going to be a wife. Presumably I was going to be a mother.
0:39:57 > 0:40:01I had no idea of anything else that I wanted to be.
0:40:01 > 0:40:04That's what I had been planning to be.
0:40:04 > 0:40:06That was what I was certain I was going to be.
0:40:06 > 0:40:08But now I wasn't going to be.
0:40:09 > 0:40:14And I wasn't loved any more. That was very, very bleak.
0:40:14 > 0:40:20Love was under threat on all fronts, and nowhere more than at sea.
0:40:24 > 0:40:25The deadly menace of German U-boats
0:40:25 > 0:40:28meant one in four British merchant seamen
0:40:28 > 0:40:30never made it home.
0:40:30 > 0:40:32John Salinas was one of the lucky ones.
0:40:32 > 0:40:36But he almost took one risk too many in the name of love
0:40:36 > 0:40:38the day his ship went down.
0:40:38 > 0:40:43I struggled off the bunk and I can't find the bloody door.
0:40:43 > 0:40:45I just cannot find the door.
0:40:47 > 0:40:49Eventually did,
0:40:49 > 0:40:52went up onto the boat deck.
0:40:52 > 0:40:55When I got up onto the boat deck, I realised I had left
0:40:55 > 0:41:01Dorothy's picture in the cabin, and so I decided to go down and get it.
0:41:01 > 0:41:06Got it off the desk. And the ship started to list.
0:41:06 > 0:41:08Got back up on the deck.
0:41:08 > 0:41:11And as I emerge into the daylight, I think, "I've won.
0:41:11 > 0:41:13"I've got it."
0:41:13 > 0:41:17Stupid, but I'd do it again.
0:41:19 > 0:41:23John and Dorothy were married in 1943
0:41:23 > 0:41:28and still remain devoted to each other almost 70 years later.
0:41:33 > 0:41:37When the war ended in 1945, it often meant a difficult homecoming
0:41:37 > 0:41:40for partners who had to readjust
0:41:40 > 0:41:44and pick up relationships again after years of separation.
0:41:44 > 0:41:46For some, there was heartbreak.
0:41:48 > 0:41:53Diana Athill had to come to terms with the loss of her fiance Tony
0:41:53 > 0:41:55to another woman.
0:41:55 > 0:41:59After the war she discovered he had died in a bombing raid,
0:41:59 > 0:42:02leaving behind his wife, who was expecting their first child.
0:42:04 > 0:42:08You can hardly really blame him. He was flying bombers.
0:42:08 > 0:42:12He must have known perfectly well that his chances were very low
0:42:12 > 0:42:15and he could be killed any minute.
0:42:15 > 0:42:17And there was this...
0:42:17 > 0:42:22I know now, from having met her son, that she was very charming,
0:42:22 > 0:42:25pretty, young, innocent, delightful girl.
0:42:25 > 0:42:29Loyal and kind and brave and all the good qualities.
0:42:31 > 0:42:34And it would be a waste not to marry her, really.
0:42:35 > 0:42:40Husbands and fathers came home to a country devastated by war.
0:42:40 > 0:42:44Yet despite this, for the vast majority of married couples
0:42:44 > 0:42:47the long wait to meet again would end in a happy reunion
0:42:47 > 0:42:50with their family.
0:42:50 > 0:42:55Most, for better or for worse, would stay together for life,
0:42:55 > 0:42:58creating stable homes for their children.
0:42:58 > 0:43:02The flags were out. Everything were trimmed up.
0:43:02 > 0:43:04Big cake, you know. Welcome home.
0:43:06 > 0:43:09Well, it was very emotive.
0:43:09 > 0:43:12I'm afraid I cried, you know.
0:43:12 > 0:43:14I can't remember crying before.
0:43:14 > 0:43:19Only when I got spanked on my bottom when I was about a few months old.
0:43:20 > 0:43:23I can't remember crying. Only on that occasion.
0:43:25 > 0:43:28With joy, you know.
0:43:31 > 0:43:35But this wasn't the brave new world families had fought for.
0:43:35 > 0:43:38Bombing raids had destroyed many homes,
0:43:38 > 0:43:41which put further pressure on relationships.
0:43:41 > 0:43:44There was a shortfall of four million homes
0:43:44 > 0:43:47and many young couples were forced to live with parents
0:43:47 > 0:43:49and relatives in cramped conditions.
0:43:51 > 0:43:54Nevertheless, most were so pleased to be home,
0:43:54 > 0:43:58the simple joys of marriage and family life tasted all the sweeter.
0:44:01 > 0:44:04Even in poor working-class areas, there was a determination
0:44:04 > 0:44:08to make the best of it, a spirit captured by returning soldier
0:44:08 > 0:44:12Ed Mitchell, a husband utterly devoted to his wife and children.
0:44:14 > 0:44:18I said to Peg during the war, "Whatever happens, Peg, darling,
0:44:18 > 0:44:21"we're going to be happy. Whether we've got any money
0:44:21 > 0:44:22"or anything, we'll be happy."
0:44:24 > 0:44:28In the early '50s, we were living in a little tiny terraced house.
0:44:28 > 0:44:3095 New Market Street in Norwich.
0:44:32 > 0:44:34Of course, there was no bathroom.
0:44:34 > 0:44:36And no hot water.
0:44:36 > 0:44:38Nothing like that, and coal fires, you see.
0:44:38 > 0:44:40And it was ten shillings a week.
0:44:40 > 0:44:43It had an outside toilet.
0:44:43 > 0:44:46And the coalhouse was outside as well.
0:44:48 > 0:44:51The highlight of the week was bath night,
0:44:51 > 0:44:54a time when Ed's can-do spirit was pushed to the limit.
0:44:55 > 0:44:57Bath night was always Friday night,
0:44:57 > 0:45:00and that was a panic, that was, because we had a bath
0:45:00 > 0:45:03which was called a "bungalow bath"
0:45:03 > 0:45:06and they were long tin baths.
0:45:06 > 0:45:09I could just about sit in it with my knees out straight.
0:45:09 > 0:45:11And to heat the water up for that,
0:45:11 > 0:45:13we used to put the bath on the gas fire
0:45:13 > 0:45:17and light two burners underneath it and heat the water up.
0:45:19 > 0:45:22Shirley used to be bathed first, who was then a little baby.
0:45:22 > 0:45:25Then Gran was bathed in the same water.
0:45:25 > 0:45:28Then we put a couple of saucepans full of boiling water in the water
0:45:28 > 0:45:32and it was getting a bit of scum on top by then, and Gran was bathed.
0:45:32 > 0:45:35Peg would wipe them down and get them into bed.
0:45:35 > 0:45:37Then Peg would get in, have her bath,
0:45:37 > 0:45:39put another couple of saucepans of water in it.
0:45:39 > 0:45:43By the time I got in the bath, there was about an inch of scum on there.
0:45:43 > 0:45:44And the bloody water was lukewarm.
0:45:44 > 0:45:47And then to get it out of the kitchen,
0:45:47 > 0:45:49which was only about eight foot by four foot wide,
0:45:49 > 0:45:53to get it out of the kitchen door and tip it in the drain in the yard
0:45:53 > 0:45:56was a bit of a job, cos it had slopped about all over the floor and it was a panic.
0:45:56 > 0:46:00And I used to hang that up in the shed, which was an Anderson shelter.
0:46:03 > 0:46:07Despite a brief upsurge in divorces immediately after the war,
0:46:07 > 0:46:10marriage soon became more popular than ever before.
0:46:12 > 0:46:14In the late 1940s and '50s,
0:46:14 > 0:46:17there was a boom in the numbers getting married,
0:46:17 > 0:46:21with around half a million couples tying the knot each year.
0:46:22 > 0:46:24So you're going to get married, are you?
0:46:26 > 0:46:30Most couples married in their early- to mid-20s.
0:46:30 > 0:46:31Women who left it much later,
0:46:31 > 0:46:34or who appeared to have too many boyfriends,
0:46:34 > 0:46:36were viewed with suspicion.
0:46:36 > 0:46:39However, marrying the right man was a big decision
0:46:39 > 0:46:43and having seen the passionate and enduring love enjoyed by her parents,
0:46:43 > 0:46:48Denise Robertson wasn't going to settle for anything less.
0:46:48 > 0:46:52I had quite a lot of boyfriends when I was a girl.
0:46:52 > 0:46:55And my mother, who believed that if you weren't married at 21...
0:46:55 > 0:46:58My sister had been married at 20,
0:46:58 > 0:47:01you know, I got into my early 20s
0:47:01 > 0:47:03and I was showing no sign of settling down
0:47:03 > 0:47:05and my mother became very agitated.
0:47:05 > 0:47:09And I remember she had a saying - "Too may rings around Rosie,
0:47:09 > 0:47:12"Rosie gets no ring at all."
0:47:12 > 0:47:15And I don't know what I was holding out for,
0:47:15 > 0:47:20but I had... You know, I wanted what they had had.
0:47:20 > 0:47:23I wanted to be stirred.
0:47:25 > 0:47:29The dream of domestic bliss and a comfortable married life
0:47:29 > 0:47:34in the affluent suburbs was never stronger than in the post-war years.
0:47:34 > 0:47:40One contemporary survey showed that 71% of British wives were "very happy"
0:47:40 > 0:47:43and only 4% were "unhappy".
0:47:43 > 0:47:47A steadfast husband, the protector and provider,
0:47:47 > 0:47:51was part of this vision, as was his dutiful wife at home.
0:47:51 > 0:47:55But for some women, this was not all they wanted.
0:47:57 > 0:47:59There was this place called Cleedon,
0:47:59 > 0:48:02which was where all the posh houses were.
0:48:02 > 0:48:05All my friends simply wanted to be married to someone
0:48:05 > 0:48:07who could take them to Cleedon.
0:48:07 > 0:48:11And I didn't know what I wanted, but I knew Cleedon wasn't it.
0:48:13 > 0:48:15I wanted to be loved and protected.
0:48:17 > 0:48:21I thought that's what you have a husband for. He shelters you.
0:48:27 > 0:48:29There was a new respectability,
0:48:29 > 0:48:32as strict rules about courtship were re-established.
0:48:33 > 0:48:37Early sex surveys of the late 1940s and early '50s
0:48:37 > 0:48:41revealed the enduring power of sexual taboos,
0:48:41 > 0:48:45which restrained many couples from having sex before marriage.
0:48:45 > 0:48:49And even on holiday, couples were policed by their parents,
0:48:49 > 0:48:53as Eileen Cook and her fiance Arthur would discover
0:48:53 > 0:48:55when they went away together.
0:48:56 > 0:49:00We were going to Blackpool. And we'd been courting over two years
0:49:00 > 0:49:03and could we go to Blackpool for four days?
0:49:03 > 0:49:05"Yes."
0:49:05 > 0:49:07So in those days you had to write and get a letter,
0:49:07 > 0:49:09so I wrote and asked for two single rooms
0:49:09 > 0:49:11and she wrote back, did the landlady.
0:49:11 > 0:49:13My mother read the letter. "That's OK."
0:49:13 > 0:49:18So off we went on the Saturday, to this boarding house.
0:49:19 > 0:49:21Sunday morning, my mother and dad landed.
0:49:21 > 0:49:23They'd come on a coach trip.
0:49:23 > 0:49:27Came to the hotel, and obviously we'd gone out for the day
0:49:27 > 0:49:30and could they have their tea with us?
0:49:30 > 0:49:35"Yes." And could I go to Eileen's room to get washed?
0:49:35 > 0:49:38That was to check that I was in the single room
0:49:38 > 0:49:41and Arthur's room was upstairs.
0:49:44 > 0:49:47The deep sexual longings of many couples
0:49:47 > 0:49:51would only finally be expressed on their honeymoon.
0:49:52 > 0:49:55When Eileen Cook got married in 1950,
0:49:55 > 0:49:57she and Arthur went back to Blackpool.
0:49:58 > 0:50:01This was the moment they'd been waiting for.
0:50:01 > 0:50:05But Eileen was apprehensive about what to expect on her wedding night.
0:50:07 > 0:50:10It's a bit intimidating, like,
0:50:10 > 0:50:13well, am I to put my pyjamas on?
0:50:13 > 0:50:15Have I to take pyjamas?
0:50:15 > 0:50:17Have I to take a nightie?
0:50:17 > 0:50:19It's a bit, you know, a bit worrying
0:50:19 > 0:50:24when you're not sure whether you want to take a nightie or pyjamas.
0:50:25 > 0:50:28I mean, talking to some of the people at work, they said,
0:50:28 > 0:50:32"Well, you won't want either of them." I thought, "I will.
0:50:32 > 0:50:34"I'm not getting into bed without a nightie on.
0:50:36 > 0:50:39Then when you're getting undressed...
0:50:39 > 0:50:41Well, am I to put my nightie on first?
0:50:41 > 0:50:44Have I to put it on, then will he ask me to take it off?
0:50:47 > 0:50:50I don't know whether it went on and came off or whatever!
0:50:50 > 0:50:51I've forgotten.
0:50:54 > 0:50:57However, there was yet further embarrassment for Eileen
0:50:57 > 0:51:00as she contemplated coming down to breakfast with her husband
0:51:00 > 0:51:02the following morning.
0:51:03 > 0:51:07Eileen, the wife, she was quite concerned - "Will we go now?
0:51:07 > 0:51:10"They'll all be looking at us. What will they think?"
0:51:10 > 0:51:12I said, "I'm not bothered what they think.
0:51:12 > 0:51:14I said, "We're married now."
0:51:14 > 0:51:17"Well, I don't like going down." I said, "I want some breakfast!
0:51:17 > 0:51:21"I'm hungry." I said, "Come on, never mind what they think."
0:51:21 > 0:51:23She said, "They'll be staring at us."
0:51:23 > 0:51:26I said, "Well, let them stare, I'm not bothered."
0:51:31 > 0:51:35For married couples in the '50s, happiness was a new home,
0:51:35 > 0:51:38and DIY and home improvements became a national pastime.
0:51:38 > 0:51:41Even the addition of an indoor bathroom and toilet
0:51:41 > 0:51:42could be a dream come true.
0:51:44 > 0:51:47I didn't have a bathroom and I didn't have an inside toilet.
0:51:47 > 0:51:52But through from the kitchen at the time was a kind of archway.
0:51:52 > 0:51:54And a fireplace beside it.
0:51:54 > 0:51:58So I busted through from the kitchen into this room
0:51:58 > 0:52:01what was behind it, but that had been a washhouse.
0:52:01 > 0:52:03Cos there was a copper in the corner.
0:52:03 > 0:52:06So I took the copper out and I made that into a bathroom.
0:52:06 > 0:52:10So now we had an indoor bathroom, but still had an outdoor loo.
0:52:10 > 0:52:12Had to go down the yard to the loo.
0:52:12 > 0:52:14So that joined the bathroom.
0:52:14 > 0:52:18So I busted through from the bathroom into the loo
0:52:18 > 0:52:23and put a doorway in there. So now we had indoor loo, indoor bathroom.
0:52:23 > 0:52:26And that was really going up-market to have an indoor bathroom.
0:52:26 > 0:52:30Cos half of them houses off Cleeve Road didn't have a bathroom.
0:52:30 > 0:52:32And they never had an indoor loo.
0:52:35 > 0:52:39The post-war baby boom grew out of a new spirit of optimism
0:52:39 > 0:52:40for the future.
0:52:40 > 0:52:45It was unquestioned that this future would be built around the institution of marriage,
0:52:45 > 0:52:48leading onto a happy and stable family life.
0:52:48 > 0:52:52The introduction of the welfare state and the National Health Service in the late 1940s
0:52:52 > 0:52:55made this life look more promising than ever before.
0:52:55 > 0:52:59Nevertheless, some of the new babies were unplanned,
0:52:59 > 0:53:02a consequence of their mother's total lack of any knowledge
0:53:02 > 0:53:04about birth control.
0:53:05 > 0:53:09I kept getting up in the night, feeling rotten. Feeling quite sick.
0:53:09 > 0:53:12And Arthur came along and said, "Go across to the doctor's."
0:53:12 > 0:53:14And it was a new doctor that I didn't know,
0:53:14 > 0:53:19so he took me across to register at the doctor, where we lived, his doctor.
0:53:19 > 0:53:24And he said, bring a sample of water in - your urine.
0:53:24 > 0:53:26Which I did, the following day and he tested it.
0:53:26 > 0:53:29And he said, "Yes, you're pregnant."
0:53:29 > 0:53:32How can he tell with water?
0:53:32 > 0:53:35I thought, "Never in this world. No."
0:53:35 > 0:53:37So then I went on to my mother's
0:53:37 > 0:53:41and I said, "Book me in to our own doctor," which I did.
0:53:41 > 0:53:46And he took me in and I said, "The doctor says I'm pregnant," but I said, "I'm not."
0:53:46 > 0:53:48I said, "I just feel really sick.
0:53:48 > 0:53:50"I think I have an ulcer or something.
0:53:50 > 0:53:53So he said, "All right. I'll examine you."
0:53:53 > 0:53:56And then afterwards he says "Yes." He said, "You are pregnant.
0:53:56 > 0:53:59"I think you're round about three month."
0:53:59 > 0:54:01I said, "No, I can't be."
0:54:01 > 0:54:03He said, "And why not? You're a married woman."
0:54:03 > 0:54:06I said, "Yes, but we haven't been trying."
0:54:06 > 0:54:08He said, "Well, if you haven't been trying, you've succeeded,
0:54:08 > 0:54:11"because you're definitely pregnant."
0:54:14 > 0:54:18Eileen's baby son David was born in 1952.
0:54:18 > 0:54:22For her, motherhood was a rite of passage.
0:54:22 > 0:54:26From the minute that David was born,
0:54:26 > 0:54:29the minute that they brought him in and put him in my arms,
0:54:29 > 0:54:32I suddenly grew up.
0:54:32 > 0:54:36Cos until then, it had just been me, you know.
0:54:36 > 0:54:40I just did what I did, I went out and enjoyed myself.
0:54:40 > 0:54:44And then I realised that I had a great responsibility.
0:54:44 > 0:54:48This little tiny thing was solely going to be relying on me.
0:54:48 > 0:54:53And that was the first time that I really felt that I'd grown up.
0:54:54 > 0:54:56As with many others of her generation,
0:54:56 > 0:55:00Eileen and Arthur have remained happily married for life
0:55:00 > 0:55:04and recently celebrated their 60th wedding anniversary.
0:55:11 > 0:55:15By the late '50s, a new and restless younger generation
0:55:15 > 0:55:18was growing up much faster.
0:55:18 > 0:55:21Inspired by modern jazz and rock and roll,
0:55:21 > 0:55:25they began to enjoy the fruits of affluence in post-war Britain.
0:55:25 > 0:55:28The new breed of young men and women were more independent
0:55:28 > 0:55:30and questioning of authority,
0:55:30 > 0:55:34very different from those who had served in two world wars.
0:55:35 > 0:55:39Denise Robertson bridged these two generations.
0:55:39 > 0:55:42She wanted a man who was like her father, but also different.
0:55:44 > 0:55:49When she met an older man from the Shetlands, a ship's captain on his shore leave on Tyneside,
0:55:49 > 0:55:52she thought she had found him.
0:55:52 > 0:55:56He rang me up and he said, "The ship's coming in.
0:55:56 > 0:56:00"I want to take you out, I've got something important to say to you."
0:56:01 > 0:56:03And I said to my mother, "He's going to propose.
0:56:03 > 0:56:05"But I'm not going to say yes this time."
0:56:07 > 0:56:11And he took me out to dinner and he said, "I want to talk to you."
0:56:11 > 0:56:15"I...won't be seeing you again.
0:56:15 > 0:56:20"Because if I see you again, I will want to marry you
0:56:20 > 0:56:22"and I don't want to get married."
0:56:24 > 0:56:26And I thought, "Right, that's great.
0:56:26 > 0:56:31"I don't have to worry - he's not going to propose."
0:56:31 > 0:56:33And I promptly forgot all about him.
0:56:36 > 0:56:39I think that was October...
0:56:39 > 0:56:43and in January he rang me up again
0:56:43 > 0:56:46and said, "I don't know if I can live with you,
0:56:46 > 0:56:49"but I know now I can't live without you."
0:56:55 > 0:57:00And we were married about five months later.
0:57:01 > 0:57:04And I have never been so happy.
0:57:09 > 0:57:11But in the '60s and '70s,
0:57:11 > 0:57:15the institution of marriage would be questioned as never before.
0:57:17 > 0:57:22The baby boomers began to rebel against all the traditional values
0:57:22 > 0:57:24and institutions that had once been held dear.
0:57:26 > 0:57:29The stage was set for a cultural revolution
0:57:29 > 0:57:33that would start to transform the meaning of love and marriage
0:57:33 > 0:57:35in Britain for ever.
0:57:49 > 0:57:52Subtitles by Red Bee Media