0:00:02 > 0:00:05This programme contains some strong language
0:00:05 > 0:00:08I'm Riyadh, a gay man living in London,
0:00:08 > 0:00:09a vlogger and a journalist.
0:00:09 > 0:00:12I grew up Catholic, but my father is Iraqi
0:00:12 > 0:00:15so I spent much of my childhood at the local mosque.
0:00:15 > 0:00:19When I came out, I began to understand that mainstream religions
0:00:19 > 0:00:21don't like people like me.
0:00:21 > 0:00:25To me, LGBT stands for, "Let God burn them."
0:00:25 > 0:00:27You say, "Well, it's LGBTQ."
0:00:27 > 0:00:30Well, then, you can say, "Let God burn them quickly."
0:00:30 > 0:00:33God hates fags. What part of that don't you understand?
0:00:33 > 0:00:36How can you engage yourselves with the same sex?
0:00:36 > 0:00:39The Koran clearly says that it is wrong,
0:00:39 > 0:00:40what you are doing.
0:00:40 > 0:00:43You're walking through a Muslim area dressed like a fag, mate.
0:00:43 > 0:00:44You need to get out of it.
0:00:44 > 0:00:45I want to know, though,
0:00:45 > 0:00:49can you bring together your religion and your sexual identity,
0:00:49 > 0:00:52even though the scriptures say that you're wrong?
0:00:52 > 0:00:53Does God really hate queers?
0:01:12 > 0:01:16I don't think God hates queers. I think people hate queers.
0:01:16 > 0:01:18God created all of us, so how could He hate us?
0:01:18 > 0:01:22God loves everybody, really, I think God's quite forgiving.
0:01:22 > 0:01:26But see, you say that as if we're supposed to feel sorry about it.
0:01:26 > 0:01:29I'm not going to apologise for being what You made, that's like
0:01:29 > 0:01:32the little cake that you made in the oven being like, "Sorry, I'm burnt."
0:01:32 > 0:01:33You left me in too long.
0:01:33 > 0:01:36I feel like He doesn't hate anyone.
0:01:36 > 0:01:38He just doesn't want anyone to be gay.
0:01:38 > 0:01:41I would say that God likes me very much.
0:01:41 > 0:01:43Why would it be a sin to hold my girlfriend's hand?
0:01:43 > 0:01:45It just doesn't make sense.
0:01:45 > 0:01:49Of course, attitudes toward homosexuality have changed with the times,
0:01:49 > 0:01:52and even religions have had to adapt, especially here in the UK.
0:01:52 > 0:01:56But it's still a fact that in 72 countries,
0:01:56 > 0:01:59same-sex relations are illegal, and in 13 of those countries,
0:01:59 > 0:02:01it's punishable by death.
0:02:01 > 0:02:03One option is that you can abstain.
0:02:03 > 0:02:05Which is not something that I would ever do,
0:02:05 > 0:02:08but I'm super intrigued by the fact that there are still
0:02:08 > 0:02:11faith-based organisations out there willing to help you
0:02:11 > 0:02:14rid yourself of your homosexual demons.
0:02:15 > 0:02:20- AMERICAN ACCENT:- Do you believe that the Lord tonight has set you free?
0:02:20 > 0:02:21Yes, sir.
0:02:21 > 0:02:23Tell them!
0:02:23 > 0:02:25I'm not gay no more!
0:02:25 > 0:02:26I am delivered!
0:02:27 > 0:02:30I don't like men no more.
0:02:30 > 0:02:32I said I like women!
0:02:32 > 0:02:35Women, women, women!
0:02:35 > 0:02:36I'm not gay!
0:02:36 > 0:02:38I would not carry a purse.
0:02:38 > 0:02:40I would not put on make-up.
0:02:40 > 0:02:42I will,
0:02:42 > 0:02:46I WILL love a woman.
0:02:48 > 0:02:51What did I just watch?
0:02:51 > 0:02:54AMERICAN ACCENT: "I don't like men no more!"
0:02:55 > 0:02:56Yeah, you do.
0:03:01 > 0:03:05I moved to London about a year and a half ago.
0:03:05 > 0:03:07Dalston's a great place to find yourself
0:03:07 > 0:03:10and not be ashamed of who you are, I think.
0:03:12 > 0:03:17One day, I told my family that I am gay and I have a boyfriend.
0:03:17 > 0:03:19I was raised as a Jehovah's Witness,
0:03:19 > 0:03:23so we were taught that homosexuality is a sin.
0:03:23 > 0:03:25- AMERICAN ACCENT: - People have their own ideas
0:03:25 > 0:03:26about what is right and wrong,
0:03:26 > 0:03:28but what matters is how Jehovah feels.
0:03:28 > 0:03:32He wants us to be happy and he knows how we can be happiest.
0:03:32 > 0:03:34That's why he invented marriage the way he did.
0:03:36 > 0:03:39- CHILD:- You mean, one man and one woman?- Exactly!
0:03:39 > 0:03:41Because I'd confessed to my parents,
0:03:41 > 0:03:44we had to confess, also, to the congregation.
0:03:44 > 0:03:49They saw that I wasn't as repentant as I was probably supposed to be,
0:03:49 > 0:03:53and that is when they decided to disfellowship me.
0:03:53 > 0:03:57Disfellowshipping is being judged and excommunicated
0:03:57 > 0:03:58from the Christian congregation.
0:03:58 > 0:04:01The whole process is to keep the congregation clean.
0:04:03 > 0:04:06This is the Bible that I used to preach with.
0:04:06 > 0:04:08I've pretty much got rid of everything else,
0:04:08 > 0:04:12but I just can't bring myself to get rid of this, for some reason.
0:04:12 > 0:04:15I just think it's a lack of respect to throw away a Bible.
0:04:16 > 0:04:19I've actually got the date in there, when I got this Bible.
0:04:19 > 0:04:21December 2013.
0:04:21 > 0:04:24That was about ten months before I came out.
0:04:30 > 0:04:32I'm trying to find out as much as I can
0:04:32 > 0:04:35about what the Jehovah's Witnesses don't like about the gays.
0:04:35 > 0:04:36There's a lot.
0:04:36 > 0:04:38They say that if you are homosexual,
0:04:38 > 0:04:41the reason why that is, is because you have a demonic possession.
0:04:43 > 0:04:44How glam.
0:04:46 > 0:04:49Josh hasn't been back to his hometown since being ostracised
0:04:49 > 0:04:52by his family and congregation two years ago.
0:04:54 > 0:04:55- You grew up here?- Yeah.
0:04:55 > 0:04:58And your family still live here?
0:04:58 > 0:05:03Yes, they live down this street, actually, a bit further down.
0:05:03 > 0:05:06These were the streets that I used to preach on, as well,
0:05:06 > 0:05:09so I'd literally go from door to door on this street.
0:05:09 > 0:05:12Does it feel like you kind of want to rock up there to number 22,
0:05:12 > 0:05:15knock on the door and give the spiel again, or has it completely gone?
0:05:15 > 0:05:16I think I'd be a bit rusty now.
0:05:20 > 0:05:21At some point in your life,
0:05:21 > 0:05:25- you realised that you were having feelings...- Yes.
0:05:25 > 0:05:28..that weren't quite accepted by the Jehovah's Witnesses.
0:05:28 > 0:05:31I suppose when I reached the age of 14,
0:05:31 > 0:05:34I started looking at guys and thinking, "Oh, yeah."
0:05:34 > 0:05:37You know. "This is clearly what it is."
0:05:37 > 0:05:40And I was caught watching porn at 14.
0:05:40 > 0:05:42- Rookie mistake! - Can you believe it?
0:05:42 > 0:05:44- On dial-up, as well.- No!
0:05:44 > 0:05:48You know, my mum found some stuff as well, and that's how I...
0:05:48 > 0:05:50Dude, are we, like, the same person?
0:05:53 > 0:05:55Do you feel like the kid who was here
0:05:55 > 0:05:56is the same guy that is in front of me now?
0:05:56 > 0:05:58Are you a different person?
0:05:58 > 0:06:01It almost feels like a dream, ages ago.
0:06:01 > 0:06:03I was brought up to be a person
0:06:03 > 0:06:07that I thought I was supposed to be, in the religion.
0:06:07 > 0:06:11You can only live so long lying to people and, like, pretending.
0:06:11 > 0:06:14So I told my parents, and then you have to be put into something
0:06:14 > 0:06:16that's called a judicial committee.
0:06:16 > 0:06:19And they ask you a lot of questions about what you've done,
0:06:19 > 0:06:22how many times have you had sex, what kind of sex have you had?
0:06:22 > 0:06:27Do they make a distinction between a hand job and anal?
0:06:27 > 0:06:28- Yeah.- Oh?
0:06:28 > 0:06:31You can even be disfellowshipped for homosexual pornography.
0:06:31 > 0:06:34And then it goes up, yeah, so, hand job, blow job,
0:06:34 > 0:06:36anal sex...
0:06:36 > 0:06:39- Is anal, like, the worst you can do?- Yeah.
0:06:39 > 0:06:40Oh, OK.
0:06:43 > 0:06:47So, this is Kingdom Hall,
0:06:47 > 0:06:49where you would come for your meetings.
0:06:49 > 0:06:53When you were here the last time, was this for the judicial process?
0:06:53 > 0:06:57I just remember walking out into the car park and giving my...
0:06:57 > 0:07:01my parents a call to let them know the news.
0:07:01 > 0:07:03That's the worst kind of news that you want to hear
0:07:03 > 0:07:05if you're a Jehovah's Witness parent.
0:07:05 > 0:07:08I got a letter through my door a few days after that,
0:07:08 > 0:07:12saying that my family no longer would be able to see me any more,
0:07:12 > 0:07:15and I went round in the evening and kind of...
0:07:16 > 0:07:19..said goodbye to them, I guess.
0:07:19 > 0:07:21And there was loads of tears, loads of crying and...
0:07:23 > 0:07:26..and then I left and I drove off, you know.
0:07:26 > 0:07:27And I've never seen them since.
0:07:30 > 0:07:32I don't blame them for what's happened.
0:07:32 > 0:07:34Because I understand what's going on.
0:07:34 > 0:07:39But I'd also just love there to be some connection,
0:07:39 > 0:07:40no matter what it is, you know?
0:07:40 > 0:07:43If they can find it in themselves to have some connection.
0:07:51 > 0:07:54When he was disfellowshipped from the Jehovah's Witnesses,
0:07:54 > 0:07:56he was sent a letter by his family.
0:07:56 > 0:08:00He told me that it was too painful for him to read out in person,
0:08:00 > 0:08:02so he's sent it to me.
0:08:03 > 0:08:05"Dearest Joshua,
0:08:05 > 0:08:07"it is with the deepest sorrow and tears
0:08:07 > 0:08:09"that we have to write you this letter.
0:08:09 > 0:08:13"Association and texts have to stop now,
0:08:13 > 0:08:16"until the day when we are family again.
0:08:16 > 0:08:20"Please keep going in your resolve to come back to us,
0:08:20 > 0:08:24"as a single day will not go by without one of us thinking of you.
0:08:24 > 0:08:28"We love you so much. Please be strong, love from Mum.
0:08:28 > 0:08:31"I love you so much. Love, Dad."
0:08:36 > 0:08:39Just the idea of not having your family there.
0:08:39 > 0:08:42They're still there, they're not dead,
0:08:42 > 0:08:45but you can't be with them, you can't even...
0:08:45 > 0:08:48She said that he can't text them any more.
0:08:49 > 0:08:51This...
0:08:51 > 0:08:53relationship.
0:08:55 > 0:08:58My mum and me, and the idea of her throwing me out
0:08:58 > 0:09:02and not having me in her life any more...
0:09:02 > 0:09:04I know it would kill her and it would kill me.
0:09:04 > 0:09:09They're basing these huge life decisions...
0:09:11 > 0:09:13..on a book.
0:09:15 > 0:09:17Josh has had literally no choice
0:09:17 > 0:09:20in finding himself on the outside of his faith.
0:09:20 > 0:09:22But there are faith groups all over the UK
0:09:22 > 0:09:25opening up to the LGBTQ community.
0:09:27 > 0:09:30I identify as trans-masculine,
0:09:30 > 0:09:33so I use he/him pronouns.
0:09:33 > 0:09:36My sexual identity, I say that I'm pansexual.
0:09:38 > 0:09:41Growing up, and struggling with my sexual identity
0:09:41 > 0:09:43and then my gender identity,
0:09:43 > 0:09:46I just didn't feel like I belonged anywhere.
0:09:46 > 0:09:48So my faith has been incredibly important,
0:09:48 > 0:09:51because it's always given me a reason to keep going.
0:09:53 > 0:09:57Could it be possible to genuinely reconcile the desire
0:09:57 > 0:10:00for a faith identity as an LGBTQ person?
0:10:06 > 0:10:08How important is your faith to you?
0:10:08 > 0:10:11I had this feeling that I was somehow wrong
0:10:11 > 0:10:13or that I was somehow, you know, a bit gross.
0:10:13 > 0:10:16I was feeling, like, you know, if this continues,
0:10:16 > 0:10:18then I don't want to be on my own,
0:10:18 > 0:10:21I don't want to feel this isolated and kind of...
0:10:22 > 0:10:26..sad all the time, you know, and kind of self-hating all the time.
0:10:26 > 0:10:28I'd rather just, um...
0:10:28 > 0:10:30not be around.
0:10:31 > 0:10:32Yeah.
0:10:32 > 0:10:36It was the knowledge that there was this power that loved me
0:10:36 > 0:10:39no matter what I did or who I was that's actually save my life.
0:10:39 > 0:10:43Did you feel that there was a fear there? Because, obviously,
0:10:43 > 0:10:46you've seen the way certain churches treat gay people.
0:10:46 > 0:10:50In the church that I'm in now, and the church that I came out in,
0:10:50 > 0:10:53they practise what they preach in terms of being open,
0:10:53 > 0:10:55in solidarity with the LGBT community.
0:10:55 > 0:10:57So I always felt safe.
0:10:59 > 0:11:02You've got a very special day coming up, is that right?
0:11:02 > 0:11:04I am having a naming ceremony.
0:11:04 > 0:11:08It's kind of like a dedication or a christening kind of thing.
0:11:08 > 0:11:12Because I started my transition over two years ago
0:11:12 > 0:11:16and I became quite upset with the name that I chose
0:11:16 > 0:11:18and became quite disconnected from it,
0:11:18 > 0:11:21because I wasn't passing and people would call me Ellie.
0:11:21 > 0:11:25So what I wanted to do was kind of stand up in front of my community
0:11:25 > 0:11:29and say, "Hey, this is me, I want to be a part of the community."
0:11:29 > 0:11:34And the more that I've kind of come back to my church and kind of...
0:11:34 > 0:11:38Got through the fear and just said, "Fuck it, this is who I am,"
0:11:38 > 0:11:40the more that I...
0:11:41 > 0:11:44.. start loving myself and my name again.
0:11:44 > 0:11:47So it's actually really important to me now.
0:11:47 > 0:11:49You seem so strong because of your faith.
0:11:49 > 0:11:51You can just feel it, it's radiating from you.
0:11:51 > 0:11:55If you had one piece of golden advice
0:11:55 > 0:11:59for a young trans person of faith, what would it be?
0:11:59 > 0:12:01Your faith is going to get you through.
0:12:01 > 0:12:04And also, you have to learn how to love yourself first.
0:12:04 > 0:12:05I think that's the thing.
0:12:05 > 0:12:07Because you can change your own internal monologue,
0:12:07 > 0:12:10even if you can't change anybody else's mind.
0:12:10 > 0:12:14I'm going to see you in a couple of weeks at your renaming ceremony.
0:12:14 > 0:12:16- Yeah, definitely.- I can't wait. - Me neither.
0:12:16 > 0:12:17I'll chat to you later.
0:12:25 > 0:12:29Elijah is insanely inspirational.
0:12:29 > 0:12:33The renaming ceremony is just going to be that next step that
0:12:33 > 0:12:39he needs to take to feel absolutely 100% comfortable in his own skin
0:12:39 > 0:12:41and with this new name that he's chosen.
0:12:41 > 0:12:43I think it's going to be a very, very special
0:12:43 > 0:12:46and emotional day for him, and probably for me as well.
0:12:50 > 0:12:54An advert suggesting gay people can be cured through therapy
0:12:54 > 0:12:57has been banned by Transport For London.
0:12:57 > 0:12:59Should you try to cure gays?
0:12:59 > 0:13:03Well, this man says therapy changed his sexual desires.
0:13:03 > 0:13:06I've always been aware of my homosexual issues,
0:13:06 > 0:13:10and even though I've been married for almost 29 years,
0:13:10 > 0:13:13I have been in conflict in terms of my Christian identity
0:13:13 > 0:13:16and my understanding of sexuality.
0:13:16 > 0:13:20So it's been my personal desire to try to establish
0:13:20 > 0:13:24the greatest heterosexual potentiality that I have.
0:13:24 > 0:13:25Has it been a struggle?
0:13:25 > 0:13:27It has been a struggle.
0:13:27 > 0:13:29I'm about to call Dr Mike Davidson.
0:13:29 > 0:13:31He's from the Core Trust,
0:13:31 > 0:13:35which is a Christian organisation who say they can change you
0:13:35 > 0:13:37and get rid of your homosexuality.
0:13:37 > 0:13:39DIALLING
0:13:39 > 0:13:40Mike!
0:13:40 > 0:13:41Hi, Riyadh.
0:13:41 > 0:13:44How do you help gay people?
0:13:44 > 0:13:46So, for some people,
0:13:46 > 0:13:50homosexual feelings are inconsistent with the values that they hold.
0:13:50 > 0:13:54Because we see it as a developmental issue,
0:13:54 > 0:13:58it is something that we think anybody can work on
0:13:58 > 0:14:00if that's what they want to do.
0:14:00 > 0:14:02A developmental issue? Explain that.
0:14:02 > 0:14:08So, developmental in that context is about postnatal,
0:14:08 > 0:14:12in other words, what happens to you after you have been born.
0:14:12 > 0:14:14The environment is very important.
0:14:14 > 0:14:18Do you believe that homosexuality is a choice?
0:14:18 > 0:14:21Certainly, in my case, it wasn't a choice.
0:14:21 > 0:14:25I found that I had these feelings
0:14:25 > 0:14:30and I was not consciously aware of choosing anything.
0:14:30 > 0:14:36But I recognised in my life that I had choices around those feelings.
0:14:36 > 0:14:40And I think that that is a very important dimension
0:14:40 > 0:14:43that is being lost today.
0:14:43 > 0:14:45Were you shameful of your homosexuality?
0:14:45 > 0:14:49Absolutely. I was. Because I didn't understand it.
0:14:49 > 0:14:52For me, it didn't sit comfortably.
0:14:52 > 0:14:56And, certainly, certainly, there was a spiritual component to this.
0:14:56 > 0:15:01There was an understanding of a Biblical world view.
0:15:01 > 0:15:04And I'm not talking about eight Scriptures,
0:15:04 > 0:15:08I'm talking about the whole tone and tenor of Scripture.
0:15:08 > 0:15:12Is it possible for a gay person to be religious
0:15:12 > 0:15:14and for the two to live in harmony?
0:15:14 > 0:15:20Clearly, there are individuals who hold those two things together,
0:15:20 > 0:15:21and are happy doing so.
0:15:21 > 0:15:24But if you take the biblical scholarship,
0:15:24 > 0:15:28there is no way you can reconcile
0:15:28 > 0:15:33modern understanding of homosexuality
0:15:33 > 0:15:36and spiritual faith that is Bible-based.
0:15:36 > 0:15:40- For a client coming to you seeking your service...- Yeah.
0:15:40 > 0:15:43..what sort of cost is it?
0:15:43 > 0:15:45Zero.
0:15:45 > 0:15:48So you do it from the goodness of your own heart?
0:15:48 > 0:15:55I do it because professionals in this country have reneged
0:15:55 > 0:15:59on their responsibility to be open-minded
0:15:59 > 0:16:03to people who are being denied the right and the freedom
0:16:03 > 0:16:07to go in the direction that they want to go in.
0:16:07 > 0:16:11They are being told that they don't know what's good for them.
0:16:11 > 0:16:12That's why I do it.
0:16:12 > 0:16:15Thank you so much for your time.
0:16:15 > 0:16:17- You're welcome. - Have a good day, Mike.
0:16:19 > 0:16:23I'm sorry, but if you're offering people this service,
0:16:23 > 0:16:27you are telling them that there is something lesser or something wrong
0:16:27 > 0:16:30with their sexual identity and their sexuality.
0:16:30 > 0:16:34I find it deeply, deeply insulting
0:16:34 > 0:16:37that anyone, even a therapist, would say
0:16:37 > 0:16:39that my sexuality is interchangeable.
0:16:40 > 0:16:43That's it.
0:16:43 > 0:16:46I think sexuality is incredibly complex.
0:16:46 > 0:16:49I don't think we can put it down to it just being a choice.
0:16:49 > 0:16:53This is one thing that I'm just so adamant about.
0:16:53 > 0:16:55Being queer is not a choice.
0:16:55 > 0:16:58Um... No. Absolutely not.
0:16:58 > 0:17:02When people ask me if gay is a choice, it's quite infuriating.
0:17:02 > 0:17:04A ridiculous statement.
0:17:04 > 0:17:06You can't help who you love.
0:17:06 > 0:17:07I didn't choose to be this way,
0:17:07 > 0:17:10I wouldn't choose to put myself through all of this stress.
0:17:10 > 0:17:13Do you know what? If it was a choice, I would definitely be gay.
0:17:13 > 0:17:15100%. I love being gay.
0:17:19 > 0:17:21Homosexuality is not accepted in Islam.
0:17:21 > 0:17:25So the Muslim community will never accept homosexuality in a whole.
0:17:25 > 0:17:27You either be gay or you be Muslim.
0:17:27 > 0:17:29No-one is forcing you to be a Muslim.
0:17:29 > 0:17:31What are people like me meant to do, then?
0:17:31 > 0:17:33I was brought up in an Islamic household,
0:17:33 > 0:17:35I'm from an Islamic community,
0:17:35 > 0:17:38I'm from a very conservative Pakistani community.
0:17:38 > 0:17:40For a lot of young Muslims living here in the UK,
0:17:40 > 0:17:43there can be a cultural pressure for them to get married,
0:17:43 > 0:17:46and the idea of coming out is simply not an option.
0:17:46 > 0:17:49I'm going to meet Marium, who says she wants to be with a woman,
0:17:49 > 0:17:53but right now is on the hunt for a marriage of convenience.
0:17:54 > 0:17:57For Marium, the stakes are high.
0:17:57 > 0:18:00This is not her real name, and it's not her own flat.
0:18:00 > 0:18:04Why is it so important for you to get married?
0:18:04 > 0:18:06DISTORTED:
0:18:25 > 0:18:27How do you identify now religiously?
0:18:35 > 0:18:38Do your parents think that you're a devout Muslim?
0:18:40 > 0:18:42And they're wrong?
0:18:43 > 0:18:47If your parents were to find out about your sexuality,
0:18:47 > 0:18:48what would happen?
0:18:51 > 0:18:54And losing your family, for you, is not an option?
0:18:56 > 0:18:59Do you see yourself ever coming out to them?
0:19:05 > 0:19:08You're going to tell me a bit about marriage of convenience, what is it?
0:19:19 > 0:19:22Would you mind showing me your profile?
0:19:24 > 0:19:26This is your description of yourself.
0:19:42 > 0:19:43Wow.
0:19:43 > 0:19:47It's the weirdest dating app profile I've ever seen.
0:19:47 > 0:19:51So, when you're with a girl, at what point do you tell them,
0:19:51 > 0:19:55"I am looking for a gay man to be my kind of cloak?"
0:20:08 > 0:20:10That would be an incredible woman.
0:20:11 > 0:20:12I think she's out there.
0:20:12 > 0:20:15I hope she is.
0:20:15 > 0:20:19A marriage of convenience is a way for Marium to hold on to her family
0:20:19 > 0:20:21and wider community.
0:20:21 > 0:20:23She's not willing to give up on them,
0:20:23 > 0:20:25even if it means she must live a lie.
0:20:25 > 0:20:29In the absence of acceptance, it's an interesting alternative.
0:20:35 > 0:20:39I got these amazing little chocolates for Elijah
0:20:39 > 0:20:40to celebrate today,
0:20:40 > 0:20:43because obviously it is a massive, massive day,
0:20:43 > 0:20:47and it's been an absolutely huge time coming.
0:20:54 > 0:20:58CONGREGATION SING
0:21:06 > 0:21:11Why is it that this church practises such inclusivity and such openness
0:21:11 > 0:21:13compared to most of the others?
0:21:13 > 0:21:16The Bible says, on the very first page,
0:21:16 > 0:21:19that every man and every woman is made in God's image.
0:21:19 > 0:21:21That's what it's about.
0:21:21 > 0:21:24So everyone is welcome, whatever their gender,
0:21:24 > 0:21:27their gender identity and their sexuality.
0:21:27 > 0:21:29they are welcome here in this church.
0:21:29 > 0:21:32It's a great thing. I think you're being called away.
0:21:32 > 0:21:34We're about to start, so I don't want to hold you,
0:21:34 > 0:21:36- but I'm looking forward to the ceremony.- Thank you.
0:21:36 > 0:21:38- Thank you, Steve. Cheers. - God bless you.
0:21:38 > 0:21:40# Lay down your love
0:21:40 > 0:21:43# Lay down your heart... #
0:21:49 > 0:21:53Welcome, everyone. It's great to see you here at Oasis Church, Waterloo.
0:21:53 > 0:21:57We have this wonderful opportunity this morning
0:21:57 > 0:21:59of worshipping God together.
0:21:59 > 0:22:02I'm going to ask Elijah to come to the front.
0:22:02 > 0:22:05Elijah is going to be named.
0:22:06 > 0:22:09So, Elijah, there you are. Welcome.
0:22:09 > 0:22:11Elijah is, obviously, a little bit nervous, I guess,
0:22:11 > 0:22:13standing up in front of people.
0:22:13 > 0:22:17But Elijah will explain to you why he has come to this point
0:22:17 > 0:22:23and why this moment is a sacred and holy and special moment for us all.
0:22:23 > 0:22:26APPLAUSE
0:22:27 > 0:22:31I came out as female-to-male transgender over two years ago.
0:22:31 > 0:22:36Whilst the process of accepting and showing my gender identity
0:22:36 > 0:22:40was freeing on so many levels, it has also proven to be
0:22:40 > 0:22:44the hardest and most challenging experience of my entire life.
0:22:44 > 0:22:47But I found that the more that I shared my new name
0:22:47 > 0:22:48with people around me,
0:22:48 > 0:22:54the more I also started learning to apologise for who I was.
0:22:54 > 0:22:57I apologised for my voice being too high,
0:22:57 > 0:22:59for my body being too feminine,
0:22:59 > 0:23:03for my interests being too stereotypically female.
0:23:03 > 0:23:06Because the world around me didn't seem to accept me,
0:23:06 > 0:23:08I stopped accepting myself.
0:23:08 > 0:23:11I lived in fear of having to explain my gender identity
0:23:11 > 0:23:15because how do you explain a part of yourself that you've learnt to hate?
0:23:15 > 0:23:19This act of allowing myself to be seen and heard reminds me
0:23:19 > 0:23:24that today is about letting go of my shame, my fear and my self-doubt.
0:23:24 > 0:23:27And today I can honestly say that I am proud to be Elijah,
0:23:27 > 0:23:30and I am grateful to be able to share my story with you
0:23:30 > 0:23:33in a space that I know to be safe and encouraging.
0:23:33 > 0:23:34Thank you.
0:23:34 > 0:23:37CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:23:39 > 0:23:41Whoo!
0:23:47 > 0:23:51So, will you, the congregation of this church,
0:23:51 > 0:23:56commit yourselves to Elijah, to play your part in supporting him
0:23:56 > 0:24:01through your love and active, ongoing care and prayer?
0:24:01 > 0:24:03- ALL:- We do.
0:24:03 > 0:24:07CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:24:13 > 0:24:17- Do you feel like you've been reborn? - Yes.- You do?- I do, yes.
0:24:17 > 0:24:20- That's incredible.- Yes. - Do you feel like a new person?- Yeah.
0:24:20 > 0:24:23I feel stronger now because it's out there,
0:24:23 > 0:24:25there's nothing left to be scared of.
0:24:25 > 0:24:28- Take it or leave it - I'm Elijah. - Yes, exactly.
0:24:28 > 0:24:31- And I think they took it. - Well, everyone has said, "We do."
0:24:33 > 0:24:36- Then you lost it. - You're going to make me cry again.
0:24:37 > 0:24:39- Congratulations.- Thank you. - How was that? Was that OK?
0:24:39 > 0:24:42- It was...- Was that OK? - Yeah, it was good.
0:24:42 > 0:24:44This is like nothing I've ever seen before,
0:24:44 > 0:24:48you know, growing up in a very different religious set-up.
0:24:48 > 0:24:51There is so much love in this room.
0:24:51 > 0:24:54Well done. I'm so proud of you. Well done.
0:24:54 > 0:24:57There are churches, there are religious groups like this
0:24:57 > 0:24:59that accept everyone.
0:24:59 > 0:25:03- Oh, you were so good!- Thank you. I appreciate that.
0:25:03 > 0:25:06Does it affect how you are outside of this building,
0:25:06 > 0:25:07what happened today?
0:25:07 > 0:25:11I'm going to remember everyone standing up and just accepting me
0:25:11 > 0:25:14- and think fuck it. - THEY LAUGH
0:25:14 > 0:25:16I've got a community so it doesn't matter
0:25:16 > 0:25:18what people think of me any more outside of this community.
0:25:18 > 0:25:21And I feel better in my own skin.
0:25:21 > 0:25:22- Well done.- Thank you.
0:25:22 > 0:25:25- And thanks for coming.- My pleasure to be here. Thanks for having me.
0:25:25 > 0:25:28- What a special day to be part of. - Yeah.
0:25:31 > 0:25:33I claim a faith, yeah.
0:25:33 > 0:25:35I tend to shy away from the word religious
0:25:35 > 0:25:38because I think it has a lot of negative connotations.
0:25:38 > 0:25:43I've identified as Christian in the past, but not any more.
0:25:43 > 0:25:47I don't really feel like it has a place in my life.
0:25:47 > 0:25:48No, I'm spiritual
0:25:48 > 0:25:51because religion has caused many problems in the world.
0:25:51 > 0:25:55But the truth of the matter is the Bible says God is love.
0:25:55 > 0:25:57I identify as a spiritual person
0:25:57 > 0:26:01who appreciates lots of different religions.
0:26:01 > 0:26:03I know what I believe in,
0:26:03 > 0:26:05I know who I believe in,
0:26:05 > 0:26:07and I try and do right by that.
0:26:07 > 0:26:11Everything that I've prayed for, I've got.
0:26:13 > 0:26:16I caught up with former Jehovah's Witness Josh
0:26:16 > 0:26:17in his new life.
0:26:17 > 0:26:21I'm here in his new home, his new habitat, if you like,
0:26:21 > 0:26:25to see what he's like as a young, open, free, gay man
0:26:25 > 0:26:27in the middle of East London.
0:26:27 > 0:26:29And of course I've brought some beverages.
0:26:29 > 0:26:31I've always been told by my mother,
0:26:31 > 0:26:34"Never arrive to a party with swinging hands."
0:26:41 > 0:26:43- Hey!- Hi!- How you doing? - How you doing?
0:26:43 > 0:26:45- Good to see you again. You OK? - Oh, my God, look at your flat!
0:26:45 > 0:26:47- I know, can you believe it? - It's gorgeous.
0:26:47 > 0:26:51- It's actually clean for once. - Can I move in?- Sure.
0:26:51 > 0:26:54I love your interior design. Sorry, that's the gay in me coming out.
0:26:54 > 0:26:55THEY LAUGH
0:26:55 > 0:26:59- So, you know what we're doing tonight?- I'm actually not sure.
0:26:59 > 0:27:03- I've never been, like, "out" out in East London.- OK.
0:27:03 > 0:27:04What am I going to have to...?
0:27:04 > 0:27:07So, we're going to this bar called The Glory tonight.
0:27:07 > 0:27:11It's a gay bar and it's quite unique.
0:27:11 > 0:27:15I've found people here now that have become my new family,
0:27:15 > 0:27:16that have taken me under their wing,
0:27:16 > 0:27:19that have kind of made friends with me and said, "Look, Josh,
0:27:19 > 0:27:22"if you need us at any time, we're here for you."
0:27:22 > 0:27:27And I think that's really important, like, in the ongoing process.
0:27:27 > 0:27:29Because it's not ended yet for me.
0:27:29 > 0:27:32You know, there's still a process
0:27:32 > 0:27:35that I need to go through continually
0:27:35 > 0:27:37to carry on figuring myself out,
0:27:37 > 0:27:42and, I guess, figuring what is going on in my head.
0:27:42 > 0:27:44- BOTH:- Cheers.- God, you're really pulling out all the stops.
0:27:44 > 0:27:46Look into the eyes when you "cheers"
0:27:46 > 0:27:48- otherwise it's... - BOTH:- Seven years of bad sex.
0:27:48 > 0:27:50THEY LAUGH Look at me here!
0:27:50 > 0:27:53- Oh, yeah!- Yeah, that's good. - That's good.- That's really good.
0:27:55 > 0:27:59Time for Josh to show me what his new life has to offer.
0:27:59 > 0:28:01MUSIC: Comfortably Numb by Scissor Sisters
0:28:01 > 0:28:03# Gotta keep it going through the show
0:28:03 > 0:28:04# C'mon, it's time to go
0:28:04 > 0:28:07# Gotta keep it going through the show
0:28:07 > 0:28:08# C'mon, it's time to go
0:28:08 > 0:28:10# Gotta keep it going through the show
0:28:10 > 0:28:13- # C'mon, it's time to go - CHEERING
0:28:13 > 0:28:15# Gotta keep it going through the show
0:28:15 > 0:28:17# C'mon, it's time to go... #
0:28:17 > 0:28:20The environment that I was raised as a Jonas Jehovah's Witness,
0:28:20 > 0:28:22it was very controlled.
0:28:22 > 0:28:26You know, you're expected to be the person that they wanted you to be.
0:28:26 > 0:28:28I can be myself here.
0:28:28 > 0:28:32In my hometown, I felt trapped, I felt lost.
0:28:32 > 0:28:34# Ah-ha
0:28:34 > 0:28:35# OK
0:28:37 > 0:28:39# It's just a little pin prick... #
0:28:39 > 0:28:45Is it possible to be both a gay man and devout to your religion?
0:28:45 > 0:28:48Whatever that religion may be, can you have both in the same world?
0:28:48 > 0:28:52For my particular religion, I don't think it's possible.
0:28:52 > 0:28:58I think it is possible, however, to be gay and take religious values
0:28:58 > 0:29:01from the Bible and to apply them in your life.
0:29:01 > 0:29:06But for a particular religion like Jehovah's Witnesses...
0:29:07 > 0:29:11..I think it's impossible to lead two lives at the same time.
0:29:13 > 0:29:15# Ah-ha, ah-ha... #
0:29:15 > 0:29:18Look, of course an LGBT person can have faith,
0:29:18 > 0:29:21but how they choose to live in that faith and practise it
0:29:21 > 0:29:24is an extremely personal thing.
0:29:24 > 0:29:26Does God really hate queers?
0:29:27 > 0:29:29I don't think so.
0:29:29 > 0:29:31# Comfortably numb. #