0:00:02 > 0:00:04I was pretty shocked to discover that up to 80% of black and ethnic
0:00:04 > 0:00:08minority men have experienced some form of racism on the gay scene.
0:00:08 > 0:00:11So is the LGBT community really racist?
0:00:11 > 0:00:14- Absolutely.- A lot of gay men, especially in the dating world,
0:00:14 > 0:00:16will only go for white guys.
0:00:16 > 0:00:19There's a big divide between
0:00:19 > 0:00:21anybody who is of colour and the white gays.
0:00:21 > 0:00:24It is an overarching theme across the whole community that it's
0:00:24 > 0:00:27kind of, like, there's a hierarchy of race.
0:00:27 > 0:00:30For a community that is meant to be so loving and supporting of
0:00:30 > 0:00:33one another, we knock each other back.
0:00:33 > 0:00:40This programme contains some strong language and some scenes of a sexual nature
0:00:59 > 0:01:04The most visible place for this casual racism is on the online dating apps.
0:01:04 > 0:01:07My good friend Abdul has experienced this first hand.
0:01:09 > 0:01:12I wanted to bring you here because I know there are differences between
0:01:12 > 0:01:14what you get online and what I get online.
0:01:14 > 0:01:15Yeah, of course. Yeah, yeah.
0:01:15 > 0:01:19Although I'm white, I'm Riyadh Khalaf.
0:01:19 > 0:01:21People don't like that name...
0:01:21 > 0:01:25Some people are like... They think I'm proper Middle Eastern and they
0:01:25 > 0:01:28don't like it. They go, "Oh, hey, sand monkey, what's up?"
0:01:28 > 0:01:31- Do you get that?- Yeah!
0:01:31 > 0:01:32- Sand monkey?!- Sand monkey.
0:01:32 > 0:01:36Yeah. Has someone ever turned you away because of your colour?
0:01:36 > 0:01:37- Oh, my God, yeah.- Really?!
0:01:37 > 0:01:41Oh. You'd be writing, you know, you get to the whole...
0:01:41 > 0:01:44You're looking through, "Oh, you're cute..."
0:01:44 > 0:01:46- "Hey, how's it going?"- Yeah.
0:01:46 > 0:01:47"Sorry, not into black guys."
0:01:47 > 0:01:51The funny thing is, you've had it done to you so much, but I know,
0:01:51 > 0:01:54being your mate, that you have a very specific type.
0:01:54 > 0:01:57Of course. We all have a type.
0:01:57 > 0:01:59I want to have a look at this
0:01:59 > 0:02:03thing online. It's a list of the worst screenshots of Grindr.
0:02:03 > 0:02:06This guy says, "To the tune of Head, Shoulders, Knees And Toes..."
0:02:06 > 0:02:08I can't believe I'm about to...
0:02:08 > 0:02:12# Dumb and blind and deaf and gay, blacks, pakis, gooks and nips. #
0:02:12 > 0:02:15- "White only."- Let's see.
0:02:15 > 0:02:16Imagine taking the time...
0:02:18 > 0:02:21- ..to compose that. - I don't even find that funny.
0:02:21 > 0:02:22Read that...
0:02:26 > 0:02:27Do you know what I would do?
0:02:27 > 0:02:30Now, this is me being literally so childish, right?
0:02:30 > 0:02:31I would write to him.
0:02:31 > 0:02:36I think he's actually attractive, so I'd go, "Oh, OK. Hi."
0:02:36 > 0:02:39- So you're going to try and flip him. - Yeah. OK, next person.
0:02:48 > 0:02:49Oh.
0:02:49 > 0:02:51Oh, my God.
0:02:51 > 0:02:54- I would block that person.- You were willing to talk to the other guy
0:02:54 > 0:02:57- earlier.- Yeah, because he said, "No offence, I'm not into blacks,"
0:02:57 > 0:02:59so for me, that's a preference.
0:02:59 > 0:03:02He's not saying he doesn't like them, to my understanding, reading it.
0:03:02 > 0:03:04This isn't, "Like them, but no offence, I'm not interested,
0:03:04 > 0:03:07- "that's not what I'm here looking for."- What's the difference, then?
0:03:07 > 0:03:11So, basically, this is definitely just prejudiced and just racist.
0:03:11 > 0:03:13Like, blatantly racist.
0:03:13 > 0:03:15- Completely.- OK.
0:03:15 > 0:03:19- Would a guy like this ever say to you in person...? - In person, right? Good question.
0:03:19 > 0:03:22Doubt it. The app is giving you that platform to do that.
0:03:22 > 0:03:25People who are racist can be more vocal on there,
0:03:25 > 0:03:29people who have preferences can actually say, "Hey..."
0:03:29 > 0:03:31And there's a fine line between the two.
0:03:31 > 0:03:34I used to be shocked by the racism and the prejudice,
0:03:34 > 0:03:37and now it's a normal thing.
0:03:37 > 0:03:44Every second profile has some form of hatred, prejudice,
0:03:44 > 0:03:45or preference.
0:03:45 > 0:03:48- "Preference."- It's like... I don't know. Anyway...
0:03:52 > 0:03:59"Black man for white men only, and white men for black cock only."
0:03:59 > 0:04:01They say that. Like, they say it.
0:04:01 > 0:04:06Yeah, I've been purely rejected on being an Indian guy, which is bizarre.
0:04:06 > 0:04:09It's overt casual racism, but it's OK,
0:04:09 > 0:04:11because it's within the confines of our community,
0:04:11 > 0:04:12and I don't accept that.
0:04:18 > 0:04:22This morning I've travelled up to Birmingham to meet this young, gay,
0:04:22 > 0:04:23Asian man called Manjinder.
0:04:24 > 0:04:29He's experienced his own level of racism within the gay community,
0:04:29 > 0:04:31and he's going to tell me exactly what that was like for him.
0:04:40 > 0:04:42I was raised in Birmingham, in a Sikh family.
0:04:45 > 0:04:48In Asian families, even before the child is conceived, the parents
0:04:48 > 0:04:52think about their life and career and the marriage of their child.
0:04:52 > 0:04:55I had a lot of pressure to be straight.
0:04:55 > 0:04:57I never knew that you could be gay and south Asian.
0:04:57 > 0:04:59It just didn't cross my mind.
0:05:02 > 0:05:05I thought I was going to move to London, I was going to meet the man of my dreams straight away.
0:05:05 > 0:05:09Every profile I looked at kept saying the same thing - "No fems,
0:05:09 > 0:05:11"no fats, no Asians, no blacks."
0:05:11 > 0:05:13And I just thought, "Oh, my God."
0:05:13 > 0:05:16Like, the people who I thought would we would be accepting were blatantly
0:05:16 > 0:05:18saying that they're not interested.
0:05:19 > 0:05:21So I just thought, "What will become of me?"
0:05:27 > 0:05:28Is this is where you grew up?
0:05:28 > 0:05:30This is my local area, yeah.
0:05:30 > 0:05:31- Is it?- It's very Asian.
0:05:31 > 0:05:33It is, isn't it? Look at the saris.
0:05:33 > 0:05:37It's very colourful. What was it like growing up here?
0:05:37 > 0:05:39Very heterosexual, very hetero-normative.
0:05:39 > 0:05:41I never ever saw anyone who was gay.
0:05:41 > 0:05:45So what was it like being, essentially, the only gay in the village?
0:05:45 > 0:05:48- It was horrifying.- Really? - I felt like no-one would understand.
0:05:48 > 0:05:50I felt like, if I didn't break free and run away from here,
0:05:50 > 0:05:54I'd just be sucked into that lifestyle that was imagined for me
0:05:54 > 0:05:55before I was born.
0:05:57 > 0:06:00- So you did come out? What happened? - Yeah, I just thought, what's the point of being gay?
0:06:00 > 0:06:04I might as well be straight. And then it took me a lot of depression
0:06:04 > 0:06:07and suicidal thoughts that made me SMS my parents.
0:06:07 > 0:06:08- I just texted them.- A text?
0:06:08 > 0:06:12Yes. And they're immigrants and they don't even speak English,
0:06:12 > 0:06:16and my poor sister had to read it out and explain it to them.
0:06:16 > 0:06:18In the morning I woke up and I was going to work,
0:06:18 > 0:06:21and I'd received all these text messages and e-mails, missed calls,
0:06:21 > 0:06:22and my sister wrote, "Don't worry,
0:06:22 > 0:06:25"they love you and accept you as you are. It's OK."
0:06:25 > 0:06:28- What a beautiful moment.- And then my mum phoned, but the thing is,
0:06:28 > 0:06:31their education was so less that they thought I was going to become
0:06:31 > 0:06:33a woman, they thought I was being transgender.
0:06:33 > 0:06:36"Do you still have a penis? Are you going to wear saris now?"
0:06:36 > 0:06:39All these questions. Then they took me to the doctor.
0:06:39 > 0:06:42He was lovely. He said, "It's natural, you can't change it, it's fine."
0:06:42 > 0:06:44- Wow.- And this was a Sikh person telling my Sikh parents.
0:06:44 > 0:06:47Wonderful. Then they took me to the local temple over there.
0:06:47 > 0:06:49Why did they not take his guidance?
0:06:49 > 0:06:52- They wanted...- They still wanted to see if there was a chance, right?
0:06:55 > 0:06:57So they took me to the local Sikh temple.
0:06:57 > 0:07:00The main guy at that temple is very liberal-minded, and he said,
0:07:00 > 0:07:04"God created him like this, and you can't change him, and that's fine."
0:07:04 > 0:07:06And that gave my mum all the reassurance she needed.
0:07:06 > 0:07:09But they were afraid of what other people were going to say,
0:07:09 > 0:07:11and they even suggested that I have a sham marriage.
0:07:11 > 0:07:14They said that, "Marry someone from India, a woman,
0:07:14 > 0:07:15"and basically pretend.
0:07:15 > 0:07:18"Have the baby, but still do your thing on the side."
0:07:18 > 0:07:20And I refused.
0:07:20 > 0:07:25You then found yourself as a gay man out there in this big gay world.
0:07:25 > 0:07:28- How did it greet you?- I used to be the only Asian person in
0:07:28 > 0:07:31the gay clubs in central London. I felt like an outsider.
0:07:31 > 0:07:34For the first time, I felt like, you know what, I'm different.
0:07:34 > 0:07:37You know? Growing up here, you can tell, you know, I look like everyone else.
0:07:37 > 0:07:40Different to what you expected, then?
0:07:40 > 0:07:43Yeah, I thought the gay community, because you had been marginalised already,
0:07:43 > 0:07:47you'll be more accepting to all people, but it wasn't like that.
0:07:47 > 0:07:50And then someone told me to go on a dating app site,
0:07:50 > 0:07:52and I went on there and I searched.
0:07:52 > 0:07:54Every profile, one after the other, said...
0:08:00 > 0:08:03"Sorry, this is not my racism, it's just preference."
0:08:03 > 0:08:06Over and over again. I tallied them up, there was like thousands of them,
0:08:06 > 0:08:10and they just made me feel really, really unwanted,
0:08:10 > 0:08:12and just, like, worthless.
0:08:12 > 0:08:14Just made me feel like I wasn't good enough at all.
0:08:14 > 0:08:17And there was something wrong with me, something that I couldn't change.
0:08:17 > 0:08:21Cos, obviously, you can't change your skin colour.
0:08:21 > 0:08:24It just made me feel that life was pointless.
0:08:26 > 0:08:31Manjinder has experienced first-hand rejection simply down to the colour
0:08:31 > 0:08:34of his skin from an anonymous, but all the same,
0:08:34 > 0:08:36very, very vocal online gay community.
0:08:36 > 0:08:39I mean, everyone knows this is going on.
0:08:39 > 0:08:41So why isn't it being called out?
0:08:49 > 0:08:52So I've just come across this guy online, Alexander.
0:08:52 > 0:08:54I'm about to speak to him. He's the author a book called
0:08:54 > 0:08:57The True Confessions Of A Potato Queen.
0:08:57 > 0:08:59Now, I don't know what that means.
0:08:59 > 0:09:02Does it mean he's in love with Irish guys, perhaps?
0:09:02 > 0:09:07I've heard of rice queens, curry queens, but a potato queen?
0:09:07 > 0:09:09SKYPE RINGS
0:09:09 > 0:09:12- Alexander?- Hello.
0:09:12 > 0:09:14- Lovely to meet you. - Lovely meeting you, too.
0:09:14 > 0:09:16Boy, you are gorgeous.
0:09:16 > 0:09:18Oh, thank you very much!
0:09:20 > 0:09:23Do you know what, Alexander? That leads me on to my first question.
0:09:23 > 0:09:25- Yeah.- What's a potato queen?
0:09:25 > 0:09:27A potato queen is actually a gay,
0:09:27 > 0:09:30Asian male who will only date white guys, so that's me,
0:09:30 > 0:09:32and I'm a big one, actually.
0:09:33 > 0:09:36What is it about white men in particular
0:09:36 > 0:09:39that you think is so incredible?
0:09:39 > 0:09:43I believe that the white race is the superior one,
0:09:43 > 0:09:48and I love being with a white guy primarily because of that.
0:09:48 > 0:09:52And also because he's got a powerful, big cock that I love.
0:09:52 > 0:09:55Once you go white, nothing else seems right.
0:09:56 > 0:09:59Some people would call that a little bit racist.
0:09:59 > 0:10:01No. It's not me.
0:10:01 > 0:10:03It's a preference, actually.
0:10:03 > 0:10:07At what point does it turn from a preference to a prejudice?
0:10:07 > 0:10:09Is there a change point?
0:10:09 > 0:10:14I would say a preference and a prejudice is actually a very thin line.
0:10:14 > 0:10:20It becomes a prejudice when you actually become rude to somebody.
0:10:20 > 0:10:25What do you think about listing out the preferences on a dating app?
0:10:25 > 0:10:27Is that hurtful or is that helpful?
0:10:27 > 0:10:31In my opinion, I think that's really helpful,
0:10:31 > 0:10:34because you are just being honest.
0:10:34 > 0:10:37You know, like, you can tell me
0:10:37 > 0:10:41what you really want and who you are and what your preferences are.
0:10:41 > 0:10:42And don't waste my time.
0:10:42 > 0:10:43A lot of times,
0:10:43 > 0:10:48people consistently are being held back because they are afraid
0:10:48 > 0:10:50of other people's opinions.
0:10:50 > 0:10:51Well, listen up, guys...
0:10:51 > 0:10:56If that person does not feed you,
0:10:56 > 0:11:00if they do not fuck you or finance you,
0:11:00 > 0:11:02their opinions does not matter to you.
0:11:02 > 0:11:05What's wrong with you? Just live your life.
0:11:05 > 0:11:08Alexander, it been an absolute pleasure chatting to you.
0:11:08 > 0:11:11Thank you. I feel exactly the same.
0:11:11 > 0:11:15- Thank you for...- You're a real character. Bye. Bye.
0:11:18 > 0:11:20You're discounting a whole race of people based on the colour of their skin.
0:11:20 > 0:11:24Sometimes it's passed off as preferences, like,
0:11:24 > 0:11:25"Oh, this is my preference."
0:11:25 > 0:11:29But actually, if you're being offensive, then that's just wrong.
0:11:29 > 0:11:31People who say, "This is my preference,"
0:11:31 > 0:11:35I'm sorry, but you're a victim of our society's racial prejudices.
0:11:35 > 0:11:37Black man, big cock.
0:11:37 > 0:11:39There's more to me than that, you know.
0:11:39 > 0:11:41You're black, so you're only good in bed,
0:11:41 > 0:11:43but you're not actually good to be in a relationship with.
0:11:43 > 0:11:46Black people have to be thugs or, like, big muscular men,
0:11:46 > 0:11:49and Asians are meant to be all loose and feminine,
0:11:49 > 0:11:51and all that kind of thing.
0:11:51 > 0:11:54You were saying that you've got these stereotypes in your head...
0:11:54 > 0:11:57- Yeah.- ..to do with each different race.
0:11:57 > 0:12:00You know, black men with the big willies, and Asian men with
0:12:00 > 0:12:02little willies and being submissive and stuff.
0:12:02 > 0:12:04Do guys just presume that you are going to have a massive dick?
0:12:04 > 0:12:06Mm-hmm. I get asked that all the time.
0:12:06 > 0:12:11So, I just want to see, does it come from porn, these stereotypes?
0:12:11 > 0:12:14The title is Tight Asian Boy Hole.
0:12:14 > 0:12:20So the Asian guy is very, very skinny, and you've got this big, muscly,
0:12:20 > 0:12:23Adonis-looking older white guy.
0:12:23 > 0:12:25- He's putting it in!- Oh.
0:12:25 > 0:12:26He is in pain.
0:12:28 > 0:12:31Aggressive. Someone's going to go to hospital.
0:12:31 > 0:12:33- Are they going to flip? - If they do, that's going to be...
0:12:33 > 0:12:35No.
0:12:35 > 0:12:37OK. I'm done with that one.
0:12:37 > 0:12:40Asian Twinkie Getting Fucked Bareback Style.
0:12:40 > 0:12:43So we have this Asian guy touching himself.
0:12:43 > 0:12:45And now this older, white guy...
0:12:45 > 0:12:49- What did I say to you, again?- Yeah. It always an older white guy and a younger Asian fella.
0:12:49 > 0:12:52- Mm-hmm.- Every single one, the Asian guy is the submissive.
0:12:52 > 0:12:57- Yeah.- What do you think a young gay is going to get when they
0:12:57 > 0:12:59watch this for the first time?
0:12:59 > 0:13:01If you watch this, you think that is what it is,
0:13:01 > 0:13:03so Asians are supposed to be submissive.
0:13:03 > 0:13:06That's what you are brainwashed to believe.
0:13:06 > 0:13:08Let's move on to your boys.
0:13:08 > 0:13:10- I'm scared.- That can't be real.
0:13:10 > 0:13:13- It is.- That's like a trunk off an elephant.
0:13:14 > 0:13:22So we've got this incredibly tall, superhuman man, and he's black.
0:13:22 > 0:13:24Like, every part of him is huge.
0:13:24 > 0:13:25His penis is inhuman.
0:13:28 > 0:13:29HE GASPS
0:13:29 > 0:13:33- See, that makes me feel shit.- What is that?- That makes me feel shit, cos I'm like, shit,
0:13:33 > 0:13:34I want to look like that now.
0:13:34 > 0:13:37You want to look like that or you think you're supposed to look like that?
0:13:37 > 0:13:39When you watch these things over and over again, at that time,
0:13:39 > 0:13:40it stays in your head,
0:13:40 > 0:13:44so over time you have to live up to what you've watched.
0:13:44 > 0:13:47- Yeah...- We are learning.
0:13:47 > 0:13:49Sex education all in one!
0:13:49 > 0:13:51But this is the shit they don't teach you in school.
0:13:51 > 0:13:53There is no gay sex taught,
0:13:53 > 0:13:56but then also there's not the complexities taught of,
0:13:56 > 0:13:59oh, you know, these are the hurdles you're going to have to jump over
0:13:59 > 0:14:02simply because you've got pigmentation in your skin.
0:14:05 > 0:14:10It's true that representations of racial stereotypes can be damaging,
0:14:10 > 0:14:13but what's the impact of finding no representation at all?
0:14:17 > 0:14:21I grew up in Walthamstow, which is a town in north London.
0:14:21 > 0:14:24I came out as a lesbian aged 19.
0:14:26 > 0:14:30When I came out and I first went out on the scene, I'm not going to lie,
0:14:30 > 0:14:32I was very scared.
0:14:32 > 0:14:35There wasn't really any lesbians that looked like me.
0:14:36 > 0:14:41I realised that not only did I have to focus on my race,
0:14:41 > 0:14:43I also had to look after my sexuality as well.
0:14:45 > 0:14:49As a black lesbian woman, I do feel like I am a triple minority.
0:14:53 > 0:14:56Casual racism on the gay scene is very obvious,
0:14:56 > 0:14:58and it favours being a gay white male.
0:14:58 > 0:15:02But I want to know if the same is felt within the lesbian community.
0:15:07 > 0:15:10- Hi! Nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you, come in.
0:15:10 > 0:15:11Thanks for having me.
0:15:14 > 0:15:15From an outsider's perspective,
0:15:15 > 0:15:19it might look like the LGBT community is super-inclusive, super-liberal,
0:15:19 > 0:15:22would you agree or disagree with that?
0:15:22 > 0:15:23It's inclusive to a point.
0:15:23 > 0:15:28I got out there and I was like, "Lesbians, oh, my God, lesbians."
0:15:28 > 0:15:30- A kid in the playground! - Exactly, like some sort of
0:15:30 > 0:15:34Charlie And The Chocolate Factory, "Lesbians, lesbians, lesbians."
0:15:34 > 0:15:37And I was like, "Oh, my God, they are all so beautiful."
0:15:37 > 0:15:38OK.
0:15:38 > 0:15:43"Try and act normal, try and act like a lesbian, dancing, whatever."
0:15:43 > 0:15:46And you don't realise it at first but afterwards,
0:15:46 > 0:15:49when you go out a lot and then you can see the segregation.
0:15:49 > 0:15:54As soon as you walk in, if you look on one side and you see, I don't know,
0:15:54 > 0:15:57a group of black lesbians being there and then you go on to another side
0:15:57 > 0:16:00and you see a mixed group of lesbians and then another side,
0:16:00 > 0:16:04you see a white group of lesbians and then you've got other lesbians
0:16:04 > 0:16:09on the side, the Jessie J lesbians, the waistcoat lesbians.
0:16:09 > 0:16:10What's a waistcoat lesbian?
0:16:10 > 0:16:12A waistcoat lesbian is a lesbian who wears a waistcoat.
0:16:12 > 0:16:14Oh, that makes sense, yes!
0:16:14 > 0:16:16LAUGHTER
0:16:16 > 0:16:17Would you call them more butch?
0:16:17 > 0:16:22Oh, yeah. But most lesbian kind of things are more leaning towards,
0:16:22 > 0:16:24I don't know, normal white women.
0:16:24 > 0:16:25I came out at 19,
0:16:25 > 0:16:28there was no whatsoever black lesbian woman I could look at
0:16:28 > 0:16:31and be like, "Yeah, she's on TV, I want to be like her."
0:16:31 > 0:16:34You look to people who you can, I don't know,
0:16:34 > 0:16:36relate to and I think personally for me,
0:16:36 > 0:16:40until I went to uni or was in secondary school I didn't realise
0:16:40 > 0:16:42about the fact that, you know,
0:16:42 > 0:16:45there isn't a representation of race for certain things,
0:16:45 > 0:16:49and one of them definitely is the representation of a black lesbian.
0:16:49 > 0:16:51With no role models to look up to,
0:16:51 > 0:16:54I was intrigued to see how Sherelle's identity developed.
0:16:55 > 0:16:57- It's so steep!- I know, I'm sorry!
0:17:01 > 0:17:03Got friends that we sleep with.
0:17:03 > 0:17:05I was looking around for a couple of other lesbians,
0:17:05 > 0:17:07you're talking about these!
0:17:07 > 0:17:09These are my lesbians!
0:17:09 > 0:17:11They're very cute.
0:17:11 > 0:17:13How does your race affect how you dress?
0:17:13 > 0:17:18Unfortunately, with being black, there is some sort of hyper-sensitivity
0:17:18 > 0:17:21around us. I don't want to come across too,
0:17:21 > 0:17:23you know, kind of unapproachable.
0:17:23 > 0:17:25Can I have a little look inside your wardrobe?
0:17:25 > 0:17:31Yeah, so this, I used to wear this a lot and brought it back recently.
0:17:31 > 0:17:36- What does it say? - Jackson's Tour, 1984.
0:17:36 > 0:17:37I might try this on, is that OK?
0:17:37 > 0:17:40Yes, you can, of course!
0:17:40 > 0:17:41I really love bomber jackets.
0:17:41 > 0:17:43- It's cute.- It's got shiny stuff on it.
0:17:43 > 0:17:45That's one of my favourites, I used to wear that a lot.
0:17:45 > 0:17:48It's cute on you. It's really cute.
0:17:48 > 0:17:49Oh, you look lovely!
0:17:49 > 0:17:53To know what is really funny, like looking in your wardrobe...
0:17:54 > 0:17:55It really looks like my wardrobe.
0:17:55 > 0:17:56I bet it does!
0:17:56 > 0:17:59Is there a bit of crossover here between white gay and black lesbian?
0:17:59 > 0:18:02Do you know what, that doesn't surprise me.
0:18:02 > 0:18:04I've got like five of these.
0:18:04 > 0:18:06Oh, yes, that's not even all of them, hon, honestly.
0:18:06 > 0:18:08I've got one I think exactly like this.
0:18:08 > 0:18:11People look at me and go, "Boy or girl, boy or girl?
0:18:11 > 0:18:12"Boy or girl?
0:18:12 > 0:18:14"Girl."
0:18:15 > 0:18:18Would you say the image of the lesbian that you are kind of
0:18:18 > 0:18:21modelling yourself on was more a white lesbian woman?
0:18:21 > 0:18:25Yeah, of course. I had really, really straightened hair.
0:18:25 > 0:18:30I had medium-length hair with a fringe and I cut this aspect off...
0:18:30 > 0:18:31I'd love to see pictures of that.
0:18:31 > 0:18:34Oh, of course. I've got a whole evolution.
0:18:35 > 0:18:40This is the archetypal straight-hair Sherelle.
0:18:40 > 0:18:41Kind of One Direction.
0:18:41 > 0:18:43- Oh, don't.- I'm sorry.
0:18:43 > 0:18:46Union J, much better!
0:18:46 > 0:18:49- I think you look cute.- Yeah, it is cute, but it wasn't me...
0:18:49 > 0:18:51- It wasn't you, no.- Yeah.
0:18:51 > 0:18:53Why did you feel the need to straighten your hair?
0:18:53 > 0:18:56It was one of those hairstyles that could make me more approachable
0:18:56 > 0:18:59because a white lesbian over there had it.
0:18:59 > 0:19:04My fashion sense was literally bouncing in and out between
0:19:04 > 0:19:09from gay men all the way to, like, a butch, lesbian black woman.
0:19:09 > 0:19:13The masculinity kind of brings me back into normality.
0:19:13 > 0:19:15But then you shaved it all off.
0:19:15 > 0:19:18The moment you put the razor down and it was all gone, how did you feel?
0:19:18 > 0:19:20Like it was the best thing I had ever done.
0:19:23 > 0:19:28I had got rid of this person that wasn't me, who was making me very,
0:19:28 > 0:19:33very sad. It's a very strong thing from a black woman's perspective
0:19:33 > 0:19:36to have no hair, because it's like, "This is me."
0:19:38 > 0:19:41I wanted to find out about Sherelle's experience of being in a
0:19:41 > 0:19:44relationship with her white girlfriend.
0:19:48 > 0:19:50So how long have you two been dating?
0:19:50 > 0:19:52Um, two years.
0:19:52 > 0:19:54In lesbian years, that's a week, isn't it?
0:19:54 > 0:19:56Well, yes.
0:19:58 > 0:20:01Do you often walk holding hands like this?
0:20:01 > 0:20:04I'm always worried about holding hands.
0:20:04 > 0:20:07We live near Peckham and I think sometimes I get worried about
0:20:07 > 0:20:09holding her hand in Peckham because, obviously,
0:20:09 > 0:20:12it's quite a large black community and I don't want to offend them.
0:20:12 > 0:20:16When you started your relationship, it's an interracial relationship,
0:20:16 > 0:20:19were there things that started to happen that you didn't expect would
0:20:19 > 0:20:22- happen?- Some people don't agree with interracial relationships in the
0:20:22 > 0:20:24first place. Some people don't agree with us being gay.
0:20:24 > 0:20:28We do get a lot of comments based on how we look together.
0:20:28 > 0:20:32"Oh, my God, you guys are so cute together," and stuff like that.
0:20:32 > 0:20:36- Cute interracial couple. - Cute interracial couple?
0:20:36 > 0:20:38- They say it like that?!- They do, we've had someone who's just been,..
0:20:38 > 0:20:41"You're the cutest interracial couple I've ever seen," or something like that.
0:20:41 > 0:20:44- I'm like, "Thanks!" - Instead of just a cute couple.
0:20:44 > 0:20:48- Yeah.- Interracial couples do go through the fact that people are
0:20:48 > 0:20:52constantly judging them based on race, based on sexuality,
0:20:52 > 0:20:55based on how they dress, what they pass for.
0:20:55 > 0:20:59- It's just bizarre. - Will it ever change? Will it get better?- Yeah.
0:20:59 > 0:21:02I think it will definitely get better, just with time,
0:21:02 > 0:21:05with people breaking down those barriers of, you know,
0:21:05 > 0:21:06what it means to be, I don't know,
0:21:06 > 0:21:10a black lesbian or what it means to be in an interracial relationship.
0:21:16 > 0:21:19So for people of colour in the LGBT community,
0:21:19 > 0:21:22it's representation that's the issue.
0:21:22 > 0:21:25And that could mean anything from the negative stereotypes that appear
0:21:25 > 0:21:29in porn to how they are overlooked and absent in the media.
0:21:29 > 0:21:32What we need is black role models, black, gay role models.
0:21:32 > 0:21:35I think I've picked up Diva magazine once...
0:21:37 > 0:21:40..and I probably saw about three black people in the whole magazine.
0:21:40 > 0:21:42Where is the sexy Asian man?
0:21:42 > 0:21:45That's what I need to start seeing, that's what I want to see.
0:21:45 > 0:21:49Cos I don't feel like I'm represented in the mainstream media.
0:21:49 > 0:21:51Definitely I'm not represented in LGBT media.
0:21:55 > 0:21:58So I've come to lovely Camden to meet a lady called Sadie.
0:21:58 > 0:22:01She runs a black and ethnic minority cabaret night called Cocoa Butter
0:22:01 > 0:22:06and it's going to be interesting for me to be the minority
0:22:06 > 0:22:08at a club night for the first time. I'm excited.
0:22:11 > 0:22:13I am in love with this place already.
0:22:13 > 0:22:17I just walked in and there is a pile of glitter that's been swept up.
0:22:17 > 0:22:19It can only mean fun!
0:22:19 > 0:22:21My kind of place!
0:22:24 > 0:22:26Wow!
0:22:26 > 0:22:27- Are you Sadie?- Yes.
0:22:27 > 0:22:30Hi, I'm Riyadh.
0:22:30 > 0:22:34Why are BAME nights so important?
0:22:34 > 0:22:39They allow us to see each other and because we're so few and far between
0:22:39 > 0:22:43in the gay community, when we have these spaces they feel very safe,
0:22:43 > 0:22:44they feel like home.
0:22:46 > 0:22:48And I'm really hoping tonight,
0:22:48 > 0:22:52you will see first-hand how the Cocoa Butter club, it's a movement,
0:22:52 > 0:22:54it's a church, a religion,
0:22:54 > 0:22:58because we're celebrating ourselves and that's what you should do.
0:22:58 > 0:23:01What kind of stuff am I going to see here tonight that I wouldn't see
0:23:01 > 0:23:03in a mainstream cabaret night?
0:23:03 > 0:23:06Some unapologetic black performances,
0:23:06 > 0:23:10unapologetic Asian performances where we're not concerned about
0:23:10 > 0:23:14biting our tongues so that we don't offend.
0:23:14 > 0:23:16So I might be a little bit offended, is that what you're saying?
0:23:16 > 0:23:20Yeah, it might be a bit like, "What, why was that like that?"
0:23:20 > 0:23:21Yo, vanilla face!
0:23:23 > 0:23:29- Yo, Snowflake!- It's just like there might be some home truths which you
0:23:29 > 0:23:33might not be aware of, and may definitely not have been ready to hear.
0:23:33 > 0:23:35Aha.
0:23:35 > 0:23:37Full stop.
0:23:37 > 0:23:39We'll leave it there. I don't want to ruin it for myself.
0:23:39 > 0:23:42I am ready for this. Are you going to get all glammed up?
0:23:42 > 0:23:43Oh, you wait!
0:23:59 > 0:24:01CHEERING
0:24:03 > 0:24:05Welcome to the Cocoa Butter club.
0:24:05 > 0:24:09I wanted to start the show with everyone just having a good old laugh.
0:24:09 > 0:24:13Give me a good old giggle because life is tough, trust me.
0:24:13 > 0:24:18I'm black, I'm a woman and I'm queer, I really know that life is tough.
0:24:18 > 0:24:22Life is really freaking hard, OK.
0:24:22 > 0:24:26Welcome to the stage, My Auntie!
0:24:26 > 0:24:28Hello, my darlings!
0:24:30 > 0:24:32Does anybody in this room know what is an auntie?
0:24:32 > 0:24:34You know an auntie?
0:24:34 > 0:24:37African auntie, my mum's friends.
0:24:40 > 0:24:44An auntie is a woman who is over 40
0:24:44 > 0:24:47and is willing to beat a child!
0:25:08 > 0:25:10Do you normally jump up on stage that easily?
0:25:10 > 0:25:13I just love dancing and the energy of the evening was so beautiful,
0:25:13 > 0:25:15I just wanted to feel it, feel it through.
0:25:15 > 0:25:18People were unapologetic about their performances and just super
0:25:18 > 0:25:23uninhibited and just really owning their identities fully and completely,
0:25:23 > 0:25:27just gave me so much courage to just feel really good tonight
0:25:27 > 0:25:29and actually be part of it.
0:25:31 > 0:25:33Have you ever experienced racism yourself?
0:25:33 > 0:25:36- Definitely, yes.- In what sense?
0:25:36 > 0:25:40I think that there's a weird sense of like racial hierarchy that comes
0:25:40 > 0:25:44from beauty standards that are defined by Eurocentrism and that
0:25:44 > 0:25:46I think I have personally experienced.
0:25:46 > 0:25:51What can we do as a community to kind of stamp out or try and lessen
0:25:51 > 0:25:54that everyday racism that seems to exist?
0:25:54 > 0:25:58We need to, like, start actively having conversations about why
0:25:58 > 0:26:01things are the way they are and understanding that there is no shame
0:26:01 > 0:26:06on the individual level but it's like this collective historical dynamic that needs
0:26:06 > 0:26:10to be talked about and addressed and I think that this night is just a
0:26:10 > 0:26:13perfect example of those things happening in a way that is fresh
0:26:13 > 0:26:14and free and open.
0:26:14 > 0:26:18- Do you think I'm welcome?- You are if you're not racist, yes!
0:26:18 > 0:26:19Great, I don't think I am!
0:26:19 > 0:26:23- Yay!- Love for everyone!
0:26:23 > 0:26:25# What is the pain?
0:26:25 > 0:26:27# So what, I do the same... #
0:26:27 > 0:26:31Through this entire process I have met some incredible people who have
0:26:31 > 0:26:36all experienced some form of racism from within the LGBT community,
0:26:36 > 0:26:40adding another layer of separation in a community that should be coming
0:26:40 > 0:26:43together with the common goal of acceptance and equality.
0:26:43 > 0:26:46Change is absolutely possible,
0:26:46 > 0:26:48but it's got to start with all of us.
0:26:50 > 0:26:54# Oh, I wanna dance with somebody
0:26:54 > 0:26:58# I wanna feel the heat with somebody
0:26:58 > 0:27:03# Yeah, I wanna dance with somebody
0:27:03 > 0:27:06# With somebody who loves me... #
0:27:09 > 0:27:12This is a celebration of yourself.
0:27:14 > 0:27:17Thank you. Thank you.