0:00:02 > 0:00:04You know, when I started making this documentary and I heard the word
0:00:04 > 0:00:07queer, I had an absolutely allergic reaction to the word.
0:00:07 > 0:00:10It brought me right back to the school playground, where bullies
0:00:10 > 0:00:14used to use it over and over to cause me humiliation and to hurt me.
0:00:14 > 0:00:19And I guess even today I still have a degree of queer fear.
0:00:19 > 0:00:20What does it really mean to be queer
0:00:20 > 0:00:25in Britain and are we having a queer revolution?
0:00:26 > 0:00:28To me, there is a bit of a
0:00:28 > 0:00:30homophobic connotation behind the word queer.
0:00:30 > 0:00:32It's not very nice, I think.
0:00:32 > 0:00:35- Shut up, you queer!- I'm not sure how I feel about it.
0:00:35 > 0:00:38I've personally had the word used against me numerous times.
0:00:38 > 0:00:40It's nice to be able to own it now.
0:00:40 > 0:00:43Queer. That's a good word. Queer is a very good word.
0:00:43 > 0:00:45Queer to me is power.
0:00:45 > 0:00:48- Yeah.- Queer means power. Because we have taken this word that was
0:00:48 > 0:00:54derogatory and hateful and now it means, like, love, community...
0:00:54 > 0:00:57"Oh, yeah, I'm queer. You wish you were."
0:01:23 > 0:01:26I'm on my way to meet some performers who are bringing queer
0:01:26 > 0:01:31centre stage at the now iconic Sink The Pink club night.
0:01:31 > 0:01:35I have wanted to go to Sink The Pink for the longest time.
0:01:35 > 0:01:39Tonight, the rule book goes out the window.
0:01:39 > 0:01:41We're all going to be a little bit queer.
0:02:00 > 0:02:02Do you know what's incredible about that?
0:02:02 > 0:02:06All of those people on that stage were once the loser kid in school.
0:02:06 > 0:02:11The weird kid that was outcast, and now look at them all together.
0:02:11 > 0:02:13We're now cool.
0:02:14 > 0:02:16I wanted to find out more about how this club
0:02:16 > 0:02:19and its performers have embraced queer.
0:02:24 > 0:02:27I like to say that I'm queer gender fluid.
0:02:27 > 0:02:28Like, if it's on a spectrum,
0:02:28 > 0:02:31with men on this side and women on this side, and then there's
0:02:31 > 0:02:34everything in between, I'm just kind of running back and forth.
0:02:34 > 0:02:36All day long. Every day.
0:02:36 > 0:02:39What does queer mean to you?
0:02:39 > 0:02:43I think of queer as the entire umbrella of people that don't fall
0:02:43 > 0:02:48into the everyday hetero man and woman ideals.
0:02:48 > 0:02:52- Sure.- Queer can also be the dorks and weirdos that got made fun of.
0:02:52 > 0:02:55A lot of the time that was because you were gay or lesbian or bisexual
0:02:55 > 0:02:56or trans, but it also could have
0:02:56 > 0:02:59just been because you were the weird kid.
0:02:59 > 0:03:02You were weird and you liked things that other kids didn't like.
0:03:02 > 0:03:03It's not a membership scheme.
0:03:03 > 0:03:05Some get in and some don't get in.
0:03:05 > 0:03:08- It's like...- Anyone that feels queer is queer.
0:03:08 > 0:03:10Anyone that can
0:03:10 > 0:03:14have solidarity and support the rest of the queer community,
0:03:14 > 0:03:15is a fellow queer.
0:03:22 > 0:03:25It's just blown my mind. It's blown my mind.
0:03:25 > 0:03:28This is like an adult playground.
0:03:28 > 0:03:31There's even a dog over there dressed up!
0:03:31 > 0:03:35It feels like my first Pride all over again,
0:03:35 > 0:03:38when I was 17 years old and dressing up to go out and experience my
0:03:38 > 0:03:41community for the first time.
0:03:45 > 0:03:47If there's a queer revolution happening in Britain,
0:03:47 > 0:03:50then what's it all about?
0:03:50 > 0:03:55Trans queer writer Shon agreed to meet me to explain the movement.
0:03:55 > 0:03:59When I first saw the Q at the end of LGBT,
0:03:59 > 0:04:01I'll be honest with you,
0:04:01 > 0:04:04I was a bit, not repulsed, but I was taken aback by it.
0:04:04 > 0:04:06I thought, "What is that doing there
0:04:06 > 0:04:08"and who give you permission to put it there?"
0:04:08 > 0:04:11I didn't understand it and I didn't want to understand it,
0:04:11 > 0:04:13because for me it was just about being dragged back,
0:04:13 > 0:04:16kicking and screaming to the playground,
0:04:16 > 0:04:18where those boys were above me calling me that thing.
0:04:18 > 0:04:22Queer is about reclaiming something that maybe the mainstream gay rights
0:04:22 > 0:04:25movement left behind as gay rights became more mainstream,
0:04:25 > 0:04:27you have gay marriage,
0:04:27 > 0:04:31which obviously is about importing a very heterosexual idea.
0:04:31 > 0:04:36Queer has picked up people that feel left behind by that in some way.
0:04:36 > 0:04:38I think queer as well is about maybe
0:04:38 > 0:04:41being a bit more ambiguous about gender.
0:04:41 > 0:04:44It's something that younger people are identifying with more and more.
0:04:44 > 0:04:48- Do you think anyone, then, can be a little bit queer?- Yeah.
0:04:48 > 0:04:5116-24-year-olds, I think a survey was done
0:04:51 > 0:04:53that half of them say they're not entirely straight.
0:04:53 > 0:04:57What do you think has led these kids to identify with queer more and more
0:04:57 > 0:05:02- as time goes on?- I think it's just because inherently there is the idea
0:05:02 > 0:05:04that actually sexuality is a spectrum.
0:05:04 > 0:05:08So, I mean, I encountered this in my own life as well, so, like,
0:05:08 > 0:05:12the type of men that would be attracted to me
0:05:12 > 0:05:15are not necessarily gay.
0:05:15 > 0:05:18A lot of straight-identified men are attracted to trans women.
0:05:18 > 0:05:22Queer actually admits everyone has a bit of spectrum, and actually,
0:05:22 > 0:05:25bodies and gender aren't as integral
0:05:25 > 0:05:29to your mind-set as people think they are.
0:05:29 > 0:05:31For the older generation who don't quite get it,
0:05:31 > 0:05:34if you had to put it in a short definition for them to understand,
0:05:34 > 0:05:36a bite-sized chunk, what would you say?
0:05:36 > 0:05:38It would be a stand-alone question mark.
0:05:38 > 0:05:40It's inherently questioning.
0:05:40 > 0:05:43So Q, sometimes people in LGBTQ,
0:05:43 > 0:05:47they will say the Q stands for queer or questioning, and actually,
0:05:47 > 0:05:51I think the two words are linked, because it's actually saying,
0:05:51 > 0:05:53"Maybe you're not so sure about this."
0:05:53 > 0:05:57Queer, if you were going to sum it up, it would be,
0:05:57 > 0:06:00"I don't know the answer, but why are you asking the question?"
0:06:07 > 0:06:12When you're trans, it's not that you want a different body.
0:06:12 > 0:06:16You just want your body to look the way that you feel inside.
0:06:16 > 0:06:22It makes you question your entire identity,
0:06:22 > 0:06:25so to be able to transition,
0:06:25 > 0:06:28and feel more at home in your identity
0:06:28 > 0:06:31is just the most liberating thing you can do.
0:06:35 > 0:06:37I identify as queer.
0:06:37 > 0:06:41I came out as lesbian, then a year later,
0:06:41 > 0:06:44I discovered that I was trans.
0:06:44 > 0:06:50I went to a private doctor, and I was prescribed testosterone.
0:06:51 > 0:06:54Chest surgery cost me £5,000.
0:06:54 > 0:06:57Please donate to a trans man in need.
0:06:57 > 0:07:01And this is me, holding up a sign, saying free my nipples.
0:07:01 > 0:07:04I sold things, such as badges, wristbands.
0:07:04 > 0:07:06This is for trans boys.
0:07:06 > 0:07:08And fizzy jizz.
0:07:12 > 0:07:14These are my scars.
0:07:14 > 0:07:20They should fade, and become much less noticeable.
0:07:20 > 0:07:24I'm really proud of my scars, though. I love my scars.
0:07:24 > 0:07:27Having the surgery has been one of the best decisions I've ever made.
0:07:27 > 0:07:29I 100% feel more myself know.
0:07:33 > 0:07:37Sex education for transgender people is limited, if not non-existent.
0:07:37 > 0:07:40But one person who's talking queer sex is Nate,
0:07:40 > 0:07:42who makes online videos about a
0:07:42 > 0:07:45subject that most of us shy away from.
0:07:45 > 0:07:50Today I'm going to be talking about masturbation for trans guys.
0:07:50 > 0:07:52It is a little bit noisy.
0:07:52 > 0:07:56SQUISHING
0:07:56 > 0:07:59When did you decide to set up this YouTube channel of yours?
0:07:59 > 0:08:03In the springtime, so I wanted to make it before I started hormones,
0:08:03 > 0:08:06so that I had more of a full documentary of my transition.
0:08:06 > 0:08:09When you look back at videos, are you like, "Whoa!"
0:08:09 > 0:08:13Yeah, I recently did a recap, like a six-month recap, and, yeah,
0:08:13 > 0:08:16like, the physical changes shocked me, actually.
0:08:16 > 0:08:19I've had some quite significant muscle gain.
0:08:19 > 0:08:23Particularly in my shoulders and my arms
0:08:23 > 0:08:25and my back.
0:08:25 > 0:08:29So these are all the comparison things, month by month,
0:08:29 > 0:08:31apart from five months.
0:08:31 > 0:08:32T is testosterone?
0:08:32 > 0:08:34- Yeah.- What a difference!
0:08:34 > 0:08:37So, like, surgery definitely made a difference.
0:08:37 > 0:08:40I do a video where I explain how for trans men,
0:08:40 > 0:08:45once you start taking hormones, actually, the clitoris will grow.
0:08:45 > 0:08:49- Wow.- But that information isn't really very widespread.
0:08:49 > 0:08:52In fact, there are trans men who didn't even realise that that would
0:08:52 > 0:08:54happen before they started going on hormones.
0:08:54 > 0:08:56Well, that would be a bit of a shock, wouldn't it?
0:08:56 > 0:08:58Looking down and all of a sudden, hello!
0:08:58 > 0:09:00A lot of the times it's the first change, so, yeah.
0:09:00 > 0:09:01The first change?
0:09:01 > 0:09:04It will grow up to about an inch, an inch and a half.
0:09:04 > 0:09:06When we were having a look at your channel there I saw one of the
0:09:06 > 0:09:08videos was about trans masturbation.
0:09:08 > 0:09:10Mm-hm.
0:09:10 > 0:09:12That was a period just before I started T,
0:09:12 > 0:09:14where I was just really struggling with this,
0:09:14 > 0:09:16and I didn't know what to do with myself and
0:09:16 > 0:09:18it just made me feel really shit.
0:09:18 > 0:09:20If you're trans,
0:09:20 > 0:09:24and your anatomy doesn't match up with your gender in your head,
0:09:24 > 0:09:26it can actually be something that's
0:09:26 > 0:09:29quite triggering for gender dysphoria.
0:09:29 > 0:09:33OK. We often adjust our language, so for instance,
0:09:33 > 0:09:36I would never refer to my anatomy as a clitoris.
0:09:36 > 0:09:40And trans men have quite varied terms.
0:09:40 > 0:09:42What do you call yours?
0:09:42 > 0:09:44- Junk.- Junk?- Yeah.
0:09:44 > 0:09:46Dick.
0:09:48 > 0:09:50How do you masturbate, do you mind me asking?
0:09:50 > 0:09:55There are things you can do to make it easier for you,
0:09:55 > 0:09:57in terms of dysphoria.
0:09:57 > 0:10:02So sometimes I use products. I used toys and things
0:10:02 > 0:10:06which can help me to make it feel more like a phallus.
0:10:06 > 0:10:09Oh, my goodness!
0:10:09 > 0:10:11Textured penis sleeves?
0:10:11 > 0:10:14- Mm-hm.- Seven pack.- Seven pack.
0:10:14 > 0:10:16Does that mean you get seven wanks?
0:10:16 > 0:10:19It means one for every day of the week. Variation.
0:10:19 > 0:10:21How do you masturbate with this?
0:10:21 > 0:10:25How does that improve the process for you?
0:10:25 > 0:10:27Well, having taken hormones, the clitoris,
0:10:27 > 0:10:32or what I would call my junk, has grown. So
0:10:32 > 0:10:34let's say that that's my junk,
0:10:34 > 0:10:37and then you just pop it over the top.
0:10:37 > 0:10:39OK, just like this.
0:10:39 > 0:10:43Sorry, is that weird?
0:10:43 > 0:10:46- You've made me blush really bad. - I'm sorry.
0:10:46 > 0:10:48Now I've got an egg...
0:10:48 > 0:10:50Well, on the inside, it's ribbed.
0:10:50 > 0:10:53Oh, hello! And a cock ring.
0:10:53 > 0:10:55- Pop it on.- And then tighten it?
0:10:55 > 0:10:58Yeah. It will make it feel, and look, more like a penis,
0:10:58 > 0:11:01which is what I'm trying to achieve.
0:11:01 > 0:11:05So this, and then this, and you're off to pleasure town.
0:11:05 > 0:11:07Mm-hm. Happy town.
0:11:07 > 0:11:12Fantastic. When you began masturbating in this new way,
0:11:12 > 0:11:16did it make you feel more comfortable with your new body,
0:11:16 > 0:11:18and your new identity?
0:11:18 > 0:11:21Yeah. Yeah, definitely.
0:11:21 > 0:11:26So this goes inside here, the pants are a bit better,
0:11:26 > 0:11:31because if you have the whole harness kit it feels a bit feminine.
0:11:31 > 0:11:33Ah, feminine.
0:11:33 > 0:11:37- This is quite blokey, I have to say. - There you go.
0:11:37 > 0:11:39So this is a packer,
0:11:39 > 0:11:43and this is just something that I would wear day to day, in my pants.
0:11:43 > 0:11:45Kind of like a prosthesis.
0:11:45 > 0:11:48- Does it make you feel more whole? - Yeah, it does.
0:11:48 > 0:11:51It's a really strange thing,
0:11:51 > 0:11:52and I don't know if you weren't
0:11:52 > 0:11:55trans whether it would really make sense,
0:11:55 > 0:11:59but for me, it does feel validating, just in a really strange way.
0:11:59 > 0:12:01It makes sense to me.
0:12:01 > 0:12:04If you go for even a medium, it's that much longer.
0:12:04 > 0:12:08- You're kidding?- And I've had a friend who said that it was so long
0:12:08 > 0:12:10that if he sort of packed it down,
0:12:10 > 0:12:13it reached round and touched the rim of his arsehole!
0:12:13 > 0:12:16So he couldn't wear it any more, and he had to get a small one.
0:12:16 > 0:12:19What I like about it is how realistic it is.
0:12:19 > 0:12:22Like, it's got a similar sort of movement.
0:12:22 > 0:12:25The balls are, you know, they're kind of heavy.
0:12:25 > 0:12:26I also have one for weeing.
0:12:26 > 0:12:29Essentially, this is just a luxury she wee.
0:12:29 > 0:12:31It was made by a trans man,
0:12:31 > 0:12:34because he recognised that there
0:12:34 > 0:12:35weren't that many products out there,
0:12:35 > 0:12:37there weren't that many good products,
0:12:37 > 0:12:40because they weren't being made by people who are trans.
0:12:40 > 0:12:43Same thing with the masturbation products.
0:12:43 > 0:12:46They're not made by or for people who are trans.
0:12:46 > 0:12:48So you have to improvise constantly.
0:12:48 > 0:12:50- Yeah.- With things that aren't made for you.
0:12:50 > 0:12:52Exactly, and that's why I made the videos.
0:12:52 > 0:12:56It was meant to be educational for people.
0:12:56 > 0:12:58My eyes have been opened!
0:12:58 > 0:13:01- I'm sure they have.- They really, really have!
0:13:01 > 0:13:03It's unbelievable the things that
0:13:03 > 0:13:08people have come up with to just make it that bit easier.
0:13:08 > 0:13:11But why do we need an umbrella term?
0:13:12 > 0:13:15- Oh, my Lord have mercy.- Oh...
0:13:17 > 0:13:20I've never seen all of that extra-terrestrial stuff.
0:13:20 > 0:13:21It looks like an award.
0:13:21 > 0:13:24LGBTTQQIAAP?
0:13:24 > 0:13:27OK, do you want me to try...
0:13:27 > 0:13:32Lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender...
0:13:32 > 0:13:36One of the Ts is transgender. I'm guessing the other T...
0:13:36 > 0:13:39I didn't know there were two Ts.
0:13:39 > 0:13:41Transsexual?
0:13:41 > 0:13:44Q...
0:13:44 > 0:13:49One of the Qs has got to be queer, right? Um...
0:13:49 > 0:13:52Questioning?
0:13:52 > 0:13:55- Questioning?- Is that a thing?
0:13:55 > 0:13:57Yeah, apparently.
0:13:57 > 0:13:59I, why is I there?
0:13:59 > 0:14:01I don't know what the I is?
0:14:01 > 0:14:03- Indifferent?- Intersex.
0:14:03 > 0:14:06Intersex, asexual...
0:14:08 > 0:14:11- Agender?- Agender?
0:14:11 > 0:14:13- Is that right?- Or...
0:14:13 > 0:14:15- Ally!- Ally!
0:14:15 > 0:14:18I don't know the P.
0:14:18 > 0:14:22- Pansexual.- Dammit, I'm pan!
0:14:22 > 0:14:24Pansexual, there we go.
0:14:24 > 0:14:27- There's a lot to remember. - Were we right?
0:14:27 > 0:14:30Yeah, that confuses me. I imagine someone who doesn't
0:14:30 > 0:14:32identify as any of them might be
0:14:32 > 0:14:34somewhat confused by what that all means.
0:14:43 > 0:14:46I've come to Norwich to sit in on a group discussion to hear all about
0:14:46 > 0:14:49what it's like to be gender non-binary in this society that,
0:14:49 > 0:14:52for the most part, doesn't even know what that means.
0:14:57 > 0:15:01We're all assigned a gender at birth, based on our genitalia.
0:15:01 > 0:15:05The gender binary classifies all people as one of two genders,
0:15:05 > 0:15:08male or female.
0:15:08 > 0:15:10But if gender has a spectrum,
0:15:10 > 0:15:12then non-binary describes anyone who doesn't identify
0:15:12 > 0:15:15exclusively as one or the other.
0:15:20 > 0:15:21Hi, are you Katy Jon?
0:15:21 > 0:15:24- Yeah, hi.- Nice to meet you. I'm Riyadh, how you doing?
0:15:24 > 0:15:27- Brilliant, thank you.- So this is where it's all going down tonight?
0:15:27 > 0:15:29Yeah, hopefully.
0:15:29 > 0:15:31So how do you identify?
0:15:31 > 0:15:33This day of the week...
0:15:33 > 0:15:36It's a continual life history, really.
0:15:36 > 0:15:39I've identified as every letter of LGBTIQ, and A and P,
0:15:39 > 0:15:41and several others besides.
0:15:41 > 0:15:43- All of them?- Oh, yeah, absolutely.
0:15:43 > 0:15:45- At some point.- Yeah. I've finally arrived at happiness,
0:15:45 > 0:15:47and that is utterly brilliant.
0:15:47 > 0:15:50- When did that happen?- Well, over the last couple of years.
0:15:50 > 0:15:54I had an op this year. I'd waited, kind of, eight years for that.
0:15:54 > 0:15:58Do you mind me asking which op you decided to go for?
0:15:58 > 0:16:01Labiaplasty. Instead of having a new vagina created,
0:16:01 > 0:16:04they basically take all the existing material that's there,
0:16:04 > 0:16:08and they create an external appearance of the vagina,
0:16:08 > 0:16:10but, basically,
0:16:10 > 0:16:13below the clitoris I have no sexually functional working parts,
0:16:13 > 0:16:18which pleases me, because it's just something I hated. I hated sex.
0:16:18 > 0:16:22I tried a lot of it just in case, with men and women, just to see
0:16:22 > 0:16:26which, if anything, I was. Again, I worked my way through the labels,
0:16:26 > 0:16:29thinking that sexuality might be the answer. In the end,
0:16:29 > 0:16:32I found that gender was more of the answer.
0:16:32 > 0:16:35What a life you have lived!
0:16:35 > 0:16:39So tell me about the group. What's going to go on tonight?
0:16:39 > 0:16:44Well, we've got a group of about 50 or 60 people in the Norwich area,
0:16:44 > 0:16:48who explicitly identify as non-binary, that we've met.
0:16:48 > 0:16:50A number of them have been asking over the last year,
0:16:50 > 0:16:53"Can we actually have a face to face meet up?"
0:16:53 > 0:16:55So this is the first opportunity for some of those people to meet.
0:16:55 > 0:16:57It's going to be a very special night.
0:16:57 > 0:16:59This is a safe space for them, isn't it?
0:16:59 > 0:17:00That's actually quite significant.
0:17:00 > 0:17:02By actually listening to each other,
0:17:02 > 0:17:05we'll realise how much diversity and variety there is in a group of
0:17:05 > 0:17:07people who identify as non-binary.
0:17:07 > 0:17:11Yeah, like, what sort of age range are we thinking they'll be tonight?
0:17:11 > 0:17:13What's the highest, lowest?
0:17:13 > 0:17:1516, to me.
0:17:15 > 0:17:18- Oh, right, OK.- Do you mind me asking what you are?
0:17:18 > 0:17:20I identify as 28...
0:17:20 > 0:17:22But currently, I'm 49.
0:17:22 > 0:17:24That is so funny.
0:17:28 > 0:17:30So, yeah, if you'd just like to give
0:17:30 > 0:17:32as a name, gender identity, pronoun,
0:17:32 > 0:17:33and an age, if you want to.
0:17:33 > 0:17:35I'm Anna. I identify as non-binary,
0:17:35 > 0:17:38but I'm kind of using it more umbrella, because words are hard.
0:17:38 > 0:17:41I'm Charlotte. I'm gender queer,
0:17:41 > 0:17:4522 years old, and my pronouns are they and them.
0:17:45 > 0:17:50I'm Harry. I'm a non-binary, trans masculine person.
0:17:50 > 0:17:56I'm Liz. I use, kind of, non-binary, but sometimes gender queer,
0:17:56 > 0:17:58or gender fluid feels more representative.
0:17:58 > 0:18:01Again, I use bisexual to describe my sexuality.
0:18:01 > 0:18:06I'm Sarah. I'm intersex, and identify my gender as non-binary.
0:18:06 > 0:18:09And any pronouns are fine.
0:18:09 > 0:18:13My name is Riyadh, I'm a gay cis-gender male,
0:18:13 > 0:18:17and I use the pronouns he and him.
0:18:17 > 0:18:21And I am really, really excited to be here,
0:18:21 > 0:18:26because I feel like my education in non-binary issues
0:18:26 > 0:18:29and queer culture is at a very junior level.
0:18:29 > 0:18:32Do you think some people, they don't want to be educated,
0:18:32 > 0:18:34and they sort of like repel it?
0:18:34 > 0:18:36And they turn you away?
0:18:36 > 0:18:39I think some people will be scared of it.
0:18:39 > 0:18:42And, kind of, like, uncomfortable.
0:18:42 > 0:18:44But I think there's going to be an element of,
0:18:44 > 0:18:46"What's that got to do with me?"
0:18:46 > 0:18:49Sometimes that is ignorance in itself,
0:18:49 > 0:18:52but that's also the nature of the beast of what it means to be human.
0:18:52 > 0:18:55If I said, you have the privilege of being able to use the bathroom
0:18:55 > 0:18:57without being worried someone's going to attack you...
0:18:57 > 0:19:01I'm not saying it's your fault that I'm afraid to use the bathroom.
0:19:01 > 0:19:04I'm saying something you haven't thought about,
0:19:04 > 0:19:07that I have to think about everyday is that using the bathroom can be
0:19:07 > 0:19:08flipping terrifying.
0:19:08 > 0:19:12I've been confronted, and told, "Oh, you're in the wrong toilet."
0:19:12 > 0:19:14Or, "Why are you in here? Get out."
0:19:14 > 0:19:19- How did that make you feel, though? - It made me feel a bit intimidated,
0:19:19 > 0:19:22I suppose. But at this point,
0:19:22 > 0:19:24I've been experiencing that sort of
0:19:24 > 0:19:28thing for so many years that it just, sort of...
0:19:28 > 0:19:31It brushes off quite easily.
0:19:31 > 0:19:34I find it interesting, how much even us, as a group of non-binary people,
0:19:34 > 0:19:35we get down to discuss the big
0:19:35 > 0:19:38things about non-binary and we spend half the
0:19:38 > 0:19:40time talking about toilets.
0:19:40 > 0:19:44Because it just ends up being the obsession of society as well.
0:19:44 > 0:19:47Tonight's discussion was such an eye-opener.
0:19:47 > 0:19:50There just seems to be a real lack of understanding when it comes to
0:19:50 > 0:19:53gender. For some people,
0:19:53 > 0:19:56it doesn't come down to something as simple as whether they're male,
0:19:56 > 0:19:59female, or for that reason, even trans.
0:19:59 > 0:20:02But it's small meetings like that that are educating people like me,
0:20:02 > 0:20:04and making others who are in a
0:20:04 > 0:20:09minority like gender non-binary feel that they have somewhere to go,
0:20:09 > 0:20:12that they have friends, and that they're not on their own.
0:20:12 > 0:20:14Queer just sort of sums it all up,
0:20:14 > 0:20:15and you don't have to keep adding
0:20:15 > 0:20:19more letters to the ever-growing acronym.
0:20:19 > 0:20:21It's a massive umbrella of different
0:20:21 > 0:20:24identities that people would identify as.
0:20:24 > 0:20:27So, like, it goes from trans-male,
0:20:27 > 0:20:29all the way down to non-binary.
0:20:29 > 0:20:32I feel like it's probably the one word that describes me the best.
0:20:32 > 0:20:34It's just everyone, really.
0:20:38 > 0:20:41I'd never thought of gender beyond the standard male,
0:20:41 > 0:20:43female binary before,
0:20:43 > 0:20:45but this whole spectrum of identities exist.
0:20:48 > 0:20:50At the non-binary discussion group,
0:20:50 > 0:20:52I was introduced to an altogether new label,
0:20:52 > 0:20:54and I'm intrigued to learn more.
0:20:59 > 0:21:00When I was younger,
0:21:00 > 0:21:06I always felt this sense of being outside of either the boys,
0:21:06 > 0:21:07or the girls.
0:21:15 > 0:21:19When I was about 13, that's when it really clicked with me,
0:21:19 > 0:21:21that there was something different about me,
0:21:21 > 0:21:27and that I wasn't like the girls in my class.
0:21:27 > 0:21:29I remember looking at myself in the mirror, and just thinking,
0:21:29 > 0:21:33"There's something different here. There's something not right.
0:21:33 > 0:21:36"And I don't know what that is."
0:21:38 > 0:21:43Intersex means that somebody is not completely male,
0:21:43 > 0:21:48or not completely female in terms of chromosomes, hormones,
0:21:48 > 0:21:51or in terms of genitals.
0:21:52 > 0:21:56I identify myself as non-binary now, and I don't feel male,
0:21:56 > 0:22:00I don't feel female, sometimes I feel somewhere in the middle.
0:22:17 > 0:22:19- Hey, Sarah.- Hiya.
0:22:19 > 0:22:21- Nice to meet you again.- Nice to see you again.
0:22:21 > 0:22:23- Can I come in?- Of course, come on.
0:22:23 > 0:22:26It's freezing out there. Cheers, thank you.
0:22:30 > 0:22:35I think, for me, I didn't really ever think of anything beyond male,
0:22:35 > 0:22:39female, trans, until very recently,
0:22:39 > 0:22:41when I started to realise, you know,
0:22:41 > 0:22:43what queer meant, and what non-binary meant.
0:22:43 > 0:22:45And even though I understood that people identified as it,
0:22:45 > 0:22:50I didn't actually respect it until I started to meet non-binary people.
0:22:50 > 0:22:53- Do you get that a lot?- I think sometimes people do, because,
0:22:53 > 0:22:56like you said, they never think about the gender spectrum.
0:22:56 > 0:22:59They've never got any reason to question it themselves.
0:22:59 > 0:23:04So when they meet somebody who falls elsewhere on the gender
0:23:04 > 0:23:08spectrum they just go, "OK, I've never thought about this before,"
0:23:08 > 0:23:10and perhaps dismissed people like that.
0:23:10 > 0:23:13When did you find out you were intersex?
0:23:13 > 0:23:18I found out I was intersex when I was 19 years old.
0:23:18 > 0:23:21I have X Y chromosomes,
0:23:21 > 0:23:25which is what you'd normally expect a biological male to have.
0:23:25 > 0:23:29Internally, I've never had a uterus or ovaries, but instead,
0:23:29 > 0:23:34I did have internal testes that were undescended.
0:23:34 > 0:23:35And you have a vagina?
0:23:35 > 0:23:38- Yes, I do.- So, naturally, at birth,
0:23:38 > 0:23:40the doctors and your parents are going to say,
0:23:40 > 0:23:42"It's a girl! Congratulations!"
0:23:42 > 0:23:45And there was no reason to question it.
0:23:45 > 0:23:49After you got the news, what was the reaction that you had inside,
0:23:49 > 0:23:53- what was going through your head? - Partly shock,
0:23:53 > 0:23:57but partly a bit of relief, because it gave me an answer to why
0:23:57 > 0:24:02my body hadn't developed the same as what other people at school did.
0:24:02 > 0:24:05What was the difference in puberty?
0:24:05 > 0:24:09For me, the main difference was that when people were supposed to be
0:24:09 > 0:24:11developing in the breast area,
0:24:11 > 0:24:15and developing body hair and things like that,
0:24:15 > 0:24:18that just didn't happen to the same level for me.
0:24:18 > 0:24:23And also, the big thing was never having periods.
0:24:23 > 0:24:25So you're always taught,
0:24:25 > 0:24:27right from being in primary school
0:24:27 > 0:24:30that girls have periods when they get to a certain age.
0:24:30 > 0:24:33And that never happened.
0:24:33 > 0:24:37Cute child, weren't you? Cute, cute, cute!
0:24:37 > 0:24:41- If you say so.- I'd say you were a little demon, though.
0:24:41 > 0:24:43What was it like in school?
0:24:44 > 0:24:50The main things that I remember were being called a pervert or dyke,
0:24:50 > 0:24:55or just being told I was trying to get attention for myself by lying.
0:24:58 > 0:25:01I felt very ostracised and alone.
0:25:05 > 0:25:08I wasn't out to my parents until I was 19,
0:25:08 > 0:25:11so I didn't dare tell my teachers in case, what if they told my parents?
0:25:11 > 0:25:14What if...
0:25:14 > 0:25:18It just made people bully me more, because I'd told a teacher about it?
0:25:18 > 0:25:21I just put up with it.
0:25:21 > 0:25:26It's so mad to hear a story so similar to mine.
0:25:26 > 0:25:28I went through so many years of
0:25:28 > 0:25:31bullying in primary and secondary school,
0:25:31 > 0:25:34and kept it all in because of the same reasons.
0:25:34 > 0:25:36Terrified that it would get home, and that, you know,
0:25:36 > 0:25:39my big dark secret would be revealed.
0:25:42 > 0:25:44When the doctor told you, you know,
0:25:44 > 0:25:47the ins and outs of what it meant to be intersex,
0:25:47 > 0:25:50that meant that you couldn't have kids.
0:25:50 > 0:25:53When I got to be about 21...20, 21,
0:25:53 > 0:25:56I actually started to get quite
0:25:56 > 0:25:59depressed about the fact that I couldn't have children.
0:25:59 > 0:26:03And my brain started going through all these scenarios where, you know,
0:26:03 > 0:26:05"I really want children, I can't have children.
0:26:05 > 0:26:12"Do I adopt kids and have a family that way, or what?"
0:26:12 > 0:26:15That did depress me
0:26:15 > 0:26:19quite a lot, because I didn't have the option there.
0:26:19 > 0:26:22I had to take quite a lot of time off university,
0:26:22 > 0:26:26and I went through a period of self-harming.
0:26:26 > 0:26:31And that was to do with not being able to have kids,
0:26:31 > 0:26:34but that was also compounded by pressures of university,
0:26:34 > 0:26:37and other pressures throughout my life, and also
0:26:37 > 0:26:41I was still working through a lot of things to do with gender identity.
0:26:41 > 0:26:43That didn't help.
0:26:43 > 0:26:45And that was probably my darkest time.
0:26:45 > 0:26:49When you were self-harming, what was the motivation?
0:26:49 > 0:26:50What were the thoughts that were
0:26:50 > 0:26:54going through your head as you were doing it?
0:26:54 > 0:26:58The main thing I remember is that because I used to cut myself,
0:26:58 > 0:27:01when I cut myself it felt like I was relieving some of the pressure that
0:27:01 > 0:27:04was in my brain, essentially.
0:27:04 > 0:27:05Like a balloon ready to pop?
0:27:05 > 0:27:07Yeah, something like that.
0:27:07 > 0:27:09It was like,
0:27:09 > 0:27:12you've got a pressure cooker that's getting ready to explode,
0:27:12 > 0:27:15but if you release some of the pressure,
0:27:15 > 0:27:18then you're not as much of a risk.
0:27:18 > 0:27:21So I'd cut myself, and it would feel a bit better.
0:27:21 > 0:27:23And also, I think my sense of self-worth
0:27:23 > 0:27:25had really taken a beating.
0:27:25 > 0:27:27And so
0:27:27 > 0:27:32that was another motivation behind the self harm.
0:27:32 > 0:27:36It was some sort of coping mechanism that I was using.
0:27:36 > 0:27:38You felt worthless. Why?
0:27:41 > 0:27:43Because I was different.
0:27:46 > 0:27:53And although I'm very proud to be who I am,
0:27:53 > 0:27:57sometimes being so different and so isolated
0:27:57 > 0:28:00can be a very difficult place to be.
0:28:07 > 0:28:11Hearing Sarah's story really got to me,
0:28:11 > 0:28:14because although it's extremely sad, she's not the only one.
0:28:14 > 0:28:16There are hundreds,
0:28:16 > 0:28:17if not thousands of young people
0:28:17 > 0:28:19like her who are going through the exact same battle,
0:28:19 > 0:28:22and who are forced to a point of self-harm
0:28:22 > 0:28:25and potentially suicide, not because of who they are,
0:28:25 > 0:28:28not because of how they feel about themselves,
0:28:28 > 0:28:30because of how society makes them feel.
0:28:30 > 0:28:32Because they are a little bit different.
0:28:32 > 0:28:34And I know it's dramatic to say that
0:28:34 > 0:28:41her label of non-binary and intersex saved her life,
0:28:41 > 0:28:42but I think it was one of the
0:28:42 > 0:28:45factors that made her feel more comfortable
0:28:45 > 0:28:48in who she is, and to validate who she is.
0:28:50 > 0:28:52It's crazy what the power of words can be.
0:29:15 > 0:29:19Wait until you see what I have in this bag of tricks!
0:29:19 > 0:29:22It's going to blow your mind.
0:29:22 > 0:29:27I guess, like, if I was going to a normal, like, a mainstream gay club,
0:29:27 > 0:29:30this is pretty much what I would wear.
0:29:30 > 0:29:33But getting the ability to
0:29:33 > 0:29:37just go a bit crazy tonight, it's really, really exciting me,
0:29:37 > 0:29:42and knowing that there's no judgment, no fear, and,
0:29:42 > 0:29:45you know, the camper the better!
0:29:45 > 0:29:47Do you want a little hint?
0:29:47 > 0:29:49Hm-hm-hm!
0:29:54 > 0:29:56What do you think?
0:29:58 > 0:29:59I love it.
0:30:08 > 0:30:11For a rookie, I think I've done kind of well.
0:30:11 > 0:30:13All those years of sitting on Mum's
0:30:13 > 0:30:16bed watching her do herself up paid off.
0:30:16 > 0:30:18Thanks, Mum.
0:30:25 > 0:30:28Glyn, Aimee, did you guys found Sink The Pink?
0:30:28 > 0:30:31We just started it as a reaction to what we didn't have,
0:30:31 > 0:30:35and what we needed. We really wanted to create...
0:30:35 > 0:30:39To celebrate individuals, and being as ridiculous and silly as possible.
0:30:44 > 0:30:46Did you realise how much of an influence it was going to have on
0:30:46 > 0:30:48the community with regard to
0:30:48 > 0:30:50openness, freedom, and this queer movement?
0:30:50 > 0:30:53I don't think we could have ever imagined that we would be so much at
0:30:53 > 0:30:55the front of the, kind of, crest of the wave.
0:30:55 > 0:30:57No, you can't plan this.
0:30:57 > 0:30:59All of a sudden, we've got this voice now.
0:31:03 > 0:31:06I always say we're the broken biscuits in the box.
0:31:06 > 0:31:08We're all the kids that didn't really fit in anywhere,
0:31:08 > 0:31:10and the power in that is coming
0:31:10 > 0:31:13together and it being magical and united.
0:31:17 > 0:31:19People often say that when they come to Sink The Pink,
0:31:19 > 0:31:21it feels quite scary, but then when they get in it's like
0:31:21 > 0:31:24losing their virginity, within the second time, they're like,
0:31:24 > 0:31:26"Yeah, baby! Ride it!"
0:31:36 > 0:31:40What an absolutely incredible night.
0:31:40 > 0:31:42You know, being in there and dancing
0:31:42 > 0:31:46and being free and looking and acting exactly how you want to,
0:31:46 > 0:31:49surrounded by other people who are doing the same thing.
0:31:49 > 0:31:51It's just an incredible feeling.
0:31:53 > 0:31:56When I started this project, I didn't realise how little I knew
0:31:56 > 0:32:00about the struggles people in our community face.
0:32:00 > 0:32:04But in the search for identity, validation and acceptance,
0:32:04 > 0:32:07we find ourselves surrounded by
0:32:07 > 0:32:10amazing people with incredible stories.
0:32:21 > 0:32:23I think, as a community, we need to come together,
0:32:23 > 0:32:27and realise that the LGB can support the T and the Q,
0:32:27 > 0:32:30and everything else.
0:32:30 > 0:32:36And maybe this Q is a neat umbrella term that leaves no-one out.
0:32:38 > 0:32:40We're all accepted.