0:00:02 > 0:00:05This programme contains some strong language.
0:00:05 > 0:00:10I'm Cherry and I'm a self-confessed body neurotic. Every morning I wage war with the scales.
0:00:10 > 0:00:13What I'd like to be is eight and a half stone.
0:00:13 > 0:00:17I even know the calorie content of my entire fridge.
0:00:17 > 0:00:25That's 100 calories, a teaspoon of jam is 40 to 50 calories, half a can of baked beans is 150 calories.
0:00:25 > 0:00:27I mean, that's bordering on psychotic!
0:00:27 > 0:00:33'With the average British woman on a diet for 31 years of her life, I'm not alone.'
0:00:33 > 0:00:35I mean, you're massive.
0:00:35 > 0:00:38'I'm meeting girls of all sizes and ages...'
0:00:38 > 0:00:45Oh my god, look at that! It's rock hard! '..to get to the bottom of our body neurosis.'
0:00:45 > 0:00:48I'd weigh myself up to three times a day.
0:00:48 > 0:00:50I'm fitting in a size eight!
0:00:50 > 0:00:51It fricking fits!
0:00:51 > 0:00:54- I want bum implants. That's all I need.- You want bottom implants?
0:00:54 > 0:01:00Is it possible to silence those negative voices in our heads once and for all?
0:01:00 > 0:01:03It's so annoying - I just don't know what my problem is.
0:01:03 > 0:01:06I'm 30 now, it's got to stop!
0:01:14 > 0:01:18I've always had a turbulent relationship with my body.
0:01:19 > 0:01:20OK.
0:01:20 > 0:01:27My calf muscles are too big and too muscly, the top of my thighs inside, touch.
0:01:27 > 0:01:30My fingers aren't pretty enough.
0:01:30 > 0:01:33I wish my neck was longer.
0:01:33 > 0:01:40I wish that my tummy didn't go out at the front and that's what I see when I look in the mirror.
0:01:40 > 0:01:44Oh, god, we didn't even talk about the bottom.
0:01:44 > 0:01:50'I know it's crazy to feel like this, but I just do.' If I stand like that,
0:01:51 > 0:01:54like trying to show all my thin bits,
0:01:56 > 0:01:58then that's a good look, isn't it?
0:01:58 > 0:02:01I look a lot thinner then, don't I?
0:02:05 > 0:02:08So when do these body issues start to take hold?
0:02:14 > 0:02:17I've come to the finals of Miss Beauteen England to find out
0:02:17 > 0:02:21what it's like to be a teenager and judged on your body shape.
0:02:24 > 0:02:27Hi, I'm Cherry.
0:02:27 > 0:02:29I've come to be nosey today.
0:02:29 > 0:02:32In the past few years, American-style beauty pageants
0:02:32 > 0:02:36have taken off with 20 different UK titles to fight for.
0:02:40 > 0:02:45With their full Katie Price makeovers, I can't believe some of the girls are as young as 14.
0:02:45 > 0:02:52I do think this is a bit of a magnifying glass on what it's like to be a teenager.
0:02:52 > 0:02:54Girls are just starting to understand body image,
0:02:54 > 0:03:00in a way teenagers are the most judgmental of each other.
0:03:04 > 0:03:08I'm dying to find out why the girls put themselves through this.
0:03:08 > 0:03:12Does it feel really nerve-racking, knowing basically,
0:03:12 > 0:03:15these strangers are going "You're lovely, you're not"?
0:03:15 > 0:03:18You do think about it, are they going to like me,
0:03:18 > 0:03:21or hate me, are they going to think I'm ugly or think I'm pretty.
0:03:31 > 0:03:34So why do you girls enjoy events like this?
0:03:34 > 0:03:35You're complimented all day.
0:03:35 > 0:03:38When I first started out I never used to talk to anyone,
0:03:38 > 0:03:43but now you'll see me just chatting to some randomer on the street, like I don't mind talking to people.
0:03:43 > 0:03:45It gives you confidence really.
0:03:45 > 0:03:48Why do you think things like this boost confidence?
0:03:48 > 0:03:52Because you have to tell yourself that you look good,
0:03:52 > 0:03:56to persuade the audience to think that you look good and to persuade the judges.
0:03:56 > 0:03:59You're almost forced to be confident.
0:03:59 > 0:04:02Not forced in a bad way, but almost encouraged to be confident.
0:04:06 > 0:04:10After three hours of primping, the girls are ready to come under
0:04:10 > 0:04:13the scrutiny of the all-important judges.
0:04:17 > 0:04:19Dressing up in a pretty ball gown is girly heaven,
0:04:19 > 0:04:24but stripping off for the swimwear round would've been my idea of hell.
0:04:26 > 0:04:28How are we feeling?
0:04:28 > 0:04:30Fine, fine, we're excited.
0:04:30 > 0:04:32Do you feel comfortable in this outfit?
0:04:32 > 0:04:34Yes. I feel like I'm held in properly anyway!
0:04:34 > 0:04:36- You're not going to fall out?- No!
0:04:36 > 0:04:39- Is this the bit that you're most nervous about?- Yes.- Why?
0:04:39 > 0:04:43I'm just really scared of like having my...
0:04:43 > 0:04:48Your body language is definitely, like, ah!
0:04:48 > 0:04:50Is this a good round or a bad round?
0:04:50 > 0:04:52Good, in my eyes.
0:04:52 > 0:04:54Why?
0:04:54 > 0:04:57I don't know, it lets everyone show who they are,
0:04:57 > 0:05:01seeing as you're stripped back so much.
0:05:05 > 0:05:09None of the girls seem that fazed about being judged,
0:05:09 > 0:05:12but maybe it's because they're all perfectly proportioned.
0:05:12 > 0:05:15I can't really see anyone bigger than a size 12 here.
0:05:17 > 0:05:23For some of the girls tonight, they have definitely come away with a huge confidence boost.
0:05:23 > 0:05:28I can't deny that and that is a really great thing,
0:05:28 > 0:05:32but I think one of the reasons it sits uncomfortably with me
0:05:32 > 0:05:35is that you scratch a little deeper
0:05:35 > 0:05:40and essentially the message is still a really shallow one, that your value is in how you look.
0:05:40 > 0:05:43These girls seemed to have really enjoyed the day.
0:05:47 > 0:05:50But I know that my 14-year-old self would've hated this.
0:05:52 > 0:05:55And it didn't get any better as I got older.
0:05:58 > 0:06:04The diaries from my early twenties remind me how much I agonised over my body in the past.
0:06:04 > 0:06:10"In my dreams I don't even have a concept of my weight - that's what I want. I hate looking in the mirror.
0:06:10 > 0:06:14"How can a human being be so fat and disgusting?
0:06:14 > 0:06:17"Very distressing, every day, every day.
0:06:17 > 0:06:19"Release me from this."
0:06:19 > 0:06:22It's like I just allow myself
0:06:22 > 0:06:26to attack my body almost on a daily basis.
0:06:28 > 0:06:31I think I just really don't like myself very much.
0:06:31 > 0:06:36"I've put on weight, I'm getting podgier, a bloated podgy mess.
0:06:36 > 0:06:39"I feel like a heifer, which was made worse by talking to a
0:06:39 > 0:06:43"horde of stylish, thin" - underlined eight times -
0:06:43 > 0:06:48"intelligent beautiful students. All the girls are amazing.
0:06:48 > 0:06:50"I wish I looked like them."
0:06:50 > 0:06:53It's the time wasted that's the most painful thing.
0:06:53 > 0:06:58When I look at all of these and I think all of them just contain
0:07:01 > 0:07:07so much chat about food and so many negative comments about myself and how I look.
0:07:07 > 0:07:10It's such a waste of time.
0:07:10 > 0:07:14There is still a hangover from those days,
0:07:14 > 0:07:19there are still negative comments, I still worry
0:07:19 > 0:07:23and reading these just makes me feel I've got to make sure
0:07:23 > 0:07:29this doesn't become something that leads into the rest of my life.
0:07:29 > 0:07:32I'm 30 now, it's got to stop.
0:07:36 > 0:07:39'I want to know if I'm alone in thinking this way.
0:07:40 > 0:07:45'Who better to ask than girls in their carefree and pert 20s?
0:07:50 > 0:07:53'Surely they will give me the reality check I need.'
0:07:53 > 0:07:55- Hello, are you Sophie?- Yeah.
0:07:55 > 0:07:57Hi I'm Cherry, nice to meet you.
0:07:57 > 0:08:00'Sisters Sophie and Danielle are bezzie mates.
0:08:00 > 0:08:04'19-year-old Sophie is a mobile nail technician.'
0:08:04 > 0:08:06Yay!
0:08:06 > 0:08:10'Danielle is 23 and works as a minicab driver.'
0:08:10 > 0:08:13- Thanks!- Thank you.
0:08:13 > 0:08:18'They are regular single girls, who enjoy nothing more than dressing up and going out.'
0:08:18 > 0:08:21When you walk into a bar, do you look at the girls or the boys?
0:08:21 > 0:08:24Girls probably.
0:08:24 > 0:08:29- You always look at the outfits. - Yeah, you always work someone out.
0:08:29 > 0:08:35When I walk into the bar, if there's a really stunning girl, if I'm honest I look at her
0:08:35 > 0:08:41and an alarm bell goes off and I think, "Oh, I felt really good about five minutes ago."
0:08:41 > 0:08:44You can't help but compare yourself to other girls.
0:08:44 > 0:08:49You get quite judgemental as well, because if she looks really nice
0:08:49 > 0:08:52and she's standing confidently at the bar,
0:08:52 > 0:08:57you just assume she's that sort of girl that going to look down at you.
0:08:57 > 0:09:02So you automatically put your barrier up and look down at her - which is really wrong
0:09:02 > 0:09:05and you end up with the competition.
0:09:05 > 0:09:07I think all girls are like that in a way.
0:09:07 > 0:09:09How do you feel about your body?
0:09:09 > 0:09:13I would change it if I could. If I had the money, I'd change it tomorrow.
0:09:13 > 0:09:16- What would you change? - Erm, practically everything.
0:09:16 > 0:09:20- You'd change everything? - No, not everything, but I've
0:09:20 > 0:09:23always wanted a boob job, literally for like 12 years.
0:09:23 > 0:09:26I'd suction my hips out a little bit.
0:09:26 > 0:09:29She's got this issue where she thinks she's got big hips.
0:09:29 > 0:09:34- I've got huge hips. - You think you've got big hips!?
0:09:34 > 0:09:36That is bone, you need that.
0:09:36 > 0:09:41I'm just too short. If I was squished out a bit I'd look normal.
0:09:41 > 0:09:46I cannot believe what I'm hearing. I'm going to have to ask you to stand up.
0:09:46 > 0:09:48Just stand up for me right now.
0:09:51 > 0:09:55Wow, I mean, you're massive, you're like a giganotosaurus.
0:09:55 > 0:09:58No, it's huge hips!
0:09:58 > 0:10:01Look at you, you want to pull your top down to hide it, don't you?
0:10:01 > 0:10:03- Yep.- That's what I do all the time.
0:10:03 > 0:10:06That's hat I do! I spend my life with long tops, going, hmm?
0:10:08 > 0:10:12I could never have a short top, and a bit of sagginess as well needs to go on.
0:10:12 > 0:10:14Why, to hide your massive, massive stomach?
0:10:14 > 0:10:17Yeah.
0:10:17 > 0:10:18'I was really shocked'
0:10:18 > 0:10:23when Dani and Sophie said there was loads about themselves they'd like to change.
0:10:23 > 0:10:29I look at them and think they're beautiful, they should be really happy and be confident and free,
0:10:29 > 0:10:32but even they have loads of negative voices.
0:10:36 > 0:10:39It's Friday night and we meet up with the girls' friends.
0:10:39 > 0:10:44I want to see how far this girlie neurosis has spread.
0:10:46 > 0:10:49What would change about your body right now?
0:10:49 > 0:10:52I wish I was curvier. That would be a thing I would change.
0:10:52 > 0:10:55- Bigger boobs.- Really?- Yeah.
0:10:55 > 0:10:59I'd change my bum, I'd change my nose and I'd change my ears.
0:10:59 > 0:11:04It's so funny, isn't it? You would look at any girl around this table and think she is beautiful.
0:11:04 > 0:11:10But every single one of us has a list of things we want to change about ourselves.
0:11:10 > 0:11:16Yeah, like everyone in magazines you look at Cheryl Cole, she's always done up, she's always beautiful.
0:11:16 > 0:11:20- You look at anybody. - You compare yourself to magazines and you think,
0:11:20 > 0:11:22oh my god, they look so nice,
0:11:22 > 0:11:26but it's only because they've got so much money and you always try to build up to that.
0:11:26 > 0:11:28And they're airbrushed!
0:11:28 > 0:11:32What are some of the worst things you say to yourself as a girl?
0:11:32 > 0:11:35What are some of the messages that you...
0:11:35 > 0:11:41My worst thing is that even though I am actually quite skinny, is even when I eat stuff sometimes,
0:11:41 > 0:11:46in my head I calculate how much I'm eating - which I shouldn't do.
0:11:46 > 0:11:50I am like the Zen master of that, I do that all the time and I think
0:11:50 > 0:11:57a lot of girls say they're bad at maths, but if you asked them how many calories they've had that day,
0:11:57 > 0:11:59they'll be like Rain Man.
0:11:59 > 0:12:02Do you think most girls worry about their bodies?
0:12:02 > 0:12:08- What percentage do you think worry about their bodies? - Probably 99%, I'd say.
0:12:08 > 0:12:11If only we could all have a big swap.
0:12:11 > 0:12:16Yeah, if we could take little bits of everyone,
0:12:16 > 0:12:18I'm sure you'd have a pretty girl.
0:12:21 > 0:12:22I think girls have accepted
0:12:22 > 0:12:27this inter-female competition
0:12:27 > 0:12:33as the norm, but in fact I think it's really unhealthy, I think it just makes us more insecure.
0:12:33 > 0:12:38But the questions is what can we do about it? Do girls have to accept that is what it is?
0:12:38 > 0:12:43Do we have to accept these negative thoughts about our body and how we look?
0:12:43 > 0:12:49Wouldn't that be sad if that was just our life and there was nothing we could do about it?
0:12:49 > 0:12:51I absolutely refuse to accept that.
0:12:59 > 0:13:04Because I grew up in the Kate Moss era, I love the ultra-thin look.
0:13:04 > 0:13:08But I know it's mot right, so in an effort to re-program myself,
0:13:08 > 0:13:13I'm in Birmingham to meet a girl with a different take on what looks good.
0:13:17 > 0:13:19Hiya.
0:13:19 > 0:13:25'For aspiring music video model Princess, a smoking-hot body means only one thing.'
0:13:25 > 0:13:28What is your ideal body?
0:13:28 > 0:13:34My ideal body would be my own body, but bottom implants, that's all I need.
0:13:34 > 0:13:36You want bottom implants?
0:13:36 > 0:13:41- I do.- Right, can I just quickly look at your bottom?
0:13:41 > 0:13:44Basically, it's really perfect.
0:13:44 > 0:13:50I've seen a picture of a girl's bottom that was so big there was a tray with a cup of tea on there
0:13:50 > 0:13:56and I was thinking look at that, I'd love a bottom like that, it was like a window ledge.
0:13:56 > 0:14:01The thought of paying someone to make my bottom bigger goes against everything I've ever known.
0:14:01 > 0:14:06So if you don't have surgery, what can you do to get a big bum?
0:14:06 > 0:14:09- There's chicken pills as well.- WHAT?
0:14:09 > 0:14:13Oh, my god, that feeds chickens, because they plump up the chickens.
0:14:13 > 0:14:17Yeah, but people actually take them.
0:14:17 > 0:14:20There are side-effects, because everything swells up, everything
0:14:20 > 0:14:25and I want a big bottom, but not that much. I don't want to look like a chicken!
0:14:26 > 0:14:30I thought Princess was gorgeous. She's got a beautiful body.
0:14:30 > 0:14:35I suppose she really has the body I idealise.
0:14:39 > 0:14:41You look lovely!
0:14:43 > 0:14:47'I'm going on a night out with Princess and her friends to see first-hand
0:14:47 > 0:14:51'the power of the big backside.'
0:14:51 > 0:14:54So Princess, do these girls have bottoms that you like?
0:14:54 > 0:14:57- Are they more the style you'd go for?- Yeah, it is.
0:14:57 > 0:15:02I think that's a bit bigger than mine.
0:15:02 > 0:15:04How do you feel about your bottom?
0:15:04 > 0:15:07I love it!
0:15:07 > 0:15:09- Can we see your bottom?- OK.
0:15:09 > 0:15:13OK, let's see the bottom.
0:15:13 > 0:15:18So what do you like about your sister's bottom?
0:15:18 > 0:15:21It moves. That's one thing that I notice.
0:15:21 > 0:15:24But when I look at it, I think I would want mine a bit bigger.
0:15:24 > 0:15:27- Bloody hell. - I'd want it a bit bigger.
0:15:27 > 0:15:29What should I prepare myself for tonight?
0:15:29 > 0:15:33- Are boys going to be checking out people's bums? - They check out your bum
0:15:33 > 0:15:36before your face. They see you from the back
0:15:36 > 0:15:39and if you've got a big bottom, the face doesn't matter.
0:15:39 > 0:15:45You are kidding me? So the bottom trumps the boobs and the face?
0:15:45 > 0:15:47Sometimes, yeah.
0:15:47 > 0:15:51There's more to grab on to, and it looks good from the back.
0:15:51 > 0:15:52That's what it is.
0:15:52 > 0:15:55- So it's all about sex, basically? - Yeah.
0:15:55 > 0:15:59Do you think there's a genuine pressure
0:15:59 > 0:16:05for girls to have this really big, kind of buxom bottom?
0:16:06 > 0:16:09Yes, because when you look at music videos and such
0:16:09 > 0:16:14and you see a lot of girls with their big bottoms jiggling it all about,
0:16:14 > 0:16:18that's what you think's normal, and you strive to get that.
0:16:18 > 0:16:21MUSIC: "Bootylicious" by Destiny's Child
0:16:21 > 0:16:24With butt cheeks barely covered, we hit the town.
0:16:24 > 0:16:27# Barely move, we've arrived
0:16:27 > 0:16:29# Lookin' sexy, lookin' fly
0:16:29 > 0:16:31# Baddest chick, chick inside
0:16:31 > 0:16:33# Come on, baby
0:16:33 > 0:16:35# I don't think you're ready for this jelly
0:16:35 > 0:16:37# I don't think you're ready for this jelly
0:16:37 > 0:16:39# I don't think you're ready for this
0:16:39 > 0:16:41# Cos my body's too bootylicious for you, babe... #
0:16:41 > 0:16:47The girls show me some good examples of why big is best.
0:16:56 > 0:16:58'Now it's my turn.
0:16:58 > 0:17:01'I've spotted one that I think is going to get a big thumbs-up.'
0:17:07 > 0:17:09There's more to this than I thought.
0:17:15 > 0:17:18It's funny, because normally I look at small bottoms
0:17:18 > 0:17:19and I feel jealous,
0:17:19 > 0:17:22but tonight I was looking at girls with tiny bums and thinking
0:17:22 > 0:17:26"No, that's not right, it's not high enough, it's not big enough."
0:17:26 > 0:17:32It's so funny. Only one day, and my mindset is starting to shift.
0:17:32 > 0:17:36It seems to me that despite what the girls think, the boys in here
0:17:36 > 0:17:41aren't fussy about size, as long as the girl knows what to do with it.
0:17:41 > 0:17:43# I don't think you're ready for this
0:17:43 > 0:17:49# My body's too bootylicious for you, baby. #
0:17:52 > 0:17:57- 'Princess is determined to get the bottom of her dreams.'- Hi!
0:17:57 > 0:18:01'And next morning, I go along with her to a consultation with Dr Khan.
0:18:02 > 0:18:07'He's the second surgeon she's seen to get a quote for bum enhancement.'
0:18:07 > 0:18:11Let's have a look, then, and see what we're dealing with.
0:18:12 > 0:18:15'Unheard of a few years ago, bum lifts are on the up.'
0:18:15 > 0:18:18Tell me what you want to achieve.
0:18:18 > 0:18:20'They were first pioneered in Brazil,
0:18:20 > 0:18:26'and last year saw a 40% increase in the procedure Stateside.'
0:18:26 > 0:18:31See, the buttock comes round here, and there's a fat pad here.
0:18:31 > 0:18:35So that fad pad is actually smoothing out the lateral aspect
0:18:35 > 0:18:36of the buttock.
0:18:36 > 0:18:38By taking the fat from here, this fat pad here,
0:18:38 > 0:18:44and putting it here, that gives it
0:18:44 > 0:18:50a lift and a shape, and then if we lift it up here, can you see that?
0:18:50 > 0:18:52That's what you want.
0:18:52 > 0:18:57- Princess, would that make you very happy?- It would, definitely.
0:18:57 > 0:19:00And how much does the procedure cost?
0:19:00 > 0:19:03You're looking at anything from £4,500 upwards.
0:19:03 > 0:19:06With a price tag like that
0:19:06 > 0:19:10and with future top-ups costing £2,500 each,
0:19:10 > 0:19:13surgery is a massive financial commitment.
0:19:13 > 0:19:16That is a lot of money. Is it worth it?
0:19:17 > 0:19:20Yeah, probably not when I go back for the top-ups,
0:19:20 > 0:19:24but when I see the results, I'd be happy with that, yeah.
0:19:24 > 0:19:29'Surgery just sounds so easy when an expert is talking to you,
0:19:29 > 0:19:30'but if anything,'
0:19:30 > 0:19:33surgery, for me, makes me more insecure about my body
0:19:33 > 0:19:40because it puts within my grasp such a perfect body
0:19:40 > 0:19:42that I would never even normally aspire to.
0:19:42 > 0:19:45It's like you fall down this rabbit warren
0:19:45 > 0:19:49of possibilities, and you didn't even know they were there.
0:19:54 > 0:19:57So Princess thinks all men like a big bum,
0:19:57 > 0:20:03but when it comes to a woman's shape, what do men really want?
0:20:03 > 0:20:06I think it's really difficult for boys to be truly honest
0:20:06 > 0:20:08about how they feel when it comes to women's bodies,
0:20:08 > 0:20:12but I'm going to try and wheedle it out of them.
0:20:12 > 0:20:15Excuse me? Can I ask you five questions about women's bodies?
0:20:17 > 0:20:23- Oh, excuse me. Do you mind answering a few questions?- No.
0:20:23 > 0:20:29- Boobs or bum?- Bum. - Boobs.- Boobs...and bum.- Bum.
0:20:29 > 0:20:32- Boobs.- Bum.- Boobs. - Big bum or small bum?
0:20:32 > 0:20:34Somewhere in between.
0:20:34 > 0:20:39- I would say large.- Small.- Medium.
0:20:39 > 0:20:42- Porn star or girl next door? - Girl next door.
0:20:42 > 0:20:44- Porn star.- Girl next door.
0:20:44 > 0:20:46Girl next door. Actually, porn star.
0:20:46 > 0:20:51- No way! A bit of both? - Yeah, I like a bit of that.
0:20:51 > 0:20:55- What's the most important part of a woman's body?- The minge.
0:20:55 > 0:20:56CHERRY LAUGHS
0:20:56 > 0:21:00Her fanny, clearly(!) It's the doorway.
0:21:00 > 0:21:03- Do you think girls worry too much what they look like?- Yes.
0:21:03 > 0:21:05Can you describe to me the perfect body?
0:21:05 > 0:21:07No, because I don't think there is one.
0:21:07 > 0:21:10I think it's all a matter of choice and taste. I don't know
0:21:10 > 0:21:14the perfect body. When you get to be my age, it's not that important.
0:21:14 > 0:21:17You can have leg men, bum men, boob men.
0:21:17 > 0:21:19You know, people might like big women.
0:21:19 > 0:21:20Some might like really skinny,
0:21:20 > 0:21:22some like a bit bigger.
0:21:22 > 0:21:25And unfortunately, everybody goes one way when in actual fact,
0:21:25 > 0:21:27there's someone for everyone.
0:21:29 > 0:21:31Tonight just proves
0:21:31 > 0:21:36that men like a whole rainbow of different bodies,
0:21:36 > 0:21:40and there's no point in striving to be something you're not,
0:21:40 > 0:21:44because someone's going to love you exactly as you are
0:21:44 > 0:21:46and you might as well chill out and enjoy yourself.
0:21:50 > 0:21:53So maybe boys are laid back about body shape,
0:21:53 > 0:21:58but I still can't escape the images that tell me thin is king,
0:21:58 > 0:22:02particularly when it comes to selling us stuff.
0:22:06 > 0:22:10So how does it feel when you rebel against the skinny look
0:22:10 > 0:22:11and embrace fat?
0:22:16 > 0:22:21Fatty Unbound is a vintage fashion blog for bigger girls.
0:22:21 > 0:22:24I'm in Brighton to meet the larger lady behind it.
0:22:24 > 0:22:28- Hello, are you Kirsty?- Yes, I am.
0:22:28 > 0:22:29I'm Cherry. Lovely to meet you.
0:22:31 > 0:22:33- Shall we? Shopping trip?- Can't wait.
0:22:37 > 0:22:39Wow, look at that. Look at that.
0:22:39 > 0:22:43- That's shiny in the wrong way. - That's highly flammable shiny.
0:22:43 > 0:22:45That's really cool.
0:22:45 > 0:22:48What if you find something that you completely love,
0:22:48 > 0:22:49and it's not in your size?
0:22:49 > 0:22:53Sometimes I'll remake something. I made this dress.
0:22:53 > 0:22:55- It's absolutely gorgeous!- Thank you.
0:22:55 > 0:22:59- It's from an old pair of curtains from a charity shop.- You are kidding.
0:22:59 > 0:23:01That's such a confident outfit to be wearing,
0:23:01 > 0:23:03whereas I suppose the stereotype
0:23:03 > 0:23:06of a larger girl is to blend into the background
0:23:06 > 0:23:09and not stand out. Have you always been like that?
0:23:09 > 0:23:15No. I think when I was younger, I was certainly much more of a fat woman.
0:23:15 > 0:23:17You know, I would disguise my body.
0:23:17 > 0:23:21And then I found that part of being confident
0:23:21 > 0:23:25was looking confident, and then when I looked confident
0:23:25 > 0:23:27and felt amazing in my clothes,
0:23:27 > 0:23:33- then whatever someone said to me didn't really matter.- What reaction do you get to how you look?
0:23:33 > 0:23:37I've been called everything from, you know, a bitch to a whore.
0:23:37 > 0:23:40I've had things thrown at me from cars.
0:23:40 > 0:23:41To see someone who says
0:23:41 > 0:23:43"I actually don't care what you think
0:23:43 > 0:23:47"and I'm going to wear what I want to wear because I deserve that"
0:23:47 > 0:23:52inspires, you know, the most horrible of responses from people.
0:23:52 > 0:23:57If someone said something like that to me, I would absolutely die.
0:23:57 > 0:23:58It would mortify me.
0:23:58 > 0:24:00I've learnt to turn it round
0:24:00 > 0:24:04and be essentially like "What is your problem?" to the people,
0:24:04 > 0:24:07because it's not me. There's nothing wrong with my body.
0:24:07 > 0:24:10It's their attitude that's the problem.
0:24:12 > 0:24:13Oh, I like that.
0:24:13 > 0:24:15The fact that people feel
0:24:15 > 0:24:18they can say to her what they think to her face
0:24:18 > 0:24:20and shout it out in the street,
0:24:20 > 0:24:24what is that about? What is going on there?
0:24:24 > 0:24:27She's a strong woman to be able to cope with that and not crumble.
0:24:27 > 0:24:30- There you go. - That's beautiful. Thank you.
0:24:30 > 0:24:33Kirsty isn't scared of being called fat,
0:24:33 > 0:24:37but how is that possible in a thin-obsessed world?
0:24:37 > 0:24:44- Come in.- Oh, wow. Are these all your creations?- Yeah.
0:24:44 > 0:24:46That's really cute.
0:24:46 > 0:24:52I feel so much pressure from society and the media to be a certain shape.
0:24:52 > 0:24:56How have you got your head to the point where you ignore that
0:24:56 > 0:24:58or you've reassessed that?
0:24:58 > 0:25:03Well, I feel that part of my aesthetic and my identity
0:25:03 > 0:25:07is being a bit of a big, loud, fat woman, essentially.
0:25:07 > 0:25:09To sort of compare
0:25:09 > 0:25:11my body to someone who's a size eight
0:25:11 > 0:25:18is, you know, it's kind of like chalk and cheese. My body's not that body.
0:25:18 > 0:25:23That's the statement. That's almost like your protection overcoat - "it's just a different body"?
0:25:23 > 0:25:26Basically, I just came to the point where
0:25:26 > 0:25:30I realised that dieting was harming my health.
0:25:30 > 0:25:32It was hurting my self-esteem.
0:25:32 > 0:25:37It was giving me depression. Ultimately, trying to fit that mould
0:25:37 > 0:25:42was making me much more unhappy than accepting my body.
0:25:42 > 0:25:45Was there one really practical thing that you did
0:25:45 > 0:25:47to get you where you are right now?
0:25:47 > 0:25:52I guess ultimately, it is throwing away the scales, essentially.
0:25:52 > 0:25:56God, that is a really hardcore habit for me, weighing myself.
0:25:56 > 0:25:58Basically, when I was obsessively dieting,
0:25:58 > 0:26:01I would weigh myself up to three times every day,
0:26:01 > 0:26:03and I realised that scale was still controlling
0:26:03 > 0:26:06how I felt about myself.
0:26:06 > 0:26:09It's really unnatural to be at the exact same weight
0:26:09 > 0:26:11every day of your life.
0:26:11 > 0:26:16I really want that, though! I really want that!
0:26:16 > 0:26:19- Will you blog about this outfit today?- Yeah.
0:26:19 > 0:26:20- OK, shall we take a picture?- Yeah.
0:26:20 > 0:26:23I can help you. You don't have to faff around with the tripod.
0:26:23 > 0:26:25I can actually be useful.
0:26:28 > 0:26:31There we go, done. Done, uploaded. That's brilliant.
0:26:31 > 0:26:33My idea of what my body
0:26:35 > 0:26:40should look like is so ingrained within me, I honestly didn't think
0:26:40 > 0:26:45anyone could really say anything to challenge that or change that.
0:26:45 > 0:26:48But honestly, today Kirsty's definitely shifted something.
0:26:48 > 0:26:50She accepts her body
0:26:50 > 0:26:51and says to herself
0:26:51 > 0:26:55"I will not compare myself with these models in magazines.
0:26:55 > 0:26:58"That's their body and this is my body, and I love my body."
0:26:58 > 0:27:01I think that's something I need to say to myself more often.
0:27:09 > 0:27:10And next morning,
0:27:10 > 0:27:14motivated by meeting Kirsty, it's time for some radical action.
0:27:19 > 0:27:22OK, one last time, just for old times' sake.
0:27:26 > 0:27:27OK.
0:27:29 > 0:27:32That is just so enough of that.
0:27:37 > 0:27:40'OK, so they're not going far, but it's a start.'
0:27:40 > 0:27:43I feel weirdly sick about throwing my scales away,
0:27:43 > 0:27:45which is exactly why I need to do it.
0:27:45 > 0:27:48The part of me that's scared
0:27:48 > 0:27:51is the part of me that worries that I'll put on weight
0:27:51 > 0:27:55because I won't have that control every morning.
0:27:55 > 0:27:58It'll be very weird tomorrow, waking up.
0:27:58 > 0:28:02I bet I'll go to the bathroom to weigh myself.
0:28:02 > 0:28:04I wonder how I'll feel.
0:28:04 > 0:28:08I wonder if I'll come down here and secretly get them out.
0:28:08 > 0:28:12You know, if I do that, it's game over. I'm throwing them away.
0:28:12 > 0:28:14That is not right.
0:28:16 > 0:28:17They're taunting me.
0:28:21 > 0:28:25There was one time in my life when there was a good reason for the scales going up.
0:28:25 > 0:28:29There is no more room in my womb.
0:28:29 > 0:28:32In 2009, I fell pregnant with my daughter, Coco.
0:28:32 > 0:28:37Like all women, I was in the hands of Mother Nature.
0:28:37 > 0:28:40And even though I did everything to keep my body in shape,
0:28:40 > 0:28:44there were some things totally out of my control.
0:28:44 > 0:28:48Piles. I just really didn't want those.
0:28:48 > 0:28:53And like a lot of people, I struggled to shift the baby weight.
0:28:53 > 0:28:55But are women under too much pressure
0:28:55 > 0:28:57to look good straight after birth?
0:29:06 > 0:29:09I'm meeting Monica, who has just given birth to her first baby
0:29:09 > 0:29:11three months ago.
0:29:11 > 0:29:16- Hello, are you Monica?- Yes, I am. - I'm Cherry.- Nice to meet you. - Lovely to meet you.
0:29:19 > 0:29:22- What's her name?- Cherry.- What?
0:29:22 > 0:29:27- Oh, my God, I've never met another baby called Cherry. - I think it's a lovely name.
0:29:27 > 0:29:31'During her pregnancy, Monica put on four stone.
0:29:31 > 0:29:35'That's twice the national average, and she's not happy about it.'
0:29:35 > 0:29:39Tell me what you were like before you had Cherry.
0:29:39 > 0:29:42Before I had Cherry, I was absolutely fitness mad.
0:29:42 > 0:29:44I was on a very healthy diet
0:29:44 > 0:29:50and just really happy with myself until I got pregnant, really.
0:29:50 > 0:29:52I started having bread rolls every day,
0:29:52 > 0:29:54having a bar of chocolate every day, pizza.
0:29:54 > 0:29:56I absolutely hated my body.
0:29:56 > 0:29:58I literally stopped looking in the mirror.
0:29:58 > 0:30:03How your body changes, I thought it was gross.
0:30:03 > 0:30:08For body-conscious Monica, what goes on must come off.
0:30:11 > 0:30:17It's 5.30 in the morning. It's really early.
0:30:17 > 0:30:21As the day breaks, I join her on her daily routine.
0:30:24 > 0:30:27First up, dropping baby Cherry off at her nan's,
0:30:27 > 0:30:29before hitting the gym.
0:30:29 > 0:30:34She is super motivated. I don't think I could do this.
0:30:34 > 0:30:39Whether you leave her for half an hour or longer, you feel guilty. You think
0:30:39 > 0:30:42"Oh, God, I should be playing with her.
0:30:42 > 0:30:44"I should be spending time with her."
0:30:44 > 0:30:49But Monica is determined to get back into her old size eight.
0:30:49 > 0:30:52# I just wanna make you sweat... #
0:30:52 > 0:30:54She's even hired a personal trainer.
0:30:54 > 0:30:59- Keep going now.- Oh, my God, I'm knackered already!
0:30:59 > 0:31:00No pain, no gain.
0:31:00 > 0:31:07In just 12 weeks, she's lost an incredible two and a half stone.
0:31:07 > 0:31:10But she's not stopping there.
0:31:10 > 0:31:15She wants to drop another dress size in time for a party in four weeks,
0:31:15 > 0:31:20her first social outing since becoming a mum.
0:31:20 > 0:31:24- Monica's still going. - That's cheating.- Oh, my God.
0:31:24 > 0:31:27She's officially fitter and stronger than me,
0:31:27 > 0:31:31and she had a baby 12 weeks ago.
0:31:31 > 0:31:34I really relate to a lot of the struggles
0:31:34 > 0:31:36that Monica's going through.
0:31:36 > 0:31:41I desperately tried to lose the baby weight really quickly.
0:31:41 > 0:31:47But the level at which she is pushing herself is really intense.
0:31:47 > 0:31:50It'll be interesting to know
0:31:50 > 0:31:54how much her desire to get back into those skinny jeans
0:31:54 > 0:31:57is affecting how she enjoys motherhood.
0:31:58 > 0:32:02Tell me about the weeks immediately after you had your baby.
0:32:02 > 0:32:04I was down all the time,
0:32:04 > 0:32:09and I know that the body weight played a big part in it,
0:32:09 > 0:32:12because I just couldn't look at myself.
0:32:12 > 0:32:15I just thought my life as I knew it had ended.
0:32:15 > 0:32:17At the same time, I didn't want how I felt
0:32:17 > 0:32:20to affect my ability to look after the baby,
0:32:20 > 0:32:24because she's such a beautiful little person.
0:32:24 > 0:32:26But the thoughts I had were
0:32:26 > 0:32:30"I'll probably never be able to go to the supermarket again."
0:32:30 > 0:32:33- Did you feel guilty for having those feelings?- Yeah, definitely.
0:32:33 > 0:32:38And that was another thing why I cried so much, because I thought "How can I think..."
0:32:38 > 0:32:40In a way, I felt very selfish for thinking
0:32:40 > 0:32:43"I want to get back to my shape et cetera".
0:32:45 > 0:32:50So the guilt was there, and I couldn't do anything about it,
0:32:50 > 0:32:55and I would cry. And I would feed Cherry and look at her and cry more
0:32:55 > 0:32:57because of having these thoughts.
0:32:57 > 0:32:59It was really an emotional rollercoaster for me.
0:32:59 > 0:33:03I'm seeing light in the tunnel now.
0:33:08 > 0:33:11- Hello!- Hello.
0:33:12 > 0:33:15'Four weeks later, and Monica wants to find out
0:33:15 > 0:33:18'if she can finally fit into that size eight party dress.'
0:33:20 > 0:33:24- That's my dress.- Oh, wow, I love it. I really love it.
0:33:24 > 0:33:26Can I come in?
0:33:26 > 0:33:28- Yes.- Oh, my God!
0:33:31 > 0:33:34- I fitted in size eight. - It fricking fits! I know.
0:33:36 > 0:33:41- I feel so happy for you.- I'm really happy, really ecstatic, actually.
0:33:44 > 0:33:48I suppose I'm really conflicted, basically, because on the one hand
0:33:48 > 0:33:55I really feel women should be able to accept their bodies as they are, especially after having a baby.
0:33:55 > 0:33:59But realistically, for Monica and probably for me,
0:33:59 > 0:34:01getting back into your pre-pregnancy clothes
0:34:01 > 0:34:03does make you feel happier.
0:34:03 > 0:34:07It's not an ideal situation, but that is the truth.
0:34:14 > 0:34:17All this talk of weight loss has gotten into my head,
0:34:17 > 0:34:18and I've relapsed.
0:34:23 > 0:34:24I won't lie.
0:34:24 > 0:34:28I haven't done very well with the scales.
0:34:28 > 0:34:31I've done pretty shamefully badly,
0:34:31 > 0:34:35and I'm just doing the same as I do every single day,
0:34:35 > 0:34:38which is weigh myself first thing in the morning.
0:34:38 > 0:34:40I think...
0:34:40 > 0:34:45I actually think the scales aren't the problem.
0:34:46 > 0:34:49I think the problem is in my head,
0:34:49 > 0:34:55and I've let myself wind myself up and love super skinny,
0:34:55 > 0:34:58and I just need to choose to not want that,
0:34:58 > 0:35:00because that's not what my body's like.
0:35:00 > 0:35:04But it's not just about me any more.
0:35:04 > 0:35:06Since becoming a mum,
0:35:06 > 0:35:13I'm more aware than ever of how my issues reflect on my daughter.
0:35:13 > 0:35:15I've definitely noticed
0:35:15 > 0:35:18that Coco's starting to watch my daily routine
0:35:18 > 0:35:20and watch me get on the scales.
0:35:23 > 0:35:29And once she stood in front of the mirror and turned around like that,
0:35:29 > 0:35:34and I thought "Oh, my God, that's what I do when I'm checking to see if my bum looks big."
0:35:36 > 0:35:39And if I'm going to train my brain to be positive,
0:35:39 > 0:35:41I need to discover the secret
0:35:41 > 0:35:45of being totally relaxed in your own skin.
0:35:51 > 0:35:56I'm off to meet a lady called Sandra, who is a naturist.
0:35:56 > 0:35:59To walk around stark naked
0:35:59 > 0:36:02with all of your bits hanging out for all the world to see,
0:36:02 > 0:36:05I can't imagine ever being that confident.
0:36:08 > 0:36:10'She's told me to meet her up a country road'.
0:36:10 > 0:36:13I don't think this is right. I mean,
0:36:13 > 0:36:16I'm literally in the middle of nowhere.
0:36:16 > 0:36:21Oh, my God, what is this?
0:36:21 > 0:36:25It looks like some kind of military base.
0:36:27 > 0:36:29Hello?
0:36:29 > 0:36:34- I think there's someone there. Oh, there is. Are you Sandra?- I am.
0:36:34 > 0:36:38- Hi, Sandra.- Hello!- Am I in the right place?- You certainly are.
0:36:40 > 0:36:42Lovely to meet you.
0:36:42 > 0:36:46- Wow, you're literally completely naked.- It's nice to meet you. - Oh, my God!
0:36:46 > 0:36:49If you'd like to come in... don't be too shocked.
0:36:49 > 0:36:51We're not that frightening.
0:36:51 > 0:36:53I'm going to tell you now, I'm going to be shocked,
0:36:53 > 0:36:59- and it's going to be really fun and I can't wait. It's going to be very good for me, Sandra.- You'll love it.
0:36:59 > 0:37:01Oh, my God, I'm so excited.
0:37:02 > 0:37:06Oh, my goodness, there's a naked man.
0:37:06 > 0:37:07That's my husband.
0:37:07 > 0:37:10- That's your husband? - That's my husband, yes.
0:37:10 > 0:37:14- I just have to go...he's naked! - You'll be absolutely fine.
0:37:17 > 0:37:20Sandra gives me a tour
0:37:20 > 0:37:23of the small naturist club where she's been coming to get naked
0:37:23 > 0:37:26at weekends for eight years.
0:37:26 > 0:37:28- This is Mike.- Hi, Mike, nice to meet you.
0:37:28 > 0:37:31- Nice to meet you as well.- Lovely!
0:37:33 > 0:37:38I should probably be more mature than this, but I'm really sorry. It is really,
0:37:38 > 0:37:41really unusual seeing people walk around
0:37:41 > 0:37:44with their willies and fannies on show.
0:37:44 > 0:37:50I'm sure as the day goes on, I'll feel more used to it.
0:37:50 > 0:37:52But right now,
0:37:52 > 0:37:57my eyes just will not look down. I cannot do this.
0:37:59 > 0:38:02'Escaping to the club's woodland, I want to find out,
0:38:02 > 0:38:06'what does Sandra get from stripping off?'
0:38:06 > 0:38:10- Very bushy.- It is, yes, at this time of year.
0:38:10 > 0:38:15- So do you just feel completely happy being naked?- Yes.- Really?- Yes.
0:38:15 > 0:38:20Very happy. I just accept myself the way I am.
0:38:20 > 0:38:23You know, I know my boobs aren't the pert ones they used to be.
0:38:23 > 0:38:26I don't think they're ever going to be, however much exercise I do.
0:38:26 > 0:38:28I don't think it's going to do much good.
0:38:28 > 0:38:31Walking around naked, what are the benefits?
0:38:31 > 0:38:34You do feel liberated, that is the word.
0:38:34 > 0:38:38You're not being judged by what you look like,
0:38:38 > 0:38:43because people around you, they accept themselves as they are,
0:38:43 > 0:38:49so it makes me feel that I can accept myself as I am.
0:38:49 > 0:38:54To me, that is the Holy Grail of body acceptance. I just love that.
0:38:56 > 0:38:59'Naked life is starting to make sense.'
0:38:59 > 0:39:02- Hello.- Hello.- That's good.
0:39:02 > 0:39:06'But my clothes are staying firmly where they are.'
0:39:06 > 0:39:07Oh, you're good!
0:39:09 > 0:39:10Oh, bummer.
0:39:10 > 0:39:12Next round?
0:39:14 > 0:39:17I'm doing the worst. Sandra's doing very good,
0:39:17 > 0:39:19and so is Graham.
0:39:19 > 0:39:23Clearly, being clothed is a disadvantage in this game.
0:39:23 > 0:39:25It gets in the way.
0:39:25 > 0:39:27I know, look at my scarf flapping about in my face.
0:39:27 > 0:39:31See, look how free I am. I haven't got anything flapping around.
0:39:31 > 0:39:36I'd love to have even a smidgen of Sandra's body confidence,
0:39:36 > 0:39:38so I'm reassured to hear
0:39:38 > 0:39:41that she hasn't always been able to let it all hang out.
0:39:41 > 0:39:46I was quite big, and I just didn't like what I saw.
0:39:46 > 0:39:50- My God, you are a very different size there.- Yeah.
0:39:50 > 0:39:53I am much, much bigger there. I've been on a lot of diets.
0:39:53 > 0:39:58I've exercised a lot in the past,
0:39:58 > 0:40:01and I'd be all right for a couple of weeks
0:40:01 > 0:40:05and then I'd think "No, I'm not going to do it any more".
0:40:05 > 0:40:06I'd just give up.
0:40:06 > 0:40:09Although I wanted to be slim,
0:40:09 > 0:40:13I just wasn't in the right frame of mind to do it.
0:40:13 > 0:40:16At what point did you break out of that cycle?
0:40:19 > 0:40:21It was when I became a naturist.
0:40:21 > 0:40:25I suppose I felt more relaxed
0:40:25 > 0:40:28and comfortable, and the weight just went down slowly
0:40:28 > 0:40:32over the years anyway.
0:40:32 > 0:40:34I'm kind of quite envious of Sandra, actually.
0:40:34 > 0:40:40She's truly liberated. She's comfortable in her own skin
0:40:40 > 0:40:42in a way I can only dream of,
0:40:42 > 0:40:46and it's a really lovely thing to be around. It makes me
0:40:46 > 0:40:49feel really comfortable. It's infectious, actually.
0:40:51 > 0:40:54Have you enjoyed today? How do you feel?
0:40:54 > 0:40:58Yeah, I was quite nervous and excited to meet you and come here.
0:40:58 > 0:41:01What I've noticed is, I'm just starting to, as you say,
0:41:01 > 0:41:03take in the whole package rather then think
0:41:03 > 0:41:08"there's a naked person, there's their willy",
0:41:08 > 0:41:13and starting to think "There's Graham, and there's Sandra."
0:41:13 > 0:41:16Would you come down to Nudefest with us, then?
0:41:16 > 0:41:19- A nudefest?- Down in Newquay.
0:41:19 > 0:41:21I'll let you know.
0:41:21 > 0:41:25'Stripping at a festival must be the scariest cure ever
0:41:25 > 0:41:26'for a bad body image.
0:41:27 > 0:41:32'But with over a million naturists in Britain, maybe there's something in it.'
0:41:32 > 0:41:37I think I'm not ready to get naked in front of other people yet,
0:41:37 > 0:41:41and I really hope that I can find that liberation.
0:41:41 > 0:41:44But it's good to have met someone to aspire to,
0:41:44 > 0:41:48someone who's actually got something healthy to aspire to
0:41:48 > 0:41:50instead of me looking at women
0:41:50 > 0:41:53that have bodies that I'm never going to have.
0:41:55 > 0:41:58Sandra has shown me that I need to look at the body
0:41:58 > 0:42:00I do have in a whole new way.
0:42:04 > 0:42:07I've got a naturally very athletic figure
0:42:07 > 0:42:09and I put on muscle really easily
0:42:09 > 0:42:12and I love sport and I love exercise,
0:42:12 > 0:42:15so my body gets muscly very quickly.
0:42:15 > 0:42:19I have to be really careful not too bulk up too much.
0:42:19 > 0:42:21Part of me's really annoyed
0:42:21 > 0:42:24that I can't just let my body do what it naturally does,
0:42:24 > 0:42:26which is to get a bit muscly.
0:42:26 > 0:42:29But then I don't want to look masculine.
0:42:38 > 0:42:40Today, I'm meeting Yvette,
0:42:40 > 0:42:42a competitive bodybuilder from Croydon.
0:42:51 > 0:42:57Hello. Sorry to interrupt. My goodness. Are you Yvette?
0:42:57 > 0:43:01- I certainly am, guilty as charged. - Nice to meet you. Oh, my God, you're so muscly.
0:43:01 > 0:43:03Look at you.
0:43:03 > 0:43:06- Can I have a feel?- Absolutely.
0:43:06 > 0:43:12- Oh, my God, it's rock hard. - Rock hard.- That is absolutely...
0:43:12 > 0:43:15100% pure natural muscle.
0:43:16 > 0:43:19So how often do you have to work out to achieve this look?
0:43:19 > 0:43:23Well, for me, it's an everyday thing, at least six days a week.
0:43:23 > 0:43:28It's sleeping, eating, showering. You know, it's part of my lifestyle.
0:43:28 > 0:43:31Don't you worry, though, that it looks masculine?
0:43:31 > 0:43:34Cherry, muscle is sexy.
0:43:34 > 0:43:38- Oh, my goodness me, absolutely.- I'll be honest. I'm terrified of muscle.
0:43:38 > 0:43:41Whenever I work out, I'm really careful about not putting it on.
0:43:41 > 0:43:45My calves are, like, so big.
0:43:45 > 0:43:48But it looks good with a set of high, black, sexy shoes.
0:43:48 > 0:43:51But I get paranoid that it's all masculine.
0:43:51 > 0:43:52It's all in the mind.
0:43:52 > 0:43:54How does your muscle make you feel?
0:43:54 > 0:43:57I feel strong in mind as well as in body.
0:43:57 > 0:44:01I've created this all by my own hard effort.
0:44:01 > 0:44:06This is work. Muscles signify pain.
0:44:06 > 0:44:09I like to feel pain, it's a good pain.
0:44:09 > 0:44:11It means that something's happening.
0:44:11 > 0:44:16- No pain, no gain.- You got it, girl. Absolutely. High five. There we go.
0:44:16 > 0:44:20- There we go!- I'm all inspired. Let's do this!
0:44:20 > 0:44:23Yvette is a powerhouse.
0:44:23 > 0:44:28She loves muscle. She's really life-affirming
0:44:28 > 0:44:35and encouraging, and maybe she can help me get over my fear of muscle.
0:44:38 > 0:44:42In a few days, I'm going to watch Yvette defend her bodybuilding title
0:44:42 > 0:44:44at a national championship.
0:44:46 > 0:44:50But first at her home, I want to find out what drives her
0:44:50 > 0:44:52to push her body to such extremes.
0:44:52 > 0:44:56Last year, I had a motorbike.
0:44:56 > 0:44:57No way!
0:44:57 > 0:44:59You can see my helmet there.
0:44:59 > 0:45:04- Did they love that? - I actually won that competition. - Really?- Absolutely.
0:45:04 > 0:45:06How did you get into bodybuilding?
0:45:06 > 0:45:09Well, when I had my son,
0:45:09 > 0:45:14he was diagnosed within a few months with special needs.
0:45:14 > 0:45:16He has autism and complex learning difficulties.
0:45:17 > 0:45:20How was that time for you, being a new mum?
0:45:20 > 0:45:23Which is a very vulnerable place to be.
0:45:23 > 0:45:27Well, it was devastating. I'm able to talk about that. It was devastating.
0:45:27 > 0:45:30I wasn't able to talk about it particularly at the time.
0:45:30 > 0:45:33It just knocked me for six, to be quite honest.
0:45:33 > 0:45:36So I found that very difficult to deal with.
0:45:36 > 0:45:40I had a number of negative emotions all the time,
0:45:40 > 0:45:43which were anger, sadness... jealousy was a huge one.
0:45:43 > 0:45:46So the gym was a medicinal way
0:45:46 > 0:45:50for me to deal with these negative emotions.
0:45:50 > 0:45:55Many a time, I'd have my baseball cap on, and the tears would roll down my cheeks in the gym.
0:45:55 > 0:45:57But that's a good thing,
0:45:57 > 0:46:01because that's unleashing whatever's suppressed inside.
0:46:01 > 0:46:04And as my heart started healing on the inside,
0:46:04 > 0:46:09my body started transforming on the outside. So I'm proud of me.
0:46:09 > 0:46:12I'm able to go out there and show the world what I'm made of.
0:46:14 > 0:46:16Yvette is really empowering.
0:46:16 > 0:46:19She's taken a really challenging situation
0:46:19 > 0:46:22and made it into something positive.
0:46:22 > 0:46:28I think because I now know that, I look at her now and admire her.
0:46:28 > 0:46:31As a result of that, in a way, her body's become more attractive to me.
0:46:31 > 0:46:37It's a powerful body, because she is a really powerful person.
0:46:41 > 0:46:44It's the day of the bodybuilding competition.
0:46:48 > 0:46:51With a hundred male and female contestants,
0:46:51 > 0:46:53everyone is pumped and ready to go.
0:47:01 > 0:47:05There are some seriously buff bodies here.
0:47:05 > 0:47:09I really hope Yvette walks away with her title intact.
0:47:09 > 0:47:12I make use of my backstage pass to wish her luck...
0:47:12 > 0:47:15And have a little sneaky peek at the boys.
0:47:15 > 0:47:19Oh, how can you not look? I mean, I'm just a woman.
0:47:19 > 0:47:21Mmm-mm.
0:47:23 > 0:47:25She's in here.
0:47:25 > 0:47:31- Hi, Yvette. How are you doing? - I'm good.- Who's the hot competition?
0:47:31 > 0:47:33- Who are you worried about? - This young lady!
0:47:33 > 0:47:38- Right here!- Thank you very much. - Now, that is sexy,
0:47:38 > 0:47:41- I have to say. - Those are some big boobies!
0:47:41 > 0:47:46Absolutely. You know how passionate I am about muscle.
0:47:46 > 0:47:47That's some good stock.
0:47:51 > 0:47:53Back in the audience, I take up position to watch
0:47:53 > 0:47:56some truly eye-watering flexing and stretching.
0:47:58 > 0:48:01Next in line is Yvette.
0:48:05 > 0:48:08MUSIC: "Fight For This Love" by Cheryl Cole
0:48:15 > 0:48:19With moves like that, how can she not win?
0:48:25 > 0:48:27INAUDIBLE
0:48:27 > 0:48:32The competition draws to a close, and the results are finally in.
0:48:32 > 0:48:35Yvette has put in an impressive performance.
0:48:35 > 0:48:37My fingers are crossed.
0:48:37 > 0:48:41In third place, Yvette Shaw!
0:48:43 > 0:48:46'Travesty. She's only come away with a bronze.
0:48:46 > 0:48:51'But she's still smiling.'
0:48:51 > 0:48:56- Hello, well done.- Hello, sweetheart. Thank you so much. - Let me see your trophy.
0:48:56 > 0:48:57Here it is.
0:48:57 > 0:49:02You and I know that you were the best, and that's all that matters.
0:49:02 > 0:49:08That was brill. Really nice to meet you. Congratulations, you did great.
0:49:08 > 0:49:11- Thank you. When are you off to the gym next?- Like, right now.
0:49:11 > 0:49:16- Good girl!- Right now.- Off you go. - Thank you so much, Yvette. Bye!
0:49:23 > 0:49:27True to my word, I'm back at the gym.
0:49:27 > 0:49:30After meeting Yvette, I'm not so scared of lifting a few weights.
0:49:30 > 0:49:34It's really nice. Since meeting Yvette, I've actually started
0:49:34 > 0:49:39to accept that my body isn't waif-like and maybe never will be.
0:49:39 > 0:49:42In fact, I'm athletic and quite strong,
0:49:42 > 0:49:45and it'll be really lovely just to look in the mirror
0:49:45 > 0:49:50and see my body changing and think "That's fine, that's who I am."
0:49:50 > 0:49:55But even this small step is pushing me out of my comfort zone.
0:49:55 > 0:49:59Every so often, I have a crisis of confidence and look in the mirror
0:49:59 > 0:50:02and think "Do my legs look too big and my arms too muscly?"
0:50:02 > 0:50:06I'm such a dick. I have to keep telling myself that that voice is a ridiculous voice
0:50:06 > 0:50:09and it can just sod off because I just don't need it,
0:50:09 > 0:50:13and I should just be positive and accepting about my body, and that's the battle.
0:50:17 > 0:50:20I'm still a long way from being cured, but I'm starting to get somewhere.
0:50:20 > 0:50:26I've decided to take naturist Sandra up on her invitation to Nudefest.
0:50:26 > 0:50:28Stripping off worked for her,
0:50:28 > 0:50:31so maybe it'll have the same life-altering effect on me.
0:50:33 > 0:50:35But once I hit the road,
0:50:35 > 0:50:40the reality of being butt naked with 300 strangers dawns on me.
0:50:41 > 0:50:44I'm really nervous.
0:50:44 > 0:50:47I've got adrenaline going all the way through my body.
0:50:47 > 0:50:53I kind of feel like I want to throw up a little bit.
0:50:53 > 0:50:54I don't know if I can do it
0:50:54 > 0:50:58with this kind of fear in my body right now.
0:50:58 > 0:51:03I'm hoping it'll act as a catalyst for afterwards.
0:51:03 > 0:51:07It might affect me. It might give me a sense of body acceptance
0:51:07 > 0:51:11that I can take away with me and use in my everyday clothed life.
0:51:15 > 0:51:20'Arriving at the campsite, I head straight into the pub to find Sandra and Graham.'
0:51:20 > 0:51:22Oh, my God.
0:51:23 > 0:51:28- Hello! How are you? - Nice to see you again.
0:51:28 > 0:51:31Um, everyone's naked.
0:51:31 > 0:51:33Well, that's what we're here for.
0:51:33 > 0:51:36It's going to take me a while
0:51:36 > 0:51:42just to acclimatise. I've got that thing again where I can't look.
0:51:42 > 0:51:46I want to turn round and look at the people at the table behind me, but I can't look.
0:51:48 > 0:51:52What's the common denominator with everyone here?
0:51:52 > 0:51:55Well, I think everybody feels comfortable
0:51:55 > 0:51:56with their bodies,
0:51:56 > 0:52:04so I think everyone is very confident in that way.
0:52:04 > 0:52:07That woman literally just walked in, took off her clothes
0:52:07 > 0:52:09and is now at the bar, getting a drink.
0:52:09 > 0:52:14Yeah. Do you think you'd ever feel comfortable enough to do it yourself?
0:52:14 > 0:52:20I kind of want to, so I'm going to play it by ear. I'm going to acclimatise.
0:52:20 > 0:52:23You've got to be right in your own mind.
0:52:26 > 0:52:30'I'm not yet willing to part with my clothes.'
0:52:33 > 0:52:36Dangerous naked people!
0:52:36 > 0:52:39'Perhaps a tour of the activities on offer will ease me in gently.'
0:52:44 > 0:52:46'But I'm not sure it's working.
0:52:52 > 0:52:56'And the weather definitely doesn't make me want to take my clothes off.'
0:52:59 > 0:53:01I could cut a glass with my nipples.
0:53:01 > 0:53:05I think if I got them out, they might be quite dangerous.
0:53:08 > 0:53:11Time to retreat to the pub for some warmth.
0:53:11 > 0:53:14# Buck naked wearing my skinny skin skin
0:53:14 > 0:53:18# Buck naked in my birthday suit
0:53:18 > 0:53:21# Buck naked and I don't give a hoot
0:53:22 > 0:53:26# Buck naked like a centrefold
0:53:26 > 0:53:30# Buck naked is the way to go. #
0:53:33 > 0:53:35Naked line dancing, everyone!
0:53:35 > 0:53:38I was just very conscious not to touch anyone's bits,
0:53:38 > 0:53:41which is quite hard in line dancing.
0:53:47 > 0:53:53I love naked line dancing. I wish I'd been brave enough to strip down.
0:53:53 > 0:53:59It's very difficult to go from being clothed to naked in a pub.
0:53:59 > 0:54:02The setting is quite challenging.
0:54:04 > 0:54:09So I'm not going to take the plunge and go full frontal in public,
0:54:09 > 0:54:11but I want to see what the fuss is about
0:54:11 > 0:54:14by having a skinny dip before I head home.
0:54:16 > 0:54:21I'm very relaxed. Nothing to worry about.
0:54:23 > 0:54:27It's warm. It's like Barbados, it's so sunny and delicious and warm.
0:54:29 > 0:54:30Ohh!
0:54:30 > 0:54:33Fuck, fuck, fuck.
0:54:33 > 0:54:36Fuck, fuck, fuck.
0:54:36 > 0:54:38OK, I'm going to get naked now.
0:54:42 > 0:54:48Woo! It's really nice. Still very cold.
0:54:50 > 0:54:52Oh, that's really nice.
0:54:52 > 0:54:53Oh, that's lovely!
0:54:55 > 0:54:58Going for a little naked swim. Oh, that is really nice.
0:54:58 > 0:55:01# Born free
0:55:01 > 0:55:06# As free as the wind blows... #
0:55:06 > 0:55:12It feels really free and, like, just feels really nice.
0:55:12 > 0:55:18I don't know what it is. It is just really, it's made me go a bit weird.
0:55:18 > 0:55:23I'm kind of naked, and it's really nice!
0:55:23 > 0:55:26'Being butt naked has been a lot more fun than I thought'.
0:55:26 > 0:55:28I'm naked!
0:55:28 > 0:55:34Look at this, everyone. I'm proud, I'm naked and I'm very cold.
0:55:36 > 0:55:39'But honestly, it's not been that life-changing.'
0:55:39 > 0:55:41# Stay free... #
0:55:48 > 0:55:50One of the things I've realised
0:55:50 > 0:55:54about genuine real body acceptance is that there is no quick fix.
0:55:54 > 0:55:59I'd be lying if I said I didn't have negative thoughts about my body at the moment.
0:55:59 > 0:56:02I still do. It's a really long habit to kick.
0:56:02 > 0:56:06But I feel the difference now is, I know what to do with them.
0:56:06 > 0:56:08I know how to attack them.
0:56:08 > 0:56:12And when I look down and I see something that's not perfect,
0:56:12 > 0:56:15my immediate reaction isn't "Oh, God."
0:56:15 > 0:56:20It's "This is my body, and I'm fit and I'm healthy."
0:56:20 > 0:56:24I have been surprised at how freeing it is
0:56:24 > 0:56:28to just be a bit nicer to yourself.
0:56:30 > 0:56:34Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:56:34 > 0:56:38E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk
0:56:38 > 0:56:41Pose. There, look at those lips.
0:56:41 > 0:56:47Quarter turn. There we go. And smile.
0:56:47 > 0:56:50- That's right, bottom out slightly. Smile.- Exactly.