:00:12. > :00:22.THIS PROGRAMME CONTAINS SOME STRONG LANGUAGE. Some viewers may find
:00:22. > :00:31.
:00:31. > :00:41.some scenes upsetting from the This is exciting. It hit me hard
:00:41. > :00:50.
:00:51. > :00:57.The end of my nose is really big. Can you see that, I have no boobs.
:00:57. > :01:02.I don't feel confident with it. want to do something about my body.
:01:02. > :01:11.I am going to do something about my body. Sod what anyone else thinks -
:01:11. > :01:21.this is my body. You are going to be so much happier.
:01:21. > :01:25.
:01:25. > :01:35.That was the worst experience of my How do you feel about this whole
:01:35. > :01:45.experience? Traumatised. What happens if changing my body
:01:45. > :02:09.
:02:09. > :02:19.doesn't change the way I feel about As you can see, I have been
:02:19. > :02:21.
:02:21. > :02:29.crossing off all of my dates, and so now we are at 19th March. In a
:02:29. > :02:36.couple of days we have got my consultation in Manchester. And
:02:36. > :02:46.then my surgery! On 29th March. I have a nice gold stars because I am
:02:46. > :02:47.
:02:47. > :02:53.a massive loser and that is how I I have the dorsal hump removed but
:02:53. > :03:03.if you did that it would be too straight, not too straight but too
:03:03. > :03:10.pointy. So you need to bring the tip in, only just slightly, but you
:03:10. > :03:20.do need to bring it in otherwise I would have a pointy triangle thing
:03:20. > :03:29.
:03:29. > :03:35.going on. That is basically what I I hate sitting in a row of people.
:03:35. > :03:42.Because I know that everyone can see my side profile and I can't
:03:42. > :03:46.stand that, I hate that. Is it normal for me to go and get my nose
:03:46. > :03:56.changed? No. I don't think it is normal but I think it is fine and
:03:56. > :04:00.
:04:00. > :04:06.perfectly acceptable. But then again, is it normal for
:04:06. > :04:14.someone to get (Inaudible). Do you think it is normal to change your
:04:14. > :04:18.body? It is your body, yeah, you can do what you want with it.
:04:18. > :04:22.It is not about me trying to be something I am not. It is about me
:04:22. > :04:26.trying to be the best version of me that I can be. It is now normal to
:04:27. > :04:31.change your body. #Colour#Blue It is becoming acceptable, part of
:04:31. > :04:41.society to change everything we look like. People want to make a
:04:41. > :04:53.
:04:53. > :04:57.good first impression, people want Cosmetic surgery is becoming a lot
:04:57. > :05:02.more acceptable. I was talking to a friend of mine the other day and I
:05:02. > :05:07.told him I was going to get a boob job and I thought he was going to
:05:07. > :05:12.be shocked or something. No, he just said, o, my mate's girlfriend
:05:12. > :05:17.had hers done and another mate had hers done. I was like, OK, this is
:05:17. > :05:27.a normal thing to talk about then. It is an average conversation, just
:05:27. > :05:44.
:05:44. > :05:49.This is me in the mirror. With my I just think I am horribly flat-
:05:49. > :05:55.chested and I don't like it, I don't like how I look in nice tops,
:05:55. > :06:01.it makes me feel uncomfortable. It would be nice to wear nice dresses
:06:01. > :06:09.or a by keen yes -- bikini and look nice. I always wanted a little
:06:09. > :06:16.extra, something there, real boobs, what other girls have. If you look
:06:16. > :06:22.at what I have to contend with - boobs. All my friends look amazing.
:06:22. > :06:30.It is so annoying. How they can just get dressed and be fine and
:06:30. > :06:34.get on with their life and then there's me trying to get by, buying
:06:34. > :06:38.massive fake bras and padded bras and whatever. OK I am going to have
:06:38. > :06:42.fake boobs but at least they will be attached to me and I never have
:06:42. > :06:46.to take them off. This is holly and she's hot and it is just annoying.
:06:46. > :06:53.That is what I have to live with. But now I am getting my own boobs.
:06:53. > :06:58.It's pretty cool. This is my massive padded bra, can you tell.
:06:58. > :07:08.They're huge now. Let's do the trick, I will take it off and you
:07:08. > :07:09.
:07:09. > :07:13.can see the difference. To nothing. Do you see, nothing. Now it is
:07:13. > :07:17.happening, don't laugh at me, I am in two minds about it. It is a good
:07:18. > :07:27.thing and a bad thing, because she's my friend and I think she
:07:28. > :07:29.
:07:29. > :07:33.looks beautiful the way she is, fuck off off!. I am worried she is
:07:33. > :07:38.has been rushing it slightly. Some people go years, think about it for
:07:38. > :07:43.years and wait. They think about it for years, they don't wait years.
:07:43. > :07:47.No-one I have met has waited years. They get it done and in four months,
:07:48. > :07:52.it is the longest from the first consultation. I don't know, I am a
:07:52. > :07:56.bit worried that maybe she is going to be disappointed at the end of it.
:07:56. > :08:06.I know she is saying at the moment she's not. She's like, I'll have
:08:06. > :08:17.
:08:17. > :08:26.boobs! It's amazing. I am worried Hi, I am Jamie James. I am 25, and
:08:26. > :08:33.this film is about me and my experiences with hair loss.
:08:33. > :08:38.I am a professional dancer, that is what I do. It is my job to look
:08:38. > :08:45.good and my body is my own product, as you can tell I work out quite a
:08:45. > :08:50.bit. It's such a nice day today, we are
:08:50. > :08:54.in the beach in Blackpool. We are in the middle of the promenade at
:08:54. > :09:04.the moment. You can see the tower and big wheel and Pleasure Beach is
:09:04. > :09:23.
:09:23. > :09:29.behind us. There is my brum brum What I don't like about my hair is,
:09:29. > :09:38.as you can see, there is this long piece, so it is receding obviously,
:09:38. > :09:43.so it is like a V, and it goes back quite a bit there. I spend so much
:09:43. > :09:50.time on it, trying to get it in place. I will get up and wash it,
:09:50. > :09:54.shampoo it and blow dry it and straighten it. Just look at my hair
:09:54. > :10:04.constantly and see those bits, I have had to grow it long, this bit
:10:04. > :10:20.
:10:20. > :10:27.here, to make it like a depring. -- What is the reason you are filming
:10:27. > :10:33.me today? Well, you know I have been worried about it for a while
:10:33. > :10:43.and you are like a hairdresser, aren't you and I am sick about it.
:10:43. > :10:43.
:10:43. > :10:47.It is so far back. All right! You know I love dancing and I feel like
:10:47. > :10:51.it's... You are always talking about it. I would hate to think
:10:51. > :10:59.about giving it up because of the way I look. I have been in touch
:10:59. > :11:05.with a clinic and I am doing it, I am getting this new procedure done
:11:05. > :11:10.called Micro Hair Technique, MHT. Where it's like... You get your
:11:10. > :11:15.eyebrows done. It's like that. my God, are you going to have to
:11:15. > :11:23.shave your hair off? Yes. It is going to look amazing. You are
:11:23. > :11:28.going to be so much happier. It's like a tattoo, and it's going to
:11:28. > :11:32.bring my hair line down a lot more and give me like an - I have to
:11:32. > :11:37.shave my head constantly, it is going to give me a number one look,
:11:37. > :11:42.which is like a timeless look, always in fashion. I hope it
:11:42. > :11:52.doesn't hurt. I haven't thought about that. It might hurt. It's
:11:52. > :12:07.
:12:07. > :12:17.Good morning. It is 6.02am. Business disgusting. I have just
:12:17. > :12:19.
:12:19. > :12:29.woken up. Goodbye old nose. I am off to Manchester, so I will see
:12:29. > :12:41.
:12:41. > :12:45.I am in the hospital. I have checked in. I have seen my surgeon.
:12:45. > :12:50.Everything is OK. I have got changed into my sexy gown and I
:12:50. > :12:58.have been given these lovely sexy socks to wear as well. I am ready
:12:58. > :13:08.to go. I am getting quite excited now. A new nose! I will see you
:13:08. > :13:10.
:13:10. > :13:14.after my surgery. When I will have a new nose. Bye.
:13:14. > :13:24.I I have just had surgery, you can see I have a massive thing on my
:13:24. > :13:37.
:13:37. > :13:45.face. I feel nauseous and it still I am wide awake, I randomly woke up.
:13:45. > :13:53.I am so happy right now, because I have been looking in the mirror and
:13:53. > :14:02.stuff, and I can just tell it is amazing. It is a lot smaller and
:14:02. > :14:07.even though though - I am getting emotional, I am trying not to cry,
:14:07. > :14:17.because I don't want my nose to get runny. It's not good. Let me get it
:14:17. > :14:18.
:14:18. > :14:24.together. I'm really buzzing. I haven't even seen it. I can't
:14:24. > :14:31.explain to you, I have packing all up my nostrils. I have two black
:14:31. > :14:41.eyes, which are watering after my tears of joy. My face is swollen,
:14:41. > :14:55.
:14:55. > :15:00.My body makes me feel rubbish. really insecure about the way I
:15:00. > :15:10.look. When I go on holiday, I don't take my T-shirt off. I am just so
:15:10. > :15:12.
:15:12. > :15:19.sick of it. Sometimes I don't want to go out because of it. I want to
:15:19. > :15:24.be happy with the way I look. I have never been happy with that.
:15:24. > :15:34.feel like a part of me isn't being 100% me, because I am hiding what I
:15:34. > :15:40.
:15:40. > :15:46.My body makes me feel like it's not really a part of me. To be honest,
:15:46. > :15:51.it's like Chloe's in there and there are all these other layers
:15:51. > :15:56.around it that is stopping Chloe from coming out, to be honest. A
:15:56. > :16:06.lot of the time it stops me from being happy. And it makes me angry
:16:06. > :16:10.
:16:10. > :16:20.and makes me really sad. Yeah, it makes me feel like I'm not normal
:16:20. > :16:23.
:16:23. > :16:27.I want to lose weight, I want to lose about four.5 stone more now. I
:16:27. > :16:32.am doing a diet where you have four food packs every day, instead of
:16:32. > :16:38.food, so you replace food with that, and you drink up to four litres of
:16:38. > :16:46.water a day. You are meant to lose about a stone a month. I want to do
:16:46. > :16:53.that because I have always wanted to be an actress. I am going over
:16:54. > :17:03.now to the Nuffield Theatre where I am going to have my rehearsal today.
:17:04. > :17:09.
:17:10. > :17:13.This is my costume for the play. This year I was able to audition at
:17:13. > :17:18.drama schools. I didn't get into any of the big places in London,
:17:18. > :17:21.but that's OK. But the feed back I had from them was was good but they
:17:21. > :17:25.didn't think I was ready, I was too young, but they also thought my
:17:25. > :17:35.weight would get in the way of the first year and that they weren't
:17:35. > :17:39.
:17:39. > :17:44.sure if I was going to be able to We are just setting out the alcohol
:17:44. > :17:54.for tonight and the different munchies, because this is my night
:17:54. > :18:03.
:18:03. > :18:10.What do you think about me doing the diet, Josh? I think it is going
:18:10. > :18:20.to be good for you. I think it's cool. It's really good. I think
:18:20. > :18:50.
:18:50. > :18:53.My biggest fear is that I won't be The one thing I would change about
:18:53. > :19:03.myself is the fact that I sweat lots under my armpits, which some
:19:03. > :19:07.people think is normal, but I sweat a lot more than most people seem
:19:07. > :19:13.classed as acceptable or normal. Just so you guys can get an idea of
:19:13. > :19:19.how bad it is, I have worn a T- shirt that's noticeably bad for me
:19:19. > :19:24.and as you can see, the colour change is quite dramatic in
:19:24. > :19:34.something like this. Anything would be an improvement to be honest,
:19:34. > :19:36.
:19:36. > :19:41.even if it just reduces it a little What I would suggest to you is we
:19:41. > :19:48.try botox. It is a very simple procedure, very straightforward. It
:19:48. > :19:53.is a tiny number of tiny small injections, all over your armpit,
:19:53. > :20:03.and what that does, within a few days, it should completely stop the
:20:03. > :20:08.
:20:08. > :20:15.signal that is coming into the the This botox, which obviously sounds
:20:15. > :20:20.really odd for someone of 21 to be having botox, but apparently it
:20:20. > :20:25.should work, just think how many of my friends will be looking at my
:20:25. > :20:35.face to see what parts aren't moving! Hopefully it will change
:20:35. > :21:11.
:21:11. > :21:15.everything, and make me a little I think girls feel really pressured
:21:15. > :21:21.to look perfect all the time. There's been a stereotype made
:21:21. > :21:28.where all girls have to be slim, tanned, and if you are not that,
:21:28. > :21:38.you feel crap, you don't feel good. Young girls are constantly being
:21:38. > :21:38.
:21:38. > :21:45.bombarded with unastainable goal of perfection and flawlessness.
:21:45. > :21:50.pressure used to be just for women and now it is boys as well. I just
:21:50. > :21:56.think there's that many good looking people and they are all in
:21:56. > :22:02.the media, you never see normal people like me, so everybody has to
:22:02. > :22:10.aspire to these, and peer pressure. Sometimes I get very down and
:22:10. > :22:14.paranoid about what other people, although nobody could care less.
:22:14. > :22:24.be successful in life, you have to look skinny, have blonde hair, you
:22:24. > :22:25.
:22:25. > :22:32.The reason I am doing this video is because I am not happy with my
:22:32. > :22:40.appearance. As a teenage girl, at school, full of beautiful girls and
:22:40. > :22:46.good looking people, I am not happy. It's difficult, because if I could
:22:46. > :22:52.say what I would change about my body, I would say I would want hair.
:22:52. > :22:59.This isn't mine. Looking at me self now, I think I am not a normal
:22:59. > :23:05.teenager, I look so masculine, I would like to be for feminine. My
:23:05. > :23:13.eyebrows are tattooed. I don't have any eye lashes, and the reason why
:23:13. > :23:18.I wear these glasses is because without eye lashes stuff falls into
:23:18. > :23:22.my eyes all the time. I go to the gym all the time to try and lose
:23:22. > :23:26.weight to fit it. I come home and take my wig off, because that is
:23:26. > :23:31.what I want to do and I think I would never dream of leaving the
:23:31. > :23:41.house like this and it is my total ambition to do that, but I don't
:23:41. > :23:50.
:23:50. > :23:56.I am about to go to school. Yesterday I came home early because
:23:56. > :24:06.of my acne, because it was so bad. Today I don't want to go into
:24:06. > :24:07.
:24:07. > :24:12.school because it's so painful. I just want to, I know it wouldn't
:24:12. > :24:18.help, but put duct tape on and rip my skin off. I put my cream stuff
:24:18. > :24:22.on but my stin is really -- skin is really hurting. It is really
:24:22. > :24:29.sensitive. But we will see how today goes.
:24:29. > :24:37.It is half way through the day and I have got a few white spots here
:24:38. > :24:42.and one or two here but mostly here. It makes me quite upset, and
:24:42. > :24:52.annoyed. It's like none of my friends have acne, so I don't
:24:52. > :24:57.
:24:57. > :25:05.exactly see it on a day-to-day Here is some of the stuff that I
:25:05. > :25:11.have used in the past. That obviously hasn't worked. Those are
:25:11. > :25:19.basically a tiny amount of things that I have tried. Some doctor
:25:19. > :25:27.stuff was this, I have no idea how you say it. These are my
:25:27. > :25:36.Oxytetracycline tablets. It's got Benzoyl Peroxide in it which is
:25:36. > :25:46.meant to be good. I have done so much research on acne, home
:25:46. > :25:46.
:25:46. > :25:56.remedies, how to get rid of it and obviously - and also talk to go my
:25:56. > :26:01.
:26:01. > :26:07.determineologist -- dermaologist. Today they are going to do some
:26:07. > :26:17.blue and red light thing, that will help get rid of the acne and also
:26:17. > :26:23.
:26:23. > :26:31.kill bacteria. That makes me have I am just having a facial peel. I
:26:31. > :26:36.have just had the lady rub quite vigorously and hard, which was
:26:36. > :26:46.quite painful, but I am just thinking of the outcome and how
:26:46. > :26:56.
:26:56. > :27:02.hopefully how good in the end it It is the day after my treatment.
:27:02. > :27:06.My forehead is looking looking so much better and around my ois and
:27:06. > :27:12.just down my nose, and so I am so happy and that is after one
:27:12. > :27:19.treatment. It's been quite an emotional day today actually,
:27:19. > :27:25.because obviously it is a big thing having my acne being dealt with,
:27:25. > :27:30.being happy about it. Being scared, I guess. Scared might be a word I
:27:30. > :27:40.would use, because it's not a comfort, but it is something that's
:27:40. > :27:55.
:27:55. > :28:05.been there, that I am living with, O my gosh, it's been such a long
:28:05. > :28:19.
:28:19. > :28:25.day. It's actually really good news, I
:28:25. > :28:35.am really happy. I can actually achieve my goal, so at the moment I
:28:35. > :28:36.
:28:36. > :28:40.am a 32A and he said I could even be a D, which is like my dream,
:28:40. > :28:50.boobs basically and big like that as well. I really hope this is
:28:50. > :28:51.
:28:51. > :28:56.recording. It is. I have a couple of pictures of how I would like to
:28:56. > :29:00.look It is definitely more like the fake look I am going for rather
:29:00. > :29:06.than the natural look. To go natural I would have to be small as
:29:06. > :29:15.well and probably get the anatomical implants which are tear
:29:15. > :29:22.drop shapes and I don't like the look of those. The price of this
:29:22. > :29:25.whole whole ordeal, the procedure itself is �5,000. I can do d on
:29:25. > :29:29.finance, because if they didn't have a finance option, you would
:29:29. > :29:33.have to get a loan from your bank. I was considering getting a loan
:29:33. > :29:42.and doing it that way but they have finance and I think I am going to
:29:42. > :29:52.go for the five-year option, which is just �2 less than �100 a month
:29:52. > :29:53.
:29:53. > :30:03.or something for five years. It's been a crazy day today. I am just
:30:03. > :30:16.
:30:16. > :30:25.I think about the way I look constantly. It affects me in every
:30:25. > :30:31.way. I can't even do my hair or make-up without thinking chubby
:30:31. > :30:35.cheeks. I think about my issues every
:30:35. > :30:41.minute of every day. There is never really a time they don't bother me.
:30:41. > :30:46.I think about the way I look all the time. I could be on the phone
:30:46. > :30:51.to someone and I check myself in the mirror to make sure I look OK.
:30:51. > :30:56.I am always constantly comparing myself to other people. I am always
:30:56. > :31:02.looking at other people's noses. That sounds weird but I am always
:31:02. > :31:06.looking at other people's noses. People who know me probably
:31:07. > :31:13.describe me as smily, ambitious, a bit of a perfectionist and probably
:31:13. > :31:23.a bit vain. It is important for me to be the best I can be and so I am
:31:23. > :31:30.
:31:30. > :31:35.My nose from the front isn't that bad, it is more the profile I don't
:31:35. > :31:43.like, it hooks over, I would prefer if it was straighter and slimmer. I
:31:43. > :31:47.don't feel it it works well in bands. It is something I have
:31:47. > :31:57.always focused on. It is something I would look at more than the rest
:31:57. > :32:00.
:32:00. > :32:04.of my face. You zoom into the area I booked my surgery today. He wants
:32:04. > :32:10.to be an open rhinoplasty, which means they have to cut this part of
:32:10. > :32:13.my nose, shave down the bump, to give me the profile I want to see,
:32:13. > :32:18.they have to break the bone here and here, which is what is going to
:32:18. > :32:24.give me possibly black eyes. He is German and usually the stereotype
:32:24. > :32:30.is they are per fictionist -- perfectionists and into fine detail.
:32:30. > :32:38.That is a good thing. Oim hoping when it is straightened it is going
:32:38. > :32:48.to be a lot better. I will probably find something else
:32:48. > :33:00.
:33:01. > :33:06.This is my breakfast. All I am allowed to have is Clearwater. I
:33:06. > :33:12.have just left the house. Everyone is feeling pretty tired. I have mum,
:33:12. > :33:22.my friend Emma and sister Molly. They are all talking about food,
:33:22. > :33:28.
:33:28. > :33:33.which is not helpful. Here is the Too many people think it is a
:33:33. > :33:43.massive do, yes, it's surgery, yes, it is risking your life to an
:33:43. > :33:49.
:33:49. > :33:54.I am not in any pain, I am just feeling a bit uncomfortable. My
:33:54. > :33:58.nose is constantly dripping blood, but apparently that is normal. My
:33:59. > :34:04.surgeon has been in to pull out the packing, which wasn't the nicest
:34:04. > :34:14.experience. But I am about to get ready to leave. I am feeling really
:34:14. > :34:18.
:34:18. > :34:23.good, bit bruised. But I will see Hello. This is my first proper day
:34:23. > :34:27.of doing the diet. This evening I am going to get my first weigh-in
:34:27. > :34:31.to find out what my beginning weight is, so I can lose that
:34:31. > :34:37.weight over the next few months. That should be go. I am going to
:34:38. > :34:45.make a shake now. We have here a blender. I want to have this one
:34:45. > :34:50.hot but you can have them cold or with ice, tastes a bit like a
:34:50. > :35:00.milkshake, but I have pre-boiled the kettle. Pour the water in and
:35:00. > :35:10.
:35:10. > :35:20.And then you just pour into your nice big mug. A bit hot, but fresh
:35:20. > :35:25.
:35:25. > :35:35.for drinking. I am about to drive 96.8, which is 15 stone 2.
:35:35. > :35:42.42. Hips are 47. Now the weight can only drop off, I hope. I will let
:35:42. > :35:51.you know what happens over the next coming week.
:35:51. > :35:56.I have been running along now, quite happily for about half an
:35:56. > :36:05.hour, and it's going really good. I have definitely got a lot more
:36:05. > :36:15.energy. I think this is going to definitely help me to train my
:36:15. > :36:26.
:36:26. > :36:31.Hello. This week has gone really well. I can feel I have really
:36:31. > :36:36.start today lose weight and so much so that I have never been able to
:36:36. > :36:46.fit into Urban Outfitters clothing, and I went there and bought a dress,
:36:46. > :36:57.
:36:57. > :37:07.and it fits! I was really happy 15 stone 2 last week. Well done you,
:37:07. > :37:21.
:37:21. > :37:26.To be honest, I was originally a little bit disappointed with only
:37:26. > :37:29.losing 5lbs because I was hoping that I would lose about 7 or
:37:29. > :37:35.something like that, so I don't know, I thought it was a bit low,
:37:35. > :37:41.as I have tried so hard this week. I will have to keep on going with
:37:41. > :37:51.it and hopefully the weight that I felt I should have lost this week,
:37:51. > :37:56.
:37:56. > :38:03.will come off next week with the rest. We'll see.
:38:03. > :38:08.It is It's It's been really difficult this week,, I was busy at
:38:08. > :38:13.college, I have gone out a few times with friends into town, and I
:38:13. > :38:22.have drunk alcohol, which I am not meant to do on this diet and it's
:38:22. > :38:32.quite tough because me and my boyfriend broke up yesterday. It's
:38:32. > :38:52.
:38:52. > :38:57.For as long as I can remember, I have been overweight. I want to
:38:57. > :39:06.change my weight. I never used to look like this, I used to be nine
:39:06. > :39:11.stone. Everything is huge and disgusting. At the moment I have
:39:11. > :39:15.these and I have to walk with these because I have strained ligaments
:39:15. > :39:18.in my ankle and I blamed it on my running shoes, but I think deep
:39:18. > :39:28.down we all know it is because of my weight and my joints can't cope
:39:28. > :40:07.
:40:07. > :40:11.I have lived with my mum since I was about four when my parents
:40:11. > :40:19.split up. My mum gained a lot of weight due to the depression of the
:40:20. > :40:23.divorce. Her habit of eating a lot, comfort
:40:23. > :40:27.eating, turning to food when she was feeling a certain emotion, she
:40:27. > :40:35.passed those on to me, so I have had those from quite an early age
:40:35. > :40:45.really. During the day I work as a dog-
:40:45. > :40:48.
:40:48. > :40:53.I am 25, I am not living the life I want to. I am afraid to go out. I
:40:53. > :40:56.am afraid to socialise and meet people to follow my dreams. I need
:40:57. > :41:03.to do something now otherwise I am going to waste the next 30 years of
:41:03. > :41:07.my life being depressed and fat and unhappy.
:41:07. > :41:11.With that in mind, in January I started looking to Bariatric
:41:12. > :41:18.surgery and then I found a procedure called the gastric sleeve
:41:18. > :41:21.which I read about a lot and decided it was perfect for me.
:41:22. > :41:27.She is practically my baby, she comes everywhere with me really.
:41:27. > :41:31.She is my best friend. What the gastric sleeve does is chops off
:41:31. > :41:41.three-quarters of your stomach and leaves you with a very small
:41:41. > :41:43.
:41:43. > :41:48.I had a look in the UK at how much this would cost and the procedure
:41:49. > :41:53.that I am having done would cost about �11,000, which was something
:41:53. > :41:58.I couldn't even contemplate affording, I am self-employed, I
:41:58. > :42:04.earn very little, I can't afford to pay rent or car insurance yet. The
:42:04. > :42:08.place I am going to, the surgery only costs �6,500, I have saved it
:42:08. > :42:17.in a year, I borrowed a little bit from my father and I have borrowed
:42:17. > :42:23.some from my mum. The company I am going with are based in the Czech
:42:23. > :42:33.Republic. I fly out on 22nd July, have the op on the Tuesday and fly
:42:33. > :42:41.
:42:41. > :42:47.This is me in underwear pre-op, before I have even started the pre-
:42:47. > :42:53.op diet. As you can see I am quite large, I don't like my arms under
:42:53. > :42:59.here, they are very chunky. I am hoping when I lose weight the skin
:43:00. > :43:06.around there doesn't go all saggy. My boobs are quite small in
:43:06. > :43:10.proportion to my weight. My stomach is an area I really dislike. My
:43:10. > :43:18.thighs, as you can see, are quite large. They are like tree trunks,
:43:19. > :43:24.not an area I am fond of. If I turn to the side, oh, lord, then I am
:43:24. > :43:30.quite wide and my bum sticks out a very long way. I really don't like
:43:30. > :43:37.the size of my mum. If I turn round, you can see here, I have rolls of
:43:37. > :43:41.back fat which I don't like. It is all very ugly, very unattractive. I
:43:41. > :43:46.won't get naked in front of boy friends and even remove underwear,
:43:46. > :43:50.this is about as maked as -- naked as I will get in front of anyone
:43:50. > :43:54.and I stay covered up. It is not something I am very comfortable
:43:54. > :43:59.with. Hopefully once I have lost some weight and I am a lot smaller,
:43:59. > :44:09.I should start feeling more comfortable in my own body and be
:44:09. > :44:23.
:44:23. > :44:27.The thing I would like to change about myself is my hair. I am
:44:27. > :44:33.having a hair transplant. Very unhappy. You are probably looking
:44:33. > :44:38.at it now thinking it is not a great hair line. I have stuff in it
:44:38. > :44:44.that makes it look better than it actually is. This is hair in a can
:44:44. > :44:54.as my mates call it. This is my hair with nothing in and how it
:44:54. > :45:01.
:45:01. > :45:07.looks. You can see quite a bald I am going to show you now a
:45:07. > :45:12.picture of when I was about 22- years-old, my hair there, that is a
:45:12. > :45:18.picture of me with a girlfriend. It is a relatively full head of hair.
:45:18. > :45:27.I don't expect to get back to that. If I could it would be amazing. I
:45:27. > :45:36.imagine most people saw a picture of me would think tummy tuck, lip
:45:36. > :45:43.owe suction, but those issues don't even worry me. Whereas this
:45:43. > :45:53.particular one, for whatever reason, has got to me. Quite badly really,
:45:53. > :46:05.
:46:05. > :46:09.I am in London. I am about to get on the Underground to go to the
:46:09. > :46:15.Harley Street hair clinic for my first consultation, I am really
:46:15. > :46:21.excited. Bit tired, because I have been up since 2.00am, to get the
:46:21. > :46:26.overnight bus here for an audition at 9.00. So I am a bit tired. My
:46:26. > :46:36.hair, yet again, got really sweaty in the audition. So I am not happy
:46:36. > :47:02.
:47:02. > :47:12.about that. Just looking forward to Just having my morning stretch in
:47:12. > :47:16.my garden. I have just come back from London. With my consultation
:47:16. > :47:25.about colour or kind of shape it is going to be, like I didn't want it
:47:25. > :47:31.too like urban looking. I wanted it to suit my personality and stuff.
:47:31. > :47:36.I'm a bit stiff today. I hope it's going to look good. I think it will
:47:36. > :47:41.do. I think it is going to look more masculine. I am feeling a bit
:47:42. > :47:51.nervous about it as well, because it is going to be a big change for
:47:52. > :47:56.
:47:56. > :48:02.me. I want to hurry up and get it It is a big thing and... I lost you
:48:02. > :48:07.there for a second. I think most people would go yeah you look good
:48:07. > :48:17.and you look different. Your hair has grown two inches down your
:48:17. > :48:25.forehead. It's taken over my life a a little bit, because that is all I
:48:25. > :48:35.am thinking about. It is quite an anxious time for me at the moment.
:48:35. > :48:38.
:48:38. > :48:46.I am trying to keep busy with This is where the magic happens, my
:48:46. > :48:52.room. And we are going to have a look at some of the photos of
:48:52. > :48:59.before my accident, when I had lovely hair and lovely skin. This
:48:59. > :49:06.is when I was around about eight or nine I think it was. I think this
:49:06. > :49:15.is when I was in year eight, that is when I started to things out
:49:15. > :49:20.with my hair. This is when I started dying my hair. I went back
:49:20. > :49:24.to blonde when I turned 17. And I started growing it again when my
:49:24. > :49:34.baby sister was born. At this point here, I started to really take
:49:34. > :49:59.
:49:59. > :50:06.It's January. That was where my life changed, probably the most
:50:07. > :50:14.than it has ever changed, on 6th, a Friday night, I lit a candle in my
:50:14. > :50:22.room and my lovely long hair dropped into the flame of this
:50:22. > :50:27.candle, so my hair caught light quite literally and my whole entire
:50:27. > :50:34.face went up in flames. It is a photo not for the faint hearted I
:50:34. > :50:41.am afraid. This is the night of my accident.
:50:41. > :50:48.There is another one where I am looking pretty grim. I became blind
:50:48. > :50:53.because my face swelled up so much. I lost a chunk of my ear and I was
:50:53. > :51:03.left with gaping open wounds. But I was lucky enough that just two days
:51:03. > :51:11.
:51:11. > :51:17.after my injury happened, my eyes I would love to say since my
:51:17. > :51:22.accident nothing has changed. But you can't go through something of
:51:22. > :51:28.that magnitude and still be the same afterwards. Once something so
:51:28. > :51:34.simple and destructive happens to you and something that is so
:51:34. > :51:41.incredibly traumatic and has such incredible consequences, I might
:51:41. > :51:51.have just lost my hair and little bits of my face, but I have lost my
:51:51. > :51:51.
:51:51. > :52:36.Apology for the loss of subtitles for 45 seconds
:52:36. > :52:46.OK, so, I am here at the surgeons to get my bandage removed. I am
:52:46. > :53:00.
:53:00. > :53:10.I am trying to look in the mirror. God, it's so weird.
:53:10. > :53:10.
:53:10. > :53:16.I just feel like my face is very open, I can't explain it.
:53:16. > :53:25.It's literally like the weirdest feeling in the world. Like looking
:53:25. > :53:32.at your face and and not being like your face.
:53:32. > :53:42.My profile is incredible. He was really pleased. It's almost perfect.
:53:42. > :53:48.My nose is so cute. My eyes are watering again, I feel
:53:48. > :53:58.like such a loser, stop crying. I am just really happy. This is
:53:58. > :53:58.
:53:58. > :54:03.actually the best thing I have ever done. Words can't actually even
:54:03. > :54:12.explain how amazing this feeling is, just to know this thing I hate sod
:54:12. > :54:22.much about myself -- so much about myself is completely gone.
:54:22. > :54:26.
:54:26. > :54:36.It's such a relief. I am buzzing. And any word which
:54:36. > :55:08.
:55:08. > :55:16.What I am going to have is a hair transplant. What is going to happen,
:55:16. > :55:22.they will strip all my hair at the back, which will last for probably
:55:22. > :55:26.my lifetime, so it is good hair, a strip is taken from the back, a
:55:26. > :55:31.strip of skin that is taken, so they can pull the good follicles
:55:31. > :55:38.out there and plant them into the top of my head.
:55:38. > :55:48.Good morning. How are you? Very well. Are you ready for today?
:55:48. > :55:49.
:55:49. > :55:58.about. So, the surgery will be very relaxed, low key. You will be able
:55:58. > :56:06.to have a drink or have a bit of a snack later. Blood pressure is good.
:56:06. > :56:11.What I am going to ask you to do then is to sign the consent form.
:56:11. > :56:16.It's about what possible complications, like your head will
:56:16. > :56:21.be a bit sore for the next few days, the fact that you may feel numb for
:56:21. > :56:25.a while, the sensation comes back gradually. It talks about that you
:56:25. > :56:31.will have a scar hidden with your hair, but should be very fine,
:56:31. > :56:41.hardly noticeable and that infection is very, very rare.
:56:41. > :57:04.
:57:04. > :57:12.There are risks involved, you can damage the top your head, it might
:57:12. > :57:22.not work, the whole process could be a waste of time.
:57:22. > :57:27.There is ab element of pain you go I have done a hell of a lot of
:57:27. > :57:31.research and I think celebrities have had them done, and the
:57:31. > :57:41.research I have done is if they are done well and properly by the right
:57:41. > :57:52.
:57:52. > :57:58.people, they do work and they do This is what it looks like. It
:57:58. > :58:01.looks very student at the minute. I can't show the rest of my head
:58:01. > :58:06.until I have had the staples out which is about ten days or
:58:06. > :58:13.something like that, until I go back. So I will stopping indoors
:58:13. > :58:17.for that period of time. But it worked well and what I have got, I
:58:17. > :58:25.am chuffed to bits really. I hope that I keep everything that's there,
:58:25. > :58:35.because that would be amazing. Feeling good. Feeling happy.
:58:35. > :58:44.
:58:44. > :58:48.I have left the house for the first time since my surgery. I am meeting
:58:48. > :58:54.my mum, to do a bit of shopping. Getting some really funny looks,
:58:54. > :59:03.but I'm not that bothered. Everything thinks I have been
:59:03. > :59:08.beaten up or something. I want to say to to everyone, I have had a
:59:08. > :59:18.nose job. Everybody assumes I have been in a fight. I am getting
:59:18. > :59:26.
:59:26. > :59:33.How do you feel about this whole experience? Traumatised. Elaborate.
:59:33. > :59:43.It's probably one of the hardest things, seeing your child, your son,
:59:43. > :59:44.
:59:44. > :59:50.who you gave birth to, who you think is perfect in every way any
:59:50. > :00:00.way, to be so unhappy with an element of his appearance that he
:00:00. > :00:02.
:00:02. > :00:12.feels that he needs to, that the only option for him is surgery. And
:00:12. > :00:22.it was just the worry of what might happen, the recovery and the fact
:00:22. > :00:35.
:00:35. > :00:41.that in my mind it wasn't necessary. It's hard to watch her reaction,
:00:41. > :00:46.her thoughts, because when I filmed this I caught her off-guard and you
:00:46. > :00:50.can tell that they are genuine thoughts that have affected her.
:00:50. > :00:56.Our generation is different to her generation. Cosmetic surgery wasn't
:00:57. > :01:00.a big thing and wasn't that popular when she was younger. It's
:01:00. > :01:05.completely different, different way of thinking, to think that you
:01:05. > :01:10.would have a risky surgery to improve your appearance for the
:01:10. > :01:14.sake of vanity. It was a lot for me to put everyone through, but I felt
:01:14. > :01:22.in my head it was something I needed to go and I had to be a bit
:01:22. > :01:32.selfish about it. I think it is going to be worth it. Hopefully
:01:32. > :01:39.
:01:39. > :01:43.You see in magazines and on internet, if you don't look a
:01:43. > :01:47.certain weight or do a certain thing, there must be something
:01:47. > :01:53.wrong with you. I think once or twice I have look indeed a magazine
:01:53. > :01:59.and seen someone who looks similar to me facially and then had this
:01:59. > :02:05.killer boed body and I thought oh come on, like I look like that.
:02:05. > :02:15.Magazines make you think you have to look perfect to do well and have
:02:15. > :02:19.a nice life. Just because there is so much available right now to fix
:02:19. > :02:24.yourself, there is no excuse not to. Watching certain programmes on the
:02:24. > :02:27.TV made me realise if I want it, I can have it done. These people
:02:27. > :02:37.aren't millionaires, you don't have to be a millionaire to afford
:02:37. > :03:01.
:03:01. > :03:05.Hello. Yes, it's been a week since surgery today. I have got my friend
:03:05. > :03:11.Emma round, this is the first time she has come to see me since last
:03:11. > :03:17.week. Her boobies feel weird. has seen them and had a feel.
:03:17. > :03:27.are not boobs, they are mountains. It's like she's had the Himalayas
:03:27. > :03:42.
:03:42. > :03:45.strapped to her chest or something. I tried tried You are like
:03:45. > :03:55.Frankenhooker, you still have stitch marks, you are like
:03:55. > :04:13.
:04:13. > :04:17.It's time to say bye to all my old I have not done that before. That
:04:17. > :04:22.is so ridiculous, look at the difference. The bras I have to wear
:04:22. > :04:32.now compared to what I used to wear, it is such a joke. It looks like
:04:32. > :04:32.
:04:32. > :04:39.this one is for a five-year-old. I am still a 32 band, so they are the
:04:39. > :04:49.same length but look at the cup difference. It's slightly
:04:49. > :04:52.
:04:52. > :04:58.embarrassing even. And this is a 32 D. 32 bloody da.. Proof. It's not
:04:58. > :05:02.about the numbers though. You have to remember, it is not about the
:05:03. > :05:12.number, it is about the confidence, how you look naked, how you feel in
:05:13. > :05:16.
:05:16. > :05:23.your skin. I have had this top, my friend Emma gave me this top, when
:05:23. > :05:33.I was 15 or something. I had nothing to show for it. I never
:05:33. > :05:46.
:05:46. > :05:54.Hello. I love it. I love how it looks, it's great. This is the
:05:54. > :06:03.excellent bra that I am wearing. Look at them. They are so fun. It's
:06:03. > :06:13.like a handful, or a bit more. Maybe two handfuls. Look at those
:06:13. > :06:23.They are still a bit sore every now and again, but they do the trick.
:06:23. > :06:34.
:06:34. > :06:38.That's pretty much all from me. What the gastric sleeve does is
:06:38. > :06:47.chops off three-quarters of your stomach and leaves you with a very
:06:47. > :06:57.small stomach in its place. The company I am going with are
:06:57. > :07:15.
:07:15. > :07:19.We just went for a gastroscopy and they just said like there and she's
:07:19. > :07:24.going to put something in to your arm and then they will do it and
:07:24. > :07:34.the next thing I knew I was in a waiting area and not having a clue
:07:34. > :07:39.
:07:40. > :07:44.OK, so it's the night before the operation. My very last night
:07:44. > :07:50.before I get sleeved, as tomorrow my stomach will be three-quarters
:07:50. > :07:59.of the size it is today and I will be on a liquid diet for a few weeks,
:07:59. > :08:04.so it will be an interesting day tomorrow. Can't wait.
:08:04. > :08:08.I know how worried my mum is about the surgery. I know how worried my
:08:08. > :08:13.friends are. Scared about the possibility that I might not wake
:08:13. > :08:17.up. That is not something I want to happen on vusly -- obviously. Now I
:08:17. > :08:27.am a little bit panicked just in case anything goes wrong, if
:08:27. > :08:46.
:08:47. > :08:50.anything happens. No, I am not My biggest fear about my France
:08:50. > :08:56.formation is what happens -- transformation is what happens if I
:08:56. > :09:02.am slim, if I am attractive, and nobody still likes me, I still feel
:09:02. > :09:06.unworthy, unlovable, that men won't be interested in me, what happens
:09:06. > :09:16.if changing my body doesn't change the way I feel about myself and
:09:16. > :09:36.
:09:36. > :09:42.I am in ICU, that was the worst experience of my life. Dear God,
:09:42. > :09:51.when I woke up, I thought thought I was dying, I was in absolute agony.
:09:51. > :10:00.I have been throwing up blood. My scars on my stomach are killing. I
:10:00. > :10:05.have still got the drains in, I will show you, still got drains in
:10:05. > :10:09.my stomach, pumping out the blood and I still have an IV in my arm. I
:10:09. > :10:19.will have these in all night and possibly the drain for a couple of
:10:19. > :10:41.
:10:41. > :10:47.OK, so I am finally home. They told me I would feel like I had been hit
:10:47. > :10:51.by a truck and I did. On Tuesday I was thinking holy crap why have I
:10:51. > :10:56.done this to myself, you stupid bitch, you could have done it the
:10:56. > :11:01.easy way, without the surgery, because I was in so, so much pain
:11:01. > :11:09.that I was cursing myself. I will show you my scars now that I am a
:11:09. > :11:15.few days out. These are my battle wounds. They are not too bad, the
:11:15. > :11:21.little ones. This is the worst one worst one and that is where my
:11:21. > :11:28.stomach was removed. That is where most of my pain is coming from. So
:11:28. > :11:33.I have just got to rest as much as I can and keep drinking the liquids
:11:33. > :11:43.while it it heels over the next few days. I am so glad I did it, I just
:11:43. > :12:01.
:12:01. > :12:11.So, like, I can't believe that this day has come round so quick. And
:12:11. > :12:24.
:12:24. > :12:29.like, it's just sunk in that it's # I'm about to lose control and I
:12:29. > :12:34.think I like it # I'm so excited and I just can't
:12:34. > :12:43.hide it # I know, I know, I know, I know I
:12:43. > :12:53.want you That sums up how I am feeling in
:12:53. > :13:18.
:13:18. > :13:28.the medium of song and dance. You can see it's starting to go. It
:13:28. > :13:37.
:13:37. > :13:47.It be won't be drawn on like this, it will be like dot, dot, dot, to
:13:47. > :14:08.
:14:08. > :14:15.That is us all done now Jamie. going to go and look in the mirror.
:14:16. > :14:25.It's wicked, I love it. How are you feeling? Yeah, great,
:14:25. > :14:35.it is amazing. So different. Gosh, I look so different with it. It
:14:35. > :14:41.
:14:41. > :14:45.does look a bit red, but that will I'm just in Blackpool picking up my
:14:45. > :14:49.friend Natalie. She's just finished rehearsals and it is the first time
:14:49. > :14:53.she will see my new hair, a couple of days after my treatment and I am
:14:53. > :14:58.so happy with it, over the moon, all the redness has gone down and
:14:58. > :15:03.everything. I wonder what she will say.
:15:03. > :15:10.Hi, hurry up, you nutter, I am going to get done. How are you
:15:10. > :15:20.doing. I love it. Here we are under the tower. How do you like it?
:15:20. > :15:21.
:15:21. > :15:31.is amazing. It looks like real hair. It is amazing, isn't it. Touch it.
:15:31. > :15:38.
:15:38. > :15:48.Oh my God. It feels like real hair. I am so happy with it. Love d.
:15:48. > :16:08.
:16:08. > :16:18.I don't want to stay ugly. But it's really close to that, how I see
:16:18. > :16:36.
:16:36. > :16:46.distorted and disfigured, really OK, so this is some of my daily
:16:46. > :16:47.
:16:48. > :16:57.routine. Around about 3.00, about the time that I would take this off.
:16:58. > :17:04.
:17:04. > :17:09.You get to see what I really look like. As you can see, there is a
:17:09. > :17:15.lot of scarring around here and there is a lot missing from my ear,
:17:15. > :17:25.and this is what I am trying to get rid of. And this hair used to be
:17:25. > :17:29.
:17:29. > :17:36.right down here, so I miss it a lot. This is what I have to do every day.
:17:36. > :17:45.Washing away anything horrible that shouldn't be on there. These are
:17:45. > :17:55.silicone-based patches which makes sure that the scars soften. That is
:17:55. > :18:01.
:18:01. > :18:07.all reassembled. I put this on over And make sure this is in the right
:18:07. > :18:17.place. Now I am really playing a waiting
:18:17. > :18:27.game, which is the worst part I think, because it is not knowing
:18:27. > :18:30.
:18:30. > :18:36.whether I'm healing in the way I should be. That's quite scary.
:18:36. > :18:41.I would absolutely love to meet someone who can see beyond my scars
:18:41. > :18:47.and love me for who I am, and yes, I would love a white and pink
:18:47. > :18:57.wedding, and I would love children. But if that doesn't happen, it
:18:57. > :18:59.
:18:59. > :19:07.doesn't happen. It's not for me to I am never going to look the way I
:19:07. > :19:15.want to, because of the things in my way. But I can't see how people
:19:15. > :19:25.who are naturally beautiful want to risk losing that just to make
:19:25. > :19:40.
:19:40. > :19:45.themselves look a little bit more I am just arriving at Wimpole
:19:45. > :19:49.Street to get my cast taken off. I am lucky enough it is round the
:19:49. > :19:59.corner from where I work. This is the last time you are going to see
:19:59. > :20:17.
:20:18. > :20:24.How do you feel? Good. It's so straight, thank you. I love it.
:20:24. > :20:30.It's surreal. It looks amazing. Incredible. Having had two weeks of
:20:30. > :20:36.looking at a cast. How do you feel looking at it? It doesn't feel like
:20:36. > :20:43.me. I have never seen you before, before your rhinoplasty, but it
:20:43. > :20:53.looks like the nose you should have been born with. If I had an image
:20:53. > :21:15.
:21:16. > :21:19.in my mind, it is exactly what I I just thought I would get back in
:21:19. > :21:26.the mirror and show you my new hair. It's given me more confidence. I
:21:26. > :21:30.have got a job dancing in America now. I don't think I would have
:21:30. > :21:35.been able to have done it so easily without the confidence after having
:21:35. > :21:45.my hair done. I am glad I am happy with it, I because I can't really
:21:45. > :21:55.
:21:55. > :22:01.go back, I can't really change it. I am currently on a run at the
:22:01. > :22:11.moment, and botox is working really well. Not even slightly sweating
:22:11. > :22:21.
:22:21. > :22:26.under there but soaked all the way Looking back, I don't think losing
:22:26. > :22:30.weight was actually as important as I thought it would be, but then I
:22:30. > :22:33.think it was mostly other people telling me that it was the most
:22:33. > :22:37.important thing. I have gained a lot more control and independence
:22:37. > :22:42.about what I want to do and I have realised, fair enough, I might need
:22:42. > :22:52.to do t but I decide when I want to do it and I will do it the way I
:22:52. > :22:59.
:22:59. > :23:03.want to and that is what I am doing Don't like it, looking in the
:23:03. > :23:07.mirror constantly, doing that to see if any more hair falls out, it
:23:08. > :23:17.is going to be a difficult few months dealing with that, I am
:23:18. > :23:19.
:23:19. > :23:29.pleased the scar is healing well. It's just waiting to see how things
:23:29. > :23:32.
:23:32. > :23:37.turn out. I am in the hands of the That was before the surgery how it
:23:37. > :23:47.was, without my hair in a can, that was about two months ago, so it
:23:47. > :23:48.
:23:48. > :23:53.wasn't great really. And that is current. It is a matter of it
:23:53. > :24:03.thickening up now, that is what I want to happen and what will make
:24:03. > :24:06.
:24:06. > :24:13.me over the moon and delighted with My skin is absolutely perfect, I do
:24:13. > :24:19.that and it's smooth, I know one day my scars will go, and they are
:24:19. > :24:24.so minimal at the moment. So I am so chuffed, where I have got to,
:24:24. > :24:34.and just where I am at this moment in time, with my confidence and my
:24:34. > :24:36.
:24:36. > :24:42.My scar is almost completely gone, you can probably see underneath,
:24:42. > :24:47.there is a Tynely line. Since I have had the nose job, I have gone
:24:47. > :24:53.on to have my upper set of teeth and lower set of teeth changed
:24:53. > :25:03.slightly. The top is now completely straight line, whereas before the
:25:03. > :25:10.
:25:10. > :25:16.I I wouldn't mind having my boobs done, not because I want massive
:25:16. > :25:25.boobs, because they are not that small, by it is more like the shape,
:25:25. > :25:29.I want them to be rounder. This is actually the top I wore originally
:25:29. > :25:38.before, you can definitely compare it and see the difference and it's
:25:38. > :25:46.great. The only thing is, I any I would probably want to go bigger if
:25:47. > :25:54.anything eventually. I am now 13 weeks out, so just over three
:25:54. > :25:59.months and I am down 61lbs as of the weigh-in this morning. I have a
:25:59. > :26:06.defined waist. I feel a lot more confident like this than how I
:26:06. > :26:11.looked three months ago. The whole journey is down to me now, yes, I
:26:11. > :26:18.have a smaller stomach but if I don't make the right choices every
:26:18. > :26:23.day, every meal in fact, then the weight won't come off. There have
:26:23. > :26:28.been lots of changes regarding my home life. I have a serious
:26:28. > :26:32.boyfriend, and I have actually moved into his house. I am still