0:00:02 > 0:00:05I'm Nina. I'm married and I have two children and I have a fun job
0:00:05 > 0:00:08but a few months back, I started to really worry
0:00:08 > 0:00:10about whether I was getting the best out of life
0:00:10 > 0:00:13and started to question, is this it?
0:00:13 > 0:00:14So I knew that out there,
0:00:14 > 0:00:18there was a whole industry professing to help with this kind of angst
0:00:18 > 0:00:20so I entered the world of New Age Therapies
0:00:20 > 0:00:24to find out whether it was populated by charlatans or to see if they'd be able to help me.
0:00:24 > 0:00:27That's not the whole story. Nina has a monkey.
0:00:27 > 0:00:29Yes, I omitted to say that I'm a ventriloquist.
0:00:29 > 0:00:31And I came with her on this journey
0:00:31 > 0:00:33cos she gets swept away with this kind of shit.
0:00:33 > 0:00:37So ironically, it was up to me, her imaginary friend,
0:00:37 > 0:00:40to keep it real.
0:00:40 > 0:00:43THEY YELL AT EACH OTHER
0:00:43 > 0:00:45You've got the car. You've got the house.
0:00:45 > 0:00:49Your finances seem reasonable, you've got the family but something's missing.
0:00:49 > 0:00:51Argh! Ha-ha-ha!
0:00:51 > 0:00:53- You're Nina's husband?- Yes.
0:00:53 > 0:00:56What do you think about your wife's search for enlightenment?
0:00:56 > 0:00:58I think it's stupid.
0:00:58 > 0:01:01Enlightenment is a process of feeling lighter every day.
0:01:01 > 0:01:03Don't you feel there's something in there?
0:01:03 > 0:01:05I'm not sure she goes that deep.
0:01:05 > 0:01:07HE ROARS
0:01:07 > 0:01:08Why won't you look at me?!
0:01:08 > 0:01:11I'm just not really enjoying it.
0:01:11 > 0:01:12What, life?
0:01:12 > 0:01:14SHE BREATHES HEAVILY
0:01:14 > 0:01:18Everything is going to come back to discovering who you are.
0:01:18 > 0:01:20SHE SCREAMS
0:01:30 > 0:01:35She's fabulous, and I'm not going to say anything other than her name.
0:01:35 > 0:01:37So would you please welcome on stage
0:01:37 > 0:01:39Nina Conti.
0:01:40 > 0:01:43- Hello. Uh, this is exciting.- Yeah.
0:01:43 > 0:01:46Do they know it's ventriloquism?
0:01:46 > 0:01:47Yeah, they catch on quick.
0:01:47 > 0:01:50- Do they know how I feel about it? - I don't know.
0:01:50 > 0:01:52- I think it's a dead art.- OK.
0:01:52 > 0:01:54What are we doing?
0:01:54 > 0:01:57I thought I'd go on the search for enlightenment, Monkey.
0:01:57 > 0:02:00Nice easy achievable horizons, then.
0:02:00 > 0:02:02No biggie.
0:02:04 > 0:02:06So, where to start, Conti?
0:02:06 > 0:02:08Well, there's a book shop in London
0:02:08 > 0:02:10famous for its massive collection of New Age and occult books.
0:02:10 > 0:02:14What's wrong with a good John Le Carre?
0:02:14 > 0:02:16Where do we begin?
0:02:16 > 0:02:18I don't know, alphabetically?
0:02:18 > 0:02:22Goes from magic to secret societies, astrology and...
0:02:22 > 0:02:25- Special offers.- Yeah, best sellers.
0:02:25 > 0:02:27Hmm.
0:02:27 > 0:02:29- Breathing, this one.- Breathing?
0:02:29 > 0:02:31Yeah, why don't you master that?
0:02:31 > 0:02:33Reiki.
0:02:33 > 0:02:36I don't know, it's not exactly a page-turner.
0:02:36 > 0:02:40I can experience that if you just unglove yourself.
0:02:40 > 0:02:43That's the one, Look for Yourself.
0:02:43 > 0:02:47"The Science and Art of Self-Realisation."
0:02:47 > 0:02:50New Age Literature's exploded from a specialist niche
0:02:50 > 0:02:52into a multi-million pound industry.
0:02:52 > 0:02:56Yes, and what does that say about humans today?
0:02:56 > 0:02:59- Try not to just go for the largest font, Nina.- Yeah.
0:02:59 > 0:03:01Imagine I'm a metal detector.
0:03:01 > 0:03:05Just scan me over it, and I'll beep when I get to the good one.
0:03:05 > 0:03:08Over, over, over, got it.
0:03:08 > 0:03:11- Naked Being?- Yeah, get it. Read it.
0:03:11 > 0:03:14- There you are.- "Undressing your mind and transforming your life."
0:03:16 > 0:03:19- Essences.- Smells, in other words.
0:03:19 > 0:03:21It's Joan Rivers.
0:03:21 > 0:03:23No, no, no. It's not Joan Rivers.
0:03:23 > 0:03:26Well, they share a facial surgeon.
0:03:27 > 0:03:31Oh, shit. I love this. Pick and mix. Are these minty?
0:03:31 > 0:03:34No, Monkey, they're not...not to eat.
0:03:34 > 0:03:38In the shop window, I see a guy doing tarot card readings.
0:03:38 > 0:03:43Hmm. Maybe he can tell us the future of our journey.
0:03:43 > 0:03:44Hello. I'm Nina.
0:03:47 > 0:03:50Next card, near future card.
0:03:52 > 0:03:55Well, bit difficult card,
0:03:55 > 0:03:57so many thoughts, a crowd, you know.
0:03:57 > 0:04:00- OK.- Coming and going too fast, traffic.- All right.
0:04:00 > 0:04:02- Traffic is too fast.- Too fast.
0:04:04 > 0:04:06Oh ho! Very difficult card.
0:04:06 > 0:04:08Loneliness,
0:04:08 > 0:04:11- tension, tied up.- Hmm.
0:04:11 > 0:04:13OK, the last card.
0:04:14 > 0:04:16That is your card.
0:04:16 > 0:04:20I don't believe it. "Totally bananas"?
0:04:20 > 0:04:21That's our ultimate destiny
0:04:21 > 0:04:24and that is why she has an imaginary friend.
0:04:24 > 0:04:26Oh, well, you are very lucky.
0:04:26 > 0:04:30Do you think he just got that one cos I'm a monkey?
0:04:30 > 0:04:31No, I chose the card.
0:04:31 > 0:04:34- he didn't choose the card. - We were set up.
0:04:34 > 0:04:36No, it wasn't. Anyway, what does it matter?
0:04:37 > 0:04:40You know, you haven't got the attention span
0:04:40 > 0:04:42for the whole book thing.
0:04:42 > 0:04:44Well, yeah, I'm happier doing something practical
0:04:44 > 0:04:48and that's why I want to meet Shazzy, the raw food expert.
0:04:48 > 0:04:52She claims that raw food can help me find deep bliss and happiness.
0:04:52 > 0:04:54Maybe a little gash on the way.
0:04:56 > 0:04:58OK. Come on, Monkey, we're here.
0:04:58 > 0:05:02Going to get enlightened through lettuce or something?
0:05:02 > 0:05:03Well, we'll see.
0:05:03 > 0:05:05- Hello.- Hello.
0:05:05 > 0:05:07- Hello, I'm Monkey.- Hello, Monkey.
0:05:07 > 0:05:10I went raw originally 12 years ago
0:05:10 > 0:05:13because I was very depressed. I had an amazing job.
0:05:13 > 0:05:16I had a fantastic boyfriend, a beautiful house.
0:05:16 > 0:05:18Really nice new car. All the things,
0:05:18 > 0:05:21lovely family, great friends, great social life
0:05:21 > 0:05:23and I was empty.
0:05:23 > 0:05:24- Wow.- I was completely empty.
0:05:24 > 0:05:27And what I discovered along the road,
0:05:27 > 0:05:29I would say the raw food was a huge part of it.
0:05:29 > 0:05:32- All right, let's eat.- Shall we?
0:05:32 > 0:05:35- I want to find out what kind of things you like to eat.- OK.
0:05:35 > 0:05:40I eat latte and croissant in the morning, and I eat...what do I eat?
0:05:40 > 0:05:43Lunch is like a sandwich or a soup, or a salad.
0:05:43 > 0:05:44I'm so bored, I'm going to die.
0:05:44 > 0:05:47Look at this. This has got loads and loads of greens in it.
0:05:47 > 0:05:50- Oh, it looks like I did that. - But it's sweet.
0:05:50 > 0:05:54That's very much... very fieldy-looking.
0:05:55 > 0:05:58It's real chocolate in its uncooked form. Do you want to try some?
0:05:58 > 0:06:00That's weird, isn't it?
0:06:00 > 0:06:02How would I know?
0:06:02 > 0:06:05- I'm going to try really hard not to eat these.- Really?
0:06:05 > 0:06:08And do you get really skinny on all this food?
0:06:10 > 0:06:13I'm sitting here while you're eating this shit. I don't know what to do.
0:06:13 > 0:06:15Well, I'm sorry you can't be involved.
0:06:15 > 0:06:19- This is a cheese that I've made. - Cashew cheese.- Cashew cheese.
0:06:19 > 0:06:22My intention is to feel more connected and more calm
0:06:22 > 0:06:26and more enlightened and less stressy day-to-day lifey sort of thing.
0:06:26 > 0:06:29How do you think that this would help that?
0:06:29 > 0:06:33It will help but you can also do other things.
0:06:33 > 0:06:36You can seek other things that are going to unravel you.
0:06:36 > 0:06:40We're going to meet my shaman and he's called Shaun,
0:06:40 > 0:06:43- and he also looks a bit like a monkey.- Really?- Yep.
0:06:43 > 0:06:46- And he's your shaman?- He's my shaman.- Your personal shaman?
0:06:46 > 0:06:48- He's a lot of people's shaman. - You let him out?
0:06:51 > 0:06:53- I call him my witch doctor.- Right.
0:06:53 > 0:06:56- So, you know, he kind of... - He makes potions.
0:06:56 > 0:06:59- He does make a few potions. - What are we going to do, exactly?
0:06:59 > 0:07:02- We're going to tweak your feet. - OK. How nice.
0:07:05 > 0:07:07And then just relax.
0:07:07 > 0:07:08Relax, it's a nice thing.
0:07:08 > 0:07:11Just relax, just relax and let it flow.
0:07:11 > 0:07:13I'd like to know when you became a shaman.
0:07:13 > 0:07:17Basically, I ingested a plant substance one day
0:07:17 > 0:07:20and I realised that, um,
0:07:20 > 0:07:25I had been basing my existence on a belief system which wasn't true.
0:07:25 > 0:07:28- Right.- And that I'd actually had an experience
0:07:28 > 0:07:34where my soul left my body, and I went into a different dimension.
0:07:34 > 0:07:37And this plant helped you find that out?
0:07:37 > 0:07:39To have this realisation.
0:07:39 > 0:07:43Without the plant, do you think you would have ever found it?
0:07:43 > 0:07:46I think eventually, I feel there's so many different paths
0:07:46 > 0:07:49- to finding the one truth...- Hmm. - ..in so many different languages.
0:07:49 > 0:07:53Kind of feel like I'm at a party.
0:07:53 > 0:07:56- But that's what life is now! - Life is a party?- Life is a party.
0:07:56 > 0:07:57Is there a goal?
0:07:57 > 0:08:00- It's more of a journey.- Right.
0:08:00 > 0:08:01It's a journey.
0:08:01 > 0:08:03I've been eating sprouting mung beans.
0:08:03 > 0:08:06- I've been questioning my whole existence.- In what way?
0:08:06 > 0:08:09Well, I have a hand up my arse, therefore I am.
0:08:09 > 0:08:10The rest is a charade.
0:08:10 > 0:08:11And what's brought this on?
0:08:11 > 0:08:15Well, I've been eating some tasty plants in the back garden.
0:08:15 > 0:08:18- You're mean.- No, seriously.
0:08:21 > 0:08:23Someone who's successfully changed their life
0:08:23 > 0:08:26and given up a lucrative career in trading
0:08:26 > 0:08:29and become a guru is this woman, Guru Kaur.
0:08:29 > 0:08:31Is there any money in it?
0:08:31 > 0:08:35The word "guru" means... "Gu" means darkness
0:08:35 > 0:08:36and "ru" means light.
0:08:36 > 0:08:39So it means the process of going from darkness to light.
0:08:39 > 0:08:41The thing about darkness into light...
0:08:41 > 0:08:44You're worried, aren't you? You don't have the darkness.
0:08:44 > 0:08:48I'm a little worried because I can be tetchy and unpleasant at times.
0:08:48 > 0:08:51- And I can be gloomy and rubbish.- Yeah.
0:08:51 > 0:08:57But something dark or a real crisis, I don't think I've had.
0:08:57 > 0:09:00There needs to be a moment where you say,
0:09:00 > 0:09:03"This life is not enough for me, I want more."
0:09:03 > 0:09:06I would love to be a much better person.
0:09:06 > 0:09:09Also, I've got children, I have to give them the best time possible.
0:09:09 > 0:09:12- Absolutely.- And I want to be at my full potential.
0:09:12 > 0:09:16- I really do because I'm awful when I'm angry and stuff.- No, as a...
0:09:16 > 0:09:19- As a mother, the mother is a child's first teacher.- Uh-huh.
0:09:19 > 0:09:24And your role with your children is fundamental to shaping their future.
0:09:24 > 0:09:26They're teaching you that you need to do something
0:09:26 > 0:09:28- about your tetchiness, your grumpiness.- Yeah, yeah.
0:09:28 > 0:09:31They are teaching you.
0:09:31 > 0:09:33- How do you get a turban? - How do you get a turban?- Yeah.
0:09:33 > 0:09:37You go and buy one. You buy five metres of fabric and you tie it on.
0:09:37 > 0:09:39That's how you get a turban.
0:09:39 > 0:09:42- You don't need any permission to wear one?- Absolutely not.
0:09:42 > 0:09:45- It goes on first thing in the morning?- Yeah.
0:09:45 > 0:09:47For me it's almost like a self-crowning,
0:09:47 > 0:09:49like saying, "This is who I am."
0:09:49 > 0:09:53I am the opposite of a whore, if you want to, you know...
0:09:53 > 0:09:56- Right.- I feel...majestic. - Oh, that's a pity.
0:09:56 > 0:09:59- Oh, Monkey that's awful. - What did you say?
0:09:59 > 0:10:03- Oh, that's a pity.- Well... - We were getting on so well.
0:10:03 > 0:10:05We are getting on well, aren't we, Monkey?
0:10:05 > 0:10:07But you know, there's other ways to relate to people than sex.
0:10:15 > 0:10:18- Ooh, that feels good.- You like it?
0:10:18 > 0:10:20- That is what pulls it together. There you go.- It's nice.
0:10:20 > 0:10:24- So... - It does slightly affect your hearing.
0:10:24 > 0:10:27Hello. You're a dog.
0:10:27 > 0:10:29'No, I'm not. I'm an angel.'
0:10:29 > 0:10:32Oh, are you? You talk too. I didn't know you...
0:10:32 > 0:10:34DOG BARKS
0:10:34 > 0:10:37THEY CHANT
0:10:42 > 0:10:46I have to say, Nina, I found the look of you in that turban slightly troubling.
0:10:46 > 0:10:51But I loved it. I loved wearing a turban and doing Kundalini yoga
0:10:51 > 0:10:53and feeling like somebody else.
0:10:53 > 0:10:56But you can't just dress your way to enlightenment.
0:10:56 > 0:10:58You can't just wear the clothes.
0:10:58 > 0:11:01You've got to do some study and read the books.
0:11:01 > 0:11:02- Yeah, I know.- Good Lord.
0:11:02 > 0:11:04Women these days. Honestly.
0:11:11 > 0:11:14The New Age seems bursting with various brands of yoga
0:11:14 > 0:11:17and the one we're about to do is laughter.
0:11:17 > 0:11:21So insulting, Nina. Don't I bring laughter into your life?
0:11:21 > 0:11:24Well, no, because I always know what you're going to say.
0:11:24 > 0:11:27We're going to be doing laughter as yoga. So people often ask,
0:11:27 > 0:11:30are we going to be doing yoga postures or anything else.
0:11:30 > 0:11:33We're not, you can if you want to but you're not obliged to
0:11:33 > 0:11:35so you can keep your legs not around your head.
0:11:35 > 0:11:40We're going to be laughing for no reason.
0:11:40 > 0:11:42So no jokes, no comedy, nothing to get,
0:11:42 > 0:11:45you can't be inside or outside what's going on,
0:11:45 > 0:11:48we're just going to be laughing for no reason,
0:11:48 > 0:11:50which you'll be experts at by the end of the hour.
0:11:50 > 0:11:52Ho, ho, ho, ho.
0:11:52 > 0:11:56ALL: Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.
0:11:56 > 0:11:59Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.
0:11:59 > 0:12:02- Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.- ALL: Ha-ha-ha.
0:12:02 > 0:12:04- Ooh, hoo-hoo-hoo.- Hoo-hoo-hoo.
0:12:04 > 0:12:08Oooh! Ha-ha-ha!
0:12:08 > 0:12:10Oh, God!
0:12:10 > 0:12:13Wa-ha-ha!
0:12:13 > 0:12:17Hee-hee-hee-hee!
0:12:17 > 0:12:20Very good, very good, yay!
0:12:20 > 0:12:25- Altogether. - ALL: Very good, very good, yay!
0:12:25 > 0:12:28LAUGHTER
0:12:28 > 0:12:30STRAINED LAUGHTER
0:12:30 > 0:12:32Ah-ha-ha-ha!
0:12:32 > 0:12:38LAUGHING CONTINUES
0:12:43 > 0:12:45I feel lonely.
0:12:45 > 0:12:47Ha-ha!
0:12:47 > 0:12:50- I want to die.- Ha-ha-ha!
0:12:50 > 0:12:53I want to slit my furry little wrists.
0:12:53 > 0:12:56Aaaaah! Ha-ha-ha!
0:12:56 > 0:12:58Ha-ha-ha(!)
0:12:58 > 0:13:01Ha-ha, ha-ha. Hee-hee.
0:13:01 > 0:13:04Hee, hee, hee. I can't do it, Nina.
0:13:04 > 0:13:07No, I found it intensely difficult, I have to say.
0:13:07 > 0:13:10- I mean, I think she's a force for good.- Yeah, she's nice.
0:13:10 > 0:13:15But you know, I felt very... For me, it was very depressing.
0:13:15 > 0:13:18Here we go, another invitation.
0:13:18 > 0:13:21This yoga session promises to help me discover the animal I really am,
0:13:21 > 0:13:24free from the trappings of normal life.
0:13:24 > 0:13:26In other words, you've got to get your kit off.
0:13:26 > 0:13:29- Did you have a look in there? - Yeah, I did.
0:13:29 > 0:13:33At least it's not a swingers' party, Nina.
0:13:33 > 0:13:36Of course it isn't. You keep bringing it down to this.
0:13:36 > 0:13:39Let's be high-minded. Honestly.
0:13:39 > 0:13:42Let's get to a higher plane, it's not about that.
0:13:42 > 0:13:44OK, if you're ready?
0:13:44 > 0:13:46Yeah, I think so.
0:13:46 > 0:13:49Just don't interrupt me with your weirdest thoughts.
0:13:49 > 0:13:51Check out who's got the biggest dick.
0:13:51 > 0:13:53(I'm not going to do that.)
0:14:03 > 0:14:06It's all about listening to your body
0:14:06 > 0:14:08and acting in accordance to that.
0:14:08 > 0:14:11So there's no "should" in any way. There's no "you should do this,"
0:14:11 > 0:14:14or there's no pushing or forcing or ambition.
0:14:14 > 0:14:18It's more an enquiry into how your body is feeling today.
0:14:22 > 0:14:25There is some theory that, they say
0:14:25 > 0:14:28that the chi around the body kind of is stuck by clothes,
0:14:28 > 0:14:31- particularly artificial fibres. - Right.- Cotton is better.
0:14:31 > 0:14:35But don't, like, quote me because I'm not a real authority on that.
0:14:39 > 0:14:42I think it's the best thing I've seen so far.
0:14:42 > 0:14:45Really? Ah, thank you, Monkey.
0:14:45 > 0:14:49It's funny, you get to know yourself through it that way, I suppose.
0:14:49 > 0:14:53You do, well it is an enquiry into being human,
0:14:53 > 0:14:56- into being yourself, that's what it's all about.- Yeah.
0:14:56 > 0:14:58- An open enquiry into who you are. - Yeah.
0:14:58 > 0:15:01Did you enjoy it?
0:15:01 > 0:15:03No!
0:15:03 > 0:15:06- Why not?- I felt shy.
0:15:06 > 0:15:11You didn't look shy. Got your tits out, got your arse out,
0:15:11 > 0:15:12got out the whole caboodle.
0:15:14 > 0:15:16I didn't really have a choice.
0:15:16 > 0:15:19There's a choice. You dirty slut!
0:15:21 > 0:15:22Right, so I've met a shaman,
0:15:22 > 0:15:26a tarot card reader, a raw foodist and a laughter yogist.
0:15:26 > 0:15:28Yeah, and we're done with tits and turbans.
0:15:28 > 0:15:30But apparently, that's just the tip of the iceberg
0:15:30 > 0:15:36cos there's a convention happening where all alternative intelligence converges in one enormous epicentre.
0:15:36 > 0:15:38Da-da-dah!
0:15:39 > 0:15:40Grimsby.
0:15:45 > 0:15:47- You seem jolly.- Well, I'm quite excited, Monkey.
0:15:47 > 0:15:51About Grimsby? What good thing ever came out of Grimsby?
0:15:51 > 0:15:54Don't be like that. I...
0:15:54 > 0:15:55This is going to be really exciting
0:15:55 > 0:15:59because we've been doing this and that in London and it's been OK
0:15:59 > 0:16:02but it's difficult to sustain the feeling of, you know,
0:16:02 > 0:16:05energy and goodness that you get from these things
0:16:05 > 0:16:08but here everybody's going to be under one roof.
0:16:08 > 0:16:10Oh, God.
0:16:18 > 0:16:19Oh, is this it?
0:16:23 > 0:16:24Is it Christmas decorations?
0:16:24 > 0:16:26No, they're candles.
0:16:26 > 0:16:28Can't eat that on the raw food diet.
0:16:28 > 0:16:33Aromatherapy, jingly-janglies...
0:16:33 > 0:16:34Where do we start?
0:16:34 > 0:16:37What's your definition of enlightenment?
0:16:37 > 0:16:39- I haven't got one. - You haven't got one?
0:16:39 > 0:16:41- No, I'll tell you when it happens. - Ah, right.
0:16:43 > 0:16:45Is it working yet?
0:16:45 > 0:16:49Well, it's...it empties my mind.
0:16:49 > 0:16:51I wondered why I wasn't saying anything.
0:16:51 > 0:16:53You feel enlightened?
0:16:53 > 0:16:55I feel much nicer, thank you. It was really nice, yeah.
0:16:55 > 0:16:58I want one next time.
0:16:58 > 0:17:01- Didn't touch my head. - No, never mind.
0:17:01 > 0:17:03- You do aura photography?- We do, yes.
0:17:03 > 0:17:06Can you do our collective aura, Nina and mine?
0:17:06 > 0:17:08Can we have a go?
0:17:08 > 0:17:09Can we sit in the seat?
0:17:09 > 0:17:12Does she have to think anything?
0:17:12 > 0:17:16No, just be in your own space and look at the camera. There you go.
0:17:16 > 0:17:19So, were you trying to radiate anything when you did it?
0:17:19 > 0:17:21No, I had a very blank mind.
0:17:21 > 0:17:24How do you get the aura in the camera? How does it do it?
0:17:24 > 0:17:27You've got sensors on your hands,
0:17:27 > 0:17:30- so on your hand, there's, like, sensors.- Right.
0:17:30 > 0:17:33Then what they do is acupressure points. You put them onto here.
0:17:33 > 0:17:34Ah, that's what it is.
0:17:34 > 0:17:37And that tree, that sort of green foliage coming from her head,
0:17:37 > 0:17:40- what's that? That's the future stuff?- That's the future.
0:17:40 > 0:17:44- That's connecting with animals, and you've got the monkey.- Oh, yeah.
0:17:44 > 0:17:47But the animals, the nature and all new ideas coming.
0:17:47 > 0:17:49What's this, what does this do?
0:17:49 > 0:17:52This is a metatronic healing tool.
0:17:52 > 0:17:55And what this actually does is, this connects with sacred geometry.
0:17:55 > 0:17:58- Wow.- Did you make it yourself? In the garage?
0:17:58 > 0:18:03- No. The Buddhist Monks from Glastonbury made it.- Oh, really?
0:18:03 > 0:18:05But can you time-travel with it?
0:18:05 > 0:18:08Probably you could if you wanted to, if you meditated on it,
0:18:08 > 0:18:11so if you held it and meditated on it, you could, yeah.
0:18:11 > 0:18:12- Yeah.- It's very relaxing.
0:18:12 > 0:18:15It reminds of the flux capacitor in Back To The Future.
0:18:15 > 0:18:18SHE CHANTS
0:18:20 > 0:18:23Removing any blocks where you may have been killed,
0:18:23 > 0:18:28from the witch, psychic, closing down your psychic powers
0:18:28 > 0:18:32and we ask for this world to be saved by the hand of God.
0:18:32 > 0:18:33It is done. It is done. It is done.
0:18:33 > 0:18:38I was trying to see, but I can't actually see with these marble eyes.
0:18:38 > 0:18:41Cos her eyes were closed, I missed the whole show.
0:18:41 > 0:18:45Ooh! Two things have jumped out at me, and I mean jumped out at me.
0:18:45 > 0:18:48- You're a Virgo.- Yeah.- That's good.
0:18:48 > 0:18:53You've got Mercury very close to the line. That is communication.
0:18:53 > 0:18:56Well, I mean, if you've not followed your chart,
0:18:56 > 0:18:58that is amazing, isn't it?
0:18:58 > 0:19:03What the fuck is it all about, Nina?
0:19:03 > 0:19:06Is it really about angels and crystals?
0:19:11 > 0:19:15All right, so you're going to set fire to a candle in Nina's ear?
0:19:15 > 0:19:16Yes.
0:19:16 > 0:19:19I'm highly flammable, I should say at this point.
0:19:19 > 0:19:21I'm not sure I...
0:19:22 > 0:19:23Ooh, it's going in.
0:19:23 > 0:19:27# Happy birthday to you... #
0:19:27 > 0:19:28You two worry too much.
0:19:28 > 0:19:31You worry about where life's going to take you. Just go with the flow.
0:19:31 > 0:19:34She's looking for enlightenment.
0:19:34 > 0:19:37Ah, the big E. The Enlightenment.
0:19:37 > 0:19:40I think you are the creative side of Nina.
0:19:40 > 0:19:45And I think she can say things to people through you that she can't say to them in person.
0:19:45 > 0:19:48Yeah, she's hardly spoken since we sat down. Have you noticed?
0:19:48 > 0:19:50- I noticed, yeah.- She's a bit of a...
0:19:50 > 0:19:52Enlightenment is always within.
0:19:52 > 0:19:56You can't find it on a stall. You'll not find it from somebody out there.
0:19:56 > 0:19:58You've got the car, you've got the house.
0:19:58 > 0:20:02Your finances seem reasonable, you've got the family, but something is missing.
0:20:02 > 0:20:06And it's the spiritual side of us, we are spiritual by nature...
0:20:06 > 0:20:08Do you think I'm unhealthy for Nina?
0:20:08 > 0:20:10No, absolutely not, everybody should have a voice.
0:20:10 > 0:20:12- You know?- Or two.- Or two.
0:20:12 > 0:20:15Excuse me... NINA SNEEZES
0:20:15 > 0:20:17Bless you, bless you.
0:20:17 > 0:20:20Bless you. That's a sign of a spirit.
0:20:20 > 0:20:22You're allergic to the spirits.
0:20:22 > 0:20:25- That's a sign of a spirit coming through, actually.- Is it really?
0:20:27 > 0:20:29You know, I'm finding your target seriously soft.
0:20:29 > 0:20:34I just don't feel good with you sniping at well-meaning folk who believe in angels, you know?
0:20:34 > 0:20:36I'm getting frustrated.
0:20:36 > 0:20:39All these things don't have a sustaining effect on this search for enlightenment.
0:20:39 > 0:20:41My God, does it even exist?
0:20:41 > 0:20:44Well, monks sacrificed years of their lives, Nina.
0:20:44 > 0:20:47They sacrificed their whole lives doing meditation.
0:20:47 > 0:20:50You can't expect to get it in a quick TV show.
0:20:51 > 0:20:54Yeah, but I haven't got years to give,
0:20:54 > 0:20:56I haven't got sacrifice to give.
0:20:56 > 0:20:58You know, what's there for the normal person?
0:20:58 > 0:21:00I don't know. What do you suggest?
0:21:04 > 0:21:05'It's time to up the ante, Monkey.
0:21:05 > 0:21:09- 'Do what?- In Scotland, OK, there's a radical retreat
0:21:09 > 0:21:14'where for three days you can be reborn through primal therapy.
0:21:14 > 0:21:17'I've got no idea what I'm letting myself in for here.
0:21:17 > 0:21:20'Things are about to get heavy.'
0:21:32 > 0:21:34- Hello.- Hello, how are you?
0:21:34 > 0:21:38- And welcome.- Ah, thank you. - Welcome to Scotland and Penninghame.
0:21:38 > 0:21:41- Thank you very much. This is Monkey. - Hello.- Hello.- Hi, Monk.
0:21:41 > 0:21:44- Hello.- Hello, nice to meet you, Raymond.
0:21:44 > 0:21:46Well, this is very exciting.
0:21:46 > 0:21:48- Hello.- Hello, participants.
0:21:48 > 0:21:50- Hi.- Nice to meet you.
0:21:50 > 0:21:51- Hello.- Hi.
0:21:51 > 0:21:54- We're slightly ridiculous. We feel ridiculous right now.- Yeah.
0:22:03 > 0:22:06So how do you feel about doing the course, Monkey?
0:22:06 > 0:22:09Oh, I'm here as a journalist. It's Nina that's going to do it.
0:22:09 > 0:22:12- OK, Nina is doing it. - I will participate.
0:22:12 > 0:22:14- Yeah, OK, so you participate in this.- Yes.
0:22:14 > 0:22:15What is this course?
0:22:16 > 0:22:18Where do we start?
0:22:18 > 0:22:21The first course I done of this nature many years ago,
0:22:21 > 0:22:23- maybe, I don't know...- 15 years.
0:22:23 > 0:22:2515 years ago, I was terrified.
0:22:25 > 0:22:28There was one point I went to grab hold of Marie and run out.
0:22:28 > 0:22:31They were all bonkers here, you know.
0:22:31 > 0:22:35I have some friends, they come and knocked on the door of the house in London.
0:22:35 > 0:22:37"Where you been? What you been doing?"
0:22:37 > 0:22:40I told them about the course. "We want to come."
0:22:40 > 0:22:42How did you describe it?
0:22:42 > 0:22:44- I didn't have to, they just looked at me.- Really?
0:22:44 > 0:22:47And they said, "Whatever you've been doing,
0:22:47 > 0:22:50"we want some of that," basically. Of course I told them...
0:22:50 > 0:22:54I hate to say it, but you're not quite giving off that radiance tonight.
0:22:56 > 0:22:57This is 15 years ago.
0:22:57 > 0:23:00That's Ray Winstone, that's not you.
0:23:00 > 0:23:04- That's amazing.- You went from Ray Winstone to Michael Caine.
0:23:04 > 0:23:06I don't know why Monkey says the things he says.
0:23:08 > 0:23:12That's your first faux pas, Monkey. You do look fabulous.
0:23:12 > 0:23:16I feel like I'm being experimented on by rich people.
0:23:16 > 0:23:19An inner process has begun.
0:23:19 > 0:23:22Are we going to get tears?
0:23:22 > 0:23:24I want high emotions, Nina.
0:23:24 > 0:23:29Not doing any more of this shopping around the alternative therapy circuit.
0:23:29 > 0:23:32I want some high, high stakes.
0:23:32 > 0:23:34Can't promise you tears, Monkey.
0:23:34 > 0:23:36Why are you so placid, for God's sakes?
0:23:37 > 0:23:41I don't know, maybe I'm just sort of normal.
0:23:41 > 0:23:42Apart from me.
0:23:42 > 0:23:44Apart from you, I think I'm pretty normal, yeah.
0:23:44 > 0:23:47GONG CLASHES
0:23:51 > 0:23:55TABLA DRUMBEAT
0:24:12 > 0:24:14Ten minutes of breathing .
0:24:14 > 0:24:17SHE PANTS QUICKLY
0:24:17 > 0:24:19The more you breathe, the more intensely you breathe,
0:24:19 > 0:24:22the rest of the meditation will follow itself.
0:24:22 > 0:24:24That will catalyse everything that comes after.
0:24:24 > 0:24:28So after the breathing, expression,
0:24:28 > 0:24:31everything out, whatever's triggered will come out of you.
0:24:31 > 0:24:33I'll be your eyes.
0:24:33 > 0:24:34OK.
0:24:36 > 0:24:38THEY BREATHE QUICKLY
0:24:46 > 0:24:48NINA BREATHES QUICKLY
0:24:48 > 0:24:52Do the arm thingy. The funky chicken.
0:24:52 > 0:24:53Oh, God!
0:25:00 > 0:25:02How do you feel?
0:25:02 > 0:25:04Ridiculous.
0:25:05 > 0:25:07THEY YELL
0:25:10 > 0:25:13YELLING AND SCREAMING
0:25:13 > 0:25:16Oh, Monkey.
0:25:16 > 0:25:18Oh, fucking hell!
0:25:18 > 0:25:20This is bullshit!
0:25:20 > 0:25:21I fucking hate this!
0:25:21 > 0:25:24SCREAMING CONTINUES
0:25:24 > 0:25:27Oh! Oh, Monkey.
0:25:28 > 0:25:30Does every day start this way?
0:25:33 > 0:25:37I swear to God, by day three, you'll be howling with the best of them.
0:25:37 > 0:25:40I don't like it.
0:25:41 > 0:25:43GONG CLASHES
0:25:43 > 0:25:44Thank God for that.
0:25:44 > 0:25:46Ho! Ho! Ho!
0:25:46 > 0:25:48Oh, now for the jumping.
0:25:48 > 0:25:50Ho! Ho! Ho!
0:25:50 > 0:25:52Ho. Ho.
0:25:52 > 0:25:54Ho! Ho!
0:25:54 > 0:25:57Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho!
0:25:57 > 0:25:59Ho! Ho!
0:25:59 > 0:26:05RAGA MUSIC PLAYS
0:26:14 > 0:26:17Breakfast, showers,
0:26:17 > 0:26:21and we meet back here at 10.15, OK?
0:26:25 > 0:26:26Thank you.
0:26:26 > 0:26:28- This is Monkey.- Hello, Monkey.
0:26:28 > 0:26:31- Pleased to meet you.- Hello. - Nice to meet you, Rosie.
0:26:32 > 0:26:35- This morning I found difficult.- Yes.
0:26:35 > 0:26:38She felt ridiculous.
0:26:38 > 0:26:41And I found the breathing hard
0:26:41 > 0:26:44'and then the dancing wasn't so hard'
0:26:44 > 0:26:48- but the breathing and the 'ho-ing' was hard.- Yes.
0:26:48 > 0:26:50Yeah, it's quite unusual.
0:26:50 > 0:26:54So when you do it for the first time, it's sort of...
0:26:54 > 0:26:57It's hard. You know, come out of a normal life and into this
0:26:57 > 0:27:00and you think, "Oh, my God, I don't think I can do it, I feel so silly."
0:27:00 > 0:27:03Yeah, it takes a little time, you know, to start breathing,
0:27:03 > 0:27:06- to start coming down into the body, that's natural.- Mm-hmm.
0:27:14 > 0:27:17We're going down towards our childhood
0:27:17 > 0:27:19so we just begin to open the door.
0:27:26 > 0:27:28This was my bedroom. I had bunk beds.
0:27:28 > 0:27:31I was an only child, but I had bunk beds just for the fun of it.
0:27:31 > 0:27:35And I remember calling for juice in the night, my mum coming with juice.
0:27:35 > 0:27:38I remember really hurting my mum's feet
0:27:38 > 0:27:43with this little toy that I used to ride on called Rabbit Runaway
0:27:43 > 0:27:45and I drove over her feet on purpose.
0:27:45 > 0:27:48But it really upset me because it reminded me
0:27:48 > 0:27:53how much my mum did for me as a toddler in those boring years
0:27:53 > 0:27:55and that I'm doing that now.
0:27:55 > 0:28:00And I felt that I hadn't appreciated her at all,
0:28:00 > 0:28:02and I'm nasty to her, so that's...
0:28:02 > 0:28:05Yeah, amazing, the amount of stuff that I'm not... Thank you.
0:28:07 > 0:28:10I don't have a home or a family.
0:28:22 > 0:28:24So, mothers,
0:28:24 > 0:28:30your role here is that you're going to be totally unavailable mothers.
0:28:30 > 0:28:32You're going to be preoccupied,
0:28:32 > 0:28:37you're not listening, you're not present. You're not there.
0:28:37 > 0:28:40So you will go in as a presence to your child
0:28:40 > 0:28:44and you will just stand at the end of the mattress where your child is
0:28:44 > 0:28:48and you will just...be there.
0:28:48 > 0:28:50You don't have to say anything or do anything.
0:28:50 > 0:28:54And the child, of course, will be asking for attention -
0:28:54 > 0:28:57and you will just not be there.
0:28:57 > 0:28:59There's a lot of absent parenting sometimes,
0:28:59 > 0:29:03not really there, not really present.
0:29:03 > 0:29:05So that's your role.
0:29:05 > 0:29:07That's all you have to do, is just do that.
0:29:07 > 0:29:10TRIBAL DRUMBEAT PLAYS
0:29:10 > 0:29:12MAN YELLS
0:29:12 > 0:29:14YELLING CONTINUES
0:29:16 > 0:29:18WOMAN SCREAMS
0:29:20 > 0:29:21Take the cushion, Gordon.
0:29:21 > 0:29:23Take the cushion.
0:29:31 > 0:29:33HE YELLS
0:29:33 > 0:29:35Why won't you look at me?!
0:29:35 > 0:29:38LOOK AT ME!
0:29:38 > 0:29:40LOOK AT ME!
0:29:44 > 0:29:46HE YELLS
0:29:54 > 0:29:56Just look away, just keep cool,
0:29:56 > 0:29:59keep cool, keep calm, keep cool.
0:29:59 > 0:30:01Just be cold, cold.
0:30:03 > 0:30:05Not present.
0:30:05 > 0:30:09RHYTHMIC BANGING IN BACKGROUND
0:30:21 > 0:30:23(I feel bad for that guy.)
0:30:23 > 0:30:24Pardon?
0:30:24 > 0:30:27(I feel bad for that guy. Then that made me upset, but I mean it's...)
0:30:27 > 0:30:31- Yes.- (..you know.)
0:30:31 > 0:30:35But that upsetness that you feel that is you, that's your feelings.
0:30:35 > 0:30:38- Aha. Not his feelings you mean?- No.
0:30:38 > 0:30:41DAWN CHORUS
0:30:41 > 0:30:44We're going start the process again around mother.
0:30:44 > 0:30:48So we're going to start this time by painting an actual
0:30:48 > 0:30:52picture of your mother, as you see her.
0:31:08 > 0:31:12Poor mother getting dragged into this shit.
0:31:12 > 0:31:14Let's stick her up there.
0:31:17 > 0:31:18When you've done that,
0:31:18 > 0:31:22come and choose a hat which is appropriate for your mother.
0:31:25 > 0:31:28And then you can just begin to walk around the room,
0:31:28 > 0:31:29try and find her rhythm.
0:31:31 > 0:31:34Other mothers in the room, introduce yourself.
0:31:34 > 0:31:37And talk as your mother. Be your mother, fully.
0:31:37 > 0:31:39- Hello.- Hello. What's your name?
0:31:39 > 0:31:41- Kara.- Caroline? Kara.
0:31:41 > 0:31:46At the moment, my chief task is babysitting for Nina - for her two boys.
0:31:46 > 0:31:49She then told us that there was...
0:31:49 > 0:31:53They're with us at the moment, and yes, it's quite tiring,
0:31:53 > 0:31:55but it's absolutely lovely. He's a lovely baby.
0:31:55 > 0:31:59I'll tell you all about him and I won't stop talking all night, if you ask me.
0:31:59 > 0:32:02OK. So, close your eyes, go inside.
0:32:03 > 0:32:05And you're going to step out...
0:32:06 > 0:32:09of your mother's energy...
0:32:09 > 0:32:14symbolically, you can just take your hats off and put them on the table.
0:32:15 > 0:32:17- And your badges. - And your name badges.
0:32:17 > 0:32:22When I first got into my mum, I thought, "Oh, this is easy and light
0:32:22 > 0:32:24"and fun," you know.
0:32:24 > 0:32:26"Must be fun to be her."
0:32:26 > 0:32:29But then I kind of played her like a bit of a bitch which is a bit weird.
0:32:29 > 0:32:33I don't know why I did that, it came out, I don't know why, cos she's not.
0:32:33 > 0:32:36But I kept sort of making silly comments. I don't know,
0:32:36 > 0:32:39I don't make a very good version of my mother.
0:32:39 > 0:32:41And how has your day been for you?
0:32:41 > 0:32:45And the day has been a big long day and lots of things
0:32:45 > 0:32:47and in this very relaxed atmosphere,
0:32:47 > 0:32:50the earlier screaming seems like a distant memory.
0:32:50 > 0:32:54But...I'll get used to it all, so, yeah.
0:32:58 > 0:33:01You're starting to seem a little smug.
0:33:01 > 0:33:03What do you mean?
0:33:03 > 0:33:06All these people baring their souls.
0:33:06 > 0:33:09You're always sitting on the outside with the Monkey,
0:33:09 > 0:33:13suggesting you have better ways to do things.
0:33:13 > 0:33:15I think you should try it wholeheartedly.
0:33:17 > 0:33:20I can't fake it.
0:33:20 > 0:33:22Well, I don't care.
0:33:22 > 0:33:25I think you should try to get beyond the fake.
0:33:40 > 0:33:42ALL SCREAM
0:33:57 > 0:34:00This process that we said in the introduction -
0:34:00 > 0:34:02it's an inner journey
0:34:02 > 0:34:06and it's really to be, you know, kind of in silence
0:34:06 > 0:34:09and with yourself, and see what is coming up for you.
0:34:09 > 0:34:13And I saw the difficulty of that yesterday for you,
0:34:13 > 0:34:16in that when you're trying to do anything we do here
0:34:16 > 0:34:18you're also running, you know, a movie
0:34:18 > 0:34:22and directing and so on, and thinking about all of that.
0:34:22 > 0:34:26I'm going to ask that certain exercises here
0:34:26 > 0:34:27are done without Monkey.
0:34:27 > 0:34:31You can make a movie here and not do the process
0:34:31 > 0:34:36and direct the film or whatever is going on here.
0:34:36 > 0:34:39No, I have to do both.
0:34:39 > 0:34:41But if you want integrity...
0:34:41 > 0:34:42Mmm-hmm.
0:34:42 > 0:34:46..if you want truth, do your journey and be touched by that journey.
0:34:46 > 0:34:48- Yeah.- OK? The invitation is there.
0:34:48 > 0:34:50Oh, thank you.
0:34:51 > 0:34:54I've got a real problem with the main guy.
0:34:54 > 0:34:55You have?
0:34:55 > 0:34:59- Yeah. I really don't trust him. - Why not?
0:34:59 > 0:35:02He reminds me of a bully. He's like a bully.
0:35:02 > 0:35:03Why's that?
0:35:03 > 0:35:06He's got that "don't answer me back" sort of thing about him.
0:35:08 > 0:35:11To help Nina to get into the process,
0:35:11 > 0:35:15maybe we take the monkey. If we take away the monkey, kidnap it...
0:35:15 > 0:35:18It is difficult for her, obviously, having the cameramen,
0:35:18 > 0:35:21everybody following, and having the puppet. It's very difficult for her.
0:35:21 > 0:35:23- So if we take it now before she goes back in...- Yeah.
0:35:23 > 0:35:26Because I've seen the bag, it's over there,
0:35:26 > 0:35:29and the monkey is on its own, so we can take it.
0:35:29 > 0:35:33And, then, at certain point, she's obviously going to realise the monkey is not there,
0:35:33 > 0:35:36and then we see if it helps her to get into...
0:35:36 > 0:35:38- Let's see what comes up.- Yeah.
0:35:38 > 0:35:40Maybe she's pretty cool about it.
0:35:40 > 0:35:43But I think, you know, it's a good opportunity to do that.
0:35:43 > 0:35:46- Yeah, it's just to help her, because she is not an easy...- It's a chance.
0:35:46 > 0:35:50- Yeah.- It's a chance we take.- Yeah.
0:35:50 > 0:35:51Yeah, I say we go for it.
0:35:51 > 0:35:54With the best interests - with her very, very best interests at heart.
0:36:00 > 0:36:03- I hope you feel mean.- No.
0:36:03 > 0:36:04SHE CHUCKLES
0:36:15 > 0:36:16Hmm.
0:36:19 > 0:36:22If they've taken Monkey...
0:36:22 > 0:36:24then it's war.
0:36:24 > 0:36:26Have you guys seen my monkey anywhere?
0:36:28 > 0:36:29Yes.
0:36:31 > 0:36:35- Yes, we have, Nina. We've taken the monkey.- Oh.
0:36:35 > 0:36:39So we wanted to see, you know, what reaction you'd have to that.
0:36:39 > 0:36:42- What, to you taking him?- Yes.
0:36:42 > 0:36:44I'm deeply irritated by it.
0:36:44 > 0:36:46Love it. Good.
0:36:46 > 0:36:50Yeah, I knew you were the type to push the buttons and all that shit.
0:36:50 > 0:36:53But I've got to make a documentary.
0:36:53 > 0:36:56You've given me a storyline which is quite good - I am grateful for that -
0:36:56 > 0:36:59but I wanted to be able to take stock with him afterwards
0:36:59 > 0:37:04and speak about what I've experienced on my own, before, you know...
0:37:04 > 0:37:07And what would it be like if you couldn't do that?
0:37:07 > 0:37:11Screaming hordes of British viewers shouting
0:37:11 > 0:37:13"Give her back the monkey."
0:37:13 > 0:37:18Are they? They might be more interested in your journey, what you're doing.
0:37:19 > 0:37:21I was doing it anyway!
0:37:21 > 0:37:24- Yeah, you were in a way, but... - I was.
0:37:24 > 0:37:28We can see that with the film going on and your constant...
0:37:28 > 0:37:32You've taken Monkey, that's just so crap of you.
0:37:32 > 0:37:35That's so out of...
0:37:36 > 0:37:38That's so rude.
0:37:38 > 0:37:41- We're interested in your journey down here.- Hmm.
0:37:41 > 0:37:44Come into contact with feelings and see what's there.
0:37:44 > 0:37:46Mmm-hmm. No, I understand that,
0:37:46 > 0:37:51and I was really on board with that before the sort of trickery happened.
0:37:51 > 0:37:54Now I'm a bit resentful of you guys.
0:37:54 > 0:37:56OK, you can be angry at us
0:37:56 > 0:37:59or you can see it as an adventure and explore.
0:37:59 > 0:38:01The thing is that story to me...
0:38:01 > 0:38:05is more important than life, in some ways.
0:38:08 > 0:38:11- The story to you is more important than life.- So...
0:38:12 > 0:38:15- Story. The concept... - Yes. Ah. Uh-huh.
0:38:15 > 0:38:19- ..is more enlightening...- Yes.
0:38:19 > 0:38:22..than daily life, I think, in some ways.
0:38:22 > 0:38:27So I'm grateful to you for making this story turn.
0:38:29 > 0:38:32- I'm not interested so much in making a story out of this.- No.
0:38:32 > 0:38:35- I'm interested in your journey... - Yeah, my journey.
0:38:35 > 0:38:38..and whether you get something from this or not.
0:38:38 > 0:38:40- It's fine, take the monkey.- OK.
0:38:40 > 0:38:42Keep him away from any moths.
0:38:42 > 0:38:44OK. We'll keep him in very good care.
0:38:44 > 0:38:46Yeah, I'm really upset.
0:38:47 > 0:38:50I'm really upset because it's not his to take.
0:38:50 > 0:38:52SHE SIGHS
0:38:52 > 0:38:56It's a trespass. That's why I'm annoyed.
0:39:00 > 0:39:03Buggered if I'm going to let him see me cry now.
0:39:03 > 0:39:06I'm going to lock up all my emotions in protest.
0:39:08 > 0:39:10OK, we're going to do a quick round
0:39:10 > 0:39:13and check in with everybody to see where they're at from this morning
0:39:13 > 0:39:16before we start this afternoon exercise.
0:39:16 > 0:39:19In an interesting turn,
0:39:19 > 0:39:22the Penninghame...
0:39:22 > 0:39:26the Penninghame mafia have stolen my monkey.
0:39:26 > 0:39:29NINA LAUGHS
0:39:29 > 0:39:31And so, yeah, he's been confiscated.
0:39:31 > 0:39:33I don't know where he is.
0:39:33 > 0:39:34OK.
0:39:37 > 0:39:39One dance track just to get up a little bit of energy
0:39:39 > 0:39:42so just enjoy this one track.
0:39:42 > 0:39:45The music is going to be shit.
0:39:45 > 0:39:48MUSIC: "Born To Be Wild" by Steppenwolf
0:39:50 > 0:39:51NINA SNIGGERS
0:39:53 > 0:39:55SNIGGERING CONTINUES
0:40:08 > 0:40:10Whatever the expression is,
0:40:10 > 0:40:12your body follows the expression of your hands.
0:40:15 > 0:40:17SOOTHING MUSIC PLAYS
0:40:19 > 0:40:21RHYTHMIC MUSIC PLAYS
0:40:29 > 0:40:32NINA GROWLS
0:40:33 > 0:40:35BOTH SNARL
0:40:35 > 0:40:39Monkey-stealing fucker!
0:40:39 > 0:40:41You fucking...
0:40:41 > 0:40:43Fucking heavy.
0:40:43 > 0:40:47Give me a lighter cushion, you bloody morons!
0:40:50 > 0:40:53Pictures that you put on the wall.
0:40:53 > 0:40:55How it was...
0:40:55 > 0:40:56to make way...
0:40:58 > 0:40:59..for something new to come in.
0:40:59 > 0:41:02And do it with real intention.
0:41:05 > 0:41:07I don't want to rip up my mum and dad's face.
0:41:09 > 0:41:12This is really about, you know... This is about you
0:41:12 > 0:41:14and patterns that are left behind
0:41:14 > 0:41:17from the past that you say goodbye to and make way for something new.
0:41:17 > 0:41:20Of course you're not ripping your parents up, of course.
0:41:20 > 0:41:22No, I know, but it's a weird symbolism.
0:41:22 > 0:41:23Just put them in the bin.
0:41:34 > 0:41:38'I really, really, really want to home to my children, yeah.
0:41:38 > 0:41:40'I can't wait to see them.
0:41:41 > 0:41:45'But I'm also interested to see what happens tomorrow.'
0:41:47 > 0:41:51Does your mind actually change when you don't have Monkey or not really?
0:41:52 > 0:41:54No, it doesn't change enough.
0:41:58 > 0:42:02I think that's what people think - it's like you can't be yourself with Monkey.
0:42:02 > 0:42:04But do you think you can actually be yourself?
0:42:04 > 0:42:06Yeah.
0:42:06 > 0:42:09Yeah, I think I can be myself when Monkey is on my hand.
0:42:11 > 0:42:15'So what now? Is there anything you need to attend to
0:42:15 > 0:42:19'or are there any sort of niggly feelings going on?'
0:42:19 > 0:42:21'I feel guilty that my mum didn't maybe...'
0:42:21 > 0:42:24that her needs weren't met,
0:42:24 > 0:42:28that she... Yeah, I feel guilty that her needs weren't met.
0:42:28 > 0:42:32So she's really given her whole life to me...
0:42:34 > 0:42:36And that is really hard to...
0:42:38 > 0:42:41- ..to, you know, to feel a bit responsible for that.- OK.
0:42:42 > 0:42:45- This is now Mum.- OK.
0:42:45 > 0:42:47What do you want to say to your mum?
0:42:49 > 0:42:52- Thank you, Mum.- Thank you, Mum.
0:42:54 > 0:42:56NINA SIGHS
0:42:56 > 0:42:59And I'm so sorry.
0:42:59 > 0:43:03Have you sensed that that's received over here?
0:43:03 > 0:43:05Do you get a sense of her being here for a minute?
0:43:05 > 0:43:07Mmm.
0:43:07 > 0:43:09And she's receiving it?
0:43:09 > 0:43:11Mmm.
0:43:13 > 0:43:15There's nothing for you to be guilty for.
0:43:41 > 0:43:43Constellation that we're going to do here,
0:43:43 > 0:43:47this is a kind of variation of a constellation work
0:43:47 > 0:43:50that was created by Bert Hellinger.
0:43:50 > 0:43:54So it really is interesting work to do,
0:43:54 > 0:43:58where you can see, in some way, the unseen.
0:43:58 > 0:44:04You can solve problems that may exist that you cannot get to normally.
0:44:04 > 0:44:07So, here, Nina...
0:44:10 > 0:44:11What I want you to do...
0:44:11 > 0:44:15Symbolically - I want you to hold that - that's a bag of guilt.
0:44:15 > 0:44:17NINA CHUCKLES OK.
0:44:17 > 0:44:20And I want to ask you just to walk around with it.
0:44:20 > 0:44:23- OK.- And as you're walking, just feel it.
0:44:25 > 0:44:28Perhaps you could tell me a little what it's like to carry that.
0:44:28 > 0:44:30It's draining and boring.
0:44:30 > 0:44:33It'd be really nice just to put it down.
0:44:33 > 0:44:38And do you get any sense of where that belongs?
0:44:39 > 0:44:41- Where it belongs?- Yeah.
0:44:41 > 0:44:45Yeah, it doesn't belong with me. I should put it down somewhere else.
0:44:45 > 0:44:48Any idea where it belongs?
0:44:49 > 0:44:53I just got it, I don't know where it came from.
0:44:53 > 0:44:55I got it, I got given it.
0:44:55 > 0:44:58- You got given it?- I think so.
0:44:58 > 0:44:59Who did you get given it by?
0:45:05 > 0:45:08Er... My mum, I suppose.
0:45:08 > 0:45:11OK. Your mother is here symbolically.
0:45:13 > 0:45:14Hmm.
0:45:14 > 0:45:17I don't want to give it back to her. I want to put it over there.
0:45:17 > 0:45:20You don't have to give it back to her, but you can just set it down on the floor.
0:45:27 > 0:45:29"This is not mine."
0:45:30 > 0:45:32That's not mine.
0:45:32 > 0:45:34It feels very nice.
0:45:34 > 0:45:35"I give it back."
0:45:37 > 0:45:38I give it back.
0:45:44 > 0:45:48I was in a relationship that didn't have very much future
0:45:48 > 0:45:50and I got pregnant,
0:45:50 > 0:45:54and I was really upset to be pregnant
0:45:54 > 0:45:56cos I couldn't have the baby.
0:45:56 > 0:45:58But also everything my mother had given me
0:45:58 > 0:46:02about being a mother being the most important thing...
0:46:02 > 0:46:05It felt awful because I couldn't have this child
0:46:05 > 0:46:07and I took... I had an abortion
0:46:07 > 0:46:10and I felt very badly about it, and took it very hard.
0:46:10 > 0:46:13And it was a weird year and I did lots of different things
0:46:13 > 0:46:17and then I found Monkey, and I started working with Monkey.
0:46:18 > 0:46:23And so that's why I took it quite badly
0:46:23 > 0:46:27when he was taken away from me yesterday.
0:46:29 > 0:46:33I experienced you today without Monkey.
0:46:33 > 0:46:36I really have a sense of you being present,
0:46:36 > 0:46:40and I can feel and take you seriously now.
0:46:40 > 0:46:46Whereas with Monkey, I'm not quite sure where you're at.
0:46:46 > 0:46:48It's a kind of... It's an unusual thing.
0:46:48 > 0:46:51Hmm. No, I feel good.
0:47:22 > 0:47:23So...
0:47:24 > 0:47:28..it's coming to the time
0:47:30 > 0:47:34..when you need to very, very gently
0:47:34 > 0:47:37and very, very carefully
0:47:37 > 0:47:42just come out of this place now
0:47:42 > 0:47:44and come back into the room,
0:47:44 > 0:47:46but don't do it too quickly.
0:47:47 > 0:47:49'That was really nice.'
0:47:49 > 0:47:53It was nice to connect with the idea of me as a baby
0:47:53 > 0:47:56and feel like the little baby. It was...
0:47:56 > 0:48:01it was nothing you would ever come to on your own.
0:48:05 > 0:48:09As you lie here on the mattress,
0:48:09 > 0:48:11I'd like you to curl up as you were before
0:48:11 > 0:48:17and make contact with the place you were in just before you left the room.
0:48:19 > 0:48:21A newborn baby.
0:48:27 > 0:48:30The world is wonderful.
0:48:30 > 0:48:34And you can take off your blindfolds
0:48:34 > 0:48:38and really see the world from this perspective.
0:48:38 > 0:48:39How is it?
0:48:39 > 0:48:43You begin to choose what you want to do.
0:48:43 > 0:48:46Sometimes you might like to be alone,
0:48:46 > 0:48:50sometimes you might like to be with other people.
0:48:50 > 0:48:52I'm going to take you for something to eat.
0:48:52 > 0:48:54ALL EXCLAIM HAPPILY
0:48:56 > 0:48:59'I found it fun to begin with. I liked waking up, that was nice,
0:48:59 > 0:49:01'with the toys and everything,
0:49:01 > 0:49:05'but then I found it... I just totally remembered being shy as a...
0:49:05 > 0:49:08'It was when I was five. I think that's the age I was.
0:49:08 > 0:49:10'And I just remembered...'
0:49:10 > 0:49:14just thought, "Oh, God, all these kids know more,
0:49:14 > 0:49:17"know each other better," you know, all that, and I can't...
0:49:17 > 0:49:22- Like a replay.- I couldn't find anything to say. Yeah. It was hard.
0:49:22 > 0:49:25- I know.- It was hard, yeah. I wanted my mum.
0:49:25 > 0:49:27ALL LAUGH
0:49:27 > 0:49:29We're all like that.
0:49:29 > 0:49:32It is a choice to jump that line, to be...
0:49:32 > 0:49:34to allow yourself that freshness,
0:49:34 > 0:49:39that ease, that being in the moment, stuff from childhood.
0:49:39 > 0:49:43So it's always available. It's always available.
0:49:43 > 0:49:45We move on to something else now.
0:49:47 > 0:49:50This afternoon, you will be invited
0:49:50 > 0:49:53to take part in a death process.
0:49:53 > 0:49:57This afternoon, you will die...
0:49:58 > 0:50:00..and see what it feels like inside...
0:50:01 > 0:50:04..and prepare yourself for that.
0:50:08 > 0:50:12If you meet anyone when you're out walking, don't laugh it away...
0:50:12 > 0:50:14don't talk to others.
0:50:14 > 0:50:18So be totally with yourself to get the best out of this experience.
0:50:23 > 0:50:26It's horrible because you're...
0:50:28 > 0:50:31He's told you to write letters to loved ones
0:50:31 > 0:50:33as if you're going to die today.
0:50:33 > 0:50:35So it's really horrible.
0:50:37 > 0:50:39Obviously I'm writing to my children.
0:50:39 > 0:50:41It sort of feels sick.
0:50:41 > 0:50:43I don't know what the point of it is yet.
0:50:50 > 0:50:53NINA SOBS
0:50:55 > 0:50:58'And the reason we do this death experience...
0:51:00 > 0:51:01'It's about life...
0:51:03 > 0:51:05'..about how precious life is.
0:51:09 > 0:51:11'It's an inner journey.
0:51:11 > 0:51:13'There is no acting now.'
0:51:17 > 0:51:20'Oh, my God, it was so painful. Loads of tears.
0:51:20 > 0:51:23'I didn't want to go.
0:51:23 > 0:51:27'I didn't want to go, but I must've wanted to stay with the experience
0:51:27 > 0:51:31'cos I could've easily gone, "Well this is a loony way to pass the time."
0:51:31 > 0:51:34'I wanted to find out what was going to be there.'
0:51:36 > 0:51:39- What was there?- But... What was there was that I just...
0:51:39 > 0:51:42I'm definitely not ready to die,
0:51:42 > 0:51:45'and that I really love my family
0:51:45 > 0:51:48'and that nothing else is as important.
0:51:48 > 0:51:50'All the cliches, all that stuff.'
0:51:50 > 0:51:53I think it will help me when I get home, yeah.
0:51:53 > 0:51:54Yeah, I do.
0:51:54 > 0:51:56I think I'll be more grateful.
0:51:58 > 0:51:59Yeah.
0:51:59 > 0:52:04Yeah, I thoroughly recommend thinking about death long and hard.
0:52:04 > 0:52:06SHE LAUGHS
0:52:08 > 0:52:12Desperate to get on the phone now. I'm going to call my family.
0:52:14 > 0:52:16Hi, Dad, it's me.
0:52:16 > 0:52:19Hello! How are you?
0:52:19 > 0:52:21I'm very, very well.
0:52:21 > 0:52:25Yeah, yeah, I'm very well indeed.
0:52:25 > 0:52:26How is everybody?
0:52:28 > 0:52:31Excellent. Can I talk to Arthur?
0:52:31 > 0:52:34Hello! How are you? SQUEALING FROM DOWN THE PHONE
0:52:34 > 0:52:36Aaah!
0:52:36 > 0:52:39In the morning. How are you, my love?
0:52:41 > 0:52:43Oh, it's so nice to hear your voice.
0:52:43 > 0:52:45Hello, how are you?
0:52:48 > 0:52:50I have survived, yeah. I broke, I broke a few times.
0:52:50 > 0:52:52Loads of stuff came up.
0:52:52 > 0:52:56Lots of stuff about you and me as well.
0:52:56 > 0:52:59NINA LAUGHS I know. You should.
0:52:59 > 0:53:02You did survive, yeah. I'll tell you all about it.
0:53:02 > 0:53:05No, completely! Completely;
0:53:05 > 0:53:07No, I mean, most of my time I was crying
0:53:07 > 0:53:11cos you were such a good mother, you know, and I felt so guilty.
0:53:11 > 0:53:13SHE SIGHS Yeah.
0:53:20 > 0:53:24OK, it's our last round.
0:53:25 > 0:53:31So we wanted to give you a little gift before you go.
0:53:31 > 0:53:33And it's up to you whether you take it,
0:53:33 > 0:53:36if you would like to do this small healing.
0:53:36 > 0:53:39And this is about the abortion. You would like?
0:53:39 > 0:53:41- Yes.- OK.
0:53:41 > 0:53:43So you just choose someone...
0:53:44 > 0:53:46..for the child.
0:53:46 > 0:53:47I choose Roman.
0:53:51 > 0:53:52OK.
0:53:55 > 0:54:00Just take a hand and put it onto the child's head
0:54:00 > 0:54:02and just allow whatever is there.
0:54:10 > 0:54:13That deep guilt held in the system.
0:54:28 > 0:54:30SHE SOBS LOUDLY
0:54:40 > 0:54:43SOBS: I'm so sorry.
0:54:48 > 0:54:50I'm so sorry.
0:55:03 > 0:55:05It's a horrible thing to have done.
0:55:27 > 0:55:30LAUGHTER
0:55:30 > 0:55:32Evening, all.
0:55:32 > 0:55:34What's going on here?
0:55:34 > 0:55:39We've had a monkey handed in down at the police station.
0:55:40 > 0:55:44And I'm told that the owner is somewhere in here.
0:55:44 > 0:55:47SHE LAUGHS Yeah, that's me.
0:55:47 > 0:55:50Oh, OK. One monkey.
0:55:50 > 0:55:51Thank you.
0:55:53 > 0:55:54Thank you, officer.
0:55:58 > 0:55:59Oh, dear.
0:55:59 > 0:56:01Aww.
0:56:03 > 0:56:04Yay.
0:56:07 > 0:56:09# Happy days are here again. #
0:56:09 > 0:56:13LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:56:36 > 0:56:41'Look what happens when I get locked in a cupboard, you dirty culty whore.'
0:56:41 > 0:56:43Monkey, it was incredible.
0:56:43 > 0:56:44How long did the feeling last?
0:56:44 > 0:56:46- About a week.- A whole week(!)
0:56:46 > 0:56:49Well, yeah, but you can't scream in normal life,
0:56:49 > 0:56:51you can't let that stuff out, so it just builds up.
0:56:51 > 0:56:54Well, you've got to learn to scream on the inside, Nina.
0:56:55 > 0:56:57Like I do.
0:56:59 > 0:57:03How do you feel your wife's search for enlightenment went?
0:57:06 > 0:57:09I can't truly tell...
0:57:09 > 0:57:13but from all the outward signs,
0:57:13 > 0:57:16I'd say that, on the whole...
0:57:18 > 0:57:22..she's the same as before.
0:57:22 > 0:57:25LAUGHTER
0:57:25 > 0:57:30I've been on a retreat just recently, which was primal screaming.
0:57:30 > 0:57:32Ah! It was fucking weird.
0:57:32 > 0:57:34I was really happy afterwards.
0:57:34 > 0:57:38But I lost my voice completely. It was seriously worrying.
0:57:38 > 0:57:40I think that's why Nina does comedy -
0:57:40 > 0:57:44to kind of, you know, let the negativity flow out slowly.
0:57:44 > 0:57:47Yeah, but one scream, one primal scream...
0:57:47 > 0:57:50That's a whole year of gigs.
0:57:50 > 0:57:52I'm skint.
0:57:54 > 0:57:58MUSIC: "Where Is My Mind?" by the Pixies
0:58:06 > 0:58:09# With your feet on the air and your head on the ground
0:58:13 > 0:58:16# Try this trick and spin it
0:58:16 > 0:58:19# Yeah
0:58:19 > 0:58:21# Your head will collapse
0:58:21 > 0:58:23# If there's nothing in it
0:58:23 > 0:58:24# And you'll ask yourself
0:58:24 > 0:58:27# Where is my mind?
0:58:27 > 0:58:30# Where is my mind? #
0:58:30 > 0:58:33Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd