0:00:02 > 0:00:05This programme contains very strong language.
0:00:05 > 0:00:07These three young people suffer from severe mental illness.
0:00:07 > 0:00:12My head is telling me that I have to shower now. I can't help it.
0:00:12 > 0:00:13You clean now, Adam?
0:00:14 > 0:00:17Yo, you need your freedom. It's like prison.
0:00:17 > 0:00:19And I get really itchy.
0:00:20 > 0:00:22When I go to bed at night,
0:00:22 > 0:00:25I'm thinking that I've got another day to get through.
0:00:25 > 0:00:30But they're about to start an extraordinary new kind of therapy.
0:00:30 > 0:00:32Jamal, keep focused, yeah?
0:00:32 > 0:00:36In a football league where everyone has mental health problems.
0:00:36 > 0:00:37CHEERING
0:00:37 > 0:00:40You state some mental illness, blood.
0:00:40 > 0:00:41But how do you make it to training
0:00:41 > 0:00:44when you're locked up in a secure hospital?
0:00:44 > 0:00:46Not coming. They've not allowed him off the ward.
0:00:46 > 0:00:48It's almost time for me.
0:00:48 > 0:00:50Will they be able to cope with losing?
0:00:50 > 0:00:52That was shit. No, that's shit.
0:00:52 > 0:00:56And make it to the end of the season?
0:00:56 > 0:00:58Not, not a good day. No.
0:00:59 > 0:01:02Over the next 12 months, they'll find out
0:01:02 > 0:01:05if football can change their lives for good.
0:01:05 > 0:01:08Just want to get out of hospital, go on holiday, all that stuff.
0:01:08 > 0:01:11Just to be free, really... be free.
0:01:35 > 0:01:39- OK?- Jamal is 27.
0:01:39 > 0:01:42Six years ago, he was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia,
0:01:42 > 0:01:45which means he hears voices and experiences delusions.
0:01:45 > 0:01:50- Thank you very much.- Yeah. Well, it's been tidied, so...
0:01:50 > 0:01:52For his own safety, and the safety of others,
0:01:52 > 0:01:54he must live in this secure hospital.
0:01:54 > 0:01:58Yeah. You can see the whole of south Tottenham.
0:02:00 > 0:02:04For now, he is locked up, unable to come and go as he pleases.
0:02:06 > 0:02:10They're all right places, you know, they care for you in their way.
0:02:10 > 0:02:12But it's still not worth it.
0:02:12 > 0:02:14Yo, you need your freedom.
0:02:14 > 0:02:18It's like prison. And I get really itchy.
0:02:18 > 0:02:20I'm thinking, no.
0:02:20 > 0:02:24I stand by the window, out near the door, all the time.
0:02:24 > 0:02:25Just waiting to go home. So, boy...
0:02:27 > 0:02:31Despite being on strong anti-psychotic medication, at times,
0:02:31 > 0:02:34Jamal's condition makes him think he is a professional footballer.
0:02:34 > 0:02:39I don't want to sign for no football clubs, like Barcelona,
0:02:39 > 0:02:41Arsenal.
0:02:41 > 0:02:44Anyone. I don't want to sign for them, you get me?
0:02:44 > 0:02:46It's not worth, I don't want to.
0:02:48 > 0:02:51I've got information from my bank is that they're interested
0:02:51 > 0:02:54in buying me, but I don't want to buy, I don't want to...
0:02:54 > 0:02:56I don't want to, it's not worth.
0:02:56 > 0:02:58It's not worth.
0:03:05 > 0:03:1027-year-old Johnny is Jamal's support worker at the hospital.
0:03:10 > 0:03:12There's eight residents at the moment.
0:03:12 > 0:03:14We've got 11 bedrooms, so we're not quite full.
0:03:14 > 0:03:19It's a low secure, forensic rehab centre.
0:03:19 > 0:03:23Everyone's got a schizophrenia diagnosis,
0:03:23 > 0:03:26or schizoaffective disorder.
0:03:26 > 0:03:28But that in itself is, as an illness,
0:03:28 > 0:03:31it's really diverse the way it affects people.
0:03:32 > 0:03:36This year, Jamal will be playing in a unique football league,
0:03:36 > 0:03:38where everyone has mental health problems.
0:03:38 > 0:03:43He's hoping it will bring him one step closer to getting his freedom.
0:03:43 > 0:03:46I'm just kicking a ball inside, all the time.
0:03:46 > 0:03:49I need more football, that's the truth, I need more football.
0:03:58 > 0:04:01It's like three doors to get into your own place!
0:04:01 > 0:04:03Come in, yeah?
0:04:03 > 0:04:05Hayley is 28.
0:04:05 > 0:04:06For the past 10 years,
0:04:06 > 0:04:11she's been suffering with depression with a tendency to self-harm.
0:04:11 > 0:04:15This is the living room. Or lounge, whatever you call it.
0:04:15 > 0:04:18She lives in her own flat in east London.
0:04:19 > 0:04:21She wasn't always depressed.
0:04:21 > 0:04:23In fact, her life got off to a flying start.
0:04:23 > 0:04:25- Leyton Orient?- Yeah.
0:04:25 > 0:04:28Leyton Orient, when I was, I think I was eight when I joined them,
0:04:28 > 0:04:32but I was too young to play in the league.
0:04:32 > 0:04:35But when I joined the team, most of them were a year above.
0:04:35 > 0:04:38So I was, like, the tiniest little player.
0:04:38 > 0:04:40I was a small thing, skinny little thing.
0:04:48 > 0:04:49I was doing well, I was,
0:04:49 > 0:04:52by Christmas I was one of the top scorers for the club.
0:04:54 > 0:04:56So I was with them until 11,
0:04:56 > 0:05:00then I went to an Arsenal soccer school in the summer.
0:05:01 > 0:05:06So I was with Leyton, Arsenal, Barnet, Arsenal, Chelsea.
0:05:06 > 0:05:10So I've been around. In a nice way!
0:05:10 > 0:05:11THEY LAUGH
0:05:13 > 0:05:17Despite her talents, Hayley has always struggled to fit in.
0:05:19 > 0:05:22At school, obviously, I played football with the boys.
0:05:22 > 0:05:24And I didn't wear skirts and uniform.
0:05:24 > 0:05:27It's like, why don't you wear skirts, why don't you wear shoes?
0:05:27 > 0:05:30Are you a tomboy? Why are you playing football all the time?
0:05:30 > 0:05:33So, when you've got that going on a lot,
0:05:33 > 0:05:35it kind of singles you out.
0:05:35 > 0:05:37In a way, makes you feel that
0:05:37 > 0:05:41you're the odd one out and you've got something wrong with you.
0:05:41 > 0:05:44My parents split up when I was 11, and then my nan died a year later.
0:05:44 > 0:05:47That's two losses within the space of a year.
0:05:47 > 0:05:50I think it all unravelled at the same time.
0:05:51 > 0:05:55At 18, the depression took hold and she stopped playing football.
0:05:57 > 0:06:00People don't get the impression, but when I go to bed at night,
0:06:00 > 0:06:03if I put the TV on, lay in bed, I'm thinking,
0:06:03 > 0:06:06I've got another day to get through tomorrow. That's how I think.
0:06:06 > 0:06:08It's not, I'll go to bed, I've got this to do tomorrow.
0:06:08 > 0:06:11It's like, I've got another day to get through.
0:06:11 > 0:06:15She now takes an antidepressant and a mood-stabilising drug.
0:06:15 > 0:06:20It helps with, like, my moods, just to stabilise them a bit.
0:06:20 > 0:06:23Because I can go quite, um...up and down.
0:06:25 > 0:06:28When she's down, she sometimes feels compelled to get rid of things
0:06:28 > 0:06:31- that mean a lot to her.- Have you got any kind of football trophies?
0:06:31 > 0:06:35No, I got rid of... It sounds really bad, doesn't it?
0:06:35 > 0:06:38I don't know if my mum knows, but I got rid of them two years ago.
0:06:38 > 0:06:40I put them in a skip. SHE CHUCKLES
0:06:40 > 0:06:44I shouldn't be laughing. I got rid of them all.
0:06:44 > 0:06:46When I get rid of the football trophies,
0:06:46 > 0:06:49that's almost like I'm punishing myself.
0:06:49 > 0:06:51Like, someone said, you're only punishing yourself,
0:06:51 > 0:06:55you're getting rid of things that mean something to you.
0:06:55 > 0:06:57But sometimes, that's how I feel,
0:06:57 > 0:07:01that sometimes I need to punish myself.
0:07:01 > 0:07:03There's one memento Hayley has kept hold of,
0:07:03 > 0:07:06from when she played for England aged 17.
0:07:06 > 0:07:07So, what's this?
0:07:07 > 0:07:12So, oh, this is just my shirt, the first game I played for England.
0:07:12 > 0:07:16We kept our shirts for each game we played. So I had four of them.
0:07:16 > 0:07:19Even that, I don't like having it here.
0:07:19 > 0:07:22I could quite easily just do something with it.
0:07:27 > 0:07:30This year, Hayley is coming back to football,
0:07:30 > 0:07:33and hopes she will make it to the end of the season.
0:07:36 > 0:07:39For me, I think it's not just fitness, playing football,
0:07:39 > 0:07:45but it's building my confidence and seeing where my abilities are.
0:07:51 > 0:07:53It's October 2012.
0:07:53 > 0:07:55The first day of the PMA,
0:07:55 > 0:07:57or Positive Mental Attitude football season.
0:07:59 > 0:08:02In this league, the football coaches, Janette, Zoe
0:08:02 > 0:08:05and Claire, are occupational therapists and counsellors.
0:08:05 > 0:08:10A match in February, friendly or league, start getting these in.
0:08:10 > 0:08:13The football helps them immensely, really,
0:08:13 > 0:08:16in the fact that it's not just football.
0:08:16 > 0:08:19Football, we say, is the disguise, really,
0:08:19 > 0:08:22to engage them in so many different aspects.
0:08:22 > 0:08:27Be it communication, social, educational.
0:08:27 > 0:08:31And treating them just as people in the community, really.
0:08:33 > 0:08:37I don't want to hear any of it. It's about being positive, right?
0:08:37 > 0:08:40Charity founder and former professional footballer,
0:08:40 > 0:08:43Janette, has worked in mental health for 11 years.
0:08:43 > 0:08:46So get in your shape, show me your shape, captain.
0:08:46 > 0:08:49She believes recovering from mental illness is as much about
0:08:49 > 0:08:52doing something you love as taking medication.
0:08:52 > 0:08:54No-one's going to laugh at them, or ridicule them.
0:08:54 > 0:08:58This is that two hour session where they're purely positive
0:08:58 > 0:09:01and happy and relaxed. And seeing them coming on, that's great.
0:09:01 > 0:09:04It's like seeing your kids grow up, innit?
0:09:04 > 0:09:06WHISTLE BLOWS
0:09:09 > 0:09:11Keep working, Haringey.
0:09:11 > 0:09:14Five teams will battle it out for the cup.
0:09:14 > 0:09:17All the players in the league suffer from mental illness.
0:09:20 > 0:09:23Go on, Jamal. Go on, Jamal.
0:09:23 > 0:09:24Well done!
0:09:24 > 0:09:26So, first goal.
0:09:26 > 0:09:29Yeah, man, scored my first goal of the season.
0:09:31 > 0:09:32Yeah, come on!
0:09:32 > 0:09:36Hayley will be playing for her local PMA team, Hackney FC.
0:09:36 > 0:09:40Her biggest challenge this season will be simply turning up,
0:09:40 > 0:09:42on bad days as well as good.
0:09:42 > 0:09:43Every day is a battle.
0:09:43 > 0:09:46You might be feeling OK, but it's still a battle.
0:09:46 > 0:09:47It could be to cook a meal every day,
0:09:47 > 0:09:51cook your dinner or go shopping or tidy, or get washed.
0:09:51 > 0:09:55Sometimes you're struggling, but you fight through that day,
0:09:55 > 0:09:58and I think we're all doing that in our own kind of way.
0:09:58 > 0:10:00WHISTLE BLOWS
0:10:01 > 0:10:05Go to him! Well done.
0:10:06 > 0:10:09Today, 21-year-old Adam is joining the league.
0:10:09 > 0:10:12Playing for Haringey FC, alongside Jamal.
0:10:13 > 0:10:16I thought maybe people would have severe mental illness,
0:10:16 > 0:10:18they might not be able to play.
0:10:18 > 0:10:20You know, I thought they would be really bad.
0:10:20 > 0:10:22But they seem, like, very good.
0:10:24 > 0:10:27Adam suffers from obsessive compulsive disorder, or OCD.
0:10:28 > 0:10:31It feels like you're playing for more than just winning.
0:10:31 > 0:10:33You know, you try to make yourself better.
0:10:38 > 0:10:42He lives with his mum, Edna, in north London.
0:10:42 > 0:10:46His OCD focuses on a fear of dirt or contamination.
0:10:52 > 0:10:57- So, what's happening now, Adam? - I feel like having a shower now.
0:10:57 > 0:10:59- I've got to have one. Yeah. - Why's that?
0:10:59 > 0:11:02Cos I think I'm dirty, so...
0:11:03 > 0:11:07Even though there's no proof I'm dirty, but, I got to anyway, yeah.
0:11:07 > 0:11:12- Is it quite stressful?- Yeah, because it's every day, you know, so.
0:11:12 > 0:11:16It's like half an hour, 45 minutes, maybe one hour.
0:11:17 > 0:11:21And you keep, you keep, like, scrubbing, like, your arm,
0:11:21 > 0:11:23for example, till it's clean.
0:11:23 > 0:11:27And you know it's clean, but your head keeps telling you it's not.
0:11:27 > 0:11:30So you put more soap, you scrub even more.
0:11:30 > 0:11:33Until the only thing you get is bad skin, that's it.
0:11:36 > 0:11:39I won't hold you up any more, you go and do what you need to do.
0:11:39 > 0:11:40OK. Thank you.
0:11:43 > 0:11:47It was two years ago when Adam's mum noticed things weren't right.
0:11:47 > 0:11:52He'd come home and say, "I just felt terrible on the bus.
0:11:52 > 0:11:56"I felt I was going to have a heart attack, palpitations."
0:11:56 > 0:11:59Just started having panic attacks and stuff.
0:11:59 > 0:12:02He gave up school, because he just couldn't cope with it any more.
0:12:02 > 0:12:05Six months later, Adam was diagnosed with OCD,
0:12:05 > 0:12:08and was prescribed antidepressants.
0:12:08 > 0:12:10But daily life is still a struggle.
0:12:11 > 0:12:15He knows himself it's not rational to have to wash your hands,
0:12:15 > 0:12:19he knows that. But his anxiety,
0:12:19 > 0:12:21and the urge to do it, he can't help it.
0:12:21 > 0:12:23Which is horrible.
0:12:23 > 0:12:26It's amazing that, you know,
0:12:26 > 0:12:30for, say, 18 years of his life,
0:12:31 > 0:12:34he didn't have any of these problems.
0:12:34 > 0:12:38And then suddenly out of the blue, all of this happens to him.
0:12:40 > 0:12:43You just hope that one day it will just all go away,
0:12:43 > 0:12:46that it will...just that it will all be behind him.
0:12:48 > 0:12:49Over the past 18 months,
0:12:49 > 0:12:52Adam's home has become the focus of his fears
0:12:52 > 0:12:55and more and more of it has become a problem for him.
0:12:56 > 0:12:58This door is not safe.
0:12:58 > 0:13:02It's contaminated, cos a lot of people have touched it.
0:13:02 > 0:13:06The cat is OK. This floor's OK, cos it's a new floor.
0:13:06 > 0:13:10But this door's been here for a long time, so I think it's contaminated.
0:13:10 > 0:13:13This is OK because no-one's touched it, it's just been put here recently.
0:13:13 > 0:13:19But the stuff like this wood here, it's been here since we moved,
0:13:19 > 0:13:20so I think it's contaminated
0:13:20 > 0:13:23cos a lot of people have touched it and stuff.
0:13:23 > 0:13:26And the kitchen, I think is contaminated.
0:13:26 > 0:13:28How close can you get to the kitchen?
0:13:28 > 0:13:30About where my trainers are here.
0:13:30 > 0:13:32That's it. Where they are.
0:13:32 > 0:13:35And so what is it about the kitchen that you don't like?
0:13:35 > 0:13:37Er...the chairs.
0:13:37 > 0:13:41The tables. The door. The, the sink.
0:13:41 > 0:13:44The cupboards. The garden door.
0:13:46 > 0:13:49Everything, yeah. Everything.
0:13:49 > 0:13:54I would need, like, some sort of proof, like, you know, I don't know.
0:13:54 > 0:13:59Someone to come in and, like, put a microscope under the thing
0:13:59 > 0:14:02and see if there's any dirt or germs, then maybe I'll go inside.
0:14:05 > 0:14:08Adam is becoming a prisoner in his own house.
0:14:08 > 0:14:10Unless football and the coaches can help him
0:14:10 > 0:14:12break free from his illness.
0:14:14 > 0:14:16Now I'm trying to change,
0:14:16 > 0:14:19I'm trying to get some of the old me back.
0:14:19 > 0:14:22Like, the good things about me.
0:14:22 > 0:14:25I'm hoping to stop worrying about contamination
0:14:25 > 0:14:26and I'm trying to find myself again.
0:14:26 > 0:14:29That's it, back.
0:14:29 > 0:14:31One, two, three.
0:14:35 > 0:14:38Hayley's been turning up to training.
0:14:38 > 0:14:41But beneath her smile, her mood has crashed.
0:14:41 > 0:14:42And she's taken it out on herself.
0:14:44 > 0:14:48Not, not a good day. No.
0:14:48 > 0:14:50- I'm sorry to hear that. - That's all right.
0:14:51 > 0:14:55- So how have you punished yourself? - One, self harming.
0:14:55 > 0:15:01And last night, I was telling Zoe, I got rid of my England shirt.
0:15:02 > 0:15:04So where's the England shirt now?
0:15:04 > 0:15:07Um, in the bin. Outside my flat.
0:15:08 > 0:15:11And the frame's, like, next to it. All broken.
0:15:11 > 0:15:13I don't like to punish myself
0:15:13 > 0:15:15but I feel the need to do it to make me feel better,
0:15:15 > 0:15:18not about myself, or to feel better about how I feel about myself.
0:15:18 > 0:15:25So I tend to take it out, on either myself, or things that I have.
0:15:29 > 0:15:32She had an England shirt, and she's just thrown it all in the bin
0:15:32 > 0:15:35because she doesn't believe that she deserved any of it.
0:15:35 > 0:15:38Hayley is scared of succeeding.
0:15:38 > 0:15:40So that's our job, to try and build her confidence
0:15:40 > 0:15:44and make her realise that she is allowed to succeed in life.
0:15:44 > 0:15:46That's what we're working at at the moment.
0:15:58 > 0:16:01Two months into the season, it's the morning of the Christmas friendly.
0:16:01 > 0:16:04Santa in the house!
0:16:04 > 0:16:05Ronaldo.
0:16:06 > 0:16:09My name given by God, really.
0:16:09 > 0:16:14Jamal was my first name. But Ronaldo was my name given by God.
0:16:14 > 0:16:16But Jamal means Ronaldo.
0:16:16 > 0:16:19Football won't cheer Jamal's schizophrenia
0:16:19 > 0:16:22but it does give him a reason to get out of bed.
0:16:23 > 0:16:25You want to get there early on time?
0:16:25 > 0:16:27I want to get there early, so I can kick a ball around.
0:16:27 > 0:16:29- We can do that, can't we?- Yeah.
0:16:29 > 0:16:34- So I'll book it for, maybe, 10 or just after, so about an hour?- Yeah.
0:16:34 > 0:16:36Jamal's doctors have given him permission
0:16:36 > 0:16:39to leave the secure unit for the Christmas friendly.
0:16:39 > 0:16:43- We'll get a taxi there.- No. - I found some money in your room.
0:16:43 > 0:16:48'His whole week, I think, to him, focuses around the football.
0:16:48 > 0:16:50'That's what he looks forward to.'
0:16:50 > 0:16:54That's, you know, what he's living for the rest of the week.
0:16:54 > 0:16:56You state, some mental illness, blood!
0:16:57 > 0:17:00That's what the football does for Jamal, it gives him that outlet.
0:17:00 > 0:17:03I guess where he can just go and kick a ball around,
0:17:03 > 0:17:07and not be a psychiatric patient for a couple of hours.
0:17:07 > 0:17:10So it's really important for Jamal.
0:17:10 > 0:17:12Before he can leave the unit,
0:17:12 > 0:17:15Jamal must take his anti-psychotic medication.
0:17:15 > 0:17:18- What needs to happen before you can leave?- Um, boy...
0:17:21 > 0:17:25Just, um...take my meds.
0:17:25 > 0:17:27Don't want to, but I have to, and that's all, boy.
0:17:27 > 0:17:32If he doesn't feel like there's anything to get out of bed for,
0:17:32 > 0:17:35more often than not, he'll just stay in bed all day
0:17:35 > 0:17:38and then he'll miss his medication, that will throw him off.
0:17:40 > 0:17:41He won't spend all day in bed
0:17:41 > 0:17:44if there's football at the PMA to go to.
0:17:50 > 0:17:53- You ready?- Yeah, man.- Right.
0:17:53 > 0:17:55I need to see how many Santas we've got.
0:17:55 > 0:17:57One, two, three, four, five.
0:17:57 > 0:18:00There's five there, but you need to put them under tracksuit tops.
0:18:00 > 0:18:03You can't put it over you clothes, like them.
0:18:03 > 0:18:08I don't like to lose, friendly or no friendly. Christmas or no Christmas.
0:18:08 > 0:18:11- Santa's coming!- Players and staff are all on the pitch today.
0:18:11 > 0:18:13It's the Santas versus the Elves.
0:18:15 > 0:18:16ALL: Happy Christmas!
0:18:17 > 0:18:19WHISTLE BLOWS
0:18:24 > 0:18:27Come on, Scott! Yes!
0:18:27 > 0:18:29Score another one! Yes!
0:18:29 > 0:18:31WHISTLE BLOWS
0:18:34 > 0:18:37Yeah, we've really noticed a difference in Jamal.
0:18:37 > 0:18:39He moves a lot more on the ball, which is absolutely great.
0:18:39 > 0:18:43So it just helps him to focus more and switch on a little bit more.
0:18:43 > 0:18:48So yeah, I think he's definitely making small progress.
0:18:48 > 0:18:51But it's progress at the end of the day.
0:18:51 > 0:18:53Christmas comes early for Jamal.
0:18:54 > 0:18:57CHEERING
0:18:57 > 0:18:59Santa woman, come on!
0:19:00 > 0:19:03FINAL WHISTLE BLOWS
0:19:04 > 0:19:07- Well done! - Yeah, I scored a last-minute goal.
0:19:07 > 0:19:11Happy, scored two, was in midfield playing well.
0:19:11 > 0:19:14Played upfront for the first five minutes, but I didn't like it,
0:19:14 > 0:19:16so I dropped back.
0:19:16 > 0:19:18Happy now.
0:19:18 > 0:19:20- How's it feel? - Yeah, feels good, good.
0:19:20 > 0:19:22Cos Christmas is coming up, so the more goals I get,
0:19:22 > 0:19:24there it is, innit. So...
0:19:25 > 0:19:28- What are you hoping for this Christmas?- Oh, just...
0:19:30 > 0:19:35Hmm. Aftershaves, aftershaves, and, um...
0:19:35 > 0:19:37Just being with my family, really.
0:19:37 > 0:19:39My brothers, sister, and mum, dad.
0:19:44 > 0:19:47Jamal's mum Jenny lives just a few miles away from his secure unit,
0:19:47 > 0:19:49with her three other children.
0:19:49 > 0:19:52There's, there's Christmas last year.
0:19:52 > 0:19:5519-year-old Nathan feels it was the sudden death
0:19:55 > 0:19:58of their uncle Peter that triggered his brother's illness.
0:19:58 > 0:20:00When Uncle Peter died it was like...
0:20:00 > 0:20:05A few months after, that was when he just, he kinda just snapped really,
0:20:05 > 0:20:08just started shouting. I know it wasn't his fault,
0:20:08 > 0:20:11but you can't help be scared in those moments.
0:20:11 > 0:20:15It's like someone you've grown up with for 18 years
0:20:15 > 0:20:19has completely vanished into thin air and you just see a manifestation
0:20:19 > 0:20:23of just anger, frustration and confusion.
0:20:23 > 0:20:27Some people are more prone to developing schizophrenia than others
0:20:27 > 0:20:30and it can be brought on by a stressful event.
0:20:30 > 0:20:35He started hearing noises and sounds
0:20:35 > 0:20:39and basically got a bit paranoid, you know?
0:20:39 > 0:20:44And...really sort of...
0:20:44 > 0:20:46delusional.
0:20:46 > 0:20:51But it has to be hard to struggle with that many voices in your head,
0:20:51 > 0:20:54like having a constant voice, like a voice clear as day
0:20:54 > 0:20:57and still trying to function in the world that we perceive,
0:20:57 > 0:21:02which is crazy, it must be a serious strain on the brain I think.
0:21:02 > 0:21:04You never know what's going to happen, do you?
0:21:04 > 0:21:10Because you look at baby pictures and you think, "Aww!" That...
0:21:10 > 0:21:13You just don't know what the future holds, really, do you? So...
0:21:28 > 0:21:29It's January.
0:21:29 > 0:21:32Janette and Claire work with players off the pitch as well as on.
0:21:32 > 0:21:35Today, they are visiting Adam at home.
0:21:35 > 0:21:38They want to start tackling his OCD where it has its strongest
0:21:38 > 0:21:39grip on him.
0:21:39 > 0:21:42So we're going to address the kitchen,
0:21:42 > 0:21:46see if we can gradually get him to go in for
0:21:46 > 0:21:49- maybe a couple of minutes today. - Yeah, we'll have to do that.
0:21:49 > 0:21:52And then see how he's feeling afterwards, yeah.
0:21:52 > 0:21:58- Hello!- How are you? Are you all right?- You've got a little cat? Aww!
0:21:58 > 0:22:03Claire's asked Adam to wash up, but this means facing his biggest fear
0:22:03 > 0:22:06and somewhere he's avoided for years - the kitchen.
0:22:06 > 0:22:10It's OK. You've come to the washing machine so you know you can do it,
0:22:10 > 0:22:11so let's just try walking to the sink.
0:22:11 > 0:22:14Don't worry about washing things at the moment, OK?
0:22:18 > 0:22:23- I can't handle...- What is it? The door?- Yeah.- Right. OK.
0:22:23 > 0:22:30Well, the door's here, so can we just put one foot over? Good lad.
0:22:30 > 0:22:32Come on, you've got your shoes on. Excellent. Well done.
0:22:32 > 0:22:37Right, keep going. Fantastic. Brilliant, Adam. Brilliant.
0:22:37 > 0:22:43Right. Do you think we can wash these few things up? Yeah? I'll help.
0:22:43 > 0:22:47- All right.- Right. Good lad. Right.
0:22:47 > 0:22:50So, let's just clean all this.
0:22:50 > 0:22:52Put the plug in.
0:22:52 > 0:22:56- You're doing well just being in the kitchen, yeah?- Yeah.- Fantastic.
0:22:56 > 0:22:59Just rinse that one for me, please.
0:23:03 > 0:23:07It's now two years since he's come in the kitchen or touched anything.
0:23:07 > 0:23:11I haven't seen that. That is fantastic.
0:23:11 > 0:23:13Just give this a quick rinse out and then we're done.
0:23:13 > 0:23:18It gives me hope that he will get out of this problem that he's got
0:23:18 > 0:23:22gradually, you know, because it's really destroying his life.
0:23:23 > 0:23:25Let's put them back in here, look.
0:23:25 > 0:23:27'When I first took him in there,'
0:23:27 > 0:23:30I didn't actually think we were going to get him over that door,
0:23:30 > 0:23:34but just small steps, we got him there, got him to that kitchen sink.
0:23:36 > 0:23:37So, yeah, he's done well.
0:23:37 > 0:23:41Incredible that you've managed to go in the kitchen.
0:23:41 > 0:23:47Yeah, but I feel like I have to wash now, so...feel a bit upset,
0:23:47 > 0:23:49but I feel good in a way that I went in there.
0:23:58 > 0:24:03Hayley would like a job in sport and the PMA run a coaching course.
0:24:03 > 0:24:06It could be just the sort of challenge she needs.
0:24:06 > 0:24:08I've had experience of doing coaching before
0:24:08 > 0:24:12and it weren't a good experience and I always said I'd never do it again.
0:24:12 > 0:24:16It's just the thought of doing things in front of people as well,
0:24:16 > 0:24:19but just have to get it done.
0:24:19 > 0:24:21UPBEAT: Hello, everyone. My name is Corey.
0:24:21 > 0:24:23Why do I start like that? Why not do this?
0:24:23 > 0:24:26DOWNBEAT: Hello, everyone. My name is Corey.
0:24:26 > 0:24:29Yeah, I'm really pleased that she's come down.
0:24:29 > 0:24:33She did say last night that she was trying to think of excuses
0:24:33 > 0:24:38not to come today, but she's obviously talked herself into coming.
0:24:38 > 0:24:42So that's good that she can recognise that she needs to be here to
0:24:42 > 0:24:44be able to move forward.
0:24:47 > 0:24:50Talking in front of people is a big deal for Hayley.
0:24:50 > 0:24:53Now her confidence will be put to the test.
0:24:53 > 0:24:54- Time starts now.- Hi, everyone.
0:24:54 > 0:24:57Welcome to the session today. Are you all feeling OK?
0:24:57 > 0:24:59- Yes.- Ready and raring to go?- Yes.
0:24:59 > 0:25:03Before we get into details about the session,
0:25:03 > 0:25:05I have set up this area here.
0:25:05 > 0:25:07People always say to me, "You're confident,"
0:25:07 > 0:25:08but I don't feel it in there.
0:25:08 > 0:25:11Like, I can show that I'm doing it,
0:25:11 > 0:25:14like, I can come across on the outside if people
0:25:14 > 0:25:20were to look at me, but I don't have any confidence at all in my ability.
0:25:29 > 0:25:32Somewhere in me I still think I can't do it,
0:25:32 > 0:25:37which sounds totally ridiculous. That is how I feel inside.
0:25:37 > 0:25:40When you are running with the ball, what do you think?
0:25:40 > 0:25:43- What do you need to think about? - Control the ball. Keep the ball close.
0:25:43 > 0:25:45Right. Congratulations.
0:25:45 > 0:25:50You are now qualified level one coaches. Give them a little clap.
0:25:51 > 0:25:53Yeah!
0:25:53 > 0:25:56I'm just glad that it's over with, that is it really.
0:25:56 > 0:25:58There's nothing else to explain.
0:25:58 > 0:26:03It's done, dusted. So, yeah.
0:26:03 > 0:26:07Getting a coaching qualification is a real achievement for Hayley.
0:26:07 > 0:26:12You can't throw this in the bin. No, you can't get rid of this one.
0:26:12 > 0:26:16So I think it is a good time to make the effort to just take it
0:26:16 > 0:26:21for yourself and just put that in your bag of skills really.
0:26:21 > 0:26:24So it is just identifying the qualities that you have
0:26:24 > 0:26:27within yourself and being OK about that,
0:26:27 > 0:26:29because we have got to be, otherwise, we will just spend
0:26:29 > 0:26:32our lifetime just beating ourselves up and focusing on the things
0:26:32 > 0:26:37that we didn't do and I don't think that is positive recovery, you know?
0:26:37 > 0:26:40Yeah? Excellent.
0:26:45 > 0:26:48Right. So what we are going to do just to get you moving little bit,
0:26:48 > 0:26:51just walk around the outside and around.
0:26:52 > 0:26:54Three months into the season,
0:26:54 > 0:26:58Jamal feels playing for Haringey FC is making a real difference.
0:27:01 > 0:27:06It gives you stability, something to do, something to go to.
0:27:06 > 0:27:09If you've got problems you can talk to someone.
0:27:09 > 0:27:11One point for full ones.
0:27:11 > 0:27:18- What does football mean to you? - Football? Football means a lot to me.
0:27:18 > 0:27:21It is in my blood, so... I can't stop playing it.
0:27:21 > 0:27:24You can plan your exercise around your medication
0:27:24 > 0:27:27because I would imagine the medication you take is pretty regular,
0:27:27 > 0:27:30you know, you need to have it at a particular time.
0:27:30 > 0:27:33But Johnny has just had some bad news.
0:27:33 > 0:27:38Yeah, the hospital that Jamal was at, where I work at the moment,
0:27:38 > 0:27:40it is closing down in the middle of next month
0:27:40 > 0:27:43so it is maybe going to throw how much involvement he can have
0:27:43 > 0:27:47with the PMA into a bit of doubt, which is unfortunate.
0:27:47 > 0:27:49Jamal will not be told until the hospital have found him
0:27:49 > 0:27:51another secure unit.
0:27:52 > 0:27:56Probably go somewhere that is maybe a bit more restrictive on him,
0:27:56 > 0:27:58what he can do, when he can do it,
0:27:58 > 0:28:03so that is why the PMA might be a bit more difficult for him.
0:28:03 > 0:28:06A move like this can unsettle a psychiatric patient and the
0:28:06 > 0:28:11coaches fear losing his football too could send him over the edge.
0:28:11 > 0:28:13If you break that development right now
0:28:13 > 0:28:16when he is at this crucial stage, he'll go back over basically.
0:28:16 > 0:28:18He'll get bad-tempered, they won't let him out
0:28:18 > 0:28:21and he'll just break that continuity that he has got
0:28:21 > 0:28:24and we don't need that, because that will set him back.
0:28:24 > 0:28:26It could set him back months, years, whatever, we don't know
0:28:26 > 0:28:28and we don't want to take that risk.
0:28:28 > 0:28:31- OK.- All right. Bye.
0:28:31 > 0:28:35- See you, lads.- Bye. Bye.- See you later on. See you, boys. Cheers.
0:28:41 > 0:28:43As well as potentially losing his football,
0:28:43 > 0:28:45Jamal will soon be losing Johnny.
0:28:45 > 0:28:48He will be made redundant when the hospital closes.
0:28:48 > 0:28:53I am pretty concerned for him really. I will miss him, you know?
0:28:53 > 0:28:56That's life in mental health.
0:29:12 > 0:29:15Adam and his team-mate, fellow OCD sufferer Dean,
0:29:15 > 0:29:17face another challenge.
0:29:17 > 0:29:19The next league game is 200 miles away
0:29:19 > 0:29:22and the only way is by public transport.
0:29:23 > 0:29:28- I hate touching the poles.- Yeah. - Everyone touches it. Everyone.
0:29:28 > 0:29:31- And I don't think they clean it. - They don't.
0:29:31 > 0:29:35I hate touching these poles.
0:29:35 > 0:29:40Because everyone touches them. Yeah. But at least you are letting it.
0:29:40 > 0:29:45That's good. At least you are letting the pole touch you.
0:29:45 > 0:29:47- I've got no choice, innit?- Yeah.
0:30:00 > 0:30:03My head is bothering me.
0:30:03 > 0:30:07- DIRECTOR: What is it saying? - It's just...
0:30:10 > 0:30:14It's just absolute rubbish but it...
0:30:14 > 0:30:17just annoys me. I can't concentrate.
0:30:31 > 0:30:32Do you know which way to go?
0:30:37 > 0:30:40Haringey FC are travelling to Yorkshire where they will take on
0:30:40 > 0:30:44the Wakefield Pumas, another team of players with mental health problems.
0:30:45 > 0:30:47We are moving. Are you excited?
0:30:55 > 0:30:58Jamal has had special permission from his doctors to travel up
0:30:58 > 0:31:02to the match and Johnny is recording their last mission together.
0:31:02 > 0:31:07- So, you have not been up to Yorkshire before you were saying? - I've been passed it.
0:31:07 > 0:31:10- Up to go to Paradise Park? - Yeah. Yeah.
0:31:22 > 0:31:27Everyone is here on time, up, out, quite early for some of them,
0:31:27 > 0:31:30so yeah, you can't ask for any more apart from a win.
0:31:40 > 0:31:45- Is that them there?- Yeah. - Yeah, they look quite good, yeah.
0:31:47 > 0:31:51I'm going to ref so don't argue with me, show good respect, yeah?
0:31:51 > 0:31:54Even if it is getting heated, I will sort it out.
0:32:06 > 0:32:08Despite their best efforts,
0:32:08 > 0:32:10Haringey can't seem to get the ball in the net.
0:32:15 > 0:32:18Once Wakefield score, there is no stopping them.
0:32:27 > 0:32:28Come on!
0:32:32 > 0:32:33Play the game.
0:32:39 > 0:32:43- At 10-0 down, it is all too much for Adam.- Someone sub for me.
0:32:43 > 0:32:47Dean, you go on. I don't want to play no more.
0:32:47 > 0:32:49- You want to come off? - Yeah, I want to come off.
0:32:49 > 0:32:50Come off a minute. Come on then.
0:32:50 > 0:32:55- What's frustrating you? - Everything, myself, just everything.
0:32:56 > 0:33:01That was shit! That is shit! No, that's shit.
0:33:01 > 0:33:09- Frustrated, yes.- Well, you can't win every time, can you?- No.
0:33:10 > 0:33:14You're smiling, Adam, that is good. End of the game you are smiling.
0:33:14 > 0:33:17All we can do is take from that, can't we?
0:33:17 > 0:33:19That's what it is all about really.
0:33:19 > 0:33:22Tomorrow, or next week, find out what we need to do
0:33:22 > 0:33:27so we just take from it, yeah? That's life sometimes, innit?
0:33:27 > 0:33:31Sometimes it's a bit disappointing, but it's how we manage it, yeah?
0:33:31 > 0:33:34So that is what we are going to do, we are going to manage it,
0:33:34 > 0:33:37keep positive and get ready for the next game.
0:33:37 > 0:33:39- Yeah?- Yeah.- OK. Let's go.
0:33:54 > 0:33:58Back from Wakefield, Jamal has been told that his secure unit is
0:33:58 > 0:34:00just weeks from shutting down.
0:34:00 > 0:34:04Johnny wants to know if he has understood what it means for him.
0:34:06 > 0:34:08- All right, Jamal?- Yeah.
0:34:08 > 0:34:10Let's have a little chat about what is going to happen over
0:34:10 > 0:34:14- the next few weeks.- What?- Well, you got your letter, didn't you?
0:34:14 > 0:34:16- I didn't get it. - You didn't get your letter?- No.
0:34:16 > 0:34:19- So have you been told anything by anyone?- No.
0:34:19 > 0:34:23- About the future of this hospital? - I know it is closing down.
0:34:23 > 0:34:25- You know it is closing.- Yeah.
0:34:25 > 0:34:31- But, yes, we are closing down in two weeks.- Yeah.- Are you worried about...
0:34:31 > 0:34:34- No.- ..moving again?- But I want to stay with this football team.
0:34:34 > 0:34:39Hopefully you will be able to. I don't see any reason why, you know,
0:34:39 > 0:34:41you should have to not play football any more.
0:34:41 > 0:34:45It just might be an issue of the new hospital's resources.
0:34:45 > 0:34:49We will try hard to make sure that they know that it's important to you.
0:34:56 > 0:35:00Hayley has had a set back and refused to come to training.
0:35:00 > 0:35:02Now she has turned up, Claire wants to make sure
0:35:02 > 0:35:06she is not returning to her old destructive pattern.
0:35:06 > 0:35:11- You all right, Hayley?- Yeah.- Yeah? How come you couldn't come yesterday?
0:35:11 > 0:35:15- I wanted to be by myself.- Pardon? - I wanted to be by myself.
0:35:15 > 0:35:17You wanted to be by yourself. That's fair enough.
0:35:17 > 0:35:20We were just wondering if it was anything to do with you
0:35:20 > 0:35:24thinking you had to come in and do training session again?
0:35:24 > 0:35:26I think because I am doing a lot of stuff,
0:35:26 > 0:35:31I think it puts a lot of pressure on me but it is not just that.
0:35:31 > 0:35:35I think...when I can feel a mood dipping,
0:35:35 > 0:35:37I tend to think about anything and everything
0:35:37 > 0:35:41and then I think I felt yesterday, not that I couldn't come
0:35:41 > 0:35:45and do the training, but sometimes if I feel that I can't,
0:35:45 > 0:35:48not put a show on, but if I can't hold it together,
0:35:48 > 0:35:51I would rather not...
0:35:51 > 0:35:53Well, from our point of view,
0:35:53 > 0:35:56we don't want you to feel that you have to come here and do a training
0:35:56 > 0:35:59session every week, because we would not expect you to do that.
0:35:59 > 0:36:02We want you to come down and enjoy yourself as well. It is up to you.
0:36:02 > 0:36:07If you want to do something today, great. If you don't, that's fine.
0:36:07 > 0:36:11I tend to always feel like I have to keep going
0:36:11 > 0:36:16and if I feel I can't come and do that, I tend to keep to myself.
0:36:19 > 0:36:23Her challenge is either sometimes if she is having a bad day,
0:36:23 > 0:36:27she can't even leave the house, she can't talk to anybody.
0:36:27 > 0:36:30It is part of the job that you have got to accept that some days
0:36:30 > 0:36:33they will have bad days and they are not going to come down.
0:36:33 > 0:36:35You can't expect them to do everything.
0:36:44 > 0:36:46Jamal's unit closes today.
0:36:46 > 0:36:50He is moving to another hospital a few miles away.
0:36:50 > 0:36:51It is also Johnny's last day
0:36:51 > 0:36:54but it is Jamal's football he is worried about.
0:36:54 > 0:36:55No, that's deep, blud!
0:36:56 > 0:37:02JAMAL TALKS AND SWEARS TO HIMSELF
0:37:06 > 0:37:08I am worried about Jamal's involvement with the PMA.
0:37:08 > 0:37:13I've got this inkling that it is not going to be as easy to
0:37:13 > 0:37:16facilitate it as we have tried to make it here.
0:37:16 > 0:37:19Unfortunately, the life of a psychiatric patient is not
0:37:19 > 0:37:22full of a lot of joys.
0:37:22 > 0:37:25It's not really anyone's fault, it is just the way it is, sadly.
0:37:25 > 0:37:27So if they do have something that does make them happy
0:37:27 > 0:37:31and something that does give them a little bit of structure and a little
0:37:31 > 0:37:35bit of focus, to lose that would be quite upsetting for him I guess.
0:37:37 > 0:37:39We need to check that, that is really important.
0:37:39 > 0:37:42Jamal's mum Jenny is worried about the effect the move will
0:37:42 > 0:37:44have on him.
0:37:44 > 0:37:47When things are running OK and working,
0:37:47 > 0:37:51it seems a bit bizarre that suddenly you've got to change it all.
0:37:51 > 0:37:54I hope I am allowed to go out, you know what I am saying?
0:37:54 > 0:37:56You will, that is what this is all about really -
0:37:56 > 0:38:00you doing your football, coming home.
0:38:04 > 0:38:07A bit of normality, that is what is important really.
0:38:21 > 0:38:23I have to move and I'll follow you.
0:38:37 > 0:38:44I think he is worried that where he's going is...
0:38:44 > 0:38:46if he is still going to be able to go out.
0:38:55 > 0:38:58As Jamal spends his first night in his new hospital,
0:38:58 > 0:39:01his future with Haringey FC is uncertain.
0:39:17 > 0:39:20After the breakthrough of getting Adam into the kitchen,
0:39:20 > 0:39:22Claire wants to start him cooking.
0:39:22 > 0:39:26I think Adam is going to find some aspects of the cooking difficult.
0:39:26 > 0:39:29Just being in the kitchen longer than five minutes is
0:39:29 > 0:39:32an achievement in itself for Adam at the moment.
0:39:32 > 0:39:35- Hi, Adam. Are you OK?- Yeah, I'm OK.
0:39:39 > 0:39:43It is not just the kitchen that is new to him.
0:39:43 > 0:39:47- So, have you ever cooked anything in your life, Adam?- No.- Nothing?
0:39:47 > 0:39:53- Beans on toast?- No.- Right. So all this is new to you.- Yeah.- Yeah?
0:39:53 > 0:39:56So what we need to do is we need to follow these step-by-step
0:39:56 > 0:39:59instructions, so it's the method and how you cook.
0:39:59 > 0:40:01So you need to put that in the bowl.
0:40:01 > 0:40:04- Now let's get some of this mint out. - OK.
0:40:06 > 0:40:11And you put two teaspoons of that into there.
0:40:11 > 0:40:15- Have you never chopped anything up in your life?- Nah, nah.- Eeh.
0:40:16 > 0:40:17- It's tricky, isn't it?- Mm.
0:40:19 > 0:40:21Into there. That's it.
0:40:21 > 0:40:26- Are you enjoying cooking? - Er...it's hard work.
0:40:26 > 0:40:28- Hard work?!- Yeah.
0:40:28 > 0:40:32Brilliant. There are some burgers. Fantastic. Look at them.
0:40:32 > 0:40:36- You proud of yourself?- Yeah, yeah. - Good. So you should be.
0:40:36 > 0:40:39Right, this is the worst bit, we have to wash up now.
0:40:39 > 0:40:43Er, how do you feel about cooking in the kitchen, Adam,
0:40:43 > 0:40:47- with the using the surfaces and... - Erm, I have to get a bit used to it
0:40:47 > 0:40:51because my head is telling me that I have to shower now.
0:40:51 > 0:40:53- You have to shower now?- Yeah, yeah.
0:40:54 > 0:40:58- OK, so maybe what we need to do is cook these burgers.- Yeah.- Yeah?
0:40:58 > 0:41:01- And have some food.- Yeah. - And try and override them thoughts,
0:41:01 > 0:41:04- so you're not going straight in the shower.- Yeah.
0:41:04 > 0:41:07- How do you feel about that?- Yeah, that would be good, Claire.- Yeah.
0:41:07 > 0:41:10Then hopefully them thoughts won't be as strong.
0:41:10 > 0:41:13Keep moving around. I might even break it.
0:41:18 > 0:41:21Like, at the moment, Adam, on a scale of 1 to 10, how strong are
0:41:21 > 0:41:26- those thoughts now about going in the shower?- Er...maybe three.
0:41:26 > 0:41:29- So they're not actually that strong? - No, no.
0:41:29 > 0:41:33- So really...you could cope by not going in the shower, yeah? - Yeah, yeah.
0:41:53 > 0:41:54Right.
0:41:54 > 0:41:56'It's three weeks since Jamal's move
0:41:56 > 0:41:58'and there's no sign of him at football.
0:41:58 > 0:42:00'His new hospital have agreed to let him come,
0:42:00 > 0:42:03'but he's currently not well enough to attend.'
0:42:03 > 0:42:04Erm, they don't know.
0:42:04 > 0:42:07I spoke to the social worker and she says she doesn't know yet,
0:42:07 > 0:42:12so I'm going to hopefully find out on Friday. OK, then, thanks very much.
0:42:12 > 0:42:13OK, bye now.
0:42:18 > 0:42:20Not coming. They're not allowing him off the wards.
0:42:20 > 0:42:24'Jamal's staying in bed and refusing to take his medication.'
0:42:24 > 0:42:26That's quite concerning, really, then,
0:42:26 > 0:42:28because look how long it's taken us
0:42:28 > 0:42:35to build Jamal, from not wanting to engage in any social aspect, just wants football,
0:42:35 > 0:42:40to now coming to the caff, conversation with his peers...
0:42:40 > 0:42:44- Yeah.- ..coming to the workshops. - And now it's all gone pear shaped.
0:42:49 > 0:42:53Jamal's important for strike... scoring goals. Yeah.
0:42:53 > 0:42:56- Come on!- It feels like we're missing somebody. It's a bit sad.
0:42:56 > 0:42:59Like, it's nice when he's here.
0:42:59 > 0:43:03Especially when he plays, he tries his best all the time, which is good. Yeah.
0:43:06 > 0:43:09'Jamal's doctors fear it could be months before he's well enough
0:43:09 > 0:43:11'to come back to football.
0:43:20 > 0:43:24'Today, Hayley's taking the training session and things are looking up.'
0:43:24 > 0:43:27- All right, I can join in now, then, guys.- Off you go!
0:43:27 > 0:43:2913, 14.
0:43:29 > 0:43:31That's it, over. Well done.
0:43:31 > 0:43:32Get bouncing on your feet.
0:43:32 > 0:43:34That's it, on your toes.
0:43:34 > 0:43:36I woke up fine this morning!
0:43:36 > 0:43:39You wouldn't even think anything had been wrong.
0:43:39 > 0:43:41'That's how it is with me, like,'
0:43:41 > 0:43:45everything that was bothering me or on my mind, it's just like...
0:43:45 > 0:43:46It's gone now.
0:43:46 > 0:43:48One,
0:43:48 > 0:43:50two.
0:43:50 > 0:43:51Like the old days, eh?
0:43:51 > 0:43:54You've got the arm underneath. That's it.
0:43:54 > 0:43:58- So you bring it across. Confusing, isn't it?- I feel like a octopus.
0:44:00 > 0:44:03Everyone keep on your toes, just as you would in a game.
0:44:03 > 0:44:05Keep on your toes.
0:44:05 > 0:44:10'And I want to be able to be open enough, say, actually, people do suffer with these problems.
0:44:10 > 0:44:11'And it's normal.'
0:44:14 > 0:44:17That's it, everyone, stop! So well done, everyone.
0:44:17 > 0:44:20- Well done, everyone, really well done.- Well played, everyone.
0:44:21 > 0:44:25- Well done, Hayley.- Thank you! - How do you think that went?
0:44:25 > 0:44:29- Er, I think it wasn't bad for a first...go.- You relieved?
0:44:29 > 0:44:32Yeah, and I was thinking, when's the next one? Jesus!
0:44:32 > 0:44:35What am I going to do next time? That's what I'm thinking!
0:44:35 > 0:44:37Just get today over with!
0:44:41 > 0:44:46'It's four weeks since Jamal's move and it's match day for his team.
0:44:46 > 0:44:49'Jeanette knows it's not the hospital that's stopping him coming
0:44:49 > 0:44:52'so she's gone to see if she can persuade him to come.'
0:44:54 > 0:44:58I can't see Jeanette going all the way over there and giving up.
0:44:58 > 0:45:02- So hopefully we'll see him. - She doesn't take no for an answer, does she?
0:45:02 > 0:45:06No, Jeanette doesn't take no for an answer. So he'll definitely be here.
0:45:09 > 0:45:14All right, OK. All right then, I'll order it and tell them that you'll be half an hour.
0:45:14 > 0:45:16'Jeanette calls with good news from the hospital
0:45:16 > 0:45:19'and she's putting in a special request for Jamal.'
0:45:20 > 0:45:22Hiya, can I order a burger and chips?
0:45:22 > 0:45:26Not for now, though, for 20 minutes, half an hour time.
0:45:26 > 0:45:28Jamal and Jeanette are on their way now in a taxi.
0:45:28 > 0:45:31She's just rang to ask me to order Jamal's burger
0:45:31 > 0:45:35and chips that he always has before he starts a match, so, yeah,
0:45:35 > 0:45:38so she's on her way, so it's fantastic news.
0:45:53 > 0:45:58- Right, Jamal, get your stuff. All right?- Hey, Jamal. Hey!
0:45:58 > 0:46:02- Good to see you.- Have you got my food?- We've ordered it.- Cool.
0:46:02 > 0:46:04First things first, eh?!
0:46:04 > 0:46:08He's been stuck on that ward for nearly three weeks.
0:46:08 > 0:46:10He's been out once.
0:46:10 > 0:46:14We would have lost him, he would have gone back on himself, simple as that.
0:46:14 > 0:46:17He's up and about now. Got his chips.
0:46:22 > 0:46:26- What do you want out of life in the next six months?- What do I want out of this?
0:46:26 > 0:46:30- Out of life.- Well, I just want to get out of hospital.
0:46:30 > 0:46:34Be free, be happy, like, go on holiday and all that stuff,
0:46:34 > 0:46:38- get my cards.- And how do you think you're going to get that?
0:46:38 > 0:46:41- Well, I've got the money.- What else do you need? Support, innit?
0:46:44 > 0:46:48- Just to be free, really. Be free. - So if you work with us...
0:46:48 > 0:46:51Because I need you to start socialising, as you would
0:46:51 > 0:46:55- if you were out free.- Yeah.- But you need to get out your bed.- Yeah.
0:46:55 > 0:47:00- I was just tired, man, I'm...- I know you were.- ..relaxing now, it's cosy.
0:47:00 > 0:47:04- You know when you're under the blanket and it's nice and cosy.- I know.
0:47:04 > 0:47:06But the thing is, that's not looking good there, is it,
0:47:06 > 0:47:12- because the more you're under there the more you won't go and get your freedom, what you want.- Yeah, yeah.
0:47:24 > 0:47:27'He's had a move, it's been stressful,
0:47:27 > 0:47:30'and hopefully this is a new beginning for him.'
0:47:30 > 0:47:33Start him right with us again. Cos it's clear he wants to do it.
0:47:35 > 0:47:36And it's just getting him down.
0:47:41 > 0:47:43Well done, Jamal!
0:47:46 > 0:47:51Come on, Jamal, your ball! Go back, Jamal!
0:47:55 > 0:47:57It is nice to see him back on the pitch.
0:47:57 > 0:48:00He's switching on again a little bit more.
0:48:04 > 0:48:07Ohhhhh, unlucky!
0:48:07 > 0:48:10Had a shot on goal there, Jamal.
0:48:16 > 0:48:19Yes!
0:48:19 > 0:48:21Well done, well done!
0:48:26 > 0:48:29Jamal's doing really well, isn't he? He's concentrating well,
0:48:29 > 0:48:32he's moving positions now, which is good, so, yeah, he's doing really well.
0:48:39 > 0:48:42- Is it nice to see Jamal back?- Yeah, it is nice. It's been quite a while.
0:48:42 > 0:48:45Has it been two months since I saw him? Yeah.
0:49:07 > 0:49:11'Adam has invited some of his team-mates out for a meal. It's a huge step forward for him.'
0:49:11 > 0:49:13Hi, Claire. Hi, Hayley.
0:49:13 > 0:49:16- Hayley, how are you? - You all right?- Yeah, man.
0:49:16 > 0:49:19We're doing OK, we're going to be in the final.
0:49:19 > 0:49:25It's been about...four years since I went out with friends.
0:49:25 > 0:49:28Like, except football, this is like the first time, yeah.
0:49:38 > 0:49:43- Does anybody ever run away, Albert? - I ran away.- You ran away?
0:49:50 > 0:49:53What's it like hanging out with friends again?
0:49:53 > 0:49:57- Erm, it's good, cos I haven't done it in... - HE LAUGHS
0:50:01 > 0:50:04To be honest, I never had a dinner like this with friends before.
0:50:04 > 0:50:08I never done it. This is my first time. So it's really good, yeah.
0:50:11 > 0:50:15- And how often do you go out with mates?- I don't at all. I don't.
0:50:15 > 0:50:19When I'm here I don't feel like I have to be someone that I'm not.
0:50:19 > 0:50:23Maybe before, or with family or with friends, you feel like
0:50:23 > 0:50:27you have to be up to their standard of what they think you should be.
0:50:27 > 0:50:31Erm, and I, as a person, I would rather be who I want to be
0:50:31 > 0:50:33and what I'm comfortable with.
0:50:33 > 0:50:38And maybe it's about finding myself, erm, along the way.
0:50:40 > 0:50:43MUSIC DROWNS SPEECH
0:51:02 > 0:51:04It's May 2013.
0:51:04 > 0:51:06After months of hard work,
0:51:06 > 0:51:09the teams are playing the very last games of the season.
0:51:15 > 0:51:18- I'll show you the kits, yeah? We got a changing room.- Yeah, see you then.
0:51:18 > 0:51:19Yeah, I'll see you.
0:51:21 > 0:51:23I feel really nervous. How do you guys feel?
0:51:23 > 0:51:26- It feels like cup final day. - Really?- Yeah!
0:51:26 > 0:51:28I'm still aching.
0:51:30 > 0:51:33One, two, three... Haringey!
0:51:33 > 0:51:37Cos this is my first season, it's been positive, so I'm enjoying it.
0:51:37 > 0:51:40Even if we don't win today I'll still just have fun.
0:51:46 > 0:51:51After a whole year, you know, it's the climax of the season.
0:51:51 > 0:51:55And not just the football, it's a great time to reflect
0:51:55 > 0:51:59and look how each player has developed over this year.
0:52:01 > 0:52:04Jamal's mum and brother have come to see him play.
0:52:04 > 0:52:07- Have you come to support your brother?- Yeah, he's...
0:52:07 > 0:52:10I mean, I wish I could play and show him up, but...
0:52:10 > 0:52:12- Do you want to play next season? - I don't know, man.
0:52:12 > 0:52:15I want you to be the star, because if I play next season it's...
0:52:15 > 0:52:19You're not going to beat me, blud! You're not going to beat me.
0:52:19 > 0:52:20Don't worry.
0:52:20 > 0:52:22WHISTLE
0:52:27 > 0:52:30Come on, Jamal! Jamal! Pick it up!
0:52:31 > 0:52:34Well done, Jamal! Well done, Jamal!
0:52:34 > 0:52:37'Jamal's medical team at his new hospital have worked hard
0:52:37 > 0:52:41'to help him settle in and have even been able to reduce his medication.'
0:52:41 > 0:52:45Jamal's been really good, actually. He's like the old Jamal we knew.
0:52:45 > 0:52:47I think he's settled. Erm...
0:52:47 > 0:52:51He's motivated, so much more motivated now.
0:52:51 > 0:52:53"Come on, let's get up, let's go football."
0:52:53 > 0:52:57But, oh, yeah, Jamal wouldn't miss this for the world, I don't think,
0:52:57 > 0:52:58not this end-of-season game.
0:53:04 > 0:53:08Come on! Adam, watch your man!
0:53:08 > 0:53:11'Adam's psychiatrist has taken him off his antidepressant medication
0:53:11 > 0:53:13'and he's coping well without it.'
0:53:13 > 0:53:15I'm proud of a lot of them
0:53:15 > 0:53:18but in particular Adam because I've worked really closely with him.
0:53:18 > 0:53:21And seeing him at the beginning of the season, with his head down,
0:53:21 > 0:53:25looking miserable, to how he is now, smiling, it's so nice to see.
0:53:28 > 0:53:30So, yeah, I am really proud of him.
0:53:37 > 0:53:40Close him down!
0:53:41 > 0:53:43'The coaches are pleased with Hayley's progress, too.'
0:53:43 > 0:53:47Yeah, Hayley's able to be more open about her feelings,
0:53:47 > 0:53:49and I think, if she can get it out,
0:53:49 > 0:53:52then hopefully it reduces the chances of her self-harming.
0:54:00 > 0:54:03Yeah, mental health still goes on but, erm,
0:54:03 > 0:54:07hopefully they're able to cope and manage in the community.
0:54:07 > 0:54:09Good shot!
0:54:11 > 0:54:15- One, two, three, "Cheese!" - Cheese! Champions!
0:54:15 > 0:54:19'The Wakefield Pumas finish top of the league and win the cup.
0:54:19 > 0:54:22'But just as important is what's happened to the players
0:54:22 > 0:54:24'over the year.'
0:54:24 > 0:54:27This guy we know has come a long way since being with PMA.
0:54:27 > 0:54:31He's consistent every week, he's always there
0:54:31 > 0:54:34and he's a really valued team member.
0:54:34 > 0:54:35And that's Adam of Haringey.
0:54:37 > 0:54:40I kind of worry less about contamination and stuff.
0:54:40 > 0:54:41It's not in my head, it's...
0:54:41 > 0:54:44Because at the end of the day it's not important really, you know.
0:54:44 > 0:54:45This life is short,
0:54:45 > 0:54:49so you have to try to just do as much as you can and try to enjoy it.
0:54:49 > 0:54:52We'll take some photos. Who's taking the photos?
0:54:52 > 0:54:58It seems to be fading away a little. It's not gone 100% but it is...
0:54:58 > 0:55:02Like, about 40% has gone, I'd say, in this year.
0:55:02 > 0:55:06So, there's still a bit of a battle left but if I was still coming to
0:55:06 > 0:55:09PMA next year we can deal with that and just get rid of it for good.
0:55:11 > 0:55:14Everybody voted for this person.
0:55:14 > 0:55:17If I say female, we know who she is.
0:55:17 > 0:55:19So, well done, Hayley!
0:55:19 > 0:55:22We are in it together and I think that's the main thing about it,
0:55:22 > 0:55:23we are all there together,
0:55:23 > 0:55:27no matter what our struggles are or our personalities.
0:55:28 > 0:55:32And sometimes that keeps me coming.
0:55:32 > 0:55:36'I do feel a sense of more content with myself.'
0:55:36 > 0:55:41I want to say thank you. A lot of hard work is put in, but it's by the players and all the staff.
0:55:43 > 0:55:46And this individual has come a long way
0:55:46 > 0:55:50and he's gone...he's transferred from place to place.
0:55:50 > 0:55:54You know what, the lad is going to do exceptionally well,
0:55:54 > 0:55:56even better next year. And that's Jamal!
0:55:56 > 0:55:58APPLAUSE
0:56:06 > 0:56:08- Going to say a few words, Jamal?- Ohh.
0:56:08 > 0:56:12I'm happy this season that I'm having a good season and...
0:56:12 > 0:56:17- That's it, really.- Well done, Jamal. - And long may it continue as well.
0:56:17 > 0:56:18Well done.
0:56:22 > 0:56:24And if you know in your heart that you've tried all you can
0:56:24 > 0:56:28then don't worry about it, but if you haven't, you know you haven't,
0:56:28 > 0:56:30then work on it the next time and say, well,
0:56:30 > 0:56:33I'll do that differently, or I'll try this.
0:56:33 > 0:56:37Only you know whether you've done what you can do.
0:56:57 > 0:57:00Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd