0:00:02 > 0:00:07This programme contains scenes which some viewers may find upsetting
0:00:07 > 0:00:09"You have cancer."
0:00:09 > 0:00:13Three words that changed my world for ever.
0:00:16 > 0:00:19I was 23 and, after a late diagnosis,
0:00:19 > 0:00:23I stared a hairless and boobless life in the face.
0:00:26 > 0:00:30I had stage 4 cancer. There is no stage 5.
0:00:31 > 0:00:34I know the drugs can stop working at any time.
0:00:36 > 0:00:39So until then, I've got a lot of living to do.
0:00:41 > 0:00:42SHE LAUGHS
0:01:00 > 0:01:02Today I celebrate my cancerversary.
0:01:05 > 0:01:08Four years to the day since that crappy news.
0:01:11 > 0:01:13I'm celebrating being alive.
0:01:15 > 0:01:16Everyone is here.
0:01:17 > 0:01:21My mum, my boyfriend, Rich, and my twin sister, Maren.
0:01:31 > 0:01:33My cancer was diagnosed so late
0:01:33 > 0:01:36it had spread from my breast to my spine.
0:01:36 > 0:01:38There is no cure.
0:01:38 > 0:01:40It's terminal.
0:01:51 > 0:01:54How much will I have to pay you to get in there?
0:01:54 > 0:01:57I've set up a charity with my twin sister,
0:01:57 > 0:01:59to ensure breast cancers are detected early.
0:02:04 > 0:02:06We want young people to be aware of the signs
0:02:06 > 0:02:08and not suffer the same fate as me.
0:02:10 > 0:02:14So that's why I'm making this film about living with cancer.
0:02:16 > 0:02:20I want to make a difference now, because I won't be around for ever.
0:02:23 > 0:02:26We've always been really close, just...
0:02:26 > 0:02:29Everything that we've done in our lives has always been together
0:02:29 > 0:02:32and we always have had each other.
0:02:40 > 0:02:43Maren has been Kristin's rock.
0:02:44 > 0:02:47She understands Kristin really well. Um, they...
0:02:47 > 0:02:49right from, you know, the word go.
0:02:52 > 0:02:57They were born twins and it's almost like for better or for worse.
0:02:57 > 0:03:00Like a marriage, that you're going to be there, you know,
0:03:00 > 0:03:03for the good times and for the bad times.
0:03:05 > 0:03:08I always think I'll forget to take them.
0:03:08 > 0:03:11- Really?- Maybe.
0:03:12 > 0:03:17We went on holiday to Barcelona because I'd just graduated
0:03:17 > 0:03:21and Kris was about to leave to go to China
0:03:21 > 0:03:25and we just wanted a last kind of girly holiday with our mum.
0:03:26 > 0:03:29And whilst we were there, one evening, she just said,
0:03:29 > 0:03:31"I've found this lump."
0:03:32 > 0:03:34I couldn't finish it all.
0:03:34 > 0:03:39How long before had you, sort of found it, or been worrying about it?
0:03:39 > 0:03:42- I don't know. - You don't know?
0:03:42 > 0:03:44A long time. That's all I know.
0:03:44 > 0:03:47Oh, dear. Mmm.
0:03:48 > 0:03:49Ages.
0:03:49 > 0:03:53Ages? Like, months and months and months?
0:03:54 > 0:03:57I don't know when, precisely,
0:03:57 > 0:03:59but I knew something was there.
0:04:00 > 0:04:03Mmm.
0:04:03 > 0:04:05And it was silly, because I didn't do anything about it.
0:04:07 > 0:04:08It's not possible...
0:04:08 > 0:04:12'I finally went to see my GP, who told me there was nothing to worry about.'
0:04:12 > 0:04:14So I went off travelling.
0:04:16 > 0:04:20But when I got back, I started bleeding from my nipple.
0:04:20 > 0:04:22Mum insisted I get tested.
0:04:24 > 0:04:27It was eight months since my first GP visit.
0:04:29 > 0:04:33I don't think I'll ever forget the minor details of that day.
0:04:35 > 0:04:37The weather was beautiful.
0:04:39 > 0:04:42I can remember exactly what I wore.
0:04:42 > 0:04:45I wore a little miniskirt with tights and my mum said it was,
0:04:45 > 0:04:48like, way too short but, anyway, I wore it anyway.
0:04:51 > 0:04:54Mum drove me to the hospital
0:04:54 > 0:04:59and she couldn't find a parking spot.
0:04:59 > 0:05:02So she let me go in before her.
0:05:05 > 0:05:09The doctor came in and just sort of walked into this tiny little room.
0:05:09 > 0:05:13Um, and I was sat on a chair, not on the bed, but on the chair,
0:05:13 > 0:05:15and he kind of leaned up against the bed,
0:05:15 > 0:05:17um, and, in a sort of roundabout way,
0:05:17 > 0:05:20just spat out the fact that I had breast cancer.
0:05:20 > 0:05:23Um... I...yeah.
0:05:25 > 0:05:27That was the end of innocence, really.
0:05:27 > 0:05:31You just...all of a sudden you have to realise and start,
0:05:31 > 0:05:34you know, working... you know, fighting.
0:05:34 > 0:05:37Fighting for it and fighting against, you know, what...
0:05:37 > 0:05:40what's been handed to you, this fate. So...
0:05:40 > 0:05:44Deep down, I knew it was the cancer that had spread.
0:05:48 > 0:05:52It was just exactly a week later that I got the results
0:05:52 > 0:05:56for those scans and they said it was in my spine, too.
0:05:58 > 0:06:02The hardest thing about that day was telling Maren.
0:06:08 > 0:06:12I think that was even harder to hear, than the initial diagnosis
0:06:12 > 0:06:18because it went from, "We can cure this," to, "We can treat this."
0:06:20 > 0:06:24Or, I had in my mind that I was going to lose my sister.
0:06:35 > 0:06:37What if I had checked my boobs?
0:06:37 > 0:06:40What if I had gone to the doctor sooner?
0:06:40 > 0:06:43Would that mean that I'd be completely fine now?
0:06:43 > 0:06:49Would I, like, would breast cancer be a thing of the past for me now?
0:06:49 > 0:06:51And I just don't know.
0:06:52 > 0:06:55Um, so, yeah, no, that's...
0:06:55 > 0:06:57that's kind of what motivates me is because
0:06:57 > 0:07:00that part of the story is never going to go away
0:07:00 > 0:07:01and that's never going to change
0:07:01 > 0:07:06and I guess that's, kind of, I've built that kind of life for me
0:07:06 > 0:07:10because of the way I reacted to getting breast cancer.
0:07:12 > 0:07:16'One month after diagnosis, I started my charity, CoppaFeel.
0:07:18 > 0:07:21'Almost immediately I was appearing on TV
0:07:21 > 0:07:22'and in the national press.
0:07:22 > 0:07:24'We're growing fast...'
0:07:24 > 0:07:26- Have you got everything?- Yep.
0:07:26 > 0:07:28'..and reach over one million young women every year
0:07:28 > 0:07:30'with our boob-checking message.'
0:07:30 > 0:07:31There's a cab here.
0:07:44 > 0:07:46Love you.
0:07:46 > 0:07:47Gorgeous girls.
0:07:47 > 0:07:50'This is the life cancer has given me.
0:07:50 > 0:07:55'I want people to realise this isn't just a disease you get in old age.'
0:07:55 > 0:07:57Are you twins? Identical, aren't you?
0:07:57 > 0:08:00'And celebrities help me get the message out there.'
0:08:00 > 0:08:01We got to take one all together.
0:08:01 > 0:08:04Hello. Hello. Hello. Hi. Hi.
0:08:04 > 0:08:07- There are so many of you. - So, you guys are twins?- Yes.
0:08:07 > 0:08:10'It might not look like work, but this is my full-time job.'
0:08:10 > 0:08:12CoppaFeel.
0:08:12 > 0:08:15'Sometimes, even I forget I'm ill.'
0:08:19 > 0:08:20Can we get the girls in as well?
0:08:35 > 0:08:39It's 11 June 2012,
0:08:39 > 0:08:46and the day that I find out that I have a brain tumour.
0:08:52 > 0:08:55My doctor said he wasn't worried
0:08:55 > 0:08:58and that my headache was probably nothing.
0:09:00 > 0:09:03Turns out that it's actually something.
0:09:03 > 0:09:07A little five-millimetre-sized something,
0:09:07 > 0:09:11deep within my brain that can't be taken out.
0:09:15 > 0:09:17The plan is to obliterate it.
0:09:20 > 0:09:23My cancer was discovered in 2009.
0:09:23 > 0:09:26It's now in my breast, spine, pelvis, hips and liver.
0:09:27 > 0:09:31It's spreading, but aggressive treatments have kept me alive.
0:09:31 > 0:09:34Now I have to go deal with its latest appearance
0:09:34 > 0:09:35deep inside my brain.
0:09:36 > 0:09:44Today we're going to the hospital to have radiotherapy for my brain
0:09:44 > 0:09:50and I don't particularly want to go to have the treatment,
0:09:50 > 0:09:52but I obviously really do because I need it.
0:09:55 > 0:09:57I like to think that the doctors know what they're doing
0:09:57 > 0:10:02but there's always that element of unknown.
0:10:02 > 0:10:03And the fact that it's...
0:10:03 > 0:10:05it's your brain as well,
0:10:05 > 0:10:07you know, it's quite daunting.
0:10:07 > 0:10:11But she's... she's a very stubborn person.
0:10:16 > 0:10:20I think you can never predict what's going to happen
0:10:20 > 0:10:24from one day to the next and you can never say, "Oh, I'm fine.
0:10:24 > 0:10:26"I'm in remission." None of that exists.
0:10:26 > 0:10:29It's just incurable and it's going to happen at some stage.
0:10:29 > 0:10:34I just wish it happened, you know, a few million years in the future.
0:10:34 > 0:10:35Or never.
0:10:48 > 0:10:51In a way I kind of knew that this day was going to come.
0:10:53 > 0:10:57I think as soon as you hear that it's in your brain,
0:10:57 > 0:11:00I don't think it gets much more scary than this.
0:11:09 > 0:11:13As you know, with radiotherapy, you will not feel anything at all.
0:11:13 > 0:11:16The difference with this kind of treatment
0:11:16 > 0:11:18or how it's a bit different,
0:11:18 > 0:11:22we'll actually do the treatment to the area in what we call arcs,
0:11:22 > 0:11:25and we're going to give you treatment in five arcs.
0:11:25 > 0:11:28That's the little lesion. Teeny-tiny.
0:11:29 > 0:11:32- It's ridiculous. That's what it is. - I know...
0:11:32 > 0:11:35- So this is the front of my head? - That's exactly right.
0:11:35 > 0:11:37- This is, like, my forehead?- Yes.
0:11:38 > 0:11:42- It's now time to go and have this treatment and it will be fine.- Yeah?
0:11:42 > 0:11:44We'll guide you through with that.
0:12:09 > 0:12:11We now have the technical ability
0:12:11 > 0:12:13to deliver very focused radiotherapy
0:12:13 > 0:12:17with the intention of obliterating that tumour.
0:12:17 > 0:12:21So, by treating a very small area, but using multiple beams
0:12:21 > 0:12:25of radiation, we can minimise the trauma to the surrounding tissues.
0:12:34 > 0:12:37I need to think of a really happy place right now.
0:12:38 > 0:12:41And most importantly,
0:12:41 > 0:12:44I know that these beams are zapping my cancer away.
0:12:55 > 0:12:58So patients don't lose their hair with this treatment
0:12:58 > 0:13:01and they have very little intellectual loss
0:13:01 > 0:13:06and very little other morbidity to the surrounding nerve tissue.
0:13:08 > 0:13:12It's about as close to a perfect treatment as you can get.
0:13:21 > 0:13:23- Aah.- Well done.
0:13:23 > 0:13:26Just stay there for a minute, give your face a rub if you want.
0:13:26 > 0:13:27Well done, you did really well.
0:13:29 > 0:13:33'I mean, that last one was just horrible. Really horrible.
0:13:33 > 0:13:36'That's the scary bit,
0:13:36 > 0:13:38'but I did some visualisation
0:13:38 > 0:13:41'of the tumour completely being obliterated.
0:13:44 > 0:13:47'It was so overwhelming that I just couldn't help but cry.'
0:13:51 > 0:13:56I am relieved it's over, um, but it's not really over.
0:13:56 > 0:13:59I don't really ever feel like it's over.
0:14:12 > 0:14:15Come on.
0:14:15 > 0:14:17One, two, three!
0:14:19 > 0:14:23Rich and I met at a festival
0:14:23 > 0:14:24and I really thought,
0:14:24 > 0:14:28he could potentially be my future boyfriend.
0:14:30 > 0:14:33I'd already started chemo and I had no hair.
0:14:33 > 0:14:36One, two, three!
0:14:41 > 0:14:44I just thought, not great timing...
0:14:45 > 0:14:48..and why the hell would he want to take this on right now?
0:14:57 > 0:14:59When we first started seeing each other...
0:15:01 > 0:15:04..for me I wasn't really too bothered about her situation
0:15:04 > 0:15:06and the fact that she had cancer.
0:15:06 > 0:15:09It was just that I thought she was great
0:15:09 > 0:15:11and that's all that mattered to me.
0:15:13 > 0:15:17The future is really scary, but I just...
0:15:17 > 0:15:19I don't try to think about it.
0:15:19 > 0:15:25Um...I suppose it's a cliched thing to say, but you just...
0:15:25 > 0:15:28take each day as it comes and I think that's what we do.
0:15:35 > 0:15:39People are always shocked to hear that my condition is incurable,
0:15:39 > 0:15:41but at least it makes them take notice.
0:15:50 > 0:15:53If I fall over, will you catch me?
0:15:53 > 0:15:56'Like me, one in four people only discover
0:15:56 > 0:15:58'they have cancer after an emergency referral.
0:15:59 > 0:16:02'We don't pick up the warning signs.'
0:16:02 > 0:16:05School should be banned when it's snowing.
0:16:07 > 0:16:09It's another rule I'm going to enforce.
0:16:09 > 0:16:11- Hello.- Hello.
0:16:11 > 0:16:14- Sarah?- Hello, nice to meet you. Sarah Trant, head of sixth form.- Hi.
0:16:17 > 0:16:19'Young people have to be educated about cancer now.
0:16:19 > 0:16:23'Going into schools to speak to teenagers is a vital part
0:16:23 > 0:16:26'of my campaign to spread awareness.'
0:16:26 > 0:16:28Hello, I'm Kris.
0:16:28 > 0:16:31This is my sister Maren, and this is Sarah, one of our Boobettes,
0:16:31 > 0:16:33and, yeah, we're from CoppaFeel
0:16:33 > 0:16:36and we're going to tell you a little bit more about that.
0:16:38 > 0:16:39So, I was a healthy kid.
0:16:39 > 0:16:42Um, I absolutely never had any worries about, you know,
0:16:42 > 0:16:44getting cancer at a younger age,
0:16:44 > 0:16:47or even considering the fact that I would get cancer at a young age.
0:16:48 > 0:16:50"You have breast cancer."
0:16:50 > 0:16:53The most scary thing I have ever heard in my life.
0:16:53 > 0:16:56I'm 23 and I'm going to die.
0:16:56 > 0:16:59It's important to remember it's not just a lump, there's other things to look out for,
0:16:59 > 0:17:01although it's the lump that you hear about.
0:17:01 > 0:17:03And these are the common excuses that we hear.
0:17:03 > 0:17:05"I just forget." "Don't even think about it."
0:17:05 > 0:17:08And that's why we're here, to act as a little reminder
0:17:08 > 0:17:10to look after your boobs every now and again.
0:17:17 > 0:17:21But did it make you think about you and what you need to be taking on board enough?
0:17:21 > 0:17:24Yeah, you don't really think you'll get it at this sort of age.
0:17:24 > 0:17:26Nobody thought they were going to get this sort of thing.
0:17:26 > 0:17:30It's not like someone who's 60 coming in and saying, "You might get breast cancer."
0:17:30 > 0:17:34- It's just completely different, being told by someone who is a similar age to you.- Yeah.
0:17:34 > 0:17:38Especially since you found out only a few years older than we are now.
0:17:38 > 0:17:40It's quite scary and it does make you think a bit more.
0:17:40 > 0:17:43Do you think this is a chat that you'd have amongst your friends?
0:17:43 > 0:17:47Now that you know this? Obviously you have other groups of friends maybe outside of school?
0:17:47 > 0:17:49I wouldn't have before. I will now, definitely.
0:17:49 > 0:17:53- Yeah, I'm more comfortable talking about it. I wouldn't be embarrassed to talk about it.- No.
0:17:53 > 0:17:59We could have this chat. Yeah. Yeah, we might go home and we'll continue this chat later.
0:18:00 > 0:18:03'It's impossible to be in every classroom
0:18:03 > 0:18:05'and that's what worries me.
0:18:05 > 0:18:08'I want everyone to know their body.
0:18:08 > 0:18:10'If they spot the early signs, they could be cured.'
0:18:24 > 0:18:27The radiotherapy has blasted my brain tumour,
0:18:27 > 0:18:29but the fun doesn't stop there.
0:18:31 > 0:18:35Hospital visits every month, full body scans every three.
0:18:37 > 0:18:40I take a cocktail of drugs that slow the spread of the disease,
0:18:40 > 0:18:43but what keeps me alive also harms me.
0:18:44 > 0:18:47My bones are weak, and without painkillers, I'm in agony.
0:18:52 > 0:18:55Trying to warm up my veins in my arms,
0:18:55 > 0:18:59because my veins have been battered so much with needles,
0:18:59 > 0:19:03they disappear, because they know what's going to happen.
0:19:05 > 0:19:06'When I was diagnosed
0:19:06 > 0:19:10'I read that my life expectancy was just two and a half years.
0:19:11 > 0:19:14'Thanks to treatment, I'm still here five years later.
0:19:14 > 0:19:16'But so is my cancer.'
0:19:33 > 0:19:36I suppose the fact that I put on make-up every morning makes me
0:19:36 > 0:19:39quite similar to a lot of other 20-somethings.
0:19:39 > 0:19:43I obviously have a job to go to, but, um, I wouldn't really say...
0:19:43 > 0:19:46obviously, I don't have a boss, apart from cancer.
0:19:48 > 0:19:49That's my boss.
0:19:50 > 0:19:54The reason I sort of get out bed in the morning is to make sure
0:19:54 > 0:19:57that I'm doing what I'm passionate about
0:19:57 > 0:19:59and I guess cancer is now my passion.
0:19:59 > 0:20:02God. Why is it that?
0:20:02 > 0:20:05But, yeah, but I don't think I'm obsessed.
0:20:06 > 0:20:11I feel like I'm just a voice for other girls going through this
0:20:11 > 0:20:15at the time, or had been through it, or in the future.
0:20:22 > 0:20:25I know the terror of being told you have cancer.
0:20:27 > 0:20:32Young women who have been diagnosed late contact me for support.
0:20:37 > 0:20:42Today we are going to Devon to visit a girl called Laura
0:20:42 > 0:20:47and she was diagnosed with breast cancer about three months ago.
0:20:51 > 0:20:52Laura is only 22,
0:20:52 > 0:20:56about the same as me when I found the lump in my boob.
0:20:56 > 0:20:58- Hello.- Hello.
0:20:58 > 0:20:59Come in, come in.
0:20:59 > 0:21:02'I want to find out what happened to her.'
0:21:03 > 0:21:07I was travelling in Thailand and the Philippines
0:21:07 > 0:21:09and I started to feel poorly
0:21:09 > 0:21:13- and then when I came back I wasn't quite right, still.- No.
0:21:13 > 0:21:17Struggled to get better for quite a while and I was sort of resting
0:21:17 > 0:21:21and watching telly and things and then I saw a TV programme
0:21:21 > 0:21:24and a lady on the programme was speaking about how
0:21:24 > 0:21:28she had breast cancer and she had pains in her back and in her chest.
0:21:28 > 0:21:31And I thought, "Well, I've been having pains in my back
0:21:31 > 0:21:35"and in my chest for months and months, from about June,"
0:21:35 > 0:21:37and this was in about September.
0:21:37 > 0:21:39So, I didn't really think that it could be anything,
0:21:39 > 0:21:43- because I was so young and I hadn't heard of anybody having it...- Yeah.
0:21:43 > 0:21:45..at my age before.
0:21:45 > 0:21:48'This is a story I keep hearing.
0:21:48 > 0:21:51'Laura only suspected she had cancer after watching a TV programme.
0:21:51 > 0:21:54'If she hadn't turned on the telly that day
0:21:54 > 0:21:57'when would she have gone to the doctor?'
0:21:57 > 0:21:59- Look at your shoes!- Yeah.
0:21:59 > 0:22:03Luckily she did and it was diagnosed before it had spread.
0:22:04 > 0:22:06She's just started chemo.
0:22:07 > 0:22:11- Oh, is that your hair?- Yeah. That is just from this morning.
0:22:11 > 0:22:12Wowsers.
0:22:12 > 0:22:15Yeah. It's amazing how much hair you can lose and still have left.
0:22:15 > 0:22:18- Yeah. You realise just how much you've got.- Yeah.
0:22:20 > 0:22:23It was months before Laura got her lump checked out.
0:22:23 > 0:22:25Like me, she didn't know the risks.
0:22:29 > 0:22:33I can't be cured, but I need to keep working to make sure others can.
0:22:41 > 0:22:44Every summer we spread our boob love,
0:22:44 > 0:22:45at festivals across the UK.
0:22:49 > 0:22:52It's my chance to hit as many people as possible
0:22:52 > 0:22:54with a clear and simple message.
0:22:55 > 0:22:59But I'm not sure how many of them are listening.
0:22:59 > 0:23:03I've spoken to lots and lots of people about boob-checking.
0:23:04 > 0:23:08Seems to me that lots of girls are not doing it,
0:23:08 > 0:23:11surprise, surprise(!)
0:23:11 > 0:23:12Erm...
0:23:13 > 0:23:16Still actually amazed by the amount of girls that are going,
0:23:16 > 0:23:18"No. Should I be checking my boobs?"
0:23:18 > 0:23:23She's like this superwoman who is, you know, taking on the world,
0:23:23 > 0:23:25trying to save lives,
0:23:25 > 0:23:28trying to get... You know, beat this cancer.
0:23:28 > 0:23:33And I think, sometimes, she just needs to just actually
0:23:33 > 0:23:36just have a good cry about it, or just get pissed off about it.
0:23:36 > 0:23:40Cos, erm, you can't... you can't keep up
0:23:40 > 0:23:44that kind of superwoman act the whole time. It's impossible.
0:23:44 > 0:23:47So I'd like to think that she'd...
0:23:47 > 0:23:52that I'm kind of that person that she can be like that with, really.
0:23:52 > 0:23:55Just be normal Kris again.
0:23:55 > 0:23:58Not Super Kris who's trying to save the world.
0:24:10 > 0:24:13Maren gave up her dream job to support me.
0:24:13 > 0:24:15She splits her time between London and Cornwall,
0:24:15 > 0:24:18where she lives with her boyfriend, Graham.
0:24:22 > 0:24:25I think the last few years have put a lot of pressure on us
0:24:25 > 0:24:31but...if anything, we've learnt to value our lives a lot more
0:24:31 > 0:24:35and I think that makes us better people, to be honest.
0:24:35 > 0:24:37All these things that happen,
0:24:37 > 0:24:41make you understand more about each other
0:24:41 > 0:24:44and what you're made of.
0:24:45 > 0:24:48Other people have other issues, you know?
0:24:48 > 0:24:53We have other issues outside of your sister having cancer.
0:24:53 > 0:24:57It's not... Life isn't just about that for us, you know,
0:24:57 > 0:24:59- we have other things going on as well.- Yeah.
0:24:59 > 0:25:02That's just one large component.
0:25:05 > 0:25:07The emphasis is on Kris...
0:25:09 > 0:25:13..because ultimately she is the one going through it.
0:25:13 > 0:25:15Erm...
0:25:18 > 0:25:20..and maybe...
0:25:22 > 0:25:25..my feelings are sometimes maybe forgotten
0:25:25 > 0:25:30and the fact that I'm often known as Kris's sister
0:25:30 > 0:25:34as opposed to Maren, I think...
0:25:34 > 0:25:38Before, I was Kris's sister who's not got the cancer,
0:25:38 > 0:25:43I was an individual as well, with dreams and ambitions
0:25:43 > 0:25:48and I certainly didn't imagine myself
0:25:48 > 0:25:50in this life that I have now.
0:25:52 > 0:25:56So, yeah, I struggle sometimes with the fact that my identity
0:25:56 > 0:25:59seems to have been lost somewhere along the line a little bit.
0:26:00 > 0:26:03# Do-do-do-do... #
0:26:07 > 0:26:09So, it is...
0:26:11 > 0:26:16..four days until my birthday, when I turn 27.
0:26:16 > 0:26:18Hurrah!
0:26:18 > 0:26:22Erm, and it's going to be a fun one.
0:26:22 > 0:26:25Erm, but this week I've had treatment.
0:26:25 > 0:26:28I had treatment on Monday and, erm,
0:26:28 > 0:26:34and I also had to bring up the fact that I have developed a cough.
0:26:36 > 0:26:39Erm, and...
0:26:39 > 0:26:42I don't know if I should be worried out it or not.
0:26:42 > 0:26:44- Erm... - SHE COUGHS
0:26:44 > 0:26:46That cough! That... That cough!
0:26:49 > 0:26:50I'm going to shake it off.
0:26:57 > 0:27:00With every ache and pain, I fear the cancer is spreading.
0:27:05 > 0:27:09Can't really be bothered to go to hospital today.
0:27:09 > 0:27:11Going to, erm,
0:27:11 > 0:27:13get my scan results
0:27:13 > 0:27:16to find out what's been going on with my lungs.
0:27:19 > 0:27:22I have had this cough for ages, for, like, more than a month.
0:27:24 > 0:27:25So...
0:27:26 > 0:27:29..that's obviously a little bit worrying because...
0:27:31 > 0:27:35..well, anything that lasts for longer than two weeks
0:27:35 > 0:27:37is a bit worrying.
0:27:40 > 0:27:42Er...yeah.
0:27:42 > 0:27:45Let's do this.
0:28:08 > 0:28:12When you get good scan results, the euphoria of the news is short-lived.
0:28:12 > 0:28:16How long can I allow myself to think, "Kris, you're OK"?
0:28:18 > 0:28:20The truth is, you have no real downtime from cancer
0:28:20 > 0:28:22when you're living with it.
0:28:22 > 0:28:26No matter how good the good news is, you get little respite.
0:29:12 > 0:29:15Kristin Hallenga - here to see Dr Hadel
0:29:15 > 0:29:17and Professor Stebbing.
0:29:17 > 0:29:20MUSIC: "New Country" by The Walkmen
0:29:30 > 0:29:31- Hello.- Nice to see you.
0:29:31 > 0:29:34- Nice to see you, too. - Good to see you. You look well.
0:29:34 > 0:29:35- How are you feeling?- Yeah, OK.
0:29:38 > 0:29:41I'll, er, just listen to your back, actually.
0:29:41 > 0:29:43And again... Out.
0:29:43 > 0:29:45So...
0:29:45 > 0:29:48the liver lesions look smaller, which is good news.
0:29:48 > 0:29:52The bone lesions look about the same, but it's...
0:29:52 > 0:29:56On this type of scan you've had it's quite difficult to exactly quantify
0:29:56 > 0:29:59and even qualify the bone lesions, because it's very different.
0:29:59 > 0:30:02They're not like a lump, like you see in the liver,
0:30:02 > 0:30:05- that you can discretely see decreasing in size.- Yeah. Yeah.
0:30:05 > 0:30:08- But it all looks very, very stable. It really does.- And my lungs?
0:30:08 > 0:30:11We can't see anything in the lungs at all.
0:30:11 > 0:30:14- Like, there's nothing?- No secondary disease, and the liver,
0:30:14 > 0:30:17you know, we could see a couple of lesions there.
0:30:17 > 0:30:20- Yes.- They're a bit smaller and the bones are entirely stable.
0:30:20 > 0:30:21So it's all good.
0:30:21 > 0:30:23The scans are quite boring and uneventful
0:30:23 > 0:30:26and all heading in the right direction, which is what we want.
0:30:26 > 0:30:27Yeah, that's what we want.
0:30:27 > 0:30:29But we want to be prepared, if it's not the case.
0:30:29 > 0:30:31OK. But at least I know now.
0:30:31 > 0:30:34I think, given that it was just that this year, I've been quite lucky.
0:30:34 > 0:30:37Yeah. OK. Hopefully next year will be uneventful.
0:30:37 > 0:30:40- Yes. OK. Thank you.- All right.
0:30:40 > 0:30:42MUSIC: "Close To Me" by The Cure
0:30:43 > 0:30:45Yes!
0:30:45 > 0:30:46Boom.
0:30:46 > 0:30:49Maybe an air grab?
0:30:49 > 0:30:50Yeah!
0:30:50 > 0:30:53It's one of the best.
0:30:56 > 0:30:57Hello.
0:30:59 > 0:31:02Er, it was good. It's like a reprieve.
0:31:02 > 0:31:06It's like he's given me another three- to six-month window
0:31:06 > 0:31:08where I can just be OK.
0:31:19 > 0:31:23'My birthdays have taken on greater significance these days.
0:31:23 > 0:31:28'When I was first diagnosed, I never expected to reach my 27th birthday.
0:31:30 > 0:31:34'So I enjoy each and every milestone as if it is my last.
0:31:36 > 0:31:38'And I've still got so much to achieve.'
0:31:38 > 0:31:41CHEERING
0:32:05 > 0:32:08I've worked tirelessly for five years,
0:32:08 > 0:32:10trying to save the lives of others.
0:32:14 > 0:32:18We do things differently, reaching thousands with our message.
0:32:21 > 0:32:24Flash mobs, stunts and lots of boobs.
0:32:27 > 0:32:30We want young people to get into the habit of checking.
0:32:30 > 0:32:33Early diagnosis is key for survival.
0:32:35 > 0:32:37Have you got a copy of the accounts?
0:32:37 > 0:32:40'We go to schools and festivals to spread the word,
0:32:40 > 0:32:43'but what if I get too ill to keep campaigning?
0:32:43 > 0:32:45'We need to step it up.'
0:32:46 > 0:32:51The Government need to put cancer awareness onto the curriculum
0:32:51 > 0:32:54and make it compulsory, because it affects so many of us.
0:32:57 > 0:33:00Like, one in three people get cancer in their whole lifetime.
0:33:00 > 0:33:03Surely that's a good enough reason to get people
0:33:03 > 0:33:05to think about it from a younger age.
0:33:05 > 0:33:09This is my campaign now - cancer awareness on syllabus.
0:33:12 > 0:33:15I think some aspects of the work that we do
0:33:15 > 0:33:19is an escape from the reality of, you know, her illness,
0:33:19 > 0:33:23but, um, every now and again, something will come along
0:33:23 > 0:33:27and it will just hit her
0:33:27 > 0:33:31right back down to earth and, you know...
0:33:31 > 0:33:37will put her back into that, kind of, the reality of the situation.
0:33:42 > 0:33:49A friend of mine, Fran, um, she's...had
0:33:49 > 0:33:54secondary breast cancer for two years now,
0:33:54 > 0:33:57and two days ago she found out
0:33:57 > 0:34:00it's not just in her lungs now, or her brain -
0:34:00 > 0:34:01it's basically everywhere.
0:34:04 > 0:34:06Not that there were many more treatment options anyway,
0:34:06 > 0:34:12but they're just... There's no point in having any more chemo or anything.
0:34:12 > 0:34:14So, kind of, like, that's it.
0:34:14 > 0:34:18That's about everything that they can do now.
0:34:25 > 0:34:27I kind of feel like she's prepared,
0:34:27 > 0:34:29which sounds, like, how can you ever be prepared to die,
0:34:29 > 0:34:33or, um, to know that it's, kind of, the end of your life soon?
0:34:35 > 0:34:37How can you ever be prepared for that?
0:34:37 > 0:34:39But she totally is,
0:34:39 > 0:34:41and I've got so much respect for her for that.
0:34:50 > 0:34:54The treatment I'm having will eventually stop working.
0:34:55 > 0:34:58Like Fran, I want to feel ready when that day comes.
0:35:09 > 0:35:14I suppose the darkest of dark is the thought of dying.
0:35:17 > 0:35:22I think, more than anything, it's the people that you leave behind.
0:35:25 > 0:35:28That's, I suppose, the darkest place.
0:35:33 > 0:35:38If the time comes when I have to go, I just want people to know that I...
0:35:40 > 0:35:44..like, was content with the life that I led.
0:35:49 > 0:35:51And are you?
0:35:51 > 0:35:53Yep.
0:36:09 > 0:36:12These cards are pretty cool, aren't they?
0:36:12 > 0:36:15'Maren and I rarely discuss the impact my cancer has
0:36:15 > 0:36:17'on our relationship.'
0:36:19 > 0:36:23You know the one where we're showing that we look different?
0:36:23 > 0:36:27'We're preparing to give a charity presentation about being twins.
0:36:27 > 0:36:30'It's brought up issues we avoid talking about.'
0:36:30 > 0:36:33If I touch on the whole identity thing,
0:36:33 > 0:36:36like, Kris has a stronger identity because she has cancer,
0:36:36 > 0:36:38although we never want cancer to define who she is,
0:36:38 > 0:36:40but everything we do
0:36:40 > 0:36:43lends itself to it being the focus of her life and sense of being.
0:36:45 > 0:36:47I think you saying that actually floored them completely.
0:36:47 > 0:36:50Really? But it's true, though.
0:36:52 > 0:36:54- No?- No, no, it is.
0:36:54 > 0:36:56It is, but, like...
0:36:58 > 0:37:00I mean, it would floor anyone
0:37:00 > 0:37:03because you're saying that... out loud.
0:37:03 > 0:37:07But it... I don't know why that comes as such a surprise.
0:37:07 > 0:37:11You're the one with the cancer, so there's more focus on you.
0:37:11 > 0:37:13That's how it is.
0:37:13 > 0:37:17It does do my head in when people say, you know, like, um,
0:37:17 > 0:37:21just call you "Kris's sister", instead of, like, by your name.
0:37:28 > 0:37:30Yeah.
0:37:31 > 0:37:32Yeah.
0:37:32 > 0:37:34It's hard, but I think
0:37:34 > 0:37:38I probably have just gotten used to it a little bit now.
0:37:41 > 0:37:43Oh, why are you getting upset?
0:37:52 > 0:37:54That wasn't... that wasn't the point.
0:37:54 > 0:37:57Don't start crying - we have to talk!
0:38:01 > 0:38:06Has this... Does this upset you?
0:38:06 > 0:38:08No.
0:38:08 > 0:38:09Cos it doesn't upset me.
0:38:09 > 0:38:13Otherwise I wouldn't have written it. I think...
0:38:13 > 0:38:16People... We don't ever talk about it.
0:38:17 > 0:38:21I know, but if it's from the outside world, it is...
0:38:21 > 0:38:24it was you...kind of giving up your life.
0:38:24 > 0:38:27I don't feel like I've given up my life.
0:38:27 > 0:38:29I still have my life in Cornwall.
0:38:31 > 0:38:32Yeah.
0:38:32 > 0:38:33I know.
0:38:33 > 0:38:36Plus, Hugo would have done my head in.
0:38:54 > 0:38:55'My time is short
0:38:55 > 0:38:59'and I want all young people to be on the lookout for cancer.
0:38:59 > 0:39:01'But that's just not happening.'
0:39:07 > 0:39:11The ultimate goal is for us to speak to everyone.
0:39:11 > 0:39:12Not just about boobs.
0:39:12 > 0:39:16And, yeah, not just about boobs - all cancers.
0:39:16 > 0:39:18It's about you, your body...
0:39:18 > 0:39:22and, um, and that all begins at school.
0:39:22 > 0:39:27Um, and the people that can help us make sure that actually happens
0:39:27 > 0:39:31are the people in that building.
0:39:33 > 0:39:34Scary.
0:39:40 > 0:39:41I'm going to do something big,
0:39:41 > 0:39:44that will grab the attention of the people at the very top.
0:39:46 > 0:39:49Compulsory cancer education is my goal.
0:39:49 > 0:39:52Something good has got to come out of the fact
0:39:52 > 0:39:54I have this shitty disease.
0:39:54 > 0:39:58After all, a third of you lot are going to get cancer too.
0:40:01 > 0:40:04Um, we are here on the bridge already.
0:40:06 > 0:40:11'Tonight we are projecting an image of our three party leaders -
0:40:11 > 0:40:15'Clegg, Cameron and Miliband - onto the Houses of Parliament,
0:40:15 > 0:40:19'with the fact one in three people are diagnosed with cancer.'
0:40:19 > 0:40:22- Um, I'm just going to keep you on the phone,- OK? OK. Cool.
0:40:26 > 0:40:29We're going to set up, James Bond action style.
0:40:29 > 0:40:31We won't have long to project it either
0:40:31 > 0:40:34because we could quite easily be told to move along.
0:40:35 > 0:40:37Just need to get the money shot.
0:40:43 > 0:40:45OK, we're ready.
0:40:45 > 0:40:47Oh, God, I feel sick.
0:40:54 > 0:40:56Oh, my word.
0:41:04 > 0:41:05Look at it!
0:41:12 > 0:41:13Our first photo. Our first image.
0:41:14 > 0:41:16Looks amazing.
0:41:19 > 0:41:21Um, it looks pretty cool, actually.
0:41:28 > 0:41:30Oh, that looks good.
0:41:32 > 0:41:36OK, cool, there's the hand. Awesome. Yeah, that's cool.
0:41:36 > 0:41:40Oh, here we go, I think we're going to be told to move on in a minute.
0:41:41 > 0:41:42OK.
0:41:42 > 0:41:44We've got... We've got a problem, I think.
0:41:46 > 0:41:49Er, OK, it's game over, apparently.
0:41:49 > 0:41:51Game over.
0:41:51 > 0:41:54It looks like there's some policemen that have just rocked up.
0:41:54 > 0:41:56Whereabouts are you from?
0:41:56 > 0:41:58Um, we're a breast cancer charity.
0:41:58 > 0:42:01Right. Could I take your date of birth, please?
0:42:01 > 0:42:0311.11.85.
0:42:03 > 0:42:05OK.
0:42:05 > 0:42:07What... Is this a full-time job for you, then, is it?
0:42:07 > 0:42:10Yeah, um, I started the charity four years ago.
0:42:10 > 0:42:12I was diagnosed with breast cancer when I was 23.
0:42:12 > 0:42:15- OK.- So our job is to make sure that young people are aware
0:42:15 > 0:42:17of the signs and symptoms now.
0:42:17 > 0:42:19As long as I don't see them
0:42:19 > 0:42:24now being whisked away in a police car, then it's a success!
0:42:24 > 0:42:27I'm hoping they'll just let us go and that'll be the end of that.
0:42:27 > 0:42:30Not knowing I could get breast cancer at my age -
0:42:30 > 0:42:33because I was 23 - and then that leads to late diagnosis.
0:42:33 > 0:42:35We have got some good photos.
0:42:35 > 0:42:37I hope it's a good ending.
0:42:37 > 0:42:39Thank you. Good night.
0:42:39 > 0:42:41- Good luck. - Thank you very much. Bye.
0:42:46 > 0:42:49Our Parliament stunt did the trick.
0:42:49 > 0:42:51'We caught the attention of MP John Baron,
0:42:51 > 0:42:54'who is now our friend in Government.'
0:42:54 > 0:42:59Your message about early diagnosis is terribly, terribly important
0:42:59 > 0:43:01because - and I'm not exaggerating when I say -
0:43:01 > 0:43:04that is the magic key to cancer.
0:43:05 > 0:43:10Our schools campaign is up and running, and my cancer is behaving.
0:43:10 > 0:43:12Life is pretty good.
0:43:19 > 0:43:24# And you said this is the first day of my life
0:43:26 > 0:43:30# I'm glad I didn't die before I met you. #
0:43:31 > 0:43:34'For the past six months, we've been bombarding the UK
0:43:34 > 0:43:39'with our boob alerts and having a lot of fun along the way.
0:43:44 > 0:43:48But just when things are going well, reality hits.
0:43:52 > 0:43:53After four years together,
0:43:53 > 0:43:55Rich and I have split up.
0:44:04 > 0:44:07I think saying that cancer didn't play a role in the breakup
0:44:07 > 0:44:09would be a lie.
0:44:12 > 0:44:16I don't know how many guys out there...um, would take this on.
0:44:22 > 0:44:25I just feel so...
0:44:25 > 0:44:28utterly powerless...when...
0:44:31 > 0:44:32..it comes to love.
0:44:35 > 0:44:37Maybe being with someone
0:44:37 > 0:44:41when you know that you're going to be leaving them
0:44:41 > 0:44:44is actually quite a selfish thing, anyway.
0:44:47 > 0:44:50But I also believe that I...
0:44:52 > 0:44:53..as much as everyone else,
0:44:53 > 0:44:55have the right to be happy
0:44:55 > 0:44:58and be loved by someone.
0:45:11 > 0:45:14Hi, could I please order a cab?
0:45:14 > 0:45:16'Where would you like to go?'
0:45:16 > 0:45:20Um, Charing Cross Hospital, Fulham Palace Road.
0:45:22 > 0:45:24I'd like more time to deal with the breakup,
0:45:24 > 0:45:25but it's back to the hospital again.
0:45:27 > 0:45:30Six months ago my cancer was stable.
0:45:30 > 0:45:32Today I find out the latest results.
0:45:33 > 0:45:35But I don't expect brilliant news
0:45:35 > 0:45:40and I don't expect horrendous news - I just go with whatever happens.
0:45:41 > 0:45:42- Hi.- Hiya.
0:45:42 > 0:45:45'I think that's the only way I can't be...
0:45:46 > 0:45:48'..destroyed by anything bad.'
0:46:06 > 0:46:08I have no new symptoms to report.
0:46:10 > 0:46:12So I hope my scans are as good as last time.
0:46:18 > 0:46:22- Hi.- Nice to see you. How are you doing?
0:46:22 > 0:46:24- Good. - Come and sit down. Good to see you.
0:46:24 > 0:46:26Good to see you, too.
0:46:27 > 0:46:29Let's talk about the scans,
0:46:29 > 0:46:31because obviously that's what you want to talk about.
0:46:31 > 0:46:34So, the one lesion we can see on the right side of the brain -
0:46:34 > 0:46:37you know that's where you had the stereotactic radiosurgery?
0:46:37 > 0:46:40- Yeah, yeah.- The gamma knife treatment.- Yeah.- That's bigger.- OK.
0:46:41 > 0:46:43I think it's cancer,
0:46:43 > 0:46:45and the reason why I say that is
0:46:45 > 0:46:48cos you can see the sort of penumbra, this sort of halo
0:46:48 > 0:46:51or shadow, of swelling around the area.
0:46:51 > 0:46:56- I would like to consider removing it, cos it is larger.- Yeah.
0:46:56 > 0:46:59But there is also room for more radiotherapy to it.
0:46:59 > 0:47:04- Oh, really?- Yeah. So we have a plan A and a plan B.- OK.
0:47:08 > 0:47:10Sorry to upset you. I don't mean to.
0:47:18 > 0:47:20My brain tumour has grown again.
0:47:21 > 0:47:23The radiotherapy didn't kill it.
0:47:31 > 0:47:35One minute I've got to be grateful that I'm still here
0:47:35 > 0:47:38and can be, um, can be, you know,
0:47:38 > 0:47:43the person that I want to be and have my freedom, walk around,
0:47:43 > 0:47:48looking like everyone else, looking healthy.
0:47:48 > 0:47:50And the next I have to deal with...
0:47:52 > 0:47:55..shit. Utter shit.
0:47:56 > 0:47:59And I don't want to be grown up
0:47:59 > 0:48:04and make decisions like, do I want brain surgery or chemotherapy?
0:48:04 > 0:48:07I don't want that. I don't want that shit.
0:48:09 > 0:48:15It just gets annoying and tiresome and I just feel so done.
0:48:15 > 0:48:18And then I think, "Kris, you're being an idiot.
0:48:19 > 0:48:22"You've so much still to do."
0:48:30 > 0:48:32And how much, you know,
0:48:32 > 0:48:37how much my friends who have died would give to be in my position.
0:48:42 > 0:48:44And that's so much pressure.
0:48:54 > 0:48:57Everything crap that's happened with cancer
0:48:57 > 0:48:59has always been with Rich in my life.
0:49:03 > 0:49:06I have brilliant people around me.
0:49:06 > 0:49:08Friends that always make me laugh...
0:49:11 > 0:49:12But that's not...
0:49:15 > 0:49:19..someone lying next to you in the middle of the night,
0:49:19 > 0:49:21when you wake up, scared shitless.
0:49:36 > 0:49:37Hmm.
0:49:39 > 0:49:42I don't think she really lets her sad,
0:49:42 > 0:49:46vulnerable side show to me that much.
0:49:50 > 0:49:54And when she does, I guess it takes me by surprise,
0:49:54 > 0:49:58cos she's just always... I know her for being quite strong
0:49:58 > 0:50:01and positive and, um...
0:50:02 > 0:50:04So, yeah, when I see her like that,
0:50:04 > 0:50:07I guess I feel... it makes me a little bit scared
0:50:07 > 0:50:12because I think, "God, she must be in a really bad place,
0:50:12 > 0:50:13"if she's like this."
0:50:19 > 0:50:21It's just overwhelming...
0:50:24 > 0:50:25..um...
0:50:27 > 0:50:30..the feeling of, like, not being able to cope with it all.
0:50:37 > 0:50:39You've never told me
0:50:39 > 0:50:42that you've been scared about any of this in the past.
0:50:43 > 0:50:46It is a combination of...
0:50:46 > 0:50:48crap scan results and...
0:50:51 > 0:50:53..what's happened with Rich and...
0:50:55 > 0:50:58I could deal with everything if it was all separately,
0:50:58 > 0:51:02but all together, it just makes things...
0:51:04 > 0:51:06..really hard.
0:51:11 > 0:51:14Especially when people just expect you to cope all the time.
0:51:17 > 0:51:19Well, that's the game face you always put on.
0:51:21 > 0:51:22I know.
0:51:22 > 0:51:24Strong Kris.
0:51:24 > 0:51:28What I've learnt is to not expect anything,
0:51:28 > 0:51:30and then you can't be disappointed.
0:51:34 > 0:51:35Just...
0:51:37 > 0:51:39I dunno.
0:51:43 > 0:51:46It'd be good if they just gave you a new brain.
0:51:48 > 0:51:50Be useful.
0:51:52 > 0:51:54A fresh one...
0:51:56 > 0:51:58..with no worries.
0:52:10 > 0:52:12There ARE worries
0:52:12 > 0:52:14and news I didn't want to hear.
0:52:14 > 0:52:18The doctors say it's too dangerous to surgically remove my tumour.
0:52:21 > 0:52:25Surgery isn't an option because of where it is
0:52:25 > 0:52:28and how deep it is and the size of it.
0:52:29 > 0:52:34It's, um...apparently would probably do me more damage than good.
0:52:34 > 0:52:37So...yeah.
0:52:43 > 0:52:46It seems my only hope for treatment is more radiotherapy.
0:52:48 > 0:52:50Hi. Please have a seat.
0:52:51 > 0:52:54Just to summarise that, um,
0:52:54 > 0:52:58I think, from discussions between the consultants,
0:52:58 > 0:53:03the consensus is that the time is not right to jump into radiotherapy.
0:53:03 > 0:53:07- OK.- Not doing anything doesn't mean
0:53:07 > 0:53:10that we're not...that we are giving up or anything like that.
0:53:10 > 0:53:13It's more playing the cards right and trying to get the timing right.
0:53:13 > 0:53:15Yeah. Right.
0:53:15 > 0:53:16Thank you.
0:53:20 > 0:53:22- See you again.- See you.
0:53:22 > 0:53:24Thank you. Bye.
0:53:28 > 0:53:30We're playing a waiting game.
0:53:30 > 0:53:34The tumour is small and radiotherapy would be risky.
0:53:34 > 0:53:38The doctors want to save hardcore treatment until I deteriorate.
0:53:46 > 0:53:50- It's just- BLEEP- up that I'm so well, yet there's a tumour
0:53:50 > 0:53:54growing in my head, and right now we're not doing anything about it.
0:53:57 > 0:54:00The only thing I do know...
0:54:00 > 0:54:01is that...
0:54:06 > 0:54:11..I can make the most of what I have in my life,
0:54:11 > 0:54:14and I can focus on that right now.
0:54:17 > 0:54:20And all the cool, cool things that I get to do
0:54:20 > 0:54:23and the cool situations that I'm in,
0:54:23 > 0:54:27and the fact that every day is different and vibrant and fun
0:54:27 > 0:54:30and exhilarating and stressful -
0:54:30 > 0:54:35all of that helps me accept what is going on in my life.
0:54:35 > 0:54:37And helps me accept that...
0:54:37 > 0:54:39cancer IS my life.
0:54:42 > 0:54:44And it will one day claim my life.
0:54:48 > 0:54:51It's just, every little bit,
0:54:51 > 0:54:56every day that I enjoy and I'm grateful for
0:54:56 > 0:55:00is another level of acceptance for me.
0:55:07 > 0:55:09Yeah.
0:55:09 > 0:55:11That's all I've gotta say about THAT!
0:55:18 > 0:55:20However uncertain my future,
0:55:20 > 0:55:22I'll never stop fighting to prevent others dying
0:55:22 > 0:55:24from this horrible disease.
0:55:27 > 0:55:35Cancer has given me a life and given meaning to what I do with my life.
0:55:36 > 0:55:39'Which I'd really hope and like to think
0:55:39 > 0:55:43'that I would have that kind of same appreciation of life,'
0:55:43 > 0:55:45even if I didn't have cancer.
0:55:45 > 0:55:49But this has just made it all the more important.
0:55:51 > 0:55:56I never want to give up that hope that Kristin will, you know...
0:55:56 > 0:56:01Kristin's condition is, um, treatable, if not curable and...
0:56:01 > 0:56:06I don't want to hear anything else. I really don't.
0:56:11 > 0:56:17I don't ever allow myself to think what it would be like without...her.
0:56:29 > 0:56:32We all are going to die.
0:56:33 > 0:56:37I am just aware that it might happen
0:56:37 > 0:56:40sooner than I possibly, potentially, had planned.
0:56:42 > 0:56:45But if there's one thing for sure...
0:56:45 > 0:56:47I'm not dead yet.
0:56:50 > 0:56:54# Cos there goes the fear
0:56:54 > 0:56:59# Let it go
0:56:59 > 0:57:02# You turn around
0:57:02 > 0:57:06# And life's passed you by
0:57:08 > 0:57:15# You look to those you love to ask them why... #