0:00:02 > 0:00:06This programme contains some strong language and some scenes which some viewers may find upsetting.
0:00:06 > 0:00:09I don't really remember a lot about her. I know she was bald. She had a wig.
0:00:09 > 0:00:11She used to whip it off in the shop, just to make people laugh.
0:00:11 > 0:00:14But I don't really remember a great deal about her.
0:00:17 > 0:00:19I don't know, it's weird.
0:00:22 > 0:00:24Where have you dug this up from?
0:00:24 > 0:00:25Out of our memory boxes.
0:00:25 > 0:00:27Out of your memory box.
0:00:27 > 0:00:29Did your mum start the memory box?
0:00:29 > 0:00:31- Yep.- Is that Rose and that's you?
0:00:31 > 0:00:34Yeah, because I am the fat one.
0:00:35 > 0:00:38She was 33
0:00:38 > 0:00:41and she had her first lumpectomy.
0:00:43 > 0:00:47She was in and out of hospital for seven years
0:00:47 > 0:00:49and she died when she was 39.
0:00:50 > 0:00:54You can't remember what happened to your mum, but anybody who had
0:00:54 > 0:00:57seen that would want to get rid of them.
0:01:10 > 0:01:16Charlotte got a letter last May to say that Mum had the BRCA2 gene.
0:01:18 > 0:01:21It was basically a letter that said when we were 30,
0:01:21 > 0:01:25they wanted to do MRIs but they also wanted to talk to us about the risk
0:01:25 > 0:01:26of having a BRCA gene.
0:01:35 > 0:01:39Then we decided that we would both get tested for the gene.
0:01:44 > 0:01:49If a parent has a faulty BRCA gene,
0:01:49 > 0:01:52each of their children will have a one-in-two chance of inheriting
0:01:52 > 0:01:56a faulty gene from them, and if somebody carries a BRCA gene,
0:01:56 > 0:02:01then the risks of certain cancers can be increased.
0:02:01 > 0:02:04The breast cancer risk could be as high as 85%.
0:02:07 > 0:02:10The wait was horrible. Every day, it was like,
0:02:10 > 0:02:12oh, God, we are one day closer.
0:02:15 > 0:02:19It was an emotional time, but I was the calmest I had ever been in
0:02:19 > 0:02:22the appointment and when they told Rob and I,
0:02:22 > 0:02:25I think one tear ran down my cheek
0:02:25 > 0:02:28and then we held hands and we knew what we were going to do.
0:02:31 > 0:02:35I think I convinced myself that I already had it.
0:02:35 > 0:02:39My friend Abby came with me and we both had this really small cry
0:02:39 > 0:02:42and then it was like, "Right, OK," I kind of just knew...
0:02:42 > 0:02:44that I had it.
0:02:44 > 0:02:45And then I had to wait, I think,
0:02:45 > 0:02:49just under three weeks for Charlotte to get her results back.
0:02:51 > 0:02:53I went to that appointment knowing my decision,
0:02:53 > 0:02:56knowing I would be tested and knowing that if I had the gene,
0:02:56 > 0:02:58I would have a double mastectomy.
0:03:00 > 0:03:03For us as twins,
0:03:03 > 0:03:06the best thing was that we both had it or neither of us had it,
0:03:06 > 0:03:09so that one didn't feel guilty.
0:03:24 > 0:03:27I have got this top,
0:03:27 > 0:03:33but obviously, it doesn't leave too much to the imagination.
0:03:33 > 0:03:36I wore this when I was skinny and had pert boobs.
0:03:36 > 0:03:37Put that top on...
0:03:37 > 0:03:41- Yeah.- ..and then there's different places we're going to try it,
0:03:41 > 0:03:43we're going to do a photo there, a photo in the front room...
0:03:43 > 0:03:46- Yeah.- ..a photo upstairs and a photo in one of the kids' bedrooms.
0:03:49 > 0:03:52So why are you having these photographs taken, Rose?
0:03:52 > 0:03:56- I want to have something to remember them by.- Yeah?
0:03:56 > 0:04:01Like, obviously, I know we all joke, but everyone knows me for my boobs.
0:04:01 > 0:04:05- Yeah.- And now they are still going to know me for my boobs,
0:04:05 > 0:04:07but for a different reason.
0:04:07 > 0:04:10Lee said, Lee said to me, "Which Rosie?" I went, "You know,
0:04:10 > 0:04:12"Rosie who was at the wedding," and he went,
0:04:12 > 0:04:16- "What, the one with the big tits?" I went, "Yeah, husband!"- Yeah!
0:04:16 > 0:04:20"Yeah, Rosie, the one with the big tits."
0:04:20 > 0:04:23Did you see them all watch me with that bottle of wine?
0:04:23 > 0:04:27Oh, God. Who wouldn't? Girls do as well, it's like total breast envy.
0:04:27 > 0:04:29The older men that were there, they were all, like,
0:04:29 > 0:04:31stood staring at me opening this...
0:04:31 > 0:04:36I was like this. I had it in between my knees and I was like...
0:04:36 > 0:04:38And I looked up and they were all looking at me
0:04:38 > 0:04:40and I was like, "Wine, anyone?"
0:04:40 > 0:04:43We look like sisters, we are sisters
0:04:43 > 0:04:46and we are twins, but we are very different people.
0:04:46 > 0:04:48God, it's like being on top of the world.
0:04:48 > 0:04:51Oh, yes, that Tampax advert, look!
0:04:51 > 0:04:53Oh, my God, stay there.
0:04:53 > 0:04:55Always with wings.
0:04:55 > 0:04:57She's crazier than me. I always say that, together,
0:04:57 > 0:05:00we'd be an awesome person, because she's a bit
0:05:00 > 0:05:01more outgoing than I am.
0:05:01 > 0:05:02Tinder!
0:05:04 > 0:05:07She's more confident than I am, I'm a bit more sensible, but
0:05:07 > 0:05:09she is amazing and I don't think she realises it.
0:05:10 > 0:05:14I'm not like Rose, I don't wear thongs.
0:05:14 > 0:05:16Do you wear bigger underwear?
0:05:16 > 0:05:18Yeah, I'm a big knicker girl.
0:05:18 > 0:05:19I'm in a nine-year relationship!
0:05:21 > 0:05:25She's very organised, she's got a job, she's got a fiance.
0:05:26 > 0:05:27I have neither.
0:05:28 > 0:05:30She's just really sweet and happy.
0:05:30 > 0:05:32One of the nicest people on the planet.
0:05:38 > 0:05:41Bugsy, how are you?
0:05:41 > 0:05:43How are you? Are you a good boy?
0:05:43 > 0:05:46I was very lucky in that taking my GCSEs,
0:05:46 > 0:05:48'I knew that I wanted to be a vet nurse.'
0:05:48 > 0:05:50Ears are fine.
0:05:50 > 0:05:53That is fine. Do you let me look in your mouth?
0:05:53 > 0:05:54Good boy. Lovely teeth!
0:05:54 > 0:05:57'Collectively, we get each other through everything,'
0:05:57 > 0:06:00- it is like a work family. - We are a work family.
0:06:00 > 0:06:03All done. All done, Bugsy.
0:06:03 > 0:06:05I think there's only one day that you mopped tears,
0:06:05 > 0:06:06but that was the very first day
0:06:06 > 0:06:08I got the letter and I think that was just not knowing.
0:06:08 > 0:06:11- Yeah.- That was... - It was the shock...- Yeah.
0:06:11 > 0:06:16Gran had always said something about Mum's genes being stored at
0:06:16 > 0:06:20Christie's Cancer Hospital and we kind of just thought, oh, you know,
0:06:20 > 0:06:24we didn't quite understand, no-one really explained what it was.
0:06:27 > 0:06:30So I think pink means that they died of cancer,
0:06:30 > 0:06:33and X means that they have passed away.
0:06:36 > 0:06:39So it's not a very cheery family tree,
0:06:39 > 0:06:43because unfortunately, Dad lost both his parents and his sister
0:06:43 > 0:06:44to heart problems.
0:06:46 > 0:06:50From Mum's side, she died of breast cancer when she was 39.
0:06:52 > 0:06:55We believe that it is coming down from my grandpa's side.
0:06:57 > 0:06:59His mum had breast cancer.
0:07:01 > 0:07:02But also his auntie.
0:07:04 > 0:07:06It was only recently that they actually tracked
0:07:06 > 0:07:10that there was genes that were causing people to develop cancer,
0:07:10 > 0:07:14so I just feel really lucky that we are in the generation that we can
0:07:14 > 0:07:18start making changes and we can start changing the future, really.
0:07:18 > 0:07:21And hopefully, by the time we have our children,
0:07:21 > 0:07:23before they even have to worry about testing,
0:07:23 > 0:07:26there might be something else that means they do not have to go through
0:07:26 > 0:07:30what we have, just like we are going through things that our ancestors,
0:07:30 > 0:07:32you know, would have chosen
0:07:32 > 0:07:35to go through if they had the chance, so...
0:07:43 > 0:07:45So, this was attempt one.
0:07:45 > 0:07:49- Yeah, I saw that.- I think that one had an accident.
0:07:49 > 0:07:52So, anything better than this, really.
0:07:52 > 0:07:54Go, Sophie. Go, go, go!
0:07:55 > 0:07:58- Oh, my God.- Oh, no... - Have I got to be quiet?
0:07:58 > 0:08:02THEY LAUGH
0:08:02 > 0:08:03OK...
0:08:03 > 0:08:06THEY TALK OVER EACH OTHER
0:08:06 > 0:08:08OK, right, we are getting some on now.
0:08:08 > 0:08:09Hang on.
0:08:11 > 0:08:14I will miss them, I think any woman, it is going to feel weird
0:08:14 > 0:08:17without them being there, and it is about the only emotional thing,
0:08:17 > 0:08:20I don't care about the surgery, I don't care about anything else,
0:08:20 > 0:08:22but it's just that they won't be my boobs any more.
0:08:22 > 0:08:25But it is for the right reason and it is going to be the better reason.
0:08:26 > 0:08:29Do you think, like, this has brought you closer?
0:08:29 > 0:08:33- 100%.- We don't go a day without texting or WhatsApping or calling...
0:08:33 > 0:08:35- Yeah.- ..finding out where each other's up to,
0:08:35 > 0:08:37and I think it has made it easier,
0:08:37 > 0:08:39especially now we are on our own path.
0:08:39 > 0:08:41- People say, "Oh, you're having the same surgeon?"- Yeah.
0:08:41 > 0:08:43It's almost like, you're twins, you should...
0:08:43 > 0:08:45Yeah, you should be at the same place.
0:08:45 > 0:08:47"Oh, your sister's having it somewhere else?" "Yeah."
0:08:47 > 0:08:49We are our own individuals and we don't...
0:08:49 > 0:08:51Although we are worried about each other,
0:08:51 > 0:08:53we are making decisions for ourselves.
0:08:53 > 0:08:56I think you just need to take... I'm trying to protect you,
0:08:56 > 0:08:58because I know you won't want it torn.
0:08:58 > 0:09:00I'm going to go both hands now!
0:09:02 > 0:09:04Oh, you are acting coy now!
0:09:04 > 0:09:07Rose, you have got amazing tits. I had to get my little ones out.
0:09:07 > 0:09:08Right, grab a bin, let's get it mixed.
0:09:08 > 0:09:11These are some legendary boobs we're touching right here.
0:09:11 > 0:09:14- Oh, my God!- Is it cold?
0:09:14 > 0:09:16It is so cold!
0:09:16 > 0:09:18Underneath...
0:09:18 > 0:09:20THEY TALK OVER EACH OTHER
0:09:20 > 0:09:24I feel patting is the way to go. There's not enough on your nipple.
0:09:25 > 0:09:27It feels quite emotional,
0:09:27 > 0:09:31because it's a bit bittersweet, really, isn't it?
0:09:31 > 0:09:34Well, I wouldn't say I have... that I feel anything about my boobs,
0:09:34 > 0:09:35but when someone takes them off you,
0:09:35 > 0:09:39then you kind of start to think that there is a feeling about them.
0:09:39 > 0:09:42They're my greatest asset, everybody knows me for my boobs, don't they?
0:09:42 > 0:09:44"What are you wearing tonight?" "Low cut top, maybe."
0:09:44 > 0:09:47"Are you going to go legs out? "No, boobs out, legs out.
0:09:47 > 0:09:50- "I'll do both." - It's how I get my free drinks.
0:09:50 > 0:09:51- Hold the boobs.- Hold the boobs.
0:09:51 > 0:09:52Wait there...
0:09:52 > 0:09:54I can't see Rose.
0:09:54 > 0:09:56- It's done.- Oh, my nipples are stuck!
0:09:56 > 0:09:59- What?- It's the hair!
0:10:00 > 0:10:03- ALL:- Yay!
0:10:03 > 0:10:04It might have a hair!
0:10:07 > 0:10:09'Oh, my friends are like my family.'
0:10:10 > 0:10:13I actually couldn't do any of it without them.
0:10:13 > 0:10:16- When I say team, you say Rose. Team!- Rose!
0:10:16 > 0:10:17- Team!- Rose!
0:10:17 > 0:10:19- Yes!- Oh, my God...
0:10:20 > 0:10:24It's just something to remember the whole journey by, I think.
0:10:24 > 0:10:25Maybe some people don't...
0:10:25 > 0:10:28they don't mean as much to some people as they maybe mean to me,
0:10:28 > 0:10:32I don't know. I don't even know why they do mean so much to me.
0:10:32 > 0:10:34I think they're my confidence.
0:10:36 > 0:10:38I think that's what it is.
0:10:38 > 0:10:39And they are being taken away.
0:10:49 > 0:10:54I'm surprisingly calm, I slept really well last night.
0:10:54 > 0:11:00I woke up at 4:20 and then kind of niggled a bit, but...
0:11:00 > 0:11:03and then I was asleep when my alarm went off, so...
0:11:03 > 0:11:07'Rob is my fiance, we have been together for nine years.'
0:11:07 > 0:11:10So this is an ordinary hour for you, Rob, isn't it?
0:11:10 > 0:11:14- A lie-in.- Yes!
0:11:14 > 0:11:18- How did you meet? - At a Young Farmers ball.
0:11:20 > 0:11:24Yeah, I was very drunk and I didn't remember what he looked like.
0:11:24 > 0:11:26I only knew it was him on our first date
0:11:26 > 0:11:29because he was stood next to his green Jeep Cherokee.
0:11:29 > 0:11:31I could've gone on a date with anybody,
0:11:31 > 0:11:33as long as they stood next to that car.
0:11:34 > 0:11:36I should get some bags.
0:11:36 > 0:11:38Aye, I think it's just that one bag.
0:11:38 > 0:11:41Nightie here?
0:11:41 > 0:11:44'We don't really have to talk about it a lot,
0:11:44 > 0:11:46'our decisions are made'
0:11:46 > 0:11:47and we are doing it and...
0:11:48 > 0:11:50..and, hopefully, in a couple of months,
0:11:50 > 0:11:53it'll be something that we don't have to talk about any more.
0:11:57 > 0:12:01I feel naked without my rings on and my necklace on.
0:12:01 > 0:12:02In the night, I kept waking up...
0:12:04 > 0:12:07..and... No, but I play with my engagement ring all the time,
0:12:07 > 0:12:12I just, like, flick it with my thumb and I kept waking up in the night.
0:12:12 > 0:12:15I might have to get you to bring them for me.
0:12:15 > 0:12:18I think he will genuinely love me forever,
0:12:18 > 0:12:21but even I don't know if I am going to like them,
0:12:21 > 0:12:25so I can't really expect him to promise that he will like them.
0:12:27 > 0:12:31We have seen pictures and we know that we have to be realistic,
0:12:31 > 0:12:34but even I don't know whether I will look at them and go,
0:12:34 > 0:12:36"Yes, I love them, they're amazing."
0:12:43 > 0:12:45"We are thinking of you all day today,
0:12:45 > 0:12:48"I know everything will be fine and your new boobs will look amazing.
0:12:48 > 0:12:50"I can't wait to see them - pervy, I know."
0:12:50 > 0:12:52I've been on dates...
0:12:53 > 0:12:55..since I found out,
0:12:55 > 0:12:57and I'm like, when do I tell them?
0:12:57 > 0:13:00Do I tell them on the first date?
0:13:00 > 0:13:02"Nice to meet you, I'm about to have a double mastectomy.
0:13:02 > 0:13:05"Are you OK with that?"
0:13:05 > 0:13:08I don't know when you... When are you meant to tell someone?
0:13:08 > 0:13:12Why the fuck are they all putting it on Facebook?
0:13:12 > 0:13:14"Today's the day we start our change..."
0:13:14 > 0:13:17No, no, stop! Stop!
0:13:17 > 0:13:20I don't understand why everyone is putting it on Facebook,
0:13:20 > 0:13:21I don't want it on Facebook.
0:13:23 > 0:13:26See, this is pissing me off and making me cry.
0:13:26 > 0:13:29I don't want it on Facebook.
0:13:29 > 0:13:32'I don't think they're as emotional as women.'
0:13:32 > 0:13:37Women are like, "You are so brave, oh, gosh, it must be so difficult,"
0:13:37 > 0:13:39like, going really soppy.
0:13:39 > 0:13:42Whereas the men are like, "Right, good luck," or, "How are you?"
0:13:42 > 0:13:44They don't go into so much detail with it.
0:13:44 > 0:13:47They're quite blase about it.
0:13:47 > 0:13:50Which I think can be better sometimes, can't it?
0:13:51 > 0:13:53So, how is your dad dealing with it?
0:13:54 > 0:13:58I think he supports us. He is a man of few words.
0:13:58 > 0:14:00Erm, I think...
0:14:00 > 0:14:05I think he probably wishes we didn't have to go through it, but...
0:14:05 > 0:14:08And I think he's probably got an element of worry that maybe
0:14:08 > 0:14:10makes him shut off a little bit more.
0:14:11 > 0:14:15But he is supportive of both of us going through our surgery
0:14:15 > 0:14:19and I think he does believe that it is the right thing to do.
0:14:19 > 0:14:21I think if, you know...
0:14:21 > 0:14:24He watched Mum go through it and I don't think he wants
0:14:24 > 0:14:26to have to see us go through it either.
0:14:30 > 0:14:33I need to write this letter to my dad.
0:14:33 > 0:14:34What's the purpose of this letter, then?
0:14:34 > 0:14:36Why are you giving him this letter?
0:14:36 > 0:14:38I want him to know that I love him
0:14:38 > 0:14:40more than anything else in the whole wide world.
0:14:43 > 0:14:46I've got a thing that he's going to die today.
0:14:46 > 0:14:49I'm convinced he's going to die while I'm in theatre.
0:14:51 > 0:14:53He needs to look after himself, I need to look after myself,
0:14:53 > 0:14:54do you know what I mean?
0:14:56 > 0:14:59I just wanted to say hi and that I love you.
0:15:01 > 0:15:02OK.
0:15:04 > 0:15:06OK, I'll be thinking about you all day.
0:15:09 > 0:15:10Right, I'll let you go.
0:15:12 > 0:15:13All right, I love you lots.
0:15:15 > 0:15:16Bye, love you, bye.
0:15:16 > 0:15:17'Bye.'
0:15:19 > 0:15:21Poorly, isn't he?
0:15:23 > 0:15:24Yeah.
0:15:29 > 0:15:31So, how is your dad?
0:15:31 > 0:15:33He's not very well,
0:15:33 > 0:15:34which is hard.
0:15:36 > 0:15:38To watch another parent...
0:15:38 > 0:15:39have cancer.
0:15:44 > 0:15:47PEDESTRIAN CROSSING BEEPS
0:15:51 > 0:15:52- Definitely got your phone?- Yeah.
0:15:55 > 0:15:58Got plenty of time, it's only quarter to.
0:15:58 > 0:16:01Music is my escape.
0:16:01 > 0:16:03Like, I always listen to music, don't I?
0:16:03 > 0:16:05If I've got music, it doesn't matter.
0:16:05 > 0:16:07I don't watch TV, really, do I, or anything?
0:16:07 > 0:16:09I still don't feel like...
0:16:09 > 0:16:13that I'm going to have an operation, do you know what I mean?
0:16:13 > 0:16:15Oh, we're going to have to turn it up,
0:16:15 > 0:16:17because there'll be some, like, some screeching sounds.
0:16:17 > 0:16:22I believe that everything happens for a reason and I found my reason.
0:16:22 > 0:16:24The reason is that, for me,
0:16:24 > 0:16:27I don't have to do what Mum did.
0:16:27 > 0:16:30I've got a chance to stop that from happening.
0:16:30 > 0:16:32That's my reason.
0:16:32 > 0:16:36# Are you thinking about you or us?
0:16:36 > 0:16:44# BABY...
0:16:44 > 0:16:47# NO, NO, NO, NO!
0:16:47 > 0:16:51# Look back before you leave my life
0:16:51 > 0:16:54# Don't leave my life... #
0:16:54 > 0:16:56They're always like, "Oh, you're so brave, are you not scared?"
0:16:56 > 0:16:59Do you want me to be scared? Cos I'm not.
0:16:59 > 0:17:02Like, am I supposed to be scared?
0:17:02 > 0:17:06I don't feel scared. I feel liberated.
0:17:06 > 0:17:09- Are you are OK?- I'm OK. I need a piss.- OK.
0:17:13 > 0:17:14There's been very few times
0:17:14 > 0:17:17where I've wobbled, where I have felt upset,
0:17:17 > 0:17:22it's all been focusing on the long game, which is to get through
0:17:22 > 0:17:25the surgery but then to hopefully be
0:17:25 > 0:17:28on the other side of it with a reduced risk of cancer.
0:17:28 > 0:17:30Oh, mate, I feel sick.
0:17:30 > 0:17:32Don't feel sick, we'll be fine.
0:17:32 > 0:17:35Once I've done all my bits, it's just literally waiting to go down.
0:17:35 > 0:17:39- I see that you've got some reading material with you.- Yeah.
0:17:39 > 0:17:41And can you confirm your full name and date of birth?
0:17:41 > 0:17:45Rose Marie Turpie, and it's 19th of March, 1989.
0:17:58 > 0:18:00You all right?
0:18:00 > 0:18:04Yeah. Just getting ready to take my breasts out, yet again!
0:18:04 > 0:18:08So, we are taking your nipples and doing immediate reconstruction
0:18:08 > 0:18:11- to your nipples, aren't we?- Yeah. - All right.
0:18:34 > 0:18:36- So, all that is at the moment is a little bit of laughing gas, OK?- OK.
0:18:36 > 0:18:38So you just breathe normally.
0:18:38 > 0:18:40You're doing really well.
0:18:45 > 0:18:48'This is nothing, in comparison to owt else.
0:18:48 > 0:18:49'The worst-case scenario'
0:18:49 > 0:18:51is that I end up like my mum.
0:19:04 > 0:19:06We got picked up from school
0:19:06 > 0:19:08and we went to my gran's friends
0:19:08 > 0:19:11and then Dad picked us up and took us to the hospice,
0:19:11 > 0:19:14and we ate triangular sandwiches and played in the playroom,
0:19:14 > 0:19:18and we said goodbye to her and my Uncle Paul took us home
0:19:18 > 0:19:22and bought us a big bag of prawn crackers from the Chinese.
0:19:23 > 0:19:26So, we have got one patient on this afternoon,
0:19:26 > 0:19:28Rose Turpie, who is a BRCA2 carrier,
0:19:28 > 0:19:31so she's having risk-reducing mastectomies,
0:19:31 > 0:19:34skin sparing, immediate reconstructions using implants,
0:19:34 > 0:19:38stratis and nipple reconstructions at the same time,
0:19:38 > 0:19:40using local fats and full thickness skin grafts.
0:19:42 > 0:19:47So, this is all the breast tissue, you can see it is relatively big,
0:19:47 > 0:19:50it gets a bit more when you go out towards the armpit,
0:19:50 > 0:19:52and that is the nipple,
0:19:52 > 0:19:55and we're just going to mark this and send it off to the lab.
0:19:57 > 0:20:00When we woke up in the morning,
0:20:00 > 0:20:03Dad came and said...
0:20:03 > 0:20:04that she'd passed away.
0:20:07 > 0:20:10And it's only upsetting now because I'm an adult.
0:20:11 > 0:20:15When he told us, we got up and we went to school.
0:20:17 > 0:20:22And it's only now I'm 27 that I realise what that meant.
0:20:22 > 0:20:23Then...
0:20:26 > 0:20:28Then, I don't think I realised.
0:20:32 > 0:20:35I think when I was ten, you know,
0:20:35 > 0:20:36it was rubbish not having a mum,
0:20:36 > 0:20:39but I only remember the day she died and her funeral
0:20:39 > 0:20:41and I don't remember anything else.
0:20:41 > 0:20:42Now,
0:20:42 > 0:20:47now I know that she didn't see me qualify and she didn't meet Rob.
0:20:47 > 0:20:49And that she won't be at my wedding.
0:20:56 > 0:20:57She always said, "Don't forget me,
0:20:57 > 0:20:59"don't forget about me."
0:20:59 > 0:21:01And then she died on Remembrance Day.
0:21:01 > 0:21:05Which is, like, quite sweet, that's quite special.
0:21:15 > 0:21:17How are you doing?
0:21:20 > 0:21:23That's mental. They feel incredible.
0:21:23 > 0:21:25- Are they small?- No!
0:21:26 > 0:21:28For everyone else, they were like,
0:21:28 > 0:21:30"Oh, God, they look great. Oh, they look really big."
0:21:30 > 0:21:32When I woke up, I was like, "They are tiny."
0:21:32 > 0:21:34One isn't quite right.
0:21:34 > 0:21:37I don't like looking in the mirror at them.
0:21:37 > 0:21:40Because it takes a while to put them on, doesn't it?
0:21:40 > 0:21:43Quite funny, actually, I saw my friend's dad,
0:21:43 > 0:21:45I saw him in Morrisons afterwards and he came up to me,
0:21:45 > 0:21:48he was like, "Can I hug you?" I was like, "Yeah, yeah, yeah."
0:21:48 > 0:21:50And he went, "How did it go?" I said, "Really well."
0:21:50 > 0:21:53And he's like, "When are you having the reconstruction?"
0:21:53 > 0:21:55I was like, "Look down!
0:21:55 > 0:21:59"Look at them. You've always looked at them, look down!"
0:21:59 > 0:22:00I said, "I've already had it."
0:22:00 > 0:22:03"Oh, oh, yes, yes. Yes, yes, yes."
0:22:03 > 0:22:05So, I had my op yesterday.
0:22:05 > 0:22:09Still feeling a bit sore and a bit tender across my chest.
0:22:09 > 0:22:11Struggled initially with the pain relief
0:22:11 > 0:22:13because it was making me feel sick.
0:22:13 > 0:22:17I was a bit emotional yesterday because there's no dressings
0:22:17 > 0:22:19underneath my nightie, so when I look down,
0:22:19 > 0:22:21I can see my surgical sites.
0:22:21 > 0:22:24And I knew I was going to be flat-chested,
0:22:24 > 0:22:25but seeing it in reality
0:22:25 > 0:22:29was more difficult than I thought it would be.
0:22:29 > 0:22:31In my head, I looked awful.
0:22:31 > 0:22:35Now, I will show people my wounds, I'm proud of them,
0:22:35 > 0:22:40they've healed well, but it probably took a good week of Rob showing me
0:22:40 > 0:22:45lots of TLC to get to the point where I felt they were OK.
0:22:48 > 0:22:51We had our surgery and maybe it would have been different
0:22:51 > 0:22:53if we hadn't have had to deal with Dad but, for me,
0:22:53 > 0:22:55it kind of reaffirmed that
0:22:55 > 0:22:59- going through the surgery was the right thing.- Yeah.
0:23:00 > 0:23:02Definitely.
0:23:06 > 0:23:08"How can I tell my heart that you have gone away?
0:23:08 > 0:23:12"I want to make things right, but I don't know what to say.
0:23:12 > 0:23:15"I'm lonely and I'm sad and I cannot believe you've gone.
0:23:15 > 0:23:18"Others tell me to get over it, they say I must move on.
0:23:18 > 0:23:21"They don't know how I feel and they would not know where to start.
0:23:21 > 0:23:24"One minute I was happy and then my world was ripped apart."
0:23:27 > 0:23:28I'd do it again.
0:23:28 > 0:23:30I think that's my thing now, like,
0:23:30 > 0:23:32every funeral now that we're going that's a family one,
0:23:32 > 0:23:34I think I'm going to have to do a poem.
0:23:34 > 0:23:36I think I've started a thing.
0:23:36 > 0:23:39A thing! Let's not rush into the next one.
0:23:39 > 0:23:40No.
0:23:41 > 0:23:44'30th May, I found out he had cancer.
0:23:44 > 0:23:46'He died on the 30th September.'
0:23:47 > 0:23:49That's not a long time.
0:23:53 > 0:23:56"It is my right to mourn and learn to deal with grief.
0:23:56 > 0:23:58"It's not what you see on the outside,
0:23:58 > 0:24:00"but the way I feel underneath."
0:24:08 > 0:24:10Right, girls.
0:24:10 > 0:24:15Your mum wanted nighties to be saved.
0:24:15 > 0:24:20She thought that because you were only seeing her in hospital,
0:24:20 > 0:24:22you would only recognise her in nighties.
0:24:25 > 0:24:28So, why are you giving the girls these things now, Jean?
0:24:28 > 0:24:31I have had them since Sally died.
0:24:31 > 0:24:34She wanted them to have them
0:24:34 > 0:24:36and I did tell them about two years ago
0:24:36 > 0:24:38and they didn't want to know,
0:24:38 > 0:24:40but because they've been going through something
0:24:40 > 0:24:45different themselves, they are now wanting to receive them.
0:24:53 > 0:24:54- What's that? - Oh, I think it's Mum's hair.
0:24:54 > 0:24:56It's your mum's hair.
0:24:56 > 0:24:59- Oh.- And the thing is, darling, this is...
0:24:59 > 0:25:01Her writing was beautiful.
0:25:01 > 0:25:05But this is October 20th
0:25:05 > 0:25:07and she died on November 11th,
0:25:07 > 0:25:11and she was still trying to write beautifully.
0:25:15 > 0:25:19My husband died two years before Sally,
0:25:19 > 0:25:22so we've had quite a package at one time or another,
0:25:22 > 0:25:26and this is why this operation is fantastic for them.
0:25:28 > 0:25:31You're the survivors, aren't you, sat here in this room?
0:25:45 > 0:25:50'Like I say to Char when she gets sad, like, the sad bit's done.
0:25:50 > 0:25:53'The hard bit's done, like, now...
0:25:53 > 0:25:55'you've got to make a happy future.
0:25:55 > 0:25:59'You have to take the positives out of it.'
0:25:59 > 0:26:01And there are so many positives,
0:26:01 > 0:26:04as opposed to just not liking your body
0:26:04 > 0:26:07or your body not looking normal or how it should.
0:26:07 > 0:26:09That doesn't matter if you live longer, does it?
0:26:45 > 0:26:49Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
0:26:49 > 0:26:51That's what you were asking...
0:26:51 > 0:26:54I don't know if I can have them this big.
0:26:54 > 0:26:57This is like where I was when I was four!