0:00:02 > 0:00:07This programme contains some strong language.
0:00:07 > 0:00:10This is me, Rhod Gilbert, bestriding the stage like a supercool colossus,
0:00:10 > 0:00:14doing something that most people would rather shallow-fry their genitals than try -
0:00:14 > 0:00:17stand-up comedy in front of thousands. Except it's not me.
0:00:17 > 0:00:20Well, it is me, clearly, but it's only one me.
0:00:20 > 0:00:23It's part of me, but not the whole me, if you get my drift.
0:00:23 > 0:00:27Because there's this other me, a me that looms just as large in my life
0:00:27 > 0:00:29but that I've tried to keep hidden from the world,
0:00:29 > 0:00:33from my friends and even my family until now.
0:00:33 > 0:00:36That's right - I am a total loser.
0:00:38 > 0:00:40Disaster, isn't it? Total disaster.
0:00:40 > 0:00:42A gangly streak of socially awkward piss
0:00:42 > 0:00:45who struggles to do the most mundane things like shopping,
0:00:45 > 0:00:48talking to strangers or eating in public.
0:00:48 > 0:00:49I don't know why I can't do it.
0:00:49 > 0:00:52It's something about thinking everyone's looking at you.
0:00:52 > 0:00:56Loser Me can't go to a party on his own, has never chatted up a girl,
0:00:56 > 0:00:58was often too anxious to go to school as a kid
0:00:58 > 0:01:01and once locked himself in a portaloo for an entire weekend
0:01:01 > 0:01:02to avoid meeting new people.
0:01:04 > 0:01:07But now, after a lifetime exiled in Loser Land,
0:01:07 > 0:01:10the 49-year-old me has finally decided it's time to squeeze
0:01:10 > 0:01:15the life-afflicting zit that is shyness.
0:01:15 > 0:01:18- What is it?- What...?- What is it? - What is shyness?- What is it?
0:01:18 > 0:01:20So, I'm going on one of those quests
0:01:20 > 0:01:23that people you vaguely recognise on TV do...
0:01:23 > 0:01:25Wow, this is hard.
0:01:25 > 0:01:27..to try and get to the root of what causes me
0:01:27 > 0:01:31and 50% of the population at large to feel our lives would be
0:01:31 > 0:01:35a whole lot better without the S word.
0:01:35 > 0:01:36I'm doing a documentary about shyness.
0:01:36 > 0:01:39But the problem is, I'm too shy to go up and talk to anyone.
0:01:39 > 0:01:41I'm going to meet fellow losers...
0:01:41 > 0:01:45If you're someone who has suffered from shyness, as I have,
0:01:45 > 0:01:47you presume that everyone else is confident, don't you?
0:01:47 > 0:01:48Yeah, I meant sufferers.
0:01:50 > 0:01:53And hoping to resolve the central contradiction in my life.
0:01:53 > 0:01:55I'm quite keen to talk to somebody who can tell me
0:01:55 > 0:01:58why I would put "I avoid activities in which
0:01:58 > 0:02:02"I'm the centre of attention," and then my job is...
0:02:02 > 0:02:04..walking out in front of thousands of people
0:02:04 > 0:02:06and trying to make them laugh.
0:02:06 > 0:02:10Ladies and gentlemen, next up, all the way from over there, it's Jodie.
0:02:10 > 0:02:13And - and I'm really worried about this bit - I'm going to put
0:02:13 > 0:02:17three extremely shy guinea pigs through my own unscientific
0:02:17 > 0:02:19and potentially disastrous experiment
0:02:19 > 0:02:22when I get them to face many people's worst nightmare.
0:02:22 > 0:02:23- Go on, Jodie!- Go on, Jodie!
0:02:23 > 0:02:25- You can do it! - You can do this, yeah.
0:02:25 > 0:02:29And do as I did, get on stage in front of a live audience
0:02:29 > 0:02:32and try stand-up comedy.
0:02:32 > 0:02:35If it goes wrong and sets them back,
0:02:35 > 0:02:38I'm not going to be able to live with myself.
0:02:38 > 0:02:42My name is Rhod Gilbert and I'm standing up to shyness.
0:02:51 > 0:02:56I've agreed to make a doc about shyness, specifically my own.
0:02:57 > 0:02:59It's day one of the shoot and the crew have asked me
0:02:59 > 0:03:02to do something so far out of my comfort zone
0:03:02 > 0:03:04I'd rather cut off my balls with a pizza wheel.
0:03:07 > 0:03:10I'll need a run-up and a couple of pints of Valium.
0:03:11 > 0:03:13And then I'm going to try walking into...
0:03:14 > 0:03:16..this cafe...
0:03:17 > 0:03:19..going up to the counter...
0:03:21 > 0:03:22..ordering a coffee...
0:03:22 > 0:03:27- Cappuccino with no chocolate. - Staying in, yeah?- Staying in.
0:03:27 > 0:03:29..to drink in.
0:03:30 > 0:03:33I'm going to find myself a seat alone...
0:03:34 > 0:03:37..sit down - with my back to the room, obviously,
0:03:37 > 0:03:39I'm not a thrill-seeker -
0:03:39 > 0:03:42and then attempt to drink my drink.
0:03:44 > 0:03:46Sip!
0:03:46 > 0:03:47Mission accomplished.
0:03:47 > 0:03:49Five stars on LoserAdvisor.
0:03:51 > 0:03:54So, this would normally be one of my trigger points.
0:03:54 > 0:03:59I have in the past wandered round the whole day
0:03:59 > 0:04:03looking in at places, getting half in, looking through the window...
0:04:04 > 0:04:07..scoping it out, checking it out and thinking, "Can't do it."
0:04:07 > 0:04:11Can't walk in there, order a coffee, sit down.
0:04:11 > 0:04:13I mean, that, when I say it out loud,
0:04:13 > 0:04:15when I think about it, is completely absurd.
0:04:18 > 0:04:20I don't know why I can't do it.
0:04:20 > 0:04:22I don't know.
0:04:22 > 0:04:24It's something about thinking everyone's looking at you
0:04:24 > 0:04:25or something about...
0:04:31 > 0:04:34I don't know, I need somebody to tell me why I can't do it.
0:04:34 > 0:04:36All I can describe it as is a feeling of incredible
0:04:36 > 0:04:39self-consciousness that you're so aware of...
0:04:40 > 0:04:45I don't know, all I know is I feel watched in some way.
0:04:47 > 0:04:48It's weird.
0:04:50 > 0:04:52Of course, I'd love to change myself.
0:04:53 > 0:04:55It's tedious. Tedious!
0:04:57 > 0:04:59Looking down from my tower of self-loathing,
0:04:59 > 0:05:03I can't help but wonder - am I the only shy kid in town?
0:05:03 > 0:05:05Statistically, there are loads of us,
0:05:05 > 0:05:08so these streets must be a blushing sea of self-doubt.
0:05:08 > 0:05:10But how do you spot them?
0:05:10 > 0:05:12Where do shy-sters hang out?
0:05:12 > 0:05:15I reluctantly agree to give my shy-dar a polish
0:05:15 > 0:05:17and see if I can sniff some out.
0:05:17 > 0:05:21Well, we're on the streets of Cardiff
0:05:21 > 0:05:24and I am going to attempt to get a sense of...
0:05:25 > 0:05:27..how many people are shy
0:05:27 > 0:05:29and how many people aren't shy. It's very unscientific.
0:05:29 > 0:05:31I'm just going to ask people
0:05:31 > 0:05:35if they would identify themselves as a shy person or a not shy person.
0:05:35 > 0:05:38The problem I've got now is that I feel incredibly self-conscious
0:05:38 > 0:05:40because I'm shy.
0:05:40 > 0:05:43The thought of walking up to a person, stopping them
0:05:43 > 0:05:46and saying, "Are you shy?" horrifies me.
0:05:46 > 0:05:48Also, just to make it even harder,
0:05:48 > 0:05:50the production team have given me stickers.
0:05:50 > 0:05:53Shy, not shy, which is very mean.
0:05:53 > 0:05:56It's very, very mean. I don't want to do it.
0:05:56 > 0:05:58And that even knowing that they may know who I am,
0:05:58 > 0:06:00so it kind of makes it OK.
0:06:00 > 0:06:02But I'm still not doing it.
0:06:03 > 0:06:04- CREW MEMBER:- Talk to them.
0:06:04 > 0:06:06- I can't... I can't go and talk to them.- Yes, you can.
0:06:06 > 0:06:08I know you're telling me to talk to them, but...
0:06:08 > 0:06:10You're supposed to be invisible, the crew, anyway.
0:06:10 > 0:06:13But I can't just go up to... I can't. I can't, I'm too shy.
0:06:13 > 0:06:15There we are. It's a documentary about shyness
0:06:15 > 0:06:16and I'm too shy to do it.
0:06:16 > 0:06:18And roll the credits.
0:06:20 > 0:06:22Oh, Christ, I feel a tit.
0:06:23 > 0:06:25A disaster, isn't it?
0:06:25 > 0:06:26Total disaster.
0:06:29 > 0:06:31How long are we going to keep this up?
0:06:36 > 0:06:39It's the BBC, there's not even a commercial break we can go to.
0:06:39 > 0:06:41I tell you what, I'm going to...
0:06:41 > 0:06:44I'm going to sit down on that bench and just see if people come over.
0:06:44 > 0:06:47- Hiya, mate. Can I squeeze up there next to you?- Yeah, of course.
0:06:47 > 0:06:50- Oh, good man. Good man. Are you shy? - I wouldn't have thought you...
0:06:50 > 0:06:51- I'm shy, yeah.- Are you?
0:06:51 > 0:06:54Didn't have a girlfriend till I was about 19.
0:06:54 > 0:06:55I nearly married her.
0:06:58 > 0:07:01- Just in case you didn't get another one?- Yeah.
0:07:01 > 0:07:03- Can I give you a sticker, look? - Yeah, of course.
0:07:03 > 0:07:05- I'm embarrassed about this. - No, don't be.
0:07:05 > 0:07:09- This is not me, this. - I'll have a shy one.- Shy, will you?
0:07:09 > 0:07:11- Hello, there.- It's my brother's birthday. He's just over there.
0:07:11 > 0:07:14- Could he have a picture with you? - It's your brother's birthday?- Yeah.
0:07:14 > 0:07:17- Oh, is he coming over or is he too shy?- He's too shy.
0:07:17 > 0:07:20- Is he to... Is he shy, is he? - Yeah.- Hiya, mate.
0:07:20 > 0:07:21- Happy birthday.- Nice to meet you.
0:07:21 > 0:07:25- How are you doing? Are you shy? - A bit, yeah.- Are you?- Yeah.
0:07:25 > 0:07:28- Are you shy?- Ha-ha, no! - She's definitely not shy.
0:07:28 > 0:07:30- Have you ever been shy?- No.
0:07:30 > 0:07:33- That's the old you and then that's the new you.- I feel I used to be shy
0:07:33 > 0:07:35because I cared too much what other people thought,
0:07:35 > 0:07:38whereas now I'm 30, I just think, like, life's too short.
0:07:38 > 0:07:41- You shy or not, mate?- I'm not shy, but actually what I do for a living,
0:07:41 > 0:07:44- I'm a confidence coach, so... - Are you a confidence coach? No way!
0:07:44 > 0:07:46- Yes! Yes, that's what I do.- No way. - I used to be shy.
0:07:46 > 0:07:48- I went through depression six years ago.- Yeah?
0:07:48 > 0:07:51What happened was I started to really reprogram my mind-set,
0:07:51 > 0:07:52my beliefs and I thought, do you know what?
0:07:52 > 0:07:54I don't give a shit what people think about me.
0:07:54 > 0:07:56That's just what this kid was saying, pretty much.
0:07:56 > 0:07:58I mean, he's not a confidence coach, but he was saying
0:07:58 > 0:08:00it's that learning not to give a shit about...
0:08:00 > 0:08:02So much about what people think. Not shy, mate.
0:08:02 > 0:08:04- Would you go to a party on your own? - No.
0:08:04 > 0:08:07Would you go and sit in a restaurant or a cafe and eat on your own?
0:08:07 > 0:08:09- No.- You passed the test, mate. - Cheers.
0:08:09 > 0:08:11When are you shy, then? What situations are you shy in?
0:08:11 > 0:08:14- I don't know. I'm too shy to say! - Are you?
0:08:14 > 0:08:17She wouldn't do teaching because she was too shy.
0:08:17 > 0:08:20- She wouldn't what?- She wouldn't be a teacher because she was too shy.
0:08:20 > 0:08:21I'm quiet anyway.
0:08:21 > 0:08:24- You can't get a word in edge ways with these two.- No, I've noticed.
0:08:24 > 0:08:26Right, you do shut up, now. Right, stick those things over...
0:08:26 > 0:08:28Stick those over your mouth.
0:08:32 > 0:08:34No, I'll put...
0:08:34 > 0:08:36I'll double up on yours.
0:08:36 > 0:08:38Now then, we've shut them up.
0:08:38 > 0:08:40Would you go to a party on your own?
0:08:40 > 0:08:44- No.- No?- I don't think anyone would, would they?
0:08:44 > 0:08:47- She would.- She bloody would. - If I was already drunk, I would.
0:08:47 > 0:08:49- Yeah, so drink helps?- Yeah.
0:08:49 > 0:08:51- You just don't care when you're drunk, do you?- Yeah.
0:08:51 > 0:08:55I'm amazed how willing people are to talk really candidly
0:08:55 > 0:08:58and openly about how shy they've been or how shy they are.
0:08:58 > 0:09:01And most people can tell you really pretty quickly.
0:09:01 > 0:09:04There's lots of people saying that they've grown out of it
0:09:04 > 0:09:09or they've taken steps to get themselves out of it.
0:09:09 > 0:09:12And I think, for me, certainly doing stand-up has really,
0:09:12 > 0:09:15really helped and probably, as I've gone on through life,
0:09:15 > 0:09:19I've become less shy, but it's still there for me.
0:09:19 > 0:09:21I'm not out of the woods.
0:09:21 > 0:09:23I'm definitely not out of the woods.
0:09:23 > 0:09:25And coming here today and hearing people say
0:09:25 > 0:09:28they are out of the woods has made me realise I'm still in there.
0:09:28 > 0:09:32I'm not locked in a portaloo any more, but I'm still in the woods.
0:09:32 > 0:09:33I know what you're thinking.
0:09:33 > 0:09:35You're thinking this is bollocks.
0:09:35 > 0:09:36He's making it up.
0:09:36 > 0:09:39How can someone who does stand up be shy?
0:09:39 > 0:09:42I ask myself that question every day.
0:09:42 > 0:09:44And I've always wondered where it came from.
0:09:44 > 0:09:46Was I born shy?
0:09:46 > 0:09:48Did I inherit it from my parents?
0:09:48 > 0:09:51Was there some traumatic childhood incident I've buried under
0:09:51 > 0:09:54six tonnes of psychological rubble?
0:09:54 > 0:09:57Did I share a shy kid's towel in school?
0:09:57 > 0:09:59Is it an STD?
0:09:59 > 0:10:01Did I get drunk and sleep with a shy person
0:10:01 > 0:10:03who was too shy to tell me they were a carrier?
0:10:04 > 0:10:08I have no idea, and I'm in two minds about wanting to know.
0:10:08 > 0:10:10But all the same,
0:10:10 > 0:10:13like Shylock Holmes, the socially awkward detective,
0:10:13 > 0:10:15I've come to my home town of Carmarthen to look for clues.
0:10:17 > 0:10:21This is my family home and we are in the lounge, in the posh room
0:10:21 > 0:10:22because we're filming.
0:10:22 > 0:10:24Er... My dad's in the other room.
0:10:24 > 0:10:26Don't tell him we're in here.
0:10:26 > 0:10:29It's really striking, looking back through photographs
0:10:29 > 0:10:30that I've never really...
0:10:30 > 0:10:32Well, I don't remember ever seeing these before.
0:10:32 > 0:10:35But, look, that's me on that front lawn out there
0:10:35 > 0:10:37playing bowls with my grandad
0:10:37 > 0:10:39and I've got my hand...
0:10:40 > 0:10:42..in front, blocking the camera.
0:10:45 > 0:10:47This is me in a cafe in France
0:10:47 > 0:10:50and I've got my hand blocking the camera.
0:10:50 > 0:10:53I don't remember being camera shy as a kid.
0:10:53 > 0:10:55I don't remember putting my hand in front of my face
0:10:55 > 0:10:57every time there was a camera near me.
0:10:57 > 0:10:59This is an official school one from primary school.
0:10:59 > 0:11:02I'm facing the camera there, but I think a professional camera person
0:11:02 > 0:11:04would have stopped me if I'd been like that.
0:11:04 > 0:11:06But there's little clues. If you want to look for my shyness
0:11:06 > 0:11:10in my youth, I mean, look at this. This is "My friends in school."
0:11:10 > 0:11:12Firstly, I couldn't even fill a book of eight.
0:11:12 > 0:11:14One of them's me.
0:11:14 > 0:11:15And that's the same person.
0:11:17 > 0:11:22So, my friends consist of me, one blank space, and one bloke twice.
0:11:22 > 0:11:24That is absolutely bonkers.
0:11:24 > 0:11:27I used to refuse to go to school when I was in primary school.
0:11:27 > 0:11:30I used to get this knot in the pit of my stomach and just feel ill
0:11:30 > 0:11:33and I wasn't ill, there was nothing wrong with me medically.
0:11:33 > 0:11:35It was anxiety and I knew that at the time.
0:11:35 > 0:11:36I never spoke to anybody about it.
0:11:36 > 0:11:38I bottled it up completely, I totally hid it.
0:11:38 > 0:11:40I don't even think I told my parents.
0:11:40 > 0:11:43I never sort of broke down in front of them
0:11:43 > 0:11:45and said, "Look, I'm shy, I'm socially anxious."
0:11:45 > 0:11:48I never admitted it to them. I never admitted it to any friends.
0:11:48 > 0:11:51I just bottled it up, hid it and got on with it.
0:11:51 > 0:11:54That's my mum, who passed away last year,
0:11:54 > 0:11:59who I think I blame for my shyness.
0:11:59 > 0:12:02I use the word blame...facetiously,
0:12:02 > 0:12:05but I think it's hereditary to some degree or learned behaviour.
0:12:05 > 0:12:09She passed it on to me. She was incredibly shy and reserved.
0:12:09 > 0:12:10Wanted to be an actor all her life,
0:12:10 > 0:12:13but never did it because she was too shy.
0:12:13 > 0:12:15And my dad is the sort of flamboyant one,
0:12:15 > 0:12:17the kind of clown, the entertainer.
0:12:17 > 0:12:20But I just asked him if he wanted to be on camera and he's like,
0:12:20 > 0:12:22"Absolutely no way." He's too shy.
0:12:22 > 0:12:24"Shyness is hereditary," he said, and walked off.
0:12:24 > 0:12:26So, there you go.
0:12:26 > 0:12:28Can't bloody win with parents, can you?
0:12:28 > 0:12:30But if I put my youth under the microscope,
0:12:30 > 0:12:33most of the time, I was pretty happy chappie.
0:12:33 > 0:12:37Good family, great bunch of mates, shit haircuts, but happy memories.
0:12:37 > 0:12:40# Shyness is nice
0:12:40 > 0:12:43# And shyness can stop you
0:12:43 > 0:12:46# From doing all the things in life you'd like to... #
0:12:48 > 0:12:51Many of my friends are the same ones I've had for over 40 years.
0:12:51 > 0:12:52I still see them all the time,
0:12:52 > 0:12:55but I've tried to keep my shyness from them.
0:12:55 > 0:12:58But they'll definitely have noticed. Won't they?
0:12:58 > 0:13:01Are you surprised I'm doing a documentary about shyness?
0:13:01 > 0:13:03Perhaps you doing a documentary about other people's shyness
0:13:03 > 0:13:06- I'd have understood, but... - Yeah, that's what I mean.
0:13:06 > 0:13:08Is it a surprise that I'm putting my hand up and going, "I'm shy"?
0:13:08 > 0:13:10You've come out as "I'm a shy person."
0:13:10 > 0:13:13I've come out as a shy person, exactly. Do you know what?
0:13:13 > 0:13:16It does feel a bit like... A bit like that.
0:13:16 > 0:13:18It's quite hard to give examples of your own shyness,
0:13:18 > 0:13:20but one of the classics for me, when I went to university,
0:13:20 > 0:13:22I didn't speak to anybody.
0:13:22 > 0:13:24And then I did a month abroad in Salamanca in Spain, right?
0:13:24 > 0:13:27And I'd booked accommodation, I had digs, I'd paid for my meals
0:13:27 > 0:13:30and instead of going there - I never even checked in -
0:13:30 > 0:13:33I just took my bag and I slept rough in the square in Salamanca
0:13:33 > 0:13:35and every morning...
0:13:35 > 0:13:38Every morning, the bin lorry would come round the square like this
0:13:38 > 0:13:40in circles and it would come in and in and in
0:13:40 > 0:13:42and I worked out that the best place to sleep
0:13:42 > 0:13:45was on the bench in the middle and then I would wash my face in
0:13:45 > 0:13:48the tap at the side of the bin lorry because I was too embarrassed
0:13:48 > 0:13:52to go and go to this accommodation with shared rooms, hostel kind of
0:13:52 > 0:13:55accommodation I guess, you know, and eat meals with people I didn't know.
0:13:55 > 0:13:58I couldn't do it. I couldn't do it. But it was...
0:13:58 > 0:14:00Yeah, have you guys got anything like that?
0:14:00 > 0:14:03Any ridiculous stories like that where you just think,
0:14:03 > 0:14:05- "That was shyness"?- No.
0:14:05 > 0:14:07No, I don't think to that extent, no.
0:14:07 > 0:14:10I think you've set the bar way too high for us there.
0:14:10 > 0:14:13Come in a bit lower and perhaps worked up to the bin lorry story.
0:14:13 > 0:14:16Anyone blushed? Anyone blushed occasionally?
0:14:16 > 0:14:17It's very odd to be speaking about it.
0:14:17 > 0:14:21It does feel like I'm coming out about it. It feels very...
0:14:21 > 0:14:22I feel very vulnerable.
0:14:23 > 0:14:26I sometimes wonder whether I should be doing it at all,
0:14:26 > 0:14:28changing people's perception of me.
0:14:28 > 0:14:31But I think it's starting to feel like it's quite an important thing
0:14:31 > 0:14:35to be talking about, that it's not talked about enough.
0:14:35 > 0:14:39I've known some of those guys for 43 years
0:14:39 > 0:14:42and I've hidden it every single moment until today.
0:14:42 > 0:14:47It's kind of left me really keen to find out more.
0:14:47 > 0:14:50More about myself, but more about shyness.
0:14:50 > 0:14:53And how many other people's lives it's...
0:14:53 > 0:14:56Ruining's a strong word, but having a pretty big impact on.
0:14:59 > 0:15:02Apparently, I'm far from alone with my social anxiety.
0:15:02 > 0:15:07According to psychologists, 50% of us identify as being shy,
0:15:07 > 0:15:10a spectrum that includes the happy introverts as well
0:15:10 > 0:15:13as the desperately unhappy ones,
0:15:13 > 0:15:15that ranges from those who muddle along with sweaty armpits,
0:15:15 > 0:15:19nervous rashes and relentless self-criticism
0:15:19 > 0:15:21to those whose crippling social anxiety
0:15:21 > 0:15:23means they can't even leave the house.
0:15:24 > 0:15:27Some experts say shyness is hereditary.
0:15:27 > 0:15:29Some say it's learned behaviour.
0:15:29 > 0:15:31Some say you can cure it with medication.
0:15:31 > 0:15:33Others offer coping strategies and therapies.
0:15:35 > 0:15:37I think I need an expert to tell me
0:15:37 > 0:15:39what expert advice I should be following.
0:15:40 > 0:15:43So, I head to be Cardiff University School of Social Sciences
0:15:43 > 0:15:45to meet Professor Ray Crozier,
0:15:45 > 0:15:49lecturer and academic, who literally wrote the book on shyness.
0:15:49 > 0:15:51Several books, actually.
0:15:51 > 0:15:54First off, is shyness something you're born with?
0:15:54 > 0:15:57So, there have been some kind of studies that have followed
0:15:57 > 0:16:01children from birth and you can begin to see a kind of shy pattern.
0:16:01 > 0:16:05You bring children of the same age who don't know each other,
0:16:05 > 0:16:08you just let them naturally play together,
0:16:08 > 0:16:12you find some children interact with other children,
0:16:12 > 0:16:15some of them are just happy playing by themselves,
0:16:15 > 0:16:18but some want to play but they're reluctant to.
0:16:18 > 0:16:22So you see them kind of hovering behind the other kids,
0:16:22 > 0:16:26maybe trying to move in, but not carrying it through, really.
0:16:26 > 0:16:30How would you explain somebody like me, who all my life has struggled
0:16:30 > 0:16:33with shyness? For example, when I went off to university,
0:16:33 > 0:16:36I just literally stood in my room looking out the window
0:16:36 > 0:16:39at everybody else going off to the refectory
0:16:39 > 0:16:42or to the cafe, to the bar, to their lectures,
0:16:42 > 0:16:44and I just didn't move from that room.
0:16:44 > 0:16:46- I would have been one of your kids you observed...- Well, that's right.
0:16:46 > 0:16:48- ..who want to participate. - I was just going to say that.
0:16:48 > 0:16:50Looking through the window, unable to.
0:16:50 > 0:16:52- Unable to, completely unable to. - That's right.
0:16:52 > 0:16:55So, there might be that kind of history behind this
0:16:55 > 0:16:58because I think if you spoke to lots of beginning students,
0:16:58 > 0:17:02you'd get maybe similar kinds of stories from them.
0:17:02 > 0:17:06They have the anxiety inside, but just got on with things.
0:17:06 > 0:17:08At the time, you know, I went to see my tutors and I said,
0:17:08 > 0:17:10- "I've got to go. I can't cope with this."- Yeah.
0:17:10 > 0:17:13And they said, "Just knock on the door of the guy next to you
0:17:13 > 0:17:15"and say, do you want a coffee? It's as simple as that."
0:17:15 > 0:17:19- And I... That was the hardest... - Yes.
0:17:19 > 0:17:21Knocking on that guy... I... Well, I didn't do it.
0:17:21 > 0:17:23Why is that so difficult?
0:17:23 > 0:17:26Something along the ideas of fear of social rejection,
0:17:26 > 0:17:30which would make you feel even worse than not having knocked the door.
0:17:30 > 0:17:33The origins of all this social anxiety, I think,
0:17:33 > 0:17:37are in social acceptance and social rejection.
0:17:37 > 0:17:39I think I'd almost have benefited
0:17:39 > 0:17:41if I'd had this conversation with you 30 years ago.
0:17:41 > 0:17:44If I'd just had more of a context for it, it might have helped.
0:17:44 > 0:17:46I think I'd have just chilled out about it a bit.
0:17:46 > 0:17:47And also, that it's kind of widespread,
0:17:47 > 0:17:50- but not necessarily observable. - Yeah.
0:17:50 > 0:17:53So lots of other people that you might have talked to about it
0:17:53 > 0:17:56- might also have helped you. - That's almost step one,
0:17:56 > 0:17:58in terms of partly finding a solution,
0:17:58 > 0:18:02is just to talk to other shy people, realise it's widespread,
0:18:02 > 0:18:04realise that what you're feeling is quite common,
0:18:04 > 0:18:07the physical things that you feel in certain situations are common.
0:18:07 > 0:18:09Exactly. I think that would be
0:18:09 > 0:18:12a very useful first step, really, I think.
0:18:12 > 0:18:15Talking to fellow sufferers would probably really have helped.
0:18:15 > 0:18:16But when I was growing up,
0:18:16 > 0:18:19I don't remember there being a National Shy Helpline.
0:18:19 > 0:18:22And I'd have been too shy to ring it anyway.
0:18:22 > 0:18:23But these days, it's different.
0:18:23 > 0:18:28Near Swansea, shy kids as young as five come to yoga classes to try
0:18:28 > 0:18:32and help them cope with the stresses of life in the toddler lane.
0:18:32 > 0:18:34OK, guys. Ready?
0:18:34 > 0:18:36So, everybody's going to copy me.
0:18:36 > 0:18:38Inhale, up.
0:18:39 > 0:18:43Lift one leg up and put it behind you.
0:18:46 > 0:18:48Can you go back there and pass me my foot?
0:18:50 > 0:18:51Can you pass...?
0:18:52 > 0:18:57After a few minutes, a mini shy-ster, Nia, latches onto me.
0:18:57 > 0:18:59- You speak to somebody new.- No...
0:18:59 > 0:19:02And suddenly I'm witnessing a shy kid in the wild...
0:19:02 > 0:19:05Are you too shy to speak to somebody new?
0:19:05 > 0:19:06..clinging to my legs for safety...
0:19:06 > 0:19:09- No.- Yeah, you can do it.
0:19:09 > 0:19:13..hiding her face from the world, finding comfort in my shoulder.
0:19:13 > 0:19:16- How do you feel when you feel shy? - Don't know.
0:19:16 > 0:19:17Do you feel like you want to hide?
0:19:20 > 0:19:23- Yeah?- Yeah.- Do you not want to... Do you not want to make friends?
0:19:25 > 0:19:27Do you like having friends, Nia?
0:19:27 > 0:19:29Yeah, but I don't want to do that.
0:19:33 > 0:19:37So, Huriyah, why yoga for shy kids?
0:19:37 > 0:19:41Erm, because I used to be shy and I still am a bit.
0:19:41 > 0:19:45I was really shy growing up, but I've been doing yoga since
0:19:45 > 0:19:50I was three because with the anxiety of being shy, I didn't sleep.
0:19:50 > 0:19:52So when I was three, my parents used to let me
0:19:52 > 0:19:57stay up in their bedroom and they had a TV.
0:19:57 > 0:20:00Yoga came on one day and I just followed along.
0:20:00 > 0:20:03And how did that change things, then? What happened?
0:20:03 > 0:20:05Um, it didn't make me
0:20:05 > 0:20:08more confident at the time, that's only something that's
0:20:08 > 0:20:13come around more recently, but it made me more content in myself,
0:20:13 > 0:20:17so today, at the lessons, my job is to get them
0:20:17 > 0:20:20confident in themselves and learn to accept themselves
0:20:20 > 0:20:24and accept that other people are different from them and that's OK.
0:20:24 > 0:20:27Breathe in your happiness...
0:20:27 > 0:20:29Finding shy kids may be easy enough,
0:20:29 > 0:20:31but looking for adults who admit to being shy is a whole different
0:20:31 > 0:20:34ball game, like trying to find a wasp who only drinks Diet Coke.
0:20:36 > 0:20:39Because shyness is a silent affliction, and strangely,
0:20:39 > 0:20:43we adult travellers don't generally go round bragging about it.
0:20:43 > 0:20:45So imagine my surprise when I discovered that my fellow
0:20:45 > 0:20:48shysters have been gathering behind my back.
0:20:48 > 0:20:51The cheating bastards have been forming shy support groups all over
0:20:51 > 0:20:55the country and hooking up regularly to work through their inhibitions.
0:20:56 > 0:20:58With a startling 9,000 members,
0:20:58 > 0:21:04the UK's largest is the wonderfully titled London Shyness Social Group.
0:21:04 > 0:21:05The group's leader is Jas.
0:21:05 > 0:21:08It's interesting you say about specific environments,
0:21:08 > 0:21:12- cos mine feels very, very much, certain situations.- Yeah.
0:21:12 > 0:21:15- And other things, I'm totally fine. - Yeah, I'm the same.
0:21:15 > 0:21:19- Are you?- Yeah. At work, I'm extremely confident.- Are you?
0:21:19 > 0:21:22I'm a mental health support worker, so put me in a room full of people
0:21:22 > 0:21:25screaming at me and threatening me, I'm fine.
0:21:25 > 0:21:29Same with stand-up. Put me in a room full of people screaming at me...!
0:21:29 > 0:21:30And you're fine!
0:21:30 > 0:21:34Put me in a cafe, where I have to order a coffee and I'm screwed.
0:21:34 > 0:21:38- That's mine, as well.- Yeah. Really? You're the same?- Put it there.
0:21:38 > 0:21:41Why is it? What is it about coffee?!
0:21:43 > 0:21:47Hi, everyone. So, for those who haven't met me before, I'm Jas,
0:21:47 > 0:21:50this is London Shyness Social Group and I just want to explain
0:21:50 > 0:21:52a little bit about tonight before we get into it.
0:21:52 > 0:21:55The group hosts regular support sessions,
0:21:55 > 0:21:58workshops and social get-togethers, attracting everyone from those
0:21:58 > 0:22:01who want a little more human contact to people
0:22:01 > 0:22:04who are leaving their bedrooms for the first time in months.
0:22:04 > 0:22:06It's a real big step for these people.
0:22:06 > 0:22:09It is, it is a really big step. But it depends on how you look at it, as well.
0:22:09 > 0:22:11Some people see it as really daunting.
0:22:11 > 0:22:13For some people, the fact that there is a group out there that
0:22:13 > 0:22:14does this, this is comforting.
0:22:14 > 0:22:17This is a place where they don't have to pretend to be extroverted.
0:22:17 > 0:22:19They can just be shy, and ironically,
0:22:19 > 0:22:22when you do that, they're actually really talkative.
0:22:22 > 0:22:26There are certain situations where I don't know how to even talk,
0:22:26 > 0:22:30because for example, here, it's just way too awkward,
0:22:30 > 0:22:33I can't even make eye contact or anything.
0:22:33 > 0:22:36I want to become invisible, almost. It's really scary.
0:22:36 > 0:22:39I appreciate that for some people, even just being here is a big
0:22:39 > 0:22:42thing, so I'm not here to force anyone to do anything, I promise.
0:22:42 > 0:22:45Jas wants to do some exposure therapy exercises.
0:22:45 > 0:22:49I've no idea what that entails, but look at that mad keen face.
0:22:49 > 0:22:52If there weren't cameras on me, I'd lock myself in the nearest
0:22:52 > 0:22:55portaloo and have to be forcibly removed by the council.
0:22:55 > 0:22:58The exposure therapy exercises that we have in mind for today,
0:22:58 > 0:23:02eye contact exercise, where we hold eye contact for a specific
0:23:02 > 0:23:04amount of time with someone you haven't spoken to yet.
0:23:04 > 0:23:05Shit.
0:23:05 > 0:23:08If I wasn't so committed to this documentary, there's no way I
0:23:08 > 0:23:12would come to a group like this, let alone get involved in the exercises.
0:23:12 > 0:23:15I don't get my insecurities out in public for no-one.
0:23:15 > 0:23:17And yet here we all are.
0:23:17 > 0:23:20Well, we were chatting earlier about my particular shyness
0:23:20 > 0:23:24where I think I'm ostensibly supremely confident in some
0:23:24 > 0:23:28ways and totally lacking any confidence
0:23:28 > 0:23:31and feeling incredibly inhibited and tonight, for example,
0:23:31 > 0:23:32when I said I was anxious,
0:23:32 > 0:23:36I'm absolutely terrified of these exercises you've got planned.
0:23:36 > 0:23:39The back of my neck is hot, my forehead is sweating...
0:23:39 > 0:23:43I wouldn't be like that before a gig. Even if it was 20,000 people.
0:23:43 > 0:23:44It's very vulnerable.
0:23:44 > 0:23:47There's nowhere to hide, you know, whereas maybe in stand-up comedy,
0:23:47 > 0:23:50I'm hiding behind something of a persona, you know?
0:23:50 > 0:23:51Wow, this is hard!
0:23:52 > 0:23:56- This is a lot harder than stand-up comedy, I'll tell you that.- Wow.
0:23:56 > 0:24:01- Much harder! - Starting in three, two, one...
0:24:01 > 0:24:06Things are about to get worse, with an exposure therapy exercise.
0:24:08 > 0:24:10Gazing, in agonising silence...
0:24:12 > 0:24:14..into the eyes of a total stranger...
0:24:16 > 0:24:20..for the world's longest minute.
0:24:29 > 0:24:31That's approximately one minute.
0:24:31 > 0:24:36I could not WAIT for that minute to be over. Nothing personal...
0:24:36 > 0:24:37Honestly, lovely eyes, but...
0:24:37 > 0:24:40- Thank you!- I could not wait!
0:24:40 > 0:24:41What is it? What is this?
0:24:41 > 0:24:44- What is shyness?- What is it, Jas?
0:24:44 > 0:24:48I would say it's a sense of contextual insecurity or
0:24:48 > 0:24:50contextual lack of confidence.
0:24:51 > 0:24:53The reason why it's so contextual is
0:24:53 > 0:24:56because you develop a comfort zone of some kind with certain
0:24:56 > 0:25:00- things in certain situations and certain people, I guess.- Yeah.
0:25:00 > 0:25:04So, for example, you developing a sense of confidence
0:25:04 > 0:25:08in your comedy, you've had to exercise that, it's like a muscle.
0:25:08 > 0:25:11But for some reason, it's not always transferable.
0:25:14 > 0:25:16What Jas says makes perfect sense.
0:25:16 > 0:25:18It is a contextualised lack of confidence
0:25:18 > 0:25:20and I certainly have my comfort zones,
0:25:20 > 0:25:22like comedy.
0:25:22 > 0:25:26And it would go to some way to answering the apparent contradiction
0:25:26 > 0:25:29at the heart of this - that I can be cripplingly shy in normal life,
0:25:29 > 0:25:33but completely confident, as long as I'm getting laughs on stage.
0:25:34 > 0:25:38But how did I get on stage in the first place? I didn't want to do it.
0:25:38 > 0:25:41The truth is, I didn't jump,
0:25:41 > 0:25:44I was pushed, by an ex-girlfriend.
0:25:44 > 0:25:47Her name is Bryony and she dragged me kicking and screaming to
0:25:47 > 0:25:52enrol on a stand-up course at the Amused Moose comedy club in London.
0:25:52 > 0:25:53Hello!
0:25:53 > 0:25:56But what sort of monster would make a shy person do stand up?
0:25:57 > 0:26:01So that very first time we met, did I come across as shy,
0:26:01 > 0:26:04was there anything... Was I different in any way?
0:26:04 > 0:26:05Anything unusual you noticed?
0:26:05 > 0:26:09The very first time we met was in the job centre.
0:26:09 > 0:26:13I noticed you, but I noticed you entertaining your two friends,
0:26:13 > 0:26:16so you were making Ash and Jessica laugh, a lot.
0:26:16 > 0:26:17Ah.
0:26:17 > 0:26:20So maybe you were feeling shy, but you were compensating by doing
0:26:20 > 0:26:23what you normally do, which is make people laugh.
0:26:23 > 0:26:26Yes, that's all I was ever very good at, was making people laugh. I say very good.
0:26:26 > 0:26:30You were happy in a group of people that you knew already and in
0:26:30 > 0:26:34that circle, you have no inhibitions and you are really confident.
0:26:34 > 0:26:37But I knew that you were, probably outside of that circle,
0:26:37 > 0:26:40you were nervous about certain things.
0:26:40 > 0:26:42In interviews, I've always said that I had an ex-girlfriend who
0:26:42 > 0:26:46nagged and nagged and nagged for eight years,
0:26:46 > 0:26:48is the figure I've put on it...
0:26:48 > 0:26:51Could have been that long.
0:26:51 > 0:26:52..to do something. Is that fair?
0:26:52 > 0:26:54Yeah. Totally.
0:26:54 > 0:26:57Isn't it? I mean, you were naturally funny...
0:26:57 > 0:26:59- You hear that?- You were!
0:26:59 > 0:27:00Naturally funny!
0:27:00 > 0:27:04So I thought you could be encouraged to think of it more like that.
0:27:04 > 0:27:06You think it was shyness though, that was stopping me?
0:27:06 > 0:27:09I think it was that combined with just, you know,
0:27:09 > 0:27:10"people like me don't do this."
0:27:10 > 0:27:13So if I hadn't gone with you to the Amused Moose,
0:27:13 > 0:27:15would you have been able to knock on the door, go down the stairs,
0:27:15 > 0:27:18- introduce yourself to that group...? - No. No.
0:27:18 > 0:27:20- But you did...- Not a chance.
0:27:20 > 0:27:24..go on your own, after I took you the first few times!
0:27:24 > 0:27:27It's like taking someone to a kindergarten, isn't it?
0:27:27 > 0:27:30Like, "Here's my little boy, he's going to stand up and do it."
0:27:30 > 0:27:33When I went on that course, most of them... You remember?
0:27:33 > 0:27:35Most of them, I didn't go to.
0:27:35 > 0:27:37Most of them, I rang in sick, sometimes from just outside.
0:27:37 > 0:27:39- You used to find excuses, didn't you?- Yeah,
0:27:39 > 0:27:42sometimes from outside the venue, I would ring up and say,
0:27:42 > 0:27:44"I can't come into night, I'm really ill",
0:27:44 > 0:27:47and I was outside, trying to... "Can I do it, can I do it?"
0:27:49 > 0:27:52So Bryony realised I just needed a little push.
0:27:52 > 0:27:54For eight years.
0:27:54 > 0:27:58If she hadn't, how would my life be different now? Who knows?
0:27:58 > 0:28:01But it has helped my confidence immeasurably, I know that much.
0:28:02 > 0:28:05Bryony reckons I was happiest and most confident
0:28:05 > 0:28:07when making people laugh, and she's right.
0:28:07 > 0:28:09That's been true since I was a child.
0:28:11 > 0:28:14Did I latch onto the fact that the social currency of laughter
0:28:14 > 0:28:15is a very powerful one?
0:28:15 > 0:28:18That if you could make people laugh, they'd overlook your other failings?
0:28:19 > 0:28:22I'm brewing on a theory here and I want to test it,
0:28:22 > 0:28:25so I've come to the Comedy Store,
0:28:25 > 0:28:28a venue that kick-started my career, to talk to someone who was
0:28:28 > 0:28:32with me on the very same comedy course that Bryony dragged me to.
0:28:32 > 0:28:35He's fellow comedian Greg Davies.
0:28:35 > 0:28:38Blow me down with a malfunctioning Dustbuster, there's a twist,
0:28:38 > 0:28:41because he's a shyster too.
0:28:41 > 0:28:45And in our 15 years of friendship, I've never even clocked it.
0:28:45 > 0:28:48When I said to you, "Will you talk to me on the documentary",
0:28:48 > 0:28:51I meant, will you talk to me about my shyness.
0:28:51 > 0:28:54I thought you were asking me along to talk about the fact that
0:28:54 > 0:28:57- I was shy.- No, I didn't know... You're not shy. I didn't think you were shy, you're the last person...
0:28:57 > 0:28:59I didn't think YOU were shy when we met.
0:28:59 > 0:29:03You told me you were shy, I've never personally witnessed you being shy.
0:29:03 > 0:29:06- Haven't you?- No. If anything, I thought you were quite aloof.
0:29:06 > 0:29:10If you're someone who has suffered from shyness as I have,
0:29:10 > 0:29:14- you presume that everyone else is confident, don't you?- Yeah.
0:29:14 > 0:29:17- Well, I do.- You're the most confident person I've ever met.- Yes.
0:29:17 > 0:29:19- But I'm not, though, am I? - No, you are.
0:29:19 > 0:29:22Yes, but I'm full of crushing self-doubt even now.
0:29:22 > 0:29:24Oh, yeah, you've got no self-esteem.
0:29:25 > 0:29:27But I wouldn't have said you were shy!
0:29:27 > 0:29:30I've never seen you in a social context appear to be
0:29:30 > 0:29:32inhibited or, you know...
0:29:32 > 0:29:34But what is your definition of shyness?
0:29:34 > 0:29:39Er... Like, I could never go up and talk to a girl. Could you do that?
0:29:39 > 0:29:44- Never.- Have you ever, in your life, gone up to a girl...?- Never.
0:29:44 > 0:29:47Not so much now, but in the old days. Did you ever go to a girl...
0:29:47 > 0:29:49Even now, I've never approached someone I find attractive.
0:29:49 > 0:29:52- Once in your life? - Not once.- No way.- No.
0:29:52 > 0:29:55I got asked out by a girl in school, who I liked,
0:29:55 > 0:30:00and just the sheer horror of her asking me out, I said no.
0:30:00 > 0:30:02Every cell in my body was going, "Yes!",
0:30:02 > 0:30:06and just the fact that she had had that self-confidence to say
0:30:06 > 0:30:09"I'd like to go out with you", I went, "No!"
0:30:09 > 0:30:10Really rudely!
0:30:11 > 0:30:14- Do you talk about your shyness on stage?- No.- Never?
0:30:14 > 0:30:19No, because I think going on stage is a weird way of trying to
0:30:19 > 0:30:23address self-consciousness, it's sort of...
0:30:23 > 0:30:25running headlong at your demons, isn't it, really?
0:30:25 > 0:30:28Do you think you're a stand-up now, comedian, clown, whatever,
0:30:28 > 0:30:31because you were shy and inhibited as a child?
0:30:31 > 0:30:35I think, to a degree, it certainly started happening at 17
0:30:35 > 0:30:38when I suddenly thought "I'm going to have to run into the light
0:30:38 > 0:30:42"a bit, otherwise I'm going to spend my whole life hiding in corners",
0:30:42 > 0:30:45- you know.- Did you ever think about doing anything about it, or...
0:30:45 > 0:30:49- You know.- No. Just surviving!- Yeah.
0:30:49 > 0:30:51But a lot of it is fear-based.
0:30:51 > 0:30:53I think shyness...
0:30:53 > 0:30:56For me, it was always, "I'm going to be humiliated,
0:30:56 > 0:30:59"I'm going to be bullied if I draw attention to myself."
0:30:59 > 0:31:02A lot of it is fear. I think.
0:31:02 > 0:31:03Yeah.
0:31:03 > 0:31:06Like me, it seems Greg has wrapped himself in the protective
0:31:06 > 0:31:10cloak of comedy, chasing away the shyness, the fear of people
0:31:10 > 0:31:14laughing at him, by making people laugh at him, but on his terms.
0:31:15 > 0:31:18Comedy as cure? It makes some sense to me.
0:31:18 > 0:31:21But I wonder if there's anything more scientific in this,
0:31:21 > 0:31:24so I'm finally ready to blast off into outer headspace
0:31:24 > 0:31:26and I'm going to go and consult a shrink.
0:31:28 > 0:31:30I've made an appointment with a clinical psychologist
0:31:30 > 0:31:34specialising in CBT - Cognitive Behavioural Therapy -
0:31:34 > 0:31:37at Cardiff University's Department of Psychology.
0:31:37 > 0:31:40I feel all my life I've suffered from shyness,
0:31:40 > 0:31:41it's been a bloody pain.
0:31:41 > 0:31:44So it's been a lot worse in the past than it is now,
0:31:44 > 0:31:46but day-to-day now, there are still some things,
0:31:46 > 0:31:48particularly the eating on your own in public.
0:31:48 > 0:31:50Yeah. Day-to-day now, there are some things.
0:31:50 > 0:31:55What has helped me massively is being a bit known.
0:31:55 > 0:31:58- That changes the situations that you find yourself in.- Sure.
0:31:58 > 0:32:01But some of the very simplest ones, like just being on your own
0:32:01 > 0:32:04and going and eating somewhere on your own, are still there.
0:32:04 > 0:32:07They still go on. And some very...
0:32:07 > 0:32:09For some people, some very uncomfortable situations are ones
0:32:09 > 0:32:13- that you do approach on a regular basis.- Mm.
0:32:13 > 0:32:17- Um, where you are very much the centre of attention.- Mm.
0:32:17 > 0:32:18Would you say?
0:32:19 > 0:32:20Yes.
0:32:20 > 0:32:23So people with social anxiety tend to avoid the situations that
0:32:23 > 0:32:26make them really anxious, and if they are in them,
0:32:26 > 0:32:28they tend to try and stay in the background.
0:32:28 > 0:32:31It's perfectly understandable that people try and do that,
0:32:31 > 0:32:34but it's actually one of the things that keeps the problem going.
0:32:34 > 0:32:36- Do you see what I mean?- Yeah.
0:32:36 > 0:32:38So for you, the fact that actually, you've not been able to avoid
0:32:38 > 0:32:40being noticed, does, to me,
0:32:40 > 0:32:43it kind of makes sense that that would have helped.
0:32:43 > 0:32:46So, what I've done, in essence,
0:32:46 > 0:32:49is been somebody who's been afraid of being noticed, all that
0:32:49 > 0:32:53kind of stuff, been that classic social anxiety sort of inhibitions.
0:32:53 > 0:32:55And what you'd recommend for somebody like that is to
0:32:55 > 0:32:59confront it head-on and I've kind of done that by...accidentally.
0:32:59 > 0:33:01You've done something extra, as well.
0:33:01 > 0:33:04We would recommend that somebody confront a feared situation,
0:33:04 > 0:33:08but we also recommend that they get feedback about how
0:33:08 > 0:33:10they come across and in therapy,
0:33:10 > 0:33:12we find ways of giving people
0:33:12 > 0:33:15feedback, so we very often film people and have them
0:33:15 > 0:33:18watch the film, for people to actually see how they come across.
0:33:18 > 0:33:20- Rather than just how they imagine. - That's really interesting.
0:33:20 > 0:33:22So you've actually done that,
0:33:22 > 0:33:25you put yourself in feared situations and you've also
0:33:25 > 0:33:29got feedback in those situations about how you actually come across.
0:33:29 > 0:33:32So this is the answer for all people suffering from social anxiety -
0:33:32 > 0:33:36just get yourself a stand-up and TV career and read your reviews. Boom!
0:33:36 > 0:33:39- Sorted!- As long as they're successful, Rhod, yes!
0:33:39 > 0:33:41As long as it's reasonably successful!
0:33:41 > 0:33:45Yes. I don't like a bad review, that's for sure.
0:33:45 > 0:33:46Well, blow me.
0:33:46 > 0:33:48I think I might have just stumbled on a revolutionary new
0:33:48 > 0:33:50cure for shyness.
0:33:50 > 0:33:54Alternative CBT - Comedy Behavioural Therapy.
0:33:54 > 0:33:58Ker-ching! I can hear the smell of global franchises and ringing tills.
0:33:58 > 0:34:01If it worked for me, maybe it could work for others.
0:34:01 > 0:34:04There's only one way to find out - I'm going to bag me
0:34:04 > 0:34:07some shy people and see if I can persuade them to do stand-up.
0:34:07 > 0:34:09This might be self-indulgent madness,
0:34:09 > 0:34:12but sod it, it's 2018, it's the way of the world.
0:34:12 > 0:34:16"Is shyness ruining your life?
0:34:16 > 0:34:19"Do you struggle to go into cafes on your own?
0:34:19 > 0:34:20"Have you ever spent a weekend locked in a portaloo
0:34:20 > 0:34:26"because you were too shy to come out? Then this documentary could be for you. Love, Rhod."
0:34:26 > 0:34:29I launched my message into cyberspace,
0:34:29 > 0:34:32fully expecting no response whatsoever.
0:34:32 > 0:34:35But would you believe it, I get thousands of replies.
0:34:35 > 0:34:37What's that, you wouldn't?
0:34:37 > 0:34:38No, nor me, and I didn't.
0:34:38 > 0:34:41But I did get enough to carry on with my experiment.
0:34:41 > 0:34:44After a fairly random selection process, I choose three very
0:34:44 > 0:34:48shy guinea pigs and invite them to hear my cunning plan.
0:34:48 > 0:34:51I'm pretty sure none of them will turn up, what self-respecting
0:34:51 > 0:34:55shy person would volunteer to get their social anxieties out on TV?
0:34:55 > 0:34:58But once again, I'm wrong.
0:34:58 > 0:35:02Guinea pig one is Jodie, 26 and hides out in Swansea.
0:35:02 > 0:35:05She works part-time as the world's only wedding photographer who
0:35:05 > 0:35:08is too shy to ask anyone to say "cheese".
0:35:08 > 0:35:13Guinea pig two, Mike, is 29 and stares at his feet around Cardiff.
0:35:13 > 0:35:18He's a serial dropper-outer at uni and he's never been on a date.
0:35:18 > 0:35:19Guinea pig three, Kate,
0:35:19 > 0:35:22is in her 40s and lurks about in the shadows near Leith.
0:35:22 > 0:35:25She prefers animals to humans and works in a pet shop.
0:35:25 > 0:35:28Certainly, she knows all about guinea pigs.
0:35:28 > 0:35:31While we all suffer in different ways and to varying degrees,
0:35:31 > 0:35:35I can immediately relate to all three of them.
0:35:35 > 0:35:37What is your earliest shy memory?
0:35:37 > 0:35:41From about the ages of about five or so,
0:35:41 > 0:35:43being in the park
0:35:43 > 0:35:46and just all the other kids playing together
0:35:46 > 0:35:49when I would be separate, on my own, you know?
0:35:49 > 0:35:51I think I've just always been a shy person.
0:35:51 > 0:35:54I don't remember being any other way.
0:35:54 > 0:35:56It's just I found it hard to make friends in school
0:35:56 > 0:35:59and I always was on the outside looking in.
0:35:59 > 0:36:01I got bullied a lot in school, so...
0:36:02 > 0:36:05Beaten up almost daily when I was about five, six.
0:36:05 > 0:36:07- Beaten up almost daily?- Yeah.
0:36:07 > 0:36:10Um... I think naturally, I'm...
0:36:11 > 0:36:13I'm quite gregarious, I want people around,
0:36:13 > 0:36:18- but I find it hard to engage. - So shyness has kind of...
0:36:18 > 0:36:22- had a massive impact on you, really? - Yeah.- Tell me about the bus tickets.
0:36:22 > 0:36:26Ever since, you know, I can remember, I go on the bus into town
0:36:26 > 0:36:29with my nan and I'd get her to pay for them
0:36:29 > 0:36:31while I just stood behind her.
0:36:31 > 0:36:33Just a financial thing, though?!
0:36:33 > 0:36:37- Screwing your nan out of...- I wasn't getting enough pocket money!
0:36:37 > 0:36:38Tap Nana up, why not?
0:36:38 > 0:36:41- What's the fear, do you reckon? - Fear of getting it wrong.
0:36:41 > 0:36:44Fear of being thought to be stupid or... Which I may be,
0:36:44 > 0:36:49I can be. And I seem to be the family failure, really.
0:36:50 > 0:36:55And I work in retail, I haven't got anything much to show for anything.
0:36:55 > 0:37:00- And why have you...decided to sign up for this?- I just think...
0:37:02 > 0:37:06There's so many opportunities in life, it's time to take one, really.
0:37:06 > 0:37:08I'd love to be able to just...
0:37:09 > 0:37:12..not have the shyness and be able to have this confidence
0:37:12 > 0:37:13and go up to anybody I wanted.
0:37:13 > 0:37:17It does affect me, I do wish I was able to do what I wanted,
0:37:17 > 0:37:19have my own freedom, so to speak.
0:37:19 > 0:37:22- Freedom from yourself? - Freedom from myself, yes!
0:37:22 > 0:37:26I know I need to do something more with my life.
0:37:26 > 0:37:30Whether it leads to anything or not is irrelevant,
0:37:30 > 0:37:35I need to stop sitting in that comfort area and just go
0:37:35 > 0:37:37and do something that's different.
0:37:37 > 0:37:40And you can't get much different than this, really.
0:37:40 > 0:37:43No. No, that could be true.
0:37:43 > 0:37:46VOICEOVER: Oh, bollocks. What have I done?
0:37:46 > 0:37:49I've asked these lovely, painfully shy, vulnerable people,
0:37:49 > 0:37:51to go away for a few weeks and come up with some stand-up
0:37:51 > 0:37:54material based on their own experiences of shyness.
0:37:55 > 0:38:01There is a worry here that what I'm asking these guys to do is
0:38:01 > 0:38:03really, really beyond the pale.
0:38:03 > 0:38:06The most confident, non-shy people would have
0:38:06 > 0:38:08nightmares about doing stand-up comedy.
0:38:08 > 0:38:12For these guys, to put themselves in the firing line like that,
0:38:12 > 0:38:15and try and do this, is enormous.
0:38:15 > 0:38:17As they go off to try and channel their inner
0:38:17 > 0:38:20Billy Connollys, I think I need my head examining -
0:38:20 > 0:38:21literally.
0:38:21 > 0:38:24Because one area of shyness I've yet to explore is
0:38:24 > 0:38:27whether you can tell if someone is shy by looking at their brain,
0:38:27 > 0:38:30so I've come to London's Harley Street.
0:38:31 > 0:38:33What I'm going to do is measure
0:38:33 > 0:38:35the electrical activity from your brain, from your scalp.
0:38:35 > 0:38:39EEG specialist Tony Stafford has agreed to attempt to find out,
0:38:39 > 0:38:41by putting a thing on my head
0:38:41 > 0:38:43that definitely doesn't make me look a twat.
0:38:43 > 0:38:45- Is that all right?- Lovely.
0:38:45 > 0:38:47It's not a direct measure of shyness.
0:38:47 > 0:38:52The EEG will tell us about arousal and anxiety,
0:38:52 > 0:38:54so we can infer that this person
0:38:54 > 0:38:57is more anxious and they're more likely to be shy.
0:38:57 > 0:38:58There is the opposite marker,
0:38:58 > 0:39:00something called frontal middle theta that
0:39:00 > 0:39:03if you have a high frontal middle theta, you're more likely to be
0:39:03 > 0:39:06extrovert and more happy-go-lucky, and less likely to be shy.
0:39:06 > 0:39:08Is shyness...
0:39:08 > 0:39:11Can we see any generalities about it, is it a sign of being...
0:39:11 > 0:39:13highly tuned into other people's...
0:39:13 > 0:39:15Is it less... You know?
0:39:15 > 0:39:18I have just read that they make better lovers.
0:39:18 > 0:39:19Lovers! HE CLICKS HIS TONGUE
0:39:19 > 0:39:23- ..and that would fit with being more...- I knew there was a reason I was doing this documentary!
0:39:23 > 0:39:27- I knew I had to get something positive out of it! - ..more socially adept, basically.
0:39:28 > 0:39:32OK, so what I want you to do is just close your eyes and relax
0:39:32 > 0:39:34and try not to think of anything in particular
0:39:34 > 0:39:37and just be as relaxed and still as can be.
0:39:38 > 0:39:41In order to work out how aroused and anxious I am,
0:39:41 > 0:39:44the computer needs to record my mind at rest.
0:39:45 > 0:39:47Firstly, with my eyes closed...
0:39:47 > 0:39:48and then with my eyes open.
0:39:49 > 0:39:52But given Tony has just told me I'm a sex god,
0:39:52 > 0:39:55- can I keep my anxious arousal in check?- Cool, OK.
0:39:55 > 0:39:59Let me just save that... So this is the spectrogram.
0:39:59 > 0:40:01We're looking down on the head here, your nose would be here,
0:40:01 > 0:40:03this is the back of your head
0:40:03 > 0:40:05and each one of these 19 little graphs
0:40:05 > 0:40:07is one of those 19 electrodes.
0:40:07 > 0:40:08So this yellow is the alpha,
0:40:08 > 0:40:12so more alpha means the brain doing less activity.
0:40:12 > 0:40:16I was expecting to see more of this beta brainwave, the busy brainwave.
0:40:16 > 0:40:19I'm assuming that the shyness is social anxiety,
0:40:19 > 0:40:22so anxiety is a busier brain.
0:40:22 > 0:40:26- So constantly alert, on the lookout for threats?- Yeah.
0:40:26 > 0:40:29So this is saying that you are low arousal, your brain is not very
0:40:29 > 0:40:31active. Actually, this is kind of
0:40:31 > 0:40:34the opposite of what I was expecting. I was expecting to see...
0:40:34 > 0:40:36So brutal! So brutal, Tony.
0:40:36 > 0:40:39"Your brain is not very active."
0:40:39 > 0:40:43- So, looking at this, we can't tell that I'm shy.- No.
0:40:43 > 0:40:46But we can tell, we have an indicator that
0:40:46 > 0:40:48I'm not particularly an extrovert...
0:40:48 > 0:40:50Yeah, I think that's fair enough to say.
0:40:50 > 0:40:54And you are certainly a lot less aroused than I was expecting.
0:40:54 > 0:40:55I'm a sloth.
0:40:55 > 0:40:58I wouldn't say that, but... In that direction!
0:40:58 > 0:41:01- Chilled!- I'm chilled!
0:41:01 > 0:41:04You've got this peak here, which I'm quite intrigued about.
0:41:04 > 0:41:08This is not a typical pattern. This is almost like an ADD subtype.
0:41:10 > 0:41:13So looking at that, I could have ADD?
0:41:13 > 0:41:15- Attention Deficit Disorder?- Yes.
0:41:15 > 0:41:17So I've come here today to see
0:41:17 > 0:41:21if you could identify sort of shyness in the brain...
0:41:22 > 0:41:26..and what you're telling me is you can't, I might have ADHD,
0:41:26 > 0:41:30- but a very chilled out, sort of relaxed version of that?- Yeah.
0:41:30 > 0:41:32So I've come in...
0:41:34 > 0:41:37..on this shyness documentary, and I've left with...
0:41:37 > 0:41:40no answer on that, but three other documentaries to do?
0:41:40 > 0:41:42Perfect.
0:41:42 > 0:41:45What the...?! I only came in for shyness.
0:41:45 > 0:41:48Whilst I come to terms with this latest diagnosis,
0:41:48 > 0:41:52I've left my three lab rats slaving on the comedy wheel of hell.
0:41:52 > 0:41:53Come in, come in!
0:41:53 > 0:41:56Their homework was to generate some hilarious comedy material
0:41:56 > 0:41:59based on their debilitating experiences of shyness.
0:41:59 > 0:42:01Piece of piss! Right?
0:42:01 > 0:42:05So, I think if you can face it, I'm going
0:42:05 > 0:42:08to ask you to stand there and do it.
0:42:08 > 0:42:10To the rest of us.
0:42:10 > 0:42:12How does that sound?
0:42:12 > 0:42:15- Well, you know, what the hell, we're here.- "What the hell, we're here!"
0:42:15 > 0:42:19Is that as positive as...? That's as positive as I'm going to get!
0:42:19 > 0:42:24And, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the stage, it's Kate!
0:42:24 > 0:42:26Good evening, everybody, my name is Kate
0:42:26 > 0:42:29and I'm standing before you today as a shy person.
0:42:29 > 0:42:31I'm going to tell you a little bit about myself now.
0:42:31 > 0:42:36- I suffer with a depression, I also have what is known as RBF.- What?
0:42:36 > 0:42:39I don't know if anybody of you understand what RBF is.
0:42:39 > 0:42:42RBF is a condition called Resting Bitch Face.
0:42:43 > 0:42:46- Nice.- This is my natural face,
0:42:46 > 0:42:48I have cultivated it over the years to
0:42:48 > 0:42:51avoid people talking to me, and it works.
0:42:52 > 0:42:56- A can't remember what else I was going to say... - Can I just say, already there,
0:42:56 > 0:42:58that's going to get a couple of laughs. You know?
0:42:58 > 0:43:00And, um...
0:43:00 > 0:43:03- Yeah, you want to do a bit more? Are you going to do?- Um...
0:43:03 > 0:43:07- No, it's all gone, now.- It's all gone?- It's all gone.- Blank head.
0:43:08 > 0:43:12Hello, how you doing? I'm Jodie, I'm 26 and I'm from Swansea.
0:43:12 > 0:43:14Yes, so... Shyness.
0:43:14 > 0:43:18I was on the coach the other day, coming into Cardiff.
0:43:18 > 0:43:21All went fine until we got on the way back.
0:43:21 > 0:43:23I needed to get off, didn't I?
0:43:23 > 0:43:26There's me, panicking, thinking, "Oh, no,
0:43:26 > 0:43:29"I've got to talk to another person and tell him to stop."
0:43:29 > 0:43:31I thought about it.
0:43:32 > 0:43:35Nah, I did not have the balls to go and say to him,
0:43:35 > 0:43:37just go up to him, and simply say...
0:43:37 > 0:43:38"Stop."
0:43:38 > 0:43:42- Yeah, that's all I can remember now!- OK, brilliant. OK.
0:43:42 > 0:43:44I told you five seconds!
0:43:47 > 0:43:49OK, hello, everyone, hello!
0:43:49 > 0:43:51- How you doing?- Good!- Good!
0:43:51 > 0:43:53Um, I'm not doing so well.
0:43:53 > 0:43:57But it's OK, it's OK. I just have depression. Yay!
0:44:00 > 0:44:02Um, yeah. Uh, so yes, OK.
0:44:02 > 0:44:05So, yeah, that's unfair, OK.
0:44:05 > 0:44:08OK. Yeah.
0:44:08 > 0:44:10Sorry, I've lost it, here.
0:44:10 > 0:44:13- Do you mind if I... Stop, and then...- Not at all.- Do it again?
0:44:13 > 0:44:16- Not at all. Do whatever you want. - Yeah.
0:44:16 > 0:44:18Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Sorry.
0:44:18 > 0:44:21Oh, yeah, OK, do you mean stop? OK, cool.
0:44:21 > 0:44:24Hang on a minute, you should get your response!
0:44:24 > 0:44:25At least get your response!
0:44:26 > 0:44:29It's going to work. All three of you, it's going to work.
0:44:29 > 0:44:33It's just a bit more practice...
0:44:33 > 0:44:35And just keeping doing what you're doing.
0:44:35 > 0:44:38You're doing, all doing the right thing in the right direction.
0:44:38 > 0:44:42Those are three brave, brave people,
0:44:42 > 0:44:48who struggle with what most people would think are the simplest
0:44:48 > 0:44:55everyday interactions, who are one step closer to a stand-up gig.
0:44:55 > 0:44:57And if it goes wrong...
0:45:00 > 0:45:02..and sets them back...
0:45:04 > 0:45:06..I'm not going to be able to live with myself.
0:45:07 > 0:45:09Hmmm.
0:45:09 > 0:45:12Unsurprisingly, my shy, comedy proteges are struggling.
0:45:12 > 0:45:16Meanwhile, I'm having a mini-crisis of my own.
0:45:16 > 0:45:18Am I doing the right thing?
0:45:18 > 0:45:21Interfering in people's lives with my cod psychology?
0:45:22 > 0:45:24I decide to ask my wife, Sian.
0:45:24 > 0:45:27She married me, but apart from that, she's always had good judgment.
0:45:29 > 0:45:35I think your shyness is a good antidote to your outgoing...
0:45:35 > 0:45:37If I wasn't shy, I'd be a complete extrovert...
0:45:37 > 0:45:39- Yeah, you'd be on all the time. - Switched on all the time.
0:45:39 > 0:45:43- And I don't think I could handle it. - Yeah.- It's too much.
0:45:43 > 0:45:45I like that you have a side to you that is quieter,
0:45:45 > 0:45:49- more reflective, wants to be on your own.- Gives you a break.
0:45:49 > 0:45:52No, but it... I can relate to that, you know?
0:45:52 > 0:45:55I couldn't relate to somebody who's onstage all the time,
0:45:55 > 0:45:57- I can't get in and can't talk to them.- Yeah.
0:45:57 > 0:45:59So I think it's nice to have mix.
0:45:59 > 0:46:02But I find my shyness really stopped me doing things in my life,
0:46:02 > 0:46:05it's got in the way. There's loads of things I'd have done differently.
0:46:05 > 0:46:07But how did it...?
0:46:07 > 0:46:10I'm sick of it, that's partly why I want to do this documentary.
0:46:10 > 0:46:12Can't you embrace it, though?
0:46:12 > 0:46:14Rather than trying to change and fix it?
0:46:14 > 0:46:16Yeah, maybe the fix is that you embrace it
0:46:16 > 0:46:17and that's the same thing.
0:46:17 > 0:46:20- Maybe that is the cure, to accept it and...- Yeah.
0:46:20 > 0:46:23Yeah, and then do what makes you happy when you're shy.
0:46:23 > 0:46:26I wish you wouldn't feel so...
0:46:26 > 0:46:28sad about it and regret stuff.
0:46:28 > 0:46:31- You like me just the way I am, that's what you're saying.- Yes!
0:46:33 > 0:46:38Does that help? Strangely, yes. Sian reckons shyness can be a good thing.
0:46:38 > 0:46:40I should embrace it.
0:46:40 > 0:46:43So shouldn't I be saying the same to my comedy guinea pigs,
0:46:43 > 0:46:46instead of indulging this "stand-up as cure" bullshit?
0:46:46 > 0:46:48I think it's time I gave them an escape route.
0:46:50 > 0:46:53To frighten them off, I invite them to a comedy venue in Cardiff
0:46:53 > 0:46:57and tell them I booked it for their stand-up debut in a month's time.
0:46:58 > 0:47:01Just immediately checking pulses.
0:47:01 > 0:47:04How does that make you feel?
0:47:04 > 0:47:10- Terrified!- I think that about sums it up.- It's a good word.- Terrified.
0:47:10 > 0:47:14- Terrified. Just terror? - Excited.- Excited?- Yeah.
0:47:14 > 0:47:17- Why are you excited, what are you...?- Just...
0:47:18 > 0:47:22Pretty much the same. I'd like to push the boundaries a bit more.
0:47:22 > 0:47:25- Just see what I can achieve. - Jodie?
0:47:25 > 0:47:28You won't get another chance to do anything like this,
0:47:28 > 0:47:31- you've got to take it.- I'm going to get on stage for this bit.
0:47:31 > 0:47:34If I said, "Oh, forget it all, let's forget it, silly idea",
0:47:34 > 0:47:36how would you feel now?
0:47:36 > 0:47:39No, we've made it too far! We've come too far already!
0:47:39 > 0:47:42- Would you be disappointed? ALL:- Yes.- I would, actually.
0:47:42 > 0:47:46Brilliant, perfect. In that case, we'll see each other back here...
0:47:46 > 0:47:49in about a month.
0:47:49 > 0:47:50You heard them.
0:47:50 > 0:47:52I offered an out, but my guinea pigs
0:47:52 > 0:47:55have got the bit between their massive front teeth.
0:47:55 > 0:47:56It's out of my control -
0:47:56 > 0:48:00all I can do now is try to make sure it doesn't go very, very wrong.
0:48:01 > 0:48:03So, over the course of the next few weeks,
0:48:03 > 0:48:06we all enter an intense action montage.
0:48:08 > 0:48:11I impart my canon of comedy knowledge in a phalanx
0:48:11 > 0:48:12of workshops...
0:48:13 > 0:48:15..e-mails...
0:48:15 > 0:48:17and videos.
0:48:17 > 0:48:21This is Jodie's. Who seems to be in bed.
0:48:21 > 0:48:24I send them off to drama college for some confidence training.
0:48:24 > 0:48:26Nice! Nice.
0:48:26 > 0:48:27Slowly, but surely,
0:48:27 > 0:48:32my three shysters begin to resemble something resembling stand-ups.
0:48:32 > 0:48:36- Or in Jodie's case...- I was on the coach coming back from Cardiff...
0:48:36 > 0:48:38..a lie down.
0:48:39 > 0:48:43One short month later, the big day drops with a resounding...
0:48:43 > 0:48:45"Oh, shit".
0:48:45 > 0:48:47- Nice to see you. Jodie, how you doing?- OK.
0:48:47 > 0:48:51- Got nervous hysterics, I see? That's good. Mike!- Hello.
0:48:51 > 0:48:55- How are we feeling?- Nothing, at the moment.- Nothing? A bit...
0:48:56 > 0:48:58No, that's normal, I think.
0:48:58 > 0:49:02- You know, you haven't shat yourself. That's good.- Not yet!
0:49:02 > 0:49:05I think for me, I was thinking about it as I was driving down here today.
0:49:05 > 0:49:07The point of it tonight is ready to get up there and not
0:49:07 > 0:49:11give a shit, because we all come to shyness in different ways.
0:49:11 > 0:49:14But for me, it's caring too much about what people think
0:49:14 > 0:49:17and I think if you can get up there tonight and not give a shit what people think of you,
0:49:17 > 0:49:20if I walk up and fall flat on my face, it doesn't matter.
0:49:20 > 0:49:22We all care too much about what other people think.
0:49:22 > 0:49:24At least I'll get a laugh if I do that.
0:49:24 > 0:49:27You'll DEFINITELY get a laugh.
0:49:27 > 0:49:30Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the stage, Mike!
0:49:30 > 0:49:34- Time for one last rehearsal. - Hello, welcome, welcome.
0:49:34 > 0:49:35This is my first stand-up gig.
0:49:35 > 0:49:39I don't know about them, but I am getting pretty damn nervous.
0:49:39 > 0:49:41To be honest, I'm not doing too well at all.
0:49:41 > 0:49:45There's definitely a worry that they will get on stage tonight,
0:49:45 > 0:49:47that they'll clam up completely.
0:49:47 > 0:49:50And there's definitely a worry that nerves will overtake them
0:49:50 > 0:49:53physically so badly that they won't be able to do anything.
0:49:53 > 0:49:56It's happened to me, all of those things have happened to me.
0:49:56 > 0:49:58Hello, a big hello to everyone! Hope you're all OK tonight.
0:49:58 > 0:50:03What I want for them is to get up there and, however briefly,
0:50:03 > 0:50:05stick two fingers up to their shyness.
0:50:05 > 0:50:07If they can do this,
0:50:07 > 0:50:11then it will just be a slight correction in their brains,
0:50:11 > 0:50:15of the voices that say, "You can't do this, you're not good enough,
0:50:15 > 0:50:18"nobody is interested in you, why would anybody listen to you?"
0:50:18 > 0:50:20I can't even get the mic off the stand, Jesus.
0:50:20 > 0:50:24I'm so nervous for them. And I feel responsible for them.
0:50:24 > 0:50:25I know I'm not, cos they're adults,
0:50:25 > 0:50:28and they put themselves forward for this, and they're sick
0:50:28 > 0:50:31of their shyness and they're sick of it ruling their lives.
0:50:31 > 0:50:34- Good evening, everybody, are you enjoying yourselves tonight?- Wahey!
0:50:34 > 0:50:37Cos this train they've got on, I'm sort of driving it.
0:50:37 > 0:50:41At the moment, I'm sticking my head out the window, and there's a low bridge coming.
0:50:42 > 0:50:43Er...
0:50:45 > 0:50:48And the reason that's such a shit analogy is I'm getting really nervous.
0:50:48 > 0:50:50The nerves are kicking in now.
0:50:50 > 0:50:53I'm hoping that once I go on stage, they all just fly out of me,
0:50:53 > 0:50:56- so to speak.- To be honest, it's more that... I freeze.
0:50:58 > 0:51:01It's more the fear I worry about rather than...
0:51:01 > 0:51:03You know, not getting laughs and stuff.
0:51:03 > 0:51:05I'm hoping to achieve getting up on the stage...
0:51:06 > 0:51:09Getting through my routine and getting back down off the stage
0:51:09 > 0:51:12without making a total and utter tit out of myself.
0:51:12 > 0:51:15There will be one person laughing out here, anyway. And that's me.
0:51:16 > 0:51:18RIPPLE OF LAUGHTER
0:51:20 > 0:51:22To help cushion my guinea pigs a little,
0:51:22 > 0:51:25I've roped in some lovely professional comedian mates to warm
0:51:25 > 0:51:30up a crowd of friends, families and contributors to this documentary.
0:51:30 > 0:51:35- This is good.- Please welcome to the stage, Michael Powell!
0:51:35 > 0:51:37By the time Mike gets up to take the first hit,
0:51:37 > 0:51:39the audience are already warm to toasty.
0:51:45 > 0:51:47Hello, hello, welcome! Welcome.
0:51:47 > 0:51:49I wasn't expecting that!
0:51:49 > 0:51:51You know I'm not Rod Gilbert?
0:51:53 > 0:51:54Um, so... Yeah.
0:51:54 > 0:51:56This is my first stand-up gig.
0:51:56 > 0:51:57WHOOPING
0:51:58 > 0:52:00And the BBC are recording it!
0:52:00 > 0:52:02WHOOPING
0:52:02 > 0:52:05Now, to say I'm nervous is a bit of an understatement.
0:52:06 > 0:52:11Backstage, I shit enough bricks that I could build Trump's wall.
0:52:16 > 0:52:19So, like I say, they're filming this, so if it doesn't go
0:52:19 > 0:52:21well tonight, they'll edit it out,
0:52:21 > 0:52:23- put in some laughs, it'll be great. - LAUGHTER
0:52:23 > 0:52:25They can use that, for example.
0:52:26 > 0:52:31With laughter the wind beneath his wings, Mike starts to soar.
0:52:31 > 0:52:33Any single ladies here tonight?
0:52:33 > 0:52:35- WHOOPS - It's your lucky day.
0:52:37 > 0:52:39Because I'm desperate!
0:52:41 > 0:52:44I'm thrilled for Mike, but I also know the other two's hearts
0:52:44 > 0:52:48have stopped, watching from their nervous nest.
0:52:48 > 0:52:50Um... Being shy...
0:52:50 > 0:52:52I find it hard to get a date.
0:52:53 > 0:52:54Uh, I've never had a date.
0:52:54 > 0:52:57I've never had a date in the cinema,
0:52:57 > 0:52:59never had a date in a coffee shop,
0:52:59 > 0:53:02I never had a date in a restaurant...
0:53:04 > 0:53:07But today, I bit the bullet and got myself a date.
0:53:07 > 0:53:10WHOOPING
0:53:10 > 0:53:11Hey!
0:53:11 > 0:53:13And here it is.
0:53:13 > 0:53:15LAUGHTER
0:53:23 > 0:53:26I hope you have a good night, enjoy the rest of the show!
0:53:30 > 0:53:32Mike has grown a foot taller during his set,
0:53:32 > 0:53:35owned his shyness and stormed the gig.
0:53:39 > 0:53:41Next in line, Jodie.
0:53:46 > 0:53:50Hello, how are you all tonight? All good I hope? Good!
0:53:50 > 0:53:52I'm so nervous right now, I'm not going to lie.
0:53:52 > 0:53:54I'm not going to lie,
0:53:54 > 0:53:57I'm sweating in places I didn't even know could produce sweat.
0:53:58 > 0:54:03It is that bad. I... I'm sweating like a nun in a brothel right now.
0:54:06 > 0:54:07Now, I know
0:54:07 > 0:54:11some of you in this room are probably at least somewhat shy.
0:54:11 > 0:54:15Let me just give you a few examples of how this certain...quality...
0:54:15 > 0:54:19has made my life more, interesting, should we say.
0:54:21 > 0:54:24Now, a little while ago as well, I signed up for a Netflix account.
0:54:24 > 0:54:29You know, because I'm on my own, in my bedroom a lot, watching TV.
0:54:29 > 0:54:33But I had to cancel it because funds were getting low.
0:54:33 > 0:54:36However, the only way to cancel a Netflix account...
0:54:36 > 0:54:38is to ring them up.
0:54:41 > 0:54:43Shit.
0:54:46 > 0:54:50The oxygen of laughter fills Jodie's lungs as well.
0:54:50 > 0:54:53In the end, I... Well, it's only £6 a month, isn't it?
0:54:55 > 0:54:57Her self-confidence swells
0:54:57 > 0:55:00with every chuckling approval from the audience.
0:55:01 > 0:55:05This is why, at age 26, I still get my nan to make
0:55:05 > 0:55:10all my appointments and all phone calls for me, because shyness sucks.
0:55:11 > 0:55:13And I'm putting two fingers up to it.
0:55:13 > 0:55:16- WHOOPING - Come on! Come on, join in with me!
0:55:18 > 0:55:20I've been myself, you've been great, thank you very much!
0:55:20 > 0:55:23CHEERING
0:55:25 > 0:55:28- Jodie Williams!- Two down.
0:55:28 > 0:55:30Or maybe up. One to go.
0:55:31 > 0:55:33Please welcome to the stage, Kate Hoad!
0:55:37 > 0:55:39But all the pressure is now on Kate.
0:55:42 > 0:55:46Good evening everybody, are we having fun tonight? Good, good.
0:55:46 > 0:55:48Well, that's all about to change.
0:55:50 > 0:55:54- Good start.- It's hard, being shy when you work in retail.
0:55:54 > 0:55:59But it's even harder when, like me, you have a condition called RBF.
0:55:59 > 0:56:00It's a serious condition,
0:56:00 > 0:56:03I don't know if any of you know what RBF means.
0:56:03 > 0:56:06RBF stands for Resting Bitch Face.
0:56:08 > 0:56:12Basically, this facial expression here...
0:56:12 > 0:56:14This is my normal facial expression.
0:56:18 > 0:56:20Faced with an appreciative audience,
0:56:20 > 0:56:22even Kate is forced to challenge her own self-loathing,
0:56:22 > 0:56:26and hangs up her resting bitch face for a few minutes.
0:56:27 > 0:56:29It's a whole different story when I get to know people,
0:56:29 > 0:56:33because when I get to know people, I KNOW why don't like them.
0:56:40 > 0:56:42And I don't discriminate. I don't discriminate.
0:56:42 > 0:56:44It doesn't matter to me what colour you are,
0:56:44 > 0:56:46it doesn't matter to me what sex you are,
0:56:46 > 0:56:49what religion you are, it doesn't even matter what team you bat for.
0:56:49 > 0:56:52If you're human, I don't like you.
0:56:54 > 0:56:56How long can I keep this going?
0:56:58 > 0:57:00Fucking ages, let me tell you.
0:57:03 > 0:57:05Anyway, you'll be relieved to hear that's all from me.
0:57:05 > 0:57:07Everybody has been absolutely fantastic,
0:57:07 > 0:57:10this has been a journey, and I've really enjoyed it.
0:57:10 > 0:57:11Thank you and goodnight.
0:57:11 > 0:57:13CHEERING
0:57:18 > 0:57:22Three out of three! Three out of three, home and dry! Home and dry.
0:57:22 > 0:57:25- Let me tell you, I am bloody relieved!- YOU are?!
0:57:27 > 0:57:30Well, it wasn't a foregone conclusion, let's face it,
0:57:30 > 0:57:32that you would all three of you come through with flying colours,
0:57:32 > 0:57:36and you have, totally. I don't even need to lie! It's awesome!
0:57:36 > 0:57:40VOICEOVER: I'm exhausted, mentally, emotionally drained.
0:57:40 > 0:57:42I lived every moment of that with them.
0:57:42 > 0:57:44But... I didn't need to worry.
0:57:44 > 0:57:48They totally took it on, they wanted to stick two fingers up to
0:57:48 > 0:57:52shyness, they wanted to reclaim a bit of their own life back.
0:57:52 > 0:57:54I'm so proud of you.
0:57:55 > 0:57:57To have stood up here, with the lights in your face,
0:57:57 > 0:58:00and everybody looking at them, expectantly,
0:58:00 > 0:58:02and try to make people laugh?
0:58:02 > 0:58:05I wouldn't have done it. No chance!
0:58:05 > 0:58:06Would you?
0:58:06 > 0:58:09Doing stand-up was never going to transform my guinea pigs
0:58:09 > 0:58:11into confident social butterflies,
0:58:11 > 0:58:15but they all believe it had a positive impact on their lives.
0:58:15 > 0:58:17Since doing it, Kate got up
0:58:17 > 0:58:21and made a speech at her sister's 50th birthday party.
0:58:21 > 0:58:25Jodie has got a job and been on her first ever holiday abroad.
0:58:26 > 0:58:30And Mike has continued to do stand-up, including a gig in London.
0:58:30 > 0:58:33As for Rhod Gilbert, well,
0:58:33 > 0:58:35he finally managed to drink a coffee in a cafe.
0:58:36 > 0:58:39Next time round, he's hoping to order a slice of cake, as well.