0:00:02 > 0:00:05One in four of us will face a mental health illness
0:00:05 > 0:00:07at some point in our lives.
0:00:09 > 0:00:11We may know the statistic,
0:00:11 > 0:00:15but what do we really know about those who live with challenging conditions?
0:00:15 > 0:00:18And the working lives of those involved in their care?
0:00:19 > 0:00:22This series will bring them together,
0:00:22 > 0:00:24to tell their stories.
0:00:38 > 0:00:43Whitchurch Psychiatric Hospital has been treating the mentally ill
0:00:43 > 0:00:45in Cardiff and beyond, for over 100 years.
0:00:45 > 0:00:48The original building was a product of its time.
0:00:48 > 0:00:51And while much has changed in modern psychiatry,
0:00:51 > 0:00:55the stigma attached to housing the mentally ill in an asylum has remained.
0:00:56 > 0:00:58It's now facing its final days,
0:00:58 > 0:01:02before it closes its doors for good, in 2015.
0:01:02 > 0:01:06Staff and patients are due to be transferred to purpose-built,
0:01:06 > 0:01:09modern accommodation in a different part of the city.
0:01:09 > 0:01:13But at the very heart of this Edwardian building is the pharmacy,
0:01:13 > 0:01:17and dispensing medication from the patients on its nine wards
0:01:17 > 0:01:19falls to the 15 staff who work here.
0:01:19 > 0:01:21As long as you get it, I'm happy.
0:01:23 > 0:01:27As a specialist mental health pharmacist,
0:01:27 > 0:01:31my job involves being based here at the hospital,
0:01:31 > 0:01:34and looking after two wards I have here.
0:01:34 > 0:01:38I look after one of the adult acute mental health wards,
0:01:38 > 0:01:42and I also am the named pharmacist for the intensive care ward.
0:01:44 > 0:01:48The interaction you get with the patients is very, very close,
0:01:48 > 0:01:50and involved, and you know,
0:01:50 > 0:01:53you really feel like you've got a really important role
0:01:53 > 0:01:55as a mental health pharmacist,
0:01:55 > 0:02:01because you're involved in the choice of people's medications with them,
0:02:01 > 0:02:03and I just took to it straight away.
0:02:06 > 0:02:09One of those in Gwawr's care is 36-year-old Lucy Phelps.
0:02:09 > 0:02:14She's been receiving regular reviews in medication for bipolar disorder.
0:02:14 > 0:02:17I was first diagnosed when I was 20,
0:02:17 > 0:02:20when I had an acute manic episode
0:02:20 > 0:02:24and I was sectioned in this hospital.
0:02:28 > 0:02:30I was in my first year at university.
0:02:30 > 0:02:33I hadn't slept much at all.
0:02:33 > 0:02:36I would maybe sleep for an hour in the afternoon,
0:02:36 > 0:02:39between five and six, and at night I couldn't sleep at all.
0:02:39 > 0:02:43It was just after I'd come home for the Easter holidays,
0:02:43 > 0:02:49and I started to sort of have very strange ideas and beliefs.
0:02:49 > 0:02:53In the end, I started to believe that the whole world was going backwards.
0:02:55 > 0:02:59And that led to me going out in the night,
0:02:59 > 0:03:01because I thought that was daytime.
0:03:04 > 0:03:11And I got picked up by the police... early in the morning.
0:03:11 > 0:03:14And that was a few hours before I ended up here.
0:03:15 > 0:03:19I thought I was somewhere where people were going to do
0:03:19 > 0:03:21experiments on me.
0:03:21 > 0:03:25I kept trying to get out, because I hated it so much.
0:03:25 > 0:03:29The ward was locked and I was followed everywhere,
0:03:29 > 0:03:32because I kept trying to get out, because it was so horrible.
0:03:32 > 0:03:35The psychiatrist would always ask, "Do you think you're ill,
0:03:35 > 0:03:38"do you think you're ill?", and I'd say no,
0:03:38 > 0:03:40and eventually I said yes,
0:03:40 > 0:03:42and that seemed to be the key to getting out.
0:03:42 > 0:03:47And that was the beginning of a long struggle with depression,
0:03:47 > 0:03:49and rapid cycling,
0:03:49 > 0:03:53so for years I would either be depressed or manic,
0:03:53 > 0:03:55but nothing in between, really.
0:03:55 > 0:04:00Mania is characterised by feelings of euphoria and self-importance,
0:04:00 > 0:04:03that can also lead to risky behaviour without inhibition.
0:04:03 > 0:04:07The depression which can follow is in sharp contrast to this.
0:04:16 > 0:04:18Lucy isn't currently working,
0:04:18 > 0:04:23but finds pleasure in her craft hobbies, at her parents' home in Penarth.
0:04:23 > 0:04:25When I'm manic it can vary.
0:04:25 > 0:04:29It can be a very exciting experience,
0:04:29 > 0:04:32everything going very fast, feeling very confident,
0:04:32 > 0:04:34needing very little sleep,
0:04:34 > 0:04:37and you can have very grandiose ideas
0:04:37 > 0:04:39and think that you're someone very special,
0:04:39 > 0:04:42and that you have special powers and things,
0:04:42 > 0:04:44but that doesn't happen to me so much,
0:04:44 > 0:04:47because I manage it before it gets to that stage.
0:04:49 > 0:04:52I experience colour in a very intense way.
0:04:52 > 0:04:56It's not so much that colours seem brighter,
0:04:56 > 0:04:59but I experience them really intensely,
0:04:59 > 0:05:03and I get lots of pleasure out of putting different colours together.
0:05:03 > 0:05:07I think that's where my interest in art and craft has stemmed from.
0:05:09 > 0:05:15It's affected my life a lot, because my moods can change very suddenly,
0:05:15 > 0:05:20so it's been very difficult for me to hold down a job.
0:05:20 > 0:05:22I've had a paid job for six months,
0:05:22 > 0:05:26and then got ill, and been off sick for six months, and then resigned.
0:05:26 > 0:05:29I've done voluntary jobs and not being able to kept them
0:05:29 > 0:05:31because I've been ill,
0:05:31 > 0:05:34even though I was only working a few hours a week.
0:05:36 > 0:05:39In the early years of my illness, I worked harder,
0:05:39 > 0:05:41working on my early warning signs,
0:05:41 > 0:05:45identified things like not sleeping, pacing up and down,
0:05:45 > 0:05:47and then, if I had early warning signs,
0:05:47 > 0:05:50I knew that I would have to take action.
0:05:50 > 0:05:52As the years have gone on,
0:05:52 > 0:05:56and as I've shown I can be trusted with medication,
0:05:56 > 0:05:58then I've had medication which I can take myself,
0:05:58 > 0:06:02and then tell a health professional that I've taken it.
0:06:02 > 0:06:05Because I've become unwell so quickly,
0:06:05 > 0:06:10I don't always have time to go to someone and get a prescription.
0:06:10 > 0:06:13Lucy's control over her treatment
0:06:13 > 0:06:16means she can aim to avoid readmission to hospital.
0:06:16 > 0:06:20But deciding to take medicine for the long-term is a big decision.
0:06:34 > 0:06:37Tim Verdon is 50.
0:06:37 > 0:06:40He was born in the south of England, and worked as a farm hand
0:06:40 > 0:06:43and book binder before moving to Cardiff.
0:06:43 > 0:06:46Tim was given a diagnosis of schizophrenia,
0:06:46 > 0:06:50a feature of which is hearing voices, 12 years ago.
0:06:50 > 0:06:54I first heard voices when I was a really young child.
0:06:54 > 0:06:55I was told that
0:06:55 > 0:06:57that was wrong, you know,
0:06:57 > 0:06:59and I would have to ignore them,
0:06:59 > 0:07:01which I did, and they stopped.
0:07:02 > 0:07:06They started again about 12 years ago, very clearly.
0:07:06 > 0:07:10Schizophrenia is commonly thought to mean a split personality, but it's
0:07:10 > 0:07:13in fact a disorder which can cause a breakdown in thought processes.
0:07:13 > 0:07:15It can lead to hallucinations,
0:07:15 > 0:07:18such as hearing voices and seeing visions.
0:07:18 > 0:07:21Tim experiences auditory hallucinations
0:07:21 > 0:07:23in the form of voices.
0:07:23 > 0:07:25His first experience of these voices,
0:07:25 > 0:07:28it was almost as if he felt it was something supernatural,
0:07:28 > 0:07:31something outside the body, something beyond his control.
0:07:31 > 0:07:35And I guess that's a good way to describe psychosis.
0:07:35 > 0:07:38'I'd been living with people who were drinking all of the time
0:07:38 > 0:07:42'and who just wanted a fight, so I'd started drinking for some
0:07:42 > 0:07:47'sort of Dutch courage to deal with the violence that was going on.
0:07:47 > 0:07:49'When the voices came back,'
0:07:49 > 0:07:52one of the girls that I hear was saying to me,
0:07:52 > 0:07:55"Don't leave us now. Don't leave us."
0:07:55 > 0:07:57'That was the only thing that really stopped me
0:07:57 > 0:08:00'drinking at that time, was the voices.'
0:08:01 > 0:08:05I can have a dialogue with these voices or these people.
0:08:05 > 0:08:09They hear what I think and reply to it.
0:08:09 > 0:08:12They realise that, you know, I'm in a difficult
0:08:12 > 0:08:18position as far as culture and society's concerned, you know?
0:08:18 > 0:08:23Would view us probably as dangerous
0:08:23 > 0:08:26or weird or freaks or whatever.
0:08:26 > 0:08:30I'm sure some people would like to burn us at the stake
0:08:30 > 0:08:33if they could get away with it still, you know?
0:08:35 > 0:08:39Tim would be vulnerable if he were to talk to people
0:08:39 > 0:08:42he meets about his symptoms, or talk openly in the street to his voices.
0:08:42 > 0:08:46It would be the fact that perhaps members of the public
0:08:46 > 0:08:48wouldn't necessarily understand.
0:08:48 > 0:08:54But, certainly one thing I've learnt is it's not anything to fear.
0:08:54 > 0:08:57Tim's been offered medication to make the voices go away,
0:08:57 > 0:08:59but he's chosen not to take it.
0:08:59 > 0:09:02- TIM:- 'The voices have supported me quite a lot, some of them.
0:09:05 > 0:09:10'So, you know, I would rather that I can hear voices.
0:09:14 > 0:09:17'The idea of having a world that you can't see'
0:09:17 > 0:09:22where the spirits of people of a previous generation are living in,
0:09:22 > 0:09:28effectively, that is how I interpret the voices that I hear, because
0:09:28 > 0:09:32of their individual characters,
0:09:32 > 0:09:34their individual accents.
0:09:34 > 0:09:38And it's people that I hear speaking to me.
0:09:38 > 0:09:42So, I've had to look for a context to put that into.
0:09:46 > 0:09:49- PHILLIP:- Tim's got some books going back three, four centuries,
0:09:49 > 0:09:51about people who hear voices,
0:09:51 > 0:09:55and they were perhaps deemed to be the special ones, the chosen ones.
0:09:55 > 0:09:58People who can see into the future, who can hear the dead,
0:09:58 > 0:10:01people who can communicate with the spirit world.
0:10:01 > 0:10:03Erm...
0:10:04 > 0:10:07..I guess because I've got an open mind,
0:10:07 > 0:10:09I judge every case individually.
0:10:09 > 0:10:13I haven't got necessarily a firm view on it either way.
0:10:26 > 0:10:30When this hospital was opened in 1908,
0:10:30 > 0:10:33the choice of medication was very, very limited.
0:10:35 > 0:10:40Certainly in the beginning, it was often sedative medications only,
0:10:40 > 0:10:43because there weren't treatments as search, so they relied on
0:10:43 > 0:10:48sedatives to help people with anxiety
0:10:48 > 0:10:51and agitation and aggression.
0:11:00 > 0:11:05Dr Goodall, who was the first medical superintendent here, actually had
0:11:05 > 0:11:10his own mosquitoes that he infected with malaria
0:11:10 > 0:11:15in order to treat general paralysis of the insane,
0:11:15 > 0:11:19which is an end-stage feature of syphilis.
0:11:21 > 0:11:26The idea behind using mosquitoes infected with malaria
0:11:26 > 0:11:31was that the high temperatures caused by the malaria
0:11:31 > 0:11:36would kill the syphilis bacteria.
0:11:36 > 0:11:38And, of course, it did work,
0:11:38 > 0:11:42but unfortunately the patient then was infected with malaria.
0:11:45 > 0:11:48Obviously, our understanding of illnesses associated with
0:11:48 > 0:11:51the brain are better now than they were,
0:11:51 > 0:11:55certainly when this place opened, but still we've got an awful lot
0:11:55 > 0:11:59to learn, because it's such a complex disease.
0:12:08 > 0:12:11- LUCY:- I have a real horror of coming back into hospital.
0:12:11 > 0:12:14I would do anything to avoid coming back into hospital.
0:12:14 > 0:12:17Anything, especially in the early years.
0:12:17 > 0:12:22That was what motivated me to take control myself.
0:12:22 > 0:12:24'But as things have gone on and turned out,
0:12:24 > 0:12:27'if I hadn't learnt how to take control,
0:12:27 > 0:12:30'my life would just be going in and out of hospital,'
0:12:30 > 0:12:34and I have a much higher quality of life
0:12:34 > 0:12:38by managing things in the way that I do.
0:12:38 > 0:12:39'I have a lot more freedom.'
0:12:39 > 0:12:41BUZZER
0:12:41 > 0:12:42Hello.
0:12:42 > 0:12:46Lucy's at Whitchurch Hospital for a routine monthly meeting
0:12:46 > 0:12:48with Gwawr to discuss her treatment.
0:12:49 > 0:12:52Lucy's tolerance to medication is very, very
0:12:52 > 0:12:55what you'd describe as sensitive, I think,
0:12:55 > 0:13:00and we have to be extremely careful with the doses that we use.
0:13:00 > 0:13:04'Whenever we try something new, we exercise great care.'
0:13:05 > 0:13:07OK?
0:13:07 > 0:13:10- LUCY:- 'The help I get from Gwawr is vital,
0:13:10 > 0:13:14'because if I can talk to somebody quickly,'
0:13:14 > 0:13:16I can stay in control.
0:13:16 > 0:13:19You're not feeling any different yet, I don't suppose?
0:13:19 > 0:13:21I do feel less tired,
0:13:21 > 0:13:25- but I'm still very tired.- Mmm.
0:13:25 > 0:13:28In that this week I had to get up quite a lot...
0:13:29 > 0:13:31..and it's been really difficult.
0:13:31 > 0:13:35I think the opinion of the person taking the medication
0:13:35 > 0:13:37is extremely important.
0:13:37 > 0:13:40'I mean, quite possibly, Lucy's an exception,
0:13:40 > 0:13:44'because she does manage her illness so well, but certainly
0:13:44 > 0:13:47'things are moving in the direction where patients themselves
0:13:47 > 0:13:50'with the illness are having more of a say'
0:13:50 > 0:13:52in their treatment.
0:13:52 > 0:13:55I think it's really hard for people who've never had
0:13:55 > 0:13:59a long-term condition to understand the kind of relationship that
0:13:59 > 0:14:02'you build up over many years.
0:14:02 > 0:14:07'And I feel one of the battles you have as a psychiatric patient'
0:14:07 > 0:14:11is to try and get people to not treat you as a psychiatric patient.
0:14:12 > 0:14:15Because people can be very patronising
0:14:15 > 0:14:20and you can be left in situations where you're completely powerless.
0:14:20 > 0:14:23I'm just a bit concerned that you're sleeping as much as you are,
0:14:23 > 0:14:28and if I can do something about it with the combination, then...
0:14:28 > 0:14:31But, on the same side, if that's going to be stressful,
0:14:31 > 0:14:35thinking about, "Is my sleep going to go off again?"
0:14:35 > 0:14:39I think I'd like to leave things the same until I get back again.
0:14:39 > 0:14:42'You know, it's often not very pleasant to have to take medication'
0:14:42 > 0:14:45long term, so a lot of it's to do with education.
0:14:45 > 0:14:48'We have a very good relationship, from the point of view that
0:14:48 > 0:14:52'I never say what she should do with the medication.
0:14:52 > 0:14:54'We have an equal discussion,
0:14:54 > 0:14:58'I would say, and I'm very much guided'
0:14:58 > 0:15:01by Lucy as to when we do dose changes,
0:15:01 > 0:15:05because it's only when she's ready to do dose changes.
0:15:05 > 0:15:08And any actual medication changes, again,
0:15:08 > 0:15:12I'm very much guided by Lucy as to when she's ready.
0:15:14 > 0:15:15- LUCY:- 'She treats me like an adult.
0:15:15 > 0:15:19'She understands that drugs have side effects.
0:15:19 > 0:15:25'It's not easy making the decision to take a drug and to stay on it.
0:15:25 > 0:15:27'And one of the things Gwawr will always do,
0:15:27 > 0:15:28'if we start something new,
0:15:28 > 0:15:32'is to increase it very, very gradually to give me
0:15:32 > 0:15:35'more chance of tolerating it.'
0:16:00 > 0:16:05TIM: There are a group of people that I hear and that I plan things
0:16:05 > 0:16:08and I talk with.
0:16:08 > 0:16:10We like to get away from it all sometimes,
0:16:10 > 0:16:16and this seems a suitable place to escape to, you know?
0:16:22 > 0:16:25I'm sort of not here on my own, you know?
0:16:25 > 0:16:31No-one can really imagine it, but I am here with a group of people.
0:16:33 > 0:16:36There's four girls that I hear, women that I hear, and two blokes.
0:16:38 > 0:16:43Generally, it's the women who are more intelligent, more friendly.
0:16:54 > 0:16:58TIM: 'Just the freedom, the feeling of being with nature,
0:16:58 > 0:16:59'I just really like it.
0:17:02 > 0:17:06'I like that connection of being amongst that.'
0:17:06 > 0:17:09I like looking at a robin and seeing the robin's looking back at me.
0:17:11 > 0:17:14'It is what I prefer, you know? It's a lot more comfortable.'
0:17:20 > 0:17:24'Nurses come, people come, doctors come and they go.
0:17:24 > 0:17:28'And the people that I hear, I'm still talking with.
0:17:28 > 0:17:30'They're still with me.
0:17:30 > 0:17:35'My sort of loyalty is towards them, basically.'
0:17:36 > 0:17:38If we'd met Tim
0:17:38 > 0:17:43or if someone came to the service perhaps 20 or 30 years ago,
0:17:43 > 0:17:46I think we would probably be more concerned about
0:17:46 > 0:17:49trying to eradicate those symptoms
0:17:49 > 0:17:54and trying to normalise the person, if that's the right word.
0:17:57 > 0:18:02Tim sees aspects of his symptoms as being a kind of gift...
0:18:02 > 0:18:06and...an insight, a special insight.
0:18:06 > 0:18:08Almost a sixth sense.
0:18:08 > 0:18:11So, it's something that I wouldn't want to take away.
0:18:13 > 0:18:16I view them as real people, and nothing will change my mind
0:18:16 > 0:18:21that they are actual real spirits
0:18:21 > 0:18:24of people who've passed on.
0:18:27 > 0:18:31I refuse the idea that I was told by psychiatrists that this is
0:18:31 > 0:18:37a disease, that it will get worse and that's the end of it,
0:18:37 > 0:18:41and I must treat it with pills while I can.
0:18:42 > 0:18:45The Hamadryad Hospital in Cardiff Bay is home to
0:18:45 > 0:18:48one of the seven Community Mental Health Teams
0:18:48 > 0:18:49in Cardiff and the Vale.
0:18:49 > 0:18:53Nurse Phil Ball is preparing to visit Tim to draw up a new
0:18:53 > 0:18:55Care and Treatment Plan.
0:18:55 > 0:18:57I certainly believe that medication can help.
0:18:57 > 0:19:00We've seen people whose lives have been transformed through
0:19:00 > 0:19:04medication, and they're able to lead the lives they were
0:19:04 > 0:19:09leading before they experienced the psychotic episode and illness.
0:19:10 > 0:19:13'By the same token, I liked Tim.
0:19:13 > 0:19:18'I know people who've developed ways of coping with their experiences'
0:19:18 > 0:19:21and can also lead fairly full lives.
0:19:22 > 0:19:25TIM: 'I don't really like interacting
0:19:25 > 0:19:27'with the Community Mental Health Team
0:19:27 > 0:19:32'as a rule, but I know when the nurse would be coming, I'd get
0:19:32 > 0:19:37'stressed out before they came, then they would depose their things on me'
0:19:37 > 0:19:41as to what I should be doing and the medication
0:19:41 > 0:19:43and what I'm supposed to think.
0:19:43 > 0:19:45And then they would leave
0:19:45 > 0:19:48and it would take me a few days to get over their visits.
0:19:51 > 0:19:54But my nurse at the moment,
0:19:54 > 0:19:57he seems reasonably tolerant, you know?
0:19:59 > 0:20:02Hello, there! How are you?
0:20:02 > 0:20:04Tim's had some poor experiences in the past where
0:20:04 > 0:20:08he hasn't been listened to, or he's experienced, perhaps...
0:20:10 > 0:20:14..maybe a purely medical approach to his illness.
0:20:14 > 0:20:16Now, I haven't seen you for a couple of weeks, Tim.
0:20:16 > 0:20:20How have things been in the last three or four weeks with you
0:20:20 > 0:20:22and your voices, for example?
0:20:22 > 0:20:26- I've been all right with the people, the voices.- Mmm.
0:20:26 > 0:20:30They've just been moaning about sort of modern society
0:20:30 > 0:20:32and the Olympic Games
0:20:32 > 0:20:36and having to see the Spice Girls put up as an icon of British culture.
0:20:36 > 0:20:41The Care and Treatment Plan actually focuses in on the various
0:20:41 > 0:20:43aspects of people's functioning.
0:20:43 > 0:20:46'Their social life, their recreational life, their living needs.'
0:20:46 > 0:20:48Something I want to go through with you today
0:20:48 > 0:20:51is the Care and Treatment Plan.
0:20:51 > 0:20:53And part of what we were saying last time about how you
0:20:53 > 0:20:56manage your what we would call illness, OK?
0:20:56 > 0:21:00I know, it's your experience. How you manage your experience.
0:21:00 > 0:21:02It's something that you do manage, seem to manage, very well.
0:21:02 > 0:21:04Bottom line is, you tell me what you think you need,
0:21:04 > 0:21:06I'll see if I can go away and help you with it.
0:21:06 > 0:21:09- If I can't, I'll try and find someone who can.- All right.
0:21:09 > 0:21:11The main part of work is to reassure people.
0:21:11 > 0:21:15It's to try and gently reinforce reality with people,
0:21:15 > 0:21:18try and help people rationalise their thoughts.
0:21:18 > 0:21:21'I think, in Tim's case, he's learned to live with the voices,
0:21:21 > 0:21:26'so the role for myself and perhaps the team should be to maintain
0:21:26 > 0:21:28'Tim's quality of life'
0:21:28 > 0:21:32and help him continue to live with the voices.
0:21:33 > 0:21:39It's not a given that we try to take people's voices away from them.
0:21:39 > 0:21:42- So, you're prescribed this regularly.- Yeah.
0:21:42 > 0:21:44- But she don't take it?- No.- OK.
0:21:44 > 0:21:49It's a reassurance if things go, you know, bottom-up, as it were.
0:21:51 > 0:21:54But I've not been taking it, it's just there in case.
0:21:54 > 0:21:57TIM: 'I don't view it as an illness.
0:21:57 > 0:22:02'I view it as a natural part of my life, the way it should have been.'
0:22:02 > 0:22:09To me, it seems as if that makes sense of who I am, really.
0:22:09 > 0:22:14- OK, Tim. I shall see you in a few weeks, OK?- Right.
0:22:14 > 0:22:16- It's been nice talking today, as ever.- All right.
0:22:16 > 0:22:18All right, take care.
0:22:18 > 0:22:20And don't forget, I'm there if you need me, all right?
0:22:20 > 0:22:22- Seriously. All right. - Thank you, pal.
0:22:22 > 0:22:24'I think Tim's come out the other side, almost,
0:22:24 > 0:22:28'and he's found some positives with regards to his experiences.'
0:22:28 > 0:22:31And that's quite refreshing for me and it's a learning curve for me.
0:22:33 > 0:22:35Allowing me to instil hope in others, as well,
0:22:35 > 0:22:39where they feel their lives are unravelling.
0:22:39 > 0:22:43Tim's perhaps an example of how you can turn it round a little bit.
0:22:45 > 0:22:48TIM: 'The doctors, you know, say that I'm different,
0:22:48 > 0:22:51'say that I've got this, that and the rest of it.
0:22:51 > 0:22:53'I'm let them carry on with that and I think'
0:22:53 > 0:22:56in a hundred years' or more's time,
0:22:56 > 0:23:01scientists will have to come to the conclusion
0:23:01 > 0:23:04that there is a bit more going on than a simple disease.
0:23:04 > 0:23:09Hopefully, Tim's involvement in this programme will go some way
0:23:09 > 0:23:15to reminding people that Tim's a normal guy.
0:23:15 > 0:23:18He just sees the world a little differently.
0:23:46 > 0:23:50Lucy's spending time on holiday with her family on the Isle of Wight,
0:23:50 > 0:23:54and finding the opportunity to enjoy one of her greatest pleasures.
0:23:55 > 0:23:59- LUCY:- 'If I can read, it generally means that I'm feeling OK.'
0:23:59 > 0:24:02The idea that you can escape into a book
0:24:02 > 0:24:06and into another world has always been how I've coped.
0:24:06 > 0:24:10'One of the hardest things about my illness is having that taken away,
0:24:10 > 0:24:14'so to be able to do it is just wonderful.
0:24:14 > 0:24:17'And it's something you don't think about you have a mood disorder,
0:24:17 > 0:24:21'but mood is fundamental to everything.'
0:24:21 > 0:24:22So if you have a mood disorder,
0:24:22 > 0:24:25you can't actually ever switch off from it.
0:24:25 > 0:24:27So, you can't just switch off and escape into a book,
0:24:27 > 0:24:30unless you feel well.
0:24:45 > 0:24:48But although the holiday offers a welcome chance to relax,
0:24:48 > 0:24:51Lucy can't take a break from the daily doses of medication.
0:24:55 > 0:24:57This is quetiapine, which is the drug that I've been
0:24:57 > 0:25:00building up gradually over a year,
0:25:00 > 0:25:05which we're hoping will work as a mood stabiliser.
0:25:06 > 0:25:10This is zopiclone, which is a sleeping tablet.
0:25:10 > 0:25:15This is lorazepam, which would be very difficult to be prescribed with
0:25:15 > 0:25:18someone who doesn't know me, because it's a benzodiazepine,
0:25:18 > 0:25:20which is potentially addictive.
0:25:20 > 0:25:25This is temazepam, which is another benzodiazepine...
0:25:27 > 0:25:31..which I take to help me sleep, but I wouldn't take these two together,
0:25:31 > 0:25:33cos that would be really bad.
0:25:33 > 0:25:36On risperidone, which is this one,
0:25:36 > 0:25:39which I still have to take, if you increase the dose
0:25:39 > 0:25:44of that one you get terrible stiffness,
0:25:44 > 0:25:46which is like a form of Parkinson's disease
0:25:46 > 0:25:51and you need to take another anti-stiffness drug on top of that.
0:25:51 > 0:25:54And it would make knitting, which I do for relaxation...
0:25:54 > 0:25:57I couldn't knit, because my fingers would be too stiff.
0:25:57 > 0:26:00It would be difficult for me to put my shoes on.
0:26:00 > 0:26:04I had difficulty turning taps on and off.
0:26:04 > 0:26:07Difficulty using mobile phones.
0:26:07 > 0:26:12So when you most need to be in contact, you get quite cut-off.
0:26:14 > 0:26:16Which is horrible.
0:26:16 > 0:26:18I like to be my own psychiatrist,
0:26:18 > 0:26:20my own pharmacist, my own everything.
0:26:20 > 0:26:24And then I respond best
0:26:24 > 0:26:28to professionals who understand that I'm very well informed.
0:26:28 > 0:26:30But I will listen to them,
0:26:30 > 0:26:33because I know they're more informed than me.
0:26:33 > 0:26:36Yeah, I like to be an expert patient,
0:26:36 > 0:26:38that's quite important to me.
0:26:38 > 0:26:42'But I feel that I've been put in this position by the fact
0:26:42 > 0:26:45'that I've had so many relapses.
0:26:46 > 0:26:50'And one of the reasons I wanted to do this filming was because whenever
0:26:50 > 0:26:54'I've heard somebody with bipolar being interviewed in the media,'
0:26:54 > 0:26:58they always say, "Oh, I became ill, then I took this lithium,
0:26:58 > 0:27:00"then I came off lithium, and I had a bad relapse.
0:27:00 > 0:27:03"Then I did it again, and now I've learnt and I'm just going to
0:27:03 > 0:27:05"stay on lithium and I'm fine,
0:27:05 > 0:27:07"and I grow my own vegetables and everything's fine."
0:27:07 > 0:27:10And I end up screaming at the radio,
0:27:10 > 0:27:13because my experience of bipolar is not that I can just take
0:27:13 > 0:27:17medication as prescribed and everything will be OK.
0:27:17 > 0:27:20I've always done that and I've always had lots of relapses.
0:27:23 > 0:27:27Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd