0:00:02 > 0:00:04BELL RINGS
0:00:05 > 0:00:07BELL CONTINUES RINGING
0:00:13 > 0:00:15I remember first of all the red phone rang,
0:00:15 > 0:00:17and that was it, disaster phone.
0:00:17 > 0:00:21If that rang you knew that something was going to happen.
0:00:22 > 0:00:24The awfulness of it.
0:00:24 > 0:00:27And you got so angry inside yourself.
0:00:27 > 0:00:29What is this about?
0:00:29 > 0:00:34And the worst was, of course, if they had limbs,
0:00:34 > 0:00:37traumatic amputative limbs,
0:00:37 > 0:00:42and it just was dirt and mess and horrible smell.
0:00:44 > 0:00:47It's given me great knowledge for starters,
0:00:47 > 0:00:51and it gave me a confidence, too, like, and...and a pride.
0:00:51 > 0:00:54I had great pride in it. I don't regret one day of it.
0:00:57 > 0:01:00You were expected to just get on with so many jobs,
0:01:00 > 0:01:05and many of those jobs were not things that you were prepared for.
0:01:05 > 0:01:08You were nursing somebody who had committed the atrocity
0:01:08 > 0:01:11alongside somebody who'd been injured in the atrocity
0:01:11 > 0:01:15and sometimes even on the same ward, and you...you give them equal care.
0:01:15 > 0:01:18SIREN
0:01:20 > 0:01:24We could hear the ambulances coming, all the sirens going.
0:01:24 > 0:01:26And the more sirens you could hear
0:01:26 > 0:01:29the more you knew it was really going to be bad.
0:01:31 > 0:01:34I was never afraid, never afraid.
0:01:34 > 0:01:39The only time I was afraid was when I...was in crossfire.
0:01:41 > 0:01:43HE CHUCKLES WRYLY AND TUTS
0:01:43 > 0:01:46Oh, yes, there are patients you remember.
0:01:48 > 0:01:53Some patients you remember and...and some of them, er,
0:01:53 > 0:01:55never go out of your mind.
0:01:59 > 0:02:02I seemed to go through an awful lot of aprons.
0:02:02 > 0:02:04I still have one.
0:02:05 > 0:02:08I take it out and look at it sometimes.
0:02:08 > 0:02:12I see the stains - blood, tears, iodine.
0:02:12 > 0:02:15I put it away again.
0:02:15 > 0:02:17I don't like going back there.
0:02:17 > 0:02:20Some stains just never come out.
0:02:43 > 0:02:45I left school on the Friday.
0:02:45 > 0:02:48And then started nursing about two weeks afterwards.
0:02:50 > 0:02:52I just always wanted to be a nurse.
0:02:52 > 0:02:53I used to look after my dolls,
0:02:53 > 0:02:56in cardboard boxes round the bedroom.
0:02:56 > 0:02:59And take care of them, put them to bed every night,
0:02:59 > 0:03:01and they always got better of course.
0:03:02 > 0:03:06I was a schoolgirl, completing my A-levels in June,
0:03:06 > 0:03:09and I went to nursing in August.
0:03:09 > 0:03:13The lady who interviewed me said to me, "Why do you want to do nursing?"
0:03:13 > 0:03:16I said, "I don't want to do nursing!"
0:03:16 > 0:03:20And she said, "That's the first honest answer we've had all day.
0:03:20 > 0:03:22"You'll do well."
0:03:22 > 0:03:28I was born into a very evangelical family, and it was very restricting
0:03:28 > 0:03:32when I was a teenager, and I thought, what can I do to get away from here?
0:03:32 > 0:03:35I decided, I'll do nursing.
0:03:35 > 0:03:39And I was only swapping one strict regime for another.
0:03:45 > 0:03:48When I started nursing, we had come...
0:03:48 > 0:03:52A number of us in our class had come from the same background as myself,
0:03:52 > 0:03:55a rural community, convent grammar schools,
0:03:55 > 0:04:00and we came to Belfast and realised we were actually on the warfront!
0:04:00 > 0:04:02SHOUTING, GUNSHOT
0:04:06 > 0:04:08I'd never actually been to Belfast before
0:04:08 > 0:04:11until I arrived on the Mater Hospital. So, it...
0:04:11 > 0:04:15We were very, very unprepared for what we actually met.
0:04:15 > 0:04:19I think I even wrote a wee...just a wee four-line poem, you know,
0:04:19 > 0:04:22said, "I came from the country to Belfast
0:04:22 > 0:04:24"A nurse I wanted to be
0:04:24 > 0:04:26"I thought it would just be appendices
0:04:26 > 0:04:28"Raw bullet wounds are all that I see."
0:04:28 > 0:04:32I was 18 years of age and we...were not prepared.
0:04:32 > 0:04:35We were totally oblivious, I think, to what we were going into.
0:04:35 > 0:04:39And when we got to the hospital and got settled in the nurses' homes,
0:04:39 > 0:04:42we were put right in the middle of it.
0:04:42 > 0:04:44NEWSREEL: The Royal Victoria Hospital, Belfast.
0:04:44 > 0:04:47A teaching hospital with a war right on its doorstep.
0:04:47 > 0:04:51Medical research was never nearer to a battlefront.
0:04:51 > 0:04:53We were quite restricted.
0:04:53 > 0:04:56I mean, they expected us to be in at ten o'clock at night,
0:04:56 > 0:04:59and I think we got one late pass a week.
0:04:59 > 0:05:01And I guess that was how, you know,
0:05:01 > 0:05:06they managed 40-odd 17-to-18-year-olds.
0:05:06 > 0:05:10The first week we were there, that Sunday evening,
0:05:10 > 0:05:14I was wakened by gunfire outside the window in the room
0:05:14 > 0:05:17that I slept in in the nurses' home.
0:05:17 > 0:05:19GUNFIRE
0:05:20 > 0:05:22I certainly recall, as well,
0:05:22 > 0:05:26being told that we should always keep two walls between ourselves
0:05:26 > 0:05:30and the gunmen, or the bullets, or whatever was going on outside.
0:05:33 > 0:05:37My third week on the wards was the bombing of the Red Lion,
0:05:37 > 0:05:40and sheer panic then when I heard that there had been a bomb
0:05:40 > 0:05:43and that we were going to be getting casualties in,
0:05:43 > 0:05:47because all I really knew was how to make a bed.
0:05:49 > 0:05:52In the anaesthetic room was a student nurse,
0:05:52 > 0:05:56and she would have only been out of school about 18 months.
0:05:57 > 0:06:01When the patient was anaesthetised and we removed his jeans,
0:06:01 > 0:06:05his lower leg was just held on at that stage by skin and sinew
0:06:05 > 0:06:06and shredded muscle.
0:06:08 > 0:06:12I take a look out of the corner of my eye to see how the nurse
0:06:12 > 0:06:16is taking this, because we are used to these horrors,
0:06:16 > 0:06:19er, but she wasn't.
0:06:19 > 0:06:21Er, she was only a slip of a girl.
0:06:24 > 0:06:27She never flinched.
0:06:27 > 0:06:29And...
0:06:29 > 0:06:31I never saw one who did flinch.
0:06:33 > 0:06:36You were expected to just get on with so many jobs,
0:06:36 > 0:06:40and many of those jobs were not things that you were prepared for.
0:06:40 > 0:06:42You were only 18, 19 years of age,
0:06:42 > 0:06:46and even being left with somebody who's been blown up
0:06:46 > 0:06:50and is in bits and pieces and, you know, who's...who's dying,
0:06:50 > 0:06:53er, you weren't prepared for that.
0:06:53 > 0:06:57Nobody thought how to prepare you for those sort of things.
0:07:00 > 0:07:02It wasn't all doom and gloom - we had laughs, as well.
0:07:02 > 0:07:05You know, there were funny things happened.
0:07:05 > 0:07:07It was from one extreme to the other,
0:07:07 > 0:07:10from the bad things to the funny things, you know.
0:07:16 > 0:07:18We would have chatted and laughed
0:07:18 > 0:07:22and thought it was quite a fun thing lying on the corridor floors,
0:07:22 > 0:07:27I guess, and one of the girls in our group, Anne - she was called Anne -
0:07:27 > 0:07:29Anne had lovely long dark hair,
0:07:29 > 0:07:34and she always put rollers in her hair at night, and the rollers
0:07:34 > 0:07:36were kept in place by a pair of knickers,
0:07:36 > 0:07:39which was the hairnet of the day,
0:07:39 > 0:07:43and Anne would say, "Now, if I get shot,
0:07:43 > 0:07:47"please take the knickers off my head before the ambulance comes!"
0:07:49 > 0:07:52Dr Grey was the senior consultant in intensive care
0:07:52 > 0:07:56and an amazing character. We'd admitted a well-known paramilitary.
0:07:56 > 0:07:58This person had been stabbed in the chest
0:07:58 > 0:08:03and he had this enormous tattoo of King Billy on his chest.
0:08:05 > 0:08:09An Indian registrar had repaired his diaphragm and his lungs
0:08:09 > 0:08:12and whatever else needed repaired and sewn him up beautifully,
0:08:12 > 0:08:14but Bill Grey went over to look at him
0:08:14 > 0:08:16and came back and he says to me,
0:08:16 > 0:08:19"Well, Eleanor, Kumar's done a good job on King Billy,
0:08:19 > 0:08:22"he's got those sutures really well done right up his chest."
0:08:22 > 0:08:25And right enough it was beautifully sewn,
0:08:25 > 0:08:27because he had the pattern with the tattoo.
0:08:27 > 0:08:30So at times, you know, you had to laugh at things like that
0:08:30 > 0:08:33when they happened, because there were so many sad stories,
0:08:33 > 0:08:37so many distressing things happened, that there had to be
0:08:37 > 0:08:40the fun aspect of it, as well, and Dr Grey brought that perspective.
0:08:59 > 0:09:02First of all it was the smell.
0:09:02 > 0:09:05The dirt and the remains of the clothing.
0:09:07 > 0:09:10But then you sorted through the possessions,
0:09:10 > 0:09:13the ordinary things that people carry.
0:09:13 > 0:09:16Wallets and photographs of their children in their wallets and
0:09:16 > 0:09:18their house keys and...
0:09:18 > 0:09:23just everything that you would have in your pockets.
0:09:25 > 0:09:30The experienced staff in casualty, the experienced nurses
0:09:30 > 0:09:36and doctors, et cetera, were required for those who would live,
0:09:36 > 0:09:40and so those of us with less knowledge and skill
0:09:40 > 0:09:47were with those...for whom life was not going to continue -
0:09:47 > 0:09:50well, for very much longer, anyway.
0:09:51 > 0:09:57And so what you had to be was just BE.
0:09:57 > 0:09:59Just BE with another human being.
0:10:02 > 0:10:08I was on night duty and the sister in the recovery room just said,
0:10:08 > 0:10:10"Will you stay with this man?"
0:10:10 > 0:10:13He was a young black soldier,
0:10:13 > 0:10:16blown up in a bomb very close to the hospital,
0:10:16 > 0:10:22but this man was really big, strong-looking, erm...
0:10:22 > 0:10:24obviously handsome-looking.
0:10:24 > 0:10:27Wasn't really had a lot of injuries on the outside, but...
0:10:27 > 0:10:31inside he was obviously very badly injured and wasn't going to live.
0:10:33 > 0:10:36Staying with him, talking to him, just washing him,
0:10:36 > 0:10:39speaking into his ear, just making him feel that he's not alone
0:10:39 > 0:10:43until he died, but it was something I'll never, ever forget.
0:10:48 > 0:10:53I was asked to scrub up and to prepare a trolley for amputation
0:10:53 > 0:10:57of a leg, or for both legs, and I just still remember somebody just
0:10:57 > 0:11:02pushing me back and I realised that the person had died on the table,
0:11:02 > 0:11:06and there was absolute silence in the theatre
0:11:06 > 0:11:09and all I can remember are sobs from...
0:11:09 > 0:11:13A colleague outside was a member of the security forces
0:11:13 > 0:11:17and there was a guard outside, and just the sobs.
0:11:17 > 0:11:21Erm, obviously had been told that his colleague had died on the table.
0:11:21 > 0:11:24I don't even remember anything after that again,
0:11:24 > 0:11:27but I've always remembered my first scrub.
0:11:32 > 0:11:35A was always full of relatives screaming
0:11:35 > 0:11:38and looking for their injured and...
0:11:38 > 0:11:42But relatives found out where the lifts to theatre were
0:11:42 > 0:11:46and some arrived up as an orderly brought a patient.
0:11:47 > 0:11:49They banged on the window.
0:11:49 > 0:11:53They had discovered by then that clothes had to be kept,
0:11:53 > 0:11:59so they wanted the clothes, but we couldn't do anything about that.
0:11:59 > 0:12:04We had been instructed... If the patient was a suspect
0:12:04 > 0:12:08we were instructed specially what to do with these clothes.
0:12:09 > 0:12:13And so we couldn't... We had to keep them.
0:12:13 > 0:12:15For forensic examination.
0:12:24 > 0:12:26All right now.
0:12:26 > 0:12:29I always remember a young soldier coming in, who had lost a leg,
0:12:29 > 0:12:32was coming up from intensive care and I was a student in theatres.
0:12:32 > 0:12:35And he was coming in, and it struck me that
0:12:35 > 0:12:38he and I were the same age - exactly, by the day.
0:12:38 > 0:12:42Er, and he was coming in, erm, unconscious,
0:12:42 > 0:12:45er, but really coming in to ascertain whether
0:12:45 > 0:12:49he would be able to retain his other limb, and sadly he wasn't.
0:12:49 > 0:12:52And as a student I was given that leg
0:12:52 > 0:12:55to carry up to the door for the porter to lift,
0:12:55 > 0:12:59and I always remember that, because it was the sheer weight of it.
0:13:01 > 0:13:03There was I as a 19-year-old,
0:13:03 > 0:13:06you know, celebrating... life and all that entailed,
0:13:06 > 0:13:09and there he was as a 19-year-old with...
0:13:09 > 0:13:13minus two limbs and also with quite horrific shrapnel wounds.
0:13:13 > 0:13:15There was a sense that when you were confronted,
0:13:15 > 0:13:17particularly by people your own age,
0:13:17 > 0:13:21and particularly in relation to the impact that that was having -
0:13:21 > 0:13:23you could see that that would have on them - I mean,
0:13:23 > 0:13:25that was profoundly difficult.
0:13:37 > 0:13:39I think we supported each other.
0:13:39 > 0:13:42We didn't have the mechanisms, the support mechanisms in terms of
0:13:42 > 0:13:47professional counselling or sitting down at debrief sessions.
0:13:47 > 0:13:50Erm, we didn't have systems of reporting serious adverse
0:13:50 > 0:13:51incidents, anything like that,
0:13:51 > 0:13:55so that's a whole industry now which wasn't there then.
0:13:58 > 0:14:02There was no point in waiting on the morning or waiting at night
0:14:02 > 0:14:05to tell some of your colleagues about the terrible day you had,
0:14:05 > 0:14:08cos they were probably going to have an equally terrible day.
0:14:08 > 0:14:12And, you know, it would be lost the middle of the telling,
0:14:12 > 0:14:14so you didn't bother.
0:14:16 > 0:14:20There really wasn't a formal mechanism, but I have to say,
0:14:20 > 0:14:23looking back, tremendous camaraderie.
0:14:23 > 0:14:25When you come off shift,
0:14:25 > 0:14:29you laughed and cried and talked and had a drink or went out,
0:14:29 > 0:14:31but you did it together.
0:14:31 > 0:14:35So your listening ear and your point of refuge, really,
0:14:35 > 0:14:36were those around you.
0:14:38 > 0:14:42We made silly jokes, you know. That kept us going.
0:14:42 > 0:14:47But I think we were so busy we hadn't much time to think.
0:14:47 > 0:14:50You usually kept going, until you went home
0:14:50 > 0:14:52but one of the worst I've ever seen,
0:14:52 > 0:14:55I didn't get home till about two in the morning,
0:14:55 > 0:14:59and my mother, who was alive at that time, had waited up.
0:14:59 > 0:15:02But she didn't say "How are you?" or anything,
0:15:02 > 0:15:04she said, "The dog has died."
0:15:04 > 0:15:08And that was that - I couldn't hold back...
0:15:08 > 0:15:09any longer.
0:15:24 > 0:15:27By and large, people were left to get on.
0:15:27 > 0:15:30They were left when they were discharged from hospital
0:15:30 > 0:15:34with minimal support, and you see now people who still carry
0:15:34 > 0:15:37the very heavy burden of being bereaved or injured
0:15:37 > 0:15:39in the '70s, '80s, '90s,
0:15:39 > 0:15:42and that that hasn't left them.
0:15:42 > 0:15:46The lack of counselling and support is astounding.
0:15:46 > 0:15:50But yet, with the reality of when one incident quickly followed another,
0:15:50 > 0:15:53people really didn't have time to consider and
0:15:53 > 0:15:57to think about the impact, because there was that adrenaline rush.
0:15:57 > 0:15:58All right?
0:15:58 > 0:16:00You keep your head up there.
0:16:00 > 0:16:04The psychological aspects, and psychiatric medicine of course,
0:16:04 > 0:16:10is always neglected, and one patient I looked after in the 1970s,
0:16:10 > 0:16:14er, later went public and praised his physical care
0:16:14 > 0:16:18but he criticised his psychological care,
0:16:18 > 0:16:21and, giving us his perspective, he had said
0:16:21 > 0:16:25we had looked after his physical injuries but we had not looked after
0:16:25 > 0:16:29his psychology, and that gave him 40 years of trouble,
0:16:29 > 0:16:32including marriage breakdown, so, no,
0:16:32 > 0:16:36there wasn't great psychological support for the nurses -
0:16:36 > 0:16:40they made their own psychological support - but at times there
0:16:40 > 0:16:43wasn't great psychological support for the patients either.
0:16:47 > 0:16:55I was blown up in the Glen Inn in Glengormley in August 28, 1976,
0:16:55 > 0:16:59so I'm now twice as long on this planet without my legs
0:16:59 > 0:17:02as...I had been with them.
0:17:02 > 0:17:04I think your first intervention
0:17:04 > 0:17:07was to advise me in and around medication,
0:17:07 > 0:17:10and, you know, "You don't have to swallow all these pills."
0:17:10 > 0:17:13I must have had a handful. Did I really say that?!
0:17:13 > 0:17:16Well, no, that's not verbatim! That's not verbatim!
0:17:16 > 0:17:20But it was to advise me, you know, "If you don't need the Valium,
0:17:20 > 0:17:23"if you don't need the distalgesic, if you don't need this,
0:17:23 > 0:17:26"then take it when you actually are in need of it."
0:17:26 > 0:17:28The questions that I was seeking answers to
0:17:28 > 0:17:32you determined were going to be answered in this book The Survivors
0:17:32 > 0:17:35written by, er, Telegraph journalist Alf McCreary. Yeah.
0:17:35 > 0:17:38And that was risky, I suppose, giving that to me.
0:17:38 > 0:17:40It was more instinct than anything else,
0:17:40 > 0:17:44that I thought this book might be useful to you.
0:17:44 > 0:17:48You reached out with both arms, seized the book... I remember.
0:17:48 > 0:17:53..said, "Survivors! I'm a survivor."
0:17:53 > 0:17:56Yeah. I think that is...
0:17:56 > 0:17:59You know, that language is much better than "victim".
0:17:59 > 0:18:02I felt blessed in some way to at least be alive,
0:18:02 > 0:18:03although without legs,
0:18:03 > 0:18:07and when you're 18 year old you are looking ahead,
0:18:07 > 0:18:10but, as I say, the answers weren't forthcoming,
0:18:10 > 0:18:12and it was this lack of counselling,
0:18:12 > 0:18:16or lack of trying to address the emotional need
0:18:16 > 0:18:19and psychological need, and pure frustration at not knowing
0:18:19 > 0:18:23what...lay ahead and what challenges lay ahead,
0:18:23 > 0:18:25so a survivor likes to know that
0:18:25 > 0:18:29and in some way prepare for the journey ahead. Yeah.
0:18:29 > 0:18:32And that... This really did give me the answers.
0:18:32 > 0:18:37I'm sometimes asked, from the Troubles period, erm,
0:18:37 > 0:18:40who do I admire most?
0:18:41 > 0:18:43So, actually, the people I admire
0:18:43 > 0:18:46most from the Troubles period are the patients.
0:18:46 > 0:18:49I think it's a case of mutual respect.
0:18:49 > 0:18:52Because without you guys, we would not have been here.
0:18:52 > 0:18:55We were also learning through this process, this was very unique, and
0:18:55 > 0:18:59some of the horrendous injuries that you were presented with were unique.
0:18:59 > 0:19:01Our surgeons were learning,
0:19:01 > 0:19:05but, you know, the surgeons did the work and came on the rounds.
0:19:05 > 0:19:07The daily contact was with the nurses.
0:19:07 > 0:19:11And it was they that fortified us in our journey.
0:19:22 > 0:19:26We treated everybody the same, regardless of their background,
0:19:26 > 0:19:28regardless of what they had done,
0:19:28 > 0:19:31and at times we had both the perpetrator of the deed
0:19:31 > 0:19:35and the victim, and the issue very often was keeping relatives apart
0:19:35 > 0:19:38and keeping the peace between relatives.
0:19:38 > 0:19:42That quite often was the difficult aspect of all of this.
0:19:42 > 0:19:46We had one occasion where we had one person who'd been shot
0:19:46 > 0:19:48and another person who'd shot them.
0:19:48 > 0:19:51Suddenly this woman appeared with these huge bunches of flowers -
0:19:51 > 0:19:54those were the days that we had flowers on the ward.
0:19:54 > 0:19:56I said, "Where are you going with all the flowers?"
0:19:56 > 0:20:00She said, "I don't know. He's asked me to bring these flowers."
0:20:00 > 0:20:04And what he did was he put all the flowers at the bottom of his bed,
0:20:04 > 0:20:07on the bed table, so he couldn't see the man opposite.
0:20:09 > 0:20:12It was very interesting and sometimes quite tense
0:20:12 > 0:20:15but sometimes very, very, very funny.
0:20:15 > 0:20:18Erm, in a six-bedded bay with perhaps two people
0:20:18 > 0:20:21from the opposite sides, and they were kind of stuck
0:20:21 > 0:20:25to their beds for several weeks till they'd recovered.
0:20:25 > 0:20:27And over the course of a few weeks, er,
0:20:27 > 0:20:30the craic was mighty between these youngsters.
0:20:30 > 0:20:33Not all was, erm, repeatable... SHE LAUGHS
0:20:33 > 0:20:35Quite irreverent,
0:20:35 > 0:20:40but, erm, they did have a bit of a bond by the time they left.
0:20:41 > 0:20:44There's no opt-out clause in nursing, so no matter who comes
0:20:44 > 0:20:47swinging through those doors, they're your patient.
0:20:47 > 0:20:50And you do your best for that person.
0:20:51 > 0:20:54But I'm not sure it was ALL left outside the door.
0:20:56 > 0:21:00Patients were never left wanting, you know,
0:21:00 > 0:21:02but there was the odd occasion
0:21:02 > 0:21:04when somebody might have made a remark to you
0:21:04 > 0:21:08and it was a very pointed remark that you couldn't help think
0:21:08 > 0:21:10that they didn't think the same way as you did.
0:21:10 > 0:21:14But at the end of the day you would have known that, you know?
0:21:14 > 0:21:16Religion plays such an important role here,
0:21:16 > 0:21:18you'd be stupid if you didn't.
0:21:20 > 0:21:23I'll always remember looking after a young man who had been
0:21:23 > 0:21:26involved in an incident, and he was blinded,
0:21:26 > 0:21:28and he was being specialled.
0:21:28 > 0:21:31And I was the nurse looking after him.
0:21:31 > 0:21:33And, er, he was very frightened.
0:21:33 > 0:21:36And I read the paper to him, during the night.
0:21:36 > 0:21:38And I couldn't read the first four pages,
0:21:38 > 0:21:40because it was about what he had done.
0:21:41 > 0:21:43And one of the nurses said to me afterwards,
0:21:43 > 0:21:45"I couldn't have done that, I would have refused."
0:21:45 > 0:21:48And I thought afterwards, was it right that she would refuse,
0:21:48 > 0:21:51if she couldn't give him the best care, or was it wrong?
0:21:51 > 0:21:55Because we were under an oath, really, to look after everybody,
0:21:55 > 0:21:59regardless of who or what they were or what they had been involved in.
0:22:02 > 0:22:05That was a difficult road to travel sometimes.
0:22:05 > 0:22:09When in actual fact the person who you were caring for
0:22:09 > 0:22:13was the person who you knew was responsible
0:22:13 > 0:22:15for death and destruction.
0:22:16 > 0:22:19But you knew you couldn't linger on that.
0:22:31 > 0:22:35NEWSREEL: Armed security forces occupy the wards of the hospital
0:22:35 > 0:22:37when their wounded colleagues are under treatment -
0:22:37 > 0:22:42a constant reminder of the Troubles as the day-to-day healing goes on.
0:22:43 > 0:22:45The hospital I worked in,
0:22:45 > 0:22:51at the front gate you had the, er, republican paramilitaries,
0:22:51 > 0:22:54and at the back gate you had the loyalist paramilitaries.
0:22:56 > 0:23:02And then sandwiched in between, er, was a British Army base,
0:23:02 > 0:23:04actually within the hospital perimeter.
0:23:04 > 0:23:07NEWSREEL: No-one can know what the next ambulance will bring
0:23:07 > 0:23:09to a hospital in the front line
0:23:09 > 0:23:11or whether guerrilla warfare will again
0:23:11 > 0:23:15invade the grounds of the Royal, but the Army makes its presence felt.
0:23:17 > 0:23:20The war started the minute you went outside the hospital door,
0:23:20 > 0:23:24so the war was only the width of a brick away.
0:23:24 > 0:23:26Er, it was on the other side of the front door,
0:23:26 > 0:23:29and the front door was always open.
0:23:29 > 0:23:31Without thinking too hard,
0:23:31 > 0:23:36I can think of, er, six people who were shot dead
0:23:36 > 0:23:38within the hospital precincts,
0:23:38 > 0:23:42er, four by the IRA and two by the Army.
0:23:43 > 0:23:47The Royal was very much seen as a legitimate target
0:23:47 > 0:23:53and gunmen got onto the roof of the nurses' home, the hospital.
0:23:53 > 0:23:58The school of dentistry was one that they quite often seemed to get onto.
0:23:58 > 0:24:01And they used, erm...
0:24:01 > 0:24:05you know, the roofs of the buildings to shoot at the Army
0:24:05 > 0:24:10and police who were in and around the hospital at that time.
0:24:10 > 0:24:15So I guess, for us, it was pretty normal from the beginning.
0:24:17 > 0:24:20In one way it was normal enough on your ward to go
0:24:20 > 0:24:23in and out through the bulletproof doors that were
0:24:23 > 0:24:29guarded by police 24 hours a day, and in another, usually at night-time,
0:24:29 > 0:24:33maybe in the wee small hours, you'd think, this is a bit odd, you know.
0:24:33 > 0:24:36If anybody did come in here, you'd be in the middle of it,
0:24:36 > 0:24:39because that's what you were there to do.
0:24:39 > 0:24:42I don't think it was ever such a dreadful thought
0:24:42 > 0:24:44that I thought, "I'm not going to go into work,"
0:24:44 > 0:24:47but every now and again it did strike you.
0:24:55 > 0:24:58The Mater itself was in the front line
0:24:58 > 0:25:00because we were located where we were
0:25:00 > 0:25:03and we were "a Catholic hospital",
0:25:03 > 0:25:07and there were a number of staff targeted at various times.
0:25:07 > 0:25:11We had a consultant's son who was killed and we had...
0:25:11 > 0:25:13another consultant who was shot at
0:25:13 > 0:25:16while he was leading his children to school.
0:25:16 > 0:25:19His son was killed and another son was injured
0:25:19 > 0:25:21and he himself was injured.
0:25:21 > 0:25:25We had various members of staff who had been attacked at various stages,
0:25:25 > 0:25:28so we did feel very vulnerable where we actually were.
0:25:29 > 0:25:33And the violence came to the hospital itself
0:25:33 > 0:25:35when, er, Maire Drumm was shot.
0:25:35 > 0:25:38NEWSREEL: Mrs Drumm was standing talking to fellow patients
0:25:38 > 0:25:40in the ward when the gunmen arrived.
0:25:40 > 0:25:41She had been recuperating
0:25:41 > 0:25:44after receiving treatment for blindness in one eye,
0:25:44 > 0:25:47a condition which led to her giving up
0:25:47 > 0:25:50the vice presidency of Provisional Sinn Fein a few weeks ago.
0:25:50 > 0:25:51The killers bluffed their way
0:25:51 > 0:25:54into the hospital by pretending to be medical staff.
0:25:54 > 0:25:58When they got to the ward entrance, they opened fire on her 12 times.
0:25:58 > 0:26:03We went up to a ward where the ward had been sprayed with bullets.
0:26:03 > 0:26:06Maire Drumm was in a bed bleeding to death
0:26:06 > 0:26:08and two other patients had been injured.
0:26:08 > 0:26:11And the police arrived, the Army arrived.
0:26:11 > 0:26:14The consultants, who all lived quite locally, all arrived
0:26:14 > 0:26:18into the hospital and we knew that Maire Drumm at that stage was dead.
0:26:18 > 0:26:23We had tried to resuscitate her and my uniform got covered in blood,
0:26:23 > 0:26:27but the fear in the hospital that night was palpable.
0:26:29 > 0:26:33I actually probably took two to three days to actually
0:26:33 > 0:26:35recover from this trauma that...
0:26:35 > 0:26:38And yet, as nurses, we were never given counselling,
0:26:38 > 0:26:42we were never debriefed, you just went on to the next patient,
0:26:42 > 0:26:44you went on with what you had to do.
0:26:54 > 0:26:58I think sometimes people expect that when you work in a hospital
0:26:58 > 0:27:00that's where everything is going to be seen
0:27:00 > 0:27:02and that's the seat of the action.
0:27:02 > 0:27:06I discovered when I did my community placement in north Belfast
0:27:06 > 0:27:09that that, in fact, wasn't the case.
0:27:10 > 0:27:15I was never afraid, never afraid, because people were all very
0:27:15 > 0:27:18kind to each other and very helpful in those days.
0:27:18 > 0:27:21And...no, I never was afraid.
0:27:21 > 0:27:23The only time I was afraid
0:27:23 > 0:27:26was when I was in crossfire,
0:27:26 > 0:27:31as that happened, or maybe near an explosion.
0:27:31 > 0:27:34Or driving along and being in a traffic jam
0:27:34 > 0:27:39or sitting at the traffic lights and looking at somebody in a car
0:27:39 > 0:27:42or a van or whatever, wondering if there's a bomb in there.
0:27:43 > 0:27:45We were in a little lady's house,
0:27:45 > 0:27:48she needed her leg dressings renewed,
0:27:48 > 0:27:51and we were in with this lady and I was on my knees,
0:27:51 > 0:27:52doing the dressings,
0:27:52 > 0:27:55and the district nurse was supervising me, and then
0:27:55 > 0:27:59all of a sudden there was this nightmare noise out the back,
0:27:59 > 0:28:02and the scullery door, as it was called then, burst open
0:28:02 > 0:28:05and in came a...hooded gunman.
0:28:05 > 0:28:10And he raced past us, through the living room and out into the hall,
0:28:10 > 0:28:16making his escape to...through the front door into the street.
0:28:16 > 0:28:19So for a nanosecond absolutely nothing happened.
0:28:19 > 0:28:21I looked at the district nurse
0:28:21 > 0:28:23and she looked at me and we both looked at the wee lady
0:28:23 > 0:28:26and she sort of went, "Sure, what can you do, love?"
0:28:32 > 0:28:35Bombay Street was a very distressing experience.
0:28:35 > 0:28:39It did look like a scene from Gone With The Wind.
0:28:39 > 0:28:42Anyone being burnt out of their home is a very distressing thing,
0:28:42 > 0:28:46and certainly distressing for the people involved, and I think
0:28:46 > 0:28:50it's quite, quite dreadful that that should happen to anyone.
0:28:50 > 0:28:53And there they were moving and all their furniture
0:28:53 > 0:28:57and their belongings on... on trucks and...top of cars
0:28:57 > 0:29:04and they were moving to a hall or a school, just to...to be safe.
0:29:04 > 0:29:06NEWSREEL: All day Friday and Saturday
0:29:06 > 0:29:09the evacuees from the Catholic ghettos on the Falls and Ardoyne
0:29:09 > 0:29:11went north to Andersonstown.
0:29:11 > 0:29:15There, six church halls and schools were mobilised for the emergency.
0:29:17 > 0:29:20They had centres, they had night shelters.
0:29:20 > 0:29:22This was after Bombay Street
0:29:22 > 0:29:25and people were scared to stay in their homes,
0:29:25 > 0:29:29and they'd provided night shelters, and I was asked to supervise there.
0:29:29 > 0:29:31That was a very frightening night,
0:29:31 > 0:29:36because I'd taken no first aid with me and then I discovered
0:29:36 > 0:29:42I had two very pregnant women with me and no kits of any kind.
0:29:44 > 0:29:47I was very alarmed when I looked at the pregnant lady,
0:29:47 > 0:29:49particularly the one nearly at term.
0:29:49 > 0:29:53She and I had only a pair of nail scissors and my handbag
0:29:53 > 0:29:55and no equipment whatsoever...
0:29:55 > 0:29:58no first-aid equipment whatsoever.
0:29:58 > 0:29:59So I...
0:29:59 > 0:30:05There was a lot of men outside and I went out to ask about a telephone.
0:30:05 > 0:30:09Er, they were erecting a barricade of burnt-out vehicles
0:30:09 > 0:30:12and any debris that there was.
0:30:12 > 0:30:15And I said, "Do you know where the nearest telephone is?"
0:30:15 > 0:30:16They said, "No idea."
0:30:18 > 0:30:19And then I said,
0:30:19 > 0:30:22"And how would I get an ambulance in the middle of the night
0:30:22 > 0:30:26"if I needed to get somebody to one of the Royal Group of Hospitals?"
0:30:26 > 0:30:30And he said, "No vehicle will come up this way tonight.
0:30:30 > 0:30:34"We're going to ensure... This is for their security reasons."
0:30:34 > 0:30:40And he said, "Just do the best you can."
0:30:40 > 0:30:43Yes, with my nail scissors and my handbag, it was a bit...
0:30:43 > 0:30:45It was a tall order.
0:30:50 > 0:30:55I was on a visit to the Divis Tower, and I had to visit a patient,
0:30:55 > 0:30:57probably on the eighth or tenth floor, little old lady,
0:30:57 > 0:31:02and she always gave the nurse a packet of ginger snaps.
0:31:03 > 0:31:07So I did my treatment in there and got out and got the lift.
0:31:07 > 0:31:11And instead of the lift going down, the lift went up.
0:31:11 > 0:31:15And there was a soldier, army presence, on the top of the tower.
0:31:15 > 0:31:19And all these soldiers got in the lift,
0:31:19 > 0:31:22and that was all right, they were pleasant and very, very nice.
0:31:22 > 0:31:25And then the lift proceeded down to the very bottom,
0:31:25 > 0:31:28and when we got down there, the door wouldn't open -
0:31:28 > 0:31:29too many in the lift.
0:31:29 > 0:31:35And this little, young soldier, a young lad, lost it.
0:31:35 > 0:31:37He turned his rifle up and he attacked
0:31:37 > 0:31:41the light at the top of the lift and said, "We're going to be killed.
0:31:41 > 0:31:44"This is an ambush, we're all going to be murdered here."
0:31:44 > 0:31:49The man in charge of them proceeded to unarm the other fellas.
0:31:49 > 0:31:52Then he said, when he had this all done, he said to me,
0:31:52 > 0:31:56"Can we have one of your ginger snaps?"
0:31:56 > 0:31:59So, yeah, I said, "Certainly."
0:31:59 > 0:32:02So we all had ginger snaps as we waited to be rescued.
0:32:15 > 0:32:19The worst injuries were those which were the punishment shootings.
0:32:19 > 0:32:23And these were young, teenage boys, or boys in their early 20s,
0:32:23 > 0:32:24and they would've been shot through
0:32:24 > 0:32:26the joints, either through their ankles,
0:32:26 > 0:32:29through the knees, through their elbows.
0:32:29 > 0:32:32And on some occasions, they would have had six injuries,
0:32:32 > 0:32:36both ankles, both knees and both elbows.
0:32:42 > 0:32:45What's really, really sad about it, is that the mothers of some
0:32:45 > 0:32:48of the young boys went and got themselves a new pair of jeans,
0:32:48 > 0:32:51so if they would ever end up in hospital
0:32:51 > 0:32:54they wouldn't be disgraced or embarrassed by wearing old jeans.
0:32:54 > 0:32:56And I remember one time, I was...
0:32:56 > 0:32:59Whenever somebody has been shot,
0:32:59 > 0:33:03you have to cut off their trousers, just to check for exit wounds
0:33:03 > 0:33:04and this young fellow was 14, and he says,
0:33:04 > 0:33:07"Please, don't cut my trousers, my mum only
0:33:07 > 0:33:09"bought them me this morning for coming in here,
0:33:09 > 0:33:10"please don't cut them."
0:33:14 > 0:33:17If you shoot through the calf of the leg,
0:33:17 > 0:33:20chances are you won't hit any major vessels
0:33:20 > 0:33:23or anything like that, but there were one or two,
0:33:23 > 0:33:25or maybe a good few more,
0:33:25 > 0:33:28that went through the artery and they may have survived that night,
0:33:28 > 0:33:31but you knew they would lose the leg eventually,
0:33:31 > 0:33:34because they would have lost nerves in the leg,
0:33:34 > 0:33:37might not have been able to walk again and certainly the blood
0:33:37 > 0:33:42supply would have been compromised, there's no doubt about that.
0:33:42 > 0:33:44On some occasions,
0:33:44 > 0:33:47although they'd been shot through their alleged knee,
0:33:47 > 0:33:51it was actually through the thigh, and the bone... And the bullet
0:33:51 > 0:33:54had then bounced off the bone and ended up in the abdomen somewhere,
0:33:54 > 0:33:56resulting in a very serious injury.
0:33:56 > 0:33:58SIRENS WAIL
0:33:58 > 0:34:01We got a call to say that an ambulance was sent
0:34:01 > 0:34:02out for a gunshot wound.
0:34:02 > 0:34:05When they arrived at the spot, they were told to wait
0:34:05 > 0:34:07and then the shooting happened.
0:34:07 > 0:34:09The guy was shot.
0:34:09 > 0:34:10GUNSHOT
0:34:10 > 0:34:13And he came limping out to the ambulance and got in the ambulance.
0:34:13 > 0:34:16The guy says, "Let's have a look," and he says, "You don't have
0:34:16 > 0:34:19"to look," he says. He says, "I had bell-bottoms,
0:34:19 > 0:34:22"they didn't even touch my leg." They looked.
0:34:22 > 0:34:24The bullet went through the side of his trousers.
0:34:25 > 0:34:29So the word got back to whoever's doing the punishment beatings and
0:34:29 > 0:34:33next thing came out was there had to be a rule that trouser legs
0:34:33 > 0:34:37had to be pulled up above the knee before they would do any shots.
0:34:37 > 0:34:38So it was terrible.
0:34:41 > 0:34:43Kneecappings, they were serious.
0:34:43 > 0:34:46And the way it was reported at the time, you would've thought it
0:34:46 > 0:34:47was just par for the course.
0:34:47 > 0:34:49But it certainly was not,
0:34:49 > 0:34:52and certainly not for the young fella that it happened to.
0:34:52 > 0:34:55He was probably likely to have a lame leg for the rest
0:34:55 > 0:34:58of his life, and he'd be lucky if that's all he had.
0:35:15 > 0:35:18Bloody Sunday was the one event that left the biggest
0:35:18 > 0:35:23mark on my life and I even can cry when I think about it to this day.
0:35:23 > 0:35:26It was the saddest day of my life.
0:35:26 > 0:35:29And one I will never forget.
0:35:31 > 0:35:35My father's family business was a shop
0:35:35 > 0:35:39and it was on Russell Street, where most of Bloody Sunday happened.
0:35:40 > 0:35:43His sister was the last to work
0:35:43 > 0:35:45the shop, and on Bloody Sunday,
0:35:45 > 0:35:49I was very aware of her, so I went to see about her.
0:35:52 > 0:35:56I went into the apartment and looked out on to Russell Street,
0:35:56 > 0:36:01and I could see bodies lying dead, obviously dead. Totally uncovered.
0:36:01 > 0:36:05And the first thing I thought was, the dignity,
0:36:05 > 0:36:06the undignified part of it.
0:36:06 > 0:36:11Because we were always taught the dignity of the patient is paramount.
0:36:11 > 0:36:13SCREAMING
0:36:13 > 0:36:15I put my aunt in front of me and I thought,
0:36:15 > 0:36:18"They're not going to shoot her, an old woman."
0:36:18 > 0:36:21And I crossed the street and covered those bodies with the blankets.
0:36:23 > 0:36:28And going back, I kept saying to the soldiers, "Why did you do it?"
0:36:28 > 0:36:31"Why did you do it?" But they didn't answer.
0:36:34 > 0:36:37Then ambulances came and we put people in,
0:36:37 > 0:36:39injured people, into the ambulance.
0:36:39 > 0:36:42And I climbed in the front and went to the hospital with the ambulance
0:36:42 > 0:36:43and worked all night.
0:36:45 > 0:36:49Well, I went down to the casualty now, it was total chaos to me.
0:36:49 > 0:36:51But I was passing through, the operating theatre
0:36:51 > 0:36:57was on the seventh floor, but there was all these people and there was
0:36:57 > 0:37:01patients sitting up against pillars, there was no room for them and that.
0:37:01 > 0:37:03I remember all that total chaos.
0:37:07 > 0:37:09This has left a huge mark,
0:37:09 > 0:37:11and I think it's forgotten a lot of the time.
0:37:11 > 0:37:14There was 13 dead, but there was also 14,
0:37:14 > 0:37:17if I remember rightly, injured.
0:37:17 > 0:37:21You know, those people had to get treated.
0:37:21 > 0:37:24I'm not saying it was... It was just one of those things that...
0:37:24 > 0:37:27Nobody expected what happened that day to happen,
0:37:27 > 0:37:30it was not on anybody's radar.
0:37:35 > 0:37:38SIRENS WAIL
0:37:40 > 0:37:43Well, the Abercorn was a Saturday, I was on duty,
0:37:43 > 0:37:48and we got this message to say that this explosion had occurred
0:37:48 > 0:37:50and there were many casualties.
0:37:54 > 0:37:57It was just absolute chaos, initially, because there were
0:37:57 > 0:38:01so many people came in, there were so many horrendous injuries.
0:38:03 > 0:38:08A lot of them were amputations, legs and arms that had just disappeared.
0:38:08 > 0:38:14And I remember one woman was lying with the leg of a chair,
0:38:14 > 0:38:18a dining room chair, right through her leg.
0:38:18 > 0:38:22SIRENS WAIL
0:38:22 > 0:38:25We could hear the ambulances coming,
0:38:25 > 0:38:27all the sirens going.
0:38:27 > 0:38:29And the more sirens you could hear,
0:38:29 > 0:38:32the more you knew it was really going to be bad.
0:38:32 > 0:38:34When they didn't turn off their klaxons,
0:38:34 > 0:38:39you knew it was serious, that the ambulance men were in a state.
0:38:39 > 0:38:44I heard this noise and I could hear the screams of the girls
0:38:44 > 0:38:48inside the ambulances over the sound of the klaxons.
0:38:51 > 0:38:54Then the other thing about the Abercorn was the fact
0:38:54 > 0:38:58that they were mostly girls of our own age. We were all young.
0:38:58 > 0:38:59The Abercorn was a place...
0:38:59 > 0:39:02The first place to be bombed, in my experience,
0:39:02 > 0:39:05where I might have been, if I'd been off duty.
0:39:05 > 0:39:09Not only did that make it personal, but also the fact that one of our
0:39:09 > 0:39:15own staff members, a radiographer from our own department
0:39:15 > 0:39:16was killed in it.
0:39:16 > 0:39:20And the next time I saw her, I was holding her remains in my hands.
0:39:25 > 0:39:29It was a lovely day. A lovely, summer day.
0:39:29 > 0:39:32And the baby clinic was very busy, because it was child assessment,
0:39:32 > 0:39:35as well, and there was a great buzz in the place.
0:39:35 > 0:39:39And then at three o'clock... EXPLOSION
0:39:39 > 0:39:41..a bomb went off.
0:39:49 > 0:39:51EXPLOSION
0:39:51 > 0:39:54And then there was the second and the third...
0:39:54 > 0:39:57EXPLOSION
0:39:57 > 0:40:00..and the forth and the fifth and six.
0:40:02 > 0:40:04And it was just chaos.
0:40:04 > 0:40:06EXPLOSION
0:40:10 > 0:40:13I went up to the Royal after that.
0:40:13 > 0:40:16Casualty was full, there were people crying,
0:40:16 > 0:40:19there were people in pain, there were relatives coming up.
0:40:19 > 0:40:22There were ambulances still coming in.
0:40:24 > 0:40:28Everybody was working flat out and I ended up,
0:40:28 > 0:40:32because there were body parts coming in...
0:40:34 > 0:40:37..which were just like a pound of meat, frankly,
0:40:37 > 0:40:41and they were being put on a trolley.
0:40:44 > 0:40:49I just kept looking at this trolley and thinking, "That is somebody.
0:40:49 > 0:40:51"That is somebody there."
0:40:51 > 0:40:56And I know it probably sounds very, very stupid,
0:40:56 > 0:41:01but I just got really defensive about this trolley and I thought,
0:41:01 > 0:41:05"I have to mind this trolley." And I covered it.
0:41:05 > 0:41:07To me, it was like a naked patient.
0:41:09 > 0:41:11And I got very angry.
0:41:11 > 0:41:16I stood there and I thought, "How dare anybody do this?
0:41:16 > 0:41:20"I wish they could see what they have done."
0:41:20 > 0:41:28I just wish they could have seen the distress, the anguish,
0:41:28 > 0:41:31the results, which was my trolley.
0:41:32 > 0:41:34And for what?
0:41:39 > 0:41:44Monday morning, back in the clinic, three days after Bloody Friday.
0:41:44 > 0:41:48One mother lost her husband, blown up at the bus station
0:41:48 > 0:41:52coming home from work, identified by his hand.
0:41:52 > 0:41:56That big coffin for one hand.
0:42:02 > 0:42:05One of the things that I taught myself at the beginning
0:42:05 > 0:42:07of working in intensive care,
0:42:07 > 0:42:10I would never lie to a patient.
0:42:10 > 0:42:12I would always tell the truth.
0:42:13 > 0:42:15And when someone said to me,
0:42:15 > 0:42:23as did one of the patients from the Abercorn, "Why are my legs so sore?
0:42:23 > 0:42:25"When will they feel better?"
0:42:26 > 0:42:31It was a Sunday afternoon, it was very peaceful and I had gone in
0:42:31 > 0:42:34to relieve the nurse for tea
0:42:34 > 0:42:39and to look after the patient and I then felt...
0:42:39 > 0:42:42She asked me, she wanted the information
0:42:42 > 0:42:49and it was my job to tell her that she had lost both legs and an arm.
0:42:55 > 0:43:00The first memories I have of the nursing staff was in Ward 17.
0:43:00 > 0:43:03I asked this nurse - I think she was a student nurse who was passing -
0:43:03 > 0:43:05"Where am I?"
0:43:05 > 0:43:12And she said, "You're in the Royal Victoria Hospital.
0:43:12 > 0:43:14"You've been in a bomb explosion."
0:43:14 > 0:43:17So I think I just went back to sleep again.
0:43:17 > 0:43:19I think I was asking that question every day!
0:43:22 > 0:43:27The reality started to set in and I didn't realise I'd lost my legs.
0:43:27 > 0:43:31You didn't? Cos you still have that sensation. Yes, of course.
0:43:31 > 0:43:34My arm was in plaster so I just thought,
0:43:34 > 0:43:36"Oh, something has happened to my arm."
0:43:36 > 0:43:39I didn't really know the extent of my injuries at all
0:43:39 > 0:43:44until the nurses actually told me.
0:43:44 > 0:43:47And have you any idea how long that was after the bomb?
0:43:47 > 0:43:53I think it could be about a week or so, I'm not really sure.
0:43:53 > 0:43:56You know, days just tend to sort of...
0:43:56 > 0:44:00Did you remember that Rosaleen had been with you? Yes, I did, uh-huh.
0:44:00 > 0:44:03And did you want to see Rosaleen?
0:44:03 > 0:44:06Well, when I heard what had happened to her, yes.
0:44:06 > 0:44:11A nurse said to me one day, "Your sister's photograph
0:44:11 > 0:44:17"is in the paper," and I couldn't understand why! Oh, right!
0:44:17 > 0:44:19I said to Mummy when she came in,
0:44:19 > 0:44:22"Rosaleen's photograph was in the paper," and she said, "Yes."
0:44:22 > 0:44:23I said, "I want to see it."
0:44:23 > 0:44:27I couldn't understand why she was in the paper.
0:44:27 > 0:44:30And Mummy brought the newspaper article in
0:44:30 > 0:44:35and I think she probably thought I wouldn't read the smallprint. Right.
0:44:35 > 0:44:37Cos I was still on heavy drugs at that time
0:44:37 > 0:44:42and that's how I found out about Rosaleen. Right. And...
0:44:42 > 0:44:45Oh, it was devastating.
0:44:45 > 0:44:47But even now, I have lost both legs,
0:44:47 > 0:44:49but she lost both legs and an arm. Yes.
0:44:49 > 0:44:56Although she did eventually walk, it was too much, you know what I mean?
0:44:56 > 0:45:00After a while, it was much easier just to be in a wheelchair. Yes.
0:45:00 > 0:45:03And do you find that, too? Now that I've aged...
0:45:04 > 0:45:08How long ago was that, 1972? Yes.
0:45:08 > 0:45:10Yes, I find it a lot easier.
0:45:10 > 0:45:12Yeah, yeah.
0:45:30 > 0:45:37It's really important to remember that every person counted.
0:45:38 > 0:45:46When I talk about a person, I'm back in that room. I can see the person.
0:45:46 > 0:45:50I can remember my feelings in that room.
0:45:54 > 0:45:58Some incidents were distressing, there's no doubt about that.
0:45:58 > 0:46:00I remember one girl, she was shot in the neck
0:46:00 > 0:46:03and was paralysed as soon as she came in.
0:46:03 > 0:46:06She'd been singing at a gospel meeting in East Belfast
0:46:06 > 0:46:08and a gunman came up to the window of the car
0:46:08 > 0:46:10and she put the window down and he shot her and I was with her
0:46:10 > 0:46:15when she died three weeks later and she had a huge impact on us.
0:46:15 > 0:46:17I remember that very well.
0:46:20 > 0:46:23One of the first wee boys that would have been brought in shot dead,
0:46:23 > 0:46:27you know, a wee fair-haired fella, it was so sad.
0:46:27 > 0:46:34Now, he was taken into A and the three lads that brought him in,
0:46:34 > 0:46:38one of them was shot later, a few days later.
0:46:38 > 0:46:41I remember that young fella's name still and I can still see him.
0:46:47 > 0:46:50We got the news there'd been a shooting on the Ormeau Road
0:46:50 > 0:46:54and they weren't sure at first how many casualties
0:46:54 > 0:46:55and the ambulance came in
0:46:55 > 0:47:00and there's a boy there and whenever we took them into the trauma unit,
0:47:00 > 0:47:04it was my job to stand and talk to them and hold his hand.
0:47:04 > 0:47:07So there was all this madness going on in the room,
0:47:07 > 0:47:09everyone was trying so hard to keep that boy alive
0:47:09 > 0:47:15and he says to me, "Don't leave me," and...
0:47:16 > 0:47:18Sorry, stop.
0:47:20 > 0:47:24But I want to say that there was so much hope
0:47:24 > 0:47:27and fear in his eyes that day, of that young boy.
0:47:27 > 0:47:28He didn't want to die.
0:47:32 > 0:47:37There was an incident that had happened and it involved the Army.
0:47:37 > 0:47:39I'd never seen anything like it
0:47:39 > 0:47:43and they were working very hard to save a young soldier's life.
0:47:43 > 0:47:46As I turned round, I saw another trolley
0:47:46 > 0:47:52and, on the other trolley, there was a sheet covering the body
0:47:52 > 0:47:55and the only thing that I could see were the black boots.
0:47:57 > 0:48:01He obviously was proud of his uniform
0:48:01 > 0:48:04because his boots were so shiny.
0:48:07 > 0:48:12And that was the end of his day. His day ended so differently from mine.
0:48:12 > 0:48:13And he had no choice.
0:48:16 > 0:48:19One day, two young policemen were going up
0:48:19 > 0:48:23to change over in Rosemount Barracks
0:48:23 > 0:48:26and they were ambushed at Helen Street
0:48:26 > 0:48:32and they were both brought in dead and I always got the worst one,
0:48:32 > 0:48:34but the two were dead that day
0:48:34 > 0:48:38and I still have their wee pictures in my purse, you know,
0:48:38 > 0:48:40two young fellas, 19 and 26. It was sad.
0:48:40 > 0:48:44One was married and one was getting married.
0:48:47 > 0:48:52In my early days on night duty, a young girl got shot
0:48:52 > 0:48:56and her injuries were unsurvivable.
0:48:58 > 0:49:02She was petite, blonde, fair skinned.
0:49:04 > 0:49:08And she was shot, but she was still pretty.
0:49:09 > 0:49:14And she was lying on the trolley, peaceful,
0:49:14 > 0:49:15just like she was sleeping.
0:49:17 > 0:49:20In the quietness of that resuscitation room,
0:49:20 > 0:49:23I have time to sit and look at her
0:49:23 > 0:49:27and think, and I thought, "What a waste."
0:49:27 > 0:49:32Now, all the deaths were wastes,
0:49:32 > 0:49:40but what benefit to anyone accrued from shooting that girl?
0:49:46 > 0:49:51A baby had died in the nursery and the ward sister asked me
0:49:51 > 0:49:55to go to the morgue with the parents.
0:49:55 > 0:50:00I had never witnessed death before and I remember meeting the parents.
0:50:00 > 0:50:03I didn't know what to say.
0:50:03 > 0:50:06I went with them up the long corridor in the children's hospital,
0:50:06 > 0:50:12out to a car, I got into the back seat and there was a white coffin.
0:50:12 > 0:50:17I had never seen a coffin. We drove round to the morgue.
0:50:17 > 0:50:19I had never been in the morgue.
0:50:22 > 0:50:24Then the lid had to go on the coffin.
0:50:26 > 0:50:28And the most awful experience, still with me today,
0:50:28 > 0:50:33is the screwing down of that lid and that was my worst experience.
0:50:34 > 0:50:35It'll never leave me.
0:50:42 > 0:50:45A young man had been admitted. He was critically ill.
0:50:47 > 0:50:49He had been attempting to put together
0:50:49 > 0:50:53some sort of explosive device and it had gone off prematurely.
0:50:54 > 0:50:57He was a torso with a head, you know?
0:50:59 > 0:51:04His legs had gone, half his face, his ear, his eye, his arm...
0:51:06 > 0:51:09And he was a year older than I was.
0:51:13 > 0:51:17The lift doors opened at the bottom of the ward and a family came
0:51:17 > 0:51:19and I knew this must be his family.
0:51:23 > 0:51:27And I tried to explain that he was very badly injured
0:51:27 > 0:51:31and his mother came up.
0:51:31 > 0:51:35She just emitted this cry...
0:51:37 > 0:51:41..and the only time I ever hear that again
0:51:41 > 0:51:44is sometimes on wildlife programmes
0:51:44 > 0:51:51where you hear this... real cry of pain.
0:51:51 > 0:51:54It was shuddering.
0:51:55 > 0:51:57And that was her son.
0:51:58 > 0:52:02I often think of him. He left us living.
0:52:05 > 0:52:07Erm...
0:52:07 > 0:52:10I... I think of him.
0:52:23 > 0:52:26From an early stage, it's been put into us, you know,
0:52:26 > 0:52:28it's not OK to talk about distressing things.
0:52:28 > 0:52:31But if we don't talk about them, they're never going to be processed.
0:52:31 > 0:52:35But it's OK to feel bad after a traumatic event.
0:52:35 > 0:52:38I give the example of bereavement counselling and, you know,
0:52:38 > 0:52:42if somebody close to you dies, it's OK to feel bad
0:52:42 > 0:52:45and you will feel bad for a period of time and once you get over
0:52:45 > 0:52:48the anniversaries and different things, time will be a healer.
0:52:48 > 0:52:50But, unfortunately, with post-traumatic stress,
0:52:50 > 0:52:52time is not a healer.
0:52:52 > 0:52:5426 people have been murdered
0:52:54 > 0:52:58by a terrorist car bomb in Omagh, County Tyrone.
0:52:58 > 0:53:00It is the worst single atrocity
0:53:00 > 0:53:03in 30 years of violence in Northern Ireland.
0:53:07 > 0:53:10The explosion, at ten past three in the afternoon,
0:53:10 > 0:53:13ripped out the heart of a busy town packed with shoppers
0:53:13 > 0:53:15and with people simply enjoying
0:53:15 > 0:53:18the final day of Omagh's annual carnival...
0:53:19 > 0:53:22'Well, I'm from Omagh, so the biggest event I worked with
0:53:22 > 0:53:27'was obviously the Omagh bomb in 1998 and the aftermath of that.'
0:53:28 > 0:53:30On the day, I ended up here
0:53:30 > 0:53:33and I can best describe my role that day as a traffic warden.
0:53:33 > 0:53:35It was absolutely pandemonium.
0:53:35 > 0:53:37There was casualties coming through this door,
0:53:37 > 0:53:40there were concerned relatives and friends coming through that door.
0:53:40 > 0:53:42People were congregating around this corridor
0:53:42 > 0:53:45cos it's the main thoroughfare to the hospital and we had to try
0:53:45 > 0:53:46and keep the passage clear
0:53:46 > 0:53:49because there was people being taken on trolleys up to the wards
0:53:49 > 0:53:52where they needed further care and treatment and whatnot.
0:54:02 > 0:54:04Now that we've moved on a number of years,
0:54:04 > 0:54:07there's this view of, like, the Troubles have finished.
0:54:07 > 0:54:09Everybody should be OK,
0:54:09 > 0:54:11there should be no such thing as distress and whatnot.
0:54:14 > 0:54:15'But then when things stop,
0:54:15 > 0:54:18'all the things that have happened then just amalgamate
0:54:18 > 0:54:21'and cause all sorts of distress, whether it's post-traumatic stress,
0:54:21 > 0:54:24'depression and the big thing, alcohol, as well.'
0:54:26 > 0:54:27And the big thing for me, I suppose,
0:54:27 > 0:54:29is while somebody has witnessed -
0:54:29 > 0:54:32and it might be one person or one person's been injured -
0:54:32 > 0:54:34it's the ripple effect.
0:54:34 > 0:54:36It's how many other people are then affected
0:54:36 > 0:54:38by that person's distress, so it's not just one person.
0:54:38 > 0:54:41You can multiply that by... I don't know what the number is.
0:54:43 > 0:54:45One of the most, I suppose, distressing...
0:54:45 > 0:54:46When I say it's distressing,
0:54:46 > 0:54:48it's just an image that I had a long time.
0:54:48 > 0:54:53It's a wee oldish woman, domestic, with her mop bucket
0:54:53 > 0:54:55and she mopped constantly
0:54:55 > 0:54:59and it seemed to me that it was never clearing.
0:54:59 > 0:55:01But it's one of the images that I have of that day
0:55:01 > 0:55:03and when I walk into the County now, there's still times
0:55:03 > 0:55:06when I look up the corridor and I just have that image,
0:55:06 > 0:55:09but thank God it's not as distressing as what it used to be.
0:55:17 > 0:55:20My best days were not the big high days.
0:55:20 > 0:55:24My best days were the days you felt, "Right, that made a difference.
0:55:24 > 0:55:28"That worked," or, "I was a part of that."
0:55:32 > 0:55:34We all felt proud of what we were doing.
0:55:34 > 0:55:39Even though we were very young, we felt indispensible in many ways.
0:55:39 > 0:55:41That gave a great sense of satisfaction,
0:55:41 > 0:55:44that we were involved helping, and ongoing helping,
0:55:44 > 0:55:48with those people and many of those people are still alive today
0:55:48 > 0:55:51and can testify that those early days of the nursing care
0:55:51 > 0:55:54in the hospital was what got them through.
0:55:57 > 0:55:59I had great pride in my work.
0:55:59 > 0:56:01I had great pride in the services -
0:56:01 > 0:56:04particularly in the operating theatres -
0:56:04 > 0:56:06and maybe adrenaline, too.
0:56:06 > 0:56:07Is that wrong in saying that?
0:56:07 > 0:56:12The adrenaline, particularly when you were learning new things.
0:56:18 > 0:56:20I probably feel very proud
0:56:20 > 0:56:23that I was part of what happened in that hospital.
0:56:23 > 0:56:26I feel that we were actually...
0:56:26 > 0:56:28Despite the fact there wasn't counselling
0:56:28 > 0:56:31and despite the fact it was unsafe in some ways,
0:56:31 > 0:56:35that we were in a very, very tight, warm community in that hospital
0:56:35 > 0:56:39and I feel that that is missing today in many places
0:56:39 > 0:56:41and it was a lovely place to work in.
0:56:45 > 0:56:50Oh, it's formed me. It has formed me as a person.
0:56:50 > 0:56:52I do not become overwhelmed.
0:56:54 > 0:56:56People say, "Oh, you're great,
0:56:56 > 0:56:59"you don't allow these things to affect you."
0:56:59 > 0:57:01Well, of course they affect you!
0:57:02 > 0:57:06Some people who don't know me might think that I'm quite aloof
0:57:06 > 0:57:09or quite distant, but they don't know me.
0:57:09 > 0:57:14It's because they've seen me with the starch in front of me.
0:57:18 > 0:57:20It gives you great satisfaction.
0:57:20 > 0:57:25A patient doesn't care what qualifications you have
0:57:25 > 0:57:29and, in my day, A, when a patient would say to me,
0:57:29 > 0:57:32"Thanks very much, nurse, you were kind to me,"
0:57:32 > 0:57:35and that just made my day.
0:57:40 > 0:57:45It gave me friendship, first of all, knowledge, confidence
0:57:45 > 0:57:51and a sense that we could cope
0:57:51 > 0:57:54and that has come even into retirement.
0:57:54 > 0:58:01You find yourself not worrying about doing things
0:58:01 > 0:58:04because we've been through so much.
0:58:04 > 0:58:08What's left to worry about, really?