0:00:02 > 0:00:05Tunnels. The fact that all human beings are obsessed with tunnels
0:00:05 > 0:00:06is well documented...I assume.
0:00:06 > 0:00:11Indeed, if one is to give credence to some of history's greatest philosophers,
0:00:11 > 0:00:13and virtually all of its deranged speculators,
0:00:13 > 0:00:16our lives begin and end with a journey through
0:00:16 > 0:00:18these miraculous tubes.
0:00:18 > 0:00:20It's as if our creator had intended
0:00:20 > 0:00:23this planet to be a giant Swiss cheese,
0:00:23 > 0:00:25but with seven days to work with,
0:00:25 > 0:00:27he had to cut a few corners.
0:00:27 > 0:00:29Thus, since the dawn of time,
0:00:29 > 0:00:32we have been attempting to finish his task
0:00:32 > 0:00:35and riddle the Earth with thousands of subterranean corridors.
0:00:35 > 0:00:38In this programme, I am going to look over
0:00:38 > 0:00:42the BBC's extensive archive of tunnel-based broadcasting
0:00:42 > 0:00:44and see if we can learn anything new
0:00:44 > 0:00:48about what some see as mere utilitarian channels,
0:00:48 > 0:00:50but what an increasing majority of us
0:00:50 > 0:00:54are recognising as mysterious wormholes,
0:00:54 > 0:00:56each with its own fascinating tale to tell.
0:00:56 > 0:00:59As Professor Brian Cox himself once said to me,
0:00:59 > 0:01:01"Lots of luck with that one, then."
0:01:17 > 0:01:21So where shall we first break ground on our symposium of the substrata?
0:01:21 > 0:01:23Surely only one choice here.
0:01:23 > 0:01:25As singers have their Frank Sinatras,
0:01:25 > 0:01:27actors their Robert De Niros
0:01:27 > 0:01:30and lovers of combined liquorice and sherbet their fountains,
0:01:30 > 0:01:34so with tunnels, there is only one all-time champion.
0:01:34 > 0:01:37This story is as interesting as it's boring.
0:01:37 > 0:01:38It's about tunnels.
0:01:38 > 0:01:41The tunnel that caused such a spate of plans and discussions
0:01:41 > 0:01:43and Government committees,
0:01:43 > 0:01:45instead of the spades of workmen,
0:01:45 > 0:01:46has yet to be built.
0:01:46 > 0:01:49But an alternative to that stormy crossing had to be devised,
0:01:49 > 0:01:51if only on paper.
0:01:51 > 0:01:55In 1869, a doctor invented this strange sea tram,
0:01:55 > 0:01:57and Bob's your uncle.
0:01:57 > 0:02:00Other projects included a fantastic submarine-driven boat.
0:02:00 > 0:02:04Submarine-driven boat?! Isn't that a bit like bicycle-driven aeroplane?
0:02:04 > 0:02:07Or you can fly your car across.
0:02:14 > 0:02:16Over the last 200 years,
0:02:16 > 0:02:20all sorts of people have looked for ways of crossing the English Channel.
0:02:22 > 0:02:25The stormy history of the Chunnel project began in 1802,
0:02:25 > 0:02:30when it was first suggested to Napoleon by a young engineer called Albert Mathieu.
0:02:30 > 0:02:31Napoleon turned it down,
0:02:31 > 0:02:33but it was a grand idea in every sense.
0:02:33 > 0:02:37It involved building the tunnel out to an artificial island in the Channel,
0:02:37 > 0:02:40where Mathieu could establish an international city,
0:02:40 > 0:02:42and the horses could come up for a breather.
0:02:42 > 0:02:46Napoleon himself vetoed this idea as "insane".
0:02:46 > 0:02:50Remarkably, in 2012, plans for a new London airport in the Thames Estuary
0:02:50 > 0:02:53was enthusiastically OK-ed by Boris Johnson.
0:02:53 > 0:02:54Then...
0:02:54 > 0:02:58It was in 1867 that William Low submitted his twin-tunnel scheme,
0:02:58 > 0:03:01providing tubes from Dover to Calais.
0:03:01 > 0:03:03And this is how the scheme works.
0:03:04 > 0:03:06Here is evidence enough
0:03:06 > 0:03:08of the high degree of British engineering skill involved.
0:03:08 > 0:03:12Before being abandoned, this attempt, in theory,
0:03:12 > 0:03:14brought us a mighty 60 feet closer to France,
0:03:14 > 0:03:18before, among other things, invasion fears closed it down.
0:03:18 > 0:03:20It's still down there, though.
0:03:20 > 0:03:23Of all lost causes, lost most irretrievably, to all appearances,
0:03:23 > 0:03:25was the Channel Tunnel.
0:03:25 > 0:03:27Five miles from Dover,
0:03:27 > 0:03:29its little-known entrance a derelict folly.
0:03:29 > 0:03:32Inspector Arnold, every week for the last seven years,
0:03:32 > 0:03:33has, like his predecessors,
0:03:33 > 0:03:37examined the tunnelling remaining intact since it was begun back in 1880.
0:03:37 > 0:03:41Abandoned almost at birth because of alarmist invasion talk.
0:03:41 > 0:03:44Well, now, we're right underneath the White Cliffs of Dover,
0:03:44 > 0:03:48and there is a mark on the wall which was made by one of the tunnellers at the time...
0:03:49 > 0:03:51My favourite bit of the entire programme,
0:03:51 > 0:03:53which shows you how shallow I am.
0:03:53 > 0:03:55..at the time,
0:03:55 > 0:03:59which reads, "This tunnel was begun
0:03:59 > 0:04:02"in 1880. William Sharpe."
0:04:02 > 0:04:04William Sharpe couldn't spell too well, could he?
0:04:04 > 0:04:07Yeah, but I bet he could stand up all right.
0:04:07 > 0:04:10The next initiative came in 1973...
0:04:12 > 0:04:14..when I was phoned personally with the news.
0:04:14 > 0:04:16TRANSLATED FROM FRENCH:
0:04:20 > 0:04:21Nothing could go wrong now.
0:04:21 > 0:04:24The Channel Tunnel project to France is dead.
0:04:26 > 0:04:28And the machine's been here ever since,
0:04:28 > 0:04:31buried 50 feet under the sea,
0:04:31 > 0:04:33at the end of a hole which it dug itself
0:04:33 > 0:04:36and which is all that now remains of the Channel Tunnel.
0:04:36 > 0:04:39Until scrap dealer Ron Mardell came along.
0:04:39 > 0:04:42He saw a small advertisement for the mole,
0:04:42 > 0:04:45and undeterred by the difficulties of getting it out of the tunnel,
0:04:45 > 0:04:48he bought it for £20,000.
0:04:48 > 0:04:51Even though it's stuck 50 feet under the ground, 250 yards in?
0:04:51 > 0:04:55It's not stuck there. That's where it finished. It's not stuck.
0:04:55 > 0:04:57What's the biggest thing you've ever bought?
0:04:57 > 0:04:59Er...possibly Reading Gasworks.
0:04:59 > 0:05:04You paid £20,000 for it. How much do you think you're going to be able to sell everything for?
0:05:05 > 0:05:06We'll probably do money on it.
0:05:06 > 0:05:09For some people, though, it's not enough to wait around
0:05:09 > 0:05:12like mindless sides of beef
0:05:12 > 0:05:14while giant corporations build tunnels for them
0:05:14 > 0:05:17to journey through in style and comfort.
0:05:17 > 0:05:20No. These folks are the pro-tunnel enthusiasts.
0:05:20 > 0:05:23They take their tunnels where they find them.
0:05:24 > 0:05:28Lesley doesn't like the cold and wet, and she doesn't like the dark.
0:05:28 > 0:05:31It's hard for a non-caver to understand why, though,
0:05:31 > 0:05:34when you hear John Russell describing what it feels like.
0:05:34 > 0:05:38It's bloody cold when you go in water for the first time in your wetsuit.
0:05:38 > 0:05:40All the little tears as the cave
0:05:40 > 0:05:43grinds into the rubber.
0:05:43 > 0:05:44Leak.
0:05:44 > 0:05:49The water shoots in in some very nasty places.
0:05:49 > 0:05:51I personally can't stand water.
0:05:51 > 0:05:55I get very terrified of water, especially if there's limited air space.
0:05:57 > 0:06:00John Shepherd was soon in trouble when the floor collapsed.
0:06:00 > 0:06:02Dangerous boulders everywhere, and no hope of progress
0:06:02 > 0:06:04until a diversion had been made.
0:06:09 > 0:06:12Behold the rubberised hardy clique,
0:06:12 > 0:06:15for whom no tunnel holds hazard, no crevice is too small,
0:06:15 > 0:06:17no risk worth weighing.
0:06:17 > 0:06:21It's as if they simply have to know what's round the bend.
0:06:21 > 0:06:23I would suggest THEY are.
0:06:24 > 0:06:29Obviously, these images stem from an era before TV health and safety.
0:06:29 > 0:06:31But probably not accident and emergency.
0:06:31 > 0:06:34The pull of nature's own pipeline
0:06:34 > 0:06:36is so strong in these people
0:06:36 > 0:06:38that even an everyday bath plughole
0:06:38 > 0:06:41represents a tempting invitation into the unknown.
0:06:41 > 0:06:44As usual, when we look upon such daring free spirits,
0:06:44 > 0:06:46following their reckless urges like this,
0:06:46 > 0:06:48one thought strikes us uppermost.
0:06:48 > 0:06:52"That cameraman must be really wishing he was back on EastEnders."
0:06:52 > 0:06:56Thankfully, their claustrophobic sojourn is all worth it.
0:06:56 > 0:07:01Having descended via a fissure in the summit of a mountain in Iceland four weeks previously,
0:07:01 > 0:07:03they all later emerge safe and sound,
0:07:03 > 0:07:06via a woman's dustbin in Wakefield.
0:07:07 > 0:07:11Our Neolithic ancestors at least had reasons to squirm about in the depths.
0:07:11 > 0:07:12A - they were mining flint,
0:07:12 > 0:07:15and B - you had to make your own fun back then.
0:07:15 > 0:07:18The great David Bellamy here re-enacts
0:07:18 > 0:07:20one such early rock festival for us.
0:07:20 > 0:07:23There must be an easier way of making a living than this,
0:07:23 > 0:07:28but crawling about down these here tunnels, you realise two things -
0:07:28 > 0:07:29exactly what a ball duster feels like,
0:07:29 > 0:07:32and the fact that these Neolithic miners
0:07:32 > 0:07:34must have been much smaller jobs than me.
0:07:34 > 0:07:35Bravo!
0:07:35 > 0:07:39This is TV presenting red in tooth and claw.
0:07:39 > 0:07:42And in case you're at a loss to know what a "ball duster" might be,
0:07:42 > 0:07:44here's a clue.
0:07:44 > 0:07:45He's wearing a pair.
0:07:48 > 0:07:50From London on top
0:07:50 > 0:07:52to London underneath.
0:07:52 > 0:07:55They did those shifts in small gangs,
0:07:55 > 0:07:5770 feet below the surface,
0:07:57 > 0:07:59in a secret, sweaty world of their own.
0:07:59 > 0:08:03Like moles, they tunnel towards the next gang along the line.
0:08:03 > 0:08:05A gang of six men
0:08:05 > 0:08:07working a modern rotary digger
0:08:07 > 0:08:09can clear a running tunnel through the clay
0:08:09 > 0:08:11at a rate of two inches a minute.
0:08:11 > 0:08:13Once every 15 minutes,
0:08:13 > 0:08:16the miners assemble a self-supporting ring of concrete
0:08:16 > 0:08:17behind the digger.
0:08:17 > 0:08:21Yes, perhaps I should offer a note of explanation here
0:08:21 > 0:08:23to those viewers under 30.
0:08:23 > 0:08:26What you're watching is British industry at work.
0:08:26 > 0:08:29In Britain, we used to have all sorts of industries -
0:08:29 > 0:08:31docks, steel, coal, cars,
0:08:31 > 0:08:32television.
0:08:32 > 0:08:35These were what we historians call "proper jobs".
0:08:35 > 0:08:41So the next time you speak to your team leader for office social media fusion strategy going forward,
0:08:41 > 0:08:44you might want to remind them of that.
0:08:44 > 0:08:45Anyway...
0:08:45 > 0:08:46No nuts or bolts.
0:08:46 > 0:08:50They just pack the segments under power and pressure into place.
0:08:54 > 0:08:58It was work for big, strong and enduring men.
0:08:58 > 0:09:01For men with iron in their arms and buttocks,
0:09:01 > 0:09:03for the shovel rather than the machine.
0:09:03 > 0:09:06Yeah, sorry to break in again so soon,
0:09:06 > 0:09:08but...buttocks?!
0:09:08 > 0:09:10For men with iron in their arms and buttocks,
0:09:10 > 0:09:13for the shovel rather than the machine.
0:09:13 > 0:09:18Muscles to match the iron determination to face the task.
0:09:19 > 0:09:20Where did they come from?
0:09:20 > 0:09:22Where have they come from so often
0:09:22 > 0:09:24in the story of these islands?
0:09:24 > 0:09:26Sons of Ireland,
0:09:26 > 0:09:29almost all descendants of the formidable navvies
0:09:29 > 0:09:31who dug the canals and laid the railways.
0:09:31 > 0:09:33The men who astonished Europe
0:09:33 > 0:09:35when the canals were cut in the 19th century
0:09:35 > 0:09:39by cooking steaks on their spades over their bonfires.
0:09:39 > 0:09:42Back again to mine the new Victoria Line.
0:09:42 > 0:09:44OK, right. This is my friend Baylen Leonard.
0:09:44 > 0:09:47I'm not gay, but Baylen is,
0:09:47 > 0:09:48so he can say the next line.
0:09:48 > 0:09:52Is it just me, or is this documentary kinda hot?
0:09:54 > 0:09:56Men with big appetites, mighty thirsts.
0:10:05 > 0:10:08Then again, maybe it's just their glib postmodern minds
0:10:08 > 0:10:11grafting a sexual psychology onto a more innocent time.
0:10:16 > 0:10:18Oh, I dunno, though.
0:10:18 > 0:10:20I actually went down a sewer.
0:10:20 > 0:10:23Well, here I am at the top of a sewer.
0:10:23 > 0:10:26As you see, I'm all dressed up in the gear, ready to go down.
0:10:26 > 0:10:29The bloke behind is gutted they just cut his speaking part.
0:10:29 > 0:10:31Let's just have a look at it.
0:10:32 > 0:10:34Now, I promise you, this is not going to become a theme,
0:10:34 > 0:10:37but how many items of the Village People's wardrobe
0:10:37 > 0:10:39is this one presenter wearing?
0:10:39 > 0:10:40Let's count 'em.
0:10:40 > 0:10:421 - the construction worker's hat.
0:10:42 > 0:10:452 - the cowboy's gloves.
0:10:45 > 0:10:473 - the traffic cop's belt.
0:10:47 > 0:10:494 - the leather man's chaps.
0:10:49 > 0:10:52Why, if we had longer,
0:10:52 > 0:10:54I'd change the words to In The Navy to In The Sewer,
0:10:54 > 0:10:56and we'd all get a kick out of it.
0:10:56 > 0:10:57But let's press on.
0:10:57 > 0:10:59Could I go down and have a look?
0:10:59 > 0:11:00It's quite dangerous,
0:11:00 > 0:11:03but if you really want to go, we'll take you down.
0:11:03 > 0:11:04I'd like to.
0:11:04 > 0:11:05Oh, look!
0:11:05 > 0:11:08We're inside a huge pipe.
0:11:08 > 0:11:10Of all the tunnels on offer,
0:11:10 > 0:11:13it is the sewers that attracts TV most.
0:11:13 > 0:11:15It's called a sewer.
0:11:16 > 0:11:19This is where all the dirty water and the poop go.
0:11:21 > 0:11:24Yes, they say that half of all working TV crews
0:11:24 > 0:11:26can be found in the sewers at any given time.
0:11:26 > 0:11:29That means whenever you visit the toilet,
0:11:29 > 0:11:32you have a 50/50 chance of hitting someone from the One Show.
0:11:34 > 0:11:35There you are - false teeth.
0:11:37 > 0:11:39Do people ever ask for their teeth back?
0:11:39 > 0:11:43We've got one or two stories about when they've been out at a party
0:11:43 > 0:11:47and they've had a good night and they've lost their false teeth.
0:11:47 > 0:11:49You've got to go down and look for them.
0:11:49 > 0:11:51We find them sometimes,
0:11:51 > 0:11:53but what they do with them after that, God only knows.
0:11:55 > 0:11:57There's an old screwdriver here, look.
0:11:59 > 0:12:01As far as telly's concerned,
0:12:01 > 0:12:02it's what the public want.
0:12:04 > 0:12:05Would you recommend this to a friend?
0:12:05 > 0:12:07No.
0:12:07 > 0:12:08Now, that's not the spirit.
0:12:08 > 0:12:10Whenever a TV person asks you anything,
0:12:10 > 0:12:12always answer with enthusiasm,
0:12:12 > 0:12:16unless it's a news person whose actual job it is to make you frightened.
0:12:16 > 0:12:17Take this bloke.
0:12:17 > 0:12:18Bonjour!
0:12:18 > 0:12:21Yes, we're back on the trail of the Channel Tunnel again.
0:12:21 > 0:12:25And later in the show, we'll be revealing if it ever did get built.
0:12:25 > 0:12:26Bonjour!
0:12:26 > 0:12:29"Panorama" THEME PLAYS
0:12:33 > 0:12:36No, I'd probably get claustrophobia.
0:12:37 > 0:12:38The English don't want to.
0:12:38 > 0:12:40Why do you think we don't want to?
0:12:40 > 0:12:42Terrorists.
0:12:42 > 0:12:44And rabies.
0:12:44 > 0:12:47There's rabies in France. There's rabies all over Europe.
0:12:47 > 0:12:49- So what?- Bonjour!
0:12:49 > 0:12:51- Because you want to keep England... - You want to keep an island.
0:12:51 > 0:12:54You want to keep it like it is, you know.
0:12:54 > 0:12:56England's always been an island.
0:12:56 > 0:12:58And why should it be joined up with France now?
0:12:58 > 0:13:00Too easy for attack as well.
0:13:00 > 0:13:03Too easy for an attack.
0:13:03 > 0:13:07Just a minute - who's going to attack us?
0:13:07 > 0:13:09Anybody. Germany again.
0:13:09 > 0:13:13Dover's going to have to actually get up and do something about their terminal.
0:13:13 > 0:13:16Basically, if you're a Frenchman and you came in to Eastern Docks, Dover,
0:13:16 > 0:13:18you'd see a huge large roundabout
0:13:18 > 0:13:20and a big street of tatty hotels.
0:13:20 > 0:13:21Bonjour!
0:13:21 > 0:13:24Are the French going to learn how to make toast?
0:13:24 > 0:13:26Because whenever you go to France
0:13:26 > 0:13:28and you see this thing called "le toast",
0:13:28 > 0:13:30you get something that tastes like breeze block.
0:13:30 > 0:13:33They get a lump of bread, they dry it out for three weeks,
0:13:33 > 0:13:36and then they burn it on either side.
0:13:36 > 0:13:39I believe in Europe, and I want the English people to believe in Europe.
0:13:39 > 0:13:41It's a strategic matter, then, for you, is it?
0:13:41 > 0:13:42TRANSLATED FROM FRENCH:
0:13:42 > 0:13:44It is a matter which is vital to industry.
0:13:44 > 0:13:48Lines of communication have become the essential element, haven't they?
0:13:48 > 0:13:50Essential to the expansion of business.
0:13:50 > 0:13:52And what could be better than...
0:13:52 > 0:13:53CRUNCH!
0:13:53 > 0:13:55Oh, no, too strong, too strong.
0:13:55 > 0:13:58We only want light slapstick on this programme, thank you.
0:13:58 > 0:14:00..made by one of the tunnellers at the time...
0:14:02 > 0:14:05There's enough illegal goings-on in the tunnel world as it is.
0:14:05 > 0:14:08A man they call Swampy crawled out of the ground tonight,
0:14:08 > 0:14:12gave a smile and a few words, then was hauled off to police cells for the night.
0:14:12 > 0:14:16He'd been down for the longest time yet recorded by an anti-roads protestor,
0:14:16 > 0:14:20trying to delay contractors who wanted to get on with building the A30 dual carriageway.
0:14:20 > 0:14:24I feel that it's the only way to get a voice these days.
0:14:24 > 0:14:27I mean, if I wrote a letter to my MP,
0:14:27 > 0:14:28would I have achieved all this?
0:14:28 > 0:14:30Would you lot be here now?
0:14:30 > 0:14:31I think not.
0:14:31 > 0:14:33The kid's got a point.
0:14:33 > 0:14:35This news graphic from the period
0:14:35 > 0:14:36shows the position
0:14:36 > 0:14:37of his underground lair.
0:14:37 > 0:14:39It also points out
0:14:39 > 0:14:43that the protestors' tree houses had been cunningly placed
0:14:43 > 0:14:44in the trees.
0:14:44 > 0:14:46Bit cramped.
0:14:46 > 0:14:47But, um...
0:14:47 > 0:14:50I don't know. Conditions weren't too bad.
0:14:50 > 0:14:53This has been a good-natured operation so far,
0:14:53 > 0:14:55with the protestors even inventing a new game
0:14:55 > 0:14:57of tickle the bailiff.
0:14:57 > 0:14:59Tickle the bailiff?!
0:14:59 > 0:15:02Just when I thought this show was done with innuendo.
0:15:02 > 0:15:04Anyway, kids, it all ended very peacefully,
0:15:04 > 0:15:08and, yes, that's the story of how Glastonbury got started.
0:15:08 > 0:15:10DOG BARKS
0:15:10 > 0:15:12What's the matter, Chipshop?
0:15:12 > 0:15:14Who's down there?
0:15:15 > 0:15:18John's left the tiller, and we're going to give a demonstration
0:15:18 > 0:15:21of the ancient British canal art of legging a boat through Dudley Tunnel.
0:15:22 > 0:15:26This is where we have to get friendly, Fred.
0:15:26 > 0:15:29You see, it really is an upside-down world.
0:15:29 > 0:15:32Five hours of back-breaking work.
0:15:33 > 0:15:37This is legging. Really, all you're doing is walking sideways,
0:15:37 > 0:15:39pushing with your feet against the wall.
0:15:51 > 0:15:52I think me cap's falling off.
0:15:54 > 0:15:55Now a little history lesson.
0:15:55 > 0:15:58Without the efforts of two great men,
0:15:58 > 0:16:03modern tunnels might be little more than long, hollowed-out caverns from one place to the next.
0:16:03 > 0:16:05And, as always, we must tip the stovepipe here
0:16:05 > 0:16:07to Marc Brunel and his boy, Isambard.
0:16:07 > 0:16:11The development of their revolutionary digging shield
0:16:11 > 0:16:13allowed men to work under the Thames
0:16:13 > 0:16:16and create the Rotherhithe to Wapping foot tunnel.
0:16:16 > 0:16:17Though, as this postcard shows,
0:16:17 > 0:16:19only three people at a time could use it.
0:16:20 > 0:16:22Some rebuilding corrected this error,
0:16:22 > 0:16:24and after many trials and tribulations,
0:16:24 > 0:16:28not only did they show the world the way forward with tunnels,
0:16:28 > 0:16:31but opened the door to the series of Thomas The Tank Engine books.
0:16:32 > 0:16:35Tunnel techniques have progressed considerably
0:16:35 > 0:16:37since the old tunnels were built under the Thames.
0:16:37 > 0:16:41Soon, all nearby districts in the capital wanted in on the tunnel racket.
0:16:41 > 0:16:43There's the Sick Man of London at Blackwall.
0:16:43 > 0:16:46The gloomy echo chamber that is the Greenwich foot tunnel.
0:16:46 > 0:16:49And recently, the Dartford Tunnel,
0:16:49 > 0:16:52which, having two lanes, mercifully means that the only way isn't Essex.
0:16:52 > 0:16:55When nine-year-old transport enthusiast Glen Martin
0:16:55 > 0:16:59asked for a first-day invitation to the new Dartford Tunnel,
0:16:59 > 0:17:01he never expected to arrive this way.
0:17:01 > 0:17:04But the county councillors of Essex and Kent
0:17:04 > 0:17:06were so impressed with his enthusiasm
0:17:06 > 0:17:08that they decided to give him the job
0:17:08 > 0:17:10of opening the latest cross-river link.
0:17:10 > 0:17:13Seriously, kid, would a tie on the day have killed you?
0:17:13 > 0:17:15And Mr Mayor, let him do it himself, eh?
0:17:15 > 0:17:19This is little more than a scissors karaoke act.
0:17:19 > 0:17:23No wonder little Glen retired from public tunnel-openings after that.
0:17:23 > 0:17:26To Liverpool, and the tunnel over which flows the river
0:17:26 > 0:17:29that the altogether more celebrated ferry crosses.
0:17:29 > 0:17:31Thank you, Pacemakers.
0:17:31 > 0:17:32CHOIR SINGS
0:17:35 > 0:17:37There are currently delays westbound here,
0:17:37 > 0:17:40after a lorry earlier shed its load of adult choristers,
0:17:40 > 0:17:41who are still awaiting recovery.
0:17:47 > 0:17:50Though it's been eight days since these Scouse pipes of a different stripe
0:17:50 > 0:17:52were abandoned below the waves,
0:17:52 > 0:17:54they are managing to keep their spirits up,
0:17:54 > 0:17:57working through the entire Hoagy Carmichael songbook.
0:17:57 > 0:17:59Lovely stuff, ladies.
0:17:59 > 0:18:02And if ambulances can't be re-routed because of this sort of thing,
0:18:02 > 0:18:03then I don't know what.
0:18:08 > 0:18:11Meanwhile, in another part of the old MT...
0:18:11 > 0:18:13Well, this is where we're going.
0:18:13 > 0:18:14All right, Kevin?
0:18:15 > 0:18:17- How's it looking?- It's actually not too bad in here.
0:18:18 > 0:18:20Tight squeeze, isn't it?
0:18:20 > 0:18:22- Pardon?- Tight squeeze.
0:18:22 > 0:18:23It is.
0:18:23 > 0:18:25With the whole River Mersey trying to get in there with us,
0:18:25 > 0:18:30I still felt a little nervous as we went looking for bulges in the tunnel walls.
0:18:30 > 0:18:32If it changes shape...
0:18:32 > 0:18:34Bulges, this type of thing.
0:18:34 > 0:18:37- This reminds me of when we went down the sewers.- Pardon?
0:18:37 > 0:18:40Of course it does. You're on telly. Bound to happen.
0:18:40 > 0:18:41Do we have to check that?
0:18:41 > 0:18:43Oh, we're used to this sort of thing.
0:18:43 > 0:18:45There's a lot of water pouring out here.
0:18:45 > 0:18:47There is, yes.
0:18:47 > 0:18:49Is it dangerous, all this coming out here?
0:18:49 > 0:18:52Oh, no. If we try to block this here, it'll come out somewhere else.
0:18:52 > 0:18:55You get the feeling the whole thing's going to cave in.
0:18:55 > 0:18:56Oh, no, it's not like that.
0:18:56 > 0:18:58So is it worth you trying to patch this up?
0:18:58 > 0:19:01Oh, no. If you patch this up, it'll probably come out somewhere here.
0:19:01 > 0:19:03And it'll go on for evermore.
0:19:03 > 0:19:06That's pretty much what they said on the Titanic, actually.
0:19:08 > 0:19:11A train! It had better have one of those flotation rings, like Chitty Bang Bang.
0:19:11 > 0:19:13- What about the Mersey?- About 50 foot above that.
0:19:13 > 0:19:1650...40...30...20...
0:19:16 > 0:19:1810...9...8...
0:19:18 > 0:19:197...
0:19:19 > 0:19:23As our previous, frankly cavalier, guide showed,
0:19:23 > 0:19:26we British feel comfortable within a troglodyte existence.
0:19:26 > 0:19:28During the Second World War,
0:19:28 > 0:19:31our sub-surface retreats became second homes.
0:19:31 > 0:19:34People learned to cherish these womb-like warrens,
0:19:34 > 0:19:37as all on the surface exploded in fury.
0:19:37 > 0:19:41But Chislehurst was already adequately prepared.
0:19:41 > 0:19:44Because of work begun 8,000 years beforehand,
0:19:44 > 0:19:4815,000 men, women and children found perfect protection
0:19:48 > 0:19:53in the 22 miles of privately owned man-made caves.
0:19:53 > 0:19:56My father acquired the caves in 1932
0:19:56 > 0:19:58to grow mushrooms in.
0:19:58 > 0:20:00And then the war came along.
0:20:00 > 0:20:03And when they tried to grow mushrooms after the war, it was too hot for them
0:20:03 > 0:20:04and they all died!
0:20:04 > 0:20:07So that's why the caves were opened to the public, really.
0:20:07 > 0:20:10She was born in the hospital, I believe, in 1943.
0:20:10 > 0:20:13She was christened in the original church
0:20:13 > 0:20:16and she was christened, unfortunately for her, Cavina, after the caves.
0:20:16 > 0:20:21I know she didn't like this, because I do believe she did change her name soon after
0:20:21 > 0:20:23to Susan or Joan or something sensible, anyway.
0:20:23 > 0:20:25In fact, it was Lady Gaga.
0:20:25 > 0:20:30The Tube network was a more common escape from the violence without.
0:20:30 > 0:20:33This was a railway system built, you may recall,
0:20:33 > 0:20:35by the Chippendales dance troupe.
0:20:35 > 0:20:38Everything possible has been done to make them really comfortable.
0:20:38 > 0:20:43There are canteens to keep the shelterers supplied with hot drinks and light refreshments.
0:20:43 > 0:20:45What do the shelterers themselves think about it?
0:20:45 > 0:20:48Mr Margarine, what do you think of the shelter? You've been here a week or two.
0:20:48 > 0:20:51I think it's fine.
0:20:51 > 0:20:54Wait a minute - did she call him "Mr Margarine"?!
0:20:56 > 0:20:59Mr Margarine, what do you think of the shelter? You've been here a week or two.
0:20:59 > 0:21:01I think it's fine.
0:21:01 > 0:21:04She did! Mind you, before the war, he would have been Mr Butter.
0:21:09 > 0:21:10Hello, shelterers.
0:21:10 > 0:21:13In one more minute, the lights will be dimmed.
0:21:13 > 0:21:17Now, hurry along and get to bed. Tuck yourself up well.
0:21:17 > 0:21:18Good night, everybody.
0:21:18 > 0:21:21The Bergerac Islands.
0:21:21 > 0:21:25A mysterious archipelago about which very little is known.
0:21:25 > 0:21:27The few people who have been there
0:21:27 > 0:21:28say it is a strange realm,
0:21:28 > 0:21:32where the natives push high-end cars into the bay
0:21:32 > 0:21:34in an attempt to quell the sea gods.
0:21:34 > 0:21:36Beneath this stone defence
0:21:36 > 0:21:38are miles of tunnels
0:21:38 > 0:21:41from when the Minotaurs ruled the islands in the 1950s.
0:21:43 > 0:21:47But instead of destroying them, the ever-resourceful islanders have put them to good use.
0:21:47 > 0:21:49But not in the way you might think.
0:21:54 > 0:21:58Dave has converted this former German bunker
0:21:58 > 0:21:59into a fish farm.
0:21:59 > 0:22:02It houses 6,500 turbot.
0:22:02 > 0:22:06So you'd recommend fish farming in a German war tunnel, then?
0:22:06 > 0:22:11"So you'd recommend fish farming in a German war tunnel, then?"
0:22:11 > 0:22:12What kind of question is that?!
0:22:12 > 0:22:15I mean, how often would the circumstances arise?
0:22:15 > 0:22:17If one recommends it or doesn't recommend it,
0:22:17 > 0:22:19it's immaterial.
0:22:19 > 0:22:21It's simply too literal an observation,
0:22:21 > 0:22:24the sort of baggy presenting that induces lethargy
0:22:24 > 0:22:27on the face of a flat fish. Look!
0:22:27 > 0:22:29What a beautiful fish.
0:22:29 > 0:22:31When they hatch, they're normal swimming fish,
0:22:31 > 0:22:33with an eye each side.
0:22:33 > 0:22:36By the time they're the size of your thumbnail,
0:22:36 > 0:22:38the eye has slid round
0:22:38 > 0:22:40and they've turned into a flat fish.
0:22:40 > 0:22:43And that's why their mouth
0:22:43 > 0:22:45- is still sideways.- Yeah.
0:22:45 > 0:22:47So how much would you get for a fish like that, then?
0:22:47 > 0:22:49£2 billion.
0:22:49 > 0:22:50Wow!
0:22:50 > 0:22:53Now, in this mountain is a tunnel.
0:22:53 > 0:22:56And I promise you, it was once considered
0:22:56 > 0:22:58as a retreat for the Royal Family
0:22:58 > 0:23:00in the event of nuclear attack. Hooray!
0:23:00 > 0:23:04This excellent plan has been superseded today,
0:23:04 > 0:23:06which is a shame, because just think -
0:23:06 > 0:23:09the Queen, inside a mountain, like Gollum!
0:23:09 > 0:23:11I'm now going to go down the tunnel
0:23:11 > 0:23:13and see if we can have a look at them.
0:23:13 > 0:23:15Ooh! Bald head.
0:23:16 > 0:23:18Equerries, private secretaries,
0:23:18 > 0:23:20corgis and Royal personages
0:23:20 > 0:23:23scuttling along these tunnels
0:23:23 > 0:23:26as Russian missiles rain down over the rest of Britain?
0:23:26 > 0:23:29Possible, and, of course, the Department of Environment
0:23:29 > 0:23:32refuses to disclose any details at all
0:23:32 > 0:23:34of what it's doing here,
0:23:34 > 0:23:37as was made clear when one of its guardians appeared.
0:23:37 > 0:23:39Tell me what you're looking after here.
0:23:39 > 0:23:42Proof of a conspiracy,
0:23:42 > 0:23:45or just some bloke surprised while goofing off at work?
0:23:45 > 0:23:48"No unauthorised entry", and at this point, we stop.
0:23:48 > 0:23:51But even here, it's clear that the entrance
0:23:51 > 0:23:54is large enough to take sizeable furniture vans
0:23:54 > 0:23:57and down the tunnel, you can see the beginning of the system
0:23:57 > 0:23:58of reinforced doors.
0:23:58 > 0:24:02If you listen in the silence, you can hear the noise of the engine
0:24:02 > 0:24:04which is keeping the ventilator fans moving.
0:24:04 > 0:24:06CHOIR SINGS
0:24:13 > 0:24:16I suspect the Queen would rather stay in Buckingham Palace
0:24:16 > 0:24:18than go anywhere near there.
0:24:18 > 0:24:20He had all day to come up with that ad-lib.
0:24:20 > 0:24:24Kids! The Nintendo Wii took decades of development.
0:24:24 > 0:24:27That compact little box that sits under your TV
0:24:27 > 0:24:30once took an entire warehouse to accommodate.
0:24:30 > 0:24:34In 1947, in order to experience indoor skiing,
0:24:34 > 0:24:37special Government wind tunnels were created
0:24:37 > 0:24:41and the waiting list to have a go stretched into the millions.
0:24:41 > 0:24:44Some people are still waiting but, you know, it looks totally worth it.
0:24:52 > 0:24:55In turn, each member of the team went in to face the gale.
0:24:55 > 0:24:57Of course they did. I mean, look at that!
0:24:57 > 0:25:00I say! There's one in the eye for Angry Birds.
0:25:06 > 0:25:09Making tunnels. It's what separates us from the animals.
0:25:09 > 0:25:10Sort of.
0:25:10 > 0:25:12Badgers are good tunnellers.
0:25:12 > 0:25:14Their home is called a sett.
0:25:14 > 0:25:17They usually stay underground until nightfall,
0:25:17 > 0:25:20when they come out to forage for food for their young.
0:25:22 > 0:25:25I have an artificial sett out in the garden.
0:25:25 > 0:25:27I've got a two-way switch in the sett entrance,
0:25:27 > 0:25:29which I've connected by a cable
0:25:29 > 0:25:31right across to this recorder here.
0:25:31 > 0:25:34This little gadget makes pin-point punctures above the line...
0:25:34 > 0:25:37I guarantee this bloke is called Don.
0:25:37 > 0:25:40Don has mastered the art of comfortable badger-watching.
0:25:40 > 0:25:41Told you.
0:25:41 > 0:25:44He sits in an easy chair and waits for the badgers to arrive.
0:25:47 > 0:25:51They enter the artificial sett and proceed along a complex system of tunnels
0:25:51 > 0:25:54to the feeding chamber, where Don can also watch them.
0:25:54 > 0:25:57The badgers probably believe they're below ground,
0:25:57 > 0:25:59whereas, in fact, the chamber
0:25:59 > 0:26:02is raised three feet up for easy viewing.
0:26:05 > 0:26:08Here, literally only inches away,
0:26:08 > 0:26:11Don can observe them eating and sleeping,
0:26:11 > 0:26:13blissfully unaware of any human presence.
0:26:13 > 0:26:15It seems wrong,
0:26:15 > 0:26:17but as a result of Don's diligence,
0:26:17 > 0:26:20badger-on-badger street crime in the area fell by 60%.
0:26:22 > 0:26:25The common mole is a superb tunneller.
0:26:25 > 0:26:27It visits the surface from time to time,
0:26:27 > 0:26:29but moles are usually underground.
0:26:29 > 0:26:32It's thanks to a special camera
0:26:32 > 0:26:34we can watch a mole as it works away underground.
0:26:34 > 0:26:37It burrows with its strong front paws
0:26:37 > 0:26:41and somersaults around to push the soil back through the tunnel,
0:26:41 > 0:26:43like a miniature bulldozer.
0:26:43 > 0:26:45Farmers and gardeners treat the mole
0:26:45 > 0:26:49as an enemy, because it creates piles of soil where they're not wanted,
0:26:49 > 0:26:50especially on lawns.
0:26:50 > 0:26:53This one isn't alive, of course.
0:26:53 > 0:26:55Oh, isn't it? Isn't it really?
0:26:57 > 0:26:59Where are you, my children of the night?
0:27:00 > 0:27:02We have unfinished business, by the way.
0:27:02 > 0:27:05The Channel Tunnel cliff-hanger,
0:27:05 > 0:27:08which actually sounds like one of the early designs to build it.
0:27:08 > 0:27:12Anyway, the first British person to go through the tunnel
0:27:12 > 0:27:15was not Barbara Windsor, who the nation wanted,
0:27:15 > 0:27:16but Mr Graham Fagg.
0:27:18 > 0:27:20It was about three o'clock in the afternoon.
0:27:20 > 0:27:22I got instructed to go to the office.
0:27:22 > 0:27:26I honestly thought it was for a ticking-off from Dave Denman.
0:27:26 > 0:27:28When I got to the office, Dave said,
0:27:28 > 0:27:30"Your name's been pulled out of the hat
0:27:30 > 0:27:33"and you're the man going through the hole tomorrow."
0:27:35 > 0:27:38It would take him more than an hour to get out there in the little train.
0:27:38 > 0:27:41My main concern was actually getting Graham Fagg out of bed.
0:27:41 > 0:27:43Funny name - there's no getting away from that.
0:27:43 > 0:27:45..at five o'clock in the morning,
0:27:45 > 0:27:48and he looked at his watch and said, "Well, you're early."
0:27:48 > 0:27:50I said, "We've got to be down there."
0:27:50 > 0:27:53He said, "It's not till 11 o'clock. We've got plenty of time."
0:27:53 > 0:27:55My wife insisted on making me a full lunch.
0:27:55 > 0:27:58Well, at least we know now what they did with the rubble.
0:27:58 > 0:27:59They filled this story with it.
0:28:02 > 0:28:06And so, at last, mankind's ultimate dream was realised.
0:28:06 > 0:28:09Realised through the supreme will of the human mind
0:28:09 > 0:28:13with unwavering support from its strong arms and buttocks.
0:28:13 > 0:28:16At last, hot soup served on a train leaving Paris
0:28:16 > 0:28:18might still be warm when it reached the UK.
0:28:18 > 0:28:23In turn, they could ignore our pop stars in new record times.
0:28:23 > 0:28:25So here's to the unquenchable energies
0:28:25 > 0:28:28and restless tunnelling of the human race,
0:28:28 > 0:28:31to all of us beings on this ever-more-aerated rock,
0:28:31 > 0:28:33spinning through space.
0:28:33 > 0:28:36We are all truly geniuses.
0:28:38 > 0:28:39Good night.
0:28:47 > 0:28:49Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd