0:00:02 > 0:00:04"I must go down to the sea again to the lonely sea and the sky.
0:00:04 > 0:00:07"I left my shoes and socks there, I wonder if they're dry."
0:00:07 > 0:00:09Spike Milligan wrote that,
0:00:09 > 0:00:12and I think its meaning is as true today as it's ever been.
0:00:12 > 0:00:15Inspired by those words, tonight we shall look back on how we have
0:00:15 > 0:00:18chronicled this island's fringes on film.
0:00:18 > 0:00:21We were going to call it Coast but frustratingly there has
0:00:21 > 0:00:23already been a series called that,
0:00:23 > 0:00:26so I suggested Danny Baker Meets Sandy Shore
0:00:26 > 0:00:29but I'm told that just sounds like a talk show that nobody wants.
0:00:29 > 0:00:31So we decided on...
0:00:45 > 0:00:48The sea we know is a harsh mistress.
0:00:48 > 0:00:51The land it follows must be her long-suffering lover.
0:00:51 > 0:00:54So where does it leave that bit in the middle, the beach?
0:00:54 > 0:00:57Sometimes it's part of the sea, sometimes it's part of the land.
0:00:57 > 0:01:02Sort of a one-night stand in this topographic menage a trois.
0:01:02 > 0:01:06Over the next half hour we finally intend to hold this shifty stretch
0:01:06 > 0:01:08accountable and say, "Come on, beach -
0:01:08 > 0:01:10"quit sitting on the fence, wet or dry?"
0:01:10 > 0:01:13And who the hell do you think you are?
0:01:49 > 0:01:53Ever since the first humans crawled from the oceans
0:01:53 > 0:01:56hundreds of years ago, we've realised what a terrible
0:01:56 > 0:01:59blunder that was and have been trying to get back, but we can't.
0:01:59 > 0:02:04We traded our gills for lungs and apparently evolution has a stricter
0:02:04 > 0:02:08returns policy than Amazon after you've taken the shrink wrap off a
0:02:08 > 0:02:11DVD before realising you've already got that one on the shelf upstairs.
0:02:11 > 0:02:14They should make the covers of them Fast And Furious films completely
0:02:14 > 0:02:18different from each other so you don't waste your money like that.
0:02:18 > 0:02:20Sorry, we seem to have veered off topic a bit!
0:02:20 > 0:02:22Anyway...we've accepted defeat
0:02:22 > 0:02:25when it comes to living in the ocean once more and so,
0:02:25 > 0:02:30simply get as close to it as we can these days and, well, hang out.
0:02:30 > 0:02:33Like Mick Webb, who's masterminding the biggest hole in Margate,
0:02:33 > 0:02:37the grown-ups tend to say they're only doing it for the kids.
0:02:37 > 0:02:41It's...uh...for the kids really I suppose...well, me!
0:02:41 > 0:02:44I like it as much as the kids. I don't know, it's freedom, isn't it?
0:02:44 > 0:02:47You're stuck in the house, you know, in the row of houses.
0:02:47 > 0:02:50Looking over the next door neighbour's garden and that
0:02:50 > 0:02:52and there's a sort of freeness, you know,
0:02:52 > 0:02:56you sort of just do what you like - kind of run down to the beach.
0:02:56 > 0:02:59Everyone wears funny hats and that. If you were sort of walking down
0:02:59 > 0:03:02your high street like it they'd say, "Look at that funny person there."
0:03:02 > 0:03:04But they just don't bother, do they?
0:03:04 > 0:03:07When you're out down the seaside on holiday or anything.
0:03:07 > 0:03:09Now, normally... What's the time now?
0:03:09 > 0:03:12We'd be sitting down eating our Sunday roast. You know?
0:03:12 > 0:03:13It's clockwork, you know?
0:03:13 > 0:03:16Half past eight, nine o'clock, it's breakfast.
0:03:16 > 0:03:20Half past one is dinner. 5:30 is tea.
0:03:20 > 0:03:23Kids to bed, and we're down there to watch Stars On Sunday
0:03:23 > 0:03:25kind of thing, just as it ends.
0:03:25 > 0:03:28And, this is the difference, right, we have a cheese roll,
0:03:28 > 0:03:32we get on the old... Get on the old...train, come down here,
0:03:32 > 0:03:35we go home tonight and we'll not even have our roast tonight.
0:03:35 > 0:03:39Oh, blow it, we won't have it. The kids, what do you want, kids? Something quick and go to bed.
0:03:39 > 0:03:40We've done something different.
0:03:40 > 0:03:42The beach attracts young and old alike
0:03:42 > 0:03:45and somewhere among them are Mr and Mrs Burchill.
0:03:45 > 0:03:49We seem to make for the beach every morning automatically.
0:03:49 > 0:03:54Straight down to the beach. Collect our deckchairs. Sit down.
0:03:54 > 0:03:57The reason we pick the same spot mainly is because we are rather
0:03:57 > 0:04:00near the litter bin and they do love picking up little bits
0:04:00 > 0:04:03on the beach and running backwards and forward to the litter bin.
0:04:03 > 0:04:06They think they're being so clever tidying up the beach.
0:04:06 > 0:04:10When I say I'm rather lazy, I just sit.
0:04:10 > 0:04:13Dennis digs the hole bigger and bigger.
0:04:13 > 0:04:15As fast as he's digging it, Toby's filling it in.
0:04:15 > 0:04:18I like to look at people and wonder. What they do for a living.
0:04:18 > 0:04:22If they're on holiday. Where they come from.
0:04:22 > 0:04:24If they're enjoying themselves
0:04:24 > 0:04:28and what type of people they really are when they're out of swimsuits.
0:04:28 > 0:04:31Well, I know who two of them were. It's Ron and Russ Mael from Sparks.
0:04:31 > 0:04:34# This town ain't big enough for both of us... #
0:04:34 > 0:04:36Hello.
0:04:36 > 0:04:40Here in Great Britain there are many places that one can enjoy
0:04:40 > 0:04:44the sport of shore fishing, and it's the technique of long casting
0:04:44 > 0:04:46that we've come here to have a look at.
0:04:46 > 0:04:51And who better to explain this than that great exponent of long
0:04:51 > 0:04:53casting, Leslie Moncrieff?
0:05:02 > 0:05:03How about that?
0:05:03 > 0:05:05That was Leslie Moncrieff and we hadn't buried him
0:05:05 > 0:05:07up to his knees, you know.
0:05:07 > 0:05:10He was in fact just kneeling
0:05:10 > 0:05:13and all of this was done just to prove the point that you don't
0:05:13 > 0:05:17have to be high-wired and handsome to send that lead winging
0:05:17 > 0:05:21way out 100 yards or more over the ocean.
0:05:21 > 0:05:23It's skill that counts, skill.
0:05:28 > 0:05:31Well, we shall be seeing plenty more of Leslie in a minute.
0:05:31 > 0:05:33You know, the one thing his presenting style had
0:05:33 > 0:05:36- going for it was that outstanding cardigan.- Hello.
0:05:36 > 0:05:39Now he's covered it up, he's lost me, but I'll be honest,
0:05:39 > 0:05:41televised fishing loses me.
0:05:41 > 0:05:45Staring at some boring man with a pole in his hand might be all
0:05:45 > 0:05:47right on election night but it's not great TV.
0:05:47 > 0:05:49It might be better radio, actually,
0:05:49 > 0:05:51because every angler has an entertaining yarn.
0:05:51 > 0:05:54Out on the pier, Reg Schafto is on the countdown
0:05:54 > 0:05:57to lift off his 17th cast of the morning.
0:06:02 > 0:06:04What was the last fish you caught?
0:06:04 > 0:06:06Uh...last fish was last Sunday, an eel.
0:06:06 > 0:06:09Weighed exactly a pound. Was a nice fish.
0:06:09 > 0:06:12- What happened to the eel? - Oh, that got eaten for supper.
0:06:12 > 0:06:13That went down a treat.
0:06:14 > 0:06:16My mother-in-law ate that - she loves them.
0:06:16 > 0:06:23She's coming up to...she's 87, and she loves an eel.
0:06:23 > 0:06:26- Had anything lately? - I had a nice eel last Sunday.
0:06:26 > 0:06:29Exactly a pound, it went. We weighed it when we got it home.
0:06:29 > 0:06:33- Nice fish.- This easterly wind isn't helping to...take a bite.
0:06:33 > 0:06:37- The water's a bit thick for it. - Mother-in-law enjoyed it.
0:06:37 > 0:06:39- What? The water?- No, the eel.
0:06:40 > 0:06:44Yeah - wasn't going to be anecdotally derailed there, was he?
0:06:44 > 0:06:47Mind you, that was his 17th cast of the morning,
0:06:47 > 0:06:51which sounds like the rehearsals for that Spice Girls musical.
0:06:51 > 0:06:55Leslie Moncrieff will have many rods to show you.
0:06:55 > 0:06:58He's a bit of an expert - in fact, he's an engineer
0:06:58 > 0:06:59and he designs his own.
0:06:59 > 0:07:01So, without more ado,
0:07:01 > 0:07:04let's look at Leslie's rods and the way he casts.
0:07:05 > 0:07:10If you can imagine 300-400 anglers along this beach,
0:07:10 > 0:07:15all casting their average distances of between, say, 60 and 80 yards,
0:07:15 > 0:07:17it's quite obvious that they're throwing a weight pattern
0:07:17 > 0:07:19in the water
0:07:19 > 0:07:21and, of course, the fish react to vibration
0:07:21 > 0:07:24and they're not going to move and come closer in
0:07:24 > 0:07:26to the source of the trouble.
0:07:26 > 0:07:27They're going to move out.
0:07:27 > 0:07:29It's here people like Leslie Moncrieff
0:07:29 > 0:07:31and other good casters,
0:07:31 > 0:07:32they push the fish out to them,
0:07:32 > 0:07:34we can reach them, we can catch them.
0:07:34 > 0:07:37One of the greatest difficulties I have
0:07:37 > 0:07:42is following this terrific speed Leslie creates
0:07:42 > 0:07:43when he casts like this.
0:07:43 > 0:07:47But one of the things the TV camera can do for you
0:07:47 > 0:07:48is to slow this action down.
0:07:48 > 0:07:51HORN BLOWS
0:07:51 > 0:07:53Now, let's have a look at this in slow motion.
0:08:00 > 0:08:02WHOOSH!
0:08:02 > 0:08:06And that's the action that Leslie puts into it
0:08:06 > 0:08:09that gives you the power - or gives him the power -
0:08:09 > 0:08:12to send that terminal tackle winging out over the ocean
0:08:12 > 0:08:14at something over 100mph.
0:08:14 > 0:08:17That noise you heard ruining his performance there
0:08:17 > 0:08:21was a departing train evacuating thousands of overexcited onlookers.
0:08:21 > 0:08:24To save us the same exertions,
0:08:24 > 0:08:26let's move on to something less demanding -
0:08:26 > 0:08:29the historic coastal carnage of the Mods and Rockers.
0:08:29 > 0:08:33For all you kids watching BBC Four right now,
0:08:33 > 0:08:35let me explain what this was.
0:08:35 > 0:08:39Today, you might buy Grand Theft Auto or Assassin's Creed
0:08:39 > 0:08:41and hunt down your cyber enemies online.
0:08:41 > 0:08:44Well, back in the '60s, there was no internet
0:08:44 > 0:08:47so everyone had to arrange to meet on Margate Beach
0:08:47 > 0:08:48and do it manually.
0:08:49 > 0:08:51When they came off their bikes,
0:08:51 > 0:08:53I asked them first how they saw the Mods.
0:08:53 > 0:08:55Well...
0:08:56 > 0:08:57By the way they dress,
0:08:57 > 0:09:01the make-up and that they have on them and the eye shadow,
0:09:01 > 0:09:02and high-heel boots and that...
0:09:02 > 0:09:04Why, sometimes I fancy them meself.
0:09:04 > 0:09:05They think you're a poof.
0:09:05 > 0:09:07That's they way they look at you,
0:09:07 > 0:09:08as if to say it, you know.
0:09:08 > 0:09:11Some people got hurt, thrown off the promenade,
0:09:11 > 0:09:13trying to stop the fight - do you think that's funny?
0:09:13 > 0:09:14They shouldn't have jumped in.
0:09:14 > 0:09:17If you were, say, in Clacton or Brighton at Whitsun,
0:09:17 > 0:09:19and a fight started, what would you do?
0:09:19 > 0:09:21I'd stand and watch it.
0:09:21 > 0:09:24They go..."Pooh! Mods!"
0:09:24 > 0:09:26So you just say, "What's the matter?"
0:09:26 > 0:09:28They say, "Pooh! Mods!"
0:09:28 > 0:09:31Fancy going out with a Mod, and everybody looks at you -
0:09:31 > 0:09:34you wouldn't know if you were looking at the girl or the bloke.
0:09:34 > 0:09:36She is SO hot.
0:09:36 > 0:09:39They say one of the reasons that you people wear boots
0:09:39 > 0:09:42is because it helps you put the boot in.
0:09:42 > 0:09:44No, I've never yet seen a Rocker put a boot in.
0:09:44 > 0:09:46You've got to have it off with somebody,
0:09:46 > 0:09:47and who's there, you have it off with.
0:09:47 > 0:09:49You've got to have a fight?
0:09:49 > 0:09:51Well, what do you do if you don't have a fight?
0:09:51 > 0:09:53Oh, don't be so ridiculous, mate.
0:09:53 > 0:09:55There's hundreds of things you can do.
0:09:55 > 0:09:56You could...
0:10:00 > 0:10:02WHOOSH!
0:10:02 > 0:10:04All right, fair enough. You win.
0:10:04 > 0:10:05So you want a row, then?
0:10:05 > 0:10:08This beach - it's one of the five at Newquay -
0:10:08 > 0:10:11has all of the hazards that go to make a killer beach.
0:10:11 > 0:10:13It looks deceptively flat,
0:10:13 > 0:10:16but under the breakers are sudden holes in the sand,
0:10:16 > 0:10:20hidden rocks and fierce tide rips that can carry a swimmer out to sea
0:10:20 > 0:10:22before he knows what's happening.
0:10:22 > 0:10:25You only have to step across the headland there to the next beach
0:10:25 > 0:10:28to find holiday madness in full swing.
0:10:28 > 0:10:30This is called Crantock Beach
0:10:30 > 0:10:34and over there is the perfect place to swim -
0:10:34 > 0:10:35flat, calm, smooth sands...
0:10:35 > 0:10:37Nothing could go wrong.
0:10:37 > 0:10:40But down there, where the river flows into the sea,
0:10:40 > 0:10:44it's anything but perfect - it can be extremely dangerous
0:10:44 > 0:10:46and there's a very clear notice that says so.
0:10:46 > 0:10:48- Are these your children, swimming here?- Mm.
0:10:48 > 0:10:52- Can you read that notice over there? - Yes, I can read that notice.
0:10:52 > 0:10:55- What does it say? - It says, "Don't bathe in the river."
0:10:55 > 0:10:57Do you believe in notices?
0:10:59 > 0:11:01Uh...yes, if I see them, I do, certainly.
0:11:01 > 0:11:04You really hadn't noticed that one until this moment?
0:11:04 > 0:11:05I have just noticed that notice now.
0:11:07 > 0:11:09Are you going to do anything about it?
0:11:09 > 0:11:11If it says, "Danger, don't bathe in the river,"
0:11:11 > 0:11:13maybe we'd better not bathe in the river.
0:11:13 > 0:11:17- Will you actually stop your children bathing in the river, now?- Yes.
0:11:17 > 0:11:20- Have you seen the notices here? - Yes, one over there.
0:11:20 > 0:11:22What do you think of them?
0:11:22 > 0:11:24Well, provided we keep our eye on him,
0:11:24 > 0:11:27I think he should be all right - he's a good swimmer,
0:11:27 > 0:11:28he's got a couple of badges.
0:11:28 > 0:11:31But I noticed he couldn't actually hold his own against the tide.
0:11:31 > 0:11:34He was swimming hard and going slightly backwards.
0:11:34 > 0:11:36Yeah, but I'm always here to go in after him.
0:11:36 > 0:11:38Have you seen the notices?
0:11:40 > 0:11:42- "Danger" over there?- Yes. - Yeah.
0:11:42 > 0:11:45- What do you think about them? - I think they're very good. Um...
0:11:46 > 0:11:48But she's just been on the side, you know.
0:11:48 > 0:11:51We've been keeping a close eye on her.
0:11:51 > 0:11:52She's wet up to her neck,
0:11:52 > 0:11:53so she must have been...
0:11:53 > 0:11:54She'd been on the air bed.
0:11:54 > 0:11:57- On the air bed? - Just on the side, though.
0:11:57 > 0:11:58Got this one watching them.
0:11:58 > 0:12:00Do you know how easily they can be swept off to sea?
0:12:00 > 0:12:04- It does happen on this river. - It's bad, is it?- Yes.
0:12:04 > 0:12:06- That's why the notices are there. - Oh...
0:12:06 > 0:12:08When you see a notice like that,
0:12:08 > 0:12:10that says "Danger, do not swim in the river,"
0:12:10 > 0:12:12how do you react?
0:12:12 > 0:12:15Um...myself, personally,
0:12:15 > 0:12:18I would keep a very strict eye on the children
0:12:18 > 0:12:19if they were in the water.
0:12:19 > 0:12:21But I wouldn't swim out there myself, no.
0:12:21 > 0:12:23But you'd let the children swim?
0:12:23 > 0:12:25Not swim, no. They can't swim.
0:12:25 > 0:12:28Now don't get me wrong, it's a serious message,
0:12:28 > 0:12:31but that reporter would've found out about a far greater beach danger
0:12:31 > 0:12:35had he confronted my old man with that supercilious tone.
0:12:35 > 0:12:38Then again, it's the little blond kid's movie, isn't it?
0:12:38 > 0:12:40He's been part of at least 30 families on that beach
0:12:40 > 0:12:44and turning in some BAFTA award-winning scene-stealing.
0:12:44 > 0:12:47I'm frankly amazed he didn't he didn't grow up to be me.
0:12:47 > 0:12:48Then, something else happens.
0:12:48 > 0:12:51There's a beach bag behind our last hectored punter -
0:12:51 > 0:12:52look, there it is -
0:12:52 > 0:12:56and it's obviously been expertly packed that morning
0:12:56 > 0:12:59by a mum, like only mums can, to make sure no sand
0:12:59 > 0:13:02gets into the family's towels, clothes and sandwiches.
0:13:02 > 0:13:05But watch now at how the dad skilfully repacks it
0:13:05 > 0:13:07after locating his lighter.
0:13:07 > 0:13:09- No. - But you'd let the children swim?
0:13:09 > 0:13:11Not swim, no. They can't swim.
0:13:11 > 0:13:13We keep an eye on them.
0:13:13 > 0:13:17- Is the little one all covered with the creams and that?- Yes.
0:13:17 > 0:13:20Yeah - only just mentioning it, we can't tell you what to do.
0:13:20 > 0:13:21I say...
0:13:23 > 0:13:24Come on, off.
0:13:26 > 0:13:27You guys get off.
0:13:29 > 0:13:31Don't you know it's dangerous, you lot?
0:13:32 > 0:13:33Eh?
0:13:35 > 0:13:40That's why we've got that sign up there saying..."Danger."
0:13:40 > 0:13:41Yeah?
0:13:41 > 0:13:43Do you understand this is dangerous?
0:13:43 > 0:13:46If they want to break their necks, they can,
0:13:46 > 0:13:47but they're being a bloody nuisance,
0:13:47 > 0:13:50because they're running round and round and round in circles.
0:13:50 > 0:13:53- He got sand in my girl's eyes. - Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
0:13:55 > 0:13:57OK, then, lads. Righty-ho - yeah.
0:13:59 > 0:14:00Now then, um...
0:14:00 > 0:14:04- Don't be doing that any more, OK? - OK.- Right.
0:14:04 > 0:14:06No, no, no - OK?
0:14:06 > 0:14:08OK, that's it. Yeah.
0:14:08 > 0:14:10Right, that's all dangerous, yeah?
0:14:10 > 0:14:12Careful...don't be running any more,
0:14:12 > 0:14:14cos sand got into some people's eyes, yeah?
0:14:14 > 0:14:15All right...
0:14:17 > 0:14:18Lifeboat one.
0:14:20 > 0:14:21- RADIO:- Yeah, lifeboat one, go ahead.
0:14:21 > 0:14:24Uh, Peter, seafront five here.
0:14:24 > 0:14:27If you could keep an eye on these groynes.
0:14:27 > 0:14:32There seems to be a lot of...unnecessary activity.
0:14:32 > 0:14:33I'm trying to keep them off,
0:14:33 > 0:14:35but they keep persisting, going back, over.
0:14:36 > 0:14:38- RADIO:- Right-o.
0:14:39 > 0:14:43Phew...oh, it's hot.
0:14:43 > 0:14:47That was patrol-man Peter Crew - the attack dog of Cockleshell Bay.
0:14:47 > 0:14:50I don't think I've seen such ineffectual policing
0:14:50 > 0:14:54since Top Cat opened a gambling den in Officer Dibble's car.
0:14:54 > 0:14:56And talk about a losing battle.
0:14:56 > 0:14:58Kids love the beach, they live for it!
0:14:58 > 0:14:59From the very first moment
0:14:59 > 0:15:02they discover this soft transient wonderland
0:15:02 > 0:15:05that starts where the trains have to stop,
0:15:05 > 0:15:08it's the only place they ever want to be -
0:15:08 > 0:15:10why, I remember my own introduction to it.
0:15:10 > 0:15:12I was wearing my favourite yellow top,
0:15:12 > 0:15:14and as the coach...
0:15:14 > 0:15:15Danny's never seen the sea before.
0:15:18 > 0:15:21For Danny, the first in a day of firsts is just coming -
0:15:21 > 0:15:23his first time on a beach.
0:15:24 > 0:15:26What is it? Feel it.
0:15:26 > 0:15:28Don't kick it! Feel it.
0:15:28 > 0:15:33- It's lovely and soft.- Sand! - Sand. There you are.
0:15:33 > 0:15:35That's sand, isn't it? Eh?
0:15:36 > 0:15:39We told him he was going to the seaside
0:15:39 > 0:15:44and there was lots of sand, like he has in playschool.
0:15:44 > 0:15:47But he didn't imagine what the sea was like.
0:15:47 > 0:15:50I don't know what his reaction to that is going to be.
0:15:51 > 0:15:53Show him how you jump in the water.
0:15:53 > 0:15:55Look - like that. You do it.
0:15:57 > 0:15:58Danny...
0:16:00 > 0:16:03DANNY CRIES
0:16:03 > 0:16:05He don't like it.
0:16:05 > 0:16:09Very excited, wasn't he, Kath? All the way along in the coach.
0:16:09 > 0:16:11He was singing his little songs as best he could
0:16:11 > 0:16:13along with everyone else, you know?
0:16:13 > 0:16:16But all we could hear was, "Baa-baa, black sheep".
0:16:16 > 0:16:18Yeah, it's great.
0:16:22 > 0:16:24Here you are, look.
0:16:24 > 0:16:25DANNY CRIES
0:16:25 > 0:16:30- He won't go on - he's s nice donkey. - No!
0:16:32 > 0:16:34- Look, that little girl... - I don't want it!
0:16:34 > 0:16:38You don't like it - all right, then, you needn't go on.
0:16:38 > 0:16:40All right, you watch Kerry on it.
0:16:40 > 0:16:43Where do you want to go? Tell Nanny and I'll take you.
0:16:43 > 0:16:45Where do you want to go, pet?
0:16:45 > 0:16:48Where do you want to go, eh?
0:16:48 > 0:16:49Go home.
0:16:49 > 0:16:52You want to go home? Don't you want to go in the funfair?
0:16:53 > 0:16:56Are you tired? He's been up since five o'clock.
0:16:56 > 0:16:57And I had.
0:16:57 > 0:17:01In fact, I'd already shot two other documentaries that same day -
0:17:01 > 0:17:02Inside Andy Pandy
0:17:02 > 0:17:05and Edible Plasticine, Food Of The Future.
0:17:05 > 0:17:07Also, no, I didn't want to ride on that donkey.
0:17:07 > 0:17:09Enormous, great, toothy brutes -
0:17:09 > 0:17:12they've got fur like wire wool if you're wearing shorts.
0:17:12 > 0:17:15How did they ever come to be beach fixtures?
0:17:15 > 0:17:17Donkeys aren't coastal creatures.
0:17:17 > 0:17:20Now, riding on a giant crab, I could understand.
0:17:20 > 0:17:22But asses? They're all the same, aren't they?
0:17:22 > 0:17:27- Do they have distinct personalities of their own?- Every one.
0:17:27 > 0:17:29That one there, he's just thick -
0:17:29 > 0:17:32hasn't got enough sense to know that he if went that little bit slower,
0:17:32 > 0:17:36he wouldn't have all the weight of these other donkeys hanging on him.
0:17:36 > 0:17:38That one over there, that there's crafty.
0:17:38 > 0:17:40That there's a crafty donkey.
0:17:40 > 0:17:43That'll sit down and think things up itself.
0:17:43 > 0:17:46You know, that sees you walking in the morning
0:17:46 > 0:17:48and see you go near the horsebox
0:17:48 > 0:17:49and he's gone -
0:17:49 > 0:17:51you've got to catch him, you know?
0:17:51 > 0:17:52He knows that he's going to work.
0:17:52 > 0:17:55You walk in the rest of the time, don't go near the horsebox
0:17:55 > 0:17:56and he won't take no notice of you.
0:17:56 > 0:17:59You can go up to him, do what you like.
0:17:59 > 0:18:03But first thing in the morning, when it's work time, he's away.
0:18:03 > 0:18:07You watch the trippers from London coming down weekend after weekend -
0:18:07 > 0:18:09what do they get out of it, do you think?
0:18:10 > 0:18:12Slow down.
0:18:12 > 0:18:13They slow down a little bit.
0:18:13 > 0:18:15They sit still.
0:18:15 > 0:18:20You know, these people, could you see them sitting anywhere in London?
0:18:20 > 0:18:23People just sitting down on the sands even today,
0:18:23 > 0:18:25where would they go and sit in London? Hyde Park?
0:18:25 > 0:18:27Yeah, Hyde Park.
0:18:27 > 0:18:30Or Regent's Park, Southwark Park, Deptford Park,
0:18:30 > 0:18:33Green Park, Greenwich Park, Victoria Park, St James' Park,
0:18:33 > 0:18:35Battersea Park, Holland...
0:18:35 > 0:18:39FAST-FORWARDS
0:18:39 > 0:18:41..Parsons Green, Kensington Gardens,
0:18:41 > 0:18:42Peckham Rye, Wimbledon...
0:18:43 > 0:18:46Thank you. Good note.
0:18:46 > 0:18:50That is what we call in television "a production meeting".
0:18:57 > 0:18:58SHE SCREAMS
0:18:59 > 0:19:02SHE LAUGHS
0:19:08 > 0:19:11Over-excited Angela Rippon capsizing in a land yacht.
0:19:11 > 0:19:13Sounds like one of those sentences
0:19:13 > 0:19:16that use all the letters of the alphabet, doesn't it?
0:19:16 > 0:19:17And it neatly leads us
0:19:17 > 0:19:21into the unexpected and wonderful world of beachcombers.
0:19:21 > 0:19:24These dedicated traders on the tide trawl the sands,
0:19:24 > 0:19:26gathering anything that's washed up.
0:19:26 > 0:19:28Not like Peter Andre,
0:19:28 > 0:19:31but in the sense of flotsam, jetsam and trove.
0:19:31 > 0:19:34Police warn beachcombers not to take cargo washed ashore
0:19:34 > 0:19:36on the Devon coast.
0:19:36 > 0:19:39Work's going on to make a stricken container at sea safe
0:19:39 > 0:19:42as hundreds of people descend on the beaches.
0:19:42 > 0:19:45There must've been about 40, 50 people outside that container.
0:19:45 > 0:19:47As soon as it was open, more and more people came
0:19:47 > 0:19:49to have a look exactly what was in there.
0:19:49 > 0:19:51When they saw it was BMW motorbikes,
0:19:51 > 0:19:53there were hundreds of people at the container.
0:19:53 > 0:19:58No whiskey galore, but wine casks aplenty washed up on the beach.
0:19:58 > 0:20:00Many of the most portable and expensive items
0:20:00 > 0:20:03have been finding their way off the beach this morning -
0:20:03 > 0:20:06steering wheels, exhaust systems among them.
0:20:06 > 0:20:10Quite a lot around here, trainers and that.
0:20:10 > 0:20:12About my size, I would think.
0:20:12 > 0:20:15And, eh...probably, when they're dried out,
0:20:15 > 0:20:16they'll be fine.
0:20:17 > 0:20:18Good girl...
0:20:18 > 0:20:21Morecambe Beach is Madge's favourite place
0:20:21 > 0:20:24so her owner, Ken Wilman, brings her here every day.
0:20:24 > 0:20:28So when she started sniffing at what appeared to be a piece of rock,
0:20:28 > 0:20:31at first, Ken didn't take much notice.
0:20:31 > 0:20:35But when he looked more closely, it struck him as odd.
0:20:35 > 0:20:38The smell of it, the feel of it, the weight of it...
0:20:40 > 0:20:43It just got me...I was just curious.
0:20:43 > 0:20:45In Google, I put "whale vomit"
0:20:45 > 0:20:47and up came ambergris.
0:20:48 > 0:20:49As soon as I saw the pictures of it,
0:20:49 > 0:20:51I came straight back down to the beach,
0:20:51 > 0:20:52picked it up and brought it home.
0:20:52 > 0:20:56And he's delighted he did - as unlikely as it seems,
0:20:56 > 0:21:00whale vomit is worth thousands of pounds.
0:21:00 > 0:21:02I've spoken to companies in Europe
0:21:02 > 0:21:08and I'm potentially holding over 100,000 euros.
0:21:08 > 0:21:12One of the most distinctive things about it is the smell -
0:21:12 > 0:21:14really quite unpleasant and musky.
0:21:14 > 0:21:18So it's surprising it's mainly used for perfume-making.
0:21:18 > 0:21:19He found an interesting rock
0:21:19 > 0:21:22and went straight home and Googled "whale vomit"?
0:21:22 > 0:21:24How would you make THAT connection?
0:21:24 > 0:21:26I googled "whale vomit"
0:21:26 > 0:21:28and all it said was, "Did You Mean Pinocchio?"
0:21:28 > 0:21:31And if whale vomit really is worth more than gold,
0:21:31 > 0:21:33why aren't we raising thousands of them
0:21:33 > 0:21:35in farms all over Britain,
0:21:35 > 0:21:37plying them with bad kebabs and cider
0:21:37 > 0:21:40then just waiting for them to cough up the cash?
0:21:40 > 0:21:41Well, Prime Minister? Well?
0:21:41 > 0:21:45Besides, not everything you find bobbing about on the ebb-tide
0:21:45 > 0:21:47is equally as desirable.
0:21:47 > 0:21:52Nudists today demand more and more of the world's coves and shorelines
0:21:52 > 0:21:55upon which to plonk themselves down naked and stretch out.
0:21:55 > 0:21:59Which is why you should never eat a whelk without washing it first.
0:21:59 > 0:22:02The nudist argument, just like a full and luscious rump,
0:22:02 > 0:22:06divides itself into two, often warring, halves.
0:22:06 > 0:22:09What is there about nudists which you think...?
0:22:09 > 0:22:13I'm telling you, it'd attract the wrong class of person.
0:22:13 > 0:22:15Hooliganism, give extra work to the police,
0:22:15 > 0:22:17drinking and everything else.
0:22:17 > 0:22:19You'll get all the scoundrels out of hell coming.
0:22:19 > 0:22:20- I'd shoot the- BLEEP.
0:22:20 > 0:22:24- Why?- Because it's disgusting, that's what I think it is.
0:22:24 > 0:22:27The worst thing they can do - you'll bring all the riff-raff
0:22:27 > 0:22:30- out of Hull, Leeds and all over, into the town.- Why?
0:22:30 > 0:22:34And they'll be breaking in all over the place, and crime.
0:22:35 > 0:22:36No comment.
0:22:36 > 0:22:39I don't think I'd like to meet a party of nudists.
0:22:39 > 0:22:43Among those whom Hornsea can thank for liberalising the human form
0:22:43 > 0:22:46is a former mayor of the town, councillor Mrs Sylvia Wood.
0:22:46 > 0:22:48I myself have sunbathed in the nude -
0:22:48 > 0:22:50not in this country, admittedly.
0:22:50 > 0:22:52And I think it's a delightful sensation.
0:22:52 > 0:22:56You have freedom of movement, you have no clammy, wet costumes
0:22:56 > 0:22:58and I can't see anything wrong with it at all.
0:22:58 > 0:23:02The family join me, sunbathing in the nude
0:23:02 > 0:23:04and it is a family thing.
0:23:04 > 0:23:06Overseas, they think nothing of it.
0:23:06 > 0:23:08In Germany, I've done it,
0:23:08 > 0:23:11and I've found there's nothing wrong with it.
0:23:11 > 0:23:12Yes, it's pleasurable,
0:23:12 > 0:23:15and I often bathe off this coast in the nude.
0:23:15 > 0:23:17But I take my trunks off in the water
0:23:17 > 0:23:20and hang 'em on one of these horrible projections
0:23:20 > 0:23:22that have been here for years.
0:23:22 > 0:23:24Disgusting.
0:23:24 > 0:23:25Disgusting.
0:23:25 > 0:23:28Doesn't worry me - I'm all for things like that.
0:23:28 > 0:23:31Whatever you want to do.
0:23:31 > 0:23:34Whatever your thing is, you do it, I think.
0:23:34 > 0:23:36I'm a bit broad-minded, so I don't care.
0:23:36 > 0:23:38Hang on! I know that face!
0:23:38 > 0:23:39# Don't tell me not to live
0:23:39 > 0:23:41# Just sit and putter
0:23:41 > 0:23:44# Life's candy and the sun's a ball of butter
0:23:44 > 0:23:50# Don't bring around a cloud to rain on my parade... #
0:23:50 > 0:23:52Do you propose to come down here regularly?
0:23:52 > 0:23:53I'd like to, yes.
0:23:53 > 0:23:55What do you say to those in Brighton
0:23:55 > 0:23:57who believe there shouldn't be a naturist beach?
0:23:57 > 0:23:58Well, if they don't want to take part,
0:23:58 > 0:24:01they don't have to and we won't annoy them.
0:24:03 > 0:24:06It's just nice to be able to come down and be able to go for a swim.
0:24:06 > 0:24:09There have been unofficial beaches around the place, where we've gone,
0:24:09 > 0:24:11but always, we've got the worry of having to cover up
0:24:11 > 0:24:14if anybody comes along, but here, you get to be quite open.
0:24:14 > 0:24:17You're not worried about the watching world?
0:24:17 > 0:24:19Not really, no!
0:24:19 > 0:24:21The only difference I can think of, the nudist families,
0:24:21 > 0:24:23is that part of the beach
0:24:23 > 0:24:24seems to stay a lot cleaner
0:24:24 > 0:24:29and there seems to be less litter than on the main part of the beach.
0:24:29 > 0:24:32Other than that, they're like any other normal family.
0:24:32 > 0:24:34This is just a few frustrated old people
0:24:34 > 0:24:35HORN SOUND-EFFECT
0:24:35 > 0:24:38that...obviously have got Victorian values.
0:24:38 > 0:24:42How likely is it that they will actually stop nudism on the beach?
0:24:42 > 0:24:44I don't think they will.
0:24:44 > 0:24:47I think the minority that want it changed is so small that...
0:24:49 > 0:24:52..the National Trust and everybody else, the Home Office,
0:24:52 > 0:24:54aren't interested.
0:24:54 > 0:24:58And I think we've got a strong case to continue here.
0:24:58 > 0:25:01When you say the beach attracts undesirable individuals,
0:25:01 > 0:25:02what do you mean by that?
0:25:04 > 0:25:06Well, individuals such as...
0:25:10 > 0:25:12..men with spanking marks on their bottoms.
0:25:12 > 0:25:13What?
0:25:13 > 0:25:14I'm not entirely sure
0:25:14 > 0:25:18where this murky tide of twisted opinion has drifted us.
0:25:18 > 0:25:20I'm sorry you had to hear that.
0:25:20 > 0:25:23And while I'm apologising, yes - I saw it.
0:25:23 > 0:25:26The old boy who introduced...the old boy.
0:25:26 > 0:25:28The director told him and told him
0:25:28 > 0:25:31not to move a muscle once we were rolling
0:25:31 > 0:25:32and what did he do?
0:25:32 > 0:25:35This is just a few frustrated old people
0:25:35 > 0:25:38that...obviously have got Victorian values.
0:25:38 > 0:25:40Just once more - and this time,
0:25:40 > 0:25:43if you press the red button on your remote control,
0:25:43 > 0:25:45you can see the footage uncensored.
0:25:45 > 0:25:47This is just a few frustrated old people...
0:25:47 > 0:25:51Ha-ha - no, you couldn't, and shame on you.
0:25:51 > 0:25:56It is, though, revealing just how over-zealous seaside societies get
0:25:56 > 0:26:00in protecting their littoral zones from the wrong sort of person.
0:26:00 > 0:26:02Like King Canute in reverse,
0:26:02 > 0:26:04they stand with their backs to the ocean
0:26:04 > 0:26:07and command the onrushing human tide to stay out.
0:26:07 > 0:26:10It's a social stand-off as old as the waves themselves
0:26:10 > 0:26:14and may the archives show that many of their former targets
0:26:14 > 0:26:16are these days, in all probability,
0:26:16 > 0:26:19respectably retired to bungalows by the sea themselves.
0:26:19 > 0:26:21You tell 'em, Grandad!
0:26:21 > 0:26:24# Can't employ you cos you've got long hair... #
0:26:24 > 0:26:29Yes, hard times in Newquay, it seems, for the few remaining beatniks
0:26:29 > 0:26:33still holding out in this Cornish stronghold
0:26:33 > 0:26:36against a very determined urban district council
0:26:36 > 0:26:38which has taken some quite unusual steps
0:26:38 > 0:26:41to drive out its long-haired visitors.
0:26:41 > 0:26:42At the height of the season,
0:26:42 > 0:26:47there were perhaps 40 or 50 beatniks here in this north Cornish resort.
0:26:47 > 0:26:48Do you think this conspiracy
0:26:48 > 0:26:51of shopkeepers and cafe proprietors and innkeepers
0:26:51 > 0:26:55to boycott a certain group of people, certain members of the public,
0:26:55 > 0:26:59do you think this could stand any very close legal examination?
0:26:59 > 0:27:00Probably not.
0:27:00 > 0:27:01What action do you take
0:27:01 > 0:27:03when any of these beatniks come into your pub here?
0:27:03 > 0:27:06I look them over and if I think they're very dirty,
0:27:06 > 0:27:07I ask them to leave.
0:27:07 > 0:27:09Do you have to do that very often?
0:27:09 > 0:27:11I've done it a couple of...dozen times.
0:27:11 > 0:27:14How many complaints have you received from holiday-makers
0:27:14 > 0:27:15about these beatniks?
0:27:15 > 0:27:16Quite frankly, not a great number.
0:27:16 > 0:27:19Among your other duties, you're the council treasurer.
0:27:19 > 0:27:22Now, what has Newquay lost or suffered
0:27:22 > 0:27:24by the arrival of these beatniks?
0:27:24 > 0:27:25I would say nothing.
0:27:25 > 0:27:29# I wish to the Lord that councillor would die
0:27:29 > 0:27:33# Keeps on telling 'em stories about me... #
0:27:33 > 0:27:36And do you think it's a good life, being a beatnik?
0:27:36 > 0:27:38Oh, yes. I think it's an excellent life, thank you.
0:27:38 > 0:27:39Why? What makes you say that?
0:27:39 > 0:27:42Well, you have the freedom, a certain amount of freedom.
0:27:42 > 0:27:45You can do what you like. I could leave here tonight
0:27:45 > 0:27:48and I can travel to Penzance, Land's End or anywhere I like.
0:27:48 > 0:27:49Not that you CAN leave here tonight -
0:27:49 > 0:27:51I'm told you've GOT TO leave here tonight.
0:27:51 > 0:27:53Only this part - they can't very well
0:27:53 > 0:27:54make us leave the town completely.
0:27:54 > 0:27:59Well, how has this organised disapproval of beatniks affected you?
0:27:59 > 0:28:02It hasn't affected me...well, it has, but not very much.
0:28:02 > 0:28:05I'm still here, as you can see, one of the few who are still here,
0:28:05 > 0:28:08because I can just make a living by playing at barbecues and things.
0:28:08 > 0:28:13Well, there we leave Sue, Paddy and Eric,
0:28:13 > 0:28:17who are apparently ever so cross down in Newquay in Cornwall.
0:28:17 > 0:28:21We began with an ode to the beach and we'll close with one.
0:28:21 > 0:28:24It was the renaissance man Gyles Brandreth who penned this.
0:28:24 > 0:28:29He wrote it after losing his beloved Border collie Ambrosia
0:28:29 > 0:28:31during a winter walk high on the wild cliffs
0:28:31 > 0:28:34above the raging sea near The Lizard in Cornwall.
0:28:34 > 0:28:37After several hours of lonely, fruitless search,
0:28:37 > 0:28:39he eventually located the exhausted animal
0:28:39 > 0:28:43on a small stretch of sand near an abandoned smugglers' cave
0:28:43 > 0:28:46and, setting himself down in the sodden sand,
0:28:46 > 0:28:49holding the shivering creature to his own sobbing breast,
0:28:49 > 0:28:54he composed the following poem of thanks to the merciful Fates.
0:28:54 > 0:28:57I'd like to do it in its entirety for you now.
0:28:59 > 0:29:01O! Wet pet!
0:29:01 > 0:29:02Good night.
0:29:02 > 0:29:05Where do you want to go, eh?
0:29:05 > 0:29:06Go home!