0:00:15 > 0:00:18If you go down to the woods today, you're sure of a big surprise.
0:00:18 > 0:00:22If you go down to the woods today, you'd better go in disguise.
0:00:22 > 0:00:26When Alfred, Lord Tennyson wrote that, sometime in the Middle Ages,
0:00:26 > 0:00:28such an ominous warning was understandable.
0:00:28 > 0:00:32Woods covered most of what we now call our forested areas,
0:00:32 > 0:00:35and they were seen as mysterious, dangerous locations
0:00:35 > 0:00:39full of mists, magic, and dragons - decidedly off limits.
0:00:39 > 0:00:42We like to think that today, in this age of iron,
0:00:42 > 0:00:44we've moved on from such ignorance and superstition.
0:00:44 > 0:00:49But tonight, this show looks at the modern TV evidence and asks have we?
0:00:49 > 0:00:51Have we really?
0:00:51 > 0:00:52WOLF HOWLS
0:00:52 > 0:00:55This show may not be for those of you with a nervous
0:00:55 > 0:00:57or discerning disposition.
0:00:57 > 0:01:00Stay together, everyone. We're going in.
0:01:05 > 0:01:08- Have you got five minutes to show me where the best bluebells are?- Yes.
0:01:10 > 0:01:12It's impossible to dislocate the jaw of a badger.
0:01:15 > 0:01:19If we keep quiet and very still they might come through here.
0:01:19 > 0:01:21Come through...
0:01:23 > 0:01:26Pick whortleberries and all that kind of thing.
0:01:28 > 0:01:30- You know, they could be lying anywhere in this gorge.- Yes.
0:01:30 > 0:01:32This pine tree is very fat.
0:01:41 > 0:01:42Let's move on.
0:01:42 > 0:01:45Now, having grown up in inner London, I'll confess
0:01:45 > 0:01:47I knew very little about woods as a kid.
0:01:47 > 0:01:50I'd heard of Hollywood, Knock On Wood, Natalie Wood
0:01:50 > 0:01:52and Edward Wood...wood.
0:01:52 > 0:01:55However, these days you'll rarely find me more than a few feet
0:01:55 > 0:01:58from somewhere damp, dark, overgrown and musty.
0:01:58 > 0:02:03And I know this much - clothes are key to the entire experience.
0:02:03 > 0:02:07And if you think I talk poppycock, you wait till you hear this bloke.
0:02:07 > 0:02:10No-one can disagree that the invention of the gumboot was
0:02:10 > 0:02:14an important advance in resolving a problem which has baffled
0:02:14 > 0:02:17countrymen ever since one old sportsman up here in Norfolk
0:02:17 > 0:02:21devised a hat for himself out of a dead hedgehog.
0:02:21 > 0:02:25The problem of what to wear in the country.
0:02:25 > 0:02:27I wondered if you could help me a little bit
0:02:27 > 0:02:29cos I want to go walking in the country, you see,
0:02:29 > 0:02:32but I'm not really quite certain the sort of thing that I might need.
0:02:32 > 0:02:34- I'd like the full gear now. - Right, yeah, that's no problem.
0:02:34 > 0:02:37So what you need's things like shirt, erm, good quality breeches.
0:02:37 > 0:02:39This is your tweeds, which you could use in...
0:02:39 > 0:02:42It's wool, so you can use that in the wintertime.
0:02:42 > 0:02:44Summertime obviously you can use something a little bit lighter.
0:02:44 > 0:02:47You've got your moleskins and your corduroy.
0:02:47 > 0:02:50Now, there's your corduroys, which are nice and light.
0:02:50 > 0:02:52Double seated for the back. Give you plenty of protection
0:02:52 > 0:02:54if you're scrambling and things like that.
0:02:54 > 0:02:56These breeches have become fashionable now, haven't they?
0:02:56 > 0:02:58I mean, you never had them before.
0:02:58 > 0:03:00Used to have trousers that went right down to the ground.
0:03:00 > 0:03:03Well, your corduroy, they get very dirty and if it's raining
0:03:03 > 0:03:06or the grass is wet then obviously the bottom half's going to get wet.
0:03:06 > 0:03:09But with these, the rain's just going to run down your naked leg.
0:03:09 > 0:03:11Well, you've got your socks on as well, don't forget.
0:03:11 > 0:03:13- They come up to your knee. - I'd feel a bit...
0:03:13 > 0:03:15- You wouldn't look down.- You need good calves, don't you, for these?
0:03:15 > 0:03:18Well, it's adjustable. You've got a Velcro fastening.
0:03:18 > 0:03:21- Aah.- Right?- But I'm going to need some over trousers, aren't I?
0:03:21 > 0:03:22I'm going to have some...
0:03:22 > 0:03:25You're going to need some, erm, some waterproofs, yeah.
0:03:25 > 0:03:27- Some trousers over these trousers? - No, no, no.
0:03:27 > 0:03:30You don't need anything over that unless the weather's bad.
0:03:30 > 0:03:32- But if the weather's bad... - You can get a waterproof.
0:03:32 > 0:03:35OK, let's have a look at those and see what else I need.
0:03:36 > 0:03:39Yeah, it seemed like our salesman there was herding him
0:03:39 > 0:03:41towards one particular type of fabric, didn't it?
0:03:41 > 0:03:42Corduroy.
0:03:42 > 0:03:46Though be warned, if out camping, never use your corduroy breeches
0:03:46 > 0:03:50for a pillow - you'll wake up having made headlines!
0:03:50 > 0:03:54Armillaria mellea. Yes, the honey fungus. There it is.
0:03:55 > 0:04:01There it is you see. The ring with a yellow edge, darker stem.
0:04:01 > 0:04:04Uh... And it's an edible species.
0:04:07 > 0:04:11Of course, we always taste them. Always taste the fungus.
0:04:11 > 0:04:13It's all right as long as you spit it out.
0:04:13 > 0:04:16It's better not to taste some...death caps and things like that.
0:04:20 > 0:04:23The erm... I mean, these things have quite a pleasant taste.
0:04:25 > 0:04:27This is Lepiota procera.
0:04:27 > 0:04:31- You found that in the grass field, I expect.- Just on the edge of it, yes.
0:04:31 > 0:04:35Ah, a stinkhorn. Very nice. Yes.
0:04:35 > 0:04:36It's only just begun.
0:04:38 > 0:04:41- In a short time all the flies will come.- It's a beautiful specimen.
0:04:41 > 0:04:43Yes, it's a very good one.
0:04:43 > 0:04:46It's just at the beginning and the flies haven't come yet.
0:04:46 > 0:04:50- They were on it up there. - All the spores will be taken away.
0:04:50 > 0:04:54- Ever tried eating it? - Oh, yes.- You can eat it...
0:04:54 > 0:04:56They're not very nice, but...
0:04:56 > 0:05:00- I can't imagine why anyone possibly could.- Well, oh, yes, yes.
0:05:00 > 0:05:03It's not, I understand, particularly palatable,
0:05:03 > 0:05:05but it's certainly a thing you can eat.
0:05:07 > 0:05:11When that programme was first aired, it received over 7,000 complaints
0:05:11 > 0:05:14from outraged viewers all saying the same thing.
0:05:14 > 0:05:17And that is - you wouldn't get a honey fungus
0:05:17 > 0:05:21and a Letiola fostella growing in such proximity to each other!
0:05:21 > 0:05:24Did the BBC really think they'd get away with broadcasting
0:05:24 > 0:05:25such an enormous a cock-up?
0:05:26 > 0:05:30A few added that you also shouldn't disturb the undergrowth like that.
0:05:30 > 0:05:34But then again, country folk - they have their own ways.
0:05:34 > 0:05:36David Lilly is 14 and lives in Suffolk.
0:05:36 > 0:05:40He has a very unusual hobby which has to do with dead birds,
0:05:40 > 0:05:43which he finds mostly by roads and lakes.
0:05:43 > 0:05:46Well, the strange hobby that David has is collecting birds' wings,
0:05:46 > 0:05:49which is something I've certainly never heard of before.
0:05:49 > 0:05:51David, how did you first get interested?
0:05:51 > 0:05:53I started off by collecting feathers
0:05:53 > 0:05:56and one day I was given a complete wing.
0:05:56 > 0:06:00The person who gave it to me intended me to take the feathers out
0:06:00 > 0:06:02and stick them in my scrapbook with the other feathers.
0:06:02 > 0:06:04But I liked the wing with all the feathers in it
0:06:04 > 0:06:07so much that I decided to keep collecting wings.
0:06:07 > 0:06:10- And you've never gone back to just collecting the feathers?- No.
0:06:10 > 0:06:14- Have you got the bird that you first collected here?- Yeah, it's a jay.
0:06:14 > 0:06:15It's this one here.
0:06:15 > 0:06:18You can always tell the jay because of these bright blue
0:06:18 > 0:06:20and black bars along the wing there.
0:06:20 > 0:06:22- These are beautiful colours, aren't they?- Yeah.
0:06:22 > 0:06:26In fact, all of these wings have got incredible colour schemes on them.
0:06:26 > 0:06:29- And this one...- Yes, this is a kingfisher.- Beautiful blue.
0:06:29 > 0:06:32Blue on the top and then underneath it's bright orange.
0:06:32 > 0:06:34Yes, it's very wonderful.
0:06:34 > 0:06:37- And they've also got an incredible variation of size.- Yes.
0:06:37 > 0:06:41- That one, what's that?- the heron here, it's a fairly large bird.
0:06:41 > 0:06:45And then here you see Britain's smallest bird, which is a goldcrest
0:06:45 > 0:06:49- and it's a really tiny wing. - It really is. And what's this one?
0:06:49 > 0:06:51This is a lovely colour. It's very light, too.
0:06:51 > 0:06:54That one's the barn owl.
0:06:54 > 0:06:56It's light because all the bones are hollow inside the wing.
0:06:56 > 0:06:58Oh, it's all quite fascinating.
0:06:58 > 0:07:00Much more to wings than I ever thought there was.
0:07:00 > 0:07:02- Thank you very much, David. - Thank you.
0:07:02 > 0:07:04Well, fascinating it may be,
0:07:04 > 0:07:07but thanks to his macabre collection over two-thirds of the birds
0:07:07 > 0:07:09in Suffolk were flying round in circles.
0:07:09 > 0:07:12Or perhaps I'm being too much of a townie.
0:07:12 > 0:07:16It's very possible that that kid, diligently dissecting ducks,
0:07:16 > 0:07:19was much more in touch with nature than I will ever be.
0:07:19 > 0:07:21Or ever want to be.
0:07:21 > 0:07:24This fella quit his day job in Jethro Tull to begin a new life
0:07:24 > 0:07:26under all natural fibres.
0:07:26 > 0:07:29He began with his hat but soon expanded the idea.
0:07:29 > 0:07:31You have to learn how...
0:07:33 > 0:07:35..to live in a tepee.
0:07:37 > 0:07:39But once you've learned how to live in a tepee,
0:07:39 > 0:07:44then the work involved in keeping the whole of your tepee together
0:07:44 > 0:07:47need not be more than about one hour a day.
0:07:49 > 0:07:52THEY GIGGLE
0:07:52 > 0:07:55You find them out in a field with a packet of space dust playing
0:07:55 > 0:07:59Six Million Dollar Man. Um, you know, it's...
0:07:59 > 0:08:01They're not missing any of it.
0:08:01 > 0:08:06What they aren't doing is constantly exposed to it.
0:08:06 > 0:08:09So the Six Million Dollar Man and space dust is a very,
0:08:09 > 0:08:15very minute part of their lives and looking after baby lambs
0:08:15 > 0:08:20and playing with the horses and digging in their gardens
0:08:20 > 0:08:23is a much, much larger part of their lives.
0:08:23 > 0:08:25And that is the balance.
0:08:25 > 0:08:29Space dust and the Six Million Dollar Man.
0:08:29 > 0:08:30I don't think his kids are missing those,
0:08:30 > 0:08:34but I think somebody in that whacky wigwam is, don't you?
0:08:34 > 0:08:36That's because you can't take to the woods
0:08:36 > 0:08:39and keep one foot in corrupt old civilisation.
0:08:39 > 0:08:41It's not enough to merely be in the trees,
0:08:41 > 0:08:44one must be completely of the trees.
0:08:44 > 0:08:46In the lush green fields that surround Powick,
0:08:46 > 0:08:50a tiny village near Worcester, there is a dustman who lives up a tree.
0:08:50 > 0:08:52He is Mr Frank Gunnell
0:08:52 > 0:08:56and he has lived very happily up this tree for 28 years.
0:08:56 > 0:08:57He calls his home Little Dene.
0:08:59 > 0:09:00Good evening, Mr Gunnell.
0:09:00 > 0:09:04Thank you very much for inviting me into your nest, as it were.
0:09:04 > 0:09:07Tell me first of all, when did you decide to live in the open air?
0:09:07 > 0:09:10- When I was 14.- Really?
0:09:10 > 0:09:13And what made you live up a tree, for goodness' sake?
0:09:13 > 0:09:15- Well, you see one thing with the flood.- Hmm.
0:09:15 > 0:09:18And when it starts coming out it gets about five foot high,
0:09:18 > 0:09:21five and a half, five inches. Like five foot five inches.
0:09:21 > 0:09:24And I decided, well, I had my little place down there
0:09:24 > 0:09:28- and I came up here, you see, out of the flood's way.- I see.
0:09:28 > 0:09:30- That was a very good and practical reason.- Yes.
0:09:30 > 0:09:33And does the river here, it's the Teme, isn't it?
0:09:33 > 0:09:36- Does it flood very often?- Sometimes three times a year.- Really?
0:09:36 > 0:09:39And aren't you frightened that you're going to get caught short
0:09:39 > 0:09:41one of these days and get flooded out?
0:09:41 > 0:09:43Well, not particular cos there's nothing to scare me, you see.
0:09:43 > 0:09:46- I've been flooded out once for a fortnight.- For a fortnight?
0:09:46 > 0:09:48- For a fortnight. - You were marooned up here?- Yes.
0:09:48 > 0:09:52- Marooned up here for a fortnight. - Did you have enough food?- Yes.
0:09:52 > 0:09:55Straight to the village and went and got about a month's grub.
0:09:55 > 0:09:58And comes back and I had to walk through the flood. You could tell.
0:09:58 > 0:10:00It was that much over the top of the garden.
0:10:00 > 0:10:02This platform that we're standing on now,
0:10:02 > 0:10:04which, with a stretch of the imagination, we could
0:10:04 > 0:10:08- call your terrace, it's built on the trunk of the tree, is it?- Yes.
0:10:08 > 0:10:09How old is this tree, by the way?
0:10:09 > 0:10:13- Well, I reckon to meself he's about 500 years old.- I see.
0:10:13 > 0:10:16During the 28 years that you've lived up this tree, have you ever
0:10:16 > 0:10:20- spent a night in a house?- No. - You never have?- No.
0:10:20 > 0:10:23Finally, don't you ever find it desperately lonely living up here?
0:10:26 > 0:10:28- Yes.- Thank you very much indeed, Mr Gunnell.
0:10:28 > 0:10:32And I hope you'll spend many, many more very happy years up your tree.
0:10:32 > 0:10:36Frank Gunnell. Visit him in branch today.
0:10:36 > 0:10:40I must say his woody waterside retreat did look rather idyllic.
0:10:40 > 0:10:44But it's not just in timber-lake areas where we find the lone wolves.
0:10:45 > 0:10:49No, others tirelessly roam the loamy interiors hoping to record
0:10:49 > 0:10:52the forest's fascinating legends for us all.
0:10:54 > 0:10:57Kenneth Whitehead is not a man who finds his deepest
0:10:57 > 0:11:00satisfactions in the company of his fellow human.
0:11:00 > 0:11:02Kenneth makes films of wildlife
0:11:02 > 0:11:06and stalking for films is even more difficult than marksman stalking.
0:11:06 > 0:11:10You have to get the whole of the animal in shot and for long periods.
0:11:10 > 0:11:14He's crazy about deer. He's in love with deer.
0:11:14 > 0:11:15What about this thing?
0:11:16 > 0:11:19Well, I bought this when petrol started to go up.
0:11:19 > 0:11:22I thought if I had to give up my car
0:11:22 > 0:11:24I would at least have some transport.
0:11:24 > 0:11:27The only trouble is now I've got to buy a horse to pull it.
0:11:28 > 0:11:31I thought it might be a little more economic to use
0:11:31 > 0:11:33than perhaps my Jaguar.
0:11:34 > 0:11:38Must have been rather fun riding in the back of this sledge
0:11:38 > 0:11:42with perhaps your girlfriend in the seat and the only trouble is
0:11:42 > 0:11:45I haven't got a horse or reindeer to pull it.
0:11:45 > 0:11:47Where did you get it?
0:11:47 > 0:11:51I bought it in Alderstone of all places in the Lake District.
0:11:51 > 0:11:52I like it.
0:11:52 > 0:11:55And at last we know what happened to the Ice Queen's charabanc
0:11:55 > 0:11:58after Aslan's final victory.
0:11:58 > 0:12:01Actually, on that, Narnia is just one example of the persistent
0:12:01 > 0:12:05mythology that surrounds even the meanest of dells.
0:12:05 > 0:12:07Britain's rich in all that, you know.
0:12:07 > 0:12:09Plant a few ferns on a Monday
0:12:09 > 0:12:12and by Wednesday the fairy-folk will be revelling all over them.
0:12:12 > 0:12:17Even the very trees themselves hold within them ancient secrets...
0:12:17 > 0:12:20Can you tell me where your wishing cork tree is, please?
0:12:20 > 0:12:21Where it was.
0:12:21 > 0:12:24- It's dead, my buddy. - What, there's no wishing cork tree?
0:12:24 > 0:12:26No, it's dead. It's dead now.
0:12:28 > 0:12:31The man who would know is 77-year-old Leslie Fisher
0:12:31 > 0:12:34who told me that he was still cutting off slivers with a bacon slicer
0:12:34 > 0:12:40and selling them to the superstitious for 37½ pence a time.
0:12:40 > 0:12:44There, above his head, he said, was a picture of the tree in all its glory.
0:12:44 > 0:12:48At one time, sales of the cork became a major export industry
0:12:48 > 0:12:51bringing in a quarter of a million dollars.
0:12:52 > 0:12:56In his Torquay offices, he employed 26 girls packing and posting
0:12:56 > 0:12:59and replying to letters of thanks from people all over the world
0:12:59 > 0:13:02that had won the pools or found a long-lost relative after
0:13:02 > 0:13:04buying a piece of the cork tree.
0:13:04 > 0:13:07Now Mr Fisher is down to a one-room office
0:13:07 > 0:13:10and goes alone each morning to deal with the mail.
0:13:10 > 0:13:13The tree is still there but it's only a trunk.
0:13:13 > 0:13:16Don't you think that from seeing your leaflets some people
0:13:16 > 0:13:18may have the impression that the tree is still standing three?
0:13:20 > 0:13:21Er...
0:13:21 > 0:13:25Well, that is possible. Yes, that is possible.
0:13:25 > 0:13:30- Well, do you believe the cork is lucky?- No.
0:13:30 > 0:13:33You seem to be very carefully playing it both ways, cos even in your
0:13:33 > 0:13:36- advertisements at the top of it you say, "I don't believe it."- Yes.
0:13:36 > 0:13:42Then at the end you say, "Even I won £6,057 on Vernons Football Pool
0:13:42 > 0:13:45- "a short time ago, so there must be something in it."- That's right.
0:13:45 > 0:13:47So there must be something in it, yes.
0:13:47 > 0:13:50- But just now you said you didn't believe it.- Yeah.
0:13:50 > 0:13:53Well, there must be something in it but I don't think it is.
0:13:53 > 0:13:55But if you don't believe it, then why do you do it?
0:13:55 > 0:13:57Isn't it a bit dishonest?
0:13:59 > 0:14:03Well, no, it's not dishonest. No, no. I wouldn't say dishonest at all.
0:14:03 > 0:14:07If people believe a certain thing, it's hardly for me
0:14:07 > 0:14:11to say that they're wrong if they think they're doing the right thing.
0:14:11 > 0:14:15- But is it right for you to encourage them?- I don't encourage them.
0:14:15 > 0:14:16No, I don't encourage them
0:14:16 > 0:14:19because I start off by saying I don't believe it.
0:14:19 > 0:14:21The great cork tree con.
0:14:21 > 0:14:23Incidentally, you do know what to do
0:14:23 > 0:14:25if you suspect trees of fraud, don't you?
0:14:25 > 0:14:29Call the COPSE! I'm absolutely on fire tonight.
0:14:29 > 0:14:31Somebody throw me a hedgehog. Why?
0:14:31 > 0:14:32Despite their shuffling gait,
0:14:32 > 0:14:34hedgehogs are actually quite good climbers.
0:14:34 > 0:14:37They can also swim rather well.
0:14:37 > 0:14:39They've got poor eyesight, but a very acute sense of smell
0:14:39 > 0:14:41and hearing. Now, in the past,
0:14:41 > 0:14:44gypsies used to roll these guys up in clay and bake them to eat.
0:14:44 > 0:14:46Yes, a very famous face there
0:14:46 > 0:14:48dishing out the arboreal survival tips.
0:14:48 > 0:14:52In fact, too many of you breathless teens waste your time
0:14:52 > 0:14:55hanging about the big cities' nightclubs and red carpets
0:14:55 > 0:14:58looking for celebrities when all the real action
0:14:58 > 0:14:59is over among the badgers and bluebells
0:14:59 > 0:15:02of nature's own Ivy Restaurant.
0:15:02 > 0:15:05MUSIC: "Bergerac Theme"
0:15:12 > 0:15:16'Jim Bergerac, of course, alias actor John Nettles.
0:15:16 > 0:15:19'And this is his favourite place.
0:15:19 > 0:15:23'This is Dover's Hill in the very heart of Shakespeare country.'
0:15:23 > 0:15:26I like it because it's just the time of year.
0:15:26 > 0:15:29Summer's almost gone. We're going into autumn now.
0:15:29 > 0:15:31And it's beautiful. The colours start to change,
0:15:31 > 0:15:33the sheep, as you see, the lambs have all grown up,
0:15:33 > 0:15:35they're crouching under the trees over there.
0:15:35 > 0:15:39Actor John Nettles on his favourite corner of the British countryside.
0:15:39 > 0:15:42Conkers conquer all on the village green at Ashton in Northamptonshire.
0:15:42 > 0:15:45The 14th World Championship brings together conker crackers
0:15:45 > 0:15:47of all parts of Britain and overseas.
0:15:51 > 0:15:53Conker king Vic Owen presides.
0:15:56 > 0:15:58With a house crowd of spectators watching for foul play,
0:15:58 > 0:16:01the world championship reaches a climax.
0:16:03 > 0:16:06Showbiz joins in - actor Eddie Yeats of TV's Coronation Street.
0:16:08 > 0:16:11Proceeds of the day go to help blind people in the area.
0:16:11 > 0:16:14This year's target is £1,000.
0:16:20 > 0:16:23Les Treliving's the winner. The champion of the world.
0:16:25 > 0:16:27Eddie Yeats presents the cup.
0:16:31 > 0:16:34This year an English victory, so Eddie offers Les
0:16:34 > 0:16:37his conker-atulations from all at Conker-a-nation Street.
0:16:39 > 0:16:43"Conker-atulations"? "Conker-a-nation Street."?
0:16:43 > 0:16:46Behold the rightful king of the comic voiceover.
0:16:46 > 0:16:48That was top drawer stuff.
0:16:48 > 0:16:51Too bad he repeatedly confused actor Geoffrey Hughes
0:16:51 > 0:16:53with the character he played on TV.
0:16:53 > 0:16:54Eddie Yeats presents the cup.
0:16:54 > 0:16:58The undisputed show business king of the countryside was always
0:16:58 > 0:17:01Mr Percy Edwards, a man who could imitate wildlife
0:17:01 > 0:17:04so perfectly he was routinely quarantined
0:17:04 > 0:17:06when he attempted to come back into the country.
0:17:06 > 0:17:09HE IMITATES A DUCK
0:17:09 > 0:17:12To say he had his fans is an understatement.
0:17:12 > 0:17:16Peter Sellers kicks off the tributes here and... Well, you'll see...
0:17:16 > 0:17:18I don't think anyone had the guts to tell him.
0:17:18 > 0:17:22I'd known lots of bird impressionists and lots of whistlers
0:17:22 > 0:17:24and ventriloquists and everything.
0:17:25 > 0:17:29But there's only one Percy Edwards and Percy Edwards is...
0:17:29 > 0:17:35in my estimation, my humblest of estimations, a true star.
0:17:35 > 0:17:38HE COOS LIKE A PIGEON
0:17:40 > 0:17:43You ask him to do a hippopotamus or anything.
0:17:43 > 0:17:46You give him a dormouse to hippopotamus, I mean, he can do it.
0:17:46 > 0:17:48HE TWEETS LIKE A BIRD
0:17:49 > 0:17:52That slightly amateur feeling, which - I don't use
0:17:52 > 0:17:54that in a disparaging way,
0:17:54 > 0:17:56on the contrary, it's a compliment.
0:17:56 > 0:17:58HE WHISTLES LIKE A BIRD
0:17:58 > 0:18:02It must've taken him years to get that right.
0:18:02 > 0:18:05HE WHISTLES LIKE A BIRD
0:18:05 > 0:18:08Even birds think it's the real thing.
0:18:08 > 0:18:10How do you know if they're accurate?
0:18:10 > 0:18:13Well, I decoy them and if they come, you know, for instance
0:18:13 > 0:18:18if I go out and imitate a robin, almost immediately robins answer.
0:18:18 > 0:18:21And the one in the area that's his territory will come
0:18:21 > 0:18:23and try to see this other robin off.
0:18:23 > 0:18:26They ignore me, but they're searching for this other robin.
0:18:26 > 0:18:30And I feel if robins will answer, I don't need any human being to
0:18:30 > 0:18:32say, "That's not quite right, old man,"
0:18:32 > 0:18:34because I'm quite happy with a bird.
0:18:37 > 0:18:40Percy spends his time off at a farm down the road.
0:18:40 > 0:18:43HE SQUEALS LIKE A PIG
0:18:45 > 0:18:48THE PIGS SQUEAL AND SNORT
0:18:50 > 0:18:52I love every one of them.
0:18:58 > 0:19:00Orwellian stuff.
0:19:00 > 0:19:04Percy Edwards down on Animal Farm. Although Esther Rantzen,
0:19:04 > 0:19:05closest to the pig shrieks,
0:19:05 > 0:19:09probably thought she was in the Room 101 scene from 1984.
0:19:09 > 0:19:14What isn't debatable is that Percy was the king...of that,
0:19:14 > 0:19:17and proved that while all animal impersonators are created equal,
0:19:17 > 0:19:20some are more equal than others.
0:19:20 > 0:19:22I went along to meet bird expert Andy Chick.
0:19:28 > 0:19:30I wonder why people like owls so much.
0:19:30 > 0:19:32If you look at these long-eared owls,
0:19:32 > 0:19:35they've got two really large eyes which have been developed
0:19:35 > 0:19:39so that they can look for prey during the night, and these eyes
0:19:39 > 0:19:42are close together and they make them look really like human.
0:19:42 > 0:19:44OWL HOOTS
0:19:44 > 0:19:46And it has an amazing call.
0:19:46 > 0:19:50It's like the sound of a person blowing over a milk bottle
0:19:50 > 0:19:55a sort of a hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo.
0:19:59 > 0:20:02Tac-too-coos, Taffy. Tac-too-coos.
0:20:02 > 0:20:06The song of the wood pigeon. And here's its picture.
0:20:06 > 0:20:10Hello. Do you know the name of the bird that says,
0:20:10 > 0:20:12"A little bit of bread and no cheese"?
0:20:13 > 0:20:15There it is. A yellowhammer.
0:20:15 > 0:20:19Hello. Today's bird of the week is one that's quite common in many
0:20:19 > 0:20:23country districts and often in the outskirts of towns as well.
0:20:23 > 0:20:25But you don't often see it in the day time.
0:20:26 > 0:20:28Anyway. Here's its call.
0:20:31 > 0:20:32OWL HOOTS
0:20:32 > 0:20:36And here's its picture. Yes, the tawny owl.
0:20:36 > 0:20:39Chiff-chaff. Chiff-chaff. Chiff-chaff.
0:20:39 > 0:20:44Well, today's bird of the week tells you its own name, doesn't it? Yes.
0:20:44 > 0:20:46The chiffchaff.
0:20:46 > 0:20:49When I hear the first chiffchaff I know that spring is
0:20:49 > 0:20:50really on the way.
0:20:52 > 0:20:53Spring.
0:20:53 > 0:20:56Delightful. Dr Primrose Camp,
0:20:56 > 0:20:59who talked to birds throughout most of the '60s until served with
0:20:59 > 0:21:03a breach-of-copyright writ by Dr Doolittle PLC.
0:21:03 > 0:21:04Now, I know what you're thinking.
0:21:04 > 0:21:08You think I've forgotten that at the top of this programme I claimed that
0:21:08 > 0:21:12the woods were malevolent, wicked locations fraught with danger.
0:21:12 > 0:21:16Well, the time has come to let all the poisons hatch out.
0:21:16 > 0:21:19Three examples of why all of the most chilling fairy tales
0:21:19 > 0:21:23have forestry at the centre of their dark hearts.
0:21:23 > 0:21:25One - the hunters.
0:21:25 > 0:21:31As Oscar Wilde said, "The unusual in pursuit of the unsavoury."
0:21:31 > 0:21:32GUNSHOT
0:21:32 > 0:21:35Deer hunting is apparently a confused occupation.
0:21:35 > 0:21:36WHISTLE BLARES
0:21:37 > 0:21:39WHISTLE BLARES
0:21:40 > 0:21:44Whooooo!
0:21:46 > 0:21:47WHISTLE BLARES
0:21:47 > 0:21:50Whooooo!
0:21:50 > 0:21:53Ladies and gentlemen, Haysi Fantayzee.
0:21:53 > 0:21:56- Four couples.- On his own?- Yes. - Yes, on his own.
0:21:56 > 0:21:58And there's four couples on
0:21:58 > 0:22:00- in front of the others.- Right. Thank you.
0:22:00 > 0:22:02Keep on whistling.
0:22:02 > 0:22:05We haven't seen them so much through here.
0:22:05 > 0:22:06There was a motorbike in front of us.
0:22:06 > 0:22:08The riders have come out of Padham
0:22:08 > 0:22:11and come out and gone on...
0:22:11 > 0:22:14Did they come up across the field or just ride on?
0:22:14 > 0:22:16They keep coming here but why the hell
0:22:16 > 0:22:18the hounds don't come, I don't know.
0:22:18 > 0:22:22So they must be going out up by the farm.
0:22:22 > 0:22:25People up there on the road, weren't there?
0:22:25 > 0:22:27Up top. Up on the road.
0:22:27 > 0:22:30- The cars haven't gone out then? - Well, there's a lot of cars gone out.
0:22:30 > 0:22:36SPEECH INDISTINCT
0:22:36 > 0:22:38Hee-hee. The guy's in.
0:22:38 > 0:22:41I know. It's a powerful argument they're putting forward there
0:22:41 > 0:22:44and the debate continues to rage.
0:22:44 > 0:22:47That meet actually carried on like that, without a kill,
0:22:47 > 0:22:50for three days until it was invaded by a combined attack
0:22:50 > 0:22:53from hunt saboteurs and the Plain English society.
0:22:53 > 0:22:57But then...night must fall.
0:22:58 > 0:23:01This area around us is the traditional haunt of witches,
0:23:01 > 0:23:04of Satanists, of the occult in general.
0:23:04 > 0:23:09Around us as we stand now, we've probably got about 30 covens
0:23:09 > 0:23:11in the area.
0:23:11 > 0:23:15A little over that hill, we have another 20 in the Preston area.
0:23:15 > 0:23:17DRUMS AND CHANTING
0:23:21 > 0:23:23In a time of economic recession, more and more people have more
0:23:23 > 0:23:24and more leisure time.
0:23:24 > 0:23:27They're either very poor and on the dole, in which case they'll have
0:23:27 > 0:23:29plenty of leisure time, or they're every rich
0:23:29 > 0:23:31and therefore have plenty of leisure time.
0:23:31 > 0:23:34If you're poor and have plenty of leisure time, occultism is
0:23:34 > 0:23:36something that you can pursue
0:23:36 > 0:23:39because basically you need only your own consciousness to pursue it with.
0:23:43 > 0:23:45Doreen Valiente is a witch
0:23:45 > 0:23:49and she believes that witchcraft should never be approached lightly.
0:23:49 > 0:23:54By means of our imagination we can make a real contact
0:23:54 > 0:23:56with these cosmic forces.
0:23:57 > 0:24:00The forces of nature, the forces of life.
0:24:00 > 0:24:04And in a wood at midnight on the night of a full moon,
0:24:04 > 0:24:07Doreen Valiente carried out her ritual hoping that
0:24:07 > 0:24:11in this experiment, never before tried in front of cameras,
0:24:11 > 0:24:14some psychic manifestations might appear on the film.
0:24:15 > 0:24:19SHE BLOWS A HORN
0:24:29 > 0:24:36Diana of the rounded moon. The queen of all enchantments here.
0:24:36 > 0:24:39The wind is crying through the trees...
0:24:39 > 0:24:42And I'm looking a bit of a berk, I fear.
0:24:46 > 0:24:49In fact, no such manifestations did appear.
0:24:49 > 0:24:51And this is Mrs Valiente's final comment.
0:24:52 > 0:24:59Well, it was very difficult to get the spirit of the old ritual
0:24:59 > 0:25:02knowing that you were surrounded by cameras and technicians
0:25:02 > 0:25:04and things like that.
0:25:04 > 0:25:08But when the ritual was almost at an end,
0:25:09 > 0:25:12I began to feel the atmosphere building up,
0:25:12 > 0:25:15and I think other people did too.
0:25:15 > 0:25:19Shame that. Plainly she didn't have enough time or enough supporters.
0:25:19 > 0:25:22Whereas conjuring up spirits can take up to six hours
0:25:22 > 0:25:26if you're alone, it can be as little as four in a fan-assisted coven.
0:25:26 > 0:25:27OVEN TIMER DINGS
0:25:27 > 0:25:30Absurd though that may have looked, can you think of anything worse
0:25:30 > 0:25:35to stumble on while you were lost late at night in the undergrowth?
0:25:35 > 0:25:36Well, yes actually.
0:25:36 > 0:25:42BACKGROUND CHATTER
0:25:45 > 0:25:47Why are some of you wearing clothes?
0:25:48 > 0:25:50Cos you're supposed to when you play sports.
0:25:50 > 0:25:54- What do you mean, "supposed to"? - It's best to.
0:25:54 > 0:25:56- Under whose rules? Club rules? - Well...
0:25:59 > 0:26:01It's for your own personal safety.
0:26:01 > 0:26:04Well, the others don't seem to think much of their own personal safety.
0:26:08 > 0:26:11This raw pioneering spirit is very much alive with ditches to be dug
0:26:11 > 0:26:15and clearings to be cleared so another convert can pitch his tent.
0:26:15 > 0:26:18But life for nudists in particular can become a bed of nettles.
0:26:18 > 0:26:20Isn't that a dangerous job?
0:26:21 > 0:26:24Er... It could be if you didn't know what you were doing.
0:26:28 > 0:26:31Isn't that rather dangerous with no clothes on?
0:26:31 > 0:26:33- What about the splinters? - Oh, splinters.
0:26:33 > 0:26:35One has to keep an eye on the job, of course.
0:26:39 > 0:26:42Wow! Talk about being circumspect!
0:26:42 > 0:26:46And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why I will sign any petition
0:26:46 > 0:26:49that seeks to cordon off even local commons to all
0:26:49 > 0:26:53but magistrates, vicars and veterinarians. Why?
0:26:53 > 0:26:56Well, tonight, think about it. We've witnessed witches, wild men,
0:26:56 > 0:27:00weapons, winkles - could I offer a clearer warning?
0:27:00 > 0:27:02I mean, have you seen the Wicker Man?
0:27:05 > 0:27:09what do you need to be a successful lumberjill?
0:27:09 > 0:27:11- Good health.- Good health?
0:27:11 > 0:27:15- Yeah. Bags of energy. - Yeah, I can see that.
0:27:21 > 0:27:23How do you tell when it's about to come down?
0:27:23 > 0:27:28- Well, I try and watch this part here.- What happens there?
0:27:28 > 0:27:32Well, it's about to go down. I hope it does. That way.
0:27:32 > 0:27:33That's the best way.
0:27:36 > 0:27:39- It starts to sort of teeter a bit, does it?- Uh-huh.
0:27:43 > 0:27:44Oh, careful.
0:27:47 > 0:27:48Jolly good.
0:27:50 > 0:27:53Yes! More power to the lumberjills!
0:27:53 > 0:27:56I think it was Erma Bombeck who said, "Some people like to go
0:27:56 > 0:27:59"back to the land. I like to go back to the hotel."
0:27:59 > 0:28:01You said it, sister.
0:28:01 > 0:28:03And we're nearly out of the woods. Let me see...
0:28:09 > 0:28:11It's all right. You can go.
0:28:11 > 0:28:13I'm just checking myself for ticks.
0:28:13 > 0:28:15Hee-hee. The guy's in.
0:28:15 > 0:28:19PLAYED ON KAZOOS AND COMB AND PAPER: "Teddy Bears' Picnic"