0:00:02 > 0:00:04It's hard to pinpoint the moment I fell in love with street furniture.
0:00:04 > 0:00:07Actually, I can, it was about 36 hours ago,
0:00:07 > 0:00:10when they sent round the clips we're going to see tonight.
0:00:10 > 0:00:11But then, I suppose this fascination
0:00:11 > 0:00:14must have already been subconsciously present,
0:00:14 > 0:00:17an unrealised latent love, awaiting blossom,
0:00:17 > 0:00:20in every bin I filled, every trough I passed,
0:00:20 > 0:00:22every public toilet I used.
0:00:22 > 0:00:25Which, incidentally, were the original lyrics to that Sting song.
0:00:25 > 0:00:28Now, I shout it from the highest hill.
0:00:28 > 0:00:33Let me welcome you to the fabulous world of outside over there.
0:00:33 > 0:00:36The invisible universe of street furniture.
0:00:50 > 0:00:53To unearth the beginnings of street furniture,
0:00:53 > 0:00:56we have to determine whence arrived the first street.
0:00:56 > 0:00:58Imagine. It's 400 BC.
0:00:58 > 0:01:01You and some chums build yourselves a row of houses, then...wallop!
0:01:01 > 0:01:05Some bloke arrives and puts his house up smack opposite yours.
0:01:05 > 0:01:06Why?
0:01:06 > 0:01:08There's the whole of Stone Age Britain to build in.
0:01:08 > 0:01:10Why spoil my view?
0:01:10 > 0:01:12Next his mates all start moving alongside him
0:01:12 > 0:01:16and the bit between you all... Well, that's suddenly a street.
0:01:16 > 0:01:18Now, where are you going to park your team of oxen?
0:01:18 > 0:01:21Jam yesterday, jam today, but please, no jam tomorrow!
0:01:21 > 0:01:23This is the plea of London's motorists.
0:01:23 > 0:01:27Recently, an all-out purge by police to stop parking in busy streets
0:01:27 > 0:01:29has added to the misery of motorists
0:01:29 > 0:01:31who look in vain for suitable car-parks.
0:01:31 > 0:01:33This blocking of important thoroughfares
0:01:33 > 0:01:36is one of the main causes of the daily hold-ups.
0:01:36 > 0:01:39Part of the solution may be parking meters.
0:01:42 > 0:01:44- Pardon?- You're banging my door?- Pardon?
0:01:44 > 0:01:47Don't bang on my door!
0:01:47 > 0:01:49Don't bang on your door? I'm not banging on your door!
0:01:49 > 0:01:52- Yes, you are. - Do you mind moving off this bank?
0:01:52 > 0:01:54You're right across my school crossing.
0:01:54 > 0:01:55Listen here, mate,
0:01:55 > 0:01:59- you're on top of the traffic lights. - Yeah. I'm only going over the road.
0:01:59 > 0:02:01I couldn't give a monkey's what he's doing over the road.
0:02:01 > 0:02:04I know you couldn't give a monkey's.
0:02:04 > 0:02:07When people start earning a living in this country....
0:02:07 > 0:02:09what do you think I'm doing, then?
0:02:09 > 0:02:11Being a shit, that's what you're doing.
0:02:11 > 0:02:13You try sleeping at night, love.
0:02:13 > 0:02:14Oh, piss off!
0:02:14 > 0:02:16Oh! Oh!
0:02:16 > 0:02:19- Are you moving?- What do you think I'm doing?- I don't know.
0:02:19 > 0:02:21- Of course, I'm moving! - To me, you're stationery.
0:02:21 > 0:02:23- Just a minute, I'm moving. - Right, move.
0:02:23 > 0:02:26- You wear glasses.- Yeah. - Are they ordinary glasses?
0:02:26 > 0:02:29Well, they have plastic lenses,
0:02:29 > 0:02:32Obviously, if I'm...
0:02:32 > 0:02:34hit in the face, they won't smash.
0:02:34 > 0:02:36What about the ties, if anybody...
0:02:36 > 0:02:39They're clip-on, so if anyone grabs you, they just come off.
0:02:39 > 0:02:42If I was aggressive and I grabbed your tie,
0:02:42 > 0:02:44- would it come off easily?- Sure.
0:02:44 > 0:02:47- It doesn't come off easily. - It does if you yank it.
0:02:47 > 0:02:50- See?- You're right. Oh, crikey!
0:02:50 > 0:02:54Mr Carey, what do the meters actually do to you?
0:02:54 > 0:02:57Well, they bite back at us, really.
0:02:57 > 0:02:59It's a question, as you're rewinding them,
0:02:59 > 0:03:03the spring breaks without any warning at all,
0:03:03 > 0:03:06and the meter key with which you're winding
0:03:06 > 0:03:09tends to fly back and hit one on the wrist or finger or thumb.
0:03:09 > 0:03:12Can you show us, I'm not asking for it to happen to you,
0:03:12 > 0:03:13but can you show us what you do?
0:03:13 > 0:03:16Wind it as one would wind a normal clock
0:03:16 > 0:03:18until the tension on the spring
0:03:18 > 0:03:23indicates that you're reaching the peak and you stop.
0:03:23 > 0:03:26- Hmm.- But sometimes during the course of that particular operation,
0:03:26 > 0:03:29there's no warning, the spring breaks and the key then flies back
0:03:29 > 0:03:34and the speed at which it leaves you is like a bullet.
0:03:34 > 0:03:36- It could be quite painful?- Indeed.
0:03:36 > 0:03:38So, what are you going to do about it?
0:03:38 > 0:03:41We're seriously considering withdrawing the meter-winding
0:03:41 > 0:03:43part of our duty.
0:03:43 > 0:03:45Which would mean the meters would be defunct, they wouldn't work.
0:03:45 > 0:03:48- No, they wouldn't.- Mr Carey, thank you very much.
0:03:48 > 0:03:50It goes to prove that parking meters are very nasty things.
0:03:50 > 0:03:53They are indeed, in more ways than one.
0:03:59 > 0:04:01Whew! Poor bloke.
0:04:01 > 0:04:04His time had expired and he was just waiting to be towed away.
0:04:04 > 0:04:09In TV, we call that sort of prolonged fail "eggy agony".
0:04:09 > 0:04:12I reckon the director must have got a ticket the night before.
0:04:12 > 0:04:16The parking meter, whose simple mechanics have today, thank heavens,
0:04:16 > 0:04:18been replaced by intimidating obelisks
0:04:18 > 0:04:22featuring complicated dashboards that require ten minute phone calls
0:04:22 > 0:04:24to other remote machines.
0:04:24 > 0:04:28They have always been the least-loved of street furniture.
0:04:28 > 0:04:30At the other extreme lies the Belisha Beacon.
0:04:30 > 0:04:34A jolly striped stick with a bulbous orange bonce flashing away up top.
0:04:34 > 0:04:37And kids! They used to have faces!
0:04:37 > 0:04:40As this rare footage shows, talking Belisha Beacons
0:04:40 > 0:04:43initially were unnecessarily complicated.
0:04:43 > 0:04:46"Citizens with surnames beginning in letters A-L
0:04:46 > 0:04:49"may now cross South to North, unless this be a second Thursday
0:04:49 > 0:04:54"or a first Friday, in which case flow may be reversed before 11am."
0:04:54 > 0:04:58By the 1970s, though, the system had really come on.
0:04:58 > 0:05:00- Hey, you!- Who, me?
0:05:00 > 0:05:04You went onto the crossing without looking!
0:05:04 > 0:05:08Oh, I am sorry!
0:05:08 > 0:05:10Well, it isn't every day that you can be told
0:05:10 > 0:05:13your road drill is sloppy by a talking Belisha Beacon,
0:05:13 > 0:05:16but the children of Hemel Hempstead are getting used to
0:05:16 > 0:05:21- Billy the Beacon. - Look what I can see! Look at this!
0:05:21 > 0:05:25Look, he's grown it, give him a clap, isn't that clever?
0:05:25 > 0:05:28He's grown a nose, two eyes, a mouth
0:05:28 > 0:05:30and some lovely golden hair.
0:05:30 > 0:05:35There's a little girl, in the second row
0:05:35 > 0:05:40with a green and brown dress.
0:05:40 > 0:05:44Oh, yes, Billy, I can see her. Karen, come along, Karen.
0:05:44 > 0:05:48- Good.- Look all around and listen.
0:05:48 > 0:05:52- Very good.- And if there is no traffic coming,
0:05:52 > 0:05:56walk straight across, looking and listening
0:05:56 > 0:05:59whilst you're crossing. Oh, that's good.
0:05:59 > 0:06:03Give him a clap, boys and girls. Very good, well done.
0:06:03 > 0:06:06The Highway Code tells us that it's safe to cross
0:06:06 > 0:06:10when the red man changes to the green man at Pelican crossings.
0:06:10 > 0:06:14If you walk as fast as you can when it does change,
0:06:14 > 0:06:18the green man starts flashing before you get to the other side.
0:06:18 > 0:06:21It's too quick altogether, they're almost on top of us
0:06:21 > 0:06:25before you get across. My wife is old and has got arthritic feet.
0:06:25 > 0:06:28When the man comes on, the walking man,
0:06:28 > 0:06:33we start to walk across and before you're halfway across, it...
0:06:33 > 0:06:35the red man comes back on again.
0:06:35 > 0:06:37Just a hint at the confusion that ensued
0:06:37 > 0:06:40once speaking Belishas were withdrawn.
0:06:40 > 0:06:42Actually, another drawback of the old talking Beacons
0:06:42 > 0:06:44was that anyone within earshot of them,
0:06:44 > 0:06:46whether they were crossing the road or not,
0:06:46 > 0:06:49had to freeze like a statue until the message was over.
0:06:49 > 0:06:53In fact, you saw some bystanders complying with it just then.
0:06:53 > 0:06:57You went onto the crossing without looking!
0:06:57 > 0:07:00Oh, I am sorry.
0:07:00 > 0:07:03- Well...- The government required such bizarre behaviour,
0:07:03 > 0:07:06because it was felt sudden cumbersome obstacles on the pavement
0:07:06 > 0:07:08kept pedestrians on their toes.
0:07:08 > 0:07:13One minister then had the idea for millions of similar inconveniences
0:07:13 > 0:07:18to be installed on our streets nationwide. His name? JG Bollard.
0:07:18 > 0:07:19Bollards.
0:07:19 > 0:07:22This bollard stands at the heart
0:07:22 > 0:07:24of what was once a notorious North London slum.
0:07:24 > 0:07:27Rat-infested, bug-ridden, no coals in the bath,
0:07:27 > 0:07:31the locals couldn't afford coals. Or baths.
0:07:31 > 0:07:37That was only 25 years ago, and yet all that's left is this bollard.
0:07:37 > 0:07:39Now, if I could ask you, you live here in Wakefield,
0:07:39 > 0:07:42what do you think about the bollards and the railings we see?
0:07:42 > 0:07:44I don't know, I sometimes stumble over them
0:07:44 > 0:07:46when I've got problems walking and stuff like that.
0:07:46 > 0:07:49If there's a Mr Big of bollards, it's Councillor Perry.
0:07:49 > 0:07:52Apart from being the former chairman of Islington's planning committee,
0:07:52 > 0:07:55he's also a man who likes bollards.
0:07:55 > 0:07:57You like bollards?
0:07:57 > 0:07:59Yeah, basically.
0:07:59 > 0:08:01I mean, if you can design me a nicer one, I'll have it,
0:08:01 > 0:08:03but I think these are quite nice.
0:08:03 > 0:08:05To every force in one direction,
0:08:05 > 0:08:08there's an equal and opposite force in the other direction,
0:08:08 > 0:08:10in this case, Charles Wood.
0:08:10 > 0:08:12Well, they have no use, they're totally unnecessary.
0:08:12 > 0:08:16They're meant to save damage to the cables and the water pipes,
0:08:16 > 0:08:18that's the theory.
0:08:18 > 0:08:21What's wrong with that theory?
0:08:21 > 0:08:24What's wrong with the theory?
0:08:24 > 0:08:26Ah! We've got you, haven't we?
0:08:26 > 0:08:28Yet another hapless TV reaction.
0:08:28 > 0:08:31What IS it about street furniture that so crushes
0:08:31 > 0:08:33the vital thrust of debate?
0:08:33 > 0:08:34So far, we've seen...
0:08:37 > 0:08:39And now...
0:08:39 > 0:08:41What's wrong with theory?
0:08:41 > 0:08:44Two great minds reduced to mashed potato,
0:08:44 > 0:08:48while attempting to communicate the essence of our outdoor fixtures.
0:08:48 > 0:08:51Ironically, communication is the sole reason
0:08:51 > 0:08:55Britain's most common al fresco architecture exists.
0:08:55 > 0:08:58The phone-box. They're everywhere, aren't they?
0:08:58 > 0:09:01As recurrent a motif for British life as Wimbledon fortnight,
0:09:01 > 0:09:02the British bobby, the great...
0:09:02 > 0:09:04PHONE RINGS
0:09:04 > 0:09:06Hello?
0:09:06 > 0:09:08When?
0:09:08 > 0:09:09What, now?
0:09:09 > 0:09:11Has this come from upstairs?
0:09:11 > 0:09:13Well, OK.
0:09:13 > 0:09:17Apparently, it's the 21st century, so I'll start that link again.
0:09:17 > 0:09:22At one time in Britain, phones came fixed inside enormous metal boxes!
0:09:22 > 0:09:25And they were cemented into the street!
0:09:25 > 0:09:27Hello, Vincent, 1234.
0:09:27 > 0:09:29I am looking for the man who knows all about
0:09:29 > 0:09:31the old-fashioned red phone boxes.
0:09:31 > 0:09:34Yep, you've come to the right place.
0:09:34 > 0:09:37Certainly the right place, Neil McAllister not only has a phone box
0:09:37 > 0:09:41in his back garden, but a house full of 600 photographs of them.
0:09:41 > 0:09:43Many are in his first book.
0:09:43 > 0:09:48The original phone box was erected in Bristol, 105 years ago.
0:09:48 > 0:09:51It underwent a few changes, including the disastrous K3,
0:09:51 > 0:09:54which included a stamp machine and letterbox,
0:09:54 > 0:09:58like a mini Post Office. There's still one in Warrington.
0:09:58 > 0:10:00The problem was, if you tried to use the phone
0:10:00 > 0:10:03when somebody was using the stamp machine, you couldn't hear yourself,
0:10:03 > 0:10:05because it made a racket, and if you tried to get stamps out,
0:10:05 > 0:10:08water got in, stuck the stamps together. Bit of a disaster.
0:10:08 > 0:10:10- Hello, Mike?- Hello.- Hi.
0:10:10 > 0:10:13You've a real passion for these red telephone boxes,
0:10:13 > 0:10:15what's so special about them?
0:10:15 > 0:10:18Well, personally I like the design of them,
0:10:18 > 0:10:22their different styles and the fact that you could see them
0:10:22 > 0:10:25on the roadside and I think they're British.
0:10:25 > 0:10:27Anachronism ahoy!
0:10:27 > 0:10:29I know nostalgia is key here,
0:10:29 > 0:10:32but for some reason the producers of this desperate item
0:10:32 > 0:10:34are making him use apparatus
0:10:34 > 0:10:36that was cutting-edge in Charlie Chaplin's heyday.
0:10:36 > 0:10:40Were you sad to see BT take them out of service?
0:10:40 > 0:10:42Yes, I think it's a crying shame they did.
0:10:42 > 0:10:47I think it was a very poor move by BT.
0:10:47 > 0:10:50What do you think of these new, modern, vandal-proof,
0:10:50 > 0:10:53wipe-clean phones that we have?
0:10:53 > 0:10:57I don't think they're anything... they're nothing like the red ones.
0:10:57 > 0:10:58What made you do it?
0:10:58 > 0:11:01Was it just change for change's sake, really?
0:11:01 > 0:11:02No, not at all.
0:11:02 > 0:11:05I think you're right in saying that the old red telephone boxes
0:11:05 > 0:11:08are part of history. They were designed more than 50 years ago.
0:11:08 > 0:11:12These new ones were designed in the last year,
0:11:12 > 0:11:14they're much easier to keep clean, there's a gap at the bottom,
0:11:14 > 0:11:18which allows some of the most unpleasant things in a telephone box
0:11:18 > 0:11:20to actually escape from it, and not collect in the bottom.
0:11:20 > 0:11:23And they're much easier and more convenient to use
0:11:23 > 0:11:26- and that's what the purpose of a telephone box is.- Now, come on.
0:11:26 > 0:11:28You're just been sentimental about these old red things.
0:11:28 > 0:11:30There are all the facts there, it's clean,
0:11:30 > 0:11:33some people wee-wee on the floor, all that sort of thing
0:11:33 > 0:11:36and these old things, well, they tend to smell, don't they?
0:11:36 > 0:11:38They don't work and they tend to smell.
0:11:38 > 0:11:40Certainly, I am afraid it's true that people with wheelchairs
0:11:40 > 0:11:43find it difficult to get into these telephone boxes
0:11:43 > 0:11:45and there must be more phones for them, that's the answer.
0:11:45 > 0:11:48But, perhaps people who are visually handicapped,
0:11:48 > 0:11:51people who want to get inside and shelter from the wind and rain,
0:11:51 > 0:11:53would find these rather a boon.
0:11:53 > 0:11:57These are British, these ones over here continental.
0:11:57 > 0:11:59No, I'm afraid I can't accept that at all.
0:11:59 > 0:12:01Well, gentlemen, we'll leave it there,
0:12:01 > 0:12:04I am sure this debate will continue.
0:12:04 > 0:12:05I think they are very good.
0:12:05 > 0:12:07Yeah, I have used them abroad when I was in Germany
0:12:07 > 0:12:09and I thought they were very practical.
0:12:09 > 0:12:12Using them over here, I think it's a great idea.
0:12:12 > 0:12:14How do you find the operating of this machine?
0:12:14 > 0:12:16Very easy, very easy indeed.
0:12:16 > 0:12:19- Better than the old ones?- Yeah. - In what way?
0:12:19 > 0:12:21Well, they're nice and clean, not smelly,
0:12:21 > 0:12:24you've got nothing surrounding your feet, like BLEEP!
0:12:24 > 0:12:26Ah, good old public phones!
0:12:26 > 0:12:29No searching for a signal, no complicated tariffs,
0:12:29 > 0:12:31no expensive updates.
0:12:31 > 0:12:33Just inconvenient vandal magnets,
0:12:33 > 0:12:37drenched in the caustic tang of diseased male urine.
0:12:37 > 0:12:39Simpler times.
0:12:39 > 0:12:43Of course, official figures show that only 70% of adults in the UK
0:12:43 > 0:12:46have ever used a phone box to empty their bladders.
0:12:46 > 0:12:49Some, and I hesitate to use the word snobs here,
0:12:49 > 0:12:51would rather "spend a penny".
0:12:54 > 0:12:57She was lucky, but these days it's getting harder and harder
0:12:57 > 0:12:59to find somewhere to spend a penny.
0:12:59 > 0:13:02On the lavatory, every step of its cleaning is monitored
0:13:02 > 0:13:05and checked by a computer. When you get in there,
0:13:05 > 0:13:08it checks your weight. As soon as you get out,
0:13:08 > 0:13:09it checks that you're not there.
0:13:09 > 0:13:12When it's convinced that the lavatory is clean and empty,
0:13:12 > 0:13:15then it starts the cleaning cycle, but not until then.
0:13:15 > 0:13:18Prostitutes use them for their business,
0:13:18 > 0:13:20they're in there for 15 minutes and then it's all over,
0:13:20 > 0:13:23the door opens automatically after 15 minutes.
0:13:23 > 0:13:28Homosexuals use them, people use them as rubbish bins,
0:13:28 > 0:13:30if they've bought a new pair of trousers and want to get changed,
0:13:30 > 0:13:34they leave the old trousers behind and walk out looking neat and tidy.
0:13:34 > 0:13:38Anything at all, anything you think of carrying with you on the day,
0:13:38 > 0:13:40you'll usually find in the lavatory sooner or later.
0:13:40 > 0:13:44This lavatory in Star Yard is also typically Victorian.
0:13:46 > 0:13:49Which reminds me of another story -
0:13:49 > 0:13:52of the goldfish a former attendant kept in one of these tanks
0:13:52 > 0:13:54in the Holburn gents.
0:13:54 > 0:13:58A fish that went down in the world when the water level dropped.
0:13:58 > 0:14:01These fish don't live here, of course, we just popped them in.
0:14:01 > 0:14:05It's quite clear that a Victorian loo was quite a work of art.
0:14:05 > 0:14:09Here, one might say, one finds the only true democracy,
0:14:09 > 0:14:13because all men are equal in the eyes of...
0:14:13 > 0:14:14CLEARS HIS THROAT
0:14:14 > 0:14:17A survey in this magazine, Municipal Engineering,
0:14:17 > 0:14:19shows that in the last 11 years,
0:14:19 > 0:14:23almost one public lavatory in every four in London has closed.
0:14:23 > 0:14:27The survey was commissioned by the magazine's editor, Chris Birch.
0:14:27 > 0:14:31I like Soho and I do quite a lot of drinking in Soho
0:14:31 > 0:14:34and every time I have three or four pints after work in the evening,
0:14:34 > 0:14:36I have got a problem.
0:14:36 > 0:14:39I religiously empty my bladder before I leave the pub.
0:14:39 > 0:14:42I will walk five minutes to Piccadilly Circus Tube station
0:14:42 > 0:14:45and go to the gents there and empty my bladder a second time
0:14:45 > 0:14:49and by the time I get home to Fulham Broadway, I am bursting!
0:14:49 > 0:14:50And there's no loo there?
0:14:50 > 0:14:53No, there used to be two, one on each platform
0:14:53 > 0:14:57at the underground station. They were both closed in, I think, 1966.
0:14:57 > 0:15:00Yes, I can sympathise with our bibulous chum there,
0:15:00 > 0:15:02but I think the problem he raises is not so much
0:15:02 > 0:15:05an abdication of council responsibility as the fact
0:15:05 > 0:15:09he appears to have a bladder the size of a dry-roasted peanut!
0:15:09 > 0:15:12You'll have noted, too, there were further bollards visible
0:15:12 > 0:15:13in that package and, indeed,
0:15:13 > 0:15:17they are in many ways the ORIGINAL reality stars.
0:15:17 > 0:15:21Annoying, seemingly pointless and no TV show can guarantee their absence.
0:15:21 > 0:15:23There's really no avoiding them.
0:15:38 > 0:15:41Right, Bruce, let's have a look at the damage you've done, then.
0:15:41 > 0:15:42Pretty severe, by the looks of it.
0:15:42 > 0:15:46It looks severe, but compared to what would happen to metal bollards,
0:15:46 > 0:15:48it's nothing to get alarmed about.
0:15:48 > 0:15:51There are no lamps or anything inside the bollard at all,
0:15:51 > 0:15:53so there's no damage to that.
0:15:53 > 0:15:57All that's going to be needed in this case is a new body shell.
0:15:57 > 0:15:59Because you wouldn't be able to use this again.
0:15:59 > 0:16:01That one you wouldn't, because it's been damaged.
0:16:01 > 0:16:03Now, apart from the obvious safety factors,
0:16:03 > 0:16:06- it's also vandal-proof, isn't it? - It is very vandal resistant
0:16:06 > 0:16:10and it's been used in a lot of places where the vandals operate.
0:16:10 > 0:16:15The boot, the knee, the elbow, the fist, doesn't do it any harm.
0:16:15 > 0:16:19The sort of heavy test you gave it in your testing operation, I gather.
0:16:19 > 0:16:22We've got one very large lad in our works
0:16:22 > 0:16:27and we had this thing set up, much as we have here,
0:16:27 > 0:16:29and he had a go at it.
0:16:29 > 0:16:31He finally took a flying leap and landed with both feet
0:16:31 > 0:16:33near the top where he got the most leverage
0:16:33 > 0:16:35and there was no damage done.
0:16:35 > 0:16:38Monty Python once did a sketch about vicious gangs
0:16:38 > 0:16:41of keep-left bollards attacking teenagers.
0:16:41 > 0:16:44Until I just saw that clip, I had no idea it was,
0:16:44 > 0:16:47albeit in reverse, based on an actual phenomenon.
0:16:47 > 0:16:49Attacking inanimate public objects?
0:16:49 > 0:16:53Really? That said, we all have our breaking point.
0:16:53 > 0:16:55BELL RINGS
0:16:59 > 0:17:01What happened exactly?
0:17:01 > 0:17:04Well, it was ringing... on Saturday morning,
0:17:04 > 0:17:07it was ringing at 3.15, twenty to four and five to four,
0:17:07 > 0:17:09so about five to four,
0:17:09 > 0:17:12I jumped out of bed and I said, "I'm going to fix that bloody bell",
0:17:12 > 0:17:15got a hammer, put my dressing gown on, went down to the kiosk,
0:17:15 > 0:17:18smashed in the kiosk window, reached through
0:17:18 > 0:17:20and smashed the switch from the wall.
0:17:20 > 0:17:23I thought there were regulations to stop that bell ringing
0:17:23 > 0:17:26- after 10 o'clock at night? - There's a notice inside the kiosk,
0:17:26 > 0:17:30for all the taxi drivers to see that it should be off at 10.30.
0:17:30 > 0:17:31It just doesn't happen?
0:17:31 > 0:17:34No. Some switch it off, others will come and switch it back on again.
0:17:34 > 0:17:36I wonder, is there any other reasonable way
0:17:36 > 0:17:38in which you could have stopped that bell?
0:17:38 > 0:17:41Well, I need not have been so drastic, I admit,
0:17:41 > 0:17:43but I have been complaining about the bell for 18 months
0:17:43 > 0:17:45and nobody has done a damn thing about it and I thought,
0:17:45 > 0:17:48"Well, this will probably get something done at least."
0:17:48 > 0:17:50The first thing about it is, he shouldn't go around
0:17:50 > 0:17:55smashing private property, which it is private property.
0:17:55 > 0:17:57If a person doesn't have a key,
0:17:57 > 0:18:02is there any alternative to smashing the bell in order to silence it?
0:18:02 > 0:18:05Well, the bell is on the outside, a bit of cardboard,
0:18:05 > 0:18:08anything with a little backing on it,
0:18:08 > 0:18:13would quite easily stop the bell if pushed into the actual bell itself.
0:18:13 > 0:18:14Shocking stuff.
0:18:14 > 0:18:16Perhaps some of the women watching this
0:18:16 > 0:18:19might take a look at their partners just now.
0:18:19 > 0:18:20Are they blushing?
0:18:20 > 0:18:23If so, they could have once been the kind of youth,
0:18:23 > 0:18:26who kicked a traffic bollard just for kicks.
0:18:26 > 0:18:31Or ran screaming "Banzai!" toward the local church bells at Evensong?
0:18:31 > 0:18:33We're better than that, aren't we?
0:18:33 > 0:18:36Instead of incomprehensible violence toward street furniture,
0:18:36 > 0:18:38shouldn't we be singing its praises?
0:18:38 > 0:18:40Incomprehensibly.
0:18:40 > 0:18:43# Daylight comes And the lamps go out
0:18:43 > 0:18:46# All over the town
0:18:48 > 0:18:50# One's been hit
0:18:50 > 0:18:56# A lorry did that! But it didn't fall down
0:18:56 > 0:19:00# See them by the side Of the motorway
0:19:00 > 0:19:04# All in a line They stand silent and tall
0:19:04 > 0:19:06# Short ones, too
0:19:06 > 0:19:11# We need them all Our streetlamps... #
0:19:17 > 0:19:20- Hello, Dave.- Hello, Auntie Mabel.
0:19:20 > 0:19:24It was me who reported the lamp. It wasn't working last night
0:19:24 > 0:19:29- and I nearly fell over in the dark. - We'll soon get it going again.
0:19:30 > 0:19:34That's all working, so I will go up and check the lamp.
0:19:34 > 0:19:36- Can I go with you?- Yes, of course.
0:20:06 > 0:20:10Blimey! I thought they'd have been outside Earth's atmosphere by then!
0:20:10 > 0:20:12That thing must have been moving slower
0:20:12 > 0:20:15than the song-writers' creative juices on that rotten tune!
0:20:15 > 0:20:18In fact, on much of the footage we looked at,
0:20:18 > 0:20:22the outside amenities seemed to be playing tricks of mind and memory.
0:20:22 > 0:20:25I mean, didn't telegraph poles use to be bigger than this?
0:20:37 > 0:20:39Do you have some problems, Mr Talbot?
0:20:39 > 0:20:41Yes, I think I've cut my binding wire too short
0:20:41 > 0:20:43- and I wondered what to do about it. - You have, I see.
0:20:43 > 0:20:45How many turns have you got round there now?
0:20:45 > 0:20:47I have got 18, so far.
0:20:47 > 0:20:51- 18, and you know how many you should have?- Yes, there should be 30.
0:20:51 > 0:20:5330, yeah.
0:20:53 > 0:20:56Yeah, it's definitely too short, the only thing to do
0:20:56 > 0:20:58is to loosen this one right off.
0:20:58 > 0:21:02It'll still hold the tension on this ratchet and tongs,
0:21:02 > 0:21:05you can then come down, cut yourself another length of binding wire
0:21:05 > 0:21:10- and start again, that's the best way. OK?- Yeah.- OK.
0:21:10 > 0:21:12When they leave here, these apprentices
0:21:12 > 0:21:15will have sufficient knowledge of equipment and techniques
0:21:15 > 0:21:18to be able to cope with the next stage.
0:21:21 > 0:21:24I'm not sure I'm entirely at ease with those images.
0:21:24 > 0:21:27It was like a GPO vision of Golgotha.
0:21:27 > 0:21:31Also, how do they know those same men won't crack under pressure
0:21:31 > 0:21:33when they have to start working at altitude?
0:21:33 > 0:21:38Speaking of which, back at the kids' TV version of Gravity...
0:21:38 > 0:21:43It could be that the lamp's worn out, just like my Bob at home!
0:21:43 > 0:21:47So, Dave is putting a new one in, cover it up.
0:21:47 > 0:21:51It'll think it's gone dark and turn the lamp on.
0:21:52 > 0:21:56Look, it's working!
0:21:56 > 0:21:59Streetlamps have not always worked like this, oh no.
0:21:59 > 0:22:04What makes this so special is that it's a sewer-ventilating lamp.
0:22:04 > 0:22:07The heat of the lamp at the top draws up the vapours
0:22:07 > 0:22:11through this hollow stem.
0:22:11 > 0:22:14We don't want to lose this, it's not only beautiful, but unique.
0:22:16 > 0:22:19As unique almost as this gentleman,
0:22:19 > 0:22:22who's among the last of the old-fashioned lamplighters.
0:22:22 > 0:22:25The irreplaceable James Mason there.
0:22:25 > 0:22:28Do you know how much more respect you'd have for this programme
0:22:28 > 0:22:30if James Mason was in charge?
0:22:30 > 0:22:33Let me give you an idea. Wisbey!
0:22:33 > 0:22:37Ladies and gentlemen, Wisbey IS James Mason.
0:22:37 > 0:22:39Up till now, we've pretty much concentrated
0:22:39 > 0:22:42on the cold and the lifeless.
0:22:42 > 0:22:44But whither the human street furniture?
0:22:44 > 0:22:48These artisans and their props who we pass each day,
0:22:48 > 0:22:52yet barely acknowledge. What about them?
0:22:52 > 0:22:54And, by the way, if you are still looking for something
0:22:54 > 0:22:59cold and lifeless, I'm your man these days.
0:23:00 > 0:23:0248-year-old Stuart Redmond is spearheading
0:23:02 > 0:23:04one of Britain's growth industries.
0:23:04 > 0:23:08The next few weeks should see a staggering 66% increase
0:23:08 > 0:23:10in the number of small businesses like Stuart's.
0:23:10 > 0:23:12Not that you'll notice any breathtaking shortening
0:23:12 > 0:23:15in the dole queues, it's just that the number of shoe-blacks
0:23:15 > 0:23:20on the streets of London is about to leap from three to five.
0:23:20 > 0:23:25Only 50 yards from Stuart's licensed patch of Piccadilly pavement,
0:23:25 > 0:23:28Sailor Davis, his deadly rival,
0:23:28 > 0:23:30wields his brushes for the opposition.
0:23:30 > 0:23:33I first knew Stuart, he was a paper-seller
0:23:33 > 0:23:36and there was another one-legged shoe-black,
0:23:36 > 0:23:38who'd been dead many years,
0:23:38 > 0:23:40he used to work alongside him
0:23:40 > 0:23:43and when the bottom fell out of the paper-selling,
0:23:43 > 0:23:45he asked him to come along with this.
0:23:45 > 0:23:49The two rivals have been watching each other even more closely
0:23:49 > 0:23:53ever since Sailor left Cherry Blossom in 1958
0:23:53 > 0:23:56and signed up for Kiwi, taking all his brushes with him.
0:23:56 > 0:24:00The transfer fee has never been disclosed.
0:24:00 > 0:24:02Do you think that the change of polish,
0:24:02 > 0:24:04you've changed to the other side now,
0:24:04 > 0:24:07are you polishing better or worse than you used to?
0:24:07 > 0:24:11This is difficult to answer, but I can put it this way,
0:24:11 > 0:24:14when I was Cherry, people used to say, "I don't know how you do it,
0:24:14 > 0:24:17"I will never use Kiwi again," now I use Kiwi,
0:24:17 > 0:24:20they tell me they never use Cherry!
0:24:20 > 0:24:23First three months, it was a bit dodgy,
0:24:23 > 0:24:27you start hitting people's socks, things like that!
0:24:27 > 0:24:29You have to be very careful. Slow.
0:24:29 > 0:24:33After six months or so, you gradually get faster with it.
0:24:33 > 0:24:36Up until now, I have never had a pair I can't improve on.
0:24:36 > 0:24:39When that day comes, I suppose that's the time to pack up.
0:24:39 > 0:24:41The shoeshine men of old London.
0:24:41 > 0:24:45An art form ruthlessly vanquished by the rise of the trainer.
0:24:45 > 0:24:48I think it tells its own story that on the exact same area
0:24:48 > 0:24:50once occupied by Alf's flat cap,
0:24:50 > 0:24:54now stands the biggest Nike store in Europe.
0:24:54 > 0:24:57It's fair to say that whereas once street furniture was there
0:24:57 > 0:24:59to assist people in their daily lives,
0:24:59 > 0:25:02today, it exists chiefly to order them about.
0:25:02 > 0:25:04Gone are the milk machines, the horse troughs,
0:25:04 > 0:25:07the water fountains, the phone boxes
0:25:07 > 0:25:10and here are the myriad garish tin signs
0:25:10 > 0:25:14telling you what you can and can't do and where you can and can't go.
0:25:14 > 0:25:18Even the pillar box, that sturdy old begetter of the internet,
0:25:18 > 0:25:20is on borrowed time.
0:25:20 > 0:25:23Here some children, yesterday, look at the last one in Britain.
0:25:23 > 0:25:24And laugh at it.
0:25:24 > 0:25:26LAUGHTER
0:25:26 > 0:25:30This is George Corner, he's 71 years old, and a Boy Scout.
0:25:30 > 0:25:32He owns a shoe shop in Batley, Yorkshire
0:25:32 > 0:25:34and he's come down to London
0:25:34 > 0:25:37to demonstrate his one, all-consuming passion in life.
0:25:42 > 0:25:45Well, I think, at 71, you need something to keep you fit
0:25:45 > 0:25:47and I think it certainly does that.
0:25:47 > 0:25:49Once you've jumped the pillar boxes in London,
0:25:49 > 0:25:51what's your next ambition?
0:25:51 > 0:25:56I shall jump the pillar boxes abroad, probably.
0:25:56 > 0:26:00I have already done Scotland and London,
0:26:00 > 0:26:04London has been one of my great ambitions.
0:26:04 > 0:26:09And then, of course, I shall do Ireland, probably, and Wales
0:26:09 > 0:26:14and, who knows? There's no limit to this.
0:26:14 > 0:26:17But there was. There was a limit to it.
0:26:17 > 0:26:21In the 1980s, as global warming increased the size
0:26:21 > 0:26:25of all street furniture, George Corner found his unique gift
0:26:25 > 0:26:27could not keep pace with events.
0:26:37 > 0:26:40The last item George attempted there was, of course,
0:26:40 > 0:26:43a gaily painted World War II maritime mine,
0:26:43 > 0:26:45a terrific piece of street furniture
0:26:45 > 0:26:49and a fixture of any seaside town Worthing of the name.
0:26:49 > 0:26:51- OFF-CAMERA: Worthy. - What?
0:26:51 > 0:26:55- Worthy, you said Worthing. - Ha! Freudian slip!
0:26:55 > 0:26:56Bollards!
0:26:56 > 0:27:00This is the spring-back bollard, which was commonly first produced
0:27:00 > 0:27:0125 years ago.
0:27:01 > 0:27:05You can see why it's called the spring-back bollard.
0:27:05 > 0:27:07It has a springing mechanism...
0:27:07 > 0:27:11SPRING SOUND
0:27:11 > 0:27:15We've got to be careful that we don't just jump on the bandwagon,
0:27:15 > 0:27:18so to speak, and go for the latest design of bollards.
0:27:18 > 0:27:22When a bus approaches, the bollards are lowered automatically,
0:27:22 > 0:27:25buses, mail delivery vans and emergency vehicles
0:27:25 > 0:27:27carry remote sensors.
0:27:27 > 0:27:31A car tries to nip through behind the bus. You can imagine the damage.
0:27:35 > 0:27:40The hero of the highway, Robo-Bollard, the bollard with bite.
0:27:43 > 0:27:47What do the locals think of the latest guardian of the High Street?
0:27:47 > 0:27:49Oh, I think it's terrible.
0:27:49 > 0:27:53The whole issue is rubbish.
0:27:53 > 0:27:55That's the ones which shoot up.
0:27:55 > 0:27:56- Yeah.- No.
0:27:56 > 0:27:58- But on the other hand? - Yeah.- No.
0:27:58 > 0:28:01And we are done. Yeah.
0:28:01 > 0:28:05Everything, I think. Phone boxes, parking meters.
0:28:05 > 0:28:08Telegraph poles, pillar boxes, bollards...
0:28:08 > 0:28:10Yeah. That's it.
0:28:13 > 0:28:19# So, when you come To the end
0:28:19 > 0:28:24# Of a packet of fags
0:28:24 > 0:28:26# A bar of chocolate
0:28:26 > 0:28:32# Or a bottle of gin... #
0:28:32 > 0:28:34Hic!
0:28:34 > 0:28:38# Don't be an untidy so and so
0:28:38 > 0:28:43# Just stick them in the litter bin
0:28:43 > 0:28:46# Stick it in the litter Stick it in the litter
0:28:46 > 0:28:51# Stick it in the litter Stick it in the litter bin! Oi! #
0:28:51 > 0:28:55Goodnight!
0:28:55 > 0:28:57# Let the time go by
0:28:57 > 0:29:01# I won't care if I
0:29:01 > 0:29:08# Can be here on the street where you live... #