0:00:02 > 0:00:05- My favourite Scots word is stramash. - Fankle.- Gallus.
0:00:05 > 0:00:07- Glaikit.- Feart.
0:00:07 > 0:00:10This is a celebration of the Scots language.
0:00:10 > 0:00:12Rich, varied, moaning and funny.
0:00:12 > 0:00:16We've asked a bunch of well-kennt faces to choose their
0:00:16 > 0:00:21favourite Scots word, tell us why and celebrate a few others besides.
0:00:21 > 0:00:23Oh, ya cheeky besom!
0:00:23 > 0:00:25Argh!
0:00:25 > 0:00:29- A nest of fearties. - Look at those wee beasties.
0:00:29 > 0:00:30You must dae that.
0:00:30 > 0:00:33You rackle-handed gowk!
0:00:33 > 0:00:36There's been a murder!
0:00:40 > 0:00:44You know, one of my favourite old Scots words,
0:00:44 > 0:00:47and one that I miss a lot, is fankle.
0:00:47 > 0:00:50This is a classic example of a fankle. You do it all the time.
0:00:50 > 0:00:53You know, the back of the stereo with all the wires, the fankle.
0:00:53 > 0:00:59One of those really useful words, but I didn't even know what it looked like, cos you just said it.
0:00:59 > 0:01:03You never wrote it down. But let's have a look at what it looks like.
0:01:03 > 0:01:06It's... Wait a minute, no, no, this is a fankle for a start!
0:01:06 > 0:01:10That's... from there to there to there
0:01:10 > 0:01:13and, you see, we've unfankled it.
0:01:13 > 0:01:15Fankle, a great wee word.
0:01:17 > 0:01:20Actor Bill Paterson remembers his childhood well
0:01:20 > 0:01:21and some of the words he used.
0:01:21 > 0:01:24Growing up, if you used any Scots words, which we did...
0:01:24 > 0:01:29We used glaikit and numpty, we used dreich and we used dour.
0:01:29 > 0:01:32We used them all, but I could never have spelt them.
0:01:32 > 0:01:36The idea of using them in school would have been unheard of.
0:01:36 > 0:01:41You'd have got a row, if not the belt, for using the word glaikit in the class.
0:01:41 > 0:01:47What really interests me now is that you can actually see these words being spelt and in dictionaries.
0:01:47 > 0:01:50It's got a certain kind of shape.
0:01:50 > 0:01:53The words never had a shape to us. They were completely oral.
0:01:53 > 0:01:57They were something we heard and we passed on and we lived with in that way.
0:02:00 > 0:02:03And for these school children in Aberdeen,
0:02:03 > 0:02:07their version of Scots - Doric - is very much alive and kicking.
0:02:20 > 0:02:24Stoater can refer to an attractive person.
0:02:24 > 0:02:28It's a nice thing to be. To be a stoater is you're doing good.
0:02:28 > 0:02:33I wouldn't mind if occasionally somebody described me as a stoater once in a while.
0:02:37 > 0:02:42Not only is Scots still birling around the playground, but it's now found its way
0:02:42 > 0:02:44into some classrooms too.
0:02:44 > 0:02:48Wee Jackie Pirie sat on a chairie, hookin' oot plums fae a flan.
0:02:48 > 0:02:53He lickit his fingers and said, "They're humdingers. Fit a smart little birkie I am."
0:02:53 > 0:02:55Oh me, me, my granny touched a flea.
0:02:55 > 0:02:59She roasted it and toasted it and had it for her tea. Yuck!
0:02:59 > 0:03:01Sheepie sheepie blackface, fit's tha oo?
0:03:01 > 0:03:04Nae that all, sir, three packets fu'.
0:03:04 > 0:03:06Ane for the wifie and ane for the boss,
0:03:06 > 0:03:09And ane for the auld loon that sleeps upon the close.
0:03:11 > 0:03:13My mother used to use words like bein,
0:03:13 > 0:03:17and of course, she used ashet for pies and gigot for chops.
0:03:17 > 0:03:22One day I said, "You know, Mum, these are all French words." She said, "No, I don't know any.
0:03:22 > 0:03:25"I've never spoken a word of French in my life." I said, "They are."
0:03:25 > 0:03:29Bein, I believe, is from the French bien, meaning well, well-off.
0:03:29 > 0:03:35I'd say, "Who are these bein folks?" She said, "They're well-off." "Mum, they're French."
0:03:35 > 0:03:38The ashet pies that we knew, the pie is baked in a dish,
0:03:38 > 0:03:41the French assiette. Old Robbie Burns with his
0:03:41 > 0:03:44"Bring to me a pint of wine and put it in a silver tassie,"
0:03:44 > 0:03:46that's using a French word, tasse.
0:03:46 > 0:03:52"Tasse du vin" for a glass. So we had a wide influence, but none of them we ever saw written down.
0:03:52 > 0:03:57I think it's fantastic now to think that we're studying these words and
0:03:57 > 0:04:00kids are picking them up again and using them.
0:04:03 > 0:04:06My favourite Scots word is gallus.
0:04:06 > 0:04:12Cheeky, bold, mischievous and, let's face it, more than a little bit stylish.
0:04:12 > 0:04:14That's me. Gallus.
0:04:14 > 0:04:19Singer and television presenter Michelle McManus is wary of the weather,
0:04:19 > 0:04:23especially when she's stravaigin in the country.
0:04:23 > 0:04:26It's not easy being stylish in the Scottish weather.
0:04:26 > 0:04:31If you're in the city, even on a dreich day like this, all you have to do is jump in a cab.
0:04:31 > 0:04:36When you're out in the country, you never know what you're going to get. It can be hot, it can be cold,
0:04:36 > 0:04:39it can be cloudy, it can be windy, or it could be pouring with rain.
0:04:39 > 0:04:42And let's face it, nobody wants to get drookit.
0:04:49 > 0:04:52Then it gets cold, really cold.
0:04:52 > 0:04:54I am talking chitterin'.
0:04:54 > 0:05:00When that happens, I like to put on a nice, big scarf, the more colourful the better.
0:05:08 > 0:05:12Don't talk to me about the wind. When it is blowing a gale outside and you've spent
0:05:12 > 0:05:15three hours doing your hair, you're left scunnered by it.
0:05:15 > 0:05:22But the worst of all is the wind, the cold, and the rain. Nightmare.
0:05:32 > 0:05:36In Scotland, it's no coincidence that we have many different words
0:05:36 > 0:05:40for rain and cold, but not that many for sun.
0:05:41 > 0:05:44I wonder why.
0:05:44 > 0:05:50Surely the best Scots word for Scots weather is braw.
0:05:50 > 0:05:53Fine, beautiful, excellent.
0:05:53 > 0:05:57Anyway, enough about me. See you later!
0:06:02 > 0:06:05My favourite Scots word is stramash.
0:06:05 > 0:06:09A bunch of buys playing rugby, desperate to get their hands on this ball.
0:06:09 > 0:06:14Having won 61 caps for his country, Gavin Hastings is one of the best
0:06:14 > 0:06:16rugby players ever to come out of Scotland.
0:06:16 > 0:06:19Stramash.
0:06:21 > 0:06:28These big, hairy forwards just wrestling for the ball and giving it to the backs to try and score tries.
0:06:28 > 0:06:33It was great fun. We used to get messy and muddy.
0:06:33 > 0:06:35It was a big stramash.
0:06:41 > 0:06:44I think there's occasions when really you feel that
0:06:44 > 0:06:47a Scots word really sums up what on earth is going on.
0:06:47 > 0:06:52For me stramash is just fantastic, particularly when applied to rugby.
0:07:01 > 0:07:04I'll tell you a word that I really, really like
0:07:04 > 0:07:11but I very seldom get an opportunity to use. And here it is.
0:07:14 > 0:07:19What I'm much more likely to do is this, to blether.
0:07:20 > 0:07:24- 'Call Kaye on BBC Radio Scotland.' - Good morning, good morning.
0:07:24 > 0:07:28I hope I find you well even though it is a guy dreich day out there. Never mind.
0:07:28 > 0:07:36It's Kaye Adams' job to talk, and as a broadcaster on both radio and television, language is her business.
0:07:36 > 0:07:38I really enjoy using the Scots language.
0:07:38 > 0:07:43I get a kick out of these words and sometimes dropping them into conversation,
0:07:43 > 0:07:46knowing that the people that I'm with won't have a clue what I'm talking about.
0:07:46 > 0:07:50But I absolutely feel that we should be sharing them
0:07:50 > 0:07:54and sending them out there and making them part of a great big mix.
0:07:54 > 0:08:01'0500 82 95 00. Call Kaye now.'
0:08:01 > 0:08:05It's so enjoyable actually using these words and as I think about it,
0:08:05 > 0:08:06I realise that I censor myself,
0:08:06 > 0:08:09because when you're in a professional situation,
0:08:09 > 0:08:12for some reason, you think you've got to be proper.
0:08:12 > 0:08:14I shouldn't really, should I?
0:08:14 > 0:08:18There's so many words that are just so expressive.
0:08:18 > 0:08:20You bampot. You clype.
0:08:20 > 0:08:23Tumshie.
0:08:23 > 0:08:27You eejit. You blethering skyte. You cheeky besom.
0:08:27 > 0:08:29I remember on one occasion
0:08:29 > 0:08:33talking within Loose Women and it got very passionate and heated
0:08:33 > 0:08:37and I said something like, "This is a ridiculous stooshie."
0:08:37 > 0:08:41Everyone just stopped because they didn't have a clue what I was talking about.
0:08:41 > 0:08:44So I had to kind of back play a little bit there.
0:08:44 > 0:08:49So I suppose it goes back to the time that I was brought up.
0:08:49 > 0:08:52You know, you had a posh voice, you had a telephone voice,
0:08:52 > 0:08:55you had to speak properly if you wanted to get on in the world.
0:08:55 > 0:08:59Frankly, we don't have that feeling quite so much now because
0:08:59 > 0:09:04we all travel so much more as people and generally enjoy language.
0:09:04 > 0:09:07Most people enjoy language, enjoy playing with it.
0:09:07 > 0:09:11Any time that I have been outside Scotland and I've used words
0:09:11 > 0:09:16that are very Scottish, whether it's dreich, or even the word wee, tiny wee, toatie wee word.
0:09:16 > 0:09:20Used all over the world and interestingly, most usually used
0:09:20 > 0:09:24in just the right sense, because it means more than just size.
0:09:24 > 0:09:29Wee has got a whole kind of atmosphere to it as a word.
0:09:29 > 0:09:34It's incredible how people of all different nationalities click right into it.
0:09:34 > 0:09:40Argy bargy is another one. One of those words that has just transcended a nationality.
0:09:40 > 0:09:45Everyone uses it, so everyone enjoys it, which is a great thing. Minging.
0:09:45 > 0:09:50Perhaps not such an attractive word, but Scottish originally,
0:09:50 > 0:09:53but now happily used by anyone and everyone. Minging.
0:09:55 > 0:09:58One of my favourite Scots words
0:09:58 > 0:10:00is mirk. Dark.
0:10:02 > 0:10:07I'm here on the dark side of the toon.
0:10:12 > 0:10:16The streets of Glasgow have been the haunt of actor John Michie for quite some time.
0:10:16 > 0:10:19He's played more than one famous detective
0:10:19 > 0:10:24and a lot of his characters have to do at least some of their work at the very spookiest time of day.
0:10:27 > 0:10:31From this, the gloaming, to the howe dumb deid,
0:10:31 > 0:10:37the very darkest moments, the dead of night.
0:10:43 > 0:10:47So... there's been a murder.
0:10:47 > 0:10:50I wonder...
0:10:50 > 0:10:54whether they smoured...
0:10:54 > 0:10:57or thrappled.
0:11:02 > 0:11:07All the best murder mysteries are surely set in the mirk, in streets
0:11:07 > 0:11:13like these, with a touch of fog for an acting detective to get lost in.
0:11:13 > 0:11:18As the sky slaley turns, there's always Lochiel's lantern
0:11:18 > 0:11:24to light the way and maybe an occasional fire-flaucht,
0:11:24 > 0:11:25a shooting star.
0:11:33 > 0:11:41And I'll be needing this as the gloaming turns into the mirk o' the howe dumb deid.
0:11:45 > 0:11:49One of my favourite Scots words is glaikit.
0:11:49 > 0:11:51I love the sound of glaikit, it's onomatopoeic.
0:11:51 > 0:11:56It sounds exactly as it means, which is a face empty of all intelligence.
0:11:56 > 0:12:00I guess the nearest English equivalent would be gormless.
0:12:00 > 0:12:03Glaikit is just a great word, full of character.
0:12:05 > 0:12:09Poet and children's novelist Jackie Kay was raised in Glasgow
0:12:09 > 0:12:13and the words she heard as a child form an important part of her work.
0:12:17 > 0:12:21Scots language for me is a great cauldron full of riches.
0:12:21 > 0:12:26You can just dip into it and get different things and different flavours and tastes every time.
0:12:26 > 0:12:31If I was a cook, I would definitely be using the Scots language,
0:12:31 > 0:12:36because you get a great big boost in flavour, you get lots of character,
0:12:36 > 0:12:41you get a sense of uniqueness and a sense of time and place.
0:12:48 > 0:12:50I like the syntax, the use of repetition.
0:12:50 > 0:12:53My mum might say, "I'm not tired tired, but I'm tired."
0:12:53 > 0:12:58"I'm not hungry hungry, but I'm hungry." I like that.
0:12:58 > 0:13:00I think of that as a Glasgow double,
0:13:00 > 0:13:05somewhere between these two tireds, these two hungries, you know exactly what she means.
0:13:09 > 0:13:12As a writer I've always used Scots language in different ways
0:13:12 > 0:13:17and explored the way that you lose bits of your language when you move country.
0:13:17 > 0:13:21I live in England now and I have a kind of nostalgic relationship
0:13:21 > 0:13:26to some words that I don't get to hear anymore or I only get to hear when I go back to Glasgow.
0:13:32 > 0:13:38This poem's called Old Tongue and I wrote it for my partner, who left Scotland,
0:13:38 > 0:13:43my ex-partner, who left Scotland when she was eight and went to live in England.
0:13:43 > 0:13:46It fascinates me when people leave a country
0:13:46 > 0:13:50what they often most miss is the language that they've left behind.
0:13:50 > 0:13:53Old Tongue.
0:13:53 > 0:13:56When I was eight, I was forced south
0:13:56 > 0:13:59Not long after, when I opened my mouth
0:13:59 > 0:14:01A strange thing happened
0:14:01 > 0:14:03I lost my Scottish accent
0:14:03 > 0:14:06Words fell off my tongue
0:14:06 > 0:14:09Eejit, dreich, wabbit, crabbit
0:14:09 > 0:14:12Stumour, teuchter, heidbanger
0:14:12 > 0:14:14So you are, so am I
0:14:14 > 0:14:17See you, see my ma
0:14:17 > 0:14:20Shut yer geggie or I'll gie ye the malkie
0:14:20 > 0:14:23My own vowels started to stretch like my bones
0:14:23 > 0:14:25And I turned my back on Scotland
0:14:25 > 0:14:28Words disappeared in the dead of night
0:14:28 > 0:14:32New words marched in, ghastly, awful
0:14:32 > 0:14:34Quite dreadful
0:14:34 > 0:14:37Scones said like stones
0:14:37 > 0:14:40Pokey hats into ice cream cones
0:14:40 > 0:14:44Oh, where did all my words go?
0:14:44 > 0:14:47My old words, my lost words
0:14:47 > 0:14:50Did you ever feel sad when you lost a word?
0:14:50 > 0:14:55Did you ever try and call it back like calling in the sea?
0:14:55 > 0:14:57If I could have found my words wandering
0:14:57 > 0:15:00I swear I would have taken them in
0:15:00 > 0:15:04Swallowed them whole, knocked them back
0:15:04 > 0:15:06Out in the English soil
0:15:06 > 0:15:10My old words buried themselves
0:15:10 > 0:15:13It made my mother's blood boil
0:15:13 > 0:15:17I cried one day with the wrong sound in my mouth
0:15:17 > 0:15:19I wanted them back
0:15:19 > 0:15:21I wanted my old accent back
0:15:21 > 0:15:23My old tongue
0:15:23 > 0:15:27My dour, soor, Scottish tongue
0:15:27 > 0:15:29Sing-songy
0:15:29 > 0:15:31I wanted to gie it laldy.
0:15:36 > 0:15:41One of the Scots words I love to use is clarty, and that means when you're covered in mud.
0:15:41 > 0:15:46As a zoologist I'm out in the field a lot, hunting for animals and bugs, and you get covered in mud.
0:15:46 > 0:15:48When that happens, your hands get clarty.
0:15:48 > 0:15:53You sometimes have to give them a dicht, which means a wipe on your trousers or your jacket.
0:15:53 > 0:15:55It's such an expressive word.
0:15:58 > 0:16:01Look at that. There's loads of them here, look at that. Fantastic.
0:16:01 > 0:16:04I'm going to have a wee keek at these bugs.
0:16:06 > 0:16:10You can tell it's a beetle larva because it's got three pairs of legs at the front.
0:16:10 > 0:16:14George McGavin is a man with a passion for creepy-crawlies
0:16:14 > 0:16:17and it leads him to some pretty unusual places.
0:16:20 > 0:16:25Very often, when you're hunting for animals, especially if they're insects,
0:16:25 > 0:16:31you have to get into a tight space and that usually means getting dirty, or clarty.
0:16:31 > 0:16:34So I usually come home covered in mud.
0:16:34 > 0:16:38But that's the only place you can find really interesting things.
0:16:38 > 0:16:40I think there's something lurking behind here,
0:16:40 > 0:16:45so I'm going to give that.... a prise off. Now look at that.
0:16:45 > 0:16:48That's interesting. Something's been eating up here,
0:16:48 > 0:16:53hidden away here, and all this is falling down.
0:16:54 > 0:16:56Ah!
0:16:57 > 0:16:59Yes, very clarty.
0:17:05 > 0:17:09I'm often asked why I find animals and plants interesting.
0:17:09 > 0:17:13Obviously there's history and music and art and stuff, but if you take
0:17:13 > 0:17:16all that away, you take everything away, what have you got left?
0:17:16 > 0:17:21The answer is animals and plants, the natural world, so I just find it much more interesting.
0:17:21 > 0:17:26At the right place, at the right time, they can be extraordinary.
0:17:26 > 0:17:30This is just breathtaking.
0:17:30 > 0:17:33These are just some of the amazing insects of Borneo.
0:17:33 > 0:17:36It's a huge cicada.
0:17:40 > 0:17:42The whole of the abdomen's hollow.
0:17:42 > 0:17:44Hear?
0:17:44 > 0:17:48That's probably one of the ones that wakes us up in the morning.
0:17:48 > 0:17:51That's a beauty, an absolute beauty.
0:17:53 > 0:18:01Back in Britain in early spring, insects are a little harder to come across, but thankfully a lot smaller.
0:18:01 > 0:18:05An average eight-year-old child could find out something new
0:18:05 > 0:18:10about the world of insects in their back garden if they just looked.
0:18:11 > 0:18:17If I had £1 billion, I would buy every kid a hand lens like this,
0:18:17 > 0:18:21because you can see things happening on the ground, in soil,
0:18:21 > 0:18:25in bits of dead wood, that you just wouldn't believe would happen.
0:18:25 > 0:18:30There are so many words that are just brilliant when you're outside.
0:18:30 > 0:18:35Like if you're in a stream in mud, you're hae'in a guddle.
0:18:35 > 0:18:41Or if you're just out for a walk, you'd say, "I'm just away for a birl around these woods".
0:18:41 > 0:18:43It's a walk, basically, a look. A keek.
0:18:43 > 0:18:51All these words that I recall from being a small boy.
0:18:51 > 0:18:56The first spring day, like today, when a few folks are in their shorts,
0:18:56 > 0:19:01you say to yourself, "Look at his legs. They're awfully peely wally." They're pale.
0:19:08 > 0:19:11My favourite Scots word has to be feart. I love the way it sounds.
0:19:11 > 0:19:14It's a really descriptive and expressive word.
0:19:15 > 0:19:20Catriona Shearer reads the news for the BBC around 30 times a week.
0:19:25 > 0:19:31The first time I ever did a live news broadcast, I was so nervous.
0:19:31 > 0:19:34My heart was pounding, my palms were sweaty,
0:19:34 > 0:19:37I had to hook myself up to London and I was really feart.
0:19:41 > 0:19:46Nowadays I manage to slip in the occasional ocht or dreich into a news bulletin,
0:19:46 > 0:19:49especially when handing over to the weather presenters.
0:19:49 > 0:19:53But like most news readers these days, I just blether on in English.
0:19:58 > 0:20:02Good morning. Scottish and Welsh nationalists are joining forces at Westminster...
0:20:02 > 0:20:06Scots words are only occasionally heard on television today,
0:20:06 > 0:20:10but back in the 16th century, Scots was the most dominant national language.
0:20:10 > 0:20:16It was spoken in Parliament and almost all official documents were written in Scots.
0:20:19 > 0:20:24Now these words are rarely written down, except perhaps in poetry.
0:20:24 > 0:20:27But what if Scots hadn't declined?
0:20:27 > 0:20:32Would the language still be alive and spoken more widely on the radio and television?
0:20:32 > 0:20:35The Queen has opened a new Scottish Parliament building...
0:20:35 > 0:20:41Here's a recording of the news on 9th October, 2004. It's in English.
0:20:41 > 0:20:45The Presiding Officer George Reid said the people, the Parliament and
0:20:45 > 0:20:48the Palace had come together to mark the Royal opening.
0:20:48 > 0:20:51Here's our home affairs correspondent, Reevel Alderson.
0:20:54 > 0:20:59Officially at home, the representatives of Scotland, the MSPs.
0:21:00 > 0:21:04Now here's that news again in Scots.
0:21:06 > 0:21:11Good evening. The Queen has jist appened the brand new Scottish Pairlament,
0:21:11 > 0:21:15beginning with a challenge to wir MSPs to mak sure
0:21:15 > 0:21:19that Holyrood is seen as a lawndmerk o' 21st century democracy.
0:21:19 > 0:21:23The Presiding Officer, George Reid, said that the folk, the Pairliament,
0:21:23 > 0:21:27and the Palace had came thegither to handsell in the royal opening.
0:21:27 > 0:21:30Here's wir hame affairs correspondent, Reevel Alderson.
0:21:33 > 0:21:37Since devolution, Scots has made a tentative return.
0:21:37 > 0:21:41Very occasionally we hear a hint of the language of the old Parliament.
0:21:42 > 0:21:45What do the people want of the place?
0:21:45 > 0:21:51They want it to be filled with thinking persons, as open and adventurous as its architecture.
0:21:51 > 0:21:56A nest of fearties is what they do not want.
0:21:56 > 0:22:00A nest of fearties! Doesn't that just sound great?
0:22:02 > 0:22:07And that's all from us for the moment. Our next update's at 1:30. Hope you can join us then. Bye-bye.
0:22:15 > 0:22:21My favourite word in Scots would be braw.
0:22:25 > 0:22:29Rab Wilson is a man who lives his life in Scots.
0:22:29 > 0:22:32He writes it, he speaks it, and he makes his living from it.
0:22:32 > 0:22:35- You been busy today? - It's been good, yes.
0:22:35 > 0:22:39Brought up in East Ayrshire, Rab became a writer and poet
0:22:39 > 0:22:43and he's now a passionate advocate of the Scots language.
0:22:43 > 0:22:50I left the school about 16 and I done an engineering apprenticeship for the Coal Board.
0:22:50 > 0:22:57So I worked down the deep mines for eight year, so I was immersed in this local dialect.
0:22:57 > 0:23:02But later, when I was post 30 year old, it became apparent
0:23:02 > 0:23:05that this language had been used
0:23:05 > 0:23:12by local poets and rhymers for centuries.
0:23:12 > 0:23:18So I thought to myself, "Well, if I'm going to write, I'll write in that language too."
0:23:18 > 0:23:22It's a tremendous thing that you can still walk doon virtually
0:23:22 > 0:23:28ony street in ony village or toon in Laland Scotland
0:23:28 > 0:23:34and hear this... a seuch o' this wonderful lede
0:23:34 > 0:23:37still being spoken there.
0:23:37 > 0:23:40I mean, it's such a braw, braw thing.
0:23:40 > 0:23:45But if you ask thae folk to write in Scots,
0:23:45 > 0:23:48they just couldnae dae it. They wouldnae be able to dae it.
0:23:50 > 0:23:54There is a wonderful word, mawdelit.
0:23:54 > 0:23:57M-A-W-D-E-L-I-T. Mawdelit.
0:23:59 > 0:24:03It's a crazy word really. Only the Scots could have invented such a word as that.
0:24:03 > 0:24:11It means inventing - no, feigning, feigning an illness in order to avoid going to a court appearance.
0:24:11 > 0:24:15Now how weird is it that we should have a such a specific word
0:24:15 > 0:24:18in the Scots language as mawdelit?
0:24:18 > 0:24:22But yet that word came directly from France
0:24:22 > 0:24:26because in France, that would be mal de lit,
0:24:26 > 0:24:29an illness that puts you in your bed.
0:24:29 > 0:24:32So it's travelled ower the watter here to Scotland
0:24:32 > 0:24:37where it's been kind of corrupted in its pronunciation into mawdelit.
0:24:43 > 0:24:49I remember I got said to me one day to "away and fetch the big Monday, son." I went, "Whit?"
0:24:49 > 0:24:55"Away and get the Monday hemmer." I said, "Why is there a hemmer called Monday?"
0:24:55 > 0:25:01I didnae get it, I went and only asked for the hemmer. Now a heavy hammer is
0:25:01 > 0:25:08like a nine-pund mash hammer, but the Monday hammer is a hammer that's about 20 pund.
0:25:08 > 0:25:11It's a great, big, giant floor hammer.
0:25:11 > 0:25:15If you cannae get something to shift or move with an ordinary hammer,
0:25:15 > 0:25:20you use this great, big, giant Monday. Go and fetch the Monday.
0:25:20 > 0:25:24And of course, it wasnae till years after the penny dropped.
0:25:24 > 0:25:27It's Scots. It means maun dae.
0:25:27 > 0:25:30This is the thing that will do.
0:25:30 > 0:25:32You maun dae that.
0:25:32 > 0:25:34You will do that, you must do that.
0:25:34 > 0:25:37You know, this is the hammer that must, that will dae the job.
0:25:37 > 0:25:42You know, when everything else fails, ya bigger hemmer!
0:25:42 > 0:25:45I think my favourite Scots word is probably gowk.
0:25:47 > 0:25:51Fool, clown, simpleton.
0:25:51 > 0:25:54It's basically an insult.
0:25:54 > 0:26:01"You called my mother a gowk and now you must die! Argh!"
0:26:03 > 0:26:06Like most adults, I've a lot of regrets about my childhood.
0:26:06 > 0:26:10The wrestling, for example, never took off. I was supposed to be The Laminator.
0:26:11 > 0:26:14I wish I'd learned how to breakdance.
0:26:16 > 0:26:20I wish I'd finished building that quite large particle collider.
0:26:22 > 0:26:28And I really, really wish that I'd been taught how to speak Scots.
0:26:28 > 0:26:34I was three years old when the family moved to Scotland from England. My dad was from India.
0:26:34 > 0:26:38He wanted me and my brothers to learn Punjabi, which was fair enough,
0:26:38 > 0:26:42part of my cultural heritage and all that, but not much use in the playground.
0:26:42 > 0:26:46What I was actually reading was Oor Wullie, much more helpful.
0:26:46 > 0:26:49Oh, help ma boab!
0:26:51 > 0:26:53Scots is a great language.
0:26:53 > 0:26:59It's expressive, it's muscular, it's brilliant for comedy and it's brilliant for insults.
0:26:59 > 0:27:04You see, the ability to deliver a class insult is an art form and it's part of the Scottish psyche.
0:27:04 > 0:27:09Wee Scots, and big Scots, are all about being grounded.
0:27:09 > 0:27:11Don't get any ideas above your station, pal.
0:27:11 > 0:27:17Don't get too big for your boots, son. That hat with those shoes, Mum?
0:27:17 > 0:27:21We like to burst arrogance, to explode pomposity.
0:27:21 > 0:27:23And the best way to do that is with an insult.
0:27:23 > 0:27:26And the best language for insults is Scots.
0:27:26 > 0:27:30I wish I'd known a bit of Scots that day in Primary Seven when I'd experimented with my hair.
0:27:30 > 0:27:34What you looking at, ya scabbit wee puddock? Ya scourie raggabash.
0:27:34 > 0:27:37Ya carnaptious scroosh.
0:27:37 > 0:27:40Yeah, baby, who's crying now? Sorry.
0:27:40 > 0:27:44Wha's greetin' the noo?
0:27:44 > 0:27:49Here's my gift to you, the best Scots insults ever.
0:27:49 > 0:27:53Take them away, play with them, practise in the mirror.
0:27:53 > 0:27:56Ya mislushious skrink.
0:27:56 > 0:27:58Ya pooshinous sloosht.
0:27:58 > 0:28:01Ya nebbie snauchle.
0:28:01 > 0:28:05Ya rackle-handed gowk!
0:28:06 > 0:28:10The next time you've got toilet paper on your shoe in a casino, you know exactly what to say.
0:28:10 > 0:28:14Oh, before you go, my favourite Scots joke, right?
0:28:14 > 0:28:20What do you call a Scottish guy with one foot inside the front door?
0:28:20 > 0:28:22Hamish.
0:28:22 > 0:28:23Hame-ish!
0:28:23 > 0:28:26Aw, get out my house, ya bucksturdie scurliquitor!
0:28:48 > 0:28:50Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:28:50 > 0:28:53E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk