0:04:50 > 0:04:57.
0:05:04 > 0:05:06Good evening, Scotland.
0:05:06 > 0:05:10Please welcome your host for the next just under three minutes,
0:05:10 > 0:05:12Miss Susan Calman.
0:05:13 > 0:05:17My favourite Scots word is "besom".
0:05:17 > 0:05:21As a stand-up comedian, I love describing people using language,
0:05:21 > 0:05:24and "besom" is one of the best words you can use
0:05:24 > 0:05:27to describe a particular type of woman.
0:05:27 > 0:05:30It's not a bad word,
0:05:30 > 0:05:32but it describes an uppity kind of woman,
0:05:32 > 0:05:34the kind of woman that makes you frustrated,
0:05:34 > 0:05:36the person who takes your seat on the bus,
0:05:36 > 0:05:40the person who annoys you, who talks too loudly on trains.
0:05:40 > 0:05:44It is usually paired with the phrase "wee", for people like myself.
0:05:44 > 0:05:48I'm 4ft 11, exactly the same height as Kylie Minogue.
0:05:48 > 0:05:51LOUD COUGH
0:05:51 > 0:05:52That's where the similarity ends.
0:05:52 > 0:05:56I have one talent being this short, though. It's pretty outstanding.
0:05:56 > 0:05:59I can stand up completely straight in the back of a black cab.
0:05:59 > 0:06:02COMEDY DRUM ROLL
0:06:02 > 0:06:03AWKWARD SILENCE
0:06:03 > 0:06:07It really is one of the most unbelievably fantastic words
0:06:07 > 0:06:11in the Scots language, and I'm proud to be one.
0:06:11 > 0:06:13Besom.
0:06:16 > 0:06:19On stage, Susan uses words and language to make folk laugh
0:06:19 > 0:06:23and there are certain Scots words that are particularly funny,
0:06:23 > 0:06:25especially when you're talking about the body.
0:06:25 > 0:06:27You know, your bits and bobs and that.
0:06:30 > 0:06:34Of course, "besom" is not the only descriptive word I like to use.
0:06:34 > 0:06:37I'm going to show you some of my favourites,
0:06:37 > 0:06:42and to help me out, today I'm joined by my twin sister, Maigaret.
0:06:43 > 0:06:45Now, I know what you're thinking.
0:06:45 > 0:06:48You're thinking, "There's not much of a family resemblance,"
0:06:48 > 0:06:52but that's because Maigaret here is slightly more peely-wally,
0:06:52 > 0:06:55slightly more pale than I am.
0:06:55 > 0:06:59She does, however, have a wonderfully proportioned heid
0:06:59 > 0:07:02which she has there.
0:07:02 > 0:07:03Nice.
0:07:03 > 0:07:07She's also got a smaller pair than I do... Which is good,
0:07:07 > 0:07:10because then she can listen to me. ..of lugs.
0:07:10 > 0:07:15We have got a very similar nose, however, a very similar neb.
0:07:15 > 0:07:17Different shaped mouth. She's got more of a Cupid's bow.
0:07:17 > 0:07:20Very different shaped geggies to each other.
0:07:20 > 0:07:22We still talk about the same amount.
0:07:22 > 0:07:24She's quiet now, she's just shy,
0:07:24 > 0:07:26that's why she's not saying anything.
0:07:26 > 0:07:28One thing we have in common is our oxters.
0:07:28 > 0:07:32We've got the same armpits. You may think, "How do you know that?"
0:07:32 > 0:07:33We're twins.
0:07:33 > 0:07:37We differ slightly in her queets, her ankles,
0:07:37 > 0:07:40are slightly slimmer than mine.
0:07:40 > 0:07:43She's got more sports... I've got dancers' legs.
0:07:43 > 0:07:46And finally, the family resemblance you will have noticed
0:07:46 > 0:07:52between Maigaret and myself, the bahoochie, the behind.
0:07:52 > 0:07:56We both have the same lovely bahoochie.
0:07:56 > 0:08:00So, another brilliantly descriptive Scots word I love using.
0:08:00 > 0:08:03Anyway, thanks for watching, everyone.
0:08:03 > 0:08:05I've been Susan Calman. Good night!
0:08:33 > 0:08:36Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd