Believe: The Eddie Izzard Story

0:00:02 > 0:00:05Eddie Izzard still letting down his fans, flogging old gags.

0:00:05 > 0:00:07Eddie and his management didn't want to comment.

0:00:07 > 0:00:11This programme contains very strong language.

0:00:11 > 0:00:14Just felt totally gutted by that.

0:00:14 > 0:00:18- There's a level of trust that's been removed.- The safety thing had gone.

0:00:21 > 0:00:23A huge amount riding on it.

0:00:23 > 0:00:25This wasn't just one gig in front of 40 people.

0:00:25 > 0:00:28We sold 350,000 tickets across the world.

0:00:36 > 0:00:37Who's Eddie Izzard?!

0:00:37 > 0:00:39I know he's crazy.

0:00:39 > 0:00:41I think he's a British comedian.

0:00:41 > 0:00:43Ohh. The British guy?

0:00:43 > 0:00:45I've heard his name before.

0:00:45 > 0:00:47He's a very dangerous person.

0:00:47 > 0:00:49He's a famous comedian.

0:00:49 > 0:00:53A gender-bending phenomenon.

0:00:53 > 0:00:56My favourite comedian of all time is Eddie Izzard. He's fantastic.

0:00:56 > 0:00:59There's this sexiness about him that I like.

0:00:59 > 0:01:00I've seen him in a ton of movies and stuff.

0:01:00 > 0:01:03Wasn't he in Ocean's 12 with George Clooney?

0:01:03 > 0:01:05Eddie Izzard, yes.

0:01:05 > 0:01:08I've never met Eddie,

0:01:08 > 0:01:12but the people that he hires tell me

0:01:12 > 0:01:13that he is wonderful.

0:01:13 > 0:01:16He's the guy on The Riches and a British comedian.

0:01:16 > 0:01:20I saw him in Across The Universe as well. I think he's a great actor.

0:01:20 > 0:01:22I've seen him on TV and stuff.

0:01:22 > 0:01:24I've heard of him, but I didn't know much about him.

0:01:24 > 0:01:26Actor, comedian, great guy.

0:01:26 > 0:01:29I believe the actual punk pronunciation is Iz-ZARD.

0:01:29 > 0:01:33- Eddie Iz-ZARD?- Iz-ZARD.

0:01:33 > 0:01:35I'm sure his first name's pronounced Eddie.

0:01:35 > 0:01:37I know he's really funny.

0:01:37 > 0:01:39I think his work is phenomenal, he's absolutely brilliant.

0:01:39 > 0:01:46- He's, like, hilarious. - I'm a huge fan of his work as a...

0:01:46 > 0:01:48I don't know what he does.

0:01:48 > 0:01:51The flag sketch is really funny, I like that.

0:01:51 > 0:01:55- Cake or death.- He does this thing about Engelbert Humperdinck.

0:01:55 > 0:01:59I don't think people even know who that is any more, but that's my era.

0:01:59 > 0:02:01That's not his real name. He's from Britain.

0:02:01 > 0:02:03There's very few Humperdincks in Britain.

0:02:03 > 0:02:06- It was great. - His name was Gerry Dorsey.

0:02:06 > 0:02:10His managers said, "We're going to change your name. The name's the problem."

0:02:10 > 0:02:13His name changed from Gerry Dorsey to Englebert Humperdinck.

0:02:13 > 0:02:17I just wanted to be in the room when they were working that one through.

0:02:17 > 0:02:19Zinglebert Bembledack.

0:02:21 > 0:02:24Yengybert Dangleban.

0:02:24 > 0:02:25Zanglebert Bingledack.

0:02:25 > 0:02:30Slutban Walla. What?

0:02:30 > 0:02:34All right, Cringlebert Fistibuns.

0:02:34 > 0:02:37Steviebuns Butratan.

0:02:37 > 0:02:42Who've we got - Zinglebert Wembledack, Tinglebert Wangledack, Slutban Walla,

0:02:42 > 0:02:43Gerry Dorsey,

0:02:43 > 0:02:46Engelbert Humpdiback, Zanglebert Bingledack,

0:02:46 > 0:02:49Engelbert Humperdinck, Vinglebert Wingledank...

0:02:49 > 0:02:51Go back one!

0:02:51 > 0:02:53APPLAUSE

0:02:53 > 0:02:55That's it.

0:02:57 > 0:02:59# Can you see me now?

0:02:59 > 0:03:04# I'm trying to get through somehow

0:03:04 > 0:03:06# Mama, can you see me now?

0:03:06 > 0:03:11# Trying to get through somehow

0:03:11 > 0:03:13# Can you see me?

0:03:13 > 0:03:17# Can you see me? Mama, can you see me now?

0:03:18 > 0:03:21# Can you see me?

0:03:21 > 0:03:22# Can you see me?

0:03:22 > 0:03:25# Mama, can you see me now?

0:03:26 > 0:03:28# Can you see me?

0:03:28 > 0:03:33# Can you see me? Can you see me now? #

0:03:33 > 0:03:35APPLAUSE

0:03:46 > 0:03:48Can I get a little more wine?

0:03:48 > 0:03:50Thank you.

0:03:51 > 0:03:56Normally he will turn over a new tour from the previous tour.

0:03:58 > 0:04:04This time Eddie has decided to completely leave the old material alone.

0:04:04 > 0:04:06Which is a very dangerous thing.

0:04:13 > 0:04:16I'd rather the material all be fantastic...

0:04:18 > 0:04:22It's just getting your brain organised and then forgetting about it.

0:04:27 > 0:04:29- I just want to...- What?

0:04:29 > 0:04:32I don't know.

0:04:32 > 0:04:34OK, stand by, Eddie.

0:04:34 > 0:04:37- We are about to go.- So now we go.

0:04:37 > 0:04:39I haven't written the second half yet.

0:04:39 > 0:04:41We are still waiting on clearance.

0:04:43 > 0:04:45APPLAUSE

0:04:48 > 0:04:51Yes, so... Yes, breasts.

0:04:53 > 0:04:57I just thought... What was I going to say about breasts?

0:04:57 > 0:04:59Clop, clop, clop. What?

0:04:59 > 0:05:01AUDIENCE MUMBLES

0:05:01 > 0:05:03Oh, yes!

0:05:03 > 0:05:06There was something else I was going to say.

0:05:07 > 0:05:12Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah!

0:05:12 > 0:05:14You have to take on board

0:05:14 > 0:05:16how the audience reacts

0:05:16 > 0:05:18because that is your parameter

0:05:18 > 0:05:21of whether a joke has worked or not. That's very hard.

0:05:21 > 0:05:26You can go out on stage and tell a joke that you've told to someone who roared with laughter,

0:05:26 > 0:05:30and tell it in front of 200 people, and they sit there in absolute silence.

0:05:30 > 0:05:33Your stomach tightens on their behalf.

0:05:33 > 0:05:37I was in the Avengers as Uma Thurman's double.

0:05:37 > 0:05:40One was just a body double, just for the hell of it

0:05:40 > 0:05:43when she was wandering off and having a cigarette.

0:05:43 > 0:05:49One was a balletic double, one was a through-the-window-type double.

0:05:49 > 0:05:53Yeah, those three. One was just a double.

0:05:53 > 0:05:57They would keep taking breasts in and out saying, "Look."

0:05:57 > 0:05:59I said, "Can I have a pair?"

0:05:59 > 0:06:01They said, "Yeah."

0:06:03 > 0:06:05That wasn't very good.

0:06:05 > 0:06:08It was brilliant.

0:06:08 > 0:06:09Hmm. Not so good.

0:06:09 > 0:06:12It's just because there's no flow.

0:06:12 > 0:06:13As soon as I go back,

0:06:13 > 0:06:17I'm going, "Is that funny? Is that funny?"

0:06:17 > 0:06:19- You haven't got a pocket or anything? - For what?

0:06:19 > 0:06:22- For the paper.- For the paper so you can pull it out rather than...

0:06:22 > 0:06:27But even just looking at the thing makes me think, "God, what am I going to say next?"

0:06:27 > 0:06:32The audience don't mind because they are just loving listening to you.

0:06:32 > 0:06:36Talk about your family, try doing something chronological. Rubbish!

0:06:36 > 0:06:38My life story, I could do.

0:06:42 > 0:06:47- Where do you start?- I just start at nought and go all the way through.

0:07:01 > 0:07:03Here's a thing on Yemen.

0:07:04 > 0:07:07There's my home town.

0:07:07 > 0:07:09Somewhere near Aden,

0:07:09 > 0:07:10the port of Aden.

0:07:10 > 0:07:12I'm just like Lawrence of Arabia basically,

0:07:12 > 0:07:15except he was there for many years and I was there for one.

0:07:15 > 0:07:17My dad was there for eight years, though.

0:07:17 > 0:07:22My mum was there for five years. So my dad has "sand credibility" is what they call it down there.

0:07:22 > 0:07:25Cos dad spoke Arabic like a native...of Belgium.

0:07:27 > 0:07:35In eight years he picked up the Arabic for one beer, two beers, three beers and that's it.

0:07:35 > 0:07:39And if he wanted four beers he'd go, "Three beers, one beer, please."

0:07:42 > 0:07:46So one, two and three beer and then Allah willing. Inshallah.

0:07:46 > 0:07:48Inshallah. It's a good phrase.

0:07:48 > 0:07:51It sounds good.

0:07:51 > 0:07:55All my lads wanted to learn to speak English so I had to speak English to them all the time.

0:07:55 > 0:07:58No-one is bothering learning languages any more.

0:07:58 > 0:07:59I should go and learn Arabic,

0:07:59 > 0:08:02that should be one of the stupid things I say I'll do.

0:08:04 > 0:08:07I was born in Yemen in 1962, two years after my brother, Mark,

0:08:07 > 0:08:09in the city of Aden.

0:08:09 > 0:08:14There was a refinery there that British Petroleum ran. My dad worked there as an accountant.

0:08:14 > 0:08:18My mum worked there as a nurse in the BP hospital.

0:08:20 > 0:08:24In the end there was a revolution in Yemen so I had to get out of there.

0:08:24 > 0:08:28My dad said, "We are getting out of here, let's go to Northern Ireland."

0:08:28 > 0:08:30Where it was a lot calmer!

0:08:32 > 0:08:34My house is still in Ashford Drive,

0:08:34 > 0:08:36I went there.

0:08:36 > 0:08:40Bizarrely, the woman that bought it from my dad is still living there.

0:08:40 > 0:08:42It hadn't changed, it's a bungalow.

0:08:44 > 0:08:46- Hello. - Hello and welcome, come on in.

0:08:46 > 0:08:48Very nice to meet you.

0:08:48 > 0:08:54We have the sofa there. There's a photograph taken of us all in front of a slatted blind just like that.

0:08:55 > 0:08:58A lot of this is in

0:08:58 > 0:09:00a similar place.

0:09:00 > 0:09:02But this carpet does look...

0:09:02 > 0:09:04- Identical.- Yeah.

0:09:04 > 0:09:07This garden... All of that.

0:09:07 > 0:09:09It was green, it was still part of the countryside.

0:09:19 > 0:09:21'And my dad would start the lawnmower.

0:09:21 > 0:09:25'He'd always take three goes to start it up, I think he wanted to get a crowd.'

0:09:27 > 0:09:32One, n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n... No.

0:09:35 > 0:09:39One, n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n... Don't think so.

0:09:41 > 0:09:43One, n-n-n-n-na-n-na...

0:09:44 > 0:09:46There's all these bits to adjust.

0:09:53 > 0:09:58This kitchen is very much the same.

0:09:58 > 0:10:00I remember cooking there with my mother.

0:10:00 > 0:10:02She cooked and I just cut things up.

0:10:05 > 0:10:08And I was about this big.

0:10:08 > 0:10:10It just feels like a different life.

0:10:15 > 0:10:20My dad said I would adjust the stocking straps on my mum's stockings.

0:10:20 > 0:10:24His mother told me that she went into the bathroom on one occasion

0:10:24 > 0:10:28and he was dressing up in her clothes.

0:10:28 > 0:10:33That had no significance for me at the time.

0:10:33 > 0:10:36The idea of wearing a dress was very much a big thing

0:10:36 > 0:10:39for me and something that I wanted to experience.

0:10:39 > 0:10:42If you're a transvestite, you're actually a male tomboy.

0:10:42 > 0:10:44That's where the sexuality is.

0:10:44 > 0:10:48So, running, climbing trees, putting on make-up when you're up there, it's there.

0:10:49 > 0:10:53And I used to keep all my make-up in the squirrel hole up the tree.

0:10:53 > 0:10:57And the squirrel would keep make-up on one side and nuts on the other side.

0:10:57 > 0:11:01And sometimes I'd get up that tree, that squirrel would be covered in make-up.

0:11:10 > 0:11:14What? Fuck off.

0:11:15 > 0:11:16He seemed to say.

0:11:16 > 0:11:20Living here at 5 Ashford Drive, it's really the best part...

0:11:21 > 0:11:23..of my childhood.

0:11:26 > 0:11:28After that, it just went crap.

0:11:29 > 0:11:34If I'd continued having a mother, I wouldn't have gone to boarding schools.

0:11:34 > 0:11:37I don't remember wanting to perform before she died.

0:11:37 > 0:11:41When I was seven in Eastbourne, I saw this kid getting

0:11:41 > 0:11:45a lot of reaction off the audience and I just thought, "I want to do that."

0:11:45 > 0:11:51The only thing my mum never saw me do... No, she was probably to ill to see me do it.

0:11:51 > 0:11:53She made this raven outfit. There is a picture.

0:11:53 > 0:11:56Me in a raven outfit. Made by my mum.

0:11:56 > 0:11:59And she was very ill with cancer at this point. I played a raven.

0:11:59 > 0:12:02I remember not been terribly interested in playing a raven.

0:12:02 > 0:12:05I got a laugh, but I didn't really mean to.

0:12:05 > 0:12:08And I wasn't that bothered.

0:12:08 > 0:12:12Then, after that, she was dead and the next thing, I was desperate to be in things.

0:12:14 > 0:12:17Back in Roman times, when people died, they had professional mourners come in,

0:12:17 > 0:12:21which is a totally weird idea. My husband is dead.

0:12:21 > 0:12:25There's not enough grief in this house to warrant his death.

0:12:25 > 0:12:28I wish to beef up the grief.

0:12:28 > 0:12:30Slave, get a message off down to Mourners R Us, will you?

0:12:32 > 0:12:34Tell them I wish to beef up the grief.

0:12:34 > 0:12:36Here's 10 denarii for your trouble, and give it back,

0:12:36 > 0:12:39you're a slave, what do you think you're doing?"

0:12:42 > 0:12:48Up would come a very smooth guy. "Good afternoon, I'm Mr Marcellus, from Mourners R Us. Oh!

0:12:48 > 0:12:51"It's just a free sample there."

0:12:51 > 0:12:54On the day it happened, Dad came and took us home.

0:12:56 > 0:12:59He told us that Mum had died.

0:12:59 > 0:13:04So we sat down in the lounge and we cried

0:13:04 > 0:13:06for a long time.

0:13:07 > 0:13:10Then they went on a tour of Ireland.

0:13:11 > 0:13:13We'd been happy in Ireland.

0:13:16 > 0:13:21But now that Mum was no longer there, I could sit in the front seat for the first time.

0:13:24 > 0:13:26I had bad travel sickness.

0:13:27 > 0:13:32I just sang the theme to White Horses over and over again.

0:13:33 > 0:13:35HE HUMS

0:13:47 > 0:13:49# On white horses

0:13:49 > 0:13:52# Snowy white horses

0:13:52 > 0:13:54# Let me ride away away

0:13:55 > 0:13:59# Away

0:13:59 > 0:14:01# Away

0:14:03 > 0:14:07# Away. #

0:14:09 > 0:14:13I'm like someone who can hear several radio channels going through ssh-h-h...

0:14:22 > 0:14:26- You've got five minutes. - How long is it?

0:14:26 > 0:14:29- Five minutes.- Three in reality.

0:14:30 > 0:14:32Normally, I'd start with the old tour.

0:14:32 > 0:14:37At the moment, I'm trying to start without doing the old tour.

0:14:37 > 0:14:41Start with the old tour and then you can just

0:14:41 > 0:14:45have that material, then you improvise during some good, solid material,

0:14:45 > 0:14:49people laugh, they've heard the good, solid material, but you keep the improvise off it.

0:14:49 > 0:14:53You keep the improv, you dump all the old stuff gradually and have a lot of new stuff.

0:14:53 > 0:14:56But this is like not having the back-up of something.

0:14:56 > 0:14:58Even though I should

0:14:58 > 0:15:00try and do it.

0:15:00 > 0:15:01I don't know.

0:15:17 > 0:15:19This is going to be weird.

0:15:19 > 0:15:22It's going to be crap.

0:15:22 > 0:15:27If this is crap, let's just say, "Hey, it's crap on tour.

0:15:27 > 0:15:31"Work in progress." Has this got work in progress on the advertising?

0:15:32 > 0:15:36Me? Hang on.

0:16:11 > 0:16:12APPLAUSE

0:16:23 > 0:16:27I remember his father coming in to see us and explaining the family situation.

0:16:27 > 0:16:30The mother had indeed died.

0:16:30 > 0:16:34The father's only answer

0:16:34 > 0:16:36seemed to be a boarding school.

0:16:36 > 0:16:40The boys were very young, but it did seem a reasonable answer.

0:16:40 > 0:16:44I used to cry a lot. I would have fights as well because I was an angry kid.

0:16:44 > 0:16:47And I had a fight and I started crying first.

0:16:47 > 0:16:49And I realised you can't get out of crying once

0:16:49 > 0:16:52you've started because it all starts to come down your face.

0:16:52 > 0:16:56So I thought crying = losing in arguments, therefore do not cry.

0:16:56 > 0:16:58So I didn't cry from then on.

0:16:58 > 0:17:02I had sort of no emotions. That's what a lot of kids from boarding school are like.

0:17:02 > 0:17:04They have no emotions. No feelings.

0:17:04 > 0:17:07Because that's your survival technique.

0:17:07 > 0:17:11He had a collection of teddies that he was very close to

0:17:11 > 0:17:14that used to keep on his bed. Seven or eight of them.

0:17:14 > 0:17:19And he used to re-enact tales, theatre, with these teddies.

0:17:19 > 0:17:23And actually he was a marvellous mimic.

0:17:23 > 0:17:25What do you want, little kid?

0:17:25 > 0:17:27I'm going to be in the school play.

0:17:27 > 0:17:29No you're not. You're crap.

0:17:29 > 0:17:33- No, I'm not. Yes, you are.- He did it in front of his friends, fine.

0:17:33 > 0:17:36And then he summoned up courage

0:17:36 > 0:17:39and Matron was brought into the picture.

0:17:39 > 0:17:44And she was quite a strict lady, and to get Matron sitting down and watching,

0:17:44 > 0:17:50and then, yes, headmaster and wife, and we had some lovely little theatricals.

0:17:50 > 0:17:55When I was seven, I wanted to act. And I auditioned for all school things, but no, I was relegated

0:17:55 > 0:17:57to playing clarinet in the school orchestra.

0:17:57 > 0:17:59I played third clarinet

0:17:59 > 0:18:01in the school band. First clarinets play the melody.

0:18:01 > 0:18:03you know what you're going.

0:18:03 > 0:18:06Second clarinets play harmonies that back-up the melody and link.

0:18:06 > 0:18:10Third clarinets play the notes that are left over.

0:18:11 > 0:18:15We were just going na na na na.

0:18:15 > 0:18:17Na na na na.

0:18:17 > 0:18:23It's boring. The only exciting way of doing was really blowing it loud...

0:18:23 > 0:18:26NA NA NA NA.

0:18:26 > 0:18:30Teacher's going, "Piano, piano." You're going, "It's not a fucking piano.

0:18:30 > 0:18:33"It's a clarinet." Very soon after that,

0:18:33 > 0:18:37they did Beauty And The Beast and I didn't get any of the good parts.

0:18:37 > 0:18:42I was playing a street urchin with all the rest of the bozos in the class who couldn't do anything.

0:18:42 > 0:18:45And we had a collective line that was, "Oh, Beauty, don't go."

0:18:45 > 0:18:49And I worked out that when I came to our line, if I went, "Oh, Beauty, don't go,"

0:18:49 > 0:18:53really fast then it became my line and all other kids were going,

0:18:53 > 0:18:57"Oh, he's already said it. Forget about it."

0:18:57 > 0:19:00At 11, I played Trebonius, who is the one conspirator

0:19:00 > 0:19:02who doesn't stab Caesar, so that's no good.

0:19:02 > 0:19:04You take Mark Antony to one side and stand

0:19:04 > 0:19:07in the wings while the kids with plastic daggers have fun.

0:19:07 > 0:19:10I think it was Andrew Boxer who said, "What kind of role are you looking for?"

0:19:10 > 0:19:14I thought this a bizarre question.

0:19:14 > 0:19:18Being the huge lead role that gets off with the women

0:19:18 > 0:19:25and a big ego-waving, on-all-the-time kind of role.

0:19:25 > 0:19:28He said, "What about jailer?"

0:19:28 > 0:19:33And I thought, "No, that doesn't quite sound right."

0:19:33 > 0:19:37My abiding memory of St Bede's was the South Downs.

0:19:37 > 0:19:40The first team had to run up and down a very steep slope.

0:19:40 > 0:19:43And I used to run and I used to think, "It's cold and wet and this is pointless."

0:19:43 > 0:19:45I remember the teacher going,

0:19:45 > 0:19:49"That's why Izzard's in the team because he just pushes so hard to run."

0:19:51 > 0:19:54People live their lives, they retire, they move to Eastbourne.

0:19:54 > 0:19:56Then they live a little bit longer.

0:19:56 > 0:19:58Then they die.

0:19:58 > 0:20:01And then they move to Bexhill.

0:20:01 > 0:20:04There was no-one to play with when I was growing up.

0:20:04 > 0:20:08I played with Mrs Stevens, who was 76, you know?

0:20:08 > 0:20:11The English Channel, 1941.

0:20:17 > 0:20:20Any questions?

0:20:20 > 0:20:21Yes. Where are my legs?

0:20:23 > 0:20:26You couldn't escape from the military background here

0:20:26 > 0:20:33because, in my last year, my school set year of 1944-5,

0:20:33 > 0:20:35we had regular doodlebugs.

0:20:35 > 0:20:39They were a flying bomb. They had no pilot. And they were very fast.

0:20:39 > 0:20:41All you did was get under the desk, but we had hundreds

0:20:41 > 0:20:45and hundreds and hundreds of doodlebugs across Bexhill.

0:20:45 > 0:20:51One morning, there has a huge explosion and we learned at breakfast that an unexploded

0:20:51 > 0:20:55World War Two mine had hit the cliff at Beachy Head and blown up,

0:20:55 > 0:20:57so there was stuff still floating around out there.

0:20:57 > 0:21:00We'd play on the South Downs and there would be bomb craters.

0:21:00 > 0:21:02You'd just go and play in the bomb craters.

0:21:02 > 0:21:06That's where the bombs had blown up from German Heinkels, dumping their bombs

0:21:06 > 0:21:07on their way back.

0:21:07 > 0:21:11I got really fascinated by the SAS, the Special Air Service.

0:21:11 > 0:21:13I joined the Combined Cadet Force

0:21:13 > 0:21:16and I was considering doing an officer cadetship.

0:21:16 > 0:21:19Soldiering appealed to me because it was unemotional,

0:21:19 > 0:21:21tactical, dealing with the situation,

0:21:21 > 0:21:23when the chips are down

0:21:23 > 0:21:26you stand up for your friends or for your family or country...

0:21:28 > 0:21:32HE HUMS "JERUSALEM"

0:21:32 > 0:21:36That was a barrel-organ version of Jerusalem.

0:21:36 > 0:21:39It's a hymn. One that we'd sing in church. It's got really weird lines in it.

0:21:39 > 0:21:43"And shall my sword sleep in my hand." Not a good idea.

0:21:43 > 0:21:48You're going to roll over and cut your bits off, aren't you?

0:21:48 > 0:21:50And then it's that Godfather scene of...

0:21:52 > 0:21:55A head of a horse and my willy and...

0:22:04 > 0:22:10When I was 16, I made a mental decision, "I'm absolutely going to be an actor.

0:22:10 > 0:22:12"No question about it."

0:22:12 > 0:22:17I didn't seem right for doing drama because I had lost all my confidence in puberty

0:22:17 > 0:22:24and I couldn't do lead male parts because I was kind of short and couldn't get off with girls.

0:22:24 > 0:22:28And then had to chat up girls. I'd never used my vocal ability to chat up girls.

0:22:28 > 0:22:30When your voice is breaking, it's very hard.

0:22:30 > 0:22:33- IN BREAKING VOICE: - "Susan, I really fancy you.

0:22:34 > 0:22:39"I saw you in the playground."

0:22:39 > 0:22:42I had to chat up girls and I'd only tagged them before.

0:22:42 > 0:22:46I didn't have the verbal power to be able to say, "Susan, I saw you in the classroom today.

0:22:46 > 0:22:48"As the sun came from behind the clouds,

0:22:48 > 0:22:52"a burst of brilliant light caught your hair, it was haloed in front of me.

0:22:52 > 0:22:55"You turned, your eyes flashed fire into my soul.

0:22:55 > 0:22:57"I immediately read the words of Dostoyevsky and Karl Marx.

0:22:57 > 0:23:02"And, in the words of Albert Schweitzer, I fancy you."

0:23:05 > 0:23:09But no. At 13, you're just going, "Hello, Sue.

0:23:11 > 0:23:13"I've got legs.

0:23:19 > 0:23:21"Do you like bread?

0:23:22 > 0:23:27"I've got a French loaf. Bye!

0:23:27 > 0:23:28"I love you!"

0:23:29 > 0:23:32I'm not sure any of us got lucky back then.

0:23:32 > 0:23:35It was actually very unfortunate

0:23:35 > 0:23:41because there were maybe 30 girls to 120 boys.

0:23:41 > 0:23:47So, it was a challenge, even in a good day.

0:23:47 > 0:23:48We didn't do mathematics together.

0:23:48 > 0:23:52We sort of did mathematics together, but what we did was we cheated our way up to...

0:23:52 > 0:23:54What did you get in maths?

0:23:54 > 0:23:56Oh, God.

0:23:56 > 0:23:59- He got expelled... - I got two Bs and a D.

0:23:59 > 0:24:01He got a B in maths, I got an A in maths.

0:24:01 > 0:24:05We made nitroglycerin because there's a book that has all these things

0:24:05 > 0:24:11to make. We made it and we tried to blow up this old lady who was the matron of this place.

0:24:11 > 0:24:15So we poured it on the floor. And we thought she might stand on it and go boom.

0:24:21 > 0:24:23One teacher said to me, "Yeah, I saw the play, Izzard.

0:24:23 > 0:24:25"Not exactly Shakespeare, is it?

0:24:25 > 0:24:28"What are you going to do when you grow up, Izzard?"

0:24:28 > 0:24:29"Transvestite comedian, sir.

0:24:29 > 0:24:31"Hopefully do Broadway."

0:24:31 > 0:24:34"Yes, yes. What a weird thing to say to me."

0:24:34 > 0:24:37I did audition in the Shaw Theatre,

0:24:37 > 0:24:41which ended up being the place where I did Raging Bull years later, for the National Youth Theatre.

0:24:41 > 0:24:47I had learned these speeches, one from Henry IV Part One and one from Beckett,

0:24:47 > 0:24:52and I was very calm, I wanted to be very calm and knock them out and be very confident.

0:24:52 > 0:24:54And I got the confidence together,

0:24:54 > 0:24:58but somehow confidence and memory weren't allowed in the body of the same time at that point.

0:24:58 > 0:25:02So, I was very relaxed when I got there, and went "Yes, good to see you, yes.

0:25:02 > 0:25:06"I'll do these parts and I'll just read them out to you, shall I?"

0:25:06 > 0:25:10So, I'm standing in my future dressing room...

0:25:10 > 0:25:13going, hudh... Huh...

0:25:13 > 0:25:15Hwoo...

0:25:15 > 0:25:17The sun...

0:25:17 > 0:25:20He says, "Right, try the other speech.

0:25:20 > 0:25:22"The Beckett one."

0:25:22 > 0:25:24Uh... Nothing, just completely dry.

0:25:24 > 0:25:28He said, "Well, you'd better go. You're crap.

0:25:28 > 0:25:29"You're a crap kid, you know?"

0:25:29 > 0:25:33No, he didn't say that, but he said,

0:25:33 > 0:25:38"Well... I'll let you... I won't even bother letting you know."

0:25:38 > 0:25:40If The Goon Show was the Old Testament,

0:25:40 > 0:25:42then Monty Python was the New Testament.

0:25:42 > 0:25:47We used to recite their sketches and when I found out that they wrote their sketches,

0:25:47 > 0:25:48I thought, "I have to do this."

0:25:48 > 0:25:52I thought, "I will do what Monty Python does, I will write my own stuff, give myself a big role."

0:25:52 > 0:25:54Personal nepotism, I called it.

0:25:54 > 0:25:58I found out that they were at Cambridge so I thought, "I'll get to Cambridge."

0:25:58 > 0:26:00Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.

0:26:00 > 0:26:04Here we are tonight behind camouflage at the Iranian Embassy,

0:26:04 > 0:26:05here in Eastbourne.

0:26:05 > 0:26:08They've been moved here for safety reasons.

0:26:08 > 0:26:11Upstairs, we have some really bad Iranians up there.

0:26:11 > 0:26:14We've got one here, our resident idiot.

0:26:14 > 0:26:17Come here, resident idiot.

0:26:17 > 0:26:20Here we have resident idiot, Sirius Armin.

0:26:20 > 0:26:22Armini, with the I.

0:26:22 > 0:26:27We also have someone watching us from a distance, but it doesn't matter.

0:26:27 > 0:26:30Upstairs, we have the SAS, trying to break in and free the hostages.

0:26:30 > 0:26:32What do you think about that. He-he!

0:26:32 > 0:26:35Perhaps it would be wise to go to our London studios.

0:26:38 > 0:26:44"Mathematics - attentive, searching and industrious.

0:26:44 > 0:26:47"A-plus, good show."

0:26:47 > 0:26:50In chemistry A-level, there was a Dr Edmundson teaching.

0:26:50 > 0:26:55He had this thing, he would say, "We will take the sodium chloride,

0:26:55 > 0:26:57"and then we stick it..."

0:26:57 > 0:27:00And he'd just leave a gap there, when he was going to say...

0:27:00 > 0:27:02And I'd say, "In the bin!"

0:27:02 > 0:27:04"No, not in the bin." "Stick it in your ear."

0:27:04 > 0:27:06"Not in your ear. Shut up, Izzard."

0:27:06 > 0:27:07And I made a mental decision.

0:27:07 > 0:27:14I said, I will use this lesson in particular to up my comedy hit rate. I was getting laughs.

0:27:14 > 0:27:16And that was obviously going to get me noticed.

0:27:16 > 0:27:21By the summer term, I remember this girl said to me, "I didn't even know you existed until now."

0:27:21 > 0:27:24I went, "Hey, plan number one in the bag."

0:27:24 > 0:27:27"He has been a very lazy boy.

0:27:27 > 0:27:32"A long way from the standard Cambridge University requires. Fail!

0:27:32 > 0:27:33"See me afterwards."

0:27:39 > 0:27:40So, I didn't get to Cambridge.

0:27:40 > 0:27:43But then I realised that Edinburgh Festival was more key.

0:27:43 > 0:27:49Dad wanted me to go university, so I could go to Sheffield, I could go to Edinburgh, learn the ropes,

0:27:49 > 0:27:55do a comedy show, take off, get a television series by the time I was 25. That was the deal.

0:27:55 > 0:27:59He was just basically applying vague models he had,

0:27:59 > 0:28:02like, Not The 9 o'clock News were Cambridge Footlights,

0:28:02 > 0:28:04and they go to Edinburgh.

0:28:04 > 0:28:06I got there and I said, "Right, I'm here.

0:28:06 > 0:28:09"Who goes to the Edinburgh Festival?

0:28:09 > 0:28:12"I will clean your floors, I will swab things down. You want men?

0:28:12 > 0:28:17"Tractors? What do you need? I am the perfect helping person."

0:28:17 > 0:28:19They said, "Oh, we don't go to Edinburgh."

0:28:21 > 0:28:23"No, I'm here.

0:28:23 > 0:28:27"I'm doing a degree course for no reason, just purely to go to the Festival.

0:28:27 > 0:28:30"You, everyone at university, they go to Edinburgh...

0:28:30 > 0:28:32"Someone's going, aren't they?"

0:28:32 > 0:28:37"Someone went about three years ago, lost a lot of money, so we don't go."

0:28:37 > 0:28:42So, I was pole-axed by this thing, which I hadn't bothered to check out

0:28:42 > 0:28:46or didn't think would happen, that no-one in Sheffield Uni was going.

0:28:46 > 0:28:48I thought, "I'll take my own show up to the Festival."

0:28:48 > 0:28:52Right, OK, so what is SUF?

0:28:52 > 0:28:56SUF, Sheffield University Fringe, are a group of self-financed,

0:28:56 > 0:28:59self-educated, self-propelled rug weavers.

0:28:59 > 0:29:03I took this crap show. It was so crap, sometimes we would laugh on the stage

0:29:03 > 0:29:06because no-one was laughing, and then run offstage.

0:29:06 > 0:29:10I believe that this is a mini West End coming to Sheffield, yes.

0:29:10 > 0:29:14"Eddie would like to be the funniest person in Cheshire, but the competition is strong."

0:29:14 > 0:29:16There's a lot of morale,

0:29:16 > 0:29:18and everybody's very keen for the show to work.

0:29:18 > 0:29:20"Rob Ballard is the wisest person we know.

0:29:20 > 0:29:23"He once came third in a Wisest Person We Know competition."

0:29:23 > 0:29:25DRUM ROLL

0:29:33 > 0:29:35Look!

0:29:35 > 0:29:38I think something is afoot here!

0:29:38 > 0:29:41I think you're right. Professor Who is not here.

0:29:41 > 0:29:43It was really awful, but it happened.

0:29:43 > 0:29:47He did get us all up to Edinburgh, we were part of the Fringe Festival.

0:29:47 > 0:29:51"Ian Rowland's sense of humour is dangerous. His sense of smell is the strongest of the whole group."

0:29:51 > 0:29:55What came across was is absolutely cast-iron determination

0:29:56 > 0:29:58to make things happen.

0:29:58 > 0:30:02In Sheffield, you had to pass first year exams to stay on.

0:30:02 > 0:30:03But he didn't do the work.

0:30:03 > 0:30:06He was busy taking his show up to Edinburgh Festival.

0:30:06 > 0:30:08He was thrown out, really.

0:30:08 > 0:30:13Ben Hur - The Street Show!

0:30:17 > 0:30:20Sheffield University threw me out but I didn't leave.

0:30:20 > 0:30:24I stayed on people's floors and I continued doing shows in the union,

0:30:24 > 0:30:26due to a loophole, which was fantastic.

0:30:26 > 0:30:29I kept going back to the Edinburgh Festival for the next two years,

0:30:29 > 0:30:33and did shows that were staggeringly slightly better.

0:30:33 > 0:30:37Edinburgh, you just had to be good at marketing and promoting

0:30:37 > 0:30:39and postering and designing things,

0:30:39 > 0:30:43because there's 500 shows, 1,000 shows you are competing with.

0:30:43 > 0:30:46This is how we started eating polystyrene cups.

0:30:46 > 0:30:49You announced that you're going to eat them, and you do.

0:30:49 > 0:30:54He used to give himself terrible cuts and ulcers and things inside his mouth, but it was very, very funny.

0:30:54 > 0:30:59During those two or three minutes, that's when you can give out your flyers.

0:30:59 > 0:31:01In the old days, adverts were much more blatant.

0:31:01 > 0:31:06Adverts were much more, "Go on, there it is! Go on! Haven't got all day. There it is!"

0:31:06 > 0:31:10As consumers, we were much more, "OK, I didn't realise, sorry."

0:31:13 > 0:31:14"Don't hit me."

0:31:14 > 0:31:16Nowadays, we have choice, don't we?

0:31:16 > 0:31:19We are more choosy, and we're more aware of what we can buy.

0:31:19 > 0:31:22The adverts are more subtle, they're soft sell.

0:31:22 > 0:31:23Adverts are more like -

0:31:23 > 0:31:24# Dah na nah

0:31:24 > 0:31:27# Nah nah nah nah

0:31:29 > 0:31:30# Ba dah dah dah... #

0:31:31 > 0:31:34"Oh, look at that!

0:31:34 > 0:31:36"Those two people like it.

0:31:36 > 0:31:38"And they're shagging."

0:31:38 > 0:31:40LAUGHTER

0:31:40 > 0:31:43We were putting on a lunchtime performance of Ben Hur,

0:31:43 > 0:31:47with no money, no budget, nothing, no costumes, no props.

0:31:47 > 0:31:51Every toga is a bed sheet and every bed sheet is a toga, and every horse

0:31:51 > 0:31:54is just a cut-out from a Kellogg's cereal packet or something.

0:31:54 > 0:31:57The scale of the ambition was massive and insane.

0:31:57 > 0:32:01Eddie used to get himself into financial straits, trying to make these things happen.

0:32:01 > 0:32:05We'd do the show once in Sheffield, lose a little bit of money, take it up to Edinburgh,

0:32:05 > 0:32:08lose more, and then we'd have to come back down to Sheffield

0:32:08 > 0:32:13and put it on again for another week, trying to get more people to come and see this.

0:32:13 > 0:32:17We were on at 12 noon, the first show we did, and nobody came.

0:32:17 > 0:32:19Later in the evening, we would do a show called

0:32:19 > 0:32:21World War II - The Sequel.

0:32:21 > 0:32:23So, on behalf of me, Adolf Hitler.

0:32:23 > 0:32:25And me, Eva Braun.

0:32:25 > 0:32:29We cordially invite you to come and see World War II - The Sequel.

0:32:29 > 0:32:33That year, the Cambridge Footlights turned up, so it was us against them in my mind.

0:32:33 > 0:32:37I can distinctly remember us looking at them going, "Ha, who are they?"

0:32:37 > 0:32:40They just happened to be Stephen Fry...

0:32:40 > 0:32:41Hugh Laurie...

0:32:41 > 0:32:43Emma Thompson...

0:32:43 > 0:32:47I thought, "If there was a God, the Footlights would be awful."

0:32:47 > 0:32:49But they were kind of spellbinding.

0:32:49 > 0:32:52They won the Perrier.

0:32:52 > 0:32:55We were taken out and shot by the venue.

0:32:55 > 0:32:58We weren't even within biting distance, except for one sketch,

0:32:58 > 0:33:03that got put on this radio programme, Aspects Of The Fringe.

0:33:03 > 0:33:04So, I did come close

0:33:04 > 0:33:07to standing next to these guys who had done the Footlights.

0:33:07 > 0:33:10The show that we'd worked on with terrible compared to that.

0:33:10 > 0:33:13He went up to the Assembly Rooms -

0:33:13 > 0:33:16"Oh, yes, we'll be wanting the ballroom,

0:33:16 > 0:33:18"probably about 9 o'clock."

0:33:18 > 0:33:22The guy going, "You realise that's about £10,000?"

0:33:22 > 0:33:24It was just ludicrous sums of money.

0:33:24 > 0:33:26"That wouldn't be a problem, I don't think."

0:33:27 > 0:33:29Mr Burdett-Coutts? Come here.

0:33:31 > 0:33:33Do you remember when I came to your house,

0:33:33 > 0:33:35and asked you the second you opened,

0:33:35 > 0:33:38I said, "Could you dump the Perrier?"

0:33:38 > 0:33:41- Do you remember that, in Camberwell? - I do, yeah.

0:33:41 > 0:33:44And you had this option of dumping the Perrier winners

0:33:44 > 0:33:45and then me with no reviews.

0:33:45 > 0:33:51And there was no reason, except the venue owners told me our show was shit.

0:33:51 > 0:33:55- That was chutzpah, that was.- It was. You always had great chutzpah.

0:33:55 > 0:34:00I was good on the chutzpah. And so, I've never actually played your venue.

0:34:00 > 0:34:01Your time will come.

0:34:01 > 0:34:04I got another venue that was halfway to Glasgow,

0:34:04 > 0:34:07and did a show called Sherlock Holmes Sings Country,

0:34:07 > 0:34:11and The Scotsman said we were a load of shabby old tat.

0:34:11 > 0:34:12They did leave a sentence that said,

0:34:12 > 0:34:15"But sometimes they come up with something

0:34:15 > 0:34:17"which is unexpected and devastatingly funny."

0:34:17 > 0:34:21That was the only good quote I had for about 10 years.

0:34:21 > 0:34:26So, yes, that was all the beginning of...continued nothingness.

0:34:26 > 0:34:30But it was actually fantastic for me, because I was trained by

0:34:30 > 0:34:33marching through hell, basically.

0:34:35 > 0:34:37APPLAUSE

0:34:41 > 0:34:44That was OK, but I lost it a bit in the second half.

0:34:44 > 0:34:46How did I lose it?

0:34:46 > 0:34:50Gave my life story and thought, "Is there nothing more to talk about?"

0:34:50 > 0:34:54I was selling ice-creams. Cos they had, right down the end, they had an ice-cream kiosk.

0:34:54 > 0:34:58I was talking about anything, and was trying to make it into material,

0:34:58 > 0:34:59selling ice-cream.

0:34:59 > 0:35:02It's now become a piece, and I'm not talking about anything else.

0:35:02 > 0:35:07I like retail. I had my own idea of running a sweet shop, I always wanted to do that.

0:35:07 > 0:35:11'I'm just jumping to the next bit, or cycling back to Wales or something.'

0:35:11 > 0:35:13I need to keep it open, I need to...

0:35:15 > 0:35:17I need to be able to chat.

0:35:17 > 0:35:21I lost it a bit in the second half. How long was that? Anyone know?

0:35:28 > 0:35:29FAST CLASSICAL MUSIC

0:35:29 > 0:35:34First encountered Rob Ballard at the students' union in Sheffield.

0:35:34 > 0:35:39He had the energy thing that I did, and he had a band, and I had a comedy group.

0:35:41 > 0:35:45So, I just grabbed Rob and said, "You're in it.

0:35:45 > 0:35:47"You're funny, and you're hanging around."

0:35:47 > 0:35:49So, he was in it and he was great,

0:35:49 > 0:35:53he was energetic and crazy, and that's how it started.

0:36:08 > 0:36:11I was too scared to perform on my own at that point.

0:36:11 > 0:36:15So, we became a double act in about '85, '86.

0:36:15 > 0:36:17We'd seen Pookiesnackenburger doing stuff.

0:36:17 > 0:36:20Pookiesnackenburger is Luke Cresswell, who was Stomp.

0:36:20 > 0:36:23That's a really interesting medium, street-performing stuff.

0:36:23 > 0:36:27When you work on the street, you have to make the crowd come to you,

0:36:27 > 0:36:31you have to force them, otherwise you don't eat, basically.

0:36:31 > 0:36:35We came down thinking that we would get the medium of street performing

0:36:35 > 0:36:36within two weeks.

0:36:36 > 0:36:38Two weeks, and then we'd be really good.

0:36:38 > 0:36:43A lot of the acts were very new and different, and there were some really good performers down there.

0:36:48 > 0:36:51First shows at Covent Garden, we were doing bad tricks.

0:36:51 > 0:36:55At its best it was crazy, at its worst it was shite.

0:36:57 > 0:36:59Their act was very basic.

0:36:59 > 0:37:02They had a lot of toys to gather the audience,

0:37:02 > 0:37:05eating cornflakes and escaping from jumpers.

0:37:05 > 0:37:07We wanted to say, "Know what we've done?

0:37:07 > 0:37:11"We have done shows at the Festival, with lights and audiences and tickets.

0:37:11 > 0:37:15"No-one here's done tickets, we've done tickets!" And then we were just terrible.

0:37:15 > 0:37:20It was real moronic stuff, and then they came up with the sword-fighting show, which was really good.

0:37:20 > 0:37:23- Roberto!- Eduardo!- En garde.

0:37:26 > 0:37:27Hey!

0:37:27 > 0:37:31'I had directed Rob in the Three Musketeers so I thought, "We'll do the swords."

0:37:31 > 0:37:35'We bought some foils and we started doing stuff. It was very flash.'

0:37:35 > 0:37:37'Eddie became very flamboyant.

0:37:37 > 0:37:39'Suddenly, in his mind, he had to be D'Artagnan.'

0:37:39 > 0:37:43There was a festival in the summer, so we thought, "We'll aim for that."

0:37:43 > 0:37:49We'd worked out routines and we were getting laughs and we didn't even win our own comedy section.

0:37:49 > 0:37:52That's when I just thought, "Oh, well..."

0:37:52 > 0:37:56Because, I'd fallen back, regrouped, come back, attacked, and just failed again.

0:37:56 > 0:38:01I was going round saying, "This is just not my millennia", which I thought was very droll.

0:38:01 > 0:38:04On his 24th birthday, he was sort of pissed-off.

0:38:04 > 0:38:09I was going, "What? What is it? You're 24, what's wrong?"

0:38:09 > 0:38:16"Oh, well... By the time he was 24, Orson Welles had directed Citizen Kane."

0:38:16 > 0:38:19And you sort of went, "Oh, right.

0:38:19 > 0:38:23"You're pissed off because you haven't directed the best movie

0:38:23 > 0:38:26"probably that's ever been made before, you know, you're 24?"

0:38:26 > 0:38:29I think that's a secretly accurate portrayal.

0:38:29 > 0:38:34Street performing, it's the hardest thing. You're performing to people who don't want to watch it.

0:38:36 > 0:38:40I basically broke myself down to zero confidence in Covent Garden.

0:38:53 > 0:38:56Rob would take holidays. He did it quite often.

0:38:56 > 0:39:00So, I could do nothing. I realised I was developing a thing with the audience.

0:39:00 > 0:39:03I could feel it. But as a double act, you're sitting,

0:39:03 > 0:39:07waiting for the other person to come back, and it felt useless.

0:39:08 > 0:39:10Morning, Mr Smith.

0:39:10 > 0:39:12- How are you feeling today?- Fine.

0:39:12 > 0:39:14Comedy Wavelength is this programme on Channel 4,

0:39:14 > 0:39:16and they said, "Come and be writers."

0:39:16 > 0:39:19They accepted a couple of our sketches.

0:39:19 > 0:39:24And then Rob was in it, and they're saying I wasn't in it, and I was probably jealous of Rob at the time.

0:39:24 > 0:39:26I kept auditioning to trial act.

0:39:26 > 0:39:28The producer said, "You're not a performer.

0:39:28 > 0:39:30"You're a writer, but not a performer."

0:39:30 > 0:39:35That screwed with my brain, because the one thing I was sure about - I was a performer.

0:39:35 > 0:39:37Maybe a writer, but definitely a performer.

0:39:37 > 0:39:43I'd been a four-person act, then a two-person act. I never thought I could be solo.

0:39:48 > 0:39:51Paul Keane used to perform as Captain Keano.

0:39:51 > 0:39:53He could be hellish, obnoxious,

0:39:53 > 0:39:55he could be brilliant, generous...

0:39:55 > 0:39:58He had a demeanour as King of Covent Garden.

0:39:58 > 0:40:01When I am famous, I'd still do my show on the cobbles here

0:40:01 > 0:40:02at Covent Garden.

0:40:02 > 0:40:03Rob went holiday. I said,

0:40:03 > 0:40:07"I didn't know you were going on holiday." He was off for a week or so.

0:40:07 > 0:40:10Paul Keane had some ropes and chains for his escapology,

0:40:10 > 0:40:13and I said, "Can I borrow your ropes and chains?"

0:40:13 > 0:40:16So, I went out with the ropes and chains, one Saturday,

0:40:16 > 0:40:23in about '87, and I strapped them on, did a show, and made £10, and that was it.

0:40:23 > 0:40:24I split up with Rob two weeks later.

0:40:24 > 0:40:28'As soon as I'd gone solo, it was just release.'

0:40:28 > 0:40:31- Yes, there it is! - CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:40:31 > 0:40:36I'd never seen anybody work so hard at riding a unicycle as he did.

0:40:36 > 0:40:38He was just on it, constantly.

0:40:38 > 0:40:41He'd split up with Rob, wanted to do his solo show,

0:40:41 > 0:40:45and was just really manically learning everything he possibly could.

0:40:45 > 0:40:49Once I was tied up by someone really tight in my ropes and chains.

0:40:49 > 0:40:51I couldn't get out.

0:40:53 > 0:40:58I had to dismiss the audience and ask some friends to get me out.

0:40:58 > 0:41:04Paul said to me, "If you think you can't get out, you will not be able to get out.

0:41:08 > 0:41:11"You have to believe you can get out, it's psychological."

0:41:18 > 0:41:22You've got to believe you can be a stand-up before you can be a stand-up.

0:41:22 > 0:41:24You've got to believe you can act before you can act.

0:41:24 > 0:41:29You've got to believe, you've got to imagine yourself in that situation.

0:41:37 > 0:41:41The careers adviser used to come to school, and he took me aside and said, "Tell me your dreams."

0:41:41 > 0:41:43"I want to be a space astronaut,

0:41:43 > 0:41:46"discover things that have never been discovered."

0:41:47 > 0:41:50He said, "Look, you're British, so scale it down a bit, all right?"

0:41:56 > 0:42:00If I start apologising saying, "I'm not funny," I lose it.

0:42:00 > 0:42:01It's very psychological.

0:42:03 > 0:42:04It's very much...

0:42:09 > 0:42:13You know, when I used to do unicycle at Covent Garden,

0:42:13 > 0:42:16you have to practise at Covent Garden, you've got to find a big open space,

0:42:16 > 0:42:18so you're doing it at Covent Garden.

0:42:18 > 0:42:24Lads would walk by going, "Hey, mate, you're going to fall off, you're going to fall off, you are."

0:42:24 > 0:42:26And so you think, "Don't fall off."

0:42:26 > 0:42:28You fall off because you're thinking it. What you have to do is,

0:42:28 > 0:42:32when they say, "Hey, you're going to fall off", blank your mind,

0:42:32 > 0:42:37have no thoughts in there at all, just keep spaced out.

0:42:37 > 0:42:41And that's like here, I've got to keep the fear, block the fear out,

0:42:41 > 0:42:46of not being interesting, and just chat.

0:42:55 > 0:42:58In the summer of '87, I was street performing at a festival

0:42:58 > 0:43:00and these visual guys came by,

0:43:00 > 0:43:03one guy had a helmet on with a steel girder

0:43:03 > 0:43:09with flaming kebabs coming off it, and I realised that I couldn't compete with this guy.

0:43:09 > 0:43:11There's no way I can do street performing.

0:43:11 > 0:43:15I can't compete with a guy with flaming bits of meat attached to his head.

0:43:15 > 0:43:21So I thought, "Right, forget street, I'm developing something here, but I've got to do stand-up."

0:43:21 > 0:43:23But I didn't know how.

0:43:23 > 0:43:29I was already an experienced performer, and I had experience with an audience, how to deal with them.

0:43:29 > 0:43:32If you stay there, we'll do the show behind these two people.

0:43:32 > 0:43:35But not of writing ideas down as myself, because I was dyslexic.

0:43:35 > 0:43:38When I was a kid, I would spell phonetically,

0:43:38 > 0:43:40and we'd do the game of I Spy with my dad and my brother,

0:43:40 > 0:43:43and I remember going, "A word beginning with S,"

0:43:43 > 0:43:45and that was ceiling. K, and that was cat.

0:43:45 > 0:43:48And they'd spend hours trying to get these words,

0:43:48 > 0:43:49and they never could.

0:43:49 > 0:43:50Later on, I got the impression

0:43:50 > 0:43:53that probably was what being dyslexic was.

0:43:53 > 0:43:54I was fully dyslexic

0:43:54 > 0:43:56until I met someone who was more dyslexic

0:43:56 > 0:43:58and said, "You're partially dyslexic."

0:43:58 > 0:44:01There's a lot of rivalry in the dyslexic camp, you know.

0:44:02 > 0:44:04Rivalry with three Vs.

0:44:05 > 0:44:07It makes you think in a creative way.

0:44:07 > 0:44:10You see shapes and you see things inside shapes,

0:44:10 > 0:44:12you see clouds and lions and tigers up there.

0:44:12 > 0:44:15So I went and got a tape recorder and I thought I'd just ad lib

0:44:15 > 0:44:19into the tape and then write that out. That'll be stand up.

0:44:21 > 0:44:23It didn't work.

0:44:23 > 0:44:26They did a stand up workshop at a place called Jackson's Lane.

0:44:26 > 0:44:29Patrick Marber, who was a stand up at that point,

0:44:29 > 0:44:32became a playwright who's written Dealer's Choice and Closer,

0:44:32 > 0:44:36we were very spiky with each other. He did an impression of me

0:44:36 > 0:44:38in that workshop where he went, er...

0:44:38 > 0:44:42"Blah, blah, blah, street, blah, blah, blah, street."

0:44:42 > 0:44:45And I thought, oh God, he must be really annoyed with me,

0:44:45 > 0:44:49cos I was obviously just going on and on about this thing.

0:44:49 > 0:44:51I'd written loads of sketches at university

0:44:51 > 0:44:54and in the end I took a sketch which was a two-person sketch

0:44:54 > 0:44:57and I cannibalised it, cut out the interviewer and made it for one person,

0:44:57 > 0:45:00about being addicted to breakfast cereal.

0:45:00 > 0:45:02And that got laughs.

0:45:02 > 0:45:04I thought, if that gets laughs, I could do more like that.

0:45:04 > 0:45:07I could just write them as two persons, cut them in half,

0:45:07 > 0:45:09I could do all my whole career that way.

0:45:09 > 0:45:12Remember in the '70s there was all that work done with monkeys, the signing thing.

0:45:12 > 0:45:13Hey, you're a monkey.

0:45:13 > 0:45:15Yeah, I'm a monkey.

0:45:15 > 0:45:17So what's it like being a monkey?

0:45:18 > 0:45:20Not bad, not bad.

0:45:21 > 0:45:23What's it like being a human?

0:45:23 > 0:45:25LAUGHTER

0:45:26 > 0:45:28Pretty good.

0:45:29 > 0:45:31Can I have a banana?

0:45:31 > 0:45:33No, I have no bananas.

0:45:34 > 0:45:36On this day.

0:45:37 > 0:45:39You have no bananas?

0:45:39 > 0:45:42Well, if you have no bananas, I'm not fucking talking to you.

0:45:43 > 0:45:44What does that mean?

0:45:44 > 0:45:46I don't know, I just adlibbed it.

0:45:48 > 0:45:49Give me a fucking banana.

0:45:49 > 0:45:52Give me a fucking banana.

0:45:53 > 0:45:54All right.

0:45:55 > 0:45:56What do you want to know?

0:45:58 > 0:46:01How does the monkey community interact?

0:46:03 > 0:46:05You know, in the usual way.

0:46:06 > 0:46:08Give me another banana.

0:46:08 > 0:46:10No, no more bananas.

0:46:10 > 0:46:12I've got a gun.

0:46:14 > 0:46:16You didn't even sign that time.

0:46:16 > 0:46:17I know.

0:46:17 > 0:46:22So in the end I decided to just work on one show until it was good.

0:46:22 > 0:46:24and then people would come.

0:46:24 > 0:46:27As opposed to write shoddy, quick stuff and shove it in people's faces

0:46:27 > 0:46:29and say look, it's brilliant.

0:46:29 > 0:46:30Cos it wasn't.

0:46:32 > 0:46:35The only way you could get good was by doing gigs.

0:46:35 > 0:46:37And you couldn't get the gigs, you could get these open spots

0:46:37 > 0:46:40which were an unpaid five minutes. You would phone up and ask for one

0:46:40 > 0:46:43and they'd give you one three months ahead, just one.

0:46:43 > 0:46:44SMATTERING OF APPLAUSE

0:46:46 > 0:46:48Well done, Harlow, that was good.

0:46:48 > 0:46:51Sometimes you can get on stage and the applause is still going while you're there.

0:46:51 > 0:46:54'Once I'd got a few bookings going I'd said'

0:46:54 > 0:46:58I'll do compereing and they said, oh you will? Well, have three then.

0:46:58 > 0:47:01The host seems a lower status thing. People would say,

0:47:01 > 0:47:04"You're quite good, you should be one of the acts."

0:47:04 > 0:47:05I am one of the acts.

0:47:05 > 0:47:07But the audience wouldn't realise this

0:47:07 > 0:47:10and the stand ups didn't like doing it cos you had to tell people

0:47:10 > 0:47:14to shut and sit down. They hated that, they just wanted to talk funny stuff.

0:47:14 > 0:47:16All street performers have to be comperes,

0:47:16 > 0:47:20we would wrangle the audience into a shape, we were hosting our own show.

0:47:20 > 0:47:22We were already trained in it.

0:47:22 > 0:47:23I was relentlessly working.

0:47:23 > 0:47:27One club was in Streatham on Monday night and they would not laugh.

0:47:27 > 0:47:29I'd just talk endlessly and bring acts on.

0:47:29 > 0:47:32I could smash an atmosphere into people until they thought,

0:47:32 > 0:47:33all right, he seems OK.

0:47:33 > 0:47:36I felt it was coming through, so I was just grabbing it.

0:47:36 > 0:47:38I did a couple of the Screaming Blue Murders,

0:47:38 > 0:47:41where I was just doing real basic gags

0:47:41 > 0:47:42and he was compereing them.

0:47:42 > 0:47:46And it would be, he would go out and for five minutes just...

0:47:46 > 0:47:50they would love him and then he would go down a tangent that would just...

0:47:50 > 0:47:52you know, stink the room out.

0:47:52 > 0:47:54Harlow, you've seen it all before, haven't you?

0:47:54 > 0:47:56You've seen something before, haven't you?

0:47:56 > 0:47:59Seen me before? I've seen you before.

0:47:59 > 0:48:03Oh God, we're going to have a horrible time here.

0:48:03 > 0:48:05Well, just talk amongst yourselves...

0:48:05 > 0:48:08But he was taking those risks that nobody else was taking,

0:48:08 > 0:48:11nobody thought about taking risks, you only did things you knew

0:48:11 > 0:48:12would satisfy an audience.

0:48:12 > 0:48:15You're on a trapeze and you know you're safe on the trapeze,

0:48:15 > 0:48:17and then you let go and you fly

0:48:17 > 0:48:20and the audience goes, "Is he fucking going to catch it?

0:48:20 > 0:48:22"Is he going to catch that trapeze, I don't know."

0:48:22 > 0:48:26But the audience love the gap between the two trapezes.

0:48:31 > 0:48:35There's that great fairy story of Idi Amin goes round to the Duvalier house

0:48:35 > 0:48:39and there he gets in, it's in the middle of he woods.

0:48:39 > 0:48:41He goes in there and there's porridge on the table.

0:48:41 > 0:48:46And he tries Papa Doc Duvalier's porridge, "Ooh, it's too hot."

0:48:46 > 0:48:49And he tries Mama Doc Duvalier's porridge, "Ooh, it's too cold."

0:48:49 > 0:48:53Then he tries Baby Doc Duvalier's, "Mmm, just the right temperature."

0:48:53 > 0:48:55So he gobbles it all up.

0:48:55 > 0:48:57Then he nips upstairs and he's a bit tired.

0:48:57 > 0:48:58There are three beds.

0:48:58 > 0:49:00Papa Doc Duvalier's bed, "Ooh, too hard."

0:49:00 > 0:49:02Mama Doc's, "Mm, bit too soft."

0:49:02 > 0:49:04Baby Doc Duvalier's "Just right."

0:49:04 > 0:49:07So Idi gets in and falls asleep.

0:49:07 > 0:49:12And then the Duvaliers come back and they find him and they skin him.

0:49:17 > 0:49:20I don't know what to do with that piece of material, but I like it.

0:49:21 > 0:49:25It's a wonderfully sick but sort of needed kind of thing.

0:49:33 > 0:49:35In '89, I decided to go back to Edinburgh

0:49:35 > 0:49:38this time, as a stand-up.

0:49:39 > 0:49:41I decided to do

0:49:41 > 0:49:43an hour and five minutes.

0:49:43 > 0:49:47As soon as you've committed yourself so much that you can do an hour,

0:49:47 > 0:49:52I think you've really...you've decided that's what you want to do.

0:49:52 > 0:49:54I did a show at Edinburgh Festival.

0:49:54 > 0:49:57I was setting up and there was no-one else there

0:49:57 > 0:50:00and there was one man standing watching

0:50:00 > 0:50:03and then went, "Ooh!" And ran off in the opposite direction.

0:50:03 > 0:50:07I thought, that's not very helpful! A few minutes later, he came back

0:50:07 > 0:50:10and he'd dragged his family up the hill and said, "Watch this."

0:50:10 > 0:50:14And I thought, that's it. That's the thing I'm trying to get.

0:50:14 > 0:50:16Good afternoon, Edinburgh!

0:50:16 > 0:50:20'I was doing three shows, two street performances

0:50:20 > 0:50:22'and one stand-up in the first year

0:50:22 > 0:50:24'and I got completely burned out.'

0:50:24 > 0:50:27I should also point out that I am doing a stand-up show every night.

0:50:27 > 0:50:32I've got leaflets. My name is Eddie Izzard. It's a strange name, it's got two zeds in it.

0:50:32 > 0:50:37And it's going on every night. I've got all the details about it. I think it's fun.

0:50:37 > 0:50:40It's an hour and five minutes. It's on tonight.

0:50:40 > 0:50:42- I like it.- Are you ready?

0:50:42 > 0:50:44I certainly am, old chap!

0:50:44 > 0:50:48- Are you steady?- Yes... This is an enormous build-up, isn't it?- Go!

0:50:48 > 0:50:50OK. Right.

0:50:50 > 0:50:56CROWD: Five, four, three, two, one...

0:50:56 > 0:50:59THEY CHEER

0:51:02 > 0:51:04WHOOPING

0:51:04 > 0:51:06Very good. Very good.

0:51:06 > 0:51:08Very good.

0:51:11 > 0:51:14Elspeth and I found ourselves at the Edinburgh Festival

0:51:14 > 0:51:17and suddenly, there in front of us was a notice

0:51:17 > 0:51:19"Eddie Izzard".

0:51:19 > 0:51:23We got tickets to what I think may have been pretty well

0:51:23 > 0:51:26his first professional show.

0:51:26 > 0:51:28I saw them.

0:51:28 > 0:51:31My old headmaster. You go, "Unggh!

0:51:31 > 0:51:34"Oh, shit!"

0:51:34 > 0:51:36And for one hour,

0:51:36 > 0:51:39we fell about!

0:51:39 > 0:51:42Why do they say "blood is thicker than water"?

0:51:42 > 0:51:45It's a strange expression. "Blood is thicker than water" means

0:51:45 > 0:51:47"be kind to your relatives".

0:51:47 > 0:51:49But custard is thicker than blood.

0:51:50 > 0:51:53Does this mean we should be nice to trifles?

0:51:54 > 0:51:56"He's a smashing bloke,

0:51:56 > 0:51:59"but there are a good few shows you should catch before this one."

0:52:01 > 0:52:04I was a student, and running a venue in Edinburgh for the festival.

0:52:04 > 0:52:08I went up to this woman. She was running a venue called Greyfriars Kirkhouse.

0:52:08 > 0:52:11She had a slot and I looked at one other venue

0:52:11 > 0:52:16and they may have had a slot but I thought, no, I think I'll go with her cos I fancy her more.

0:52:16 > 0:52:23He couldn't afford to take a slot on his own so he went in with another comedian. It was a way for me

0:52:23 > 0:52:28to get my plays on, because I could hire a venue and afford to put my own play on in there

0:52:28 > 0:52:32and not lose money because it was running the venue, too!

0:52:32 > 0:52:35She had 15 shows on and I realised how much energy it took to set it up.

0:52:37 > 0:52:41- Cos I'd never set up a venue. - He hadn't perfected his technique at that point.

0:52:41 > 0:52:46- Your accounting was terrible.- He would turn up to the venue every day, checking his box office figures.

0:52:46 > 0:52:52When there were only half-a-dozen people in the audience, I fell asleep in his show!

0:52:52 > 0:52:57We just hung out and then afterwards I asked her to come to something and you said no.

0:52:57 > 0:52:59And then your dad said you should change your mind.

0:52:59 > 0:53:01So you said yes.

0:53:02 > 0:53:06After the festival, I came back to London and invited Sarah to my flat

0:53:06 > 0:53:07in Streatham.

0:53:07 > 0:53:09I don't think she was terribly impressed

0:53:09 > 0:53:13cos it was like a mattress, small black and white television,

0:53:13 > 0:53:16and all my stuff was in black plastic bin bags. Kind of stylish.

0:53:16 > 0:53:19But I seem to remember she liked my map.

0:53:19 > 0:53:23And I had a colour-coded flag system and I'd stick a flag in

0:53:23 > 0:53:25different colours if I'd stormed it,

0:53:25 > 0:53:27if I'd died, been booked back.

0:53:27 > 0:53:31After each gig, I'd come home and write down my set list for the night

0:53:31 > 0:53:35and what worked, what didn't work, any good improv, how the audience reacted.

0:53:35 > 0:53:38And with that system, I relentlessly worked my way through the circuit.

0:53:38 > 0:53:41Yeah, I remember when he first played.

0:53:41 > 0:53:43Quite a lot of rubbish, really.

0:53:43 > 0:53:45A lot of things people didn't understand, didn't like.

0:53:45 > 0:53:47Got quite a few heckles.

0:53:47 > 0:53:51My uncle always used to say, remember you can take a horse to water

0:53:51 > 0:53:53but you can't take him to a disco.

0:53:55 > 0:53:58I kept playing the Comedy Store and failing, so I thought,

0:53:58 > 0:54:02"I'll stay away from here until I'm good enough to blow the roof off."

0:54:02 > 0:54:06He was doing sort of slightly surreal humour

0:54:06 > 0:54:10but he by no means had found the place where he should be.

0:54:10 > 0:54:13In this country, when comedy is at its best

0:54:13 > 0:54:15is when there's a Tory government, when there's something

0:54:15 > 0:54:17to rebel against. Satire in the Sixties was at its height

0:54:17 > 0:54:21because there was a Tory government. As soon as Wilson came in,

0:54:21 > 0:54:25it slipped away, we had the mainstream, men going,

0:54:25 > 0:54:27"My mother-in-law, my mother-in-law..."

0:54:27 > 0:54:30Thatcher came in, alternative comedy was at its height. We have a war,

0:54:30 > 0:54:32everybody has to say things about it.

0:54:32 > 0:54:34We've got Ben Elton, Mark Thomas,

0:54:34 > 0:54:37Mark Steel, these strong political comedians.

0:54:37 > 0:54:41Suddenly, through it all, there was this guy just talking about being

0:54:41 > 0:54:44brought up by wolves, and it was just incredible.

0:54:44 > 0:54:47He died so regularly, but he stuck with it.

0:54:47 > 0:54:49He went, "No, this is what I find funny."

0:54:49 > 0:54:51There was a night at the Comedy Store in London

0:54:51 > 0:54:53when Bob Mills came up to me and said,

0:54:53 > 0:54:55"Look, they're wild, they're cranky,

0:54:55 > 0:54:58"tonight's not a time for 'I went to school with Perez de Cuellar'."

0:54:58 > 0:55:01I said, "I've got to, that's all I've got!"

0:55:01 > 0:55:04I just talked at this speed... And my mother went up, she said,

0:55:04 > 0:55:07"Why are you doing that?" I said, "I didn't really understand," so...

0:55:07 > 0:55:11I never took a breath. I never went in there... Because I knew in that

0:55:11 > 0:55:14breath someone would go, "You cunt!" And the people down the front who

0:55:14 > 0:55:16are actually attacking you, under your radar because you're here,

0:55:16 > 0:55:20they would gradually quieten down, because you think, "Laugh, laugh,

0:55:20 > 0:55:23"laugh, laugh, laugh, 20 minutes, good night!"

0:55:23 > 0:55:27Then the booker would go, "We like you, you can come back tomorrow."

0:55:27 > 0:55:32His off-the-cuff humour beats most impro hollow. Heckle at your peril.

0:55:34 > 0:55:38CHEERING

0:55:41 > 0:55:46You have to understand what the comedy circuit was like in the '90s.

0:55:46 > 0:55:48It became the biggest thing in the world. There was about 10 clubs

0:55:48 > 0:55:51in New York, and there were 80 clubs in London.

0:55:51 > 0:55:54And people were gigging at least twice a night, at the weekends

0:55:54 > 0:55:57four times a night. You'd do a gig and jump in a black cab,

0:55:57 > 0:56:00scoot off to somewhere in London, then come back in another cab.

0:56:00 > 0:56:04We kind of owned that town, and the audiences were coming.

0:56:04 > 0:56:06They didn't care who was on as long as they were good, didn't know names,

0:56:06 > 0:56:09no-one was famous, and it was all cash in hand,

0:56:09 > 0:56:12pockets stuffed with fivers and tenners and twenties

0:56:12 > 0:56:15and drugs and weed, and whatever you wanted

0:56:15 > 0:56:19was there, everyone was doing it, gigging and drinking like idiots,

0:56:19 > 0:56:21and none of us were known, and it was great.

0:56:21 > 0:56:24He decided he should open his own comedy club and compere and he would

0:56:24 > 0:56:27- get more exposure.- Here I am in strip joints

0:56:27 > 0:56:30and there's this big black and yellow sign hanging in Soho,

0:56:30 > 0:56:33and people must've walked past and gone, "I wonder what that's about?"

0:56:33 > 0:56:35I'd set up my own club in the centre of town

0:56:35 > 0:56:40in order to be hosting a club every week, be at the centre of things.

0:56:40 > 0:56:42That's Eddie's thinking, immediately.

0:56:42 > 0:56:45I'll host it, I'll get big names in, but people will be seeing me.

0:56:45 > 0:56:48I remember people walking around with Raging Bull badges,

0:56:48 > 0:56:51the Raging Bull logo. There's his marketing working out.

0:56:58 > 0:57:01I managed his club. People liked to come and play there, even though

0:57:01 > 0:57:04- the money wasn't great. - It was really tough, and I couldn't

0:57:04 > 0:57:07make the money, and the rent was too high and I had to do other gigs

0:57:07 > 0:57:10around this gig in order to pay for the bills.

0:57:10 > 0:57:13He lost so much money in that one year that the VAT man didn't believe

0:57:13 > 0:57:16that he really could've and investigated him

0:57:16 > 0:57:18and eventually found that it really was just a mad person throwing

0:57:18 > 0:57:20- their money away. - But it gave me this place.

0:57:20 > 0:57:23People seemed to be coming and watching what I was doing.

0:57:23 > 0:57:26It was just packed, and I stood at the bar cos it was

0:57:26 > 0:57:30the only place I could get in. You just felt he had something special.

0:57:30 > 0:57:33He just seemed so ahead of everyone else

0:57:33 > 0:57:36- who was doing stuff at the time. - I would muck about, improvise.

0:57:36 > 0:57:39I started doing this word wrap thing, talking endlessly

0:57:39 > 0:57:42and make up scenarios about people who were wandering around and poke

0:57:42 > 0:57:46fun at people, and all that improvising was the danger thing

0:57:46 > 0:57:49that people were interested in. That was a commodity,

0:57:49 > 0:57:51that was different.

0:57:51 > 0:57:55He was Raging Bull. Everybody would come and see Eddie,

0:57:55 > 0:57:57week after week.

0:57:57 > 0:58:01I don't think any big venue in London ever had a regular compere.

0:58:01 > 0:58:03Two people were going to come along and watch me do stuff,

0:58:03 > 0:58:06and if they liked it I'd get into this benefit called Hysteria 3.

0:58:06 > 0:58:09I really tried to do good, and I failed.

0:58:09 > 0:58:13I was really crap that day. So at the end of that night I said,

0:58:13 > 0:58:17"I was really shit tonight, so if you don't want to book me, fine."

0:58:17 > 0:58:20And they said, bizarrely, fantastically, "No, it's OK,

0:58:20 > 0:58:22"we'll come back next week and watch you again."

0:58:22 > 0:58:26Which is just like, "Have a second go!" And so they came back next week

0:58:26 > 0:58:29and I decided, OK, don't give a damn this week,

0:58:29 > 0:58:34so I just did whatever, mucked about, had fun, had fun,

0:58:34 > 0:58:38and it went great. They said, "Right, you're in."

0:58:40 > 0:58:46It was an Aids benefit, and no-one but no-one knew who Eddie Izzard was.

0:58:46 > 0:58:51And he came on and did three minutes of the very famous, as it is now,

0:58:51 > 0:58:53wolves sketch.

0:58:54 > 0:58:58And I was brought up after that by wolves, actually.

0:58:58 > 0:58:59LAUGHTER

0:58:59 > 0:59:03Well, you know, they were out yachting one day and...

0:59:04 > 0:59:06It was great, it was wonderful.

0:59:06 > 0:59:09Being brought up by wolves as a kid was wonderful. They gave me a name.

0:59:09 > 0:59:11They called me Rrrr.

0:59:11 > 0:59:13LAUGHTER

0:59:15 > 0:59:17They taught me all the stuff,

0:59:17 > 0:59:19hunting, fishing, backgammon, all of that.

0:59:19 > 0:59:22And wolves are natural at fishing.

0:59:22 > 0:59:24They wait by fast-flowing rivers

0:59:24 > 0:59:27and then when a big fish comes along, just at the right moment

0:59:27 > 0:59:30they reel it in really, really quickly.

0:59:30 > 0:59:33Cook it gas mark 4 with a bit of herbs.

0:59:33 > 0:59:36We were wolves, we were young, we were crazy.

0:59:37 > 0:59:40We'd make love in the moonlight.

0:59:40 > 0:59:46They would, they would. I'd watch and say, "No, I'm full, thank you."

0:59:46 > 0:59:50Everyone was turning around, going, "Who's that Izzard guy?"

0:59:50 > 0:59:51Catch you later.

0:59:51 > 0:59:56Cos no-one had really heard of him, and he just took the place apart.

0:59:56 > 1:00:0019 wolves and me, and I was trying to blend in, going woof, woof.

1:00:00 > 1:00:02LAUGHTER

1:00:02 > 1:00:05And these bears would stand there and say, "What's that?"

1:00:05 > 1:00:09I'd go, "Hi, I'm a wolf. Catch you later."

1:00:12 > 1:00:14And we'd be chasing these things,

1:00:14 > 1:00:17they turned out to be antelopes, that was great, cos we eat them,

1:00:17 > 1:00:21and we'd be chasing them, and after about 20 minutes they put on a lead

1:00:21 > 1:00:25and so we had a discussion and agreed to move our legs as well.

1:00:25 > 1:00:28- That really helped. - LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

1:00:28 > 1:00:31Whoosh, off they went and I couldn't keep up.

1:00:31 > 1:00:33You know, two legs. So I took to driving a small red car.

1:00:33 > 1:00:37LAUGHTER

1:00:39 > 1:00:42It was great, it was the same position and everything.

1:00:42 > 1:00:45And it was a hatchback, it was roomy, so I said,

1:00:45 > 1:00:47"Guys, get in the back."

1:00:47 > 1:00:49LAUGHTER

1:00:49 > 1:00:52The ironic thing about Hysteria 3 was

1:00:52 > 1:00:55it was being run by Stephen Fry, and Hugh Laurie was in it with him

1:00:55 > 1:00:58who were part of that Footlights group

1:00:58 > 1:01:01that won the Perrier 10 years before.

1:01:01 > 1:01:0610 years, while I'd been out in the wilderness, living off pine cones.

1:01:08 > 1:01:11I remember the next day being woken by the phone ringing off the hook

1:01:11 > 1:01:13and faxes coming through on top of each other.

1:01:13 > 1:01:15"You tore the place apart on Sunday night."

1:01:15 > 1:01:18"The most talked-about item we had."

1:01:18 > 1:01:21It really was the classic overnight success after many years.

1:01:21 > 1:01:26I had always wanted to do the Big God Television, then I thought maybe I don't need television.

1:01:26 > 1:01:29People thought I wasn't doing it out of principle, but I was

1:01:29 > 1:01:33in fact doing it as revenge for always wanting to do it.

1:01:33 > 1:01:36It's the madness, what I call the madness, because I think,

1:01:36 > 1:01:41if you think you can perform and the whole world is saying you can't perform, then you're obviously mad.

1:01:41 > 1:01:45If you hold on to that madness, and you hold on to it and hold on to it

1:01:45 > 1:01:52for years, and then later it comes good and you can actually perform, then it proves that you weren't mad.

1:01:52 > 1:01:56You just had to surround that little bit of belief

1:01:56 > 1:01:58and hold on to it...

1:01:59 > 1:02:01for as long as it takes.

1:02:04 > 1:02:09He's one of these people who has been told throughout life that he's not capable of certain things

1:02:09 > 1:02:14and he'll just bang on the door until you open it and let him in.

1:02:17 > 1:02:19I thought I could play the West End,

1:02:19 > 1:02:22because people were phoning up and saying they wanted to see that guy.

1:02:22 > 1:02:26I had done it on the street, I seemed to be doing it in the clubs.

1:02:26 > 1:02:29He was the first person I knew who had a mailing list.

1:02:29 > 1:02:34People would write to you and say "Eddie is on here, let's go and see him do a full length show."

1:02:34 > 1:02:36That's how the Ambassadors first settled down.

1:02:36 > 1:02:39So I left the circuit and I tried out my show in the small theatres

1:02:39 > 1:02:43around London and they sold out, so I thought "I'm going to go and do the West End."

1:02:43 > 1:02:47It was completely unheard of to put yourself into a West End theatre like that.

1:02:47 > 1:02:49People thought he was taking a terrible risk.

1:02:49 > 1:02:52It was a risk, yes, because we didn't have the money.

1:02:52 > 1:02:56We'd been doing so many shows that everyone was letting us have printing and stuff on 30-day credit.

1:02:56 > 1:02:59We had 30 days to break even or go bust.

1:03:00 > 1:03:02OK, that would be crap.

1:03:04 > 1:03:08I thought it would be a good idea, you said no, it'll never work.

1:03:08 > 1:03:10So we've got a sort of relationship here. I say things, you say no.

1:03:10 > 1:03:14If you do the big silence thing, I know I'm going wrong.

1:03:16 > 1:03:23I came in late the first night, I really seriously thought I had walked into the wrong show!

1:03:23 > 1:03:25Because I had no idea.

1:03:35 > 1:03:39OK, I've only got a couple of dresses so fuck off.

1:03:39 > 1:03:41I was so shocked I had no idea.

1:03:41 > 1:03:45It was a fantastic show and I think the audience were incredibly warm.

1:03:45 > 1:03:49Yes, yes, yes, I thought I'd do the gig in a dress.

1:03:49 > 1:03:52Good reaction London, come on, yeah. Fucking hell!

1:03:52 > 1:03:55It was up to this point he had still never dressed in the clothes and he

1:03:55 > 1:04:00didn't want the tabloids making something out of it so he said, "Right, I'll become visible."

1:04:00 > 1:04:05I'm a very stubborn pig-headed personality,

1:04:05 > 1:04:08and quite thick-skinned,

1:04:08 > 1:04:11and was always looking for a challenge or a quest.

1:04:11 > 1:04:14One minute you can talk about sexism, because men could really get the angle on that.

1:04:14 > 1:04:17If you're ethnic minority you can talk about racism, but for

1:04:17 > 1:04:20me personally - white male, middle-class - completely fucking useless.

1:04:20 > 1:04:21LAUGHTER

1:04:21 > 1:04:25There's no angles there at all. You can't say, "When I was growing up I had it...

1:04:25 > 1:04:28"all right. I suppose not too bad."

1:04:28 > 1:04:32The kids at school would taunt me and say 'Ooh, do you want to play?'"

1:04:32 > 1:04:35LAUGHTER

1:04:35 > 1:04:39It was the acceptance I couldn't take, the constant acceptance so...

1:04:41 > 1:04:46The only thing working in my favour is thank God I'm a transvestite, eh? Cor!

1:04:46 > 1:04:49Phewee! It was very dangerous because

1:04:49 > 1:04:54my career was just finally taking off and I could be about to blow it out the window by wearing a dress.

1:04:54 > 1:04:58With me in the studio is a well-known stand-up comedian, Eddie Izzard,

1:04:58 > 1:05:01who has recently revealed that he is a transvestite.

1:05:03 > 1:05:06- Why aren't you dressed? - Because I chose not to.

1:05:06 > 1:05:10It was also because I wanted to talk about it rather than

1:05:10 > 1:05:15- wear the clothes.- I think it's very brave of you to come out and tell everybody you're a transvestite.

1:05:15 > 1:05:17Why do that at this stage in your career?

1:05:17 > 1:05:23I just told a newspaper that I was tv and of course all the newspapers after that decided to pick up on it.

1:05:23 > 1:05:25But you do feel it's important, don't you, that people should know?

1:05:25 > 1:05:30Society makes people fear it and be scared and feel ashamed.

1:05:30 > 1:05:32It's just the way I am.

1:05:32 > 1:05:37I'm tv, I have been since I was four. I have no problems with it.

1:05:37 > 1:05:41You have to come out and basically get the reaction about it.

1:05:41 > 1:05:44I have a girlfriend and she's quite cool about it as well.

1:05:44 > 1:05:47The only way you can get cool about it is by society backing off,

1:05:47 > 1:05:51all people who are tv coming out and saying "I'm tv, it's not a problem."

1:05:51 > 1:05:56The first time he came out with stand-ups was at a party I gave at my flat and he turned up in turquoise

1:05:56 > 1:06:03eyeshadow up to his eyebrows and a huge jumper with a belt, a skirt and really high patent shoes.

1:06:03 > 1:06:06I wasn't going to come out about it because that just seemed foolish.

1:06:06 > 1:06:08Then I thought I should,

1:06:08 > 1:06:12there's an element that you're positive, do it, it's truthful.

1:06:12 > 1:06:16I'm coming out, people can see it's difficult for me. It's a fight.

1:06:16 > 1:06:18It was really important for him that time to wear the skirt.

1:06:18 > 1:06:22He wanted to go on and do it honestly, and he felt that way.

1:06:22 > 1:06:24I think it was a very brave move.

1:06:24 > 1:06:27Look, this is me, this is what you get. This is Eddie.

1:06:27 > 1:06:32The show worked and extended twice, and played for three months,

1:06:32 > 1:06:38and it got an Olivier nomination out of it and I got a video distribution deal out of it. That was a surprise.

1:06:38 > 1:06:41You have to accept your children

1:06:41 > 1:06:44for exactly what they are.

1:06:44 > 1:06:46I couldn't see anything

1:06:46 > 1:06:54in his dressing up in his own women's clothes to get upset about, as long

1:06:54 > 1:07:00as he didn't get into situations where he got clobbered by a lot of people who thought it was outlandish.

1:07:00 > 1:07:04He doesn't seem to have managed to do that, except once in Cambridge, of course.

1:07:04 > 1:07:08Comedian Eddie Izzard was attacked late last night in Cambridge city centre.

1:07:08 > 1:07:12If you have a knife and you're coming down, you do that and that.

1:07:12 > 1:07:16Wow, that's very good.

1:07:16 > 1:07:19That's from a book, I've never practised it.

1:07:19 > 1:07:21Except on this guy in Cambridge.

1:07:21 > 1:07:23I didn't go down, I was pleased I didn't go down.

1:07:23 > 1:07:26It was like Cool Hand Luke. He went down but he kept getting back up.

1:07:26 > 1:07:33I didn't even go down, I just stayed up and I was pleased I didn't run away screaming.

1:07:33 > 1:07:36I've looked at fear in a big way, because, coming out,

1:07:36 > 1:07:39you have to deal with basically the whole of the world say "Oh, you're an abominable snowman,"

1:07:39 > 1:07:42and me going "No, don't think so, no."

1:07:42 > 1:07:44You have to deal with this fear thing.

1:07:44 > 1:07:47I tend to go towards things that scare me now.

1:07:47 > 1:07:52I think it's positive. Not anything. Like leaping off a cliff onto a spike scares me, don't do it.

1:07:52 > 1:07:55Let's go, here we go. Crash helmet on.

1:07:55 > 1:07:58Great belly flop, no.

1:07:58 > 1:08:03I know lots of women who find him very, very attractive dressed as a woman.

1:08:03 > 1:08:07I don't. I think he's very attractive dressed as a man.

1:08:09 > 1:08:11Is it difficult to live with?

1:08:11 > 1:08:13Yes, but you compromise.

1:08:13 > 1:08:15In that respect it's pretty normal.

1:08:17 > 1:08:21I think most of all the courage it's taken to live his life this way

1:08:21 > 1:08:24is the thing that makes him most attractive.

1:08:24 > 1:08:27But yes, he does drive me nuts.

1:08:37 > 1:08:43I thought my brain was visually hip but I didn't think my look was visually hip.

1:08:43 > 1:08:48Tonight, Eddie is wearing black velour kaftan top, Western buckled

1:08:48 > 1:08:56belt - wow, pardner - mustard pleated baggy trousers, and black monk-strap rubber-soled shoes. Stealthy.

1:08:56 > 1:08:59Gosh, girls. Look out, it's a batik patchwork

1:08:59 > 1:09:06shirt, brown and black striped belt, grey herringbone suit trousers and brown shiny cowboy boots. Yee-ha.

1:09:06 > 1:09:09I just wore whatever clothes happened to be lying around.

1:09:09 > 1:09:14Most comics just look like me, this big slob who walks out on stage with what they've been wearing all day.

1:09:14 > 1:09:18I was wearing a dress on stage and the journalists believed I was a transvestite.

1:09:18 > 1:09:20They said, "OK you're a transvestite but you look a mess,"

1:09:20 > 1:09:23and it struck me I had to get it

1:09:23 > 1:09:29into some sexy sort of rock 'n' roll place so I stole that sensibility from Sarah who

1:09:29 > 1:09:32was doing rock 'n' roll gigs and I got her to write the intro.

1:09:32 > 1:09:35In every show after that, they got more funky and rock 'n' roll.

1:09:35 > 1:09:38You didn't have to say, "Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome this guy."

1:09:38 > 1:09:43You just put on the music and boom, it blew out the speakers and everyone knew what to do.

1:09:43 > 1:09:44It really kicked.

1:09:50 > 1:09:57Pears can fuck off too, because they're gorgeous little beasts but they're ripe for half-an-hour,

1:09:57 > 1:10:00and they're like a rock or they're mush.

1:10:00 > 1:10:03You take them home and they'll ripen up, but put them in a bowl and they

1:10:03 > 1:10:09sit there going "No, no, don't ripen yet, don't ripen yet, wait until he goes out of the room...

1:10:11 > 1:10:12"Ripen now, now, now!"

1:10:19 > 1:10:24If you just saw Eddie's picture and had no idea who he was, you'd never think he was a comedian.

1:10:24 > 1:10:26You'd think he was Madonna. It was a rock picture, not a comedy picture.

1:10:35 > 1:10:41I've never seen one person in a film on a computer doing a normal kind of thing, going...

1:10:49 > 1:10:52Ctrl P print.

1:10:52 > 1:10:54Ctrl P print.

1:10:54 > 1:10:57Cannot access printer.

1:10:57 > 1:10:58It's here!

1:11:00 > 1:11:02I can access it.

1:11:02 > 1:11:05Print! Ctrl P print. Ctrl P print.

1:11:05 > 1:11:07It's five in the morning, it's only a paragraph!

1:11:10 > 1:11:14In 1996, I got my first film role.

1:11:14 > 1:11:18By the first day of shooting I got a huge surprise when I found out who else was in the cast.

1:11:18 > 1:11:23I'd been told that there was this comic in the movie and for me it was like... "another comic?!"

1:11:23 > 1:11:26I thought "I'm just going down there" and I walked up to you, "Mr Robin Williams."

1:11:26 > 1:11:29And you went "Mr Eddie Izzard" and I went errr "How do you know me?"

1:11:29 > 1:11:31"I know you!"

1:11:31 > 1:11:33I think later on you brought me the tape.

1:11:33 > 1:11:36I said "Can you watch my tape, please?"

1:11:36 > 1:11:37"This is what I do."

1:11:37 > 1:11:40Did I say, "Do you think this would swing in America?"

1:11:40 > 1:11:44Yes, and I said, "May I say honestly, fuck yeah!"

1:11:44 > 1:11:46You said, "Do you think American audiences will get it?"

1:11:46 > 1:11:48I said yeah, the intelligent ones will.

1:11:51 > 1:11:56New York is the taste-maker, it's the gatekeeper to the whole of America and Canada.

1:11:56 > 1:12:00You get New York, and specifically the New York Times, you have to get

1:12:00 > 1:12:03them to say you're good so I realised I have to get a small

1:12:03 > 1:12:08theatre in New York and play it, and play it and play it, and just keep doing that.

1:12:08 > 1:12:10There was a big change going from the UK to America.

1:12:10 > 1:12:15I played to 8,000 people at the Docklands Arena and then in New York I was playing to 80 people.

1:12:15 > 1:12:17It was like playing Edinburgh Festival all over again.

1:12:17 > 1:12:22I found an issue when I came here, I had to try and stop Europeans coming, and get Americans coming.

1:12:22 > 1:12:25You had to stop Europeans! Please don't come.

1:12:25 > 1:12:27It you know about Eddie, don't come.

1:12:27 > 1:12:29- Because otherwise...- They packed the theatres with English.

1:12:29 > 1:12:31And then you can't get any American word of mouth.

1:12:31 > 1:12:35But I think you cracked it perfectly because everyone tries to come in and go big.

1:12:35 > 1:12:37Your plan was to start very small, the way you did in England.

1:12:37 > 1:12:42- Small, like a small thing. - Yes, you did it like word of mouth, it was a clandestine thing.

1:12:42 > 1:12:44Voom, the first stadium you played was just three people.

1:12:44 > 1:12:46- It was an 80-seater.- Yes, 80-seater.

1:12:46 > 1:12:48Only three people there.

1:12:48 > 1:12:51But those three people were good people.

1:12:51 > 1:12:55Then the next time you came it was 300, and now you're up to a couple of thousand.

1:12:55 > 1:12:58CHEERING

1:13:01 > 1:13:03Cool is a thing of youth.

1:13:03 > 1:13:07It's linked to fashion, being cool is linked to fashion and there's a circle.

1:13:07 > 1:13:09There are a lot of circles involved in things, like

1:13:09 > 1:13:12politics - extreme right wing, left wing, politics join up.

1:13:12 > 1:13:15Madness and genius joins up at the back, and also with fashion.

1:13:15 > 1:13:18So over here you've got looking like a dickhead,

1:13:18 > 1:13:22and you have average, normal looking, then cool hip and groovy...

1:13:22 > 1:13:23Looking like a dickhead.

1:13:23 > 1:13:25LAUGHTER

1:13:27 > 1:13:32I personally cruise that back corner, looking like

1:13:32 > 1:13:33a dickhead. And it is - if you're on the cutting

1:13:33 > 1:13:36edge of cool hip and groovy, you must look like a dickhead.

1:13:36 > 1:13:39You've got to be over in there, but it has to go round this way.

1:13:39 > 1:13:42You can't back in from looking like a dickhead into...

1:13:47 > 1:13:49cool hip and groovy, "No, fuck off, it's that way round."

1:13:51 > 1:13:54"I want to be cool, man." "No, you look like a dickhead."

1:13:54 > 1:13:58"Well, you look like a dickhead." "Yeah, but I know why I look like a dickhead. Now fuck off!"

1:13:58 > 1:14:02With the success of Dress To Kill in New York in 1998, I decided

1:14:02 > 1:14:06to go and play the west coast - San Francisco and Los Angeles.

1:14:06 > 1:14:10Robin Williams phoned up and said, "We want to support you coming to the west coast."

1:14:10 > 1:14:12I said, "We're already going. It's perfect."

1:14:12 > 1:14:16He put his name above the title, we put our names under the title and it was a wonderful marriage.

1:14:16 > 1:14:19And in the end, instead of opening in San Francisco to three cans of

1:14:19 > 1:14:22beans and a banana, it was everyone from San Francisco just turning up.

1:14:22 > 1:14:25So it was just a massive amount of people coming.

1:14:26 > 1:14:29'He looks stunning. That's not a comic, is it?

1:14:29 > 1:14:31'That's a superstar.'

1:14:33 > 1:14:35We stole countries. That's how you build an empire.

1:14:35 > 1:14:39We stole countries with the cunning use of flags.

1:14:39 > 1:14:41Yeah.

1:14:41 > 1:14:44You just sail round the world and stick a flag in.

1:14:44 > 1:14:46"I claim India for Britain."

1:14:46 > 1:14:50And they're going, "You can't claim us, we live here."

1:14:50 > 1:14:52"500 million of us."

1:14:52 > 1:14:54"Do you have a flag?"

1:14:54 > 1:14:56LAUGHTER

1:14:56 > 1:15:00Most stand-ups in the UK, where we have alternative comedy

1:15:00 > 1:15:05specifically, I'd say the majority do not have writers.

1:15:05 > 1:15:08I'd say about 90% do not have writers.

1:15:08 > 1:15:10They are writer/performers. And that's what's tricky.

1:15:10 > 1:15:14You can be a great performer and not be able to get the material together, while some

1:15:14 > 1:15:18people are great writers and their performing skills are not so good.

1:15:18 > 1:15:21You have to be two things. That had only

1:15:21 > 1:15:26really become starkly apparent when I did Dress To Kill. I got

1:15:26 > 1:15:29one Emmy for writing, one Emmy for performing.

1:15:29 > 1:15:32And you think, "My God, they're two highly valued areas."

1:15:32 > 1:15:35- And the Emmy goes to... - And the Emmy goes to...

1:15:35 > 1:15:37Stop it!

1:15:41 > 1:15:43And the Emmy goes to...

1:15:47 > 1:15:48Eddie Izzard!

1:15:48 > 1:15:51CHEERING

1:15:58 > 1:16:00There's a hole.

1:16:00 > 1:16:03There would never be a hole on the stage at the Emmys.

1:16:03 > 1:16:06Eddie's on location in Vienna where he's filming All The Queen's Men.

1:16:06 > 1:16:08We accept this award on his behalf. Congratulations.

1:16:16 > 1:16:18- Un awr.- That's two?- That's one hour.

1:16:18 > 1:16:25- What's the number two?- Dau.- Un, dau. - Tri.- Tri.- Pedwar.- Pedwar.- Pump.

1:16:25 > 1:16:27Pump. I may do that.

1:16:27 > 1:16:34- Un.- Dau.- Dau.- Tri.- Tri. - Pedwar.- Pedwar.- Pump.- Pump.

1:16:34 > 1:16:38If I said to you...

1:16:38 > 1:16:43Un, dau, tri.

1:16:43 > 1:16:45WHISTLING

1:16:45 > 1:16:47LAUGHTER

1:16:48 > 1:16:50- Pedwar.- ..pedwar.

1:16:54 > 1:16:58Chwech. Chwech. That's fine - chwech.

1:16:58 > 1:17:00Chwech.

1:17:00 > 1:17:01Ohh, you missed one!

1:17:01 > 1:17:03- Pump! - APPLAUSE

1:17:09 > 1:17:15In the end, if you count one to five in a language,

1:17:15 > 1:17:19that's going to get the best reaction than talking for an hour-and-a-half.

1:17:25 > 1:17:29There's no stand-up in France, and they're not used to English people speaking French.

1:17:29 > 1:17:36The first gig I did in France, stand-up gig, was in '97 at La Fleche d'Or, the Golden Arrow.

1:17:36 > 1:17:40He's a Europhile, he wants to do every country and every language.

1:17:40 > 1:17:44He was kind of excited, you know, and,

1:17:44 > 1:17:50oh, my God, we walked into this venue which was a sort of cavern.

1:17:50 > 1:17:53We went backstage to the office

1:17:53 > 1:18:00and he just went, sort of like he does, "Fuck, fuck, fuck!"

1:18:00 > 1:18:04Pacing up and down, pacing up and down, going, "I just don't know if I can do this.

1:18:04 > 1:18:06"I don't know if I can do this."

1:18:06 > 1:18:11And Eddie was going, "I can't remember anything. I can't remember any vocabulary."

1:18:11 > 1:18:16I went outside to get my friend and she sat down with him and just went through some vocabulary.

1:18:16 > 1:18:19And I'm thinking, "Can't remember any vocabulary?! We're in trouble."

1:18:19 > 1:18:21- Hello.- Hello!

1:18:21 > 1:18:24Il faut que vous m'aidiez, oui?

1:18:24 > 1:18:28- Parce que mon francais, c'est... - APPLAUSE

1:18:28 > 1:18:34I said to him, "Look, you really don't have to put yourself through this. Please, it just doesn't matter.

1:18:34 > 1:18:36"We can cancel it now. We'll say you're ill.

1:18:36 > 1:18:42"It doesn't matter. I don't want you to get so worked up about it that you won't be able to do it."

1:18:42 > 1:18:44But of course he wasn't going to hear that.

1:18:44 > 1:18:51OK. Les anges, les anges. Il y a une guerre entre les anges.

1:18:51 > 1:18:54I felt so sick all the way through it.

1:18:54 > 1:18:57I just stood at the side, and he would get through...

1:18:57 > 1:19:04My French is pretty basic, but he would get through a sort of joke, a sequence about supermarkets,

1:19:04 > 1:19:07and then, at the very last minute...

1:19:07 > 1:19:10Oh, fuck, I don't know the words.

1:19:10 > 1:19:17..he'd forget the French word for the punch line and he would have to ask the audience what the word was.

1:19:17 > 1:19:21- What do they call them? - AUDIENCE SHOUTS

1:19:21 > 1:19:28Les petits, les mandarines. Quoi?

1:19:28 > 1:19:29Clementines.

1:19:29 > 1:19:35- Clementines, oui.- The feedback I got was that his French was not really good enough to be doing it.

1:19:35 > 1:19:36WHISTLING

1:19:36 > 1:19:38Je retournerai.

1:19:38 > 1:19:41I don't know why he didn't do it in English.

1:19:41 > 1:19:45Because he'd set himself the task of doing it in French.

1:19:45 > 1:19:46And he is stubborn.

1:19:48 > 1:19:50Do you think that the French people found it funny?

1:19:50 > 1:19:53I th... No.

1:19:53 > 1:19:57So that was the first gig, and it was atrocious.

1:19:57 > 1:19:59But at least I did it.

1:19:59 > 1:20:01If the meaning of life

1:20:01 > 1:20:05or the purpose of life is to live it,

1:20:05 > 1:20:06which I think it is.

1:20:06 > 1:20:08Life's there, we're here.

1:20:08 > 1:20:09You can go, "What is it all about?"

1:20:09 > 1:20:16And just get lost in a circular argument, or you can just say, "Get it, grab it.

1:20:16 > 1:20:19"Try and put something positive into it."

1:20:19 > 1:20:20And...

1:20:20 > 1:20:22that's what I want to do.

1:20:22 > 1:20:25And if fear gets in the way, you just push fear back.

1:20:25 > 1:20:30'Well, since that gig, I have really pushed to do more studying.

1:20:30 > 1:20:33'And also before the gig starts I work with a language expert.

1:20:33 > 1:20:35'I think it's very key to speak a lot of slang in your language,

1:20:35 > 1:20:37'because that's what you do in stand-up.'

1:21:05 > 1:21:07APPLAUSE

1:21:16 > 1:21:19I'm very much looking forward to getting my doctorate,

1:21:19 > 1:21:23seeing as I didn't pass my degree.

1:21:25 > 1:21:27There was a thing in my head saying,

1:21:27 > 1:21:31"Well, if I work really hard maybe someone will give me one."

1:21:31 > 1:21:34Eddie is committed to challenging assumptions about language.

1:21:34 > 1:21:37Thank you, thank you very much.

1:21:37 > 1:21:43My dad's here. He had to wait 20 years to get one of these ceremonies to happen, so thank you very much.

1:21:46 > 1:21:49German's the next one. And Spanish,

1:21:49 > 1:21:54I think he's quite keen to do, maybe learn a smattering of Scandinavian.

1:21:54 > 1:21:58I don't know. I dread to think of it every time in my head.

1:22:07 > 1:22:10A critic reviewed a show and within the show he said,

1:22:10 > 1:22:14"Why do you want to be a so-so actor when you're a brilliant comic?"

1:22:14 > 1:22:17But once I was a so-so comedian.

1:22:17 > 1:22:21I was always trying to get to Hollywood.

1:22:21 > 1:22:22We play bad guys in Hollywood movies.

1:22:22 > 1:22:25The Death Star, full of British actors opening doors -

1:22:25 > 1:22:30"Oh, I'm... Oh... Oh..."

1:22:30 > 1:22:33"What is it, Lieutenant Sebastian?"

1:22:33 > 1:22:37"It's just the rebels, sir. They're here."

1:22:39 > 1:22:43"My God, man! Do they want tea?"

1:22:45 > 1:22:48"No, I think they're after something more than that, sir.

1:22:48 > 1:22:51"I don't know what it is, but they've brought a flag."

1:22:52 > 1:22:55Doing stand-up he's always paved his own way,

1:22:55 > 1:22:59whereas with acting you're in a system and it's much harder just

1:22:59 > 1:23:04to do your own thing and prove your own point. You have to play the game.

1:23:04 > 1:23:07But do you lose all your gut feelings because you are

1:23:07 > 1:23:10worried that you're going to hit comedy instead of hitting truth?

1:23:10 > 1:23:14When I did the Ocean's movies, I felt like I'd got to base camp

1:23:14 > 1:23:17on Mount Everest and everyone said, "We're going up the mountain",

1:23:17 > 1:23:19and I was saying, "All right, I'll be here".

1:23:19 > 1:23:22Now I'm in The Riches, Wayne Malloy, great critical acclaim for the show

1:23:22 > 1:23:26and I think I can now call myself an actor. Or, if not,

1:23:26 > 1:23:28I can call myself a postman.

1:23:28 > 1:23:30I want to do Shakespeare because it scares the shit out of me.

1:23:30 > 1:23:34That's a reason to do it. It's like running the marathons of theatre.

1:23:34 > 1:23:36You know, there's the three biggies.

1:23:36 > 1:23:41I guess it's Hamlet you play at a certain phase. And then you go...

1:23:41 > 1:23:43At the end of your life there is always Lear.

1:23:43 > 1:23:47- That's waiting for you at the end. - I'll start with Lear.- Yeah... - And then work backwards.

1:23:47 > 1:23:49- And do the only 85-year-old Hamlet. - Yeah!

1:23:49 > 1:23:52I haven't done Shakespeare yet, but I did Broadway.

1:23:52 > 1:23:57The theatre people of New York were great and they really welcomed A Day In The Death Of Joe Egg on Broadway

1:23:57 > 1:24:02and there was a huge buzz about it and it got a Tony nomination and my dad was there opening night.

1:24:02 > 1:24:04No, I got down on my knees and I prayed to God.

1:24:04 > 1:24:08I said, God, I have only just found her. The baby doesn't matter.

1:24:08 > 1:24:09If it is a question of a swap...

1:24:09 > 1:24:11Oh, Bri!

1:24:15 > 1:24:19And then I found I was so drunk I could hardly get to my feet again.

1:24:19 > 1:24:20But that was a very good experience.

1:24:22 > 1:24:24And then I had to come back and

1:24:24 > 1:24:28go into this new type of tour to develop material to do a thing

1:24:28 > 1:24:33because I had to change it because I was on a programme about fraud.

1:24:34 > 1:24:37On Weekend Watchdog tonight, new fuel at petrol stations

1:24:37 > 1:24:41causing a massive rise in car breakdowns, claim the AA.

1:24:41 > 1:24:44We report on Eddie Izzard's recycled jokes and...

1:24:44 > 1:24:46Their issue was he was doing old material.

1:24:46 > 1:24:51He never performed that show here, but they would have seen it on the DVD. The DVD had been released.

1:24:51 > 1:24:53Original sin, what a hellish idea that is!

1:24:53 > 1:24:56People having to go, Father, bless me for I have sinned.

1:24:56 > 1:24:57I did an original sin.

1:24:57 > 1:24:59I poked a badger with a spoon.

1:25:01 > 1:25:04I've never heard of that one before!

1:25:04 > 1:25:07Five Hail Marys and two Hello Dollies. All right.

1:25:08 > 1:25:11Well, funny hearing it once, but still funny twice? Maybe.

1:25:11 > 1:25:16I would start a new tour with the old show. I just used to ad lib it on the stage and then hone it

1:25:16 > 1:25:22and then dump out the old stuff and put in the new stuff. It was just a constantly rolling thing.

1:25:28 > 1:25:31I told people I did this. I told critics I did this. That's what I did.

1:25:31 > 1:25:35We've counted up all the gags on this video, 55 in total,

1:25:35 > 1:25:39and we've put them here on our Weekend Watchdog Eddie Izzard gag count.

1:25:39 > 1:25:42Now we're going to send in our gag accountant.

1:25:42 > 1:25:44It's like going to a rock and roll concert and saying,

1:25:44 > 1:25:49- we've heard The Stones, we've heard these- BLEEP- numbers before.

1:25:49 > 1:25:51You're on Watchdog for fraud.

1:25:51 > 1:25:58The Stones on Watchdog for fraud because we've heard all this stuff before.

1:25:58 > 1:26:00In the same sentence they're attacking

1:26:00 > 1:26:03one of the biggest oil companies and then one independent comedian.

1:26:03 > 1:26:10We knew we could absolutely justify the situation and he in no way should have been criticised for it.

1:26:10 > 1:26:12The theatre had got the wrong end of the stick and they said

1:26:12 > 1:26:16"All New Material", at Birmingham Hippodrome.

1:26:16 > 1:26:19People complained to Watchdog saying I'm trying to fuck everyone over.

1:26:19 > 1:26:21They paid £18.50 each for their seats

1:26:21 > 1:26:25and by the end of the night in fact realised there was very little new.

1:26:25 > 1:26:31Eddie was the first one I'd ever known not to be putting out his material during the tour he was on.

1:26:31 > 1:26:35- That's what everyone does. - I'd been part of the movement at the beginning of the '90s

1:26:35 > 1:26:37to try and change material over at a faster pace.

1:26:37 > 1:26:40People had done the same 20 minutes sometimes for years.

1:26:40 > 1:26:42Back in Morecambe and Wise times, forever.

1:26:42 > 1:26:44You'd get your hour show and do it forever.

1:26:44 > 1:26:46Was it all new to you tonight?

1:26:46 > 1:26:48- A lot of it was, wasn't it? - A lot of it was new, yeah.- Yeah?

1:26:48 > 1:26:51It was told in different ways and things he'd said before.

1:26:51 > 1:26:55He could go in there and read out a recipe for making cake and it would still be fantastic.

1:26:55 > 1:27:00- It's just Eddie being Eddie. - I just felt totally gutted by that.

1:27:00 > 1:27:02"I will have the penne alla arrabiata".

1:27:04 > 1:27:06"You'll need a tray".

1:27:06 > 1:27:08"Do you know who I am?"

1:27:08 > 1:27:10- "Do you know who- I- am?"

1:27:10 > 1:27:14"This is not a game of who the fuck are you?

1:27:14 > 1:27:15"I am Vader.

1:27:15 > 1:27:17"Darth Vader.

1:27:17 > 1:27:19"Lord Vader.

1:27:19 > 1:27:21"I can kill you with a single thought".

1:27:21 > 1:27:23"Well, you'll still need a tray".

1:27:24 > 1:27:27"No, I will not need a tray. I do not need a tray to kill you.

1:27:27 > 1:27:30"I can kill you without a tray, with the power of the Force,

1:27:30 > 1:27:36"which is strong within me, even though I could kill you with a tray if I so wished

1:27:36 > 1:27:42"for I would hack at your neck with the thin bit until the blood flowed across the canteen floor".

1:27:42 > 1:27:45"No, the food is hot, you'll need a tray to put the food on".

1:27:45 > 1:27:47"Oh, I see, the food is hot.

1:27:47 > 1:27:49"I'm sorry, I did not realise".

1:27:49 > 1:27:51He is always excessively hard on himself.

1:27:51 > 1:27:54If you had a room of 100 people who said, Eddie, you're fantastic,

1:27:54 > 1:27:57and one person said, mm, it's that that he wants to act on.

1:27:57 > 1:28:01They took it to the Government and he received a warning letter.

1:28:01 > 1:28:05Eddie's been injured by what's happened in the past.

1:28:05 > 1:28:09And I think he's carrying the scars of that injury onto this tour.

1:28:09 > 1:28:13And it just took a long time to get round to doing another show.

1:28:15 > 1:28:17CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

1:28:30 > 1:28:34I've got to concentrate now, so fuck off, please.

1:28:43 > 1:28:48I'm thinking about the arenas at the end of the year.

1:28:48 > 1:28:53I'm thinking, what if I screw those up?

1:28:55 > 1:28:58Yeah, I'm somewhat stressed about them.

1:29:04 > 1:29:07The pressure on Eddie is greater now than it's ever been in the past.

1:29:07 > 1:29:09The expectation is greater.

1:29:10 > 1:29:14We've sold 350,000 tickets across the world.

1:29:21 > 1:29:26All the time he was in Australia he must have been working like a mad thing.

1:29:26 > 1:29:29Audiences are good here. The audiences have been consistently good here.

1:29:29 > 1:29:31I don't know what it is.

1:29:34 > 1:29:37Maybe they just make me relaxed.

1:29:37 > 1:29:39They make me just want to play about, so that's good.

1:29:39 > 1:29:43I've heard that kangaroo means 'fuck off' in aboriginal language.

1:29:43 > 1:29:48That's what I heard, and I've asked people and no one seems to admit this, but the British arrived,

1:29:48 > 1:29:50and said, "What the hell is that bouncy thing?"

1:29:50 > 1:29:52And they went, "Fuck off!"

1:29:52 > 1:29:55"Oh, it's a fuck off, it's a kangaroo.

1:29:55 > 1:29:57Kangaroo.

1:29:57 > 1:29:59A kangaroo. You kangaroo.

1:29:59 > 1:30:02She is besotted with him, you know?

1:30:02 > 1:30:06And I'm thinking of citing him as co respondent.

1:30:06 > 1:30:10Given how thick and fast the stories and the loose threads come,

1:30:10 > 1:30:11and in apparently chaotic bursts,

1:30:11 > 1:30:15it's hard to believe any one performance of Sexie would be anything like the next".

1:30:36 > 1:30:39'Hi, Eddie. Just wanted to let you know that

1:30:39 > 1:30:43'I've received some old letters from your mum to Aunt Margaret.

1:30:43 > 1:30:47'I will keep them here until you get back to the UK.

1:30:47 > 1:30:49'Call me when you can.

1:30:49 > 1:30:50'Love, from Dad.'

1:31:02 > 1:31:06They kind of didn't really care what he said, they were just so pleased to be there.

1:31:06 > 1:31:12He was worried about it because, basically, stand-up comedy can't have that kind of adoration.

1:31:12 > 1:31:14They have to calm it down a little bit.

1:31:14 > 1:31:17- They have to tell their gags! - CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

1:31:29 > 1:31:30CHEERS DIE DOWN

1:31:30 > 1:31:34Now, the screaming thing is fun.

1:31:34 > 1:31:39And in rock 'n' roll it's great and I do like to be in the rock 'n' roll vein,

1:31:39 > 1:31:45but in the mind gig that this is, we have to control our "whoo" and our "eurgh" and "argh".

1:31:45 > 1:31:47We are with you, Eddie. We want to be part of this, Eddie.

1:31:47 > 1:31:51It was almost like some kind of religious revivalist meeting.

1:31:51 > 1:31:53Eastern and Western medicine is interesting.

1:31:53 > 1:31:55Western medicine, very much a pill driven thing

1:31:55 > 1:32:00and you go along and say, "I've got a bit of a throat thing". "Antibiotics for you, me old sir."

1:32:00 > 1:32:04"My leg has been caught in a dangerous tractor accident".

1:32:04 > 1:32:06"Antibiotics will make that leg come back".

1:32:06 > 1:32:10You kept me laughing when I was really afraid.

1:32:11 > 1:32:14I nearly died a year ago.

1:32:14 > 1:32:19I had a brain haemorrhage and I came out of the operating theatre

1:32:19 > 1:32:23reciting your beekeeper sketch from Glorious.

1:32:23 > 1:32:25Thank you so much.

1:32:26 > 1:32:28'We're nearing the end of the tour.'

1:32:28 > 1:32:33We've done all of Australia, New Zealand, Canada, America.

1:32:33 > 1:32:36And tomorrow we go on to the UK.

1:32:43 > 1:32:45If you're a performer, you want to play Wembley.

1:32:45 > 1:32:52It's the Madison Square Garden, the Hollywood Bowl of England.

1:32:52 > 1:32:55Everyone toys around by saying, "Good night, Wembley!"

1:32:55 > 1:32:59You can say that in a very small place, you can say that when you're street performing

1:32:59 > 1:33:02and it's kind of weird to get to play Wembley.

1:33:18 > 1:33:24He's just always at something, he's always thinking, he's always working, developing, scheming.

1:33:24 > 1:33:31His day's starting at 9am and it's finishing again at 3am or 4am the following morning.

1:33:31 > 1:33:36At the end of the day, Eddie has to be fresher than anybody else.

1:33:36 > 1:33:40He has to go and face 12,000 people, 14,000 people, whatever it is.

1:33:40 > 1:33:42He's afraid of stopping.

1:33:42 > 1:33:44He's fighting against it to such an extent that he

1:33:44 > 1:33:48pushes himself beyond that which anybody else could stand.

1:33:55 > 1:33:57I went down to see my dad.

1:33:57 > 1:34:03He'd been given some letters which my mum had written before she died.

1:34:06 > 1:34:10"5, Ashford Drive, Bangor, County Down.

1:34:10 > 1:34:13"26th September, 1967.

1:34:13 > 1:34:15"My dear Margie and George.

1:34:15 > 1:34:19"By now you will know the result of the operation I had to find out what was wrong.

1:34:19 > 1:34:21"It was a bit of a shock.

1:34:21 > 1:34:24"I expected bad news last time, not this time,

1:34:24 > 1:34:28"but I am carrying on just as usual for Harold's sake and the boys'.

1:34:28 > 1:34:34"I still feel a bit shaky but I'm in quite good shape really and intend not to let this get me down.

1:34:34 > 1:34:37"I persuaded Harold that we must move now.

1:34:37 > 1:34:41"I want to see the boys settled at their new school and making new friends

1:34:41 > 1:34:44"and our home comfortable for them and Harold.

1:34:44 > 1:34:46"I just want to carry on as normally as possible.

1:34:49 > 1:34:51"I hope you are all well.

1:34:51 > 1:34:58"With our love, Dorothy, Harold, Mark and Edward."

1:35:01 > 1:35:06I thought she called me "Eddie". I don't know how I got Eddie.

1:35:06 > 1:35:09But I was an Edward to her.

1:35:11 > 1:35:15We didn't understand what was going on. I just thought she was ill.

1:35:15 > 1:35:17You get ill, you get better.

1:35:19 > 1:35:21And then one day, she wasn't there.

1:35:26 > 1:35:28I think...

1:35:28 > 1:35:34performing was about trying to get everyone to love...

1:35:34 > 1:35:42Trying to get the love of the audience and that was a swap from Mum's love not being there.

1:35:42 > 1:35:46The big problem is that everything I do in life is trying to...

1:35:47 > 1:35:50..get...her back.

1:35:59 > 1:36:01I think if I do enough...

1:36:05 > 1:36:06..things...

1:36:08 > 1:36:10..that maybe she...

1:36:16 > 1:36:17That maybe she'll come back.

1:36:53 > 1:36:55Yeah, I think that's what I'm doing.

1:37:39 > 1:37:42# Mama, can you see me now?

1:37:42 > 1:37:45# Trying to get through somehow

1:37:46 > 1:37:49# Mama, can you see me now?

1:37:49 > 1:37:54# Trying to get through somehow

1:37:54 > 1:37:55# Can you see me?

1:37:55 > 1:37:57# Can you see me?

1:37:57 > 1:38:01# Mama, can you see me now?

1:38:01 > 1:38:03# Can you see me?

1:38:03 > 1:38:04# Can you see me?

1:38:04 > 1:38:09# Mama, can you see me now? #

1:38:10 > 1:38:14The trouble is spending too much time in your mind.

1:38:14 > 1:38:21You either question it all the time or you don't question it and then you could end up living in a ditch

1:38:21 > 1:38:26because you thought you were on top of the world and actually your career was going down the toilet.

1:38:26 > 1:38:31Do I think he's running towards something or running away from something?

1:38:34 > 1:38:37I think they meet in the middle.

1:38:37 > 1:38:45There is a man in there who's going in the biggest and most nicest way, "love me".

1:38:53 > 1:38:54# Can you see me?

1:38:54 > 1:38:56# Can you see me?

1:38:56 > 1:39:00# Can you see me now?

1:39:00 > 1:39:02# Can you see me?

1:39:02 > 1:39:04# Can you see me?

1:39:04 > 1:39:06# Can you see me now? #

1:39:12 > 1:39:14So what do you do?

1:39:17 > 1:39:18I'm a comedian.

1:39:23 > 1:39:24I'm a comedian.

1:39:27 > 1:39:31You've got to believe you can be a stand-up before you can be a stand-up.

1:39:31 > 1:39:34You've got to believe you can act before you can act.

1:39:35 > 1:39:39You've got to believe you can be an astronaut before you can be an astronaut.

1:39:42 > 1:39:44But you've got to believe.

1:39:52 > 1:39:55# Can you see me now?

1:39:55 > 1:39:59# Trying to get through somehow

1:39:59 > 1:40:02# Mama, can you see me now? #

1:40:02 > 1:40:06CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

1:40:15 > 1:40:17London!

1:40:17 > 1:40:21The greatest city in the London area!

1:40:39 > 1:40:43Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

1:40:43 > 1:40:46E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk

1:41:51 > 1:41:55Do I think he's running towards something or running away from something?

1:41:55 > 1:41:57CROWD: Eddie!

1:41:57 > 1:41:59CAMERAS CLICK

1:42:04 > 1:42:06I think they meet in the middle.

1:42:29 > 1:42:33I don't want to learn! I want to go out and smash things with hammers!