0:00:04 > 0:00:08In 2009, over 100 men from all over the world
0:00:08 > 0:00:12used the internet to look up their old prep schools.
0:00:12 > 0:00:17They swapped memories. Slowly, secrets emerged.
0:00:17 > 0:00:20What they learnt shocked them all.
0:00:20 > 0:00:25'It was like being in a dark room and what happened last year'
0:00:25 > 0:00:31is like the light being switched on and finding you're in a room with lots of other people.
0:00:31 > 0:00:36It dawned on everyone who was part of that email society
0:00:36 > 0:00:39that there had been some real damage.
0:00:39 > 0:00:47The men on the chat site had been to two related Catholic boarding schools, in England and in Africa.
0:00:47 > 0:00:51As they chatted in cyberspace from the security of their homes,
0:00:51 > 0:00:56they felt able to share the truth of how, as young children,
0:00:56 > 0:01:01they suffered violence, terror and, in some cases, sexual abuse.
0:01:02 > 0:01:06You don't sexually play with young children.
0:01:06 > 0:01:10It sticks with you for the rest of your life.
0:01:10 > 0:01:13It was an environment of fear.
0:01:15 > 0:01:17It was terrible.
0:01:18 > 0:01:23What became clear was many were still haunted by the abuse.
0:01:23 > 0:01:31'It's just depression and constantly thinking about suicide as a way of dealing with the depression.'
0:01:31 > 0:01:34That started when I was 14 years old.
0:01:35 > 0:01:40Each one, as a child, had been terrified into silence,
0:01:40 > 0:01:45but now in their 50s and 60s and united by the net, they were ready to speak.
0:01:47 > 0:01:55Just step up, take responsibility, bring this out into the open so that it doesn't happen again.
0:01:57 > 0:02:04But today their former tormentors are elderly men and half a century has passed.
0:02:04 > 0:02:07What will it take to repair the damage?
0:02:07 > 0:02:09Can they ever forgive?
0:02:09 > 0:02:15And what needs to happen for the abused men to feel justice has finally been done?
0:02:31 > 0:02:36'My name is Donald MacFaul. I'm a barrister in Newcastle upon Tyne.
0:02:37 > 0:02:43'Whilst it appears that there are the trappings of success associated with my work,
0:02:43 > 0:02:46'a lot of it has been survival.'
0:02:47 > 0:02:51What was created by what happened at school
0:02:51 > 0:02:55was a permanent sense of fear and dread.
0:03:03 > 0:03:08Grace Dieu Manor House is a Catholic preparatory school in Leicestershire.
0:03:08 > 0:03:13It was run by the Rosminian Order when I went there in 1954.
0:03:14 > 0:03:18A beautiful building set in beautiful grounds.
0:03:19 > 0:03:24Father Bernard Collins was the teacher in charge of discipline.
0:03:24 > 0:03:31The violence that was perpetrated by Collins goes beyond what was appropriate at the time.
0:03:31 > 0:03:37He used to shoot at boys using an air pistol and occasionally actually wounded them.
0:03:37 > 0:03:40That carries five years.
0:03:41 > 0:03:43There was no escape.
0:03:43 > 0:03:48And it was in an environment where this person could beat you one minute
0:03:48 > 0:03:55and then be fondling you personally and intimately within the space of hours.
0:03:55 > 0:04:00He would take me to his room after lights out
0:04:00 > 0:04:06and remove my pyjama bottoms and fondle my genitals, my penis in particular,
0:04:06 > 0:04:10saying that this was for purposes of hygiene.
0:04:10 > 0:04:14And that continued on a number of occasions.
0:04:15 > 0:04:19The particular instance that I recall was
0:04:20 > 0:04:26waking to find him crouching by the bed, his eyes on the level,
0:04:28 > 0:04:32and his hand coming under the bed clothes towards my groin area
0:04:32 > 0:04:37and I intercepted that to stop it and he pulled away at that point.
0:04:37 > 0:04:39That was terrifying.
0:04:43 > 0:04:4911-year-old Donald confided in his father, an experienced family doctor.
0:04:49 > 0:04:55He took seriously what his young son had to say and complained to the school.
0:04:56 > 0:05:01A letter was delivered to the headmaster from my father
0:05:01 > 0:05:07and during the next holidays I was told he would not be there when I went back, so not to worry.
0:05:07 > 0:05:11When I did go back, he was still there.
0:05:11 > 0:05:16And I encountered him in the corridor, which was frightening.
0:05:16 > 0:05:22And he said to me, because he had very piercing blue eyes, this individual,
0:05:22 > 0:05:26he looked down and said, "I thought you were a little angel.
0:05:26 > 0:05:31"In fact, you're a little devil." That's the last I saw him.
0:05:31 > 0:05:36Once Father Collins had left, Grace Dieu returned to normal.
0:05:39 > 0:05:41I had always had the impression...
0:05:42 > 0:05:46..that as a result of my father's action,
0:05:46 > 0:05:50Collins was sent away. I thought he was working in a mission in Africa.
0:05:52 > 0:05:55Through his internet contacts,
0:05:55 > 0:05:59Donald discovered Father Collins had in fact been sent away
0:05:59 > 0:06:04to another Rosminian prep school where he'd preyed on other boys,
0:06:04 > 0:06:08in Tanganyika, today Tanzania.
0:06:24 > 0:06:30St Michael's, Soni, was a Catholic boarding school tucked high up in the mountains.
0:06:32 > 0:06:38When I first got to Soni, Father Collins was my dormitory master. Within days you were told,
0:06:38 > 0:06:41"Watch out for him. He's a dangerous man."
0:06:41 > 0:06:48One day, after French lessons, Father Collins said to me that he would like to give me extra lessons.
0:06:48 > 0:06:54Because there were so many boys at school, he didn't have time to help others and didn't want them to know.
0:06:54 > 0:07:00He told me when I came in to take off my top, t-shirt,
0:07:00 > 0:07:06shorts and underpants. He said this would enable me to breathe fresh air
0:07:06 > 0:07:08and feel better, I could work better.
0:07:10 > 0:07:12He then started touching me.
0:07:12 > 0:07:17He went down to my genital area and touched my testicles and penis.
0:07:17 > 0:07:20And it was repetitive.
0:07:20 > 0:07:25There was absolutely no way whatsoever I could get out of it.
0:07:25 > 0:07:30There was no one to tell. You couldn't trust the priests, so who else?
0:07:30 > 0:07:34I couldn't tell my mother about it. That would have killed her.
0:07:34 > 0:07:40She had five other children to look after, younger than me. So I sort of kept it in myself.
0:07:45 > 0:07:52Those on the network who weren't sexually abused by Collins remembered him for his brutality.
0:07:52 > 0:07:56He introduced what I called the three-core wire.
0:07:56 > 0:07:58It was known as the Black Mamba.
0:07:58 > 0:08:04It was a whip, like Harrison Ford's whip in Indiana Jones.
0:08:04 > 0:08:06When Collins got behind this whip,
0:08:06 > 0:08:12he hit you so hard that your body would jolt forward a couple of inches.
0:08:12 > 0:08:15He administered a form of caning
0:08:15 > 0:08:18that was...that was not corporal punishment,
0:08:18 > 0:08:21it was violence.
0:08:21 > 0:08:23It could have been a nice place,
0:08:25 > 0:08:27but it was a hell hole.
0:08:27 > 0:08:32It was a very loveless, violent, very sad place.
0:08:38 > 0:08:45What their web chat then revealed was that Father Collins wasn't the only abuser at Soni.
0:08:46 > 0:08:50Father Kit Cunningham was a charismatic, intelligent,
0:08:50 > 0:08:54ambitious man who had a dark side to him.
0:08:54 > 0:08:56He...
0:08:56 > 0:08:58..abused children.
0:08:58 > 0:09:00And...
0:09:02 > 0:09:04..that's...
0:09:05 > 0:09:08..an unfortunate combination.
0:09:08 > 0:09:13One night, Father Kit Cunningham came into the dormitory
0:09:13 > 0:09:17and he caught me. He caught me with my radio.
0:09:17 > 0:09:21So he grabbed me and pulled me into his bedroom
0:09:21 > 0:09:25and... I thought that I would be beaten.
0:09:26 > 0:09:28I was terrified.
0:09:28 > 0:09:32And, much to my surprise, I was not beaten.
0:09:32 > 0:09:36He pulled my pants down and began to fondle me.
0:09:36 > 0:09:37Um...
0:09:41 > 0:09:44Eh...not only did he fondle me,
0:09:44 > 0:09:49he then proceeded to remove his...pants
0:09:49 > 0:09:52and grabbed my hand
0:09:52 > 0:09:55and put my hand onto his penis.
0:09:55 > 0:10:00And showed me how he liked to be manipulated.
0:10:02 > 0:10:05And, um...he...
0:10:07 > 0:10:10..he had me manipulate him...
0:10:13 > 0:10:15..until he had an orgasm.
0:10:15 > 0:10:17And, um...
0:10:19 > 0:10:24I didn't even know what an orgasm was or what had just happened, really.
0:10:24 > 0:10:26I just knew it was wrong.
0:10:26 > 0:10:31And this first encounter was repeated,
0:10:31 > 0:10:35I'm thinking, in the range of 6-10 times.
0:10:35 > 0:10:42He spent a great deal of time talking to me about how it was important that I not tell anyone
0:10:42 > 0:10:46and that no one would believe me anyway.
0:10:49 > 0:10:51Each boy was warned to be silent.
0:10:51 > 0:10:56Each boy was left thinking he was the only one.
0:10:57 > 0:11:01Brother Jackson was a lot younger than the other guys.
0:11:01 > 0:11:07He was like a breath of fresh air compared to the old dragons that we had there.
0:11:07 > 0:11:13He pulled me into his room on the pretext of asking me to help him sort the mail.
0:11:13 > 0:11:16It was when he fondled me, basically.
0:11:16 > 0:11:18He sexually molested me.
0:11:20 > 0:11:24When Father Cunningham found out what had happened,
0:11:24 > 0:11:29he made it very clear that if I ever said anything about it I'd be in trouble.
0:11:29 > 0:11:34His exact words were, "Woe betide, young man, if you ever say anything again."
0:11:34 > 0:11:40I was made to feel really, really guilty about the whole thing.
0:11:40 > 0:11:42It was as though it was my fault.
0:11:42 > 0:11:45I felt as though I was being punished.
0:11:45 > 0:11:50I woke up one morning early and went through to the toilet.
0:11:50 > 0:11:53And when I came out,
0:11:53 > 0:11:57Jackson was standing at the entrance to his room.
0:11:57 > 0:12:00His penis stuck out of his pyjamas.
0:12:00 > 0:12:06And he called me to his room and then told me to lie on the mattress.
0:12:06 > 0:12:10I lay there because I was frightened, I was scared.
0:12:10 > 0:12:12And...he lay behind me
0:12:12 > 0:12:15and sort of tucked me into himself.
0:12:15 > 0:12:20And started performing a sexual act on me.
0:12:20 > 0:12:25When I got back to the farm, I told my dad what had happened.
0:12:25 > 0:12:30And he was very upset, he was very angry, as was my mother.
0:12:30 > 0:12:37McCarthy, the Head, gave my father some sort of comment that he would see to the matter,
0:12:37 > 0:12:41but all he did was move Jackson from the dormitory to the main house.
0:12:41 > 0:12:45My brother-in-law threatened McCarthy that he'd go to the police.
0:12:45 > 0:12:51It wasn't long after that that Jackson simply vanished from the school.
0:12:53 > 0:12:56I was captain of the cricket team
0:12:56 > 0:12:58and then, after the abuse,
0:12:58 > 0:13:06I was completely isolated by the priests. I was no longer put down to play cricket
0:13:06 > 0:13:10or participate in any team sport at all.
0:13:18 > 0:13:24Rayner was an intimidating, cruel person
0:13:24 > 0:13:32who enjoyed humiliating boys and at the same time he had a sexual perversion.
0:13:32 > 0:13:34He was also a very keen photographer.
0:13:34 > 0:13:39I was photographed in the showers, naked, for whatever purpose.
0:13:39 > 0:13:44And he needed people to help him with his photography.
0:13:44 > 0:13:48There was an opportunity for Rayner to take you
0:13:48 > 0:13:53into his room, invite you in, slide his hand down your shorts,
0:13:54 > 0:13:57indulge your genitals.
0:13:57 > 0:13:59And I'm thinking,
0:13:59 > 0:14:03"God, my parents never taught me this."
0:14:04 > 0:14:06It was excruciatingly...
0:14:08 > 0:14:10..um, humiliating.
0:14:15 > 0:14:20Because you knew what was coming and you couldn't...
0:14:20 > 0:14:23You couldn't just walk out and go home
0:14:23 > 0:14:30because the walk out would mean you would end up going down to your bed in the dormitory
0:14:30 > 0:14:32and he would be back at you
0:14:32 > 0:14:38and you'd get six beatings the following day and then he'd try it on again.
0:14:38 > 0:14:42I know it only went to genitals in my case
0:14:42 > 0:14:47and people might argue that's not physical pain, but Christ...!
0:14:47 > 0:14:49This is...this is MY body.
0:14:51 > 0:14:52I...
0:14:55 > 0:14:56I...
0:15:02 > 0:15:06And then I had to face him the next day.
0:15:09 > 0:15:14I told my mother when we got home about the sexual abuse
0:15:14 > 0:15:17and it didn't go anywhere.
0:15:17 > 0:15:22She didn't say, "I will do something about that." Nothing happened.
0:15:22 > 0:15:25It made me feel so lonely.
0:15:25 > 0:15:29That word "lonely" was the one singular word
0:15:29 > 0:15:33that I came away with to describe the experience at Soni.
0:15:38 > 0:15:44Some kids came out of Soni unbroken and pretty intact.
0:15:44 > 0:15:50I really think Soni broke me down and broke my spirit.
0:15:50 > 0:15:56And when that happens, you withdraw into yourself and you don't reach out to people.
0:16:05 > 0:16:11After leaving Soni, all of us disappear to the four corners of the Earth.
0:16:11 > 0:16:16Australia, South Africa, England, Canada, USA.
0:16:21 > 0:16:26It had taken them half a century to find each other again.
0:16:26 > 0:16:33For the first time, in the safety of cyberspace, they started to piece together their whole story.
0:16:33 > 0:16:37Clearly, there was an impulse in many of us to try and connect
0:16:37 > 0:16:43and had it not been for the internet, we would never have come together as a group.
0:16:43 > 0:16:48I had said to my wife that my father didn't believe me
0:16:48 > 0:16:53and she helped me find the other Soni colleagues.
0:16:53 > 0:17:00After about a year of general historical chat, what brought the subject up about actual abuse
0:17:00 > 0:17:05was somebody who said that Father Collins was very strict,
0:17:05 > 0:17:11but thank God wasn't involved in anything else. And I thought, "I've got to put them right."
0:17:11 > 0:17:15So I did. I wrote to this man and said, "No, he was a paedophile."
0:17:15 > 0:17:20And I left it at that. That brought out the whole can of worms.
0:17:20 > 0:17:23They knew that Jackson had abused others.
0:17:23 > 0:17:29They didn't know I had been abused or why Jackson suddenly disappeared from the school.
0:17:29 > 0:17:35And it was through my contribution of my story that that puzzle was completed.
0:17:36 > 0:17:43Had anybody taken action on Sam Simeonides' complaint, immediately, I wouldn't have been molested.
0:17:43 > 0:17:49There were claims about what Jackson did and what Cunningham did.
0:17:49 > 0:17:54There was universal disclosure about Rayner and Collins.
0:17:54 > 0:18:00Soon after the episode of me telling everybody that Collins wasn't super priest of the year,
0:18:00 > 0:18:06one of the other chaps on the website brought to my attention that there was
0:18:06 > 0:18:11a number of gentlemen from Grace Dieu, also a Rosminian prep school,
0:18:11 > 0:18:15that were instigating an inquiry into Father Collins' behaviour.
0:18:15 > 0:18:20Up to that stage, I hadn't known where he had taught. He was 40 when he came to Soni.
0:18:20 > 0:18:25I became angry when I learned that he'd been sent to somewhere else
0:18:25 > 0:18:30where he continued the activities he perpetrated at Grace Dieu.
0:18:33 > 0:18:40Outraged by what they'd discovered, the men felt compelled to write their testimonies down.
0:18:40 > 0:18:44By September, 2009, they had a dossier of abuse.
0:18:44 > 0:18:49I think I was the first one to write about Cunningham.
0:18:49 > 0:18:57I knew I had to do it because it's important that we make these things public and bring it into the open.
0:19:01 > 0:19:08These were events that I'd played over and over in my mind. I'd never reduced it to writing.
0:19:08 > 0:19:15There's a deep pain associated with what occurred and that's not something that's easy to share.
0:19:19 > 0:19:23This was the first time I was writing the full details down.
0:19:23 > 0:19:27Not just the words sexual abuse. And it felt really good.
0:19:29 > 0:19:34I said that I wanted to confront Kit Cunningham and Bill Jackson,
0:19:34 > 0:19:41knowing that that was going to be read as such a mark of progress towards being healed.
0:19:49 > 0:19:51When I pressed the "send" button,
0:19:51 > 0:19:58it was going to be the beginning of something important, something that would come out into the open.
0:20:00 > 0:20:04When I showed the other testimonies to my father,
0:20:04 > 0:20:10he was absolutely straight and said he had never known about the sexual abuse,
0:20:12 > 0:20:18that he was appalled by what he had learned in the emails.
0:20:18 > 0:20:24The fact that my father believes the events at Soni now
0:20:24 > 0:20:29makes a huge difference to MY sense of relief
0:20:29 > 0:20:31that I was telling the truth.
0:20:33 > 0:20:39The testimonies were emailed to the head of the Rosminian Order in Britain, Father David Myers.
0:20:39 > 0:20:44A trainee priest when the abuse took place, he never taught at either school.
0:20:44 > 0:20:47Father Myers replied immediately.
0:20:53 > 0:20:58He accepted their testimonies and acknowledged their distress.
0:21:02 > 0:21:08In November, Father Myers invited those who had submitted testimonies
0:21:08 > 0:21:14to a meeting at St Etheldreda's Church, the Rosminian base in London.
0:21:14 > 0:21:19The personal reaction of Father David Myers
0:21:19 > 0:21:25was a genuine, open response of a compassionate, caring and appalled individual
0:21:26 > 0:21:30who was reacting in a very human way
0:21:30 > 0:21:33to what were clearly expressed,
0:21:33 > 0:21:35long-simmering
0:21:35 > 0:21:38and powerful hurts.
0:21:38 > 0:21:42Father Myers promised he would take action.
0:21:42 > 0:21:48The accused priests were presented with the testimonies and asked to respond.
0:21:48 > 0:21:52They would no longer serve as priests in public,
0:21:52 > 0:21:58they would sign confessions to their victims and would not be considered priests in good standing.
0:22:00 > 0:22:06After Africa, Father Kit Cunningham had become a prominent public figure.
0:22:06 > 0:22:11He was made rector of St Etheldreda's and awarded an MBE.
0:22:11 > 0:22:17Now the MBE would be returned. It arrived at the Palace with no explanation,
0:22:17 > 0:22:20just a request for no publicity.
0:22:30 > 0:22:36By January, 2010, personal letters began to arrive from the priests themselves.
0:22:38 > 0:22:42"Dear John, it is with deep shame that I write
0:22:42 > 0:22:49"to ask your forgiveness for inappropriate actions that I did to you while I was in Tanzania.
0:22:49 > 0:22:56"I have been reading over and over your account of the barely bearable depression you have suffered.
0:22:56 > 0:23:02"John, what can I do other than express my remorse and beg you to forgive me?
0:23:03 > 0:23:05"Sincerely, Kit Cunningham."
0:23:06 > 0:23:13I know I'm supposed to receive this letter and I'm supposed to say, "Thank you, thank you, thank you,"
0:23:13 > 0:23:15and, you know, all is forgiven,
0:23:15 > 0:23:17but...
0:23:19 > 0:23:23I'd like to know a lot more about...
0:23:23 > 0:23:25why he did what he did.
0:23:25 > 0:23:30So if having Kit Cunningham apologise to me
0:23:30 > 0:23:35and express remorse to me, the expectation is it'll heal me, it's simply not.
0:23:42 > 0:23:47The man who'd been silenced by Cunningham also got a letter from him.
0:23:47 > 0:23:53"Please accept the enclosed apology in the manner in which it's intended. I was also aware of sexual abuse
0:23:53 > 0:24:00"and I should have done more to have stopped it. I recall a number of occasions for which I am responsible.
0:24:00 > 0:24:04"After much reflection, I have decided to return my MBE.
0:24:04 > 0:24:07"Sincerely, Kit Cunningham."
0:24:07 > 0:24:14I was completely unaware before we started this whole process that Kit had been involved
0:24:14 > 0:24:18in any...paedophilia activities whatsoever.
0:24:18 > 0:24:21I was actually quite shocked by that.
0:24:22 > 0:24:26And...and...and... to a large degree,
0:24:26 > 0:24:30that goes a long way towards explaining why he handled
0:24:30 > 0:24:37what happened with myself and Bill Jackson, why he handled it the way he did.
0:24:41 > 0:24:46The letters revealed something even more disturbing about Soni.
0:24:46 > 0:24:50These abusers must have known between them
0:24:50 > 0:24:54that they were abusing the kids at the school
0:24:54 > 0:24:59and didn't do anything about it. It comes through in their apologies.
0:24:59 > 0:25:04In my case, when Jackson abused me that morning,
0:25:04 > 0:25:08I was indignant at the fact that Cunningham never woke up.
0:25:08 > 0:25:12Let me just show you. Here is Jackson's room, there's his door.
0:25:12 > 0:25:17There's a gap and there's Cunningham's room with his door.
0:25:17 > 0:25:24And Jackson's standing by his door with his penis sticking out, calling me in a loud voice
0:25:24 > 0:25:30and I knew that Cunningham was awake and I was hoping that he would pop his head out of the door
0:25:30 > 0:25:34and find out what the commotion was. Yet he didn't.
0:25:35 > 0:25:40And that's what irritates me and makes me hard as an individual
0:25:40 > 0:25:45not to simply accept these...poor apologies. To me, they're vague.
0:25:45 > 0:25:48They're... It's just not from the heart.
0:25:53 > 0:25:58"It causes me deep anguish after reading your account of Soni
0:25:58 > 0:26:02"that I realized more fully the terrible suffering I caused you.
0:26:02 > 0:26:07"Don, Father David Myers tells me you're hoping to come and see me.
0:26:07 > 0:26:13"I rejoice in this as we can talk over these things at a deeper and more personal level
0:26:13 > 0:26:19"and hope to arrive at reconciliation and peace. Yours, Father Bill Jackson."
0:26:22 > 0:26:24That's a step forward, I guess.
0:26:24 > 0:26:31It wouldn't be enough to bring the issue to rest, but it's a long, long step forward.
0:26:31 > 0:26:37Father Myers had invited all the victims to meet their abusers and offered to pay for counselling.
0:26:38 > 0:26:46In February, he flew Don McFarlane to London to see 68-year-old Father Bill Jackson.
0:26:46 > 0:26:51I felt I possibly might be in with a chance of getting some closure,
0:26:51 > 0:26:56which was completely out of the question beforehand.
0:26:56 > 0:27:03I guess I got into a cycle of depression and I think the sexual abuse had a lot to do with it.
0:27:03 > 0:27:07I've had to deal with the most debilitating...
0:27:10 > 0:27:11..um...
0:27:14 > 0:27:18Yeah, just... Really dark, dark thoughts.
0:27:25 > 0:27:27Sorry.
0:27:29 > 0:27:37We went into a room and we started to discuss what had happened. That was when I put my foot down.
0:27:37 > 0:27:39I called him a fucking paedophile
0:27:39 > 0:27:46and if he wanted to make amends he was going to have to stop beating around the bush
0:27:46 > 0:27:49and start telling a few truths.
0:27:49 > 0:27:51He and I chatted for about two hours.
0:27:51 > 0:27:58I felt he was quite open and honest about it. I got the impression that he was genuinely sorry.
0:27:58 > 0:28:06I told him that I remembered the making of the lanterns for the carol service at the end of the year.
0:28:06 > 0:28:10And his eyes lit up. "Oh, do you remember that?"
0:28:13 > 0:28:15Silly bugger.
0:28:15 > 0:28:22Don's next visit was to Father Kit Cunningham, by then in a care home.
0:28:22 > 0:28:26I despised Kit Cunningham and despised him all my life.
0:28:26 > 0:28:29He was an ogre in my mind.
0:28:29 > 0:28:33He'd established himself as this pillar of the community
0:28:33 > 0:28:36and I knew differently.
0:28:36 > 0:28:41It got to me that there were people out there who could hide that shit.
0:28:41 > 0:28:48And when I met Kit he was in a wheelchair, he had two broken fingers, he could hardly walk.
0:28:48 > 0:28:50He was knocking on wood.
0:28:54 > 0:29:00To see him like that, after having not seen him for 40-odd years,
0:29:00 > 0:29:02to see him like that...
0:29:05 > 0:29:07..was quite sobering.
0:29:07 > 0:29:12It removed all urge I had to have a go back at him.
0:29:13 > 0:29:17It was almost as though someone had done the job for me.
0:29:22 > 0:29:24'When I got back to Australia,
0:29:24 > 0:29:29'it suddenly dawned on me that this whole thing was past me.
0:29:29 > 0:29:31'I could forget about it.'
0:29:31 > 0:29:34I can now...move forward.
0:29:37 > 0:29:40That was so powerful.
0:29:43 > 0:29:47I...I woke up... I went to bed one night, actually,
0:29:47 > 0:29:52knowing, fully lucid and knowing that I would never be depressed again.
0:29:55 > 0:29:58For Don, there may have been peace.
0:29:58 > 0:30:05For the others, the written apologies had done little to heal the pain or incline them to forgive.
0:30:06 > 0:30:13"I was tempted at times to punish because I got sexual pleasure from it, and that is sadism.
0:30:13 > 0:30:18"How unwise I was in the way I questioned boys about sexual matters.
0:30:18 > 0:30:22"This prying into private lives gave me sexual pleasure,
0:30:22 > 0:30:27"but in my own mind at the time this was not the main motive.
0:30:27 > 0:30:31"I did inspect the genitals of a few boys at the request of the nurse."
0:30:31 > 0:30:34No qualified nurse
0:30:34 > 0:30:36or sister
0:30:36 > 0:30:39would ask an adult priest
0:30:40 > 0:30:43to examine the genitals of boys.
0:30:44 > 0:30:49"I have left behind a legacy of violence and pain and confusion."
0:30:49 > 0:30:54Signed Bernard Collins in the presence of David Myers.
0:30:56 > 0:31:00It's very hard to know what to say in response to that.
0:31:00 > 0:31:05He's admitted the actions, but tries to justify the motivation.
0:31:05 > 0:31:07He accepts that it was sexual.
0:31:11 > 0:31:15So it just sounds like a pervert trying to justify his gratifications.
0:31:15 > 0:31:18Nothing more to say.
0:31:20 > 0:31:26Father Collins' transcribed confessions posted online were too impersonal for Rory.
0:31:26 > 0:31:29He wanted Collins to admit what he did to him.
0:31:29 > 0:31:33The letter he got enraged him.
0:31:34 > 0:31:41"Dear Rory Johnston, I must say with the deepest humility and regret that I contributed to your misery.
0:31:41 > 0:31:46"If there is any other thing I can say or do, I would like to meet you
0:31:46 > 0:31:50"and we could just go over contacts, but I cannot remember you.
0:31:50 > 0:31:54"Sincerely, Bernard Collins. January, 2010."
0:31:54 > 0:31:57He doesn't mention here at all
0:31:57 > 0:32:02the fact of the sexual abuse, which is very important to me.
0:32:04 > 0:32:10Rory decided he'd take up the offer to visit Father Collins and a date in May was agreed,
0:32:10 > 0:32:14while Father Myers was urging the men to forgive.
0:32:23 > 0:32:27He's not accepting that he has any further reconciliation to undertake,
0:32:27 > 0:32:29other than using words
0:32:29 > 0:32:35which I can get from the book of quotations. It actually needs more than words.
0:32:35 > 0:32:40Just step up, take responsibility, bring this out into the open
0:32:40 > 0:32:43so that it doesn't happen again.
0:32:45 > 0:32:51In September, 22 out of 35 pupils who'd submitted testimonies
0:32:51 > 0:32:55told the order they planned to sue for compensation.
0:32:55 > 0:33:02On the same day, the Pope came to Britain and expressed deep sorrow to victims of clerical abuse.
0:33:04 > 0:33:09I was hoping with this whole business of the Pope's visit to England,
0:33:09 > 0:33:14this infernal business of covering up the scandals
0:33:14 > 0:33:21would come to a stop, but it doesn't seem to have made a blind bit of difference to the Rosminians.
0:33:23 > 0:33:25The only way they're going to be made
0:33:25 > 0:33:31to accept the truth is by legal means and that's by paying compensation.
0:33:31 > 0:33:35Money is one of the few ways
0:33:35 > 0:33:37to express a value
0:33:37 > 0:33:40in what you do.
0:33:40 > 0:33:44The whole of western society is based on the value of money.
0:33:44 > 0:33:50It mustn't be insignificant, I'm afraid, otherwise it means nothing.
0:33:50 > 0:33:54If they went bankrupt, I would...I would be...
0:33:54 > 0:33:58I would be happy! You know?
0:33:58 > 0:34:04I think it's an institution that should be disbanded. They don't exactly have a great track record.
0:34:04 > 0:34:10I'm not going for compensation because I was told there was no money there.
0:34:10 > 0:34:17If it transpires that there is money there and other people get paid out, then I shall be asking why I wasn't.
0:34:17 > 0:34:23Father Myers now raised "a moral objection to paying compensation".
0:34:25 > 0:34:29It would take money away from the order's charitable work.
0:34:29 > 0:34:35Why should innocents today pay for the wrongs of others 50 years ago?
0:34:37 > 0:34:41Is it immoral because it's the Catholic Church?
0:34:41 > 0:34:44If a lay person abuses a child
0:34:45 > 0:34:48and is sent to prison and is fined,
0:34:48 > 0:34:50is that amoral?
0:34:52 > 0:34:58Is the Catholic Church some sort of special category that it should be protected from legal action?
0:34:58 > 0:35:00His first responsibility
0:35:00 > 0:35:05should be to deal with the people that they've victimised in the past.
0:35:07 > 0:35:14When Father Myers found out that I was joining or had joined the legal compensation group,
0:35:14 > 0:35:20regarding Father Collins, he immediately withdrew permission for me to go and see Father Collins.
0:35:20 > 0:35:23By now, the dialogue had stopped.
0:35:23 > 0:35:25The openness had ended.
0:35:25 > 0:35:29Promised access to the Order's archives had been withdrawn
0:35:29 > 0:35:36and, crucially, Father Myers denied they had known a complaint of abuse had been made against Father Collins
0:35:36 > 0:35:39when they sent him to another boys' school in Africa.
0:35:39 > 0:35:43Rory decided to visit Collins without permission.
0:35:45 > 0:35:51Father Collins' round-robin letters confessing to sexual pleasure and sadism were not enough.
0:35:51 > 0:35:55He wanted to ask Collins why he'd fondled him.
0:35:55 > 0:36:01He wanted a record of what was said and decided to film the meeting secretly.
0:36:02 > 0:36:07'The day I went down to Surrey to see Father Collins,
0:36:07 > 0:36:11'I really didn't know what I was going to do.
0:36:12 > 0:36:15'When we got very close,
0:36:15 > 0:36:20'I could see in the mirror on the car that my face was white.
0:36:20 > 0:36:24'And then I started feeling an incredible amount of fear.
0:36:24 > 0:36:29'I was going to see someone I absolutely loathe and hate.
0:36:29 > 0:36:33- Father Collins.- Morning. Lovely to see you.- How are you? I'm Rory.
0:36:33 > 0:36:37- Rory...- Rory Johnston. - Johnston.- Yes, yes.
0:36:37 > 0:36:43Why did you do it? When you touched and fondled, was it to explain to them that it was wrong?
0:36:43 > 0:36:50I honestly, Rory, think there's some mistake in your memory.
0:36:52 > 0:36:56- Honestly.- Yeah.- I have not the slightest recollection
0:36:56 > 0:37:03- of ever fondling anybody.- No, OK. - I was not the sort of person that would do that.
0:37:03 > 0:37:04No.
0:37:04 > 0:37:09I was brought up almost with a Puritan view
0:37:09 > 0:37:11of any...
0:37:11 > 0:37:15..any physical contact with other people.
0:37:15 > 0:37:21I thought for 50 years that I was the only person in the world that this had happened to.
0:37:21 > 0:37:25- I never told a soul, not my mother, father, sisters.- What actually...
0:37:25 > 0:37:28What happened was that.
0:37:29 > 0:37:31People started talking on this...
0:37:31 > 0:37:38Yes, but what happened between you and me that you describe as sexual?
0:37:38 > 0:37:42- You were fondling me. - Oh, no, Rory.
0:37:42 > 0:37:45- This is... - This is indelibly marked.
0:37:45 > 0:37:47Yes, but it's...
0:37:48 > 0:37:51It's either an hallucination
0:37:51 > 0:37:59or maybe something built up from the sheer hatred you would feel for me.
0:37:59 > 0:38:04Not because I did those things. I never did, I can swear to that.
0:38:04 > 0:38:06- You did.- In my whole life.
0:38:06 > 0:38:10I have never committed any sexual act whatsoever
0:38:10 > 0:38:13with male or female.
0:38:15 > 0:38:22Far from confessing, Father Collins denied to Rory what he had already acknowledged in signed statements.
0:38:34 > 0:38:39When Father Collins told me I was hallucinating, I was very, very annoyed
0:38:39 > 0:38:44because I knew... I can still picture to this day what happened.
0:38:44 > 0:38:47Father Collins claimed not to remember Rory
0:38:47 > 0:38:51but he did remember another boy, Donald MacFaul,
0:38:51 > 0:38:58and the incident at Grace Dieu, the English school, before he left for Africa.
0:38:58 > 0:39:02'And there was a boy named Donald MacFaul.
0:39:02 > 0:39:06'As I came in to the room, the door was there
0:39:06 > 0:39:09'and there was Donald's bed.
0:39:09 > 0:39:13'And...I thought I heard a...
0:39:17 > 0:39:20'quite a rubbing, quite vigorous.
0:39:20 > 0:39:24'And it struck me, almost in a panic, "Gosh!
0:39:24 > 0:39:29'"I wonder if he's trying to masturbate?"
0:39:29 > 0:39:32'And in utter stupidity
0:39:32 > 0:39:37'I put my hands under the covers to grab his hands
0:39:37 > 0:39:40'and he said, "What are you doing?"
0:39:40 > 0:39:44'And I said to him, "What are YOU doing, Donald?"
0:39:44 > 0:39:48'That's as far as the talk got. I daren't explain
0:39:48 > 0:39:53'about masturbation in case he'd never heard of it,
0:39:53 > 0:39:57'you see. So, obviously, when he got back home,
0:39:57 > 0:39:59'he must have told his father
0:39:59 > 0:40:04'and it was his father that came to the conclusion,
0:40:04 > 0:40:08'an older, experienced man, that I was a paedophile.
0:40:08 > 0:40:11'And he said I was trying
0:40:11 > 0:40:15'to put my hand onto Donald's genitals,
0:40:15 > 0:40:19'which, of course, was miles from the truth.'
0:40:19 > 0:40:22I'm just appalled at that,
0:40:22 > 0:40:29that the incident that so upset me then and has been with me ever since
0:40:30 > 0:40:33can be... justified in this way.
0:40:33 > 0:40:36It even beggars belief.
0:40:36 > 0:40:39He is saying that what he was doing,
0:40:39 > 0:40:44trying to have a grope in my bed, weren't sexual acts.
0:40:44 > 0:40:48What he is saying there is a lie. It's not true.
0:40:49 > 0:40:51I know that personally.
0:40:52 > 0:40:56'And then it was interpreted
0:40:57 > 0:41:01'as paedophilia by Dr MacFaul
0:41:01 > 0:41:03'and he wrote to the Rector
0:41:03 > 0:41:10'and the Rector asked my permission to refer the whole case to the President, which he did.
0:41:10 > 0:41:14'And, as I say, I heard no more about it.
0:41:14 > 0:41:18'The President and the rest gathered together and thought,
0:41:18 > 0:41:21'"It's an open and shut case."
0:41:22 > 0:41:28'And it wasn't, but my story was utterly feeble.'
0:41:28 > 0:41:32What is clear is that it was reported up the chain
0:41:32 > 0:41:36and, as Collins himself says, nothing happened
0:41:36 > 0:41:39other than that in November
0:41:39 > 0:41:43he went out to East Africa.
0:41:43 > 0:41:49Today, the Rosminian order still denies they knew Collins was a suspected paedophile
0:41:49 > 0:41:53when they sent him to Africa.
0:42:01 > 0:42:05December, 2010. Kit Cunningham died, aged 79,
0:42:05 > 0:42:09with glowing obituaries in three national newspapers.
0:42:09 > 0:42:14This is fresh off the press, yesterday's paper. It's the Guardian.
0:42:14 > 0:42:21Here is the third obituary that I have read now, all with the same photograph.
0:42:21 > 0:42:27His self-congratulatory smirk that he has on his face.
0:42:27 > 0:42:29I find it offensive.
0:42:29 > 0:42:35The obituaries refer to the fact that he was appointed an MBE in 1997,
0:42:35 > 0:42:38but they don't report the fact
0:42:38 > 0:42:42that he agreed to return the MBE.
0:42:42 > 0:42:48So at this point Kit Cunningham's reputation is fully intact.
0:42:52 > 0:42:58Publicly, he put his best foot forward, but privately he was a monster,
0:42:58 > 0:43:01certainly to us as kids.
0:43:02 > 0:43:07When I went to the computer, I found out that Father Kit had died.
0:43:07 > 0:43:11The first thing that came up was the Daily Telegraph blog.
0:43:11 > 0:43:13So I read it and here we go.
0:43:13 > 0:43:18"He was greatly loved by many people whose lives he touched."
0:43:20 > 0:43:24But they didn't mention the boys that he touched.
0:43:25 > 0:43:32I decided that I'd put my own comment about him and I said that he had handed his MBE back
0:43:32 > 0:43:39and that if they wanted to they could contact Father David Myers to find out why.
0:43:49 > 0:43:54So I'm looking at an internet notice on the Catholic News website
0:43:54 > 0:44:00which is an announcement of a memorial service that's planned for Kit Cunningham.
0:44:02 > 0:44:06The church is once again, consistent with their long history,
0:44:06 > 0:44:08covering up the truth.
0:44:08 > 0:44:12What other interpretation can their be?
0:44:12 > 0:44:15We presented our testimony.
0:44:15 > 0:44:22The Rosminian Order, Father Myers, has known the truth for over a year now.
0:44:22 > 0:44:24Father Myers professed interest
0:44:24 > 0:44:28in healing the wounds of the past.
0:44:28 > 0:44:33It seems a complete contradiction to having a memorial.
0:44:33 > 0:44:37How does that contribute to my healing?
0:44:39 > 0:44:43It seemed that Father Myers had made his choice
0:44:43 > 0:44:47to protect the interests of the Rosminian Order over its victims.
0:44:47 > 0:44:51This only strengthened their resolve to sue.
0:44:52 > 0:44:56If I get some relief, personal relief, out of this,
0:44:56 > 0:45:01that's an added bonus, but that's not really what I'm after here.
0:45:03 > 0:45:10What I went into this process for was to bring this out into the open so that people know what happened,
0:45:10 > 0:45:15so that hopefully it doesn't happen again. That's my objective here.
0:45:29 > 0:45:33This whole forgiveness thing is a funny thing.
0:45:33 > 0:45:37When you forgive somebody, what are you doing?
0:45:38 > 0:45:40Are you...
0:45:40 > 0:45:44Are you making it better for them or making it better for you?
0:45:44 > 0:45:46Em...
0:45:49 > 0:45:53From my point of view, once you forgive someone,
0:45:53 > 0:45:57you've stopped them renting space in your head.
0:46:06 > 0:46:12If they said, "You've got a choice between having a full apology from us about Father Collins
0:46:12 > 0:46:16"and everybody knows that he was a paedophile,
0:46:16 > 0:46:20"or here's £20,000," I'll take the apology.
0:46:20 > 0:46:26Whatever happens to the compensation group, the thing that is most important to me at the moment
0:46:26 > 0:46:34is that the story is told and the truth will come out and not be a secret as it has for 50 years.
0:46:40 > 0:46:43The compensational damages that are paid
0:46:43 > 0:46:50in cases such as this can never actually deal with or cure
0:46:50 > 0:46:52the damage that has been done.
0:46:52 > 0:46:57This is a form of wrapping up. I'd put it that way.
0:46:58 > 0:47:03As opposed to carrying it. That's what it'll do for me.
0:47:08 > 0:47:10January, 2011.
0:47:10 > 0:47:15The memorial service for Father Kit Cunningham.
0:47:15 > 0:47:17The tiny church was packed.
0:47:18 > 0:47:23Rory decided to attend and took a tape recorder.
0:47:23 > 0:47:28A year after the victims had submitted their testimonies,
0:47:28 > 0:47:32it was all still a secret known only to a few.
0:47:32 > 0:47:36The mass was led by Father David Myers.
0:48:03 > 0:48:07Be silent, adore and rejoice.
0:48:16 > 0:48:20Father Myers declined to participate in this documentary,
0:48:20 > 0:48:24quoting Lamentations, Chapter 3, Verse 26.
0:48:25 > 0:48:27"It is good to wait in silence."
0:48:55 > 0:48:59Subtitles by Subtext for Red Bee Media Ltd - 2011
0:49:00 > 0:49:02Email subtitling@bbc.co.uk