0:00:02 > 0:00:05This programme contains some strong language
0:00:05 > 0:00:08My eyes get tears in the corners all the time,
0:00:08 > 0:00:10which I absolutely hate.
0:00:10 > 0:00:15Jonathan Lancaster was born with Treacher Collins Syndrome.
0:00:15 > 0:00:19Only one in 10,000 babies are born with this rare genetic condition.
0:00:19 > 0:00:22He's never met his biological parents who gave him up for adoption
0:00:22 > 0:00:26when he was 36 hours old because of the way he looked.
0:00:26 > 0:00:30Luckily for Jono, he was adopted by Jean.
0:00:30 > 0:00:35When I looked at him, I thought, "How could your mum leave you?"
0:00:35 > 0:00:41Yes, his face did look different, but it didn't put me off wanting to look after him.
0:00:41 > 0:00:46Two years ago, Jono contacted his birth parents through an adoption agency
0:00:46 > 0:00:48and asked if they wanted to meet him.
0:00:48 > 0:00:53Just going through that conversation in my head, they don't want to see you, they do want to see you...
0:00:53 > 0:00:57My heart's racing at the moment.
0:00:57 > 0:00:59Thank you for calling.
0:01:03 > 0:01:10No, that's... Yeah, erm... Obviously not what I wanted to hear.
0:01:10 > 0:01:14- They don't want to meet me. - They don't?- No.
0:01:17 > 0:01:23- They didn't want to see me. - Not at all?- No.
0:01:23 > 0:01:27HE SOBS
0:01:32 > 0:01:36But that wasn't the end of the story.
0:01:36 > 0:01:39Six months ago, Jono received a message on Facebook
0:01:39 > 0:01:41from someone claiming to be a member of his family.
0:01:41 > 0:01:45She was just really sincere, she was like,
0:01:45 > 0:01:52"I'm family, if you ever want to meet up or have a conversation or a chat then I'm more than happy to do so."
0:01:52 > 0:01:57Could this be the family reunion he's been waiting all his life for?
0:02:04 > 0:02:08- You good? You hungry?- I'm starving.
0:02:08 > 0:02:13Jono and Laura have been together for five years and they recently bought their first home together.
0:02:13 > 0:02:18- Ah, am I getting one this year? - No.- You've just said you're going to get me one.
0:02:18 > 0:02:22- I said, "Do I need to get you a card?"- Yeah, you do. It's my 21st!
0:02:22 > 0:02:26I can see your bum!
0:02:26 > 0:02:29Laura was there for Jono when he tried to contact his birth parents
0:02:29 > 0:02:32and more recently when his relative got in touch online.
0:02:34 > 0:02:37The relative who messaged Jono turned out to be a cousin.
0:02:37 > 0:02:44I was really unsure whether to believe her or not because she had no friends on Facebook,
0:02:44 > 0:02:48She only had one picture. I was, like, "I'm sorry, I don't believe you.
0:02:48 > 0:02:52"People have taken the piss in the past. Have you got any proof?"
0:02:52 > 0:02:56And she was really sincere and she did get in touch again.
0:02:56 > 0:02:58We exchanged numbers
0:02:58 > 0:03:05and arranged to meet at her house and went from there.
0:03:05 > 0:03:10Jono's like, "Yeah, but she's only my cousin, cousin's aren't that close."
0:03:10 > 0:03:13You were asking me what a cousin's meant to be?
0:03:13 > 0:03:18I know what a cousin is, but is the relationship,
0:03:18 > 0:03:22are you close with your cousins or is it a more distant thing?
0:03:22 > 0:03:26Jono's cousin and her family had wanted to stay in touch with him when he was born,
0:03:26 > 0:03:29but his birth parents didn't want contact to continue.
0:03:29 > 0:03:32It brought a wedge between them.
0:03:32 > 0:03:3626 years that they've missed out on. They must have been wondering, "What's happened to him?
0:03:36 > 0:03:42"Is he OK? Has he met somebody? How's he grown up?"
0:03:42 > 0:03:48They wanted to find out, so I think that's brilliant and I'm glad they did get in touch.
0:03:48 > 0:03:52They're all so chatty and open and really nice, welcoming is the word.
0:03:52 > 0:03:54They are very welcoming.
0:03:54 > 0:04:00If, like, we ever got married, you'd have loads of family...
0:04:00 > 0:04:03on your side!
0:04:06 > 0:04:11Jono's been invited to have a meal with his cousin and her family.
0:04:11 > 0:04:15My extended family inviting me over for a curry night is very new.
0:04:15 > 0:04:18This is the third one I've been to, so it's very new, very recent.
0:04:18 > 0:04:22I still find it a bit weird in a sense.
0:04:22 > 0:04:26Do I give them a hug, do I give them a kiss?
0:04:26 > 0:04:30Do I keep my distance? What do I ask them, what do I say?
0:04:30 > 0:04:33I still get nervous.
0:04:36 > 0:04:41Whenever I meet somebody, I do try and be the best I can be.
0:04:43 > 0:04:50Just I get more nervous... when I'm meeting certain people,
0:04:50 > 0:04:53and these are them sort.
0:04:53 > 0:04:55I've done everything, haven't I?
0:04:59 > 0:05:00We're good.
0:05:00 > 0:05:06It's all still very, very confusing in my head.
0:05:08 > 0:05:11They're family, but they were like strangers
0:05:11 > 0:05:15and slowly but surely they're becoming more than strangers.
0:05:15 > 0:05:18I can't describe it, it's weird.
0:05:20 > 0:05:23- Hiya!- Hiya!- Sorry I'm late. - Oh, red wine, thank you.
0:05:23 > 0:05:27Jono's extended family want to be part of his life.
0:05:27 > 0:05:33We can't show their faces or feature their real voices because that may identify Jono's birth parents,
0:05:33 > 0:05:37who have made it clear they don't want any contact with him.
0:05:37 > 0:05:39I've had one mouthful and my mouth is on fire!
0:05:41 > 0:05:44- Are you having a tattoo?- Sorry?
0:05:45 > 0:05:50When I come to these things for the first half an hour I feel so nervous and so awkward.
0:05:50 > 0:05:52I don't know what to say.
0:05:52 > 0:05:58They've all been around each other the last few days and they're just nattering away and I'm like, so...
0:05:58 > 0:06:04I just find it so uncomfortable. I don't know what to say or who to talk to.
0:06:04 > 0:06:07It's a bit awkward at times.
0:06:09 > 0:06:11My mouth is on fire!
0:06:13 > 0:06:19- Seeing as this is all new, I mean, what this, what, six months? - Yeah, it was just, yeah,
0:06:19 > 0:06:23because I contacted you just before Christmas and, you know,
0:06:23 > 0:06:27- it had taken me three months to think about it before I did do that. - Yeah.
0:06:27 > 0:06:31There are still lots of questions Jono wants to ask his relatives.
0:06:31 > 0:06:36- The worst thing was you didn't have any friends on Facebook. - I explained that when I... I know.
0:06:36 > 0:06:42- That's the thing, you joined Facebook.- Yeah, just solely to contact you, but, um...
0:06:42 > 0:06:46My son advised if I go onto Facebook
0:06:46 > 0:06:50that would be the easiest way of contacting you.
0:06:50 > 0:06:56But because I'd not been on it before, I'd no friends whatsoever.
0:06:56 > 0:06:59The only reason I've come on Facebook is to contact you.
0:06:59 > 0:07:04That's it, I'd love to meet him and let him know a little of the side of our family
0:07:04 > 0:07:09and what we've felt like over the years. But you did seem very wary.
0:07:09 > 0:07:12What made you ultimately like press send?
0:07:12 > 0:07:15It took a lot of doing. It was about at least three months,
0:07:15 > 0:07:18because I didn't want to upset you and cause more grief
0:07:18 > 0:07:21and I know I can't replace your mum and dad.
0:07:21 > 0:07:24So I wanted to let you know our side of it.
0:07:24 > 0:07:27But it took ages to think, what do I write?
0:07:27 > 0:07:31And then to actually click it took a lot of thought.
0:07:31 > 0:07:36Cos you don't know what you're going to start. Cos you were a total stranger.
0:07:36 > 0:07:38But because you're blood it's weird.
0:07:38 > 0:07:42- I feel like I've known you for ages now.- Thank God for Facebook.- Yeah!
0:07:42 > 0:07:48Certain expressions you pull, I can see your dad.
0:07:48 > 0:07:55- Saw your picture on Facebook, you look just like your dad. That's the first thing she said.- Yeah. Yeah.
0:07:55 > 0:08:01- Now and again, yeah. Now and again. - Weird.- Strange.
0:08:01 > 0:08:03Yeah.
0:08:06 > 0:08:13When I'm driving home, I just wished that my mum or dad was there.
0:08:13 > 0:08:17It makes me smile when she says I remind her of my dad.
0:08:17 > 0:08:22It kind of feels nice that I have traits of my father.
0:08:22 > 0:08:26And it just frustrates me that I missed out on so much.
0:08:26 > 0:08:30The fact that I can't do anything about it kind of infuriates me.
0:08:30 > 0:08:35Ever since I was a kid, I always felt lonely for some reason,
0:08:35 > 0:08:39and I had this horrible emptiness feeling in my tummy.
0:08:39 > 0:08:43And I get that feeling when I'm back home.
0:08:43 > 0:08:50Maybe it will go away when I start my own family, I don't know.
0:08:50 > 0:08:54It would just be nice if it didn't happen so often.
0:09:00 > 0:09:05Adoption agencies have seen a rise in the number of people using Facebook to contact birth family.
0:09:05 > 0:09:11And it doesn't always go as well as it did with Jono and his cousin.
0:09:11 > 0:09:15Milly is 16. She was given up for adoption as a baby.
0:09:15 > 0:09:21Ever since she can remember, Milly's wanted to know more about her birth mother.
0:09:21 > 0:09:26As soon as Milly joined Facebook she searched for her mother's profile.
0:09:26 > 0:09:29Her adoption notes didn't give her much to go on.
0:09:29 > 0:09:32All I had was a bit of paper saying her name, her children,
0:09:32 > 0:09:39her average height, hair colour and that she enjoyed sewing.
0:09:39 > 0:09:45I didn't have any reason why she didn't want me or anything.
0:09:45 > 0:09:47What did you write?
0:09:47 > 0:09:51I said something like, "I don't know...
0:09:51 > 0:09:57"if you'd remember having a baby about 14, 13 years ago."
0:09:57 > 0:10:02Did you tell anyone you were doing this?
0:10:02 > 0:10:07No. But my birth mum, I always imagined her to be so perfect
0:10:07 > 0:10:12and not nag at all, be like a super parent.
0:10:12 > 0:10:16But then when I met her she was just a normal person,
0:10:16 > 0:10:18not really anything worth bothering about.
0:10:18 > 0:10:22Did you put her on such a high pedestal?
0:10:22 > 0:10:27Yeah, like, she'll be perfect, she'll tell me how much she loves me
0:10:27 > 0:10:31and that she wishes she'd never given me up and stuff.
0:10:31 > 0:10:34After months of sending her birth mum messages on Facebook,
0:10:34 > 0:10:37Milly finally got a reply.
0:10:37 > 0:10:41The first thing I asked her was, "Why didn't you keep me?"
0:10:41 > 0:10:45- Straightaway? Not...- Yeah. Not, "Hi, how are you?" Nothing, no.
0:10:45 > 0:10:48She said she was 23, she already had two kids
0:10:48 > 0:10:50and she couldn't cope with another one.
0:10:50 > 0:10:53Including me, there are six of us
0:10:53 > 0:10:56and I was the only one she didn't keep.
0:10:56 > 0:11:02How did that make you feel, that you was again the odd one out?
0:11:02 > 0:11:04I had counselling about that at school
0:11:04 > 0:11:06because it was so hard to cope with.
0:11:06 > 0:11:08How did that make you feel?
0:11:08 > 0:11:11A lot better because... Well, not a lot...
0:11:11 > 0:11:13She explained some of the things I was feeling.
0:11:13 > 0:11:16Did that sink in or make you feel better?
0:11:16 > 0:11:19It made sense, I understood it,
0:11:19 > 0:11:23but it couldn't really make me feel better.
0:11:23 > 0:11:26After six months of messaging,
0:11:26 > 0:11:28Milly finally met her birth mum face-to-face.
0:11:28 > 0:11:33She'd only told her adoptive mum a week before the meeting.
0:11:33 > 0:11:37She came to Hastings, we walked round here.
0:11:37 > 0:11:41I was happy, but I was aware that she didn't actually want to meet me.
0:11:41 > 0:11:42I felt like she owed it to me.
0:11:42 > 0:11:45She came right up to me and she was, like,
0:11:45 > 0:11:47"Have you got a hug and a kiss for me?"
0:11:47 > 0:11:54Like, two second delay in what I said, I was, like, "Oh, yeah sure,"
0:11:54 > 0:11:55and, like, hugged her.
0:11:55 > 0:12:01- Did that feel natural or...- No. She was a complete stranger.
0:12:01 > 0:12:03It was really awkward.
0:12:03 > 0:12:07Cos she's not my mum. She's just the person that gave birth to me.
0:12:09 > 0:12:12Is she still this dream celebrity person?
0:12:12 > 0:12:17I wanted her to be, but it was disappointing meeting her.
0:12:17 > 0:12:21It wasn't her, it was purely me making stuff up
0:12:21 > 0:12:23about how she is meant to be.
0:12:23 > 0:12:27I was hoping since she carried me for nine months, given birth to me,
0:12:27 > 0:12:29that she might feel something
0:12:29 > 0:12:33but it seemed like I was just a bit of a nuisance to her.
0:12:33 > 0:12:37When she left, was there a hug goodbye, a kiss goodbye?
0:12:37 > 0:12:41A hug goodbye, then she... It was, like, "Bye."
0:12:41 > 0:12:43And then she got on her train.
0:12:48 > 0:12:51Milly did not meet up with her mum again.
0:12:51 > 0:12:53Her story makes Jono wonder
0:12:53 > 0:12:56whether he's been idealising his parents all these years too.
0:13:01 > 0:13:04Jono recently found some adoption review notes.
0:13:04 > 0:13:07These notes are some of the only information
0:13:07 > 0:13:11he has on what happened in the run up to his adoption.
0:13:14 > 0:13:16It's, like, really shit.
0:13:16 > 0:13:22It feels like these are talking about some bloody monster
0:13:22 > 0:13:27or something that's grotesque.
0:13:27 > 0:13:31"A social worker had offered a photograph of Jonathan
0:13:31 > 0:13:34"to his parents, but they had refused this.
0:13:34 > 0:13:39"They've not seen Jonathan since his birth and do not wish any new contact."
0:13:39 > 0:13:44And this review was almost a year after I were born.
0:13:44 > 0:13:49So...it's again, people trying to justify to my parents
0:13:49 > 0:13:53why to have me rather than give me up for adoption.
0:13:53 > 0:13:58They shouldn't really need persuading, so...
0:14:03 > 0:14:06Reading the medical notes is not easy.
0:14:09 > 0:14:12"The chairman said he felt it was important that the department
0:14:12 > 0:14:15"should agree to the treatment which was in Jonathan's interest
0:14:15 > 0:14:19"as a person and not as an interesting medical case."
0:14:22 > 0:14:24It's not nice.
0:14:24 > 0:14:28I'm still a person at end of the day.
0:14:35 > 0:14:39Although the notes are tough to read,
0:14:39 > 0:14:41there's one positive to take from them.
0:14:41 > 0:14:44My extended family. They wanted to be a part of my life
0:14:44 > 0:14:47and they wanted to see me grow up.
0:14:47 > 0:14:54At least I have met them now and...we've got a future together.
0:15:18 > 0:15:21Jono wants to spend some long overdue time with Jean,
0:15:21 > 0:15:25the woman who adopted him and brought him up.
0:15:25 > 0:15:29- Hello?- Hello, darling! Haven't seen you for ages?
0:15:29 > 0:15:33She may not be his birth mum, but she's definitely his real mum.
0:15:33 > 0:15:35- Are you OK?- Yeah.
0:15:35 > 0:15:37They're ridiculously bad for you.
0:15:40 > 0:15:46- How much protein has each bite got in it?- 1.2 grams.- That's per bite?
0:15:46 > 0:15:50- Yeah.- 1.2.
0:15:50 > 0:15:56- How many carbs?- 11.5.
0:15:56 > 0:15:59Jean's on a diet and Jono's on calorie watch.
0:15:59 > 0:16:04Four points for one of them. Ridiculous!
0:16:04 > 0:16:08Considering I am only out 29 points a day.
0:16:08 > 0:16:11THEY LAUGH
0:16:11 > 0:16:14So six of these...that's it!
0:16:14 > 0:16:16Shall we just eat those?
0:16:16 > 0:16:19He's been so wrapped up in worrying about his birth family,
0:16:19 > 0:16:24Jono's forgotten to tell Jean about the reunions he's been having.
0:16:24 > 0:16:27I went to my relative's birthday party a couple of week ago.
0:16:27 > 0:16:32- Did you? No, you didn't tell me, love.- I told you.
0:16:32 > 0:16:34- You don't tell me anything! - Honestly, I told you.
0:16:34 > 0:16:39- No, love, you didn't.- I did! Cos I was debating what card to get him.
0:16:39 > 0:16:43- No, I know nothing about that. - Whether to get him a plain card or a named card?
0:16:43 > 0:16:46It's at an awkward stage sort of thing.
0:16:46 > 0:16:50Even when I go to see them, are you supposed to give them
0:16:50 > 0:16:54a cuddle and a kiss or are you supposed to be quite formal?
0:16:54 > 0:16:57Well, I suppose they'd like a cuddle and a kiss.
0:16:57 > 0:17:01Oh, yeah, I know, I do, but it's still a bit weird.
0:17:01 > 0:17:07I love going and seeing them all and being invited and included,
0:17:07 > 0:17:12but I wonder what I'm missing out on with, like, my immediate family.
0:17:12 > 0:17:14You know? So...
0:17:14 > 0:17:18as much as I love it, I do come away feeling a bit frustrated,
0:17:18 > 0:17:20erm...which is...
0:17:20 > 0:17:23Yeah. You miss out on that...
0:17:23 > 0:17:26but you...
0:17:26 > 0:17:29you get it in this side of the family, don't you?
0:17:29 > 0:17:30Oh, definitely, yeah.
0:17:30 > 0:17:33Yeah, I've got, you know, everything here,
0:17:33 > 0:17:36- but I could be having a little bit of that as well.- Mmm.
0:17:36 > 0:17:37Mmm.
0:17:44 > 0:17:50'I find it very hard to share my feelings with anybody to be honest.
0:17:50 > 0:17:52'I keep them to myself.
0:17:52 > 0:17:56'I don't want to burden anybody, I don't want to upset anybody
0:17:56 > 0:17:59'or put anybody through any pain.
0:17:59 > 0:18:03'When I was about seven or eight'
0:18:03 > 0:18:05and we was on the tube,
0:18:05 > 0:18:12and a young couple were sat across from us and they were laughing at me
0:18:12 > 0:18:14and talking about me,
0:18:14 > 0:18:16and I knew that it was going on and...
0:18:16 > 0:18:19I didn't think my mum had noticed
0:18:19 > 0:18:21and we stepped off the tube
0:18:21 > 0:18:23and my mum was like a little bit behind me
0:18:23 > 0:18:26and when she stepped off, she was in tears and...
0:18:26 > 0:18:29You know, she had a little word with them
0:18:29 > 0:18:32and I didn't realise she noticed that sort of stuff,
0:18:32 > 0:18:36I thought I only noticed the stares and the comments and stuff.
0:18:36 > 0:18:41And ever since that moment I didn't want my mum
0:18:41 > 0:18:43to go through those emotions again,
0:18:43 > 0:18:46I didn't want to bring any tears to her eyes.
0:19:04 > 0:19:07Oh, you can get a pink barbeque!
0:19:09 > 0:19:10Get one for your birthday.
0:19:12 > 0:19:15I haven't read this magazine, actually.
0:19:15 > 0:19:17Jono grew up knowing his birth parents
0:19:17 > 0:19:20went on to have children after they gave him up,
0:19:20 > 0:19:24but he didn't know any details about them.
0:19:24 > 0:19:26Two years ago, he requested his adoption notes
0:19:26 > 0:19:31and discovered his birth siblings' names and ages.
0:19:31 > 0:19:34I went home and within moments I were on Facebook,
0:19:34 > 0:19:37typing their names in. Never... Didn't find them.
0:19:37 > 0:19:41One day Laura was like, "Oh, I think I know who your sibling is."
0:19:41 > 0:19:45You were like, "They're the spitting image of you! In a weird way sort of thing."
0:19:45 > 0:19:50Like, if you go like that on the picture on Facebook,
0:19:50 > 0:19:52it's the nose more than anything.
0:19:52 > 0:19:57It was so good to be able to put a face to the person,
0:19:57 > 0:19:59that felt so good.
0:19:59 > 0:20:04It were no longer a name, no longer a bit of paper.
0:20:04 > 0:20:08There was a real person now, they were out there and...
0:20:08 > 0:20:10Yeah, it was...
0:20:10 > 0:20:11And they look so cool.
0:20:11 > 0:20:16And every time I'm on Facebook, before I log out, you know,
0:20:16 > 0:20:20I go on their profile and have a look to see if anything's happened.
0:20:20 > 0:20:23I can't believe it's only been ten months
0:20:23 > 0:20:27- that I've actually started looking at them.- It's cos you do it every day.
0:20:27 > 0:20:32I look at the profile as well because I want to see another picture,
0:20:32 > 0:20:34I want to see another thing of what they look like,
0:20:34 > 0:20:36but it never changes.
0:20:36 > 0:20:41Even now I could just go on their page, their profile,
0:20:41 > 0:20:45and just click "Add As Friend". But I won't do that.
0:20:45 > 0:20:49It would be so easy as well if you came home drunk one night
0:20:49 > 0:20:51to just log in and do some serious damage
0:20:51 > 0:20:54and do something that you seriously regret.
0:20:54 > 0:20:57I've been tempted myself, so I don't know how tempted he is!
0:20:57 > 0:21:01It is so tempting, but no, I refuse to go against my parents' wishes.
0:21:01 > 0:21:05I totally understand where Jono comes from,
0:21:05 > 0:21:06where he doesn't...
0:21:06 > 0:21:09You know, his parents have said they don't want any contact,
0:21:09 > 0:21:14and from what we know, we don't think his siblings do know about him.
0:21:14 > 0:21:16And if Jono did go in there all guns blazing,
0:21:16 > 0:21:20"I'm your brother", it could potentially break up the family,
0:21:20 > 0:21:25because they would probably feel...lied to
0:21:25 > 0:21:28and betrayed by their parents for not knowing
0:21:28 > 0:21:31and I think Jono has the right to meet them!
0:21:31 > 0:21:35Yeah, but...they're getting on with their lives and they're happy
0:21:35 > 0:21:37and, you know, they're...they're good.
0:21:37 > 0:21:40They're missing out on an older brother.
0:21:40 > 0:21:44Yeah, true, but they don't know that they're missing out on it so...
0:21:44 > 0:21:49No, they don't, but there's no easy way around doing it, I know it would cause stuff between anybody.
0:21:49 > 0:21:51- Somebody's going to get heartbroken. - I know.
0:21:51 > 0:21:53It's just me that's upset and frustrated.
0:21:53 > 0:21:56Why should it be you that gets hurt all the time?
0:21:56 > 0:22:00Why should it be you that gets the shit end of the stick all the time?
0:22:00 > 0:22:03- Because I've had it all my life and...- So why...
0:22:03 > 0:22:06Why shouldn't you do something that makes you happy for a change
0:22:06 > 0:22:08and put yourself first rather than everybody else?
0:22:08 > 0:22:11But it wouldn't make me happy if I ruin their lives.
0:22:11 > 0:22:14It may make everybody's life ten times better.
0:22:30 > 0:22:32I used to hate gardening, I really did.
0:22:32 > 0:22:35I didn't used to appreciate it whatsoever.
0:22:35 > 0:22:38But since I've started...
0:22:38 > 0:22:42This is my own garden and since I've started planting stuff
0:22:42 > 0:22:45and I've seen them grow, I absolutely love it!
0:22:49 > 0:22:52I constantly wonder about my siblings.
0:22:52 > 0:22:55Every time I think about them, it's just like I hope that
0:22:55 > 0:23:00they're all happy and I hope they're all together and they've got each other.
0:23:00 > 0:23:05Maybe what's right for me is getting in touch with my siblings...
0:23:06 > 0:23:10..but that may not be right for my siblings
0:23:10 > 0:23:12and it's definitely not right for my birth parents.
0:23:12 > 0:23:17I want them to continue to have a good relationship.
0:23:19 > 0:23:22I don't know anything about them.
0:23:22 > 0:23:26Everything I say and everything I feel for them,
0:23:26 > 0:23:29it's kind of all make believe.
0:23:30 > 0:23:32Erm...
0:23:37 > 0:23:42No, I just don't want to cause them any pain or any... I can't, I can't.
0:24:05 > 0:24:09Jono's aware that his relationship with his cousin's family
0:24:09 > 0:24:12makes it more likely his siblings will find out he exists.
0:24:12 > 0:24:15He realises he needs some professional advice.
0:24:15 > 0:24:20I kind of were burying my head in the sand with it.
0:24:20 > 0:24:23I was kind of, "OK, if we just carry on, nothing will happen.
0:24:23 > 0:24:28"If I don't make any attempts to track down my siblings
0:24:28 > 0:24:33"or get in touch with them, they won't get hurt
0:24:33 > 0:24:35"and nothing further will be done about it."
0:24:35 > 0:24:39If it doesn't come from me, it's going to come from somebody else.
0:24:41 > 0:24:46Adoption agencies warn that adopted children and their families
0:24:46 > 0:24:48need to be aware of the risks of using Facebook
0:24:48 > 0:24:50to reconnect with birth family.
0:24:50 > 0:24:54- Hello. Hi.- How are you? - Nice to meet you.
0:24:54 > 0:24:58'It's a very new phenomenon now that lots of people contact that way.'
0:24:58 > 0:25:01I'm sure in some cases it works out, but in many cases
0:25:01 > 0:25:05it can be disastrous because you don't know what you're entering.
0:25:05 > 0:25:07We hear some real horror stories.
0:25:07 > 0:25:10With any contact and reunion, it's so important to be prepared
0:25:10 > 0:25:13and think about what the consequences are for you,
0:25:13 > 0:25:16for your family, for the birth family, everybody.
0:25:16 > 0:25:18I look at my siblings' picture,
0:25:18 > 0:25:20one of them, I found one of them Facebook,
0:25:20 > 0:25:23I look at their picture every single day,
0:25:23 > 0:25:25but I won't send them a message,
0:25:25 > 0:25:31I won't get in touch with them and a few of my extended family
0:25:31 > 0:25:33have got in touch with me through Facebook.
0:25:33 > 0:25:37So, I've been lucky enough to meet them a few times.
0:25:37 > 0:25:42- So, you have met them a few times? - I have seen them quite a lot now.
0:25:42 > 0:25:44So it will get out at some point, won't it?
0:25:44 > 0:25:50It will, but I'm more thinking about my siblings,
0:25:50 > 0:25:53the fact that I don't want to hurt them and I don't want to cos any pain
0:25:53 > 0:25:56and that's why I won't do anything on Facebook.
0:25:56 > 0:25:57Who has got the rights in this?
0:25:57 > 0:26:00I mean, do you have the rights to contact your siblings?
0:26:00 > 0:26:04- Do your birth parents have the right to prevent you? - He should have a right to meet them.
0:26:04 > 0:26:06So what do you think, Jono?
0:26:06 > 0:26:09They're doing what's best for their immediate family.
0:26:09 > 0:26:11It's a difficult situation,
0:26:11 > 0:26:13you've really got to work and negotiate
0:26:13 > 0:26:15so that everyone's needs are met.
0:26:15 > 0:26:18You're saying Facebook is not the right way forward
0:26:18 > 0:26:23and I think I would agree with you, because it's going to be very sudden, very instant,
0:26:23 > 0:26:27you're putting a bomb in that family and it's going to explode.
0:26:27 > 0:26:30But when you first approached your birth parents
0:26:30 > 0:26:32and found out there were siblings,
0:26:32 > 0:26:34were any subsequent letters sent to say,
0:26:34 > 0:26:39"Well, Jono understands your position at this time,
0:26:39 > 0:26:42"but there may be a time that he would like to be in touch
0:26:42 > 0:26:46- "with his siblings"? - No. On the form it said,
0:26:46 > 0:26:49"Regarding this subject, we do not wish to be contacted."
0:26:49 > 0:26:52Do you think it's important that your birth parents know
0:26:52 > 0:26:55how close you are becoming
0:26:55 > 0:26:57to knowing much more about your siblings?
0:26:57 > 0:27:00I've never thought about that actually until now.
0:27:00 > 0:27:01Yeah, that's a good...
0:27:01 > 0:27:05I think it would be a good thing to say, "These are the facts.
0:27:05 > 0:27:09"If you want to start thinking about telling them and preparing them."
0:27:09 > 0:27:12Somehow just leaving it may not be the best thing.
0:27:16 > 0:27:19Adoption agencies recommend people wanting to reconnect
0:27:19 > 0:27:22with birth family seek professional advice
0:27:22 > 0:27:24and always use an intermediary to make contact.
0:27:29 > 0:27:31Jono's keen to meet someone
0:27:31 > 0:27:34who's had success getting in touch with their birth family.
0:27:34 > 0:27:36He's in contact with James,
0:27:36 > 0:27:38a 23-year-old who has recently been messaged
0:27:38 > 0:27:40by a long-lost family member on Facebook.
0:27:40 > 0:27:43James. Nice to meet you. Come on in.
0:27:45 > 0:27:47- Do you want to come in through here. - Yeah.- Mind him.
0:27:49 > 0:27:50Come on through.
0:27:50 > 0:27:52Thank you.
0:27:52 > 0:27:55It was about three or four weeks ago he contacted me out of the blue.
0:27:55 > 0:27:59Sent me a Facebook message saying, "Hi, I think I'm your dad."
0:27:59 > 0:28:02JAMES LAUGHS Yeah?
0:28:02 > 0:28:05It didn't really register who it was to start with.
0:28:05 > 0:28:09James was put into care when he was one and adopted at four years old.
0:28:09 > 0:28:12He has heard nothing from his father until now.
0:28:12 > 0:28:16It was only about two and a half, three hours earlier that day
0:28:16 > 0:28:18that I'd changed my profile picture,
0:28:18 > 0:28:22put the one of when I was a baby with my brother
0:28:22 > 0:28:27and before you know it, you get an unexpected message on Facebook.
0:28:27 > 0:28:30I have got his number, I haven't rung him yet.
0:28:30 > 0:28:33The fact that you're going to have to dial that number in
0:28:33 > 0:28:36and press ring, I think those are the moments...
0:28:36 > 0:28:37And then...
0:28:37 > 0:28:41Then the phone is ringing. Then you're waiting for that voice.
0:28:41 > 0:28:44- That voice that... - That you don't know.- Yeah.
0:28:44 > 0:28:47It is daunting when you say it like that,
0:28:47 > 0:28:50what's he going to sound like and all that,
0:28:50 > 0:28:55but I don't...tend to think about that yet till the moment I do it.
0:28:57 > 0:29:01Jono knows that every adopted person's situation is different
0:29:01 > 0:29:04and what might work for someone else, won't work for him.
0:29:04 > 0:29:07There's no easy answer to his dilemma.
0:29:07 > 0:29:09'I've got to the point where I've tried to put myself
0:29:09 > 0:29:14'in everybody else's shoes and end up doing nothing about it,
0:29:14 > 0:29:16'but you only get one shot at this
0:29:16 > 0:29:20'and I want my shot to be the best possible shot it can be.'
0:29:34 > 0:29:36Hello?
0:29:40 > 0:29:42- Hiya, love.- Hiya. All right?
0:29:44 > 0:29:47Jono goes to see his mum Jean for some advice.
0:29:47 > 0:29:51Jean's best mate Dorothy is round, who Jono has known since he was a child.
0:29:51 > 0:29:52How's your WeightWatchers going?
0:29:52 > 0:29:57- Fine, thanks, another two pound and I've lost half a stone.- Well done.
0:29:57 > 0:30:005.7.
0:30:01 > 0:30:07Carbs...29, that's a lot, can't have that.
0:30:11 > 0:30:13There we go.
0:30:14 > 0:30:16- Put your feet up.- I will.
0:30:16 > 0:30:20- When did you last see Jonathan? - I can't remember.
0:30:20 > 0:30:23I get to know a lot more when Dorothy's here
0:30:23 > 0:30:25because he tells Dorothy everything.
0:30:25 > 0:30:30- He doesn't have much option really, does he?- No. No, third degree.
0:30:30 > 0:30:33No, not quite, not quite. Oh, he's here.
0:30:33 > 0:30:35- You talking about me?- Yes.- Yes.
0:30:35 > 0:30:38I'm just saying I get to know more
0:30:38 > 0:30:41when Dorothy's here than when I'm on my own.
0:30:41 > 0:30:44That's because Dorothy interrogates me!
0:30:44 > 0:30:49Jono talks through all his options with Jean and Dorothy.
0:30:49 > 0:30:54For me and my siblings, I feel that if I send them a message on Facebook
0:30:54 > 0:30:57and then they fall out with Mum and Dad,
0:30:57 > 0:31:00they might end up hating me and I'll never ever meet them.
0:31:00 > 0:31:07Whereas, if maybe Mum and Dad speak to them first, then they can decide.
0:31:07 > 0:31:11If somebody sent a letter to your parents,
0:31:11 > 0:31:12would it be you or somebody else?
0:31:12 > 0:31:15The adoption agency that I used before
0:31:15 > 0:31:20to try and get in touch with my birth parents, I'd use them again,
0:31:20 > 0:31:26have their advice and I'd hope they would send one on my behalf.
0:31:26 > 0:31:30I don't think your birth parents would tell your siblings,
0:31:30 > 0:31:32but that's just my thoughts.
0:31:32 > 0:31:38It's a big thing for them to find the words to how to start.
0:31:38 > 0:31:42Once you start it flows, doesn't it? But it's that starting.
0:31:42 > 0:31:45- But I just have the fear that they wouldn't open the mail.- No.
0:31:45 > 0:31:47If they don't give that information
0:31:47 > 0:31:49after they've had the opportunity,
0:31:49 > 0:31:52do you think you'll go on Facebook to your siblings?
0:31:53 > 0:31:54I don't, erm...
0:31:54 > 0:31:59I think it's that knowing how long to wait, but once that wait's over,
0:31:59 > 0:32:01I think it might be down to me doing it then.
0:32:01 > 0:32:03You'd have to do it on Facebook,
0:32:03 > 0:32:05they wouldn't throw that in the bin, would they?
0:32:05 > 0:32:07They'd have to read it.
0:32:07 > 0:32:09Mind, they could just click off, couldn't they?
0:32:09 > 0:32:13But it would be straight to siblings, not parents then. Yes.
0:32:13 > 0:32:16They wouldn't even know who I am, it's like,
0:32:16 > 0:32:19"What's this message? Who are you? What makes you say this?"
0:32:19 > 0:32:21- You could be right.- But then again, it might just be like,
0:32:21 > 0:32:24"We know about you, we don't really care."
0:32:24 > 0:32:26- But at least you'd know.- Yeah.
0:32:26 > 0:32:29It wouldn't be the closure that you wanted,
0:32:29 > 0:32:30cos everybody wants a happy ending,
0:32:30 > 0:32:34but at least you'd have some sort of closure, wouldn't you?
0:32:34 > 0:32:37Yeah. True.
0:32:42 > 0:32:45Jono may never have known his birth siblings,
0:32:45 > 0:32:47but Jean's children, Stephen and Claire,
0:32:47 > 0:32:50have always been like a brother and sister to him.
0:32:50 > 0:32:51How far can you throw it?
0:32:51 > 0:32:55- Oh, Uncle Jonny's here! - What you doing?- Hello, Jonny!
0:32:55 > 0:32:59So, you working this Thursday or can you get to the match?
0:32:59 > 0:33:03- I've got Thursday off. - It's on Sky again, so...
0:33:03 > 0:33:05Yeah, on Sky again.
0:33:05 > 0:33:08The first time I saw Jono when he came back home,
0:33:08 > 0:33:12I remember him laid in the room in his crib,
0:33:12 > 0:33:14he were just another baby to me.
0:33:14 > 0:33:20I didn't think he'd be stopping, but then...my mum just adopted him
0:33:20 > 0:33:23and he was just like my brother then, that were it,
0:33:23 > 0:33:25just one of them things, so...
0:33:25 > 0:33:27I ended up with a brother!
0:33:27 > 0:33:30He didn't really look any different to me,
0:33:30 > 0:33:33just like another baby and that were it then, like you say,
0:33:33 > 0:33:37went to rugby and football and that were it, just like any brother.
0:33:37 > 0:33:40- Much younger brother. - THEY LAUGH
0:33:40 > 0:33:44- How old are you, 42? - 45. Yeah, thanks, Jonny!
0:33:44 > 0:33:50- Yeah, 45, me.- 18 years. - 18 years, yeah.
0:33:50 > 0:33:52Back in your pond.
0:33:52 > 0:33:57- No.- The best thing about Stephen, Claire and my mum,
0:33:57 > 0:34:01regarding finding my birth parents and all that stuff,
0:34:01 > 0:34:04was that they always supported me.
0:34:04 > 0:34:09There was no jealousy or negativity or anything like that.
0:34:09 > 0:34:12You want to know where you're from and everything,
0:34:12 > 0:34:15even though he's always been with us, so...
0:34:15 > 0:34:18But if that's what he wants to do, go for it.
0:34:18 > 0:34:23- I feel like I can't get in touch with my siblings.- Yeah.
0:34:23 > 0:34:27- Ducky!- Some other people might just say, "Sod it and go for it."
0:34:27 > 0:34:30Yeah, they would. I think a lot of people would.
0:34:30 > 0:34:34- He's pinched some bread! - Has he?!
0:34:34 > 0:34:38Pinched some bread! Don't pinch the bread.
0:34:38 > 0:34:40They're for the ducks, doggie!
0:34:40 > 0:34:43They're food for ducks!
0:34:43 > 0:34:46- You shouldn't eat it. - No, he shouldn't eat it.
0:34:48 > 0:34:49Are we going, then?
0:34:51 > 0:34:52Don't get lost!
0:34:58 > 0:35:02While Jono still wonders about his siblings,
0:35:02 > 0:35:05James' Facebook reconnection with a dad he hasn't heard from
0:35:05 > 0:35:08for 20 years is about to become a lot more real.
0:35:09 > 0:35:12Within the next half an hour,
0:35:12 > 0:35:15I'm going to be speaking to my biological dad.
0:35:15 > 0:35:17First time I spoke to him
0:35:17 > 0:35:21was probably about three or four weeks ago, through Facebook
0:35:21 > 0:35:23when he contacted me, so...
0:35:23 > 0:35:26this will be the first time that I have spoken to him,
0:35:26 > 0:35:28you know, listened to his voice.
0:35:28 > 0:35:33I'm not a very emotional person, I don't show it very often,
0:35:33 > 0:35:35I tend to bottle it in quite a bit.
0:35:37 > 0:35:39Explaining it to someone who doesn't know
0:35:39 > 0:35:42what...how you feel in that situation,
0:35:42 > 0:35:45where it's going to be the initial contact...
0:35:45 > 0:35:48It's quite hard even to explain for me.
0:35:48 > 0:35:49It's still exciting
0:35:49 > 0:35:52because it is the first time that I'm going to speak to him.
0:35:52 > 0:35:55PHONE RINGS
0:35:56 > 0:35:58- Is that him?- Don't know.
0:35:59 > 0:36:010-1-2-7-7 - yeah, probably.
0:36:01 > 0:36:03- What you want to do? - I'm going to go!
0:36:06 > 0:36:08Hello?
0:36:08 > 0:36:09Hello.
0:36:10 > 0:36:11Yeah, how are you?
0:36:17 > 0:36:20Oh, yeah. Where do you start?
0:36:22 > 0:36:23Ah.
0:36:24 > 0:36:27How many brothers and sisters have you got?
0:36:27 > 0:36:31Cos I... Yeah. Cos I'll be honest, I know absolutely nothing.
0:36:31 > 0:36:33She's what?
0:36:33 > 0:36:34Right.
0:36:37 > 0:36:38Yeah.
0:36:38 > 0:36:40Yeah, yeah.
0:36:42 > 0:36:44Yeah. Right.
0:36:45 > 0:36:46Yeah.
0:36:46 > 0:36:48Yeah, yeah.
0:36:48 > 0:36:53See you later. Cheers. Bye. Bye.
0:36:54 > 0:36:57God, that was forever, that was. How long was that phone call?
0:37:00 > 0:37:02An hour.
0:37:03 > 0:37:07We talked about his job, you know, all the hours that he works
0:37:07 > 0:37:10and discussed his hobbies, he's into sailing, that's good.
0:37:10 > 0:37:12I like sailing, I've never been.
0:37:12 > 0:37:14Don't know whether I'd do it,
0:37:14 > 0:37:18but, you know, he could help me. Yeah, it was really good actually.
0:37:18 > 0:37:20It was really, really good.
0:37:27 > 0:37:29The next day, Jono's keen
0:37:29 > 0:37:32to find out how James' first call with his birth dad went.
0:37:32 > 0:37:34So it was quite easy?
0:37:34 > 0:37:38- Like...- 'Yeah, I was relieved afterwards.'
0:37:38 > 0:37:45- Yeah.- 'You know, there wasn't any tension or any...'- Oh, brilliant!
0:37:45 > 0:37:50So, are you tempted to be like, "Oh, my God, let's meet,"
0:37:50 > 0:37:54or were you again still playing it quite methodical,
0:37:54 > 0:37:57"Let's be logical about this, let's have time to process this."
0:37:57 > 0:38:01- What's...- 'Logic went out the window!'- Really?
0:38:01 > 0:38:05Mate, I am super, super happy for you, I proper am and...
0:38:05 > 0:38:07that's brilliant news.
0:38:07 > 0:38:10'I'll definitely keep you in touch with everything and, you know...'
0:38:11 > 0:38:13All right, matey. Speak soon.
0:38:13 > 0:38:15Bye.
0:38:23 > 0:38:26After hearing how easy it was for James and his dad
0:38:26 > 0:38:30to reconnect on Facebook, Jono's sure about one thing.
0:38:31 > 0:38:35I do feel that maybe one day
0:38:35 > 0:38:38I will meet my siblings
0:38:38 > 0:38:42and I have got a feeling that we're going to have a conversation
0:38:42 > 0:38:44of why didn't we do this sooner?
0:38:45 > 0:38:51At the moment, I'm in a good place and I reckon I am coping with it.
0:38:51 > 0:38:54Although saying that though, yesterday I was in tears,
0:38:54 > 0:38:57so maybe I'm not coping with it so well.
0:39:04 > 0:39:07I don't... I don't... I don't know.
0:39:09 > 0:39:12I don't know any more, do you know? Erm...
0:39:31 > 0:39:34Aware that Jono might need some cheering up,
0:39:34 > 0:39:36Laura prepares a special meal.
0:39:38 > 0:39:43- Hi, Wauwa.- Hey.- Something smells like it's burning.- It's not burning!
0:39:43 > 0:39:47- How you doing?- All right. I burnt my fingers.
0:39:47 > 0:39:51I knew you'd open that as soon as you got in. Blows leaves everywhere.
0:39:53 > 0:39:55Better than setting the fire alarm off.
0:39:55 > 0:39:58- I set the fire alarm off as well. - Have you?
0:39:58 > 0:40:03- Don't be eyeing up the salad like that!- I'm admiring it!
0:40:05 > 0:40:08- I think it looks really nice! - It does, it looks lovely!
0:40:14 > 0:40:15What?!
0:40:15 > 0:40:17Thank you, Laura!
0:40:26 > 0:40:29He's got OCD with his food, did you not notice?
0:40:29 > 0:40:33He ate all his cucumber first and then his sugar snap peas
0:40:33 > 0:40:37and then his lettuce and left all the chicken for last,
0:40:37 > 0:40:40and then he's going to, like, devour the chicken,
0:40:40 > 0:40:42not even chew it to taste it.
0:40:42 > 0:40:43And then say it were really nice
0:40:43 > 0:40:46and I don't understand how he can enjoy it like that!
0:40:46 > 0:40:51- Do you think the chicken is a bit dry?- No, you cooked it lovely!
0:40:57 > 0:41:01It doesn't take long for the conversation to return
0:41:01 > 0:41:03to the subject of Jono's adoption
0:41:03 > 0:41:06and why he thinks his parents gave him up.
0:41:06 > 0:41:09- I think this is why we disagree on your parents.- Why?
0:41:09 > 0:41:12Because you've had all these years to make excuses for them.
0:41:12 > 0:41:15Whether they were right or whether they were wrong,
0:41:15 > 0:41:18you're convinced they did it for the right reasons,
0:41:18 > 0:41:22but you don't know that. But you've convinced yourself.
0:41:22 > 0:41:24They did it for the right reasons,
0:41:24 > 0:41:27the right reasons for them was that...
0:41:27 > 0:41:29they didn't want to deal with that situation.
0:41:29 > 0:41:30They wanted to stay together,
0:41:30 > 0:41:34- they felt...- But an outsider looks at that as being quite selfish.
0:41:40 > 0:41:44No, but they did it for love, like you'd do anything for me.
0:41:45 > 0:41:48- What's that look for? - No, I'm not doing a look.
0:41:52 > 0:41:55Back to the point, I think people who are adopted
0:41:55 > 0:41:58just try and justify it for them to make themselves feel better.
0:41:58 > 0:42:00Trying to get closure on it.
0:42:00 > 0:42:03Not necessarily closure, it's just you've got all these questions
0:42:03 > 0:42:07that need answering and they're never ever going to get answered,
0:42:07 > 0:42:10- so you kind of start answering them yourself.- Yeah, I suppose.
0:42:10 > 0:42:14And as well a little bit of trying to make yourself feel better
0:42:14 > 0:42:20by painting a more pleasant picture of, maybe, reality.
0:42:27 > 0:42:30Jono's in contact with a woman who's been traced online by her son
0:42:30 > 0:42:34who she gave up for adoption as a baby.
0:42:34 > 0:42:36'I've never ever had the opportunity
0:42:36 > 0:42:39'to meet somebody who's given up a child for adoption.
0:42:39 > 0:42:42'Pretty scared about meeting her, nervous.'
0:42:47 > 0:42:51- Would you like to come and sit down here?- Thank you.
0:42:51 > 0:42:57Well, I gave a child up for adoption when I was 18, which was 1975.
0:42:57 > 0:43:01I don't regret the decision because, you know,
0:43:01 > 0:43:05it's something that...at the time, it was the '70s,
0:43:05 > 0:43:08and it wasn't accepted to be a single parent like it is today.
0:43:08 > 0:43:11I never wanted to look for him,
0:43:11 > 0:43:14- I've never wanted to search for him because...- Why?
0:43:14 > 0:43:15Well, because I thought,
0:43:15 > 0:43:19what if his parents hadn't told him he was adopted at all in his life
0:43:19 > 0:43:23and then I sort of drop a bombshell on him.
0:43:23 > 0:43:28Did you ever wonder or think that maybe one day he'd get in touch?
0:43:28 > 0:43:30Yeah, I did, I always hoped he would.
0:43:30 > 0:43:34- Did you make yourself known on a social networking site?- Yes, I did.
0:43:34 > 0:43:38I joined Facebook and I joined Genes Reunited,
0:43:38 > 0:43:40where he found my family tree.
0:43:40 > 0:43:44And a message came up at the end of August last year
0:43:44 > 0:43:46- when we were on holiday. - On Facebook?- On Facebook.
0:43:46 > 0:43:49When I opened it up it said,
0:43:49 > 0:43:51"You might not want to reply to this,
0:43:51 > 0:43:56"but I was born on the 22nd of June 1975."
0:43:56 > 0:44:00I said, "Oh, my goodness! My son's found me!"
0:44:00 > 0:44:03Then a couple of days later I got the telephone number for him
0:44:03 > 0:44:05and I rang him up.
0:44:05 > 0:44:08- We just got on like a house on fire. - Really?- Yeah, really good.
0:44:08 > 0:44:11And he said, "I'm just so pleased I found you."
0:44:11 > 0:44:14And I said, "Well, if you want to come down and see us..."
0:44:14 > 0:44:20- He said, "Yes, I'd love that. I'm free next weekend." - That's brilliant! That's really good.
0:44:20 > 0:44:26It's been like he's never been away, you know, he's always been here!
0:44:36 > 0:44:40When Jono hears about successful reunions
0:44:40 > 0:44:41or thinks about his siblings,
0:44:41 > 0:44:43his thoughts always return to his parents
0:44:43 > 0:44:48and how they've made it clear they want no further contact with him.
0:44:48 > 0:44:51So much of Jono's life has been out of his control,
0:44:51 > 0:44:54he likes to keep his daily routines ordered.
0:44:54 > 0:44:56All my gym stuff's in here...
0:44:56 > 0:45:02like, I keep my shorts and my tops separate, really.
0:45:02 > 0:45:05But then even my gym stuff's got a bit of an order.
0:45:05 > 0:45:08I've got stuff that I do my fighting in,
0:45:08 > 0:45:10erm, so that's them two stuff.
0:45:10 > 0:45:16And then I've got tops and shorts that I'll do weights in,
0:45:16 > 0:45:19erm, I've got stuff that I'll specifically go running in.
0:45:19 > 0:45:22And everything has...
0:45:22 > 0:45:27I even have a revealing vest that I'll do my bicep curls with.
0:45:27 > 0:45:31So everything, you know, has its purpose!
0:45:31 > 0:45:35The stuff I'm wearing now is stuff I knock around the house in.
0:45:35 > 0:45:38Erm, I've got clothes that are just for work,
0:45:38 > 0:45:41I've got clothes that I'll go out with my friends in
0:45:41 > 0:45:44and then I've got clothes that I'll go out-out in,
0:45:44 > 0:45:47erm, and then I've got T-shirts that I'll...
0:45:47 > 0:45:50Say if I'm driving for a few hours,
0:45:50 > 0:45:53I'll have specific T-shirt or rough clothes
0:45:53 > 0:45:55that I'll wear in the car.
0:45:55 > 0:45:57And then when I get to that destination,
0:45:57 > 0:45:59I'll change quickly into my nice clothes.
0:45:59 > 0:46:04So again, everything has a purpose and everything has a place as well.
0:46:08 > 0:46:11I've come for an early-morning swim before work.
0:46:11 > 0:46:15I've got so much going on in my head.
0:46:15 > 0:46:21You know, these exercises give you such a release
0:46:21 > 0:46:25from all that frustration and all that emotion.
0:46:25 > 0:46:27It does me the world of good.
0:46:42 > 0:46:44'I do have issues with rejection,
0:46:44 > 0:46:47'I do find rejection really hard to deal with,
0:46:47 > 0:46:48'but that wouldn't stop me
0:46:48 > 0:46:51'from trying to get in touch with my siblings.
0:46:51 > 0:46:55'If I get rejected again, I know I'd be able to deal with it.
0:46:55 > 0:46:59'It might really upset me, it might be painful, but I'll get through it.'
0:47:08 > 0:47:12Jono's going to meet a girl who had the chance to reconnect
0:47:12 > 0:47:16with her birth sibling online, but was forced to make a difficult decision.
0:47:16 > 0:47:19I wake up every day
0:47:19 > 0:47:25thinking, maybe today will be the day I'll change my mind
0:47:25 > 0:47:29and I'll be more, "Fuck it, I'm going to send my siblings a message."
0:47:29 > 0:47:32And that's what I hope from all these meetings.
0:47:32 > 0:47:37I hope they have a story or a situation to make me think,
0:47:37 > 0:47:39"Oh, my God, yeah, you're right!"
0:47:46 > 0:47:48Sasha was given up at birth.
0:47:48 > 0:47:50She knows she has biological half-siblings,
0:47:50 > 0:47:53but doesn't think they know she exists.
0:47:53 > 0:47:58I did end up having a strange coincidence on Twitter,
0:47:58 > 0:48:03which led me to have contact with one of my siblings.
0:48:03 > 0:48:04Sasha was online
0:48:04 > 0:48:07and spotted a profile that looked unexpectedly familiar.
0:48:07 > 0:48:10I looked at it again
0:48:10 > 0:48:16and I thought either this is a real coincidence or it was my sibling,
0:48:16 > 0:48:20because the parents have got exactly the same names
0:48:20 > 0:48:24as my biological mother and her new husband.
0:48:24 > 0:48:27I was in a real dilemma as to what I should do.
0:48:27 > 0:48:30Sasha's worry was that her birth mother
0:48:30 > 0:48:32had never told her siblings about her existence.
0:48:32 > 0:48:39If I was the one to blow it open and cause a hurt, I couldn't do it.
0:48:39 > 0:48:43So I just deleted everything off, cut off all contact.
0:48:43 > 0:48:48Do you think your half-siblings have a right to know you exist?
0:48:48 > 0:48:49They have a right to know,
0:48:49 > 0:48:52but a right to know coming from the parents,
0:48:52 > 0:48:58rather than a right to know through me.
0:48:58 > 0:49:02It's so nice and refreshing to actually have somebody say,
0:49:02 > 0:49:05"Oh, I think you're doing the right thing and I'm the same."
0:49:05 > 0:49:08No-one else apart from someone that's been through that
0:49:08 > 0:49:12can really...really understand, I don't think.
0:49:12 > 0:49:17- Because you have to do what feels... what is true to you, I think.- Yeah.
0:49:21 > 0:49:25'The best thing about meeting Sasha today
0:49:25 > 0:49:29'was that her thought processes
0:49:29 > 0:49:32'and quite a lot of the way she dealt with things
0:49:32 > 0:49:33'were quite similar to mine.
0:49:33 > 0:49:36'It's just good to know that I'm not on my own.'
0:49:36 > 0:49:41Everybody agrees that my siblings finding out about me
0:49:41 > 0:49:44from my birth parents is the best way
0:49:44 > 0:49:46and I think that's something I want to do
0:49:46 > 0:49:49and that's something... That's my next step.
0:49:58 > 0:50:01When Jono gets home to Wakefield he's come to a decision.
0:50:04 > 0:50:08Facebook's not the best way to get in touch with his siblings.
0:50:08 > 0:50:11He wants to go through his adoption agency
0:50:11 > 0:50:15and see if they'll contact his birth parents on his behalf.
0:50:17 > 0:50:20He believes sooner or later his siblings are going
0:50:20 > 0:50:23to find out about him and he has to do something about it.
0:50:29 > 0:50:31I'm about to call the mediator
0:50:31 > 0:50:37and see if she has any advice straightaway,
0:50:37 > 0:50:39what to do about my siblings
0:50:39 > 0:50:42and getting in touch with them.
0:50:42 > 0:50:45A couple of years ago, I used you guys
0:50:45 > 0:50:48to, erm, contact my birth parents.
0:50:49 > 0:50:52The siblings probably wouldn't know anything about me
0:50:52 > 0:50:55and I get the impression that my birth parents,
0:50:55 > 0:50:58they've fought so hard to keep me a secret
0:50:58 > 0:51:00and to keep their family unit together,
0:51:00 > 0:51:02the last thing I want to do
0:51:02 > 0:51:05is cause any aggro or any upset
0:51:05 > 0:51:08between my siblings and my birth parents.
0:51:08 > 0:51:10That is the last thing I want to do.
0:51:12 > 0:51:14I think it would be even worse
0:51:14 > 0:51:17if a mutual friend, or an extended family,
0:51:17 > 0:51:19or some other way my siblings found out
0:51:19 > 0:51:23and then that makes it even worse for the birth parents,
0:51:23 > 0:51:25like, "Why didn't you tell us?"
0:51:25 > 0:51:30And... I don't know, I'm wanting... I'm hoping my birth parents
0:51:30 > 0:51:32are going to tell them.
0:51:32 > 0:51:36And it's... Yeah.
0:51:36 > 0:51:38I would like to look at the option
0:51:38 > 0:51:41of sending something to my birth parents, just saying,
0:51:41 > 0:51:44"Look, this is what Jonathan knows.
0:51:44 > 0:51:47"Maybe you want to do something about it, maybe you don't,
0:51:47 > 0:51:50"but this is what Jonathan knows."
0:51:52 > 0:51:54Cool.
0:51:54 > 0:51:56Thank you very much and I really appreciate it.
0:51:56 > 0:51:58All right, thanks, bye.
0:51:58 > 0:51:59Bye.
0:52:04 > 0:52:08'Her motto was taking things slowly often gets you further.'
0:52:08 > 0:52:10I just wait for an appointment.
0:52:10 > 0:52:12That waiting's made easier
0:52:12 > 0:52:17by the fact that I've got my mum and Claire and Stephen and Laura.
0:52:17 > 0:52:21That waiting's not so bad cos I've got good people around me.
0:52:21 > 0:52:24I think if I didn't have them there,
0:52:24 > 0:52:26I don't know if I'd be able to wait three months.
0:52:37 > 0:52:40With an appointment in the diary,
0:52:40 > 0:52:44Jono can concentrate on getting back to spending time with Laura.
0:52:44 > 0:52:46What we having for tea?
0:52:48 > 0:52:51- Veg?- Yeah.
0:52:51 > 0:52:54- Courgette, mushrooms, tomatoes... - I want one of them cream buns!
0:52:54 > 0:52:56Full of vitamins and minerals!
0:52:58 > 0:53:02- I should be a size six, but I'm not! - Laura's on a diet you see.
0:53:02 > 0:53:04All I've been eating is soup every day.
0:53:04 > 0:53:08- By the time I got home last night I were ravenous!- Ravenous?
0:53:08 > 0:53:12- Yeah.- Is that an actual word? - Yeah. It means really hungry...
0:53:12 > 0:53:14- I think!- No, ravished.
0:53:14 > 0:53:20- No, ravenous. I'm ravenous! - You're not ravenous, it's ravished!
0:53:20 > 0:53:23- Yeah! No!- It is!- No.
0:53:23 > 0:53:27Yeah, I'm ravished or I'm ravenous!
0:53:28 > 0:53:31A rainy summer's not going to stop Jono and Laura
0:53:31 > 0:53:35from hosting their first family BBQ in their new home together.
0:53:35 > 0:53:39I'll eat it, Laura. Especially if you've made it.
0:53:39 > 0:53:43Shut up! You're so sarcastic.
0:53:44 > 0:53:47Ooh, nearly lost a finger.
0:53:47 > 0:53:51- Can we try and not spend the night in A&E, please?- Nearly.
0:53:51 > 0:53:53Oh, you idiot!
0:53:53 > 0:53:55Little piece of kitchen roll.
0:53:58 > 0:54:02- What a moron. - Not a good start, is it?
0:54:03 > 0:54:09Oh, well, could have been worse, could have been on the way to A&E.
0:54:09 > 0:54:14Oh, that looks like it really hurts. It actually makes me cringe.
0:54:14 > 0:54:17- You need to kiss it better, Wauwa! - I'm not kissing that.
0:54:17 > 0:54:19But it would make me feel better.
0:54:21 > 0:54:27- You can clear your blood up and you can do one.- And another one, please?
0:54:29 > 0:54:34That one's split. Shouldn't you have stuck them so they didn't split?
0:54:34 > 0:54:37I know. Don't really know what I'm doing, to be fair.
0:54:38 > 0:54:41- Thank you, love. - Do you need a hand?
0:54:41 > 0:54:43No, we're under control.
0:54:43 > 0:54:45- How you doing? - All right, how are you?
0:54:45 > 0:54:47- Good.- We get lost every time we come.
0:54:47 > 0:54:51- Hiya!- All right?- Hiya!
0:54:55 > 0:55:00Does anybody want a burger or a hot dog? No?
0:55:02 > 0:55:04No point in cooking, is there?
0:55:11 > 0:55:13Jono can't have his birth family there,
0:55:13 > 0:55:17but he's got all of his adoptive family together -
0:55:17 > 0:55:19the family he's always known.
0:55:21 > 0:55:23That's my family down there.
0:55:23 > 0:55:27I do at times get so caught up about my siblings
0:55:27 > 0:55:30and my birth family and stuff, and I do often,
0:55:30 > 0:55:34not forget about them, but I take them for granted and...
0:55:34 > 0:55:37I think it's very easy to lose sight of what you've got.
0:55:37 > 0:55:41I think a lot of people chase things they can't have
0:55:41 > 0:55:43or are out of reach.
0:55:43 > 0:55:45Or we're so focussed on doing something
0:55:45 > 0:55:47that we lose what we have got,
0:55:47 > 0:55:50what's right in front of our eyes, you know?
0:55:50 > 0:55:55- But no, I think they all know how much I love them.- You coming down?
0:55:55 > 0:55:56Yeah, yeah.
0:55:58 > 0:56:00I need another plaster on my finger.
0:56:18 > 0:56:21Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:56:21 > 0:56:25E-mail: subtitling@bbc.co.uk