0:00:06 > 0:00:10On the day of my accident, I was playing shopping.
0:00:10 > 0:00:15I was here as a two-year-old child playing with the steering wheel, the lights, the horn.
0:00:15 > 0:00:18She just pretended she was driving.
0:00:18 > 0:00:21And I decided that I'd lock the doors,
0:00:21 > 0:00:25then I got the wonderful idea that I'd take out the cigarette lighter
0:00:25 > 0:00:28and I dropped it on the seat.
0:00:28 > 0:00:31I was looking out the window
0:00:31 > 0:00:35and I've seen the car looked a bit odd.
0:00:35 > 0:00:37When the car set on fire,
0:00:37 > 0:00:42the roof material actually fell down on top of me
0:00:42 > 0:00:47and I covered my face with my hands to save my eyes.
0:00:47 > 0:00:52So I ran in and got a chair and I ran out, broke the window.
0:00:52 > 0:00:56My mother couldn't actually recognise me as a human being.
0:00:56 > 0:00:59That's how changed my body was.
0:00:59 > 0:01:07What was going through my mind was, "Is my little baby going to die now in my arms?"
0:01:19 > 0:01:22'I'm Kellie O'Farrell.
0:01:22 > 0:01:27'I've grown up on a farm in Ireland with my dad, my brothers,
0:01:27 > 0:01:30'my mum and my little dog Susie.
0:01:31 > 0:01:36'We're a close family and I've always felt loved and protected here,
0:01:36 > 0:01:39'but everything is about to change.
0:01:39 > 0:01:43'I'm leaving the safety of my home behind to start a new life,
0:01:43 > 0:01:46'a life all on my own in London.
0:01:46 > 0:01:51'Following the accident, I needed years and years of treatment.'
0:01:51 > 0:01:53It looks a bit weird, doesn't it?
0:01:53 > 0:01:59- 'My mother became my nurse.' - This is what you had to wear for two years.
0:01:59 > 0:02:04A pressure garment is solely to flatten the skin after burns and after skin grafts.
0:02:04 > 0:02:06And that's why I wore them.
0:02:06 > 0:02:09If I didn't wear the pressure garment,
0:02:09 > 0:02:14- you'd see all the joining marks on my face.- Yeah. - You can see none of them.
0:02:14 > 0:02:20Rather than having to drive Kellie or to have Kellie to go up every day to Dublin,
0:02:20 > 0:02:24it was better that I started doing her dressings here in the house
0:02:24 > 0:02:29because it would have worn Kellie out, it would have worn everybody out.
0:02:29 > 0:02:33But I think that just shows... when we're talking here,
0:02:33 > 0:02:39I was the one that got burnt, but it wasn't just my issue. It affects everyone.
0:02:39 > 0:02:42You forgot about your own life completely
0:02:42 > 0:02:46and you spent your time just nursing me better.
0:02:46 > 0:02:49Kellie, you were my daughter.
0:02:49 > 0:02:51I know, but you...
0:02:51 > 0:02:57That is a mother's role to look after their children as best they can.
0:02:57 > 0:03:00But it wasn't for one year. It was for years.
0:03:00 > 0:03:07Yeah, but I had my health to do it and I was quite happy. I was quite happy to do it for you, Kellie.
0:03:07 > 0:03:12I am sorry to have put you through...
0:03:12 > 0:03:15- Kellie, don't say that. - ..what I did, you know?
0:03:15 > 0:03:21- Don't say that.- I do think about how much hassle I was to rear.
0:03:21 > 0:03:25You weren't a hassle. It was just a little bit different.
0:03:25 > 0:03:29But it must have been so boring and agonising on you.
0:03:30 > 0:03:36It used to make me so happy to see you improving all the time.
0:03:37 > 0:03:41And that was enough for me, Kellie.
0:03:42 > 0:03:46- You know, that's enough for a mother.- Yeah.
0:03:55 > 0:04:00'After the fire, I was taken to the Children's Hospital in Dublin.
0:04:00 > 0:04:02'It became my second home.'
0:04:02 > 0:04:06- There used to be a fish tank through here.- There still is.
0:04:06 > 0:04:11'Today, I'm back to have one last look around before I leave for London.'
0:04:11 > 0:04:17I remember walking along these corridors and putting my hands on these blue railings,
0:04:17 > 0:04:22but I was so small that I used to have to put up my hands to feel them
0:04:22 > 0:04:26and now I have to put down my hand.
0:04:26 > 0:04:28It's like I have to bend down.
0:04:28 > 0:04:34'Mr Naidu performed most of the surgery that put me back together after my accident.'
0:04:34 > 0:04:39The whole of the face, except the eyelids, is burnt and dead,
0:04:39 > 0:04:45so we have removed that and grafted with a thin skin graft, all the face in one stage.
0:04:45 > 0:04:51And my fingers, would some of the tops of my fingers have just been gone
0:04:51 > 0:04:53or would they still have been there?
0:04:53 > 0:04:59- They were actually burnt out. - So they were just gone. - The nail beds were also burnt out.
0:04:59 > 0:05:01This hand is most severely affected.
0:05:01 > 0:05:04One bone is missing. This joint is OK.
0:05:04 > 0:05:08The whole thing is missing here, the little finger.
0:05:08 > 0:05:13- And I've one nail.- Out of the five, there is only one nail.- One nail.
0:05:13 > 0:05:17Her hands were like spades, just in a straight position.
0:05:17 > 0:05:20- Your joints were not bending. - They were fused.- Yeah.
0:05:20 > 0:05:25So she learnt how to hold small things - knife, fork and other things.
0:05:25 > 0:05:30I remember it was so unusual that I was able to dress my Barbies.
0:05:30 > 0:05:35I was able to draw a picture. I was able to use a knife to eat.
0:05:35 > 0:05:39If I couldn't drive and eat and write and dress myself,
0:05:39 > 0:05:45I would be a lot... a lot more worried than I would be about my face.
0:05:45 > 0:05:47That's the biggest achievement.
0:05:48 > 0:05:53When I saw Kellie first, I didn't think she was badly burnt.
0:05:53 > 0:05:58To look at her the first couple of days, you wouldn't think she was badly burnt,
0:05:58 > 0:06:04- but after three or four days, you would know it then. You would see the full...- Her face went black.
0:06:04 > 0:06:07If you ever heard of anybody praying...
0:06:07 > 0:06:12I said more prayers than half the priests in Ireland ever said at them times.
0:06:12 > 0:06:17I'd say I did. That she'd live and that... I had two to worry about - Kellie and Caroline.
0:06:17 > 0:06:21You're worried about your child, about your wife.
0:06:21 > 0:06:25You've another child at home and you're worried about him.
0:06:25 > 0:06:29You don't know what to say, you don't know where to turn.
0:06:29 > 0:06:34The only person I could turn to was God. That's the only one I could see that would help me.
0:06:34 > 0:06:38I think, as a child, you don't question medical treatment.
0:06:38 > 0:06:41You just go through it, it becomes normal.
0:06:41 > 0:06:45If you have a strong family, it's that much easier, as I had.
0:06:45 > 0:06:50A child plays and adjusts. A child can be happy even though they're in pain.
0:06:50 > 0:06:57Sometimes I'd dream that when I'd wake up, that Kellie would be perfect
0:06:57 > 0:07:01and that it was only a dream and I was so relieved...
0:07:01 > 0:07:07When I wake up now, I'm going to be so relieved that her accident was only a dream.
0:07:09 > 0:07:16But then I'd wake up and I'd realise that that nightmare actually did happen.
0:07:19 > 0:07:22- Do you understand? - Oh, yeah, I understand that, yeah.
0:07:26 > 0:07:31Every time I was in hospital, I would visit the church a few times throughout my stay.
0:07:31 > 0:07:37My mother would come to Mass on Sundays here cos she'd stay in the parents' accommodation.
0:07:37 > 0:07:40I remember thinking my name could have been in that book.
0:07:40 > 0:07:45I remember my mother used to stop at it and she might say a prayer.
0:07:45 > 0:07:48I always remember her telling me,
0:07:48 > 0:07:52"Kellie, the kids in this book died and you didn't. You're very lucky.
0:07:52 > 0:07:58"They've all gone to Heaven and they're now with God and they're happy with their guardian angels."
0:07:58 > 0:08:04But I always remember thinking, "My name could have been in one of those books."
0:08:16 > 0:08:20'When I first came out of hospital, my mother didn't hide me away.
0:08:20 > 0:08:24'She brought me out to our local village for everyone to see.'
0:08:24 > 0:08:29- Kellie, long time no see! What can we do for you?- I need papers.
0:08:29 > 0:08:33- Buy the shop off me.- I will.- I'm here to sell.- Everything?- Everything.
0:08:33 > 0:08:36- Make me a bargain I can't refuse. - I will.
0:08:36 > 0:08:40He has known me all my life. He has. He has.
0:08:40 > 0:08:43She was always outgoing. She was never timid,
0:08:43 > 0:08:47which I think again is great credit to her family,
0:08:47 > 0:08:53and her immediate family, that she was so outgoing. She was never afraid to show the scars.
0:08:53 > 0:08:55I'm very well known round Granard.
0:08:55 > 0:08:59- There was no sympathy ever for you...- No.
0:08:59 > 0:09:02..in a mushy sort of way, if you know what I mean.
0:09:02 > 0:09:06That sort of toughened you up to say, "Right, move on, keep going.
0:09:06 > 0:09:11"Back there is history. Confine it to the old books. Tomorrow is where you've got to be."
0:09:11 > 0:09:16- That's the only way to think. - It's the only way. - See ya!- Good luck, Kellie.
0:09:17 > 0:09:21'Everyone in Granard always accepted me for how I looked,
0:09:21 > 0:09:25'but when I left to start primary school, things got harder.'
0:09:25 > 0:09:28Every game I was excluded from,
0:09:28 > 0:09:34every game I was the one that was picked on to get the worst position or excluded.
0:09:34 > 0:09:39Every day, someone said something to hurt my feelings.
0:09:39 > 0:09:42That's because I looked different
0:09:42 > 0:09:45and children don't understand
0:09:45 > 0:09:50how their actions are affecting the person.
0:09:59 > 0:10:02'Now I'm looking towards my future.'
0:10:02 > 0:10:06- That's a nice cardigan, Kellie. - Isn't it?- Yeah.
0:10:06 > 0:10:11'So it's time to pack up my things and get ready for the big move.'
0:10:11 > 0:10:15- It's a lovely colour. I love the sleeves.- Yeah, it's lovely on.
0:10:15 > 0:10:22- Why don't you wear that?- I haven't had the opportunity.- Ah, go on. I like to see you dressed up.
0:10:22 > 0:10:26When I dress up, and I know that sounds awfully big-headed of me,
0:10:26 > 0:10:32but I feel great when I like my outfit and I say, "I do look well today, don't I?" Do you know, and...
0:10:32 > 0:10:38- I like to hear that, Kellie.- I think I have a slight shopping addiction. - I think a lot of women have.
0:10:38 > 0:10:41The thing about a student, you have to buy sensibly.
0:10:41 > 0:10:47I've seen lovely, dressy wedges, but I said to myself, "Where will I be able to wear them?"
0:10:47 > 0:10:50So I went for casual ones.
0:10:50 > 0:10:52There!
0:10:52 > 0:10:56'Leaving the security of home behind isn't easy,
0:10:56 > 0:10:59'but it's time to start making my own way in the world.
0:11:03 > 0:11:07'So I've come to London to study for a masters degree.'
0:11:07 > 0:11:10It's now the end of September and I've actually arrived.
0:11:10 > 0:11:13I'm here. This is English soil.
0:11:14 > 0:11:20I'm feeling really, really excited because it feels like I can be anyone or anything.
0:11:20 > 0:11:25It's like I'm nobody. I've no identity here. I can be anyone.
0:11:25 > 0:11:31In Ireland, I was Kellie, the girl in the accident, and I was under a certain amount of constraints
0:11:31 > 0:11:37because everybody knew who I was, but here, it's like I can be anyone and anything,
0:11:37 > 0:11:40and not have to act or be any way at all.
0:11:40 > 0:11:46It's very, very, very daunting at the same time, so...here goes.
0:11:47 > 0:11:52Of course, my dad has rung me three times since I've exited the plane.
0:11:52 > 0:11:55I'd say they're probably sadder than I am.
0:11:55 > 0:11:59I'd say they're probably really lonely tonight, thinking,
0:11:59 > 0:12:02"Oh, God, there's our little girl gone out into the world."
0:12:04 > 0:12:07'I'll be living in Lewisham, south-east London.'
0:12:09 > 0:12:11This is my new room.
0:12:11 > 0:12:13That's a very small wardrobe.
0:12:13 > 0:12:20I'm nearly bigger than that wardrobe. That's how small that is. But it'll do the job.
0:12:20 > 0:12:25I want a roof over my head and it's a short distance to the college. What more could you want?
0:12:26 > 0:12:29It's...um...
0:12:29 > 0:12:31It's not home.
0:12:31 > 0:12:34Yeah, it surely isn't home.
0:12:50 > 0:12:55'I've been to London before, but never dreamt I'd be living here on my own.
0:12:58 > 0:13:02'The city is huge and completely crazy.'
0:13:03 > 0:13:06They're everywhere!
0:13:06 > 0:13:12Because I've come from my happy family, my nice friends, my happy life in Ireland,
0:13:12 > 0:13:17going around, doing well, doing this, that and the other, you know, happiness,
0:13:17 > 0:13:22and now I'm in London, it's very strange, very new.
0:13:22 > 0:13:26I would be lying if I didn't say I'm not terrified.
0:13:38 > 0:13:42'I'm studying at Goldsmiths College and it's Freshers' Week.
0:13:43 > 0:13:46'This is my first chance to meet the other students.'
0:13:46 > 0:13:51- I'm Kellie, by the way.- I'm Jenny. - Lovely to meet you.
0:13:51 > 0:13:54Hello. So what do you do, anyway?
0:13:58 > 0:14:00Sorry. Excuse me.
0:14:00 > 0:14:02Thank you.
0:14:03 > 0:14:10- I'm Kellie, by the way.- Hello. Nice to meet you.- What's your name? - I'm Leah.- Saz.- Oh, cool name.- Huh?
0:14:10 > 0:14:15I feel like I'm really trying to push myself to be really friendly
0:14:15 > 0:14:19and communicate with people and get to know them.
0:14:19 > 0:14:23Obviously, that is harder because I have a disfigurement,
0:14:23 > 0:14:27so automatically, people are going to be that little bit shier of me.
0:14:27 > 0:14:30It's not easy what I'm doing.
0:14:30 > 0:14:36It's not easy going in, you know, "Hello, I'm Kellie," being really kind of jolly and outgoing.
0:14:36 > 0:14:39'It's a skill I've had to perfect over time.'
0:14:39 > 0:14:45- I'm Kellie, by the way. - Nice to meet you.- What's your name? - Will.- Will.- I'm Paddy.- Paddy.
0:14:45 > 0:14:47- We can connect. Why not?- We can.
0:14:47 > 0:14:51'Even though I'm surrounded by thousands of people here,
0:14:51 > 0:14:54'I don't really know anyone.'
0:14:54 > 0:14:58I think it's going to take time. It's not going to happen overnight.
0:14:58 > 0:15:02- Lovely to meet you, ladies. - Lovely to meet you as well. Bye.
0:15:13 > 0:15:15Because I look the way I do,
0:15:15 > 0:15:21feeling different from people my own age is something I've known all my life.
0:15:21 > 0:15:25I've always felt that I've never mashed in
0:15:25 > 0:15:31or meshed in with young people's way of thinking.
0:15:31 > 0:15:35I've never had this flimsy youngness, I don't think, really.
0:15:36 > 0:15:40At times, I felt I couldn't connect with people.
0:15:43 > 0:15:48Sometimes, at 22, I feel like I shouldn't have had the experiences that I have,
0:15:48 > 0:15:52that I have an insight to life that's probably too much for my age.
0:15:52 > 0:15:58I feel like I've lived for 40 years, rather than 22 years, and sometimes I feel old.
0:16:11 > 0:16:14Let me keep on going through who's doing what.
0:16:14 > 0:16:19'I'm studying Journalism and today I've been given my first assignment.'
0:16:19 > 0:16:22CHANTING: No ifs, no buts, no education cuts!
0:16:22 > 0:16:28'I'm making a news piece about the student protest and my classmate David is the reporter.
0:16:28 > 0:16:34'I'm finally doing what I've always wanted to do and I'm desperate for it to go well.'
0:16:34 > 0:16:40- Go ahead.- You haven't even got the top of my head.- Because you moved the camera.- Oh, right. OK.
0:16:40 > 0:16:42Now, don't move it again, David.
0:16:42 > 0:16:48The protest has moved in beside the LSE now. We've got quite a big turnout. No police as of yet.
0:16:48 > 0:16:51But we're hoping that it'll go fairly...
0:16:51 > 0:16:53No, no, fuck that.
0:16:53 > 0:16:56OK, you can leave it at that.
0:16:58 > 0:17:01Just a bit crass, isn't it?
0:17:01 > 0:17:07We've got quite a lot of police, but no trouble, really. That's about it, really. No, no, no.
0:17:07 > 0:17:11- You're going to have to talk louder, David.- What am I supposed to do?
0:17:11 > 0:17:14I can't eat the thing, can I?
0:17:17 > 0:17:19Oh, God.
0:17:19 > 0:17:26- Kellie...- Yeah?- You're supposed to be holding the top of the camera in case it falls off.- But I can't.
0:17:27 > 0:17:31Seriously, safety is the number one thing and you just keep ignoring it.
0:17:31 > 0:17:33Well, then you lift it so...
0:17:33 > 0:17:37Well, why don't... You should have just asked.
0:17:37 > 0:17:41Just look around and ask yourself, "How am I going to fuck this up?"
0:17:41 > 0:17:47I've never done camera work before, so I didn't really technically know what I was doing.
0:17:47 > 0:17:49I was just seeing what worked.
0:17:49 > 0:17:53I have intervened a few times, but it's just purely for safety.
0:17:53 > 0:17:56It's not an expression of a lack of confidence.
0:17:56 > 0:18:03When you're with someone that's more experienced than you, they're picking on your flaws constantly.
0:18:03 > 0:18:05That got very frustrating at times.
0:18:05 > 0:18:10I would say that she's very good with people. People respond very well to her.
0:18:10 > 0:18:14She has a lack of confidence, but that will improve with time.
0:18:14 > 0:18:19'At the university, I'm friendly with some of the girls on my course.
0:18:19 > 0:18:23'They're from all over the world and it's great getting to know them.'
0:18:23 > 0:18:29My mum and my aunt have their eyes tattooed. They get up in the morning and they have make-up already.
0:18:29 > 0:18:35- I don't think I'd get a tattoo. Would you get tattoos? You probably have tattoos.- No, I don't.
0:18:35 > 0:18:37You have tattoos.
0:18:37 > 0:18:43But because you're all naturally good-looking girls, do you use your looks to help you get on
0:18:43 > 0:18:48or achieve something? Do you find that your looks help?
0:18:48 > 0:18:51I don't want to lie. Looks are important.
0:18:51 > 0:18:55We live in a society that wants to see beautiful stuff.
0:18:55 > 0:19:01I don't think about it, but when you get to see people that are disabled or different than you,
0:19:01 > 0:19:07you take a chance and think about it and you maybe think, if that happened to you, what would you do?
0:19:07 > 0:19:11I think it would be devastating because it's not normal.
0:19:11 > 0:19:16None of you ever asked what happened to me. No-one in the class asked me.
0:19:16 > 0:19:21I didn't feel comfortable asking you about it. I still don't feel comfortable.
0:19:21 > 0:19:26I've never met anyone else who has been a burn victim or has...
0:19:26 > 0:19:30I don't think I've ever met anyone who has been disabled.
0:19:30 > 0:19:34- I felt extremely ashamed of myself. - Why?
0:19:34 > 0:19:36I remember I had some skin problems
0:19:36 > 0:19:41and I was making such a big problem out of it.
0:19:41 > 0:19:46I was so depressed and I almost didn't want to go out because of that.
0:19:46 > 0:19:50I was putting on all that make-up and stuff. Then I met you.
0:19:50 > 0:19:54And I had a moment when I said, "Oh, my God.
0:19:54 > 0:19:57"Oh, my God!" I mean...
0:19:57 > 0:20:00You know, just surviving, like moving on?
0:20:00 > 0:20:05Because if I were you, I don't think I would move on...ever.
0:20:05 > 0:20:09For me, spots were never a priority, so I never thought about them.
0:20:09 > 0:20:12For me, a spot was a very small thing.
0:20:12 > 0:20:16I'm sorry, OK? It'll go away. Clean your face and it'll heal.
0:20:16 > 0:20:19I mean, it depends from person to person.
0:20:19 > 0:20:27When someone tells me that they'd find it very hard to live like me, looking the way I do...
0:20:29 > 0:20:34..I kind of think... You automatically think it's bad.
0:20:35 > 0:20:39Like because, OK, yes,
0:20:39 > 0:20:45living with burns or disfigurement is very, very hard, OK?
0:20:45 > 0:20:49There's no point lying about it. It's hard.
0:20:49 > 0:20:55But just because it's hard doesn't mean it's bad or horrible or sad.
0:21:03 > 0:21:07'Someone who really gets that is my old friend Becs.
0:21:07 > 0:21:13'She was born with Crouzon syndrome and we met through a charity for people with disfigurements.
0:21:13 > 0:21:16'We hit it off straight away.'
0:21:16 > 0:21:22- Did you see how big her boobs were? - Two big bowling balls.- She looked fine before she had any of that done.
0:21:22 > 0:21:25- She was a pretty girl. - Pretty natural, normal.
0:21:25 > 0:21:32- If you're having those big balloons put into you, you need curves to match it all.- It's all so wrong.
0:21:33 > 0:21:39For the last 22 years of my life, I've been in and out of hospital, trying to correct my face.
0:21:39 > 0:21:43And no matter how many operations I have, people still stare at me.
0:21:43 > 0:21:48It's so enraging that we can't just be accepted as who we are.
0:21:48 > 0:21:54- You just walk out the front door and someone's gawping at you.- "What, have I something stuck on my head?"
0:21:54 > 0:21:58- As well as staring, they shout things at you as well.- I don't like that.
0:21:58 > 0:22:03All those really bad words which aren't very nice. It's very upsetting.
0:22:03 > 0:22:07And the way they say it with that sort of angry voice.
0:22:07 > 0:22:11They say things like "you shouldn't have been born" and stuff like that.
0:22:11 > 0:22:14You think, "That's really harsh!"
0:22:14 > 0:22:17And when they use the word "freak", that's really mean.
0:22:17 > 0:22:23I would never... I have never in my entire life jeered at someone.
0:22:23 > 0:22:29I sort of just stare at them back, really hard back, and then they get a bit... "Oh, my God!"
0:22:29 > 0:22:33- You do a vicious stare?- No, I don't do vicious. I sort of go...
0:22:33 > 0:22:37- I can't really do it until I'm in the situation.- Do it to me.
0:22:41 > 0:22:45There we are. That's why we're still friends.
0:22:48 > 0:22:53That man's really in the spirit. He's got a bandana. Oh, my goodness!
0:22:56 > 0:22:58Oh, dear.
0:22:58 > 0:23:01It just ain't working.
0:23:01 > 0:23:05- I can't get it.- There's always next time.- Next time, exactly.
0:23:05 > 0:23:07- We're done.- We're done.
0:23:12 > 0:23:15We have to walk it. I'm sorry.
0:23:15 > 0:23:22'It's coming up to the end of term and today we have to produce a live studio show,
0:23:22 > 0:23:24'but the weather's against us.
0:23:24 > 0:23:29'Adrian is the director, David is news editor and I'm the presenter.
0:23:29 > 0:23:34'I thought David was finding the guests for me to interview, but there's been a mix-up.'
0:23:34 > 0:23:40- He's not there now. It's too late. - OK, we'll have to run with the Noel Clarke interview.
0:23:40 > 0:23:46- Your guest couldn't come?- Well, the problem is that he doesn't know yet because of the transport problems.
0:23:49 > 0:23:54'I now desperately need to find my back-up guest or the whole show is ruined.'
0:23:54 > 0:23:58I'm wondering if you're still available for the interview?
0:23:58 > 0:24:03I didn't know with the weather if we were going to be able to do what we had planned to do.
0:24:03 > 0:24:06Around two o'clock? Would that be OK, Father?
0:24:07 > 0:24:10Oh, I will!
0:24:11 > 0:24:14- Oh, he's coming. I've found him. - He is coming?
0:24:14 > 0:24:16Philip, all is saved.
0:24:16 > 0:24:19We've found a priest.
0:24:19 > 0:24:22I never wanted a priest so much in all my life!
0:24:22 > 0:24:26'With my guest in place, we're ready to roll.'
0:24:26 > 0:24:31- To which camera? - Look for the red light.- Camera One. - What? That's Camera One?
0:24:31 > 0:24:35'It's all completely new to me and I've got no idea what I'm doing.'
0:24:35 > 0:24:41- Say "thank you".- Thank you.- Not now, but say, "Thank you very much, now go back to Philip."
0:24:41 > 0:24:45- Thank you very much...- Not yet. When I say "go". Ready?
0:24:45 > 0:24:48- We don't have the script. - We have no script.- No.
0:24:48 > 0:24:51Are we ready, Adrian?
0:24:51 > 0:24:54OK, guys, read it again from the beginning.
0:24:54 > 0:25:00Now we'll talk about a slightly different project. We have Father Brendan in the studio.
0:25:00 > 0:25:05But the Pope focuses on male prostitutes. Should this not be for everyone? It affects men and women.
0:25:05 > 0:25:11- The same measures? - I'm not sure of the exact context in which the Pope was speaking.
0:25:11 > 0:25:15Thank you, Father, very much for coming into the studio.
0:25:16 > 0:25:19Now something of a different nature.
0:25:23 > 0:25:26'Today is not my day.'
0:25:29 > 0:25:33- WHISPERING: - Eileen, Eileen! Get me my wire, my wire!
0:25:37 > 0:25:41This could not possibly happen to anyone else.
0:25:41 > 0:25:43Oh, my God!
0:25:43 > 0:25:45You're destroying my set.
0:25:45 > 0:25:48I'm so annoyed.
0:25:48 > 0:25:55- I was too rough on you, David. Sorry. I was freaking, "Oh, my God, it's all ruined!"- I'm used to it.
0:26:05 > 0:26:09'My first term has been harder than I'd hoped.
0:26:09 > 0:26:12'Sometimes I feel a long way from home.
0:26:12 > 0:26:18'My mother would be very nervous of me walking in a dark area
0:26:18 > 0:26:22'in the middle of London.
0:26:22 > 0:26:28'My mother thinks that I can just get off the bus, put my key in the door and walk in my front door
0:26:28 > 0:26:31'which, unfortunately, in reality, I can't.
0:26:31 > 0:26:35'London can be quite scary at this time of night.'
0:26:35 > 0:26:37Yes, darlin'!
0:26:37 > 0:26:39Eh?
0:26:39 > 0:26:42Yes, darlin'!
0:26:42 > 0:26:48I have to make this four-minute walk in this lonely street on my own. I don't have a choice.
0:26:48 > 0:26:51And it's frightening.
0:26:51 > 0:26:57There's all these hidden little areas and it's dark and quiet. I just don't like it at all.
0:26:57 > 0:26:59I don't like it at all.
0:27:02 > 0:27:08I live with six other people, but there's often no-one around when I get home.
0:27:08 > 0:27:12They all keep themselves to themselves, so it can feel lonely.
0:27:12 > 0:27:15I'm also having to get used to lots of house rules.
0:27:15 > 0:27:19There's cleaning rotas, laundry timetables
0:27:19 > 0:27:23and all sorts of other instructions which are really annoying.
0:27:23 > 0:27:27My new life here has been tougher than I'd imagined.
0:27:27 > 0:27:31I didn't expect the workload to be this intense.
0:27:31 > 0:27:34I've had no social life since I came to London. None.
0:27:34 > 0:27:40I don't have the time for a social life. I don't have the time to go to a show or to the cinema.
0:27:40 > 0:27:42I don't have the time to go out.
0:27:45 > 0:27:50And to make matters worse, I've had some devastating news.
0:27:50 > 0:27:53One of the flatmates told me that when I first arrived,
0:27:53 > 0:27:59a particular couple in the house made a comment about my appearance which wasn't nice.
0:27:59 > 0:28:02They told me that in confidence yesterday.
0:28:03 > 0:28:06I was really, really annoyed.
0:28:06 > 0:28:10I'm saying to myself, "How dare you judge me before you know me?"
0:28:10 > 0:28:13They judged me on my face.
0:28:13 > 0:28:15I could have walked in and said,
0:28:15 > 0:28:20"You're a small man. Oh, God, isn't that so funny?" But I didn't.
0:28:20 > 0:28:24I don't judge someone based on how they look.
0:28:24 > 0:28:30But it's nothing new to me. That's what it's like to live in my world. You're laughed at.
0:28:30 > 0:28:38That's not... Like, since I was two, that's... It's not new to me in my life.
0:28:38 > 0:28:40That's the way it is.
0:28:49 > 0:28:54'Term's finally over and it's time to head back to Ireland for Christmas.
0:28:54 > 0:28:57'I'm desperate to see my family.'
0:28:57 > 0:28:58Whoo!
0:28:58 > 0:29:01How lovely to see you.
0:29:01 > 0:29:03How are you doin'? Ahh.
0:29:03 > 0:29:09- You look brilliant. - Is that a new scarf? Haven't seen that one before.- No.
0:29:09 > 0:29:11Why aren't you in school?
0:29:11 > 0:29:16- I gave him the day off. - You gave him the day off? Ha!
0:29:30 > 0:29:32Oh, home!
0:29:33 > 0:29:36I have arrived! I'm back!
0:29:37 > 0:29:40The prodigal child is back!
0:29:41 > 0:29:44How is my little darling?
0:29:44 > 0:29:45Ahhh.
0:29:45 > 0:29:49A big, dirty paw for me. That's lovely.
0:29:49 > 0:29:53She looks sad while you're away, Kellie.
0:29:53 > 0:29:57Mammy's cooking! 20 days of Mammy's cooking! Heaven!
0:29:57 > 0:30:00I can't wait to start it!
0:30:01 > 0:30:04So you like your course, Kellie?
0:30:04 > 0:30:07- I love it, love it. - That's what's important.
0:30:07 > 0:30:10I've missed your sparkle.
0:30:11 > 0:30:12Aww!
0:30:12 > 0:30:14So I did.
0:30:19 > 0:30:22'I'm heading now to find my dad.
0:30:22 > 0:30:28'He's a farmer and he spends every waking hour working on the farm.'
0:30:35 > 0:30:38Here's the man himself! Daddy!
0:30:38 > 0:30:42- So how's the work going, Daddy? - All right.- Yeah?
0:30:42 > 0:30:45I'm just checking the cattle.
0:30:47 > 0:30:51God, they're not very big for all the feeding they're getting!
0:30:51 > 0:30:52Yes.
0:30:52 > 0:30:57- That's the one with the horn there that you wanted to sell.- That one?
0:30:57 > 0:31:00- That one there.- So that's my one?
0:31:00 > 0:31:07- With the horn. That's your cash flow.- Now you eat lots and get really, really fat.
0:31:07 > 0:31:14When I was about nine, Daddy brought up my first heifer on his shoulders as my birthday present.
0:31:14 > 0:31:20That was the first ever cattle I owned. From then on, she got sold and I got money.
0:31:20 > 0:31:24And I gave him...not even quarter of what I was meant to!
0:31:24 > 0:31:27And he gives me another big one!
0:31:27 > 0:31:33- Good business for her, not for me! - It's bought me a lot of handbags and shoes! A lot of holidays!
0:31:33 > 0:31:36It keeps her happy, so it does.
0:31:36 > 0:31:43Oh, when I was small, I used to feed them late at night. A cow stuck its head out and licked me.
0:31:43 > 0:31:49Ever since then I've been terrified of them. When you're three and something like that licks you,
0:31:49 > 0:31:52it scars you for life!
0:31:52 > 0:31:55Oh, it's good to be back. The smell.
0:31:55 > 0:32:00I actually miss this smell. You never get this in London.
0:32:00 > 0:32:04All you see are, like, fire engines, ambulances, police cars.
0:32:04 > 0:32:07People everywhere.
0:32:07 > 0:32:10- You should marry a farmer. - I don't know about that now!
0:32:10 > 0:32:15- I could live with a farmer.- You always said you'd live in a city.
0:32:15 > 0:32:18So that came as no surprise to me.
0:32:19 > 0:32:24- I'm a city girl.- You're a city girl. You like the life in the cities.
0:32:24 > 0:32:27- I like...- You like shops beside you.
0:32:28 > 0:32:34- And I'm the complete opposite to that.- I couldn't drag you... - I couldn't live in the city.
0:32:34 > 0:32:40- You couldn't survive in the city. - No.- One day in the year to go to Dublin is enough for him.- Yeah.
0:32:40 > 0:32:45- Even at that, he'd try to run away. - I can understand it totally.
0:32:45 > 0:32:49Kellie likes to have a chance to get on with her chances in life.
0:32:49 > 0:32:53Out here, you don't get many chances out in the country.
0:32:53 > 0:32:55Kellie knows that herself.
0:32:55 > 0:33:01Being young, I want to live in a city where there's hustle and bustle and things going on, people.
0:33:01 > 0:33:07Weird and wonderful exciting madness. Not that I'm that crazy or anything, but...
0:33:07 > 0:33:13- I want to experience a bit of that life now.- Is it hard, though, not to have her around?
0:33:13 > 0:33:17- It's hard, yes.- Aw, so you do miss me? You do. I know he does.
0:33:17 > 0:33:20Look at him.
0:33:23 > 0:33:24Aww.
0:33:24 > 0:33:27He really does miss me.
0:33:35 > 0:33:39All right, Dylan. Let's see these birthday presents.
0:33:39 > 0:33:45'Dylan turned 11 in October. It's the first time I've not been here for his birthday.'
0:33:45 > 0:33:48- Are you glad I'm back?- Yeah.- Aww.
0:33:48 > 0:33:52At school I was saying to everyone, "My sister's coming back!"
0:33:52 > 0:33:59- I was begging Mammy to get off school cos I really wanted to come. - Aww, thank you, pet.
0:33:59 > 0:34:01I missed you, too.
0:34:01 > 0:34:07- Promise to come to London in the summer?- Definitely.- We'll go to Legoland. Me and you, Legoland.
0:34:07 > 0:34:11- Yeah!- Yeah!- That's everything. - That's everything.
0:34:11 > 0:34:16- You've so much toys, Dylan. - I'm glad you're back.
0:34:16 > 0:34:19Aww, I'm glad to see you too, pet.
0:34:19 > 0:34:22- I just miss everything about you. - Aw, Dylan!
0:34:22 > 0:34:27- In your room, it's so...- You go to my room and there's no one there?
0:34:27 > 0:34:31- No one's in there. - I'm usually in there.
0:34:31 > 0:34:33Yeah.
0:34:33 > 0:34:37- Ah, I have to go off to college, Dylan, though.- I know.
0:34:38 > 0:34:41Ah, finally!
0:34:41 > 0:34:46I really felt upset when Dylan told me he missed me and he wished I didn't go.
0:34:46 > 0:34:50That really hurt me because Dylan's only 11.
0:34:50 > 0:34:57And I've gone now to London, potentially for a few years, probably to work after my Master's.
0:34:57 > 0:35:01So I don't want to be the sister that gets forgotten.
0:35:01 > 0:35:07I don't want to be the sister that my little brother says, "I have an older sister,
0:35:07 > 0:35:10"but she left when I was a child."
0:35:10 > 0:35:18Initially, I promised Dylan I'd be home every month. He thought he'd see me three times before now.
0:35:18 > 0:35:22Look at this here. The day you came home from hospital.
0:35:22 > 0:35:27'It was exactly 20 years ago that I first came home from hospital
0:35:27 > 0:35:33- 'so Mum's brought out the old family photo albums.'- I took that a couple of days before Christmas.
0:35:33 > 0:35:37- Look at how red your face and hands was.- Very red.
0:35:37 > 0:35:39I'm very thin and small.
0:35:39 > 0:35:42- Yeah.- Yeah.
0:35:42 > 0:35:45But we were so happy to have you back.
0:35:45 > 0:35:48Look at how cheeky she is there.
0:35:48 > 0:35:52- That could only have been taken weeks before the accident.- Yeah.
0:35:52 > 0:35:58- That was the summer before. - That was the summer of 1990.- Yeah.
0:35:58 > 0:36:03- You've a lovely smile in this one. - Hmm.- It made your face, Kellie.
0:36:03 > 0:36:06It was the best feature of your face, your smile.
0:36:06 > 0:36:12- It's strange how I looked.- I find myself looking at your fingers.
0:36:12 > 0:36:16- Perfect skin. - Your little red cheeks.
0:36:17 > 0:36:22Obviously, when I see a photograph of me before my accident,
0:36:22 > 0:36:26it is...something that affects my emotions.
0:36:26 > 0:36:33I don't think I really understand the feeling I get. It's not loss or grief, like Mum would have.
0:36:33 > 0:36:38I don't have that. It's more, "Oh, God, I used to look like that."
0:36:38 > 0:36:40More than a grieving.
0:36:40 > 0:36:45Because I don't remember me as a human being, only as a photograph.
0:36:45 > 0:36:49- Yeah.- So I don't grieve anything the way Mum would.
0:36:49 > 0:36:56It really amazes me. You know, I sit back and think, "Oh, isn't she absolutely brilliant?"
0:36:56 > 0:37:00- My God.- I would never... I could never be like Kellie.
0:37:00 > 0:37:08- I would never, ever have that much confidence- No matter how confident I am, it can never be seen
0:37:08 > 0:37:12in this beauty-obsessed world as perfection.
0:37:12 > 0:37:14So when...
0:37:14 > 0:37:18I had really clear, white creamy skin.
0:37:18 > 0:37:21And then...now I have this, you know.
0:37:32 > 0:37:36'The holidays are over, so it's time to get back to reality.'
0:37:36 > 0:37:40Hello. How are you? I need to go to Lewisham.
0:37:40 > 0:37:42Perfect, thank you.
0:37:42 > 0:37:46I'm feeling, you know, a bit lonely today
0:37:46 > 0:37:49and a bit miserable that I've had to leave Ireland again.
0:37:49 > 0:37:55'I think in time I will start enjoying London life
0:37:55 > 0:38:00'a little bit more and it will start feeling a bit more home.
0:38:10 > 0:38:15'Now that I'm back in London, I'm determined to make my life here a success.
0:38:15 > 0:38:22'I want to try new things, so I'm joining a dance class to get over my lifelong fear of dancing.'
0:38:22 > 0:38:27- This is my first class. A tiny bit nervous!- Have you danced before?
0:38:27 > 0:38:30After about five glasses of wine.
0:38:30 > 0:38:33Just jam. It's a really nice crowd.
0:38:33 > 0:38:35DANCE MUSIC PLAYS
0:38:37 > 0:38:40'I'm rubbish at dancing so I've always avoided it,
0:38:40 > 0:38:47'but this year I want to challenge myself, so I'm swallowing my pride and giving it a go.
0:38:52 > 0:38:57# Usually drink, usually dance Usually bubble
0:38:57 > 0:39:00# All I want to do is tell you I love you
0:39:00 > 0:39:06# That's when I start promising the world to a brand new girl Next thing she's wearing my Rolex
0:39:06 > 0:39:11- # What would we do - Usually drink, usually dance Usually bubble
0:39:11 > 0:39:14# All I want to do is tell you I love you... #
0:39:20 > 0:39:21Ohh!
0:39:21 > 0:39:26'I have confirmed my suspicions. I am a terrible, terrible dancer!'
0:39:26 > 0:39:31My legs were up when they were meant to be down, my arms were out! God!
0:39:31 > 0:39:34I'm better with books!
0:39:34 > 0:39:36I'm busted. Absolutely breathless.
0:39:40 > 0:39:47'I really want London to feel more like home, so I'm throwing my first-ever dinner party.
0:39:47 > 0:39:51'The trouble is I have no idea how to cook!'
0:39:51 > 0:39:56I'm doing something that I have avoided to do like the plague for the last 22 years
0:39:56 > 0:40:01because I wasn't confident in my cookery skills.
0:40:01 > 0:40:04Now I've hurt my finger. Wonderful.
0:40:05 > 0:40:09This is why I don't enjoy cooking. It's bother.
0:40:11 > 0:40:13I need a plaster.
0:40:13 > 0:40:20Now things are starting to go wrong. ..I nicked the top of my finger with the knife. Tape it up well.
0:40:20 > 0:40:24Because my skin has such a thin little layer on it,
0:40:24 > 0:40:29if I literally do anything to harm my hands, it means surgery.
0:40:29 > 0:40:34My mother gets paranoid every time I use a sharp knife
0:40:34 > 0:40:36in case I do anything to my hands.
0:40:37 > 0:40:43I'm running out of time! I still have to prepare my fish.
0:40:45 > 0:40:46Urgh!
0:40:49 > 0:40:52Oh, my God. It's seven.
0:40:54 > 0:40:59'My first guests are already starting to arrive.' Penny and Kat.
0:40:59 > 0:41:02Come on in to my home. Welcome.
0:41:02 > 0:41:05I haven't had tome to change yet!
0:41:05 > 0:41:11Pour yourself a glass here. My aim is to get you drunk and you won't know what you're eating!
0:41:11 > 0:41:13OK!
0:41:14 > 0:41:19I'm just going to change. I'll be 10 minutes. And comb my hair.
0:41:19 > 0:41:22Oh, wait! Sorry.
0:41:25 > 0:41:28It's all going to plan!
0:41:28 > 0:41:34'Penny and Kat are on the same course as me. So are my other guests - Maria,
0:41:34 > 0:41:39- 'Elisabetha and Adrian.' - Hello, guys!
0:41:39 > 0:41:41Come on! Cook!
0:41:41 > 0:41:44I was kind of lost.
0:41:44 > 0:41:48'Everyone's here, so it's time to serve.'
0:41:53 > 0:41:58- I haven't tasted any of it, so I hope it turns out OK.- Mm, nice.
0:41:58 > 0:42:04- It's very good. - You haven't tasted dessert yet. It's an Irish dessert.
0:42:04 > 0:42:06The potatoes were the best.
0:42:06 > 0:42:10- And the fish. - It was really nice. Really.
0:42:10 > 0:42:15- I am so happy!- I will finish all of this.- I know you will.
0:42:15 > 0:42:16Sorry.
0:42:17 > 0:42:19I think...
0:42:19 > 0:42:24..that my dinner has gone quite successful. I think.
0:42:24 > 0:42:30They ate everything. When I put the food down and was waiting for them to have their first bite,
0:42:30 > 0:42:36I was thinking, "Oh, my God! Please let it be OK." I forgot to taste it.
0:42:36 > 0:42:40'After all that wine, I find myself opening up.'
0:42:40 > 0:42:44I remember when I met you all I was kind of intimidated by everyone
0:42:44 > 0:42:50because they were so fantastic looking and had so much experience that I didn't have.
0:42:50 > 0:42:54You are capable of doing everything as we are capable.
0:42:54 > 0:42:58So what's actually the difference? It's just a face.
0:42:58 > 0:43:04Sometimes I feel like I'm performing to be really big and confident and I have to make a statement.
0:43:04 > 0:43:07Sometimes that gets really tiring.
0:43:07 > 0:43:14- I don't know if I would have been able to be where you are. - It's a kind of lesson for everybody.
0:43:14 > 0:43:17We still have a lot to learn. Never panic.
0:43:17 > 0:43:22Thank you, everyone, for coming to my home and eating my food!
0:43:22 > 0:43:25I'll cook you a stew next time!
0:43:30 > 0:43:37'Today is my final exam and I've been up since five to cram in some last-minute revision.'
0:43:37 > 0:43:41I take exams rather differently than other people
0:43:41 > 0:43:45because while all my classmates will sit down and write their exam,
0:43:45 > 0:43:49I'm going to verbally speak my exam to a scribe.
0:43:49 > 0:43:53So, literally, someone else will type what I'm saying.
0:43:53 > 0:43:57If I have to write for three and a half hours solid,
0:43:57 > 0:44:01my hand would probably seize in a writing position.
0:44:01 > 0:44:07No matter how many exams I've done, it always goes through my mind, "What if I fail?"
0:44:07 > 0:44:11My mother would cry if I failed an exam. Literally, she would.
0:44:12 > 0:44:15Oh! I forgot my rosary beads!
0:44:15 > 0:44:18I always keep them in my pocket.
0:44:18 > 0:44:24'Because I have to talk during my exams, I take them separately from the others.'
0:44:31 > 0:44:33BELL RINGS
0:44:33 > 0:44:38Hello, Mother. I'm done. Yeah, I'm done. I started at 10.
0:44:38 > 0:44:45Daddy said three rosaries? Cos I forgot my beads and didn't light a candle this morning.
0:44:45 > 0:44:49But I knew someone would be praying for me. That's it. Last exam ever.
0:44:49 > 0:44:54Never, ever, ever again, Mother, am I ever, ever, ever doing one again.
0:44:57 > 0:45:03'My exam lasted longer than my classmates' so they're already in the pub.'
0:45:03 > 0:45:05Hello...again!
0:45:07 > 0:45:13I answered 50% of the first question, the two essays, and 50% of the second.
0:45:13 > 0:45:18- I'm going to fail.- You won't. One person failed in five years.
0:45:18 > 0:45:21- One person failed?- In five years.
0:45:21 > 0:45:25- We are going out tonight. - Of course!
0:45:25 > 0:45:32- I'll take you to a really, really nice place.- Really? - It's going to be really fun!
0:45:35 > 0:45:42'Adrian's taken us all out to a club in the West End to celebrate the exams being over.
0:45:43 > 0:45:47'And he wastes no time getting us all on the dance floor.
0:45:51 > 0:45:54'The London nightlife is crazy.
0:45:56 > 0:45:59'I like a night out. It's normal.'
0:45:59 > 0:46:05Just because I have burns doesn't mean I'm going to sit at home with the curtains closed
0:46:05 > 0:46:11like a little recluse. I like to go out and dance the night away and have fun.
0:46:11 > 0:46:15I'm 22! What else would I do?! I'm in London, for God's sake!
0:46:19 > 0:46:24Probably the most confusing issue ever - men. Ohh(!)
0:46:24 > 0:46:26God! I'm better with exams.
0:46:26 > 0:46:31I don't imagine that finding a partner is going to be easy,
0:46:31 > 0:46:35but at 22 I'm not looking
0:46:35 > 0:46:39for this big, serious relationship, boyfriend. I'm not looking for that.
0:46:39 > 0:46:43But in the future, I would like to marry and have children,
0:46:43 > 0:46:46but...realistically,
0:46:46 > 0:46:49I need to find a man
0:46:49 > 0:46:55who will accept me for the person I am, accept my scars, accept my personality, accept my temper,
0:46:55 > 0:46:58accept everything about me.
0:46:58 > 0:47:01Finding that man...
0:47:01 > 0:47:05That could be a bit of a battle,
0:47:05 > 0:47:11but I'm sure there's some man out there for me somewhere. Some day. Oh, God help him!
0:47:11 > 0:47:15Right now, I'm going to remain single and have more fun.
0:47:25 > 0:47:30I am currently waiting for my Mum, Dad and brother to arrive
0:47:30 > 0:47:36because they are visiting me for the weekend and I haven't seen them since January! I can't wait.
0:47:36 > 0:47:40It's the first time they've visited me in the UK since I've left.
0:47:40 > 0:47:41Ohh!
0:47:42 > 0:47:45Oh, you've got a fancy case!
0:47:45 > 0:47:49- You all right?- Hiya, Daddy. - Hello.- Hi, Mammy!
0:47:49 > 0:47:52- All right?- Well, palsy.
0:47:52 > 0:47:58- Kellie?- Yes?- Is Buckingham Palace far from here?- Oh, yes. It's a nice bit away from this area.
0:47:58 > 0:48:05- No, but from your flat. - Dylan, Buckingham Palace is a long way from where I live!
0:48:05 > 0:48:08Sorry, Dylan.
0:48:08 > 0:48:10There.
0:48:10 > 0:48:15This is...my home, which is under a bit of reconstruction right now,
0:48:15 > 0:48:18- but home.- Ohh.
0:48:18 > 0:48:23- That's your telly? - Very spacious.
0:48:23 > 0:48:29- Somebody must be doing a bit of work. - Yeah, one of them is doing up their bedroom.- Oh, right.
0:48:29 > 0:48:34This is the bathroom. Now the bathroom is very black because it has all dampness.
0:48:34 > 0:48:36Oh, right.
0:48:36 > 0:48:42I feel I've done my stint in this house. The age gap now is pretty wide.
0:48:42 > 0:48:44It's now like a place to sleep.
0:48:44 > 0:48:49I think now it's time for me to move on and find something else.
0:48:49 > 0:48:52Do try and find something else. No point staying.
0:48:52 > 0:49:00Fantastic having Mum and Dad here to spend the weekend with them and actually not have
0:49:00 > 0:49:04miles and miles of sea between us. I'm delighted to see them.
0:49:12 > 0:49:16'My parents worry a lot and it's nice for them to see my life
0:49:16 > 0:49:21'and what I do every day. And that I'm OK, I'm fine, I'm happy.'
0:49:24 > 0:49:31- You've done this before? - No, I've never been on a clipper. People come to work on these.
0:49:35 > 0:49:40- Look, Kellie!- This is a lovely area. It feels kind of Irish-y.- Does it?
0:49:40 > 0:49:44A little bit. Just the way they're built.
0:49:46 > 0:49:50I feel that Kellie is now a complete adult.
0:49:50 > 0:49:54- She doesn't need me any more. - Aww, I'll always need Mammy!
0:49:54 > 0:49:59But there is a point in your life when you're a total adult
0:49:59 > 0:50:04and you move away from your parents and you make your own decisions.
0:50:04 > 0:50:09You no longer think, "I have to ring my mother and ask my mother first."
0:50:09 > 0:50:15If I had known it was going to be like this when Kellie had her accident at first,
0:50:15 > 0:50:17I wouldn't have shed as many tears.
0:50:35 > 0:50:41'Today I'm moving house. I've not been happy here, so it's time for a change.'
0:50:41 > 0:50:47There are certain things that I'm just sick of dealing with now.
0:50:47 > 0:50:51I just can't abide a note on the wall.
0:50:51 > 0:50:56"Take your crumbs out of the toaster when you've finished!" That irritates me.
0:50:56 > 0:51:03If you've got something to say, say it to the person's face. And you must do your laundry on THIS day!
0:51:03 > 0:51:06That is so annoying. I'm moving on.
0:51:10 > 0:51:15'I do find when you're going to move into a house that you are meeting new people
0:51:15 > 0:51:18'and you are selling yourself as a flatmate.'
0:51:18 > 0:51:23It's really weird. What do I say? How do I act?
0:51:39 > 0:51:41- Ha!- Where do you want these?
0:51:41 > 0:51:46'My new housemates, Amy and Sam, are helping me move in.'
0:51:46 > 0:51:52- I'm quite sad that we're not the same size.- Well, fortunately. - Do you want a cup of tea?
0:51:52 > 0:51:54Yes, please!
0:51:54 > 0:51:59- We put a welcome message on the fridge.- "Welcome Kellie..."!
0:51:59 > 0:52:01Aww, thank you, guys.
0:52:01 > 0:52:07- We like baking cakes a lot. - Ooh! I like eating cakes. - We'll bake them, you can eat them!
0:52:07 > 0:52:11But you can have some fun, go to some raves.
0:52:11 > 0:52:16- We should go raving.- I've never been to a rave.- Have you not?- No!
0:52:16 > 0:52:20- We don't really have many raves in Ireland.- There's quite a few here.
0:52:20 > 0:52:25I really, really like the house. I love the feel. It feels young,
0:52:25 > 0:52:28it feels hip, it feels like a home.
0:52:28 > 0:52:32Initially, we were like...oh! A bit of a surprise.
0:52:32 > 0:52:36But within 3 or 4 seconds of talking to her, you don't even notice.
0:52:36 > 0:52:39And the flatmates are lovely! So nice and friendly.
0:52:39 > 0:52:45I think we're going to get on very well. Hopefully she likes me!
0:52:45 > 0:52:51'I think this could be the missing link to my London experience! So far anyway!'
0:52:51 > 0:52:53I think so.
0:53:02 > 0:53:07'It's been three weeks since I moved into my new home and I couldn't be happier.'
0:53:09 > 0:53:13Ha ha! My first ever complete cupcake!
0:53:13 > 0:53:15Let's see.
0:53:16 > 0:53:18Kellie, it's beautiful(!)
0:53:18 > 0:53:25'Amy's teaching me how to bake. I feel like I've been totally accepted here.'
0:53:25 > 0:53:31- We all love her. She's fitted in perfectly.- 'I've also been finding things out about myself.'
0:53:31 > 0:53:36I judged, rather than the other way round, I wrongly judged people here.
0:53:36 > 0:53:41When I met them all, they were lovely, they were so pretty, such nice characters,
0:53:41 > 0:53:45I said, "They're not going to pick me." But it did really show me
0:53:45 > 0:53:49that I presumed someone would think negatively of me.
0:53:49 > 0:53:54And that was wrong of me. It's not necessarily always the case.
0:53:54 > 0:53:59And that just comes from a lifetime of being rejected so much by people.
0:53:59 > 0:54:04It's almost your barrier so it's hard for other people to approach you.
0:54:04 > 0:54:10- I don't think you realise you do it. - I need to stop protecting, put down some of my brick walls
0:54:10 > 0:54:14and let people in to me. I need to be a little less scared.
0:54:14 > 0:54:18You do look into a room before you walk straight through it.
0:54:18 > 0:54:23People aren't always going to judge you and be mean.
0:54:23 > 0:54:29- You're a beautiful girl. They'll come and chat you up!- I doubt it, but...- No, no, not at all.
0:54:29 > 0:54:36- You've been a very good student today, I think.- I've thoroughly enjoyed my afternoon of cupcaking
0:54:36 > 0:54:38and icing them.
0:54:42 > 0:54:49'It's been 10 months since I left my home in Ireland, but it feels like a lifetime has passed.'
0:54:53 > 0:54:58It's not home. Yeah, it surely isn't home.
0:54:59 > 0:55:01They're everywhere!
0:55:01 > 0:55:02SIREN WAILS
0:55:02 > 0:55:07'Finding my own way in London hasn't always been easy.
0:55:13 > 0:55:17'But I finally feel like I belong here!'
0:55:23 > 0:55:26I'm so happy! ..Hello!
0:55:26 > 0:55:30'So I think I'll stick around for a while.'
0:55:30 > 0:55:32Aww, thank you, guys.
0:55:42 > 0:55:47I think I have officially cut the apron strings from my mother!
0:55:47 > 0:55:53I think I needed to stand on my own two feet and not have anyone in the background
0:55:53 > 0:55:58to turn round and look at when things got hard. Just me on my own.
0:55:58 > 0:56:03I'm not frightened any more about leaving something that feels so secure
0:56:03 > 0:56:08and going to a different place. It's about pushing your way through
0:56:08 > 0:56:13and fighting forward and... just kicking ass, basically.
0:56:36 > 0:56:40Subtitles by Subtext for Red Bee Media Ltd - 2011
0:56:41 > 0:56:43Email subtitling@bbc.co.uk