0:00:02 > 0:00:05MUSIC: Don't Make Me Over by Swinging Blue Jeans
0:00:21 > 0:00:23The more Jack Daniels I have,
0:00:23 > 0:00:28the more Sadie comes out, I'm afraid. Unfortunately.
0:00:28 > 0:00:31But there's no harm in her - trust me, there's no harm in her.
0:00:31 > 0:00:34She likes a good laugh, and she likes to take the mickey.
0:00:34 > 0:00:36She loves having the mickey taken out of her.
0:00:36 > 0:00:39She can be a right tart when she wants to be!
0:00:39 > 0:00:42MUSIC: Hello Mary Lou by Ricky Nelson
0:00:44 > 0:00:49My ex-wife bought most of my actual undies - what I'm wearing now,
0:00:49 > 0:00:52actually, my ex-wife bought it for me.
0:00:54 > 0:00:57Don't get many of them fuckers to the pound, I tell you!
0:00:57 > 0:00:58# ..never part
0:00:58 > 0:01:02# So, hello, Mary Lou goodbye heart... #
0:01:03 > 0:01:07Suddenly - this perfume is called Suddenly.
0:01:07 > 0:01:10Suddenly you stink like a Chinese brothel!
0:01:12 > 0:01:14Paul is also Sadie.
0:01:14 > 0:01:19He is a transvestite, and has been cross-dressing all his life.
0:01:20 > 0:01:22All the people, now, on the television
0:01:22 > 0:01:23will be laughing their fucking heads off.
0:01:23 > 0:01:26HE CHUCKLES
0:01:26 > 0:01:27Won't they?
0:01:27 > 0:01:30They'll be saying, "Don't he look a twat?"
0:01:37 > 0:01:39Paul is a retired builder.
0:01:39 > 0:01:42He came out publicly as a transvestite in his 60s,
0:01:42 > 0:01:47and he now channels his energy into helping other transvestites,
0:01:47 > 0:01:51as well as men who want to transition to female.
0:01:51 > 0:01:55He's been organising events for them at his home near Swansea
0:01:55 > 0:02:00for the last six years through his group the Tawe Butterflies.
0:02:00 > 0:02:03It's for that first initial step of saying,
0:02:03 > 0:02:07"Look, I am what I am - can I come and mix with others
0:02:07 > 0:02:11"to experience that first experience of being out in the open
0:02:11 > 0:02:13"and people accepting me for what I am?"
0:02:13 > 0:02:16# Wake up little Susie
0:02:16 > 0:02:17# Wake up... #
0:02:17 > 0:02:19With Tawe Butterflies growing,
0:02:19 > 0:02:23Paul is embarking on his most ambitious venture yet -
0:02:23 > 0:02:26to organise the Swansea Sparkle,
0:02:26 > 0:02:30Wales' biggest transgender event and pageant.
0:02:30 > 0:02:33But he's struggling to get the funding in place.
0:02:33 > 0:02:35Today we're off to having a meeting
0:02:35 > 0:02:40with the chief superintendant of South Wales Police,
0:02:40 > 0:02:42Swansea division.
0:02:42 > 0:02:44I'd like to get some money.
0:02:44 > 0:02:46It's worrying me, to be honest with you,
0:02:46 > 0:02:49because I know - I've done the sums, and we haven't got enough.
0:02:49 > 0:02:51It's a do-or-die make-or-break thing.
0:02:54 > 0:02:56If it doesn't happen, I'm going
0:02:56 > 0:02:59to have to really pull my finger out and go elsewhere, really.
0:03:01 > 0:03:04So, yeah, I'm definitely feeling the pressure now -
0:03:04 > 0:03:07and the closer it gets, the worse it gets.
0:03:08 > 0:03:12The Swansea Sparkle is Paul's way of breaking down barriers
0:03:12 > 0:03:16between the transgender community and the wider public.
0:03:16 > 0:03:20It's also the culmination of a lifelong struggle
0:03:20 > 0:03:24for Paul to accept himself as a transvestite.
0:03:24 > 0:03:27I met and married my first wife in three weeks,
0:03:27 > 0:03:29believe it or not, by special licence,
0:03:29 > 0:03:32thinking, "This'll knock it out of me."
0:03:32 > 0:03:36I think the marriage and the son did suppress it for a while -
0:03:36 > 0:03:38but it came back with a vengeance when it did.
0:03:38 > 0:03:41Once you're a transvestite, you'll always a be a transvestite -
0:03:41 > 0:03:44and I have met thousands of them, and every one of us,
0:03:44 > 0:03:47when we talk about it, we'll all say we've tried stopping,
0:03:47 > 0:03:49we've burnt the clothes so many times -
0:03:49 > 0:03:52I've never met anybody yet to succeed, never.
0:04:00 > 0:04:01In Port Talbot,
0:04:01 > 0:04:0657-year-old Robert is one of the newest Tawe Butterflies.
0:04:06 > 0:04:13I'm... I'm me as Rhian - but as Robert, I'm just...well, an actor.
0:04:14 > 0:04:17Robert has recently come out as transgender,
0:04:17 > 0:04:20and now wants to live full-time as a woman.
0:04:20 > 0:04:23He's been working at the steelworks for over 30 years,
0:04:23 > 0:04:28and is about to go on-site dressed as Rhian for the first time.
0:04:28 > 0:04:30I came out Easter, I was...
0:04:30 > 0:04:34I was going through a bit of a bad patch, really, and...
0:04:37 > 0:04:39..maybe I had to go through that...
0:04:41 > 0:04:44I had to go through that to get where I am -
0:04:44 > 0:04:47if I hadn't gone through that, I'd still be in the same place I was.
0:04:47 > 0:04:49So, it was a good thing, in a way.
0:04:50 > 0:04:53Meeting Paul, well, he's fantastic.
0:04:55 > 0:05:01He made me realise that you've got to be who you are.
0:05:01 > 0:05:04I'm not nervous going into work as Rhian. Um...
0:05:07 > 0:05:09Robert...
0:05:11 > 0:05:12..is nervous.
0:05:15 > 0:05:17I've always been proud of my eyelashes.
0:05:17 > 0:05:20Even when I was a youngster.
0:05:20 > 0:05:21Eh?
0:05:30 > 0:05:32There we are.
0:05:32 > 0:05:35The only thing is, do I go in with boobs, or do I go in...?
0:05:35 > 0:05:37I don't think I will go in with boobs.
0:05:37 > 0:05:40You know? Cos I prefer to have my own, eventually.
0:05:42 > 0:05:44That's me.
0:05:44 > 0:05:46Got to go.
0:06:02 > 0:06:04Going into work as Rhian
0:06:04 > 0:06:10was like another step up the ladder -
0:06:10 > 0:06:14but coming out, I felt - oh! - over the moon.
0:06:14 > 0:06:16Absolutely over the moon.
0:06:16 > 0:06:18Yeah. Um...
0:06:18 > 0:06:21And a strange thing happened when I was driving out.
0:06:21 > 0:06:23Because I was going out at an unusual time of day,
0:06:23 > 0:06:25the security stopped me at the gate...
0:06:27 > 0:06:30..and I've got to stop, get out and everything,
0:06:30 > 0:06:32so, fair dos to the guy at the gate, right?
0:06:32 > 0:06:33He was good as gold.
0:06:34 > 0:06:36I put my window down, he looked in, I said,
0:06:36 > 0:06:38"I bet this was the last thing you was expecting, right?"
0:06:38 > 0:06:40"Pfft, nothing to do with me, mate.
0:06:40 > 0:06:42"Do what you like, mate, I'm all right, I'm all right.
0:06:42 > 0:06:43"Can I look in your boot?"
0:06:43 > 0:06:46I said, "All right," so, I get out and open it,
0:06:46 > 0:06:49and when I was going, he said, "Listen, mate," he said,
0:06:49 > 0:06:50"Don't matter what you're wearing,
0:06:50 > 0:06:52"as long as you're you, don't worry about it,."
0:06:54 > 0:06:57Having grown in confidence, Robert is now ready
0:06:57 > 0:07:01to introduce Rhian to some of his closest friends.
0:07:01 > 0:07:02Did you get lost?
0:07:02 > 0:07:05- I certainly did.- You been all over the village?- Yeah, I know.
0:07:05 > 0:07:08- I haven't met...- Meet Rhian. - Yeah, haven't met Rhian before.
0:07:08 > 0:07:10- How are you?- Hiya. - You're here now.- Yeah.
0:07:10 > 0:07:12- Do you want a cup of tea? - Oh, if you've got one...
0:07:12 > 0:07:14You've got lipstick over your...
0:07:14 > 0:07:17- Teeth?- ..teeth. - Exactly like my sister does.
0:07:20 > 0:07:23Gareth is a fellow steelworker.
0:07:23 > 0:07:25He was the first person Robert told about Rhian.
0:07:25 > 0:07:28I'm surprised, in work, how they've taken to Rhian, you know?
0:07:28 > 0:07:31- How they...- They've been great.
0:07:31 > 0:07:32They've been so good, tolerant -
0:07:32 > 0:07:35I'm shocked how tolerant they've been.
0:07:35 > 0:07:39I wish they'd been that tolerant to me when I came out as gay, like -
0:07:39 > 0:07:42but they was different times, different eras.
0:07:42 > 0:07:46You're the only person that I could think of that I could confide in.
0:07:46 > 0:07:50- Yeah.- Cos I know what you went through during a younger life.- Yeah.
0:07:50 > 0:07:54- Yeah.- And I thought you'd understand, which you did, and...
0:07:54 > 0:07:58- Yeah.- Well, you saved my life, to be honest.
0:07:58 > 0:08:00All the other boys realised there was something wrong,
0:08:00 > 0:08:02but they didn't know, and he just said to me,
0:08:02 > 0:08:06"Well, I'm cross-dressing, and I want to go further with it,
0:08:06 > 0:08:09"and I don't know where to go, who to turn to and what to do.
0:08:09 > 0:08:11"I'm at my..." He's filling up, now, because of it,
0:08:11 > 0:08:13because he remembers the conversation.
0:08:13 > 0:08:16Because I couldn't see a way out.
0:08:16 > 0:08:20Honestly, I couldn't see a life for me.
0:08:20 > 0:08:23- I couldn't see... - You couldn't see any happiness
0:08:23 > 0:08:24- at the end of the road.- No.
0:08:24 > 0:08:26I...
0:08:26 > 0:08:29I don't ever want to go to that place again.
0:08:29 > 0:08:34- All right, I'm emotional now, but Rhian can cope with anything.- Mm.
0:08:34 > 0:08:36Robert couldn't cope any more.
0:08:40 > 0:08:44Sometimes it takes certain events...
0:08:47 > 0:08:50..and that makes you realise you can't hide any more.
0:08:52 > 0:08:53You know?
0:08:53 > 0:08:56The ultimate way of hiding is not to exist.
0:08:57 > 0:09:00I thought, "Pfft, it's easy enough.
0:09:00 > 0:09:03"Go to the woods, you know, and don't bother coming back."
0:09:05 > 0:09:08I suppose you've got to get to that point where...
0:09:10 > 0:09:12..it's either sink or swim.
0:09:14 > 0:09:16I decided I'm going to swim all the way.
0:09:34 > 0:09:40Paul moved to the Tawe Valley ten years ago, and it's important to him
0:09:40 > 0:09:44that his members feel welcome in the local city of Swansea.
0:09:44 > 0:09:49When I first started Tawe Butterflies, some six years ago now,
0:09:49 > 0:09:53it became knowledge to me, through a lot of the new members,
0:09:53 > 0:09:57that if they wanted to go out of a night-time, dressed,
0:09:57 > 0:09:59they would go to Cardiff -
0:09:59 > 0:10:01and Swansea was strictly taboo.
0:10:01 > 0:10:06So, I've made it my point to break that barrier down in Swansea,
0:10:06 > 0:10:08so it's most important to get the support
0:10:08 > 0:10:10and the backing of the city behind me.
0:10:12 > 0:10:13Agh!
0:10:13 > 0:10:17We get shoved in the LGBT bracket,
0:10:17 > 0:10:19and the L, G and B are pretty explanatory, what they are,
0:10:19 > 0:10:23but the T is just a minefield, it really is a minefield.
0:10:23 > 0:10:27There's so many different categories what will fall in that T bracket -
0:10:27 > 0:10:33from transsexuals, transgenders, transvestites, cross-dressers -
0:10:33 > 0:10:38and there's...I'd like to probably think of it as a ladder,
0:10:38 > 0:10:41perhaps, the transvestites are at the bottom of the ladder,
0:10:41 > 0:10:43and the more you go up that ladder,
0:10:43 > 0:10:46the more you'll transition towards being transsexual.
0:10:46 > 0:10:48Good boy. Good boy!
0:10:51 > 0:10:52HE LAUGHS
0:11:05 > 0:11:09The Swansea Sparkle has drawn the attention of 15-year-old Llyr,
0:11:09 > 0:11:12who grew up on a farm near Aberystwyth.
0:11:12 > 0:11:16He has just started his transition to become female.
0:11:22 > 0:11:25So, this dress I wore to one of the Gaga concerts -
0:11:25 > 0:11:27the last one I went to,
0:11:27 > 0:11:28which is really nice.
0:11:28 > 0:11:31I got it from a little shop in town, it's really nice.
0:11:31 > 0:11:34It took quite a lot of courage to go into the shop,
0:11:34 > 0:11:36cos I think it was quite late one evening,
0:11:36 > 0:11:40so, I just kind of got the courage to try it on, and then...
0:11:40 > 0:11:42I just felt really confident in it.
0:11:42 > 0:11:46This is, like, a good... good step in my life.
0:11:46 > 0:11:49The ultimate goal is to be female.
0:11:53 > 0:11:58For Llyr's father, Huw, the transition isn't easy.
0:12:01 > 0:12:02When I first...
0:12:03 > 0:12:07..became aware of it,
0:12:07 > 0:12:11it was very difficult to take in.
0:12:12 > 0:12:14Um... Yeah.
0:12:18 > 0:12:21And I'm... It's still ...
0:12:21 > 0:12:25I'm still getting difficulty in it - although I'm accepting it, yes.
0:12:25 > 0:12:30I'm still finding it a bit difficult in believing it, perhaps,
0:12:30 > 0:12:32but...
0:12:33 > 0:12:37..that's how he is, and we've got to accept it.
0:12:37 > 0:12:43There was a lad about 20 years ago, he...he...
0:12:45 > 0:12:48..he was going out on a Saturday night dressed as a girl,
0:12:48 > 0:12:50with a group of girls,
0:12:50 > 0:12:55but he was ridiculed quite a bit,
0:12:55 > 0:12:59and I believe we, now, as a family, will be ridiculed quite a bit,
0:12:59 > 0:13:03and laughed at quite a bit, as well, I'd imagine,
0:13:03 > 0:13:08but Llyr has our support 100%, so...
0:13:08 > 0:13:12Cos if you can't support your kids, you are very sad people, I feel.
0:13:23 > 0:13:25It's less than two weeks until Sparkle,
0:13:25 > 0:13:27and Paul's had some good news -
0:13:27 > 0:13:30South Wales Police have given him some funding
0:13:30 > 0:13:33as part of their anti hate crime initiative.
0:13:33 > 0:13:36He is now ready to take things up a gear and is being helped
0:13:36 > 0:13:41by fellow organiser and police officer Rhys Thomas.
0:13:41 > 0:13:44First stop today is in here, in graphic design, here,
0:13:44 > 0:13:49to pick our posters up, and the bridge banner.
0:13:49 > 0:13:52We've got a massive big bridge banner.
0:13:52 > 0:13:54You can't really not notice that, with the colours,
0:13:54 > 0:13:57and then, you know, it's going on the bridge by the Hafod.
0:13:57 > 0:13:59That looks all right, doesn't it?
0:14:00 > 0:14:02- Yeah, it looks tremendous, doesn't it?- Yeah.
0:14:02 > 0:14:06Next stop, the National Waterfront Museum,
0:14:06 > 0:14:09which is hosting the Swansea Sparkle.
0:14:09 > 0:14:13We need high profile venues to put on a high profile event.
0:14:13 > 0:14:17The one thing I learnt in my business days, when I was building,
0:14:17 > 0:14:20you can build a palace, but if you build a palace on a council estate,
0:14:20 > 0:14:23you're only going to get council house prices for it, aren't you?
0:14:23 > 0:14:25Yeah, it's - location, location, location,
0:14:25 > 0:14:27I think the saying, isn't it?
0:14:30 > 0:14:31- Hello.- Hiya.
0:14:31 > 0:14:35At Swansea University, there's a photo opportunity,
0:14:35 > 0:14:38and a chance for Paul to spread the word.
0:14:38 > 0:14:41Can I give you one of these, please? Ta. Do you know what it's all about?
0:14:41 > 0:14:43I'll take one. I'm not sure...
0:14:43 > 0:14:45It's for the LGBT - I mean, I represent the T of LGBT.
0:14:45 > 0:14:47Ever the opportunist -
0:14:47 > 0:14:51the glass is half full, not half empty. Remember that.
0:14:54 > 0:14:58It's like the snail that jumped on the tortoise's back, isn't it?
0:15:00 > 0:15:02"Slow down, you mad bastard!"
0:15:08 > 0:15:11Sparkle is a milestone for Robert.
0:15:11 > 0:15:16After that date, he'll be living almost full-time as Rhian.
0:15:16 > 0:15:17Ooh... Gone.
0:15:17 > 0:15:20What we need is a flock of long-tailed tits, really.
0:15:20 > 0:15:24His close friends are getting used to the idea of him becoming a woman.
0:15:24 > 0:15:28Fred and Alan - I'm lucky, you know what I mean?
0:15:28 > 0:15:32Cos if I'd lost them as friends, that would have hurt.
0:15:32 > 0:15:37You know? And - well, just shows what true friends they are.
0:15:37 > 0:15:42It's strange to see lipstick on a cup after he's drunk a coffee.
0:15:42 > 0:15:45That's probably one of the strangest things.
0:15:45 > 0:15:46Cos you don't expect it.
0:15:46 > 0:15:50But at the moment, he's got a big bull's-eye tattooed on his head
0:15:50 > 0:15:55for any idiot that comes along, doesn't see his point of view.
0:15:55 > 0:15:57That's my only fear, though, mind.
0:15:57 > 0:15:59Other than that, he's all right.
0:15:59 > 0:16:02He's got good mates - in work and out of work.
0:16:02 > 0:16:06And him going to - whatever it is, Razzle or Dazzle...?
0:16:06 > 0:16:08Sparkle, I knew it was something to do with shiny stuff.
0:16:08 > 0:16:10So, yes, I'm going to have a look at that.
0:16:10 > 0:16:12The only thing that's changed,
0:16:12 > 0:16:15he's given us more material to take the mickey out of.
0:16:15 > 0:16:16HE LAUGHS
0:16:16 > 0:16:18That's the way I see it!
0:16:18 > 0:16:20MUSIC PLAYS ON PHONE
0:16:22 > 0:16:23# That, that
0:16:23 > 0:16:25# Dude looks like a lady
0:16:25 > 0:16:27# That, that
0:16:27 > 0:16:29- # Dude looks like a lady... # - Apt.
0:16:33 > 0:16:35Before deciding to transition,
0:16:35 > 0:16:38bird-watching was a lifeline for Robert.
0:16:42 > 0:16:43It's meant I can be alone.
0:16:44 > 0:16:47Sometimes you need to be alone.
0:16:47 > 0:16:51And...be comfortable with yourself.
0:16:51 > 0:16:54I've been false for 57 years, you know what I mean?
0:16:56 > 0:16:58And I can't forgive myself for that, because...
0:16:58 > 0:17:01Rhian's quite annoyed with Robert for that.
0:17:01 > 0:17:03Should have been out sooner.
0:17:03 > 0:17:04But I didn't have the courage.
0:17:07 > 0:17:12For Robert's wife of 37 years, the changes have been too much,
0:17:12 > 0:17:15and the couple have recently divorced.
0:17:17 > 0:17:19My wife seems to think that...
0:17:21 > 0:17:24I married as, like, a cover.
0:17:26 > 0:17:29But I didn't - I did marry my wife for love. I did.
0:17:29 > 0:17:31I fell in love with my wife.
0:17:31 > 0:17:37I think some of my family are...grieving for Robert.
0:17:37 > 0:17:39Because Rhian's taken him away.
0:17:39 > 0:17:42I do feel guilty, you know?
0:17:42 > 0:17:46Rhian feels guilty for taking Robert away from my family.
0:17:46 > 0:17:48But...there you are.
0:17:48 > 0:17:50Rhian's got to survive,
0:17:50 > 0:17:53and Rhian cannot survive as Robert.
0:18:06 > 0:18:09Yeah, I'm looking at it now. It's the red one.
0:18:09 > 0:18:12Yeah. Size 16, you wanted, didn't you?
0:18:12 > 0:18:14Yeah.
0:18:14 > 0:18:18OK, the 16. I'll take that one now, then.
0:18:18 > 0:18:20Yep, OK, fair enough.
0:18:20 > 0:18:22Will do.
0:18:22 > 0:18:26If I do see something out of the corner of my eye that I like,
0:18:26 > 0:18:29to try and avoid bringing attention to myself
0:18:29 > 0:18:34at this time of looking at it, I then use a telephone,
0:18:34 > 0:18:37which mobile phone I have in my hand,
0:18:37 > 0:18:41I will put to my ear and make out I'm talking to a partner -
0:18:41 > 0:18:43a wife or whatever - to give me the opportunity
0:18:43 > 0:18:46to look at it more closely
0:18:46 > 0:18:50without people thinking I'm buying it for myself.
0:18:51 > 0:18:52It's funny, really,
0:18:52 > 0:18:55because I'm the leader of a group like Tawe Butterflies,
0:18:55 > 0:18:58and I tell all my friends, "Oh, don't be afraid,
0:18:58 > 0:18:59"come on out, come on out,"
0:18:59 > 0:19:02but in the same breath, I still am very, very nervous
0:19:02 > 0:19:05and conscious, myself, of buying something.
0:19:05 > 0:19:08I'm getting better - I'm getting a lot, lot better than I used to be.
0:19:08 > 0:19:11There was a time where I wouldn't even stand here,
0:19:11 > 0:19:14I'm getting a lot better, but it's something what takes time.
0:19:14 > 0:19:17Whether I'll have enough time left in my life to get over it,
0:19:17 > 0:19:20I don't know, but it's getting better.
0:19:20 > 0:19:23Let's just say, it's getting better.
0:19:23 > 0:19:25But it's the built-in guilt -
0:19:25 > 0:19:27it's the 60 years of guilt and shame -
0:19:27 > 0:19:31and don't forget, I tried suicide twice because of it -
0:19:31 > 0:19:35and you just can't dismiss it overnight, it's as simple as that.
0:19:46 > 0:19:48I'm shaking. Got to be honest!
0:19:50 > 0:19:51Got to be honest.
0:19:55 > 0:19:59With the transvestite - unlike the transsexual or the transgender -
0:19:59 > 0:20:02we still have a strong male side, as well,
0:20:02 > 0:20:03and that's where the problems arise,
0:20:03 > 0:20:06because you've got two strong sides within you
0:20:06 > 0:20:08battling away in your head.
0:20:08 > 0:20:10And I think it was this constant battle
0:20:10 > 0:20:13which led me to the point of suicide, with the shame -
0:20:13 > 0:20:15the shame and the guilt I felt,
0:20:15 > 0:20:19not only for myself, but what, in those days,
0:20:19 > 0:20:22I thought of was, what would my father have thought of me?
0:20:22 > 0:20:26When I lost my father at 14, I felt tremendously cheated,
0:20:26 > 0:20:28I really did feel cheated.
0:20:28 > 0:20:31And there's nothing more I wanted, was to prove myself,
0:20:31 > 0:20:33I think, to my father.
0:20:33 > 0:20:35I think because he was such a high role model to me,
0:20:35 > 0:20:37I looked up to him so much,
0:20:37 > 0:20:40and I think that's probably what's helped me a lot
0:20:40 > 0:20:41with Tawe Butterflies,
0:20:41 > 0:20:44to push and do what I have done with Tawe Butterflies,
0:20:44 > 0:20:47I'd like to think that whatever he sees in me now,
0:20:47 > 0:20:49it would be something that he would be proud of -
0:20:49 > 0:20:50yes, I'd like to think that.
0:21:07 > 0:21:11For teenager Llyr, Sparkle is also a milestone.
0:21:11 > 0:21:15He'll be going dressed as a girl and accompanied by his mum, Diane.
0:21:15 > 0:21:17Hi, Mum!
0:21:17 > 0:21:19Quite early on in primary school,
0:21:19 > 0:21:24I kind of realised that it wasn't really right for boys
0:21:24 > 0:21:29to kind of dress like a girl, or wear make-up, or play with dolls.
0:21:29 > 0:21:31Thinking about all of it at that time,
0:21:31 > 0:21:33which kind of made me feel like...
0:21:33 > 0:21:37like an outcast, I didn't feel like...I was normal, I guess,
0:21:37 > 0:21:40cos I didn't know at that age there was other people out there
0:21:40 > 0:21:42that were different.
0:21:42 > 0:21:46So, me ten years from now...
0:21:46 > 0:21:48I know I'll be a girl by then.
0:21:48 > 0:21:51I'd be quite nervous about saying to some people,
0:21:51 > 0:21:53but I thought, "No, they need to know,"
0:21:53 > 0:21:56cos at some point I'm going to walk onto the bus
0:21:56 > 0:21:58or come into work, and I'm going to have my daughter with me.
0:21:58 > 0:22:01We've always known that Llyr was different,
0:22:01 > 0:22:03so when people said, "Oh, what's going on with him,
0:22:03 > 0:22:07"what's this all about?" we could use the very convenient label
0:22:07 > 0:22:09of gay - because people understood gay.
0:22:09 > 0:22:13And I think that sudden realisation
0:22:13 > 0:22:16that, no, it's not gay, it's something completely different,
0:22:16 > 0:22:18because he's a girl.
0:22:18 > 0:22:21So, therefore, if he's a girl and still likes boys, he's not gay.
0:22:21 > 0:22:22SHE LAUGHS
0:22:22 > 0:22:24I think that sudden realisation -
0:22:24 > 0:22:26it's almost like a light bulb coming on,
0:22:26 > 0:22:30that - yes, this actually now makes sense.
0:22:30 > 0:22:33Sparkle's another step on the journey.
0:22:33 > 0:22:35It's a big step,
0:22:35 > 0:22:39but it's a step that's going to be done in a very safe way -
0:22:39 > 0:22:42away from home, away from prying eyes,
0:22:42 > 0:22:47among a really supportive community, which I think is great.
0:22:50 > 0:22:54Back at Paul's, the hard work for Sparkle is starting to pay off.
0:22:54 > 0:22:57Yeah, we've had some good news - we're getting more ticket sales now,
0:22:57 > 0:22:59and we also had confirmation,
0:22:59 > 0:23:02now, that Kellie Maloney is going to be with us.
0:23:02 > 0:23:05Kellie, who was - Frank Maloney, the boxing promoter,
0:23:05 > 0:23:07who has had a lot of publicity lately,
0:23:07 > 0:23:10cos she's now transitioned, and is now a transsexual,
0:23:10 > 0:23:12and she's going to come, and she's offered to help for the day,
0:23:12 > 0:23:16and she's going to help us in the evening with the beauty pageant.
0:23:16 > 0:23:19I asked the judges to take into consideration
0:23:19 > 0:23:22the amount of effort the person's put in to get dressed,
0:23:22 > 0:23:25and it's the way they generally appear, themselves, you know?
0:23:25 > 0:23:27The general appearance -
0:23:27 > 0:23:29as well as their personality, of course.
0:23:29 > 0:23:33But tonight Paul has a more pressing engagement -
0:23:33 > 0:23:37it's the Tawe Butterflies Halloween party.
0:23:37 > 0:23:38Oh, fuck.
0:23:38 > 0:23:39Hang on a minute.
0:23:41 > 0:23:44I always remember the first time I ever went out dressed,
0:23:44 > 0:23:47and I was absolutely bricking it,
0:23:47 > 0:23:49cos it was me first time out.
0:23:49 > 0:23:52Even though I was in the security of my own car,
0:23:52 > 0:23:53and it was pitch-black at night,
0:23:53 > 0:23:56I still felt so vulnerable, it was untrue -
0:23:56 > 0:23:59and I remember getting to the venue where I was supposed to be going,
0:23:59 > 0:24:01and I sat in the car for about ten minutes
0:24:01 > 0:24:03and thought, "Oh, I'm going to turn round and go home,"
0:24:03 > 0:24:06I just couldn't cope with it. So, I know...
0:24:06 > 0:24:09I can empathise in what they're going through
0:24:09 > 0:24:11when they're coming here, the first-timers.
0:24:14 > 0:24:15Shh!
0:24:15 > 0:24:17Artist at work.
0:24:17 > 0:24:18HE CHUCKLES
0:24:18 > 0:24:22At the moment, now, I feel tremendously shameful,
0:24:22 > 0:24:25because, at the moment, I am still Paul,
0:24:25 > 0:24:28and you're very, very lucky I'm letting you film this,
0:24:28 > 0:24:31because very few trannies will let you do this, I quite assure you -
0:24:31 > 0:24:37and I can see why, because at the moment, I am still in male mode,
0:24:37 > 0:24:42and what I'm doing to myself at the moment is humiliating my male side.
0:24:42 > 0:24:49So, at the moment, until I feel as though I am 100% complete,
0:24:49 > 0:24:55in dressing - as a female, I feel horrendous shame and guilt.
0:24:55 > 0:24:57Right!
0:24:57 > 0:25:00Apart from wanting a slash, I am Sadie now.
0:25:00 > 0:25:03That's it - all done, all finished, all ready.
0:25:03 > 0:25:05Now, there's a transformation, isn't it?
0:25:05 > 0:25:07Done.
0:25:07 > 0:25:10MUSIC: Tequila by The Champs
0:25:10 > 0:25:12This is her first time out ever.
0:25:12 > 0:25:14So, be kind to her.
0:25:17 > 0:25:18Fucking lovely, innit?
0:25:23 > 0:25:27Have you got your ticket for Sparkle, darling?
0:25:27 > 0:25:30Do you want a ticket tonight for Sparkle?
0:25:30 > 0:25:31Right.
0:25:31 > 0:25:33Anybody else want a ticket for Sparkle?
0:25:34 > 0:25:37I went to the event last year...
0:25:38 > 0:25:42..with big disapproval from my wife at home,
0:25:42 > 0:25:47so, I entered the competition just for the heck of it,
0:25:47 > 0:25:50and, to my surprise, I won.
0:25:50 > 0:25:56What this has done for me has greatly enhanced my confidence.
0:25:56 > 0:25:59This year, my wife is coming with me to the event,
0:25:59 > 0:26:02and I'd be delighted to have her company.
0:26:04 > 0:26:06I'll have a Viennese whirl.
0:26:06 > 0:26:08OK, Viennese whirl coming up!
0:26:11 > 0:26:12THEY CHATTER
0:26:20 > 0:26:24The day before Sparkle, it's Rhian's birthday,
0:26:24 > 0:26:27and she's come for a makeover with make-up artist Tanya Purcell.
0:26:27 > 0:26:29- Hello!- Hello, Tanya - I'm Rhian.
0:26:29 > 0:26:31- All right. Rhian?- Yeah. Hello. - Lovely to meet you.
0:26:31 > 0:26:32All right, come in.
0:26:32 > 0:26:35I need to know the proper way to do it.
0:26:35 > 0:26:38And my eyebrows are horrible.
0:26:38 > 0:26:42Because Rhian's got quite a high colouring on her face,
0:26:42 > 0:26:46we're going for an even skin tone...
0:26:46 > 0:26:47- with good coverage.- Yeah.
0:26:49 > 0:26:52And this will make a massive difference now
0:26:52 > 0:26:54on your transformation.
0:26:56 > 0:27:00I like it that she's being pampered, especially on her birthday.
0:27:02 > 0:27:05Right, I'm just going to curl your eyelashes now.
0:27:05 > 0:27:09- I'm just going to squeeze... Right, is that OK?- Yes.
0:27:09 > 0:27:14It's harder, I think, being a woman, because people expect you
0:27:14 > 0:27:18to be well-groomed all the time, and, you know, to look right.
0:27:18 > 0:27:22As a man, you can get away with just a T-shirt and a pair of jeans,
0:27:22 > 0:27:24you know? But you can't as a woman.
0:27:24 > 0:27:27I don't like men - I'd like to be attractive to women,
0:27:27 > 0:27:30but if a man come up to me in a bar and offered me a drink,
0:27:30 > 0:27:34I wouldn't refuse it - but I'd have to leave him down very, very gently.
0:27:36 > 0:27:38Until I'm happy, I won't stop -
0:27:38 > 0:27:41even if that means I will fully transition, transition...
0:27:41 > 0:27:43but my age is against me -
0:27:43 > 0:27:45I'm 58, so, if I was to fully transition,
0:27:45 > 0:27:48I'm going to be nearly 65 before I transition,
0:27:48 > 0:27:50so I've got to be sensible about it.
0:27:50 > 0:27:53I'm enjoying every single moment of it.
0:27:53 > 0:27:54I am. And...
0:27:54 > 0:28:00the more I live as Rhian, the happier I would be. Yeah.
0:28:00 > 0:28:02I'm going to give you the mirror now.
0:28:02 > 0:28:05Which is not the magnified side. Hold that for me, Rhi.
0:28:05 > 0:28:09- Oh, yeah.- There we are. You can have a look now.
0:28:09 > 0:28:10Oh, that's lovely.
0:28:10 > 0:28:14- Is that what you wanted? As in, it's natural...- Yes, it's natural.
0:28:14 > 0:28:16- I don't...- It's lovely.- I don't...
0:28:16 > 0:28:18- That's fabulous. Thank you. - Your skin looks lovely.
0:28:18 > 0:28:21I know - I look a bit younger, don't I?!
0:28:21 > 0:28:22SHE CHUCKLES
0:28:22 > 0:28:24How are your eyebrows?
0:28:24 > 0:28:26Cos you were saying you hate your eyebrows, usually.
0:28:26 > 0:28:28- Oh, no, they're fine.- Yeah. - Yeah, lovely.
0:28:28 > 0:28:31When I said - when you're doing your own make-up now,
0:28:31 > 0:28:33just subtle, and build it up.
0:28:35 > 0:28:38- Thank you.- Happy birthday. - Thank you. Lovely.
0:28:41 > 0:28:46It's the first time I've looked at myself with make-up on and been...
0:28:46 > 0:28:50content with it, because I'm always saying,
0:28:50 > 0:28:54"God, maybe I should have done this, or should have done that."
0:28:56 > 0:28:58Oh...
0:29:00 > 0:29:01Hello, Rhian.
0:29:04 > 0:29:06Onwards and upwards.
0:29:08 > 0:29:09Keep going.
0:29:15 > 0:29:16SHE SIGHS
0:29:22 > 0:29:23I used to feel dirty.
0:29:25 > 0:29:27Not when I was changed -
0:29:27 > 0:29:30when I changed back, I felt dirty and perverted.
0:29:30 > 0:29:35I knew I was...should have been born a girl,
0:29:35 > 0:29:39and I felt cheated...
0:29:39 > 0:29:41in a way. Frightened.
0:29:41 > 0:29:43And I was disgusted with myself.
0:29:48 > 0:29:51The last bit of preparation for Sparkle -
0:29:51 > 0:29:54but things aren't going to plan.
0:29:54 > 0:29:56What a horrible day to have it on.
0:29:56 > 0:29:57Absolutely...
0:29:58 > 0:30:00Blowing a gale, raining -
0:30:00 > 0:30:02although they do say it's going to clear up later on,
0:30:02 > 0:30:05so at least it'll be all right for this afternoon and tonight,
0:30:05 > 0:30:07but it's crap at the moment, it really is bad.
0:30:09 > 0:30:11I'm trying to fucking tell him, but he won't listen to me.
0:30:11 > 0:30:13It's pointless putting this stuff up now
0:30:13 > 0:30:15because you don't want it until tomorrow night.
0:30:15 > 0:30:17Wait till the stage has been shifted, then put it up.
0:30:17 > 0:30:19Fucking hell - who did that?!
0:30:19 > 0:30:22- Yeah, it's squashed...- Squashed up!
0:30:22 > 0:30:24Fucking look at it!
0:30:24 > 0:30:26Look like I'm a fucking dwarf, doesn't it?
0:30:26 > 0:30:29Squashed right up - I'm fat... Argh!
0:30:29 > 0:30:30Everything what could've gone wrong
0:30:30 > 0:30:32has gone wrong this week. Unbelievable.
0:30:32 > 0:30:35- Tina Sparkle can't do it.- Never!
0:30:35 > 0:30:37She's gone down with tonsillitis.
0:30:37 > 0:30:39It's not the only letdown -
0:30:39 > 0:30:43star attraction Kellie Maloney has also pulled out.
0:30:43 > 0:30:45She's advertised as being here,
0:30:45 > 0:30:47so she probably is going to be a crowd-puller,
0:30:47 > 0:30:49and people are going to be disappointed when she's not here.
0:30:49 > 0:30:52I suppose, without Kellie going to be here,
0:30:52 > 0:30:54the onus is going to be on me, isn't it, all the time?
0:30:54 > 0:30:56I'll be the centre of attention again.
0:30:56 > 0:30:59- HE TUTS - Oh, dear, I'll just have to put up with it(!)
0:31:03 > 0:31:05With the weather improving,
0:31:05 > 0:31:09the doors are finally open for Sparkle's daytime event.
0:31:09 > 0:31:14Over 60 stalls offering information, advice and top tips.
0:31:15 > 0:31:18- You have got fab lashes.- Thank you.
0:31:18 > 0:31:21With those lashes, you put the gel on first...
0:31:25 > 0:31:27Oh, they're nails!
0:31:27 > 0:31:30I was wondering what they were, then.
0:31:30 > 0:31:32- Can I introduce myself? - Oh, please do.
0:31:32 > 0:31:35- Diane.- Hello, Diane. - From Aberystwyth, with Llyr.
0:31:35 > 0:31:37It's everything we thought it would be, and more.
0:31:37 > 0:31:39So, sometimes you look forward to something so much
0:31:39 > 0:31:41that when you actually get there, it's a bit sort of like,
0:31:41 > 0:31:44"Er, it's OK," but, no, this is everything we ever hoped for.
0:31:44 > 0:31:45It's brilliant.
0:31:45 > 0:31:48We spoke to quite a few people here already,
0:31:48 > 0:31:50but it was really helpful - the make-up people,
0:31:50 > 0:31:53they were kind of giving us tips and stuff.
0:31:53 > 0:31:56And, for Rhian, there's the opportunity to get advice
0:31:56 > 0:32:01from another transgender woman - Liz, who's already started hormones.
0:32:01 > 0:32:04So, you're a little but further on, I hear, from what I am.
0:32:04 > 0:32:05- Yeah, I am, yeah. 14 months... - Is it?
0:32:05 > 0:32:07- How do you find it?- ..on hormones.
0:32:07 > 0:32:10- Started my transition. - Lovely.- Yeah, yeah.
0:32:10 > 0:32:12- How do you feel?- Fantastic.
0:32:12 > 0:32:17Sparkle represents a positive step for Rhian...
0:32:17 > 0:32:19Oh, listen, thank you.
0:32:19 > 0:32:23..but the changes in her life are also taking their toll.
0:32:23 > 0:32:27I'm a little bit stressed, because, er...
0:32:27 > 0:32:32my daughter won't talk to me a lot. And I don't blame her, you know?
0:32:32 > 0:32:35She's got a lot to take in...
0:32:35 > 0:32:39and...I think she understands I'm always there for her,
0:32:39 > 0:32:42you know - I'll always be there for my daughter,
0:32:42 > 0:32:44because I'm really, really proud of her.
0:32:44 > 0:32:46You know?
0:32:46 > 0:32:49I don't think she's very proud of me, at the moment,
0:32:49 > 0:32:52but that doesn't stop me being proud of her.
0:32:52 > 0:32:55There's always hope, isn't there?
0:32:55 > 0:32:57With day turning to night,
0:32:57 > 0:33:01it's time for our Tawe Butterflies to go home and change,
0:33:01 > 0:33:05ready for the evening party and pageant.
0:33:05 > 0:33:09See what I purchased today, over at Sparkles.
0:33:09 > 0:33:10There you are.
0:33:17 > 0:33:19Nothing on my teeth.
0:33:19 > 0:33:22It's not going to be finished until I comb it, you know that, don't you?
0:33:22 > 0:33:25- So, you put your rug on... - Put my rug on.
0:33:25 > 0:33:28You wouldn't believe how much help Alan has been, and Fred,
0:33:28 > 0:33:31and Alan's wife, and my friends -
0:33:31 > 0:33:34cos I think, if it wasn't for them, I don't think I would have survived.
0:33:34 > 0:33:36There you are.
0:33:36 > 0:33:39That's Rhian - I know it's not glamoury and glitzy,
0:33:39 > 0:33:41as a lot of the people will be tonight,
0:33:41 > 0:33:43but it's me, and that's what I want.
0:33:45 > 0:33:46There you are.
0:33:46 > 0:33:47Done.
0:33:49 > 0:33:52I'll have to ask Alan, now, "Do I look OK?"
0:33:52 > 0:33:53Well, I would kick you out of bed.
0:33:53 > 0:33:55Oh, right!
0:33:56 > 0:33:58That's a result, then, innit?
0:33:58 > 0:33:59Right. Come on - am I OK?
0:33:59 > 0:34:01You're all right. You're passable.
0:34:01 > 0:34:04- Right, that's good enough for me. - Walk-passable.
0:34:04 > 0:34:07Oh, wait, I've got to change my shoes.
0:34:23 > 0:34:26Right, I'm here now, and I'm ready to get plastered.
0:34:26 > 0:34:28HE CHUCKLES
0:34:29 > 0:34:32MUSIC: Enola Gay by Orchestral Manoeuvres In The Dark
0:34:53 > 0:34:54Where's the judges?
0:34:54 > 0:34:56Pageant time.
0:34:56 > 0:34:59With everyone warmed up, and the party in full swing,
0:34:59 > 0:35:01it's time for the pageant dance-off.
0:35:01 > 0:35:05MUSIC: Shake It Off by Taylor Swift
0:35:13 > 0:35:14Whoo!
0:35:14 > 0:35:1715-year-old - this is her first time, dressed,
0:35:17 > 0:35:20and her first time to come out to an event like this -
0:35:20 > 0:35:22so, that, in itself, deserves a big round of applause.
0:35:22 > 0:35:25- Come on. - ALL CHEER
0:35:25 > 0:35:27Very good friend of mine.
0:35:27 > 0:35:30We've been - lots and lots of chats lately, darling, haven't we?
0:35:30 > 0:35:32- Oh, yes. Yes.- Been a big journey for you.- Oh, huge.
0:35:32 > 0:35:36- Has been a big journey - but you've got there now, haven't you?- Oh, yes.
0:35:37 > 0:35:43After a final look for the judges, it's the moment of truth,
0:35:43 > 0:35:48and the title of Miss Swansea Sparkle 2015 goes to...
0:35:48 > 0:35:49Come on - it's you!
0:35:49 > 0:35:51..Llyr.
0:35:51 > 0:35:53ALL CHEER
0:35:56 > 0:35:58Well done! Fantastic.
0:36:03 > 0:36:06Can I just say, everybody,
0:36:06 > 0:36:12give a big round of applause to Miss Sparkle 2015.
0:36:12 > 0:36:15- CHEERING AND APPLAUSE - Well deserved.
0:36:20 > 0:36:21- Congratulations.- Thank you.
0:36:21 > 0:36:23Congratulations.
0:36:23 > 0:36:24- Thank you.- Just keep on going.
0:36:24 > 0:36:26- Yeah.- Don't ever... - Got so much confidence after today.
0:36:26 > 0:36:28- Don't ever go back.- No.- No.
0:36:28 > 0:36:29We have to come back soon.
0:36:30 > 0:36:33It felt right.
0:36:33 > 0:36:36Like, it felt really good, being in the dress and the shoes tonight.
0:36:36 > 0:36:39It felt right. Like, that's what it should be.
0:36:39 > 0:36:41It's meant a lot, coming here,
0:36:41 > 0:36:44because it's just another kind of stepping stone.
0:36:44 > 0:36:48- I guess I'm going back with a lot more confidence.- Yeah.
0:36:48 > 0:36:50Going back with a pillow!
0:36:50 > 0:36:53Pillow and a sash and a tiara.
0:36:53 > 0:36:55DIANE LAUGHS
0:36:55 > 0:36:58I've had a fantastic, wonderful evening,
0:36:58 > 0:37:01I've been really good, and it's a nice start to my new life.
0:37:01 > 0:37:05So, it's good night, God bless, and I'll speak to you soon.
0:37:05 > 0:37:07Bye. Take care.
0:37:07 > 0:37:12- Bye!- I just want a clapper, and go, "End."
0:37:12 > 0:37:17You've got to keep this event going to keep the confidence building,
0:37:17 > 0:37:20because if you stop it once, you'll go right back to square one again.
0:37:20 > 0:37:22Yeah, definitely, Swansea's going to get there one day -
0:37:22 > 0:37:24there's no two ways about it.
0:37:24 > 0:37:27The more we can show them that there is people here
0:37:27 > 0:37:30who have got that confidence, the more they will follow.
0:37:30 > 0:37:33Like the sheep - the sheep theory, really, I suppose.
0:37:33 > 0:37:34Baa!
0:37:35 > 0:37:39My ultimate aim is to one day - they don't want me.
0:37:39 > 0:37:40I shall be happy, then.
0:37:40 > 0:37:43When I'm not needed, they've got their own world,
0:37:43 > 0:37:47and they've got the rights to go out wherever they want,
0:37:47 > 0:37:52whoever they want, and enjoy themselves, my job's done.
0:37:52 > 0:37:55MUSIC: Lakme Flower Duet by Leo Delibes
0:38:29 > 0:38:35MUSIC: Shake It Off by Taylor Swift