0:00:08 > 0:00:09OK.
0:00:15 > 0:00:17Right, where should we start?
0:00:17 > 0:00:18I should tell you that I have
0:00:18 > 0:00:21a problem just going off on one, sometimes.
0:00:21 > 0:00:24So at the moment now, you see, I'm thinking about...
0:00:24 > 0:00:27I'm talking to you, but I'm actually thinking about ME163s,
0:00:27 > 0:00:30which were a type of aircraft, a rocket aircraft.
0:00:30 > 0:00:33In fact, they were the only rocket aircraft.
0:00:33 > 0:00:37So now I'm thinking about the ticker tape parade that the astronauts did
0:00:37 > 0:00:40when they got back from the moon in 1969.
0:00:40 > 0:00:44And they did that on the 13th of August.
0:00:44 > 0:00:46My name is Chris Packham.
0:00:46 > 0:00:49What you probably don't know,
0:00:49 > 0:00:51because I've been hiding it most of my life,
0:00:51 > 0:00:54is that my brain is different than yours.
0:00:55 > 0:00:57Because I'm autistic.
0:00:58 > 0:01:00Astronaut, Neil Armstrong.
0:01:00 > 0:01:02Neil, he was sort of a troubled soul.
0:01:02 > 0:01:05Died on the 25th of August, 2012.
0:01:05 > 0:01:06August was a big time for him
0:01:06 > 0:01:09because the ticker tape was on the 13th, like I said.
0:01:09 > 0:01:12That's how my mind goes from one thing to another.
0:01:12 > 0:01:14It becomes these sort of cascades.
0:01:14 > 0:01:16It's memory. I just have a memory.
0:01:16 > 0:01:18It's exhausting, it doesn't make any sense,
0:01:18 > 0:01:20it's intensely irritating to people.
0:01:20 > 0:01:22Cor, that was good!
0:01:22 > 0:01:24This tale has got a sting in it.
0:01:24 > 0:01:27My type of autism is called Asperger's.
0:01:27 > 0:01:30I've experienced many things on Springwatch today.
0:01:30 > 0:01:32I've spent 30 years on the telly,
0:01:32 > 0:01:35trying my best to act normal,
0:01:35 > 0:01:38when really, I'm anything but.
0:01:38 > 0:01:42Bad times. It's been immensely difficult.
0:01:42 > 0:01:45You know, there were times when I fought it, I really fought it.
0:01:45 > 0:01:47I didn't want to be different.
0:01:47 > 0:01:51Now, I've decided that I want to talk about my Asperger's.
0:01:51 > 0:01:55I want people to try and understand what it's like to be me.
0:01:55 > 0:01:58There's a lot about me which is pretty normal.
0:01:58 > 0:02:02There's a lot of other things which are not quite so normal.
0:02:02 > 0:02:05This is the story of my life.
0:02:05 > 0:02:06The past...
0:02:07 > 0:02:09..and the present.
0:02:10 > 0:02:13How those who love me have learnt to live with me.
0:02:15 > 0:02:19He is like an alien. It is like he's landed, basically.
0:02:19 > 0:02:25As a young man, there was absolutely nothing available to help me.
0:02:25 > 0:02:28But now, I'm going in search of radical new therapies
0:02:28 > 0:02:31that might be able to improve my life
0:02:31 > 0:02:33and the lives of millions of others.
0:02:33 > 0:02:36Stay back! Stay back!
0:02:36 > 0:02:39Treatments aimed at making us more normal,
0:02:39 > 0:02:41stripping us of our autistic traits.
0:02:43 > 0:02:48If a cure for autism ever became available,
0:02:48 > 0:02:49would I choose to take it?
0:03:00 > 0:03:03I live in this house in the New Forest.
0:03:04 > 0:03:07And it's in the middle of a huge patch of woodland.
0:03:12 > 0:03:14Come on, Scratch. Let's go.
0:03:17 > 0:03:19You've got a filthy arse.
0:03:19 > 0:03:21This is always my favourite part of the day,
0:03:21 > 0:03:24getting up in the morning and going out into this place
0:03:24 > 0:03:27with...with the Scratch.
0:03:29 > 0:03:30Scratch is my best mate.
0:03:32 > 0:03:35I love him more than anything on this planet
0:03:35 > 0:03:38and all of my love is focused entirely upon him.
0:03:38 > 0:03:40It's intense and it's real.
0:03:42 > 0:03:45Just him being happy here makes me happy.
0:03:45 > 0:03:49It's guaranteed. It's like the switch comes on.
0:03:49 > 0:03:51And in human relationships,
0:03:51 > 0:03:56because of the complexity of them, and the various problems with them,
0:03:56 > 0:03:59they don't always make you happy, even when you want them to.
0:03:59 > 0:04:01Come on, Scratch.
0:04:01 > 0:04:03My Asperger's is one of many conditions
0:04:03 > 0:04:05on the broad autistic spectrum.
0:04:06 > 0:04:09I'm lucky to be high-functioning,
0:04:09 > 0:04:13but there are still some areas where I really just don't have a clue.
0:04:14 > 0:04:18People like myself are clumsy, socially.
0:04:18 > 0:04:20So even now, as an adult,
0:04:20 > 0:04:25having learned, you know, how to minimise that,
0:04:25 > 0:04:30I still constantly make mistakes.
0:04:30 > 0:04:34Let's be honest, I suspect that many people find me a little bit weird,
0:04:34 > 0:04:37which is one of the reasons why I've chosen to live all on my own
0:04:37 > 0:04:40in the middle of the woods.
0:04:40 > 0:04:44I can't think when I last saw another human being here.
0:04:44 > 0:04:45Scratcher.
0:04:45 > 0:04:48Yeah, people invite me to parties and it's like, you know,
0:04:48 > 0:04:51"I'm having my 50th party." "Where is it?" "It's in Wales."
0:04:51 > 0:04:53"What? I'm going to go to Wales,
0:04:53 > 0:04:55"to go to a party to stand in the corner
0:04:55 > 0:04:57"and not talk very much to people?"
0:04:58 > 0:05:03I haven't been to a party for ten years or something.
0:05:03 > 0:05:07I don't have that need for that sort of social contact, at all.
0:05:09 > 0:05:11If you have autism,
0:05:11 > 0:05:15there's an enormous breadth of how that impacts upon your life,
0:05:15 > 0:05:18and I think it varies from having a few traits,
0:05:18 > 0:05:24which might be perceived as quirky or difficult socially,
0:05:24 > 0:05:27and many, many people will have those,
0:05:27 > 0:05:33and at the other end, I think that it is fair to call it a disability.
0:05:34 > 0:05:37I'm not a typical autistic person,
0:05:37 > 0:05:40because there is no typical autistic person.
0:05:43 > 0:05:45Look at that. Look through there now.
0:05:45 > 0:05:47That's really quite a nice sight.
0:05:47 > 0:05:50This is an inordinately complex environment.
0:05:50 > 0:05:52It's quite challenging to be here
0:05:52 > 0:05:54because there's so much to see, and when
0:05:54 > 0:05:57I'm looking at it, it's all coming in really, really quickly.
0:05:57 > 0:05:58It's like swamping.
0:05:59 > 0:06:04There's one aspect of my Asperger's that you may not expect.
0:06:04 > 0:06:09You see, I experience the world in a very different way to pretty much
0:06:09 > 0:06:13everyone else. There's like a... imagine like a hyper reality.
0:06:16 > 0:06:19It's not just about seeing it, it's about hearing,
0:06:19 > 0:06:23it's about smelling it, it's about tasting it, it's about everything.
0:06:23 > 0:06:26I mean, there's a very distinct smell of this time of spring.
0:06:26 > 0:06:28It's quite ripe, it's quite moist,
0:06:28 > 0:06:30so if it rained now, this afternoon,
0:06:30 > 0:06:33the smell would change quite radically
0:06:33 > 0:06:35and it would be much more intense.
0:06:35 > 0:06:37Sound-wise, obviously there's that jet that's going over.
0:06:37 > 0:06:39I can hear the traffic in the distance
0:06:39 > 0:06:42and then you've got the natural sounds that are here.
0:06:42 > 0:06:45So that was a blackbird rattling over there, there's robins calling,
0:06:45 > 0:06:47now there's a blackbird calling.
0:06:47 > 0:06:49I can hear blue tits going.
0:06:49 > 0:06:51Erm...
0:06:51 > 0:06:54BIRDSONG
0:07:00 > 0:07:03Oh, just heard a chaffinch singing.
0:07:03 > 0:07:05There's layers of birdsong going on.
0:07:06 > 0:07:09This sensory overload is a constant distraction and
0:07:09 > 0:07:13it's had a hugely isolating affect on me, ever since I was a small boy.
0:07:15 > 0:07:18I grew up in Southampton in the 1960s and back then,
0:07:18 > 0:07:21Asperger's wasn't a properly recognised condition.
0:07:23 > 0:07:27As a child, were you aware that you were different?
0:07:27 > 0:07:30Not really. I think, when I look back on it,
0:07:30 > 0:07:34what was clear was the depth of the obsessions
0:07:34 > 0:07:39was so much greater than any of my peers.
0:07:39 > 0:07:42When I got into things, I was really into them,
0:07:42 > 0:07:46to the point that everything else was pretty much excluded.
0:07:46 > 0:07:51This was my first fox skull I collected when I was a kid.
0:07:51 > 0:07:53It's beautiful, isn't it?
0:07:53 > 0:07:55Absolutely beautiful.
0:07:55 > 0:07:59And it's still got... D'you know what? It's still got a slightly dry,
0:07:59 > 0:08:03meaty smell, and that's a smell that's come from the late '60s.
0:08:04 > 0:08:06Yeah.
0:08:10 > 0:08:14At primary school, I didn't have a need for friends.
0:08:14 > 0:08:16If I'm very honest with you,
0:08:16 > 0:08:18there were far more interesting things
0:08:18 > 0:08:20happening in a dirty old pond, just over the fence.
0:08:20 > 0:08:23Every year, I would collect tadpoles.
0:08:23 > 0:08:25It was one of the highlights of my year.
0:08:25 > 0:08:27It was better than Christmas and my birthday.
0:08:27 > 0:08:30Tadpole time was absolutely THE time of the year.
0:08:35 > 0:08:37At that point in my life,
0:08:37 > 0:08:41I had an enormous hunger and thirst for everything that lived,
0:08:41 > 0:08:42that I could find.
0:08:42 > 0:08:44It didn't matter what it was.
0:08:44 > 0:08:45I wasn't repulsed by anything.
0:08:45 > 0:08:49I was absolutely enchanted by every living thing.
0:08:51 > 0:08:56I wanted to own every single sensory input I could get from it,
0:08:56 > 0:08:58as intensely as possible.
0:09:05 > 0:09:08It's obvious you're going to taste it, isn't it?
0:09:08 > 0:09:09It is to me.
0:09:13 > 0:09:16They were like little blobs of semolina,
0:09:16 > 0:09:18and when I focused them back to
0:09:18 > 0:09:22the tip of my tongue so that I could bite into them, they tasted earthy.
0:09:25 > 0:09:29I mean, you know, it doesn't seem weird to me.
0:09:31 > 0:09:34When you first lick the backside of a beetle
0:09:34 > 0:09:36that's oozing a yellow fluid
0:09:36 > 0:09:38and it's bitter on the taste of your tongue,
0:09:38 > 0:09:39as if you've licked a dirty old sixpence,
0:09:39 > 0:09:42and it doesn't go away for an hour,
0:09:42 > 0:09:45that's a really quite, sort of, powerful thing.
0:09:46 > 0:09:49I didn't know that my heightened sensory perception
0:09:49 > 0:09:52was an autistic trait until much later.
0:09:52 > 0:09:54And neither did my family.
0:09:57 > 0:10:00OK, so I'll just show you what I've got. It's quite funny.
0:10:00 > 0:10:02Jenny is my younger sister.
0:10:02 > 0:10:04So these are the old bits.
0:10:04 > 0:10:06Oh, my goodness!
0:10:06 > 0:10:09Look at you looking at me in that one there.
0:10:09 > 0:10:10Really protective.
0:10:14 > 0:10:16In many respects,
0:10:16 > 0:10:21Mum and Dad completely facilitated your enthusiasms.
0:10:21 > 0:10:23- Obsessions?- Obsessions for things.
0:10:23 > 0:10:26And that was all good. It's just that when things went bad,
0:10:26 > 0:10:30they didn't know why, and that was when things weren't so good.
0:10:31 > 0:10:33I think the impact upon my sister
0:10:33 > 0:10:36was probably that I commanded way too much of the attention
0:10:36 > 0:10:38in the house.
0:10:38 > 0:10:41My interests were sort of overpowering,
0:10:41 > 0:10:44and because I wouldn't stop going on about stuff.
0:10:44 > 0:10:47I always sort of describe myself as Muttley, actually.
0:10:47 > 0:10:49I think I was Muttley to Chris, really.
0:10:49 > 0:10:51I was always the assistant.
0:10:51 > 0:10:55It was me having to do something I was so uncomfortable with, actually.
0:10:55 > 0:11:00You know, have sort of tadpoles on my ear, have snakes round my neck.
0:11:00 > 0:11:03You know, I was forever standing at the bottom of trees
0:11:03 > 0:11:06in nettles looking for birds' nests.
0:11:06 > 0:11:11And doing things that were all about you.
0:11:11 > 0:11:12You know, we had a conversation a
0:11:12 > 0:11:15little while ago and I said, "Chris, with this Asperger's,
0:11:15 > 0:11:17"you're not really understanding
0:11:17 > 0:11:20"the subtleties of, you know, what people mean, etc,
0:11:20 > 0:11:24"how come you're so good at manipulating people?"
0:11:24 > 0:11:26And he said it's because he...
0:11:26 > 0:11:29"I don't really care about them that much."
0:11:29 > 0:11:32But you probably don't realise how sort of inspiring you were
0:11:32 > 0:11:34to all of us, actually,
0:11:34 > 0:11:37and how much you'd triggered in us all to be interested in things.
0:11:37 > 0:11:40Yeah, that's good.
0:11:45 > 0:11:47Come on, Scratcher.
0:11:47 > 0:11:50I wasn't diagnosed with Asperger's until I was in my 40s.
0:11:52 > 0:11:55I've had to spend my life coming up with ways of coping with this
0:11:55 > 0:11:59condition by rigorously controlling my environment.
0:11:59 > 0:12:01This is my space.
0:12:01 > 0:12:06This is where I try to relax and try to be more me than anywhere else.
0:12:06 > 0:12:08I mean, I have the blinds down
0:12:08 > 0:12:13and that's about keeping the outside world outside,
0:12:13 > 0:12:15and it's about keeping this environment controlled,
0:12:15 > 0:12:18because if you have the windows open, you can see things changing,
0:12:18 > 0:12:21and the sun goes in and out and the leaves come off the trees
0:12:21 > 0:12:24and everything's sort of constantly, you know, a dynamic flux.
0:12:24 > 0:12:26If I can control that, then I can feel comfortable.
0:12:28 > 0:12:29You know?
0:12:35 > 0:12:39Nowadays, there's a huge push towards finding effective treatments
0:12:39 > 0:12:43for autism, so I'm packing to go in search of anything
0:12:43 > 0:12:47that might make my life a little bit easier.
0:12:47 > 0:12:48So these ones have never been worn.
0:12:49 > 0:12:52These ones have never been worn.
0:12:52 > 0:12:55I want them to be the same as the ones I've already got,
0:12:55 > 0:12:58so I'll buy three in one go.
0:12:58 > 0:13:00I really like this shirt.
0:13:00 > 0:13:03Sort of quite retro. So I bought three of those.
0:13:03 > 0:13:05One of the things that I like to do,
0:13:05 > 0:13:07again it's a comfort thing,
0:13:07 > 0:13:10is to wear the same clothes and eat the same food all the time.
0:13:10 > 0:13:12So there's three of these.
0:13:12 > 0:13:15The fleeces are all in order and they're in colour order,
0:13:15 > 0:13:17or they're in manufacturer order,
0:13:17 > 0:13:19and then you've got the same with the puffer jackets
0:13:19 > 0:13:21and then the raincoats right at the end.
0:13:23 > 0:13:25Um... So no...
0:13:25 > 0:13:28It's... Um...
0:13:28 > 0:13:31Sorry, I'm just straightening all these up, that's all,
0:13:31 > 0:13:33cos it's neater if they're straight.
0:13:34 > 0:13:37They've all got to face in the same direction.
0:13:37 > 0:13:40And yeah...
0:13:42 > 0:13:44I suppose that might strike people as odd.
0:13:51 > 0:13:55I think that one of the reasons I like hiding in my own world,
0:13:55 > 0:13:59living in the woods in the middle of nowhere with my dog
0:13:59 > 0:14:02is because there, effectively, I'm normal.
0:14:02 > 0:14:04I'm not autistic.
0:14:05 > 0:14:09Of course, when I get in my car and drive out the gate
0:14:09 > 0:14:13into the rest of the world, it's not quite so good.
0:14:14 > 0:14:18I'm going to America, where controversial new therapies
0:14:18 > 0:14:21are being developed that aim to change who we fundamentally are.
0:14:24 > 0:14:29I'm not really sure how I feel about the idea of trying to cure autism.
0:14:29 > 0:14:33I mean, in many ways, it's defined my life, from its highest highs,
0:14:33 > 0:14:36to its most devastating lows.
0:14:39 > 0:14:41I'm in Providence, Rhode Island,
0:14:41 > 0:14:45to witness a trial of a radical new treatment.
0:14:45 > 0:14:49TMS - transcranial magnetic stimulation,
0:14:49 > 0:14:53which is being investigated in the treatment of autistic people
0:14:53 > 0:14:56to see if it can modify their behaviour.
0:14:56 > 0:14:59It's electrodes.
0:14:59 > 0:15:01It's electromagnetic radiation in the brain.
0:15:06 > 0:15:11Scientists still don't conclusively understand what causes autism.
0:15:11 > 0:15:15One theory is that certain parts of the brain
0:15:15 > 0:15:18may be over or underactive.
0:15:18 > 0:15:24TMS uses an electrical pulse to try and stimulate these areas.
0:15:24 > 0:15:25It's being trialled here at
0:15:25 > 0:15:28Brown University by Dr Lindsay Oberman.
0:15:28 > 0:15:30- How are you?- Lindsay Oberman, nice to meet you.
0:15:30 > 0:15:31All right, good.
0:15:31 > 0:15:32All right.
0:15:33 > 0:15:35What's the matter with the weather, Lindsay?
0:15:35 > 0:15:37It's terrible. I'm sorry about that!
0:15:37 > 0:15:39I can't control that.
0:15:39 > 0:15:41So this is a TMS machine.
0:15:41 > 0:15:44So what we should have said is, of course, that you're applying
0:15:44 > 0:15:46- electromagnetic force...- Yes. - ..induction,
0:15:46 > 0:15:49causing neurones to fire in the brain.
0:15:49 > 0:15:51Yes, exactly. So it's going to
0:15:51 > 0:15:53be focused down to about a centimetre acute.
0:15:53 > 0:15:56- So it's accurate to within one centimetre?- Yes.
0:15:59 > 0:16:02All right, Patrick, so we're ready for you.
0:16:02 > 0:16:0421-year-old Patrick is halfway
0:16:04 > 0:16:08through this six-week clinical trial of TMS.
0:16:08 > 0:16:10- Morning, Patrick.- Hi.
0:16:10 > 0:16:11- How are you?- Fine.
0:16:11 > 0:16:13- Good.- Hi, I'm Joanne.
0:16:13 > 0:16:15- Hello, Joanne. How are you?- David?
0:16:15 > 0:16:17- Chris. Chris, sorry.- That's all right. One point!
0:16:21 > 0:16:23All right.
0:16:23 > 0:16:25So how are you doing today?
0:16:25 > 0:16:28- Fine.- Patrick lives at home with his mum,
0:16:28 > 0:16:31and, like me, he struggles with social interactions.
0:16:31 > 0:16:35It's hoped that TMS might be able to help him.
0:16:35 > 0:16:39You can help somebody who has that difficulty with, say,
0:16:39 > 0:16:41understanding other people's facial expressions.
0:16:41 > 0:16:45They say, "You know, I just can't read other people's emotions."
0:16:45 > 0:16:48Well, we can stimulate a part of the brain that we think is related
0:16:48 > 0:16:51to that ability, and that could have a really great change
0:16:51 > 0:16:55on their quality of life. OK, lean back.
0:16:55 > 0:16:57All right. How does that feel?
0:16:57 > 0:16:59- Fine.- Is that OK?
0:16:59 > 0:17:03- Hm-mm.- We'll put in a series of 600 pulses in 40 seconds.
0:17:03 > 0:17:05And it's that 600 pulses
0:17:05 > 0:17:07in 40 seconds that's the actual intervention.
0:17:12 > 0:17:16You're doing fine. You're about halfway done.
0:17:20 > 0:17:21You're doing fine.
0:17:23 > 0:17:24There we go.
0:17:27 > 0:17:29Just a few more pulses.
0:17:34 > 0:17:36OK, and you're done.
0:17:36 > 0:17:40What we're witnessing here is very much an exploratory trial, isn't it?
0:17:40 > 0:17:44Yes, it is not yet established as a treatment.
0:17:44 > 0:17:47- But what's your gut feeling? Do you think it'll work?- Absolutely.
0:17:47 > 0:17:50I wouldn't be doing it if I didn't think so.
0:17:50 > 0:17:52Patrick, do you like the idea
0:17:52 > 0:17:56of this piece of machinery changing your brain?
0:17:56 > 0:17:58I guess so.
0:17:58 > 0:18:00Sometimes when I make mistakes around people and stuff,
0:18:00 > 0:18:04I think of ways how I could change and stuff.
0:18:05 > 0:18:09And if you can't do it yourself, because that's incredibly difficult,
0:18:09 > 0:18:11- this machine might help.- Good.
0:18:11 > 0:18:13And if the trials work out,
0:18:13 > 0:18:16would you come back and have the treatment?
0:18:16 > 0:18:19Yeah, next time maybe I'll bring a movie to watch, too!
0:18:19 > 0:18:21Patrick hasn't reported
0:18:21 > 0:18:24any noticeable effects whilst on the trial.
0:18:26 > 0:18:31Would I have, you know, TMS?
0:18:31 > 0:18:34Categorically not a chance
0:18:34 > 0:18:40would I allow anyone to put electrodes anywhere near my brain.
0:18:40 > 0:18:41One cubic centimetre.
0:18:41 > 0:18:44That's going to stick with me in my mind. That's a big area.
0:18:44 > 0:18:46There are millions of neurones in there.
0:18:46 > 0:18:50But at the same time, you know, I've got to say, the other side of me,
0:18:50 > 0:18:53there's a real dichotomy here, the other side of me is a scientist,
0:18:53 > 0:18:55and I think you've got to pioneer.
0:18:55 > 0:18:57Sometimes you've got to sail
0:18:57 > 0:19:00to the edge of the world to see if you sail off or if it's round.
0:19:00 > 0:19:03You've got to start at the bottom of the ladder.
0:19:03 > 0:19:04Maybe that's what this is.
0:19:04 > 0:19:06Maybe this is the bottom of the ladder.
0:19:09 > 0:19:11You've brought up an autistic son.
0:19:11 > 0:19:15I think a lot of people probably don't realise the enormous amount
0:19:15 > 0:19:18of energy, and the difference that impacts on the family.
0:19:18 > 0:19:20- That's hard.- It's very hard,
0:19:20 > 0:19:22and that's why autism's very isolating for families.
0:19:22 > 0:19:25It's exhausting to meet the needs, to meet the safety.
0:19:25 > 0:19:27You know, there's divorce, there's bankruptcies,
0:19:27 > 0:19:29because everything goes into the safety,
0:19:29 > 0:19:31wellbeing and treatments for our kids.
0:19:31 > 0:19:33It is, you know, painful to watch.
0:19:33 > 0:19:35I've been there, I've struggled myself,
0:19:35 > 0:19:40so, in that sense, you're looking for any form of cure at times.
0:19:40 > 0:19:42You see him failing, and that's...
0:19:42 > 0:19:45That's uncomfortable.
0:19:48 > 0:19:53If another therapy arose whereby you could cure autism,
0:19:53 > 0:19:55what would you think of that?
0:19:57 > 0:20:00I think on a bad, frustrating day, I'd say yes.
0:20:00 > 0:20:03I think on a day like today, where I've never been so proud of him,
0:20:03 > 0:20:04I'd say no.
0:20:07 > 0:20:10It's complicated, but on the bad days, absolutely.
0:20:10 > 0:20:13- Yeah.- Yeah. - Yeah, I've had some bad days.
0:20:13 > 0:20:15I might have taken a pill if it could make it all go away.
0:20:15 > 0:20:18- Hm-mm.- But on good days, very definitely not.
0:20:28 > 0:20:30- Thank you, Pat.- You're welcome.
0:20:30 > 0:20:31- Thank you very much.- You're welcome.
0:20:31 > 0:20:34You're most welcome. I hope it works out for you.
0:20:34 > 0:20:35- Yeah.- Keep coming.
0:20:35 > 0:20:37I will.
0:20:37 > 0:20:38Help the doctor.
0:20:38 > 0:20:40Yeah.
0:20:51 > 0:20:54What's been the lowest point in your life?
0:20:54 > 0:20:58Well, the lowest point...
0:21:02 > 0:21:07Um, the kestrel dying was like
0:21:07 > 0:21:10a very low point.
0:21:10 > 0:21:14So, yeah, it was a catastrophic event.
0:21:20 > 0:21:23This is where I grew up. And this is the house where I grew up,
0:21:23 > 0:21:25number ten.
0:21:25 > 0:21:28Look, there's a little bit of graffiti down here.
0:21:28 > 0:21:32So I...for some reason, felt compelled to carve my name there.
0:21:32 > 0:21:37But more importantly, I carved the word "kestrel" in here, look.
0:21:37 > 0:21:39I was so obsessed with kestrels.
0:21:39 > 0:21:43All I would think about all the time was kestrels, kestrels, kestrels.
0:21:46 > 0:21:48When I was in my early teens,
0:21:48 > 0:21:51I decided that I wanted to keep a kestrel,
0:21:51 > 0:21:53so I applied for a licence.
0:21:53 > 0:21:57At that time, you needed to apply for a Home Office licence
0:21:57 > 0:22:01to remove a bird like a kestrel from its nest from the wild.
0:22:03 > 0:22:05But it wasn't granted,
0:22:05 > 0:22:09and this all came when conflict with the outside world
0:22:09 > 0:22:12was just about to explode.
0:22:12 > 0:22:15Looking back on it, I was beginning to recognise the fact that,
0:22:15 > 0:22:19you know, I was a little bit different
0:22:19 > 0:22:21than the other kids in the class.
0:22:23 > 0:22:27They didn't want to listen to a 15-minute monologue about, you know,
0:22:27 > 0:22:30the breeding behaviour of the kestrel.
0:22:30 > 0:22:33And they liked girls, you know.
0:22:35 > 0:22:38Thinking back, I was already just ferociously determined.
0:22:38 > 0:22:41I wasn't really going to let anyone I didn't know,
0:22:41 > 0:22:44didn't have any respect for, tell me what to do.
0:22:44 > 0:22:47So I found a nest.
0:22:47 > 0:22:51I climbed up, and there were young kestrels in it,
0:22:51 > 0:22:53and I took one of them out.
0:22:53 > 0:22:54This is the tree.
0:22:56 > 0:23:00And at that point - oh, God - I was very, very excited.
0:23:00 > 0:23:03I was absolutely exalted.
0:23:17 > 0:23:20It was extremely beautiful,
0:23:20 > 0:23:25and I loved it with an enormous, you know, passionate amount of energy.
0:23:28 > 0:23:32So the obsessive interest and the, you know,
0:23:32 > 0:23:34intense focus on that one organism
0:23:34 > 0:23:37meant that I could just exclude everything else.
0:23:37 > 0:23:39And that's what happened.
0:23:39 > 0:23:41All that existed was just us two.
0:23:44 > 0:23:47This is the field, obviously, where I flew the kestrel.
0:23:50 > 0:23:52I mowed a strip...
0:23:52 > 0:23:54A strip of grass.
0:23:54 > 0:23:57I made a hole in the ground where I could put the bird's block,
0:23:57 > 0:23:58and the bird would sit on the block
0:23:58 > 0:24:00and I would fly it in that direction.
0:24:07 > 0:24:09Never going to beat that.
0:24:10 > 0:24:12It was just perfect.
0:24:15 > 0:24:17It's a strange arena, isn't it,
0:24:17 > 0:24:21this little patch of grass between all of these houses?
0:24:24 > 0:24:26To, you know, actually be the place where...
0:24:28 > 0:24:31..I was at the happiest I've ever been in my entire life.
0:24:33 > 0:24:40It was the first thing that I formed a really powerful bond with.
0:24:40 > 0:24:44It was some sort of mental love missile,
0:24:44 > 0:24:48and I just lit the touch paper and fired myself into it
0:24:48 > 0:24:51at oblivious speed, and it exploded and sparkled
0:24:51 > 0:24:53and it was totally beautiful.
0:24:57 > 0:25:01I don't think that I've ever loved anything as intensely.
0:25:03 > 0:25:07It was perfect, only it was perfect every day for six months.
0:25:07 > 0:25:08Until the end.
0:25:16 > 0:25:19The kestrel... Um... Er...
0:25:19 > 0:25:21It did die.
0:25:26 > 0:25:28I buried it right underneath the nest.
0:25:28 > 0:25:32So I came every year from '75...
0:25:32 > 0:25:34HE SIGHS
0:25:34 > 0:25:36..on the day.
0:25:39 > 0:25:42Because I still feel that that was...
0:25:44 > 0:25:46..an enormous sort of turning point, really.
0:25:49 > 0:25:52And the impact that it had...
0:25:52 > 0:25:54just goes on.
0:25:54 > 0:25:56And I know that's crazy.
0:25:56 > 0:25:58A lot of people are just going to think, "That's mad,
0:25:58 > 0:26:02"you're just standing in a patch of nettles underneath an oak tree.
0:26:02 > 0:26:05"Where a bird died, a long, long time ago."
0:26:07 > 0:26:10Too big for a small boy?
0:26:10 > 0:26:13Way too big for a small boy.
0:26:13 > 0:26:17A small boy that didn't really connect with other small boys,
0:26:17 > 0:26:19or most adults, either,
0:26:19 > 0:26:22but that only connected with what's buried in the ground down here.
0:26:24 > 0:26:27So when that suddenly didn't exist...
0:26:28 > 0:26:31..um, there was nothing left,
0:26:31 > 0:26:33so it was catastrophic.
0:26:37 > 0:26:38You know.
0:26:45 > 0:26:47What it did
0:26:47 > 0:26:50was highlight my vulnerability.
0:26:52 > 0:26:56So after that, I was always scared,
0:26:56 > 0:26:58frightened - terrified, actually -
0:26:58 > 0:27:01of losing the things that I loved.
0:27:01 > 0:27:05And that's, you know,
0:27:05 > 0:27:06quite a burden.
0:27:11 > 0:27:14Had you asked me whether I wanted curing in my teens,
0:27:14 > 0:27:17I might have been interested, on occasion.
0:27:17 > 0:27:21You know, I would sit there and I'd think, "Oh, goodness me,
0:27:21 > 0:27:24"wouldn't my life be easier if I could just do this?"
0:27:24 > 0:27:25You know, just...
0:27:27 > 0:27:30..get on with people without it being such a struggle.
0:27:35 > 0:27:40There are an estimated 25 million autistic people in the world.
0:27:40 > 0:27:41When I was growing up,
0:27:41 > 0:27:44the only option for me was mainstream education,
0:27:44 > 0:27:46but now, here in America,
0:27:46 > 0:27:50a systematic approach to eradicating autistic traits is being rolled out
0:27:50 > 0:27:54in specialist schools across the country.
0:27:54 > 0:27:57Lisa, three years old, has been autistic from birth.
0:27:59 > 0:28:04It's based on a technique first developed in the 1960s.
0:28:04 > 0:28:06She doesn't speak.
0:28:06 > 0:28:07She doesn't play with toys.
0:28:11 > 0:28:16This is applied behavioural analysis
0:28:16 > 0:28:22to retrain autistic children.
0:28:22 > 0:28:26Lisa tantrums when anyone attempts to teach her.
0:28:26 > 0:28:28Sit.
0:28:28 > 0:28:31Good girl!
0:28:31 > 0:28:34Trying to replace the tantrum with her sitting down.
0:28:34 > 0:28:37But he's all over her. He's touching her.
0:28:37 > 0:28:40She's in a really complex environment.
0:28:40 > 0:28:43Lisa's tantrums are ignored or not reinforced,
0:28:43 > 0:28:46so they should decrease or extinguish.
0:28:46 > 0:28:48Sit down.
0:28:48 > 0:28:49Sit.
0:28:49 > 0:28:51- Good girl!- That's it!
0:28:51 > 0:28:54Here in the United States,
0:28:54 > 0:28:59applied behavioural analysis is the perceived panacea when it comes to
0:28:59 > 0:29:01treating autistic children.
0:29:01 > 0:29:03It's widely practised.
0:29:03 > 0:29:07People take children from very young ages and they put them through this
0:29:07 > 0:29:13rigorous, repeated behavioural modification.
0:29:15 > 0:29:20The teacher discovers that kissing is a reinforcer for Lisa.
0:29:21 > 0:29:25It's not a very comfortable watch, though, to be honest with you.
0:29:25 > 0:29:28Applied behavioural analysis, ABA,
0:29:28 > 0:29:30is now taught in hundreds of specialist schools
0:29:30 > 0:29:34all over the United States, and I've come to one of the biggest ones.
0:29:34 > 0:29:36It's an hour outside of Boston.
0:29:42 > 0:29:44Me, moo...
0:29:44 > 0:29:46Try and start...
0:29:48 > 0:29:50Right, say it one more time.
0:29:50 > 0:29:52Many of the children here have
0:29:52 > 0:29:55a far more severe form of autism than I have.
0:29:55 > 0:29:58Not only do they struggle with social interactions,
0:29:58 > 0:30:01but many of them are nonverbal.
0:30:01 > 0:30:03Me, moo, me.
0:30:03 > 0:30:06- Ryan's turn.- Me, moo, me.
0:30:06 > 0:30:09Nice job! Do you want another bubble?
0:30:09 > 0:30:12Although this technique has obviously moved on
0:30:12 > 0:30:14from its early days in the 1960s,
0:30:14 > 0:30:18it still follows a system of rigorous repetition.
0:30:18 > 0:30:23The idea is that by doing the same tasks over and over again,
0:30:23 > 0:30:26autistic behaviour can be stamped out,
0:30:26 > 0:30:29making the child more socially normal.
0:30:29 > 0:30:31You're not doing it!
0:30:33 > 0:30:35Never, never!
0:30:51 > 0:30:54I feel really uncomfortable. It's just a mass of noise and colour.
0:30:54 > 0:30:57It's not symmetrical. There's stripes all round the walls.
0:30:57 > 0:30:59The windows aren't in line.
0:30:59 > 0:31:02You know, everything else is chaos.
0:31:03 > 0:31:07But, yeah, I think it's a pretty intense day.
0:31:09 > 0:31:11For me, there's some sort of fundamental questions to be asked
0:31:11 > 0:31:15about the purpose of this sort of education.
0:31:15 > 0:31:18ABA has been largely rejected in the UK
0:31:18 > 0:31:21on the grounds that it's trying to force autistic children
0:31:21 > 0:31:24to be something they're not.
0:31:24 > 0:31:25Vinny, can I start?
0:31:25 > 0:31:29- Yeah, please.- Vincent Strully is the school's founder.
0:31:31 > 0:31:34Autism is such a broad thing. We're all different.
0:31:34 > 0:31:37You're absolutely convinced that at the moment
0:31:37 > 0:31:40that ABA is the best one to treat autistic kids?
0:31:40 > 0:31:43My position, hand over heart is, people said,
0:31:43 > 0:31:45"Well, this is behaviour modification.
0:31:45 > 0:31:47"It's artificial, robotic, manipulative."
0:31:47 > 0:31:50But so was chemotherapy in the early days of cancer treatment.
0:31:50 > 0:31:52People said it was poisonous,
0:31:52 > 0:31:54it would kill the patient rather than help them.
0:31:54 > 0:31:56ABA is the way forward,
0:31:56 > 0:32:01and 30-50% of them will lose their diagnosis after one to two years
0:32:01 > 0:32:04- of early intensive...- Hold on, when you say lose their diagnosis,
0:32:04 > 0:32:06that would mean if they were re-diagnosed for autism,
0:32:06 > 0:32:09they wouldn't fall within the set that currently qualifies?
0:32:09 > 0:32:11Correct.
0:32:11 > 0:32:14Professional observers would not be able to tell the autistic child.
0:32:14 > 0:32:16This is educational chemotherapy for these kids.
0:32:16 > 0:32:19We wouldn't deny them the chemical and medical chemotherapy
0:32:19 > 0:32:21they need for their cancer,
0:32:21 > 0:32:24but to deny them the work that we and our colleagues
0:32:24 > 0:32:27around the country are doing successfully
0:32:27 > 0:32:29is, you know, it's just wrong.
0:32:29 > 0:32:32If you could, would you cure autism?
0:32:34 > 0:32:36If I could, of course.
0:32:36 > 0:32:38That would be a prayer come true.
0:32:41 > 0:32:43Let's be really clear about this.
0:32:43 > 0:32:46I don't like the idea of comparing autism to a cancer
0:32:46 > 0:32:49that requires a sort of educational chemotherapy.
0:32:51 > 0:32:53For me as a child with Asperger's,
0:32:53 > 0:32:56I just don't think this rigid system would have worked.
0:32:56 > 0:33:02But for many parents, schools like this must seem like the only option.
0:33:04 > 0:33:06If you are faced with a form of autism
0:33:06 > 0:33:09which is seriously debilitating,
0:33:09 > 0:33:15then obviously you are going to crave a solution for that.
0:33:15 > 0:33:18I fully understand why
0:33:18 > 0:33:24parents in particular would want to explore any of those avenues,
0:33:24 > 0:33:28to try and normalise, to some extent,
0:33:28 > 0:33:31their child.
0:33:31 > 0:33:36But for people like myself with Asperger's,
0:33:36 > 0:33:38you know, there's a simple therapy,
0:33:38 > 0:33:40and that is,
0:33:40 > 0:33:43just be on your own.
0:33:45 > 0:33:48I have chosen to live in the woods on my own,
0:33:48 > 0:33:49but this doesn't mean, of course,
0:33:49 > 0:33:51that I don't need to have relationships,
0:33:51 > 0:33:53just like everyone else.
0:33:53 > 0:33:57There are a handful of people in my life that I'm close to.
0:33:57 > 0:34:00We're on the Red Funnel ferry to the Isle of Wight...
0:34:02 > 0:34:08..to see Charlotte, my partner, and she owns the Isle of Wight Zoo.
0:34:10 > 0:34:12Charlotte and I don't live together.
0:34:12 > 0:34:14- We never have. - Does that distance suit you?
0:34:17 > 0:34:19I wish you hadn't asked that question!
0:34:19 > 0:34:21Because...
0:34:22 > 0:34:26..I mean, I like my own space a lot, you know.
0:34:26 > 0:34:31We've been together for ten years, she told me, this year,
0:34:31 > 0:34:33and, um, so that's pretty good.
0:34:33 > 0:34:36I get bored with things really, really quickly, you know,
0:34:36 > 0:34:41so the fact that I'm very definitely not bored with Charlotte
0:34:41 > 0:34:43after ten years, if living apart is part of that,
0:34:43 > 0:34:46then maybe there's a good side to it.
0:34:52 > 0:34:53Hello.
0:34:53 > 0:34:55Greet him, greet him.
0:34:57 > 0:34:58Greet him.
0:35:01 > 0:35:02Greet him.
0:35:06 > 0:35:08Hey.
0:35:09 > 0:35:11Hey.
0:35:11 > 0:35:13- Charlotte?- Hm?
0:35:13 > 0:35:15How did you meet Chris?
0:35:15 > 0:35:18I'll deal with the lemurs.
0:35:18 > 0:35:19Um...
0:35:19 > 0:35:22It's so long ago, I can hardly remember.
0:35:22 > 0:35:24I fancied Charlotte straightaway,
0:35:24 > 0:35:26but she didn't fancy me. That's the truth of it.
0:35:26 > 0:35:30- Is that right?- That's what I say, and she never disagrees with it.
0:35:30 > 0:35:35I just didn't know when you invited me out what you wanted.
0:35:35 > 0:35:38I was just perplexed as to what you wanted.
0:35:38 > 0:35:40You hadn't given me any clues.
0:35:40 > 0:35:44Yeah, I'm not very good at those sort of signals, am I?
0:35:44 > 0:35:48- Clearly not.- But I'm still not very good at those signals, am I?
0:35:52 > 0:35:53Come on, porks.
0:35:53 > 0:35:55No, I won't.
0:35:55 > 0:35:58Come on. I know it's really bright and sunny out here,
0:35:58 > 0:35:59and you're a nocturnal animal.
0:35:59 > 0:36:01Don't be nasty!
0:36:01 > 0:36:04Look at those teeth! Look at those teeth.
0:36:04 > 0:36:07He is like the porcupine whisperer, look!
0:36:07 > 0:36:09He's like the porcupine whisperer!
0:36:10 > 0:36:14When it comes to communicating about how he feels emotionally,
0:36:14 > 0:36:16then he finds that hard.
0:36:16 > 0:36:19He's unable to empathise.
0:36:19 > 0:36:24But I think that is, for me, has probably been the biggest challenge.
0:36:24 > 0:36:27It's just really confusing because it's such an innate thing.
0:36:27 > 0:36:30Normally, it's such an instinctive thing to have compassion,
0:36:30 > 0:36:33even for people that you don't know, you know,
0:36:33 > 0:36:39but for Chris, it's not on his radar, at all.
0:36:40 > 0:36:42Can I have some of your worms?
0:36:42 > 0:36:43Thank you.
0:36:45 > 0:36:47No, no, we've had this argument already!
0:36:47 > 0:36:49You're not having that.
0:36:49 > 0:36:52Is this a sort of typical romantic day out for you two?
0:36:52 > 0:36:54We did go for a picnic, didn't we?
0:36:54 > 0:36:56We've been for a picnic.
0:36:56 > 0:36:58We went for a picnic. Occasionally,
0:36:58 > 0:37:00I drag you out to like a tea gardens or something.
0:37:01 > 0:37:03With other humans there.
0:37:03 > 0:37:06Yeah. Generally I wish that I hadn't.
0:37:06 > 0:37:08I would like to do more different things.
0:37:11 > 0:37:14So what about that time when I booked to take you to Cornwall
0:37:14 > 0:37:17for your birthday. There was a horrible silence,
0:37:17 > 0:37:18which was a bit upsetting.
0:37:21 > 0:37:23I'm not very good at socialising.
0:37:23 > 0:37:26I now just know that there's just no point.
0:37:26 > 0:37:28Like, I've got a friend's wedding coming up soon.
0:37:28 > 0:37:31I haven't even mentioned it to you.
0:37:31 > 0:37:32But there's no point forcing you
0:37:32 > 0:37:35to be there if you don't want to be there, is there?
0:37:36 > 0:37:38That's what I would say.
0:37:38 > 0:37:40Sometimes I might still try.
0:37:40 > 0:37:42So basically, I've got a wedding coming up,
0:37:42 > 0:37:44do you want to come with me?
0:37:44 > 0:37:45No, thanks.
0:37:52 > 0:37:56For all the extra hard work, and sometimes it is, and, you know,
0:37:56 > 0:37:59the times when you just think, "Oh, geez," you know,
0:37:59 > 0:38:04it seems, like, impossible sometimes to make progress.
0:38:05 > 0:38:11Um... But, yeah, I think the return is really definitely worth it.
0:38:13 > 0:38:15He's fascinating.
0:38:15 > 0:38:17He's a fascinating character.
0:38:17 > 0:38:20And there's a lifetime guarantee with Chris.
0:38:20 > 0:38:22Never would I be bored!
0:38:22 > 0:38:24We've been together for ten years,
0:38:24 > 0:38:26and I'm still fascinated by his mind.
0:38:26 > 0:38:28Isn't that nice?
0:38:28 > 0:38:29Hey?
0:38:29 > 0:38:31Oh, yes.
0:38:31 > 0:38:34I'm very lucky to have found someone who will put up with the constant
0:38:34 > 0:38:38social failings that come with my Asperger's.
0:38:41 > 0:38:42But 30 years ago,
0:38:42 > 0:38:48any interaction with anyone my own age was catastrophic.
0:38:49 > 0:38:52So this is the school that I went to.
0:38:52 > 0:38:55This large comprehensive.
0:38:55 > 0:38:58The trouble with going back to places like this,
0:38:58 > 0:39:00it's a catalyst to expose things
0:39:00 > 0:39:03that otherwise you wouldn't normally think about.
0:39:03 > 0:39:08I was a spazza and a spacka and a cretin and a moron.
0:39:08 > 0:39:11Kids beat other kids up.
0:39:11 > 0:39:15But that wasn't as bad as where they would be coming down here,
0:39:15 > 0:39:20yabbering on about all of their parties and all that sort of stuff,
0:39:20 > 0:39:23and I'd feel completely alienated.
0:39:24 > 0:39:29It was the exclusions that were particularly cruel.
0:39:29 > 0:39:32I was at the most vulnerable point in my life.
0:39:32 > 0:39:36I'd been rejected by my peers. I didn't know who I was.
0:39:36 > 0:39:39What made me upset was I didn't understand it.
0:39:39 > 0:39:41I didn't understand why, you know,
0:39:41 > 0:39:44that I was getting picked on and excluded.
0:39:44 > 0:39:47It was the confusion that was the agony.
0:39:47 > 0:39:50You know, that was the problem.
0:39:51 > 0:39:55I took a whole series of photographs in my late teens,
0:39:55 > 0:39:58and they were all sort of suicidal pictures
0:39:58 > 0:40:02so they were either pictures of me dead or about to die.
0:40:05 > 0:40:07It's just pretentious twaddle.
0:40:09 > 0:40:10But underlying all of that,
0:40:10 > 0:40:13and particularly when I got to this stage,
0:40:13 > 0:40:14I was very, very unhappy.
0:40:18 > 0:40:20If you're isolated,
0:40:20 > 0:40:23then it's harder for you to find help when you need it.
0:40:26 > 0:40:28Did you try to kill yourself?
0:40:28 > 0:40:29Yeah.
0:40:29 > 0:40:32I thought about it really seriously.
0:40:32 > 0:40:35Three times. Once in 1984,
0:40:35 > 0:40:38and then twice in the early 2000s,
0:40:38 > 0:40:44when on both occasions, I was, you know, yeah, very serious about it.
0:40:44 > 0:40:49But I was with the...the dogs.
0:40:50 > 0:40:54And they loved me, and I couldn't let them down.
0:40:59 > 0:41:03After I left school, I went on to university to study zoology.
0:41:04 > 0:41:07And although I was years off being diagnosed,
0:41:07 > 0:41:10it was already clear to me by this point
0:41:10 > 0:41:14that I had to develop my own ways of dealing with being different.
0:41:14 > 0:41:17By the time I got to university, I'd come up with a strategy,
0:41:17 > 0:41:18and the strategy was really simple -
0:41:18 > 0:41:20don't interact with people of your own age,
0:41:20 > 0:41:23just turn up, get straight As.
0:41:23 > 0:41:25And I wouldn't speak to anyone.
0:41:25 > 0:41:30I had no idea why, you know, I was different,
0:41:30 > 0:41:36you know. So I was confused, inordinately angry. I was raging,
0:41:36 > 0:41:38absolutely raging.
0:41:38 > 0:41:40That was when the punk rock thing started,
0:41:40 > 0:41:44so that was quite advantageous for me.
0:41:44 > 0:41:47The punk rock thing was a means of me physically identifying
0:41:47 > 0:41:51to everyone else that I was different.
0:41:51 > 0:41:54And I felt empowered by that.
0:41:54 > 0:41:57This is called Shout Above The Noise,
0:41:57 > 0:42:00and of all the punk records, this is the most important for me.
0:42:02 > 0:42:05I think punk, you know, did save me.
0:42:05 > 0:42:08That music sounded like I felt.
0:42:08 > 0:42:10Confused and angry.
0:42:24 > 0:42:27Don't let them win, don't let them drag you down,
0:42:27 > 0:42:29shout above the noise.
0:42:29 > 0:42:32So, yeah, that's my life anthem.
0:42:32 > 0:42:35Shout Above The Noise by Penetration.
0:42:42 > 0:42:47When I left university, I was obviously virtually unemployable.
0:42:47 > 0:42:52I was obsessed with natural history, and I didn't know what to do.
0:42:53 > 0:42:55But my sister said to me,
0:42:55 > 0:42:58"Why don't you go on TV and talk about animals?
0:42:58 > 0:43:02"Because that's all you ever do, talk on and on and on about animals.
0:43:02 > 0:43:04"If you went on TV, you could bore
0:43:04 > 0:43:07"the rest of the world and not just our family about it!"
0:43:07 > 0:43:09I didn't know it at the time,
0:43:09 > 0:43:13but my Asperger's got me an early break on a kids' wildlife show.
0:43:13 > 0:43:16You see, I had something that my peers didn't,
0:43:16 > 0:43:20and it was a vast encyclopaedic knowledge of the natural world.
0:43:22 > 0:43:24But the night before the first recording,
0:43:24 > 0:43:26I was racked with anxiety.
0:43:27 > 0:43:28I was thinking to myself,
0:43:28 > 0:43:31"Right, I've got no problem with the animals,"
0:43:31 > 0:43:35but I'd have to be in a room with a whole load of people
0:43:35 > 0:43:39that I didn't know, and I'd have to be able to behave myself.
0:43:39 > 0:43:44And I've got a photograph of me, a self-portrait,
0:43:44 > 0:43:47having just made a list of the things that I would need to do
0:43:47 > 0:43:50to be able to work in that environment,
0:43:50 > 0:43:52and the things that I had to stop myself from doing.
0:43:54 > 0:43:57Top of the list was to look at them, make eye contact.
0:43:57 > 0:44:00Don't interrupt people. Don't say what you think.
0:44:00 > 0:44:02Because most of the things I thought
0:44:02 > 0:44:06were incompatible with the things that they would think.
0:44:06 > 0:44:08And then I'd sort of try and engage with people.
0:44:08 > 0:44:11Hey, hey, look at this. This is what I did in my summer...
0:44:11 > 0:44:14So that they would understand I was genuinely listening to them.
0:44:14 > 0:44:17When, in fact, probably, I wasn't. I was thinking about something else!
0:44:17 > 0:44:19How long are a tiger's claws?
0:44:19 > 0:44:22Well, I think that'd be a good one for you, Chris.
0:44:22 > 0:44:24Well, thanks, Terry, that's very, very kind of you!
0:44:24 > 0:44:26It's also going off on one about something
0:44:26 > 0:44:29which is not connected to the topic of any relevance at the time.
0:44:29 > 0:44:31So what with their razor sharp talons,
0:44:31 > 0:44:34their beautiful stripes and asymmetrical stripy...
0:44:34 > 0:44:38And I was thinking to myself, "Calm down, just get back into the zone,
0:44:38 > 0:44:43"get back into the zone where you don't constantly do that," you know.
0:44:43 > 0:44:44I mean, what might we see today, you know?
0:44:44 > 0:44:46We can do a lot better than that.
0:44:46 > 0:44:48I'm sure we'll find some interesting plants for a start.
0:44:48 > 0:44:49People always overlook plants.
0:44:49 > 0:44:52'But I have to say, it was exhausting,'
0:44:52 > 0:44:58and I would get very upset with myself when I was failing,
0:44:58 > 0:45:00and it continues to this day.
0:45:00 > 0:45:04Now, I'm tempted to sort of jog into the tepee, like
0:45:04 > 0:45:06Bruce Forsyth!
0:45:06 > 0:45:07'30 years on,
0:45:07 > 0:45:09'managing my Asperger's on telly
0:45:09 > 0:45:14'so I seem relatively normal still requires an enormous effort.
0:45:14 > 0:45:18'I've taught myself to manage some of my personal traits.
0:45:18 > 0:45:19'Sometimes I fail.'
0:45:19 > 0:45:21I do just go off on one.
0:45:21 > 0:45:22You know when we were kids and we
0:45:22 > 0:45:24used to get those plastic toys in cereal packets?
0:45:24 > 0:45:27You know, build a Spitfire or a tyrannosaurus or something?
0:45:27 > 0:45:30An owl pellet, sealed in a little piece of plastic!
0:45:30 > 0:45:31I might speak to Deborah about this later!
0:45:31 > 0:45:33I'll take this to the Den.
0:45:33 > 0:45:35I'm thinking, owl pellets in cornflakes!
0:45:35 > 0:45:37Let's move on! Let's move on very quickly...
0:45:37 > 0:45:41But then the people I'm working with laugh at it more than anything now.
0:45:41 > 0:45:43They think it's funny.
0:45:43 > 0:45:45Thankfully!
0:45:45 > 0:45:47This is a budgie we've got on here.
0:45:47 > 0:45:49I think I must speak to the artist later.
0:45:49 > 0:45:50That's all we've got time for today.
0:45:50 > 0:45:52Please thank my guests. We'll see
0:45:52 > 0:45:54you again at 6.30pm tomorrow night. Goodbye!
0:45:56 > 0:46:01I realise now that there's no way I could do my job without Asperger's.
0:46:02 > 0:46:05What I do in terms of just making
0:46:05 > 0:46:09this programme is afforded to me because of my Asperger's,
0:46:09 > 0:46:12because of my neurological differences here,
0:46:12 > 0:46:17so that's being able to see things with perhaps a greater clarity,
0:46:17 > 0:46:19to see the world in a different way,
0:46:19 > 0:46:21in my case, in a very visual way.
0:46:23 > 0:46:26But, you know, I've been able to understand that,
0:46:26 > 0:46:29and that's something which was a painful process to go through,
0:46:29 > 0:46:30but I did it and now
0:46:30 > 0:46:33I'm very fortunate to be able to reap the benefits of that,
0:46:33 > 0:46:36and not all autistic people are in that position.
0:46:36 > 0:46:42There are many aspects of Asperger's which are enormously positive,
0:46:42 > 0:46:47and there must be many other people out there who could contribute
0:46:47 > 0:46:52in an immensely productive way
0:46:52 > 0:46:54who aren't able to do so
0:46:54 > 0:46:59because they can't quite manage some aspects of their life
0:46:59 > 0:47:03in the way that I do in order to make it productive.
0:47:03 > 0:47:09In the UK, only 14% of autistic adults are in full-time employment.
0:47:09 > 0:47:14And that's the lowest amount for any notifiable disability.
0:47:15 > 0:47:18And that is a tragic loss.
0:47:20 > 0:47:24Up until now, everything I've seen in America has been designed
0:47:24 > 0:47:27to fundamentally change who we are.
0:47:27 > 0:47:29But there is one place that's been
0:47:29 > 0:47:33harnessing some of the special gifts that autistic people have -
0:47:33 > 0:47:36our obsessive focus,
0:47:36 > 0:47:41our ability to see the world from different perspectives.
0:47:41 > 0:47:43Here we are in Silicon Valley,
0:47:43 > 0:47:45and the thing to remember is that
0:47:45 > 0:47:48people with autistic traits made this place happen,
0:47:48 > 0:47:52and people with autistic traits made NASA happen.
0:47:52 > 0:47:55We got to the moon, we networked the world,
0:47:55 > 0:47:56and we wouldn't have been able
0:47:56 > 0:47:59to do it without people with autistic traits.
0:47:59 > 0:48:01Author Steve Silberman has written extensively
0:48:01 > 0:48:03about the contribution that
0:48:03 > 0:48:07autistic people have made to the explosion of the tech industry.
0:48:07 > 0:48:11It's NASA and Samsung tech.
0:48:11 > 0:48:13I mean, you know, these places are
0:48:13 > 0:48:18full of particular minds which are doing extraordinary things.
0:48:18 > 0:48:21Before the advent of the tech industry,
0:48:21 > 0:48:24these kids would have been considered weirdos.
0:48:24 > 0:48:27Now they're running the world!
0:48:27 > 0:48:30And, you know, one of the people that we spoke to who's involved with
0:48:30 > 0:48:35therapies for autistic people came pretty close to saying,
0:48:35 > 0:48:40when I asked them, if you could cure autism, rid the world of it,
0:48:40 > 0:48:42they said yes.
0:48:42 > 0:48:44Wow, that's horrifying.
0:48:44 > 0:48:46You know, I mean the word cure,
0:48:46 > 0:48:50I think, is absolutely toxic in the autism community,
0:48:50 > 0:48:53and the excuse in a sense -
0:48:53 > 0:48:54well, it's easier to change the
0:48:54 > 0:48:57individual than it is to change society.
0:48:57 > 0:49:00That's it. That's at the core of all of this, though, isn't it?
0:49:00 > 0:49:03- Yeah, it is.- All of these therapies, all of these things
0:49:03 > 0:49:07are basically just saying, "Let's force these people,
0:49:07 > 0:49:10"rather than adapt to accommodate them."
0:49:10 > 0:49:12Absolutely. So we have to start
0:49:12 > 0:49:17redesigning society instead of redesigning the individual.
0:49:19 > 0:49:23A change is happening in some of the largest companies in the world.
0:49:26 > 0:49:27Neil Barnett is pioneering
0:49:27 > 0:49:31a new recruitment process here at Microsoft.
0:49:31 > 0:49:33Typically and notoriously,
0:49:33 > 0:49:36autistic people struggle to get jobs in the first place.
0:49:36 > 0:49:38A lot of them basically just struggle with the interview process.
0:49:38 > 0:49:43Right, right. So we've created this programme where folks come in and we
0:49:43 > 0:49:46actually bring them in for a week to do an interview, versus one day,
0:49:46 > 0:49:48which is the typical interview.
0:49:48 > 0:49:51What we change with focusing on candidates that are on the autism
0:49:51 > 0:49:55spectrum is bringing them in, letting them have a more...
0:49:55 > 0:49:57Reducing the stress, hopefully.
0:49:57 > 0:49:59And then letting them showcase their skills.
0:49:59 > 0:50:01So we do this over a five-day period.
0:50:01 > 0:50:03I've got to be honest with you, Neil,
0:50:03 > 0:50:05I couldn't work in this office, personally.
0:50:05 > 0:50:06It's still Christmas!
0:50:06 > 0:50:09There's all sorts of snowflakes hanging from the ceiling.
0:50:09 > 0:50:13We have individuals that ask for a closed office with a door.
0:50:13 > 0:50:16- And you're able to provide that? - And we're able to provide that.
0:50:16 > 0:50:21We're finding great untapped talent that normally we would not see,
0:50:21 > 0:50:23and these individuals are creating
0:50:23 > 0:50:26software being used by millions of people.
0:50:27 > 0:50:30Jacob, tell me your story?
0:50:30 > 0:50:34Like me, Jacob, a lead software architect,
0:50:34 > 0:50:36had a difficult time growing up.
0:50:36 > 0:50:37I was perfectly intelligent.
0:50:37 > 0:50:41I was actually considered genius-level intelligence,
0:50:41 > 0:50:44but they said I wasn't socially developed enough
0:50:44 > 0:50:47to move onto the next grade in school.
0:50:47 > 0:50:49It was very hurtful.
0:50:49 > 0:50:53To be perfectly frank, I felt like a black sheep most of the time.
0:50:53 > 0:50:56I got a job at Microsoft,
0:50:56 > 0:50:59and that eventually led to a number of positions,
0:50:59 > 0:51:03each one building up my skill set and my resume.
0:51:03 > 0:51:06So your perseverance was worthwhile in the end.
0:51:06 > 0:51:08I mean, you've managed to get yourself to somewhere
0:51:08 > 0:51:12where your particular and peculiar skills are valued.
0:51:12 > 0:51:14That's true. And it's also led me
0:51:14 > 0:51:17to more independent economic freedom as well.
0:51:17 > 0:51:21Here's a truth for you - there are so many parallels between us,
0:51:21 > 0:51:27the way that we've both had to sculpt a means of adapting socially
0:51:27 > 0:51:31to further our progress in life,
0:51:31 > 0:51:35and also, some of the pains that we've obviously shared as a result.
0:51:42 > 0:51:45Imagine all those people trapped in their room because
0:51:45 > 0:51:47they're isolated by this condition.
0:51:47 > 0:51:50They haven't been able to sculpt opportunities,
0:51:50 > 0:51:55manage themselves in a way that allows them to fulfil their lives.
0:51:55 > 0:51:59That's like a ghastly sentence set in a vile fairy tale.
0:51:59 > 0:52:03No-one should be imprisoned by this condition.
0:52:03 > 0:52:09They should be allowed to exalt in those aspects of the condition
0:52:09 > 0:52:11which empower them.
0:52:11 > 0:52:16You know, that difference is such a, you know, valuable tool,
0:52:16 > 0:52:18an enormous asset,
0:52:18 > 0:52:22you know, to be able to see things, understand things,
0:52:22 > 0:52:26process things and remember things in a way that most people can't do
0:52:26 > 0:52:29has to be seen as a gift,
0:52:29 > 0:52:32not something that you're badged with,
0:52:32 > 0:52:34and it's about what you can't do.
0:52:34 > 0:52:37It's got to be about what you can do.
0:52:40 > 0:52:42Come on, Scratcher.
0:52:46 > 0:52:49I do feel... I have this horror hanging over me
0:52:49 > 0:52:52that we're making this programme and I'm saying these things
0:52:52 > 0:52:57in an interval
0:52:57 > 0:52:59between disasters.
0:53:00 > 0:53:04I'm happy with my ability to manage my Asperger's,
0:53:04 > 0:53:08and it allows me to do my job, and I've found someone who loves me,
0:53:08 > 0:53:14but there's still one thing that I haven't learned to deal with,
0:53:14 > 0:53:18and that is losing the things that I love.
0:53:18 > 0:53:21He's got shaved sides because he had a scan last week.
0:53:21 > 0:53:23He's got liver disease.
0:53:25 > 0:53:29So at the moment I'm trying to spend as much time with him as possible,
0:53:29 > 0:53:30you know.
0:53:33 > 0:53:35I would like to be able to think
0:53:35 > 0:53:37that I might get through Scratchy dying,
0:53:37 > 0:53:40you know, and me being, you know,
0:53:40 > 0:53:43hopelessly alone with a greater degree of success
0:53:43 > 0:53:45than I have ever before
0:53:45 > 0:53:47when I've lost the things that I love most.
0:53:49 > 0:53:51But I'm not...
0:53:51 > 0:53:54I'm not brimming with confidence.
0:53:54 > 0:53:57I don't know, I just don't want to be a charlatan.
0:53:58 > 0:54:03And to say that, you know, things are actually OK.
0:54:03 > 0:54:06In fact, some things are better than OK.
0:54:06 > 0:54:07When, you know...
0:54:09 > 0:54:12..you know, it's all built on sand.
0:54:16 > 0:54:20For all the contradictions, all the heartache of this condition,
0:54:20 > 0:54:22what I've seen in America has made
0:54:22 > 0:54:27it very clear to me that we need to understand autistic people better,
0:54:27 > 0:54:30not try to change who they are.
0:54:34 > 0:54:39If you offered me a cure, from my particular perspective,
0:54:39 > 0:54:43from where I stand, then, no, thank you.
0:54:50 > 0:54:52Every relationship I've had
0:54:52 > 0:54:57in my life has been defined and made difficult by my Asperger's.
0:54:59 > 0:55:03But there is one that's come surprisingly easy,
0:55:03 > 0:55:07and it's the thing that I'm probably most proud of.
0:55:09 > 0:55:12Remember, don't spook, because if you do, you'll spook them.
0:55:12 > 0:55:16OK? So if they nibble at your fins, just let them nibble at your fins.
0:55:16 > 0:55:18Because if you sort of job and turn around, they'll be gone.
0:55:18 > 0:55:21- OK?- I'm excited!
0:55:21 > 0:55:22It's always good to be getting
0:55:22 > 0:55:25in the water with a very large predatory animal.
0:55:28 > 0:55:32Megan is my stepdaughter from a previous relationship.
0:55:34 > 0:55:39Obviously I have played a role in raising Megan,
0:55:39 > 0:55:43and I've found it enormously rewarding,
0:55:43 > 0:55:47something that I was very surprised by.
0:55:49 > 0:55:54Megs I met when she was 18 months old.
0:55:54 > 0:55:57We seemed to get on sort of straightaway,
0:55:57 > 0:55:59and we travelled a lot together,
0:55:59 > 0:56:02been all around the world.
0:56:02 > 0:56:06I was working overseas a lot at that time, so I would take Megan with me.
0:56:06 > 0:56:12So I enjoyed putting an enormous amount of energy into her education.
0:56:12 > 0:56:16It was, you know, and is,
0:56:16 > 0:56:20one of the most important parts of my existence.
0:56:23 > 0:56:26Megs is at university studying zoology,
0:56:26 > 0:56:32which is a great surprise to me, really. So I'm very pleased, yeah.
0:56:32 > 0:56:35What's so satisfying at the moment is that when I ring her up,
0:56:35 > 0:56:38she answers the phone like this, "OK, just give me a minute."
0:56:38 > 0:56:40And it's because she's in the library.
0:56:40 > 0:56:42Fantastic!
0:56:42 > 0:56:43Working. Christ!
0:56:43 > 0:56:45About time!
0:56:48 > 0:56:52Kind of every day up until this point, ever since I can remember,
0:56:52 > 0:56:56you've always been someone that has been there.
0:56:56 > 0:56:59You're always there to support me, no matter kind of what,
0:56:59 > 0:57:02and you're reliable in that sense, which,
0:57:02 > 0:57:05for me, has been really, really lovely.
0:57:05 > 0:57:09Reliable. It's like a TripAdvisor report, isn't it?!
0:57:09 > 0:57:12I'm getting, like, a 5-star TripAdvisor report here.
0:57:12 > 0:57:13That's what it is!
0:57:13 > 0:57:15It's hard...
0:57:15 > 0:57:19No, but you've taught me so much in terms of not just, like,
0:57:19 > 0:57:21the natural world and everything
0:57:21 > 0:57:25that I've become so passionate about as well.
0:57:25 > 0:57:27You've taught me everything, just life lessons.
0:57:27 > 0:57:30You've given me experiences that, if I hadn't have met you,
0:57:30 > 0:57:32I wouldn't have had,
0:57:32 > 0:57:35so if you hadn't come into my life 20 years ago,
0:57:35 > 0:57:38I would probably be in a completely different place than I am now.
0:57:38 > 0:57:40Yeah.
0:57:40 > 0:57:43- So...- How many stars in this sort of Guardian TripAdvisor...
0:57:43 > 0:57:45Are we doing this out of ten?
0:57:45 > 0:57:49- Out of ten?- Five.- Oh, five.
0:57:49 > 0:57:51I'll give you 4.9.
0:57:51 > 0:57:52- 4.8.- 4.8!
0:57:52 > 0:57:544.8.
0:57:54 > 0:57:57- God, that's good!- You can get it up to 4.9 if you come to my graduation.
0:57:57 > 0:57:59No way. I swear, I'll settle for 4.8.
0:57:59 > 0:58:01I'm really happy with that.
0:58:01 > 0:58:03- You won't be coming to my graduation?- No, of course not!
0:58:03 > 0:58:06- Are you serious?!- Yeah, I am, what do you think I'm going to do,
0:58:06 > 0:58:08drive all the way to Liverpool to see you getting a bit of paper?!
0:58:08 > 0:58:11- Yes! Yes!- Megs!
0:58:11 > 0:58:13- Chris!- What?
0:58:13 > 0:58:16I hope you have a good day.
0:58:16 > 0:58:20- You are coming. We'll discuss this later.- No, I'm not going to do that!
0:58:20 > 0:58:21It's ridiculous!
0:58:21 > 0:58:23- No, it's not!- Yes!
0:58:23 > 0:58:26- Don't make such a big deal out of it anyway!- It is a big deal!- It isn't.
0:58:26 > 0:58:28Yes, it is!