0:00:02 > 0:00:05It's the last thing we want to think about - our funeral.
0:00:06 > 0:00:10But we all have very different thoughts about the way we want to go.
0:00:12 > 0:00:14"When the sun sets on the ocean blue,
0:00:14 > 0:00:18"remember me as I will always remember you. God bless."
0:00:20 > 0:00:24For some people, though, death is very much their way of life.
0:00:26 > 0:00:27And they love their work.
0:00:29 > 0:00:32'We care for the dead but we're there to help the families'
0:00:32 > 0:00:35and I can't imagine a more rewarding job.
0:00:38 > 0:00:41Welcome to a world that most of us will never see.
0:00:44 > 0:00:48We're opening the doors on a very Welsh undertaking.
0:01:14 > 0:01:20For this young lady, undertaking has been a family concern for generations.
0:01:20 > 0:01:21'My name's Gemma O'Driscoll
0:01:21 > 0:01:26'and I'm a funeral director in Hendy, Llanelli, South Wales.
0:01:27 > 0:01:31'I'm one of only a handful of female funeral directors in Wales
0:01:31 > 0:01:32'but in addition,'
0:01:32 > 0:01:34I'm an inspector for SAIF,
0:01:34 > 0:01:38which is a trade association for independent funeral directors.
0:01:38 > 0:01:42'I'm also about to become president of SAIF.
0:01:42 > 0:01:47'I also work as a tutor and assessor for the Independent Funeral Directors' College.
0:01:47 > 0:01:51'I'm also a mum of six daughters, aged between five and 14,
0:01:51 > 0:01:55'so there is a lot of fun, a lot of laughter in the house.'
0:01:55 > 0:01:58I was an only child so you can read into that as you wish!
0:02:00 > 0:02:03'I'm Mum today. But I'm always on call.
0:02:05 > 0:02:09'I think many more families are choosing to use a female
0:02:09 > 0:02:14'funeral director, so I do think attitudes are changing overall,
0:02:14 > 0:02:18'but I see funeral directing as a caring profession
0:02:18 > 0:02:23'and most caring professions are predominantly female dominated
0:02:23 > 0:02:26'and traditionally it was always a woman who was
0:02:26 > 0:02:31'involved in caring for the body and at some point, that faded away'
0:02:31 > 0:02:35and the professional funeral director came to prominence
0:02:35 > 0:02:39and that was usually a man and so
0:02:39 > 0:02:42perhaps we're going back to that a little bit.
0:02:43 > 0:02:46With the unpredictability of the work,
0:02:46 > 0:02:49planning family days out is never easy.
0:02:49 > 0:02:52'There's one thing we tend to do that is slightly different to when
0:02:52 > 0:02:55'I was growing up and that's that pretty much everything is a surprise.'
0:02:55 > 0:02:57Then they don't know about the three times we were going
0:02:57 > 0:02:58out that got cancelled,
0:02:58 > 0:03:02they only know about the day that we're in the car, and off we go.
0:03:04 > 0:03:08In work today, though, yellow is the new black for Gemma.
0:03:08 > 0:03:11'We have a really interesting funeral with a lovely family.
0:03:11 > 0:03:14'It's completely non-traditional.'
0:03:14 > 0:03:18So today, I must get my top hat on, the gloves and so,
0:03:18 > 0:03:20it's not my usual attire.
0:03:20 > 0:03:22Today I'm wearing yellow.
0:03:23 > 0:03:26'The family want a bright and cheerful funeral,
0:03:26 > 0:03:28'so I'm doing what I can to accommodate that as well.
0:03:28 > 0:03:31'It wouldn't be suitable for me to be wearing black
0:03:31 > 0:03:34'so if the family want me to wear a onesie, I'll wear a onesie.
0:03:34 > 0:03:38'If the family want me head-to-toe in pink, I'll wear pink.
0:03:46 > 0:03:49'Having a formal Victorian-style funeral for John,
0:03:49 > 0:03:53'who loved comedy and laughter and inappropriate jokes -
0:03:53 > 0:03:56'that wouldn't have been fitting for him at all
0:03:56 > 0:03:59'so I think this was far more appropriate and respectful for John
0:03:59 > 0:04:02'than a more traditional funeral would be for someone else.'
0:04:05 > 0:04:09And he left very clear instructions not to wear black.
0:04:09 > 0:04:10Now at this stage,
0:04:10 > 0:04:14we'd normally have some calming music to listen to.
0:04:14 > 0:04:19MUSIC: Yakety Sax by Boots Randolph
0:04:19 > 0:04:22'To see a room full of people smiling and laughing during the funeral service
0:04:22 > 0:04:25'is really something quite different
0:04:25 > 0:04:28'and the crowd really appreciated everything that was done today.
0:04:30 > 0:04:33'There's definitely a change towards a little bit more of this
0:04:33 > 0:04:36'kind of thing and, um, yeah, I think
0:04:36 > 0:04:40'we'll see much greater changes going forward in the future.'
0:04:43 > 0:04:45Picked the girls up from school.
0:04:45 > 0:04:48They've gone to after-school club today. Couldn't manage without it.
0:04:48 > 0:04:51And I've got to pick them up, I've got to go home, we've got
0:04:51 > 0:04:54to have dinner, and there's a PTA meeting tonight.
0:04:58 > 0:05:00In Baglan near Port Talbot,
0:05:00 > 0:05:05funeral director Gareth Jenkins is dealing with tragedy.
0:05:05 > 0:05:09Last night, we heard that there was an incident on the local
0:05:09 > 0:05:11station, near the local station here in Baglan.
0:05:11 > 0:05:15It was a young man that died in a train accident.
0:05:15 > 0:05:18It was on Facebook, it was on the news, it was on the radio.
0:05:18 > 0:05:22It's very sad, but I have to go over and see them
0:05:22 > 0:05:24and maybe tell them what they need to do next.
0:05:27 > 0:05:30Meeting a grieving family for the first time is never easy
0:05:30 > 0:05:35but how do you comfort a mum who has lost two of her boys?
0:05:38 > 0:05:41My first son, he took his own life
0:05:41 > 0:05:43and it's coming up to six years anniversary.
0:05:45 > 0:05:47My second son, my oldest son,
0:05:47 > 0:05:52he did exactly the same thing in exactly the same place.
0:05:52 > 0:05:55We'll be able to fetch him from the hospital later on,
0:05:55 > 0:05:58and I know you're anxious to come over and spend some time
0:05:58 > 0:06:02with him, so you speak to whoever - your friends, your relatives,
0:06:02 > 0:06:05whoever would like to come over, and then, I'll meet you later on.
0:06:05 > 0:06:08But if they are too emotional, there's no pressure on them then.
0:06:08 > 0:06:10They can just follow us in.
0:06:16 > 0:06:21Damian is taken into the caring hands of Baglan Funeral Home.
0:06:23 > 0:06:26We had permission from the coroner's office
0:06:26 > 0:06:28and the hospital that we could fetch Damian back.
0:06:28 > 0:06:33Normal circumstances, we would use a stretcher, um,
0:06:33 > 0:06:39but given the severity of his injuries with the train impact,
0:06:39 > 0:06:44you know, just to be practical, we decided to use the coffin
0:06:44 > 0:06:46to take to the hospital, rather than a stretcher.
0:06:46 > 0:06:50We just thought that it would be a bit safer and maybe a bit nicer.
0:06:50 > 0:06:54For obvious reasons, they won't be able to view the deceased,
0:06:54 > 0:06:58but they can sit with the coffin, so I think the family are quite
0:06:58 > 0:07:02anxious to do that and spend some time just sitting there with him.
0:07:04 > 0:07:06Yeah, I've got to put the coffin right and we do like to
0:07:06 > 0:07:10dress inside, irrespective that if they are going to look in or not,
0:07:10 > 0:07:12we'll just feel better if it's dressed in silk inside.
0:07:12 > 0:07:15I can tell the family what we have done,
0:07:15 > 0:07:18if they feel like they want to put some photographs in,
0:07:18 > 0:07:22maybe we'll do that and I'll do that on their behalf.
0:07:22 > 0:07:25I've just got to feel for them at this awful time
0:07:25 > 0:07:29and hope that it will help them when they come here, that they
0:07:29 > 0:07:31can spend that little time.
0:07:32 > 0:07:35You deal with funerals, with deaths, every day,
0:07:35 > 0:07:40and then every now and again, it just hits home
0:07:40 > 0:07:42how vulnerable we are, really,
0:07:42 > 0:07:47and how fragile we are and what do people think of when they're driven
0:07:47 > 0:07:52to do something as drastic as this, um, what's going through their mind.
0:07:55 > 0:08:02It's so sad, six years almost within a week or so, that his brother
0:08:02 > 0:08:06took his own life in the very same way, in the very same area.
0:08:09 > 0:08:13It's such a shock for the community
0:08:13 > 0:08:18but we cannot begin to understand what it's like for their loved ones.
0:08:24 > 0:08:28'If I could speak to them again, I'd tell them how much I loved them
0:08:28 > 0:08:31'and I'd just want to put my arms around them and comfort them
0:08:31 > 0:08:36'and tell them everything would be OK and everything will be better.
0:08:36 > 0:08:40'But I can't. All I've got now are my memories and my photographs.'
0:08:40 > 0:08:42- If that's OK, yes.- Of course.
0:08:42 > 0:08:46'When Dominic passed, I couldn't look at photographs of him as an adult.
0:08:46 > 0:08:51'I could only look at childhood ones. But I can do it now.
0:08:53 > 0:08:56'Suicides don't understand the implication of what
0:08:56 > 0:08:58'they leave behind.'
0:08:59 > 0:09:04- SHE SOBS - Don't rush to go in. You stay here. - You stay here for a bit.
0:09:04 > 0:09:08'I would say with my own two boys, looking back now,
0:09:08 > 0:09:12'they were adults and I don't think they wanted to involve
0:09:12 > 0:09:18'people in their personal grief. And they just made their own decisions.
0:09:18 > 0:09:21'It wasn't a cry for help because it was final.'
0:09:21 > 0:09:23Plenty of handkerchiefs by there, right?
0:09:23 > 0:09:25Come on, let's go and see her.
0:09:25 > 0:09:28You...you give me a ring if you need me, OK? I'll be just outside.
0:09:28 > 0:09:29Go on.
0:09:29 > 0:09:30- Thanks.- Go on.
0:09:32 > 0:09:34SOBBING
0:09:34 > 0:09:37God!
0:09:37 > 0:09:40Oh, God! Oh, God!
0:09:49 > 0:09:52'We couldn't have an open casket.
0:09:52 > 0:09:55'So of course, you're talking to a coffin,
0:09:55 > 0:09:59'cos I couldn't hold his hand, I couldn't kiss him.
0:09:59 > 0:10:03'And it's just really, really difficult talking to a wooden box.
0:10:03 > 0:10:05'So we took a picture of him, didn't we?
0:10:05 > 0:10:07- 'We took a picture up, and...- Yeah.
0:10:07 > 0:10:11'I think we were talking more to the picture, then, than to the box.'
0:10:11 > 0:10:14It's in the stars, isn't it, babes?
0:10:14 > 0:10:19'He's so young and it's a tragedy that's occurred in the family for a
0:10:19 > 0:10:24'second time, so it's, you know, it's that extra, um,
0:10:24 > 0:10:26'sadness about it.'
0:10:26 > 0:10:30It's really such an awful occasion for them, so I want them
0:10:30 > 0:10:35to have as long as they wish to grieve here and sit with him.
0:10:35 > 0:10:37What would you like? Teas?
0:10:37 > 0:10:38- Teas.- And water?
0:10:38 > 0:10:41- If it's not too much trouble. - Not at all. How would you like it?
0:10:41 > 0:10:44At one point, looked up to the sky and said, "God!"
0:10:44 > 0:10:47And I'm not religious, so I just think, at one point,
0:10:47 > 0:10:49- why did I say, "God"?- Yeah.
0:10:49 > 0:10:52I think cos it's I couldn't swear in a funeral home.
0:11:00 > 0:11:05Dealing with grief is a daily part of the job of a funeral director.
0:11:05 > 0:11:09And in Newport, a course has been set up by James Tovey to help
0:11:09 > 0:11:10people cope with bereavement.
0:11:10 > 0:11:14'So I've just come to the last week of our six-week
0:11:14 > 0:11:17'course of a bereavement group, Steps.
0:11:17 > 0:11:20'I first got interested in bereavement support
0:11:20 > 0:11:21'after the sudden death of my mother'
0:11:21 > 0:11:26and that's what made me realise that there was this gap for helping people.
0:11:26 > 0:11:30James organised the course with the help of grief counsellor
0:11:30 > 0:11:32Natalie Howard.
0:11:32 > 0:11:36Steps is an initiative that we felt was really important
0:11:36 > 0:11:40for people to have somewhere to go after the funeral, after everybody
0:11:40 > 0:11:44has left them and the people are still stuck with their grief.
0:11:44 > 0:11:48Sometimes it's "Why me? Why them?"
0:11:48 > 0:11:51Sometimes it's a "why" that won't get answered.
0:11:51 > 0:11:55At Steps, we don't feel that people will get over it,
0:11:55 > 0:11:58but we do feel that we can help them get through their grief.
0:11:58 > 0:12:02Any adult can come along and that can be for a grief that's
0:12:02 > 0:12:07recent, or for a grief that's maybe many years ago.
0:12:07 > 0:12:10When I first came here, I thought grief was just me, you know, just my grief.
0:12:10 > 0:12:14And now I've understood by being here that everybody goes through it.
0:12:14 > 0:12:16Each session, you seem to get better and improve, you know,
0:12:16 > 0:12:19and I've found it... I've found it good.
0:12:19 > 0:12:23And I'm really proud that we've put the course on for people,
0:12:23 > 0:12:27cos they obviously...they genuinely find it really helpful,
0:12:27 > 0:12:30and it's a nice continuation of our service and everything that we
0:12:30 > 0:12:35do for people, but it also reminds me that it's really rewarding
0:12:35 > 0:12:39to sort of help people out and people are so lovely and genuine
0:12:39 > 0:12:43and it's great to hear their stories and great that we can help.
0:12:43 > 0:12:47Without James sponsoring this free course,
0:12:47 > 0:12:50people would still be searching for somewhere to go.
0:12:52 > 0:12:55In west Wales, in the beautiful village of Laugharne,
0:12:55 > 0:12:59the locals have trusted one family to take care of their deceased
0:12:59 > 0:13:02relatives for generations.
0:13:02 > 0:13:03'I'm Stuart Booth.
0:13:03 > 0:13:07'I work at Peter Evans funeral directors. I'm the third generation.
0:13:07 > 0:13:09'My grandfather started the business.
0:13:09 > 0:13:11'I started helping him out about ten years ago
0:13:11 > 0:13:13'and took over the last seven years.
0:13:13 > 0:13:16'We're just in the process of building our new chapel of rest
0:13:16 > 0:13:19'and new premises, and this is my mother, Alison.'
0:13:19 > 0:13:22She's the real boss. She sorts us out in the background.
0:13:22 > 0:13:24I've got a lot of titles, yes!
0:13:24 > 0:13:27- Whenever a title is going, I get that title.- Yeah.
0:13:27 > 0:13:31It's a way of life to me, not a job. It never has been my job.
0:13:31 > 0:13:33It's always been my way of life.
0:13:33 > 0:13:37I was the undertaker's daughter, and now I'm the undertaker's mother.
0:13:37 > 0:13:40Someone said to me the other day - I came out of the church,
0:13:40 > 0:13:43and someone said, "Oh, you're like your grandfather."
0:13:43 > 0:13:46I said, "That's the biggest compliment you can give me,
0:13:46 > 0:13:49"because he was my hero, in a way."
0:13:51 > 0:13:55Tradition is important but so is the future.
0:13:55 > 0:13:58And Stuart has big plans to modernise the business,
0:13:58 > 0:14:01including a brand-new chapel of rest.
0:14:01 > 0:14:03This will be the office.
0:14:03 > 0:14:08The idea with this little hole in the wall is, this is
0:14:08 > 0:14:11the cross that my grandfather made for Dylan Thomas's grave in Laugharne.
0:14:11 > 0:14:14He made a few of them and this is the last one he made.
0:14:14 > 0:14:17They've just recently updated it now, so when they took this,
0:14:17 > 0:14:21we asked them if we could have it and the idea is it's going to go in here.
0:14:21 > 0:14:25It's quite dark in here but into the viewing room,
0:14:25 > 0:14:28so they'd be able to come in here and just spend a bit of time with...
0:14:28 > 0:14:29with the coffin.
0:14:32 > 0:14:35Reverse the hearse up, inside, the hearse can come in here.
0:14:35 > 0:14:37We can load the coffin then.
0:14:37 > 0:14:40And even if it's raining and stuff outside, the coffin won't
0:14:40 > 0:14:42get wet or anything and it can be loaded inside.
0:14:46 > 0:14:49Three generations of Stuart's family are making sure that
0:14:49 > 0:14:52everything will be ready for the chapel's official opening.
0:14:56 > 0:14:59Once this is done, I don't want to see another paintbrush.
0:14:59 > 0:15:03I think I'm more cut out for arranging funerals than I am for painting.
0:15:03 > 0:15:05It's nice that he's busy. It keeps him out of mischief!
0:15:05 > 0:15:07Stuart, now. Not Mason!
0:15:08 > 0:15:10- Mum, painting!- Yeah, painting.
0:15:12 > 0:15:16It takes a certain type of person to be a funeral director.
0:15:16 > 0:15:20And I could never do it. I'd be crying with the families.
0:15:20 > 0:15:24But he's the right mix of caring and strong
0:15:24 > 0:15:26and gets the families through it.
0:15:28 > 0:15:30I think he's very good.
0:15:30 > 0:15:31I wouldn't tell him that!
0:15:32 > 0:15:37It's nice to hope that maybe Mason one day will be in here, running it as well.
0:15:40 > 0:15:44In Baglan funeral home, it's time for a little bit of housework.
0:15:45 > 0:15:50As we have a quieter day today with no deceased that we need to look after, we are taking the
0:15:50 > 0:15:55opportunity to have a spring-clean and sort a few of these things out.
0:15:55 > 0:15:59I don't know if you know that Craig is from Glasgow. So we've got...
0:15:59 > 0:16:03How is that? Let me see if we can get that around you.
0:16:03 > 0:16:06- Oh!- Hang on. It's elasticated. We've got a chance.
0:16:06 > 0:16:09My mum with her Scottish roots would be very proud of me wearing this.
0:16:26 > 0:16:29Keeping everything looking spick-and-span
0:16:29 > 0:16:31is a big part of the funeral business,
0:16:31 > 0:16:36as Carmarthen-based carriage master Matthew Jones knows only too well.
0:16:36 > 0:16:40He hires out hearses and limousines to funeral directors across Wales.
0:16:41 > 0:16:45And you can have any colour you want - as long as it's black!
0:16:47 > 0:16:50It's easier, probably, for a funeral director to hire off a carriage
0:16:50 > 0:16:53master and just make a phone call, ask for a hearse
0:16:53 > 0:16:56and limousine, at a certain time and a certain day
0:16:56 > 0:17:00and we turn up ready to go, clean and shiny, hopefully.
0:17:00 > 0:17:01There's a lot of money's worth in here.
0:17:01 > 0:17:07These Volvos are priced at approximately £92-93,000 each.
0:17:07 > 0:17:10All the drivers here know exactly what they are doing. They are all trained.
0:17:10 > 0:17:12Some of them have been doing it much longer than me,
0:17:12 > 0:17:15and at the end of the day, we are representing the funeral director
0:17:15 > 0:17:19on the day of the funeral, so things have got to go right for us and
0:17:19 > 0:17:23for him and most importantly, things have got to go right for the family.
0:17:23 > 0:17:26But not all of these families live in Wales.
0:17:26 > 0:17:30Another service Matthew offers is repatriation of the deceased
0:17:30 > 0:17:32back to their homeland.
0:17:32 > 0:17:35Today, he's arranging for Atanas Angelov to return home to
0:17:35 > 0:17:39Bulgaria from Swansea, a complicated process.
0:17:41 > 0:17:44We need to pick up a coffin, which will be a bit different -
0:17:44 > 0:17:47zinc lined, to the standards for the flight.
0:17:47 > 0:17:51You know, with the large influx of the Europeans that have moved
0:17:51 > 0:17:54to Wales, this is becoming more of a regular occurrence.
0:17:54 > 0:17:57At any one time, there could be hundreds, maybe thousands
0:17:57 > 0:18:01of deceaseds being moved from one end of the country to the other,
0:18:01 > 0:18:06from hospital to funeral home in the back of these type of vehicles.
0:18:06 > 0:18:08There's quite a lot of paperwork involved.
0:18:08 > 0:18:10There's a certificate free of infection,
0:18:10 > 0:18:12the embalming certificate,
0:18:12 > 0:18:15the out of England and Wales certificate,
0:18:15 > 0:18:17the death certificate, the passport etc,
0:18:17 > 0:18:21all that needs to go to London before the body goes.
0:18:21 > 0:18:26We're going to Treorchy now, probably one of the biggest coffin
0:18:26 > 0:18:29manufacturers in Wales, I would have thought.
0:18:31 > 0:18:35In a quiet industrial estate on the outskirts of Treorchy is coffin
0:18:35 > 0:18:39manufacturer Celtic Coffins, who make over 70 coffins a week
0:18:39 > 0:18:42and are just finishing off a special order for Matthew.
0:18:46 > 0:18:48- All right, boys? Good.- All right.
0:18:49 > 0:18:53- Coffin ready? - Yeah.- Oh, spot-on. Top man.
0:18:54 > 0:18:56There we are.
0:18:56 > 0:18:58So I just... Obviously after the body goes in.
0:18:58 > 0:19:00- Silicone down.- Silicone this down.
0:19:00 > 0:19:05- That will go on there.- Put the lid down...- Yeah.- ..and it's ready to go. There we are. Great.
0:19:17 > 0:19:20Right, got the coffin now. Um, quite...quite smelly in here,
0:19:20 > 0:19:24with the lacquer of the coffin and the silicone.
0:19:24 > 0:19:27We'll be quite high now, by the time we get home. So, we're off now
0:19:27 > 0:19:30down to the hospital now, to collect the deceased from the hospital.
0:19:30 > 0:19:31That's the next stage.
0:19:33 > 0:19:35After collection from the hospital,
0:19:35 > 0:19:39Matthew makes his way to Swansea to meet Atanas' brother Daniel,
0:19:39 > 0:19:42to give him his deceased brother's belongings and to help him
0:19:42 > 0:19:44complete the paperwork.
0:19:45 > 0:19:48- How are you?- I'm OK. Thank you.
0:19:48 > 0:19:50OK? OK.
0:19:51 > 0:19:56- I've got Atanas' belongings there, OK? From the hospital.- Yeah.
0:19:56 > 0:19:57I'll keep them there.
0:20:44 > 0:20:49Once all that is sorted, then, I can let you know when the flight is.
0:20:49 > 0:20:50OK.
0:21:15 > 0:21:17Wrapped in the traditional white blanket
0:21:17 > 0:21:20and resting in his zinc-lined coffin,
0:21:20 > 0:21:23Atanas is ready for his long journey home.
0:21:27 > 0:21:32So what I'll do now is just put a bit of sealant around the top,
0:21:32 > 0:21:35stick the lid down and put the screws in then before we go,
0:21:35 > 0:21:38so it's a sealed coffin then, to go on the airline.
0:21:55 > 0:21:56'Just because the coffin
0:21:56 > 0:22:00'and the deceased is in the back of the removal vehicle, as we call
0:22:00 > 0:22:03'it, doesn't make any difference to when it's in a hearse, you know.
0:22:03 > 0:22:06'We treat everything exactly the same.
0:22:06 > 0:22:08'Obviously, the speed is a bit different, cos it's not
0:22:08 > 0:22:13'a funeral cortege, but everything either to that is treated
0:22:13 > 0:22:15'with the utmost of dignity then.'
0:22:27 > 0:22:30In Laugharne, it's a big day for funeral director Stuart
0:22:30 > 0:22:34and his mum Alison, as the doors of the new chapel of rest are
0:22:34 > 0:22:39officially opened - an investment in the future of a family undertaking.
0:22:39 > 0:22:41Today, we've finally got round to doing our open day.
0:22:41 > 0:22:43It's been a lot of work.
0:22:43 > 0:22:45Up until about half an hour literally before everyone arrived,
0:22:45 > 0:22:49we were still rushing around putting tables and chairs and everything out.
0:22:49 > 0:22:53It's a little bit out of the ordinary, so hopefully people will come along and support us,
0:22:53 > 0:22:56just to see the premises and what we offer and the products and things that we offer.
0:22:56 > 0:23:00I've seen huge changes over the years and now, to see
0:23:00 > 0:23:01this is wonderful.
0:23:04 > 0:23:08'I'm in charge of the memory balloons.'
0:23:08 > 0:23:12So people come to us, write a little message for their loved ones,
0:23:12 > 0:23:15we attach it to a balloon then, and then they can send it up.
0:23:20 > 0:23:24My husband died and Stuart sorted the funeral out from here
0:23:24 > 0:23:28so we're just sending a balloon up for my husband.
0:23:36 > 0:23:37Let him go!
0:23:42 > 0:23:46In Baglan, it's the day of the funeral of Damian James,
0:23:46 > 0:23:48who took his own life.
0:23:48 > 0:23:51Gareth is making a final call to the family on a traumatic day
0:23:51 > 0:23:55for them and a difficult day for him.
0:23:55 > 0:23:58Yeah, I'm just checking up now. We'll be done very shortly.
0:23:58 > 0:24:01How many bouquets are there in the garden?
0:24:01 > 0:24:04We always phone the family just before we're coming because I know
0:24:04 > 0:24:07a lot of them, they're standing on their door,
0:24:07 > 0:24:08they're looking at their watch.
0:24:08 > 0:24:12It's just a reassurance that a phone call makes a lot of difference then.
0:24:12 > 0:24:16It's been very upsetting for, obviously, for the family
0:24:16 > 0:24:19and you can't help but get involved yourself.
0:24:19 > 0:24:20Obviously, you don't
0:24:20 > 0:24:25realise how much of their hurt you're taking on, because you
0:24:25 > 0:24:30are taking the responsibility of cremating or burying their loved
0:24:30 > 0:24:35ones and sometimes you don't really consciously think about it
0:24:35 > 0:24:37and then when you reflect perhaps on the weekend,
0:24:37 > 0:24:39when you've come down a bit,
0:24:39 > 0:24:43how much you've taken on, you realise how stressful and tiring
0:24:43 > 0:24:46it can be, but there again, very rewarding as well.
0:24:47 > 0:24:50Letters are really popular, as you can imagine,
0:24:50 > 0:24:53but you're limited to the size of the hearse.
0:24:53 > 0:24:56But when they've got sometimes "great-grandfather",
0:24:56 > 0:24:59or they might have a long name, what they don't realise is,
0:24:59 > 0:25:01you can't see it,
0:25:01 > 0:25:05cos sometimes we have to put a box on the seat to take it longer.
0:25:09 > 0:25:10OK, gentlemen.
0:25:11 > 0:25:17Gareth walks Damian out of the funeral home on his way to the family home.
0:25:37 > 0:25:40A funeral is something you never look forward to.
0:25:40 > 0:25:43But it's saying your final goodbyes.
0:25:43 > 0:25:46SOBBING
0:25:48 > 0:25:50SOBBING
0:25:50 > 0:25:52And the name is on this side, OK?
0:25:54 > 0:25:58Thank you so much. It's beautiful. Thank you. Oh...
0:26:05 > 0:26:09'I'm looking forward to Monday coming and going because then,
0:26:09 > 0:26:11'he'll be at rest, he'll be at peace
0:26:11 > 0:26:17'and we can start the healing process all over again.
0:26:22 > 0:26:26'I'm going to walk him up the street, because that's the last thing I'm going to do for him.
0:26:36 > 0:26:41'I didn't bring them into this world for them to take themselves out. I didn't.'
0:26:47 > 0:26:52We've gathered today to say farewell to Damian John James.
0:26:52 > 0:26:55We've come to give thanks for his life.
0:26:56 > 0:26:58We've come to celebrate his life.
0:26:58 > 0:27:03MUSIC: A Sky Full of Stars by Coldplay
0:27:03 > 0:27:05'We're not actually singing hymns today.
0:27:05 > 0:27:09'It's going to be a collection of all his favourite music
0:27:09 > 0:27:12'and what the family and his partner have decided on
0:27:12 > 0:27:15'that would be appropriate for the day.
0:27:15 > 0:27:17'You know, obviously, I'll be standing there,
0:27:17 > 0:27:21'calm and collected, hopefully, but when the service is on,
0:27:21 > 0:27:24'I stand at the back and keep an eye on everybody.
0:27:33 > 0:27:39'If I can get a message across to how we feel, as parents -
0:27:39 > 0:27:42'please, if you can't speak to your parents
0:27:42 > 0:27:45'or your sisters or your brothers, go and see a professional.
0:27:45 > 0:27:49'Your loved ones, get them involved, say, "I'm feeling terrible,"
0:27:49 > 0:27:52'you know, "I don't want to be here any more."
0:27:52 > 0:27:54'Oh, just please, get help.
0:27:54 > 0:27:59'The only one person who's been a rock is our funeral director.
0:27:59 > 0:28:00'He's been absolutely amazing.'