0:00:09 > 0:00:15# We have all the time...
0:00:15 > 0:00:18# ..in the world
0:00:18 > 0:00:25Thirteen years ago, the BBC set out on an ambitious project
0:00:25 > 0:00:30to follow the lives of 25 children after their birth at the millennium.
0:00:30 > 0:00:32# We have all...
0:00:32 > 0:00:37We've captured ordinary family life in 21st-century Britain.
0:00:38 > 0:00:40From towns and villages
0:00:40 > 0:00:44to inner cities and the countryside.
0:00:44 > 0:00:47# You will find...
0:00:47 > 0:00:50# ..we need nothing more
0:00:50 > 0:00:53Our cameras have followed the Child Of Our Time families
0:00:53 > 0:00:58and, in the process, we've witnessed the changing lives of the children
0:00:58 > 0:01:01who are hitting their teenage years.
0:01:02 > 0:01:07Being 12 is like being in the middle of being a teenager and being in the middle of a kid.
0:01:07 > 0:01:11You're an in-between age so you kind of feel different from others.
0:01:11 > 0:01:16Every day should be an ice-cream day when you're 12 because your body can take it.
0:01:16 > 0:01:19People will be best friends with you just for a piece of gum,
0:01:19 > 0:01:23Everyone is obsessed with chewing gum at 12.
0:01:23 > 0:01:26# Just for love
0:01:26 > 0:01:28# Nothing more
0:01:28 > 0:01:30# Nothing less
0:01:30 > 0:01:32She used to love pink.
0:01:32 > 0:01:36And fairies, and things like that. But that's now gone.
0:01:36 > 0:01:42She is good at doing that teenage focusing out the rest of the world,
0:01:42 > 0:01:47where they don't see anything apart from what's immediately in front of them on a screen.
0:01:47 > 0:01:52- Bossy, would you say? - But there again, she's 12, she's experimenting with...
0:01:53 > 0:01:56Yeah, but she bosses you around an awful lot. And me.
0:02:00 > 0:02:04Inevitably, it's not been easy for all our children.
0:02:07 > 0:02:09Some have had to cope with difficult times.
0:02:09 > 0:02:12I never guessed she would die.
0:02:13 > 0:02:16But I can remember clearly the afternoon I found out.
0:02:20 > 0:02:25I think I was ten and my dad had an affair.
0:02:27 > 0:02:32We'd sit and sing Bob The Builder, "Can we fix it? Yes, we can!"
0:02:32 > 0:02:35And I used to join in like a silly fool.
0:02:39 > 0:02:41Tonight, our families,
0:02:41 > 0:02:45three generations of them, reflect on the last 13 years.
0:02:56 > 0:03:00# Only love #
0:03:12 > 0:03:16Family life in Britain is said to be in crisis.
0:03:16 > 0:03:20But it remains how most of us still define ourselves -
0:03:20 > 0:03:23as brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles,
0:03:23 > 0:03:28parents, children, or even grandparents.
0:03:32 > 0:03:36Nothing ever, ever prepares you for having children.
0:03:38 > 0:03:40Ever.
0:03:40 > 0:03:43You think "Gosh, you know, am I really allowed to have children?"
0:03:43 > 0:03:47"I don't know where I've parked the car. I shouldn't be allowed to have them."
0:03:47 > 0:03:50He was so beautiful.
0:03:50 > 0:03:55God knows me and he knows what he has to do to make me smile, so he made him so gorgeous.
0:03:55 > 0:04:00Jamie was absolutely enormous when he was born.
0:04:00 > 0:04:02I'm glad I didn't have him naturally anyway.
0:04:02 > 0:04:04LAUGHS
0:04:04 > 0:04:10You can go buy the most fancy car, stereo, washing machine, you get an owner's manual with it, a handbook.
0:04:10 > 0:04:13The most important thing you'll ever have to look after,
0:04:13 > 0:04:17you bring it out the hospital, there's no manual, and you just do the best you can.
0:04:17 > 0:04:21It just completely changed our lives.
0:04:21 > 0:04:26There wouldn't be a life without the children, they become your life. They are my life.
0:04:30 > 0:04:35# Away in a manger
0:04:35 > 0:04:37# No crib for... #
0:04:37 > 0:04:43The 25 children were all born between September 1999
0:04:43 > 0:04:45and February 2000.
0:04:46 > 0:04:50Jacqi Langeveld was pregnant with twins.
0:04:52 > 0:04:56But four weeks before she was due to give birth, she went into labour.
0:04:56 > 0:04:59And there were complications.
0:05:00 > 0:05:06I was holding Jacqui's hand and I remember looking at her
0:05:06 > 0:05:12and her breathing and having the drugs and everything in,
0:05:12 > 0:05:17and knowing that she wasn't aware at that precise moment,
0:05:17 > 0:05:20being aware of what had happened.
0:05:21 > 0:05:24The labour all turned into a nightmare.
0:05:24 > 0:05:29You feel like, I just want this whole thing to end now, you know?
0:05:29 > 0:05:33I don't want children, I don't want to be alive, I don't want any of this.
0:05:33 > 0:05:36I couldn't see how it was all going to end, you know, it was just awful.
0:05:38 > 0:05:43Their first baby, Alexander, was stillborn.
0:05:45 > 0:05:4912 years on, I remember just this ringing, deafening silence.
0:05:53 > 0:05:55I just couldn't believe that it was happening.
0:05:57 > 0:05:58And...
0:05:59 > 0:06:01Sorry.
0:06:02 > 0:06:06They didn't tell me what he was.
0:06:06 > 0:06:10And I had to ask whether it was a boy or a girl.
0:06:24 > 0:06:28Soon after, the second twin, Charlotte, was born.
0:06:29 > 0:06:31They delivered her.
0:06:31 > 0:06:35And, er,... she was beautiful.
0:06:36 > 0:06:39So... Sorry.
0:06:46 > 0:06:50And quite quickly she opened her eyes and these big brown eyes
0:06:50 > 0:06:54stared straight at you and she was incredibly alert.
0:06:54 > 0:06:57It was so obvious, I felt, that she was a fighter.
0:06:57 > 0:07:00I just knew she was all right from the beginning.
0:07:01 > 0:07:04Life does go on.
0:07:04 > 0:07:08And whilst we were down in the dumps, obviously,
0:07:08 > 0:07:13we still had a beautiful little girl that we had to look after.
0:07:15 > 0:07:18If you've got any grief in your life,
0:07:18 > 0:07:22the most wonderful thing about children is they force you to go forwards.
0:07:22 > 0:07:26The simplest, easiest things may go wrong.
0:07:26 > 0:07:28And...
0:07:28 > 0:07:33So it's really important to cherish what you have.
0:07:33 > 0:07:35Mummy!
0:07:35 > 0:07:40Charlotte grew up to be a healthy, happy and very sensitive little girl.
0:07:40 > 0:07:44And 18 months later, Jacqi gave birth to her sister Jasmine.
0:07:44 > 0:07:46LAUGHS
0:07:46 > 0:07:51Once upon a time, there was two little girls.
0:07:51 > 0:07:54One was called Jasmine and one was called Charlotte.
0:07:56 > 0:08:02There was a mum called Jacqui and there was a dad called Richard.
0:08:03 > 0:08:07Later that year, Jacqui and Richard got married.
0:08:07 > 0:08:09Lovely. One more.
0:08:09 > 0:08:13Jacqui and I had been together for quite a while but, um,
0:08:13 > 0:08:16once we were married, for some inexplicable reason, we did,
0:08:16 > 0:08:22and I don't know at what point, but we did start to drift apart.
0:08:22 > 0:08:26One of the key things was, I was working, um, full-time,
0:08:26 > 0:08:29as was Richard, and so I think
0:08:29 > 0:08:34there was a lot less time to go round for everybody.
0:08:34 > 0:08:38And, like a lot of parents, it's hard to find the time to talk.
0:08:38 > 0:08:43I think my mum and dad separated, um,
0:08:43 > 0:08:46partly because they lost Alexander.
0:08:46 > 0:08:52And I sort of think that maybe pushed them away a bit
0:08:52 > 0:08:55rather than bringing them together.
0:09:05 > 0:09:09Ah! Not cuddling, not kissing.
0:09:10 > 0:09:12Not talking, not talking.
0:09:13 > 0:09:16Charlotte and Jasmine cuddle each other.
0:09:16 > 0:09:18But not Mummy and Daddy.
0:09:19 > 0:09:24I do feel that I've failed myself
0:09:24 > 0:09:27and failed Charlotte and Jasmine.
0:09:27 > 0:09:29And also failed my family as well.
0:09:29 > 0:09:32I have a brother and sister, they're both married.
0:09:32 > 0:09:34I have my parents, they're married.
0:09:34 > 0:09:40And, um, as hard as I try, I still have at the back of my mind
0:09:40 > 0:09:44the fact that I failed and I've let some people down.
0:09:45 > 0:09:47Hi, darling.
0:09:49 > 0:09:51Mmmmmwah!
0:09:51 > 0:09:53- For the day. - Um-hmm.
0:09:53 > 0:09:57I try not to tell them how I feel about their separation
0:09:57 > 0:10:02because I think it might upset them and make them feel bad.
0:10:03 > 0:10:07Although she is, most of the time, you know,
0:10:07 > 0:10:10putting a brave face on things and getting on with it.
0:10:10 > 0:10:13You know, there are times when both her and Jasmine
0:10:13 > 0:10:17do need to just let it out and just say, you know,
0:10:17 > 0:10:19"Sometimes it is tough."
0:10:19 > 0:10:25And it's important, I think, that both Richard and I listen to that and just say, "I hear you."
0:10:25 > 0:10:29She's very, very sensitive and, possibly underneath
0:10:29 > 0:10:33there is, subconsciously even,
0:10:33 > 0:10:37this feeling that things are not absolutely perfect.
0:10:37 > 0:10:41But, as she's getting older, it's getting better, I think.
0:10:41 > 0:10:43And she's finding it much easier.
0:10:43 > 0:10:47And I think Charlotte is coping with it very well.
0:10:50 > 0:10:53Do you want to put a bit of meat on your mum's plate?
0:10:55 > 0:10:59Charlotte's mother and father are in new relationships.
0:10:59 > 0:11:04And, like many children, Charlotte is now part of a large extended family.
0:11:05 > 0:11:08I really enjoy having older step-siblings.
0:11:08 > 0:11:10They're generally really nice.
0:11:10 > 0:11:13And they do your hair and stuff like that.
0:11:13 > 0:11:18The beautiful thing about children is, with all the sensitivity Charlotte has,
0:11:18 > 0:11:20children don't mind telling you
0:11:20 > 0:11:22that Helen is, in fact, a great cook.
0:11:22 > 0:11:28"When Helen cooks this, Mum, it's delicious. Will you ask her what she does that you don't do?"
0:11:28 > 0:11:32Sometimes I do wish that my parents were back together
0:11:32 > 0:11:37but I wouldn't change anything
0:11:37 > 0:11:40in my family. I love it exactly how it is.
0:11:48 > 0:11:51Charlotte has coped with the change to her family.
0:11:51 > 0:11:56But we all know how difficult it can be to keep a family together.
0:11:56 > 0:11:59I think that my parents have got a good relationship
0:11:59 > 0:12:01because they rarely argue
0:12:01 > 0:12:05and they always laugh together and it makes me happy.
0:12:05 > 0:12:07- Compromise. - Compromise is...
0:12:07 > 0:12:10As long as it's my way, I don't mind compromising
0:12:12 > 0:12:18We've been married 52 years. We feel that the secret of a happy marriage
0:12:18 > 0:12:22is tolerance, understanding of one another's needs.
0:12:24 > 0:12:28The secret of my marriage is having been lucky enough to marry a wonderful guy
0:12:32 > 0:12:37I think one of the key elements of a successful family is having time together.
0:12:37 > 0:12:40Because you can have all the principles in the world,
0:12:40 > 0:12:43but if you're not there, you're not there.
0:12:43 > 0:12:48And your principles are just puffs in the air.
0:12:49 > 0:12:53If there is no strong relationship between mother and father
0:12:53 > 0:12:55that will have an effect on the children.
0:12:55 > 0:12:58Perhaps we've knocked each other's corners off a bit.
0:12:58 > 0:13:00And we've found ourselves where we are now
0:13:00 > 0:13:04quite happy with each other, sort of.
0:13:04 > 0:13:07Ooh, you are presumptuous.
0:13:16 > 0:13:18Yeah.
0:13:19 > 0:13:22Right. I need to get to your tummy. Slide those down.
0:13:22 > 0:13:28To me, family is the most important thing in your life really.
0:13:28 > 0:13:30Jelly on your tummy. Cold. Yeah?
0:13:30 > 0:13:32I just love having children.
0:13:32 > 0:13:35- I'm going to. - And that was just as well.
0:13:35 > 0:13:40Because her scan revealed that Tracey was pregnant with triplets.
0:13:40 > 0:13:42There's one baby here. You see the membrane?
0:13:42 > 0:13:47We had the scan. They moved around on the thing and gave knowing looks to each other.
0:13:47 > 0:13:51And then they told her and they went, "Look, one, two, three."
0:13:51 > 0:13:57He just come straight out and phoned up his mum and dad and told them.
0:13:57 > 0:14:02Nigel was incredibly proud of knowing that he'd fathered triplets.
0:14:03 > 0:14:07It's quite a skill - three eggs, three sperm. It's not easy.
0:14:11 > 0:14:16Tracey went into labour on the 4th of January 2000.
0:14:16 > 0:14:19The girls were born by caesarean section
0:14:19 > 0:14:23and were Europe's first triplets of the new millennium.
0:14:23 > 0:14:25BABIES CRY
0:14:27 > 0:14:30Number one is Alice.
0:14:30 > 0:14:33Number two is Mabel.
0:14:33 > 0:14:35And number three is Phoebe.
0:14:36 > 0:14:38BABIES CRY
0:14:40 > 0:14:42CRYING
0:14:43 > 0:14:46The girls weren't the Ballers' first children.
0:14:46 > 0:14:50They already had three. Two boys and a girl.
0:14:51 > 0:14:56We've got a little house, a little car, how are we going to get the blooming kids in there?
0:14:56 > 0:15:01It's having somewhere to put them because there isn't enough room.
0:15:01 > 0:15:05You've got three of everything. You've got three cots, three chairs.
0:15:05 > 0:15:11- So we had to get a bigger car for a start.- We had to move house. - Move house, yeah.
0:15:21 > 0:15:26We'd get through about nearly 200 bottles per week
0:15:26 > 0:15:28and about 200 nappies per week.
0:15:28 > 0:15:32- I'm sure they had a dip in sales. - When they came out of nappies, yeah.
0:15:37 > 0:15:39It is hard to get the balance of making sure
0:15:39 > 0:15:42that all the children's needs are met.
0:15:42 > 0:15:44So you've got to have time slots.
0:15:44 > 0:15:48There's time when the little ones are asleep when you can give them your time,
0:15:48 > 0:15:51so they feel they're part of the team as well.
0:15:51 > 0:15:54Do you know what I mean? It's not just Mummy and Daddy.
0:15:54 > 0:15:57It's doing it, everybody's involved.
0:15:57 > 0:16:02And the same as we've always included Nan and Grandad in everything.
0:16:02 > 0:16:05That's how I know family life to be.
0:16:09 > 0:16:12I'm glad Tracey let me get involved with them.
0:16:12 > 0:16:16I've had a lovely few years with them as young babies
0:16:16 > 0:16:18and little children.
0:16:18 > 0:16:21Give them cuddles and things like that.
0:16:21 > 0:16:25Sit and watch Bob The Builder and all that sort of thing, you know.
0:16:25 > 0:16:30We sit and sing Bob The Builder. "Can we fix it? Yes, we can."
0:16:30 > 0:16:34And I used to join in like a silly fool.
0:16:34 > 0:16:36Come on, then. Hold Mummy's hand
0:16:36 > 0:16:38Hold hands.
0:16:43 > 0:16:48# Magic moments
0:16:48 > 0:16:51I thought, given the same environment,
0:16:51 > 0:16:53they'd all grow very similarly.
0:16:53 > 0:16:57But they're just completely poles apart, all of them.
0:16:57 > 0:17:01# Memories we've been sharing
0:17:02 > 0:17:05It looks easy. You hold
0:17:05 > 0:17:10two with one hand and walk. It's not simple because they want to stop and do their own thing.
0:17:10 > 0:17:13I tried them all on dog leads once, I had three dog leads.
0:17:13 > 0:17:18If one fell, it jolted you, so you pulled the other two over on their leads. That didn't work.
0:17:18 > 0:17:25# Time can't erase the memory of
0:17:25 > 0:17:31# These magic moments
0:17:31 > 0:17:35# Filled with love #
0:17:39 > 0:17:45They may be triplets but, as the girls get older, they're developing at different rates.
0:17:46 > 0:17:49Because of puberty and what's going on and, you know, their ages,
0:17:49 > 0:17:53there is more arguing now than what there has been in the past.
0:17:53 > 0:17:58Leaving the door open in the morning, slamming the drawers.
0:17:58 > 0:18:03- When you're sound asleep.- When you're supposed to be getting ready and I can't go into my own bedroom.
0:18:03 > 0:18:08- Putting the lights on when we're asleep.- That's you!- That's not me.
0:18:08 > 0:18:10Sometimes, they want to kill each other.
0:18:10 > 0:18:14Sometimes, they're really happy with each other.
0:18:14 > 0:18:17It's just a normal sister relationship.
0:18:17 > 0:18:22- You come in, turn the light on. - I wait till Mabel's here.- Put your pyjamas on. Turn off the light.
0:18:22 > 0:18:25"I need to get something else." Turn on the light.
0:18:25 > 0:18:29It's only when Mabel's in here. When you're in here, all I know when I come in here is,
0:18:29 > 0:18:31"What are you doing?"
0:18:31 > 0:18:33ALL LAUGH
0:18:35 > 0:18:39Mabel's reached puberty and that is a lot of, you know...
0:18:39 > 0:18:42She's neither a girl or a woman at the moment.
0:18:42 > 0:18:46So there's a lot of emotions going on there and, you know,
0:18:46 > 0:18:50she's a typical teenager really.
0:18:50 > 0:18:52You can't walk in the room in the morning.
0:18:52 > 0:18:56If I'm sleeping, you don't just slam the bloody door.
0:18:56 > 0:18:59Pot calling the kettle black a bit.
0:18:59 > 0:19:04OK. Let us leave. She takes things too seriously
0:19:04 > 0:19:07I'm happy that Mabel's gone through it first really.
0:19:07 > 0:19:12Because the thought of having three go through it together is just a bloody nightmare to be honest.
0:19:17 > 0:19:22Finding time to get away as a family is really important to Tracey and Nigel.
0:19:22 > 0:19:26But the girls are beginning to have their own opinion of the family holiday.
0:19:26 > 0:19:28We go camping every year.
0:19:28 > 0:19:32It's mum's idea to go camping. But it rains all the time.
0:19:33 > 0:19:35TRACEY: I just love camping.
0:19:35 > 0:19:39It's an adventure. I like the fact that you put everything
0:19:39 > 0:19:43you'll ever need to survive on the top of your car and just go.
0:19:43 > 0:19:48Me and Mabel are probably the ones that hate it the most.
0:19:48 > 0:19:50- Bloody horrible, this! - I know!
0:19:50 > 0:19:53We picked the wrong bloody weather.
0:19:53 > 0:19:55LAUGHS
0:19:55 > 0:19:56Never mind.
0:19:56 > 0:20:00I love children. That's why I've got so many.
0:20:05 > 0:20:07Hold that steady.
0:20:07 > 0:20:09It has been lovely watching them grow up.
0:20:09 > 0:20:12It goes by too quickly, to be completely honest with you.
0:20:12 > 0:20:16I mean, in no time, they've gone from being in a...
0:20:16 > 0:20:19You know, you can still see them being in your arms.
0:20:19 > 0:20:23- The next minute...- One minute, you're watching Barney The Purple Dinosaur.
0:20:23 > 0:20:26- Next, you're lending them £10 cos they've run out of cash.- Yeah.
0:20:26 > 0:20:32In an instant, they've gone from being little girls that hold your hand to cross the road into
0:20:32 > 0:20:35independent girls who want you to drop them off at the pictures
0:20:35 > 0:20:38and come and pick them up later.
0:20:38 > 0:20:40It's quite sad really.
0:20:40 > 0:20:45I'm glad I've been involved with them all.
0:20:45 > 0:20:49And it's been lovely, lovely while it lasted.
0:20:49 > 0:20:51And I knew it wouldn't last forever.
0:20:51 > 0:20:55But I've got them memories, haven't I? I'll remember them as they was.
0:20:55 > 0:21:00Now they're growing up, I'm glad they're growing up to be nice young ladies.
0:21:00 > 0:21:03And I love them to bits.
0:21:04 > 0:21:09What will we do when the last child goes and the door slams shut
0:21:09 > 0:21:13and there's that eerie little silence? I said, "What will we talk about?"
0:21:13 > 0:21:16- "We'll have grandchildren," I said. - Oh, yeah, the grandchildren.
0:21:16 > 0:21:19I hadn't actually thought of that, you see.
0:21:19 > 0:21:23They'll all still keep coming back and they'll be bringing extras.
0:21:27 > 0:21:29He doesn't like that. He wants to sit up.
0:21:29 > 0:21:34It seems the Baller family is set to grow even more.
0:21:34 > 0:21:37And they're still together.
0:21:39 > 0:21:43Half of our families are either divorced or separated.
0:21:49 > 0:21:53The fact is, in Britain, nearly 50% of parents separate.
0:21:53 > 0:21:58It's a problem that different couples have to face in different ways.
0:22:15 > 0:22:20My parents getting divorced hasn't had an impact on me.
0:22:20 > 0:22:23When you first get together with somebody,
0:22:23 > 0:22:26that person is your priority because it's just the two of you.
0:22:26 > 0:22:31Then children come along, and the overwhelming love you feel for a child,
0:22:31 > 0:22:36I can imagine, for some, it would be very easy for that to take over.
0:22:36 > 0:22:40And maybe it did in my case, I don't know.
0:22:40 > 0:22:42A lot of us are separated.
0:22:42 > 0:22:47So, actually, we're not doing anything terribly different to the rest of the society out there.
0:22:47 > 0:22:51As a chap, we're supposed to be tough. But...
0:22:53 > 0:22:56..the separation and subsequent divorce
0:22:56 > 0:23:00left a massive, massive hole in my life.
0:23:00 > 0:23:03All kids get hurt by this and, you know,
0:23:03 > 0:23:09to understand is part of taking away the hurt, the pain and the devastation that causes.
0:23:09 > 0:23:11I think I was 10.
0:23:11 > 0:23:15And my dad had an affair.
0:23:15 > 0:23:18He used to say he was at work, but he was actually up in Scotland
0:23:18 > 0:23:20with another woman.
0:23:20 > 0:23:24And just...
0:23:24 > 0:23:27My mum found out.
0:23:28 > 0:23:33It's hard to explain to a 10-year-old what's happened. Um...
0:23:33 > 0:23:36You know, your dad's had an affair with another lady.
0:23:37 > 0:23:42How can a 10-year-old comprehend that really?
0:23:42 > 0:23:47When Jamie Craven was four, he was diagnosed with diabetes
0:23:47 > 0:23:52and needed regular injections of insulin.
0:23:52 > 0:23:55- Get your injection. - I don't want my injections now!
0:23:58 > 0:24:03Although Jamie learned to cope with his condition, his dad Ian struggled.
0:24:03 > 0:24:05When Jamie was diagnosed,
0:24:05 > 0:24:08I always have had, and still have, a phobia with needles.
0:24:08 > 0:24:12I'm petrified of needles. And, obviously, being diabetic
0:24:12 > 0:24:15and insulin-dependent, you've got to inject.
0:24:15 > 0:24:17CRIES
0:24:17 > 0:24:20I was really, really struggling
0:24:20 > 0:24:23because, I thought, I couldn't even do that to myself,
0:24:23 > 0:24:26never mind, you know, basically having to make him do it.
0:24:26 > 0:24:32He always used to try and help me but he couldn't really cos he didn't really like needles, you know.
0:24:32 > 0:24:36And it was just...
0:24:37 > 0:24:40..hard for him cos he was trying to do his best.
0:24:40 > 0:24:45I can't have him looking at me thinking I'm frightened and concerned about it.
0:24:45 > 0:24:47It'll just make him worse.
0:24:47 > 0:24:50CRIES
0:24:50 > 0:24:52All right, sweetheart.
0:24:52 > 0:24:55I was asked would I go and do this job in Scotland for 10 days.
0:24:55 > 0:24:59And, right or wrong, I said, "Yeah, I'm off."
0:24:59 > 0:25:03I took the coward's way and I bolted and run off.
0:25:03 > 0:25:06Ian just disappeared because he couldn't cope with it.
0:25:06 > 0:25:09And left me to deal with it all on my own.
0:25:15 > 0:25:19So there I was, on my own at home with this child.
0:25:27 > 0:25:30It was an absolutely horrible time, horrible.
0:25:32 > 0:25:34I know she was upset and I shouldn't have gone but...
0:25:36 > 0:25:39We can all say that at the time.
0:25:39 > 0:25:42At the time, I thought it was what I needed to do.
0:25:52 > 0:25:55I used to be in the house with my mum a lot
0:25:55 > 0:25:59because my dad always used to be at work, away with work a lot.
0:25:59 > 0:26:03Going right back, my father did exactly the same as me.
0:26:05 > 0:26:07He'd go away and be away all the time.
0:26:07 > 0:26:10So I grew up in that environment so...
0:26:10 > 0:26:14I think, whatever environment you grow up in, you think that's normal.
0:26:16 > 0:26:21I thought I was doing the right thing. But looking back, possibly it wasn't the best thing to do.
0:26:22 > 0:26:26With Ian working away from home and Sharon struggling with depression,
0:26:26 > 0:26:28the marriage came under strain.
0:26:28 > 0:26:31In 2008, Ian had an affair.
0:26:33 > 0:26:35My mum wasn't happy, well, you wouldn't be.
0:26:35 > 0:26:39It was like, "I want a divorce and we're moving out."
0:26:39 > 0:26:45So we moved out and they got divorced.
0:26:54 > 0:26:56He just kept saying, "Why?"
0:26:56 > 0:26:59"Why has he done it?" Well, I can't answer that.
0:26:59 > 0:27:03But it was me he was asking the questions to.
0:27:05 > 0:27:11As a parent, trying to manage your children's emotions
0:27:11 > 0:27:15as well as your own when you're going through a break up is quite difficult.
0:27:15 > 0:27:18You're trying to hold it all together,
0:27:18 > 0:27:21to be strong for your children.
0:27:21 > 0:27:24But I'm afraid, I... I...
0:27:24 > 0:27:27Sometimes... Well, quite a lot of the time at the beginning,
0:27:27 > 0:27:30I couldn't hold it all together.
0:27:30 > 0:27:34I knew she wasn't very happy with my dad.
0:27:34 > 0:27:37And I didn't want to make it worse.
0:27:37 > 0:27:41So me and my sister just talked to each other a lot.
0:27:44 > 0:27:50He did, unfortunately, witness me cutting Ian's shirts up one day.
0:27:50 > 0:27:54And it just wasn't fair what the children were going through.
0:27:55 > 0:27:59It wasn't their relationship that had broken down.
0:27:59 > 0:28:02It was my relationship with Ian.
0:28:06 > 0:28:11Following their divorce, Jamie still sees his dad as much as he can.
0:28:15 > 0:28:19We've tried to stay as close as we can.
0:28:19 > 0:28:21But he's away with work a lot.
0:28:21 > 0:28:26And we can't really see each other that much now.
0:28:30 > 0:28:33Sharon now has a new partner.
0:28:35 > 0:28:39I met Barry in April 2011.
0:28:39 > 0:28:44He's taken Jamie under his wing and he's absolutely fantastic with him.
0:28:44 > 0:28:48BARRY: Yeah. Good shot.
0:28:49 > 0:28:54I'm glad that he has taken to doing things with me.
0:28:54 > 0:28:59There is no atmosphere, funny atmosphere, he seems pretty relaxed.
0:28:59 > 0:29:03Yeah, he has a good laugh when we're out and that.
0:29:03 > 0:29:05I think Jamie enjoys himself.
0:29:07 > 0:29:10If he goes round to their house and spends time with him,
0:29:10 > 0:29:14he is going to become a part of his life.
0:29:14 > 0:29:18I'll be truthful. At first, I was a little bit upset about it.
0:29:18 > 0:29:20But that soon passed.
0:29:20 > 0:29:25I'd be lying if I said I wasn't upset and it didn't bother me.
0:29:25 > 0:29:29But, hey ho, you've just got to get on with it, you know what I mean?
0:29:29 > 0:29:34I would like my mum and dad to get back together but that's never going to happen, so...
0:29:35 > 0:29:40I just, like, want everyone to be happy, you know?
0:29:43 > 0:29:46And not argue.
0:30:08 > 0:30:13Although some children are able to adjust to how their family changes,
0:30:13 > 0:30:18others find it difficult and it takes time.
0:30:21 > 0:30:26The break-up affected Tyrese. He's in one house with his mum and dad.
0:30:26 > 0:30:29Then he's in another house and his mum and dad aren't together.
0:30:29 > 0:30:32He's three. He doesn't know what's going on.
0:30:32 > 0:30:37Tyrese lives for one week with his mother and one with his father.
0:30:37 > 0:30:42He did go through a period of time where he was quite rebellious at a very young age.
0:30:44 > 0:30:46And I think he's learnt that pattern over time.
0:30:51 > 0:30:55His school background, his school reports, they follow him.
0:30:55 > 0:30:57And I don't know if, again, that is part of it.
0:30:59 > 0:31:02I think that if they were still together
0:31:02 > 0:31:07Tyrese would probably be not as, like,
0:31:07 > 0:31:11bad as he is. Because I think that he hasn't really grown out of the anger problems
0:31:11 > 0:31:14and behaviour issues since they broke up.
0:31:14 > 0:31:16CRIES
0:31:19 > 0:31:22Because he was so young when they broke up,
0:31:22 > 0:31:28he, like, lashed out at school and that's where his behaviour stuff came from.
0:31:28 > 0:31:32Um, I've been in trouble for fighting and being defiant.
0:31:32 > 0:31:37And I've been excluded three times, it's most of the time self-defence.
0:31:37 > 0:31:39TELEVISION ON
0:31:41 > 0:31:44He's learnt a certain behaviour.
0:31:44 > 0:31:48It's trying to get him out of that behaviour, get him out of that anger.
0:31:48 > 0:31:50That's where I am right now.
0:31:50 > 0:31:52Just deciding which way is he going.
0:31:52 > 0:31:56Is it just normal teenage things that boys go through?
0:31:58 > 0:32:02Now Tyrese is at secondary school, he's much more settled.
0:32:02 > 0:32:05And his behaviour has improved.
0:32:07 > 0:32:12I think Tyrese is doing all right at school, better than he used to do.
0:32:12 > 0:32:16He hardly gets in trouble, it's a rare occasion.
0:32:16 > 0:32:18He's doing a lot better.
0:32:22 > 0:32:25In the past couple of years, I've enjoyed him a bit more.
0:32:25 > 0:32:31Because he's sort of... I'm able to communicate with him, we're able to talk about various things.
0:32:31 > 0:32:34And I think communication is the key.
0:32:34 > 0:32:37You need to talk to your children, you need to be honest with your children.
0:32:40 > 0:32:42We'll be all right.
0:32:52 > 0:32:55As children become teenagers,
0:32:55 > 0:32:59the relationship they enjoy with their parents changes inevitably.
0:33:00 > 0:33:02Our children suddenly have opinions.
0:33:02 > 0:33:05And are more than willing to share them.
0:33:06 > 0:33:10There are times when he's suddenly wanting to exert his authority
0:33:10 > 0:33:15over the house and he feels that he can talk to me in a certain way. That just is not going to happen.
0:33:25 > 0:33:27I think I've probably changed...
0:33:29 > 0:33:32..by getting a bit cheekier.
0:33:32 > 0:33:34Um...
0:33:34 > 0:33:38My mum says that's because I'm turning into a teenager.
0:33:38 > 0:33:42He has been quite challenging recently, he loves to,
0:33:42 > 0:33:45especially with Ruth, he loves to push Ruth's buttons.
0:33:45 > 0:33:50And, um, he's constantly testing boundaries, it becomes quite wearing after a while.
0:33:50 > 0:33:54I get sent out of class a lot, to, like, stand outside.
0:33:54 > 0:33:59He's at one of those stages at the moment where he's messing about.
0:33:59 > 0:34:04I feel very pressured because I don't want to make them unhappy
0:34:04 > 0:34:06that I'm misbehaving.
0:34:07 > 0:34:10But I just seem to misbehave
0:34:10 > 0:34:13a lot.
0:34:16 > 0:34:18- Can I have a latte, please? - Any sugar?- One, please.
0:34:18 > 0:34:20Can I have a Coke, please?
0:34:20 > 0:34:22When I sit with Charlie and I think,
0:34:22 > 0:34:26"Oh, you don't sound like you're 12. You're talking like you're 17."
0:34:26 > 0:34:28"And you're dressing like you're 17."
0:34:32 > 0:34:34He's got this hairdo going on.
0:34:36 > 0:34:39You know, it'll pass, it's a phase. Whatever.
0:34:41 > 0:34:43He likes it, it's trendy. OK.
0:34:43 > 0:34:46He's not a baby any more.
0:34:48 > 0:34:52He's in size 8, no, sorry, 9 shoes now.
0:34:54 > 0:34:57I think she's got to the age where she
0:34:57 > 0:35:00does need to question an awful lot of things in life.
0:35:00 > 0:35:02You know, she's a growing young lady.
0:35:03 > 0:35:07I can remember them as they was and I still think of them sometimes as little.
0:35:12 > 0:35:14LAUGHS
0:35:18 > 0:35:21But now they've grown up into lovely little girls.
0:35:26 > 0:35:30They're not little girls, they're growing into lovely ladies, aren't they?
0:35:42 > 0:35:47As Ethan Kerr was growing up, it became obvious to his mother
0:35:47 > 0:35:49that something wasn't quite right.
0:35:52 > 0:35:56His behaviour suggested a mild form of Asperger's.
0:35:56 > 0:36:00This affects a small percentage of people, mostly boys.
0:36:02 > 0:36:05When he was diagnosed, I was devastated.
0:36:05 > 0:36:09This is my perfect little child.
0:36:09 > 0:36:14And it took me a while to get my head round it that, you know, he's my child and he has this.
0:36:18 > 0:36:22I don't really notice it because it's, like, not that noticeable.
0:36:22 > 0:36:25They give you extra time on tests and all, exams.
0:36:25 > 0:36:29But I usually don't take the extra time.
0:36:29 > 0:36:33You just kind of figure it out as you go along.
0:36:33 > 0:36:36What he likes, what he doesn't like. He doesn't
0:36:36 > 0:36:40like people that he doesn't know in his personal space.
0:36:40 > 0:36:42So sometimes he just wants a quiet time,
0:36:42 > 0:36:46putting on his computer and playing with his friends.
0:36:46 > 0:36:49Ethan's Xbox, that's his thing that calms him down.
0:36:49 > 0:36:51He can just switch off
0:36:51 > 0:36:54for an hour and just be in a wee world of his own.
0:36:54 > 0:36:59And he's pretty good at it, he whips people's backsides.
0:36:59 > 0:37:02And because he's good at it, that makes him feel good.
0:37:02 > 0:37:06He's getting positive feedback, that boosts his self-esteem.
0:37:06 > 0:37:08I'm happy.
0:37:08 > 0:37:12Children's with Asperger's have very low self-esteem.
0:37:12 > 0:37:17And very high anxiety. That computer makes him feel good.
0:37:17 > 0:37:21And if it makes him feel good, that's good enough for me.
0:37:21 > 0:37:26I used to go on the Xbox a lot. But I've been going outside with my friends and all.
0:37:26 > 0:37:28Just to go out and hang around.
0:37:28 > 0:37:30Are you coming, Ethan?.
0:38:00 > 0:38:03Our children are now at secondary school and that environment
0:38:03 > 0:38:06is beginning to widen their world,
0:38:06 > 0:38:09as Rebecca Saunders' parents are discovering.
0:38:09 > 0:38:13I think Rebecca has become more strong-willed over the summer.
0:38:13 > 0:38:18Before, if I wanted her to do something, I could ease her into it.
0:38:18 > 0:38:20Now, if she doesn't want to do something she won't do it.
0:38:20 > 0:38:23- She's her own person now, isn't she? - Yeah.
0:38:23 > 0:38:27- She's...- She's Rebecca. - She's Rebecca.
0:38:27 > 0:38:32I'm going to do things about her life, like how she's a popular girl.
0:38:32 > 0:38:35My mum inspires me because I think she's amazing at everything.
0:38:37 > 0:38:41But Mary Berry also inspires me
0:38:41 > 0:38:46because she likes baking lots of cakes and she's really good at it.
0:38:46 > 0:38:49- She's forming her own mind, she's... - She's her own person.
0:38:49 > 0:38:52Yeah. She's making choices now and reasons for her choices.
0:38:52 > 0:38:58So I think she's in the transition from childhood to teenagehood.
0:38:58 > 0:39:01But she's still quite sweet-natured.
0:39:01 > 0:39:04She hasn't lost her sweet nature, long may that last.
0:39:06 > 0:39:10My mum said to me, this year I'm not allowed a boyfriend,
0:39:10 > 0:39:12because I need to focus on school work.
0:39:12 > 0:39:14At the moment, I'm not worried.
0:39:14 > 0:39:20Yeah, sure, in three years, six years, nine years' time, it will be different.
0:39:20 > 0:39:24- Got the shotgun by the front door. - But, at the moment, I'm not worried.
0:39:27 > 0:39:30As the children become teenagers,
0:39:30 > 0:39:32the changes in their hormones
0:39:32 > 0:39:35affect brain and body.
0:39:41 > 0:39:45I love towering down on all my friends because it's just so fun.
0:39:45 > 0:39:50Yeah. And, um, because they're medium height
0:39:50 > 0:39:54but I'm taller. So I just enjoy that.
0:39:54 > 0:39:58When they ask me to do chores, it feels like they're torturing me.
0:39:58 > 0:40:02Sometimes, I don't mind.
0:40:02 > 0:40:08But sometimes, I just want to not do them and, like, do what I want to do.
0:40:10 > 0:40:15Toni Plaster from Kent was the youngest of the Child Of Our Time parents.
0:40:15 > 0:40:21She was a teenager herself when she found out she was pregnant.
0:40:22 > 0:40:27I do feel having Charlie has made me who I am.
0:40:27 > 0:40:30I don't feel that I would be
0:40:30 > 0:40:34nowhere near the person I am today if I didn't have her.
0:40:34 > 0:40:37Keep pushing. Slide up the bed.
0:40:40 > 0:40:43I was 16 when I found out I was pregnant.
0:40:43 > 0:40:49And, for some reason, I had it in my head from the start that I was going to go ahead and have Charlie.
0:40:49 > 0:40:51BABY CRIES
0:40:51 > 0:40:53Well done.
0:40:54 > 0:40:59Following a healthy pregnancy, Toni gave birth to her daughter
0:40:59 > 0:41:01with her mother by her side.
0:41:05 > 0:41:07She's gorgeous.
0:41:09 > 0:41:13That's such a weird feeling, pushing a baby's head out, I tell you.
0:41:13 > 0:41:16It's so weird.
0:41:16 > 0:41:18Each year in the UK,
0:41:18 > 0:41:23over 18,000 girls aged 16 or under fall pregnant.
0:41:26 > 0:41:29Let me change your nappy first.
0:41:30 > 0:41:32When I brought Charlie home,
0:41:32 > 0:41:34I was still, um, I was still quite overwhelmed.
0:41:34 > 0:41:38And it was... It sounds a bit immature now but at the time,
0:41:38 > 0:41:40you know, I would change her six times a day.
0:41:40 > 0:41:43I'd be, like, you know, something new, new trainers.
0:41:43 > 0:41:46It was a novelty for so long.
0:41:47 > 0:41:54A few months after the birth, Toni and her new boyfriend Rob moved in together.
0:41:55 > 0:42:01He became Charlie's dad and it was nice to have him around.
0:42:01 > 0:42:05It was lovely because I felt like a unit with him.
0:42:05 > 0:42:07Daddy.
0:42:07 > 0:42:11Charlie looked up at Rob as her dad, still does now.
0:42:11 > 0:42:16And he treated her how he would treat his own.
0:42:16 > 0:42:20He never made an issue that she wasn't biologically his.
0:42:20 > 0:42:24And even when we had two more children together,
0:42:24 > 0:42:27there was no difference in the way that he treated any of them.
0:42:27 > 0:42:30- You're telling fibs. - I'm not telling fibs!
0:42:30 > 0:42:36But in 2010, their relationship broke down.
0:42:38 > 0:42:41Me and Rob started to just fall out, if you like.
0:42:41 > 0:42:45Constant arguing and the environment wasn't nice.
0:42:45 > 0:42:50There was always tears with the kids because they didn't like us arguing. So we separated
0:42:50 > 0:42:54in January 2011.
0:42:54 > 0:42:57Toni moved into a flat a few miles away
0:42:57 > 0:43:02but it was too small for all of them to live in comfortably.
0:43:02 > 0:43:05So Charlie went to live with her grandparents.
0:43:05 > 0:43:08Charlie's, basically, living with us.
0:43:08 > 0:43:10She's not living here. She says she lives here.
0:43:10 > 0:43:13She don't live here, Charlie's staying here at the moment
0:43:13 > 0:43:20because of the marriage break-up between Toni and Rob.
0:43:20 > 0:43:24Um, Toni's actually moved out of the marital home
0:43:24 > 0:43:28- and she's renting accommodation. - Two bedrooms.
0:43:28 > 0:43:34- A two-bedroom accommodation, there's two bedrooms.- Not enough room.- There's not enough room.
0:43:34 > 0:43:39I stay at my nan's because, like, um...
0:43:40 > 0:43:43At home, if I do my homework,
0:43:43 > 0:43:46Kayla and Alex are always moaning and fighting.
0:43:46 > 0:43:49And then when Kayla gets enough, she goes
0:43:49 > 0:43:52out and then Alex fights me.
0:43:52 > 0:43:55And, like, I can't do it properly.
0:43:55 > 0:43:59And it's really easy for me to get to school.
0:43:59 > 0:44:01It made sense for her to be here. She's got space.
0:44:01 > 0:44:05She's got her own room here, she's nearer to the school.
0:44:05 > 0:44:08- Yes, that's it. - Thank you.- OK.
0:44:08 > 0:44:13Toni missed out on school qualifications but she's made up for it since.
0:44:13 > 0:44:18She put herself through university and qualified as a nurse.
0:44:19 > 0:44:21Emotionally, it was a struggle.
0:44:21 > 0:44:25And with my kind of job, you're not getting home until late.
0:44:25 > 0:44:29And I missed silly things like the school run or bath time, bed time.
0:44:29 > 0:44:33And it was tough, it was tough.
0:44:35 > 0:44:39It would've been less of a struggle for me
0:44:39 > 0:44:43to be at home with my children and to claim benefits.
0:44:43 > 0:44:47We would've earned more money through the state than we would
0:44:47 > 0:44:51out working, but I didn't want that.
0:44:51 > 0:44:54I didn't want to be on benefits and have the state support me
0:44:54 > 0:44:58to bring up a child that I chose to bring into the world.
0:44:58 > 0:45:04I like the fact that I go to work and what I get paid a month, that's what I've earned.
0:45:04 > 0:45:06So whatever my children get is from me.
0:45:06 > 0:45:09I've got the blood charts. Yeah.
0:45:09 > 0:45:13Toni is working towards a new home for her family.
0:45:13 > 0:45:16And hopes they'll all be together again soon.
0:45:17 > 0:45:20The last year has been a struggle for everybody.
0:45:20 > 0:45:25And it's been nice that Charlie's had my parents to be the supportive network.
0:45:25 > 0:45:29So now it's kind of gone full circle,
0:45:29 > 0:45:32everybody has settled down and everybody is a lot closer.
0:45:32 > 0:45:34I think, as time has gone on,
0:45:34 > 0:45:39the kids have realised that, you know, it's not that bad,
0:45:39 > 0:45:41me on my own and it's nice.
0:45:41 > 0:45:45It is nice, we do a lot more as a family.
0:45:46 > 0:45:51She's a blinding mother, you know, a really good mum.
0:45:52 > 0:45:56I'm proud of her, Anne's proud of her, we're all proud of her.
0:45:57 > 0:46:00I hope Charlie's learnt from me going to university
0:46:00 > 0:46:04and studying for three years that nothing's impossible.
0:46:04 > 0:46:08You know, you can have these dreams and you can go for them.
0:46:08 > 0:46:10And I, even now, with schooling,
0:46:10 > 0:46:14she struggles every now and then with certain subjects.
0:46:14 > 0:46:21So I kind of have to remind her, you know, as long as you stick with it
0:46:21 > 0:46:25and be good, that, um...
0:46:28 > 0:46:31..she'll get what she wants in life really.
0:46:38 > 0:46:42For most of us, getting pregnant and having a baby
0:46:42 > 0:46:44is one of the greatest joys of our lives.
0:46:44 > 0:46:47But for some couples it's not straightforward.
0:46:52 > 0:46:58Tim and Caroline Scarborough had been desperate to have their own baby for several years.
0:46:59 > 0:47:02We'd had a hard time getting to the point where Caroline was pregnant.
0:47:02 > 0:47:06We'd had some treatment for infertility.
0:47:06 > 0:47:09Some IVF work, which hadn't been successful
0:47:09 > 0:47:12and had been really quite stressful.
0:47:12 > 0:47:15Quite unexpectedly, and against all the odds,
0:47:15 > 0:47:21Caroline conceived naturally and was overwhelmed by the news.
0:47:21 > 0:47:23CRIES
0:47:27 > 0:47:32As Christmas approached, Caroline gave birth to Eve.
0:47:32 > 0:47:39# The closer you get the better you look, baby
0:47:42 > 0:47:44Look at that little face.
0:47:44 > 0:47:47Ah!
0:47:47 > 0:47:50I just can't believe how happy I feel.
0:47:51 > 0:47:54It reminds you of what a miracle life is.
0:47:54 > 0:47:58And, er, how grateful you should be. Yeah.
0:47:58 > 0:48:01# And every passing day
0:48:01 > 0:48:06# I love you more in every way
0:48:06 > 0:48:10I just see a new life beginning, not only for Eve but for us.
0:48:10 > 0:48:15- # I get the... - # ..sweetest feeling
0:48:15 > 0:48:19- # Baby, the sweetest - # Sweetest feeling
0:48:19 > 0:48:23- # Honey, the sweetest - # Sweetest feeling
0:48:23 > 0:48:24# Loving you #
0:48:24 > 0:48:29Over the years, we've watched Eve grow up into a happy
0:48:29 > 0:48:31and confident little girl.
0:48:31 > 0:48:35And in 2005, Caroline gave birth to her sister
0:48:35 > 0:48:38Holly.
0:48:45 > 0:48:50But at the age of eight, Eve had to deal with something no child should face.
0:48:51 > 0:48:54She lost her mother Caroline to cancer.
0:48:57 > 0:49:00I never guessed she would die.
0:49:01 > 0:49:04I can remember quite clearly the afternoon I found out.
0:49:04 > 0:49:10Dad came to pick me up. On the drive home in the car, I told him
0:49:10 > 0:49:14"I drew a picture for mum at school, can I give it to her tomorrow when we go see her?"
0:49:14 > 0:49:19And then he pulled the car over and told me, and then I just cried and cried and cried.
0:49:21 > 0:49:23It's the right way up for you.
0:49:24 > 0:49:27I couldn't process it.
0:49:27 > 0:49:29I wasn't sure what to think.
0:49:29 > 0:49:34Um, I wasn't sure if I actually believed...
0:49:34 > 0:49:39Not that I thought he'd be lying about it, I just wasn't sure if I believed that it had happened.
0:49:50 > 0:49:53Letting the balloons go, it's just another way of connecting.
0:49:53 > 0:49:56For them being able to send their mum a message.
0:49:57 > 0:50:01It's all part of keeping Caroline with us.
0:50:01 > 0:50:03- You OK? - Yeah.
0:50:03 > 0:50:06- Are you sad? - A bit?
0:50:13 > 0:50:18It didn't make sense, Mum dying, at the beginning, I don't think.
0:50:18 > 0:50:22Little things. Mum would ask what I want for breakfast and bring it through.
0:50:22 > 0:50:24And it was Dad instead and that puzzled me,
0:50:24 > 0:50:27why I felt so attached to that little moment.
0:50:27 > 0:50:30There were lots of different things like that.
0:50:31 > 0:50:33Like...
0:50:34 > 0:50:37..going into Mum and Dad's bedroom and Dad being in there and not Mum.
0:50:37 > 0:50:41Sorting through things she had and I thought I'd like to keep that
0:50:41 > 0:50:44because I remember her telling me about that.
0:50:44 > 0:50:49So I've got things like that that I've kept because I don't want
0:50:49 > 0:50:51to lose the memories that go with it.
0:51:03 > 0:51:06Just, like, sometimes I wish that I could give her a hug
0:51:06 > 0:51:10because that's one of the things that I miss most.
0:51:17 > 0:51:19My approach to handling
0:51:19 > 0:51:25the loss of Caroline, and grief and the emotional impact of that loss,
0:51:25 > 0:51:30is to be as open and honest with the children as I can about what's happening for me
0:51:30 > 0:51:33so that they know it's OK to be
0:51:33 > 0:51:37sad, angry, frustrated, lost.
0:51:37 > 0:51:41If Dad tries to talk about it with me, I think he has a few times,
0:51:41 > 0:51:43I'll listen and won't say anything.
0:51:43 > 0:51:47After, I'll wait about five minutes before saying anything and change the subject.
0:51:47 > 0:51:53I don't think it's unhealthy, it's just her way of managing it.
0:51:53 > 0:51:57She knows what she's feeling and she doesn't want to upset herself.
0:51:57 > 0:51:59My mind doesn't know how to process the whole...
0:52:00 > 0:52:04Not try not to cry if someone else is crying sort of thing.
0:52:06 > 0:52:12There are times when she just wants to be left alone, she just withdraws.
0:52:25 > 0:52:29# When the rain is blowing in your face
0:52:29 > 0:52:34# And the whole world is on your case
0:52:34 > 0:52:38# I can offer you a warm embrace
0:52:38 > 0:52:43# To make you feel my love #
0:52:43 > 0:52:47When Eve plays or sings, I find it very moving.
0:52:50 > 0:52:54It always makes me think it's a shame Caroline's not here to see that.
0:52:56 > 0:53:00Because, um, music was very important to her as well.
0:53:00 > 0:53:03And it, you know, it would have been
0:53:03 > 0:53:07such a lovely connection between them.
0:53:07 > 0:53:10Like performances with my choir I did a couple of times.
0:53:10 > 0:53:15And my school production, which was really fun.
0:53:15 > 0:53:17I wish she'd seen that because
0:53:17 > 0:53:21it was such a big thing and we spent ages working on it.
0:53:31 > 0:53:34Ever since Caroline died, the first fear
0:53:34 > 0:53:36that I had, and it stays with me now,
0:53:36 > 0:53:40is that they'll be damaged because it's only me.
0:53:41 > 0:53:44I know I'd be different. There's no way I'd be the same person
0:53:44 > 0:53:47if I'd had two parents as opposed to one.
0:53:47 > 0:53:50My relationship with Eve has been affected because,
0:53:50 > 0:53:54when there was just a mum and dad, I could just be the dad.
0:53:54 > 0:53:56'And she was daddy's girl.'
0:53:56 > 0:53:59- Ready? - Yeah.- Go
0:53:59 > 0:54:01Pedal, pedal, pedal.
0:54:01 > 0:54:06'It was me who... Well, I tried to teach her to ride a bike.'
0:54:06 > 0:54:09'But I don't get to have that specific dad role any more.'
0:54:09 > 0:54:11That's very good, Eve, keep going.
0:54:12 > 0:54:17Housework and all that kind of stuff, that has to happen, so that ends up being the priority.
0:54:17 > 0:54:20And that leaves me with little energy for the fun stuff.
0:54:20 > 0:54:23Eve, there's too much in there for the dryer,
0:54:23 > 0:54:26so split it and put some in the basket.
0:54:26 > 0:54:28OK, Holly, off we go.
0:54:28 > 0:54:33'The fact Caroline has died has given Eve things to deal with that she wouldn't have had to deal with.'
0:54:35 > 0:54:38'I think, both emotionally and in practical terms,
0:54:38 > 0:54:41she's been forced to grow up a little quicker.'
0:54:45 > 0:54:48I don't think I was traumatised as bad as people think of it.
0:54:48 > 0:54:53It's changed my life a lot and it's changed me a lot
0:54:53 > 0:54:55but it's not all bad.
0:54:55 > 0:54:59I feel like, going forward, it's put us in a good position to...
0:54:59 > 0:55:05to be able to be a family where the mum died
0:55:05 > 0:55:08and to be comfortable with that.
0:55:10 > 0:55:15Even though it was really hard for him, he's looked after me and Holly really well.
0:55:16 > 0:55:20I like the fact that he's never given up.
0:55:22 > 0:55:26He's trying to get us to be the best people we can be and I admire him for that.
0:55:28 > 0:55:33# You know there's nothing that I wouldn't do
0:55:34 > 0:55:40# To make you feel my love #
0:55:43 > 0:55:49You know, I feel immensely proud of Eve and the wisdom she shows.
0:55:49 > 0:55:55And, for me, it's been an immense privilege to see these impressive young people grow up.
0:55:57 > 0:56:04And as our children grow, their parents will need to prepare for the next stage in their lives.
0:56:04 > 0:56:08I guess I am going to have the teenage years soon.
0:56:08 > 0:56:14Um, we've talked about that and she's promised she won't be a horrible teenager.
0:56:14 > 0:56:18So we'll just have to see how that pans out.
0:56:18 > 0:56:22I personally feel a little bit like the centre of the boys' lives
0:56:22 > 0:56:26has evolved away from me inevitably.
0:56:28 > 0:56:32I do worry also about when he gets a bit older and starts drinking.
0:56:32 > 0:56:35That's my next hurdle, I think.
0:56:35 > 0:56:40Um, and I am not looking forward to that one at all.
0:56:40 > 0:56:45In a few years' time, he's going to be ready to drive a car, go to the pub and get a job.
0:56:45 > 0:56:50Um, and that's it then, he's kind of adult and done.
0:56:50 > 0:56:54That's it. Over and done with. That's in the next five years.
0:56:54 > 0:56:56It's going to go too quickly
0:56:56 > 0:57:00I watched programmes where women used to say, "Empty nest syndrome."
0:57:00 > 0:57:04I'm, like, "I can't wait for them to go." I miss it.
0:57:04 > 0:57:07I actually miss being a mother.
0:57:09 > 0:57:12Children are only children for so long.
0:57:12 > 0:57:14It'll be like that and he'll be 18.
0:57:16 > 0:57:21You can't keep them children forever. They've got to grow up some time.
0:57:21 > 0:57:25We shall continue to record the lives of our children,
0:57:25 > 0:57:28and one thing is certain,
0:57:28 > 0:57:32the biggest challenges still lie ahead.
0:57:34 > 0:57:39Our relationship, it's changing, which it's bound to.
0:57:39 > 0:57:42But it's me that probably mourns that.
0:57:42 > 0:57:45Parys doesn't at all, I don't think.
0:57:46 > 0:57:52It's interesting to see her growing and changing.
0:57:52 > 0:57:54I think I'm just getting to the age
0:57:54 > 0:58:00where you want to be more with your friends than with your mum and dad.
0:58:03 > 0:58:07Find out more about the challenges of the teenage years.
0:58:07 > 0:58:11Order The Open University's free booklet, Becoming A Teenager.
0:58:11 > 0:58:15Call...
0:58:15 > 0:58:19Or go to the website and follow the links to The Open University.
0:58:25 > 0:58:27Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd