0:00:02 > 0:00:05My name is Jasmine but everyone calls me Jazz.
0:00:05 > 0:00:08I live in Wales and I'm a typical 16-year-old.
0:00:08 > 0:00:11What do you think of this one... this one...or do you like this one?
0:00:12 > 0:00:17I might be the height of an eight-year-old, but I've never let that stop me doing anything.
0:00:17 > 0:00:19SCREAMING
0:00:19 > 0:00:20This is my mum, Bev.
0:00:20 > 0:00:21Jazz!
0:00:21 > 0:00:25I've been her registered carer since I was 13.
0:00:25 > 0:00:27Can I have my coffee?!
0:00:27 > 0:00:32But now I'm leaving Mum and home to go to college.
0:00:32 > 0:00:35Do they have water here? Even in the Welsh hills.
0:00:37 > 0:00:40'I'm going to start dating...'
0:00:40 > 0:00:42- How are you, darling? - Much better now.
0:00:42 > 0:00:44'..and get my first set of wheels.'
0:00:44 > 0:00:48You don't need a 1.8 engine? Your carbon footprint will be bigger than you!
0:00:48 > 0:00:50Hello!
0:00:50 > 0:00:51'But it's not all good times.'
0:00:51 > 0:00:52I can't believe it!
0:00:52 > 0:00:57'I have to face the possibility of losing Granddad.'
0:00:57 > 0:00:59He has been like my Dad.
0:00:59 > 0:01:02I can't imagine life without him and I don't even want to think about it.
0:01:02 > 0:01:08But first I'm trying to meet my real dad who I've not seen in 16 years.
0:01:08 > 0:01:13I need to see him as soon as I can, cos I just don't want to meet him in a box.
0:01:14 > 0:01:19So this is my life, as a small teen in an even bigger world.
0:01:33 > 0:01:38This is my mum, Bev, 20 years ago when she was 27.
0:01:39 > 0:01:43And this is my dad Paul, aged 23.
0:01:45 > 0:01:48They were in love and I wasn't even a twinkle in their eyes.
0:01:55 > 0:02:00Fast forward a couple of years, it's now November 1993
0:02:00 > 0:02:03and this is where my story begins.
0:02:03 > 0:02:07That's me, inside that huge bump.
0:02:07 > 0:02:10No stretch marks!
0:02:10 > 0:02:14Goodness gracious me, what on earth is that!
0:02:14 > 0:02:16The voice you can hear is my granddad Norman's.
0:02:16 > 0:02:19It's just like puddings...
0:02:19 > 0:02:23He films everything, especially me.
0:02:23 > 0:02:25That's my Nana Margaret.
0:02:25 > 0:02:30Until I came along, mum was the only person in our family with restricted growth.
0:02:32 > 0:02:35- Slight breathing difficulties. - Slight?
0:02:35 > 0:02:37When I was born nine weeks early,
0:02:37 > 0:02:41it wasn't just a new beginning for me but for my mum as well.
0:02:41 > 0:02:44- I love you, Mum.- I know you do...
0:02:44 > 0:02:49In hospital, she realised she had to ask my dad to stay away.
0:02:49 > 0:02:52There was a very big reason why Mum decided it was best
0:02:52 > 0:02:53to bring me up without him.
0:02:53 > 0:02:57Are you going to fight, eh?
0:02:58 > 0:03:01You can breathe on your own, can't you?
0:03:01 > 0:03:04Cos Mummy had some nasty injections.
0:03:04 > 0:03:07Yes. And it was worth it.
0:03:09 > 0:03:11Right, stop. Stop...
0:03:11 > 0:03:15'16 years later and it's still just me and Mum.'
0:03:15 > 0:03:18Mum, can I get a magazine, please?
0:03:18 > 0:03:20- We're food shopping.- Please.
0:03:20 > 0:03:25'Like most teenagers, I'm taller than my mum but not by much.'
0:03:25 > 0:03:27Nobody saw that.
0:03:27 > 0:03:29What did you want out of those?
0:03:29 > 0:03:32The...not salmon ones, the other one.
0:03:32 > 0:03:34'The world's not designed for us.'
0:03:34 > 0:03:40Excuse me, will you just get me some Buenos. Sorry. Thank you.
0:03:41 > 0:03:42Thanks.
0:03:45 > 0:03:50- Could you just get us some of the salmon ones?- This one?
0:03:50 > 0:03:53What's that thing next to them that says Weight Watchers?
0:03:53 > 0:03:56You're not on a diet, are you?
0:03:56 > 0:03:59'Being small has never been an issue for me,
0:03:59 > 0:04:02'but some people have a big problem with it.'
0:04:02 > 0:04:06We can't just walk down the street and be not laughed at,
0:04:06 > 0:04:09or pointed at, or pointed out.
0:04:09 > 0:04:13It's like walking out in a ridiculous costume and everyone looking at you,
0:04:13 > 0:04:19no matter what you're wearing - if you're wearing a bright orange traffic cone or all black,
0:04:19 > 0:04:24against a black wall you would still be noticed, you know, because people like to point out difference.
0:04:24 > 0:04:30It's natural to look. Difference is brilliant. Difference is what makes this world.
0:04:30 > 0:04:34You know, but there's no need to be pointing, laughing, shouting,
0:04:34 > 0:04:38showing all your mates, you know, and that's what really gets me.
0:04:38 > 0:04:43Me and Mum live on our own in a first floor flat in Colwyn Bay in Wales.
0:04:43 > 0:04:44What we having?
0:04:44 > 0:04:46We're having fajitas.
0:04:46 > 0:04:50'When I was 13, I became my mum's registered carer.
0:04:50 > 0:04:53'She's got a serious lung condition so she can't do a lot
0:04:53 > 0:04:56'before she gets tired and out of breath.'
0:04:56 > 0:05:00- Can I just sit down.- If you want. - I have been busy shopping.
0:05:00 > 0:05:02Very busy, I feel sorry for you.
0:05:02 > 0:05:07No, I've had a really good day. I went to Specsavers...
0:05:07 > 0:05:11It must be terrible! I'm amazed you've done so well.
0:05:15 > 0:05:19Mum! I'm near a hot wok!
0:05:19 > 0:05:21I knew you were going to do something like,
0:05:21 > 0:05:23"Mum stop doing what you're doing!"
0:05:23 > 0:05:26She does like to wind me up and she knows what she's doing.
0:05:26 > 0:05:30- Mum! Go away.- What are you doing?
0:05:30 > 0:05:32Can you put that over there for me?
0:05:32 > 0:05:35Where? I don't want to put it in the wrong place.
0:05:35 > 0:05:39She only does it because she knows it winds me up, if that makes sense.
0:05:41 > 0:05:42Love you, Mum!
0:05:42 > 0:05:46Jasmine is so good, aren't you?
0:05:46 > 0:05:49I love the way you work with a wok, you're just...
0:05:49 > 0:05:52Our wok girl.
0:05:56 > 0:05:58- Want me to put that away?- No.
0:05:59 > 0:06:05At times, it's like I'm the mum and she's the child.
0:06:05 > 0:06:09But one thing we both share is our love of adventure.
0:06:13 > 0:06:17Being small has never stopped us doing anything.
0:06:17 > 0:06:19Jazz, you look awesome.
0:06:19 > 0:06:22'It's actually brought us closer.'
0:06:22 > 0:06:25We understand each other. We know what we go through.
0:06:25 > 0:06:30Mum's always helped me go through the hard times, you know,
0:06:30 > 0:06:34with my condition and it's pretty sad and embarrassing to admit
0:06:34 > 0:06:35but she's my world.
0:06:37 > 0:06:41We've always been close, because it's always been...
0:06:41 > 0:06:44She was reliant on me as a baby and as a child and growing up,
0:06:44 > 0:06:49the suddenly I was relying on her and then it was a mixture of both.
0:06:49 > 0:06:50Get away!
0:06:50 > 0:06:54'Now it's a case of, we're mum and daughter and friends.'
0:06:54 > 0:06:58'We're inseparable but all that is about to change.'
0:06:58 > 0:07:00Hello, mate.
0:07:00 > 0:07:03'My dream is to work with animals and now I've been accepted
0:07:03 > 0:07:06onto a course to study animal welfare.
0:07:07 > 0:07:09I got a place!
0:07:10 > 0:07:15'But the college is over an hour's drive away so I have to leave home to live on campus.'
0:07:15 > 0:07:18- When do you start?- September.
0:07:18 > 0:07:19Ooh, brilliant.
0:07:20 > 0:07:23I'm taking all my stuff with me
0:07:23 > 0:07:26even though I'm coming back every weekend.
0:07:26 > 0:07:28It feels like I'm a proper adult now.
0:07:28 > 0:07:30Well, almost!
0:07:30 > 0:07:35This is my childhood teddy, um, it goes everywhere with me.
0:07:35 > 0:07:39I used to always take it on holidays but I'm not allowed any more!
0:07:39 > 0:07:43So I'm just going take it with me for some comfort, really.
0:07:43 > 0:07:49Yeah... I think it's like a really big thing
0:07:49 > 0:07:53that I've chosen to move out, especially cos I'm only 16
0:07:53 > 0:07:56and also I have my condition.
0:07:56 > 0:08:01You know, not many people would do that, but I'm really excited,
0:08:01 > 0:08:07I can't wait, but I know it's quite hard at times when I'll be on my own at college and that.
0:08:07 > 0:08:09It's a big thing really.
0:08:09 > 0:08:12Nana?
0:08:12 > 0:08:16'My nana Margaret and Granddad Norman have always been there for me.'
0:08:16 > 0:08:18I don't know what else to pack.
0:08:18 > 0:08:22- Those towels won't need to go in. - Oh, yeah.
0:08:22 > 0:08:25'I'm really close to them. They're like another mum and dad.'
0:08:25 > 0:08:27What would I do without you?
0:08:32 > 0:08:36- I guess I'm flying the nest now. I'm all grown up.- Yep.
0:08:36 > 0:08:40You know what, you're going to really enjoy yourself.
0:08:40 > 0:08:44I'm hoping that you'll have the same fantastic times your mum did.
0:08:44 > 0:08:46Your mum went everywhere.
0:08:46 > 0:08:49She did so many amazing things
0:08:49 > 0:08:55- and I just want you to do the same. - I will, I promise.
0:09:00 > 0:09:05- That will get you up to your little shelves and things.- Yep.
0:09:08 > 0:09:11We'll have to leave you at home. Take all your gear.
0:09:13 > 0:09:18- Ready?- This is it, Jazz! - Excited, Jazz?- Can't wait.
0:09:19 > 0:09:24It's real now! It's the start of me doing what I want to do
0:09:24 > 0:09:27and doing what I love, you know, and...
0:09:30 > 0:09:34We're all keen to see where I'm going to be living during the week.
0:09:34 > 0:09:36This is your room.
0:09:36 > 0:09:40- Nice.- Wow.- Brilliant?
0:09:40 > 0:09:42OK, you're going to be here for the next few...years.
0:09:42 > 0:09:44Years!
0:09:44 > 0:09:48I'm really excited. I just can't wait to get started
0:09:48 > 0:09:53but I'm just so tired from all the emotional exhaustion. That sort of thing.
0:09:53 > 0:09:57But I think tomorrow I'll be getting up bright and early and ready to go.
0:09:57 > 0:10:00So remind me again what time you're getting up?
0:10:00 > 0:10:03- Half-seven.- Half-seven. When was the last time you did that?
0:10:03 > 0:10:06I don't remember ever doing that.
0:10:08 > 0:10:12- Right, Jazz, here we go. Can you manage this one, doll?- Yep.
0:10:12 > 0:10:14You sure?
0:10:14 > 0:10:17'Because of my size, I've been given a specially-adapted room.'
0:10:19 > 0:10:22- Have you seen the bathroom? - I haven't even been in!
0:10:22 > 0:10:24Hey!
0:10:24 > 0:10:28- Oh, I say...- How many years have I needed one of these?
0:10:28 > 0:10:30Oh, I can't even be bothered to stand up for a shower.
0:10:30 > 0:10:32I'm going to sit here.
0:10:34 > 0:10:35In turquoise, Mum.
0:10:35 > 0:10:38Oh, look, we've brought Rainbow.
0:10:38 > 0:10:40Oh! Get that...
0:10:46 > 0:10:49Oh, I just feel absolutely elated for her.
0:10:49 > 0:10:54This is what she's always wanted but I am going to miss her.
0:10:54 > 0:10:57You know, it's only Monday to Friday but...
0:10:57 > 0:10:59I am going to miss her.
0:10:59 > 0:11:01Oh, Mum.
0:11:01 > 0:11:03What?
0:11:03 > 0:11:07You'd think she was going on some sort of trip to the Safari desert!
0:11:07 > 0:11:09She's going to the college!
0:11:09 > 0:11:12They have water here, Mum, even in the Welsh hills.
0:11:15 > 0:11:20Horse mad, so I had to buy her that, with the horses on. That's a mug.
0:11:20 > 0:11:23When I saw that, I couldn't resist it.
0:11:23 > 0:11:28- Oh, I can't wait. I'm starving. - OK, let's get our gear then.
0:11:28 > 0:11:32- I might just I'll just go and... - I'll give you a big hug.
0:11:32 > 0:11:34'Saying goodbye is always hard.
0:11:34 > 0:11:37'Today feels just like when Mum and Nana waved me off
0:11:37 > 0:11:40'on my first day at school.'
0:11:40 > 0:11:42Bye, Nan! I'm going to school!
0:11:42 > 0:11:46- Are you going to school?!- Who are you going to see at school?
0:11:46 > 0:11:48Are you off to school?
0:11:48 > 0:11:49Love you!
0:11:51 > 0:11:52Let her breathe!
0:11:52 > 0:11:56Nana's hugs are a bit... You need surgery afterwards!
0:11:56 > 0:11:59- I'll phone you in the morning at quarter past seven.- Yep.
0:11:59 > 0:12:02To make sure you're up.
0:12:02 > 0:12:04See you soon.
0:12:04 > 0:12:05And, I need her up here!
0:12:05 > 0:12:11My granddad has always been behind me, pushing me to achieve my goals.
0:12:16 > 0:12:20Be in the forefront. Do not be a little wallflower.
0:12:20 > 0:12:22- I know.- Get in there.- I know.
0:12:22 > 0:12:25- All right.- Yes. I know. - And, be at the front, OK?
0:12:25 > 0:12:29And absolutely enjoy yourself!
0:12:29 > 0:12:33Over the last 16 years, me and mum have been inseparable.
0:12:36 > 0:12:39Press really hard, really hard now!
0:12:44 > 0:12:48But now we're both going to have to get used to living alone.
0:12:49 > 0:12:52Oh, don't you start, I can see it already.
0:13:00 > 0:13:04- I'll be fine. - Don't get lonely, yeah?
0:13:16 > 0:13:18Love you so much.
0:13:18 > 0:13:20Love you too.
0:13:23 > 0:13:25Now you've got me started!
0:13:27 > 0:13:30- I'll be fine.- I know you will.
0:13:30 > 0:13:34I know you're going to absolutely love it, you really will, won't you?
0:13:34 > 0:13:38Yeah, I know. You'll come and visit me won't you?
0:13:38 > 0:13:41Jazz, you're not in prison.
0:13:41 > 0:13:43No, I won't come and visit you.
0:13:43 > 0:13:45- Why would I come and visit you? - I don't know.
0:13:45 > 0:13:48In a week you'll be going, "Please don't come, Mum."
0:13:59 > 0:14:02Now I'm alone, everything is very real
0:14:02 > 0:14:06and I'm scared of how the other students will react to me.
0:14:06 > 0:14:09I was badly bullied about my size at school,
0:14:09 > 0:14:12so I had to leave when I was 13.
0:14:12 > 0:14:17A boy picked me up and then just dropped me again,
0:14:17 > 0:14:22but I landed on my knees and that really did damage my knees badly.
0:14:22 > 0:14:25That just made us think, "We've got to get out of here."
0:14:26 > 0:14:29Mum started teaching me at home instead.
0:14:30 > 0:14:34I'm separating iron powder, sand and water.
0:14:34 > 0:14:37By "separating" do you mean filtering?
0:14:37 > 0:14:38Yeah.
0:14:38 > 0:14:44I'll leave that there, and you have to filter quite a few times before you get it all...
0:14:46 > 0:14:50Being homeschooled also helped, because I find it hard to write.
0:14:50 > 0:14:52I can't touch any of my fingers,
0:14:52 > 0:14:56so I find it really difficult to grip a pen,
0:14:56 > 0:15:00and after about a page my hands starts to go tingly,
0:15:00 > 0:15:02like pins and needles.
0:15:02 > 0:15:04I've got too much cartilage in the muscles.
0:15:04 > 0:15:08There's nothing the doctors can do. They can't operate on it
0:15:08 > 0:15:10because it's too delicate and too close to the nerves
0:15:10 > 0:15:13and I don't want my hand being paralysed.
0:15:13 > 0:15:17Now I'm at college I just hope I can cope with the academic work
0:15:17 > 0:15:20and that I get on with the other students.
0:15:21 > 0:15:28I've not had to mix with people my own age every day. I could pick and choose who I wanted to be with
0:15:28 > 0:15:32and now I have to be with these people and it's really worrying
0:15:32 > 0:15:35if I'll like them, if they'll like me and because I've not been
0:15:35 > 0:15:40in that routine of getting up, going to each separate class,
0:15:40 > 0:15:44writing four pages of work in each class, you know, I'm not used to that.
0:15:44 > 0:15:49It's going to be hard for me work-wise and friend wise.
0:15:49 > 0:15:55Being on my own makes me realise how important my family is.
0:15:56 > 0:16:00Last year, I decided to try and contact my dad.
0:16:01 > 0:16:06I'd grown up without him but I wanted to know what makes me me.
0:16:06 > 0:16:12I found some pictures and this is the only one I can find of your dad.
0:16:12 > 0:16:16And that's on a canal boat, so it's not very clear, is it?
0:16:16 > 0:16:18- Is that you?- Yeah. I think you look like your dad.
0:16:18 > 0:16:21- You've got the same eyes as your dad. - Yeah.
0:16:21 > 0:16:25He had very dark, wavy, beautiful hair compared to mine.
0:16:25 > 0:16:27Dead sort of shiny and lush and everything.
0:16:27 > 0:16:29How long were you together?
0:16:29 > 0:16:33Erm, I met him in Manchester when I lived on my own in a flat.
0:16:33 > 0:16:40We travelled for a while. We went off to the Kibbutz and stayed on there, and then we came back,
0:16:40 > 0:16:44And I was tired all the time and sick in the morning,
0:16:44 > 0:16:48and it didn't twig with me that I was actually pregnant.
0:16:48 > 0:16:53And as soon as I found out, your dad was so excited and happy.
0:16:53 > 0:16:57He said "Oh, we can get married now." I remember him saying that.
0:16:57 > 0:17:00My mum was 30 when she became pregnant with me.
0:17:00 > 0:17:03This is a nice... Let's get me in focus.
0:17:03 > 0:17:05Oh, my goodness gracious, look at that!
0:17:05 > 0:17:09The doctors were worried I wouldn't survive, as mum is so small
0:17:09 > 0:17:11but my Dad is six feet tall.
0:17:11 > 0:17:16No-one knew if I would be small like mum or tall like my Dad.
0:17:16 > 0:17:18When my dad first saw me,
0:17:18 > 0:17:20did he say anything or did he just,
0:17:20 > 0:17:24you know, look at me like "Wow," what did he...
0:17:24 > 0:17:28We were just both staring, I think. You were like a little dolly
0:17:28 > 0:17:36that was all tubed up, so we were just like "Look, oh, look how little her fingers are."
0:17:36 > 0:17:40But we were both so concerned cos you were just covered
0:17:40 > 0:17:44in little tubes and things like that, you know?
0:17:45 > 0:17:52Whilst I was in the special care baby unit, looking after me wasn't mum's only worry.
0:17:52 > 0:17:53My dad had a troubled past.
0:17:53 > 0:17:56Mum knew he had a history of taking drugs
0:17:56 > 0:17:59and now she was sure he was using them again.
0:17:59 > 0:18:01When I was in hospital
0:18:01 > 0:18:04he seemed to get worse, seemed to get more irresponsible,
0:18:04 > 0:18:12so instead of, you know, starting to put money aside and make the flat nice and get it ready,
0:18:12 > 0:18:17I thought he was getting worse, more irresponsible.
0:18:17 > 0:18:20And I thought "Am I looking after two children?"
0:18:20 > 0:18:24and I didn't want to do it. I physically couldn't do it
0:18:24 > 0:18:27and I looked at her in her incubator,
0:18:27 > 0:18:30you know, for a week...
0:18:32 > 0:18:37..and the tubes in her and things and her heart rate and I'm thinking,
0:18:37 > 0:18:43"I've brought her in, she's not asked to be here, and I'm never going to let her down as much as I can."
0:18:43 > 0:18:49When I was ready to leave hospital, Mum decided we wouldn't go to live with my dad in Manchester.
0:18:49 > 0:18:54Instead we moved into Nana and Granddad's house.
0:18:54 > 0:18:57Mum had to ask Dad to keep himself and drugs out of our lives.
0:18:57 > 0:19:02- You know the last time my dad saw me?- Yeah.
0:19:02 > 0:19:04Did he know that it would be the last time?
0:19:04 > 0:19:11I'd just said, "Let me look after her and bring her up and I'll do my best and you will see her.
0:19:11 > 0:19:13"You know, at some point."
0:19:13 > 0:19:15- What did he say to that? - Well, he was upset.
0:19:15 > 0:19:20Well, in fact I remember him going white cos of the realisation.
0:19:20 > 0:19:22SHE SOBS
0:19:24 > 0:19:25It's OK.
0:19:28 > 0:19:34It was a really tough decision for Mum but I know she did the right thing.
0:19:34 > 0:19:37Dad's life was spiralling out of control.
0:19:37 > 0:19:42Within a few months he'd lost his home and was living on the streets of Manchester.
0:19:42 > 0:19:48By the time I was celebrating my first birthday, Dad was in a documentary on homelessness.
0:19:48 > 0:19:53My childhood has been in and out of care.
0:19:53 > 0:19:57I was abused when I was younger.
0:19:57 > 0:20:00That was one of the main reasons that I got into drugs,
0:20:00 > 0:20:01to try to forget.
0:20:01 > 0:20:06When Bev left, I got into the wrong crowd of people
0:20:06 > 0:20:09and I was introduced to people who was taking heroin.
0:20:09 > 0:20:13Somebody offered me it one day and I took it,
0:20:13 > 0:20:18and I liked it. After about a week I woke up one morning
0:20:18 > 0:20:22and had terrible pains in my back and I was feeling sick.
0:20:22 > 0:20:26I explained to one of the people who I was hanging about with at the time
0:20:26 > 0:20:30what I was feeling and he said, "You're withdrawing from heroin."
0:20:30 > 0:20:34I said "No, I can't be. I've only been having it a week."
0:20:34 > 0:20:35He said, "Trust me, you are."
0:20:35 > 0:20:38He says, "Have some heroin and then tell me you're not."
0:20:38 > 0:20:41And as soon as I took the heroin, them feelings went away.
0:20:41 > 0:20:44And I realised then I was addicted.
0:20:44 > 0:20:47I didn't know what I was going to do.
0:20:47 > 0:20:53I spent the first year of my life living at my grandparents' house with my mum.
0:20:54 > 0:20:59Don't regret going to my mum's, not one day.
0:20:59 > 0:21:01He gave me no choice.
0:21:03 > 0:21:08Because, I can't get that he saw her like that, little tubes...
0:21:08 > 0:21:12there's still something in him just didn't...
0:21:14 > 0:21:19I was on a self-destruct mission. You want the drug more than anything.
0:21:19 > 0:21:23I know it's hard to say, but, yeah, you choose the drug at the time,
0:21:23 > 0:21:30so I couldn't have come into Jazz and Bev's life while I was like that. They would have hated me.
0:21:30 > 0:21:38I would have still had to go out every day to get money to get the drug.
0:21:42 > 0:21:46Mum told me about dad's drug addiction as soon as I was old enough to understand,
0:21:46 > 0:21:50so I've always known why he wasn't in my life.
0:21:50 > 0:21:56A lot of my friends have said, "Your dad's been missing for 16 years.
0:21:56 > 0:22:00"Are you angry with that?" And I had no idea what it was like
0:22:00 > 0:22:04to have a dad, so it's something you get used to.
0:22:04 > 0:22:07It's like if you're born without an arm, you don't think of it,
0:22:07 > 0:22:11you just get on with it. Whereas if you have an accident and lose it,
0:22:11 > 0:22:14you've got to adapt your whole way of life.
0:22:14 > 0:22:18There's nothing really to forgive, because it's Mum's decision and it was the right decision.
0:22:20 > 0:22:26Even though I knew my dad had problems, as I got older, I still really wanted to meet him.
0:22:26 > 0:22:30But last summer, I started to worry that if my dad was still homeless
0:22:30 > 0:22:35and using drugs he could die from an overdose any day.
0:22:35 > 0:22:38'Thankfully, I had my best friend Naomi to talk to.'
0:22:38 > 0:22:43I need to see him as soon as I can, cos I don't want to meet him in a box.
0:22:43 > 0:22:48You know, cos he might have changed. 16 years is a long time.
0:22:48 > 0:22:50I don't want you to be disappointed
0:22:50 > 0:22:53and I don't think your mum wants you to be disappointed.
0:22:53 > 0:22:57I don't want to wait any longer but I don't know how I'll cope with it at the time.
0:22:57 > 0:22:59You know, I could be fine now
0:22:59 > 0:23:04and think it will be fine, and if he doesn't want to meet me, no loss.
0:23:04 > 0:23:09I'm not... I've never known having a dad, so why would it be any different?
0:23:09 > 0:23:14Again, I might feel rejected and I might feel really bad, I don't know.
0:23:14 > 0:23:18- I'll be fine. I always am. - Hopefully.
0:23:18 > 0:23:19Yeah.
0:23:19 > 0:23:22- Come on, let's get going.- OK.
0:23:23 > 0:23:24My mind was made up.
0:23:24 > 0:23:27Here you go, Jazz. Good to see you.
0:23:27 > 0:23:31'With the help of a social worker, I wrote a letter to my dad.
0:23:32 > 0:23:35- It's a difficult letter to write, isn't it?- Yeah.
0:23:35 > 0:23:39If we did meet him and he did want to be part of my life again,
0:23:39 > 0:23:44I would give him that chance, and you know, I'd give him 1,000 chances.
0:23:44 > 0:23:46Everyone needs another chance.
0:23:48 > 0:23:50"Hi," you know, "I'm Jasmine."
0:23:50 > 0:23:55I'm 16 now. I'd really like to meet you.
0:23:55 > 0:23:57People can't change like that.
0:23:57 > 0:24:01You can't expect someone to just change if they've had a hard life.
0:24:01 > 0:24:05I've done so much that he used to love.
0:24:05 > 0:24:08He used to love travelling, he loved animals.
0:24:08 > 0:24:12That's what I want to sort of share with him,
0:24:12 > 0:24:17that there is obviously his blood flowing through my veins.
0:24:17 > 0:24:19That's where I get it from.
0:24:19 > 0:24:24I feel I've got an empty space that I just need to fill.
0:24:24 > 0:24:29I would just love to see where I came from and just fill that missing bit.
0:24:30 > 0:24:38"I know this must be hard for you as 16 years is a long time
0:24:38 > 0:24:41"and a lot can happen in them 16 years."
0:24:43 > 0:24:46And then how do we end it?
0:24:46 > 0:24:50Maybe like, "I hope to hear from you in your own time."
0:24:56 > 0:24:59There we go, I've done my bit now.
0:25:01 > 0:25:03- All I can do is hope.- He will.
0:25:03 > 0:25:04I hope he does, darling,
0:25:04 > 0:25:08I hope he does, for your sake.
0:25:09 > 0:25:12'It was all in my dad's hands.'
0:25:15 > 0:25:22We sent the letter to my dad and literally three hours after he got it, he went straight to a phone
0:25:22 > 0:25:29and phoned us, and I remember the phone ringing and I said, you know, "Hi", and he said "Hi, it's Paul".
0:25:29 > 0:25:34"Oh, right, I'll just pass you on to my mum". I thought it was someone for Mum,
0:25:34 > 0:25:37he went, "No, no...Paul your dad", and I was like...
0:25:38 > 0:25:42I just stopped and went, "Mum!"
0:25:42 > 0:25:47and just threw the phone at Mum and was like "Oh, my God, oh, my God", I just didn't know what to do.
0:25:47 > 0:25:50The first time he rung up, you know, I put the phone down
0:25:50 > 0:25:54and I were just crying my eyes out because I didn't even know if he was alive.
0:25:54 > 0:25:59It was just such a relief after years of like, "Where is he?"
0:25:59 > 0:26:02All I was concerned about is that she met her daddy,
0:26:02 > 0:26:07you know, the man that brought her into the world and I wanted him to be all right, you know,
0:26:07 > 0:26:13healthy and well and doing OK and just not make her life more difficult,
0:26:13 > 0:26:16you know, because it's difficult enough.
0:26:19 > 0:26:22One of the things I was really, really worried about when
0:26:22 > 0:26:27I was first starting to be in regular contact was where he was,
0:26:27 > 0:26:31because I knew that he had spent a lot of his life on the streets
0:26:31 > 0:26:34and I was nervous about, would he still be on drugs?
0:26:34 > 0:26:37He did reassure me that he wasn't still on the streets
0:26:37 > 0:26:41and that he wasn't taking drugs, but it was only his word,
0:26:41 > 0:26:46I couldn't be sure, so, you know, I was really, really worried that I was going to turn up
0:26:46 > 0:26:50and he would be some tramp off his face and it sounds horrible
0:26:50 > 0:26:53but I had no idea, you know, I had no idea.
0:26:53 > 0:26:56Neither did Mum really, so that's why she met him first.
0:27:00 > 0:27:03Because when we split up it was 16 years ago,
0:27:03 > 0:27:08I need to make sure that he's OK to meet my daughter,
0:27:08 > 0:27:15and not that he's good enough but he's ready himself and he knows how big it is for her.
0:27:16 > 0:27:20Bev and Jazz were in Manchester so I arranged to meet Bev.
0:27:20 > 0:27:23I was nervous but as soon as I saw Bev,
0:27:23 > 0:27:26everything around me just went...
0:27:32 > 0:27:34Are you OK, yeah?
0:27:34 > 0:27:36Oh, you look lovely!
0:27:36 > 0:27:37Cheers.
0:27:38 > 0:27:41- Oh...- Oh, thank you.
0:27:42 > 0:27:44- You're welcome.- You look gorgeous.
0:27:44 > 0:27:47- Thank you very much.- Give me a kiss...mwah!
0:27:47 > 0:27:51'I just went from being nervous to being excited and especially the way'
0:27:51 > 0:27:54she greeted me by giving me a hug and that, you know,
0:27:54 > 0:27:56I thought, "Aw, that's great."
0:27:56 > 0:28:00- She looks so much like you as well. - I know, in the pictures she's beautiful, isn't she?- Yeah.
0:28:00 > 0:28:02'I did think about them a lot.'
0:28:02 > 0:28:07Wondering what they was doing, and would Bev ever get in touch with me.
0:28:07 > 0:28:12Cos as the years went on, I thought more and more, "That's it, I'm never gonna see them again".
0:28:12 > 0:28:15And that used to hurt. It gutted me.
0:28:16 > 0:28:20'Dad told Mum he wasn't taking heroin any more, and wasn't living on the streets.
0:28:20 > 0:28:25'Three years ago he started a Methadone programme,
0:28:25 > 0:28:29'but years of using drugs have taken their toll on his body.'
0:28:29 > 0:28:32I've made an appointment to go to a dentist.
0:28:32 > 0:28:34- You're going to have your teeth done? - Yeah.- Why?
0:28:34 > 0:28:38- I've lost them all, haven't I! - I know, but you don't need... she doesn't care.
0:28:38 > 0:28:42- I know.- She's not like that.- No, I know.- She's not touchy like that.
0:28:42 > 0:28:47- I know. Oh, thank you very much. - You've given me the best thing in my life.- I know.
0:28:47 > 0:28:49- You know that, don't you?- Yeah.
0:28:49 > 0:28:54She's not changed in the 16 years, still looks like Bev to me.
0:28:54 > 0:28:57That is my engagement ring that Paul bought me,
0:28:57 > 0:28:59- cos we got engaged, didn't we?- Yeah.
0:28:59 > 0:29:04'And I always have loved her and I felt the same when I saw her.'
0:29:04 > 0:29:06Couldn't have gone any better.
0:29:19 > 0:29:20Yeah. He can meet her.
0:29:22 > 0:29:26He's fine. He can meet her.
0:29:26 > 0:29:31He's a good, good man again and he's got grandchildren
0:29:31 > 0:29:33that he sees once a month.
0:29:33 > 0:29:38He's got children and they're going to be proud, each of them.
0:29:42 > 0:29:44He was lovely...
0:29:44 > 0:29:46Ooh, I quite fancy him again...
0:29:46 > 0:29:48'What did mum just say?'
0:29:48 > 0:29:50Ooh, I quite fancy him again.'
0:29:50 > 0:29:52- He said I really want to spend a lot of time with her...- Yeah.
0:29:52 > 0:29:56- ..but when she's ready.- I can't wait. That's why...- Oh, he was lovely.
0:29:56 > 0:29:59He was lovely! I've got some pictures.
0:30:01 > 0:30:08Mum is really excited, but I wonder how Nan and Granddad will react to me meeting my dad?
0:30:10 > 0:30:14It's important that Jazz makes her own decision, and we'll go along with it,
0:30:14 > 0:30:21and I think she must, must meet him because she would be puzzled for the rest of her life if she didn't.
0:30:21 > 0:30:23I was worried about the first meeting.
0:30:23 > 0:30:25I really was very worried about it.
0:30:25 > 0:30:28I had no idea at all what to expect.
0:30:28 > 0:30:33I didn't know when I got there if I'd start crying,
0:30:33 > 0:30:38or I'd be angry, or I'd not want to talk.
0:30:38 > 0:30:41I didn't know at all what I'd be like.
0:30:41 > 0:30:44I was happy to see her, excited.
0:30:44 > 0:30:47I didn't want anything to go wrong, you know what I mean?
0:30:47 > 0:30:50And...
0:30:50 > 0:30:52I was, like, a bit shy.
0:30:53 > 0:30:56My friend came with me and mum to meet my dad.
0:30:56 > 0:30:59She filmed our first meeting on her phone.
0:30:59 > 0:31:03It was a little bit... Not awkward, but sort of...
0:31:03 > 0:31:08What do you say to someone that you've never, ever met
0:31:08 > 0:31:13who is actually part of you, who made you? What do you say?
0:31:13 > 0:31:17That's in Spain. I took her to Spain last year.
0:31:17 > 0:31:20It went all right, we just chatted and...
0:31:20 > 0:31:24We didn't talk about what I'd been doing over the last few years.
0:31:24 > 0:31:27'We didn't talk about any heavy stuff like that.'
0:31:27 > 0:31:29- You OK, Jazz?- Yes.
0:31:29 > 0:31:32'We just chatted.'
0:31:32 > 0:31:34And it was really good.
0:31:35 > 0:31:39'I definitely want to see my dad again, so I can get to know him,
0:31:39 > 0:31:44but I need to fit spending time with him around being at college.
0:31:51 > 0:31:53Hello?
0:31:53 > 0:31:56Yeah, I'm up. Just getting up.
0:31:56 > 0:32:00'Even though I've been at college for a few weeks now,
0:32:00 > 0:32:03'Nana still rings every morning to make sure I'm up.'
0:32:03 > 0:32:05Bye.
0:32:13 > 0:32:18Being small hasn't held me back at all, and the staff have done loads to make sure I fit in.
0:32:18 > 0:32:23We have to wear a lab coat. Everyone was picking small, medium and large lab coats, and I was like,
0:32:23 > 0:32:27"There's no way I'm going to fit in even the small one. No way."
0:32:27 > 0:32:35So, the college had the company that they usually use measure perfectly, and it looks just like
0:32:35 > 0:32:40the other ones only for me, and I'm not joking, I almost cried.
0:32:44 > 0:32:48I'm glad we're not feeding them dead mice.
0:32:48 > 0:32:51Today we're going to feed in here, in the reptile room, so if we do
0:32:51 > 0:32:57the fresh fruit and vegetables first and then we'll be giving them some live food afterwards.
0:32:59 > 0:33:03Before I began college, I was really scared I wouldn't be able to keep up academically,
0:33:03 > 0:33:06but it's actually going well.
0:33:06 > 0:33:11- What kind of animal are reptiles? - Cold blooded.
0:33:11 > 0:33:15So, if we put cold water back in, what do you think will happen to the temperature inside?
0:33:15 > 0:33:18- Cool down? - Yeah, it will cool down.
0:33:18 > 0:33:22So we put it slightly warm for them, to keep the temperature nice for them.
0:33:22 > 0:33:24The worms can bite.
0:33:24 > 0:33:27They do have teeth. I would advise you use tweezers.
0:33:27 > 0:33:31I'm using tweezers.
0:33:31 > 0:33:32'I hate creepy crawlies!
0:33:32 > 0:33:37'But if I want a career looking after animals, I have to get used to them.'
0:33:37 > 0:33:41So that is what one looks like, and can you see his mouthpiece?
0:33:41 > 0:33:42Ew, he squeezed on me.
0:33:42 > 0:33:45- Jasmine.- I'm not holding it!
0:33:45 > 0:33:46You're not holding it?
0:33:46 > 0:33:50Eww, oh, God!
0:33:50 > 0:33:53Hopefully...
0:33:53 > 0:33:56Oh, oh, oh, is he really hungry?
0:33:56 > 0:33:58He's not! They're too well fed here.
0:34:05 > 0:34:08I've got to do my assignment tomorrow.
0:34:08 > 0:34:10What's that for?
0:34:10 > 0:34:12For college. For Biology.
0:34:12 > 0:34:14Aw, you like that, don't you?
0:34:14 > 0:34:19'I've met my dad a few times now, and we've been learning all about each other.
0:34:19 > 0:34:23'It's amazing to meet this person that I've never'
0:34:23 > 0:34:26had any contact with, but is part of me,
0:34:26 > 0:34:33is what makes half of me, and realise how much we've got in common. He loves animals, like I do.
0:34:33 > 0:34:37I like that black fish. The goldfish with all black on it.
0:34:37 > 0:34:43I love animals, so I think that she has got that from out of my blood.
0:34:47 > 0:34:53And although he wasn't around when I was growing up, I've discovered we've got the same sense of humour.
0:35:09 > 0:35:13From the beginning, Dad's been really honest with me about his past.
0:35:13 > 0:35:16I told her what I had done. She knew I had been taking drugs
0:35:16 > 0:35:24because I was truthful from the start, whereas you can't build a relationship with somebody on lies.
0:35:24 > 0:35:29And if I hadn't told her the truth then, from the beginning,
0:35:29 > 0:35:33then what is she ever going to believe, anything I say, then?
0:35:33 > 0:35:40And she accepted me after hearing that, you know what I mean? So...
0:35:40 > 0:35:46Dad hasn't taken heroin for three years now, but he's still on the Methadone programme.
0:35:46 > 0:35:52With methadone programmes, they're there to help you to stop taking heroin.
0:35:52 > 0:35:56It's a drug that stops you from withdrawing.
0:35:56 > 0:35:58You don't get high off it, just keeps you on a level.
0:35:59 > 0:36:02Hi, I've come to get me methadone.
0:36:02 > 0:36:06- Oh, hi, can I confirm your name? - Paul Wakefield.- I'll get it for you now.- Thank you.
0:36:06 > 0:36:11The idea of it is to slowly withdraw you then, from the methadone, so that you're not
0:36:11 > 0:36:13dependent on anything.
0:36:13 > 0:36:16So, really it gets you off street drugs,
0:36:16 > 0:36:19but you're still addicted to something.
0:36:19 > 0:36:24I started taking methadone because I'd had enough of drugs.
0:36:24 > 0:36:30I couldn't get any higher. I've died three times, through overdoses,
0:36:30 > 0:36:34so I just woke up one day and thought, I've got to stop.
0:36:36 > 0:36:42It's hard to stay away from drugs because I've been taking them
0:36:42 > 0:36:49since I was 14 and I'm 43 now so it's been a lot of my life.
0:36:49 > 0:36:55He knows how I feel about drugs and he knows that I know all his past.
0:36:55 > 0:36:58I'm not naive about it, I know exactly what he's done and I know
0:36:58 > 0:37:05how he messed me and mum about when we were young, when I was young, and I'm not putting up with that now.
0:37:05 > 0:37:10He knows there's no drugs in our house, near our house or in my life.
0:37:10 > 0:37:15When I think about what I've missed out on, I feel gutted.
0:37:17 > 0:37:23You know, because I should have been there really to look after her and to look after Bev as well.
0:37:23 > 0:37:28Her saying she doesn't want me to do them is making me more
0:37:28 > 0:37:31determined to stick with the methadone programme. Because I don't want
0:37:31 > 0:37:36to lose them again and I don't want, you know, I don't want them not to
0:37:36 > 0:37:44be part of me again, I want to stay with them and be the best I can be.
0:37:45 > 0:37:47They grow really big.
0:37:47 > 0:37:53'Dad's told me he's thinking of moving to Colwyn Bay, but I'm not sure it's a good idea.
0:37:53 > 0:37:57'There's part of me really worried and I don't want him
0:37:57 > 0:38:03'to come up here and then let us down by going back to his old ways.
0:38:05 > 0:38:11What if he does, you know, go and take some drugs again or something like that?
0:38:11 > 0:38:18Because this is our home, this is where we live and he can't ruin that again.
0:38:21 > 0:38:25Margaret and I were very surprised that he was going to move from Manchester
0:38:25 > 0:38:32up to Colwyn Bay, it's something that we've got to understand and take on board.
0:38:33 > 0:38:35The beauty about all this of course
0:38:35 > 0:38:42is that Jasmine has really got her head screwed on and she stands no nonsense from anybody,
0:38:42 > 0:38:46because I have been her father,
0:38:49 > 0:38:54her granddad, her big brother, her best pal,
0:38:54 > 0:38:58and when I was putting a little bit of weight on,
0:38:58 > 0:39:06she was watching me closely and if she saw me go towards any kind of a cream cake that was it, it was gone.
0:39:06 > 0:39:09And she used to say to me, "I'm not having you putting on weight,
0:39:09 > 0:39:13"I want you to be around when I have children."
0:39:13 > 0:39:16So she doesn't stand any nonsense, oh, my goodness, no.
0:39:25 > 0:39:30Even though he's only been back in our lives a couple of months, Dad's decided
0:39:30 > 0:39:32he IS going to get a flat here in Colwyn Bay.
0:39:32 > 0:39:37I really do want you in my life, you know, like I've spent quite a bit of time with you now
0:39:37 > 0:39:41and I think we get along really well and you're really a good laugh
0:39:41 > 0:39:46and everything and you're trying so hard already.
0:39:46 > 0:39:50You know, there'll be no need to go back to your old ways. I'm just so proud of you.
0:39:50 > 0:39:56- Good. I'm glad, I just didn't want to embarrass you. - Not at all, not at all.
0:39:56 > 0:40:02I've told everyone about you, everyone can't wait to meet you properly and everything, so....
0:40:02 > 0:40:09I just feel like everything's whole now, sort of thing. I'm not missing anything.
0:40:09 > 0:40:14Well, I'm here to stay, I'm not going nowhere. So you're going to have to put up with it.
0:40:14 > 0:40:18I think I can live with that.
0:40:24 > 0:40:27It's the weekend and Mum's up first.
0:40:33 > 0:40:34Ah, joy.
0:40:35 > 0:40:37Where's Paddy?
0:40:37 > 0:40:44Shall we go and wake Jasmine up in a minute? Shall we? Shall we go and wake the teenager up?
0:40:44 > 0:40:50Is she still asleep? Why is she still asleep? Is it because she's a teenager?
0:40:50 > 0:40:53Do you want to go in and wake her up and say good morning? Cos I don't.
0:40:55 > 0:40:57I'm scared, I'm scared!
0:41:00 > 0:41:02Morning, darling.
0:41:02 > 0:41:08It's half eight, all right? Shall I leave you for a bit longer?
0:41:08 > 0:41:14All right, I'll leave you to it. That's Jazz's packing, I'm gonna go.
0:41:14 > 0:41:19Jazz, you've got about 15 minutes, OK? Right, love you.
0:41:19 > 0:41:24I'll just clean up all your mess from last night, "Thanks, Mum".
0:41:26 > 0:41:34In the last year she has become a complete, full blown, diva teenager.
0:41:34 > 0:41:36You up? All right.
0:41:36 > 0:41:44It's "ugh", you know? Really, it's the "ugh".
0:41:44 > 0:41:49Hurry up because I need you to just feed the dogs, Jazz.
0:41:51 > 0:41:54Enthusiastic, yes?
0:41:55 > 0:42:00- Mum.- What?- For the fourth time, where's the dog's spoon?
0:42:00 > 0:42:04- Where's the dogs food?- Spoon!
0:42:04 > 0:42:08'Me and my mum have got the mother-daughter relationship.'
0:42:08 > 0:42:14We argue and bicker about normal things like what time I was in last night, or,
0:42:14 > 0:42:16"Jazz, get off the computer it's two in the morning".
0:42:16 > 0:42:18Mum, I can't find it.
0:42:18 > 0:42:20I'm not talking to you in here.
0:42:20 > 0:42:23I'm doing my medication and I'll get it all wrong.
0:42:25 > 0:42:27Well, the dogs can't be fed then yet.
0:42:27 > 0:42:29Come in here, please.
0:42:29 > 0:42:32And when she's in a bad mood her head spins.
0:42:32 > 0:42:35You know, like a very famous film and they go, "Ugh! I'm scared of her."
0:42:35 > 0:42:38Go in the bedroom and shut the door. I have a lock on my door now
0:42:38 > 0:42:41and I say, "Don't come near the door, don't come near me,
0:42:41 > 0:42:43"I've got my straightners in here!
0:42:43 > 0:42:45"And I'm not afraid to use them."
0:42:45 > 0:42:47- Right, you open it...- Disgusting.
0:42:47 > 0:42:51..and then put it in the disinfectant. OK?
0:42:51 > 0:42:55"You don't understand". No! I don't!
0:42:55 > 0:42:57I don't understand I've never been there.
0:42:57 > 0:42:59I've never been a teenager trying to fit in.
0:42:59 > 0:43:00No, I don't understand.
0:43:00 > 0:43:05'When I'm away at college, it's not just Mum I leave behind.'
0:43:05 > 0:43:06Wait!
0:43:06 > 0:43:09'I miss the dogs so much when I'm gone,
0:43:09 > 0:43:11'I wish I could walk them but when I'm here
0:43:11 > 0:43:13'I'm like, "You do it, Mum!" '
0:43:13 > 0:43:18But, you know, sometimes it annoys her that she's got to do a lot more.
0:43:19 > 0:43:22'Pebbles and Paddy aren't my only pets.
0:43:23 > 0:43:25'I've also got two stick insects...'
0:43:25 > 0:43:27Hello, Hello.
0:43:27 > 0:43:29'..a couple of June bugs...
0:43:29 > 0:43:32They don't do anything, it's great.
0:43:32 > 0:43:33'..and Hemmel the hamster.'
0:43:33 > 0:43:35Oh, Hemmel's awake!
0:43:35 > 0:43:39'Now I'm away, Mum's finding it hard to care for them all.'
0:43:39 > 0:43:43Are you going to come out? Come on, then.
0:43:43 > 0:43:46Come on, I haven't got all week. I've got things to do.
0:43:47 > 0:43:50Come on, let's get the hairdryer out.
0:43:56 > 0:43:58It's Sunday night
0:43:58 > 0:44:00and I'm back at college. I love it here.
0:44:01 > 0:44:04Hello, ladies, where did you come from?
0:44:04 > 0:44:09- My room.- I'm starving.- Me too. - I'm absolutely starving.
0:44:09 > 0:44:13'I was worried being at college would be like being back at school where I was bullied.
0:44:13 > 0:44:17'But here no-one sees me as any different, I'm just Jazz.'
0:44:17 > 0:44:21I had no confidence whatsoever before at all, nothing.
0:44:21 > 0:44:27And now, I can't remember what it feels like not to have confidence.
0:44:27 > 0:44:29- Chicken nuggets and scampi.- Oh, no!
0:44:29 > 0:44:31- Can't wait. - Why would you want that?
0:44:31 > 0:44:35'I've never hated myself or hated the way I've looked.'
0:44:35 > 0:44:41I hate the way people treat me. I've never, ever, ever looked in the mirror
0:44:41 > 0:44:43and gone, "I don't like myself at all."
0:44:43 > 0:44:48But now, I look in the mirror and I'm Jazz with friends.
0:44:48 > 0:44:50I love tests, is that weird?
0:44:50 > 0:44:52A little bit. THEY LAUGH
0:44:52 > 0:44:56'I just feel like I've got teenage friends again and girly chat friends.
0:44:57 > 0:45:04'Another great thing about college is that me and my girlfriends are totally outnumbered by lads.
0:45:04 > 0:45:07'Which gives us plenty to talk about.'
0:45:07 > 0:45:11- So have you seen any guys you like, then, Jasmine?- Don't start that.
0:45:11 > 0:45:14There's got to be someone you've seen that you like.
0:45:14 > 0:45:16I'm just too busy, it sounds stupid.
0:45:16 > 0:45:20- Still, Jas, we know there's someone you've got your eye on. - There's got to be someone.
0:45:20 > 0:45:24I'm just so busy. I'm so busy, it's ridiculous.
0:45:24 > 0:45:28- Come on, spill!- No!- Why?
0:45:28 > 0:45:32I'm too busy, and that's the story I'm sticking to.
0:45:32 > 0:45:37I do feel like I belong here, that this is the place for me,
0:45:37 > 0:45:40where I know, coming here,
0:45:40 > 0:45:45I'm going to remember my whole life, and this is what's going to set me up for a great future.
0:45:48 > 0:45:52Although I'm having the time of my life here, I don't know if I can stay.
0:45:52 > 0:45:59Mum's developed a chest infection, and I'm feeling really guilty for not being home to look after her.
0:45:59 > 0:46:02Every day she's finding it harder to breathe.
0:46:02 > 0:46:06SHE COUGHS AND WHEEZES
0:46:06 > 0:46:09It's like someone putting your head in water and going,
0:46:09 > 0:46:12"Keep calm, keep calm, keep calm",
0:46:12 > 0:46:15and you're going...like that.
0:46:16 > 0:46:20I feel like I'm a very elderly lady who's smoked all her life,
0:46:20 > 0:46:22in a young person's body. It's so frustrating.
0:46:22 > 0:46:25I shouldn't moan because there's people worse off,
0:46:25 > 0:46:29but I realise that somehow I've got to take a slow pace.
0:46:33 > 0:46:37Because I've always been the one who looks after her, who cooks, who cleans and tidies,
0:46:37 > 0:46:41and who supports her emotionally as well,
0:46:41 > 0:46:44I feel completely responsible.
0:46:44 > 0:46:48I feel like I need to go back home, I need to look after her,
0:46:48 > 0:46:50I need to sort it out.
0:47:00 > 0:47:02I really don't know what to do,
0:47:02 > 0:47:07so I've come round to Dad's flat to talk to him about looking after Mum.
0:47:09 > 0:47:12So, are you torn between living your dream
0:47:12 > 0:47:14and worrying about mum?
0:47:14 > 0:47:18Is it affecting your work, your worrying about her?
0:47:18 > 0:47:21When she's ill, if she's in hospital, I know she's safe
0:47:21 > 0:47:23and they're going to look after her,
0:47:23 > 0:47:27but if she's out, you know, on her own, in the house
0:47:27 > 0:47:30or if she's got a bit of a chest infection,
0:47:30 > 0:47:33if she's on her own, I worry about her no end.
0:47:33 > 0:47:35I'm used to her texting me in the morning -
0:47:35 > 0:47:38if she doesn't, then I can't concentrate on my work.
0:47:38 > 0:47:40Yeah, yeah, you don't know what's going on.
0:47:40 > 0:47:45So, it does affect it sometimes, but I try not to let it,
0:47:45 > 0:47:48but I love her so much that I just can't help but worry.
0:47:48 > 0:47:50No, no, you can't, obviously, you can't.
0:47:50 > 0:47:52People say, "Don't worry, she'll be fine!"
0:47:52 > 0:47:57If you love someone more than anything in the world, you can't not worry about them.
0:47:57 > 0:48:00Yeah, yeah, it's just been you and your mum for 16 years,
0:48:00 > 0:48:05- so there's not been any help, really. Just you and your mum.- Yeah.
0:48:05 > 0:48:09- And she is demanding, isn't she? - Yeah!
0:48:14 > 0:48:21'I'd just got back to college when Mum's chest infection got so bad she was taken into hospital.'
0:48:21 > 0:48:26- Does that cuff fit your arm, there? - It's going to pop off, isn't it!
0:48:26 > 0:48:30I think, usually, they use the little children's one, the paediatric one.
0:48:30 > 0:48:33Let's try it with this small one.
0:48:34 > 0:48:36There you go, that's better.
0:48:36 > 0:48:39Normally, Jazz comes in,
0:48:39 > 0:48:42she's my sunshine, and it relaxes me... Thank you.
0:48:42 > 0:48:45..and erm,
0:48:45 > 0:48:47see, my heart rate's gone up, see it?
0:48:47 > 0:48:49Shoot up just thinking about her!
0:48:49 > 0:48:52And then, I've hardly seen her,
0:48:52 > 0:48:55and I'm missing her so much, it's...
0:48:55 > 0:48:58You know you're not to worry about her any more though, don't you?
0:48:58 > 0:49:03I don't worry about her because she's having the most amazing time of her life.
0:49:03 > 0:49:04She's living her dream.
0:49:04 > 0:49:08She said to me, "And guess what we were doing?" - they'd been dissecting
0:49:08 > 0:49:11sick from...owls. I was going,
0:49:11 > 0:49:14"Why?" And she was going, "I don't know, but it was great".
0:49:14 > 0:49:17It's interesting, but,
0:49:17 > 0:49:20how interesting is animal poo and things?
0:49:20 > 0:49:23Particularly when you've got to monitor your own!
0:49:23 > 0:49:27I don't want to know, I just want mine to be all right, thank you very much.
0:49:27 > 0:49:30So how have you adjusted to Jazz being...
0:49:30 > 0:49:34I haven't, not at all. No, not one jot.
0:49:34 > 0:49:39I can't stand...I hate it, hate her not being there.
0:49:39 > 0:49:45We have very little time at the weekends because she wants to be a teenager now, errr!
0:49:45 > 0:49:47She wants to be with her mates, partying,
0:49:47 > 0:49:48and doing her homework.
0:49:48 > 0:49:53She came here, I said, "Can I have a Mummy cuddle?", and she was going, "No, you'll cry".
0:49:53 > 0:49:55I went, "I'll try not to"...
0:49:55 > 0:49:59You know. I just can't be in the house without her at the moment.
0:50:04 > 0:50:06Heyyy.
0:50:11 > 0:50:12Dad's come to the rescue.
0:50:12 > 0:50:16He's taken over at home, so I can concentrate on my studies.
0:50:16 > 0:50:22Now I'm glad I'm not at home, because Mum and Dad keep flirting, which is totally embarrassing.
0:50:22 > 0:50:25PHONE RINGS
0:50:27 > 0:50:31- Hiya.- Hiya, right, I'm getting ready to go to the hospital,
0:50:31 > 0:50:33so what do you need me to get for you?
0:50:33 > 0:50:36'Right, go in my knickers drawer...' SHE GIGGLES
0:50:36 > 0:50:41- Right, yeah.- I know you know where my knickers drawer is, cos you're always in there.
0:50:41 > 0:50:45- Yeah!- Can you stop wearing those green ones?- Yeah.
0:50:45 > 0:50:49- They're in the washer, them. - You need, you really need some help.
0:50:49 > 0:50:51Do you need pyjama bottoms and that?
0:50:51 > 0:50:53RESPONSE INAUDIBLE
0:50:53 > 0:50:57- Yeah, I've done that, I've put some in.- 'Which ones?'
0:50:57 > 0:51:00There's some black passion killers with Betty Boo on them.
0:51:00 > 0:51:02Yeah, you can put them in.
0:51:02 > 0:51:07- There's some pink polka dot ones. - Pink, polka dot passion killers? I'll make a note of that.
0:51:07 > 0:51:08"Get more of."
0:51:08 > 0:51:11Right, so that'll do for now?
0:51:11 > 0:51:18Bring me one nice pair. Just in case a nice doctor has to come and examine me. OK?
0:51:18 > 0:51:21- Right, I'll see you in a little while. See you soon.- Bye!
0:51:21 > 0:51:22'Bye.'
0:51:27 > 0:51:32I'm doing all this and really, I'm trying to be calm,
0:51:32 > 0:51:34but I'm worried, really, so yeah,
0:51:34 > 0:51:36the sooner she comes home, the better.
0:51:44 > 0:51:47'And it's not just Mum Dad's looking after.'
0:51:49 > 0:51:54Pebbles, come on. Paddy, get some dinner.
0:51:54 > 0:51:56'It's made me realise how much I trust him,
0:51:56 > 0:51:59'because I don't just let ANYONE look after my pets.'
0:51:59 > 0:52:02Have your dinner.
0:52:02 > 0:52:07Bev's said to me, as punishment for not being her for 16 years,
0:52:07 > 0:52:10that I'm the animal carer,
0:52:10 > 0:52:15but you know, it's just a joke, really, but I don't mind doing them.
0:52:15 > 0:52:19'With Dad at home, I can enjoy my course again.'
0:52:19 > 0:52:23I'm going to ask you to colour in the white sections, all the bone.
0:52:23 > 0:52:25Where shall I start?
0:52:27 > 0:52:29The humorous?
0:52:29 > 0:52:33The next thing I've got to do is the dune beetles.
0:52:33 > 0:52:36You've got to be careful when the lid's off because they can fly.
0:52:36 > 0:52:40I took the lid off one day, and wings sprouted out of one of them
0:52:40 > 0:52:44and it tried flying, I was like, "Oh, my God!"
0:52:44 > 0:52:47Ready, steady, go!
0:52:47 > 0:52:51Come here! Come here, darling! Come on!
0:52:51 > 0:52:54Aw, you went to Mummy, didn't you?
0:52:54 > 0:52:58- And who's going to bath her for me later?- I will!
0:53:02 > 0:53:06Mum's recovering and she's well enough to go leave hospital,
0:53:06 > 0:53:08but I still feel bad about being away at college.
0:53:08 > 0:53:10Hi, are you all right, darling?
0:53:10 > 0:53:12I'm fine, thank you, how are you?
0:53:12 > 0:53:15Ohh, just full of my usual cold and coughs.
0:53:15 > 0:53:17I'll let you do all the chatting.
0:53:17 > 0:53:22I really do love this course but I am worried about you, and I am worried about your breathing,
0:53:22 > 0:53:25and I think, you know, should I come home?
0:53:25 > 0:53:28No, Jazz, you're not giving it up.
0:53:28 > 0:53:32- I won't let you, OK? - I just worry about you, that's all.
0:53:32 > 0:53:37- What will worrying do, will it make me better?- No.
0:53:37 > 0:53:41And if I'm worried about you worrying about me, will that make me better?
0:53:41 > 0:53:46- No.- And if you worry about me worrying about you worrying about me, will that make me better?
0:53:46 > 0:53:51- No.- No, so throw yourself into it, do the best that you can do, for me.
0:53:51 > 0:53:54- Bloody enjoy it and I'll get better quicker.- Yeah.
0:53:54 > 0:53:56You promise me?
0:53:56 > 0:53:58Yeah, promise.
0:54:03 > 0:54:06Dad is now looking after Mum and all my pets.
0:54:06 > 0:54:09For the first time, he has a purpose in life.
0:54:09 > 0:54:12I don't mind doing it all,
0:54:12 > 0:54:17because it makes me feel happy, it makes me feel good in myself that I'm useful for something,
0:54:17 > 0:54:23and it takes a lot off Jasmine's mind as well, so she can get on with her life now.
0:54:23 > 0:54:30At first I was really, really concerned about Paul being around,
0:54:30 > 0:54:32because it were just such a change.
0:54:32 > 0:54:37Everyone was really hesitant at first, you know, maybe he shouldn't be here,
0:54:37 > 0:54:39but they've all realised that, you know,
0:54:39 > 0:54:41we wouldn't have coped without him.
0:54:41 > 0:54:44Thanks very much, bye.
0:54:46 > 0:54:49Although obviously we've had our doubts about the situation,
0:54:49 > 0:54:54the most important thing is that Beverly and Jasmine are very happy,
0:54:54 > 0:54:57and if they're happy, we're all happy.
0:54:57 > 0:54:59Hiya! Ooh, who's this?!
0:55:00 > 0:55:03Look at the dog!
0:55:03 > 0:55:06Aww, who is it?!
0:55:06 > 0:55:09Still in bed, eh? I've been out in the snow.
0:55:09 > 0:55:11Not in bed, on the sofa.
0:55:11 > 0:55:14- Still the same thing.- No, it's not.
0:55:14 > 0:55:16Do you want to do that?
0:55:16 > 0:55:19- What?- All that paperwork?- No.
0:55:19 > 0:55:22In fact next time, I'll walk in the snow.
0:55:22 > 0:55:27Yeah. Right, I've got milk, fish pie and some chicken things.
0:55:29 > 0:55:34I think it's fate that he's come back into my life now,
0:55:34 > 0:55:36when I need him most,
0:55:36 > 0:55:41because there's no way that I could be in college if he wasn't here now.
0:55:41 > 0:55:43Could you do me eggy bread now, please?
0:55:43 > 0:55:46Cos you know how lovely you make it.
0:55:48 > 0:55:51There's nothing like watching a man work, is there?
0:55:53 > 0:55:58I do feel proud of him that he's taken on that responsibility and he's quite happy to.
0:55:58 > 0:56:01It does show that he does love me,
0:56:01 > 0:56:03cos he could easily say,
0:56:03 > 0:56:06"No, it's too much hassle", but he's really stuck with it.
0:56:13 > 0:56:16When I began this journey, I knew very little about my dad.
0:56:16 > 0:56:21I've learnt he really loved my mum, but drugs made him turn his back
0:56:21 > 0:56:24on everything and everyone, including me.
0:56:24 > 0:56:28Since we've found each other again, I feel complete,
0:56:28 > 0:56:32and now it's not just me and Mum, but Dad too.
0:56:32 > 0:56:35Yep. You can stay another week.
0:56:37 > 0:56:40Next time, I get a new man in my life.
0:56:40 > 0:56:46But I also have to face the possibility of losing the one who's always been there for me...
0:56:46 > 0:56:48my granddad.
0:56:58 > 0:57:01Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:57:01 > 0:57:04E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk