0:00:02 > 0:00:04Where are you going to?
0:00:04 > 0:00:08Imagine your life's ticking along just the way you always hoped.
0:00:08 > 0:00:10You're in your family home with a husband you love
0:00:10 > 0:00:13and you're doing all the normal every day things
0:00:13 > 0:00:16that most of us take for granted.
0:00:16 > 0:00:20Now imagine if one day this was all pulled from under you.
0:00:20 > 0:00:23She kept describing like this really bad pain in her head
0:00:23 > 0:00:26and she just couldn't deal with what was going on in her head.
0:00:26 > 0:00:29Your closest family become strangers...
0:00:29 > 0:00:31There are some days like she has looked at me
0:00:31 > 0:00:34and I know she hasn't recognised me.
0:00:34 > 0:00:37..and with no idea why this is happening
0:00:37 > 0:00:39you turn to desperate measures.
0:00:39 > 0:00:42It was a concoction I knew would put me asleep...
0:00:43 > 0:00:45..and I hoped forever.
0:00:45 > 0:00:50At the age of 47, this is what happened to Liz Cunningham.
0:00:50 > 0:00:55When they told me I had Alzheimer's, I thought, "Thank God."
0:00:57 > 0:00:58This is Liz's story.
0:01:28 > 0:01:31- Do you want a wee cup of tea, love? - Thank you very much.
0:01:31 > 0:01:35Liz Cunningham has been married to husband Philip for 36 years,
0:01:35 > 0:01:39but Philip is also her full-time carer
0:01:39 > 0:01:41as, since the age of 47,
0:01:41 > 0:01:45Liz has been living with a rare form of dementia.
0:01:45 > 0:01:49It is a degenerative condition which physically destroys the brain
0:01:49 > 0:01:51and for which there is no cure.
0:01:54 > 0:01:59Liz had been working for over 20 years in her job as an IT teacher
0:01:59 > 0:02:02when she began to notice some unsettling changes.
0:02:04 > 0:02:07In work, all the signs were there to me.
0:02:07 > 0:02:09I couldn't write reports.
0:02:10 > 0:02:14On the computer, letters were jumping all over the place
0:02:14 > 0:02:17and I thought maybe I had dyslexia.
0:02:17 > 0:02:20That must have been upsetting for you - you were losing control.
0:02:20 > 0:02:22I was.
0:02:22 > 0:02:25Coming out of even the toilet I couldn't get back to my room,
0:02:25 > 0:02:27I didn't know where I was,
0:02:27 > 0:02:30and I can't even remember who was passing by,
0:02:30 > 0:02:33all I know is that I asked them,
0:02:33 > 0:02:36"Could you take me back to my office?"
0:02:36 > 0:02:39And they thought I was joking, they really did.
0:02:42 > 0:02:45Seeing at first hand, as her child,
0:02:45 > 0:02:50and knowing what my mum has been through, it's very sad
0:02:50 > 0:02:53cos I have seen her in her good times and the bad times.
0:02:54 > 0:02:57My mum has got a very sunny disposition
0:02:57 > 0:03:00and she's such a happy person and always out
0:03:00 > 0:03:04to look after everyone else, and she became almost like a recluse.
0:03:04 > 0:03:07Tears in her eyes, apologising,
0:03:07 > 0:03:11"I'm just sorry, I can't deal with this.
0:03:11 > 0:03:12"I can't do this right now."
0:03:12 > 0:03:16It's strange, you know, because that just wasn't my mum.
0:03:16 > 0:03:18The mum that I know, you know.
0:03:21 > 0:03:23There was a dark side in the beginning, when it was all
0:03:23 > 0:03:26threw upon us what the illness was.
0:03:26 > 0:03:29In the beginning, we didn't know what it was.
0:03:29 > 0:03:31We were thinking everything.
0:03:32 > 0:03:36I rang my husband one day and I said, "Philip, please come for me,
0:03:36 > 0:03:38"I have to go home."
0:03:40 > 0:03:42I crawled into the back of the car...
0:03:44 > 0:03:48..and I lay down and I just couldn't stop crying.
0:03:50 > 0:03:53And it became a year of tears, really.
0:03:55 > 0:03:58Liz visited her GP a number of times,
0:03:58 > 0:04:00but she still didn't know what was wrong with her.
0:04:00 > 0:04:04She did know there was something fundamentally not right.
0:04:04 > 0:04:08I became so distressed
0:04:08 > 0:04:09that I wrecked the house.
0:04:09 > 0:04:13- I wasn't trying to... - What were you doing to the house?
0:04:13 > 0:04:15Well, I pulled my wall units down.
0:04:15 > 0:04:19- In anger?- Yeah, frustration.
0:04:19 > 0:04:22- Pulled it down? - I just felt nobody was listening,
0:04:22 > 0:04:29nobody was helping, and I was at a stage I just couldn't cope anymore.
0:04:30 > 0:04:34I went up the stairs then and I stayed there for near a year.
0:04:34 > 0:04:38- You stayed upstairs? - I stayed upstairs on my own.
0:04:38 > 0:04:40I stopped talking.
0:04:40 > 0:04:42I just...
0:04:42 > 0:04:48you know, signalled answers just with a shake of the head.
0:04:49 > 0:04:54So that was a very significant day in your life.
0:04:54 > 0:04:59You go upstairs and you essentially withdraw from the world.
0:04:59 > 0:05:01Nobody was coming to my...
0:05:03 > 0:05:06Nobody was coming to help.
0:05:07 > 0:05:09I honestly thought I was...
0:05:09 > 0:05:12Well, I was there to take my life.
0:05:15 > 0:05:18- What do you mean? - Well, I was going to take tablets.
0:05:18 > 0:05:20I had tablets.
0:05:22 > 0:05:25My daughter now kept coming up,
0:05:25 > 0:05:27but I wasn't thinking about them.
0:05:28 > 0:05:31She kept describing this really bad pain in her head
0:05:31 > 0:05:34and she just couldn't deal with what was going on in her head,
0:05:34 > 0:05:37and again asking me for water, you know,
0:05:37 > 0:05:39to make sure that she was OK.
0:05:40 > 0:05:43She didn't know I was taking the tablets.
0:05:46 > 0:05:48None of them knew.
0:05:49 > 0:05:54It was a concoction I knew would put me to sleep
0:05:54 > 0:05:56and I hoped forever.
0:05:56 > 0:05:58That's a big thing to say.
0:06:00 > 0:06:03- I think... - If you don't mind me saying so...
0:06:05 > 0:06:08I guess the harshest thing I will say to you today,
0:06:08 > 0:06:11you were involving your daughter in that process.
0:06:11 > 0:06:13Yes. And that hurts.
0:06:14 > 0:06:16I broke my heart over that.
0:06:16 > 0:06:23I really have cried so many times to know that I involved her in that.
0:06:25 > 0:06:28- Were you angry with her? - I wasn't angry.
0:06:28 > 0:06:30I sympathise with my mum completely.
0:06:30 > 0:06:34You know, I couldn't put myself in her position to know exactly
0:06:34 > 0:06:36what is going on in her head and what she is feeling
0:06:36 > 0:06:39and I don't condone it in any way,
0:06:39 > 0:06:43but I do totally sympathise with her, you know,
0:06:43 > 0:06:47and I try to understand what she was feeling at that time.
0:06:53 > 0:06:56It had been a year of profound anguish for Liz,
0:06:56 > 0:07:00but she was eventually sent for the brain scans which would lead
0:07:00 > 0:07:03to her diagnosis and, to some degree, give her comfort.
0:07:06 > 0:07:10It was three parts of my brain that was deteriorated.
0:07:10 > 0:07:12The brain was shrivelling up
0:07:12 > 0:07:16and I was told I had posterior cortical atrophy.
0:07:18 > 0:07:19It's very young.
0:07:21 > 0:07:23Is that what was in your head?
0:07:23 > 0:07:27No, I never thought in my lifetime that it would be a form of dementia.
0:07:27 > 0:07:29- Never.- That in your 40s.- Ever.
0:07:29 > 0:07:32What does it do you, though, when you're told in your 40s
0:07:32 > 0:07:33you've got dementia?
0:07:36 > 0:07:38For me, it was relief at the start.
0:07:38 > 0:07:42- A relief? - I really thought I was going nuts,
0:07:42 > 0:07:43I really did.
0:07:43 > 0:07:44I can't...
0:07:46 > 0:07:48..explain how that felt,
0:07:48 > 0:07:52so when they told me that I had Alzheimer's, I thought,
0:07:52 > 0:07:54"Thank God."
0:07:55 > 0:07:59When I heard Liz say she was happy to be diagnosed,
0:07:59 > 0:08:01I was surprised, but then it made sense,
0:08:01 > 0:08:05as I guess it meant she could finally start living again -
0:08:05 > 0:08:09in Hemsworth Court, a dementia-friendly housing complex
0:08:09 > 0:08:11off the Shankill Road.
0:08:12 > 0:08:15It was a godsend for me, it really genuinely was,
0:08:15 > 0:08:18because I wouldn't even go out my front door
0:08:18 > 0:08:21because I was terrified. I didn't know the place.
0:08:22 > 0:08:25I couldn't remember anything about the place
0:08:25 > 0:08:28and I was becoming more distressed as the days were going on,
0:08:28 > 0:08:31so it just happened at the right time.
0:08:31 > 0:08:34So you'll be here for the rest of your life, Liz?
0:08:34 > 0:08:35I will and so will Philip.
0:08:35 > 0:08:38I mean, he's not going to be chucked out very easily
0:08:38 > 0:08:40after I disappear, you know!
0:08:42 > 0:08:45'Philip and Liz want to do everything possible to maintain
0:08:45 > 0:08:47'Liz's independence around the home.'
0:08:47 > 0:08:49I would do my wash step-by-step,
0:08:49 > 0:08:52so step one would be to get the clothes...
0:08:52 > 0:08:54'But seeing what's involved for Liz
0:08:54 > 0:08:57'to complete the most basic day-to-day tasks...'
0:08:57 > 0:08:59Step two, get the washing powder.
0:08:59 > 0:09:03'..has shown me the level of impact her dementia has.'
0:09:03 > 0:09:07I have the little orange sticky buttons to remind me
0:09:07 > 0:09:11to push the button and that would be my last one, number four, again.
0:09:11 > 0:09:12So...
0:09:14 > 0:09:16And that's my wash on.
0:09:17 > 0:09:21Liz has good days, bad days, you know, but on a bad day,
0:09:21 > 0:09:25the way I describe is, it's like this wee alien ship
0:09:25 > 0:09:29just comes along and takes the heart and soul and leaves the shell.
0:09:29 > 0:09:31We went to our daughter's house, Nicola,
0:09:31 > 0:09:34we'd just came back from holiday and went to the door
0:09:34 > 0:09:38to give a few presents, and she wouldn't go in the door.
0:09:39 > 0:09:41She thought Nicola was a stranger.
0:09:44 > 0:09:49I hadn't seen her in a while and she'd changed her hair...
0:09:53 > 0:09:55..and I asked my husband who that was.
0:09:57 > 0:10:01And, once again, I broke my heart.
0:10:01 > 0:10:05I couldn't get over, when...
0:10:05 > 0:10:06When he said to you,
0:10:06 > 0:10:10- "Liz, that's your daughter." - Yes. "That's Nicola."
0:10:10 > 0:10:13Do you know, I just thought, how could I forget what my daughter
0:10:13 > 0:10:16looks like? How could I not even sense?
0:10:16 > 0:10:21You know, because all along I always thought that,
0:10:21 > 0:10:25no matter what I lose, you still have it in here, your heart.
0:10:27 > 0:10:29But I didn't.
0:10:29 > 0:10:31I couldn't,
0:10:31 > 0:10:34I mean, it has happened a few times with Nicola.
0:10:34 > 0:10:37That must be one of the most devastating aspects...
0:10:37 > 0:10:39- Yes.- ..of your illness.
0:10:39 > 0:10:41Very much so.
0:10:41 > 0:10:44My husband says sometimes I look at him like that.
0:10:44 > 0:10:46As if...
0:10:47 > 0:10:49..because he's older now...
0:10:50 > 0:10:53Do you ever wake up in the mornings and wonder who it is beside you?
0:10:53 > 0:10:55Yeah, I do.
0:10:56 > 0:10:58Sometimes...
0:11:00 > 0:11:03I always feel back that I'm in my 30s again.
0:11:05 > 0:11:09And sometimes, when I look at Philip, I do,
0:11:09 > 0:11:13just maybe for a few minutes, think...
0:11:15 > 0:11:16"Who are you?"
0:11:16 > 0:11:19And he knows. He sees it, you know,
0:11:19 > 0:11:21and he is well aware that it happens.
0:11:26 > 0:11:27Right.
0:11:27 > 0:11:29'Whilst there's no cure for dementia,
0:11:29 > 0:11:33'Liz has a vast array of medication to take each day to help her keep
0:11:33 > 0:11:37'the symptoms at bay and potentially slow the progression down.'
0:11:38 > 0:11:40It's Sunday today...
0:11:41 > 0:11:42..so it is.
0:11:44 > 0:11:45Suck it up.
0:11:45 > 0:11:47What have I not taken?
0:11:47 > 0:11:51Because you're on an antibiotic, darling.
0:11:51 > 0:11:56- That one interferes with the antibiotic.- Right.
0:11:56 > 0:11:58'But what I was surprised to learn next
0:11:58 > 0:12:01'was that dementia doesn't just affect the mind.
0:12:01 > 0:12:04'The brain controls our bodily functions
0:12:04 > 0:12:06'and so, as the brain deteriorates,
0:12:06 > 0:12:09'the body's ability to function deteriorates.'
0:12:11 > 0:12:14I am very prone to infections -
0:12:14 > 0:12:19chest infections, kidney, urine infections.
0:12:20 > 0:12:22My bowels have stopped working.
0:12:22 > 0:12:23My kidneys...
0:12:23 > 0:12:26This shuts down, this down, this doesn't affect... Of course,
0:12:26 > 0:12:29if it's affecting your brain then your brain controls everything.
0:12:29 > 0:12:33Yeah. It was the same as my sight and my senses.
0:12:33 > 0:12:34Your sight?
0:12:35 > 0:12:37What does it do to your sight?
0:12:37 > 0:12:40There is times my sight completely goes.
0:12:40 > 0:12:41In both eyes?
0:12:43 > 0:12:45And that terrified me at the start.
0:12:47 > 0:12:51Despite the physical and mental barriers she faces,
0:12:51 > 0:12:53Liz carries on with her day-to-day life.
0:12:53 > 0:12:57Susan Holmes is a volunteer with Age NI.
0:12:57 > 0:13:01They provide Liz with a weekly chaperone service
0:13:01 > 0:13:03and that lets Liz do her weekly shopping.
0:13:05 > 0:13:10I have just really appreciated being able to go shopping
0:13:10 > 0:13:13because I don't know, but...
0:13:14 > 0:13:18..what it is like to go with a man! Shopping!
0:13:18 > 0:13:21The arguments we end up, you know.
0:13:22 > 0:13:27'Just because I have a disease doesn't mean I can't do things.
0:13:27 > 0:13:29'I might need to change a bit...'
0:13:29 > 0:13:31They're mandarins.
0:13:31 > 0:13:34'..but I can still do the things.
0:13:34 > 0:13:38'Because my sight comes and goes, I would wear
0:13:38 > 0:13:41'the black glasses for partially sighted.
0:13:41 > 0:13:45'When I use them, am I sick? People will help me...
0:13:46 > 0:13:49'..but they won't if I say I've got dementia,
0:13:49 > 0:13:52'and that's quite scary for me.'
0:13:54 > 0:13:58- Is there anything down for Teddy? - No, there's nothing down.
0:13:58 > 0:14:00Well, he must have everything. He must...
0:14:00 > 0:14:06Wait till I tell you, Philip gets him every treat under the sun.
0:14:06 > 0:14:08He's spoilt rotten.
0:14:09 > 0:14:12'I want to be able to do my own shopping
0:14:12 > 0:14:15'and be independent as long as I can.
0:14:15 > 0:14:18'I'm not ready to lie down and give up.'
0:14:21 > 0:14:22Now to pay for them.
0:14:24 > 0:14:27This is always the stage I panic at you, you know...
0:14:27 > 0:14:28Do you want me to lift the bag up?
0:14:28 > 0:14:31- And you can see better, maybe. - ..sitting in a queue.
0:14:32 > 0:14:35What the hell did I do with it?
0:14:35 > 0:14:36It's all right. Take your time.
0:14:42 > 0:14:44There.
0:14:45 > 0:14:47The PIN entered.
0:14:47 > 0:14:49- Thank you very much now.- Bye.
0:14:49 > 0:14:52Shopping's not the only thing on Liz's to-do list.
0:14:52 > 0:14:55She finds it important to share her dementia story with others.
0:14:57 > 0:14:59OK, thank you for being here.
0:14:59 > 0:15:01She gives regular talks to the medical profession
0:15:01 > 0:15:03through Dementia NI.
0:15:03 > 0:15:07When I go to my GP, you know, he'll continuously say to me,
0:15:07 > 0:15:11"Liz, your memory is so good."
0:15:12 > 0:15:18But, you know, inside what I feel he's actually not saying is that,
0:15:18 > 0:15:22"Are you sure you've really got dementia?"
0:15:23 > 0:15:26You get things like,
0:15:26 > 0:15:30"Oh, I lose my keys as well, or forget where I left my car."
0:15:30 > 0:15:34That hurts. You know, that sort of puts a distrust,
0:15:34 > 0:15:38but things that youse don't see today,
0:15:38 > 0:15:41me stumbling or loss of my balance,
0:15:41 > 0:15:47the occasional total disorientation, I don't know where I am or why.
0:15:47 > 0:15:50These are the hidden bits.
0:15:50 > 0:15:54So when somebody comes in to a clinic,
0:15:54 > 0:15:56you mightn't be aware of that,
0:15:56 > 0:15:59you know, we are dying of this disease.
0:15:59 > 0:16:03So making them feel comfortable...
0:16:04 > 0:16:09..with yourselves is the most important aspect.
0:16:10 > 0:16:14I'm so proud of her. That's the mum that I remember, you know.
0:16:14 > 0:16:18I wouldn't be the person I am today without my mum.
0:16:18 > 0:16:20She is such a strong woman.
0:16:20 > 0:16:22She's kind.
0:16:22 > 0:16:26She wants to help others and that hasn't changed,
0:16:26 > 0:16:28that's who my mum has always been.
0:16:28 > 0:16:30And, in fact,
0:16:30 > 0:16:33in a weird way, possibly,
0:16:33 > 0:16:37the Alzheimer's has been a blessing in that sense because
0:16:37 > 0:16:39she has been able to reach out to so many people
0:16:39 > 0:16:42and use the skills that she has to not only help herself,
0:16:42 > 0:16:44but to help others.
0:16:47 > 0:16:49My mum is a fighter.
0:16:49 > 0:16:52She still has a lot of life in her to give,
0:16:52 > 0:16:55so it's not all doom and gloom.
0:16:57 > 0:17:00I'm hesitating cos there's a horrible question in my head.
0:17:00 > 0:17:02Mm-hmm.
0:17:03 > 0:17:04I'm so close to my mum.
0:17:04 > 0:17:06I know.
0:17:08 > 0:17:09So I'll say it out loud,
0:17:09 > 0:17:12would you prefer your mum to die soon
0:17:12 > 0:17:17and, therefore, she is the person who still knows who you are
0:17:17 > 0:17:20and she's still your mum as you know her?
0:17:21 > 0:17:26Or would you prefer her to live through the disease
0:17:26 > 0:17:30to the point where she doesn't know who you are?
0:17:32 > 0:17:34- Personally... - I'm even sorry for asking that.
0:17:34 > 0:17:37No, it is OK. Um...
0:17:37 > 0:17:40Personally, all I want for my mum is that she doesn't feel any pain,
0:17:40 > 0:17:42but, at the same time, my mum is my mum
0:17:42 > 0:17:45and it is going to be difficult seeing her go through
0:17:45 > 0:17:47the change that she will go through,
0:17:47 > 0:17:50but I am happy to do that because I know deep down
0:17:50 > 0:17:53she's still my mum and I'll support her no matter what.
0:17:58 > 0:18:00I'm well aware that I'm going to die...
0:18:02 > 0:18:03..so is the family.
0:18:03 > 0:18:06I've no misconceptions about it.
0:18:13 > 0:18:18The only thing that I was scared of was maybe if say, for instance,
0:18:18 > 0:18:21I had an infection later on,
0:18:21 > 0:18:25maybe if I was in pain, nobody could see that pain...
0:18:26 > 0:18:28..because it's invisible.
0:18:28 > 0:18:32Because what dementia will do is it will affect the brain
0:18:32 > 0:18:36to the point where you can't talk.
0:18:36 > 0:18:37Yeah.
0:18:37 > 0:18:40- You can't swallow.- Yeah.
0:18:41 > 0:18:44I guess the swallowing probably is...
0:18:45 > 0:18:46..would be...
0:18:48 > 0:18:50..one of the most important stages...
0:18:52 > 0:18:54..because, if you can't swallow,
0:18:54 > 0:18:57you're then going to be put onto...
0:18:59 > 0:19:03..a drip with food or whatever, fed in that way.
0:19:04 > 0:19:06What is the prognosis for you?
0:19:08 > 0:19:11The disease is progressive.
0:19:11 > 0:19:14Yeah. They said initially five to ten years.
0:19:16 > 0:19:17- Of life?- Yeah.
0:19:17 > 0:19:23I'm seven years down the line and I don't...feel...
0:19:23 > 0:19:27I...will die in another three years' time.
0:19:32 > 0:19:35Liz's symptoms first presented themselves
0:19:35 > 0:19:37when they were living in the family home
0:19:37 > 0:19:40in Mountcollyer Road in north Belfast.
0:19:40 > 0:19:46Today, many years later, she is coming back for the first time.
0:19:46 > 0:19:50This is where she brought up her children, but would she remember?
0:19:51 > 0:19:54- How are you?- Hello!- You all right?
0:19:54 > 0:19:57- Hi.- Can you remember them? - Do you not remember?
0:19:58 > 0:20:01Do you not remember? They were our neighbours.
0:20:04 > 0:20:06INDISTINCT SPEECH
0:20:06 > 0:20:09- Do you remember those people? - Do you remember them?
0:20:09 > 0:20:12- Do you recognise them?- No.
0:20:14 > 0:20:17- Aye. I remember the one... - With the glasses?- Aye.
0:20:17 > 0:20:20- They moved in this street at the same time as us.- Did they?
0:20:20 > 0:20:24- How long did you live down here together?- About 15 or 16 years.
0:20:24 > 0:20:26So, Liz, would you be able to take us to your house?
0:20:26 > 0:20:28Go on, you try.
0:20:28 > 0:20:31No? It's OK. That's OK.
0:20:34 > 0:20:36'The look on Liz's face says it all.
0:20:36 > 0:20:40'She has very little recollection of the many years
0:20:40 > 0:20:42'the family spent living in this street...
0:20:43 > 0:20:48'..but she is hopeful that some past memories will come back.'
0:20:49 > 0:20:50- Who is that?- That's the neighbours.
0:20:52 > 0:20:53God save us.
0:20:53 > 0:20:55I get so embarrassed.
0:20:55 > 0:20:57- Why?- Because I don't know people.
0:20:57 > 0:21:00That's OK. It is not your fault.
0:21:07 > 0:21:10- That's Tommy and Winnie's. - That's Tommy and Winnie's.
0:21:12 > 0:21:14We must be over there then.
0:21:14 > 0:21:17That was your family home for 16 years, Liz.
0:21:17 > 0:21:19- Sorry.- It's OK.
0:21:21 > 0:21:24That's the house I thought we'd never move away from.
0:21:27 > 0:21:30I remember the first year we moved in here, it snowed.
0:21:32 > 0:21:35- Oh, gosh.- So it did, in 1995, it snowed and the snow was thick
0:21:35 > 0:21:37and we made snow men out here.
0:21:37 > 0:21:40- We made snowmen in the back garden for the kids.- Oh, my goodness.
0:21:41 > 0:21:43That was Nicola's room.
0:21:43 > 0:21:44Was that Nicola's room?
0:21:46 > 0:21:49- And the one over the other side... - Was that ours?
0:21:49 > 0:21:51No, that was Lisa's room.
0:21:51 > 0:21:53Our room was at the back.
0:21:53 > 0:21:54- Was it?- It was a big room too, like.
0:21:54 > 0:21:56Was it?
0:21:58 > 0:22:02I'm looking at it and I mightn't remember very much,
0:22:02 > 0:22:05but I do remember the being scared.
0:22:05 > 0:22:07Yeah, you were scared in this house, yeah.
0:22:07 > 0:22:09When you got diagnosed, you were scared.
0:22:09 > 0:22:12Did it all happen in this house?
0:22:12 > 0:22:15Well, we're not up at Hemsworth seven years,
0:22:15 > 0:22:17we're only up there four.
0:22:17 > 0:22:20Right, so most of it would have happened down here.
0:22:22 > 0:22:24I can't...
0:22:24 > 0:22:27I know you're not telling me lies, Philip.
0:22:27 > 0:22:32I just feel very, very, very frightened, so I do.
0:22:34 > 0:22:38There was frustration expressed in the house, Philip, is that fair?
0:22:38 > 0:22:40Yes, there was. There was frustration.
0:22:40 > 0:22:44Liz didn't know what was going on and just in the house...
0:22:44 > 0:22:48One day she just pulled all the wardrobes down
0:22:48 > 0:22:50and our units down in the living room,
0:22:50 > 0:22:54which was hard for me cos I didn't know what was going on.
0:22:54 > 0:22:57And what do you call it...?
0:22:58 > 0:23:01Sorry. I get upset because the memories are there,
0:23:01 > 0:23:04them units are the units that she wanted in the house
0:23:04 > 0:23:06and she wrecked them,
0:23:06 > 0:23:09and that was just part of the illness.
0:23:10 > 0:23:12Can you remember doing that, Liz?
0:23:12 > 0:23:13It's just part of the illness.
0:23:13 > 0:23:18I can remember doing them, but not being here, if you know what I mean?
0:23:18 > 0:23:19I know.
0:23:21 > 0:23:23- Sorry.- It's OK.
0:23:23 > 0:23:24It's not your fault.
0:23:25 > 0:23:27Why are you saying sorry?
0:23:27 > 0:23:30Because I hate to see him get upset.
0:23:30 > 0:23:33That's one of the hardest things for me.
0:23:33 > 0:23:36Look at this. Look at this. Look at what you have.
0:23:36 > 0:23:38I know, but do you know what?
0:23:39 > 0:23:42You know, talk about being strong...
0:23:43 > 0:23:47..to see hurt in my husband's eyes near breaks my heart
0:23:47 > 0:23:49- and even about here... - It was a happy home.
0:23:49 > 0:23:53- I couldn't do without him...- I couldn't do without you. I love you.
0:23:53 > 0:23:55- ..and that's the truth of it. - I love you.
0:23:55 > 0:23:58And I said to her I'd follow you to the moon and back.
0:23:58 > 0:24:00- That's right.- Are you OK?
0:24:00 > 0:24:02I'm OK. Are you?
0:24:03 > 0:24:07It's a love story, this, as much as a film about dementia.
0:24:07 > 0:24:09She's still happy. You can't see her face,
0:24:09 > 0:24:12but I can hear her laughing and that was her family home
0:24:12 > 0:24:14where she brought up her children,
0:24:14 > 0:24:17and then the disease took a grip of her, and she was literally
0:24:17 > 0:24:21pulling cupboards off walls, and what did her husband do?
0:24:21 > 0:24:23Stood beside her,
0:24:23 > 0:24:26grabbed onto her and they went to a new home.
0:24:26 > 0:24:28Listen, it was lovely seeing you.
0:24:31 > 0:24:35'It is amazing to see the love that they have between each other.
0:24:35 > 0:24:37'That they would do anything'
0:24:37 > 0:24:40to stick by one another, no matter what, and it really does show,
0:24:40 > 0:24:44especially now, when my mum is going through what she's going through.
0:24:45 > 0:24:48He does everything for me.
0:24:48 > 0:24:50He's there when I make the mistakes...
0:24:52 > 0:24:55..he's there when I'm depressed,
0:24:55 > 0:24:57and I couldn't do it without him.
0:24:59 > 0:25:02When I get confused and I can't shower properly,
0:25:02 > 0:25:07when I'm maybe washing my hair with soap or getting all mixed-up,
0:25:07 > 0:25:10he's always there to help me.
0:25:11 > 0:25:16One time she'd think somebody is in the room, she was really scared,
0:25:16 > 0:25:19so I had to get up and go into every room
0:25:19 > 0:25:23and try and calm her down, to say, "No, there is nobody here."
0:25:24 > 0:25:26I couldn't live without him,
0:25:26 > 0:25:28I really couldn't,
0:25:28 > 0:25:30and I thank him so much...
0:25:32 > 0:25:33..for being mine.
0:25:33 > 0:25:35He's a really good man.
0:25:37 > 0:25:40What a beautiful, powerful love story this is
0:25:40 > 0:25:42between husband and wife.
0:25:44 > 0:25:46And there's another love story -
0:25:46 > 0:25:48Liz's daughter is getting married
0:25:48 > 0:25:51and all the preparation at Liz's home in Hemsworth Court.
0:25:51 > 0:25:54Obviously I'm your youngest daughter, so she's pretty emotional
0:25:54 > 0:25:56and my oldest sister got married this year, too.
0:25:56 > 0:25:58We're all very excited.
0:25:58 > 0:26:01Oh, looking forward to Nicola's wedding, oh, yes,
0:26:01 > 0:26:04and walking down the aisle with her and giving her away,
0:26:04 > 0:26:07and Liz can't wait anyway. She bought four dresses.
0:26:07 > 0:26:09I can't wait. I really can't wait
0:26:09 > 0:26:13to see my youngest girl go down the aisle.
0:26:17 > 0:26:19I sort of said to Philip, you know,
0:26:19 > 0:26:22"Do they think I'm leaving soon?"
0:26:22 > 0:26:24Because both of them set the dates,
0:26:24 > 0:26:27for, you know, this year and I says,
0:26:27 > 0:26:29"Philip, tell them I'm going nowhere."
0:26:39 > 0:26:44What I have learnt from so many people that have the same as me,
0:26:44 > 0:26:47I've seen people lie in bed for a couple of years...
0:26:49 > 0:26:53..and maybe the grandchildren come to them,
0:26:53 > 0:26:58and they still have a smile even though they're close to death.
0:27:01 > 0:27:04I've said to Philip, you know,
0:27:04 > 0:27:07I want my grandson lying beside me
0:27:07 > 0:27:13because I'm hoping that I'll still feel it rather than know it.
0:27:13 > 0:27:15"I'm hoping I will still feel it..."
0:27:15 > 0:27:18- Yeah.- "..because I won't know it."
0:27:18 > 0:27:19Yeah.
0:27:20 > 0:27:23And that's exactly it.
0:27:24 > 0:27:27I have talked a lot about things that you can't do today
0:27:27 > 0:27:29and won't be able to do...
0:27:32 > 0:27:38..but you have something that many people who are physically well
0:27:38 > 0:27:41don't have - you have beautiful children.
0:27:42 > 0:27:44Isn't that incredible?
0:27:45 > 0:27:48You have love in your life, a devoted husband.
0:27:48 > 0:27:50Isn't that incredible?
0:27:50 > 0:27:55I'm so proud of all my family and I think that's what makes me
0:27:55 > 0:27:59keep on going and, do you know? At least when I go...
0:28:00 > 0:28:04..they know how I have tried to change...
0:28:06 > 0:28:09..the views of people about dementia...
0:28:10 > 0:28:13..and maybe helped a few people along the way.
0:28:14 > 0:28:18Lastly, just one line that I have, as a person.
0:28:18 > 0:28:21I say it to everyone, you know.
0:28:21 > 0:28:24I have dementia,
0:28:24 > 0:28:26but I'm still me.