0:00:13 > 0:00:16One of the greats of British comedy,
0:00:16 > 0:00:20Frankie Howerd was once described as looking like a menagerie of luckless
0:00:20 > 0:00:26animals - a disreputable bloodhound, a melancholy camel,
0:00:26 > 0:00:28and an apologetic yak.
0:00:28 > 0:00:31He started out in radio in the 1940s,
0:00:31 > 0:00:37became unexpectedly fashionable in the '60s after being championed by Ned Sherrin and Peter Cook,
0:00:37 > 0:00:39and enjoyed huge success on television,
0:00:39 > 0:00:43especially with the hit series Up Pompeii.
0:00:44 > 0:00:47Frankie's best-known catchphrase was "titter ye not".
0:00:47 > 0:00:51But audiences couldn't help but titter whenever he came on,
0:00:51 > 0:00:56which made him a favourite booking on the television talk-show circuit.
0:01:06 > 0:01:09- Here or there? - There, please.
0:01:09 > 0:01:12- Thank you very much. - In fact, it's...
0:01:12 > 0:01:17Let's make sure that you've got the same questions I've got the answers for.
0:01:17 > 0:01:18LAUGHTER
0:01:18 > 0:01:22Oh, I think so. Listen, before we start the show proper...
0:01:23 > 0:01:25..who writes your material?
0:01:25 > 0:01:28Because, if I may say so, it's a damn sight more filthy than mine.
0:01:28 > 0:01:30Did you notice that?
0:01:30 > 0:01:32- That's not true. - It is true, Michael. It is.
0:01:32 > 0:01:35- Can we start off by telling everybody...- Do, do.
0:01:35 > 0:01:37Today is an anniversary for you, isn't it?
0:01:37 > 0:01:40Because it's 25 years to the day...
0:01:40 > 0:01:42Big mouth. Of course, you would bring that up, yes.
0:01:42 > 0:01:4425 years... Since what?
0:01:44 > 0:01:46Since you first appeared on radio.
0:01:46 > 0:01:48Is about 25 years since I did anything, actually.
0:01:48 > 0:01:52If you know what I mean!
0:01:52 > 0:01:56Since... Since...
0:01:56 > 0:01:59Since I've been on radio. Yes, radio.
0:01:59 > 0:02:01- Remember?- That was Variety Bandbox, wasn't it?
0:02:01 > 0:02:0425 years ago. Yes, it was a Sunday.
0:02:04 > 0:02:07Absolutely right. You're quite right, it was Sunday 25 years ago, yes.
0:02:07 > 0:02:09I'm still doing the same jokes.
0:02:09 > 0:02:12Of course, when you came into radio, you were successful, weren't you,
0:02:12 > 0:02:15after the first couple of months or so?
0:02:15 > 0:02:19You became very successful with a very unique personal style there.
0:02:19 > 0:02:21But you did, of course, have people writing for you, didn't you?
0:02:21 > 0:02:24If I may just say this, I wasn't very successful.
0:02:24 > 0:02:26Not immediately to start with.
0:02:26 > 0:02:29No, they were going to throw me off after three weeks.
0:02:29 > 0:02:31- Really?- Yes, because I was playing...
0:02:31 > 0:02:33I started in December, and it came to Easter time,
0:02:33 > 0:02:37and I was playing up at the Empire in Peterborough.
0:02:37 > 0:02:42I remember it very well. And a letter came saying that if I didn't improve
0:02:42 > 0:02:45or alter the scripts, or do something about it,
0:02:45 > 0:02:46they would have to get rid of me.
0:02:46 > 0:02:51It was a very nice letter. You know the BBC - sweetness itself(!)
0:02:51 > 0:02:55Nice people, but nevertheless, underneath was, improve or get out.
0:02:55 > 0:02:58- Mean but nice to you. - Mean. To you as well?- Yeah.
0:02:58 > 0:03:01I see. (Liar!)
0:03:03 > 0:03:06I read about you in the Sunday Times last week.
0:03:06 > 0:03:07Caviar and cheap wine.
0:03:10 > 0:03:12You keep deflecting me.
0:03:12 > 0:03:14They bought the cheap wine.
0:03:14 > 0:03:17You were talking about how you got this letter from the BBC.
0:03:17 > 0:03:21Yes, so I thought to myself, now, what am I going to do about this?
0:03:21 > 0:03:23I thought, something is wrong.
0:03:23 > 0:03:27Either they are wrong or I am, so I thought, it must be me.
0:03:27 > 0:03:29So, I thought, what am I going to do about this?
0:03:29 > 0:03:34I thought, the scripts aren't bad. And I wrote my own stuff in those days.
0:03:34 > 0:03:36And I thought, they aren't all that bad.
0:03:36 > 0:03:38So, I thought, now, something must be wrong,
0:03:38 > 0:03:43and I realised something which should have been obvious to me for three months, really,
0:03:43 > 0:03:45but suddenly came in a blinding flash.
0:03:45 > 0:03:47Something I should have known right from the start,
0:03:47 > 0:03:49that I was being too visual.
0:03:49 > 0:03:52See, I'd started on the stage, going...
0:03:52 > 0:03:53And making funny faces.
0:03:53 > 0:03:56Of course, when you're listening to the radio, you don't see...
0:03:56 > 0:03:58You don't hear funny faces.
0:03:58 > 0:04:02So I was going... "Ooh, ah!"
0:04:02 > 0:04:05- And the studio audience... - LAUGHTER
0:04:05 > 0:04:09You see, if this was sound radio, you're being very kind enough to laugh.
0:04:09 > 0:04:12Then people would say, "What the hell are they laughing at?"
0:04:12 > 0:04:13If this was sound radio...
0:04:13 > 0:04:18So I thought to myself, what I've got to do is to try and be funny with the voice, not the face,
0:04:18 > 0:04:20and make it speed up.
0:04:20 > 0:04:25So I then learned to do, "Ooh, ah! That is ludicrauss,
0:04:25 > 0:04:26"ladies and gentle men,"
0:04:26 > 0:04:29and do things with my voice rather than just pull faces.
0:04:29 > 0:04:33From then onwards, things improved, I'm glad to say, and they kept me on.
0:04:33 > 0:04:38Do you have any funny or bitter memories about really dying the death, Frankie?
0:04:38 > 0:04:41Going badly, you mean? Well, I'm... Yes, I've gone badly.
0:04:41 > 0:04:44I mean, 25 years is a long time, and I had ups and downs,
0:04:44 > 0:04:47a lot of ups and downs, and I've had a lot of times when I've gone badly.
0:04:47 > 0:04:49A lot of times that I haven't been very good,
0:04:49 > 0:04:51and I've come off, and I've mis-timed gags.
0:04:51 > 0:04:53I've done jokes
0:04:53 > 0:04:56and I suddenly thought, they didn't laugh.
0:04:56 > 0:04:59Now, why... My manager said, "You bloody fool,
0:04:59 > 0:05:04"you forgot the funny line at the end!"
0:05:04 > 0:05:07I promise you, this is true.
0:05:07 > 0:05:09I promise you, this is true.
0:05:09 > 0:05:14I... I... I remember the first joke I ever did.
0:05:14 > 0:05:16- Shall I tell it?- Please.- It will lighten it up a bit, won't it?
0:05:16 > 0:05:19Because we're getting a bit...
0:05:19 > 0:05:22I remember the first joke I ever did on the music hall.
0:05:22 > 0:05:25I forget the first radio script. It was about taking two elephants to Crewe!
0:05:25 > 0:05:28- That was an Eric Sykes sketch. - Yes, Eric Sykes wrote that.
0:05:28 > 0:05:31And it's amazing the number of people who remember that, in a way,
0:05:31 > 0:05:33better than I do. But it was true,
0:05:33 > 0:05:36because one does a lot of scripts over 25 years.
0:05:36 > 0:05:39I'm just thinking, though, before, when you mentioned 25 years,
0:05:39 > 0:05:44the first music hall joke I ever did was about this old man, poor old boy, 82.
0:05:45 > 0:05:48And he went to the doctor's.
0:05:48 > 0:05:52So, wait a minute. So, this doctor said...
0:05:52 > 0:05:55"What's wrong?" So, the man said, "Nothing's wrong.
0:05:55 > 0:05:58He said, "The thing is, I'm 82, you see, so I want you to examine me,
0:05:58 > 0:06:01"because I'm getting married.
0:06:01 > 0:06:02"Saturday."
0:06:04 > 0:06:06So, this doctor said, "Married?"
0:06:06 > 0:06:08He said, "Yes, I want you to examine me,
0:06:08 > 0:06:12"make sure I'm in good working order, because..." He said...
0:06:12 > 0:06:15"I want to be right for the honeymoon, and I want to..."
0:06:15 > 0:06:17So, the doctor said, "Well, who are you marrying?"
0:06:17 > 0:06:20The old man said, "A girl, naturally."
0:06:20 > 0:06:22The doctor said, "Look, don't be facetious.
0:06:22 > 0:06:23"How old is this girl?"
0:06:23 > 0:06:26He said, "24."
0:06:26 > 0:06:29The doctor said, "You're 82 and she's 24?"
0:06:29 > 0:06:32"Dear, Oh, dear!" He said, "Take...
0:06:32 > 0:06:35"That's it, yes. Well...
0:06:35 > 0:06:39He said, "Well, yes, you don't seem to...
0:06:39 > 0:06:44"Yes." So, the old boy said, "I'm 82, could you give me any advice?"
0:06:46 > 0:06:50So, the doctor said, "Well, if you're 82 and she's 24,
0:06:50 > 0:06:54"there is quite a discrepancy in the ages.
0:06:54 > 0:06:57"Could I suggest to you you took in a young lodger,
0:06:57 > 0:07:01"because, you see, you're out getting your old-age pension,
0:07:01 > 0:07:03"she's on her own a lot.
0:07:03 > 0:07:06"It will be company for her, keep her happy and satisfied.
0:07:06 > 0:07:09"You'll find it will be a much... There will be connubial bliss.
0:07:09 > 0:07:12"Take in a young lodger."
0:07:12 > 0:07:15So, this old boy said, "I'll do that, then. Right."
0:07:15 > 0:07:19So off he went. A year later, he was going down the high street on his Lambretta,
0:07:19 > 0:07:23and this doctor saw him.
0:07:23 > 0:07:26He said, "Here!" So this old boy went over.
0:07:26 > 0:07:28The doctor said, "How are you getting on?"
0:07:28 > 0:07:30He said, "Oh, smashing, lovely."
0:07:30 > 0:07:33He said, "How's the marriage going? He said, "Smashing, lovely."
0:07:33 > 0:07:37He said, "How's your wife?" He said, "Smashing, smashing."
0:07:37 > 0:07:40"She's just had a baby." The doctor says, "Had a baby, oh."
0:07:40 > 0:07:43He said, "How's the lodger?"
0:07:43 > 0:07:45He said, "Oh, she's had one as well!"
0:07:45 > 0:07:48LAUGHTER
0:07:53 > 0:07:57Frankie was always far more interested in telling stories than answering
0:07:57 > 0:08:01interviewers' questions and looked on every chat show appearance as an
0:08:01 > 0:08:06opportunity to unleash one of his trademark rambling tales.
0:08:06 > 0:08:08Certainly, you look extremely well.
0:08:08 > 0:08:10I must say, you've lost a lot of weight.
0:08:10 > 0:08:12Yeah, I did lose some weight.
0:08:12 > 0:08:15I've done this a bit deliberately because I was a bit overweight.
0:08:15 > 0:08:18When I fell, there was a lot to fall, if you know what I mean.
0:08:18 > 0:08:20So, I went two weeks ago...
0:08:20 > 0:08:24No, last week. I thought to myself, I would lose a few pounds,
0:08:24 > 0:08:28try and sort of, you know... And so, I got up one morning,
0:08:28 > 0:08:30and you wouldn't believe this but it's true,
0:08:30 > 0:08:33I got up one morning and I thought I would make a cup of tea.
0:08:33 > 0:08:37I was in my dressing gown. And I could hear something go through the
0:08:37 > 0:08:39door, what do you call it?
0:08:39 > 0:08:42The box, the letterbox.
0:08:42 > 0:08:45I thought, oh, God, I hope it's not that again.
0:08:45 > 0:08:46So I went to look outside, to see,
0:08:46 > 0:08:50because strange things have come through my letterbox recently.
0:08:50 > 0:08:54So I thought to myself, I'll look outside and see who it was.
0:08:54 > 0:08:59I looked round. There was nobody there except the old boy next door, doing something in his garden.
0:08:59 > 0:09:01And he's very silly, because one day they'll catch him at it.
0:09:01 > 0:09:04And you know, he's silly to himself.
0:09:04 > 0:09:08Anyway, this brochure said it was a new health clinic,
0:09:08 > 0:09:13a sunbeam sauna and Turkish bath, and it said, "Lose a few pounds."
0:09:13 > 0:09:15I thought to myself, that's me, that sounds interesting.
0:09:15 > 0:09:18So I went to this sunbeam health club.
0:09:18 > 0:09:22They're interesting. You've got them here in Birmingham now, health clubs?
0:09:22 > 0:09:23I'm sure we have them.
0:09:23 > 0:09:26- Have you been to some? - I haven't personally, no.
0:09:26 > 0:09:30No, I thought you hadn't, no. And anyway...
0:09:30 > 0:09:34So... I wish you had come in a wheelchair!
0:09:35 > 0:09:38I know. Never mind.
0:09:38 > 0:09:40Next week, you'll have a better chance,
0:09:40 > 0:09:45because someone may stay quiet and let you ask a few questions.
0:09:45 > 0:09:48So, I went into this health place for slimming,
0:09:48 > 0:09:53and there is a woman at the desk. God help us, she was... Cor!
0:09:53 > 0:09:57She was almost crushing the desk, and I thought to myself,
0:09:57 > 0:10:00"She's no advert, for a start!" you see.
0:10:00 > 0:10:01And she... Cor! She said,
0:10:01 > 0:10:06"Good morning," she said, "Would you care for both?"
0:10:06 > 0:10:08So, I said,
0:10:08 > 0:10:12"Well, that's very kind. I think one will be quite sufficient!"
0:10:12 > 0:10:17She said, "No, the sauna or the Turkish?"
0:10:17 > 0:10:19"I'll have the Turk... Yes, well..."
0:10:19 > 0:10:21She said, "You'll have to undress," so I was just...
0:10:21 > 0:10:26She said, "Not here!" I was so baffled by this, I was so flustered.
0:10:26 > 0:10:28So I went inside and I took me clothes off.
0:10:28 > 0:10:30She gave me a key for a little booth.
0:10:30 > 0:10:34I went inside, took me clothes of. And I... Nothing on.
0:10:34 > 0:10:37And went into the sauna bath with all these men sitting around.
0:10:37 > 0:10:41So, I nodded... And in fact...
0:10:44 > 0:10:46Everything nodded.
0:10:48 > 0:10:51I sat down. There was this wooden bench, and I sat down.
0:10:51 > 0:10:53It was like a burst of applause.
0:10:53 > 0:10:54Oh, dear!
0:10:54 > 0:10:57It's an old gag, but they're always serviceable.
0:10:57 > 0:10:59And there was a man next to me chatting away.
0:10:59 > 0:11:02I found out it was a vicar, and of course, you can't tell when they're unfrocked.
0:11:02 > 0:11:07And he was sitting next to me. This man came in who was a masseur, and he said, "Right,
0:11:07 > 0:11:09"anyone for massage, in here."
0:11:09 > 0:11:14He took me into this next room, and there was a big, hard wooden bench.
0:11:14 > 0:11:17And he...
0:11:17 > 0:11:23said, "Yes," he said, "Don't worry, we'll soon have that off, don't worry."
0:11:23 > 0:11:25He said, "That flab, that rubber tyre."
0:11:25 > 0:11:27So he's gone...
0:11:27 > 0:11:30I felt like a pound of raw steak.
0:11:30 > 0:11:34And so he said, "Right, now, go along to the end of the corridor.
0:11:34 > 0:11:39And said, "You'll see the steam room, and lay out.
0:11:39 > 0:11:42So I went to the end of the corridor, freezing.
0:11:42 > 0:11:45I was like a Wedgwood tea set, I was blue!
0:11:45 > 0:11:48And I couldn't see where I was going, I was twisting and turning,
0:11:48 > 0:11:51I had perspiration here, and there was all this steam.
0:11:51 > 0:11:55So I went in, so this slab, stone slab.
0:11:55 > 0:11:56So I thought, I laid myself out.
0:11:56 > 0:11:59And all of a sudden, I heard these voices.
0:11:59 > 0:12:03Women's voices. I thought, that's odd!
0:12:03 > 0:12:05So, I opened my eyes.
0:12:05 > 0:12:10All of a sudden, I was in a fishmonger's window!
0:12:10 > 0:12:14And this man was saying, "Anyone for a fillet of rock salmon?"
0:12:14 > 0:12:16And this knife...
0:12:16 > 0:12:19- Do you believe that? - Of course not.- Of course...
0:12:19 > 0:12:21You don't? Oh, God!
0:12:21 > 0:12:25I hope the judge does. My case comes up on Friday!
0:12:29 > 0:12:33Frankie's first ambition was to be a straight actor.
0:12:33 > 0:12:36But he failed to get into the acting school of Rada.
0:12:36 > 0:12:40Years later, an appearance on the Parkinson Show saw him look back
0:12:40 > 0:12:46on that failure and also demonstrate his acting range to the theatre director,
0:12:46 > 0:12:50Trevor Nunn, and film director Bryan Forbes.
0:12:50 > 0:12:51Like it's some Shakespeare.
0:12:51 > 0:12:54That's what you want to get into.
0:12:54 > 0:12:58And I did "to be or not to be", which is about three minutes.
0:12:58 > 0:13:01"To be or not to be."
0:13:01 > 0:13:04It's supposed to last about three minutes.
0:13:04 > 0:13:07By the time I'd finished, dawn was breaking.
0:13:09 > 0:13:13The panel were going like this. They just said, "Get out!"
0:13:13 > 0:13:16So, I did. I went back.
0:13:16 > 0:13:19I used to live on the outskirts of London and there were some beautiful fields.
0:13:19 > 0:13:22It was a very nasty day. I sat there and I cried for an hour.
0:13:22 > 0:13:25I thought to myself, that's the end of the world.
0:13:25 > 0:13:28I'll have to get a job.
0:13:28 > 0:13:32So, yes, I did. I got a job in the docks actually, in Tooley Street in London, the dockyards.
0:13:32 > 0:13:35Then I thought, no, I won't. I'll be a comic!
0:13:35 > 0:13:36I enjoyed doing comedy parts.
0:13:36 > 0:13:41So, then I switched into, I hope, comedy.
0:13:41 > 0:13:43Some people don't think it's comedy, but I tried it.
0:13:43 > 0:13:45What about doing an audition now for these two?
0:13:45 > 0:13:48- Pardon?- Two very distinguished...
0:13:48 > 0:13:50Distinguished. You can always tell the distinguished.
0:13:50 > 0:13:53They dress so badly!
0:13:58 > 0:14:03You're all right. Look at him! Have you caught the new suit?
0:14:03 > 0:14:05Look at that. A nice change, isn't it?
0:14:05 > 0:14:07They say, there's no money about. Look at that!
0:14:08 > 0:14:10- What about doing...?- Who whistled?!
0:14:12 > 0:14:14It was a man. That's all I get.
0:14:14 > 0:14:17- All right. Yes, sorry. - Would you like to have another go
0:14:17 > 0:14:20- at auditioning for these two gentlemen?- What, now?
0:14:20 > 0:14:24- They might give you a job. - Well, the way they look at me.
0:14:24 > 0:14:26He's going, "Can I get this over?"
0:14:26 > 0:14:29What should I do then? I can't do auditions.
0:14:29 > 0:14:31What you want to do?
0:14:31 > 0:14:36- Er...- Go on, do "to be or not to be".- I can't remember it.
0:14:36 > 0:14:38All right. Promise me you'll listen with interest.
0:14:38 > 0:14:41After what you just said about my clothes?!
0:14:41 > 0:14:45- Yes, because that's a sign of a genius.- Is it?
0:14:45 > 0:14:47Oh! There's hypocrisy.
0:14:49 > 0:14:52I might get a job out of this. What shall I do?
0:14:52 > 0:14:54I haven't learnt anything.
0:14:54 > 0:14:57I'll do some emotion. I'll show you my, pardon the expression,
0:14:57 > 0:15:01- I'll show you my range. - Right.
0:15:01 > 0:15:02What's it go from?
0:15:03 > 0:15:05To where?
0:15:05 > 0:15:08What do you want me to do? What can I do?
0:15:08 > 0:15:10- Anger.- Anger.
0:15:10 > 0:15:12You'll love this. I'll push the chair back.
0:15:12 > 0:15:14OH, YOU SWINE!
0:15:14 > 0:15:18Where's the camera? Put it on that camera.
0:15:18 > 0:15:21That's anger. I WON'T DO IT!
0:15:21 > 0:15:26Nope, sorry. That's not anger. That's tragedy.
0:15:26 > 0:15:29No, no.
0:15:29 > 0:15:32Sorry. It was meant to be anger.
0:15:32 > 0:15:34Come on, I'll get you.
0:15:34 > 0:15:36Come on. That's it, you see.
0:15:36 > 0:15:39You don't frighten me for a second.
0:15:39 > 0:15:41- That's anger. What else?- Joy.
0:15:41 > 0:15:43Joy.
0:15:43 > 0:15:47Where's...? Keep that camera on, will you?
0:15:47 > 0:15:50Hello. Isn't it a lovely day?
0:15:52 > 0:15:56Isn't the news beautiful - recession and everything?
0:15:56 > 0:16:00Isn't it a lovely day! Christmas is on us.
0:16:00 > 0:16:02Crimpy-time. What else?
0:16:02 > 0:16:07- What else?- Humility. - Humility.
0:16:07 > 0:16:10- AUDIENCE:- Your flies are undone! - Shut yer face!
0:16:10 > 0:16:16APPLAUSE
0:16:18 > 0:16:22It's a zip. Can't be flies.
0:16:22 > 0:16:27It's a zip. Thank you, Ernie Wise.
0:16:27 > 0:16:30Keep your trap shut, will you?
0:16:30 > 0:16:34Let's see some action from you now. Come on!
0:16:34 > 0:16:37AUDIENCE ENCOURAGEMENT
0:16:45 > 0:16:47Anger.
0:16:51 > 0:16:52That's the method school.
0:16:52 > 0:16:55It looks like Geoffrey Howe! Now, come on.
0:16:55 > 0:16:57Anger. Come on, passion.
0:16:59 > 0:17:00No!
0:17:02 > 0:17:05- Give me somebody to work with. - Get some drama, then.
0:17:05 > 0:17:08I can't do that. It makes me embarrassed looking at the camera.
0:17:08 > 0:17:11I can't. I can't. Go on! Listen.
0:17:15 > 0:17:19I won't ask you to do humility. There's no chance of that!
0:17:27 > 0:17:31A highbrow role would eventually come Frankie's way.
0:17:31 > 0:17:35To his surprise, he was asked to appear on stage in the opera,
0:17:35 > 0:17:40Die Fledermaus, something he explains here to Russell Harty.
0:17:43 > 0:17:47- You've been singing Die Fledermaus, haven't you?- Oh, opera!- Yeah.
0:17:47 > 0:17:50- No, I haven't.- You haven't?
0:17:50 > 0:17:54I wish you'd get your facts right. No, I haven't.
0:17:54 > 0:17:57You haven't been singing Die Fledermaus, have you?
0:17:57 > 0:18:00Yes, in a way. In a way.
0:18:00 > 0:18:04The part I played in Die Fledermaus...
0:18:04 > 0:18:06Die Fledermaus, which is an opera,
0:18:06 > 0:18:11is the part of a drunken jailer who comes into the third act
0:18:11 > 0:18:12but doesn't actually sing, you see?
0:18:12 > 0:18:15- Right.- Except that I did but I wasn't supposed to.
0:18:15 > 0:18:18I use to go... La-di-da, la-la!
0:18:18 > 0:18:21Like that. I was supposed to be a drunken jailer.
0:18:21 > 0:18:24In this jail, people are running in and out.
0:18:24 > 0:18:27Nobody knows who's what.
0:18:27 > 0:18:30Least of all me, you see.
0:18:30 > 0:18:33I'm sort of blundering around, supposed to be drunk.
0:18:33 > 0:18:37Supposed to be drunk. Acting, of course.
0:18:37 > 0:18:40I wasn't acting on Saturday but I was acting in this play.
0:18:41 > 0:18:45- Go on. This is your interview! - Did you sing?
0:18:45 > 0:18:46What parts did you do?
0:18:46 > 0:18:48- The part of the drunken jailer? - Frosch, the main man was.
0:18:48 > 0:18:51- Can't you imagine me being drunk? - No.
0:18:51 > 0:18:53Oh! I know it's an effort.
0:18:53 > 0:18:56This lovely, innocent face.
0:18:57 > 0:18:59Can you act drunk?
0:18:59 > 0:19:02I can't because I don't know what it means.
0:19:04 > 0:19:07- Well... - Show us what you did.
0:19:07 > 0:19:09I can't show all I did because it would take another hour.
0:19:09 > 0:19:13I used to... I used to...
0:19:13 > 0:19:16This is supposed to be acting.
0:19:18 > 0:19:20Shut up! That isn't.
0:19:20 > 0:19:23Now... You see...
0:19:23 > 0:19:26- STAMMERS:- Drunk.
0:19:26 > 0:19:28This is the cam... Ah!
0:19:28 > 0:19:33Yeah. Oh, yes...
0:19:33 > 0:19:36Oh! Now.
0:19:36 > 0:19:42During this part of the proceedings, we don't want any unseemly mirth.
0:19:42 > 0:19:46No tittering.
0:19:47 > 0:19:50No... You must keep your titters in.
0:19:52 > 0:19:55Missus. No titters out.
0:19:56 > 0:20:00All titters, big and small, must be kept in.
0:20:00 > 0:20:02- SLURRING:- Especially the big ones.
0:20:02 > 0:20:05Now, we must all go home titterless.
0:20:05 > 0:20:08Here... No, ah, here, oh, it's a camera.
0:20:08 > 0:20:12It's the Daleks! No, it's a camera.
0:20:12 > 0:20:14Ooh, no.
0:20:14 > 0:20:16I just missed the sales.
0:20:16 > 0:20:22Russell... I went... No... to buy these pair of shoes,
0:20:22 > 0:20:26There's this assistant... Yeah... And... But...
0:20:26 > 0:20:29Mmm... So...
0:20:29 > 0:20:31Eh? Yeah...
0:20:31 > 0:20:35I said to the... assistant... New shoes.
0:20:35 > 0:20:38I said, "Excuse me?"
0:20:38 > 0:20:41I said, "This left shoe doesn't fit!"
0:20:41 > 0:20:43He said, "Have you tried it with the tongue out?
0:20:43 > 0:20:46I said, "Blurgh, blurgh...!"
0:20:50 > 0:20:551985, marked the 40th anniversary of the end of World War II.
0:20:55 > 0:21:01And Frankie was invited onto the Wogan Show to talk about his experiences of the conflict.
0:21:03 > 0:21:07I remember we did a sketch, which I wrote, a song.
0:21:07 > 0:21:09It was a drag thing,
0:21:09 > 0:21:12three boys, me and two others dressed as Miss Twillow,
0:21:12 > 0:21:16Miss Twoo and Miss Twit. And these, with the ATS girls,
0:21:16 > 0:21:20remember they were called ATS girls? They were lady soldiers, you see.
0:21:20 > 0:21:25We hadn't got the outfits, so we used to take...
0:21:25 > 0:21:30lure three girls along and take them to the loo and say,
0:21:30 > 0:21:33"Can we borrow your clothes?" you see.
0:21:33 > 0:21:36We left them their knickers, of course...
0:21:36 > 0:21:42We had balloons in here and red and lipstick, the three of us.
0:21:42 > 0:21:45I looked a real old bag. It was a comedy thing.
0:21:45 > 0:21:48And one day, and this is absolutely true,
0:21:48 > 0:21:52the air raid siren rang and we were supposed to be on duty, on parade.
0:21:52 > 0:21:55For God's sake. We'd not got time to wash.
0:21:55 > 0:22:01So we were then on the parade ground and the lieutenant came a along going, "Hello...
0:22:01 > 0:22:05All wind and pips...
0:22:05 > 0:22:08Wagging his stick!
0:22:08 > 0:22:12And red lips and he'd say, "Order arms!"
0:22:12 > 0:22:17So he looked at the barrel and he saw these lips and make-up
0:22:17 > 0:22:20with a tin helmet. And he went...
0:22:20 > 0:22:22He went away and came back again.
0:22:22 > 0:22:24He said, "What the hell are you doing?
0:22:24 > 0:22:26I said, "Well, we were in the concert party, Sir.
0:22:26 > 0:22:28He said, "Dear God!"
0:22:28 > 0:22:33"If the Germans invaded and capture you it should be very interesting.
0:22:33 > 0:22:35I didn't go into what he meant, but you would know?
0:22:35 > 0:22:39- Of course.- You are sophisticated in these ways, you see.
0:22:39 > 0:22:42What were you doing 40 years ago on VE Day?
0:22:42 > 0:22:47VE Day, actually, we'd just gone across into Holland to liberate Holland.
0:22:47 > 0:22:53They were dropping food by parachutes via the RAF and they were all starving, the Dutch.
0:22:53 > 0:22:59I remember a family, there was only 100 of us, we were the first
0:22:59 > 0:23:03people who literally got to go into liberated Holland.
0:23:03 > 0:23:05And they invited us into a house, it was a family.
0:23:05 > 0:23:11And we stood there, they announced VE Day and then we stood to attention.
0:23:11 > 0:23:15This family suddenly... And the British national anthem.
0:23:15 > 0:23:18Then the Dutch national anthem, which I "la-la-la'd"
0:23:18 > 0:23:21cos I didn't know Dutch so I had to go la, la, la.
0:23:21 > 0:23:26It was very emotional though. And they brought out a bottle of Schnapps, you know,
0:23:26 > 0:23:28that's right.
0:23:28 > 0:23:32We had a couple of glasses of it just before we came on!
0:23:32 > 0:23:37We shall have some when we get off too. But it was very emotional.
0:23:37 > 0:23:39Then we went right into...
0:23:39 > 0:23:43I was sitting... I... No,
0:23:43 > 0:23:45I wish you'd be quiet, this lot.
0:23:45 > 0:23:47- This is disgraceful. - You're too good for this crowd.
0:23:47 > 0:23:49We're all too good. I'm too sophisticated.
0:23:49 > 0:23:51You are, class act.
0:23:51 > 0:23:55I went into the Hague and there was only these 100 soldiers and they were
0:23:55 > 0:23:57clambering in the backs of trucks.
0:23:57 > 0:24:00This officer said to me,
0:24:00 > 0:24:03"Get in somewhere at the back, Howerd."
0:24:03 > 0:24:05I was a corporal, by the way, then.
0:24:05 > 0:24:10I saw this empty staff car at the back and I thought, "I'll get in that."
0:24:10 > 0:24:13I took my hat off and I was sat there like that.
0:24:13 > 0:24:15And all of a sudden, there we were at the main road,
0:24:15 > 0:24:18the people waving and we went through this triumphant entry
0:24:18 > 0:24:21and they all thought I was Montgomery!
0:24:23 > 0:24:25I was...
0:24:26 > 0:24:29That's true, I swear, cheering each side.
0:24:29 > 0:24:30It went to my head.
0:24:30 > 0:24:34Ever since then, every time I got on a bus, I'm doing this.
0:24:37 > 0:24:41Our final two clips sum up Frankie and his act perfectly.
0:24:41 > 0:24:46Here he is grabbing the camera and delivering two tales that deliberately
0:24:46 > 0:24:51seemed to start out saucy, but somehow end up being completely innocent.
0:24:52 > 0:24:55Please, I must have shush!
0:24:55 > 0:24:59I shall fly into a tantrum, get a tantrum ready. Now listen...
0:25:00 > 0:25:03there was a young lady of Spain,
0:25:03 > 0:25:07who liked it now and again.
0:25:07 > 0:25:13- Not now and again, now and again, but now and again, and again. - APPLAUSE
0:25:13 > 0:25:17Listen...
0:25:20 > 0:25:24Please, just because she was kinky about ice cream,
0:25:24 > 0:25:28now what is wrong with that? Why this outcry? Why?
0:25:28 > 0:25:29What is vulgarity?
0:25:29 > 0:25:34Vulgarity is in the mind, it is like beauty in the eyes of the beholder.
0:25:34 > 0:25:36It is like beauty in the eyes of the beholder.
0:25:36 > 0:25:38Different people say, taste, what is taste?
0:25:38 > 0:25:41I'll give an example,
0:25:41 > 0:25:44vulgarity. Let's look at the audience here.
0:25:44 > 0:25:48Here we are now, listen, Oh, yes.
0:25:48 > 0:25:50I see!
0:25:50 > 0:25:52I'm on one, am I?
0:25:52 > 0:25:55All right. I know a friend...
0:25:55 > 0:25:58I'll prove my point here. I know a friend of mine, who was a cricketer.
0:25:58 > 0:26:01And sometimes he bats right-handed,
0:26:01 > 0:26:04sometimes he bats left-handed. Right-handed, left-handed.
0:26:04 > 0:26:06I said, how does he do this?
0:26:06 > 0:26:09How does he work it out, the wind?
0:26:09 > 0:26:11Is it, premonition?
0:26:11 > 0:26:13I said,
0:26:13 > 0:26:18"Ian, tell me, I said, when you are batting,
0:26:18 > 0:26:21"sometimes you bat with your right hand, sometimes with your left hand.
0:26:21 > 0:26:23"How do you figure this out?" He said, "My wife."
0:26:23 > 0:26:26I said, "Your wife?"
0:26:26 > 0:26:28He said, "When I wake up in the morning," he said,
0:26:28 > 0:26:32"and she is lying on her right side, I bat right-handed.
0:26:32 > 0:26:36"If I wake up in the morning..." Wait for it.
0:26:36 > 0:26:39"If she's lying on her left side, I bat left-handed."
0:26:40 > 0:26:44So I said, "Wait a minute. Suppose she is lying on her back."
0:26:46 > 0:26:51He said in that case, I phone up and say I'll be an hour late.
0:26:51 > 0:26:53Wait, wait, wait!
0:26:54 > 0:26:57Because that means she wants her breakfast in bed.
0:26:57 > 0:27:01You see, there you are. You can't blame me!
0:27:01 > 0:27:05APPLAUSE
0:27:07 > 0:27:12It's for routines like those that Frankie Howerd will be remembered.
0:27:12 > 0:27:15Naughty but nice, cheeky but never cruel
0:27:15 > 0:27:18and every story delivered with a raised eyebrow,
0:27:18 > 0:27:21a little wink and a knowing look to the audience.