0:00:13 > 0:00:17Kenneth Williams was a great British one-off -
0:00:17 > 0:00:19actor, comedian, diarist, Carry On star,
0:00:19 > 0:00:23and surely one of the most mesmerising raconteurs
0:00:23 > 0:00:25to ever grace our screens.
0:00:25 > 0:00:28He was also one of the best loved,
0:00:28 > 0:00:32delighting audiences on radio, television and cinema
0:00:32 > 0:00:34for over 40 years.
0:00:34 > 0:00:38Here he is in one of his earliest TV appearances,
0:00:38 > 0:00:45displaying his mastery of voices on the Tonight Programme in 1961.
0:00:45 > 0:00:47Listen to this voice.
0:00:47 > 0:00:49- FLIRTATIOUSLY:- No, don't be like that.
0:00:49 > 0:00:51Oh, stop messing about!
0:00:51 > 0:00:53And this one.
0:00:53 > 0:00:57- DODDERY:- 35 years I've been coming here.
0:00:57 > 0:01:0235 years, I've been coming to these studios.
0:01:02 > 0:01:05You may recognise them from the two radio shows,
0:01:05 > 0:01:07Hancock's Half Hour and Beyond Our Ken.
0:01:07 > 0:01:11And they are just two of the many voices that belong to one man.
0:01:11 > 0:01:13The man is Kenneth Williams,
0:01:13 > 0:01:15and tonight he opens in a new revue, One Over The Eight,
0:01:15 > 0:01:18at the Duke of York's Theatre in London.
0:01:18 > 0:01:21And judging by the enormous number of voices and characters
0:01:21 > 0:01:22that you play,
0:01:22 > 0:01:25you seem to collect voices like other people collect stamps.
0:01:25 > 0:01:27Do you, in fact, borrow them from people that you've met?
0:01:27 > 0:01:29Or do you just pluck them from the air?
0:01:29 > 0:01:30Oh, yes. They are taken
0:01:30 > 0:01:32from people I've known, you know.
0:01:32 > 0:01:34Pinched, I suppose.
0:01:34 > 0:01:35The snide voice,
0:01:35 > 0:01:37that stop messing about one,
0:01:37 > 0:01:39I met this boy,
0:01:39 > 0:01:40who was working the Mint.
0:01:40 > 0:01:44And he was describing how you were searched when you left Mint,
0:01:44 > 0:01:47in case, well, if they suspected that you were taking out anything
0:01:47 > 0:01:48that you shouldn't be.
0:01:48 > 0:01:51And in describing it, he had a perpetual smile on his face
0:01:51 > 0:01:55and said, you know, "Oh, you have to be very, very careful,
0:01:55 > 0:01:59"cos otherwise, you see, they make you take your clothes off."
0:01:59 > 0:02:01And so I thought there was a very good idea there.
0:02:01 > 0:02:03What about the other one? The old 35 years?
0:02:03 > 0:02:06Well, that was a producer, actually, that directed me in a play,
0:02:06 > 0:02:09and he was giving a lecture to the cast on...
0:02:09 > 0:02:10on the interpretation of the play.
0:02:10 > 0:02:13And he salivated, a lot of saliva and bits, you see.
0:02:13 > 0:02:15And he was telling them off
0:02:15 > 0:02:18about something that was going wrong in the play.
0:02:18 > 0:02:21- DODDERY:- And he was talking, you see, very much like that, you see.
0:02:21 > 0:02:22All the time.
0:02:22 > 0:02:26And the cigarette, the glue, was all coming undone, you see,
0:02:26 > 0:02:28and it all fell over him, you see.
0:02:28 > 0:02:32Indeed, I was impersonating this when he came in and saw me doing it,
0:02:32 > 0:02:34but I fantastically did a little more than him...
0:02:34 > 0:02:39- DODDERY:- Made it a bit more, you know, senile.
0:02:39 > 0:02:42And arrived at a voice which is very good for radio,
0:02:42 > 0:02:44you know, cos it's old and...
0:02:44 > 0:02:48You've just, of course, been out on tour with this revue, haven't you?
0:02:48 > 0:02:50Do you find that being out of London a great deal
0:02:50 > 0:02:53provides you with good opportunity for collecting more voices?
0:02:53 > 0:02:55Yes, you do meet some extraordinary people,
0:02:55 > 0:02:57you know, that come backstage.
0:02:57 > 0:02:58We have...
0:02:58 > 0:03:01One of the sketches in this are based on the colour bar,
0:03:01 > 0:03:04the idea of the colour bar, setting it up, satirising the idea.
0:03:04 > 0:03:07And we met, on this tour, a woman from South Africa,
0:03:07 > 0:03:10who had very different views on it, you see.
0:03:10 > 0:03:12And she was telling us that if we lived there ourselves,
0:03:12 > 0:03:14we'd all have different views on it too.
0:03:14 > 0:03:16- SOUTH AFRICAN ACCENT: - And she talked, you see,
0:03:16 > 0:03:18in this very South African way.
0:03:18 > 0:03:19This very pinched... You know.
0:03:19 > 0:03:21This way of talking. "If you knew. If only you knew.
0:03:21 > 0:03:23"If only you could be out there yourself
0:03:23 > 0:03:27"and see how we have to cope with this problem," you see.
0:03:27 > 0:03:29That voice, I got from her.
0:03:29 > 0:03:30Hmm.
0:03:30 > 0:03:34What about these long tours, particularly away from London,
0:03:34 > 0:03:38do you find that revue audiences, for instance, vary, differ very much
0:03:38 > 0:03:40from audiences for straight plays?
0:03:40 > 0:03:42- Undoubtedly, yes. - In what sort of ways?
0:03:42 > 0:03:44Well, I mean, I think a straight play on tour has
0:03:44 > 0:03:46a certain universality of appeal,
0:03:46 > 0:03:49whereas revue is, so often, only for, designed for, the cosmopolitan,
0:03:49 > 0:03:52and consequently you get some extraordinary things said to you
0:03:52 > 0:03:53in the provinces.
0:03:53 > 0:03:56One man accosted me outside the theatre and said, uh...
0:03:56 > 0:03:58"Do you have a revue school?"
0:04:00 > 0:04:01Quite fantastic.
0:04:01 > 0:04:04And somebody else said to me, uh...
0:04:04 > 0:04:07"Ee, well, it were all right. Yes. It were all right, the show,
0:04:07 > 0:04:10"but there were no plot."
0:04:10 > 0:04:11- You see.- Yes.
0:04:11 > 0:04:14So goodness knows what she thought she'd been watching.
0:04:14 > 0:04:17Also, somebody else tackled me and said,
0:04:17 > 0:04:19"You don't mind me saying this,
0:04:19 > 0:04:22"because, you know, you never want to resent criticism from the public.
0:04:22 > 0:04:24"You never..." I said, "No, indeed.
0:04:24 > 0:04:26"We welcome it, you know, with open arms."
0:04:26 > 0:04:28"Yes," he said, "Well, you want to remember.
0:04:28 > 0:04:33"You want to remember that your diction impedes characterisation.
0:04:33 > 0:04:35"You see, now, you want to watch that.
0:04:35 > 0:04:37"Your diction is impeded by your character..."
0:04:37 > 0:04:39I said, "Indeed. Yes, well, you're quite right."
0:04:39 > 0:04:43You know, and flew into the night with this terrible cry after me,
0:04:43 > 0:04:45"Diction impedes characterisation."
0:04:45 > 0:04:47I didn't really know what it meant at all.
0:04:50 > 0:04:52Williams was a natural storyteller.
0:04:52 > 0:04:56And when he had a tale to tell, he threw himself into it.
0:04:56 > 0:04:58Everything became a performance,
0:04:58 > 0:05:01and with the voice, gestures and facial expressions
0:05:01 > 0:05:05going into overdrive, it was something to behold.
0:05:05 > 0:05:07Here's one such occasion.
0:05:07 > 0:05:11Appearing on the Parkinson programme alongside Windsor Davies
0:05:11 > 0:05:14of the Army entertainment comedy It Ain't Half Hot, Mum.
0:05:18 > 0:05:20You know the reality of the army entertainment unit
0:05:20 > 0:05:22because, in fact, you were with one?
0:05:22 > 0:05:25What's the difference between the reality and the fiction?
0:05:25 > 0:05:29Well, I suppose, you know, the fictional one shares with us
0:05:29 > 0:05:31the problem, a fundamental paradox,
0:05:31 > 0:05:33which was that in the Army you were supposed to be soldiers,
0:05:33 > 0:05:36and yet, of course, at night we were supposed to put make-up on
0:05:36 > 0:05:38and come on in various costumes and all the rest of it.
0:05:38 > 0:05:41And in our unit, which was Singapore,
0:05:41 > 0:05:44the commanding officer was at great pains to say,
0:05:44 > 0:05:47"Though you're artists, I accept that you're artists,
0:05:47 > 0:05:50"either a pianist or instrumentalist or whatever,
0:05:50 > 0:05:53"and some of you are doing the sketches as women,
0:05:53 > 0:05:54"dressed up as women.
0:05:54 > 0:05:57"Nevertheless you will go around this parade ground in Nee Soon
0:05:57 > 0:05:59"like soldiers.
0:05:59 > 0:06:02"I will have men on this parade,
0:06:02 > 0:06:05"you're all smart, now get your hair cut and look like men.
0:06:05 > 0:06:07"I want a unit full of men."
0:06:07 > 0:06:09And from the back row you heard, "Oh, get the Madame!"
0:06:09 > 0:06:11LAUGHTER
0:06:11 > 0:06:13And this man, Woodings, was furious.
0:06:13 > 0:06:15"None of that. I heard that.
0:06:15 > 0:06:18"I'm not having any of that. I was Ivor Novello's stage director,
0:06:18 > 0:06:19"so I know all about the pro-talk.
0:06:19 > 0:06:22"I don't want any of that. You will behave like soldiers."
0:06:22 > 0:06:23And, of course, that was the problem,
0:06:23 > 0:06:27because fundamentally they weren't military people, you understand,
0:06:27 > 0:06:29and they did tend to flounce about
0:06:29 > 0:06:33and walk not in a manner that was, you know, military.
0:06:33 > 0:06:35- No.- And that all...was a problem.
0:06:35 > 0:06:38And that was the reason why there was a terrible shake-up in the unit.
0:06:38 > 0:06:40And he said, "I'm going to get someone here
0:06:40 > 0:06:41"to shake some discipline to this unit.
0:06:41 > 0:06:44"And it's a man from the DLIs. The DLI."
0:06:44 > 0:06:46And filled us with apprehension, we thought,
0:06:46 > 0:06:50"Oh, Durham Light Infantry," because they did march, didn't they?
0:06:50 > 0:06:51- Yeah.- They really marched.
0:06:51 > 0:06:54And he'd got this man in, you see.
0:06:54 > 0:06:57This man was a Sergeant Major, formidable.
0:06:57 > 0:07:01I mean, just as he portrays, a formidable man.
0:07:01 > 0:07:03And we were all frightened to death, you see.
0:07:03 > 0:07:09But luckily, I got on tour with a show so I missed it, really.
0:07:09 > 0:07:11And I went to Hong Kong with a revue
0:07:11 > 0:07:13and when I came back, I said to Stanley Baxter,
0:07:13 > 0:07:15"What happened to all that discipline stuff
0:07:15 > 0:07:16with that Sergeant Major?"
0:07:16 > 0:07:18He said, "Yes, you might well ask.
0:07:18 > 0:07:20"Hmm, well..."
0:07:20 > 0:07:23Apparently he was caught with his fingers in the till.
0:07:23 > 0:07:26They used to have the costumes done by Chinese tailors,
0:07:26 > 0:07:28and apparently he was saying, "Well, put down 500
0:07:28 > 0:07:30"and we split the difference," you see,
0:07:30 > 0:07:32and keeping the lolly, you see.
0:07:32 > 0:07:35And so there was an enquiry, and a court martial,
0:07:35 > 0:07:38and rather than face this court martial,
0:07:38 > 0:07:41- he took prussic acid and so they... - LAUGHTER
0:07:41 > 0:07:43Yes! You see.
0:07:43 > 0:07:46So they got him to the military hospital,
0:07:46 > 0:07:48but he died before the arrival.
0:07:48 > 0:07:52And so the OC, Major Williams,
0:07:52 > 0:07:56lined them up on the parade ground and said, "Now, look here,
0:07:56 > 0:07:57"Sergeant Major's killed himself.
0:07:57 > 0:07:59"The man's more bloody trouble dead than he was alive...
0:07:59 > 0:08:02- LAUGHTER - "..now we've got to bury him.
0:08:02 > 0:08:07"So, all over 6-foot stand forward for pallbearing."
0:08:07 > 0:08:10And everyone in the rank all, sort of, went down a bit...
0:08:10 > 0:08:12LAUGHTER
0:08:12 > 0:08:14..cos no-one wanted to carry this coffin, you know,
0:08:14 > 0:08:16which is quite understandable, really.
0:08:16 > 0:08:18They were artists, you see.
0:08:18 > 0:08:21- And so he went down the line, - LAUGHTER
0:08:21 > 0:08:22and as he came to Stanley Baxter,
0:08:22 > 0:08:25Stanley was shrinking visibly, you see,
0:08:25 > 0:08:28and he said, "All right, you can go, you can be a pallbearer."
0:08:28 > 0:08:31And Baxter said, "Oh, Church of Scotland."
0:08:31 > 0:08:33LAUGHTER
0:08:33 > 0:08:36And the old man said, "Oh, I see. Well, sorry.
0:08:36 > 0:08:38"Yes, of course, I understand."
0:08:38 > 0:08:40And went on down the line and then the penny dropped
0:08:40 > 0:08:42and he turned back and said, "Just a minute!
0:08:42 > 0:08:45"What are you talking about? You bury people, don't you?
0:08:45 > 0:08:46"Come on, out."
0:08:48 > 0:08:49He was caught.
0:08:49 > 0:08:51And they caught about half a dozen others, you see.
0:08:51 > 0:08:55And they had to go with this coffin on their shoulders,
0:08:55 > 0:08:57and of course, it was that particular period
0:08:57 > 0:09:01when the monsoon simply fell down and it was pouring.
0:09:01 > 0:09:04And they got to the cemetery or whatever it was, military place,
0:09:04 > 0:09:08you see, and there was a padre with his cassock flapping,
0:09:08 > 0:09:12the rain just simply pouring down, you see,
0:09:12 > 0:09:14and he was standing there with all this...
0:09:14 > 0:09:17"Man is born of woman and his life is brief and full of misery.
0:09:17 > 0:09:19- "We come with..." - MUMBLES RAPIDLY
0:09:19 > 0:09:21And then he saw this flag,
0:09:21 > 0:09:23cos they put a Union Jack on the coffin.
0:09:23 > 0:09:25He said, "Get the flag off!
0:09:25 > 0:09:27"Get that flag off!
0:09:27 > 0:09:28"It's an ignominious death,
0:09:28 > 0:09:30"you don't give battle honours with ignominious,"
0:09:30 > 0:09:33because if you kill yourself, it's ignominious, you see.
0:09:33 > 0:09:35So they said, "Oh, dear." And they all took it...
0:09:35 > 0:09:36LAUGHTER
0:09:36 > 0:09:38Tried to get down and get the flag off, you see.
0:09:38 > 0:09:40They were all standing there, very limp, you know.
0:09:40 > 0:09:42"Oh, well, I don't know."
0:09:42 > 0:09:44And then there was supposed to be
0:09:44 > 0:09:45someone saying, "Right fire, right turn,
0:09:45 > 0:09:47"left fire," you see, to march off,
0:09:47 > 0:09:49but there was no-one to say right fire, left turn,
0:09:49 > 0:09:52- because he was in this box, you see. - LAUGHTER
0:09:52 > 0:09:57And the whole thing fell about in the most appalling confusion.
0:09:57 > 0:10:01This terrible confusion with this vicar saying, "Just go, just go!"
0:10:01 > 0:10:03And Woodings, our commanding officer, was standing there,
0:10:03 > 0:10:06"Wonderfully moving, very moving. Very moving," you see.
0:10:06 > 0:10:09He's standing there saluting, and the Packard arrived -
0:10:09 > 0:10:10an enormous Packard
0:10:10 > 0:10:13with a Chinese chauffeur holding an umbrella - and a lady got out,
0:10:13 > 0:10:15and stood by the graveside with all of us.
0:10:15 > 0:10:18We're all looking and thinking, "What's she doing?" You know.
0:10:18 > 0:10:20- HE SOBS AMERICAN ACCENT:- "Is he there?
0:10:20 > 0:10:23"Is he in that box? Oh, my God, it's so terrible."
0:10:23 > 0:10:26And Woodings said, "Oh, Madame, who are you?"
0:10:26 > 0:10:29And she said, "I'm married to him. I was mar... I'm his wife."
0:10:29 > 0:10:32And he'd secretly married in Singapore,
0:10:32 > 0:10:34and she was deposited in this hotel in Singapore.
0:10:34 > 0:10:37And Woodings said, "Well, my dear, you must be very distressed."
0:10:37 > 0:10:38She said, "I am very distressed.
0:10:38 > 0:10:40"I had no idea this was going to happen."
0:10:40 > 0:10:42He said, "Well, I see, you dismiss your chauffeur,
0:10:42 > 0:10:44"and come with me in my jeep and I will look after you.
0:10:44 > 0:10:45"Don't you worry about a thing."
0:10:45 > 0:10:48And she was ensconced in his room, you see.
0:10:48 > 0:10:50And I had to go in to get orders, you know,
0:10:50 > 0:10:52for where you were supposed to go.
0:10:52 > 0:10:54And she was sitting there in the kimono with a coffee.
0:10:54 > 0:10:57And I thought, "Well, it didn't take her long to get over it, did it?"
0:10:57 > 0:10:59LAUGHTER
0:10:59 > 0:11:00Unbelievable.
0:11:00 > 0:11:03I think that's the longest reply to any question I've ever asked.
0:11:03 > 0:11:06LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:11:10 > 0:11:12But vastly entertaining.
0:11:15 > 0:11:18Of course, talking at length was second nature to Kenneth,
0:11:18 > 0:11:22especially on the BBC radio programme Just A Minute.
0:11:22 > 0:11:25He managed to speak for 60 seconds
0:11:25 > 0:11:28without hesitation, deviation or repetition more times
0:11:28 > 0:11:30than any other contestant.
0:11:30 > 0:11:32And here's one of his triumphs.
0:11:32 > 0:11:34Kenneth, we're back with you.
0:11:34 > 0:11:36Would you take the subject of emperors,
0:11:36 > 0:11:38and tell us something about that in just a minute? Starting now.
0:11:38 > 0:11:42Many names spring to mind,
0:11:42 > 0:11:46I would mention Hadrian and Marcus Aurelius.
0:11:46 > 0:11:49Perhaps Elagabalus is an interesting example.
0:11:49 > 0:11:52He arrived in Rome, you know, on a dray
0:11:52 > 0:11:55and had a lot of make-up on.
0:11:55 > 0:12:00The senators are reputed to have made representations,
0:12:00 > 0:12:04and indignant noises about this.
0:12:04 > 0:12:07But he held full sway
0:12:07 > 0:12:13and filled every post far and wide -
0:12:13 > 0:12:17Gaul, Britain, Menorca, Majorca,
0:12:17 > 0:12:22all with posts with his favourite in charge.
0:12:22 > 0:12:24And I don't blame him, cos, I mean, after all,
0:12:24 > 0:12:26if you've got a bit of authority, you might as well splash it about
0:12:26 > 0:12:28and say, "Woo!" And have a good time.
0:12:28 > 0:12:29Only here for a short while,
0:12:29 > 0:12:31might as well enjoy it while we can.
0:12:31 > 0:12:34And I think, when I look back on my own life,
0:12:34 > 0:12:37ah, yes, Acton's dictum - "All power corrupts."
0:12:37 > 0:12:40- That is true. - WHISTLE BLOWS
0:12:40 > 0:12:42APPLAUSE
0:12:44 > 0:12:48Unsurprisingly, over the years television hosts and audiences
0:12:48 > 0:12:53would increasingly come to think of Kenneth as chat show gold.
0:12:53 > 0:12:56He could be indiscreet, he could be shocking,
0:12:56 > 0:12:58but he was always hugely entertaining.
0:12:58 > 0:13:01Here are just the few more examples of him in full flow,
0:13:01 > 0:13:03doing what he did best.
0:13:03 > 0:13:05And a woman said, "Oh, it's you.
0:13:05 > 0:13:07"Oh, yeah, just, oh, I think you're marvellous.
0:13:07 > 0:13:09"I admire you. I really admire..."
0:13:09 > 0:13:11I said, "Thank you very much. I must run."
0:13:11 > 0:13:13"Oh, wait a minute, give me your autograph,
0:13:13 > 0:13:15"just give me your autograph." And it was raining.
0:13:15 > 0:13:17And I said, "If I do it right now, it will all run.
0:13:17 > 0:13:19"The ink will run. I'll be illegible.
0:13:19 > 0:13:20"I'll be illegible."
0:13:20 > 0:13:23She said, "No, you're eligible to me, you're eligible."
0:13:23 > 0:13:24So I said, "No, go away."
0:13:24 > 0:13:26And she said, "Oh, you dirty rotten snob!"
0:13:28 > 0:13:30You understudied Richard Burton, didn't you?
0:13:30 > 0:13:31Oh, that was frightening.
0:13:31 > 0:13:33Absolutely frightening. I was his understudy in The Seagull.
0:13:33 > 0:13:35Richard Burton was playing Konstantin.
0:13:35 > 0:13:37I came to the theatre one day, and the stage door people said,
0:13:37 > 0:13:41"Get up there, get his clothes on, get his clothes on. He's off."
0:13:41 > 0:13:43I said, "What are you talking about, off?"
0:13:43 > 0:13:45"He's an enormous bloke.
0:13:45 > 0:13:47"He can't be off, there's nothing wrong with him."
0:13:47 > 0:13:50And they said, "Yes, he's had... He's eaten ptomaine.
0:13:50 > 0:13:51"Ptomaine poisoning."
0:13:51 > 0:13:53He'd eaten tinned fish which is infected.
0:13:53 > 0:13:54So I shot up there.
0:13:54 > 0:13:56I was petrified.
0:13:56 > 0:13:59And he was lying there, and he was ashen.
0:13:59 > 0:14:01And I said, "You're not really ill, are you?
0:14:01 > 0:14:04"Stop messing about, you know...
0:14:04 > 0:14:07"It's all a game." And he said, "I'm ill. I'm very ill.
0:14:07 > 0:14:09"I've eaten this stuff out of a tin, and I'm sure I've got
0:14:09 > 0:14:11"ptomaine poisoning, they've sent for the doctor."
0:14:11 > 0:14:13I said, "But I can't go on, I don't know it!"
0:14:13 > 0:14:14I'd never learned it!
0:14:14 > 0:14:15I'd never learned it, you see.
0:14:15 > 0:14:17And it's a vast role.
0:14:17 > 0:14:18Enormous part.
0:14:18 > 0:14:19And he said, "You're joking?
0:14:19 > 0:14:21"You really... Are you serious?
0:14:21 > 0:14:23"You don't...know...the role that you're understudying?"
0:14:23 > 0:14:26I said, "No, I never learned it. You looked so fit."
0:14:27 > 0:14:30He played rugby and everything, you know?
0:14:30 > 0:14:31And I said, "I can't go on."
0:14:31 > 0:14:33And he said, "Well, I'll tell you what we'll do.
0:14:33 > 0:14:34"You go next door."
0:14:34 > 0:14:36And you weren't allowed... It was a Welsh theatre,
0:14:36 > 0:14:38we weren't allowed to have drink.
0:14:38 > 0:14:41He said, "You go next door and smuggle in bitter,
0:14:41 > 0:14:43"get their draft special bitter,
0:14:43 > 0:14:45"and that might do the trick."
0:14:45 > 0:14:47And I was going backwards and forwards, you see,
0:14:47 > 0:14:48from the stage door.
0:14:48 > 0:14:50With all this stuff under my raincoat, bringing it in,
0:14:50 > 0:14:52and he went on, and he drank all this stuff, and he went on.
0:14:52 > 0:14:54And there were terrible burps.
0:14:54 > 0:14:57- Bleurgh! - LAUGHTER
0:14:57 > 0:14:59The whole thing went like a bomb.
0:14:59 > 0:15:01And he came off, got a tremendous ovation,
0:15:01 > 0:15:04I mean a really marvellous exiting round of applause.
0:15:04 > 0:15:06And he came into the wings,
0:15:06 > 0:15:09where I was standing with another load of this bitter, you see.
0:15:09 > 0:15:11And he put his arms round me, and he shouted...
0:15:11 > 0:15:13He used to do this trick, Richard, you know.
0:15:13 > 0:15:16He had favourite songs, and instead of singing them,
0:15:16 > 0:15:17he'd recite them.
0:15:17 > 0:15:20You know, "Foggy day in London town, had me up, had me down."
0:15:20 > 0:15:21All this sort of thing.
0:15:21 > 0:15:23And he suddenly flung his arms around me and said,
0:15:23 > 0:15:26"If you're ever in a jam,
0:15:26 > 0:15:27"I'M YOUR MAN!"
0:15:29 > 0:15:32And I was loving it. I was laughing, you see.
0:15:32 > 0:15:34And the stage manager said, "Shut up! Keep your voice down.
0:15:34 > 0:15:36"Your voice can be heard."
0:15:36 > 0:15:37Cos this play was still going on, you see.
0:15:38 > 0:15:40And that was the sort of thing we used to get up to.
0:15:40 > 0:15:43But I did like him. I liked him enormously.
0:15:43 > 0:15:44He was great fun, tremendous humour.
0:15:44 > 0:15:47When the Carry Ons were in their infancy,
0:15:47 > 0:15:49the Americans were going to do Carry Ons.
0:15:49 > 0:15:53And I was interviewed by a famous director they sent over to London
0:15:53 > 0:15:55to recruit talent for these Carry Ons.
0:15:55 > 0:15:56And this man was Hal Roach,
0:15:56 > 0:16:00who had directed the famous twosome, Laurel and Hardy.
0:16:00 > 0:16:02- Laurel and Hardy, that's right. - Laurel and Hardy, yeah.
0:16:02 > 0:16:04And he had got a marvellous idea, as he said, for slapstick.
0:16:04 > 0:16:09And I was interviewed by him in his flat in London, and he said to me...
0:16:09 > 0:16:11- AMERICAN ACCENT: - .."I've got a wonderful idea!
0:16:11 > 0:16:14"Now, what do we have here? See this little script,
0:16:14 > 0:16:17"I've got a little script with you sitting on this lavatory pan
0:16:17 > 0:16:20"and it's just been painted. It's freshly painted.
0:16:20 > 0:16:22"And we have a long shot where you jump up
0:16:22 > 0:16:26"cos there's an explosion, and then a long shot of you
0:16:26 > 0:16:30"with a lavatory seat STUCK TO YOUR BEHIND!"
0:16:32 > 0:16:33And I said, "Oh, yes(?)"
0:16:35 > 0:16:37And it went on like this, with these slapstick situations
0:16:37 > 0:16:40about a lavatory seat stuck to your behind.
0:16:40 > 0:16:43No wonder you didn't work abroad, if that's the best offer you had.
0:16:43 > 0:16:45That was the best one, yes.
0:16:47 > 0:16:50The talk of lavatory seats is appropriate,
0:16:50 > 0:16:52because Kenneth revelled in toilet humour.
0:16:52 > 0:16:55He was neurotic when it came to personal hygiene,
0:16:55 > 0:16:58but knew that discussing private parts and bodily functions
0:16:58 > 0:17:01could have audiences in stitches.
0:17:01 > 0:17:05And so he would regularly trot such stories out.
0:17:05 > 0:17:07The first in the selection involves a dressing room encounter
0:17:07 > 0:17:09with the legendary Noel Coward.
0:17:12 > 0:17:15I was sitting on this chamber pot.
0:17:15 > 0:17:17Because I had this warm water
0:17:17 > 0:17:20with which I was cleaning myself, you see.
0:17:20 > 0:17:22And he looked at me and he...
0:17:22 > 0:17:25Very polite, most of them sit on the wash basin.
0:17:25 > 0:17:27- Yeah, well, I... - LAUGHTER DROWNS SPEECH
0:17:27 > 0:17:29- No, I was washing something.- Oh.
0:17:29 > 0:17:33And I shot up, and in shooting up when I saw him, I upset the po,
0:17:33 > 0:17:36and the water went all over the place.
0:17:36 > 0:17:39And he said, "What on earth are you doing?"
0:17:39 > 0:17:41And I said, "Well, I was washing myself,
0:17:41 > 0:17:44"because I was told by the surgeon after my operation
0:17:44 > 0:17:46"that I should never use toilet paper ever,
0:17:46 > 0:17:49"but always wash it, completely wash it, you see."
0:17:49 > 0:17:52And he said, "Oh, my dear, I do understand,
0:17:52 > 0:17:53"have you read my book Present Indicative?
0:17:53 > 0:17:56"I discuss that very operation myself.
0:17:56 > 0:17:57"It's a dreadful operation, piles."
0:17:57 > 0:18:00And I said, "No, no, no.
0:18:00 > 0:18:03"I didn't have that. I didn't have that."
0:18:03 > 0:18:05I said, "No, my operation was for popili."
0:18:05 > 0:18:08"I had popili, you see."
0:18:08 > 0:18:10And he said, "Popili?
0:18:10 > 0:18:12"My dear, it's an island in the South Seas."
0:18:14 > 0:18:15And as a matter of fact, it is.
0:18:15 > 0:18:16I'd got it all wrong.
0:18:16 > 0:18:18Because I had the operation, you see.
0:18:18 > 0:18:20And well, I had three, actually.
0:18:20 > 0:18:21Three, and they are all...
0:18:21 > 0:18:22Painful?
0:18:22 > 0:18:23..terrible.
0:18:23 > 0:18:25Well, yes, when you're operated on in the nether regions.
0:18:25 > 0:18:27And they...
0:18:28 > 0:18:29And they shave you.
0:18:29 > 0:18:31They shave everything.
0:18:31 > 0:18:34Dreadful. And you feel, afterwards, you know,
0:18:34 > 0:18:36as though a porcupine's down there.
0:18:37 > 0:18:41Quite ghastly. I can't tell you the agony you go through.
0:18:41 > 0:18:43You are reduced in hospitals,
0:18:43 > 0:18:46the ignominy reduces you to a lump of meat on a trolley,
0:18:46 > 0:18:48and you're shoved in, you know...
0:18:48 > 0:18:50Given the injection... Aargh!
0:18:50 > 0:18:52And you go out for the count, you see.
0:18:52 > 0:18:54- Bed pans.- That's right.
0:18:54 > 0:18:57Although you hear some marvellous things, cos a nurse said to me,
0:18:57 > 0:19:00"Down in the geriatric ward," she said, "there's an old girl,
0:19:00 > 0:19:02"and she pees the bed regularly, you know."
0:19:02 > 0:19:04I said, "Does she, Sister Xavier? Are you kidding?"
0:19:04 > 0:19:06She said, "I'm not kidding. It's the truth."
0:19:06 > 0:19:09She said, "Now, do you know, she doesn't recognise it.
0:19:09 > 0:19:12"And when I say to her, 'What have you been doing in this bed?'
0:19:12 > 0:19:14"she says, 'Oh, it's the roof leaking.
0:19:14 > 0:19:16"'It is the roof.'"
0:19:16 > 0:19:19And that refusal to acknowledge the humility,
0:19:19 > 0:19:22the ignominy, I mean, of it, is marvellous, isn't it, really?
0:19:22 > 0:19:24I was put in this hotel.
0:19:24 > 0:19:25Do you remember that hotel?
0:19:25 > 0:19:28And I sat on this loo, and the seat,
0:19:28 > 0:19:31the seat came forward and cut my spine.
0:19:31 > 0:19:34And I went to the manager, and I said,
0:19:34 > 0:19:36"This is dreadful, this hotel. I sat on the loo,
0:19:36 > 0:19:40"the seat fell forward on my spine and actually cut it."
0:19:40 > 0:19:42And he said, "You're supposed to sit on the seat."
0:19:43 > 0:19:46I said, "On the contrary. I've never sat on lavatory seats.
0:19:46 > 0:19:49"I mean, unless it's my own. I wouldn't sit on anybody else's.
0:19:49 > 0:19:51"Because of germs. You know, I'm a blood donor.
0:19:51 > 0:19:53- "I can't catch anything."- All right.
0:19:53 > 0:19:55"Hence I ALWAYS...
0:19:55 > 0:19:58"I always sit on the porcelain, you see."
0:19:59 > 0:20:01And he said,
0:20:01 > 0:20:04"Well, I'm surprised you're the only one that's ever complained.
0:20:04 > 0:20:05"We've had no complaints."
0:20:05 > 0:20:07He said, "In fact, you are occupying a suite."
0:20:07 > 0:20:10And I said, "Your suite's left me feeling rather sour."
0:20:12 > 0:20:14- I've got that in the book. - Of course you have.
0:20:14 > 0:20:16Why do you keep a diary?
0:20:16 > 0:20:19I started because I wanted a record of rehearsal periods,
0:20:19 > 0:20:22how much they owed me, how much I'd actually done, you know.
0:20:22 > 0:20:24The work I'd actually done. And then Stanley Baxter said to me,
0:20:24 > 0:20:27"Well, don't just put down what you've worked. Put what people said.
0:20:27 > 0:20:28"What the director said to you.
0:20:28 > 0:20:32"It'll all be grist to the mill when you come to another play.
0:20:32 > 0:20:35"And put down any amusing bits," you see.
0:20:35 > 0:20:37"So working with Edith Evans,
0:20:37 > 0:20:39"put down something that she's said to you."
0:20:39 > 0:20:42What she as grand as she seemed to be, privately?
0:20:42 > 0:20:44Edith? No, not at all, really.
0:20:44 > 0:20:46Cos she said to me once, I always remember,
0:20:46 > 0:20:49she said, "They're always in your room, chatting.
0:20:49 > 0:20:52"I can hear you halfway up the corridor."
0:20:52 > 0:20:55And you could, of course. She always said I had a voice like a foghorn.
0:20:55 > 0:20:58And she said, "Why don't they come to my room?"
0:20:58 > 0:21:02And I said, "Because they view you as something of a myth, you see.
0:21:02 > 0:21:05"You're a great figure, and they're a little awed."
0:21:05 > 0:21:07And she said, "But I'm very ordinary.
0:21:07 > 0:21:09"I sit at home with my white apron
0:21:09 > 0:21:12"and a little stool by the oven, basting,
0:21:12 > 0:21:16"my wooden spoon for basting, and I do a lovely Yorkshire pudding."
0:21:16 > 0:21:20And I thought, "Oh, dear. Oh, dear. That's not ordinary to me."
0:21:20 > 0:21:23Very ordinary. Now then, why didn't they have actors or actresses
0:21:23 > 0:21:26of the stature of Edith Evans in the Carry On films?
0:21:26 > 0:21:28Why did they have only ordinary people?
0:21:28 > 0:21:32Mm, well, I mean, I think that's a bit much, you know.
0:21:32 > 0:21:34There were some very fine actors. Cecil Parker,
0:21:34 > 0:21:35Cecil Parker was in the Jack one.
0:21:35 > 0:21:38He was the Admiral. There were some very fine people.
0:21:38 > 0:21:40Dickie Wattis. Oh, yes, there were some very fine...
0:21:40 > 0:21:41But there weren't any Lords, were there?
0:21:41 > 0:21:43- No sort of knights?- No, no.
0:21:43 > 0:21:45There was rather a funny account of that, actually.
0:21:45 > 0:21:47Because Charlie Hawtrey was making his way to Pinewood Studios
0:21:47 > 0:21:49to do a Carry On, very early in the morning.
0:21:49 > 0:21:51And he was there, coming along the Pinewood Road
0:21:51 > 0:21:54in a rather tatty old raincoat with two carrier bags.
0:21:54 > 0:21:55He carried all his make-up,
0:21:55 > 0:21:57his R White's lemonade, and his 50 Woodbines.
0:21:57 > 0:21:58LAUGHTER
0:21:58 > 0:22:00And he was struggling along the road,
0:22:00 > 0:22:03and Laurence Olivier's car came by.
0:22:03 > 0:22:05The window was lowered electrically, you see.
0:22:05 > 0:22:06And he said, "Isn't it Charlie?"
0:22:06 > 0:22:09And he said, "Oh, Sir Lawrence, yes, it is. It's Charlie."
0:22:09 > 0:22:11He says, "Oh, get in. I'll give you a lift."
0:22:11 > 0:22:12He said, "Oh, thank you."
0:22:12 > 0:22:15And he told us all, you know, he was very impressed by it.
0:22:15 > 0:22:17"I was given a lift by Laurence Olivier."
0:22:17 > 0:22:20And Larry came over when we were in the restaurant and said, you know,
0:22:20 > 0:22:23"Don't they give you any money on these films?
0:22:23 > 0:22:25"Do you have to trudge along the road in the early morning
0:22:25 > 0:22:26"to make a Carry On?
0:22:26 > 0:22:29"Surely they can afford to buy, you know, some transport for you?"
0:22:29 > 0:22:31And Joanie Sims said, "No, we're paid tuppence ha'penny,
0:22:31 > 0:22:33"they won't give us no transport.
0:22:33 > 0:22:35"We have to struggle along the road, Larry.
0:22:35 > 0:22:37"Oh, you wouldn't believe the adversity we go through.
0:22:37 > 0:22:39"We're even out there in that orchard,
0:22:39 > 0:22:42"and they're spraying these dead trees green to pretend it's summer."
0:22:44 > 0:22:47And Barbara Windsor said, "Yes, and I'm supposed to be in this PT thing
0:22:47 > 0:22:49"and my tits are covered in goose pimples!"
0:22:49 > 0:22:52She said, "It's not summer at all. It's the middle of winter."
0:22:52 > 0:22:55And Larry said, "Well, I think it's a disgrace.
0:22:55 > 0:22:57"I think they should treat you a lot better than that."
0:22:57 > 0:23:00And when he left the table, I said, "Well, he'd never do a Carry On.
0:23:00 > 0:23:01"He'd never work in conditions like this."
0:23:01 > 0:23:05And Joanie Sims said, "Oh, I wondered why they'd never cast him!"
0:23:08 > 0:23:11Williams always had a love-hate relationship
0:23:11 > 0:23:14with the Carry On films, resenting the fact they didn't pay well,
0:23:14 > 0:23:19but enjoying the strange level of international fame they brought.
0:23:19 > 0:23:23The surprise for me was that the Carry On films
0:23:23 > 0:23:25were successful in the States,
0:23:25 > 0:23:27because I would have thought that they are so much
0:23:27 > 0:23:30British, seaside picture postcard, McGill kind of humour,
0:23:30 > 0:23:32wouldn't have got on in America.
0:23:32 > 0:23:34I think they must be, you know,
0:23:34 > 0:23:35living proof of the fact
0:23:35 > 0:23:38that there is a sort of staple commodity in humour.
0:23:38 > 0:23:39You know, there are three sort of basic jokes.
0:23:39 > 0:23:42They say, the linguistic, semantic joke,
0:23:42 > 0:23:43the joke which is situation,
0:23:43 > 0:23:46and the joke which is relationship, mother-in-law, whatever it is.
0:23:46 > 0:23:47A relationship joke.
0:23:47 > 0:23:50And they say, always, you can trace most jokes to these three.
0:23:50 > 0:23:53I think Carry Ons must, in some fashion or another,
0:23:53 > 0:23:55have found a basic ingredient.
0:23:55 > 0:23:57Because I remember, you know, in Morocco,
0:23:57 > 0:23:59"You Carry On man, I know."
0:23:59 > 0:24:00This sort of thing on the front.
0:24:00 > 0:24:03And I got to Eastern Crete, Sitia.
0:24:03 > 0:24:05We were going to the monastery,
0:24:05 > 0:24:07and I was only going to see
0:24:07 > 0:24:09these rather marvellous murals on the wall,
0:24:09 > 0:24:13beautiful murals they were, and this man, a priest, said,
0:24:13 > 0:24:16"Oh, I have seen, of course, the Carry On."
0:24:16 > 0:24:18I thought, "What are you doing watching Carry Ons?
0:24:18 > 0:24:20"I should have thought you'd be deep in theology."
0:24:20 > 0:24:22Absolutely. Well, I presume...
0:24:23 > 0:24:25..having made so many of the Carry On films,
0:24:25 > 0:24:27you're now all immensely rich?
0:24:27 > 0:24:29This extraordinary repertory team of Barbara Windsor,
0:24:29 > 0:24:31Bernard Bresslaw, the late Sid James,
0:24:31 > 0:24:32Charles Hawtrey, yourself.
0:24:32 > 0:24:35- You're all millionaires?- Oh, no.
0:24:35 > 0:24:36They got us all for tuppence ha'penny.
0:24:36 > 0:24:38You've got to remember,
0:24:38 > 0:24:41nobody was any kind of name when they were all starting.
0:24:41 > 0:24:43I mean, you know, in celebrity status, yes, of course.
0:24:43 > 0:24:47But they weren't names in terms of commanding vast salaries,
0:24:47 > 0:24:50in the sense of Clint Eastwood and all these great names in cinema.
0:24:50 > 0:24:52Great... What do you call it?
0:24:52 > 0:24:53..international stars, those sort of names.
0:24:53 > 0:24:56They can command vast salaries, but not us.
0:24:56 > 0:24:58I remember the first one I did,
0:24:58 > 0:25:00I got £800 quid out of the whole thing.
0:25:00 > 0:25:02And I was on it for quite a few weeks, you know.
0:25:02 > 0:25:03And there's a lot of periods
0:25:03 > 0:25:05where you're sitting, availability waiting, you know.
0:25:05 > 0:25:07They say, "We're not going to shoot on you this week,
0:25:07 > 0:25:09"but you must be ready for appearing another week."
0:25:09 > 0:25:11It's about three months of your time.
0:25:11 > 0:25:15And it doesn't come out as being that...
0:25:15 > 0:25:17Well, they're enormously enjoyable.
0:25:17 > 0:25:19Kenneth Williams, thank you very much.
0:25:21 > 0:25:25"Stop messing about" was one of Kenneth's most famous phrases.
0:25:25 > 0:25:28But, of course, messing about was something he couldn't stop.
0:25:28 > 0:25:30Especially when the cameras were on him.
0:25:30 > 0:25:34Our final example of this is a musical number.
0:25:34 > 0:25:37Here's Kenneth singing the nonsense song Crepe Suzette
0:25:37 > 0:25:39working his audience like a master,
0:25:39 > 0:25:44and once again working that incredible voice to full effect.
0:25:47 > 0:25:48# Fiancee
0:25:48 > 0:25:50# Ensemble
0:25:50 > 0:25:53# Lorgnette
0:25:53 > 0:25:55# Lingerie
0:25:55 > 0:26:00# Eau de toilette
0:26:00 > 0:26:07# A Gauloise cigarette
0:26:07 > 0:26:08# Entourage
0:26:08 > 0:26:12# Ma crepe suzette
0:26:12 > 0:26:14# Citron
0:26:14 > 0:26:15# Mirage
0:26:15 > 0:26:18# Caravelle
0:26:18 > 0:26:19# Hors d'oeuvre
0:26:19 > 0:26:20# Brut
0:26:20 > 0:26:23# Et Chanel
0:26:23 > 0:26:25# Chaise longue
0:26:25 > 0:26:29# Sacha Distel
0:26:29 > 0:26:32# Fuselage
0:26:32 > 0:26:35# Ma crepe suzette
0:26:35 > 0:26:37# Pince-nez
0:26:37 > 0:26:40# Bidet
0:26:40 > 0:26:44# Commissionaire
0:26:44 > 0:26:46# Mon repos
0:26:46 > 0:26:49# Brigitte Bardot
0:26:49 > 0:26:54# Jeux Sans Frontieres. #
0:26:54 > 0:26:55It's a knockout, isn't it?
0:26:57 > 0:26:59The French, I mean, not the song.
0:27:00 > 0:27:02# Faux pas
0:27:02 > 0:27:03# Grand Prix
0:27:03 > 0:27:06# Espionage
0:27:06 > 0:27:09# Brie et Camembert
0:27:09 > 0:27:12# Fromage
0:27:12 > 0:27:13# Mayonnaise
0:27:13 > 0:27:18# All night garage
0:27:18 > 0:27:21# RSVP
0:27:21 > 0:27:28# Ma crepe suzette. #
0:27:28 > 0:27:30APPLAUSE