0:00:02 > 0:00:09This programme contains strong language
0:00:28 > 0:00:31PEOPLE CHEER
0:00:31 > 0:00:33DRUMMING
0:00:34 > 0:00:37PEOPLE CHATTER
0:00:40 > 0:00:42PEOPLE CHEER
0:00:53 > 0:00:55CHEERING
0:01:06 > 0:01:09# You don't hear me
0:01:12 > 0:01:14# You don't see me
0:01:18 > 0:01:22# You don't even know I'm alive
0:01:23 > 0:01:27# So why do you call me? #
0:01:30 > 0:01:32We're bloody late now, innit?
0:01:32 > 0:01:33Well, I tried.
0:01:33 > 0:01:36You need to look in a mirror before you start doing an interview.
0:01:36 > 0:01:38Well, I am looking in a mirror, I think I look great in there.
0:01:38 > 0:01:41- Did you check yourself before you got on the bus? - Yeah, did I? Of course I did.
0:01:41 > 0:01:42You didn't, did you?
0:01:42 > 0:01:46- I check meself out all the time. - You didn't, did you?- No.
0:01:46 > 0:01:48- Why do you not do that?- I don't.
0:01:48 > 0:01:51- Do you know who you are? - HE LAUGHS
0:01:51 > 0:01:53- RADIO:- '..Gary Numan, he's got a sold-out show
0:01:53 > 0:01:54'at the Hollywood Forever Cemetery -
0:01:54 > 0:01:57'which I'll be headed to - then he's off to the east coast
0:01:57 > 0:02:01'playing in Brooklyn, which I hear has also been sold out.'
0:02:03 > 0:02:06'I used to get so frightened... I could... I couldn't...
0:02:06 > 0:02:09'You couldn't have a conversation a day or two before.
0:02:09 > 0:02:12'Couldn't talk at all, yeah, just absolutely terrified of it.
0:02:12 > 0:02:14'I used to be sick.'
0:02:15 > 0:02:16'My dad said to me one day,
0:02:16 > 0:02:19' "If you can't find a way of dealing with your fear of it,
0:02:19 > 0:02:21' "your stage fright," then he said,
0:02:21 > 0:02:24' "It's just the most stupidish thing to try to succeed in." '
0:02:24 > 0:02:25Go!
0:02:25 > 0:02:30'So, I started to come up with images and...things to hide behind.'
0:02:30 > 0:02:32CHEERING
0:02:47 > 0:02:53'By being over there and by being able to tap into the American scene
0:02:53 > 0:02:55'much more than I have done by being based here,
0:02:55 > 0:02:58'then it should open up all kinds of opportunities that are not
0:02:58 > 0:03:02'really there or haven't been there for me and...
0:03:02 > 0:03:04'because I've not had that local knowledge or experience'
0:03:04 > 0:03:06of what opportunities there are there
0:03:06 > 0:03:10and how to make the most of them, how to grab them.
0:03:10 > 0:03:11- Yeah... - SHE YELLS
0:03:11 > 0:03:14- 'I've got three little girls...' - Give her to me, grumpy head!
0:03:14 > 0:03:15'It just made me think differently...'
0:03:15 > 0:03:17Why am I grumpy? Why am I grumpy today?
0:03:17 > 0:03:20'..where would we all be happier as a family?
0:03:20 > 0:03:22'One day I just woke up and just thought,
0:03:22 > 0:03:23' "I think we should do it." '
0:03:23 > 0:03:26- INTERVIEWER:- 'Girls, why don't you tell us your names?'
0:03:26 > 0:03:28- I'm Raven!- I'm Persia.
0:03:28 > 0:03:29Where's Echo?
0:03:29 > 0:03:31- RAVEN:- Dad, what's your favourite colour?
0:03:31 > 0:03:35- Black.- Black lipstick, black nail varnish, black make-up.
0:03:35 > 0:03:38- He does wear it on stage, you know. - 'What's that?'
0:03:38 > 0:03:39- GIRLS:- Make-up!
0:03:39 > 0:03:43Do I look better or do I still look just as old?
0:03:43 > 0:03:46You look old when you don't have make-up on, you look nice when...
0:03:46 > 0:03:48You look young when you have make-up on.
0:03:48 > 0:03:49LAUGHING: Oh, really?
0:03:51 > 0:03:54- I was dyeing... Dyeing my hair yesterday...- Oh!
0:03:54 > 0:03:56..to get rid of the grey bits, and she said to me,
0:03:56 > 0:03:57"Why are you doing it?"
0:03:57 > 0:04:00And I said, "Well..." Don't do that.
0:04:00 > 0:04:02"It'll make me look a bit younger."
0:04:02 > 0:04:04And she said, "It doesn't, you know?"
0:04:04 > 0:04:07She said, "You just look just as old but without grey hair."
0:04:08 > 0:04:13MUSIC: Are "Friends" Electric? by Gary Numan & Tubeway Army
0:04:13 > 0:04:15It's very, very different to what it used to be...
0:04:15 > 0:04:19I'm not the little androidy figure that I used to be.
0:04:19 > 0:04:23I don't do that any more cos, you know, it's three decades ago.
0:04:23 > 0:04:24# Whoa, whoa
0:04:24 > 0:04:27# Whoa-oh-whoa-oh-whoa-oh... #
0:04:27 > 0:04:29If you had to sit down and write
0:04:29 > 0:04:34the best 30 electronic songs ever...
0:04:34 > 0:04:37MUSIC: Cars by Gary Numan
0:04:37 > 0:04:40..I'm pretty damn sure that Cars and Are "Friends" Electric?
0:04:40 > 0:04:41would be pretty high on the list.
0:04:41 > 0:04:43They are classics.
0:04:43 > 0:04:48Especially in a form where there aren't that many still.
0:04:48 > 0:04:52It was in the air in that electronic music was exciting and new,
0:04:52 > 0:04:57but Gary's success took everyone completely by surprise.
0:04:57 > 0:05:00# Here in my car I feel safest of all
0:05:00 > 0:05:02# I can lock all my doors
0:05:02 > 0:05:05# And it's the only way to live in cars... #
0:05:07 > 0:05:09Everything turned totally on its head with Cars.
0:05:09 > 0:05:12It was a dramatic sea change and Gary came into that
0:05:12 > 0:05:13as something very different.
0:05:13 > 0:05:14The first album he made for us,
0:05:14 > 0:05:17although it was a guitar record, was a...
0:05:17 > 0:05:19was a very different-sounding record to any other punk record
0:05:19 > 0:05:21that was being made at the time.
0:05:23 > 0:05:25He discovered synthesisers and everything changed from there.
0:05:29 > 0:05:31Well, I first got a record deal in '78.
0:05:31 > 0:05:34There was a mini Moog in the control room - a synthesiser -
0:05:34 > 0:05:36which I had never seen a real one before.
0:05:36 > 0:05:39Then I pressed the key and luckily,
0:05:39 > 0:05:44it had this most amazing bottom-end growl, roar sound.
0:05:44 > 0:05:47HEAVY SYNTHESISER TONES PLAY
0:05:47 > 0:05:50And I was just blown away by it, just the most amazing thing.
0:05:50 > 0:05:53So powerful and, I mean, the room shook, you know,
0:05:53 > 0:05:54really, really powerful.
0:05:54 > 0:05:57He wanted to go into the studio kind of almost immediately
0:05:57 > 0:06:00having hardly toured and promoted the first record.
0:06:00 > 0:06:03Obviously we wanted more promotion for the first record and we were
0:06:03 > 0:06:05a bit nervous about not having the money to put him
0:06:05 > 0:06:06in the studio again...
0:06:06 > 0:06:09But nonetheless we did, cos he was a very powerful character
0:06:09 > 0:06:11and what he wanted he usually got.
0:06:11 > 0:06:13I've often wondered, you know,
0:06:13 > 0:06:20because the people that had it before me left it on that sound.
0:06:20 > 0:06:23It could have been left on any number of other sounds, which...
0:06:23 > 0:06:25Cos it was quite capable of making a huge amount
0:06:25 > 0:06:27of really shit ones as well...
0:06:27 > 0:06:31"Doo!" and all that sort of horrible stuff. "Eek!"
0:06:31 > 0:06:33So it could have been, you know,
0:06:33 > 0:06:35that I press a key and it went "Eek!"
0:06:35 > 0:06:37and I thought, "They're rubbish!" You know?
0:06:37 > 0:06:40And I wouldn't have thought... But again, just gone into the studio,
0:06:40 > 0:06:43carried on making my punk album and thought no more about it.
0:06:43 > 0:06:46But it didn't, it made this amazing sound.
0:06:47 > 0:06:51And I just converted that from a guitar doing it to the synth,
0:06:51 > 0:06:54twiddling around as I went to try to make it do different things,
0:06:54 > 0:06:55not knowing how they worked at all,
0:06:55 > 0:06:58but just twiddling until it did something that sounded better.
0:06:58 > 0:07:01So all very, very amateurish and experimental,
0:07:01 > 0:07:04and I went back to the record company with this sort of
0:07:04 > 0:07:07pseudo-electro punk album, and then we started arguing
0:07:07 > 0:07:10cos it wasn't what they wanted, it wasn't what they had sent me in for,
0:07:10 > 0:07:13or it wasn't what they signed me for in the first place.
0:07:13 > 0:07:17About a week later he discovered a Polymoog, and armed with those two
0:07:17 > 0:07:20new discoveries, he made the album that became Replicas.
0:07:24 > 0:07:25Well, I was...
0:07:27 > 0:07:29I was...passionate about it, you know,
0:07:29 > 0:07:33I honestly believed that I'd found something that nobody else had.
0:07:33 > 0:07:34I was wrong.
0:07:36 > 0:07:41I was absolutely terrified that another electronic album's
0:07:41 > 0:07:42going to come out before mine,
0:07:42 > 0:07:46I wanted to be the first to have a purely electronic album...
0:07:47 > 0:07:51- And...- 'Were you listening to other stuff, though? Cos...' - Which I was never going to...
0:07:51 > 0:07:54Yeah, the stupid thing is, I was never going to be the first.
0:07:54 > 0:07:57Kraftwerk had already done it, Barry had already done it. Lots of other people had done it.
0:07:57 > 0:08:00Which I think is probably why it wound up the other people a bit.
0:08:00 > 0:08:03Because they had been doing it for some time, you know?
0:08:03 > 0:08:07And then I come along at the very last minute and stumble across it.
0:08:09 > 0:08:11That sort of music was going to be massive.
0:08:13 > 0:08:15And I wanted to be at the front end of it.
0:08:17 > 0:08:21And in the blink of an eye I'm the first synth-rock rock star.
0:08:26 > 0:08:31Gary's initial importance was that he was the guy who really
0:08:31 > 0:08:35broke synthesisers into pop music.
0:08:35 > 0:08:38It was still a kind of left-field thing, really.
0:08:38 > 0:08:42The impact that he had on every level creatively and commercially
0:08:42 > 0:08:45completely changed the course of electronic music.
0:08:45 > 0:08:47The impact was dramatic.
0:08:47 > 0:08:48You know, at one point,
0:08:48 > 0:08:51the first three albums were all in the top 20 at the same time.
0:08:51 > 0:08:55And he walked on stage and 3,000 people went completely insane.
0:08:55 > 0:08:58Gary's now got this enormous success and there's been no build-up to it
0:08:58 > 0:09:01and he's very young, he's only 21.
0:09:02 > 0:09:04You know, it's massive sort of things to deal with
0:09:04 > 0:09:06and in that atmosphere...
0:09:07 > 0:09:11..he is kind of seen to the outside world quite remote
0:09:11 > 0:09:14and it did leave him very isolated.
0:09:16 > 0:09:18The house used to frighten me.
0:09:18 > 0:09:22Around about ten o'clock at night I used to just start to feel
0:09:22 > 0:09:26a bit funny, you know? There's a room upstairs that I made into, like,
0:09:26 > 0:09:30a one-room bedsit and I used to go up there when it got late.
0:09:30 > 0:09:32I used to feel safe in that one.
0:09:32 > 0:09:36Gary managed to live in one room, the middle of the five bedrooms...
0:09:36 > 0:09:39He painted the whole thing black, including the ceiling...
0:09:39 > 0:09:41- And that's where he...- White carpet.
0:09:41 > 0:09:43That's where he spent most of his time, you know...
0:09:43 > 0:09:45He just lived in one room.
0:09:45 > 0:09:50I used to cook meself chips every day and I used to go to sleep
0:09:50 > 0:09:54watching... You know that Monty Python film, Holy Grail?
0:09:54 > 0:09:57I used to watch that every night to go to sleep with...
0:09:58 > 0:10:03..after me chips, so it stunk of...fat and...disgusting, really.
0:10:03 > 0:10:06- I remember there being a dinghy in his front room...- Yeah!
0:10:06 > 0:10:09..which sat in there for quite a long time. Um... But...
0:10:09 > 0:10:12- 'Why did he have a dinghy in his front room?'- I can't quite remember.
0:10:12 > 0:10:15And I'm not sure why I inflated it in the front room.
0:10:15 > 0:10:17Might have been raining or something, but I wanted to see what
0:10:17 > 0:10:21it looked like and put the engine on, to just see what it looked like. So I did that.
0:10:21 > 0:10:23And then it actually made quite a comfy sofa
0:10:23 > 0:10:25cos you could sort of lay in it.
0:10:25 > 0:10:27So, it just...
0:10:27 > 0:10:29I never let it down, I never used it,
0:10:29 > 0:10:32it just stayed in the front room for...a couple of years, I think.
0:10:33 > 0:10:35That's in his house.
0:10:35 > 0:10:37GEMMA LAUGHS
0:10:39 > 0:10:41Sneaking into his house!
0:10:41 > 0:10:46I paid a girl £50 to take me to his house, so I must have run in,
0:10:46 > 0:10:49had some photos and run out again.
0:10:49 > 0:10:51I can't believe he even asked me out!
0:10:51 > 0:10:53SHE LAUGHS
0:10:53 > 0:10:57So, yeah, so '86 I first started taking pictures of Gary
0:10:57 > 0:10:59or whatever...
0:10:59 > 0:11:01Or of all the Numan conventions.
0:11:01 > 0:11:03That's what a lot of these are as well.
0:11:03 > 0:11:04SHE LAUGHS
0:11:04 > 0:11:07But here's a little bit of Mr Numan I've just saw...
0:11:07 > 0:11:10Yeah, see, I'd get my friend to take pictures when we were
0:11:10 > 0:11:13just standing nearby, so I could just be near him.
0:11:13 > 0:11:15SHE LAUGHS
0:11:15 > 0:11:18That's the first time I had a photo with him ever.
0:11:19 > 0:11:20And that's it.
0:11:21 > 0:11:24Oh, my God, that is hideous, put it away!
0:11:24 > 0:11:28Oh, this would be 1983.
0:11:28 > 0:11:31I was...15.
0:11:31 > 0:11:36I shaved off the sides of my hair and had the black ponytail.
0:11:36 > 0:11:40I love that I've got all this stuff, I mean, I collected bootlegs,
0:11:40 > 0:11:43picture discs, everything,
0:11:43 > 0:11:45but I've lost all the fan side of it as it is.
0:11:45 > 0:11:49I can't push anyone out of the way any more and get to the front row.
0:11:49 > 0:11:51I don't have any of that any more.
0:11:51 > 0:11:54But I've gained him as a husband, so I can't be that upset about it!
0:11:57 > 0:12:01- Gem? Gemma, where are those fat socks?- Two minutes.
0:12:02 > 0:12:04- Spot covering!- Essential!
0:12:04 > 0:12:07- Mole... Mole coverage.- Essential.
0:12:07 > 0:12:11- Under-eye-baggage coverage. Can't fix wrinkles.- That's-That's...
0:12:11 > 0:12:14That's not a talk through your make-up,
0:12:14 > 0:12:16that's a talk through what's wrong with my face!
0:12:16 > 0:12:18LAUGHTER
0:12:18 > 0:12:20'Well, I've travelled around the world many times,
0:12:20 > 0:12:22'met hundreds of thousands of people.'
0:12:23 > 0:12:25'She has the most amazing personality
0:12:25 > 0:12:27'of anyone I've ever met.'
0:12:27 > 0:12:29Where do you keep them?
0:12:29 > 0:12:36She's...everything that I'm not, which is a lot of things. She is.
0:12:36 > 0:12:39I'm... I'm...
0:12:39 > 0:12:44I'm an anorak, nerd kind of bloke, you know?
0:12:44 > 0:12:47And I'm obsessive about certain things,
0:12:47 > 0:12:52I get really boring and really into stuff and I'm really antisocial.
0:12:52 > 0:12:54I think that's the Asperger's thing, but...
0:12:54 > 0:12:57So, she is my...
0:12:57 > 0:13:00She's my buffer between me and the rest of the world.
0:13:02 > 0:13:03Did we get Cokes in?
0:13:05 > 0:13:07Did we get any Cokes in earlier? I don't want one, but did we get any?
0:13:07 > 0:13:11Yeah. There's a whole KitKat in his poo there.
0:13:11 > 0:13:14MUSIC ECHOES FROM TENT
0:13:21 > 0:13:24So he just did his thing, shook 'em all together, he went,
0:13:24 > 0:13:26"Right, I'll process your approval, then."
0:13:27 > 0:13:30- And that was it. "Is that...?" - Not a trumpet in sight!
0:13:30 > 0:13:34No! "Is that...? Does that mean I can live in America?"
0:13:34 > 0:13:37- And he went, "Yes, ma'am, it does." And I said...- Notice she says "I"!
0:13:37 > 0:13:41- Yeah, I...- 'Oh, yeah!' - I- live in America. There's no "we"!
0:13:41 > 0:13:44- It's the same as "we"!- No, it's not, though, is it? It's not, it's not.
0:13:44 > 0:13:49- Yeah, there's "I" in team, my team. - I say "we".- Anyhow, um, we're in.
0:13:49 > 0:13:52- We're in, it's all good, I was really excited...- You cried.
0:13:52 > 0:13:55..I started crying... He was like Rain Man, old Dustin!
0:13:55 > 0:13:57I was emotionally challenged.
0:13:57 > 0:14:00- D'you know why? - He's useless! I was crying...
0:14:00 > 0:14:04- Because for the last two years, I have done everything.- Fuck off!
0:14:04 > 0:14:06LAUGHTER
0:14:06 > 0:14:08Without me, he wouldn't even be in America, so...
0:14:08 > 0:14:13I felt a massive sense of relief that it had all gone well...
0:14:13 > 0:14:18- Silly bollocks there, who has done nothing...- Fuck off!- Nothing...
0:14:18 > 0:14:21I've done shitloads, everyone knows you're lying who will watch this...
0:14:21 > 0:14:22Well, they...might.
0:14:22 > 0:14:24- LAUGHTER - They will by the end of it!
0:14:24 > 0:14:26GARY LAUGHS
0:14:26 > 0:14:29- GEMMA:- When I was, I think I was 14 and I did the careers talk -
0:14:29 > 0:14:32"What are you going to do when you leave school, what job?"
0:14:32 > 0:14:34"I don't need one, I'm going to marry Gary Numan."
0:14:34 > 0:14:36- And I was sent out! - SHE LAUGHS
0:14:36 > 0:14:38I didn't think I was going to need a job.
0:14:38 > 0:14:40I was going to marry Gary Numan and that was it.
0:14:40 > 0:14:43CROWD SINGS
0:14:43 > 0:14:46MUSIC: Are "Friends" Electric? by Gary Numan & Tubeway Army
0:14:53 > 0:14:55# Now the light fades out
0:14:59 > 0:15:02# And I wonder what I'm doing in a room like this
0:15:04 > 0:15:06# There's a knock on the door... #
0:15:07 > 0:15:09HE YELLS
0:15:09 > 0:15:13# And just for a second I thought I remembered you
0:15:15 > 0:15:20- CROWD:- # Oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh
0:15:20 > 0:15:25# Oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh... #
0:15:28 > 0:15:29I'm still, obviously,
0:15:29 > 0:15:34a shadow in terms of success as to what it was in '79/'80.
0:15:34 > 0:15:36I lost that. Lost all that.
0:15:36 > 0:15:37# So now I'm alone... #
0:15:37 > 0:15:39I've learned to really enjoy it now.
0:15:39 > 0:15:43That's a fundamental difference - I love being in a band,
0:15:43 > 0:15:46I love touring, I love being on stage.
0:15:46 > 0:15:51If I could keep it going for another 100 years, then I would. I love it.
0:15:52 > 0:15:54And I would love to have number one records again...
0:15:54 > 0:15:56whether that's likely or not.
0:15:56 > 0:15:59# Whoa, whoa
0:15:59 > 0:16:02# Whoa-oh-whoa-oh-whoa-oh
0:16:02 > 0:16:04# Whoa, whoa
0:16:04 > 0:16:07# Whoa-oh-whoa-oh-whoa-oh
0:16:07 > 0:16:10# Whoa, whoa
0:16:10 > 0:16:12# Whoa-oh-whoa-oh-whoa-oh
0:16:12 > 0:16:15# Whoa, whoa. #
0:16:16 > 0:16:17A natural evolution for me
0:16:17 > 0:16:20would be to get into film music at some point.
0:16:20 > 0:16:21So Los Angeles in particular
0:16:21 > 0:16:23would be a better place for us to live.
0:16:24 > 0:16:28I actually lived in Los Angeles in the early '80s at some point
0:16:28 > 0:16:29and I loved it.
0:16:29 > 0:16:33I came back, career started to get into trouble...
0:16:34 > 0:16:38I thought I would sort meself out and then move out
0:16:38 > 0:16:40and, uh, that never worked out,
0:16:40 > 0:16:43it actually got worse and worse and worse for the next ten years.
0:16:43 > 0:16:46The rest of the world just... went away.
0:16:46 > 0:16:51Gemma's always wanted to do it, so there's been like a gentle pressure.
0:16:53 > 0:16:54In fact, when we met,
0:16:54 > 0:16:57she actually was in the process of moving to America as an au pair.
0:16:57 > 0:16:59She had to make a choice,
0:16:59 > 0:17:01either stay with me and see if that worked out - and this is,
0:17:01 > 0:17:05I mean, we had only just met, really - or go off and do her
0:17:05 > 0:17:07sort of big American dream thing.
0:17:07 > 0:17:10And she took a gamble and stayed with me.
0:17:10 > 0:17:14And then... bottomed out really badly.
0:17:15 > 0:17:18The only thing that kept me going was that I had some equipment
0:17:18 > 0:17:20at home, I made albums at home...
0:17:21 > 0:17:23..in a little 12-track portastudio.
0:17:23 > 0:17:25I made three albums on that.
0:17:25 > 0:17:28Put them out meself cos I couldn't get a record deal.
0:17:32 > 0:17:35You sort of wake up and you realise that it's all been...
0:17:37 > 0:17:38..lost somehow.
0:17:38 > 0:17:45- COMPERE:- Let's hear it for the one, the only, Mr Gary Numan!
0:17:45 > 0:17:48RAUCOUS CHEERING
0:17:56 > 0:17:59The album that I'm working on that we're trying to get finished
0:17:59 > 0:18:01at the moment, the working title is called Splinter.
0:18:01 > 0:18:05It's been six years. Slow process, innit?
0:18:05 > 0:18:06Raven wrote her first song this morning.
0:18:06 > 0:18:09- 'What's it about, then?' - I don't know yet.
0:18:09 > 0:18:11It's just music at the minute, isn't it?
0:18:11 > 0:18:12PERSIA STRIKES HIGH HAT
0:18:12 > 0:18:14SHE SINGS
0:18:14 > 0:18:18'I'm being forced to pack up today...
0:18:18 > 0:18:20'But it's a bit too soon really,
0:18:20 > 0:18:22'I've still got loads of stuff going on.'
0:18:23 > 0:18:25'Selling this house, buying the American house...
0:18:25 > 0:18:27'My studio's going to be in the container.'
0:18:27 > 0:18:28Right, come here, then.
0:18:28 > 0:18:31'It's been much more fraught than I thought it was going to be.
0:18:31 > 0:18:35'Like, it takes two years of tortoise-like progress,
0:18:35 > 0:18:37'then all of a sudden, chaos.'
0:18:38 > 0:18:40Mum, I'm coming!
0:18:41 > 0:18:43I'm over Daddy's shoulders.
0:18:43 > 0:18:46All I'm excited about is the swimming pool, that's it.
0:18:46 > 0:18:49The swimming pool, she loves the swimming pool.
0:18:49 > 0:18:54I'm excited about all of it because the castle's got secret passageways
0:18:54 > 0:18:57and it's got a pool and a tennis court.
0:19:11 > 0:19:12That's all shit stuff.
0:19:14 > 0:19:17I've always thought of synthesisers being like screwdrivers.
0:19:17 > 0:19:20You know, they're the tools of the trade. My guitar is different.
0:19:20 > 0:19:23I've got a guitar that my mum and dad bought me
0:19:23 > 0:19:27when I was...quite young and it's been with me through everything.
0:19:27 > 0:19:30You know, the first gig I ever did when I was a kid.
0:19:30 > 0:19:33I still use it now - it's on every record I've ever made.
0:19:33 > 0:19:37It's covered in scratches, it's been broken in half three times,
0:19:37 > 0:19:39I think, maybe four, and rebuilt.
0:19:39 > 0:19:40It's the only possession I've got
0:19:40 > 0:19:44that I would be genuinely sad, you know, if I lost it
0:19:44 > 0:19:47or if it got stolen or something. I really love it.
0:19:52 > 0:19:54But the whole fame thing...
0:19:54 > 0:19:57You imagine you're kind of standing on a train station
0:19:57 > 0:20:01and this express train comes flying through
0:20:01 > 0:20:05and you put your hand out and you grab it and it whisks you away
0:20:05 > 0:20:07at sort of lightning speed and everything is a blur,
0:20:07 > 0:20:12then at some point you lose your grip and you fall off.
0:20:12 > 0:20:15The train disappears and then you find yourself in the middle
0:20:15 > 0:20:19of nowhere, a bit beaten up and totally lost.
0:20:24 > 0:20:28At one point I was somewhere in the Far East, decided to stop off
0:20:28 > 0:20:30in the Philippines for a few days on the way back,
0:20:30 > 0:20:32just to have a break from it all because it had just been
0:20:32 > 0:20:36relentlessly mental everywhere, and as I got off the plane,
0:20:36 > 0:20:39all these people came up and were throwing garlands round me head...
0:20:39 > 0:20:42Turned out I had a gold single in the Philippines.
0:20:42 > 0:20:45Didn't even know I had a record out in the Philippines.
0:20:45 > 0:20:47It felt as if there wasn't a corner in the world
0:20:47 > 0:20:50that you could go to to get away from it.
0:20:57 > 0:21:01# I believe in the cruelty of life
0:21:05 > 0:21:11# I believe in all of the hopeless and lost
0:21:11 > 0:21:12# I see you
0:21:12 > 0:21:15# Oh-oh... #
0:21:15 > 0:21:18No, everyone loves it, everyone really loves the house
0:21:18 > 0:21:20and it looks great and, as I say, it's really big.
0:21:20 > 0:21:22And it's really interesting, you know,
0:21:22 > 0:21:25it's not just got a lot of space, you know,
0:21:25 > 0:21:30there's these secret staircases and little trapdoors...
0:21:30 > 0:21:32So, it's just amazing, absolutely amazing.
0:21:33 > 0:21:36- Which one was it? - SHE LAUGHS
0:21:39 > 0:21:40I love it, do you love it?
0:21:40 > 0:21:42- KIDS LAUGH - No, you are!
0:21:42 > 0:21:45I just... I like everything in the house.
0:21:45 > 0:21:49When I was in the swimming pool, as soon as I got to the deep end,
0:21:49 > 0:21:52I start going up and up and it's sort of like I'm flying.
0:21:52 > 0:21:54'Tell me what you want to be, then, when you grow up?'
0:21:54 > 0:21:59I want to be a famous horse rider because I love horses.
0:22:00 > 0:22:05I want to be an actress and work with Angelina Jolie.
0:22:05 > 0:22:06I want to be both,
0:22:06 > 0:22:12I just want to be a famous horse rider and I want to work at...
0:22:13 > 0:22:14..LA Ink.
0:22:16 > 0:22:19I'm the queen of the world!
0:22:19 > 0:22:23- 'Girls, what does Daddy do for a job?'- He works.
0:22:23 > 0:22:28All he does is sings and works, he doesn't go out to work,
0:22:28 > 0:22:31he doesn't go to buildings, that's all he does. He works at home.
0:22:31 > 0:22:34- And then he goes to buildings. - 'What does he do, though, Raven?'
0:22:34 > 0:22:36Um... Move out the way.
0:22:38 > 0:22:44Um, he-he sings... He... Um...
0:22:45 > 0:22:47He, um...
0:22:49 > 0:22:51He-He, um...
0:22:51 > 0:22:53'Is Daddy a rock star?'
0:22:53 > 0:22:55- Yeah.- He is.
0:22:57 > 0:22:59ECHO YAWNS
0:22:59 > 0:23:01This is going to be the studio building.
0:23:01 > 0:23:05I need to have another room built within the room that's there now.
0:23:05 > 0:23:08And the second end is going to be an office.
0:23:08 > 0:23:13So I'll set up a temporary thing in the house somewhere...
0:23:13 > 0:23:15Don't need much equipment for writing, to be honest.
0:23:15 > 0:23:17And write some more songs,
0:23:17 > 0:23:20get enough ready and we'll finish it off in this room here.
0:23:21 > 0:23:23The thing that I used to notice at the other place,
0:23:23 > 0:23:26because it wasn't particularly brilliantly soundproofed,
0:23:26 > 0:23:30I was aware that people walking past the house could hear.
0:23:30 > 0:23:33And even Gemma, if I knew Gemma was coming home or if the kids
0:23:33 > 0:23:35were playing outside, I'd feel really nervous... Not...
0:23:35 > 0:23:38Embarrassed about singing really loud knowing that
0:23:38 > 0:23:39they could hear what I was doing.
0:23:39 > 0:23:41I've never got over that, never.
0:23:44 > 0:23:45I have to be honest,
0:23:45 > 0:23:48I do find this place a bit creepy when it gets dark.
0:23:48 > 0:23:50Yeah, now he won't go and see Paranormal Activity, Smiley...
0:23:50 > 0:23:53I'm not going to see any horror films at all until I've been here for about...
0:23:53 > 0:23:57He won't go and see them now. I've got no friends here, I'll have to go by myself.
0:23:57 > 0:23:59There's all suits of armour and stuff, you know,
0:23:59 > 0:24:02and there's swords of hands holding, which is a bit creepy.
0:24:02 > 0:24:05- Are you never going to see them again? Cos of this house?- Why...?
0:24:05 > 0:24:10That's you, innit? Hot or cold. There is nothing in between.
0:24:10 > 0:24:13Because I'm not going to see a few films this week
0:24:13 > 0:24:16because I'm a bit scared of the house, I'm never going again.
0:24:16 > 0:24:17'Gemma, be honest, though,
0:24:17 > 0:24:20'would you stay in this house on your own for a weekend...'
0:24:20 > 0:24:23- Yes. Yeah.- '..with the lights off?' - Yeah, she wouldn't care.- Yeah.
0:24:23 > 0:24:25She likes being scared, apparently.
0:24:25 > 0:24:27I don't want a real serial killer to come here, though.
0:24:27 > 0:24:29- Not a real one!- Aw...
0:24:30 > 0:24:32Is that inviting them?
0:24:32 > 0:24:33SHE LAUGHS
0:24:33 > 0:24:37- You...- What if a burglar comes in with a gun?
0:24:37 > 0:24:39A bit more bloody likely than the serial killer -
0:24:39 > 0:24:42- hurt just as much probably! - No, that's more instant.
0:24:42 > 0:24:44Serial killers talk to you and they take trophies...
0:24:44 > 0:24:47They don't all talk to you, they just kill lots of people.
0:24:47 > 0:24:50No, the good ones, the really interesting ones...
0:24:50 > 0:24:51You can't say good ones!
0:24:54 > 0:24:57No such thing as a "good" serial killer, is there?
0:24:57 > 0:25:02- Not good as in good-hearted, but... - Fucking hell! Good-hearted?!
0:25:03 > 0:25:06- What are you talking about?! - I don't...
0:25:11 > 0:25:14'My whole life changed from the moment she came along.
0:25:14 > 0:25:17'She's brilliant, man. She's so funny.
0:25:17 > 0:25:19'And we bounce off each other all the time.'
0:25:20 > 0:25:22Do you...? Who do you like?
0:25:23 > 0:25:27Blondie or Marilyn Monroe?
0:25:27 > 0:25:29- Mummy... - # Happy... #
0:25:29 > 0:25:31- Mummy, tell me.- That time or dead?
0:25:42 > 0:25:45This is Gary's new studio.
0:25:45 > 0:25:48Just sent me a photograph of it last night in America, very, very nice.
0:25:48 > 0:25:51Very grey. A bit like his personality!
0:25:51 > 0:25:53It's very, very good and I'm very envious.
0:25:53 > 0:25:56I've changed the way my day works since Gary and Gemma moved
0:25:56 > 0:25:58to America. I've had to.
0:25:59 > 0:26:01Gary will write the song completely in the studio.
0:26:03 > 0:26:07Usually it will be, you know, some drum loops and some sounds
0:26:07 > 0:26:09which he feels are right for the track.
0:26:09 > 0:26:13Um, he'll record a guide vocal or an actual vocal...
0:26:13 > 0:26:17give me all of the parts, then I'll kind of develop his ideas.
0:26:17 > 0:26:22We want him to write 16, 17 songs and we have 16, 17 tracks
0:26:22 > 0:26:24to choose from and we come up with the strongest album
0:26:24 > 0:26:26that we possibly can.
0:26:26 > 0:26:30So my job is to develop those ideas.
0:26:30 > 0:26:32This is a new track, Gary sent me the parts for it last night.
0:26:32 > 0:26:36HAUNTING ARABIAN MUSIC PLAYS
0:26:37 > 0:26:39He came up with this idea and he sent me
0:26:39 > 0:26:42a reference track of beautiful Arabic.
0:26:42 > 0:26:46It's a constantly evolving thing. I mean, this is...version 11.
0:26:46 > 0:26:48"SPLINTER" CONTINUES TO PLAY
0:26:48 > 0:26:50You leave a seven-year gap between writing albums,
0:26:50 > 0:26:53you have to come back with something really strong.
0:26:53 > 0:26:54It's got to be a good album.
0:26:55 > 0:26:58And it has to be done quickly. This year.
0:26:58 > 0:27:02I think he's done incredibly well to...get to where he is now.
0:27:02 > 0:27:03'What if he doesn't finish it?'
0:27:03 > 0:27:05He will finish it.
0:27:05 > 0:27:07He will finish it.
0:27:13 > 0:27:16'I still think of making albums is they just seem like huge mountains
0:27:16 > 0:27:20'to climb, all that emotional fucking shit that comes with it.
0:27:20 > 0:27:24'Not sleeping and the worrying and getting short-tempered
0:27:24 > 0:27:26'and getting completely possessed by it and...'
0:27:28 > 0:27:32'..preoccupied by it and, you know, quite difficult to live with.
0:27:32 > 0:27:35'You know all that is coming and it's not something you jump into
0:27:35 > 0:27:38'with a big-eyed smile on your face and go, "Yay! Here we go!
0:27:38 > 0:27:41' "This is going to be great!" Cos it isn't. It's horrible.'
0:27:42 > 0:27:45'And I find it more and more difficult...'
0:27:45 > 0:27:46Nah...
0:27:46 > 0:27:49'And that's probably a good reason why it's taken me
0:27:49 > 0:27:51'such a long time to actually do it.'
0:27:51 > 0:27:53Sometimes...
0:27:55 > 0:27:57..ten minutes and it's all done.
0:27:57 > 0:27:59You know, sometimes four or five hours.
0:27:59 > 0:28:01It really depends.
0:28:02 > 0:28:06But so much of it is doing it wrong. Getting it wrong.
0:28:06 > 0:28:09You try something, it doesn't work. You try something, doesn't work.
0:28:09 > 0:28:11Dozens and dozens and dozens and then you'll find something
0:28:11 > 0:28:13that works.
0:28:13 > 0:28:15HE TRIES OUT A MELODY
0:28:31 > 0:28:32That's quite pretty.
0:28:33 > 0:28:36Then I do a vocal for it without words,
0:28:36 > 0:28:40just singing noises and sounds that come to mind.
0:28:40 > 0:28:42When I sing the gobbledygook bit before I start doing lyrics,
0:28:42 > 0:28:47the music gives you the sense of the lyric, if you like.
0:28:47 > 0:28:51Intro, extended intro, verse first with the lyric.
0:28:51 > 0:28:54Chorus with the lyric. Little link part. Verse.
0:28:54 > 0:28:57Instrumental verse, that one didn't end well, verse with lyric.
0:28:57 > 0:29:01So that's the way I sort of have a picture of what the arrangement is
0:29:01 > 0:29:03and where the lyrics need to be...
0:29:03 > 0:29:05And then I...
0:29:05 > 0:29:08It looks like Morse code a little bit,
0:29:08 > 0:29:13but I write down where the actual syllables need to be...
0:29:13 > 0:29:17HE SINGS MELODY
0:29:17 > 0:29:19And then you just start to put it together.
0:29:19 > 0:29:26I find words that will fit with this and...piece it together.
0:29:26 > 0:29:29And I get a certain amount of feel from the gobbledygook.
0:29:29 > 0:29:32When I sing the gobbledygook bit before I start doing lyrics,
0:29:32 > 0:29:38there is almost every time certain lines or words that will...
0:29:39 > 0:29:41..come up again and again and again and when you sing it,
0:29:41 > 0:29:43so they feel natural.
0:29:44 > 0:29:48Um, see, it might even be that bit, so that would be...
0:29:48 > 0:29:49"So are we over?"
0:29:50 > 0:29:53Then you move words around and shorten it and...
0:29:53 > 0:29:56A bit like tweeting, in a way, where you find a way
0:29:56 > 0:30:00of making what you want to say in words that are acceptable
0:30:00 > 0:30:02fit this flow...
0:30:03 > 0:30:06And it's like a jigsaw puzzle with...
0:30:07 > 0:30:09..words and sounds and it's...
0:30:09 > 0:30:11I love it, I find it really interesting.
0:30:13 > 0:30:15Probably my favourite part of the whole process, actually,
0:30:15 > 0:30:17the lyrical side of it.
0:30:18 > 0:30:22And even when it's a bit of a struggle, it's really interesting.
0:30:22 > 0:30:24Sometimes with music when you're struggling,
0:30:24 > 0:30:26it can get really frustrating.
0:30:26 > 0:30:29I start to panic a little bit that I'm not going to find a way...
0:30:31 > 0:30:32..around the problem.
0:30:32 > 0:30:35You know, a way of developing it the way I want to and I sometimes feel
0:30:35 > 0:30:40quite limited and frustrated with the fact that I can't play better...
0:30:40 > 0:30:46# Ooh, it comes
0:30:50 > 0:30:56# Ooh, it comes
0:30:59 > 0:31:04# Ooh, my last day... #
0:31:13 > 0:31:14Little shits.
0:31:14 > 0:31:15'What are you doing?'
0:31:15 > 0:31:18I'm cleaning cat piss off the curtains.
0:31:18 > 0:31:20'How much of a fan were you of Gary's then?'
0:31:20 > 0:31:21Massive.
0:31:21 > 0:31:24I went to nearly every gig and waited for ages to get in
0:31:24 > 0:31:27the front row...since I was little.
0:31:27 > 0:31:31I went for his face, I only fancied his face and his music.
0:31:31 > 0:31:36I stole an album off my brother cos I fancied the man
0:31:36 > 0:31:40that was on the back in my ten-year-old way...
0:31:40 > 0:31:42Yeah, I think I liked the make-up.
0:31:42 > 0:31:44Oh, my God, they've done it on the back as well.
0:31:44 > 0:31:46SHE MAKES RETCHING TONE
0:31:47 > 0:31:48Little shits.
0:31:51 > 0:31:54If I wasn't in a band, I would never have had a girlfriend in my whole life
0:31:54 > 0:31:59cos I can't, I've got no chat with women at all, none.
0:31:59 > 0:32:01CHEERING
0:32:02 > 0:32:06We did a tour, she hadn't been on that tour and she was always
0:32:06 > 0:32:08on all the tours, so I noticed she hadn't been there.
0:32:08 > 0:32:10Yeah, cos I think she's lovely looking,
0:32:10 > 0:32:11I'd always notice if she was there.
0:32:11 > 0:32:13And she'd always be right down the front.
0:32:15 > 0:32:19It wasn't until my mum died that I had a proper conversation with him.
0:32:20 > 0:32:2124.
0:32:23 > 0:32:28He rang me up... Got my number from the fan club.
0:32:28 > 0:32:30I didn't believe he'd be ever ringing me, I thought it was
0:32:30 > 0:32:34someone winding me up and I thought someone was being really horrible.
0:32:34 > 0:32:37My mum had just died and someone's ringing up pretending to be
0:32:37 > 0:32:42Gary Numan and...eventually...I just started asking him questions
0:32:42 > 0:32:43about himself.
0:32:43 > 0:32:47Oh! And then I thought, "Oh, actually, it does sound like him."
0:32:47 > 0:32:49I remember the first time we ever went out together,
0:32:49 > 0:32:52I was giving her all my best stories.
0:32:52 > 0:32:56She'd heard them all, read them all. I had nothing to say.
0:33:03 > 0:33:09He'd only ever seen me made up at gigs, so I wanted to go there
0:33:09 > 0:33:15and meet him with no make-up on in jeans and T-shirt...
0:33:15 > 0:33:20Because I thought I'd rather on this first date
0:33:20 > 0:33:25he saw me as I am and just not ring me ever again because I was ugly.
0:33:25 > 0:33:28'I was riddled with all kinds of issues
0:33:28 > 0:33:30'which have slowly got better over the years
0:33:30 > 0:33:32'thanks to her patience and perseverance.'
0:33:32 > 0:33:39When I went to his house and I saw he had a pair of...moccasins...
0:33:40 > 0:33:42"That is my man!"
0:33:44 > 0:33:49I saw the moccasins and I thought, "Fuck sake! He wears moccasins!"
0:33:49 > 0:33:51CHEERING
0:33:51 > 0:33:55We got through all the pop star bit and then started to...
0:33:55 > 0:33:57I mean, almost straightaway, really,
0:33:57 > 0:34:01started to just be two normal people just trying to get on.
0:34:01 > 0:34:06My early fantasies I'd had about Gary, I fantasised that
0:34:06 > 0:34:10he would save me from my council estate in a helicopter,
0:34:10 > 0:34:12dressed in his I, Assassin outfit
0:34:12 > 0:34:14and I'd be running from Daleks,
0:34:14 > 0:34:17and he'd be my hero. That was it.
0:34:19 > 0:34:22- KID LAUGHS Ready?- Yes.
0:34:22 > 0:34:26KID LAUGHS
0:34:31 > 0:34:37We got married in '97 and Raven came along not till 2003.
0:34:37 > 0:34:42We started trying for kiddies, though, as soon as we got married.
0:34:42 > 0:34:45And it wasn't happening, and then started on IVF.
0:34:47 > 0:34:51Some sad things happened on the way to getting Raven.
0:34:51 > 0:34:53The first attempt worked.
0:34:53 > 0:34:56We got pregnant, it was really brilliant news,
0:34:56 > 0:34:59and then it came to the 11-week scan and there was something
0:34:59 > 0:35:04really wrong with her - big, thick membrane up the back of her neck -
0:35:04 > 0:35:07and then they told us she was 100% Turner syndrome,
0:35:07 > 0:35:09which meant she would be stillborn.
0:35:09 > 0:35:11We had a couple of miscarriages,
0:35:11 > 0:35:15an ectopic pregnancy and then three that just didn't work at all.
0:35:15 > 0:35:19And then Raven. Raven was the seventh attempt.
0:35:19 > 0:35:25She was twins and we... At 14 or 15 weeks I lost her twin.
0:35:29 > 0:35:31Raven survived.
0:35:31 > 0:35:35We were told we couldn't really have any more and then I had
0:35:35 > 0:35:36two happy accidents.
0:35:36 > 0:35:39Persia and Echo.
0:35:39 > 0:35:45It was after Echo that I had the severest postnatal depression but I
0:35:45 > 0:35:48got postnatal depression when I was pregnant with Persia and it
0:35:48 > 0:35:51didn't go away until two years after Echo.
0:35:51 > 0:35:54We've had a lot of horrible things happen to us.
0:35:54 > 0:35:57There's no wonder it suddenly caught up with us one day.
0:36:13 > 0:36:17When I was younger I used to have a job in a warehouse.
0:36:17 > 0:36:20Every week somebody would be given the job of going out at lunchtime
0:36:20 > 0:36:23to get the fish and chips or whatever it was for dinner,
0:36:23 > 0:36:26and they stopped sending me cos I would take hours cos I didn't
0:36:26 > 0:36:29want to talk in front of people. It was just a weird hang-up.
0:36:29 > 0:36:32That was when I was sort of 17, 18, so I've always had it.
0:36:32 > 0:36:36I just get really nervous and flustered.
0:36:36 > 0:36:41I'm all right doing it if she's there. I'm all right, you know.
0:36:41 > 0:36:45But if she goes to the toilet or something like that...
0:36:45 > 0:36:46I'm panicking.
0:36:46 > 0:36:48Now that I drink a little bit,
0:36:48 > 0:36:50that's really made such a huge difference.
0:36:50 > 0:36:52I don't like the taste of it all, it's horrible.
0:36:52 > 0:36:55I just start to feel better - just like medicine.
0:36:56 > 0:36:59He's hard work to get to go anywhere.
0:36:59 > 0:37:03Those early years, people were really horrible and said bad things
0:37:03 > 0:37:08about his mum and all that sort of stuff. He feels self-conscious,
0:37:08 > 0:37:11he's always worried that people will start singing Cars
0:37:11 > 0:37:13and then take the piss.
0:37:13 > 0:37:15But I think it's passed.
0:37:15 > 0:37:19NO AUDIO
0:37:19 > 0:37:21I had lots of trouble at school.
0:37:21 > 0:37:25I knew I had difficulties in certain areas that other people
0:37:25 > 0:37:27didn't seem to have.
0:37:27 > 0:37:30The school sent me to a psychiatrist,
0:37:30 > 0:37:32so that pretty much singled me out, just being
0:37:32 > 0:37:36a bit different to the others, but not in a good way or in a cool way.
0:37:38 > 0:37:42Behaviour, mainly. Really terrible behaviour.
0:37:42 > 0:37:44I can flare up.
0:37:45 > 0:37:48If somebody says something that's not right - and I don't mean
0:37:48 > 0:37:53this in an integrity or sort of forthright opinions, I don't
0:37:53 > 0:37:57mean it like that - it's actually in a very kind of autistic way.
0:37:57 > 0:37:59Somebody says something that's not right,
0:37:59 > 0:38:01I will pick them up on it.
0:38:01 > 0:38:06It comes across in a child as being a bit bolshie and a bit arrogant.
0:38:06 > 0:38:08Never meant it like it.
0:38:08 > 0:38:12Then they sent me to a local child psychologist and it was there
0:38:12 > 0:38:15that they first started to talk about Asperger's.
0:38:15 > 0:38:18They put me on two drugs,
0:38:18 > 0:38:21valium and nardil.
0:38:21 > 0:38:24And they calm you,
0:38:24 > 0:38:28keep you flat, cos I was extremely up and down at school.
0:38:33 > 0:38:35He's very much a loner at times.
0:38:35 > 0:38:39He could amuse himself completely on his own.
0:38:39 > 0:38:43Gary didn't seem to need lots of people around him.
0:38:43 > 0:38:46He was very quiet.
0:38:46 > 0:38:52Always a bit shy but argumentative when he was at home with us -
0:38:52 > 0:38:55he gets that from his dad.
0:38:56 > 0:38:59My dad was my manager, so that he would be there,
0:38:59 > 0:39:04and he doesn't step foot outside the door without my mum being there,
0:39:04 > 0:39:06so they come as a team.
0:39:06 > 0:39:11For me, it gave me a little bit of security and comfort and
0:39:11 > 0:39:14someone to talk to and trust in the middle of everything
0:39:14 > 0:39:19going mental around you, so for me it was nice to have them there.
0:39:19 > 0:39:22I often felt they helped me keep my feet on the ground as well.
0:39:24 > 0:39:26Tony had got involved in 1980
0:39:26 > 0:39:28as the full-time manager.
0:39:28 > 0:39:30I mean, it's brilliant because,
0:39:30 > 0:39:34you know, it's obviously someone that you implicitly trust.
0:39:34 > 0:39:37Tony would drive him around, you know,
0:39:37 > 0:39:40bought Gary the guitar and PA system and so on.
0:39:40 > 0:39:46It was very much Tony's dedication and the fact that he would get
0:39:46 > 0:39:49his wallet out and support his son, you know,
0:39:49 > 0:39:51that made any of it possible in the first place.
0:39:51 > 0:39:56HE LAUGHS
0:39:56 > 0:40:00When he very first started, he just needed to someone to go with him.
0:40:00 > 0:40:06I used to go out and roadie for him, you know, and supply him the van
0:40:06 > 0:40:08and get him to all the different places he used to play.
0:40:08 > 0:40:14He used to play little pubs and clubs around London and that was it,
0:40:14 > 0:40:15I was involved from there.
0:40:15 > 0:40:17What do you think of Gary's music?
0:40:17 > 0:40:20Well, I've just grown to like it, I suppose.
0:40:20 > 0:40:22I'm not really that musical
0:40:22 > 0:40:25but I've really grown to like it,
0:40:25 > 0:40:26I really do enjoy it.
0:40:26 > 0:40:29- What do you think about the lyrics that he writes?- Erm...
0:40:29 > 0:40:32Well, I don't understand 'em half the time, to be quite honest,
0:40:32 > 0:40:34you know, I don't know where he gets it from.
0:40:34 > 0:40:38We could see so many people dressed in black, as Gary did.
0:40:38 > 0:40:41I said to Tony, "Must be somebody really big on there cos
0:40:41 > 0:40:44"there's loads and loads of people."
0:40:44 > 0:40:47And I didn't realise it was our Gary,
0:40:47 > 0:40:50they were all dressing like him.
0:40:51 > 0:40:53He was nervous, I mean,
0:40:53 > 0:40:58to me, he seemed the most likely person of all to do what he does.
0:40:58 > 0:41:02And I can remember particularly one - I think it was
0:41:02 > 0:41:06Top Of The Pops - it was coming up to the time when Gary was due
0:41:06 > 0:41:11for his bit to be filmed and he was about to do a runner
0:41:11 > 0:41:13out the back of the studio.
0:41:14 > 0:41:16I wonder if that's too much.
0:41:16 > 0:41:19- Two big ones of them. - If you're wondering...
0:41:19 > 0:41:22And there was, like, little steps and he come down, he said,
0:41:22 > 0:41:26"I can't do this, Mum. I can't do it." I said, "Of course you can."
0:41:26 > 0:41:29He said, "I don't think I can." I said, "Yes, you can."
0:41:29 > 0:41:31Enjoying it?
0:41:32 > 0:41:36And that very sort of level-headed, practical,
0:41:36 > 0:41:41firm-but-fair kind of approach did Gary an awful lot of good,
0:41:41 > 0:41:44certainly when the success happened.
0:41:44 > 0:41:48On the one hand, I was very sort of...protected.
0:41:48 > 0:41:53On the other hand, I remained very child-like and unworldly.
0:41:53 > 0:41:58Gary was cool for about five minutes.
0:41:58 > 0:42:01There was a little moment but the thing is that
0:42:01 > 0:42:04no journalist could actually hold up their hand and say that they
0:42:04 > 0:42:06got the kudos for discovering Gary,
0:42:06 > 0:42:11and so that isolated him from the British media.
0:42:11 > 0:42:14On top of it, you know, Gary very much wanted to bring
0:42:14 > 0:42:18a kind of showbiz approach to it as well.
0:42:18 > 0:42:23I guess because he was so stylised, what was seen, I suppose,
0:42:23 > 0:42:27as an artificial persona in an era where everything was meant to be
0:42:27 > 0:42:29organic and real and back to basics.
0:42:29 > 0:42:34That violated the kind of punk stance that
0:42:34 > 0:42:36a lot of journalists still had.
0:42:36 > 0:42:38So journalists hated him for that,
0:42:38 > 0:42:41the way he moved on stage, the whole robot thing,
0:42:41 > 0:42:45just obviously very easy to ridicule.
0:42:45 > 0:42:48Never had a problem with people not liking anything that I'd done.
0:42:48 > 0:42:51The only thing that I didn't understand was the hostility
0:42:51 > 0:42:54that came with it. In the press people talk about you
0:42:54 > 0:42:57as if you'd done something really bad,
0:42:57 > 0:42:59you know, this horrible person.
0:42:59 > 0:43:02One newspaper said that my mum and dad should have been doctored
0:43:02 > 0:43:05for giving birth to me. That's a big strong, isn't it?
0:43:05 > 0:43:06What have I done?
0:43:06 > 0:43:10I've written a song that millions of fucking people like - oh!
0:43:10 > 0:43:12What the fuck is all that about?
0:43:14 > 0:43:18# This is what you are... #
0:43:24 > 0:43:26You know what they used to say to me?
0:43:26 > 0:43:29"Well, it's tongue-in-cheek, it's not really meant."
0:43:29 > 0:43:31Well, why do they print it, then?
0:43:31 > 0:43:32Just hurtful and nasty.
0:43:34 > 0:43:37For years and years and years he had really bad press.
0:43:37 > 0:43:41He got masses of it, you know,
0:43:41 > 0:43:43I'm surprised that he carried on,
0:43:43 > 0:43:46to be honest, his press was so bad.
0:43:46 > 0:43:49When you read something that's really horrible, you know,
0:43:49 > 0:43:54you'd rather not but I think the way you deal with it is what matters.
0:43:54 > 0:44:00I'm lucky and I've got that sort of brain, it all just...flies by me.
0:44:00 > 0:44:04That's where I'm going and you can say what you like,
0:44:04 > 0:44:06I'm still going that way.
0:44:06 > 0:44:09I must have had more bad press in the first ten years than anyone else
0:44:09 > 0:44:12in the history of the music business.
0:44:12 > 0:44:15If I'd been the sort of person that was bothered by that sort of stuff
0:44:15 > 0:44:20then I'd have fallen by the wayside a long time ago.
0:44:22 > 0:44:25The press didn't have any effect on me but other things did.
0:44:25 > 0:44:29Mid-'80s time, decisions I'd been making had been really stupid.
0:44:29 > 0:44:32You kind of lose faith in yourself.
0:44:32 > 0:44:37His focus once he became successful seemed to be on making lots
0:44:37 > 0:44:42and lots of records and doing bigger and bigger shows, and also,
0:44:42 > 0:44:44at the same time, he got his pilot licence.
0:44:44 > 0:44:48He had this sort of focus that he had to keep doing the next thing -
0:44:48 > 0:44:49fly around the world.
0:44:49 > 0:44:52The lighting, I mean, we had to take a massive lighting rig out.
0:44:52 > 0:44:56We used to go out with three or four 40-foot trucks every time we toured,
0:44:56 > 0:45:00so our costs were enormous.
0:45:00 > 0:45:02And it was really sort of down to Gary,
0:45:02 > 0:45:05that's the side of Gary that I could never control.
0:45:05 > 0:45:08He would come up with figures and my response would always be,
0:45:08 > 0:45:09"How much?!"
0:45:10 > 0:45:14What's coming in one end is great, you know, the more the merrier,
0:45:14 > 0:45:17but as long as you control what's going out the other end.
0:45:20 > 0:45:24My dad would say to me, "If you do this,
0:45:24 > 0:45:28"you're going to lose all that money. You need to scale it down."
0:45:28 > 0:45:32And I'd half-heartedly do it. Not enough so that we didn't lose money.
0:45:32 > 0:45:35And then next time it'd be even worse so I'd scale it back
0:45:35 > 0:45:38a little bit more, you know, but not enough.
0:45:38 > 0:45:41And we just carried on losing money year after year until it got so bad
0:45:41 > 0:45:44that we just couldn't borrow any more.
0:45:44 > 0:45:48You know, my dad...found himself in this horrible position
0:45:48 > 0:45:51of trying to keep us surviving from one day to the next.
0:45:51 > 0:45:53And I caused that.
0:45:53 > 0:45:56Yeah, he told me that was coming, years before.
0:45:56 > 0:45:58That's all my fault.
0:46:03 > 0:46:04- INTERVIEWER:- How bad did it get?
0:46:04 > 0:46:06Well, they tried to repossess my house at one point.
0:46:06 > 0:46:09That kind of shakes you up a little bit. Just over 600 grand in debt
0:46:09 > 0:46:12when it's at its worst. Couldn't sell tickets,
0:46:12 > 0:46:17album sales had fallen down to just a few thousand. Nightmare.
0:46:17 > 0:46:20My mum and dad would go out nightly around different credit card
0:46:20 > 0:46:24machines, trying to get money out of them. They had a stack of them.
0:46:24 > 0:46:30The career was really plummeting downhill badly and there comes that
0:46:30 > 0:46:34fateful day when you listen to advice for the first time.
0:46:34 > 0:46:37And that's the kiss of death because once you do that
0:46:37 > 0:46:40you stop following your own path.
0:46:40 > 0:46:42You become lost.
0:46:42 > 0:46:44I keep hearing rumours about you
0:46:44 > 0:46:47- and your career and the fact you're retiring.- Yeah, that's right.
0:46:47 > 0:46:50I mean, he used to talk back then a lot about
0:46:50 > 0:46:53he had better relationships with machines.
0:46:53 > 0:46:57- How are you filling your days nowadays?- I'm flying.- Flying?
0:46:57 > 0:47:00- Bit of a dangerous hobby. - No, it's all right.
0:47:00 > 0:47:04The interest is actually being able to control the machinery
0:47:04 > 0:47:07and be able to make them do what you want them to do.
0:47:07 > 0:47:10You know, obviously with the Asperger's you can see how
0:47:10 > 0:47:17people get drawn to machinery or to things that are more solid
0:47:17 > 0:47:19than a pop career.
0:47:19 > 0:47:23Pulling upside down and you can feel it twitching and trying to get away,
0:47:23 > 0:47:26close to the ground and survive, year after year.
0:47:26 > 0:47:28It's a challenge.
0:47:35 > 0:47:41Gary just lately is on a fantastic creative splurge.
0:47:41 > 0:47:45Compared to the sort of pattern from the last few years, you know,
0:47:45 > 0:47:48they've been coming quicker than I can produce them, at the moment.
0:47:48 > 0:47:52I'm still about two behind. We just want Gary to continue.
0:47:52 > 0:47:54We're not trying to get into the charts,
0:47:54 > 0:47:57we are trying to reach out to a wider audience.
0:47:57 > 0:48:00For example, Dave Grohl has been playing Down In The Park
0:48:00 > 0:48:03with Foo Fighters for many years. He's obviously a big fan of Gary's.
0:48:03 > 0:48:06He's getting into fanbases like that.
0:48:06 > 0:48:09Nine Inch Nails, you know, I don't even know the last time,
0:48:09 > 0:48:13or even if they'd ever had any chart success in the UK.
0:48:13 > 0:48:16But 17,000 people will go and see them at the O2 Arena.
0:48:16 > 0:48:19Obviously a massive connection there between Gary and Trent.
0:48:19 > 0:48:22Back in that time when I was trying to figure out what Nine Inch Nails
0:48:22 > 0:48:25was going to be about, there was someone that was vitally important
0:48:25 > 0:48:28to me that was a huge inspiration.
0:48:28 > 0:48:33And it is with great pleasure and honour
0:48:33 > 0:48:38I present to you Gary Numan!
0:48:38 > 0:48:42Really, the Gary reinvention really starts with the musicians,
0:48:42 > 0:48:44people like Smashing Pumpkins,
0:48:44 > 0:48:49and Tricky was dying to talk about Gary in interviews.
0:48:49 > 0:48:53Beck as well. There was something starting to happen.
0:48:57 > 0:49:00The artists who picked up synthesisers or got into
0:49:00 > 0:49:04synthesisers were starting to become successful themselves.
0:49:04 > 0:49:08When he went on stage with Nine Inch Nails at the O2, that was a moment.
0:49:08 > 0:49:10HE EXHALES
0:49:10 > 0:49:13You know, 17,000 people start singing Metal, they're going mental.
0:49:13 > 0:49:16It was just... Jesus.
0:49:16 > 0:49:19# We're in the building where they make us grow
0:49:19 > 0:49:22# And I'm frightened by the liquid engineers
0:49:22 > 0:49:24# Like you... #
0:49:24 > 0:49:26That Nine Inch Nails thing,
0:49:26 > 0:49:28I thought that would give him massive confidence.
0:49:28 > 0:49:33I knew he'd be scared doing it but I was frightened at the same time that
0:49:33 > 0:49:37if Trent said no, would I ever tell him...
0:49:37 > 0:49:40about that note to Trent Reznor?
0:49:40 > 0:49:46It's a weird old thinking, but I knew Gary loved them, he loved Gary,
0:49:46 > 0:49:49I knew he was doing Metal live and I thought, "Oh, my God,
0:49:49 > 0:49:52"that would make him feel great
0:49:52 > 0:49:57"if that happened, if maybe he sang."
0:49:59 > 0:50:02Trent wrote back and said, "Yeah, I really would love that."
0:50:02 > 0:50:06And I went and told Gary that and that made him feel really good,
0:50:06 > 0:50:10and he went on that trip and that gave him loads of confidence
0:50:10 > 0:50:13and he came back from the trip, the Nine Inch Nails trip,
0:50:13 > 0:50:16and he'd been asked to do the last shows with them, and his confidence
0:50:16 > 0:50:18was there and I thought,
0:50:18 > 0:50:21"Oh, yes, that's going to be enough to go back in the studio."
0:50:21 > 0:50:24And then...you know,
0:50:24 > 0:50:27he had a big fallout with his mum and dad,
0:50:27 > 0:50:30which hit him really, really hard. So...
0:50:30 > 0:50:34It went high, high, high, straight down again and then - wallop.
0:50:34 > 0:50:39It was horrendous. Panic attacks and went on the antidepressants.
0:50:39 > 0:50:41And I was depressed at the same time
0:50:41 > 0:50:45so it was really fucking awful.
0:50:48 > 0:50:52My mum was pretty much out of it, it became me and my dad.
0:50:52 > 0:50:55And we were just at each other...
0:50:55 > 0:50:58really badly. Really badly.
0:50:58 > 0:51:00Um...
0:51:00 > 0:51:02And it seemed to escalate into all kinds of other things,
0:51:02 > 0:51:05into our history and...
0:51:08 > 0:51:11Couldn't believe...
0:51:11 > 0:51:14how quickly we went from being this loving...
0:51:18 > 0:51:23..thing, family, into just...shit.
0:51:25 > 0:51:27Utter shit.
0:51:43 > 0:51:48If we hadn't fallen out, then I would never have left.
0:51:48 > 0:51:49Too big a tie.
0:51:54 > 0:51:56Yeah, but we did.
0:51:56 > 0:51:58And with that tie cut...
0:52:07 > 0:52:08Yeah, why not?
0:52:33 > 0:52:36- Is that broken, Dad? - Yeah, it's broken.
0:52:39 > 0:52:41Don't know what I'm doing.
0:52:41 > 0:52:43I don't even know if I'm supposed to take this bit on the end off.
0:52:43 > 0:52:46- What you doing? - I'm building a small nuclear device.
0:52:46 > 0:52:48When have you been handy?
0:52:48 > 0:52:50SHE CHUCKLES
0:52:50 > 0:52:53- Unbelievable! - When did you learn how to do that?
0:52:53 > 0:52:56Have you got an A To Z on how to put me down?
0:52:56 > 0:52:59Are you soldering?
0:52:59 > 0:53:01To be so close to the finishing post and for it to be sounding so good,
0:53:01 > 0:53:04and we're both really happy with it as well.
0:53:04 > 0:53:07Me and Gary haven't fallen yet, which is a miracle in itself,
0:53:07 > 0:53:09considering the dramas with the hard drive.
0:53:09 > 0:53:11I can't see, that's the trouble.
0:53:11 > 0:53:14- Even with my glasses on, I can't see.- Do you want me to do it?- Yeah!
0:53:14 > 0:53:18- Can you do it?- Yeah, I used to solder at BT.- No way! Go on, then.
0:53:20 > 0:53:23It's the fate of the whole album in Gemma's hands right now.
0:53:23 > 0:53:26What is this? Oh, don't give me any responsibility.
0:53:26 > 0:53:27What is this I'm doing?
0:53:27 > 0:53:30- This is all the actual sounds we're going to be recording.- No, it's not.
0:53:30 > 0:53:32It is. That's what it is.
0:53:32 > 0:53:35- You're joking. Please, tell me you're joking.- No.
0:53:36 > 0:53:40- I don't think... - Wait till it cools down.
0:53:41 > 0:53:43Actually cools down. Put it in the fridge.
0:53:45 > 0:53:49No, no, don't glue the points, glue the main...main area.
0:53:49 > 0:53:53# Every time I scream
0:53:53 > 0:53:55# For someone to blame
0:53:56 > 0:53:59# A shadow falls on me
0:53:59 > 0:54:04# Whispers my name Whispers my name
0:54:04 > 0:54:08# When will it end?
0:54:11 > 0:54:15# When will it end? #
0:54:15 > 0:54:16Fixed.
0:54:16 > 0:54:23- You what?- I fixed it. BT quality control. I fixed it.
0:54:23 > 0:54:24Fixed the plug-in.
0:54:24 > 0:54:28Left to my own devices, with my own eyes, I fixed it.
0:54:28 > 0:54:3280 gig of the 85 gig you brought over is backups that you're never
0:54:32 > 0:54:35- going to listen to again.- Bollocks. I use them all the time.
0:54:35 > 0:54:39# Every time I breathe
0:54:39 > 0:54:42# Locked in this room
0:54:42 > 0:54:47# A shadow falls on me... #
0:54:47 > 0:54:51You happy with all the first section or anything you want to change?
0:54:51 > 0:54:53No, no...
0:54:53 > 0:54:55# Lay by your side
0:54:55 > 0:54:58# A shadow falls on me. #
0:54:58 > 0:55:00Cover that end section.
0:55:01 > 0:55:02MUSIC RESUMES
0:55:06 > 0:55:08I don't have an easy time.
0:55:08 > 0:55:12At the beginning of this album it was pretty fraught at times.
0:55:12 > 0:55:15Some of it I really loved and some of it I really didn't, and so
0:55:15 > 0:55:18it took us a while to understand exactly what I was looking for.
0:55:18 > 0:55:21I envy people that have that supreme confidence about what they're
0:55:21 > 0:55:24doing and they just assume that everything they do is brilliant
0:55:24 > 0:55:27because they did it. I've never had that.
0:55:27 > 0:55:31I'm not trying to sort of tap into whatever that...you know,
0:55:31 > 0:55:34magic moment was...
0:55:34 > 0:55:38Well, I don't want to do songs that sound like Cars again,
0:55:38 > 0:55:39I don't want to do any of that.
0:55:39 > 0:55:43I sit in there listening to sounds and then get really excited
0:55:43 > 0:55:45about something that I've not heard before,
0:55:45 > 0:55:47y'know, just, "Listen to that, that's great."
0:55:47 > 0:55:50That's where the excitement is. That's what you got into it for.
0:55:50 > 0:55:54You got into music because you were...
0:55:54 > 0:55:56You wanted to do something...
0:55:56 > 0:55:59You wanted to make music that you hadn't heard before.
0:55:59 > 0:56:03You wanted to find ways of doing it that you hadn't come across before.
0:56:03 > 0:56:07And, you know, that's kind of the excitement of it, really.
0:56:07 > 0:56:09And...
0:56:09 > 0:56:10You want to be proud of it,
0:56:10 > 0:56:13you want to be proud of what you're doing and you want to be...
0:56:13 > 0:56:16You don't want to make an album that sounds like the one before
0:56:16 > 0:56:19and the one before that. You don't want to do that.
0:56:19 > 0:56:21# This isn't easy
0:56:21 > 0:56:25# But it's what I believe ECHO: What I... What I...
0:56:25 > 0:56:29# Something is broken and twisted and pushes away
0:56:29 > 0:56:31ECHO: # Away...away...
0:56:31 > 0:56:37# I'd like to mend every hurt, it can never be
0:56:41 > 0:56:45# Be there to catch every fall, it can never be
0:56:49 > 0:56:54# Be there to love everything you will ever be
0:56:58 > 0:57:04# Sleep now, I wish you sweet dreams I will never see... #
0:57:13 > 0:57:16Depression came just after I turned 50.
0:57:18 > 0:57:22And I thought I handled it really well, doesn't make any difference,
0:57:22 > 0:57:25I'm just the same person now as I was before.
0:57:25 > 0:57:28And then it wasn't the same at all.
0:57:28 > 0:57:31I didn't know how to deal with it.
0:57:31 > 0:57:33I didn't even know what was wrong about it.
0:57:39 > 0:57:42I started having anxiety attacks to do with dying.
0:57:42 > 0:57:47I would see an old person in the street and I would think about,
0:57:47 > 0:57:51"How can you be, say, 70 or 71, whatever it is,
0:57:51 > 0:57:54"knowing that you've only got a few years left at best,
0:57:54 > 0:57:57"how do you cope with that?"
0:57:57 > 0:58:01Started to get really paranoid about getting illnesses and...
0:58:01 > 0:58:04Pathetic, really. Really ashamed of myself.
0:58:04 > 0:58:07He'd known for ages that he could be depressed and up and down and
0:58:07 > 0:58:12up and down, but this panic attack thing was new and I just held him,
0:58:12 > 0:58:14made him feel...
0:58:14 > 0:58:16You feel helpless, really,
0:58:16 > 0:58:19but I held him and talked to him about the tablets I'd been on,
0:58:19 > 0:58:23cos there's such a stigma about going on antidepressants.
0:58:23 > 0:58:26I didn't want to go on them, cos I just didn't,
0:58:26 > 0:58:29"I didn't want to go on them, people get addicted,"
0:58:29 > 0:58:32you know, there's such a stigma about going on them and also
0:58:32 > 0:58:37about men being able to talk about...having problems.
0:58:37 > 0:58:40I would lay in bed and I would think about my children.
0:58:40 > 0:58:42And I would think,
0:58:42 > 0:58:45"When I die, they're still going to be quite young.
0:58:45 > 0:58:46"I'm not going to see 'em."
0:58:48 > 0:58:50And I started to cry and get really upset about it and then it
0:58:50 > 0:58:54was like dominos - one thought happened, the next thought
0:58:54 > 0:58:57would come along, you couldn't stop it, like du-du-du-du-du,
0:58:57 > 0:59:02and away you go and within minutes of that thought I'm absolutely
0:59:02 > 0:59:05in pieces all over the floor.
0:59:05 > 0:59:07You know, go and find Gemma
0:59:07 > 0:59:10and get all hugged up and that and calm down.
0:59:10 > 0:59:12Realised that's not right.
0:59:12 > 0:59:17So that started to happen all the time, so I went to the doctor
0:59:17 > 0:59:21and said, "Bit embarrassed about this but this is what's going on."
0:59:21 > 0:59:24They said, "Look, any kind of anxiety attack is because
0:59:24 > 0:59:27"there's an underlying depression." So they put me on antidepressants.
0:59:29 > 0:59:31They don't make you feel happy
0:59:31 > 0:59:33but they make you able to cope,
0:59:33 > 0:59:36so I was now able to look at an old person and not start crying
0:59:36 > 0:59:39and making a fool of myself.
0:59:40 > 0:59:44The way it worked with me is they just stop you giving a fuck...
0:59:46 > 0:59:48..about anything.
0:59:48 > 0:59:50Didn't give a fuck. Didn't give a fuck.
0:59:50 > 0:59:53And it was then that they...
0:59:53 > 0:59:55did their intervention thing on me and took me out
0:59:55 > 1:00:00and they're giving it loads about...
1:00:00 > 1:00:01you know, the way you are,
1:00:01 > 1:00:06"You need to focus on your music and do this," and I'm in La La Land.
1:00:06 > 1:00:09They said, "What you thinking about?"
1:00:09 > 1:00:11I said, "I'm thinking about kittens.
1:00:11 > 1:00:15"I was just thinking about getting a kitten."
1:00:15 > 1:00:16I'm kind of going, "Yeah,
1:00:16 > 1:00:21"that's all well and good but you've got to write a bloody fucking song."
1:00:21 > 1:00:27I knew if those things weren't happening there's no life for us,
1:00:27 > 1:00:32there's no house, there's no...anything.
1:00:32 > 1:00:34They said, "You gotta come off 'em.
1:00:34 > 1:00:39"Your career is falling apart around you, you haven't written a new song
1:00:39 > 1:00:42"in three years and all you're thinking about is kittens
1:00:42 > 1:00:44"when we're having this conversation."
1:00:44 > 1:00:45Don't care.
1:00:51 > 1:00:54# Here in my car I feel safest of all
1:00:54 > 1:00:58# I can lock all my doors It's the only way to live
1:00:58 > 1:01:00# In cars... #
1:01:05 > 1:01:11It was heavy. End of 2009, all of '10 and a bit of '11 was shit.
1:01:11 > 1:01:13Heavy, heavy shit.
1:01:13 > 1:01:15Depressions crossed over.
1:01:15 > 1:01:20And we weren't really seeing who we were any more.
1:01:20 > 1:01:23We can't fix anything cos the kids are there.
1:01:23 > 1:01:25If you're fighting, they hear it.
1:01:25 > 1:01:29If you go and try and sort it out, they'll interrupt.
1:01:29 > 1:01:32It felt like stupid things we were fighting over.
1:01:32 > 1:01:34I didn't want it any more.
1:01:34 > 1:01:38I wanted him and I wanted him back but it wasn't that one.
1:01:38 > 1:01:40I didn't want Gary Gump,
1:01:40 > 1:01:42I didn't want that one, I wanted...
1:01:42 > 1:01:46Gary Webb back and it was... he was gone.
1:01:46 > 1:01:48MUSIC BLARES
1:01:54 > 1:01:56I made it by just doing what I loved,
1:01:56 > 1:02:00something that was very... unlikely to be successful.
1:02:00 > 1:02:02And yet it did it.
1:02:02 > 1:02:03But, you know,
1:02:03 > 1:02:07I started to write songs cos I thought they might get on the radio.
1:02:07 > 1:02:11"I'll write a ballad cos ballads are doing quite well at the minute."
1:02:11 > 1:02:15Trying to write songs to achieve something.
1:02:15 > 1:02:18That's what killed me before.
1:02:23 > 1:02:26I had huge debts. Couldn't get a record deal.
1:02:26 > 1:02:29Pretty much thought it was over. The career was all but dead and buried,
1:02:29 > 1:02:31so there was no obvious way out of it.
1:02:31 > 1:02:34And this is where Gemma was important cos she encouraged me
1:02:34 > 1:02:36to just go back and do it for a hobby again,
1:02:36 > 1:02:38sing everything rather than getting backing vocalists in,
1:02:38 > 1:02:40play everything yourself.
1:02:40 > 1:02:44Found that I really loved it again and I started to write much heavier
1:02:44 > 1:02:47than it had ever been, write from the heart again.
1:02:47 > 1:02:50And ever since I've jealously guarded this attitude that I had
1:02:50 > 1:02:54when I started and I'll never let it go again.
1:03:02 > 1:03:05What do you think the fans are going to think of Splinter?
1:03:05 > 1:03:08I don't know, to be honest. Difficult to say.
1:03:08 > 1:03:11I've got my own self-doubt issues at the minute. Thank you.
1:03:11 > 1:03:13Don't go on about that again.
1:03:13 > 1:03:15I'm not going on about it, I'm just saying.
1:03:17 > 1:03:19I think it's completely normal.
1:03:19 > 1:03:22You know, you've been working on something for a long time,
1:03:22 > 1:03:24and you're just about...
1:03:24 > 1:03:27Like, tomorrow when we master it, that's it,
1:03:27 > 1:03:31there is no more chances to fix anything or change anything.
1:03:31 > 1:03:34And this one, because it's been such a long time between this
1:03:34 > 1:03:38and the last one, I think it's all the worse cos there's just that...
1:03:38 > 1:03:41You feel that sense of expectation about it that if you spent
1:03:41 > 1:03:46seven years doing something, it needs to be really, really good.
1:03:46 > 1:03:50There's a lot of very anxious fans out there, I think...
1:03:50 > 1:03:52can't wait to hear it.
1:03:53 > 1:03:55No pressure, then.
1:03:55 > 1:03:58There you go. Now I feel terrible again.
1:04:01 > 1:04:03# And all that I was
1:04:05 > 1:04:10# And all that I wanted
1:04:10 > 1:04:13# And all that I couldn't be
1:04:13 > 1:04:17# Has gone and turns to stone
1:04:19 > 1:04:22# And I am not here
1:04:24 > 1:04:27# And I am not real
1:04:29 > 1:04:36# But I am still calling out your name to guide you home
1:04:40 > 1:04:41# You are
1:04:43 > 1:04:46# Still breathing
1:04:46 > 1:04:49# So
1:04:49 > 1:04:51# You are
1:04:53 > 1:04:59# Where I can never be... #
1:05:01 > 1:05:04It'll sink in a bit more a bit later, I think.
1:05:04 > 1:05:07That's him excited.
1:05:07 > 1:05:12No, I... The thing is, I'm now worrying about what comes next.
1:05:12 > 1:05:16That's that bit done and then we gotta get the artwork sorted out.
1:05:16 > 1:05:19And then they start reviewing it.
1:05:19 > 1:05:20Yeah.
1:05:20 > 1:05:25And they'll try to make you feel like an utter...
1:05:25 > 1:05:26prat.
1:05:33 > 1:05:38I don't know how or why but it just seemed to...thaw, somehow.
1:05:41 > 1:05:43Gemma made this lovely gesture and...
1:05:45 > 1:05:47..offered to make up.
1:05:48 > 1:05:51Which I didn't expect at all, I didn't see that coming.
1:05:51 > 1:05:54Didn't tell me she was going to do it.
1:05:54 > 1:05:58And my mum and dad seemed to welcome it in a way that...
1:05:58 > 1:06:01made me realise they see what I see.
1:06:01 > 1:06:05She's a really kind, lovely person, you know, most brilliant...
1:06:09 > 1:06:10And mum.
1:06:12 > 1:06:15Gemma fixed so many things.
1:06:15 > 1:06:17# You don't see me
1:06:21 > 1:06:26# You don't even know I'm alive
1:06:26 > 1:06:30# So why do you call me?
1:06:45 > 1:06:47# We were dust
1:06:47 > 1:06:51# In a world of grim obsession
1:06:55 > 1:06:59# We wouldn't taunt from mouth
1:06:59 > 1:07:01# Like an isolation... #
1:07:03 > 1:07:05Stupid time to have a holiday, actually.
1:07:05 > 1:07:09I just thought in-between finishing the album and all the main work
1:07:09 > 1:07:13for it, I thought this would be a really good time just to have
1:07:13 > 1:07:15a little getaway from it all with the kiddies,
1:07:15 > 1:07:19but there's been so much going on to do with it, which is a shame.
1:07:19 > 1:07:22The main thing has been the photographs, the albums.
1:07:22 > 1:07:27We've got a bit of a deadline issue, need to get these things done.
1:07:27 > 1:07:31I've had issues in the past but...
1:07:31 > 1:07:34you know, nothing like this,
1:07:34 > 1:07:38when I've been on the end of a really shit internet connection
1:07:38 > 1:07:40getting more and more grumpy...
1:07:40 > 1:07:44Girls are running around, Wilbur's dribbling...
1:07:44 > 1:07:45Yeah.
1:07:45 > 1:07:48But, you know, the other issue is Gemma organises
1:07:48 > 1:07:53a fairly relentless schedule for your relaxing holiday.
1:07:53 > 1:07:55With military precision!
1:07:55 > 1:07:57# We all pray
1:07:57 > 1:07:59# For the end
1:07:59 > 1:08:02# For the god to take us... #
1:08:05 > 1:08:06Echo?
1:08:06 > 1:08:08Echo!
1:08:08 > 1:08:09Get your arm in!
1:08:09 > 1:08:11# One by one... #
1:08:14 > 1:08:17Look at his flip-flops.
1:08:17 > 1:08:19# And the fear
1:08:19 > 1:08:22# Was all around us
1:08:24 > 1:08:28# The machines screamed from
1:08:28 > 1:08:30# Moon to sun... #
1:08:30 > 1:08:32I said, "Look, we have to leave by four,
1:08:32 > 1:08:35"or else we're going to be getting to the next place in the dark."
1:08:35 > 1:08:38I think we left Solvang about six, you know.
1:08:41 > 1:08:43- Doesn't care. - It's a road trip of fun.
1:08:43 > 1:08:46It hasn't been, but it's supposed to be fun.
1:08:46 > 1:08:50- Yeah, all of us!- But you've even moaned about the driving.
1:08:50 > 1:08:54- You knew it was a driving holiday. - These detours you've added to it.
1:08:54 > 1:08:59The one to San Francisco was 251 miles, it ended up being 410.
1:08:59 > 1:09:01That was a bit out of the way, that one.
1:09:01 > 1:09:02Was a bit out of the way, wunnit(?)
1:09:02 > 1:09:06- That one was, yeah. - Not quite what I'd imagined, that.
1:09:06 > 1:09:10- So moany.- And we still did two hours in the dark.- It's a road trip.
1:09:11 > 1:09:14Never normally look forward to going home after a holiday.
1:09:16 > 1:09:19Do you? Oh, yeah, you do, don't you?
1:09:30 > 1:09:35# Wipe away all of your tears, it can never be
1:09:39 > 1:09:44# Wake you to see a sunrise I will never see... #
1:09:46 > 1:09:48Oh, oh, oh, oh...
1:09:48 > 1:09:53# Ohh-ohh, it comes
1:09:57 > 1:10:02# Ohh-ohh, it comes
1:10:06 > 1:10:11# Ohh, my last day. #
1:10:12 > 1:10:15CHILDREN CHATTER
1:10:16 > 1:10:20We both see sides of each other that we never saw before children,
1:10:20 > 1:10:24and so we're trying to deal with your own issues with it,
1:10:24 > 1:10:27your own stresses and strains and worries, and you're trying to
1:10:27 > 1:10:32allow the way you are now different with each other because of that,
1:10:32 > 1:10:34because you're both going through it and dealing with it
1:10:34 > 1:10:37in your own ways, and you both have good days and bad days.
1:10:37 > 1:10:40And you're at each other, and often you're out of sync.
1:10:40 > 1:10:42You have a little think - "Yeah, I'm getting out of this."
1:10:42 > 1:10:45I was going to run away from it.
1:10:45 > 1:10:50But I wrote it all down. What would it mean if she wasn't there?
1:10:52 > 1:10:57And that was brilliant. Just brings you right back, right back.
1:10:57 > 1:10:59There's no way in the world that's going to happen.
1:10:59 > 1:11:03- What you'd do without me?- Yeah. - Is that your favourite song, Gemma?
1:11:03 > 1:11:07Actually, without it being about that, yeah, it is.
1:11:07 > 1:11:10But that, Splinter, Lost.
1:11:10 > 1:11:12But writing that,
1:11:12 > 1:11:16writing that stopped me from doing something really stupid.
1:11:16 > 1:11:20Overwhelmed by it all, don't know what to do. Don't know what to do.
1:11:20 > 1:11:22Can't stand it.
1:11:22 > 1:11:25Not getting on, everything's a pressure,
1:11:25 > 1:11:27worrying about money as always.
1:11:29 > 1:11:31Just horrible. Horrible.
1:11:31 > 1:11:35The song Lost, one of the few songs I think I've ever written where
1:11:35 > 1:11:39it genuinely made a difference to what I was going to do with my life.
1:11:39 > 1:11:43And when I heard it, heard the lyrics, I knew it was about us.
1:11:43 > 1:11:47Or... Well, actually me, that one.
1:11:47 > 1:11:50But I didn't know he'd gone and done it as therapy.
1:11:51 > 1:11:55I... No, I didn't, he doesn't tell me anything like that.
1:11:55 > 1:11:57I guess and I know, cos I say,
1:11:57 > 1:12:01"What's that song about?", and he briefly tells me.
1:12:01 > 1:12:03And it's enough. I go, "OK."
1:12:03 > 1:12:05And I hear it and think, "OK, now I know."
1:12:05 > 1:12:08# Are we so broken
1:12:10 > 1:12:15# That you can walk away?
1:12:18 > 1:12:24# When you think back to when we first met, are you sad?
1:12:29 > 1:12:34# And when you think back to all we've been through
1:12:34 > 1:12:36# Does it make you cry?
1:12:40 > 1:12:47# And when you think back to all the love shared, do you feel anything?
1:12:50 > 1:12:53# And when you think back, well
1:12:53 > 1:12:59# Did you ever think we'd come...to...this?
1:13:01 > 1:13:05# And yet here we are
1:13:06 > 1:13:09# And I'm lost
1:13:11 > 1:13:16# If we're over
1:13:16 > 1:13:19# Then you're far away
1:13:23 > 1:13:26# If we're over
1:13:26 > 1:13:29# Then I'm lost. #
1:13:45 > 1:13:48He gets frightened. He's really worried about tonight.
1:13:48 > 1:13:51I think he just gets really nervous.
1:13:51 > 1:13:57Also, he's 55, and this has taken so long to get to where it is
1:13:57 > 1:13:59and everything,
1:13:59 > 1:14:03the things he's been writing about and all the stuff
1:14:03 > 1:14:05we've been through, and he's been through,
1:14:05 > 1:14:07in the last seven years are all there in it.
1:14:07 > 1:14:10So, no, it's not any old album.
1:14:21 > 1:14:23This is an important thing to be doing.
1:14:23 > 1:14:26We've done it before once, where we went into their studio.
1:14:26 > 1:14:28This is a much bigger thing, it's being filmed,
1:14:28 > 1:14:31there's a small audience, music supervisors, people to do
1:14:31 > 1:14:34with films, people that are critical,
1:14:34 > 1:14:36in a way, to my future in general.
1:14:36 > 1:14:38After Are "Friends" Electric? went to number one and Replicas
1:14:38 > 1:14:41came out, and then Pleasure Principle and Telekon,
1:14:41 > 1:14:45these were big, planned albums. This feels similar to that.
1:14:47 > 1:14:48This is how it should be done,
1:14:48 > 1:14:51and it hasn't been done like that for 25 years.
1:14:53 > 1:14:57It feels very exciting, but there's another part of me that thinks,
1:14:57 > 1:15:02"If it doesn't work now, with all of these things in place,
1:15:02 > 1:15:04"I'm done for."
1:15:04 > 1:15:06# Is that why you've called me? #
1:15:10 > 1:15:12There are so many good things happening.
1:15:12 > 1:15:14The album's really good,
1:15:14 > 1:15:16we seem to have really come up with something quite special,
1:15:16 > 1:15:21we've got really good distribution in place all around the world...
1:15:21 > 1:15:25It really does feel as if all the pieces that CAN be in place ARE,
1:15:25 > 1:15:28but now we just need to see how that relates to the public.
1:15:31 > 1:15:33CHEERING
1:15:33 > 1:15:37And this is where we're at with it, it's all just about to happen,
1:15:37 > 1:15:40and that's really frightening. Really frightening.
1:15:40 > 1:15:45For every kind of moment of excitement, you've got
1:15:45 > 1:15:47a bigger moment of terror in case
1:15:47 > 1:15:50it all goes horribly wrong or if it doesn't work.
1:15:50 > 1:15:53It's such a big thing and it's so important.
1:15:53 > 1:15:58So important for my career, my life, my family, for everything.
1:15:58 > 1:16:02You can't help but be frightened it's not going to work out,
1:16:02 > 1:16:06because so much of it is perfectly in place.
1:16:36 > 1:16:38APPLAUSE
1:16:44 > 1:16:48Have you been keeping track on the chart position of your new album?
1:16:48 > 1:16:50- I don't get sucked into that. - No? All right.
1:16:50 > 1:16:52In the past, there's been midweek positions
1:16:52 > 1:16:54that have been really exciting and really optimistic,
1:16:54 > 1:16:56and then it just slowly falls out.
1:16:56 > 1:16:59OK, interesting. Well, fingers crossed, eh?
1:16:59 > 1:17:00Well worth the wait.
1:17:06 > 1:17:11- Oakland on the 3rd.- Santa Ana. - Santa Ana on the 4th.
1:17:11 > 1:17:15The reviews of the album have been great, consistently brilliant.
1:17:15 > 1:17:18Even caught him reading them last night!
1:17:23 > 1:17:26It's been so long, such a long, long career, so up and down.
1:17:26 > 1:17:28SO up and down.
1:17:29 > 1:17:35And it's been so near finished so many times, to have an album now...
1:17:35 > 1:17:38To have an album now that might actually get into the charts
1:17:38 > 1:17:41is just fantastic.
1:17:41 > 1:17:43Fantastic.
1:17:45 > 1:17:46"This could be your lucky day."
1:18:02 > 1:18:05- ON RADIO:- '..deli meats and cheeses in select supermarkets,
1:18:05 > 1:18:07'gourmet stores and fine eateries.
1:18:07 > 1:18:09'My family is always on the go.'
1:18:09 > 1:18:14Grandad? It's Echo. It's Echo.
1:18:27 > 1:18:30The album went in at number 20 in the charts today.
1:18:30 > 1:18:34I don't know, when was the last time that happened, Gary?
1:18:34 > 1:18:37- 1983. - That's the first time since 1983.
1:18:39 > 1:18:45# Once there was life and we were strong, full of pride... #
1:18:48 > 1:18:51No, he's taken away all that.
1:18:53 > 1:18:55I'll expect the next album to be replete
1:18:55 > 1:18:58with Beach Boys harmonies and that sort of thing!
1:18:58 > 1:19:00# The flesh denied... #
1:19:02 > 1:19:04- Very sexy man. - He's getting on a bit, right?
1:19:04 > 1:19:05That does not matter.
1:19:05 > 1:19:09I kind of planned my vacation around these shows. Yeah.
1:19:10 > 1:19:15# And all things knelt before our word or died
1:19:16 > 1:19:19# Now we're just a ruin... #
1:19:19 > 1:19:24I grew up listening to Gary Numan since I was a teenager,
1:19:24 > 1:19:27and for me, Gary's music really defined what it meant to be
1:19:27 > 1:19:30an outsider in my own adolescent culture.
1:19:30 > 1:19:36He made it OK to be that alien, to express myself in ways
1:19:36 > 1:19:39that the rest of my culture couldn't understand.
1:19:41 > 1:19:49# We're the unforgiven. #
1:19:58 > 1:20:00Tonight was brilliant.
1:20:00 > 1:20:03The reaction has been fantastic. Cos I love it,
1:20:03 > 1:20:07I think the new stuff sounds fucking brilliant.
1:20:07 > 1:20:11The thing that I've learnt over the last 30 years
1:20:11 > 1:20:15or so is that you need to love what you're doing.
1:20:15 > 1:20:18You mustn't do it to get in the chart,
1:20:18 > 1:20:21you mustn't do it to keep an A&R man happy.
1:20:21 > 1:20:24All of that is relevant, and politics, I suppose,
1:20:24 > 1:20:26but when I tried all that,
1:20:26 > 1:20:29it was fucking soul-destroying and I didn't enjoy it.
1:20:29 > 1:20:32And now, I'm only writing stuff that I really love
1:20:32 > 1:20:37and really enjoy playing live, and then you just...
1:20:37 > 1:20:39You hope for the best, really.
1:20:42 > 1:20:46"This year, when the day arrived, poor Gerald felt so sad
1:20:46 > 1:20:50"Because when it came to dancing, he was really very bad."
1:20:50 > 1:20:53Which one would you be - this one, this one or this one?
1:20:53 > 1:20:56I'd probably be that small one sitting out there, not doing it.
1:20:56 > 1:20:59- Why?- Cos I can't dance. - Yes, you can.- I can't.
1:20:59 > 1:21:03- You can.- I can't, I can just move in strange little jerks.
1:21:03 > 1:21:08- Be that, then.- That's a warthog, I don't want to be a warthog.
1:21:08 > 1:21:12"Gerald swallowed bravely as he walked towards the floor
1:21:12 > 1:21:16"But the lion saw him coming and they soon began to roar
1:21:16 > 1:21:19" 'Hey, look at clumsy Gerald,' the animals all laughed
1:21:19 > 1:21:21" 'Giraffes can't dance, you silly fool
1:21:21 > 1:21:24" 'Oh, Gerald, don't be daft'
1:21:24 > 1:21:28"Gerald simply froze up, he was rooted to the spot
1:21:28 > 1:21:31" 'They're right,' he thought, 'I'm useless
1:21:31 > 1:21:33" 'Oh, I feel like such a clot.' "
1:21:33 > 1:21:38- That's me all the time.- No, it's not. How is that you all the time?
1:21:38 > 1:21:42You're the one that can do all this stuff.
1:21:42 > 1:21:47"So he crept off from the dance floor and he started walking home
1:21:47 > 1:21:51"He'd never felt so sad before, so sad and so alone
1:21:51 > 1:21:55"Then he found a little clearing and he looked up at the sky
1:21:55 > 1:21:58" 'The moon can be so beautiful,' he whispered with a sigh
1:22:00 > 1:22:05" 'Excuse me,' coughed the cricket, who'd seen Gerald earlier on
1:22:05 > 1:22:07" 'But sometimes when you're different
1:22:07 > 1:22:09" 'You just need a different song'
1:22:11 > 1:22:14"Then Gerald felt his body do the most amazing thing
1:22:14 > 1:22:18"His hooves had started shuffling, making circles on the ground
1:22:19 > 1:22:24"His neck was gently swaying and his tail was swishing round."
1:22:24 > 1:22:27- Wow.- Wow, eh?
1:22:27 > 1:22:30"Gerald felt so wonderful, his mouth was open wide
1:22:30 > 1:22:35" 'I'm dancing, yes, I'm dancing. I'm dancing,' Gerald cried."
1:22:35 > 1:22:39He's higher than the owl, and everyone sees him now.
1:22:39 > 1:22:42Look, down there, all those people that laughed at him.
1:22:42 > 1:22:46- Now they see that he's not.- Yeah.
1:22:46 > 1:22:49"Then one by one, each animal who'd been there at the dance
1:22:49 > 1:22:54"Arrived while Gerald boogied on and watched him, quite entranced
1:22:54 > 1:22:58"They shouted, 'It's a miracle, we must be in a dream
1:22:58 > 1:23:03" 'Gerald's the best dancer that we've ever, ever seen
1:23:03 > 1:23:07" 'How is it you can dance like that? Please, Gerald, tell us how'
1:23:07 > 1:23:10"But Gerald simply twizzled round and finished with a bow
1:23:12 > 1:23:16"Then he raised his head and looked up at the moon and stars above
1:23:16 > 1:23:21" 'We all can dance,' he said, 'when we find music that we love'
1:23:22 > 1:23:24"The end."
1:23:24 > 1:23:29# You don't hear me
1:23:29 > 1:23:34# You don't see me
1:23:35 > 1:23:39# You don't even know I'm alive
1:23:41 > 1:23:45# So why do you call me? #