:00:00. > :00:00.is under way in Sierra Leone Tory woman who has left hospital. Now, it
:00:00. > :00:13.is time for Our World. Foreign troops are leaving
:00:14. > :00:22.Afghanistan, marking an official and 213 years of war. Tens of thousands
:00:23. > :00:25.have lost their lives. This is the story of the women whose husbands
:00:26. > :00:39.were killed, from Afghanistan and the UK. Their husbands all fled the
:00:40. > :00:43.Taliban, but their experiences of widowhood are dramatically
:00:44. > :00:46.different. Without a husband, in conservative Afghan society, women
:00:47. > :01:10.are left almost powerless. Despite their differences, they all
:01:11. > :01:15.tell of love and loss. I'm always doing things in memory of him, so I
:01:16. > :01:21.am always skimming over the edge that he is actually not here,
:01:22. > :01:28.because if I think that I do go to pieces. And they speak of their
:01:29. > :01:31.hopes for the future. I remember saying to him, look at this police
:01:32. > :01:34.car in front, that is because your father is a hero. I hope that is the
:01:35. > :02:15.one memory he has. This woman is from eight traditional
:02:16. > :02:18.Pashtun family. Like most Afghan women, her marriage was arranged by
:02:19. > :02:43.her parents. She remembers her engagement with her mother.
:02:44. > :02:54.After their wedding, the couple moved to central Afghanistan, where
:02:55. > :03:32.Tajbibe's husband worked as a translator for the American army.
:03:33. > :03:51.Seven years ago, PashtunTajbibe's husband was shot to death by the
:03:52. > :03:57.Taliban. Thousands of miles away in the UK, Jackie is redecorating. She
:03:58. > :04:05.shared this house with her husband for over 20 years. He was killed in
:04:06. > :04:13.Afghanistan 2008. I remember when I first met him, I was 21 and he asked
:04:14. > :04:24.me out for a drink. And I said, no. I felt so self`conscious. He was
:04:25. > :04:28.very good`looking. Then it was somebody's leaving party, and he
:04:29. > :04:35.asked me out and I said yes. He said, I would have kept asking, you
:04:36. > :04:39.know. Jacqui and Gary lived in Nottingham in the East Midlands,
:04:40. > :04:46.where they raised their five daughters and ran a family business.
:04:47. > :04:50.His wallet, all the letters that the girls and I and his friends had
:04:51. > :04:53.sent. He was a reservist in the Royal auxiliary Air Force, which
:04:54. > :05:00.meant that he wasn't permanently in the military, he had a full`time job
:05:01. > :05:05.as a sheet metal worker. He had his own company in Nottingham. In
:05:06. > :05:12.February 2008, he was deployed to Afghanistan. I remember Gary getting
:05:13. > :05:17.into the car and getting all his kick, and closing the door and just
:05:18. > :05:26.heading off to the gate. I said, Gary! He said, what? I said, have
:05:27. > :05:33.you forgotten something. Me, come back and give me a kiss. He came
:05:34. > :05:35.back, and this gave me a peck on the cheek, then started running off to
:05:36. > :05:52.base again. would be doing an office job and
:05:53. > :05:58.would be in note danger. In fact, he was helping to maintain security at
:05:59. > :06:08.airfields. He was killed on his way to Kandahar airbase. `` he was
:06:09. > :06:24.killed on his way to Kandahar airbase.
:06:25. > :06:32.in the north of Afghanistan, nearly 300 miles from Kabul.
:06:33. > :06:44.not approve of her speaking openly about her life am a sushi won't show
:06:45. > :06:52.her face on camera. She was married when she was 18. Her husband was an
:06:53. > :06:55.illiterate carpet weaver, but once he had a family to support, he
:06:56. > :07:35.joined the Afghan army. He was five when Lee was out in
:07:36. > :07:42.Afghanistan. This is a little book, Lee made it for Kai, to explain
:07:43. > :07:50.where daddy was going and who he was going with. It says, sometimes my
:07:51. > :07:58.dad has to go out with the army and work in hot places. For their two
:07:59. > :08:04.children, army life was just part of growing up. Their father had been in
:08:05. > :08:09.the army since he was a teenager. For a long time I didn't let Kai had
:08:10. > :08:13.this after Lee had been killed, as I didn't want to confuse him. But now
:08:14. > :08:22.he is ten and he understands. He gets it out himself and shows
:08:23. > :08:28.Brooke, and it has loads of great photos in it. Really glad we did it.
:08:29. > :08:32.Nike and Lee lived together on his base in South England with their two
:08:33. > :08:37.children, Kai and Brooke, who was just seven months old when her dad
:08:38. > :08:43.was killed. He had been to Iraq before we got married, but I think I
:08:44. > :08:48.was quite naive, even as an army wife, where they go and what they
:08:49. > :08:53.actually do. I guess you don't want to think about that side of it. One
:08:54. > :08:57.of my friends said, how are you going to marry a soldier? But you
:08:58. > :09:07.can't help who you fall in love with, and that is just what he did,
:09:08. > :09:12.so... At least 13,000 members of the Afghan security forces have lost
:09:13. > :09:23.their lives in the fight against the Taliban since 2001. Over 450 British
:09:24. > :09:35.soldiers have been killed in the conflict. 2009 was one of the
:09:36. > :09:42.bloodiest years of the war for UK forces. On the 10th of July, eight
:09:43. > :09:59.British servicemen lost their lives in a single day. One of them was
:10:00. > :10:06.Nike's husband. `` Nicky. I have been for a walk, and I saw two cars
:10:07. > :10:11.go by each with a man in, and I just knew. I lived at the end of a
:10:12. > :10:15.cul`de`sac, and they went all the way down. I just walked up, the
:10:16. > :10:21.whole time thinking, Lee has been hurt. I was crying and shaking,
:10:22. > :10:32.thinking, he has been hurt. They asked me to pass look to their
:10:33. > :10:39.colleague, I just knew. I said, you have got the wrong one, there is
:10:40. > :10:49.another Lee Scott. I guess I don't go back in my mind there very often.
:10:50. > :11:00.It is all a bit of a blur. Nike's husband was killed when his vehicle
:11:01. > :11:04.hit and Ayew de, and she had to break the news to her five`year`old
:11:05. > :11:10.son when he came home from school. I told him straight, because I didn't
:11:11. > :11:17.want to confuse him. He said, daddy has got hurt, and he has died and
:11:18. > :11:22.gone to heaven. He can't come home. I can't really remember, I was
:11:23. > :11:27.crying and he cried, but I can't remember him asking anything more.
:11:28. > :11:32.It was just silent. We cuddled. It wasn't until the next day that he
:11:33. > :11:38.asked my friend some questions. What was heaven, why did my daddy get
:11:39. > :11:49.killed, why didn't my daddy duck, was my dad not a good soldier? In
:11:50. > :11:57.northern Afghanistan, this woman's husband was killed by a mine. He
:11:58. > :12:39.died in 2010. She hasn't found the words to tell her two children yet.
:12:40. > :12:47.In Afghanistan, women pray every day that they should not receive sudden
:12:48. > :13:00.news of a death. But for Tajbibe, the news she had feared came one
:13:01. > :13:05.evening seven years ago. Her husband was shot by the Taliban on his way
:13:06. > :13:08.to work. She only found out what had happened when his mutilated body was
:13:09. > :13:46.brought to her house. I sent this on the 10th of March,
:13:47. > :13:49.2008. I wrote, you either of my life and I can't wait for you to come
:13:50. > :14:00.home. I love you. I miss you so much. That still hasn't changed.
:14:01. > :14:04.Gary was 51 when he died and, at the time, he was the oldest British
:14:05. > :14:17.serviceman to be killed. His vehicle hit an anti`tank mine
:14:18. > :14:27.and his body was brought back to the UK five days later. Gary's which are
:14:28. > :14:36.`` repatriation was on the 18th of April, 2008. I thought, I'm not
:14:37. > :14:40.going to cry when they take Gary's off because I can cry as much as
:14:41. > :14:49.they want afterwards. When they brought his coughing of, `` coffin
:14:50. > :14:52.off the plane, I don't think you could ever be prepared for the
:14:53. > :15:04.emotion because all of a sudden it's real. That was Gary. I was never
:15:05. > :15:09.going to see him again. And the girls just went to pieces. Ever
:15:10. > :15:20.since we were told about losing Gary, I never felt that... I just
:15:21. > :15:24.felt as a mum this was the time I couldn't do anything to help them. I
:15:25. > :15:34.couldn't make it better. I couldn't say it was going to be all right.
:15:35. > :15:51.All I could do was put my arms around them.
:15:52. > :16:02.husband came home. The plane flew over, we watched it flyover,
:16:03. > :16:06.thinking, this is not how I picture this. Even though we'd only been out
:16:07. > :16:09.their six`week but we were talking about how when they came home I
:16:10. > :16:14.would lose some weight, I would wear this, will we meet them? And I just
:16:15. > :16:19.remember thinking, this is not what we wanted. This is not how I plan to
:16:20. > :16:26.welcoming you home. Actually, I don't know who it was but one of the
:16:27. > :16:29.guards at the `` dads shouted out, welcome home, boys! I always
:16:30. > :16:53.remember that. In northern Afghanistan, she want to
:16:54. > :17:15.see her body so she knew he was never coming home. `` his body.
:17:16. > :17:22.The first few months was like, this still feels like he is on to but the
:17:23. > :17:29.only difference was the phone was ringing. `` on tour. It was really
:17:30. > :17:33.weird, I have to keep telling myself. I think the first time it
:17:34. > :17:37.proper heat he was when I made myself go to the medals parade when
:17:38. > :17:42.the boys came home. I had to see, the hardest thing ever, but that he
:17:43. > :17:44.wasn't there. All the boys were there but he wasn't there. I had to
:17:45. > :17:52.do that. Nicky says that since Lee died she
:17:53. > :17:59.has been well supported by her family and the army in the UK. Lee
:18:00. > :18:03.had put money aside for the children and, with his army pension,
:18:04. > :18:12.financially her situation has not really changed.
:18:13. > :18:24.Back in Afghanistan, four Tajbibe life could not be more different. ``
:18:25. > :18:30.for. Tradition and culture dictates that we do is should only marry
:18:31. > :18:33.their husbands's relatives. Tajbibe's relatives disowned her
:18:34. > :18:52.when she refused to marry within the family.
:18:53. > :19:03.Without a husband, Tajbibe had no way to support her children. Her
:19:04. > :19:04.baby daughter starved to death. She says she doesn't know how to access
:19:05. > :19:43.government support. Tajbibe now earns $1 a day doing
:19:44. > :20:03.laundry and baking bread. That's it. Or boy. There are days
:20:04. > :20:08.when you do think about it and it comes in the most unusual things. We
:20:09. > :20:13.will be passed in a wall that I can still see part of Gary's Cats every
:20:14. > :20:18.put the plasterboard. He had run his hand down there. And on most days I
:20:19. > :20:22.would go past it and kind of touch this little mark, because this was
:20:23. > :20:32.like his physical market in the house. And of course I got rid of
:20:33. > :20:38.the plasterboard. So, like I say, it comes in the most unexpected things.
:20:39. > :20:47.Like a bit of plaster. That could have you completely hard can. ``
:20:48. > :20:53.heart Rogan. Jacqui's children are grown up now. Life without Gary has
:20:54. > :20:56.been hard but she has been able to stay in their family home. The
:20:57. > :21:19.widows in Afghanistan, that is often not possible.
:21:20. > :21:28.For young women, being a widow can seem like a prison sentence. Widows
:21:29. > :21:33.in Afghanistan are seeing as a bad omen, often subject to gossip and
:21:34. > :21:39.rumours. This makes it difficult for them to find work outside the house.
:21:40. > :21:48.This woman in her mid` 20s is not allowed out of the house without her
:21:49. > :21:49.mother. Instead, she weaves carpets, just as she has done since
:21:50. > :22:18.she was a child. Remarriage is not an option for many
:22:19. > :22:21.Afghan widows. If they choose to marry outside their husband's
:22:22. > :22:47.family, his parents could take custody of their children.
:22:48. > :22:56.After Lee died, Nicky's life changed dramatically. 15 months after his
:22:57. > :23:03.death, she moved away from the army garrison and has now been ``
:23:04. > :23:06.remarried. The focus is her children. I wanted to be in the
:23:07. > :23:11.garrison because I felt like I still needed to be part of that
:23:12. > :23:17.community. Then I think it gets to the point where you then realise
:23:18. > :23:20.that it's not fair, seeing welcome home banners and people should be
:23:21. > :23:26.able to put them up and welcome people home and I came home from
:23:27. > :23:29.school once and said, Thomas's dad came home from Afghanistan, why
:23:30. > :23:33.didn't my dad? And I thought, I don't need this. There are other
:23:34. > :23:37.ways to remember that daddy was in the army and we were part of that
:23:38. > :23:44.life. Nicky has set up a charity, dedicated to help them `` dedicated
:23:45. > :23:46.to helping the Tilden and women of those who lost their lives. `` the
:23:47. > :23:53.children. Foreign troops are now leaving
:23:54. > :24:00.Afghanistan. Despite their differences, each of these women are
:24:01. > :24:01.finding a way to make sense of their husband's sacrifice. And the walkie
:24:02. > :24:17.14. `` war he fought in. I remember saying, look at all these
:24:18. > :24:22.people, look at the police car in front. This is because your dad is a
:24:23. > :24:25.hero. I hope that's one of the memories he has because then he will
:24:26. > :25:14.know he died for a reason, for the country.
:25:15. > :25:19.I get asked, are you mad with the military? Argued that with the
:25:20. > :25:24.government? What about the people in Afghanistan? I'm not angry with any
:25:25. > :25:31.of them. For the people in Afghanistan, I don't hold them at
:25:32. > :25:33.all responsible. I think they are as much a victim as anybody else,
:25:34. > :25:35.really.