0:00:00 > 0:00:02Now on BBC News, Our World.
0:02:23 > 0:02:33In August 1996, can end roof Pohler, an American couple from Michigan,
0:02:33 > 0:02:41arrived in China. -- can end roof. They adopted a baby girl from a
0:02:41 > 0:02:51social welfare home. They called her Kati. -- Ken and Ruth.
0:02:56 > 0:03:11Doesn't she look like a picture! Money is pretty... I can. It is
0:03:11 > 0:03:16obvious that you are different, from day one.She was just beautiful. But
0:03:16 > 0:03:29seeing that picture and seeing her in life was, yes. Very happy, very
0:03:29 > 0:03:35emotional, just tears running down my face.I grew up in a place that
0:03:35 > 0:03:40was very white, very Caucasian. But for me, my community was so close
0:03:40 > 0:03:45and so tight. I saw myself as different but I was actually really
0:03:45 > 0:03:49accepted. But then things started to become different when I went outside
0:03:49 > 0:03:54the community, and everyone knew me and you my story, and they expected
0:03:54 > 0:04:00me to act certain ways.Kati was probably five years old. And she
0:04:00 > 0:04:05came up to me, we were at a meeting at church, she asked me his tummy
0:04:05 > 0:04:11she came from. Did I come from your tummy? And I said no, you didn't
0:04:11 > 0:04:16come from my tummy. You came from a lady's tummy in China. But you came
0:04:16 > 0:04:20from my heart. You were born of my heart. And she was off running,
0:04:20 > 0:04:26doing something else. That was all she needed to know, and she was
0:04:26 > 0:04:33happy with that.Looking back at it now, I thought the right thing to do
0:04:33 > 0:04:37was to not really pursue that and think about that. I guess part of
0:04:37 > 0:04:41the reason I didn't pursue it more too was because I knew, especially
0:04:41 > 0:04:51from my mum, it was hard to her. When Ken and Ruth receive their baby
0:04:51 > 0:04:56can they were given an unexpected piece of paper. It was a note, and
0:04:56 > 0:05:06it was written by Kati's both parents. -- birth parents.
0:05:30 > 0:05:37For the last 15 years, the couple have been visiting the Broken Bridge
0:05:37 > 0:05:41in Hangzhou, hoping to find their daughter. Their story was picked up
0:05:41 > 0:05:46either Chinese media.
0:05:58 > 0:06:04Finally, through a contact, they discovered their daughter had been
0:06:04 > 0:06:07adopted by a couple in the United States.
0:06:18 > 0:06:21But Kati's adopted family didn't think a reunion would be in her best
0:06:21 > 0:06:28interests. Until now.I guess meeting my birth parents is
0:06:28 > 0:06:33something that I never had a really strong desire to do. But I don't
0:06:33 > 0:06:37think I ever considered it as something that could ever even
0:06:37 > 0:06:43happened. So now that is happening, it is a to think about. The
0:06:43 > 0:06:47dominating emotion is properly excitement. We should have brought
0:06:47 > 0:06:54our bags to make us look better! Kati's adopted parents told her
0:06:54 > 0:06:58about the full story of her adoption when she turned 20.She is mature
0:06:58 > 0:07:04and she made that decision, and so we are here tobacco completely -- to
0:07:04 > 0:07:10back her completely and Matt Shaw that it is a good experience for
0:07:10 > 0:07:16her. -- and make sure. And that her trip over there will be a blessing
0:07:16 > 0:07:24to her birth parents.How are you, I'm good. How are you?We were just
0:07:24 > 0:07:30wondering where you were? In a way I see it as a loss, but also a game.
0:07:30 > 0:07:39It's just a change in the relationship.... We pray that Kati
0:07:39 > 0:07:45will go well and she will have safe travel to China, and that you return
0:07:45 > 0:07:51safely back to us.After finding out about her birth parents, Kati
0:07:51 > 0:07:56decided to fly to China, to meet them herself.I think my biggest
0:07:56 > 0:08:04fear in meeting my biological family is that somehow I will disappoint
0:08:04 > 0:08:09them, I mean, in a lot of ways, obviously they feel they have let me
0:08:09 > 0:08:15down. But I also know how much pain they have gone through.
0:08:37 > 0:08:47Is so large. I see that!Ahead of the big reunion, Kati spent some
0:08:47 > 0:08:54time getting to know the country of her birth.The meeting under strain
0:08:54 > 0:08:58to try and take it as it comes, and try to be in the moment as much as
0:08:58 > 0:09:05possible. And make the best decision to me at that time.This is Kati.
0:09:05 > 0:09:13Higher. Hello.The big day has arrived. Kati and her birth family
0:09:13 > 0:09:17are travelling to the Broken Bridge where they will meet for the first
0:09:17 > 0:09:19time.
0:10:16 > 0:10:23I am excited. I feel pretty ready. I feel like there has been a lot of
0:10:23 > 0:10:30build-up to this point, so I feel like... Feel like it is time. I'm
0:10:30 > 0:10:34generally not a very symbolic person. Like, I think it is nice,
0:10:34 > 0:10:40but I'm not early one fall, like, sentimental things. But it was my
0:10:40 > 0:10:44biological's Father's idea. I respect that, and I do see the
0:10:44 > 0:10:50beauty and out. So yes, I think meeting on the bridge is definitely
0:10:50 > 0:10:55the logical choice, and I think it will be good. The legendary Broken
0:10:55 > 0:11:00Bridge in Hangzhou is famous in Chinese folklore. It is the
0:11:00 > 0:11:04inspiration for an ancient love story. And millions of people visit
0:11:04 > 0:11:05each year.
0:11:11 > 0:11:17It was a beautiful afternoon, and so it was definitely kind of surreal,
0:11:17 > 0:11:21walking across the bridge, just looking at the people, like, this is
0:11:21 > 0:11:26it. I am only going to do this once. You only meet your biological family
0:11:26 > 0:11:28once in your life.
0:12:05 > 0:12:08I don't get super emotional and those types of situations, but for
0:12:08 > 0:12:13my birth mother, I think she was just... She was actually really sad,
0:12:13 > 0:12:17in a lot of ways. She just kind of helped me and sold for about a
0:12:17 > 0:12:22half-hour. And that is another time when I was, like, you know what? I'm
0:12:22 > 0:12:26glad I can't speak Chinese, because I have no idea what I would say
0:12:26 > 0:12:27otherwise.
0:12:42 > 0:12:48So, after the meeting, like, my biological family really wanted me
0:12:48 > 0:12:54to, like, stay with them for the night. And I was, like, no. I have
0:12:54 > 0:12:58met so many people today, I haven't been sleeping a lot, so I just want
0:12:58 > 0:13:03some time to myself. So I think, yes, that first night, yes, I didn't
0:13:03 > 0:13:09stay with them. And then after that, the day after that, I hung out with,
0:13:09 > 0:13:11yes, my parents.
0:13:33 > 0:13:48They have brought Kati back to their family home in Hangzhou.I am Kati's
0:13:48 > 0:14:03biological mother. Hello. Thank you very much. For taking care of Kati.
0:14:03 > 0:14:10We are also very thankful to you for giving her to us.That night they
0:14:10 > 0:14:16Skype chat with Kati's adoptive family in the US. It is the first
0:14:16 > 0:14:24time that two families have left. Can you tell us a little bit how the
0:14:24 > 0:14:27Bridge reunion went?I haven't really tried to talk about it yet,
0:14:27 > 0:14:33because I don't know how to talk about it well. Because...OK.I
0:14:33 > 0:14:39don't know how to capture what it was. I don't know.We love her
0:14:39 > 0:14:45dearly, and she knows that, and we haven't lost anything today. We
0:14:45 > 0:14:53haven't lost anything at all. We are just happy for her.I am just happy
0:14:53 > 0:14:58that she has come to this point. I just hope there is a sense of peace
0:14:58 > 0:15:04and contentment with her, and that, you know, if it means developing a
0:15:04 > 0:15:10relationship with them, but that's OK. Because that is good.
0:15:23 > 0:15:28One thing I realised, going on this trip, that I almost did it more for
0:15:28 > 0:15:34my biological family than myself. Obviously it was both, but in a lot
0:15:34 > 0:15:39of ways it was a lot more meaningful to them. Just because it was a lot
0:15:39 > 0:15:42more traumatic for them, and they have been living with a lot more
0:15:42 > 0:15:47emotion about it for so many years. But for me, also, it was good. It
0:15:47 > 0:15:54was... Yes, it was good in different ways, I think, for us. But for me,
0:15:54 > 0:16:12it was definitely fulfilling. What is it?Chicken wing.Sure.My oldest
0:16:12 > 0:16:20daughter, she is already 25, but she never went into the kitchen once.I
0:16:20 > 0:16:26will teach her how to cook. I guess having two sets of parents, it is...
0:16:26 > 0:16:31It's hard, because it's a lot of family ties, and that is, like, how
0:16:31 > 0:16:35much to communicate, and I'm not really good at communicating with my
0:16:35 > 0:16:40family in the first place, and I have a whole other family.
0:16:55 > 0:17:02The next morning, Kati's dad wants to take her to the place where he
0:17:02 > 0:17:04abandoned her.
0:17:09 > 0:17:13But it is difficult to find the exact spot.
0:17:53 > 0:17:57He really just wanted my forgiveness, which is... It was just
0:17:57 > 0:18:01really interesting, because, like I understand from him why he needed
0:18:01 > 0:18:05forgiveness, but for me, I didn't feel like I needed to forgive them
0:18:05 > 0:18:10for anything. Like, from my perspective, I understand their
0:18:10 > 0:18:16situation, as much as I think I can. And, like... Yes, they were stuck.
0:18:16 > 0:18:23They were stuck in a system that was so can.Six hours from Hangzhou is
0:18:23 > 0:18:30this town. It is the original family home, and it is where Kati's
0:18:30 > 0:18:32grandmother lives.
0:18:47 > 0:18:54I think another really cool moment was, like Tom meeting my grandma. I
0:18:54 > 0:19:00think she was on the boat and I was born, so, like, she has been also
0:19:00 > 0:19:04thinking about me a lot through the years.Earlier this year, her
0:19:04 > 0:19:09grandmother nearly died after suffering a stroke.
0:19:22 > 0:19:26Just seeing her, and seeing my extended family, I am just like...
0:19:26 > 0:19:32It really made it feel more like family. I don't know, just seeing
0:19:32 > 0:19:36how much that I was there, and she really wanted to see me before she
0:19:36 > 0:19:44died, and that was kind of... It was a powerful moment.It is time to say
0:19:44 > 0:19:48goodbye. All the family are at the airport to see Kati off.
0:20:09 > 0:20:11Don't cry, OK?
0:21:06 > 0:21:12Hello.Back in Michigan, a new chapter is beginning in Kati's life,
0:21:12 > 0:21:17as she prepares for her final year of university.I guess, for like,
0:21:17 > 0:21:25for other adoptees who are pursuing reunion or searching, I think it is
0:21:25 > 0:21:32important to just, like, be very aware of, like, your feelings. And,
0:21:32 > 0:21:36like, there is not really a right and wrong way to feel during any
0:21:36 > 0:21:40part of the process. No matter how much you know about your adoption,
0:21:40 > 0:21:44or why you were given up, or how much you feel about it, and how much
0:21:44 > 0:21:48it hurts, or no matter what the circumstance, I don't think it's
0:21:48 > 0:21:53good to suppress those feelings that might be hard to deal with.