0:00:13 > 0:00:16Mmm, mhm, mmhm, mmm...
0:00:16 > 0:00:18Sorry. Not making any sense, am I?
0:00:18 > 0:00:20But then, no-one's making any sense about the big vote.
0:00:20 > 0:00:22Well, not to me, anyway.
0:00:22 > 0:00:24I mean, the Yes side is blethering about this,
0:00:24 > 0:00:26the No side is blethering about that.
0:00:26 > 0:00:29Everyone is blethering about the referendum and, I'll be honest,
0:00:29 > 0:00:31I haven't got a baldy clue. Not a Scooby,
0:00:31 > 0:00:35which is slightly embarrassing, because I'm not a stupid man, right?
0:00:35 > 0:00:37I've got Highers. I've got an HND.
0:00:37 > 0:00:40You'd think I would know stuff by now. I mean, basic stuff.
0:00:40 > 0:00:44Like... What happens to the oil? What happens to passports?
0:00:44 > 0:00:46What happens to EastEnders?
0:00:46 > 0:00:48- "EASTENDERS" THEME TUNE - Every time...
0:00:50 > 0:00:54You see, the thing about most people is, that unlike me,
0:00:54 > 0:00:56they can't make up their mind about things.
0:00:56 > 0:01:00They're always dithering. Well, not me. I'm, pure, like that.
0:01:00 > 0:01:02I know what I want
0:01:02 > 0:01:04and I know how to get it.
0:01:07 > 0:01:11Am I wearing this or is this wearing me? I'm not sure.
0:01:14 > 0:01:17The point is, we absolutely cannot get away
0:01:17 > 0:01:20from the fact that we have a shared cultural heritage.
0:01:20 > 0:01:21APPLAUSE
0:01:21 > 0:01:23You see, I love being as British
0:01:23 > 0:01:25as this man, Stephen Fry.
0:01:25 > 0:01:26...where we have prepared for you
0:01:26 > 0:01:28a veritable gallimaufry of gaffes...
0:01:28 > 0:01:31A man who knows so many words, he has to put the spare ones
0:01:31 > 0:01:32in his appendix.
0:01:32 > 0:01:34On the other hand,
0:01:34 > 0:01:35I love being as Scottish
0:01:35 > 0:01:38as the funniest man on the planet.
0:01:38 > 0:01:41- It's...- Billy Connolly - best storyteller, bar none.
0:01:41 > 0:01:42He's practically in our DNA.
0:01:42 > 0:01:45You can see why I'm dithering, can't you?
0:01:45 > 0:01:47And if you're dithering as much as I am on this,
0:01:47 > 0:01:51then perhaps you need the answers to the questions I'm going to ask.
0:01:51 > 0:01:55Like all top-flight blue-chip BBC documentaries, my 'journey'
0:01:55 > 0:01:59begins with me getting into my celebrity-themed Scottish car.
0:02:03 > 0:02:05Yeah, turns out there's no such a thing as a Scottish car.
0:02:05 > 0:02:07Er, gap in the market?
0:02:10 > 0:02:13So, come with me on my 'journey', as I find out everything I wanted
0:02:13 > 0:02:17to know about the referendum, but was too embarrassed to ask.
0:02:17 > 0:02:18It's not a real journey.
0:02:37 > 0:02:40We all know Scotland's got oil, but how much?
0:02:40 > 0:02:44How long is it going to last? And is it even ours?
0:02:44 > 0:02:48You ask 100 different experts, you get 117 different answers.
0:02:48 > 0:02:50So what's the REAL answer?
0:02:50 > 0:02:53Here's another question - how do we know which bits
0:02:53 > 0:02:55of the North Sea are Scottish and which are English?
0:02:55 > 0:02:57Where is the oil border?
0:02:57 > 0:03:00I mean, there's loads of blethering around that.
0:03:00 > 0:03:04Imagine this though, if we DO get all the oil this side of the border
0:03:04 > 0:03:08and there's tonnes of it, we could be oil rich.
0:03:08 > 0:03:13"DALLAS" THEME TUNE
0:03:16 > 0:03:19Yeah, yeah. The oil barons' ball. In Kilmarnock!
0:03:21 > 0:03:23We want Jai Lo to play!
0:03:23 > 0:03:26Yeah, well, YOU might call her J Lo, but if she plays Scotland,
0:03:26 > 0:03:28she's called Jai Lo.
0:03:28 > 0:03:31You know what, it's probably quite important to understand
0:03:31 > 0:03:34the risks and commitments involved in this oil business before I vote.
0:03:34 > 0:03:35Who can I ask?
0:03:39 > 0:03:41Oooh!
0:03:44 > 0:03:46Hi, there. Er, do you know anything about the price of oil
0:03:46 > 0:03:47and how it might change?
0:03:47 > 0:03:51Yes, I've written some papers on it. What would you like to know?
0:03:51 > 0:03:53Result. OK. So, maybe you're the guy that can tell me
0:03:53 > 0:03:57if an independent Scotland will be like the Texas of Europe.
0:03:57 > 0:03:58Well, back in the 1980s,
0:03:58 > 0:04:00when production was booming,
0:04:00 > 0:04:03and the prices were high and it was cheap to get out of the ground,
0:04:03 > 0:04:05we might have been able to do a similar thing
0:04:05 > 0:04:08to what Norway's done and become very rich.
0:04:08 > 0:04:10OK, so what you're saying is that we'd all be driving around
0:04:10 > 0:04:13in massive long cars that you can't do three-point turns in.
0:04:13 > 0:04:15Well, that was the 1980s. Now, it's slightly different.
0:04:15 > 0:04:18It's a lot more expensive to get out the ground,
0:04:18 > 0:04:20production has probably fallen
0:04:20 > 0:04:22by about two-thirds, from its peak in 2000,
0:04:22 > 0:04:24so it's a slightly different scenario now.
0:04:24 > 0:04:27So, then we're all going to be queuing at food banks
0:04:27 > 0:04:29and wearing odd shoes?
0:04:29 > 0:04:32No, no, it wouldn't be that, but what would happen is that
0:04:32 > 0:04:35if we left the UK, the sort of tax revenues that we'd lose
0:04:35 > 0:04:38would be compensated for by the extra you'd get from the North Sea,
0:04:38 > 0:04:40that would come directly to Scotland.
0:04:40 > 0:04:43So it would probably be about the same as at the minute.
0:04:43 > 0:04:46It's difficult to tell, thereafter, because the price is so variable.
0:04:46 > 0:04:49It seems to me that, even in this baffling, confusing independence
0:04:49 > 0:04:53debate, this is the one question that's the hardest to nail down.
0:04:53 > 0:04:56Are you able to confidently predict what might happen
0:04:56 > 0:04:57with the oil question?
0:04:57 > 0:05:01I can confidently predict that nobody can confidently predict
0:05:01 > 0:05:03what will happen to oil in the future.
0:05:03 > 0:05:05- Thanks(!)- No bother.
0:05:05 > 0:05:09So, in a world with rocketing oil prices and gushing wells,
0:05:09 > 0:05:11we'd be oil rich.
0:05:11 > 0:05:15On the other hand, if oil becomes worthless, we could be oil poor.
0:05:26 > 0:05:31- Dad.- Yes?- What was it like before the oil money ran out?
0:05:33 > 0:05:36We used to live in this massive house,
0:05:36 > 0:05:39made entirely of venison.
0:05:39 > 0:05:40You should have seen it.
0:05:40 > 0:05:43And get this. What is it we put in our cars now to make them go?
0:05:43 > 0:05:46Jam, Dad. Everybody knows that.
0:05:46 > 0:05:49Yeah. Well, back in the day, it used to be oil.
0:05:49 > 0:05:51- Shut up!- True story.
0:05:51 > 0:05:54So, listen, what do you want to eat?
0:05:54 > 0:05:57- Jamburgers or Jamfingers? - Jamfingers!
0:05:57 > 0:06:01Yay! Come on, let's put some jam in the car first.
0:06:19 > 0:06:22RADIO: And of course they don't take the wheelie bins and the recycling
0:06:22 > 0:06:25bins in on the same day, because, I mean, that would be too sensible.
0:06:25 > 0:06:27I'm going to have to ask you to get to the point, Sandra...
0:06:27 > 0:06:30My point is this - what is the West Lothian Question?
0:06:30 > 0:06:31My name's not Sandra!
0:06:31 > 0:06:35Today the big question is, the West Lothian Question...
0:06:35 > 0:06:38..simply form a well-known expression from these words.
0:06:38 > 0:06:41Question, Lothian aaaaaannd...
0:06:41 > 0:06:45RIGHT, OK! What is the West Lothian Question?!
0:06:45 > 0:06:47I'm going to have to find out!
0:06:53 > 0:06:55Do you know what the West Lothian Question is?
0:06:55 > 0:06:57No, don't have a clue.
0:06:57 > 0:06:59Do you want to have a guess what it might be?
0:06:59 > 0:07:00No, what's it about?
0:07:00 > 0:07:03- Excuse me, do you know what the West Lothian Question is?- No.
0:07:03 > 0:07:08- No.- West Lothian Question? I've not got a clue, dear.
0:07:08 > 0:07:12Excuse me, sir. Do you know what the West Lothian Question is?
0:07:12 > 0:07:16Excuse me, madam. Sorry. Do you know what the West Lothian Question is?
0:07:16 > 0:07:19- Do you know what the West Lothian Question is?- No.
0:07:19 > 0:07:21But you have heard of the West Lothian Question?
0:07:21 > 0:07:24- No, Tam Dalyell asked a question. - There you go.
0:07:24 > 0:07:29Great Mr Dalyell of the Binns, Linlithgow, asked a question.
0:07:29 > 0:07:31And do you mind what the question actually was?
0:07:31 > 0:07:34Yes. Who sunk the Belgrano?
0:07:34 > 0:07:38So, there you have it - the people of West Lothian have spoken,
0:07:38 > 0:07:40and the answer could not be clearer.
0:07:40 > 0:07:43the answer to the West Lothian Question is...
0:07:43 > 0:07:46What that guy in the bunnet said.
0:07:46 > 0:07:50Was he wearing a bonnet? Your mind plays tricks.
0:07:50 > 0:07:51Sanjeev!
0:07:56 > 0:07:59Do you seek the answer to the Question of West Lothian?
0:08:01 > 0:08:05Yes. How did you know my name?
0:08:05 > 0:08:10Dear boy! I am a sage! A sayer of sooth!
0:08:10 > 0:08:12Also, I know you from Still Game.
0:08:14 > 0:08:18Not much range, have you? Always playing people with beards
0:08:18 > 0:08:20and strange accents.
0:08:20 > 0:08:22Harsh.
0:08:22 > 0:08:26Anyway, come with me. I have much to show you. Follow me.
0:08:26 > 0:08:28Come, come.
0:08:34 > 0:08:37The West Lothian Question first passed the lips
0:08:37 > 0:08:42of the great Tam Dalyell, in the year 1977.
0:08:43 > 0:08:45Tam Dalyell - was he a sage, too?
0:08:45 > 0:08:51No. He was the MP for West Lothian.
0:08:51 > 0:08:54Though he did say something very interesting.
0:08:54 > 0:09:00He asked, if English MPs can't vote on devolved Scottish matters,
0:09:00 > 0:09:07why should Scottish MPs be allowed to vote on purely English matters?
0:09:07 > 0:09:10Is that important? I still don't get this.
0:09:10 > 0:09:13All will be revealed in the bothy of miracles!
0:09:18 > 0:09:20What, in there?
0:09:20 > 0:09:22Get in.
0:09:25 > 0:09:30From here, you can control all the policies in England.
0:09:32 > 0:09:36- Manipulate the thunderstick of voodoo, Sanjeev!- Sorry, what?
0:09:36 > 0:09:40Press the doofer! The doobrey. The click-click thing.
0:09:40 > 0:09:42- That thing there, yes. - BEEP
0:09:45 > 0:09:48Why is that hospital floating?
0:09:48 > 0:09:50It's a metaphor, you fool!
0:09:53 > 0:09:57Scottish MPs have influence over hospitals in England.
0:09:57 > 0:10:01Obviously, they can't make them fly. They do have influence, though!
0:10:01 > 0:10:05But the English MPs have no power over ours!
0:10:05 > 0:10:08Not that this hasn't been fun... but I do need a specific answer.
0:10:08 > 0:10:11How important is the West Lothian Question to me
0:10:11 > 0:10:13as a voter in this referendum?
0:10:13 > 0:10:17Press another button. Press, press, press!
0:10:17 > 0:10:19The West Lothian Question has vexed politicians
0:10:19 > 0:10:21and journalists for generations,
0:10:21 > 0:10:23but the average member of public would probably say,
0:10:23 > 0:10:25"What's that?" and are confused by it.
0:10:25 > 0:10:27It's quite an important issue,
0:10:27 > 0:10:30because it's about when MPs who sit for Scottish seats
0:10:30 > 0:10:34go to Westminster , they vote on English legislation,
0:10:34 > 0:10:36which their colleagues up in Edinburgh
0:10:36 > 0:10:39are responsible for in Scotland. So, that's not very fair.
0:10:39 > 0:10:43But there is a very simple solution to the West Lothian conundrum
0:10:43 > 0:10:46and that's independence, because, with independence, you have
0:10:46 > 0:10:50Scottish politicians sitting in Edinburgh, English politicians
0:10:50 > 0:10:53sitting in Westminster - don't poke their nose into one another's
0:10:53 > 0:10:57schools and hospitals, do what they want to do and everyone's happy.
0:11:00 > 0:11:03Well, the West Lothian Question is about Scottish MPs
0:11:03 > 0:11:06voting on English-only issues, like English schooling, for example.
0:11:06 > 0:11:08That's not an issue in this referendum at all.
0:11:08 > 0:11:10People in Scotland care far more about the fact that,
0:11:10 > 0:11:13with devolution, we've got the best of both worlds.
0:11:13 > 0:11:16We make decisions about education, health, police in Edinburgh.
0:11:16 > 0:11:20As part of the UK, we also sit at the top table in the European Union,
0:11:20 > 0:11:24on the UN Security Council, the G7, the G8, so we're part of a much
0:11:24 > 0:11:28bigger force in the world, but we also make decisions close to home.
0:11:28 > 0:11:31Goodbye, Sanjeev! Ooh, I'm getting smaller.
0:11:41 > 0:11:42There are a lot of big questions,
0:11:42 > 0:11:45history-changing questions, with this referendum.
0:11:45 > 0:11:49How do we define ourselves? Are we Scottish? British? European?
0:11:49 > 0:11:52It's a matter of huge cultural significance.
0:11:52 > 0:11:53What happens to the oil?
0:11:53 > 0:11:56The answer to that could have serious economic implications
0:11:56 > 0:11:57for generations.
0:11:57 > 0:12:00And then, of course, there's the West Lothian Question.
0:12:00 > 0:12:03But perhaps bigger than all of those questions is the one they call
0:12:03 > 0:12:05The Walford East Question.
0:12:07 > 0:12:10Will we still get to watch EastEnders?
0:12:10 > 0:12:13- "EASTENDERS" THEME TUNE - Sorry.
0:12:13 > 0:12:16Seriously. If Scotland goes independent,
0:12:16 > 0:12:18what's going to happen to the telly?
0:12:18 > 0:12:22Are we going to get all the non-Scottish programmes? Dr Who?
0:12:22 > 0:12:24Sherlock? Homes Under The Hammer?
0:12:24 > 0:12:28Or perhaps, the ultimate continuing drama in world television,
0:12:28 > 0:12:29Holby City?
0:12:29 > 0:12:31He told me everything,
0:12:31 > 0:12:34you want to cut my soul out with an electric saw?
0:12:34 > 0:12:35No. No way.
0:12:35 > 0:12:38See, that's the mark of a truly ground-breaking show...
0:12:38 > 0:12:41the calibre of the non-returning guest character.
0:12:41 > 0:12:44Can they take Holby City away from me?
0:12:44 > 0:12:46Will they take Antiques Roadshow away from me?
0:12:46 > 0:12:49Am I to live in a world without Cash In The Attic?
0:12:51 > 0:12:55Some of you will understand my anger. Let me explain.
0:12:55 > 0:12:58The year is 1979. I am nine years old.
0:12:58 > 0:13:00It's the summer holidays.
0:13:00 > 0:13:04A time of sunshine, of escape, of putting Mars Bars in the fridge.
0:13:04 > 0:13:07And, of course, kids' telly during the day.
0:13:07 > 0:13:09But not for the Scottish kids. Oh, no.
0:13:09 > 0:13:13We didn't get kids' telly until the English kids went on holiday -
0:13:13 > 0:13:16a full four weeks later. Four weeks!
0:13:16 > 0:13:19Four weeks of no Why Don't You?
0:13:19 > 0:13:22Four weeks of no Champion, The Wonder Horse.
0:13:22 > 0:13:24Four weeks of no The Flashing Blade.
0:13:26 > 0:13:30"Why don't they let us see the children's programmes, Daddy?
0:13:30 > 0:13:35"Don't they like us, Daddy? Are we not real children, Daddy?"
0:13:38 > 0:13:41Maybe this is our chance for revenge.
0:13:41 > 0:13:45If we do get independence, we could threaten to take back our actors,
0:13:45 > 0:13:48if they take our programmes.
0:13:48 > 0:13:52Yeah. TV cold war. Tit-for-tat.
0:13:52 > 0:13:54They make a move on EastEnders,
0:13:54 > 0:13:57we send an extraction team in for David Tennant.
0:13:57 > 0:13:59Aye, that will make them think twice about nicking the telly.
0:13:59 > 0:14:02But am I overreacting? Is this even a possibility?
0:14:02 > 0:14:08Can they block the BBC? Think I'll see if someone knows on the telly.
0:14:08 > 0:14:11- The first B in BBC stands for British.- Perfect.
0:14:11 > 0:14:14If Scotland's no longer part of Britain, then the relationship
0:14:14 > 0:14:16with the BBC could change.
0:14:16 > 0:14:19We know, for example, in Ireland, if you want to watch the iPlayer
0:14:19 > 0:14:21you've got to pay seven euros a month.
0:14:21 > 0:14:22They have a commercial relationship.
0:14:22 > 0:14:24That could be what happens here in Scotland.
0:14:24 > 0:14:27OK. What's on the other side?
0:14:27 > 0:14:31Will the BBC stop Scottish viewers seeing their favourite programmes
0:14:31 > 0:14:32after independence?
0:14:32 > 0:14:34One has the image of a big plug being pulled,
0:14:34 > 0:14:37but I just don't see that happening at all.
0:14:37 > 0:14:40I mean, our White Paper talks quite extensively
0:14:40 > 0:14:42about the collaboration that will continue
0:14:42 > 0:14:47between a Scottish broadcasting corporation and the BBC in London.
0:14:47 > 0:14:50But won't it just be knock-off Scottish versions of British shows,
0:14:50 > 0:14:53like The Great Scottish Deep-Fry Off?
0:14:53 > 0:14:56Educating Yorkhill? Dr How But?
0:14:56 > 0:14:59Och, Sanjeev, I don't think you really mean that. There will be more
0:14:59 > 0:15:03programmes like this one. You know, fun programmes about Scottish
0:15:03 > 0:15:06subjects, about things that people in Scotland are interested in.
0:15:06 > 0:15:10At the moment, over £300 million is raised in the licence fee
0:15:10 > 0:15:14in Scotland, but only about £175 million is spent here.
0:15:14 > 0:15:19The SNP say that Scots who pay a licence fee now would still pay
0:15:19 > 0:15:23for a Scottish broadcasting service and it would be about the same rate.
0:15:23 > 0:15:26Now, Scotland raises about £300 million from the licence fee,
0:15:26 > 0:15:30but it gets more than £3 billion of BBC programming.
0:15:30 > 0:15:33So, the benefits for being part of Britain,
0:15:33 > 0:15:36being part of the BBC, are huge.
0:15:36 > 0:15:40What about the kids today? The 'whatever' generation?
0:15:40 > 0:15:42Will they be deprived of British programmes,
0:15:42 > 0:15:45like I was during those long, long, bitter summers?
0:15:45 > 0:15:47Will they be as angry as me? Ruby?
0:15:47 > 0:15:51Does the possible inaccessibility of network programming
0:15:51 > 0:15:55in an independent Scotland concern you? Ruby?
0:15:55 > 0:15:58- Ruby? Ruby? Ruby? Ruby? Ruby? - Hmm-mm?
0:15:58 > 0:16:01I was just wondering if the possible inaccessibility of network
0:16:01 > 0:16:04programming in an independent Scotland concerned you, at all?
0:16:04 > 0:16:06No.
0:16:06 > 0:16:07What you watching, anyway?
0:16:07 > 0:16:10Ha Ha House. Korean sketch show.
0:16:10 > 0:16:12YouTube?
0:16:12 > 0:16:15Which brings me back to my original question...
0:16:15 > 0:16:18will I be able to watch EastEnders? Maybe. Maybe not.
0:16:18 > 0:16:21Would it be such a bad thing, though?
0:16:21 > 0:16:24Maybe if Scotland got independence and we couldn't get instant access
0:16:24 > 0:16:26to English television, we'd appreciate it more.
0:16:26 > 0:16:28I mean, just imagine...
0:16:28 > 0:16:31Ah man, there's too many Anglo continuing dramas,
0:16:31 > 0:16:34I can't keep up, I haven't even broken into Emmerdale yet.
0:16:34 > 0:16:38So, anyway, EastEnders, it gets really dark in season three, yeah?
0:16:38 > 0:16:42No, what? Arthur Fowler? Seriously? The Xmas Club money?
0:16:42 > 0:16:45Don't tell me, don't tell me, don't tell me!
0:16:55 > 0:16:59I'm here to explain what the democratic deficit is -
0:16:59 > 0:17:04two words beloved of politicians, especially during the rutting season
0:17:04 > 0:17:08known as election time, or the biggest, most historic
0:17:08 > 0:17:12rutting season of them all here in Scotland - the referendum.
0:17:13 > 0:17:17MPs who want Scotland to stay in the Union believe the democracy
0:17:17 > 0:17:21we have is the best for Scotland's interests,
0:17:21 > 0:17:24yet MPs who support a vote for independence
0:17:24 > 0:17:30believe that the people of Scotland don't get what they vote for.
0:17:30 > 0:17:34So, while the Tory Party has been a major force in the UK's
0:17:34 > 0:17:39political landscape, Tory MPs in Scotland are rare beasts, indeed.
0:17:40 > 0:17:44This is what is known as the democratic deficit.
0:17:44 > 0:17:48Grant Grant and Theresa Theresa were, of course, brought here
0:17:48 > 0:17:52by the Conservatives, to breed in captivity.
0:17:52 > 0:17:56Sadly, the 24-hour window of reproductive opportunity -
0:17:56 > 0:18:00The Last Night Of The Proms - has been and gone.
0:18:03 > 0:18:07Look! Grant Grant there. Heart-breaking sight.
0:18:10 > 0:18:12In recent times, there have been, of course,
0:18:12 > 0:18:16highly-successful, inter-species Lib Dem-Tory breeding programmes
0:18:16 > 0:18:19like that carried out at Westminster Zoo.
0:18:19 > 0:18:22But north of the Border, attempts to multiply the stock
0:18:22 > 0:18:27of exceptionally-rare Scottish Tories, like this one, have failed.
0:18:27 > 0:18:29And so, this Tory must live alone here,
0:18:29 > 0:18:33unable to take part in the camaraderie
0:18:33 > 0:18:36enjoyed by other political beasts north of the Border.
0:18:36 > 0:18:41And yet, while this true-blue Tory is the rarest of beasts here,
0:18:41 > 0:18:45the abundance of English Tories living in a more forgiving habitat
0:18:45 > 0:18:47has allowed them to dominate
0:18:47 > 0:18:52the political food chain for over half the years since 1945.
0:18:54 > 0:18:58Of course, the most feared predator of the Tory in Scotland
0:18:58 > 0:19:01is the Labour MSP.
0:19:01 > 0:19:04We tracked down such a beast.
0:19:04 > 0:19:08But in a strange development, that has seen the rules of natural
0:19:08 > 0:19:11selection almost turned on their head,
0:19:11 > 0:19:13Labour and Tory have formed a bond,
0:19:13 > 0:19:15to maintain their traditional habitat
0:19:15 > 0:19:18within the union of Great Britain.
0:19:19 > 0:19:22Does she think the democratic deficit will remain a problem
0:19:22 > 0:19:24if we vote No?
0:19:25 > 0:19:27I actually think the democratic deficit will get worse
0:19:27 > 0:19:28in an independent Scotland.
0:19:28 > 0:19:31If you look at the early years of the Scottish Parliament,
0:19:31 > 0:19:34some of the best things we did were homelessness legislation,
0:19:34 > 0:19:37mental health, talking about things that never got to be heard
0:19:37 > 0:19:39in the palace of Westminster.
0:19:39 > 0:19:41If we are independent and we've got 129 MSPs
0:19:41 > 0:19:44trying to write foreign policy, defence and welfare,
0:19:44 > 0:19:46all those issues will get sidelined again
0:19:46 > 0:19:48and we'll lose out as a consequence. But there's another point
0:19:48 > 0:19:51I'd want to make - the fact that, at the end of the day,
0:19:51 > 0:19:54we're still arguing about where power lies between two parliaments.
0:19:54 > 0:19:56If we really want to reform our democracy,
0:19:56 > 0:19:59we need to work out how we get power into the hands of the people,
0:19:59 > 0:20:01so they can affect change in their own communities.
0:20:01 > 0:20:04So there you have it - the bigger the jungle, it would seem,
0:20:04 > 0:20:09the greater the opportunity for food and shelter for everyone.
0:20:09 > 0:20:13But what about those who seek their own ecological niche
0:20:13 > 0:20:15in an independent Scotland?
0:20:16 > 0:20:21Why do they feel their needs are savaged by the beasts
0:20:21 > 0:20:23of Westminster?
0:20:24 > 0:20:28We only have 9% of the MPs at Westminster from Scotland,
0:20:28 > 0:20:30so it means that we're always outvoted
0:20:30 > 0:20:33and we're often outvoted in really important things
0:20:33 > 0:20:36that Westminster control, like Trident nuclear weapons.
0:20:36 > 0:20:39People in Scotland do not want these weapons of mass destruction
0:20:39 > 0:20:42on their soil. They certainly don't want to pay the renewal of Trident,
0:20:42 > 0:20:46which is £100 billion, going forward.
0:20:46 > 0:20:49Think about what that could do to make us a fairer society.
0:20:49 > 0:20:53We want to keep our free university tuition, for example.
0:20:53 > 0:20:56Yet the parliament in Westminster could vote to cut Scotland's money
0:20:56 > 0:20:59tomorrow and we would have absolutely no say in it.
0:20:59 > 0:21:01So, the democratic deficit is key to this
0:21:01 > 0:21:03and it's really only independence that can solve it.
0:21:05 > 0:21:09So, to put it in evolutionary terms, the Yes campaign feel that,
0:21:09 > 0:21:13in a smaller pond, we all become much bigger fish
0:21:13 > 0:21:18and, therefore, able to have more control over our habitat.
0:21:18 > 0:21:23Whatever happens during this historic rut that is the referendum,
0:21:23 > 0:21:26we can but hope that there is a place on the planet
0:21:26 > 0:21:28for this most noble of beasts.
0:21:28 > 0:21:32Until then, though, this Tory must survive alone
0:21:32 > 0:21:35and deserves all the care that we can give it.
0:21:36 > 0:21:42MUSIC: "GOD SAVE THE QUEEN"
0:21:47 > 0:21:49- POSH FEMALE VOICE:- Hello.
0:21:49 > 0:21:542014 is a very important year for the royal family in Scotland.
0:21:54 > 0:21:59It is, of course, the year of Janette Krankie's 90th,
0:21:59 > 0:22:02although one still awaits one's invite.
0:22:02 > 0:22:08And there is the small matter of the independence referendum vote.
0:22:08 > 0:22:13Therefore, it gives one great pleasure to announce
0:22:13 > 0:22:16that both the Yes campaign and the No campaign
0:22:16 > 0:22:21have stated unequivocally that one will remain
0:22:21 > 0:22:27on the throne, regardless of the outcome of this historic vote.
0:22:27 > 0:22:31But one is well aware that, should Scotland become independent,
0:22:31 > 0:22:34the ruling party will have the right
0:22:34 > 0:22:38to give me the heave-ho at any moment.
0:22:38 > 0:22:41What about a timeshare Queen?
0:22:41 > 0:22:43One already divides one's time
0:22:43 > 0:22:47between the castles of Balmoral and Windsor.
0:22:47 > 0:22:52Windsor is where one performs the official ceremonies,
0:22:52 > 0:22:57but Balmoral is where the juice happens,
0:22:57 > 0:23:02where one throws on a trackie, gets up at one in the afternoon,
0:23:02 > 0:23:05off-roads in the Land Rover,
0:23:05 > 0:23:09and, generally, has a right old laugh and carry-on.
0:23:09 > 0:23:14What one is proposing is that you, the people of Scotland,
0:23:14 > 0:23:18for six months a year, get the Party Queen.
0:23:18 > 0:23:23TECHNO MUSIC
0:23:23 > 0:23:28One will even do you a special Scottish Christmas message.
0:23:28 > 0:23:30While they get...
0:23:30 > 0:23:35"At Christmas, one's thoughts turn to the Commonwealth" gubbins,
0:23:35 > 0:23:38you will get karaoke.
0:23:39 > 0:23:44Paradise By The Dashboard Light. Start to finish.
0:23:44 > 0:23:48TECHNO MUSIC
0:23:48 > 0:23:53I might even fill Balmoral with lots of little, tiny, coloured balls
0:23:53 > 0:23:57and turn it into a massive soft-play area.
0:23:57 > 0:24:01Keep an eye out for the Facebook updates.
0:24:03 > 0:24:05Thank you, Gerard.
0:24:06 > 0:24:08Gerard Butler. No?
0:24:09 > 0:24:11Please yourself.
0:24:13 > 0:24:18GAME SHOW MUSIC AND APPLAUSE
0:24:27 > 0:24:30Hello, and welcome to What's In It For Me?
0:24:30 > 0:24:33the game show where I ask "What's in it for me?"
0:24:33 > 0:24:37by asking the question "What's in it for me?" if I vote
0:24:37 > 0:24:39Yes...
0:24:39 > 0:24:40or No?
0:24:42 > 0:24:44Let's meet our contestants.
0:24:44 > 0:24:48Contestant number one, what's your name and where do you come from?
0:24:48 > 0:24:51I'm Humza Yousaf. I'm a Member of the Scottish Parliament for Glasgow.
0:24:51 > 0:24:53Which way are you going to vote this September?
0:24:53 > 0:24:55I'll be voting Yes.
0:24:55 > 0:24:58Excellent, now, a little birdie tells me you collect teapots!
0:24:58 > 0:25:00Unusual hobby. How did that start?
0:25:00 > 0:25:03No, I don't collect teapots.
0:25:03 > 0:25:05OK... Let's meet our second contestant.
0:25:05 > 0:25:07What's your name and where do you come from?
0:25:07 > 0:25:10Kez Dugdale, Labour MSP for Edinburgh and the Lothians.
0:25:10 > 0:25:13- Which way are you going to vote this September?- I'm going to vote No.
0:25:13 > 0:25:15Well, let's get on with the quiz.
0:25:17 > 0:25:19Now, I'm an average, kind of, guy.
0:25:19 > 0:25:21Early 40s... I know what you're thinking,
0:25:21 > 0:25:24and the answer is moisturiser and plenty of it,
0:25:24 > 0:25:27but I'm married, got three kids, so if I vote No,
0:25:27 > 0:25:32what's in it for me? You have 30 seconds, starting from...now.
0:25:32 > 0:25:34Sanjeev, you get the best of both worlds.
0:25:34 > 0:25:37You get a strong Scottish Parliament
0:25:37 > 0:25:39focused on the education of your kids and their life chances.
0:25:39 > 0:25:41You get an NHS which is going
0:25:41 > 0:25:44to lead the world, focused again in the Scottish Parliament.
0:25:44 > 0:25:46But you also get to be part of the United Kingdom
0:25:46 > 0:25:50and all the good things that means, which means tapping in and taxing
0:25:50 > 0:25:53the wealth around the United Kingdom and sharing it where it's needed,
0:25:53 > 0:25:55to make sure we pool and share resources wherever we find it.
0:25:55 > 0:25:58You can have the best of both worlds when you vote No in September.
0:25:58 > 0:26:00- GONG - Well done!
0:26:00 > 0:26:02OK, let's see how YOU do.
0:26:02 > 0:26:04If I vote Yes, what's in it for me?"
0:26:04 > 0:26:08Well, it means, Sanjeev, for the first time in 300 years,
0:26:08 > 0:26:10you'll be able to get the government that you voted for.
0:26:10 > 0:26:14That means that you can create a fairer society, you can choose
0:26:14 > 0:26:16to spend money on bairns and not bombs, you can get rid
0:26:16 > 0:26:19of the bedroom tax, you can create a fairer society for all of us -
0:26:19 > 0:26:24use that critical mass of human wealth and human resource
0:26:24 > 0:26:25to better our own nation.
0:26:25 > 0:26:28That means, whether you're an individual or a nation,
0:26:28 > 0:26:30you can make decisions for yourself.
0:26:30 > 0:26:32Well, you and I both have Asian parents,
0:26:32 > 0:26:34so maybe we can't make decisions for ourselves,
0:26:34 > 0:26:37- but for everyone else, you can make decisions for yourself.- Well done.
0:26:37 > 0:26:39- GONG - OK, let's move on...
0:26:39 > 0:26:42as we ask "What's in it for me?" for a different me!
0:26:43 > 0:26:47OK, now before you ask our MPs your question,
0:26:47 > 0:26:49let's find out a wee bit about yourself, stuff like that whatever.
0:26:49 > 0:26:54Well, Sanjeev, I'm a single mother of three boys, aged two, five and 17.
0:26:54 > 0:26:55Excellent stuff.
0:26:55 > 0:26:59It says here that you were once in a supermarket in Florida
0:26:59 > 0:27:03and you met the rapper Ice Cube and you took his Alpen by mistake,
0:27:03 > 0:27:05but I can't imagine that's true, now, is it?
0:27:05 > 0:27:07No, no, that actually did happen.
0:27:07 > 0:27:10Oh! Really! Well, tell us about that then.
0:27:10 > 0:27:13Well, you, kind of, told the story already, so...
0:27:13 > 0:27:16Right enough, so I did. What am I like?
0:27:16 > 0:27:17OK! Let's get on with the quiz.
0:27:21 > 0:27:25I'd like to ask the Yes person, what's in it for me?
0:27:26 > 0:27:30OK, you have 20 seconds, starting from...now.
0:27:30 > 0:27:34Well, with independence, we'll create the most transformative childcare,
0:27:34 > 0:27:36not just in Europe, but the whole world,
0:27:36 > 0:27:39so that means you'll be able to get childcare, so you can go off,
0:27:39 > 0:27:40should you want it, to work.
0:27:40 > 0:27:43You'll be able to contribute towards the economy
0:27:43 > 0:27:46and that'll have a huge impact in making us a more wealthier society.
0:27:46 > 0:27:50- GONG - Excellent! Well done. So, what did you think?
0:27:50 > 0:27:54That was good. I liked the second thing he said.
0:27:55 > 0:27:59My same question is for the No person. What's in it for me?
0:27:59 > 0:28:02OK, so you now have 20 seconds, starting from...now.
0:28:02 > 0:28:05Well, first of all, if you go out to work we're going to make sure
0:28:05 > 0:28:08you don't have to work three jobs just to make ends meet.
0:28:08 > 0:28:10You can go and work, have a living wage and make sure that, when
0:28:10 > 0:28:13you go out and bring wage into your household, it's enough to get by.
0:28:13 > 0:28:16We'll also make sure your cost of living is reduced, as well -
0:28:16 > 0:28:18energy bills, petrol prices, food prices.
0:28:18 > 0:28:20We'll look out for you and make sure you make ends meet.
0:28:20 > 0:28:24- GONG - Well, I hope you're satisfied with those answers.
0:28:24 > 0:28:27It's certainly given me plenty to think about.
0:28:27 > 0:28:29Indeed. Stuff like that, whatever.
0:28:29 > 0:28:31Well, I'm afraid that's all we have time for,
0:28:31 > 0:28:33stuff like that, whatever. Please do make sure, in the meantime,
0:28:33 > 0:28:35to ask yourself, "What's in it for me?"
0:28:35 > 0:28:38Cheersy-byes-y-oseys.
0:28:52 > 0:28:55Yes, this the year
0:28:55 > 0:28:58# To make your decision.. #