0:00:02 > 0:00:04'It's Clara's graduation.
0:00:04 > 0:00:09'While most of her classmates have no idea what the future holds,
0:00:09 > 0:00:11'she's made an extraordinary decision.'
0:00:11 > 0:00:14What I'm doing is quite different. Very different.
0:00:14 > 0:00:18My reaction first of all was, "Wow!"
0:00:18 > 0:00:21I was really shocked when I heard.
0:00:21 > 0:00:24I didn't realise it was done, really.
0:00:24 > 0:00:29'Clara's joining a small but growing number of young women
0:00:29 > 0:00:34'who choose to give up careers, boyfriends and everything they own
0:00:34 > 0:00:36'to become a nun.'
0:00:36 > 0:00:39This is what makes me happy - not money,
0:00:39 > 0:00:42not sex, not power, not any of those things,
0:00:42 > 0:00:45but to truly live for God.
0:00:45 > 0:00:49'Catherine's also considering a life in the convent,
0:00:49 > 0:00:52'but there's one thing holding her back.'
0:00:52 > 0:00:56If you like the opposite sex and you would like to marry,
0:00:56 > 0:00:58that is a genuine sacrifice.
0:00:59 > 0:01:02'We follow Clara and Catherine over six months,
0:01:02 > 0:01:06'as they prepare to take a radical leap of faith.'
0:01:06 > 0:01:11I find that, like, the hardest thing, to give up my friends.
0:01:11 > 0:01:15I am putting everything in God's hands!
0:01:15 > 0:01:19I can't begin to imagine what it's going to be like to take that step.
0:01:29 > 0:01:31I'm really bad at make-up.
0:01:31 > 0:01:35I'm not one of those people who spends ages getting ready.
0:01:35 > 0:01:39I just slap it on to cover up the worst bits.
0:01:39 > 0:01:43'Clara's 23, and has just finished her degree at Aberdeen University.
0:01:44 > 0:01:47'She knows exactly what she wants to do with her life.'
0:01:47 > 0:01:49Gosh!
0:01:49 > 0:01:53These are the last few months I'll be able to wear make-up.
0:01:53 > 0:01:55When I'm having a bad day,
0:01:55 > 0:01:57I appreciate a little mascara.
0:01:57 > 0:01:59I won't be able to put anything on
0:01:59 > 0:02:02when I have a bad day in the convent.
0:02:02 > 0:02:06'In 12 weeks, Clara will join a community of nuns
0:02:06 > 0:02:09'who shut themselves off from the world
0:02:09 > 0:02:11'to devote their entire lives to God.
0:02:11 > 0:02:16'If she chooses to stay, Clara will never again leave the convent.'
0:02:16 > 0:02:20As soon as I visited for the first time
0:02:20 > 0:02:22I knew that was all I wanted to do.
0:02:22 > 0:02:26I've been ready for this chapter to end three years ago.
0:02:26 > 0:02:29Now I'm finally at the end of university
0:02:29 > 0:02:32it's just amazing, a really good feeling.
0:02:32 > 0:02:35WOMEN LAUGH AND CHAT
0:02:41 > 0:02:43'Clara and her friends
0:02:43 > 0:02:47'are celebrating the end of five years studying together.'
0:02:47 > 0:02:51- Will you be allowed to meet people? - No. You're not allowed out.
0:02:51 > 0:02:55- There's a room with a barrier. - Can we come into your...?
0:02:55 > 0:03:00There's a parlour with a barrier and you can come up to the barrier.
0:03:00 > 0:03:06- But not across.- Are you restricted to specific times?- An hour a year.
0:03:06 > 0:03:09- No! Clara! - Will you wear your hair up in a bun?
0:03:09 > 0:03:13- I'll get it chopped off. - ALL GASP: No!
0:03:13 > 0:03:17- Your lovely curls! - No, I do get it chopped off.
0:03:17 > 0:03:19- All of it?- Pretty much.
0:03:19 > 0:03:23- No! - I'm not looking forward to that bit.
0:03:23 > 0:03:25I'll send you a lock!
0:03:25 > 0:03:29- Yeah! You should!- Each person can have a lock of my hair!
0:03:32 > 0:03:34Thank you for coming.
0:03:34 > 0:03:38It's lovely to have everyone together for one last meal.
0:03:38 > 0:03:39ALL GROAN
0:03:39 > 0:03:44I want to wish everyone all the best with everything they're doing.
0:03:44 > 0:03:47I'm sure you'll go on to do great things.
0:03:52 > 0:03:54I really want to see her again.
0:03:54 > 0:03:59She's hilarious, she's also one of the nicest people I know.
0:03:59 > 0:04:02I really don't want to lose her.
0:04:02 > 0:04:05We all think about different times we'll see each other.
0:04:05 > 0:04:08It's weird thinking that Clara won't be there.
0:04:08 > 0:04:11I don't want to get emotional.
0:04:11 > 0:04:15Yeah, it'll be weird, definitely, without her.
0:04:15 > 0:04:17LAUGHS
0:04:17 > 0:04:22MUSIC: "Ooh La La" by Goldfrapp
0:04:30 > 0:04:37# Dial up my number now
0:04:37 > 0:04:42# Weaving it through the wire... #
0:04:42 > 0:04:46I'm very much a girlie girl. Love being pampered.
0:04:46 > 0:04:48Love girlie things.
0:04:48 > 0:04:50Girls should be girlie.
0:04:50 > 0:04:53I was in the OTC, the Officer Training Corps.
0:04:53 > 0:04:56I was the worst officer cadet ever.
0:05:00 > 0:05:04'Catherine's 25 and a languages student at King's College, London.
0:05:04 > 0:05:08'Like most girls of her age, she spent the last few years
0:05:08 > 0:05:11'travelling, partying and studying.
0:05:11 > 0:05:14'She's modelling in a charity fashion show,
0:05:14 > 0:05:18'but it isn't Catherine's first time on the catwalk.'
0:05:18 > 0:05:21I sent photos to five agencies for a lark.
0:05:21 > 0:05:24I got a call and they offered me the contract.
0:05:24 > 0:05:29I went to castings. I always got the job. I never got turned down.
0:05:29 > 0:05:32They always wanted me to do catwalk.
0:05:32 > 0:05:36They never let me do editorial. It was always shows.
0:05:36 > 0:05:41I remember after my first paying show going home and feeling empty.
0:05:41 > 0:05:44Like, "Is that it? That's not that great."
0:05:44 > 0:05:48I thought I was going to be really happy that I've made it.
0:05:48 > 0:05:52"This isn't as fulfilling as I was expecting it to be."
0:05:54 > 0:05:59'Since she was a child, Catherine's had dreams of becoming a nun.
0:05:59 > 0:06:03'In her 20s, the decision is more complicated.'
0:06:03 > 0:06:07I've always liked boys and sometimes boys like me as well.
0:06:07 > 0:06:12So that would be a big sacrifice, giving up marriage
0:06:12 > 0:06:15and your own family and children.
0:06:15 > 0:06:18'With her time at university coming to an end,
0:06:18 > 0:06:22'Catherine's ready to decide whether life as a nun is really for her.'
0:06:22 > 0:06:27I love people and I love travelling and I love having a good time.
0:06:27 > 0:06:30But that's not all there is.
0:06:30 > 0:06:35I don't want to live my life and say at the end, "Well, I had fun."
0:06:35 > 0:06:40That's not what I'm about. That's not what I think life is about.
0:06:40 > 0:06:46It's a totally different world now. You do get a different kind of nun!
0:06:51 > 0:06:55'It's less than three months before Clara enters the convent.
0:06:55 > 0:06:59'She's going home to County Durham to spend summer with her family.'
0:07:09 > 0:07:12Oh! It's good to be back!
0:07:12 > 0:07:16- You're a lot later than I thought. - Dad took the wrong turn! Oh, dear!
0:07:20 > 0:07:24I tend to put it to the back of my mind, the fact that she's leaving.
0:07:24 > 0:07:29And so I just try and carry on as normal.
0:07:29 > 0:07:32I don't think, "I've got to do this one last thing."
0:07:32 > 0:07:34I can't deal in that way.
0:07:34 > 0:07:39Just enjoy the moment and just...be ourselves, really.
0:07:39 > 0:07:43- Benedict!- I thought you were... INAUDIBLE
0:07:43 > 0:07:45No, I'm not a nun yet.
0:07:45 > 0:07:48- Did you think I was a nun already? - No.
0:07:48 > 0:07:53'I'm so lucky. I've got such a wonderful family.
0:07:53 > 0:07:55'I've had a great uni experience,
0:07:55 > 0:07:59'so it's funny that I would feel unfulfilled.
0:07:59 > 0:08:03'I know there's something more to life that I can only achieve
0:08:03 > 0:08:10'if I do this radical thing of giving myself to God and entering this community.'
0:08:10 > 0:08:13'Clara first visited St Cecilia's Abbey three years ago.'
0:08:13 > 0:08:18People think it's extreme because you spend all your life there.
0:08:18 > 0:08:21You don't come out even during the day.
0:08:21 > 0:08:24It's so you can live a life hidden with God
0:08:24 > 0:08:27and free from the distractions of the world.
0:08:27 > 0:08:33Here you can actually click on walks with the nuns on a virtual tour.
0:08:33 > 0:08:36See them having their recreation.
0:08:36 > 0:08:41They've got their great summer hats on. They're quite cute.
0:08:41 > 0:08:45'Clara's chosen a life of silence and contemplation.
0:08:45 > 0:08:51'When she enters the abbey, she'll spend up to seven hours a day in prayer.'
0:08:52 > 0:08:55You're not really meant to talk,
0:08:55 > 0:08:57just have a conversation about anything.
0:08:57 > 0:09:00You're not meant to do that, apart from recreation.
0:09:00 > 0:09:05I think that will be tough. After a while, it'll get to me.
0:09:05 > 0:09:07I have to keep my mouth shut.
0:09:07 > 0:09:10The meal times, I have to try not to talk.
0:09:10 > 0:09:12Not to laugh.
0:09:12 > 0:09:16'While many communities of nuns are struggling to survive,
0:09:16 > 0:09:18'Clara's order is flourishing.
0:09:18 > 0:09:22'In the last five years, they've welcomed eight new sisters,
0:09:22 > 0:09:24'the youngest only 19.'
0:09:24 > 0:09:27I don't know. I felt really happy there.
0:09:27 > 0:09:33And...somehow I knew that that was where God wanted me to be.
0:09:33 > 0:09:38I felt this amazing sense of peace that I hadn't felt before.
0:09:38 > 0:09:42- Shall I hide you under my habit? - Yeah.- They wouldn't be able to tell.
0:09:42 > 0:09:47You have to get up really early, at quarter to five in the morning.
0:09:47 > 0:09:50I don't care! I hate sleeping!
0:09:50 > 0:09:52You'd be a perfect nun, then!
0:09:52 > 0:09:54'The eldest of five children,
0:09:54 > 0:09:57'Clara's grown up in a devout Catholic family.'
0:09:57 > 0:10:00She's doing this out of faith.
0:10:00 > 0:10:02We all share that faith.
0:10:02 > 0:10:06So we just have to trust in God that, if it's for her,
0:10:06 > 0:10:12then we shall...we'll be blessed out of it, although it's difficult.
0:10:12 > 0:10:16'Clara's family will only be able to visit her
0:10:16 > 0:10:20'twice a year and talk through an iron grille.
0:10:20 > 0:10:24'They can exchange letters but not phone calls.'
0:10:24 > 0:10:29- That's a nice one. Maybe get a copy of that.- I'd quite like that.
0:10:29 > 0:10:32We're all together, finally.
0:10:32 > 0:10:37'My first reaction was that I don't want to lose her. She'll be gone.
0:10:37 > 0:10:39'The second reaction was,'
0:10:39 > 0:10:41will she be happy there?
0:10:41 > 0:10:44Will she be able to cope? Will she get homesick?
0:10:44 > 0:10:47Will she miss her brothers and sisters?
0:10:47 > 0:10:51If it doesn't work out, will she feel she's failed?
0:10:51 > 0:10:53Will that be bad for her?
0:10:53 > 0:10:58You always look lovely, Mum. You've just had a baby! Amazing!
0:10:58 > 0:11:00Part of me wants you really to succeed.
0:11:00 > 0:11:05A little part of me thinks, "If it doesn't, you'll come home."
0:11:05 > 0:11:07I can understand that. Yeah.
0:11:08 > 0:11:12'Not all nuns live hidden from the outside world.
0:11:12 > 0:11:17'The Franciscan Sisters of the Renewal are in Inner City Leeds.
0:11:17 > 0:11:21'They're one of Britain's most youthful religious communities.
0:11:21 > 0:11:26'The average age of the sisters here is just 30.'
0:11:37 > 0:11:43When I would think, "I think I might be being called to be a nun,"
0:11:43 > 0:11:46it seemed something so radical,
0:11:46 > 0:11:51something so different to what a lot of my peers were doing,
0:11:51 > 0:11:54all those I'd gone to college with were doing.
0:11:54 > 0:11:59I mean, out of the stratosphere kind of different!
0:12:02 > 0:12:05'Sister Jacinta grew up in Northampton.
0:12:05 > 0:12:09'Before entering the convent in her late 20s, she lived with friends
0:12:09 > 0:12:13'and was working full time as an occupational therapist.'
0:12:13 > 0:12:15I was really afraid,
0:12:15 > 0:12:19afraid of what it meant, afraid of how it would change my life.
0:12:19 > 0:12:24If I gave everything up that I thought was making me happy,
0:12:24 > 0:12:26then I would be miserable.
0:12:26 > 0:12:31Once I got past that, once I started to meet sisters, young nuns and say,
0:12:31 > 0:12:34"They're not unhappy. They don't seem miserable.
0:12:34 > 0:12:39"Maybe that's just a myth. Let's see what this is.
0:12:39 > 0:12:44"Could it be the thing for me? Could it be what makes me really happy?"
0:12:49 > 0:12:52- # Glory, glory - Glory, glory
0:12:52 > 0:12:54- # Hallelujah - Hallelujah
0:12:54 > 0:12:57- # Yes, I laid - My burden down
0:12:57 > 0:13:00- # My burden down - My burden down... #
0:13:00 > 0:13:03THEY GIGGLE
0:13:03 > 0:13:08I think the most common reaction we've had in the car
0:13:08 > 0:13:13is you'll get a beep, then all of a sudden, you'll turn around
0:13:13 > 0:13:18and there'll be a mobile phone held up, taking a picture.
0:13:18 > 0:13:22One person in the car sees and they're, like...
0:13:22 > 0:13:25Telling their friends. Yeah.
0:13:27 > 0:13:33'The sisters in Leeds are part of a larger community of nuns founded in the United States.
0:13:33 > 0:13:37'They came to Britain as missionaries in 2009.'
0:13:37 > 0:13:38Hey!
0:13:43 > 0:13:47We try to live, and we choose to live, in poorer neighbourhoods.
0:13:47 > 0:13:53As much as we can, we choose to not own anything of our own.
0:13:53 > 0:13:56We choose to drive cars that are donated to us.
0:13:56 > 0:13:59They don't always work very well!
0:13:59 > 0:14:03We choose to live with the food that people offer us
0:14:03 > 0:14:08because if we're serving the poor then it's a contradiction
0:14:08 > 0:14:11if we're living a rich lifestyle.
0:14:11 > 0:14:17We need to be like them to identify with them, so they can identify with us.
0:14:17 > 0:14:19I love this place!
0:14:19 > 0:14:21I come down twice a week.
0:14:21 > 0:14:24Just for your warm glow and...
0:14:25 > 0:14:30..just to hear you. I like talking to you cos you're warm and friendly.
0:14:30 > 0:14:33You bring joy to our hearts, too.
0:14:34 > 0:14:42# Hark the songs of holy Zion... #
0:14:42 > 0:14:49'All nuns make a promise to God to live according to three vows -
0:14:49 > 0:14:52'poverty, chastity and obedience.'
0:14:52 > 0:14:56'Why on Earth would you do that? To be poor, chaste, obedient.
0:14:56 > 0:14:59'That seems odd to the world.
0:14:59 > 0:15:05'But I've found that this is what makes me happy. Not money.'
0:15:05 > 0:15:08Not sex. Not power. Not any of those things.
0:15:08 > 0:15:12But to truly live for God.
0:15:18 > 0:15:22'Catherine's on her way to visit a convent in the New Forest.
0:15:22 > 0:15:27'She's been spending time there for the past few months
0:15:27 > 0:15:31'to help her decide if she's genuinely called to become a nun.'
0:15:31 > 0:15:35I don't want to spend years wondering and not making a decision,
0:15:35 > 0:15:37but it obviously has to be right.
0:15:37 > 0:15:41So I wanted to go again and see how it goes, basically.
0:15:41 > 0:15:44See if I can imagine myself there.
0:15:49 > 0:15:52WOMEN CHANT
0:15:55 > 0:15:57'The Dominican Sisters of St Joseph
0:15:57 > 0:16:00'spend much of their daily life in prayer.
0:16:00 > 0:16:04'But they also leave the convent to spread the word of God.'
0:16:13 > 0:16:18'Sister Hyacinthe looks after the young women interested in joining.'
0:16:19 > 0:16:22'There is no predefined person
0:16:22 > 0:16:26'that's meant to be a nun and fits the bill.
0:16:26 > 0:16:29'The Lord can call anybody at any point.
0:16:29 > 0:16:32'The type of young women that come here
0:16:32 > 0:16:36'are the types of women living out there in the world.
0:16:36 > 0:16:40'Women who live a normal life of drinking, boyfriends,'
0:16:40 > 0:16:43partying, all these things, part of human life,
0:16:43 > 0:16:47they've usually done it or are doing it.
0:16:47 > 0:16:50And yet there's something more, they want more.
0:16:50 > 0:16:53BELL RINGS
0:16:55 > 0:17:00'When somebody writes a letter to ask whether they can join us,
0:17:00 > 0:17:02'we have to make the decision
0:17:02 > 0:17:04'whether they can join us.
0:17:04 > 0:17:09'It is a decision that is ours to make as well.'
0:17:09 > 0:17:12Are we desperate enough to take anyone?
0:17:12 > 0:17:16Not really! Because we then have to live with them.
0:17:16 > 0:17:20LAUGHTER
0:17:20 > 0:17:22'When I'm here, I love it here.
0:17:22 > 0:17:26'Each time I come back, I like it more and I want to join more.'
0:17:26 > 0:17:32And the desire is stronger, it's constant, it's very much there.
0:17:34 > 0:17:38'They're such good beautiful people. I look at them and I admire them.
0:17:38 > 0:17:41'And I want to be like them.'
0:17:43 > 0:17:45LAUGHTER
0:17:49 > 0:17:52'Catherine became my Facebook friend.
0:17:52 > 0:17:57'Then she contacted me and said she was interested in a religious life.
0:17:57 > 0:18:01'So we're just trying to get to know her better.'
0:18:01 > 0:18:04In order to better find out the kind of life
0:18:04 > 0:18:07that she would be happiest in.
0:18:07 > 0:18:11'The community only admits new sisters once a year.
0:18:11 > 0:18:15'If Catherine wants to enter the convent this September,
0:18:15 > 0:18:18'she'll have to make her decision soon.'
0:18:18 > 0:18:21'She's not, as yet, asked to enter.'
0:18:21 > 0:18:24I don't know whether she'll do it at all.
0:18:24 > 0:18:28We're still at the level of interest and enquiry at the moment,
0:18:28 > 0:18:31more than commitment.
0:18:32 > 0:18:38NUNS SING: # But deliver us from evil. #
0:18:39 > 0:18:45NUNS SING: # ..Jesus name so sweet
0:18:45 > 0:18:49# Jesus name so sweet Emmanuel name so sweet
0:18:49 > 0:18:52# Jesus name so sweet... #
0:18:52 > 0:18:57'The sisters in Leeds have been invited to a local Catholic school
0:18:57 > 0:18:59'to give a talk to the pupils.
0:18:59 > 0:19:04'They have a unique approach to teaching others about their lives.'
0:19:04 > 0:19:07Does anybody know what this is called?
0:19:09 > 0:19:12- A gown.- Well, it's kinda like a gown. Good guess.
0:19:12 > 0:19:16- A garment.- Close. I'll tell you. It's called a habit.
0:19:16 > 0:19:18Does anybody know what this is?
0:19:18 > 0:19:21I'll give you a clue. # Here comes the bride #
0:19:21 > 0:19:24- A veil. - Good job! So it's a veil.
0:19:24 > 0:19:26Then who knows what this is called?
0:19:27 > 0:19:29- Rope.- It's a rope.
0:19:29 > 0:19:34It has another name. You've probably never heard this word. A sincture.
0:19:34 > 0:19:37So we have a veil. We have a habit. We have a sincture.
0:19:37 > 0:19:41- What are these on my feet?- Sandals.
0:19:41 > 0:19:45That's right. I have sandals on my feet. Who knows what this is?
0:19:45 > 0:19:48- Rosary.- It's a rosary, that's right. Good job.
0:19:48 > 0:19:54To help you remember those things, we're going to do a little exercise.
0:19:54 > 0:19:58I want you to all stand up. Push your chairs in.
0:19:58 > 0:20:03You'll recognise the tune cos it's a song you learned when you were a kid.
0:20:03 > 0:20:06I'll show it to you then you join in.
0:20:06 > 0:20:08- Can you do it?- Yes.
0:20:08 > 0:20:11# Veil, habit, sincture, sandals Sincture, sandals
0:20:11 > 0:20:14# Veil, habit, sincture, sandals Sincture, sandals. #
0:20:14 > 0:20:16Ready? We'll do it slowly.
0:20:16 > 0:20:22# Veil, habit, sincture, sandals Sincture, sandals. #
0:20:22 > 0:20:25OK. Fast. # Veil, habit, sincture, sandals Sincture, sandals
0:20:25 > 0:20:28# Veil, habit, sincture, sandals Sincture, sandals
0:20:28 > 0:20:31# And rosary and three knots for our vows
0:20:31 > 0:20:34# Veil, habit, sincture, sandals Sincture, sandals. #
0:20:34 > 0:20:36Good job, year seven! Woo-hoo!
0:20:36 > 0:20:39OK, you can take a seat.
0:20:40 > 0:20:43Does anyone have a question? Put your hands up.
0:20:45 > 0:20:51Did you have to give up everything like all your mobiles and your computers and your house and stuff?
0:20:51 > 0:20:55Yes, we do give it up. We don't have internet or TV.
0:20:55 > 0:21:01Or lots of gadgets and iPhones and things like that, and iPods.
0:21:01 > 0:21:04But I love it. I'm so happy that way.
0:21:04 > 0:21:08LAUGHS You don't look happy!
0:21:08 > 0:21:10You look horrified at the thought!
0:21:10 > 0:21:15- Are you allowed make-up or piercings? - We choose not to wear make-up.
0:21:15 > 0:21:17Just to have a simple life.
0:21:17 > 0:21:21Probably, it would look funny if you saw a nun with a veil on
0:21:21 > 0:21:25and lots of mascara and eye shadow and everything.
0:21:25 > 0:21:27OK.
0:21:28 > 0:21:32Oh, my God! Shocking! How can a girl live without make-up?
0:21:32 > 0:21:35It's like the item of a girl!
0:21:35 > 0:21:38Everybody needs it. It just makes you feel better.
0:21:38 > 0:21:42I'm shocked that all they wear is those gowns.
0:21:42 > 0:21:45Habit. Yeah, that's it.
0:21:45 > 0:21:50They don't wear jeans and like your trackies and that,
0:21:50 > 0:21:54where you can just sit on the sofa and just relax.
0:21:54 > 0:21:58But they always look cheerful, so if God can make them cheerful,
0:21:58 > 0:22:03then I don't think it's wrong, I just think it isn't for me.
0:22:05 > 0:22:09'It's only a few weeks before Clara enters the convent.
0:22:09 > 0:22:11'As a nun in training,
0:22:11 > 0:22:16'she won't be able to take any of her own clothes with her.
0:22:16 > 0:22:20'But she's been sent a short list of items she CAN bring.'
0:22:20 > 0:22:25We don't know. This is a mystery. No-one knows where nuns go shopping!
0:22:25 > 0:22:28- Nuns R Us!- Yes.
0:22:28 > 0:22:34- Moving on.- Blue plain full-length long-sleeved night dresses.
0:22:34 > 0:22:38- I don't know if they exist. - A pair of silent slippers!
0:22:38 > 0:22:43- What's a silent slipper?- I suppose one without a tickety-tackety heel.
0:22:43 > 0:22:45Ssh!
0:22:48 > 0:22:52I'm going to make a right racket round the corridor with these(!)
0:22:52 > 0:22:56- It's not long-sleeved. - It's long-ish.
0:22:56 > 0:23:00It's elbow length. I don't think I'll get away with that.
0:23:00 > 0:23:03"Can I help you?" "Yeah. I'm becoming a nun."
0:23:03 > 0:23:07- "I need some nun sandals!" - "Do you have anything suitable?"
0:23:18 > 0:23:22Oh, God! No! I can't put them on with socks. They look awful.
0:23:22 > 0:23:24'When she enters the convent,
0:23:24 > 0:23:28'Clara will embark on the first stage of training to become a nun,
0:23:28 > 0:23:30'known as postulancy.'
0:23:30 > 0:23:35I've got my makeshift veil. It consists of a pillowcase.
0:23:35 > 0:23:38So, just to get the general idea...
0:23:38 > 0:23:43'She won't yet have a habit, but there's still a uniform to wear.'
0:23:43 > 0:23:45I think I need a sheet!
0:23:45 > 0:23:47You kind of have it pinned like that
0:23:47 > 0:23:51and you wouldn't see the rest of my hair.
0:23:52 > 0:23:54Oh!
0:23:54 > 0:23:59That's really scary. Reminds me of one of my primary school teachers.
0:23:59 > 0:24:01- What?- The nuns, you know.
0:24:01 > 0:24:04Oh, sorry. Yes.
0:24:04 > 0:24:07- Can you help me do something? - Oh, gosh. That's scary.
0:24:07 > 0:24:11You do it. Just so it's kind of pinned back.
0:24:11 > 0:24:15She just looks really like a nun, like a young nun.
0:24:15 > 0:24:18It makes me realise it's coming close.
0:24:18 > 0:24:21But she looks very happy, so I suppose that's a good thing.
0:24:21 > 0:24:26I'm quite excited, cos it means she's getting on with the journey.
0:24:26 > 0:24:30- She's embarking on this new phase. - Doing what I really want.
0:24:30 > 0:24:33But also it's a fear of not seeing her so much.
0:24:33 > 0:24:36- Mixture of feelings, really.- Aw!
0:24:36 > 0:24:40- Don't cry, Mummy.- Anyway, better get on without me.- Yes.- Yes.
0:24:40 > 0:24:43- Mm.- Give me a hug.
0:24:43 > 0:24:46I'll go and get Daddy.
0:24:46 > 0:24:50- I'll go and get Daddy. OK?- Yeah. - All right. Well done.
0:24:50 > 0:24:52How does a mother get through this? >
0:24:52 > 0:24:55Does it make you question your faith? >
0:24:55 > 0:25:00The thing is, to me, it's not like I have my life, I have my family
0:25:00 > 0:25:02and then I go to church.
0:25:02 > 0:25:06My faith is part of... It is who I am.
0:25:06 > 0:25:10And so if God calls Clara to this,
0:25:10 > 0:25:14then I must support her, and I want to support her.
0:25:14 > 0:25:18I don't resent God for taking her away from me.
0:25:18 > 0:25:22I think God has something beautiful for her.
0:25:22 > 0:25:25And I would be...
0:25:26 > 0:25:28I would be denying Clara so much
0:25:28 > 0:25:32if I didn't let her pursue this vocation.
0:25:32 > 0:25:36I feel joy in my heart that God's chosen her.
0:25:38 > 0:25:42- Trying to get me drunk! - Slainte mhath.- Slainte mhath.
0:25:42 > 0:25:46'Catherine's with her younger sisters for a night out in London.
0:25:46 > 0:25:51'They're keen to know if her stay at the convent has helped her move closer
0:25:51 > 0:25:54'to a decision about becoming a nun.'
0:25:54 > 0:25:58There is still that chance that I could meet someone and marry.
0:25:58 > 0:26:03You can never say never, and you can never know for 100%.
0:26:03 > 0:26:07There's a big part of me that wants to give my life to God in this way.
0:26:07 > 0:26:12I'm taking the steps and if it's right, I'm totally willing to do it.
0:26:12 > 0:26:16Because there's been murmurings for so many years,
0:26:16 > 0:26:18it wasn't a shock, but in a way,
0:26:18 > 0:26:21it still is a bit surprising because
0:26:21 > 0:26:24she'll be giving up a lot that she enjoys.
0:26:24 > 0:26:27Sometimes, I do think...
0:26:27 > 0:26:30- I won't say it.- Say it! - If you married someone,
0:26:30 > 0:26:34your husband would have a lot to put up with!
0:26:34 > 0:26:38MUSIC: "Rolling In The Deep" by Adele
0:26:46 > 0:26:49'I do feel torn, pulled in two directions.
0:26:49 > 0:26:53'I've been told I would make a good wife and mother.'
0:26:53 > 0:26:58And I would love to, so, if that's what God wants
0:26:58 > 0:27:00I would.
0:27:00 > 0:27:02< What do you want?
0:27:02 > 0:27:06'I really like the community. When I'm there, I want to join.
0:27:06 > 0:27:09'When I come back in the world, it's so hard to...
0:27:09 > 0:27:11'It's just hard, I guess.'
0:27:11 > 0:27:13'Surely, you should know.
0:27:13 > 0:27:19'You should WANT to be married or to be a sister. One desire should be stronger than the other.'
0:27:19 > 0:27:25I've been praying, "Give me that desire for one, so I know where you're calling me."
0:27:25 > 0:27:29'You do have to jump in the dark and take this leap of faith.
0:27:29 > 0:27:33'I'd like to be more happy about this.'
0:27:49 > 0:27:52BELL RINGS
0:27:54 > 0:27:56Holy Mary, mother of God...
0:27:56 > 0:28:00'Like all nuns, the sisters in Leeds have made a conscious choice
0:28:00 > 0:28:03'to live without a physical relationship.
0:28:03 > 0:28:06'But contrary to popular belief,
0:28:06 > 0:28:11'the convent isn't a refuge for women who've been unlucky in love.'
0:28:11 > 0:28:15It wouldn't be much of a compliment to God if he chose the remnants,
0:28:15 > 0:28:21the ones that couldn't get a husband or weren't very attractive.
0:28:21 > 0:28:25Or left on the shelf! It wouldn't be much of a compliment to him.
0:28:25 > 0:28:27By becoming a sister,
0:28:27 > 0:28:32we don't stop being human beings with natural feelings and emotions.
0:28:32 > 0:28:38In the same way that a married woman would guard her heart against falling in love with another man,
0:28:38 > 0:28:43we guard our hearts and we've given them to our spouse, Jesus Christ.
0:28:44 > 0:28:47'It's a long engagement to Jesus.
0:28:47 > 0:28:51'Sister Jacinta had been a nun for eight years
0:28:51 > 0:28:53'before taking final vows.
0:28:55 > 0:28:57'In a formal ceremony in 2009,
0:28:57 > 0:29:00'she made a lifelong commitment to Christ.'
0:29:00 > 0:29:05LAUGHING: 'I remember my heart was beating really fast!'
0:29:05 > 0:29:09I remember I was just, um...
0:29:10 > 0:29:13There was such an intense emotion at that moment,
0:29:13 > 0:29:16of what I was about to do.
0:29:16 > 0:29:20Living in your goodness without property,
0:29:20 > 0:29:24in poverty and in chastity.
0:29:27 > 0:29:30Receive this ring
0:29:30 > 0:29:34for you are betrothed to the eternal King.
0:29:34 > 0:29:36'There is a ring given.
0:29:36 > 0:29:39'There is the signing of the vows.
0:29:39 > 0:29:42'My mum and dad walked me up the aisle.
0:29:42 > 0:29:46'So, yeah, it looks a lot like a wedding.
0:29:46 > 0:29:49'For me, it FELT like a wedding.
0:29:49 > 0:29:55'I really felt that I really knew Jesus was there, waiting.'
0:29:55 > 0:29:59I've been captured. My heart's been captured by...
0:30:00 > 0:30:02..the most perfect man!
0:30:05 > 0:30:10'It's now days before Clara will begin her new life in the convent.'
0:30:10 > 0:30:14- I remember getting that! You got it cos it looked like me.- I did.
0:30:14 > 0:30:18You looked like that when Auntie Sis came to visit.
0:30:18 > 0:30:22It's exactly how you looked when you were about eight months.
0:30:22 > 0:30:26'The idea is that, when you join a convent,
0:30:26 > 0:30:30'you are really meant to get rid of all your possessions
0:30:30 > 0:30:33'from your previous life and start afresh.
0:30:33 > 0:30:35'Although I want to,'
0:30:35 > 0:30:40sometimes it's hard and you think, "What if I come out and need stuff?"
0:30:40 > 0:30:45I feel like I'm getting rid of my friends as I throw away my letters!
0:30:45 > 0:30:49I don't want people to think I don't care about them.
0:30:49 > 0:30:51I just have to do it.
0:30:51 > 0:30:55I really want them to write me lots of new letters.
0:30:55 > 0:30:58I'll be so happy to hear from them.
0:30:58 > 0:31:02One of the most important things to me
0:31:02 > 0:31:04is friends and stuff...
0:31:04 > 0:31:06I'm getting emotional now.
0:31:06 > 0:31:10- VOICE BREAKING - I find that the hardest thing,
0:31:10 > 0:31:15to give up my friends cos I really care about them.
0:31:15 > 0:31:17It means a lot to me, so...
0:31:17 > 0:31:19I don't like to...
0:31:19 > 0:31:22lose touch with people, so...
0:31:22 > 0:31:27I think that's why it's really hard to give away letters and stuff.
0:31:27 > 0:31:29Oh! You've got me crying!
0:31:31 > 0:31:36It's true, though, it really is. I don't care about stuff.
0:31:36 > 0:31:38I really care about people.
0:31:38 > 0:31:44I'm not looking forward to letting all the people go in my life.
0:31:45 > 0:31:46Oh, God!
0:31:53 > 0:31:56'Without God, it would be quite frightening.'
0:31:56 > 0:32:00Without my faith, I'd think, "Gosh! I'm going to get really depressed.
0:32:00 > 0:32:04"Everything's going to seem so empty."
0:32:04 > 0:32:08So you just have to pray, don't you? Get back on your knees.
0:32:08 > 0:32:12Pray and ask God to help you, just support you,
0:32:12 > 0:32:17physically support you in your physical weakness.
0:32:17 > 0:32:19Yeah.
0:32:24 > 0:32:26Good night, Benedict.
0:32:28 > 0:32:30You want a hug?
0:32:32 > 0:32:35Did you get all of my hair in the way?
0:32:35 > 0:32:37You ready for light off?
0:33:02 > 0:33:05'It's Clara's last day at home.
0:33:05 > 0:33:12'The whole family are preparing to drive to St Cecilia's Abbey on the Isle of Wight to say goodbye.'
0:33:14 > 0:33:16Clara, will you please hurry up?
0:33:16 > 0:33:19That's another five minutes!
0:33:19 > 0:33:22Mum, just give me two seconds!
0:33:25 > 0:33:28Just two seconds, please?
0:33:28 > 0:33:30CLARA SOBS
0:33:44 > 0:33:47Clara's suddenly just frozen.
0:33:47 > 0:33:51She can barely move. I'm not being mean to her.
0:33:51 > 0:33:55I just need to get her going. She'll be all right.
0:33:55 > 0:33:58ANDREW AND BENEDICT CHATTER >
0:34:10 > 0:34:13It's a big thing, leaving your home, isn't it?
0:34:13 > 0:34:15If you'll be back or...
0:34:24 > 0:34:27CHILDREN BICKER >
0:35:45 > 0:35:49'"Dear Mummy, Daddy, Max, Francesca, Jerome and Benedict and Bella.
0:35:49 > 0:35:52'"So, here it is, my first letter.
0:35:52 > 0:35:55'"I am very pleased to be able to tell you
0:35:55 > 0:35:59'"after two weeks, that I am still alive.
0:36:00 > 0:36:07'"Nothing could have prepared me for the shock of actually leaving you all, and leaving the world.
0:36:07 > 0:36:12'"Emotionally, it really hit me when the big oak doors closed behind me
0:36:12 > 0:36:16'"and I left you all standing on the other side.
0:36:16 > 0:36:22'"I felt in total shock, like I had been plunged into cold water.
0:36:22 > 0:36:27'"Although I have been preparing myself for years for this moment,
0:36:27 > 0:36:31'"I suddenly felt completely unprepared.'
0:36:34 > 0:36:36"From what I have said so far,
0:36:36 > 0:36:41"it probably sounds like it's rather miserable and I want to come home.
0:36:41 > 0:36:48"But funnily enough, I'm actually very, very happy."
0:36:50 > 0:36:54I can't read any more. SNIFFS
0:36:54 > 0:36:57I couldn't open it for crying.
0:36:57 > 0:37:00Um, but when I got it, it was...
0:37:00 > 0:37:04it was really reassuring to know that she's all right.
0:37:04 > 0:37:07In fact, she says she's very happy.
0:37:07 > 0:37:09And um...
0:37:09 > 0:37:13It was just lovely to hear her voice through the letter.
0:37:13 > 0:37:16Just to have her thoughts
0:37:16 > 0:37:19and have a bit of time with her, reading the letter.
0:37:19 > 0:37:24I came in here. Andy was at work and the children at school.
0:37:24 > 0:37:27It was nice because I could read it and think about it
0:37:27 > 0:37:29and look back over it.
0:37:31 > 0:37:33CHANTING
0:37:43 > 0:37:47'After months working out if she should apply to enter the convent,
0:37:47 > 0:37:54'Catherine's come back to St Dominic's Priory to talk to the sisters about her decision.'
0:37:57 > 0:37:59'Sister Hyacinthe asked me,
0:37:59 > 0:38:03'"What do you want deepest in your heart? What do you desire?"
0:38:03 > 0:38:07'And I said, "To be a saint and to do the will of God.
0:38:07 > 0:38:13'"To bring love and joy to people. That's what I want."
0:38:13 > 0:38:16'So that's compatible with this way of life
0:38:16 > 0:38:20'and I think I could do that best here.'
0:38:20 > 0:38:24How DO you know it's right to take the next step?
0:38:24 > 0:38:26Because you want to.
0:38:26 > 0:38:29I think that's the key thing, wanting to.
0:38:29 > 0:38:32It's simple, but it's key.
0:38:42 > 0:38:46'Catherine's hoping to join the community in September,
0:38:46 > 0:38:51'but the sisters have also been thinking about whether she's ready.'
0:38:51 > 0:38:56It's not... Oh, I really don't want to disappoint you.
0:38:56 > 0:38:59My main concern is for your happiness.
0:38:59 > 0:39:03- There's no way it could be this September?- Well...
0:39:03 > 0:39:07- Tiny, tiny, one percent chance? - I can report to the sisters.
0:39:07 > 0:39:13- I want to do what your advice is. - You will profit from it.
0:39:13 > 0:39:16- We just want you to deepen your life of faith.- Yes.
0:39:16 > 0:39:19For you to make a better decision.
0:39:19 > 0:39:22- Mm.- A more...
0:39:22 > 0:39:25A decision which is absolutely sure.
0:39:25 > 0:39:28And if you're absolutely sure now,
0:39:28 > 0:39:32if it's genuine, it's not going to go away in a year.
0:39:32 > 0:39:38- Mm.- You see what I mean? It needs to have this test of endurance.- Yes.
0:39:38 > 0:39:41Otherwise it's, "Let's do this!" "Let's do that!"
0:39:41 > 0:39:44- You see what I mean?- Yeah.
0:39:44 > 0:39:49I do see. It's not that I've decided on a whim, yesterday.
0:39:49 > 0:39:52I've been saying this since I was four years old.
0:39:52 > 0:39:56- Oh!- I trust whatever you decide.
0:39:56 > 0:40:01- You'd have to rush through everything.- I'd love it, but...!
0:40:01 > 0:40:05- What you decide is what you decide. - Well, it's not my decision.
0:40:05 > 0:40:09- It is.- It's not my decision at all. It's the community's decision.
0:40:09 > 0:40:15'We hope and pray that she does come back. It's also a testing time.'
0:40:15 > 0:40:18She really wants to join us now, yes,
0:40:18 > 0:40:21but will she want it in six months' time?
0:40:21 > 0:40:25If not, well, that will be a good sign for all of us
0:40:25 > 0:40:27that this was not meant to be.
0:40:27 > 0:40:31It has to be the decision that comes first and foremost
0:40:31 > 0:40:34beyond everything else the world has to offer.
0:40:34 > 0:40:37Whether it be success, money...
0:40:37 > 0:40:42or even meeting the most perfect possible man.
0:40:43 > 0:40:45Um... I would rather be here.
0:40:45 > 0:40:49I would rather give myself to God than doing all of this.
0:40:56 > 0:40:59"For ignorance belongs to the shepherds..."
0:41:01 > 0:41:06'If Sister Hyacinthe had said, "Come this September," I'd have done it.'
0:41:06 > 0:41:11So I was disappointed, but she gave me really good advice.
0:41:11 > 0:41:15It's true, you can't enter if you're not 100% sure.
0:41:15 > 0:41:18'I've never been a very patient person
0:41:18 > 0:41:22'so God is teaching me to be patient.
0:41:22 > 0:41:25'I'm really enjoying the journey.'
0:41:25 > 0:41:30It can be frustrating, not always knowing where the future lies,
0:41:30 > 0:41:32but it's exciting as well.
0:41:32 > 0:41:35I'm very optimistic and hopeful about the future.
0:41:50 > 0:41:55"It was, of course, very hard not being with you for Christmas.
0:41:55 > 0:41:59"I kept thinking of you all at home, opening presents
0:41:59 > 0:42:01"and tucking into Christmas dinner.
0:42:01 > 0:42:07"When I got my presents from you in the morning, the first thing I saw
0:42:07 > 0:42:11"was Benedict's picture which said, 'Come back, Clara.
0:42:11 > 0:42:14"'I wrote you on my Christmas list.'
0:42:14 > 0:42:18"And that was enough to start the waterworks."
0:42:24 > 0:42:29'It's been five months since Clara entered St Cecilia's Abbey,
0:42:29 > 0:42:34'and her family are adjusting to an unexpected development.
0:42:37 > 0:42:41'Clara has come back home on an indefinite break.
0:42:41 > 0:42:45'The door has been left open for her to return,
0:42:45 > 0:42:51'but she's taking time out to decide whether she can cope with life in an enclosed order.'
0:42:51 > 0:42:57'I really love the community, but can I practically do it?'
0:42:57 > 0:42:59I love it, I know I do.
0:42:59 > 0:43:02But can I live it? That's what I've got to think about.
0:43:02 > 0:43:06Bless us, oh Lord, and these Thy gifts...
0:43:06 > 0:43:13'The main thing I was finding difficult was adjusting to the limited contact with my family.'
0:43:13 > 0:43:17It might just be that my personality is I can't deal with that aspect
0:43:17 > 0:43:21as well as the other sisters have been able to.
0:43:21 > 0:43:23That arm on there..
0:43:23 > 0:43:26'It was hard coming to terms with the fact
0:43:26 > 0:43:30'that it wasn't going to pan out as simply as I thought it would.'
0:43:30 > 0:43:34I was going to enter, and I was so sure that I wasn't coming out.
0:43:34 > 0:43:38It took a heck of a lot of getting used to.
0:43:38 > 0:43:43'But I don't think, at any point, I've failed in any way.
0:43:43 > 0:43:46'I think I would have felt like I'd failed'
0:43:46 > 0:43:50if I hadn't tried, but I know I have tried.
0:43:50 > 0:43:54So, I think if you try something and you try your best,
0:43:54 > 0:43:59then there's never any reason to feel like you failed.
0:43:59 > 0:44:02COUNTRY ROCK GUITAR INTRO
0:44:05 > 0:44:07- # Rise!- Rise!
0:44:07 > 0:44:10- # Shine!- Shine! - Give God the glory... #
0:44:10 > 0:44:16'It's never easy to figure out, "Where is God calling me to?"'
0:44:16 > 0:44:19It's not like it comes out of Heaven on a fax!
0:44:21 > 0:44:25'It takes a lot of patience. It takes a lot of courage.'
0:44:25 > 0:44:27Hey, Charles!
0:44:27 > 0:44:31'In myself, too, there are times of doubts and times of struggle.
0:44:31 > 0:44:34'You know, the ups and the downs.'
0:44:34 > 0:44:38But I can really honestly say, in my heart,
0:44:38 > 0:44:42that I wouldn't want to be doing ANYTHING else.
0:44:42 > 0:44:44- # Rise!- Rise!
0:44:44 > 0:44:47- # Shine!- Shine! - Give God his glory
0:44:47 > 0:44:49- # Soldiers! - Soldiers!
0:44:49 > 0:44:51# Of the cross
0:44:51 > 0:44:56# Soldiers of the cross. #