0:00:02 > 0:00:04This programme contains scenes which some viewers may find upsetting.
0:00:04 > 0:00:07Father Brian D'Arcy is one of the best known Catholic priests
0:00:07 > 0:00:09in the UK and Ireland.
0:00:09 > 0:00:12'May you have fun and happiness, and although you won't need it,'
0:00:12 > 0:00:14may the wind be always at your back.
0:00:14 > 0:00:16Watch out, the Pope, if you're listening, -
0:00:16 > 0:00:19I'm telling you, Father Brian is on your tail!
0:00:19 > 0:00:22He's also one of the most controversial.
0:00:23 > 0:00:26In a 50-year career as a broadcaster and columnist
0:00:26 > 0:00:30in one of Ireland's biggest-selling tabloids, the Sunday World,
0:00:30 > 0:00:33he's repeatedly questioned the Church on many issues.
0:00:33 > 0:00:35Why does Rome think it can provide the answer,
0:00:35 > 0:00:38when we know it is part of the problem?
0:00:39 > 0:00:42But now, Rome has had enough of such dissent.
0:00:44 > 0:00:49TRANSLATED FROM ITALIAN
0:00:54 > 0:00:57The Vatican has officially censured Brian.
0:00:57 > 0:01:01He must stay on message or be dismissed from the priesthood.
0:01:01 > 0:01:07To be treated as some sort of deviant
0:01:07 > 0:01:11is, frankly, the most insulting
0:01:11 > 0:01:15and devastating thing that has ever happened me.
0:01:15 > 0:01:19Brian D'Arcy faces the biggest dilemma of his life -
0:01:19 > 0:01:24continue to speak out and risk expulsion, or toe the Vatican line.
0:01:26 > 0:01:28Is the price of being a priest that you stay quiet,
0:01:28 > 0:01:32that you don't be a whistle blower?
0:01:32 > 0:01:36The price of dying a priest is that...
0:01:36 > 0:01:40you don't...speak the truth?
0:01:55 > 0:01:57Good morning, cows.
0:01:59 > 0:02:00Hello, are you doing well?
0:02:05 > 0:02:08I have to get the church open as usual for the people to come,
0:02:08 > 0:02:10one of my normal duties here.
0:02:13 > 0:02:14For the past 12 years,
0:02:14 > 0:02:19Brian's been in charge of the Graan, a monastery in Fermanagh.
0:02:19 > 0:02:22He belongs to a religious order called the Passionists,
0:02:22 > 0:02:24which means he doesn't have a parish.
0:02:25 > 0:02:29But he's on call for people in search of spiritual help
0:02:29 > 0:02:34at key moments in their lives, big and small.
0:02:34 > 0:02:35Be with you now.
0:02:37 > 0:02:40You wanted something for a car, did you?
0:02:40 > 0:02:42We're off to bless a car.
0:02:42 > 0:02:46The lady here has a nice car, to be blessed.
0:02:46 > 0:02:47How are you?
0:02:49 > 0:02:51What sort of car is it?
0:02:51 > 0:02:52A Jetta.
0:02:52 > 0:02:55Oh, a Jetta! A lovely looking Jetta. We'll do the wee blessing here.
0:02:55 > 0:02:58Keep them safe on the roads.
0:02:58 > 0:03:01May they never be hurt. May they never hurt others.
0:03:05 > 0:03:07Father, Son and Holy spirit, amen.
0:03:08 > 0:03:11- You go to England to buy her? - No, just in Skea.
0:03:11 > 0:03:13- Oh, you bought it in Skea. - I've been searching for a while now
0:03:13 > 0:03:16- so I saw it and I thought, "That's the one."- That's the one.
0:03:16 > 0:03:17Well, more power to your elbow.
0:03:17 > 0:03:20- It's a lovely car. Diesel, is she? - Yeah, yeah, 1.9.
0:03:20 > 0:03:221.9, oh, good.
0:03:23 > 0:03:24My daughter, Joanne.
0:03:24 > 0:03:26- She's really pregnant. - Oh, right.
0:03:26 > 0:03:28Over nine months pregnant, so she is heavily pregnant,
0:03:28 > 0:03:31OK, come on ahead, this way here.
0:03:32 > 0:03:34When are you due?
0:03:34 > 0:03:35I was due on Sunday.
0:03:35 > 0:03:40- Oh, God, we'd better do a good blessing here, eh?- Yes.
0:03:41 > 0:03:43For the past 50 years,
0:03:43 > 0:03:47Brian D'Arcy has made the needs of ordinary people his priority.
0:03:48 > 0:03:52Hello, how are you? Good.
0:03:52 > 0:03:53If those walls could talk,
0:03:53 > 0:03:56then you'll hear what the real Catholic Church is about.
0:03:58 > 0:04:00What's actually the glue that is keeping the Catholic Church
0:04:00 > 0:04:05together are the decent priests on the ground doing ordinary things
0:04:05 > 0:04:09every day of the week, and without that, you know,
0:04:09 > 0:04:12the whole thing would have disintegrated long ago.
0:04:12 > 0:04:14But actually, as long as you have that,
0:04:14 > 0:04:17it doesn't matter all that much about the upper echelons,
0:04:17 > 0:04:20as long as they leave us alone to get on with our work.
0:04:20 > 0:04:26Yes, I'm looking for... Can I order four boxes of your altar wine?
0:04:28 > 0:04:32He's brought this ethos of listening and talking to ordinary Catholics
0:04:32 > 0:04:36into the public arena through his writing and journalism.
0:04:36 > 0:04:41But one Sunday World article has nearly cost him his job.
0:04:43 > 0:04:44In a double page spread,
0:04:44 > 0:04:48Brian criticised some of the Church's core beliefs.
0:04:52 > 0:04:56"If we were serious, passing on real power to committed believers,
0:04:56 > 0:04:59"there would be an end to compulsory celibacy,
0:04:59 > 0:05:03"accepting that there should be a discussion about women priests,
0:05:03 > 0:05:06"gay people who want to live a spiritual life..."
0:05:07 > 0:05:10In the same article, he also criticised
0:05:10 > 0:05:13Rome's handling of the clerical sex abuse scandal.
0:05:13 > 0:05:17"Institutions protect themselves at all costs.
0:05:17 > 0:05:20"Individuals and victims were, and still are, disposable."
0:05:22 > 0:05:24After the article was published,
0:05:24 > 0:05:27Brian was contacted by the head of his order.
0:05:27 > 0:05:30I got a phone call from my Provincial.
0:05:30 > 0:05:32He said he'd like to meet me, not in the Graan.
0:05:32 > 0:05:36So, I said, "Oh, that's unusual, Pat,"
0:05:36 > 0:05:38and he said, "Yeah."
0:05:38 > 0:05:41So, he said, "We'll meet halfway, quietly in a car park."
0:05:41 > 0:05:44And the sweat broke out on me.
0:05:45 > 0:05:47Brian's superiors were sent
0:05:47 > 0:05:50a strongly worded letter by the Vatican.
0:05:52 > 0:05:54It accused the Sunday World article
0:05:54 > 0:05:59of causing scandal and confusion to the faithful.
0:05:59 > 0:06:04I just can't understand why the Vatican is suddenly worried
0:06:04 > 0:06:06about what I'm writing in the Sunday World.
0:06:06 > 0:06:11It sets a real doubt in my mind as to where the Church,
0:06:11 > 0:06:14as an organisation, is going.
0:06:15 > 0:06:20If Brian is to toe the Vatican line, every controversial article
0:06:20 > 0:06:24or broadcast should first be cleared by an official church censor.
0:06:25 > 0:06:28This lack of journalistic freedom has forced Brian to question
0:06:28 > 0:06:31whether he can remain a priest.
0:06:34 > 0:06:36For the past year,
0:06:36 > 0:06:39Brian has wrestled privately with his dilemma.
0:06:39 > 0:06:40How are you, Mary?
0:06:44 > 0:06:45Jesus, I'm a bit broken this evening.
0:06:45 > 0:06:51But news of his censure has been leaked to the worldwide media.
0:06:51 > 0:06:54It's caused a frenzy of activity in the Graan.
0:06:56 > 0:07:01Every institution eventually becomes irrelevant,
0:07:01 > 0:07:04and as it becomes irrelevant, it becomes more fundamentalist.
0:07:04 > 0:07:07And as it becomes more fundamentalist,
0:07:07 > 0:07:12it becomes more and more disconnected from what it was about.
0:07:12 > 0:07:17And, you know, its own fundamentalism is the seeds of its own destruction.
0:07:19 > 0:07:23All hell broke loose today about 12 o'clock.
0:07:23 > 0:07:27The girls have been taking down notes from all sorts of people -
0:07:27 > 0:07:30Today FM are looking for me, Belfast Telegraph,
0:07:30 > 0:07:33Gerry McArdle of RTE, Irish Daily Mail.
0:07:33 > 0:07:36And then there's a nice wee one - "Joan from County Antrim
0:07:36 > 0:07:40"rang to say she's so upset, and wants you to know
0:07:40 > 0:07:42"that she will be praying for you."
0:07:42 > 0:07:46So, I obviously won't be able to get to any of those this evening
0:07:46 > 0:07:49because my first duty is to go out and say Mass,
0:07:49 > 0:07:53since I'm still a priest in good standing - for this evening, anyway.
0:08:08 > 0:08:12I wonder you're here tonight at all, to listen to a heretic!
0:08:12 > 0:08:16In the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, amen.
0:08:17 > 0:08:20Sorry for interrupting you. Can I say something
0:08:20 > 0:08:25on behalf of everybody here and everybody for many miles around?
0:08:25 > 0:08:29You're integrity, you're truth and you're inspiration.
0:08:29 > 0:08:32I think all of us just want to say, we're with you.
0:08:32 > 0:08:33Oh, God love you.
0:08:33 > 0:08:36APPLAUSE
0:08:48 > 0:08:50Oh, Betsy, how are you? God love you.
0:08:50 > 0:08:51I'm so, so sorry.
0:08:53 > 0:08:55You don't deserve this.
0:08:58 > 0:09:01We're OK. We'll get through it, don't worry.
0:09:01 > 0:09:04I know you will, but you shouldn't have to.
0:09:05 > 0:09:08Brian's relieved he has the backing of his congregation.
0:09:08 > 0:09:13But he's wary of how his Church peers will react.
0:09:21 > 0:09:25He's heading to a meeting with the rest of his order.
0:09:25 > 0:09:28It'll be the first time he's had to face most of them
0:09:28 > 0:09:30since he was censured.
0:09:32 > 0:09:35Many of my peers see me as an absolute failure.
0:09:36 > 0:09:40People will say, "He's not a safe pair of hands if the Vatican don't like him."
0:09:41 > 0:09:43Because I'm not the kind of priest
0:09:43 > 0:09:46any clerical structure wants a priest to be.
0:09:47 > 0:09:51I had the choice of being a priest's priest or a people's priest.
0:09:51 > 0:09:52And sadly, the difficulty is,
0:09:52 > 0:09:55you cannot be both in the present Church.
0:09:56 > 0:10:00And I'm not usually sad, I really am not usually sad.
0:10:00 > 0:10:03But I'm pathetically sad at the moment.
0:10:05 > 0:10:08I could go in there and everybody will shake hands with me
0:10:08 > 0:10:11and say, "How are you Brian, how are you keeping?
0:10:11 > 0:10:13"Manchester United lost, you must be down about that,
0:10:13 > 0:10:16"Fermanagh's not doing that well," but nobody will say to you,
0:10:16 > 0:10:22"How does it feel to be such an outcast of the church you've given your life to?"
0:10:22 > 0:10:23The stakes are high.
0:10:25 > 0:10:28The order will decide whether Brian can stay in his job
0:10:28 > 0:10:31at the Graan for another four years.
0:10:32 > 0:10:34He has no say in their decision.
0:10:35 > 0:10:37His worst fear is that he'll be reassigned
0:10:37 > 0:10:40and banished to a remote outpost.
0:10:41 > 0:10:45It's pretty difficult to ask a man of my age to change
0:10:45 > 0:10:49where I live - to pack my bags, cut my traces, cut my roots,
0:10:49 > 0:10:52cut my family, go somewhere else
0:10:52 > 0:10:56and try to found and get the same enthusiasm for a congregation again.
0:11:00 > 0:11:03Brian will have to wait three months to learn of his next posting.
0:11:05 > 0:11:09So I'm looking into stormy waters and no way out.
0:11:12 > 0:11:15He'll use the time to contemplate his options.
0:11:25 > 0:11:29When things are getting really bad, I tend to come up here.
0:11:29 > 0:11:32I just sit for a little while
0:11:32 > 0:11:35and go back to the innocent altar boy that was up there.
0:11:37 > 0:11:39Growing up in Fermanagh,
0:11:39 > 0:11:43Brian's life was defined by the Catholic Church.
0:11:43 > 0:11:48This is the source of all my faith. So it sort of grounds me.
0:11:48 > 0:11:52But he didn't always see his future as a priest.
0:11:53 > 0:11:56I was 15, maybe, before the priest said to me,
0:11:56 > 0:11:59"I think you should be a priest" which was quite a shock to me
0:11:59 > 0:12:02because I did not think I should be a priest, at all,
0:12:02 > 0:12:06and didn't think I had anything in my life that could...
0:12:06 > 0:12:10That was good enough to be a priest. And I probably still don't, really.
0:12:12 > 0:12:16At that time, Brian was struggling with a dark secret.
0:12:18 > 0:12:20He says that, when he was ten,
0:12:20 > 0:12:24a religious brother at his primary school sexually abused him.
0:12:26 > 0:12:32A lot of your emotional level stays at the age you were abused.
0:12:32 > 0:12:36And that was a secret to me when somebody pointed that out to me.
0:12:36 > 0:12:39And therefore I began to see in myself that this was
0:12:39 > 0:12:42a very immature guy acting things out.
0:12:42 > 0:12:44Looking for attention.
0:12:44 > 0:12:47Allowing yourself to be ruled by the whims
0:12:47 > 0:12:51of somebody else outside you - which is exactly what abuse is.
0:12:54 > 0:12:56The abuse didn't end there.
0:12:56 > 0:12:58When Brian was training for the priesthood,
0:12:58 > 0:13:03he says he was abused again - this time by a member of his own order.
0:13:05 > 0:13:08I later became a Superior of the monastery,
0:13:08 > 0:13:12and when he was dying he sent for me and asked me to do his funeral.
0:13:12 > 0:13:14And told me what to preach.
0:13:16 > 0:13:18How did you do it?
0:13:19 > 0:13:23I did it because I was able to do it.
0:13:25 > 0:13:27Why? You didn't have to.
0:13:27 > 0:13:29I did, because I was Superior.
0:13:29 > 0:13:31Did he still have that hold over you?
0:13:31 > 0:13:34Mm-hm. Mm-hm.
0:13:36 > 0:13:38I think he had.
0:13:41 > 0:13:44You're afraid the secret will destroy you.
0:13:44 > 0:13:48Until you realise, "Hey, I've nothing to be afraid of,
0:13:48 > 0:13:50"I've nothing to be ashamed of."
0:13:50 > 0:13:54And, you know, I can say that clearly now and that is it,
0:13:54 > 0:13:56and it's the same when the Vatican came after me,
0:13:56 > 0:13:59I could say, "Well, I've nothing to be ashamed of."
0:13:59 > 0:14:01"I didn't do anything wrong."
0:14:01 > 0:14:03I'm not being angry, I'm not shouting,
0:14:03 > 0:14:06but I'm saying, "Hold on a minute, I have a dignity here,"
0:14:06 > 0:14:11And that's me overcoming abuse.
0:14:16 > 0:14:19I just can't understand how you went on to be a priest.
0:14:20 > 0:14:22Well, here I am...
0:14:24 > 0:14:26..50 years later.
0:14:41 > 0:14:43How are you all doing?
0:14:43 > 0:14:45That's great.
0:14:45 > 0:14:48And how's yourself? You're still saying the wee prayers?
0:14:48 > 0:14:50That's good. Nice to see you there.
0:14:51 > 0:14:54See you again, all right? Take care. Bye-bye.
0:14:55 > 0:14:58Brian's had a long association with the Graan.
0:14:59 > 0:15:01All the best, Peter.
0:15:01 > 0:15:0650 years ago, he walked into the monastery for the first time,
0:15:06 > 0:15:08an unworldly, raw recruit.
0:15:10 > 0:15:16At just 17 years old, he said goodbye to life on the outside world
0:15:16 > 0:15:18to become a Passionist monk.
0:15:24 > 0:15:26This is the very room where I spent most of my year.
0:15:28 > 0:15:30Oooh.
0:15:30 > 0:15:32It's a lot different.
0:15:32 > 0:15:36There's a softness in that, but the time - my time -
0:15:36 > 0:15:41it was pitch pine floors and you had leather-soled leather sandals,
0:15:41 > 0:15:45so every move you made could be heard and monitored.
0:15:47 > 0:15:52It was almost like whatever is about you that's your natural personality
0:15:52 > 0:15:55should disappear and you should look to higher things,
0:15:55 > 0:15:58become more godlike and less human.
0:15:58 > 0:16:01So, therefore, you began to get this impression of yourself that
0:16:01 > 0:16:03you were kind of worthless, really,
0:16:03 > 0:16:06and you should be grateful for being in here.
0:16:07 > 0:16:11It was a kind of gift that you should be grateful for,
0:16:11 > 0:16:17rather than something that you should relish, choose, celebrate.
0:16:18 > 0:16:22The spirituality of the time was pray, pay, obey.
0:16:22 > 0:16:25You did what the parish priest told you.
0:16:26 > 0:16:29If you didn't, you were wrong, you were a sinner.
0:16:29 > 0:16:31You had no rights.
0:16:33 > 0:16:36You were to beat yourself very hard on your bare bottom,
0:16:36 > 0:16:39praying, saying five Our Fathers, five Hail Marys
0:16:39 > 0:16:44and five Glory Be to the Fathers. Slowly - not fast.
0:16:44 > 0:16:47So that you gave yourself a good walloping,
0:16:47 > 0:16:50to kill the flesh, kill the world.
0:16:52 > 0:16:55You were very malleable, you were idealistic.
0:16:55 > 0:16:59You were the perfect material for cults to work on.
0:17:00 > 0:17:03The world Brian had left behind
0:17:03 > 0:17:05was on the cusp of radical social change.
0:17:08 > 0:17:10The swinging '60s were dawning.
0:17:10 > 0:17:13Even the Catholic Church was part of this movement.
0:17:13 > 0:17:15A month after he joined the Passionists
0:17:15 > 0:17:18came a momentous event in Rome.
0:17:20 > 0:17:24"October 11th 1962, a historic moment.
0:17:24 > 0:17:27"The opening session of the second Vatican Council."
0:17:29 > 0:17:32The conservative Church of Brian's youth
0:17:32 > 0:17:34was opening up to the modern world.
0:17:34 > 0:17:39The Latin Mass was translated into English,
0:17:39 > 0:17:43altar rails were removed, and priests were encouraged
0:17:43 > 0:17:47to step down from their lofty pulpits and listen to the laity.
0:17:50 > 0:17:54For the past 50 years, Brian has embraced
0:17:54 > 0:17:58this spirit of openness with every fibre of his being.
0:17:59 > 0:18:03His efforts to reach out to people - in all their guises -
0:18:03 > 0:18:05have led him to some surprising places,
0:18:05 > 0:18:08not least the showbiz circuit.
0:18:08 > 0:18:11I don't want to do it too often.
0:18:11 > 0:18:14Unlike most clerics, Brian D'Arcy's just as at home
0:18:14 > 0:18:16in the world of entertainment as he is in a church.
0:18:16 > 0:18:20- Tom, how are you?- Father Brian, how are you?- Good to see you.
0:18:20 > 0:18:22Hello, Frank. How are you?
0:18:22 > 0:18:23I heard you got censured by the top man.
0:18:23 > 0:18:27If you write anything, I'll make sure it goes to the right place!
0:18:30 > 0:18:33His early forays into journalism
0:18:33 > 0:18:37blossomed into a ministry extending well beyond the monastery gates,
0:18:37 > 0:18:39into dance halls and concert arenas.
0:18:43 > 0:18:46CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:18:48 > 0:18:51A regular on the chat show circuit,
0:18:51 > 0:18:55Brian wasn't afraid to parade himself in the name of populism.
0:18:55 > 0:18:57Not a bad pair of legs, Brian!
0:18:59 > 0:19:01Not a bad pair of legs at all! How about that?
0:19:01 > 0:19:03APPLAUSE
0:19:04 > 0:19:08And you turn up here with a hole in your tights!
0:19:08 > 0:19:10It's the first time I've even touched a pair of tights,
0:19:10 > 0:19:11never mind putting them on!
0:19:11 > 0:19:13LAUGHTER
0:19:16 > 0:19:19But what's made Brian loved by the public
0:19:19 > 0:19:22has seen him loathed by some other priests,
0:19:22 > 0:19:25especially because of an unprecedented clash
0:19:25 > 0:19:27with the head of the Irish Church on live television.
0:19:27 > 0:19:30Thank you for coming. Do sit down.
0:19:30 > 0:19:35Brian was in the audience the night Cardinal Cathal Daly appeared
0:19:35 > 0:19:40on a chat show to discuss early revelations about child sex abuse.
0:19:42 > 0:19:45It's an old cliche that, after a bishop is ordained...
0:19:45 > 0:19:48- SHOUTS OF "SHAME!" - Sorry, sorry, sorry...
0:19:49 > 0:19:52I don't think what you've said is fair, Cardinal Daly.
0:19:52 > 0:19:56At the end of the day, the Church is perceived as heavy-handed
0:19:56 > 0:19:59and out of date and lacking in compassion.
0:19:59 > 0:20:02Now why is that? And We can't dismiss it just because...
0:20:02 > 0:20:04APPLAUSE
0:20:04 > 0:20:07Don't dismiss the whole thing because there are some...
0:20:07 > 0:20:10No, I'm not dismissing it, Cardinal, that's precisely the point...
0:20:10 > 0:20:13I know you're not, don't dismiss the whole clergy.
0:20:13 > 0:20:15- Nor am I dismissing the whole clergy. - There are some who are working very hard...
0:20:15 > 0:20:18Nor am I, but they have been let down.
0:20:18 > 0:20:20'The phone calls were furious.'
0:20:22 > 0:20:25'Terrible phone calls from priests all over the country,
0:20:25 > 0:20:27'saying I'd let down the Church, I'd been a disgrace.'
0:20:29 > 0:20:33It gave me a great lesson on the power of the clerical club,
0:20:33 > 0:20:35which I've never forgotten.
0:20:35 > 0:20:39It was something that defined a lot of what I am ever since.
0:20:39 > 0:20:43I would not be, and am not, liked by priests.
0:20:46 > 0:20:49Brian feels he is an isolated voice in Ireland.
0:20:49 > 0:20:54But around the world there are priests calling for liberal reform.
0:20:57 > 0:21:01He's on his way to Austria, where a 400-strong union of priests
0:21:01 > 0:21:03has also incurred the wrath of the Vatican.
0:21:25 > 0:21:27Pope Benedict targeted the Austrians
0:21:27 > 0:21:32because they've encouraged their union members to lobby actively
0:21:32 > 0:21:35for the reform of some of the Church's core teachings.
0:21:35 > 0:21:41Brian's on his way to meet the priest leading this call to disobedience.
0:21:42 > 0:21:46Helmut Schuller has paid a heavy price for his dissidence -
0:21:46 > 0:21:50demoted from a senior post in the Austrian Church,
0:21:50 > 0:21:54he now works as a parish priest outside Vienna.
0:21:54 > 0:21:55He remains defiant.
0:21:57 > 0:22:01At no moment I thought to leave, because it's my Church.
0:22:01 > 0:22:06I want this Church to move, to change, to find renewal,
0:22:06 > 0:22:11to find reform, and I have a lot of friends in this Church.
0:22:11 > 0:22:13I don't want to leave it.
0:22:14 > 0:22:18Do you ever waken at night, as I do,
0:22:18 > 0:22:23and say, "Am I being more divisive...
0:22:23 > 0:22:25"than I should be?"
0:22:25 > 0:22:30It's a real danger, but I think the real schism
0:22:30 > 0:22:34is between the hierarchy and the people of the Church.
0:22:34 > 0:22:37The vast majority of the people will not find what
0:22:37 > 0:22:41they are looking for in these churches where such priests
0:22:41 > 0:22:47are preaching the old-fashioned Roman Catholic Church of 1871 or so.
0:22:48 > 0:22:52And I think that that is the production of a schism.
0:22:54 > 0:22:58And this schism is risked, not by us,
0:22:58 > 0:23:03but by those who are not really openly listening to the people.
0:23:03 > 0:23:06There's times I'm lost, I don't know where to go and what to do.
0:23:06 > 0:23:12Some people tell me, "Keep quiet, keep under the radar, keep going on."
0:23:12 > 0:23:17Others say, "Why waste your life running your head against a stone wall?"
0:23:17 > 0:23:20Others say, "For God's sake, speak up, be a man,
0:23:20 > 0:23:22"do what you've always done."
0:23:23 > 0:23:27I think the last possibility is the only one.
0:23:27 > 0:23:28You have to stand up and to speak,
0:23:28 > 0:23:32because, as I have heard in Ireland and Great Britain,
0:23:32 > 0:23:35your voice is very important for a lot of people.
0:23:36 > 0:23:41Let me say first that I decided in 2006 not to go on alone,
0:23:41 > 0:23:46because up to this time I was also alone.
0:23:46 > 0:23:51I was invited in television, in talk shows for Church questions.
0:23:51 > 0:23:55And after, I was phoned by a lot of priests the next day,
0:23:55 > 0:23:58and then I thought I should not go on alone,
0:23:58 > 0:24:02I should build up a network, I should invite other priests,
0:24:02 > 0:24:04so we do it together.
0:24:04 > 0:24:08And then I decided with my friends to make this,
0:24:08 > 0:24:12to build up this assembly we have now.
0:24:12 > 0:24:14They will try to divide us,
0:24:14 > 0:24:19we should try to come together and to build up this network.
0:24:19 > 0:24:21We are not asking, we are not begging,
0:24:21 > 0:24:25we are beginning, and the reality is growing.
0:24:25 > 0:24:29- And the reality becomes the seed of a new Church?- Yeah.
0:24:32 > 0:24:37While Brian appreciates Helmut's advice about safety in numbers,
0:24:37 > 0:24:41he's all too aware of his own limitations.
0:24:44 > 0:24:47'You have to be brave in life. He's very brave.'
0:24:49 > 0:24:51'I wouldn't be a Helmut Schuller in Ireland,
0:24:51 > 0:24:54'because I wouldn't have the confidence of priests.'
0:24:55 > 0:24:59I'm a full-blown lone ranger a lot of the time,
0:24:59 > 0:25:02simply because of my experiences
0:25:02 > 0:25:05and because of the nature of my work up to now.
0:25:05 > 0:25:07He's not a lone ranger.
0:25:07 > 0:25:11There was strength in the support he gets from other priests.
0:25:18 > 0:25:21Brian realises he must go it alone.
0:25:28 > 0:25:32But he wonders whether the Institutional Church in Ireland could be open to change.
0:25:34 > 0:25:36To test the mood,
0:25:36 > 0:25:40he's in Dublin for the International Eucharistic Congress.
0:25:42 > 0:25:45- Brian.- How are you? How are you keeping?- Good to see you.
0:25:45 > 0:25:48- Nice to see you, too. How's the farm? - Good.- That's good.
0:25:48 > 0:25:5265,000 Catholics have travelled from all corners of the world
0:25:52 > 0:25:55to celebrate their faith together.
0:26:00 > 0:26:04The current head of the Irish Church, Cardinal Sean Brady,
0:26:04 > 0:26:07is using this platform as a chance to rebuild trust.
0:26:09 > 0:26:13I want to take this opportunity of the 50th International Eucharistic Congress
0:26:13 > 0:26:18to apologise for the times when some of us were blind
0:26:18 > 0:26:24to your fear, deaf to your cries, and silent in response to your pain.
0:26:27 > 0:26:30When I heard there was going to be a Eucharistic Congress,
0:26:30 > 0:26:32I wasn't that happy about it because I really thought it was
0:26:32 > 0:26:35a plan to draw a line under the abuse crisis.
0:26:35 > 0:26:40And I didn't like that, I just thought that's not the way to do it,
0:26:40 > 0:26:43cos we're not the ones to draw a line under the abuse crisis,
0:26:43 > 0:26:45it's the survivors.
0:26:47 > 0:26:52- GG.- GG, a few steps down and on to the fourth seat on the right.
0:26:52 > 0:26:54Right, lovely, good man.
0:26:54 > 0:26:58Brian wants to experience for himself
0:26:58 > 0:27:02the model of Church on show at the final event in Croke Park.
0:27:03 > 0:27:05This is extremely clerical.
0:27:05 > 0:27:08It's very much an institutionalised version of religion,
0:27:08 > 0:27:11but it's not where I'm at home.
0:27:11 > 0:27:14Priests at the top, all in white.
0:27:14 > 0:27:18Laity down at the back and other places - as usual.
0:27:18 > 0:27:22Let's listen to the people,
0:27:22 > 0:27:26and let's build from the ground up, rather than from the Vatican down.
0:27:29 > 0:27:33But the Vatican is playing to a much bigger gallery beyond the UK and Ireland.
0:27:33 > 0:27:37There are 1.2 billion Catholics worldwide.
0:27:37 > 0:27:40The biggest growth areas are Africa and Asia,
0:27:40 > 0:27:44where there's little appetite for Brian D'Arcy's brand of Western liberalism.
0:27:46 > 0:27:51If you look to Africa and Asia, people there, generally speaking,
0:27:51 > 0:27:54are more orthodox, and that's where the Church is growing.
0:27:54 > 0:27:57If the Church is increasingly African or Asian,
0:27:57 > 0:28:00their agendas will set our agendas.
0:28:00 > 0:28:06Sarah MacDonald writes for the international Catholic newspaper, The Tablet.
0:28:06 > 0:28:12Do you think the Catholic Church in the Western world can survive?
0:28:12 > 0:28:18Yes, yes, but I think that in order for Catholicism to...
0:28:18 > 0:28:21reanimate itself and the wider world,
0:28:21 > 0:28:25it has to take some sort of a shift back to setting out its parameters,
0:28:25 > 0:28:29setting out its stall, setting out its identity.
0:28:30 > 0:28:34The fact of the matter is, your hope for the way the Church
0:28:34 > 0:28:36would be renewed in the '60s has actually just led
0:28:36 > 0:28:39to a collapse in religious life.
0:28:39 > 0:28:42The Church was so accommodating on some issues,
0:28:42 > 0:28:45that nobody was really sure what it was teaching at all.
0:28:45 > 0:28:49But people who are coming from a liberal perspective
0:28:49 > 0:28:51need to recognise that there is a shift.
0:28:51 > 0:28:55Those who are from their late teens up to their mid twenties,
0:28:55 > 0:28:59the most radical thing they can do amongst their peers
0:28:59 > 0:29:01is cleave to something that is structured,
0:29:01 > 0:29:04that gives a sense of community and is orthodox.
0:29:04 > 0:29:10They would see you as representing an ageing, disgruntled minority.
0:29:14 > 0:29:19But you've a role to temper the move towards ultra-conservatism
0:29:19 > 0:29:23within the Church, so engaging in debate and dialogue,
0:29:23 > 0:29:26that's where you definitely have a role to play.
0:29:26 > 0:29:30Engaging with the Vatican, engaging with the hierarchy here in Ireland.
0:29:32 > 0:29:34Since the child sex abuse scandal broke,
0:29:34 > 0:29:39Brian has repeatedly criticised the Irish hierarchy.
0:29:39 > 0:29:43Most recently, he questioned whether Cardinal Brady should resign,
0:29:43 > 0:29:47following allegations he'd personally mishandled
0:29:47 > 0:29:50a complaint about a paedophile priest.
0:29:52 > 0:29:54Now Brian wonders whether the Irish hierarchy
0:29:54 > 0:29:56will wish to engage with him.
0:29:56 > 0:30:02Many of them would consider me an enemy of the Church now,
0:30:02 > 0:30:06and if they did, it would be very difficult to remain a priest.
0:30:09 > 0:30:13Keen to extend an olive branch, he's writing a personal letter to Cardinal Brady.
0:30:16 > 0:30:21I would like a conversation about the future shape of the Catholic Church in Ireland,
0:30:21 > 0:30:25especially after the Eucharistic Congress.
0:30:25 > 0:30:30How can the Catholic Church speak with integrity to the Western world?
0:30:30 > 0:30:34Has the Church nothing to say to that group of people?
0:30:34 > 0:30:37Rather instead to the growing,
0:30:37 > 0:30:41not fully developed communities of the Third World?
0:30:44 > 0:30:48The worst case scenario is that we allow them
0:30:48 > 0:30:52to impose this legalistic Church again.
0:30:52 > 0:30:55Look what happened - tat's what led to abuse.
0:30:55 > 0:30:58The abuse of children, the abuse of power,
0:30:58 > 0:31:01the abuse of the Church itself.
0:31:04 > 0:31:08The danger is that the Cardinal will endorse the Vatican censure,
0:31:08 > 0:31:11pushing Brian D'Arcy even further out on a limb.
0:31:13 > 0:31:16So he's decided to tackle the traditional mind-set head on.
0:31:19 > 0:31:22'The Church's job is to move the world.
0:31:22 > 0:31:25'The Church doesn't move with the world.'
0:31:25 > 0:31:28He's meeting Father Brian McKevitt,
0:31:28 > 0:31:32editor of a conservative Catholic newspaper.
0:31:33 > 0:31:37I feel very afraid when I read some of the things you write,
0:31:37 > 0:31:40because I think, "That's very harsh!"
0:31:40 > 0:31:43But Brian, when you write in The Sunday World,
0:31:43 > 0:31:45you're there as Father Brian D'Arcy.
0:31:45 > 0:31:48So you're there as a priest.
0:31:48 > 0:31:53If I speak or write as a priest, then I am, in some way,
0:31:53 > 0:31:58a representative of the Church, and I've got to be faithful to that.
0:31:58 > 0:32:01- Otherwise, I'm abusing my power, my position.- Not necessarily.
0:32:01 > 0:32:06I don't think I'm abusing my power as a priest,
0:32:06 > 0:32:10and never, certainly, would do that.
0:32:10 > 0:32:15What I try to do is give a voice to the people with...
0:32:15 > 0:32:20with, eh, reasonableness and encouragement when necessary,
0:32:20 > 0:32:23and disagreement when sometimes necessary,
0:32:23 > 0:32:26but we're mature adults with a conversation,
0:32:26 > 0:32:28we're not talking about the nitty-gritty
0:32:28 > 0:32:31of infallible doctrine here, we're talking about people's lives.
0:32:31 > 0:32:37A lot of what you write is kind of a candyfloss spirituality.
0:32:37 > 0:32:41It looks attractive, but when you actually bite into it,
0:32:41 > 0:32:43that...
0:32:43 > 0:32:47there's kind of an absence of substance,
0:32:47 > 0:32:49and an absence of nourishment.
0:32:49 > 0:32:52I think that's the point. Do I...?
0:32:52 > 0:32:56Would you know my audience better than me?
0:32:56 > 0:33:00- And you're not my audience. Do you understand what I mean?- Yeah.
0:33:02 > 0:33:07A man with degrees in theology, Dominican, editor of a paper
0:33:07 > 0:33:10and he has all the opportunities he wants
0:33:10 > 0:33:13to have all the theology he wants.
0:33:13 > 0:33:17I'm not thinking of you when I'm writing in the Sunday World.
0:33:17 > 0:33:20I'm writing for people who have lost contact with,
0:33:20 > 0:33:23often, any Church at all,
0:33:23 > 0:33:28and certainly have a difficult relationship with the Church.
0:33:28 > 0:33:33Yeah, what I'm saying is, are you providing it?
0:33:33 > 0:33:38The impression I got from reading the articles was there was
0:33:38 > 0:33:43a kind of negativity towards the authorities in the Church.
0:33:43 > 0:33:46I would say, yes,
0:33:46 > 0:33:49I've been fairly negative to a lot of what has gone on
0:33:49 > 0:33:50- in the last 15 years.- Mm-hmm.
0:33:52 > 0:33:54But, if you go out to the road and ask somebody
0:33:54 > 0:33:58how they view the leadership of the Church in the last 15 years,
0:33:58 > 0:34:02they would say it has not been very inspiring - shouldn't I learn from that?
0:34:02 > 0:34:05I can certainly see so many faults in the Church,
0:34:05 > 0:34:07and it drives me crazy at times,
0:34:07 > 0:34:12but I'm not going to try and kind of feed that to other people.
0:34:12 > 0:34:17I want them to love the Church, despite her sinfulness.
0:34:17 > 0:34:21Now, the Church, I think, is entitled,
0:34:21 > 0:34:24with you or with me, to say that you must give
0:34:24 > 0:34:28the authentic teaching of the Church.
0:34:28 > 0:34:32That you must, to the best of your ability, try and communicate that,
0:34:32 > 0:34:36and certainly that you must not in any way undermine that.
0:34:42 > 0:34:47I knew he wasn't hearing anything I was saying, or appreciating it.
0:34:47 > 0:34:49Or my point of view at all.
0:34:49 > 0:34:53And I found that just kind of a dialogue of the deaf.
0:34:56 > 0:34:59I've no problem with him calling me candyfloss.
0:34:59 > 0:35:01That's his view.
0:35:01 > 0:35:04I know it's not the view of the vast majority of readers,
0:35:04 > 0:35:08who find a different form of spirituality there
0:35:08 > 0:35:10which is just as real as his.
0:35:20 > 0:35:24- I just want a couple of Mass cards. - Certainly, no problem.
0:35:24 > 0:35:26For the dead, is it?
0:35:26 > 0:35:29I want a couple for the dead, but I don't know who for yet.
0:35:29 > 0:35:32- I know, but to have them, is it? - To have them, yes.- Yes, of course.
0:35:32 > 0:35:34That's a good idea to have them in the house.
0:35:37 > 0:35:39Brian's on his way to officiate
0:35:39 > 0:35:42at the wedding of a young Fermanagh couple.
0:35:42 > 0:35:44They've requested him specifically.
0:35:50 > 0:35:53In the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, amen.
0:35:53 > 0:35:57I always like to begin the journey with a prayer.
0:35:57 > 0:36:00Recently, somebody said, "Would you leave to get married now?"
0:36:00 > 0:36:04And of course, how would you leave to get married at 67 years of age?
0:36:04 > 0:36:06Come on, Jesus, I'm not that stupid.
0:36:08 > 0:36:10Who'd have you at 67?!
0:36:12 > 0:36:15Some nurse, maybe, to wheel you around in a wheelchair
0:36:15 > 0:36:17is about all you'd get at my age.
0:36:20 > 0:36:25But a worse thing struck me, actually. Or a more shocking thing.
0:36:25 > 0:36:28That, after a life of celibacy, I would be incapable of loving.
0:36:30 > 0:36:34The whole principle of celibacy is that it's supposed to free you to love more.
0:36:38 > 0:36:43I'm not sure that I've seen that in many places, actually.
0:36:49 > 0:36:51HE LAUGHS
0:36:51 > 0:36:53- How are you, how are you? - Not too bad.
0:36:53 > 0:36:55How are you, lads? God, you clean up well!
0:36:55 > 0:36:58- How are you, Marco? How are you doing?- Not so bad. - You're looking great.
0:36:58 > 0:37:00There's some seats at the front.
0:37:00 > 0:37:04Now, if you're nervous or anything, don't worry - there's no collection.
0:37:04 > 0:37:05LAUGHTER
0:37:05 > 0:37:09But if you'd like, there's a few wee seats at the front here
0:37:09 > 0:37:11if you'd like to come up to them.
0:37:11 > 0:37:13When you dress up, you might as well show off.
0:37:16 > 0:37:19- Well, Josie. - How are you, Father?
0:37:19 > 0:37:21- You look gorgeous.- Thank you.
0:37:21 > 0:37:24- She's on the way, is she? - She's there.
0:37:24 > 0:37:25Oh, she's there? That's great.
0:37:27 > 0:37:30Now, she's just about to start off now.
0:37:30 > 0:37:32And she's a vision.
0:37:32 > 0:37:35An absolute vision. Don't look now, don't look now!
0:37:35 > 0:37:37HE LAUGHS
0:37:38 > 0:37:40You can look if you want to, I don't mind.
0:37:41 > 0:37:44I feel very nervous and insecure
0:37:44 > 0:37:47and not at all confident about speaking at a wedding.
0:37:47 > 0:37:50And the reason is because I'm an old bachelor.
0:37:50 > 0:37:54So, Grace and Malcolm would say, "God, I hope he's not going to tell us about marriage
0:37:54 > 0:37:57"if he hadn't even the guts to do it himself."
0:37:57 > 0:38:00Well, as I say, the Pope's still alive.
0:38:02 > 0:38:03And an old bachelor's what I'll be!
0:38:05 > 0:38:08And at this stage, anyway, who'd take me?
0:38:09 > 0:38:12'I would have been a much better priest, had I married.
0:38:12 > 0:38:16'I think it would have been that whole thing of sharing your life with somebody else.'
0:38:16 > 0:38:21And that whole thing of making sacrifices for somebody else.
0:38:21 > 0:38:26And also that idea of a companion,
0:38:26 > 0:38:28a closeness, friends, somewhere to call home.
0:38:30 > 0:38:33- Have you ever been in love? - Yes, I've been in love.
0:38:33 > 0:38:36'I did think I would get married.
0:38:36 > 0:38:37'I never broke my vows.'
0:38:37 > 0:38:42Both of us knew there was nothing wrong with it,
0:38:42 > 0:38:46you know, that it wasn't just a sexual attraction,
0:38:46 > 0:38:49that it was much beyond that, and both of us knew
0:38:49 > 0:38:53that we could have been holy and good people and been married.
0:38:54 > 0:38:57And I suppose that's the only anger.
0:38:57 > 0:39:00That's why I suppose I do get passionate about the idea
0:39:00 > 0:39:04that a priest does not need to be single to be a priest.
0:39:04 > 0:39:06'I shouldn't have had to make the choice.'
0:39:06 > 0:39:08No family deserves a day better...
0:39:08 > 0:39:12'If the option to be married was there,'
0:39:12 > 0:39:14it would be a far more credible Church.
0:39:15 > 0:39:19This is a miracle of life that I never really understand -
0:39:19 > 0:39:22that somebody can find somebody that they love.
0:39:22 > 0:39:25Of all the thousands, millions, billions in the world,
0:39:25 > 0:39:27seven billion people in the world,
0:39:27 > 0:39:29well, I wouldn't expect Malcolm
0:39:29 > 0:39:31to have gone through all seven billion of them.
0:39:31 > 0:39:33Grace probably did.
0:39:33 > 0:39:35LAUGHTER
0:39:36 > 0:39:42But anyway, isn't it great that the one Malcolm fell totally in love with
0:39:42 > 0:39:46was actually the one who fell totally in love with him?
0:39:52 > 0:39:56Ask any single person who doesn't want to be single
0:39:56 > 0:39:57what it's like...
0:39:58 > 0:40:01..and you're a nobody in the world, for a start...
0:40:03 > 0:40:08Um, you have no place, really, you can call your own,
0:40:08 > 0:40:12you've no friendship you can call your own.
0:40:15 > 0:40:18You've given your life to everybody else,
0:40:18 > 0:40:21and find that you have no life at all at the end of it.
0:40:24 > 0:40:26|Where is home?
0:40:33 > 0:40:37At the end of my life, I don't have a home.
0:40:37 > 0:40:39There's no place I can call home.
0:40:42 > 0:40:47Ideally, religious life is supposed to be a kind of home - it isn't.
0:40:47 > 0:40:48Not now, anyway.
0:41:00 > 0:41:03Brian's no closer to resolving his dilemma,
0:41:03 > 0:41:06and there's still no news about his next posting.
0:41:07 > 0:41:10His weeks of contemplation have strengthened the sense
0:41:10 > 0:41:13that he's swimming against a global tide
0:41:13 > 0:41:16and deepened his feeling of isolation.
0:41:23 > 0:41:25He's seeking counsel from an old friend.
0:41:26 > 0:41:29Hello. How are you? You're more than welcome.
0:41:29 > 0:41:32- Good to see you. - Thanks for doing this.
0:41:32 > 0:41:34Not at all. My pleasure.
0:41:34 > 0:41:36- Come in. - I really appreciate it, Frank.
0:41:36 > 0:41:40The actor Frank Kelly, better known to some as Father Jack.
0:41:41 > 0:41:44It's the media that's the real enemy.
0:41:44 > 0:41:47Of all the unearthly, unspiritual pleasures!
0:41:47 > 0:41:49HE SHOUTS INCOMPREHENSIBLY
0:41:49 > 0:41:52Ecumenical...! Yes!
0:41:53 > 0:41:56How right you are, Father! How right you are!
0:41:56 > 0:42:00We have to straighten out the media.
0:42:00 > 0:42:03That's the important thing, Father!
0:42:03 > 0:42:05And we have to do it...
0:42:06 > 0:42:08Now!
0:42:08 > 0:42:10HE SCREAMS ANGRILY
0:42:12 > 0:42:15Did you ever find anything in your life
0:42:15 > 0:42:17that was pulling you a little bit away
0:42:17 > 0:42:20from being a practising Catholic, as you are,
0:42:20 > 0:42:25and at the same time sending it up in a very public way?
0:42:25 > 0:42:29No, I've been in satire all my life.
0:42:29 > 0:42:32There is no difficulty for me between my spirituality
0:42:32 > 0:42:34and my religion and satire.
0:42:35 > 0:42:39There was a time when the assumption was that all priests
0:42:39 > 0:42:41were very wise and very highly educated.
0:42:41 > 0:42:44I grew up in that atmosphere.
0:42:44 > 0:42:48But, still, my parents gave me a feeling
0:42:48 > 0:42:51that you shouldn't be afraid.
0:42:51 > 0:42:56That you should be liberated by faith, rather than intimidated.
0:42:56 > 0:42:59- Talking to you now, I don't feel I'm talking to a priest.- Yes.
0:42:59 > 0:43:01You're a man who happens to be a priest.
0:43:01 > 0:43:05There's no Roman collar floating in the air over your head.
0:43:05 > 0:43:09Priesthood isn't a thing in inverted commas running around on your shoulder.
0:43:10 > 0:43:12It's got to be you.
0:43:12 > 0:43:15In humility you have to say,
0:43:15 > 0:43:18"Maybe I was wrong, maybe I am wrong."
0:43:18 > 0:43:20I stay awake at nights wondering about it.
0:43:20 > 0:43:24It's a situation, after 50 years in religious life,
0:43:24 > 0:43:28somebody says that I'm not really a reliable priest.
0:43:28 > 0:43:30What do you think, as a lay person in the middle of all that?
0:43:30 > 0:43:35I think one of the biggest problems facing the Church is that
0:43:35 > 0:43:37if it is going to be undemocratic,
0:43:37 > 0:43:39how is it going to continue living on in democracies,
0:43:39 > 0:43:43where the average citizen is becoming more and more educated?
0:43:44 > 0:43:46They're not as bulliable as they were.
0:43:46 > 0:43:49Is so much of the repression and oppression from the Church bullying?
0:43:49 > 0:43:51Is that a good name for it?
0:43:52 > 0:43:56Well, if you don't know who your accuser is,
0:43:56 > 0:44:00and you don't really know a defined nature of your misdeed,
0:44:00 > 0:44:04and how long you're going to be left in limbo,
0:44:04 > 0:44:07and whether you're going to be transferred,
0:44:07 > 0:44:09or what the nature of your life is going to be,
0:44:09 > 0:44:11and you're a grown, intelligent man
0:44:11 > 0:44:15who's never been at odds with the Church before, you're being bullied!
0:44:15 > 0:44:19What the hell else are you being but bullied? That's bullying.
0:44:19 > 0:44:23Anybody who says otherwise doesn't know what bullying is.
0:44:23 > 0:44:27I'm saying - the cheek of me! Who the hell am I to say it?
0:44:27 > 0:44:31Well, you're the best known priest in Ireland!
0:44:31 > 0:44:33And have been for some time!
0:44:37 > 0:44:41I suppose both Frank and myself would,
0:44:41 > 0:44:44in different ways, be in show business
0:44:44 > 0:44:48and therefore we're looked upon as lightweights because of that.
0:44:51 > 0:44:54And both of us can be light hearted
0:44:54 > 0:44:57and be lightweights when it's necessary.
0:44:57 > 0:45:00But it's almost like the clown
0:45:00 > 0:45:04being the serious thinker behind the happy dress.
0:45:06 > 0:45:11I love the way Frank spoke from his heart.
0:45:11 > 0:45:13No acting, no sham.
0:45:13 > 0:45:16Just a real man on a journey.
0:45:18 > 0:45:20And if I can be that...
0:45:21 > 0:45:26..God, it'll be a good gift to myself, whatever about anybody else.
0:45:26 > 0:45:27Be real.
0:45:29 > 0:45:31Forget the sham, just be real.
0:45:42 > 0:45:44Name in lights.
0:46:08 > 0:46:10Josephine, how are you?
0:46:11 > 0:46:16Father Brian here, and I'm just going to give you a little blessing.
0:46:18 > 0:46:20Don't worry about anything.
0:46:20 > 0:46:23I'll do all the talking and all the praying.
0:46:24 > 0:46:29Give Josephine strength and peace of mind.
0:46:29 > 0:46:30In the name of the Father...
0:46:30 > 0:46:33That's lovely, Father...
0:46:34 > 0:46:38..Son, Holy Spirit, amen.
0:46:40 > 0:46:44And I absolve you, Josephine, from all the sins of your whole life.
0:46:44 > 0:46:50In the name of the Father, and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, amen.
0:46:52 > 0:46:55May all from which you suffer cease and trouble you no more.
0:46:57 > 0:47:00That's all right, Josephine, don't worry.
0:47:10 > 0:47:13God, the wee woman, she was lovely.
0:47:13 > 0:47:16She's as peaceful as anything.
0:47:16 > 0:47:17She's ready to meet the Lord,
0:47:17 > 0:47:19and you could see she tried to bless herself
0:47:19 > 0:47:21to lift the wee hand with all the wee strength.
0:47:23 > 0:47:26Every time I sit down by the side of a bed, say a few prayers,
0:47:26 > 0:47:29they see it as the presence of God coming to bless them.
0:47:29 > 0:47:33That's worth more to me than all the high-powered theologians
0:47:33 > 0:47:37and ministers and papal documents and everything else.
0:47:39 > 0:47:42That's what gives me the greatest thrill as a priest.
0:47:58 > 0:48:01Brian wants to canvass one final opinion
0:48:01 > 0:48:03about his future as a priest,
0:48:03 > 0:48:05and it's taken him to Weston-Super-Mare
0:48:05 > 0:48:08in south-west England.
0:48:09 > 0:48:11Well, Mick!
0:48:11 > 0:48:13- My old friend, how are you? - Good to see you!
0:48:13 > 0:48:15- It's great to see you. - Welcome to Weston-Super-Mare.
0:48:15 > 0:48:18God, I'm sorry for imposing this on you at this hour of the morning.
0:48:18 > 0:48:20Do not be anxious, do not be anxious.
0:48:20 > 0:48:22- How are you?- I'm well.
0:48:25 > 0:48:27Brian D'Arcy and Michael Carroll
0:48:27 > 0:48:30studied together and were ordained on the same day.
0:48:31 > 0:48:35But after ten years, Michael left the priesthood.
0:48:38 > 0:48:40Ah, my darling Cathy, how are you?
0:48:40 > 0:48:42Oh, welcome!
0:48:42 > 0:48:45It's lovely to see you. What a lovely place you have here.
0:48:45 > 0:48:46Aren't we lucky?
0:48:46 > 0:48:48This is your husband, Michael!
0:48:48 > 0:48:50(HE LAUGHS)
0:48:53 > 0:48:56You can see why we took a long time choosing it, too.
0:48:56 > 0:48:58It was worth it.
0:48:58 > 0:49:00It's worth spending time on something you expect
0:49:00 > 0:49:03to spend the rest of your life in, and this was our intention -
0:49:03 > 0:49:07to find a place that we would go out of in a box, hopefully.
0:49:07 > 0:49:09I suppose that's what I miss, is a home.
0:49:09 > 0:49:11This is a home.
0:49:11 > 0:49:14I suddenly realise that I would never think
0:49:14 > 0:49:16of settling anywhere permanently.
0:49:16 > 0:49:20- Well, it's not the way you think, it's not the way your life is.- Yeah.
0:49:20 > 0:49:22You're ready for moving now, aren't you?
0:49:22 > 0:49:24I'm ready for moving now,
0:49:24 > 0:49:27and I'm not sure that I'm ready for moving, but I'll have to move.
0:49:27 > 0:49:30- Whether you're ready or not... - Precisely.
0:49:30 > 0:49:32...it could be the order from above.
0:49:32 > 0:49:35All of a sudden I realise this is a home,
0:49:35 > 0:49:37this is exactly what I don't have.
0:49:42 > 0:49:44With so much doubt in his own mind,
0:49:44 > 0:49:47Brian now wants to find out exactly what it was
0:49:47 > 0:49:50that convinced Michael to quit.
0:49:50 > 0:49:52I wish I was as slim now!
0:49:52 > 0:49:54HE LAUGHS
0:49:56 > 0:49:59You know, I used to often think,
0:49:59 > 0:50:03why is Michael choosing one route,
0:50:03 > 0:50:05and I'm choosing another route?
0:50:05 > 0:50:10Now, looking back, I say to myself, "Was I right? Was I wrong?"
0:50:10 > 0:50:13How do you choose a life?
0:50:13 > 0:50:16It was only when I was ordained and got into the real world
0:50:16 > 0:50:19that two things happened to me.
0:50:19 > 0:50:21I started thinking and I started feeling.
0:50:21 > 0:50:24And the second one was the disaster!
0:50:24 > 0:50:26HE LAUGHS
0:50:26 > 0:50:28Or the lifesaver!
0:50:28 > 0:50:31The second one was the disaster or the lifesaver!
0:50:31 > 0:50:34I was dying emotionally in there.
0:50:34 > 0:50:36I got a sense that if I stayed here
0:50:36 > 0:50:40and didn't sort this out, that it would destroy me.
0:50:40 > 0:50:41It would destroy me.
0:50:46 > 0:50:49The price I have to pay to be a priest
0:50:49 > 0:50:51is becoming almost unbearable.
0:50:51 > 0:50:54It seems to me what you're facing at this stage
0:50:54 > 0:50:57is this crisis of authenticity.
0:50:57 > 0:51:02What's the price I pay to remain within this organisation?
0:51:02 > 0:51:05A lot of which I don't agree with and don't see with -
0:51:05 > 0:51:08some of it minor, some of it major?
0:51:08 > 0:51:12But you've got to do something internally, I believe, to yourself,
0:51:12 > 0:51:15to be able to live in that, with a way that says,
0:51:15 > 0:51:19"I'm living in a horrible organisation -
0:51:19 > 0:51:22"or a dysfunctional organisation - authentically."
0:51:24 > 0:51:27Yeah, that's it. That's exactly it.
0:51:27 > 0:51:30Is that possible? Because, you see...
0:51:30 > 0:51:34I've said that answer to myself, what you're after saying.
0:51:34 > 0:51:36I'm trying to be authentic...
0:51:37 > 0:51:39..humanly as you possibly can be,
0:51:39 > 0:51:43in a situation that is obviously dysfunctional.
0:51:43 > 0:51:47You have to build some sort of immense barrier,
0:51:47 > 0:51:50or what I'd call a deflector shield for yourself that says,
0:51:50 > 0:51:54"I can't listen to you any more, I just can't.
0:51:54 > 0:51:57"You do my head in," you know?
0:51:57 > 0:52:00"So talk all you want and send all the letters you want
0:52:00 > 0:52:04"and censor all you want- I may comply or I may not comply.
0:52:04 > 0:52:07"And until you kick me out...
0:52:07 > 0:52:09"So I'm not going to move.
0:52:09 > 0:52:12"Until you kick me out, I'm staying here."
0:52:12 > 0:52:16- "I'm still doing the work I'm doing." - "And doing the work I'm doing."
0:52:16 > 0:52:19I don't hear the people saying "Brian D'Arcy, go," do you?
0:52:19 > 0:52:22No, quite the opposite, it's the people...
0:52:22 > 0:52:24If I have a reason for staying, it's the people.
0:52:24 > 0:52:26So there's your answer.
0:52:38 > 0:52:42I think what Michael was saying, knowing me for 50 years,
0:52:42 > 0:52:44"You should be a priest.
0:52:44 > 0:52:47"Even if they put you out, still be a priest."
0:52:47 > 0:52:51That's a hell of a statement for me, going home tonight.
0:53:08 > 0:53:11Back home, Brian's received a personal letter
0:53:11 > 0:53:13from the head of the Irish Church.
0:53:15 > 0:53:18Cardinal Brady has responded to many of his queries.
0:53:19 > 0:53:23I'd asked him, did he expect it would turn out as broken up
0:53:23 > 0:53:26and disjointed as it has, end like this?
0:53:26 > 0:53:30He says not really, but the answer, then, on reflection,
0:53:30 > 0:53:35"One should not expect life on this earth to be trouble free."
0:53:35 > 0:53:37Reading Sean's letter,
0:53:37 > 0:53:42you can see that he's struggling, and that's a good thing.
0:53:42 > 0:53:48He's wondering, like I am myself, constantly,
0:53:48 > 0:53:54if it was all worth it, after 50 years of a lifetime service to the Church.
0:53:56 > 0:54:00I think there's, as I often find in my own writing, a loneliness.
0:54:00 > 0:54:02And I detected the loneliness in that.
0:54:02 > 0:54:05Kind of an exile, kind of a sense of failure,
0:54:05 > 0:54:08kind of a sense of, "I didn't do the job that I should have done."
0:54:10 > 0:54:14The Cardinal does set out a list of things the Church can do -
0:54:14 > 0:54:18looking after the poor, celebrating rites of passage,
0:54:18 > 0:54:21being an ethical voice, and upholding heritage.
0:54:22 > 0:54:26The Cardinal also thinks there's a positive role for Brian to play.
0:54:28 > 0:54:31"Share our reflections with people in our preaching
0:54:31 > 0:54:35"to give them the give of acceptance and patience."
0:54:35 > 0:54:38He's saying to me, "I think that's your role -
0:54:38 > 0:54:40"to encourage patience and suffering
0:54:40 > 0:54:44"and to encourage people to reflect in a patient way,
0:54:44 > 0:54:47"and come to terms with suffering."
0:54:47 > 0:54:50He specifically says that the way I use the media,
0:54:50 > 0:54:54I am well placed and well gifted to make a contribution
0:54:54 > 0:55:00to the future of the Church, and there should be a place for me.
0:55:00 > 0:55:05And that's the first time that has happened to me in my lifetime.
0:55:17 > 0:55:22Brian has finally come to a decision about his future in the Church.
0:55:24 > 0:55:26I am going to remain a priest.
0:55:26 > 0:55:30I am going to speak the truth in a more prudent way.
0:55:30 > 0:55:34But it will still be the truth,
0:55:34 > 0:55:37because I am not going to remain a priest and be silent.
0:55:39 > 0:55:43In his latest Sunday World column, as a statement of intent,
0:55:43 > 0:55:46he's chosen to write about an influential Vatican insider
0:55:46 > 0:55:50who vehemently criticised the Church from his deathbed.
0:55:52 > 0:55:55"Cardinal Martini feared the bureaucrats who have, quote,
0:55:55 > 0:55:59"'killed the spirit of renewal in the Church.'
0:55:59 > 0:56:03"A brave leader who gave his life to the Church.
0:56:03 > 0:56:06"I, and others like me, cannot be silenced by fear.
0:56:06 > 0:56:11"I must be inspired by Cardinal Martini's final, despairing plea
0:56:11 > 0:56:14"for the transformation of the Church."
0:56:16 > 0:56:20Brian is determined to speak his mind,
0:56:20 > 0:56:22whatever the consequences.
0:56:23 > 0:56:29Let's cut out all this theological poppycock.
0:56:29 > 0:56:33Call what's wrong, wrong. Name it.
0:56:45 > 0:56:48There's news about Brian's next posting.
0:56:55 > 0:56:57At last he knows what his future holds.
0:57:02 > 0:57:06Now he's preparing to share that news with his congregation.
0:57:09 > 0:57:14Well, to take you out of suspense and myself out of suspense,
0:57:14 > 0:57:17I have some good news and some bad news.
0:57:18 > 0:57:19They're both the same news.
0:57:20 > 0:57:23But for good or for bad,
0:57:23 > 0:57:27I have been re-appointed to the Graan as rector for the next four years.
0:57:33 > 0:57:35You're gluttons for punishment.
0:57:35 > 0:57:37LAUGHTER
0:57:37 > 0:57:42This is probably the only place I do belong, in this congregation.
0:57:42 > 0:57:44It was a weight lifted off my shoulders.
0:57:46 > 0:57:49The fellas that you had spent your life with at long last
0:57:49 > 0:57:51had said whose side they were on.
0:57:53 > 0:57:57At least I think I'll have a home for another four years where I'll feel at home.
0:57:58 > 0:58:02By the time I finish this I'll be 71, if I do finish it.
0:58:02 > 0:58:05I've no idea what'll happen in that time.
0:58:06 > 0:58:10If I live to 71, I'll be the first man in my family to live to be 71.
0:58:11 > 0:58:14My father died at 70, my brother died at 70.
0:58:14 > 0:58:17I don't know what that means,
0:58:17 > 0:58:20but sure, if you thought about that, you'd just do nothing.
0:58:20 > 0:58:23So you get up and do your best every day,
0:58:23 > 0:58:26and that's what it's all about.
0:58:26 > 0:58:28Did I give hope more than despair?
0:58:29 > 0:58:32Did I give life more than death?
0:58:32 > 0:58:34Leave the rest to God.
0:58:34 > 0:58:36Feck it, enjoy it.
0:58:38 > 0:58:41Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd