0:00:02 > 0:00:04This programme contains some scenes which some viewers may find upsetting
0:00:04 > 0:00:06My name is Simon Atkins and I'm Catholic.
0:00:06 > 0:00:09I was raised in the west of Ireland on a diet of Communion,
0:00:09 > 0:00:11confession and chastity.
0:00:12 > 0:00:16The Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.
0:00:16 > 0:00:19That was until I realised I was gay
0:00:19 > 0:00:21and could never get married in the eyes of God.
0:00:23 > 0:00:24- I'm a celibate man.- Yeah.
0:00:24 > 0:00:27- I'm a single man.- Yeah. - Just because you are not married
0:00:27 > 0:00:30does not mean that you have a life without love.
0:00:30 > 0:00:33But I want sex and marriage with the love.
0:00:33 > 0:00:36Being Catholic doesn't seem relevant to my life any more.
0:00:40 > 0:00:42Then I met this guy -
0:00:42 > 0:00:46Matthew. He's Jewish, and I realised they might be a better option
0:00:46 > 0:00:49- for me.- Every human being is a creation in the image of God.- Mmm.
0:00:49 > 0:00:52Male, female, Jew, non-Jew, gay, straight.
0:00:52 > 0:00:56Nobody should ever be treated as if they weren't a full human being.
0:00:56 > 0:01:01To find out if Judaism is more tolerant of gay men, I'm travelling
0:01:01 > 0:01:04to the Middle East and its birthplace, Israel.
0:01:06 > 0:01:08I love the fact that I can feel free here.
0:01:09 > 0:01:11The whole city is a gay club.
0:01:13 > 0:01:17But as I delved deeper I uncover another side to Judaism...
0:01:17 > 0:01:19- Just...- Camera down.- Camera down.
0:01:21 > 0:01:24A man who sleeps with another man knows he must die,
0:01:24 > 0:01:25he shall die.
0:01:26 > 0:01:28It's an abomination, that's all.
0:01:28 > 0:01:29And that's all I have to say.
0:01:29 > 0:01:32..where being gay can be a matter of life or death.
0:01:32 > 0:01:34SCREAMING
0:01:34 > 0:01:38He pulled out a knife and started running and stabbing.
0:01:43 > 0:01:48It angers me that that is the way that they think,
0:01:48 > 0:01:49that I need to be cured.
0:01:57 > 0:01:59- Oh, my God, the smell. - Doesn't it smell good?
0:01:59 > 0:02:00Delicious.
0:02:02 > 0:02:06Matthew and I have been together for two years.
0:02:06 > 0:02:08These are particularly excellent.
0:02:08 > 0:02:09Almost immediately,
0:02:09 > 0:02:13I started to feel more at home in his religion than my own.
0:02:13 > 0:02:15What's all this stuff?
0:02:15 > 0:02:17- We're not having a party.- OK. - You don't need a party platter.
0:02:17 > 0:02:19Well, we're having a Friday night dinner.
0:02:19 > 0:02:22He's accepted as a gay man by his rabbi
0:02:22 > 0:02:25and can get married in his place of worship.
0:02:25 > 0:02:27As a Catholic, I can't do that.
0:02:29 > 0:02:33I feel like I've given a lot to Catholicism over, like, the years.
0:02:33 > 0:02:39And I feel like that it has not served me particularly well now
0:02:39 > 0:02:43that I'm, you know, older, and...
0:02:43 > 0:02:45- Gayer.- Gayer.
0:02:45 > 0:02:47And in a relationship.
0:02:47 > 0:02:50So I'm thinking about changing my religion.
0:02:52 > 0:02:57Do you think it would be easy for me to convert to Judaism?
0:02:57 > 0:03:00Coming from my Catholic background.
0:03:00 > 0:03:02The thing about conversion is, it's not...
0:03:02 > 0:03:07You can't just be like, "Oh, I want to be Jewish today."
0:03:07 > 0:03:10It's a really long, personal journey,
0:03:10 > 0:03:14- where you really have to engage with the question of faith.- Yeah.
0:03:14 > 0:03:16When you were a little altar boy,
0:03:16 > 0:03:19- singing your heart out in the west of Ireland...- Yeah.
0:03:19 > 0:03:21..were you singing your heart out to Jesus Christ?
0:03:21 > 0:03:24Jews don't believe Jesus was the son of God.
0:03:24 > 0:03:27So the key difference, it is a different person you're praying to.
0:03:32 > 0:03:36It soon becomes obvious I know very little about Judaism.
0:03:36 > 0:03:37Come, come with me.
0:03:37 > 0:03:39- What are you doing?- You can see.
0:03:39 > 0:03:40Come. Come here.
0:03:40 > 0:03:43- INAUDIBLE SPEECH - OK, sure.
0:03:48 > 0:03:51Matthew's been accosted by some
0:03:51 > 0:03:54holy-looking people and asked to pray in a caravan, which is, er...
0:03:56 > 0:03:57..slightly odd.
0:04:02 > 0:04:04Oh, my God. You need... You need to get a shot of this.
0:04:06 > 0:04:08Like, they're binding him in something.
0:04:10 > 0:04:13Now he's, like, praying from a leaflet.
0:04:15 > 0:04:17That is just the strangest thing.
0:04:19 > 0:04:21- OK, good Shabbos.- Good Shabbos.
0:04:21 > 0:04:23- Have a happy New Year. - The same to you.
0:04:23 > 0:04:25Happy New Year.
0:04:25 > 0:04:27- Same to you.- I literally haven't done that since my Bar Mitzvah.
0:04:27 > 0:04:30- What was that?- It's because it's nearly New Year,
0:04:30 > 0:04:32it's like a mitzvah. It's like...
0:04:32 > 0:04:34It's like a good deed.
0:04:34 > 0:04:37I personally find it a very intense way of praying.
0:04:37 > 0:04:39It just actually looked a bit scary.
0:04:39 > 0:04:41- Oh, it's not scary.- Well, it's scary for me cos I've never seen it
0:04:41 > 0:04:44before. Someone grabbed you, pulled you into a caravan and started...
0:04:44 > 0:04:47- Yeah.- ..wrapping you up in leather. - Yeah, well...- Like, come on.
0:04:47 > 0:04:48Not that kind of leather!
0:04:50 > 0:04:54Tonight we're celebrating one of the most sacred Jewish traditions,
0:04:54 > 0:04:55Friday night dinner...
0:04:55 > 0:05:00You put the challah on the table and you need to find the challah cover.
0:05:00 > 0:05:04..when friends and family come together to celebrate the Sabbath,
0:05:04 > 0:05:07the day God rested from creating the world.
0:05:07 > 0:05:10- You've done a good job. - Yes, I know.- Have I?
0:05:10 > 0:05:11- You've done nothing.- No!
0:05:13 > 0:05:18Matthew has invited two close gay friends, James and Gabriel,
0:05:18 > 0:05:19who's come with his partner, Connor.
0:05:19 > 0:05:21Let's get you guys over there.
0:05:21 > 0:05:23It's the community, the structure
0:05:23 > 0:05:27and the rituals that first attracted me to Matthew's faith.
0:05:28 > 0:05:29Can I have a sparkly one?
0:05:29 > 0:05:31Yes!
0:05:31 > 0:05:33Tonight we're wearing a kippah...
0:05:33 > 0:05:35This looks quite Irish-y.
0:05:35 > 0:05:38..lighting the Sabbath candles...
0:05:38 > 0:05:41HE SPEAKS HEBREW
0:05:42 > 0:05:44..washing our hands from a cup...
0:05:45 > 0:05:48..and finally, breaking the bread.
0:05:48 > 0:05:49And we say Shabbat shalom.
0:05:49 > 0:05:50Shabbat shalom.
0:05:55 > 0:05:58Am I the only person at the table who's trying the gefilte fish?
0:05:58 > 0:06:00Mmm!
0:06:00 > 0:06:01Yeah? Really?
0:06:02 > 0:06:05The hot goss tonight is Connor,
0:06:05 > 0:06:07who's converting from Christianity to Judaism.
0:06:07 > 0:06:10- There's, like, so many questions I want to ask.- Yeah.
0:06:10 > 0:06:13How did the whole idea of conversion come around in the first place?
0:06:13 > 0:06:16It was never a requirement, it was kind of, just like,
0:06:16 > 0:06:18"I think you're ready to start doing this."
0:06:18 > 0:06:24I thought it would be difficult for Connor to integrate into my family
0:06:24 > 0:06:26and with my friends if he didn't know something about Judaism.
0:06:26 > 0:06:29- Right. - Tell them what you have to do.
0:06:29 > 0:06:32So, there's this weird ritual.
0:06:32 > 0:06:34Basically, you, like, have a circumcision,
0:06:34 > 0:06:37without getting the full operation.
0:06:37 > 0:06:38So they have to draw blood.
0:06:38 > 0:06:40- A prick.- With, like, a needle.
0:06:40 > 0:06:42The rabbi sticks a needle in your cock?
0:06:42 > 0:06:44- Yeah.- Yes. In your cock.
0:06:44 > 0:06:46Whilst you're where, in synagogue or something?
0:06:46 > 0:06:48- Yeah, in front of the whole community.- What?- Not in front
0:06:48 > 0:06:51- of the whole community!- He sticks a needle in the head of your cock?
0:06:54 > 0:06:56To Connor, it's a sign of his commitment
0:06:56 > 0:07:00and he plans to marry Gabriel next year in a synagogue.
0:07:00 > 0:07:02A huge part of Judaism is moving with the times.
0:07:02 > 0:07:05You have to find new ways of being able to live in the modern era.
0:07:05 > 0:07:10We're not... At no point does it say live exactly how you lived 2,000
0:07:10 > 0:07:13- years ago.- Do you, like, feel like, "Oh, I'm Jewish.
0:07:13 > 0:07:17"I can get married in the synagogue. I'm accepted in my faith."
0:07:17 > 0:07:18At our synagogue, definitely.
0:07:18 > 0:07:21That's something you never, ever have in the Catholic faith.
0:07:21 > 0:07:24You don't ever want to feel like you don't belong, which is why I think,
0:07:24 > 0:07:27I don't know, in my interpretation of what you're going through is
0:07:27 > 0:07:30to a certain extent that feeling of not belonging.
0:07:34 > 0:07:36Coming away from that table,
0:07:36 > 0:07:38I feel like I could be part of that community.
0:07:41 > 0:07:44I see the boys tonight and they're getting married in the eyes of God
0:07:44 > 0:07:47and I can't help thinking that, yes, it is important.
0:07:47 > 0:07:50It's like somebody's standing behind you, you know,
0:07:50 > 0:07:56with the Olympic torch and that legacy behind you
0:07:56 > 0:07:58and they're handing you that torch and they're saying, "Go.
0:07:58 > 0:08:02"Go forward with that and keep that legacy going."
0:08:02 > 0:08:04They're able to do it. I'm not able to do it.
0:08:09 > 0:08:13To find out what it would take for me to become Jewish, I'm off to meet
0:08:13 > 0:08:14Matthew's family rabbi.
0:08:21 > 0:08:22- Hello.- Hi, Simon, come in.
0:08:22 > 0:08:24- How are you?- Good, good. - Nice to meet you.- Welcome, welcome.
0:08:24 > 0:08:27Thank you very much. I've never been to a synagogue before.
0:08:27 > 0:08:29Here we are.
0:08:31 > 0:08:33Come in. I'll show you round.
0:08:34 > 0:08:35Thank you.
0:08:38 > 0:08:43- I mean, you know, you can probably see pews, bit like a church.- Yeah.
0:08:43 > 0:08:44Altar, do you call it an altar?
0:08:44 > 0:08:48Yeah, we call it a bema, which means, literally, a raised place,
0:08:48 > 0:08:49like a platform.
0:08:51 > 0:08:55Centre stage in all synagogues is the Torah, the Jewish Bible.
0:08:55 > 0:08:57- I'll take this one out. - Are they chained?
0:08:57 > 0:09:00- Oh, no, they're not, so they're not locked up.- Actually, the big issue
0:09:00 > 0:09:02is if they fall. It's not that they're chained, it's just we don't
0:09:02 > 0:09:04- want them to fall out. - HE LAUGHS
0:09:04 > 0:09:05OK.
0:09:08 > 0:09:11The Torah contains the word of God,
0:09:11 > 0:09:13passed down to Moses 3,000 years ago.
0:09:13 > 0:09:17To us Christians, it's known as the Old Testament.
0:09:17 > 0:09:18Judaism goes from right to left.
0:09:18 > 0:09:21So what do you do if you want to read something at the very end of
0:09:21 > 0:09:24- this?- It's called rabbinic aerobics. - Scroll it the whole way across.
0:09:24 > 0:09:27Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, you kind of start rolling it out like this and you get a bit of a workout.
0:09:27 > 0:09:31I just want to really find out where the Torah stands, and Judaism,
0:09:31 > 0:09:34on homosexual men and women, really.
0:09:34 > 0:09:36- You know, every human being is a creation in the image of God.- Mm.
0:09:36 > 0:09:40Male, female, Jew, non-Jew, gay, straight, you know,
0:09:40 > 0:09:43nobody should ever be treated as if they weren't a full human being in
0:09:43 > 0:09:46that sense. As someone who's married, you know,
0:09:46 > 0:09:49I absolutely get that someone might really, really kind of
0:09:49 > 0:09:52- feel that need. - Yeah. You know, like,
0:09:52 > 0:09:56I'm trying to figure out what I would have to do if I was ever
0:09:56 > 0:10:00- to convert to Judaism. - It's an 18-month formal programme.
0:10:00 > 0:10:02Do you have to go to class?
0:10:02 > 0:10:05- Yeah.- Do you have to do exams?
0:10:05 > 0:10:06- Yeah, we have classes.- OK.
0:10:06 > 0:10:09You've got to know what Judaism really is.
0:10:09 > 0:10:13It's a religion which is built around this idea of covenant.
0:10:13 > 0:10:16Which means that you have to accept the terms of the covenant set out in
0:10:16 > 0:10:19here, understood by the rabbis.
0:10:19 > 0:10:22The Torah is the contract between God and Jews.
0:10:22 > 0:10:27It has 613 rules laying down the law from the kitchen to the bedroom.
0:10:27 > 0:10:29But there are really two verses -
0:10:29 > 0:10:34they say that it's forbidden for a man to lie with a man
0:10:34 > 0:10:38as with the lyings of a woman. And then they use this sort of label
0:10:38 > 0:10:41term which usually gets translated as abomination.
0:10:41 > 0:10:44It's talking about a very specific physical act,
0:10:44 > 0:10:46anal penetrative intercourse.
0:10:46 > 0:10:47So let me just get this straight.
0:10:47 > 0:10:49I can come to synagogue,
0:10:49 > 0:10:52I could be potentially preached to by a gay rabbi,
0:10:52 > 0:10:55I can get married in a synagogue,
0:10:55 > 0:10:59but it's forbidden for me to have anal intercourse?
0:10:59 > 0:11:01- I would say yes.- OK. OK.
0:11:01 > 0:11:02That I did not know.
0:11:02 > 0:11:04But I like a bunch of people
0:11:04 > 0:11:06who do a bunch of things that I don't necessarily agree with,
0:11:06 > 0:11:10some of which are ethical and some of which are ritual.
0:11:10 > 0:11:13And, by the way, I don't not marry them.
0:11:13 > 0:11:17It's great to see rabbi Jeremy finding ways to compromise between
0:11:17 > 0:11:19these ancient creeds and our changing times,
0:11:19 > 0:11:22even if it's just turning a blind eye for inclusivity.
0:11:24 > 0:11:26But there is one rule even he won't budge on.
0:11:26 > 0:11:30To convert to Judaism, certainly within this denomination,
0:11:30 > 0:11:31it's required to be circumcised.
0:11:31 > 0:11:33- It is?- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
0:11:33 > 0:11:34You absolutely have to?
0:11:34 > 0:11:37- I mean, it's the original marker of that covenant.- OK.
0:11:37 > 0:11:40Circumcision, erm...
0:11:40 > 0:11:43sounded like it's an absolute definite.
0:11:43 > 0:11:46Like, sex would never be the same again.
0:11:46 > 0:11:50Like, sure, there's so much more pleasure when you have a foreskin,
0:11:50 > 0:11:53- I hear.- But Matthew has...
0:11:53 > 0:11:55Matthew's been circumcised, I'm assuming.
0:11:55 > 0:11:58Yeah, Matthew's circumcised and I'm kind of used to looking at
0:11:58 > 0:12:02a circumcised penis but it doesn't mean that I want to have one myself.
0:12:02 > 0:12:04I quite like the reveal.
0:12:07 > 0:12:11To understand if the sacrifices are worth it,
0:12:11 > 0:12:12I need to find out much more.
0:12:15 > 0:12:17My life would change forever.
0:12:17 > 0:12:21I wouldn't just be giving up on Communion and Christmas,
0:12:21 > 0:12:23I'd be giving up on Jesus Christ,
0:12:23 > 0:12:26the person I've prayed to all my life.
0:12:27 > 0:12:29While Matthew and I have spoken about marriage,
0:12:29 > 0:12:31he is younger than me
0:12:31 > 0:12:33and might still change his mind.
0:12:33 > 0:12:38If I'm to convert, it has to be for me and only me.
0:12:38 > 0:12:42And I know exactly where to search for answers -
0:12:42 > 0:12:46Israel, the birthplace of Judaism.
0:12:46 > 0:12:49The modern state of Israel was created after the Holocaust
0:12:49 > 0:12:53as a safe homeland for all Jewish people.
0:12:53 > 0:12:55I start my journey in Tel Aviv.
0:12:59 > 0:13:04Tel Aviv is home to the largest gay population in the Middle East.
0:13:04 > 0:13:07Estimates suggest one in every four people here is gay.
0:13:10 > 0:13:12It's the gayest city on earth.
0:13:14 > 0:13:17It's amazing to think that just a few hundred miles from here
0:13:17 > 0:13:21in Saudi Arabia, gay people are sentenced to death,
0:13:21 > 0:13:24but here in Tel Aviv they are free to strut their stuff.
0:13:33 > 0:13:37You can even disagree with one of the most hallowed Jewish covenants.
0:13:37 > 0:13:39Excuse me, do you speak English?
0:13:39 > 0:13:40I will do my best effort.
0:13:40 > 0:13:42So, why...?
0:13:42 > 0:13:44What is...? Is this a protest?
0:13:44 > 0:13:47Of course, it's a protest against circumcision.
0:13:47 > 0:13:51It's such a huge criminal act to cut from a defenceless baby from his
0:13:51 > 0:13:54genitals. It's such a cruel thing.
0:13:54 > 0:13:57It's such a savage thing to do.
0:13:57 > 0:13:59- You have scarred his penis. - SHOUTING
0:13:59 > 0:14:01Look at this. Look at this.
0:14:01 > 0:14:05ANGRY HEBREW SHOUTING
0:14:05 > 0:14:08What's he saying? What's he saying?
0:14:08 > 0:14:12- He's saying son of a dog. - Son of a dog?- Cursing me.
0:14:12 > 0:14:14He is causing quite a stir, isn't he?
0:14:16 > 0:14:18Excuse me. Excuse me.
0:14:18 > 0:14:21- Do you speak English?- A little.
0:14:21 > 0:14:24Are you against... Are you pro-circumcision?
0:14:24 > 0:14:26Not against, I'm not agreeing with him.
0:14:26 > 0:14:29- You don't agree? Why is that? - Why? Because I am cut, my thing.
0:14:29 > 0:14:35OK. It's a condition, OK, and it's not painful.
0:14:35 > 0:14:38I'm looking at converting to Judaism.
0:14:38 > 0:14:39- OK.- I might convert.
0:14:39 > 0:14:42Come! All you need is that cut!
0:14:42 > 0:14:46It's painful. Painful for me.
0:14:46 > 0:14:47- Now!- Now, maybe.
0:14:47 > 0:14:51But put ice, overnight.
0:14:51 > 0:14:52Everything good.
0:14:52 > 0:14:55Put ice. That's your solution?
0:14:55 > 0:14:56Ice?
0:14:59 > 0:15:03What all Jewish men do have, and I don't, is a kippah.
0:15:03 > 0:15:04Multicoloured knit, maybe?
0:15:06 > 0:15:09It's worn during prayer as a symbol of one's awareness that there is
0:15:09 > 0:15:11someone above us.
0:15:12 > 0:15:14I mean, that's pretty cool, star of David.
0:15:14 > 0:15:18Let's give it a shot. Little bit of sparkle.
0:15:18 > 0:15:20Yeah, that one's got my name all over it.
0:15:23 > 0:15:27There is just something about this city that I absolutely adore.
0:15:27 > 0:15:28It's just hard to put your finger on it.
0:15:28 > 0:15:33There's a real ease and friendliness about Tel Aviv that I just...
0:15:33 > 0:15:36I love. I feel a real connection the city.
0:15:38 > 0:15:42As the sun sets, Tel Aviv is just getting warmed up.
0:15:50 > 0:15:52I'm meeting up with three friends
0:15:52 > 0:15:54who want to show me how this city parties.
0:15:54 > 0:15:56- Let's party!- After you, ladies.
0:15:57 > 0:15:58ISRAELI DANCE MUSIC
0:16:02 > 0:16:04Why do you love Tel Aviv so much?
0:16:04 > 0:16:07- What is it?- I love the fact that I can feel free here.
0:16:07 > 0:16:11I love the fact that I can go to the beach, and I can go however I want,
0:16:11 > 0:16:13in my tiny little Speedo.
0:16:13 > 0:16:15The difference in Tel Aviv is that
0:16:15 > 0:16:18when you go abroad, and you travel,
0:16:18 > 0:16:22you feel very... It's a very straight city, wherever you are.
0:16:22 > 0:16:25And you can go to a gay club and you feel a bit more comfortable,
0:16:25 > 0:16:29more in the zone. In Tel Aviv, the whole city feels like that.
0:16:29 > 0:16:32The whole city feels like you're in your zone,
0:16:32 > 0:16:35because the city is a gay club. That is very unique to Tel Aviv.
0:16:35 > 0:16:39Tel Aviv has celebrated gay pride since 1979.
0:16:42 > 0:16:45This year, over 200,000 people joined the parade,
0:16:45 > 0:16:48making it one of the largest gay festivals in the world.
0:16:58 > 0:16:59Wow!
0:17:00 > 0:17:02Now, that is a club!
0:17:02 > 0:17:06This place attracts gay people from all walks of life.
0:17:06 > 0:17:08You're all from Israel?
0:17:08 > 0:17:09What do you do?
0:17:09 > 0:17:10Are you soldiers?
0:17:10 > 0:17:13I'm a commander in military jail.
0:17:13 > 0:17:15You're a Commander?
0:17:15 > 0:17:16What about you?
0:17:16 > 0:17:18I'm a guns instructor.
0:17:20 > 0:17:23So, You teach people how to shoot guns properly?
0:17:23 > 0:17:25- Yes.- What age are you?- 20.
0:17:27 > 0:17:28Gay soldiers like these
0:17:28 > 0:17:31have been openly serving on the front line since 1994 -
0:17:31 > 0:17:34a decade before the UK followed suit.
0:17:37 > 0:17:40In Israel military service is compulsory.
0:17:41 > 0:17:45This is a country that's been in conflict with its neighbour since it was born.
0:17:49 > 0:17:52I want to find out if the liberal values I've seen so far
0:17:52 > 0:17:54extend to the other parts of Israel.
0:17:56 > 0:18:02So I'm on my way to meet a Jewish scholar who lives 50 miles away in the West Bank.
0:18:02 > 0:18:05A Palestinian territory that is occupied by Israel.
0:18:07 > 0:18:11Thousands of Jews have set up Jewish-only settlements here.
0:18:11 > 0:18:15They believe this is their ancestral land.
0:18:15 > 0:18:16Getting there isn't easy.
0:18:18 > 0:18:19Here's the separation wall.
0:18:21 > 0:18:22Literally, the beginning of it.
0:18:22 > 0:18:25That separates Israel from the Palestinian authorities.
0:18:28 > 0:18:31Following a Palestinian uprising, a separation barrier now
0:18:31 > 0:18:33divides Israel from its neighbour.
0:18:38 > 0:18:40There is a watch tower just up ahead now.
0:18:44 > 0:18:47I'm just not used to this level of security.
0:18:47 > 0:18:52You automatically feel a little bit, like, on edge,
0:18:52 > 0:18:54even just looking around,
0:18:54 > 0:18:57just knowing what can happen in this area.
0:18:57 > 0:18:59And what does happen, quite regularly.
0:19:05 > 0:19:07I finally arrive at my destination.
0:19:08 > 0:19:11This is a Yeshiva,
0:19:11 > 0:19:13where Aaron teaches students religious texts.
0:19:14 > 0:19:16I hope I'm not interrupting a class.
0:19:18 > 0:19:20Hello.
0:19:20 > 0:19:22- How are you?- Nice to see you.
0:19:22 > 0:19:24We are a little bit late today.
0:19:24 > 0:19:27The last class finished just now.
0:19:27 > 0:19:31- OK.- Five minutes to wind down, then we're starting.
0:19:31 > 0:19:34So, tell me, what do you teach here?
0:19:36 > 0:19:37A lot of things.
0:19:39 > 0:19:41All of them from the Torah.
0:19:41 > 0:19:42The Bible.
0:19:42 > 0:19:45The Talmud. You know what is the Talmud?
0:19:45 > 0:19:48- The Talmud?- This is the Talmud. Yes.
0:19:48 > 0:19:49You can see here.
0:19:52 > 0:19:55This was written
0:19:55 > 0:19:57- 1,500 years ago.- OK.
0:19:59 > 0:20:01The Talmud is the guidebook to the Torah.
0:20:01 > 0:20:05It explains that homosexuality is forbidden in Judaism,
0:20:05 > 0:20:08because it would lead men astray,
0:20:08 > 0:20:10threatening the Jewish ideal of family life.
0:20:10 > 0:20:14I am starting the class now.
0:20:14 > 0:20:16- We'll talk later. - We'll talk later.- Thank you. Enjoy.
0:20:18 > 0:20:21It seems only men are welcome in this Yeshiva.
0:20:21 > 0:20:23It feels very conservative.
0:20:27 > 0:20:29I meet up again with Aaron at his home.
0:20:34 > 0:20:37- Hello.- Hello. Shalom. Welcome, welcome.
0:20:37 > 0:20:38- Thank you.- Welcome.
0:20:38 > 0:20:41This is a very nice house you have.
0:20:41 > 0:20:44- Thank you, very much. - What are you having? Coffee?
0:20:44 > 0:20:46Are you a tea man or are you a coffee man?
0:20:46 > 0:20:49No, it's not coffee, it's chicory.
0:20:49 > 0:20:51Chicory is instead of coffee.
0:20:51 > 0:20:55- OK.- I wake up in the morning, because I want to pray to my God.
0:20:55 > 0:20:57This is what wakes me...
0:20:57 > 0:20:59- That's what wakes you up?- Yes.
0:20:59 > 0:21:01I need a coffee before I do any kind of...
0:21:01 > 0:21:04Try to pray to God, and you will see.
0:21:04 > 0:21:06- It's better than a coffee.- Yes.
0:21:06 > 0:21:09So, tell me what your views on gay...
0:21:10 > 0:21:13..men are in your religion.
0:21:13 > 0:21:15Oh. I need to sit for that.
0:21:15 > 0:21:17You need to sit. Shall we sit?
0:21:17 > 0:21:19- Yes.- It's very complicated.
0:21:19 > 0:21:22It's not a point of what I believe.
0:21:22 > 0:21:25- Yeah. - It's written very, very clearly.
0:21:25 > 0:21:30Our Torah is against same-sex marriage.
0:21:30 > 0:21:33There is no other way to say it.
0:21:33 > 0:21:38- Our religion don't have a perfect solution for gay men.- Gay men.
0:21:39 > 0:21:41Unlike Matthew's rabbi in London,
0:21:41 > 0:21:44Aaron doesn't interpret the words of the Bible.
0:21:44 > 0:21:46He takes them as divine.
0:21:46 > 0:21:49I'm looking at converting to Judaism so I can marry my boyfriend.
0:21:49 > 0:21:52No, you're not allowed to do that.
0:21:52 > 0:21:55It's...er...
0:21:55 > 0:21:59It's the same as the Catholic priests say.
0:21:59 > 0:22:03In that point... In that issue,
0:22:03 > 0:22:06we and the Catholics are almost the same.
0:22:06 > 0:22:08The Catholics are more hard, in that, their point of view.
0:22:08 > 0:22:13In Judaism's point of view, to be a gay, it's not forbidden.
0:22:13 > 0:22:15- OK.- It's forbidden to live like a gay.
0:22:15 > 0:22:19So do you expect me and my boyfriend to deny...
0:22:21 > 0:22:23- ..who I am as a person.- No, no, no!
0:22:23 > 0:22:26- What I really feel. - It's not deny, no.
0:22:26 > 0:22:28You don't have to deny.
0:22:28 > 0:22:32There is only one way of religious Judaism.
0:22:32 > 0:22:35Do all the commandments of God.
0:22:35 > 0:22:38If somebody says he is doing half, quarter,
0:22:38 > 0:22:41or something else of the commandments of God, he is not religious.
0:22:41 > 0:22:43He is a cultural Jew.
0:22:43 > 0:22:45You don't believe? Do what you want.
0:22:45 > 0:22:48There are two ways of life, and I respect...
0:22:48 > 0:22:50I respect somebody who says I don't believe.
0:22:50 > 0:22:54As I respect you. You call yourself a Catholic, you're not a Catholic, really.
0:22:54 > 0:22:59But I still feel like I'm Catholic, and I'm a man of faith.
0:22:59 > 0:23:03I just can never get married in the Catholic church.
0:23:03 > 0:23:06Not only married, your way of life is forbidden.
0:23:07 > 0:23:09OK.
0:23:11 > 0:23:14- It was very, very nice to meet you. - Very nice to meet you.
0:23:14 > 0:23:17- Can I have a hug?- Thank you.
0:23:17 > 0:23:18Thank you very much.
0:23:21 > 0:23:25I've always defined myself as a Catholic but, if I'm honest,
0:23:25 > 0:23:28maybe my faith has been on the wane for a while.
0:23:28 > 0:23:31I think I craved acceptance from my Church
0:23:31 > 0:23:34because I felt like an outsider growing up.
0:23:34 > 0:23:37But, as a Jew, could I ever truly belong
0:23:37 > 0:23:40and follow all their rules religiously?
0:23:41 > 0:23:44I'm bound for the holiest city in Israel.
0:23:46 > 0:23:50Jerusalem is the epicentre of Judaism.
0:23:50 > 0:23:52It's where the Jews built their very first temple.
0:23:54 > 0:23:57But it's also a sacred site for Muslims and Christians.
0:23:57 > 0:24:00Access to the city is tightly controlled.
0:24:02 > 0:24:05We're just about to come up to a checkpoint.
0:24:07 > 0:24:08Very high security.
0:24:10 > 0:24:12It's actually so weird seeing...
0:24:13 > 0:24:16..like, they are fixing each other's hair,
0:24:16 > 0:24:18but they've got huge machine guns in their hands.
0:24:18 > 0:24:20- Camera down, please.- Camera down.
0:24:22 > 0:24:23- Hello.- Hi.
0:24:26 > 0:24:28That is so weird.
0:24:29 > 0:24:31It's like, "Oh, my God, does my hair look OK?"
0:24:31 > 0:24:33With my big rifle in my hand.
0:24:34 > 0:24:38It's like, sweet as pie, yet, they're killing machines.
0:24:38 > 0:24:39- It's surreal.- It's so weird!
0:24:42 > 0:24:44Jews believe Jerusalem was chosen by God
0:24:44 > 0:24:47as the spiritual capital of Judaism.
0:24:47 > 0:24:50All Jews outside the city pray facing its direction.
0:24:53 > 0:24:57One man who prays every day without fail is Nadaf,
0:24:57 > 0:24:59a gay man who has lived here all his life.
0:25:01 > 0:25:03- You have to say if have anything in your pockets.- That's natural?
0:25:10 > 0:25:12We've come to the Western Wall.
0:25:12 > 0:25:16It's all that's left standing from an ancient Jewish Temple.
0:25:16 > 0:25:19This is the closest Jews can physically get God.
0:25:20 > 0:25:24You feel that you fit in in Orthodox Judaism,
0:25:24 > 0:25:27but there's one thing that you can't do.
0:25:27 > 0:25:30There are people who do not do anal sex.
0:25:30 > 0:25:32Is that...
0:25:33 > 0:25:36..an issue for you? Do you want to have penetrative sex?
0:25:37 > 0:25:40Maybe, yeah. I haven't done it.
0:25:40 > 0:25:43Some people, maybe, would say that it is a very important part.
0:25:43 > 0:25:48But, I suppose, for you, it's more important to be religious and...
0:25:48 > 0:25:49It's...
0:25:50 > 0:25:52When I was with my boyfriend...
0:25:54 > 0:25:57He complains, it's not two of us, it's the three of us.
0:25:58 > 0:26:00It's you, me and God.
0:26:05 > 0:26:10I just don't think I could suppress my sexuality for a religion.
0:26:10 > 0:26:11It's who I am.
0:26:13 > 0:26:16But Nadaf did just that.
0:26:16 > 0:26:20Five years ago, he proposed to a woman, to live a conventional life.
0:26:22 > 0:26:25After I got divorced, I was very angry with God.
0:26:26 > 0:26:29I didn't know what to do with my relationship with God,
0:26:29 > 0:26:31and, at a certain point...
0:26:32 > 0:26:36..even my anger was what calmed me down.
0:26:36 > 0:26:40I'm, like, "Wait, I'm angry, that means I'm in a relationship with him."
0:26:40 > 0:26:42You're allowed to be angry.
0:26:42 > 0:26:45Some rabbis double up as matchmakers,
0:26:45 > 0:26:48encouraging gay men to marry lesbian women.
0:26:48 > 0:26:53There's even a dating app where you can browse for prospective gay partners of the opposite sex.
0:26:53 > 0:26:56I never experienced love before.
0:26:57 > 0:26:59I didn't let myself fall in love with a man,
0:26:59 > 0:27:02I didn't have any love for a woman.
0:27:02 > 0:27:06And I felt very strong connection to her,
0:27:06 > 0:27:07but, suddenly...
0:27:08 > 0:27:11..when we were faced, in the marriage, we realised, that's not it.
0:27:11 > 0:27:14That really makes me slightly angry, really.
0:27:14 > 0:27:18- Why?- It just makes me angry that, you know...
0:27:19 > 0:27:25..you think so much about, like, God and your faith, and your 613 rules,
0:27:25 > 0:27:27and what you're supposed to do,
0:27:27 > 0:27:31but when it comes to, like, you know, your sexuality and being...
0:27:32 > 0:27:36..happy, "Oh, just gloss over that and marry a woman, because that's what you should do."
0:27:36 > 0:27:38I understand that they...
0:27:38 > 0:27:41When they look at homosexuality that it is just, you know...
0:27:41 > 0:27:46You know, it's something that you can choose.
0:27:46 > 0:27:50But, unfortunately, it's not something you can choose.
0:27:50 > 0:27:56You're not choosing being gay, but you are choosing a gay lifestyle.
0:27:56 > 0:27:58OK?
0:27:58 > 0:28:00And that's a major difference.
0:28:04 > 0:28:06If this is my choice,
0:28:06 > 0:28:08then maybe Judaism isn't the answer.
0:28:12 > 0:28:16It's starting to remind me a little too much of my own Catholic faith.
0:28:22 > 0:28:24Hi, baby. Oh, God, big yawn.
0:28:26 > 0:28:28I just had a Magnum.
0:28:28 > 0:28:30How are you?
0:28:30 > 0:28:32I'm very well. I had...
0:28:32 > 0:28:37I did a huge amount of sorting today.
0:28:37 > 0:28:40- Sorting?- And I did a deep clean of the bathroom.
0:28:40 > 0:28:42Great. OK, I'm delighted for you.
0:28:42 > 0:28:46So, what have you done the last few days?
0:28:46 > 0:28:49Erm... It's been hectic.
0:28:49 > 0:28:53Like, I'm really now having doubts about Judaism,
0:28:53 > 0:28:57because there's a nice side to it, but there's also a very
0:28:57 > 0:28:59intense, ugly side to it.
0:28:59 > 0:29:04I think you'd be hard-pressed to find a religion, organised by men...
0:29:05 > 0:29:08..that doesn't have a questionable side to it.
0:29:08 > 0:29:09Yeah.
0:29:09 > 0:29:13Yeah, I'm definitely confused.
0:29:13 > 0:29:16because I don't know where I kind of stand right now.
0:29:16 > 0:29:18You're going to have to...
0:29:18 > 0:29:22If you are a thinking person,
0:29:22 > 0:29:25and you want to remain engaged with your faith,
0:29:25 > 0:29:31you're always going to have to get comfortable with living in confusion.
0:29:31 > 0:29:34Maybe no-one ever lives up to the ideals of any religion.
0:29:34 > 0:29:36So they never feel like they belong.
0:29:36 > 0:29:38The trouble is, it's just...very visible.
0:29:38 > 0:29:42You know. It's very visible, and
0:29:42 > 0:29:44the life stages are so intertwined with religion,
0:29:44 > 0:29:47things like marriage and birth.
0:29:47 > 0:29:49And it's visibly different when you're gay.
0:29:49 > 0:29:53So you visibly feel like you don't, you know,
0:29:53 > 0:29:56like you don't necessarily belong in that religion.
0:29:56 > 0:30:00Should I just keep struggling on in the Catholic faith, rather than, like,
0:30:00 > 0:30:02changing to a completely different faith
0:30:02 > 0:30:05and having to struggle from the very beginning?
0:30:05 > 0:30:09You will certainly be exchanging one confusion for another.
0:30:10 > 0:30:11Arguably, with better food.
0:30:15 > 0:30:16OK, I think we're done here.
0:30:16 > 0:30:19- OK, I love you.- Love you.
0:30:19 > 0:30:21KISSING
0:30:21 > 0:30:22Night, night.
0:30:22 > 0:30:23BEEPING
0:30:32 > 0:30:37In Jerusalem, I've realised how much I take life with Matthew for granted.
0:30:40 > 0:30:44A recent study of gay teenagers in Israel revealed that one in five
0:30:44 > 0:30:46have attempted suicide -
0:30:46 > 0:30:49over 100 times the rate of the general population.
0:30:51 > 0:30:54Like Tel Aviv, Jerusalem has a gay pride every year.
0:30:55 > 0:30:58But in 2015, tragedy struck.
0:31:01 > 0:31:05I'm meeting one of the organisers in the city's only gay bar.
0:31:05 > 0:31:07Hello.
0:31:07 > 0:31:10- Hey, babe.- Nice to meet you. - How are you?- Simon.- Eleanor.
0:31:10 > 0:31:12How's things?
0:31:12 > 0:31:15- Good. How are you? - I'm very well, thank you.
0:31:15 > 0:31:18Can you take me back to last year, and exactly what happened?
0:31:18 > 0:31:20At the parade.
0:31:20 > 0:31:24Well, I was kind of
0:31:24 > 0:31:28like, 100 metres up from where the killer got inside.
0:31:28 > 0:31:32He pulled out a knife, and started running and stabbing.
0:31:32 > 0:31:37And a lot of blood, a lot of blood on the street.
0:31:37 > 0:31:39- Oh, my God. - A lot of chaos. Screaming.
0:31:51 > 0:31:53Oh, my God, look at the size of that knife.
0:31:59 > 0:32:02That's Jordan. He was one of the stabbees.
0:32:02 > 0:32:04How many people died that day?
0:32:04 > 0:32:08Six got stabbed, another got lightly injured.
0:32:08 > 0:32:11And one girl, Shira Banki, was dead,
0:32:11 > 0:32:14died after a couple of days in the hospital.
0:32:16 > 0:32:17Poor thing.
0:32:20 > 0:32:22It's so hard to watch this.
0:32:29 > 0:32:31What age was she when she died?
0:32:31 > 0:32:33She was almost 16.
0:32:33 > 0:32:34She was 16?
0:32:36 > 0:32:38She'd just got to the...
0:32:38 > 0:32:41- Oh, my God!- She'd just finished the tenth grade.
0:32:46 > 0:32:49I can't believe that. I didn't realise she was so young.
0:32:55 > 0:32:57The assailant comes from a group of believers
0:32:57 > 0:33:01who regard themselves as one of the most religiously authentic Jews of all.
0:33:02 > 0:33:07Known as Haredi Jews, they make up a third of the population of Jerusalem.
0:33:08 > 0:33:12Our attempts to speak to Haredi rabbis have been met with a wall of silence.
0:33:12 > 0:33:15While very few condone the attacker,
0:33:15 > 0:33:21I wonder to what extent this community might share his intolerance of homosexuality.
0:33:21 > 0:33:25I've come to the suburb of Mea She'arim to find out.
0:33:25 > 0:33:28Excuse me, do you speak English?
0:33:28 > 0:33:30No, you don't. Was that not English I just heard?
0:33:31 > 0:33:33Excuse me, do you speak English?
0:33:36 > 0:33:37Do you speaking English?
0:33:37 > 0:33:40Do you... Do you speak English. Can I? No.
0:33:43 > 0:33:45It's funny, because it's a busy high street, but...
0:33:46 > 0:33:50..I don't feel particularly safe here for some reason.
0:33:50 > 0:33:53Even though, like, obviously it must be quite safe,
0:33:53 > 0:33:56because it just looks like a normal busy high street.
0:33:56 > 0:33:58Except it's quite a religious high street.
0:33:58 > 0:33:59So...
0:33:59 > 0:34:01And, like, I stick out like a sore thumb.
0:34:01 > 0:34:03Everybody's staring at me.
0:34:09 > 0:34:12I'm doing a documentary for the BBC.
0:34:12 > 0:34:15We're just in Mea She'arim because we're asking people
0:34:15 > 0:34:18what they think of being religious and gay.
0:34:18 > 0:34:19Is it like...
0:34:19 > 0:34:22- I don't know what that is. - You don't know what that is?
0:34:24 > 0:34:27Please don't ask me, you're not going to like my opinion.
0:34:27 > 0:34:29What is your opinion?
0:34:29 > 0:34:30He'd rather not say.
0:34:32 > 0:34:34- It's actually forbidden. - It's forbidden?- Yes.
0:34:34 > 0:34:36The Torah forbids it.
0:34:36 > 0:34:41It says, a man who sleeps with another man, die, he shall die.
0:34:47 > 0:34:49You don't think so?
0:34:49 > 0:34:52What if they are? Some people surely are religious and gay.
0:34:55 > 0:34:57To be Jewish and gay?
0:34:58 > 0:35:00Why?
0:35:00 > 0:35:02It's an abomination, that's all.
0:35:02 > 0:35:04That's all I have to say. Let's go.
0:35:11 > 0:35:12I mean...
0:35:12 > 0:35:15I'm lost for words, to be honest.
0:35:15 > 0:35:18How could I, you know, come into this religion,
0:35:18 > 0:35:20if it's an abomination to be gay?
0:35:20 > 0:35:22If I have any gay thoughts,
0:35:22 > 0:35:26I have to either shut them out or leave the religion.
0:35:26 > 0:35:28But I'm not even... But I am gay
0:35:28 > 0:35:31and I want to potentially be in the religion.
0:35:31 > 0:35:33So how is that going to work for me?
0:35:37 > 0:35:40This is a side to Judaism I haven't seen before.
0:35:43 > 0:35:46People here live their lives according to a strict interpretation
0:35:46 > 0:35:47of Old Testament law.
0:35:47 > 0:35:50Modern, secular cultures rejected
0:35:50 > 0:35:52and centuries-old traditions still continue,
0:35:52 > 0:35:55such as this atonement ceremony,
0:35:55 > 0:35:57in which the sins of a person
0:35:57 > 0:36:00are symbolically transferred to a chicken.
0:36:04 > 0:36:05I mean, it's absolute chaos.
0:36:08 > 0:36:09Even like all the little kids...
0:36:09 > 0:36:11I've never seen it before.
0:36:14 > 0:36:18The chicken is then slaughtered and donated to the poor.
0:36:22 > 0:36:26Maybe I'll be swinging a chicken round my head this time next year.
0:36:30 > 0:36:33This ritual has been practised in the same way
0:36:33 > 0:36:34for over a thousand years.
0:36:43 > 0:36:45Finally, I have a lead.
0:36:45 > 0:36:48One local community leader agrees to speak to me.
0:36:57 > 0:36:58Shalom.
0:36:59 > 0:37:00How are you?
0:37:03 > 0:37:08Yul Krause has been an active voice in Mea She'arim since he was 17.
0:37:08 > 0:37:11What do you think of people that are gay?
0:37:11 > 0:37:15Do you think God looks at me in disdain because of my homosexuality?
0:37:49 > 0:37:51Is he being serious? Are you being serious?
0:37:51 > 0:37:54Can you... Could you put me through some kind of therapy
0:37:54 > 0:37:56to try and get rid of my homosexuality?
0:38:04 > 0:38:07But what medication would I take?
0:38:10 > 0:38:12So, if your son was gay,
0:38:12 > 0:38:14then you would give him medication,
0:38:14 > 0:38:18rather than let him lead a gay lifestyle?
0:38:43 > 0:38:46That's all just ridiculous.
0:38:46 > 0:38:48It really, really angers me.
0:38:48 > 0:38:49You know, after coming out of that chat,
0:38:49 > 0:38:52I feel a lot safer in the religion that I'm in, actually.
0:38:53 > 0:38:55Cos that really just...
0:38:55 > 0:38:56It angered me,
0:38:56 > 0:39:01and it also freaked me out that that is the way that they think.
0:39:01 > 0:39:02That I have a disease.
0:39:03 > 0:39:05That I need to be cured.
0:39:06 > 0:39:09It's really hard to understand this attitude.
0:39:09 > 0:39:12I guess my only way to make sense of it
0:39:12 > 0:39:15is by accepting that while my world is constantly evolving,
0:39:15 > 0:39:18that's not the case in this part of Israel.
0:39:18 > 0:39:21Ultraorthodox views still exist,
0:39:21 > 0:39:23and sometimes they spill into politics.
0:39:25 > 0:39:26In February 2016,
0:39:26 > 0:39:30the Israeli parliament refused to ban gay conversion therapy.
0:39:30 > 0:39:33The Health Minister - a Haredi Jew himself -
0:39:33 > 0:39:35compared gays to sinners during the debate.
0:39:37 > 0:39:39Views that I think are unacceptable
0:39:39 > 0:39:43exist in both Catholicism and Judaism.
0:39:43 > 0:39:46Maybe it's better the devil you know than the devil you don't.
0:39:49 > 0:39:53But there is one striking difference between the religions -
0:39:53 > 0:39:54Jesus Christ.
0:39:59 > 0:40:00For me to convert,
0:40:00 > 0:40:04I simply wouldn't be able to believe that Jesus is the son of God.
0:40:04 > 0:40:07Jews are still waiting for their Messiah to arrive.
0:40:10 > 0:40:14There's no better place to find the clarity I need
0:40:14 > 0:40:15than right here in Jerusalem.
0:40:15 > 0:40:18This is where Jesus was crucified.
0:40:24 > 0:40:28Every Friday, pilgrims and priests retrace Jesus' final steps.
0:40:33 > 0:40:36You can get that smell straightaway.
0:40:36 > 0:40:38- Yeah, the incense of the praying. - The incense...
0:40:38 > 0:40:40It's so...strong...
0:40:40 > 0:40:43- The good smell, like, rising to God. - Yeah.
0:40:48 > 0:40:51As we arrive at the church where Jesus was buried,
0:40:51 > 0:40:56I come across Frederique, a French trainee Catholic priest.
0:40:56 > 0:40:59So, you've always been Catholic?
0:40:59 > 0:41:02Yes, yes.
0:41:02 > 0:41:04Why do you have such strong faith?
0:41:04 > 0:41:09I can give a lot of reasons why Catholicism really, really...
0:41:11 > 0:41:14..talked to me deeply. And...
0:41:14 > 0:41:16But behind it, I met with Jesus Christ.
0:41:17 > 0:41:19I feel like that, in some ways,
0:41:19 > 0:41:22I've lost my faith in the Catholic Church...
0:41:23 > 0:41:26..and in God and in Jesus Christ.
0:41:26 > 0:41:30Have you ever waned in your religion?
0:41:30 > 0:41:34It's a mark of authenticity to struggle with our faith.
0:41:34 > 0:41:36You have a question now. Should I become a Jew?
0:41:36 > 0:41:39Should I remain Catholic?
0:41:39 > 0:41:41This is your question.
0:41:41 > 0:41:43This answer is not going to the supermarket
0:41:43 > 0:41:45and choosing a box for an Orthodox,
0:41:45 > 0:41:49it's something very deep about your own self and identity.
0:41:49 > 0:41:52The Church is not perfect.
0:41:52 > 0:41:55If people make you think the Church is perfect, it's wrong.
0:41:57 > 0:42:00But that is exactly what I thought.
0:42:00 > 0:42:02Growing up, we were taught our Church was flawless.
0:42:14 > 0:42:17Religion is not a magical...stick, you know?
0:42:17 > 0:42:20Everything... changes into a beautiful world.
0:42:20 > 0:42:22It would not be so easy.
0:42:24 > 0:42:27My advice will be that you really have to listen
0:42:27 > 0:42:30to what your heart is telling you to go to.
0:42:30 > 0:42:35For example, "Oh, you know, I want to live with my boyfriend but...
0:42:36 > 0:42:39"..he say I'm a Catholic, a Christian Catholic.
0:42:39 > 0:42:42"If he is a Jew, there would be a friction."
0:42:42 > 0:42:43Yes, there would be a friction.
0:42:43 > 0:42:46But this friction, maybe, is the beauty of diversity.
0:42:47 > 0:42:53Maybe that would be a richness for your couple to be together,
0:42:53 > 0:42:54and not the opposite.
0:42:58 > 0:43:02In the centre of the church lies the tomb of Jesus Christ.
0:43:04 > 0:43:08This is where the Bible says he rose from the dead.
0:43:09 > 0:43:13In a religion with little tangible proof of anything,
0:43:13 > 0:43:15it's overwhelming to touch something
0:43:15 > 0:43:18that physically connects me to Jesus.
0:43:25 > 0:43:27This is not the right time to do this now.
0:43:27 > 0:43:29Just let me... I just need...
0:43:29 > 0:43:30I can't do this now.
0:43:33 > 0:43:36It's just... It's a lot to take in.
0:43:37 > 0:43:40I'm slightly overwhelmed by this whole experience.
0:43:56 > 0:43:59I've returned to Tel Aviv to get some space to think.
0:44:01 > 0:44:05It's astonishing to think that people here are united
0:44:05 > 0:44:08with those in Jerusalem under the banner of Judaism.
0:44:10 > 0:44:13But maybe that's the beauty of this religion.
0:44:14 > 0:44:18As a Catholic, I have the Pope and his word is final.
0:44:18 > 0:44:22But there is no ultimate moral authority in Judaism.
0:44:22 > 0:44:27Instead, each rabbi interprets the Torah in their own way,
0:44:27 > 0:44:30allowing for a diversity of views to exist.
0:44:32 > 0:44:36This will be one of the hardest decisions I will ever have to make.
0:44:37 > 0:44:39But before I do,
0:44:39 > 0:44:43my friend Jonathan has invited me to celebrate Yom Kippur with him -
0:44:43 > 0:44:45the holiest day of the year in Judaism.
0:44:48 > 0:44:50According to Jewish tradition,
0:44:50 > 0:44:56God inscribes each person's fate for the coming year into a book of life.
0:44:56 > 0:44:59Jews have until sunset tonight to seek atonement
0:44:59 > 0:45:02before God seals his verdict.
0:45:02 > 0:45:04SHE SINGS
0:45:06 > 0:45:09The blowing of the shofar - the ram's horn -
0:45:09 > 0:45:11symbolises the closing of the book,
0:45:11 > 0:45:15and the time to be honest with yourself and God.
0:45:15 > 0:45:17And I now know where I stand.
0:45:23 > 0:45:24Before I came here,
0:45:24 > 0:45:27it was obvious to me that Catholicism was far from perfect.
0:45:28 > 0:45:31But, you know, coming here has made me realise
0:45:31 > 0:45:34that Judaism is also far from perfect.
0:45:36 > 0:45:40What I need to do is just face up to the fact that...
0:45:41 > 0:45:44I'm never going to be fully accepted in either religion,
0:45:44 > 0:45:48and I need to pick and choose the parts of that religion that work for me.
0:45:48 > 0:45:52You know, I think I'm better being a Catholic man
0:45:52 > 0:45:55who can't get married in a Catholic church
0:45:55 > 0:46:01with a Jewish boyfriend whose culture and community I can...
0:46:02 > 0:46:04..appreciate.
0:46:05 > 0:46:06And I have to be happy with that.
0:46:09 > 0:46:10And I am happy with that.