0:00:02 > 0:00:08- RICHARD ALWYN:- In 1954, the English poet Philip Larkin wrote Church Going,
0:00:08 > 0:00:13a poem describing the peculiar pull that a sacred building can have,
0:00:13 > 0:00:17its habit of stopping, stilling and prompting reflection.
0:00:20 > 0:00:23"Though I've no idea what this accoutred frowsty barn is worth
0:00:23 > 0:00:27"it pleases me to stand in silence here.
0:00:27 > 0:00:30"A serious house on serious earth it is,
0:00:30 > 0:00:34"in whose blent air all our compulsions meet,
0:00:34 > 0:00:37"are recognised and robed as destinies".
0:00:49 > 0:00:53This is Wells Cathedral, deep in rural Somerset.
0:00:54 > 0:00:57People have been stopping here for more than eight centuries,
0:00:57 > 0:01:01pilgrims of all sorts, some on a tourist trail,
0:01:01 > 0:01:05for Larkin, "ruin-bibbers, randy for antique".
0:01:07 > 0:01:10Others, Christians, confident or casual,
0:01:10 > 0:01:12entering the temple of their faith.
0:01:13 > 0:01:15And others still, like Larkin,
0:01:15 > 0:01:18confused to find themselves drawn to a frowsty barn,
0:01:18 > 0:01:23compelled to stop and stand or sit in silence.
0:01:25 > 0:01:28This film is about some of these church-goers
0:01:28 > 0:01:33drawn to Wells Cathedral during the first six months of 2013.
0:01:36 > 0:01:39- Hi, good afternoon.- Hello, there. - Are we going around the Cathedral?
0:01:39 > 0:01:42- Coming round the Cathedral?- Yeah. - OK. Let me give you a leaflet.
0:01:42 > 0:01:45Just walk in to the nave and if you do nothing else,
0:01:45 > 0:01:50- stand at the back of the nave and look at the awesome view...- OK. - ..and that's good.
0:01:50 > 0:01:53If you feel you want to wander around, then follow the map.
0:01:53 > 0:01:56There's no charge. We rely on donations but you can do it at the end.
0:01:56 > 0:02:01Come through this porch here, turn left and go right to the end
0:02:01 > 0:02:02and that'll lead you in to the nave.
0:02:02 > 0:02:04Just enjoy it.
0:02:04 > 0:02:06Hello, sir. Are you coming round the Cathedral?
0:02:45 > 0:02:48- ALWYN:- Why are you here? What brings you to the Cathedral?
0:02:48 > 0:02:51I have a friend staying for a few days
0:02:51 > 0:02:55and she's not been to Wells before, so..
0:02:55 > 0:02:58- Oh, you live here, do you? - I live in...
0:02:58 > 0:03:03- Within the diocese, actually, but not in Somerset but not in Wells.- Right.
0:03:03 > 0:03:06So a few miles away. Another little town called Langport.
0:03:06 > 0:03:11- Are you a worshipper?- I can't say...
0:03:11 > 0:03:14I would say I'm a nominal C of E
0:03:14 > 0:03:18but I can't say that I'm a regular worshipper.
0:03:18 > 0:03:21But I do like this cathedral very much.
0:03:21 > 0:03:24- Do you come in here often? - I come when I have visitors.
0:03:24 > 0:03:29But I first came here when I was on the way to a summer holiday
0:03:29 > 0:03:33with my parents when I was about ten years old.
0:03:33 > 0:03:38So we were driving down from Cheshire down to Cornwall
0:03:38 > 0:03:40and we broke our journey
0:03:40 > 0:03:46and it was one of the places the parents thought we ought to see.
0:03:47 > 0:03:51Although I'm a nominal Christian, I always say a prayer when I come in
0:03:51 > 0:03:56because I feel, almost, it's a matter of courtesy.
0:03:57 > 0:04:01Erm... But I mean we all want...
0:04:01 > 0:04:05We all... I think most people, most humans want something to be there,
0:04:05 > 0:04:09whether with your mind you think probably there is not,
0:04:09 > 0:04:15with your inner being you probably want there to be...
0:04:15 > 0:04:18to feel there's something beyond us.
0:04:41 > 0:04:47They started building 1175. It took 75 years to build.
0:04:47 > 0:04:51There's two people here asking a question I can't answer
0:04:51 > 0:04:53and I'm sure you will be able to answer anything.
0:04:53 > 0:04:55- Oh, I'll try. - You're in safe hands now.
0:04:57 > 0:05:04WOMAN: You are now looking at the oldest clock in the world with its original face.
0:05:06 > 0:05:10- You're making me nervous. - (CHUCKLES)
0:05:12 > 0:05:15We could all trot along like a little holy train, couldn't we?
0:05:16 > 0:05:19- Is this the usual trail? - Yes.
0:05:19 > 0:05:24- It's quite a trek, isn't it? - I keep going until I've had enough
0:05:24 > 0:05:25and then I sit down.
0:05:25 > 0:05:30But this way I stand a chance of seeing as many people as possible
0:05:30 > 0:05:33in case they want to ask me something which I don't know,
0:05:33 > 0:05:35which of course they always can.
0:05:35 > 0:05:38- You don't have a collar. - Sorry, my love?
0:05:38 > 0:05:41- You don't have a collar.- No. - Don't chaplains...? But you're a chaplain.
0:05:41 > 0:05:45I'm a chaplain but I'm a reader, not a priest. I'm not ordained.
0:05:45 > 0:05:47I'm sort of halfway mark.
0:05:47 > 0:05:53We're a lay ministry, so I can take some services, I can preach,
0:05:53 > 0:05:58I can teach, but I can't consecrate and I can't bless.
0:05:58 > 0:06:01And in a way, I don't exactly exist.
0:06:01 > 0:06:03CLOCK CHIMING
0:06:06 > 0:06:10CLOCK STRIKES THE HOUR
0:06:16 > 0:06:20Ladies and gentlemen, it is our custom at the Cathedral
0:06:20 > 0:06:24to mark the hour here at the clock with a brief prayer,
0:06:24 > 0:06:27to which you are very welcome.
0:06:28 > 0:06:32Dear Lord, we built this cathedral as a house for you,
0:06:32 > 0:06:36not because you need it - you don't.
0:06:36 > 0:06:40Not because it's big enough to hold you - it isn't.
0:06:40 > 0:06:44Not because we can't find you anywhere else - we can.
0:06:44 > 0:06:51We built it as a meeting place where together we can worship and wonder,
0:06:51 > 0:06:56sing and study, pray and ponder.
0:06:56 > 0:07:01Be with us while we are here and when we leave, be with us still.
0:07:01 > 0:07:05Let this place be lovely in our memories
0:07:05 > 0:07:07and miraculous in our lives.
0:07:08 > 0:07:10Amen.
0:07:10 > 0:07:12Thank you.
0:07:17 > 0:07:20- On the hour every hour? - On the hour every hour.
0:07:20 > 0:07:24When the clock's finished performing, I lead a prayer.
0:07:26 > 0:07:29And I find what works best, oddly enough,
0:07:29 > 0:07:32either is very modern or very old.
0:07:32 > 0:07:33They seem to be the most popular.
0:07:33 > 0:07:36The old Celtic ones are very popular
0:07:36 > 0:07:38and some of the modern Celtic ones, as well.
0:07:38 > 0:07:42So I just copied them out of every prayer book I've got at home
0:07:42 > 0:07:44until I got a good selection
0:07:44 > 0:07:48and then wrote a few extra for situations that only exist
0:07:48 > 0:07:52when you're trotting around Wells Cathedral and talking to people.
0:07:52 > 0:07:55And that way I can deal with it
0:07:55 > 0:07:58without having to think in a panic-stricken fashion
0:07:58 > 0:08:00just before the clock strikes.
0:08:00 > 0:08:04Most people like it but some people seem...
0:08:04 > 0:08:07Well, it seems to strike some people
0:08:07 > 0:08:09as being like something out of Harry Potter.
0:08:09 > 0:08:14The last thing they expect is anybody to pray in a cathedral.
0:08:16 > 0:08:20Truly, I tell you, they have received their reward.
0:08:20 > 0:08:22But when you give alms,
0:08:22 > 0:08:25do not let your left hand know what you right hand is doing.
0:08:25 > 0:08:31Lamb of God, you take away the sin of the world, have mercy on us.
0:08:31 > 0:08:36So you've got pieces of glass from all over the Cathedral
0:08:36 > 0:08:37put in together.
0:08:37 > 0:08:41The object was to achieve height
0:08:41 > 0:08:45and how they did it was
0:08:45 > 0:08:51to make slimmer columns and pointed arches.
0:08:54 > 0:08:56Well, if I ask you, first of all,
0:08:56 > 0:08:58what your relationship with the building is.
0:08:58 > 0:09:02Well, I come here when I feel like I would like to have a trip
0:09:02 > 0:09:07down to somewhere that's been here for a long, long time.
0:09:07 > 0:09:10I find that very important
0:09:10 > 0:09:13and I really feel that we're privileged to have places
0:09:13 > 0:09:17that we can come, that are open and that we are free to do that.
0:09:17 > 0:09:19But you don't mean a National Trust property.
0:09:19 > 0:09:22- There are lots of old places around. - No, but in terms of as a Christian.
0:09:22 > 0:09:25And it's like a mini-pilgrimage, actually.
0:09:25 > 0:09:28It's being able to come to somewhere
0:09:28 > 0:09:32that, almost, you know that God dwells,
0:09:32 > 0:09:35because there is something about a place sometimes.
0:09:35 > 0:09:37Can you put your finger...? I know it's difficult to describe.
0:09:37 > 0:09:40That is a difficult one.
0:09:40 > 0:09:44For me, it must be something to do with the architecture
0:09:44 > 0:09:48and the acoustics and this kind of little bit echoey,
0:09:48 > 0:09:54little bit whispery, hushed, all that kind of thing -
0:09:54 > 0:09:59evokes a sense of prayers having been prayed,
0:09:59 > 0:10:04of God having been here, of being here.
0:10:04 > 0:10:08And it's almost something that you can tangibly connect with
0:10:08 > 0:10:11and I find that really important.
0:10:12 > 0:10:14Forgive me asking, do you pray when you're here?
0:10:14 > 0:10:19- Does it make you want to go on your knees? - Er, sometimes, sometimes.
0:10:21 > 0:10:26But I mostly pray not on my knees. But I pray most of the time.
0:10:27 > 0:10:28- You pray most of the time? - Yeah.
0:10:28 > 0:10:32I'm not far away from praying most of the time, actually.
0:10:32 > 0:10:35- Can you explain that a bit to me? - Now, that's a difficult one.
0:10:37 > 0:10:40- Er...- As someone who doesn't pray. - Exactly.
0:10:40 > 0:10:43So people who do pray would know exactly what I mean
0:10:43 > 0:10:47but people who don't would find that difficult.
0:10:49 > 0:10:55God and the person of Jesus Christ is very important to me and in my life
0:10:55 > 0:11:01and I feel that without having met Jesus Christ I wouldn't be here.
0:11:04 > 0:11:06I wouldn't be here.
0:11:06 > 0:11:09So for me, connecting with Jesus is
0:11:09 > 0:11:14an absolutely vital part of my daily life,
0:11:14 > 0:11:18because as far as I'm concerned Jesus is the source of life.
0:11:18 > 0:11:23And so I pray and chat all the time and think to God all the time.
0:11:27 > 0:11:32- Were you brought up a Christian? - I was brought up going to church
0:11:32 > 0:11:34but it was not till I was in my mid-20s
0:11:34 > 0:11:36that I would say I became a Christian.
0:11:36 > 0:11:38What happened in the mid-20s?
0:11:38 > 0:11:40What happened? I would say it was a classic case
0:11:40 > 0:11:43of just sort of thinking, well, what on earth is life all about?
0:11:43 > 0:11:46The career doesn't do it, the job doesn't do it,
0:11:46 > 0:11:48the living in America for a year doesn't do it.
0:11:48 > 0:11:50The owning a house and having a car
0:11:50 > 0:11:53and plenty of money in the bank wasn't doing it. Erm...
0:11:53 > 0:11:56- So not prompted by a crisis? - Well, unhappiness.
0:11:56 > 0:11:59Deep unhappiness, I think.
0:11:59 > 0:12:04And at that stage I started to think about my life
0:12:04 > 0:12:05and when had I been happy
0:12:05 > 0:12:10and now I realise that it's singing in the choir in church, I'd been happy.
0:12:10 > 0:12:16So I sort of made a little commitment to myself to find God.
0:12:16 > 0:12:22And within a year my life had completely changed.
0:12:22 > 0:12:24- And how did it happen? - How did it happen?
0:12:24 > 0:12:29Through... A friend of my sister's was invited
0:12:29 > 0:12:34to go along to a new church, a not-in-a-building church.
0:12:34 > 0:12:39Erm... But there I found a whole load of people, Christians, who were...
0:12:39 > 0:12:43They were normal people, got the same life problems as anybody else,
0:12:43 > 0:12:45but they had found something, they were peaceful
0:12:45 > 0:12:47and their lives were working.
0:12:47 > 0:12:50And I thought, "This is what I need."
0:12:51 > 0:12:54But what I'm finding as I get older is
0:12:54 > 0:12:59I want to go back to the liturgy of the Church of England.
0:12:59 > 0:13:04And that's what I like to hook into, the continuity from old times.
0:13:05 > 0:13:09I wouldn't say I come every month
0:13:09 > 0:13:15but just sometimes it's really valuable to me to be able to come
0:13:15 > 0:13:19and get a sense of, yes, this is the house of God.
0:13:20 > 0:13:23ORGAN PLAYING DARK, LOW MUSIC
0:13:42 > 0:13:45Welcome to Evensong in the Cathedral
0:13:45 > 0:13:49and a special welcome if you're a visitor and here for the first time.
0:13:49 > 0:13:53# Glory be to the Father and to the Son
0:13:53 > 0:13:55# And to the Holy Ghost
0:13:57 > 0:14:02- CHOIR:- # As it was in the beginning
0:14:02 > 0:14:07# Is now and ever shall be
0:14:07 > 0:14:10# World without end
0:14:10 > 0:14:17# Amen. #
0:14:18 > 0:14:22The New Testament reading is from the Acts of the Apostles,
0:14:22 > 0:14:25Chapter 9, beginning at Verse 26.
0:14:25 > 0:14:31The Chapter begins with Saul still breathing threats and murder
0:14:31 > 0:14:33against the disciples of the Lord.
0:15:01 > 0:15:05Of course, the trick is to pick the weeds up
0:15:05 > 0:15:07and leave the vegetables.
0:15:11 > 0:15:14- What have you got coming through here?- Sorry?
0:15:14 > 0:15:17- What's in this bed here? - Er, here I've got courgettes,
0:15:17 > 0:15:19parsnips there
0:15:19 > 0:15:25and I've got a few basil that I'm trying to bring on quickly under the cloches.
0:15:25 > 0:15:27Very nice.
0:15:28 > 0:15:33Are you very aware of this thing behind you, the great big beast?
0:15:33 > 0:15:38Yes. Well, yes. Er...
0:15:38 > 0:15:39Erm...
0:15:39 > 0:15:43As an outsider it has a huge presence, it seems to me.
0:15:43 > 0:15:47But maybe you forget it if you're here every day, you know?
0:15:47 > 0:15:50Yeah, yeah, I think you do to a certain extent.
0:15:50 > 0:15:54There's... You know, there's a sense in which familiarity doesn't breed contempt
0:15:54 > 0:16:00but, you know, but you do just get used to it and erm...
0:16:00 > 0:16:04I suppose I think of it as that windy place I cycle past
0:16:04 > 0:16:07on the way to the market, you know. Erm...
0:16:07 > 0:16:13- Do you ever go in?- I think I haven't been in for about four or five years.
0:16:13 > 0:16:15Right.
0:16:15 > 0:16:17The times that I do stop and look at it,
0:16:17 > 0:16:21I think, cor blimey, that's fantastic,
0:16:21 > 0:16:25that's, you know, that's a real, you know,
0:16:25 > 0:16:27magnificent bit of human achievement.
0:16:27 > 0:16:33That idea that there can be a force in society that will...
0:16:33 > 0:16:36That is that confident in itself
0:16:36 > 0:16:39that it knows it will be around in five generations' time
0:16:39 > 0:16:42and it can, you know, it can begin something
0:16:42 > 0:16:45that will take a 150, 200 years to build -
0:16:45 > 0:16:47I think that's staggering.
0:16:47 > 0:16:51- Were you brought up a Christian? - Yeah, I was born and raised Catholic
0:16:51 > 0:16:56and I suppose it was the politics of Christianity that I didn't get on with.
0:16:56 > 0:16:58But I was sort of sufficiently moved
0:16:58 > 0:17:01to do, I think it was the first ever, theology A level,
0:17:01 > 0:17:05so, you know, so it obviously touched
0:17:05 > 0:17:09a kind of, you know, a questing bit of me, so I was...
0:17:09 > 0:17:12But is that why you cycle past the Cathedral and not go in,
0:17:12 > 0:17:15because you associate it with the establishment behind the Church
0:17:15 > 0:17:19and the politics of religion, rather than the expression of God?
0:17:19 > 0:17:25That's a really good question and the answer is I don't know.
0:17:28 > 0:17:32I think there may well be something in that, you know.
0:17:32 > 0:17:36You know, a bit like the old Communists used to say,
0:17:36 > 0:17:39you know, you sort of have to reinvent the revolution
0:17:39 > 0:17:40on a kind of daily basis.
0:17:40 > 0:17:45I think you've also got to kind of...
0:17:45 > 0:17:48rediscover your spirituality on a...
0:17:49 > 0:17:52You know, your relationship with, you know,
0:17:52 > 0:17:54sort of whatever spirituality means to you
0:17:54 > 0:17:58on a, you know, on a kind of regular basis and it's...
0:17:59 > 0:18:01I can really see how some people could, you know,
0:18:01 > 0:18:03could do that in the cathedral
0:18:03 > 0:18:06but I think, yeah, maybe the kind of politics,
0:18:06 > 0:18:09the politics of it actually stops me personally from doing it.
0:18:09 > 0:18:13But, you know, but that's just a very personal thing, you know.
0:18:14 > 0:18:17So, you know, so, you know, so I express my spirituality
0:18:17 > 0:18:20in... in, you know, different ways, I suppose.
0:18:20 > 0:18:22You know, I've... You know, I've got my practice, you know,
0:18:22 > 0:18:25I've got my meditation and my chi gong practice
0:18:25 > 0:18:27and I've got this place here, you know.
0:18:27 > 0:18:29And, you know, and I think the...
0:18:29 > 0:18:31Well, it's not really an irony
0:18:31 > 0:18:36- but the fact that it happens to be in the grounds of the cathedral is not lost on me.- Right.
0:19:07 > 0:19:10- CHAPLAIN:- Yes, that looks like an organ recital crowd.
0:19:12 > 0:19:15- Do you come to listen to music here? - Sorry, love?
0:19:15 > 0:19:19- Do you come to listen to music here? - Oh, yes, yes.
0:19:19 > 0:19:21When Mum's up to it, we come to the concerts,
0:19:21 > 0:19:24particularly the concerts the cathedral school does,
0:19:24 > 0:19:27which are brilliant, absolutely fantastic.
0:19:27 > 0:19:30But she's got to feel up to it and we haven't been for a little while
0:19:30 > 0:19:33because the winter's been so hard.
0:19:33 > 0:19:36But hopefully before long we'll be able to come again.
0:19:36 > 0:19:40- How is she? - She's very good for 92
0:19:40 > 0:19:42but she has her off moments.
0:19:42 > 0:19:45So she's old not ill?
0:19:45 > 0:19:47Frail would probably be the best way to...
0:19:47 > 0:19:51As stubborn as a whole wagon load of mules but frail.
0:19:53 > 0:19:56And it's no point bringing her if she's going to feel rotten.
0:19:56 > 0:19:59- And you live with her? You look after her at home? - I live with Mum, yeah.
0:20:00 > 0:20:02We look after each other.
0:20:02 > 0:20:06A couple of creaking gates, propped up. That's what it's like.
0:20:06 > 0:20:08ORGAN PLAYING BRIGHT, LYRICAL MUSIC
0:20:43 > 0:20:46Do you come here often? The corny beginning.
0:20:46 > 0:20:50Yes, I... I have been coming here quite often
0:20:50 > 0:20:57in the last year and a half, since I moved to this area from Denmark.
0:20:57 > 0:20:59Denmark. Oh, right. Why were you in Denmark?
0:20:59 > 0:21:06I am not Danish but I was there for 33 years,
0:21:06 > 0:21:09where I was part of the life there and I was working
0:21:09 > 0:21:11and, you know, bringing up my son, so...
0:21:13 > 0:21:17Why did you come back to this part of the world? Had you been here before?
0:21:17 > 0:21:20No, never. I'm from the North of England
0:21:20 > 0:21:28but I knew people here in this area.
0:21:28 > 0:21:34And I just felt the need to come back to my roots in England.
0:21:34 > 0:21:39And I feel much more comfortable here than I have done anywhere else.
0:21:39 > 0:21:44- Do you live here in Wells? - No, I live in Glastonbury.
0:21:44 > 0:21:47How often do you come to Wells, then?
0:21:47 > 0:21:52I have been coming maybe four or five times a week.
0:21:52 > 0:21:54Are you coming here for the cathedral?
0:21:56 > 0:21:58That is a focal point
0:21:58 > 0:22:01and I feel welcome here, actually.
0:22:03 > 0:22:05So two or three times a week you do just walk in.
0:22:05 > 0:22:07Yes. And, and...
0:22:08 > 0:22:13Erm, yeah. My father died just a year ago,
0:22:13 > 0:22:18so, in a sense, this was an obvious place to come
0:22:18 > 0:22:23to light a candle and to...
0:22:25 > 0:22:29Yeah, just sit here and reflect
0:22:29 > 0:22:34and be aware
0:22:34 > 0:22:39of the atmosphere in here.
0:22:39 > 0:22:44Just by being here something in me changes.
0:22:44 > 0:22:48It's as though there's a presence in this church.
0:22:53 > 0:22:57It's very much an instrument for music.
0:23:02 > 0:23:06And every day there's music filling this cathedral -
0:23:06 > 0:23:09every day,
0:23:09 > 0:23:11and probably for centuries. Yeah.
0:23:14 > 0:23:18And hearing the music resounding in, you know,
0:23:18 > 0:23:23these vast arched, you know... the roof of the building,
0:23:23 > 0:23:26it touches, it plays on me,
0:23:26 > 0:23:30it resonates, it resonates,
0:23:30 > 0:23:32because it is a musical instrument.
0:23:39 > 0:23:45If I'm feeling a little disjointed,
0:23:45 > 0:23:50disconnected, stressed,
0:23:50 > 0:23:53er... disturbed...
0:23:53 > 0:23:56When my father died I was, of course, sad.
0:23:57 > 0:24:02And I come in to like a container here
0:24:02 > 0:24:05of tranquillity,
0:24:05 > 0:24:07peace - that's what I find.
0:24:09 > 0:24:15And these arches remind me of a forest or a grove of tall trees.
0:24:18 > 0:24:21And I love the way the light falls on the tiles
0:24:21 > 0:24:25from these stained-glass windows, you know?
0:24:27 > 0:24:29It's behind you but it's in front of me.
0:24:31 > 0:24:36It's not easy to move when you're 66
0:24:36 > 0:24:39from one way of life to another.
0:24:39 > 0:24:44I'm not quite sure how I will use
0:24:44 > 0:24:48- these last years of my life.- Mm.
0:24:48 > 0:24:51I'm not ready to go into a retirement home
0:24:51 > 0:24:57and I need to be using what I have in some way,
0:24:57 > 0:24:59erm, in some kind of expression,
0:24:59 > 0:25:03or else it gets stuck and then I don't feel good.
0:25:03 > 0:25:06It feels like it's a part of sorting out where you go next...
0:25:06 > 0:25:10- Yes, definitely. - ..the way you talk about it.- Mm.
0:25:10 > 0:25:12And it's coming to fertile ground.
0:25:13 > 0:25:15Mm.
0:25:15 > 0:25:19So, yeah.
0:25:19 > 0:25:24It's a beacon on the journey of life, this particular space
0:25:24 > 0:25:26and building.
0:25:26 > 0:25:29ORGAN PLAYS QUIETLY, CLOCK STRIKES
0:25:47 > 0:25:50William Joy is master mason up here,
0:25:50 > 0:25:53and he comes, and this is his idea.
0:25:53 > 0:25:58They're called restraining arches, because the weight is transferred.
0:26:06 > 0:26:09That's good, that's fine. I'm happy with that.
0:26:09 > 0:26:11- Can I come up? - Yeah, absolutely, yeah, do.
0:26:11 > 0:26:13I'll open both the doors as well.
0:26:13 > 0:26:15What do I do? Just climb up round there?
0:26:15 > 0:26:17Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
0:26:18 > 0:26:22- Don't go away. - I'm not going anywhere.
0:26:22 > 0:26:26I can't go anywhere quick enough.
0:26:26 > 0:26:28It's interesting watching you from down below.
0:26:28 > 0:26:31- You look like you're on the bridge of the ship up here.- Yeah.
0:26:31 > 0:26:33It feels like you're the captain on the ship. Does it?
0:26:33 > 0:26:35You do have the sort of vantage point.
0:26:35 > 0:26:37Nobody else is as high as you.
0:26:37 > 0:26:39I mean, the only time people get higher is
0:26:39 > 0:26:43when they go up on the West Gallery and that's only sort of once a year.
0:26:43 > 0:26:46And it is a privileged position. You sort of look down.
0:26:46 > 0:26:49We've got this little screen, so we can see the conductor, as well.
0:26:49 > 0:26:51That's very, very tiny.
0:26:51 > 0:26:53It's only black and white as well, so that's not so exciting.
0:26:53 > 0:26:56Erm... But it is nice.
0:26:56 > 0:26:58Do you have a sense of people around?
0:26:58 > 0:27:01- Do you have a sense of what's going on around you?- Absolutely.
0:27:01 > 0:27:03Obviously, if you're doing choir practice during the day,
0:27:03 > 0:27:05you can hear all the tours going on.
0:27:05 > 0:27:08There's sort of... There's a lot of laughing, a lot of...
0:27:08 > 0:27:11You know, we're restricted to the quietest couple of stops
0:27:11 > 0:27:12and you can't actually hear them
0:27:12 > 0:27:15because there's always people wittering on.
0:27:15 > 0:27:17But it is nice when there are people around.
0:27:17 > 0:27:20And lots of people do say they appreciate the music.
0:27:20 > 0:27:24Do you have a sense of the impact that it makes on people? Is that something you're aware of?
0:27:24 > 0:27:29Well, many people come to choral evensong because of the choral element,
0:27:29 > 0:27:31because of the music - it draws them in.
0:27:31 > 0:27:33Then they begin to appreciate other things, like the liturgy.
0:27:33 > 0:27:38But I think the music is really accessible to everyone, really.
0:27:38 > 0:27:42I think people see the music as a level up from what we normally do,
0:27:42 > 0:27:45from speech and from simply praying.
0:27:45 > 0:27:47I think that there's a very, very famous quote
0:27:47 > 0:27:50which says when you sing you pray twice.
0:27:50 > 0:27:51- St Augustine. - That's right.
0:27:51 > 0:27:53And there's a lot to be said for that.
0:27:53 > 0:27:55But you're working very hard behind the scenes.
0:27:56 > 0:27:58- You're the sort of puppet master, aren't you?- Oh, yeah.
0:27:58 > 0:28:00So everybody out there in the nave is having
0:28:00 > 0:28:02a transformative, numinous experience.
0:28:02 > 0:28:06And I'm sweating away over a hot stove.
0:28:06 > 0:28:09It's not really hot but, you know, it's still a stove.
0:28:09 > 0:28:12There is a sense in which you're literally pulling their heart strings.
0:28:12 > 0:28:14- I try not to. - There is.
0:28:14 > 0:28:18- Well, that's very... No. - I think there is in a way.
0:28:18 > 0:28:21No, it's nice, because there are always people in here listening.
0:28:21 > 0:28:23Erm... Whether or not they're sitting in the nave,
0:28:23 > 0:28:28they're always, you know... They're captivated by the organ music.
0:28:28 > 0:28:31- Why do you think that is? - Erm...
0:28:31 > 0:28:34I guess because one of the only places
0:28:34 > 0:28:37where you hear the organ played during the day would be in a cathedral.
0:28:37 > 0:28:41Unless you went to, obviously, a recital series or something,
0:28:41 > 0:28:43because...
0:28:44 > 0:28:47And also, with the acoustic and everything,
0:28:47 > 0:28:49it all sort of blends into this wonderful experience.
0:28:49 > 0:28:52And the sounds, especially when it's not that loud,
0:28:52 > 0:28:54when it's just sort of floating above you...
0:28:54 > 0:28:59And especially as the organ's on this sort of vantage point up top,
0:28:59 > 0:29:01it means that the sound's not on ground level, it's above,
0:29:01 > 0:29:04and I think there's something to be said for, you know,
0:29:04 > 0:29:07putting your ears upwards to the music
0:29:07 > 0:29:10and then even further upwards, I guess, to God.
0:29:10 > 0:29:12And that's the kind of... That's the aim, I think.
0:29:13 > 0:29:16ORGAN PLAYS MEDITATIVE, QUESTING MUSIC
0:29:55 > 0:29:59- BASS:- # The souls
0:29:59 > 0:30:05# Of the righteous
0:30:10 > 0:30:14# The souls
0:30:14 > 0:30:19# Of the righteous
0:30:24 > 0:30:28# The souls
0:30:28 > 0:30:33# Of the righteous
0:30:34 > 0:30:41# Are in the hands...
0:30:43 > 0:30:49# Of God... #
0:31:35 > 0:31:37Our Holy Communion tray.
0:31:41 > 0:31:45You always light the Epistle candle first,
0:31:45 > 0:31:47then the Gospel candle.
0:31:55 > 0:31:57Our Prisoner of Conscience candle.
0:32:05 > 0:32:07BIRDSONG
0:32:11 > 0:32:14Put the sign out.
0:32:26 > 0:32:31I always have a quick brush just here - the pigeons.
0:32:40 > 0:32:42Come on, Louis. MAKES KISSING NOISE
0:32:42 > 0:32:44CAT MIAOWS Morning!
0:32:51 > 0:32:53Busy night?
0:32:57 > 0:32:59Comes for his first feed of the day.
0:33:04 > 0:33:06There you go.
0:33:24 > 0:33:28- MAN:- Beautiful stairs up to the Chapter House.
0:33:32 > 0:33:35Come on up into this absolutely stunning building.
0:33:39 > 0:33:40Isn't it amazing?
0:33:40 > 0:33:45It's used for exhibitions now
0:33:45 > 0:33:47because the light is so good in here.
0:33:47 > 0:33:49It's a wonderful place to sing.
0:33:51 > 0:33:53- HE SINGS A HIGH NOTE - # Ah!
0:33:53 > 0:33:58It's just got a perfect acoustic to sing in, hasn't it?
0:33:58 > 0:34:01- It's beautiful. Sorry if I made you jump! - Just a bit.
0:34:09 > 0:34:11Do you look forward to coming here? You come here...?
0:34:11 > 0:34:14- About once a month at the moment.- Do you look forward to that?- Very much.
0:34:14 > 0:34:18- Very much. It's one of the things... - Why?- ..I love best to do.
0:34:18 > 0:34:25So many... I look at the place. It's staggering, it's beautiful.
0:34:25 > 0:34:30I've loved the cathedral and known it since the 1970s.
0:34:30 > 0:34:35I now have permission to wander around in a cassock,
0:34:35 > 0:34:41lead the prayers at the clock, meet people
0:34:42 > 0:34:47and be in an atmosphere I'd recognise anywhere.
0:34:48 > 0:34:51You know when you're in the cathedral.
0:34:52 > 0:34:54There is something about it.
0:34:55 > 0:35:00Something you recognise, even if you can't define it.
0:35:00 > 0:35:03And it's here.
0:35:03 > 0:35:05I want to push you to try and define it.
0:35:05 > 0:35:09I can't define it. Erm...
0:35:09 > 0:35:12Is it...? It's not to do with the people or...?
0:35:12 > 0:35:15The people are a part of it. The people are a part of it.
0:35:15 > 0:35:18The services are a part of it.
0:35:18 > 0:35:21The beauty of the place is a part of it
0:35:21 > 0:35:25but I've been to a lot of places where people are welcoming
0:35:25 > 0:35:26and the building is beautiful
0:35:26 > 0:35:29and the services are first class and things.
0:35:29 > 0:35:34But there is this sensation here of coming home.
0:35:34 > 0:35:41It's this curious mixture of homely and holy, and the cathedral has it.
0:35:41 > 0:35:44It's interesting talking to you as a chaplain, a Christian.
0:35:44 > 0:35:49You don't use the G word, you don't talk about it in terms of God,
0:35:49 > 0:35:52you talk about it in terms of holiness.
0:35:52 > 0:35:56I'm not suggesting that God be excluded from the cathedral,
0:35:56 > 0:35:58because that would be ridiculous,
0:35:58 > 0:36:03but the trouble with religion is
0:36:03 > 0:36:09that it comes with a lot of bits we could really do without.
0:36:09 > 0:36:11- Such as? - And God...
0:36:11 > 0:36:14Well, some of the dogmas are really rather ridiculous, aren't they?
0:36:14 > 0:36:17And the Church's history is not pristine,
0:36:17 > 0:36:19whichever way you look at it.
0:36:19 > 0:36:22And the word "God" tends to collect that as well.
0:36:22 > 0:36:26What I'm trying to describe here is beyond words -
0:36:26 > 0:36:28and I like words, that's the thing I work with -
0:36:28 > 0:36:31but whatever is here is beyond words.
0:36:31 > 0:36:35Jesus is the central character in my life, and God is,
0:36:35 > 0:36:39but the more I try and pull God into the word
0:36:39 > 0:36:42and into the structures of the ideas,
0:36:42 > 0:36:46the less it feels like the feeling
0:36:46 > 0:36:49that causes, that makes me to come to the church and be religious in the first place.
0:36:52 > 0:36:56- I sound more Glastonbury than Wells, don't I?- Well, in a way, yes.
0:36:58 > 0:37:05I think that we human beings create the best we can in our religions
0:37:05 > 0:37:08but we cannot possibly get it all.
0:37:09 > 0:37:11It's too big. It's much too big.
0:37:12 > 0:37:16But whatever it is, this thing that I can't find words for,
0:37:16 > 0:37:19- I don't think there- are- words for,
0:37:19 > 0:37:23includes Him and probably includes the word God
0:37:23 > 0:37:26and all the other stuff that goes with it.
0:37:26 > 0:37:28But there is still this more
0:37:28 > 0:37:31and what happens for me when I come in here is
0:37:31 > 0:37:34I get part of the more is here.
0:37:36 > 0:37:37Part of the more is here.
0:37:37 > 0:37:43But I would not say that it can't be in other places as well.
0:37:44 > 0:37:47- Nothing exclusive about it.- No.
0:37:48 > 0:37:52You walk out of your front door at night to put the milk bottles out,
0:37:52 > 0:37:55and you look up and there's all these stars,
0:37:55 > 0:37:56there's this incredible sky,
0:37:56 > 0:38:01and you get this sense of the size, just the size.
0:38:01 > 0:38:04And it's exactly the same when you come in here.
0:38:04 > 0:38:07There's what I can see and there's what I can't see.
0:38:07 > 0:38:12But both times I get this enormous overarching sense
0:38:12 > 0:38:15of space and otherness
0:38:15 > 0:38:21that is both totally familiar and utterly alien at the same time.
0:38:21 > 0:38:25It's no use me trying to fit it in a box because it won't go.
0:38:25 > 0:38:29Well, I can't get it in a box. Other people can but I can't.
0:38:29 > 0:38:33Is that how you, as a Christian, would think about God as well?
0:38:33 > 0:38:35- Yes.- So is this...?
0:38:35 > 0:38:39People describe cathedrals as being heaven on earth.
0:38:40 > 0:38:44Yes. Perhaps not quite so perfect.
0:38:44 > 0:38:46We haven't polished our halos yet.
0:38:46 > 0:38:49But it is... It is...
0:38:50 > 0:38:52a piece of heaven
0:38:52 > 0:38:55put to the... put on earth
0:38:55 > 0:38:57within our limitations.
0:39:35 > 0:39:38BIRDSONG
0:39:43 > 0:39:47- Do you have any connection with this place?- MAN: Yes, yes, yes.
0:39:47 > 0:39:49You do? What's the connection with the cathedral?
0:39:49 > 0:39:53My mother and father moved down to Glastonbury
0:39:53 > 0:39:55when I was about 25, I suppose,
0:39:55 > 0:39:57and so we used to come to see them.
0:39:57 > 0:40:02And then when we moved down to Devon,
0:40:02 > 0:40:04we used to pop over and see them and bring the kids
0:40:04 > 0:40:06and sometimes we'd come over to Wells.
0:40:06 > 0:40:08Over the years I've been back and forth.
0:40:08 > 0:40:12Recently I had a little exhibition here in Wells
0:40:12 > 0:40:16and the artists came over and we came and met in front of Wells Cathedral
0:40:16 > 0:40:18and then went and had a meal in the square there.
0:40:18 > 0:40:21So, yeah, a bit. I know it a bit.
0:40:21 > 0:40:23A landmark. Well, not really a landmark.
0:40:23 > 0:40:27Well, it is a landmark. I mean, it's an outstanding building.
0:40:27 > 0:40:29I mean that really impresses me.
0:40:29 > 0:40:32It looks like the front of the Notre Dame, it's so huge.
0:40:32 > 0:40:34That's the thing that really excites me.
0:40:34 > 0:40:37It has a sort of authority about it
0:40:37 > 0:40:42in, not exactly sculptural terms, but in terms of the actual structure.
0:40:42 > 0:40:46And so cathedrals have that quality which does affect me,
0:40:46 > 0:40:48but in an artistic way.
0:40:48 > 0:40:54- The sense of the management of space is fascinating.- Right.
0:40:54 > 0:40:58Do you mean the management in terms of the engineering of it,
0:40:58 > 0:41:01- how you contain space... - Yes, I suppose so. - ..or what it actually does for you?
0:41:01 > 0:41:04Erm... I think it's that f... I don't know.
0:41:04 > 0:41:09It's something to do... Of being in some place with some enormity.
0:41:09 > 0:41:11You know, we live such cramped lives
0:41:11 > 0:41:14and you get in these buildings and there's a silence
0:41:14 > 0:41:15and there's a soft light
0:41:15 > 0:41:20and there's these massive piers and things that are just extraordinary.
0:41:20 > 0:41:26It's the sort of feeling, I suppose, that when you feel yourself -
0:41:26 > 0:41:29I hate the word - but transported by music, for example,
0:41:29 > 0:41:32but in a sense that is very difficult to say
0:41:32 > 0:41:34what exactly has happened to one's mind
0:41:34 > 0:41:38when you have these sensations and these feelings.
0:41:38 > 0:41:40But there's something definitely palpable about it.
0:41:40 > 0:41:42But I'd attribute it to, I don't know.
0:41:47 > 0:41:50WOMAN SINGING ETHEREAL MUSIC
0:42:28 > 0:42:30Can you explain what you're singing?
0:42:30 > 0:42:34Well, it's tuning into my own divinity
0:42:34 > 0:42:36and the language is the language of light,
0:42:36 > 0:42:39the universal language of light,
0:42:39 > 0:42:44which is a language that comes from the heart.
0:42:44 > 0:42:48You can't learn it. It has to come from the heart.
0:42:48 > 0:42:54And that's what I practise in my meditations - being fully in my heart
0:42:54 > 0:42:58because then you can be in your joy and it goes hand in hand.
0:42:58 > 0:43:00And when I'm in joy, then I can sing.
0:43:00 > 0:43:03I can't sing unless my heart's open and I'm in joy.
0:43:03 > 0:43:05It's very, very simple, is that.
0:43:05 > 0:43:08Are you a Christian? Do you have a Christian background?
0:43:08 > 0:43:14I was brought up a Christian but I have more belief there is a...
0:43:14 > 0:43:17There is a source beyond that, outside ourselves,
0:43:17 > 0:43:19which we're all connected to.
0:43:19 > 0:43:24- I don't particularly attach myself to any religion.- Right.
0:43:24 > 0:43:28But I do come here and find great resources, shall we say,
0:43:28 > 0:43:30a place where I can tune in to myself
0:43:30 > 0:43:35and have great connect to my own divinity, basically,
0:43:35 > 0:43:38and it brings me a great deal of joy to come here.
0:43:38 > 0:43:39More so than other places?
0:43:39 > 0:43:42Yes, because we have this beautiful place here,
0:43:42 > 0:43:45this chapter house where I can sing.
0:43:45 > 0:43:48So not all cathedrals have a lovely chapter house like this.
0:43:50 > 0:43:53The cathedral has always been a big pull to me.
0:43:53 > 0:43:55Why do you think that is?
0:43:55 > 0:43:59Well, all cathedrals and churches are built on ley lines.
0:43:59 > 0:44:01They were deliberately done like that
0:44:01 > 0:44:05and to harness the power of the earth's gridlines,
0:44:05 > 0:44:08and so this is why it's a very powerful place.
0:44:08 > 0:44:10And, of course, it's linked to Glastonbury Tor,
0:44:10 > 0:44:14also through these gridlines, which is another source of power.
0:44:14 > 0:44:19So it's very... It's very special to me, this place.
0:44:31 > 0:44:36PRIEST: Almighty God, grant us to listen to Him carefully,
0:44:36 > 0:44:40to know Him truly and to love him sincerely.
0:44:42 > 0:44:44- The body of Christ. - Amen.
0:44:46 > 0:44:49- The body of Christ. - Amen.
0:44:51 > 0:44:54- Good afternoon. - Good afternoon.- Hi.
0:44:54 > 0:44:57- Are you coming round the cathedral? - Yes, we are.- Excellent.
0:44:57 > 0:45:01- How long have you been involved in the cathedral?- Erm...- You're not a guide, you're a welcomer.
0:45:01 > 0:45:05No, at the present here at the cathedral I'm a welcomer,
0:45:05 > 0:45:06one of the volunteer welcomers.
0:45:06 > 0:45:12And this is my fifth year that I've been involved in Wells.
0:45:12 > 0:45:15It is a living environment, it has a purpose.
0:45:16 > 0:45:18You say it has a purpose.
0:45:18 > 0:45:22I was wondering what purpose you feel the building serves.
0:45:23 > 0:45:25Erm... Particularly in this 21st century age,
0:45:25 > 0:45:29where we would think that buildings like this,
0:45:29 > 0:45:32huge buildings, giants of buildings like this, are really obsolete
0:45:32 > 0:45:36and there's no place for them in our modern society, you don't need it.
0:45:36 > 0:45:38Well, actually, you don't need it to worship,
0:45:38 > 0:45:43To carry out Christian worship you don't need a massive Cathedral.
0:45:43 > 0:45:49But part of the purpose of a cathedral was... I don't know.
0:45:49 > 0:45:53They are places that you can just disappear into, sink into,
0:45:53 > 0:45:55and take time out.
0:45:57 > 0:46:03I do believe that God has plans for us and...
0:46:03 > 0:46:07But most of the time we don't really appreciate it or realise it
0:46:07 > 0:46:09or we choose to ignore it.
0:46:09 > 0:46:12I suppose as I was coming up to retirement
0:46:12 > 0:46:16and... and...
0:46:16 > 0:46:20after my daughter's death, there was more time.
0:46:20 > 0:46:21My daughter was physically disabled,
0:46:21 > 0:46:26- so there was a lot of time spent caring for her.- Yeah. Yeah.
0:46:26 > 0:46:28Erm... It just felt the right thing to do
0:46:28 > 0:46:34and I'm sure it's where God wants me to be a volunteer,
0:46:34 > 0:46:36to work, to meet and greet people,
0:46:36 > 0:46:39and so I'm very happy with that.
0:46:41 > 0:46:43Good afternoon.
0:46:43 > 0:46:45I was wondering how much, having suffered something
0:46:45 > 0:46:48or experienced something like the loss of a child,
0:46:48 > 0:46:53do you need to kind of redouble your faith and that trust in God,
0:46:53 > 0:46:57and whether being somewhere like this helps that process?
0:46:57 > 0:46:59Mm.
0:46:59 > 0:47:01Yeah, I think losing...
0:47:02 > 0:47:05It's probably one of the worst experiences ever is
0:47:05 > 0:47:10to lose a child for whatever reason.
0:47:11 > 0:47:15And it is too easy to then blame everybody,
0:47:15 > 0:47:20and let's blame God, shall we? Because it's his fault.
0:47:20 > 0:47:23He's God. He could stop it all, couldn't He?
0:47:26 > 0:47:30And I think at the time, and shortly after the time,
0:47:30 > 0:47:32there was a lot of heartache and grief
0:47:32 > 0:47:35because you had lost something that was very precious.
0:47:35 > 0:47:39My daughter was 24, and although she was born physically disabled,
0:47:39 > 0:47:42she was a wonderful woman, a wonderful person
0:47:42 > 0:47:48and she had a vast number of people she knew and liked.
0:47:48 > 0:47:51It would just be embarrassing, you'd just go to places,
0:47:51 > 0:47:55She loved rugby, so we'd go to Twickenham and there'd be people saying, "Hello, hello."
0:47:55 > 0:47:57She just knew so many people. And she was very...
0:47:57 > 0:48:02She had this ability to make everybody love her.
0:48:03 > 0:48:07And to lose someone like that through long-term illness...
0:48:07 > 0:48:10And it was a long term.
0:48:10 > 0:48:14I think we had 19 months with her, her with us,
0:48:14 > 0:48:16longer than the doctors said we would have,
0:48:16 > 0:48:20so that was a positive thing and we always reflect on that.
0:48:20 > 0:48:23But the grief continues, and it doesn't -
0:48:23 > 0:48:30as anybody will tell you who's been in similar circumstances -
0:48:30 > 0:48:33the grief doesn't ease, it's always there.
0:48:33 > 0:48:36You learn to live with it and you learn to control it.
0:48:36 > 0:48:39And one's faith helps you
0:48:39 > 0:48:46to, you know, wake up each morning and carry on.
0:48:50 > 0:48:53I don't know fully what God's plan is for me.
0:48:53 > 0:48:58I just know that part of the plan is here,
0:48:58 > 0:49:01being at Wells in the cathedral.
0:49:01 > 0:49:06And I don't know if that will lead to something else in the future.
0:49:06 > 0:49:09It might do, or it might be just, "This is it for you.
0:49:09 > 0:49:11"This is where I want you to be
0:49:11 > 0:49:15"and I want you to stay here for whatever length of time."
0:49:17 > 0:49:21I will know when the time is up, when He wants me to sort of move on,
0:49:21 > 0:49:25or hopefully I will recognise that time.
0:49:25 > 0:49:29But at the moment, every Wednesday I come here,
0:49:29 > 0:49:34it's another joy... joyful occasion.
0:49:40 > 0:49:44BABY SHOUTS Yeah, good sound, isn't it? Good echo!
0:49:44 > 0:49:46In the nave, it sounds even better.
0:49:46 > 0:49:50- Ah!- Thanks.- If it's really good, you'll end up in the choir.
0:49:50 > 0:49:52Good afternoon. Are you coming round the cathedral?
0:49:52 > 0:49:54Will you be wanting to take photographs at all?
0:49:54 > 0:49:57You can do if you wish but you just need to buy a permit.
0:50:10 > 0:50:13Do you remember seeing this place for the first time?
0:50:13 > 0:50:15We came as a family, a family holiday -
0:50:15 > 0:50:20- car, children, dog, suitcases. - Yeah.
0:50:20 > 0:50:24And no motorways. So it was a long journey and we stopped off here.
0:50:24 > 0:50:29- Did it make any impression? - Yes, well, it must have done because we came every year.
0:50:29 > 0:50:33But was the impression, "I want to get back in the car to carry on to go to Devon,"
0:50:33 > 0:50:37- or was it, "This is amazing"? - Oh, yeah, this was amazing.
0:50:37 > 0:50:39Yes, definitely.
0:50:39 > 0:50:44And I used to look forward to coming and seeing it again.
0:50:44 > 0:50:47And then when the chance came to live here when I was married,
0:50:47 > 0:50:50you know, I couldn't believe my luck, it was wonderful.
0:50:50 > 0:50:52I didn't realise you were married living here.
0:50:52 > 0:50:54I thought you lived in Leicester.
0:50:54 > 0:50:58I lived in Leicestershire for a great many years but I was...
0:50:58 > 0:51:01When I was married, my husband had a job in Wells.
0:51:01 > 0:51:06- Oh, right. What did he do?- He was a chemist, pharmacy technician.
0:51:06 > 0:51:09- OK.- So we lived in the High Street
0:51:09 > 0:51:13and I got to toddle around Wells all the time,
0:51:13 > 0:51:15in and out of the cathedral.
0:51:15 > 0:51:16But, as I've said before,
0:51:16 > 0:51:19that was during my period of being a using drug addict.
0:51:19 > 0:51:23So the memories are a bit scrambled and my behaviour is a bit...
0:51:23 > 0:51:25..was a bit scrambled.
0:51:25 > 0:51:28But I did work here. I worked as a cleaner.
0:51:28 > 0:51:31- What was the addiction sort of...? How many...?- Pills.
0:51:31 > 0:51:33Right. For years and years or for a short period?
0:51:33 > 0:51:36Oh, yeah, about 25. About 25.
0:51:36 > 0:51:42- Right.- Mixed pills. Anything I could get hold of, legally or illegally.
0:51:42 > 0:51:48But barbiturates and speed and lots and lots of codeine
0:51:48 > 0:51:53and slightly more upmarket opiates if I could get them.
0:51:54 > 0:51:57- It helped that I worked for doctors. - Yeah.
0:51:57 > 0:51:59If you're going to be a drug addict,
0:51:59 > 0:52:02working for doctors really is quite a bright idea,
0:52:02 > 0:52:04except you always end up getting caught,
0:52:04 > 0:52:06which, of course, I did every time. But...
0:52:07 > 0:52:10Was the addiction all sort of part of the kind of cultural..
0:52:10 > 0:52:12- Sorry, my dear?- I was wondering if the addiction was part
0:52:12 > 0:52:16of the cultural, kind of drug availability, '60s...
0:52:16 > 0:52:20No. No, no, no, not at all. I managed it all by myself.
0:52:20 > 0:52:24- Right.- I made the discovery that pills made you feel different
0:52:24 > 0:52:26and I wanted to feel different
0:52:26 > 0:52:30and so the sense was then, it seemed to me, was to get hold of some pills.
0:52:30 > 0:52:31What I didn't know, of course, was
0:52:31 > 0:52:35they got you by the throat and didn't let go.
0:52:36 > 0:52:40I... So I had a long history of drug addiction.
0:52:40 > 0:52:42Why did you want to feel different? Do you know?
0:52:42 > 0:52:46Oh, I know exactly why, but it's certainly not for broadcasting.
0:52:46 > 0:52:47Oh, right, OK.
0:52:47 > 0:52:51But to help the... Kind of get away from the muck and chaos of life?
0:52:51 > 0:52:54- Yes.- Pills are an answer, aren't they?- Yes.
0:52:54 > 0:52:58- Pills made it possible for me to function.- Yeah.
0:52:58 > 0:53:01I didn't want to opt out. I didn't want to...
0:53:01 > 0:53:04What's it? They were dropping out all over the place at that time.
0:53:04 > 0:53:05I didn't want to do that.
0:53:05 > 0:53:07I wanted to drop in and live
0:53:07 > 0:53:11- but not make a mess of it, which I was doing...- Yeah.
0:53:11 > 0:53:13..for various reasons.
0:53:13 > 0:53:17Pills gave me the ability to function almost like a human being.
0:53:17 > 0:53:20Very close. But, of course, as the years went on,
0:53:20 > 0:53:22I needed bigger and bigger amounts
0:53:22 > 0:53:26and things went more spectacularly wrong.
0:53:26 > 0:53:30But I had that little foretaste of what it was like to work here
0:53:30 > 0:53:32- when I was a cleaner.- Mm.
0:53:32 > 0:53:34- And you can't... - Do you remember how it felt?
0:53:34 > 0:53:37Being an addict in here, was it any kind of...?
0:53:39 > 0:53:42- Was it just like another space in those days or was it...?- No.
0:53:42 > 0:53:45- Was it something special even then? - It was like being able
0:53:45 > 0:53:51to see through a door that was open, but a very long distance away,
0:53:51 > 0:53:56through which you could see sunlight in the garden
0:53:56 > 0:53:59and people moving about - so there was this other world.
0:53:59 > 0:54:02All I had to do - all I had to do -
0:54:02 > 0:54:04was find a way to get at it.
0:54:04 > 0:54:07But by that time I'd come to the conviction
0:54:07 > 0:54:09that I couldn't stop using -
0:54:09 > 0:54:14I couldn't live with using, I couldn't live without it,
0:54:14 > 0:54:16so the obvious thing, it seemed to me,
0:54:16 > 0:54:19would be that I would just go on using until I died.
0:54:19 > 0:54:21I didn't know about recovery,
0:54:21 > 0:54:23I didn't know about the 12 Step Programme.
0:54:23 > 0:54:27I didn't know about any of that. My sister found that out for me.
0:54:27 > 0:54:29But I could see there was another world
0:54:29 > 0:54:34and I could see that it was in and about here, definitely.
0:54:34 > 0:54:36- Here, where? Here? - In the cathedral.
0:54:36 > 0:54:38- Really? - Oh, yeah, yeah.
0:54:38 > 0:54:45And did your faith kind of, your Christian faith mean much to you...
0:54:45 > 0:54:47- Oh, yeah.- ..through those dark...?
0:54:47 > 0:54:50It is possible to be a Christian and a drug addict.
0:54:50 > 0:54:53- It's very hard work. - Right.- But you can do it.
0:54:53 > 0:54:58In fact, I very much doubt if I would have survived
0:54:58 > 0:55:00if I hadn't been,
0:55:00 > 0:55:04because in all the dreadful stuff that was happening
0:55:04 > 0:55:08and the dreadful things I did and all that sort of stuff,
0:55:08 > 0:55:13the figure of Christ was present throughout.
0:55:13 > 0:55:16Not the judgmental one.
0:55:16 > 0:55:20Just somebody who was always there,
0:55:20 > 0:55:25even if because of the using, I couldn't hear what he was saying.
0:55:26 > 0:55:28It was as though there was thick glass between us
0:55:28 > 0:55:30but he was always there.
0:55:30 > 0:55:33So how does it make you feel, being here today then?
0:55:33 > 0:55:36Is it a different feeling?
0:55:36 > 0:55:38Oh, totally.
0:55:38 > 0:55:40When I was a child, we were only visiting,
0:55:40 > 0:55:44so it was like rushing in, gasping with awe and rushing out
0:55:44 > 0:55:47because we'd got to get the rest of the journey.
0:55:47 > 0:55:53When I was here using, it was like living next door to paradise.
0:55:53 > 0:55:55I could see it but couldn't get in.
0:55:55 > 0:56:00Here, now, it's weird,
0:56:00 > 0:56:04because it's much more real because I work here,
0:56:04 > 0:56:07which means all the ordinary stuff comes in,
0:56:07 > 0:56:10like when it's too cold and your feet are frozen,
0:56:10 > 0:56:12when you've miscalculated
0:56:12 > 0:56:14and you haven't brought your socks for the duty.
0:56:14 > 0:56:16And you get tired
0:56:16 > 0:56:19and it's normal human things of being in the cathedral,
0:56:19 > 0:56:22so it isn't perfect but it's real,
0:56:22 > 0:56:26and that is infinitely better, infinitely better.
0:56:26 > 0:56:28And I have a place in it.
0:56:28 > 0:56:33It may be the place as the chaplain who forgets to switch off her microphone
0:56:33 > 0:56:36more often than anybody else
0:56:36 > 0:56:40but at least it is a place I belong.
0:56:43 > 0:56:46And I hope that I always will.
0:56:47 > 0:56:50- I've got to keep an eye on the clock.- Do you want to go?
0:56:50 > 0:56:53- How many places are there? - I have no idea.
0:56:53 > 0:56:57We can pack several hundred in here without... Several hundred.
0:56:57 > 0:56:59I don't know, I've never counted.
0:56:59 > 0:57:02Ooh! But er...
0:57:02 > 0:57:05- Several hundred. - Several hundred, yes.
0:57:05 > 0:57:07- 1,000?- I don't think as much as that.
0:57:07 > 0:57:10What would you think, looking at the size of that?
0:57:10 > 0:57:13- I'm not very good on numbers. - No, neither and I.
0:57:13 > 0:57:16- The chairs are straight. - They're very straight.
0:57:16 > 0:57:22We can fill of all that and then use all those side chairs as well.
0:57:22 > 0:57:24But that's for a very big service.
0:57:24 > 0:57:27- But we do have them.- Yes.- Yeah.
0:57:32 > 0:57:35- Nice to see it.- Nice.
0:57:37 > 0:57:38Do you know,
0:57:38 > 0:57:43I never come here without somebody asking me a question I don't know the answer to.
0:57:43 > 0:57:46- Never!- Well, it's not the most obvious of questions.
0:57:47 > 0:57:49Now I shall have to either find a verger
0:57:49 > 0:57:51or count them next time I'm on duty,
0:57:51 > 0:57:54so I'll be able to tell somebody when they ask next time.
0:57:54 > 0:57:57- Thank you.- You're very welcome.
0:57:57 > 0:57:58Thank you very much.
0:58:14 > 0:58:17CLOCK CHIMING
0:58:29 > 0:58:32CLOCK STRIKING
0:58:48 > 0:58:50BELL TOLLS
0:58:54 > 0:58:56Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd