0:00:04 > 0:00:07- Funeral service. - And dad passed away on what date?
0:00:07 > 0:00:11'It's one of the first calls we make when someone dies.'
0:00:11 > 0:00:16All the family memories, and all the pictures of the wedding days, it's so sad.
0:00:16 > 0:00:20'Funeral directors help us bury out loved ones.
0:00:20 > 0:00:23'One day they'll do the same for us.'
0:00:23 > 0:00:27What happens is, the body is laid in, this way is Mecca.
0:00:27 > 0:00:29- What a day.- Come on.
0:00:29 > 0:00:32When I seen her, she looked absolutely beautiful.
0:00:32 > 0:00:36And all I wanted to do was get hold of her. I couldn't.
0:00:36 > 0:00:42'Death is a certainty. But there are many ways to say the final goodbye,
0:00:42 > 0:00:44'with or without belief.'
0:00:44 > 0:00:48It's not a proper biker's funeral unless it's freezing and raining,
0:00:48 > 0:00:50but he's dry and that's what matters.
0:00:50 > 0:00:55'Planned or paid for in advance.'
0:00:55 > 0:00:59I'm not scared cos I know I'll be with my dad.
0:00:59 > 0:01:01'Quietly or noisily.'
0:01:01 > 0:01:04The grave will collapse. Can you move back, please?
0:01:04 > 0:01:06It's organised chaos.
0:01:06 > 0:01:08'In an expensive casket.'
0:01:08 > 0:01:12Euphemistically referred to by some people as the Rolex.
0:01:12 > 0:01:16- 'Or wrapped in a simple shroud.' - It would be like a dress, like that.
0:01:16 > 0:01:20Our motto is, "Anything that's legal." We aren't here to be the bastions of good taste.
0:01:20 > 0:01:24'We reveal how today's funeral is changing
0:01:24 > 0:01:28'and compare the end-of-life rituals of different faiths.'
0:01:28 > 0:01:34So long as the ashes are scattered on flowing water, that's all that needs to be done, really.
0:01:35 > 0:01:38'We go behind the scenes of Britain's funeral parlours
0:01:38 > 0:01:42'and watch funeral directors at work.'
0:01:42 > 0:01:48In here we have three deceased awaiting clearance for embalming.
0:01:48 > 0:01:52'Caring for the living and the dead.'
0:01:53 > 0:01:56'From the mortuary to the grave.'
0:01:56 > 0:02:00A funeral is more symbolic than a wedding,
0:02:00 > 0:02:02because it's about someone's life.
0:02:11 > 0:02:14'There are half a million funerals every year in Britain,
0:02:14 > 0:02:19'each one reflecting the life, loves and beliefs of the person who's gone.
0:02:21 > 0:02:26'Lilleywhite Funerals has stood on this Manchester street corner for 120 years.'
0:02:27 > 0:02:29Good morning, Lilleywhite Funeral Service.
0:02:29 > 0:02:34'It specialises in a send-off still chosen by two out of three people.
0:02:35 > 0:02:38'Religious service followed by cremation or burial.'
0:02:41 > 0:02:44How many times do you polish your shoes a day?
0:02:44 > 0:02:48Erm, at least twice, if not more.
0:02:48 > 0:02:50Every time we go out.
0:02:51 > 0:02:54'It's the start of the working day.
0:02:54 > 0:02:56'Office manager Rochelle Dalton
0:02:56 > 0:03:00is checking on the clients in the chapel of rest.'
0:03:04 > 0:03:06I'm just going down into the chapels of rest.
0:03:06 > 0:03:11Every morning I come down here just to make sure there are plenty of tissues,
0:03:11 > 0:03:13to make sure that the flowers are OK,
0:03:13 > 0:03:18and to make sure that all the deceased are all right,
0:03:18 > 0:03:22and presentable, ready for families coming in to view them.
0:03:27 > 0:03:33Sometimes the bodies can look maybe a little blue or a little dark,
0:03:33 > 0:03:36so then we have to put a little bit of makeup on just to cover that.
0:03:39 > 0:03:42- It doesn't bother you, then? - No, not at all.
0:03:42 > 0:03:44Not at all. No.
0:03:44 > 0:03:50Erm, there's no reason why anybody should worry about going in.
0:03:50 > 0:03:55Erm, they can't harm you. They can't harm you.
0:03:57 > 0:03:59- Washing. - HE LAUGHS
0:03:59 > 0:04:04That's 90 percent of our job. Washing cars.
0:04:09 > 0:04:12'Managing director Simon Lilleywhite
0:04:12 > 0:04:16'is the fifth generation of the family to come into the funeral trade.'
0:04:17 > 0:04:20I think I've always known in my heart of hearts
0:04:20 > 0:04:23that funeral directing was the right profession for me.
0:04:24 > 0:04:27Most people still want a very traditional funeral.
0:04:27 > 0:04:32Maybe a little bit of embellishment around the sides to make it personal to the person that's passed away.
0:04:32 > 0:04:37Erm, things have changed, but mainly people want a traditional funeral.
0:04:40 > 0:04:45They tend to fall back on what they've experienced in the past and what they're comfortable with.
0:04:45 > 0:04:49And if it's not broken, we don't need to fix it.
0:04:55 > 0:04:58'Whitechapel, East London.
0:05:01 > 0:05:04'Home to another traditional funeral business
0:05:04 > 0:05:07'with a different way of burying the dead.'
0:05:07 > 0:05:12You rang me yesterday regarding sending human remains back to Albania.
0:05:12 > 0:05:14'Haji Taslim Muslim Funerals
0:05:14 > 0:05:18is owned by Gulam Taslim and his daughter, Moona.'
0:05:18 > 0:05:20Let me find out what's happening and I'll ring back
0:05:20 > 0:05:23cos you might find they won't give Mummy's body to us today.
0:05:23 > 0:05:27Funeral service. Funeral service. Funeral service.
0:05:27 > 0:05:31'Here funerals are all about simplicity and speed.'
0:05:31 > 0:05:35Here they do it over the phone. They don't say, "I want class A, class B,
0:05:35 > 0:05:38"I want a coffin with special handles."
0:05:38 > 0:05:40They just say, "Give me a funeral."
0:05:40 > 0:05:44Just like they were ordering a pizza. It's as simple as that.
0:05:44 > 0:05:49'Muslims want their loved ones in the grave as soon as possible after death.
0:05:50 > 0:05:54'Allowing the soul to make a fast journey to paradise.'
0:05:56 > 0:06:00They're not really worried about what the coffin looks like
0:06:00 > 0:06:03or anything else, they just want it done quickly.
0:06:03 > 0:06:06And if it means it's done in the back of an estate car,
0:06:06 > 0:06:08as opposed to a hearse, so be it.
0:06:08 > 0:06:11If it means they do it in their mate's car as opposed to using your ambulance,
0:06:11 > 0:06:14they don't really care, they just want it done.
0:06:14 > 0:06:18They don't care what mum's popped in afterwards, as long as she gets to the cemetery.
0:06:18 > 0:06:22PHONE RINGS Funeral service.
0:06:25 > 0:06:30'With four funerals and more to arrange every day, the pressure is on.'
0:06:30 > 0:06:32How did she die then, Linda?
0:06:33 > 0:06:36A black cab hit her?
0:06:51 > 0:06:55'Today Gulam is picking up the body of an 80-year-old man
0:06:55 > 0:06:57'from the local hospital.
0:06:58 > 0:07:02'He was knocked down by a bus on his way to the mosque.'
0:07:04 > 0:07:07We go to this hospital quite a lot
0:07:07 > 0:07:11because I would say 45 to 50 percent of our clients
0:07:11 > 0:07:14actually die at this hospital in East London.
0:07:14 > 0:07:19And we have a very high Muslim population here of around 30,000.
0:07:19 > 0:07:22So I picked him up from the mortuary
0:07:22 > 0:07:27and I'm taking him back to the place where he will be washed and shrouded.
0:07:27 > 0:07:32Erm, and then he will be buried tomorrow, about lunchtime.
0:07:32 > 0:07:38We have people die in the morning, at nine, and they're buried by one o'clock.
0:07:40 > 0:07:44We believe that the sooner you lay a person in their grave,
0:07:44 > 0:07:46the sooner they get eternal peace.
0:07:46 > 0:07:51Plus, it's done like that back home in most of the Middle Eastern and Far Eastern countries
0:07:51 > 0:07:54because of the humidity and heat.
0:07:54 > 0:07:56'It's now a race against time
0:07:56 > 0:07:58'to get the body prepared and into the grave.'
0:08:01 > 0:08:04MUSIC: "Back In Black" by AC/DC
0:08:12 > 0:08:17'Speed plays an important part at this alternative funeral business in Leicestershire,
0:08:17 > 0:08:20'but it's nothing to do with religious tradition.'
0:08:22 > 0:08:25# Back in black, I hit the sack
0:08:25 > 0:08:27# I've been too long, I'm glad to be back...
0:08:27 > 0:08:31'Faster Pastor Paul Sinclair is a former church minister
0:08:31 > 0:08:33'specialising in funerals for bikers
0:08:33 > 0:08:37'and those wanting something a little bit different.'
0:08:37 > 0:08:40# I got nine lives, cat's eyes
0:08:40 > 0:08:43# Using every one of them and running wild...
0:08:46 > 0:08:50'His hearses carry nearly 400 coffins a year.'
0:08:51 > 0:08:55Here's three of the bikes. The others are out on funerals.
0:08:55 > 0:09:01But we've got three of them here and these are what you call sidecar hearses or motorcycle hearses.
0:09:01 > 0:09:05And this one will get you to the crematorium quicker than anyone else or your money back.
0:09:10 > 0:09:14'Paul's business reflects the changing face of funerals in Britain.
0:09:14 > 0:09:17'Most people still choose religion
0:09:17 > 0:09:22'but they also want a service that's less sombre and more personalised.
0:09:22 > 0:09:24'A celebration of life.'
0:09:24 > 0:09:28I can't tell you how fast this will go for legal reasons,
0:09:28 > 0:09:30but I can tell you it's pretty quick.
0:09:30 > 0:09:36And this is the motorcycle hearse that people often ask for a last blast.
0:09:36 > 0:09:39Now, to some people, that might sound a bit disrespectful.
0:09:39 > 0:09:43But it's no different from a Scotsman being led by a bagpiper,
0:09:43 > 0:09:49or a Manchester United supporter having a coffin in Manchester United colours.
0:09:49 > 0:09:51So if somebody's an old boy or they used to race bikes,
0:09:51 > 0:09:55they want to go quite quick, so we give it a good blast.
0:09:55 > 0:09:58I think funerals are beginning to change,
0:09:58 > 0:10:02er, mostly by people demanding they change.
0:10:02 > 0:10:07They're saying, "Look, we want something not exactly the same as the last 12 people in front of us."
0:10:07 > 0:10:11If you go into a supermarket to buy something,
0:10:11 > 0:10:14not everything's the same colour, not everything's the same size,
0:10:14 > 0:10:18not everything's the same style, you have a big choice.
0:10:18 > 0:10:20And people expect the same with their funeral.
0:10:20 > 0:10:25There's no other industry, whether it's clothing, vehicles, anywhere,
0:10:25 > 0:10:29where you would walk into a room and ask to buy something
0:10:29 > 0:10:31and be told, "But that's not traditional."
0:10:41 > 0:10:47'Preparation of the body is an important funeral ritual across all religions and cultures.
0:10:50 > 0:10:53'New clients arriving at Lilleywhite's
0:10:53 > 0:10:56'usually stay for a week before the service.
0:10:56 > 0:10:59'Behind the mortuary door,
0:10:59 > 0:11:03'a hidden but important part of the undertaker's job is about to take place.
0:11:06 > 0:11:10'Simon has vital work to do to preserve the body,
0:11:10 > 0:11:13'to make the dead presentable to the living.'
0:11:14 > 0:11:18This is the mortuary. This is where when we collect people we bring them and store them
0:11:18 > 0:11:21until we get them ready to place in the chapel of rest.
0:11:26 > 0:11:33We keep people in the fridge, obviously, for hygiene and preservation reasons.
0:11:37 > 0:11:40We have an embalmer who embalms if the person needs to be embalmed.
0:11:40 > 0:11:44Erm, my staff will wash the deceased,
0:11:44 > 0:11:48dress them, shave them, tend to their hair,
0:11:48 > 0:11:53before placing them in the coffins and then they go into the chapels.
0:11:53 > 0:11:57And it is to make sure that nature doesn't take its course
0:11:57 > 0:12:00sooner rather than later.
0:12:09 > 0:12:13'A bereaved family are expected in for a viewing.
0:12:15 > 0:12:19'Simon makes sure the deceased is looking as lifelike as possible.'
0:12:26 > 0:12:30- So this is the lady that you're burying today. - This morning, yes. Mrs Mottershead.
0:12:36 > 0:12:38We made her look as natural as possible.
0:12:38 > 0:12:43Erm, I mean, just so it looks like mum asleep in a coffin.
0:12:46 > 0:12:48Everything needs to be absolutely perfect.
0:12:48 > 0:12:52We don't want any slip-ups, any little mistakes that often upset people.
0:12:52 > 0:12:55The little things upset people. Big things...
0:12:55 > 0:12:58But it's the little things, the colour of the nail varnish,
0:12:58 > 0:13:02the colour of lipstick, they're the things we have to make sure we get right.
0:13:05 > 0:13:09All the pictures of the wedding days and it's so sad, it really is.
0:13:09 > 0:13:12You know, all the things that they put in, the grandchildren.
0:13:13 > 0:13:16All the family memories.
0:13:16 > 0:13:19- Does it ever get to you?- Yes. Yeah.
0:13:19 > 0:13:24Yeah. I think if it doesn't then you're in the wrong job.
0:13:24 > 0:13:27You don't become emotionally involved,
0:13:27 > 0:13:31but of course you feel, if it was my mum, or somebody I knew and loved,
0:13:31 > 0:13:33if it doesn't affect you then...
0:13:33 > 0:13:37You've got to show empathy and sympathy to the people you're dealing with.
0:13:38 > 0:13:43I think coming to say goodbye for the last time will be hard for them.
0:13:43 > 0:13:45They've been coming a lot.
0:13:45 > 0:13:49And I think today is the final time they can say goodbye.
0:13:57 > 0:14:00'At Taslim's, the Muslim funeral directors,
0:14:00 > 0:14:04'the body isn't preserved because the burial happens so quickly.
0:14:06 > 0:14:10'But there's an important Islamic ritual to carry out.
0:14:11 > 0:14:14'Harun Rashid Ali washes the male bodies
0:14:14 > 0:14:17'with dignity and respect for the deceased at all times.'
0:14:24 > 0:14:26When we're doing the washing, we need to make sure that
0:14:26 > 0:14:31from the belly button, from the tummy to the knees all the time covered up.
0:14:31 > 0:14:34We're going to wash it underneath the plastic.
0:14:34 > 0:14:37And we need to keep that covered all the time while we're doing the washing.
0:14:40 > 0:14:44Water has to be warm, not too cold, not too hot.
0:14:44 > 0:14:51'Great care is taken because Muslims believe the dead person may still hear and feel what's going on.'
0:14:51 > 0:14:53He can feel it, yeah.
0:14:53 > 0:14:56That's what we believe in,
0:14:56 > 0:14:59that when the man passed away, you have to be really careful
0:14:59 > 0:15:04and make sure it doesn't harm him because he does feel, he can feel a bit of it.
0:15:06 > 0:15:08'Female bodies are washed by women.
0:15:08 > 0:15:12'Or the deceased's family come in to do it themselves.'
0:15:12 > 0:15:16When I first started the washing, I was really frightened and scared,
0:15:16 > 0:15:19and I thought, "I can't do this job."
0:15:20 > 0:15:26At the moment, I'm not frightened of anything because I believe that they cannot do anything to you.
0:15:26 > 0:15:30We're going to dry him up, OK? And then we're going to place him in the coffin.
0:15:35 > 0:15:37Make sure his eyes are closed.
0:15:44 > 0:15:48'Every Muslim is treated the same way in death,
0:15:48 > 0:15:51'so all bodies are dressed in the same simple shroud.
0:15:53 > 0:15:56'Habiba, the second daughter in the family business,
0:15:56 > 0:15:59'makes sure everything is done correctly.'
0:15:59 > 0:16:01For a man, it's very, very simple.
0:16:01 > 0:16:04It's just three pieces. With us women, it's five.
0:16:04 > 0:16:08We've got an extra headscarf, an extra bit round the middle.
0:16:08 > 0:16:10It's just to hold us all in, I think.
0:16:10 > 0:16:13We cut a line down here.
0:16:13 > 0:16:15Just cutting out the place to put the head.
0:16:15 > 0:16:20So we don't rip down the front cos we don't want to expose the front, we rip down the back.
0:16:20 > 0:16:24None of the material or the cotton that we use can be sewn.
0:16:24 > 0:16:28If you look, none of the edges have got any sewing on it. That's why we just rip it.
0:16:28 > 0:16:31None of it's been sewn together, you're not allowed that.
0:16:31 > 0:16:34So if I was going to put this on,
0:16:34 > 0:16:37it would be like a dress, like that.
0:16:37 > 0:16:40But underneath this there would be another piece of cloth.
0:16:40 > 0:16:42Erm, it would be like a towel.
0:16:42 > 0:16:45And you wrap it under the armpits and fold it like that.
0:16:45 > 0:16:48So that would be the first piece. This would be the second piece.
0:16:48 > 0:16:52The third piece would be my headscarf, which we'll make in a minute.
0:16:52 > 0:16:56That's piece number four and that's piece number five.
0:16:56 > 0:16:58- That's his number.- Yeah.
0:16:58 > 0:17:01Can you text him my mobile number, please, so that he knows.
0:17:01 > 0:17:06Well, we need to know about the man who ran over on the bus.
0:17:06 > 0:17:09OK. They said that in...
0:17:09 > 0:17:13'In the office, Moona is helping a friend of the man knocked down by a bus.
0:17:13 > 0:17:17'He's here to find out when the funeral is taking place.'
0:17:17 > 0:17:22How did you find out that he'd passed away? Cos he was on his way to the mosque when he got knocked over.
0:17:22 > 0:17:25- The mosque is near me.- Oh, I see.
0:17:25 > 0:17:29'On the day Abib Madah died, Usman was waiting for him at prayers.
0:17:29 > 0:17:31'But he never arrived.'
0:17:31 > 0:17:38- If you come tomorrow, the prayer time, you need to be here for half past 12, one o'clock.- I will. I will.
0:17:38 > 0:17:41- And you can join the prayer. OK, then.- Thank you. Bye.
0:17:42 > 0:17:45I know him for long time. I know him for long time.
0:17:45 > 0:17:47I known him since 1960.
0:17:49 > 0:17:51- Were you a good friend?- Yes, it is.
0:17:52 > 0:17:55Was my best friend.
0:17:55 > 0:17:58There's a gentleman went and prayed every day at the mosque with his mate,
0:17:58 > 0:18:03and then one day he didn't quite make it there. It's just sad.
0:18:03 > 0:18:06But nice to hear that he had friends that he used to do that with.
0:18:06 > 0:18:09Personalises it all a bit more, I suppose.
0:18:16 > 0:18:20You always discover something you missed just before the funeral.
0:18:20 > 0:18:22And the beauty of a British bike
0:18:22 > 0:18:25is a little bit of oil appears here and there.
0:18:25 > 0:18:29'Paul Sinclair is preparing one of his motorcycle hearses
0:18:29 > 0:18:32'for an alternative funeral that will take place tomorrow.'
0:18:32 > 0:18:36A large number of people who ask for our motorbike hearses
0:18:36 > 0:18:40are non-religious, or they don't believe in God at all.
0:18:40 > 0:18:44And this helps them to get through it cos it reminds them of the person's life,
0:18:44 > 0:18:47and it enables them to look back with fond memories at that time.
0:18:51 > 0:18:57- Here they are. - 'Audrey Frost's husband, Malcolm, has died at the age of 70,
0:18:57 > 0:19:01'a member of a well-known bike club, the Blue Knights.'
0:19:01 > 0:19:04This is the Tardis, this is Malcolm's trike.
0:19:05 > 0:19:08He was very loving, very caring
0:19:08 > 0:19:11and very vulnerable but full of fun.
0:19:11 > 0:19:13Everybody knew Malcolm.
0:19:13 > 0:19:16He was very much a...
0:19:16 > 0:19:19He was a people person.
0:19:19 > 0:19:22I'll miss him terribly.
0:19:22 > 0:19:26He was... He was the love of my life.
0:19:26 > 0:19:28He was my soul mate.
0:19:31 > 0:19:37Yeah. No, we don't want people dressed up in suits and black and all the rest of it.
0:19:37 > 0:19:42'An estimated one in ten people have a funeral with no religion and Malcolm is one of them.
0:19:42 > 0:19:47'But his send-off will have its own unique set of rituals.'
0:19:47 > 0:19:51We never actually discussed whether he wanted a biking funeral,
0:19:51 > 0:19:56but we knew. We knew. It was just him.
0:19:56 > 0:19:58It just had to be.
0:19:58 > 0:20:01I think if you cut him in half, he'd have biker written.
0:20:01 > 0:20:04You know, like a stick of rock.
0:20:06 > 0:20:08Possibly that was his religion.
0:20:10 > 0:20:16When somebody dies who doesn't know God, and their friends don't know God,
0:20:16 > 0:20:20the funeral is a particular challenge because what do you do at that funeral?
0:20:20 > 0:20:22Do you try to explain what's ahead?
0:20:22 > 0:20:26Do you try to explain the afterlife? What do you do?
0:20:26 > 0:20:29You can't really sing about these things.
0:20:29 > 0:20:32So I think what most non-religious people would do,
0:20:32 > 0:20:34and I think this is the wise thing to do,
0:20:34 > 0:20:38is they will focus on the life of the person who's died
0:20:38 > 0:20:40and celebrate what they do know
0:20:40 > 0:20:44and what they can all agree on and rejoice in together.
0:20:44 > 0:20:48Tomorrow's got to be right for Malcolm.
0:20:48 > 0:20:50It's got to be...
0:20:50 > 0:20:54..an expression of him and a celebration of him
0:20:54 > 0:20:56and...
0:20:57 > 0:21:01..it's got to be what he would want.
0:21:01 > 0:21:03It's got to be the conclusion.
0:21:04 > 0:21:08It's got to be a conclusion of his life.
0:21:19 > 0:21:23'Simon and his team are preparing for a visit from the Mottershead family
0:21:23 > 0:21:26'for a viewing in the chapel of rest.'
0:21:27 > 0:21:32This is the arranging room. We bring the families in to arrange funerals.
0:21:32 > 0:21:34So every morning when I come in,
0:21:34 > 0:21:38my priority is just to check that everywhere is presentable.
0:21:41 > 0:21:45- I notice you've got the tissues on the table.- Yes. Yeah.
0:21:45 > 0:21:49And more often than not, we do need them.
0:21:49 > 0:21:52In every chapel of rest we have tissues.
0:21:52 > 0:21:57In the waiting room we have tissues. Everywhere there are tissues, just in case.
0:22:04 > 0:22:06DOORBELL RINGS
0:22:12 > 0:22:15'The family have arrived to say a final goodbye
0:22:15 > 0:22:18'before Lesley's coffin is closed for the funeral.'
0:22:18 > 0:22:22Some families don't come. Some families come all the time.
0:22:22 > 0:22:24And it's what's right for them.
0:22:24 > 0:22:28I think some people find it very, very difficult to come so they don't come.
0:22:28 > 0:22:31And I encourage people to go with how they feel.
0:22:31 > 0:22:34If they feel like they don't need to say goodbye, then don't say goodbye.
0:22:34 > 0:22:37If they feel like they want to say goodbye, then come along.
0:22:43 > 0:22:48- What a day!- Come on. - Come on, now.- Thank you.
0:23:01 > 0:23:03Goodbye.
0:23:05 > 0:23:09'Lesley and Albert were married for 35 years.
0:23:09 > 0:23:12'She died suddenly from heart failure.'
0:23:14 > 0:23:18When I seen her, she looked absolutely beautiful.
0:23:19 > 0:23:23All her nails had been done, her hair had been done.
0:23:24 > 0:23:26She was dressed in all her new clothes.
0:23:26 > 0:23:30But I've never seen anybody look as nice as what she did.
0:23:32 > 0:23:35She looked like a film star. Honestly, she looked like a film star.
0:23:37 > 0:23:41And all I wanted to do was get hold of her. I couldn't.
0:23:41 > 0:23:44I kissed her and everything, you know.
0:23:45 > 0:23:47Yeah, I kissed her and everything.
0:23:49 > 0:23:51Stroked her hair and her cheek.
0:23:53 > 0:23:55HE SIGHS
0:23:59 > 0:24:01It's a shame.
0:24:11 > 0:24:16'Arranging a funeral is one of the hardest things we have to do.
0:24:17 > 0:24:23'Today Denise Wales has an appointment with a funeral director near her home in Leeds.'
0:24:23 > 0:24:27I've got butterflies. My stomach's churning.
0:24:27 > 0:24:29It's turning and everything.
0:24:30 > 0:24:32But I'll take a breather
0:24:32 > 0:24:35and walk in them doors
0:24:35 > 0:24:39and do whatever has to be done.
0:24:41 > 0:24:45'Denise is a 49-year-old single mum with two teenage daughters.'
0:24:47 > 0:24:50You're expecting somebody tall
0:24:50 > 0:24:54in a dark suit with a top hat,
0:24:54 > 0:24:59but I don't think it'll be like that, but it's what I've got situated in my mind.
0:25:01 > 0:25:03'She's terminally ill with cancer
0:25:03 > 0:25:06'and she's here to arrange her own funeral.'
0:25:10 > 0:25:13I shouldn't really be doing this.
0:25:13 > 0:25:17It's like, "Well, yeah, you're going to have to do it. You've no choice in the matter."
0:25:17 > 0:25:22And the best thing really is if we just talk through anything you want to discuss
0:25:22 > 0:25:25about what you would like to happen at the funeral.
0:25:25 > 0:25:30'Funeral director Ruth Tempest will help Denise put her plan together.'
0:25:30 > 0:25:34Have you had any thoughts as to who you would want to lead the service?
0:25:34 > 0:25:36- Are you religious yourself?- No.
0:25:36 > 0:25:39I'm not going on the religion side of things.
0:25:39 > 0:25:43We can either dress you in your own clothes...
0:25:43 > 0:25:45- Please.- Yeah. That's fine.
0:25:45 > 0:25:48Which I'll get help with from Rebecca and Megan.
0:25:48 > 0:25:51They might even want to shove a bit of makeup on me.
0:25:51 > 0:25:54- SHE LAUGHS - That's not a problem.
0:25:54 > 0:25:58Her daughters are both very young, so to have to make decisions
0:25:58 > 0:26:00at their age...
0:26:00 > 0:26:04I know she's been very open with them about what she wants
0:26:04 > 0:26:06and discussed what they want to happen, too.
0:26:06 > 0:26:11So at least now they all know what's going to happen.
0:26:11 > 0:26:16And it'll be easier for them to not have so much to decide at the time.
0:26:18 > 0:26:22I mean, really, knowing that it's going to get burnt, as well, afterwards,
0:26:22 > 0:26:25the traditional one will be fine.
0:26:25 > 0:26:28And I think it looks so different when flowers have been put on,
0:26:28 > 0:26:32- you know, just an arrangement of flowers on the top of the coffin. - Yeah.
0:26:32 > 0:26:34- We've got three different chapels. - Oh, right.
0:26:38 > 0:26:41'Denise has asked to see the chapel of rest,
0:26:41 > 0:26:45'the place family and friends will come to view her body before the funeral.'
0:26:51 > 0:26:53So, like I say, if they wanted to bring...
0:26:53 > 0:26:57There's shelves to put photographs or anything like that on.
0:26:57 > 0:27:01And the tables, we can always bring more tables and things like that.
0:27:01 > 0:27:06So would I be on this side, then? Or would I be this side?
0:27:06 > 0:27:09- Yeah, no, you'd be here where... - Where that is. Yeah.
0:27:12 > 0:27:16Your head would be this side, if you want to know that much.
0:27:17 > 0:27:21- My head would be that side?- Yeah. - Could it not be that side?
0:27:21 > 0:27:27We... The only reason we usually do that is for when people come in,
0:27:27 > 0:27:31sometimes for them to see you straight away is quite upsetting.
0:27:31 > 0:27:34- Right.- So we'd have you so that they can come in,
0:27:34 > 0:27:37see you, and it's them to turn to you...
0:27:37 > 0:27:41- Mind you, I'm not going to feel it anyway, am I?- No. - SHE LAUGHS
0:27:41 > 0:27:45I'm thinking of it as being me, because that way round, I wouldn't like it, I'd feel sick.
0:27:45 > 0:27:50- Oh, would you?- Yeah. Oh, God, I can't believe I just did that.
0:27:51 > 0:27:53I'm thinking as though I'm going to be stood up, aren't I?
0:27:53 > 0:27:55I'm going to be still here.
0:27:55 > 0:28:00I think it is hard to think of it any other way, isn't it?
0:28:00 > 0:28:03You can't... It's hard to see past that.
0:28:05 > 0:28:07It is.
0:28:07 > 0:28:09SHE SOBS
0:28:09 > 0:28:13- It'll be all right. - I know. It's very real, isn't it?
0:28:13 > 0:28:15It is now, yeah.
0:28:15 > 0:28:19Since I was just chatting then, I just... It's just hit me.
0:28:20 > 0:28:24But, no. This'll be fine. It'll be OK.
0:28:24 > 0:28:26- OK.- I'm sorry about that.
0:28:26 > 0:28:30- You don't need to be sorry.- Yeah, but no, I'm happy with all that.
0:28:34 > 0:28:37SHE SOBS
0:28:37 > 0:28:40And dad passed away on what date?
0:28:41 > 0:28:4325th.
0:28:43 > 0:28:46And where was he when this happened?
0:28:46 > 0:28:48It's all right. It's not a problem.
0:28:48 > 0:28:52'It can be sometimes quite an emotional rollercoaster ride.'
0:28:52 > 0:28:56But, yeah, I love it. I really enjoy it.
0:28:56 > 0:28:59And I feel for the people that are coming through the door, as well.
0:28:59 > 0:29:03Because, you know, they're all in the same boat,
0:29:03 > 0:29:08erm, and we're here for them. They need us and we're here for them.
0:29:10 > 0:29:16It would be, for a very simple funeral, it would be around £1,850.
0:29:16 > 0:29:19On the whole, we try to keep a very light atmosphere in the office,
0:29:19 > 0:29:23and try to be, you know, when there aren't clients here, try to enjoy ourselves a little bit.
0:29:23 > 0:29:26Because otherwise you would go home depressed all the time
0:29:26 > 0:29:29and we've all got children and families that we have to go home to.
0:29:29 > 0:29:32You have to try and keep a smile on your face.
0:29:40 > 0:29:45'Audrey Frost wants to see her husband, Malcolm, for the last time before his funeral.'
0:29:46 > 0:29:48Hello.
0:29:48 > 0:29:53'I've just got to go down and make sure his hair's done right.
0:29:53 > 0:29:55'Cos I've been doing that for 16 years.
0:29:55 > 0:29:59'Cos he liked it plaited. Just make sure he's respectable.'
0:29:59 > 0:30:02Take as long as you need. I'm right outside if you need me.
0:30:02 > 0:30:05- Thanks very much. - You're welcome.- Thank you.
0:30:08 > 0:30:11- There he is, the old boy. - The old git.
0:30:11 > 0:30:14Ey up, my Malcy.
0:30:15 > 0:30:19SHE SOBS I'm going to miss you so much.
0:30:20 > 0:30:23SHE SOBS
0:30:23 > 0:30:25Come on, now.
0:30:25 > 0:30:31That's the last time and that's how I wanted to see him, really.
0:30:31 > 0:30:34They've done a fantastic job.
0:30:35 > 0:30:39Cos he looked so ill last time I saw him.
0:30:39 > 0:30:43And it's... nice to see him look like himself and asleep.
0:30:44 > 0:30:46I wanted to take him home.
0:30:52 > 0:30:55- Did he look at peace?- Yeah.
0:30:57 > 0:31:00And he looked ready to go, didn't he, Jim?
0:31:01 > 0:31:03All right.
0:31:18 > 0:31:22'Friday is the Muslim holy day, the most popular day for funerals,
0:31:22 > 0:31:26'because there are lots of people at the mosque to pray for the dead.
0:31:26 > 0:31:29'Gulam needs to get Abib's body there in time for prayers.'
0:31:30 > 0:31:33We're trying to get it in front of the priest
0:31:33 > 0:31:36before the congregation gets into the mosque because then we can't get into the mosque
0:31:36 > 0:31:42because we've got 4,000 people, so we have to be inside the mosque by 12. What time is it now?
0:31:42 > 0:31:44Yeah, 11.30, so we're doing it now.
0:31:44 > 0:31:49- So is that a race against time? - It's always a race against time. It's very stressful.
0:31:49 > 0:31:53- But we try our best. - Good luck.- All right. Thank you.
0:31:53 > 0:31:56CAR ENGINE STARTS
0:32:03 > 0:32:07'Over 4,000 people will attend Abib's funeral
0:32:07 > 0:32:09'because the service will be part of Friday prayers.
0:32:09 > 0:32:12'He'll share it with four other Muslims
0:32:12 > 0:32:14'who will also be buried today.'
0:32:18 > 0:32:21The funeral service in itself is very different from other faiths
0:32:21 > 0:32:24in that it is a basic ceremony,
0:32:24 > 0:32:28it's very quick, the prayers are done standing up,
0:32:28 > 0:32:31they take all of a couple of minutes
0:32:31 > 0:32:37and that same prayer is said for every single Muslim person that dies.
0:32:37 > 0:32:42'Moona's outside the mosque checking everything runs smoothly.'
0:32:42 > 0:32:44- Busy, huh?- Very busy.
0:32:44 > 0:32:47So you have the men coming out of one section and the ladies out of the other.
0:32:47 > 0:32:49Because there's five Janazahs today,
0:32:49 > 0:32:53there's actually more people here than there normally would be.
0:32:53 > 0:32:58'When prayers are finished, she'll make sure coffins, mourners and hearses
0:32:58 > 0:33:01'are reunited in the right place at the right time.
0:33:01 > 0:33:04'Easier said than done.'
0:33:04 > 0:33:08The problem now is everyone comes out of prayer
0:33:08 > 0:33:11and they try to locate their coffin and they're not quite sure who's who.
0:33:11 > 0:33:15And they're literally just sort of running around trying to find their loved ones.
0:33:15 > 0:33:20We're going to try and make sure that everyone gets to see their loved one, pay their last respects,
0:33:20 > 0:33:23so we have to wait for most of the people to come out of prayer,
0:33:23 > 0:33:27and then take the coffins into the viewing area so they can get that chance.
0:33:27 > 0:33:29Or try.
0:33:34 > 0:33:38The coffins will be brought out and taken into the hall here
0:33:38 > 0:33:42where people get a chance to say their last goodbyes.
0:33:43 > 0:33:46'Abib's coffin is on its way to the viewing room.
0:33:46 > 0:33:49'Muslim funerals are communal events.
0:33:49 > 0:33:52'Abib was part of the Somalian community in London
0:33:52 > 0:33:55'and people who didn't even know him have turned up.'
0:33:57 > 0:34:00We should have walkie-talkies at this point. It would be very useful.
0:34:03 > 0:34:09'Outside, Moona's next challenge is getting the right coffin into the right hearse.'
0:34:09 > 0:34:13The worst case scenario is you have families running out with their coffin going, "Where's the car?"
0:34:13 > 0:34:16And the car's not at the front, it's at the back of the mosque.
0:34:16 > 0:34:18And they go back through and you're thinking, "Oh!"
0:34:18 > 0:34:21The idea now is to make sure the family knows who their driver is,
0:34:21 > 0:34:23the driver then informs them where their car is,
0:34:23 > 0:34:27and they actually get into the right car, and into the coach, as well.
0:34:27 > 0:34:29I'm just going to double check with everyone now.
0:34:31 > 0:34:34I did tell them at the front, and I think they've still gone to the back.
0:34:36 > 0:34:38It can be quite confusing, right?
0:34:38 > 0:34:43I did say at the front and they've just gone on a walkabout.
0:34:51 > 0:34:54It's the white hearse just down there on the right. OK?
0:34:59 > 0:35:02This one's your one. You got your papers?
0:35:07 > 0:35:11'Non-Muslims attending funerals here for the first time
0:35:11 > 0:35:13'can find it all a bit of a culture shock.'
0:35:14 > 0:35:19I suppose anyone looking at it would think, "That's just organised chaos, how awful.
0:35:19 > 0:35:22"It's not personal. If that was my mum, I'd hate that."
0:35:24 > 0:35:26But people wouldn't have it any other way here,
0:35:26 > 0:35:29it's what they're used to and it's acceptable and that's fine.
0:35:29 > 0:35:32It's just normal round here. It's bizarre but normal.
0:35:46 > 0:35:49'Denise Wales is living on borrowed time
0:35:49 > 0:35:52'and carrying on with arrangements for her own funeral.
0:35:52 > 0:35:57'She's visiting the crematorium chapel where her service will take place.'
0:35:58 > 0:36:02You get a 40-minute service, the first service is nine o'clock in the morning
0:36:02 > 0:36:05through to 3:40 in the afternoon, every 40 minutes.
0:36:05 > 0:36:09'Phil Stevenson, the head of Leeds Cemeteries, is showing her round.'
0:36:09 > 0:36:12You can tailor the service to suit your needs, really.
0:36:12 > 0:36:17Yeah. And more so when you're doing it yourself. SHE LAUGHS
0:36:17 > 0:36:19We don't get many people who do that.
0:36:19 > 0:36:22There are more and more these days trying to do that.
0:36:22 > 0:36:25Oh, mine's not by trying, trust me, mine's not by trying.
0:36:25 > 0:36:28I don't really relish doing this but I've got to.
0:36:29 > 0:36:34It's like a dream. But also a nightmare at the same time.
0:36:34 > 0:36:39Because you literally think, what you're talking about and what you're discussing,
0:36:39 > 0:36:43that you are going to be there when it all happens.
0:36:43 > 0:36:48I'm terrified. I'm absolutely frightened to death.
0:36:48 > 0:36:50But what can I do?
0:36:50 > 0:36:55If I just keep that in my head,
0:36:55 > 0:36:58the being frightened all the time,
0:36:58 > 0:37:01then I'm just going to get weaker,
0:37:01 > 0:37:04and I can't get weak, I still need to stay strong.
0:37:06 > 0:37:10When I would go to meet a family, they would tell me about their loved one who's died
0:37:10 > 0:37:14and I would put a eulogy together and speak about them.
0:37:14 > 0:37:17'Denise doesn't want a priest to take her service
0:37:17 > 0:37:21'so the choice is a non-religious humanist, or a civil celebrant.'
0:37:21 > 0:37:24After leaving school, how about work?
0:37:24 > 0:37:27Straight away. The Queens Hotel.
0:37:27 > 0:37:32- The Queens Hotel?- Yeah. Waitress. Silver-service waitress.- Oh!
0:37:32 > 0:37:34'She's chosen John Milan.
0:37:34 > 0:37:39'As a civil celebrant, he'll let her bring some religion into the service.'
0:37:39 > 0:37:44And would you like to include the Lord's Prayer also in the service?
0:37:45 > 0:37:50- We're going to have a prayer, but only one.- One prayer.- Yeah.
0:37:50 > 0:37:53And we're not quite sure which one it's going to be yet.
0:37:53 > 0:37:58That's OK. We've got plenty of time. So I'll just put prayer with a question mark.
0:37:58 > 0:38:03And... after you was diagnosed...
0:38:05 > 0:38:08- ..with cancer...- Mm-hm.- Erm...
0:38:09 > 0:38:12- ..how have you been since then? - Still the same.
0:38:12 > 0:38:16- You haven't changed?- No. - Good.- Yeah. No.
0:38:19 > 0:38:23- There's not a lot you can do about it, is there?- No.
0:38:23 > 0:38:30This will be unusual for me because I'll be taking a service for someone I've met and got to like.
0:38:36 > 0:38:41'Motorcyclists are arriving from all over the country for Malcolm Frost's funeral.
0:38:41 > 0:38:44'He'll even have his own police escort.'
0:38:47 > 0:38:5030 years, we never fell out.
0:38:50 > 0:38:54We used to have a good argument but never fell out and I thought the world of him.
0:38:58 > 0:39:00Decent. Nice. Loved it.
0:39:00 > 0:39:04Loved biking. Was a good man.
0:39:08 > 0:39:10He's the best Blue Knight I've ever known.
0:39:10 > 0:39:13He always wore his colours, even in Tesco.
0:39:13 > 0:39:15Always wore his colours.
0:39:17 > 0:39:22'Malcolm's bike club, the Blue Knights, have their own version of an afterlife.'
0:39:24 > 0:39:28In the Blue Knights, there's a chapter called Heaven One.
0:39:28 > 0:39:33He will never ever be forgotten because he's now a member of Heaven One.
0:39:35 > 0:39:39'His widow, Audrey, will ride her own bike behind the hearse.'
0:39:42 > 0:39:44Audrey, how are you feeling about today?
0:39:44 > 0:39:47I'm trying not to feel today.
0:39:47 > 0:39:49Just getting on with it.
0:39:49 > 0:39:52Just trying not think about too much
0:39:52 > 0:39:57and just appreciating all the love and support that I'm finding around me.
0:40:00 > 0:40:04It's a shame he's not here. He'd appreciate it.
0:40:08 > 0:40:12'Paul is loading up the coffin into his motorcycle hearse
0:40:12 > 0:40:14'for the journey to the house.'
0:40:14 > 0:40:20I think when somebody has died and they have no religion, they don't know God at all,
0:40:20 > 0:40:22it's particularly important for them
0:40:22 > 0:40:25that the funeral reflects the individual who died,
0:40:25 > 0:40:29to help them get through it. I think you really have to work hard
0:40:29 > 0:40:32to make that funeral as personal and precious as possible.
0:40:35 > 0:40:41'At the crematorium, civil celebrant Evie Jesson has prepared a non-religious service.'
0:40:43 > 0:40:49The music that they've chosen is Too Old To Rock And Roll, Too Young To Die, by Jethro Tull,
0:40:49 > 0:40:52True Love Ways, by Buddy Holly,
0:40:52 > 0:40:57and Wish You Were Here, by Pink Floyd.
0:40:58 > 0:41:01- What do you think that says about the deceased?- He's a rocker.
0:41:05 > 0:41:08'The hearse has arrived at the house
0:41:08 > 0:41:11'so friends and family can pay their last respects.'
0:41:12 > 0:41:17So what we're doing right now is reminding folk of the deceased's life.
0:41:17 > 0:41:20And there's a bit of camaraderie going on,
0:41:20 > 0:41:24and it's helping them cope, it's helping them remember the way he used to be.
0:41:24 > 0:41:28And the beautiful thing is they're all going to get to go for a ride out on their bikes again.
0:41:28 > 0:41:33And anyone who didn't get the chance to say goodbye, this is their way to say goodbye.
0:41:36 > 0:41:39I don't think there'll be a last blast,
0:41:39 > 0:41:42because if you look carefully, there's a few cops right behind me.
0:41:42 > 0:41:47Er, but certainly if we can shake them off somehow, we will.
0:41:47 > 0:41:49HE LAUGHS
0:42:01 > 0:42:05'It's now time for the cortege to leave for the crematorium,
0:42:05 > 0:42:09'to give biker Malcolm Frost his final ride.'
0:42:17 > 0:42:20He wasn't religious,
0:42:20 > 0:42:25but I think he felt there was a spiritual aspect to life.
0:42:25 > 0:42:28And he'd come to terms with...
0:42:29 > 0:42:31..the spirituality
0:42:31 > 0:42:34and he'd come to terms with the fact that
0:42:34 > 0:42:37his life was at an end.
0:42:57 > 0:43:00'Lesley Mottershead's funeral will be held at noon
0:43:00 > 0:43:03'at St Mary's, a local Anglican church,
0:43:03 > 0:43:06'followed by a burial at a nearby cemetery.'
0:43:08 > 0:43:11We are entrusted with people's loved ones.
0:43:11 > 0:43:16Erm, and we've got to look after them the best we possibly can.
0:43:18 > 0:43:21- Do you always do this?- I do, yeah.
0:43:21 > 0:43:25Just to make sure that there's no bits on the coats,
0:43:25 > 0:43:28I always brush or roller them down.
0:43:28 > 0:43:30- There you go.- Thank you.
0:43:32 > 0:43:34'Before the coffin leaves for the church,
0:43:34 > 0:43:37'Rochelle has one last job to do.'
0:43:38 > 0:43:43The family have requested that I take a lock of hair off Lesley,
0:43:43 > 0:43:47just so that Albert can keep it as a bit of a memento,
0:43:47 > 0:43:49so I'm just going to cut some of Lesley's hair
0:43:49 > 0:43:52and I'm going to put it in a little box that Albert's brought in
0:43:52 > 0:43:54so that he can keep it. OK.
0:44:10 > 0:44:13'Although they weren't regular church-goers,
0:44:13 > 0:44:16'Albert wanted his wife to have a full Christian burial.'
0:44:18 > 0:44:22I got the best off her, and the least I can do is give her the best.
0:44:22 > 0:44:24I think she got the best.
0:44:24 > 0:44:27Well, the best I could afford, any road.
0:44:29 > 0:44:32I'm a Catholic, you know?
0:44:32 > 0:44:34My wife was a Protestant.
0:44:34 > 0:44:36But she didn't mind and I didn't mind.
0:44:38 > 0:44:40I think you've got to have a funeral in church.
0:44:44 > 0:44:46You go to a cremation,
0:44:46 > 0:44:49they close the curtain and that's the end of it.
0:44:49 > 0:44:52That's... their life gone. Everything gone.
0:44:52 > 0:44:55There's nothing there.
0:44:55 > 0:44:58With a funeral and everything, you know, the church...
0:44:59 > 0:45:02..I can always go there, sit there and talk to her.
0:45:03 > 0:45:06And I cry every day.
0:45:08 > 0:45:10It's hard.
0:45:17 > 0:45:21'Simon leads the funeral cortege down the street where Lesley lived.'
0:45:25 > 0:45:29CHURCH BELL CHIMES
0:45:30 > 0:45:34'It's very difficult to feel what they're feeling
0:45:34 > 0:45:36'because we didn't know the person that's passed away,
0:45:36 > 0:45:39'but you obviously empathise with them.
0:45:39 > 0:45:41'You feel for them.'
0:45:42 > 0:45:44CHURCH BELL CHIMES
0:45:44 > 0:45:47'You get satisfaction because you've helped them
0:45:47 > 0:45:51'through a part of their life that is a difficult part of their life.
0:45:54 > 0:45:56'Just being there for people,
0:45:56 > 0:45:59'helping them celebrate a life.'
0:46:01 > 0:46:03Be careful as we go through the doorway, lads.
0:46:03 > 0:46:06If you just keep going, it'll be fine. Yeah, keep going.
0:46:11 > 0:46:14CHURCH BELL CHIMES
0:46:14 > 0:46:17So we'll be in church about half an hour now
0:46:17 > 0:46:19and then we'll make our way over to the cemetery.
0:46:19 > 0:46:22- Will you stay outside or...? - I'll go back inside in a minute,
0:46:22 > 0:46:25just to make sure there's no hiccups, but there shouldn't be.
0:46:25 > 0:46:28If you move this one in
0:46:28 > 0:46:31and put the heart and the three wreaths down this side,
0:46:31 > 0:46:33it'll balance it up.
0:46:46 > 0:46:48'At a biker funeral like this,
0:46:48 > 0:46:51'where they're all wearing their colours and showing their respect,
0:46:51 > 0:46:53'it's very serious, the ride out here.
0:46:53 > 0:46:56'It's not a frivolous thing at all. It's very, very serious.
0:46:56 > 0:47:01'It's no different from watching a royal funeral, being escorted by our riders.'
0:47:12 > 0:47:14As you probably know,
0:47:14 > 0:47:18Malcolm didn't practise any particular faith.
0:47:18 > 0:47:20And so, in accordance with his wishes,
0:47:20 > 0:47:26this ceremony will not have any specifically-religious content.
0:47:26 > 0:47:29It is more a celebration of his life
0:47:29 > 0:47:32and the things that he did and achieved.
0:47:32 > 0:47:37He went to school locally but was apparently a bit of a rogue.
0:47:37 > 0:47:40Malc touched a great many lives.
0:47:40 > 0:47:47He was fundamentally a kind, outgoing, laidback man
0:47:47 > 0:47:49with a wicked sense of humour.
0:47:51 > 0:47:53Once seen, he was never missed.
0:47:53 > 0:47:56He will be lovingly remembered.
0:47:56 > 0:48:01We will now listen to True Love Ways by Buddy Holly,
0:48:01 > 0:48:06which says everything about what Audrey and Malc were to each other.
0:48:06 > 0:48:08# Just you know why
0:48:11 > 0:48:14# Why you and I
0:48:17 > 0:48:21# Will by and by...
0:48:23 > 0:48:26I'll miss you, mate.
0:48:26 > 0:48:30Thank you for your friendship, support over the years
0:48:30 > 0:48:32and thanks for some great memories.
0:48:32 > 0:48:36However, this time I've got the last word.
0:48:36 > 0:48:38So God bless you, brother,
0:48:38 > 0:48:41and we'll meet up later. Thank you.
0:48:42 > 0:48:45# Just you and I
0:48:45 > 0:48:48# Know true love ways...
0:48:54 > 0:48:57'Denise has finished arranging her own funeral
0:48:57 > 0:49:00'and can return to enjoying the time she has left.'
0:49:02 > 0:49:06'Doing what we've done today was comforting.
0:49:06 > 0:49:11'And it was better than I thought it was going to be.'
0:49:14 > 0:49:18# Sometimes we'll sigh
0:49:18 > 0:49:20There you go, Dad.
0:49:20 > 0:49:24'I was scared. I was petrified.
0:49:24 > 0:49:27'But part of the way through it,
0:49:27 > 0:49:29'I felt really comfortable.'
0:49:29 > 0:49:33Take care and I'll see you when I see you.
0:49:34 > 0:49:37This is where I'm coming. Part of me.
0:49:37 > 0:49:39I'm having some with my dad,
0:49:39 > 0:49:42and my plaque will go up here,
0:49:42 > 0:49:45but the rest of me the girls want
0:49:45 > 0:49:48and they want to put me in the garden
0:49:48 > 0:49:53and have a headstone there in the garden for them.
0:49:54 > 0:49:57I knew eventually one day I was going to come here.
0:49:58 > 0:50:01But, erm... But, yeah, it's hard.
0:50:02 > 0:50:07But I'm not scared, cos I know I'll be with my dad
0:50:07 > 0:50:09and we'll be looked after together.
0:50:09 > 0:50:12With a bit of luck, it'll be longer than they've said.
0:50:14 > 0:50:16It's just meant to be.
0:50:17 > 0:50:20But... never mind.
0:50:25 > 0:50:29Do not stand at my grave and weep.
0:50:29 > 0:50:31I am not there, I do but sleep.
0:50:32 > 0:50:35I am in a thousand winds that blow.
0:50:35 > 0:50:38I am the softly-falling snow.
0:50:38 > 0:50:39# How I wish
0:50:39 > 0:50:43# How I wish you were here
0:50:44 > 0:50:49# We're just two lost souls swimming in a fishbowl #
0:50:49 > 0:50:53Whether somebody is religious, non-religious, whatever they are,
0:50:53 > 0:50:56what matters at the funeral is that it's absolutely meaningful,
0:50:56 > 0:51:01that it's well thought through, that it's thorough and it's special.
0:51:01 > 0:51:05It should be unique. That person was unique so their funeral should be unique.
0:51:05 > 0:51:10And if you can get these things right, or as close to right as you can, that's a good funeral.
0:51:10 > 0:51:12Great send off, I think.
0:51:19 > 0:51:23'Lesley Mottershead's coffin has been brought to the cemetery for the burial.'
0:51:24 > 0:51:27'When the coffin's lowered into the grave,
0:51:27 > 0:51:29'suddenly everything's real
0:51:29 > 0:51:31'and it does often get the better of people.
0:51:35 > 0:51:37'I think it's the reality that the person's passed away,
0:51:37 > 0:51:40'the finality of it,
0:51:40 > 0:51:45'suddenly that's finished and they have to open a new chapter.
0:51:48 > 0:51:53'And it's that last few minutes when the priest or the minister says the final prayers
0:51:53 > 0:51:55'and the coffin's lowered into the ground,
0:51:55 > 0:51:59'that's when everything often comes to a head for people.'
0:52:03 > 0:52:06Earth to earth, ashes to ashes,
0:52:06 > 0:52:09dust to dust.
0:52:09 > 0:52:12In sure and certain hope of the resurrection...
0:52:14 > 0:52:17'I think it went very well. I think we did what the family asked us to do.
0:52:17 > 0:52:23'I think they sent their mum and wife off in the way that they wanted to
0:52:23 > 0:52:26'and it was very well attended.
0:52:26 > 0:52:30'So, all in all, successful.
0:52:32 > 0:52:35'It was a sad funeral but a fitting farewell, I think, for the lady.'
0:52:46 > 0:52:50'The Gardens of Peace is a Muslim cemetery on the outskirts of London.
0:52:52 > 0:52:56'This is where many of Taslim's customers are laid to rest.'
0:52:58 > 0:53:03I've buried, I don't know, over a thousand people in my life, I would say,
0:53:03 > 0:53:06and I've seen some very tragic cases,
0:53:06 > 0:53:08I've seen some very violent cases.
0:53:08 > 0:53:11You may be healthy, you may be fine,
0:53:11 > 0:53:15and then all of a sudden... that's it.
0:53:16 > 0:53:19So I don't hold grudges long,
0:53:19 > 0:53:21I tell people not to do that,
0:53:21 > 0:53:24especially if it's with family and someone they love,
0:53:24 > 0:53:26cos it might be their last argument.
0:53:28 > 0:53:32But at the end of the day, I know it's there round every corner,
0:53:32 > 0:53:35so... make every day count.
0:53:43 > 0:53:48'The coach load of mourners help Gulam take Abib Madah to the graveside.'
0:53:48 > 0:53:51Come round, yeah?
0:53:51 > 0:53:53Down on the floor, on the floor.
0:53:53 > 0:53:56On the floor. Come round here. Come round here.
0:54:00 > 0:54:03'His body is taken out of the coffin.
0:54:03 > 0:54:06'He'll be buried in his white shroud facing Mecca.'
0:54:09 > 0:54:12Lift him up, please. Up.
0:54:13 > 0:54:16OK, just hold it.
0:54:23 > 0:54:25'The coffin will be taken back to Taslim's.'
0:54:29 > 0:54:31What happens is, the body is laid in.
0:54:31 > 0:54:37This way is Mecca. So the body has the back put against the grave here so it's facing that way.
0:54:37 > 0:54:42And once they're in, these pieces of wood are laid over like that,
0:54:42 > 0:54:45and then another one, and then another one,
0:54:45 > 0:54:47so the earth doesn't go on top of the body
0:54:47 > 0:54:50and the body is facing Mecca.
0:54:50 > 0:54:53And the honour is, you see, for the family of the deceased,
0:54:53 > 0:54:57if it's a man, for his brothers or his boys to do this.
0:54:57 > 0:55:03If it's a lady, it's her sons or her husband even can do it.
0:55:03 > 0:55:05To lay them and face them towards Mecca.
0:55:07 > 0:55:10(SPEAKS ARABIC)
0:55:11 > 0:55:16'There are no women here. They're not allowed to go to the graveside.
0:55:16 > 0:55:20'It's believed that their weeping could upset the deceased and delay the departure of the soul.'
0:55:20 > 0:55:23Can you move back, please? Can you move back, please?
0:55:23 > 0:55:25The grave will collapse. Can you move back, please?
0:55:25 > 0:55:28Move back, please. Move back, please.
0:55:28 > 0:55:32'They want the body in the ground and covered with earth as quickly as possible.'
0:55:45 > 0:55:48It's organised chaos.
0:55:48 > 0:55:50That's what we call it here.
0:55:50 > 0:55:53The main thing is, there doesn't seem to be any decorum,
0:55:53 > 0:55:56any dignity about it, but that's the way it is.
0:55:56 > 0:55:59They believe heaven starts in the grave.
0:56:04 > 0:56:10So they just want to put this guy in the grave ASAP and fill in his grave and walk away,
0:56:10 > 0:56:12and then they say God and the angels take over.
0:56:17 > 0:56:21They want to fill it in themselves. They'd dig the grave themselves given the chance.
0:56:21 > 0:56:23They're fighting over the shovels, as you can see.
0:56:28 > 0:56:31Move back, please. We'll break it with a machine.
0:56:32 > 0:56:36'There are no ornate headstones.
0:56:36 > 0:56:38'Each grave looks the same.
0:56:38 > 0:56:41'All Muslims are equal in death.'
0:56:44 > 0:56:46Come everyone, please.
0:56:52 > 0:56:55(ALL SPEAK ARABIC)
0:57:03 > 0:57:05Death means the beginning of the new life.
0:57:05 > 0:57:08They don't see death as the full stop.
0:57:08 > 0:57:10They see death as the beginning.
0:57:10 > 0:57:14And that's why, all over the world, Muslims are not frightened of death.
0:57:14 > 0:57:18The everlasting life, the promised life.
0:57:18 > 0:57:20So they look forward to it in a way.
0:57:43 > 0:57:48'Next time, doing what's best for the living and the dead.
0:57:48 > 0:57:51'A funeral photographer's pictures help the bereaved to move on.'
0:57:51 > 0:57:56We photograph from the beginning. We have scans of babies.
0:57:56 > 0:57:58We have teenagers, we have weddings.
0:57:58 > 0:58:02But we don't have funerals. Well, why not? That's the end of the story. It's the closing chapter.
0:58:02 > 0:58:09'But what do the undertakers do when religious rules upset the mourners left behind?'
0:58:09 > 0:58:12- I want to see him. - It's not my rules, it's Islam rules.
0:58:12 > 0:58:15We just have to wait here and I'm not happy about that.
0:58:15 > 0:58:18Gentlemen, would you like to come, please?
0:58:18 > 0:58:22Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:58:22 > 0:58:22.