0:00:02 > 0:00:04This programme contains some strong language.
0:00:04 > 0:00:07My name is Mawaan Rizwan. I was brought up in a religious family.
0:00:07 > 0:00:08I'm not practising
0:00:08 > 0:00:11and I would say I don't necessarily believe in God.
0:00:11 > 0:00:15But I am curious to know if there is some kind of higher being.
0:00:17 > 0:00:19Is there something more to life?
0:00:19 > 0:00:22I've heard that some people are looking for answers through taking
0:00:22 > 0:00:25traditional medicines.
0:00:25 > 0:00:28Basically, powerful hallucinogenic drugs.
0:00:29 > 0:00:33I'm off to the American wilderness to meet a medicine man who uses the
0:00:33 > 0:00:37ancient drug peyote, one of the most powerful hallucinogenics on earth.
0:00:37 > 0:00:40Oh!
0:00:40 > 0:00:43And I've got to decide if it's something I'm going to try in my
0:00:43 > 0:00:45search for God.
0:00:55 > 0:00:58I've come to Salt Lake City in Utah, America.
0:01:02 > 0:01:05For centuries, Native Americans have taken a drug called peyote to
0:01:05 > 0:01:07connect with the spirit world.
0:01:08 > 0:01:12Peyote is illegal in the USA unless you're Native American,
0:01:12 > 0:01:15but in one corner of the state, anyone can take it legally.
0:01:18 > 0:01:20I'm on my way to meet the founder
0:01:20 > 0:01:22of the Oklevueha Native American Church,
0:01:22 > 0:01:25James Flaming Eagle Mooney.
0:01:25 > 0:01:27I'm really excited and really nervous
0:01:27 > 0:01:29because I don't really know what to expect.
0:01:29 > 0:01:31- Hi.- Hey, guy.
0:01:31 > 0:01:33- How's it going?- Como estas?
0:01:33 > 0:01:35I'm Mawaan. Nice to meet you.
0:01:35 > 0:01:39- How are you, James?- I'm so kind and gentle today, it's almost sickening.
0:01:39 > 0:01:41Cool. That's good to know.
0:01:41 > 0:01:42- Have a seat.- Thanks for doing this.
0:01:42 > 0:01:45One of the things I'm interested to know about is
0:01:45 > 0:01:47when I think of spirituality, I think of, like...
0:01:47 > 0:01:50I've been to a couple of yoga classes and I was terrible at it,
0:01:50 > 0:01:51so maybe it's not for me.
0:01:51 > 0:01:54JAMES LAUGHS But...
0:01:54 > 0:01:57where do I begin with that sort of understanding of actually what
0:01:57 > 0:01:59is spiritual and how do I delve into it?
0:01:59 > 0:02:01Well, that's where I come in.
0:02:01 > 0:02:03- Yeah.- That's where I help you.
0:02:03 > 0:02:09I assist you. I'm a medicine man in terms of spirituality
0:02:09 > 0:02:10and emotions.
0:02:12 > 0:02:16Native Americans have used peyote in religion for thousands of years.
0:02:16 > 0:02:18It comes from a cactus plant.
0:02:25 > 0:02:29James's church offers non-Native Americans the chance to use peyote
0:02:29 > 0:02:31to connect with God.
0:02:31 > 0:02:34I'll be joining him on one of his ceremonial retreats.
0:02:37 > 0:02:42But I can't get it out of my head that peyote is a class A drug.
0:02:42 > 0:02:44Because of its active ingredient mescaline,
0:02:44 > 0:02:47it's put in the same category as heroin.
0:02:50 > 0:02:54I've come to a local hotel to get some head space.
0:02:54 > 0:02:58I've had friends who have used substances that, you know,
0:02:58 > 0:03:00I worry about, that they're dependent.
0:03:05 > 0:03:07And so I'm really on the fence about the whole thing
0:03:07 > 0:03:11because if it helps people, great, but, you know,
0:03:11 > 0:03:16I have been taught to see these things as dangerous and addictive.
0:03:16 > 0:03:20'I did some research the only way I know how, online.'
0:03:22 > 0:03:24Why is he in the middle of the street?
0:03:24 > 0:03:26High on peyote.
0:03:27 > 0:03:29Come on, mate. Get out the street.
0:03:30 > 0:03:31There's cars!
0:03:34 > 0:03:36Why would you do that?
0:03:36 > 0:03:40The effects of peyote are like LSD, so it's pretty intense.
0:03:40 > 0:03:44Taking it could put you at risk if you or a member of your family have
0:03:44 > 0:03:46suffered from psychosis in the past.
0:03:47 > 0:03:50But I couldn't find any strong medical evidence that taking it once
0:03:50 > 0:03:54would have any long-lasting effect.
0:03:54 > 0:03:56It feels like you sort of lose control of your body
0:03:56 > 0:03:58and you see things that are not there.
0:04:00 > 0:04:01Sounds ideal, actually.
0:04:03 > 0:04:07Possession of peyote can land you in prison in the UK.
0:04:07 > 0:04:10It's also highly illegal for most people in America.
0:04:12 > 0:04:14Four years ago, James Flaming Eagle Mooney
0:04:14 > 0:04:15was thrust into a struggle
0:04:15 > 0:04:19that pitted religious freedom against drug laws.
0:04:19 > 0:04:23For generations, Native Americans have been legally entitled to use
0:04:23 > 0:04:25peyote as part of their religion,
0:04:25 > 0:04:29but James led the fight to allow other Americans to take the drug
0:04:29 > 0:04:30in ceremonies.
0:04:31 > 0:04:33After serving a jail sentence,
0:04:33 > 0:04:36in 2004, he won his battle in Utah's Supreme Court.
0:04:36 > 0:04:39Since then, James has been allowed to bring non-Native Americans
0:04:39 > 0:04:44like me to try peyote, as long as they become church members.
0:04:45 > 0:04:47And seeing as I don't want to get arrested,
0:04:47 > 0:04:48I've had to get one of these,
0:04:48 > 0:04:51which is to say that I'm a member of the religious group
0:04:51 > 0:04:54so I can take it legally. This cost 200.
0:04:54 > 0:04:57It makes it really official, doesn't it?
0:04:57 > 0:04:59This says I can take a psychedelic drug
0:04:59 > 0:05:02which helps me get closer to God.
0:05:02 > 0:05:06And cos God is attached, that's a legit reason.
0:05:06 > 0:05:09You can't argue with that, in a way, can you?
0:05:14 > 0:05:15I've got the card in my pocket
0:05:15 > 0:05:18and now it's time to head off for the retreat.
0:05:18 > 0:05:21This is as remote as it gets.
0:05:21 > 0:05:23I mean, it's literally in the middle of nowhere,
0:05:23 > 0:05:26I can't see a building in sight.
0:05:26 > 0:05:28I'm looking forward to meeting the people who are taking part in the
0:05:28 > 0:05:30ceremony, they're called the Seekers.
0:05:30 > 0:05:34And I want to know why they would come all this way to find God.
0:05:37 > 0:05:40I'm a bit apprehensive, but I'm open.
0:05:40 > 0:05:45I'm willing to be out of my comfort zone and maybe it will pay off.
0:05:47 > 0:05:49Yeah, who knows? I think we're here now.
0:05:52 > 0:05:56Wow! This is absolutely stunning.
0:05:56 > 0:05:58It's snowing a bit, as well.
0:06:02 > 0:06:04Hey, how's it going? I'm Mawaan.
0:06:04 > 0:06:06- Josiah.- Josiah? Nice to meet you, Josiah.
0:06:06 > 0:06:08- Hey, man, Mawaan.- Donovan.
0:06:08 > 0:06:11What a peaceful place, with these beautiful lakes and mountains.
0:06:11 > 0:06:13Yeah, it's beautiful,
0:06:13 > 0:06:15we're just trying to get camp set up now
0:06:15 > 0:06:19before it gets too dark and then we have no place to sleep.
0:06:22 > 0:06:26Richie is one of 12 members of the Church who have travelled from all
0:06:26 > 0:06:29over the USA to come to the retreat.
0:06:29 > 0:06:34He's come nearly 2,000 miles to be here, all the way from Ohio.
0:06:34 > 0:06:36Can I be of any help?
0:06:36 > 0:06:38- Certainly.- Yeah.
0:06:38 > 0:06:40So is this your first time in the mountains?
0:06:40 > 0:06:41Yes, it is.
0:06:41 > 0:06:45- What do you make of it? - The best, it's amazing.
0:06:45 > 0:06:50I just love being around nature and rocks.
0:06:50 > 0:06:55I live in the downtown of a city, so this is very nice.
0:06:55 > 0:06:58What are your expectations for the next few days?
0:06:58 > 0:07:02Learn how to forgive myself a bit better.
0:07:02 > 0:07:05- Yeah.- I've done a few ceremonies already, but, you know,
0:07:05 > 0:07:07hopefully third time's a charm.
0:07:07 > 0:07:08Yeah.
0:07:08 > 0:07:12James will lead the peyote ceremony in a Native American tepee.
0:07:12 > 0:07:16He's got an interesting take on his role as a medicine man.
0:07:16 > 0:07:18I'm known as a roto-rooter man, that's what they call me.
0:07:18 > 0:07:21- What does that mean?- Well, you know what a roto-rooter is?
0:07:21 > 0:07:23- No.- It cleans out toilets.
0:07:24 > 0:07:26Roto-rooter man.
0:07:26 > 0:07:28Who gave you that name?
0:07:28 > 0:07:32- A lot of people.- You dig for the shit and scoop it out.
0:07:32 > 0:07:33That's right, that's what I do.
0:07:34 > 0:07:39Whatever is blocking people from believing and seeing that beauty,
0:07:39 > 0:07:41I'm going to get rid of it.
0:07:41 > 0:07:43My job, when those people walk through that tepee,
0:07:43 > 0:07:44or walk into the ceremony,
0:07:44 > 0:07:48is to penetrate all the stuff
0:07:48 > 0:07:53that we manufacture to cover up that vulnerability.
0:07:53 > 0:07:57What do you think I've manufactured to hide some of my true spirit?
0:07:59 > 0:08:02Denial that you're a spiritual man.
0:08:02 > 0:08:03Right.
0:08:07 > 0:08:10I don't know what to make of James Flaming Eagle Mooney.
0:08:10 > 0:08:12I mean, what a guy. I think I like him.
0:08:12 > 0:08:16He's endearing in a way that, you know, when your grandad speaks
0:08:16 > 0:08:18to you, and he talks a bit, but you're like, you know,
0:08:18 > 0:08:20"I still respect you for what you do."
0:08:28 > 0:08:30Do you mind if I join in?
0:08:30 > 0:08:31Yeah.
0:08:31 > 0:08:35What made you choose this over other more traditional
0:08:35 > 0:08:37- systems of belief?- This is what...
0:08:37 > 0:08:41It started out as respecting Mother Earth, respecting your body,
0:08:41 > 0:08:42loving yourself.
0:08:42 > 0:08:43Giving free massages?
0:08:43 > 0:08:45Giving free...
0:08:45 > 0:08:49Serving, that's all it comes down to, is everybody serves.
0:08:49 > 0:08:51Have you dabbled in other religions?
0:08:51 > 0:08:54Yes, definitely. I've studied a lot of different things.
0:08:54 > 0:08:56I grew up, actually, Mormon.
0:08:56 > 0:09:00I find there's actually a lot of truth in a lot of different things.
0:09:00 > 0:09:02It's not just getting high in the forest?
0:09:02 > 0:09:05- No!- No!- OK.
0:09:09 > 0:09:10I don't know what to make of all of this.
0:09:10 > 0:09:13Are these guys really here to find God?
0:09:14 > 0:09:17I'm getting the feeling that they might already be on something.
0:09:20 > 0:09:25I swear you will take your first breath ever after you get it.
0:09:25 > 0:09:28- It's insane.- What are you actually doing, though?
0:09:28 > 0:09:30You're relieving the bone.
0:09:30 > 0:09:33You actually get, like, a face-lift, as well.
0:09:33 > 0:09:35It heightens your cheeks and...
0:09:35 > 0:09:37So you're... Oh! Wow.
0:09:37 > 0:09:41- Wait, wait, wait, do this side first.- OK.
0:09:41 > 0:09:44SHE SCREAMS
0:09:44 > 0:09:49THEY LAUGH
0:09:49 > 0:09:50Rock on!
0:09:50 > 0:09:52You literally just put your entire pinkie in her nostril.
0:09:52 > 0:09:55And remember, you're not jerking or anything. It's not violent.
0:09:55 > 0:09:57You're just following the passage and you can literally
0:09:57 > 0:10:00- feel the bone just moving. - You're just opening the passage.
0:10:00 > 0:10:02What does it...what does it feel like having your nose fingered like that?
0:10:02 > 0:10:05Great afterwards.
0:10:05 > 0:10:06Really? It sounded really painful!
0:10:06 > 0:10:09After it's, like, the most amazing thing, like, literally,
0:10:09 > 0:10:11it just feels like I'm connected to myself.
0:10:11 > 0:10:13It sounded really painful.
0:10:13 > 0:10:14It is, but, you know, like,
0:10:14 > 0:10:16it's worth it if it's going to make me feel better.
0:10:16 > 0:10:18- Let's go, let's go, let's go. - What kind of pain is it?
0:10:18 > 0:10:21- WOMAN SHOUTS IN BACKGROUND - It's tightness, it depends.
0:10:21 > 0:10:24The very first one's the worst and from there it only gets better.
0:10:24 > 0:10:27It gets clear. Like, mine, I didn't even react or scream.
0:10:27 > 0:10:29I cried the first time.
0:10:29 > 0:10:35He literally just put his entire finger through her nasal...
0:10:35 > 0:10:36I mean...
0:10:36 > 0:10:40I don't know. I need to Google that. Is that a thing? Is that a thing?
0:10:40 > 0:10:43Does that make you breathe better?
0:10:43 > 0:10:45I Googled it. It's not a thing.
0:11:01 > 0:11:04I feel quite detached to faith and spirituality in a way.
0:11:04 > 0:11:08I think those words come preloaded with a lot of misconceptions
0:11:08 > 0:11:13and a lot of people have used them in the West to do some whack stuff.
0:11:13 > 0:11:16So when it comes to spirituality and village, I feel a bit detached
0:11:16 > 0:11:17and a bit cynical.
0:11:17 > 0:11:19I was a bit surprised by the fact
0:11:19 > 0:11:21that it's called Native American Church
0:11:21 > 0:11:23and there's not a lot of Native Americans here.
0:11:23 > 0:11:27It's interesting because they're dealing with a lot
0:11:27 > 0:11:32of ancient rituals and ceremonies and, like, that guy's got an iPhone.
0:11:32 > 0:11:34So... You know.
0:11:34 > 0:11:38It's an interesting merging of cultures, I guess.
0:11:45 > 0:11:48Around three quarters of all Americans subscribe to some kind of
0:11:48 > 0:11:50formal religion.
0:11:50 > 0:11:53So I want to know what these guys get from peyote that they
0:11:53 > 0:11:56couldn't find in more traditional faiths.
0:11:56 > 0:11:59What led me to these practices was desire for truth,
0:11:59 > 0:12:01a desire for reality.
0:12:01 > 0:12:06Peyote itself is considered a truth serum.
0:12:06 > 0:12:09Some people refer to it as that, so it removes, kind of,
0:12:09 > 0:12:15the facade of who we like to paint ourself as.
0:12:17 > 0:12:21Richard, what does God mean to you?
0:12:21 > 0:12:23I see God as everything.
0:12:23 > 0:12:27I see God as you, I see God as me, I see God as this dirt,
0:12:27 > 0:12:29I see God as the stars and the moon.
0:12:31 > 0:12:32For a long time...
0:12:33 > 0:12:34..I...
0:12:35 > 0:12:37..I didn't believe in God.
0:12:38 > 0:12:42Cos I didn't have enough love there, in your heart.
0:12:43 > 0:12:48I used to be a very dark person through and through.
0:12:48 > 0:12:49I used to be evil.
0:12:51 > 0:12:54Where did that stem from?
0:12:54 > 0:12:55Self-abuse.
0:12:57 > 0:13:01Neglect to take care of myself, my physical body, my mind.
0:13:03 > 0:13:07Also blaming myself for my father's death,
0:13:07 > 0:13:10which was not my fault whatsoever.
0:13:10 > 0:13:13He died of a brain aneurysm.
0:13:13 > 0:13:17But for a long time I really believed I caused it.
0:13:19 > 0:13:22How old were you when that happened?
0:13:22 > 0:13:23I was ten years old.
0:13:27 > 0:13:30A year and a half after he died,
0:13:30 > 0:13:33I have no memory of that part of my life.
0:13:33 > 0:13:35I was in such a dark place.
0:13:40 > 0:13:43God pushed me into the light.
0:13:43 > 0:13:47Because I feel like the first two times I did peyote...
0:13:48 > 0:13:51..it really hit me deep.
0:13:53 > 0:13:57And it was able to let
0:13:57 > 0:14:00me forgive myself...
0:14:02 > 0:14:05..for all of the beating up I've done to myself over the years.
0:14:08 > 0:14:09(Oh, my gosh.)
0:14:14 > 0:14:18I feel like I'm slowly starting to understand why these guys are here
0:14:18 > 0:14:21and what it means to them.
0:14:21 > 0:14:26Because, actually, being in these surroundings, they're really
0:14:26 > 0:14:29candid and they're really honest and open,
0:14:29 > 0:14:32and not afraid to look vulnerable and...
0:14:33 > 0:14:35Yeah, some deep stuff.
0:14:35 > 0:14:37It's not just getting high in the mountains.
0:14:37 > 0:14:39It's not just...
0:14:41 > 0:14:43It's not just a fun weekend for them,
0:14:43 > 0:14:45this is some intense stuff going on.
0:14:45 > 0:14:47And they're bringing it all out.
0:15:02 > 0:15:06Over the next couple of days I've got to decide if peyote is something
0:15:06 > 0:15:07I'm going to try.
0:15:13 > 0:15:14It's time to get serious.
0:15:14 > 0:15:16There's one important ritual
0:15:16 > 0:15:19that you have to do before the peyote ceremony.
0:15:20 > 0:15:21It's called a sweat lodge.
0:15:21 > 0:15:24It's an ancient Native American tradition stretching back
0:15:24 > 0:15:28thousands of years and it's supposed to bring about a spiritual rebirth.
0:15:30 > 0:15:35The divot in the centre is supposed to represent the womb of the woman.
0:15:35 > 0:15:37And then over there we have lava rocks,
0:15:37 > 0:15:40which come from, like, the core of the Earth.
0:15:40 > 0:15:44And in American belief, that is the seed of the man.
0:15:44 > 0:15:47So we take those and we put them in the womb of the woman and it's
0:15:47 > 0:15:51supposed to be, like, the joining of man and woman.
0:15:51 > 0:15:53Together in the sweat lodge.
0:15:53 > 0:15:56- I'm helping.- All the pieces can go up top.
0:15:56 > 0:15:57It's kind of cool.
0:15:57 > 0:16:00Everyone's really getting stuck into it and working together.
0:16:00 > 0:16:02It's really communal and stuff.
0:16:02 > 0:16:05And Bear, who looks a lot like my dad,
0:16:05 > 0:16:09is leading and guiding everyone into it.
0:16:10 > 0:16:12Bear is pretty old school and strict
0:16:12 > 0:16:15when it comes to traditional Native American rituals.
0:16:17 > 0:16:21Once the lodge is dedicated, or we praise over it,
0:16:21 > 0:16:23we have what we call a spirit line
0:16:23 > 0:16:27that runs from the fire, through here into the fire pit.
0:16:27 > 0:16:31Once that's blessed, no-one is to step over the line except
0:16:31 > 0:16:35the fire man and whoever's conducting.
0:16:35 > 0:16:36Bear? Can I ask a question?
0:16:36 > 0:16:39- Yes.- How many people are going to go in the sweat lodge?
0:16:39 > 0:16:42- I think he said 12.- You're going to fit 12 people in there?
0:16:42 > 0:16:45- Yes.- You're supposed to be real tight.
0:16:45 > 0:16:48- You know, like, skin to skin. - All right.
0:16:48 > 0:16:51- Great!- Like, like really like this.
0:16:51 > 0:16:53We're going to be spooning in the sweat lodge.
0:16:53 > 0:16:56- Yes.- I can't wait.
0:16:56 > 0:16:57I haven't spooned in ages.
0:17:00 > 0:17:05WHISTLE BLOWS
0:17:05 > 0:17:08DRUM BEATS SLOWLY
0:17:12 > 0:17:13Go.
0:17:20 > 0:17:21Go.
0:17:21 > 0:17:27MAN CHANTS
0:17:30 > 0:17:34- THEY GREET EACH OTHER - Welcome, brother.
0:17:42 > 0:17:43Nice.
0:17:43 > 0:17:46Give this for the north of wisdom and understanding.
0:17:53 > 0:17:55Door down.
0:18:09 > 0:18:15TRADITIONAL CHANTING
0:18:21 > 0:18:25After two hours, it's so hot it feels like my skin is burning.
0:18:27 > 0:18:29Oh!
0:18:40 > 0:18:43Let it go. Yell it out.
0:18:43 > 0:18:45- Yell it out.- Yell it out.
0:18:45 > 0:18:48HE YELLS
0:18:48 > 0:18:49Oh.
0:18:51 > 0:18:55HE BREATHES HEAVILY
0:18:55 > 0:18:57Ah! Ah!
0:18:59 > 0:19:02'I had, like... I had visions.
0:19:02 > 0:19:08'It was really dark and all you could see was these fiery stones.'
0:19:08 > 0:19:11And so, you could just...
0:19:11 > 0:19:14let everything go, just get completely lost.
0:19:17 > 0:19:19It's fucking euphoric.
0:19:19 > 0:19:20I feel really...
0:19:20 > 0:19:23I feel euphoria and I don't know why.
0:19:23 > 0:19:27OTHERS SCREAM AND YELP
0:19:29 > 0:19:32I feel really alive. I think this is the most alert I've ever felt...
0:19:33 > 0:19:35..in my life.
0:19:40 > 0:19:42I just thought it was a sauna!
0:19:44 > 0:19:47I was saying, "What's the big deal? It's just a sauna."
0:19:59 > 0:20:02We've been in the mountains for four days.
0:20:02 > 0:20:05The sweat lodge has been such an intense experience,
0:20:05 > 0:20:08I've decided to go for it and try the peyote.
0:20:12 > 0:20:15In the tepee, everything is ready for the ceremony.
0:20:18 > 0:20:19Cool.
0:20:19 > 0:20:23'Made out of dried cactus, peyote can be taken in a variety of ways,
0:20:23 > 0:20:26'including as a tea or a paste.'
0:20:26 > 0:20:30I'm excited. But I'm absolutely pooing my pants.
0:20:38 > 0:20:41EAGLE CALLS
0:20:50 > 0:20:53I've been told that it's a truth serum,
0:20:53 > 0:20:55but I'm not sure how truthful I want to be.
0:20:59 > 0:21:02So, I want to welcome all of you to the ceremony.
0:21:02 > 0:21:05These are indigenous ceremonies, they've been proven over and over,
0:21:05 > 0:21:11thousands of years, assisting people to change and alter their behaviour.
0:21:29 > 0:21:31Leah, you have a question for me.
0:21:32 > 0:21:37Erm, I would like some medicine, please.
0:21:37 > 0:21:39You got it, girl. Have a seat.
0:21:48 > 0:21:50Put it in your hand.
0:21:50 > 0:21:51Make a ball out of it.
0:21:56 > 0:21:59Mawaan, I'm honoured to have you here.
0:22:05 > 0:22:08When you joined Oklevueha Native American Church,
0:22:08 > 0:22:13you didn't join a church, you joined a family.
0:22:13 > 0:22:14That's what prevails.
0:22:16 > 0:22:18- Can I have some tea, please? - You sure may.
0:22:37 > 0:22:39- Thank you.- You're welcome.
0:22:39 > 0:22:43- Ya-ho.- OTHERS:- Ya-ho.
0:22:43 > 0:22:47Sometimes we've been so maligned
0:22:47 > 0:22:50that we just don't understand what we really want.
0:22:50 > 0:22:53This medicine helps us to really find out
0:22:53 > 0:22:55what it is that we really want.
0:22:55 > 0:22:59How do you know truth
0:22:59 > 0:23:00from falsehood?
0:23:01 > 0:23:05If you hear something, or somebody says something about you,
0:23:05 > 0:23:08and you have this peaceful feeling, and you kind of...
0:23:08 > 0:23:11'James droned on for four hours, and, to be honest,
0:23:11 > 0:23:13'it wasn't doing much for my quest for inner truth.'
0:23:13 > 0:23:15I'd like some fresh air.
0:23:15 > 0:23:18- What?- I'd like some fresh air.
0:23:18 > 0:23:20OK, do you want to come back?
0:23:20 > 0:23:23- Yes, potentially.- Oh, absolutely.
0:23:23 > 0:23:25- Thanks, James.- You do whatever you like.
0:23:26 > 0:23:29I couldn't spend a second longer in there
0:23:29 > 0:23:35without feeling like I couldn't take it, because I didn't believe it,
0:23:35 > 0:23:38and I don't want to be disrespectful, but that's me being honest.
0:23:46 > 0:23:47I want a smoothie!
0:23:50 > 0:23:51Are you high right now?
0:23:51 > 0:23:53I don't know, I think I'm high.
0:23:53 > 0:23:55I don't think I... I think I'm...
0:23:57 > 0:24:01OK, I think I'm being really honest.
0:24:01 > 0:24:02I think that's the highness.
0:24:05 > 0:24:08I think if I wasn't this high...
0:24:08 > 0:24:12I think if I wasn't high, I wouldn't be being this honest,
0:24:12 > 0:24:15and I don't know if it's honest or not, but it feels really honest.
0:24:15 > 0:24:17I don't believe in it.
0:24:17 > 0:24:20I want a smoothie and I want to paint pictures.
0:24:22 > 0:24:25On the other hand, on the other hand...
0:24:25 > 0:24:30I feel cool, like, I feel like I can...
0:24:30 > 0:24:35do the essence of what I want to do, you know, like, I can...
0:24:36 > 0:24:40close off all the distractions, but this is what I need to do,
0:24:40 > 0:24:41and then just get on with it.
0:24:41 > 0:24:46Like, right now, I want an Oreo milkshake,
0:24:46 > 0:24:47and I need to do that.
0:24:50 > 0:24:51I think that's what God is...
0:24:56 > 0:24:59'Maybe this drug really is a truth serum.
0:24:59 > 0:25:02'I'm definitely feeling like letting it all out.'
0:25:04 > 0:25:05I feel like...
0:25:09 > 0:25:13I don't really know what love is.
0:25:13 > 0:25:15So I don't really know...
0:25:16 > 0:25:17..when it's around.
0:25:20 > 0:25:23And that can make me quite cynical,
0:25:23 > 0:25:24if I'm being completely honest.
0:25:24 > 0:25:26Mmm.
0:25:26 > 0:25:28It's ringing true to me.
0:25:28 > 0:25:30OTHERS LAUGH
0:25:30 > 0:25:32So, do you like it there?
0:25:34 > 0:25:36Um...
0:25:36 > 0:25:41What's strange is I think a part of me does really like it.
0:25:41 > 0:25:44- That's good.- Because it makes me feel...
0:25:44 > 0:25:46like I'm better than everyone else.
0:25:46 > 0:25:48Oh, my gosh.
0:25:48 > 0:25:51You've got time now.
0:25:51 > 0:25:57There's not an exterior thing that is overcoming all your thoughts.
0:25:57 > 0:26:01In here, you're looking at it, you're seeing.
0:26:01 > 0:26:04I feel like if I'm not cynical then I'll just fall for anything.
0:26:08 > 0:26:11Boy, that's a double whammy, man. That's a tough one.
0:26:11 > 0:26:15These are the battles that are going on in my head.
0:26:15 > 0:26:17Especially when I'm in new surroundings.
0:26:17 > 0:26:20All those kinds of feelings, like cynicism, like,
0:26:20 > 0:26:22"What are these people really doing?"
0:26:22 > 0:26:27And surely there's a way to understand this better.
0:26:27 > 0:26:31What I found out is that it took a good while for me to sit with the
0:26:31 > 0:26:34medicine and learn what it was teaching me.
0:26:37 > 0:26:41And so you don't treat that lightly, man. That's the real deal.
0:26:43 > 0:26:47Even though the peyote wasn't really doing it for me, it was obvious that
0:26:47 > 0:26:50these guys take it really seriously.
0:26:50 > 0:26:52It allows you to forgive.
0:26:52 > 0:26:55That's the miracle of the peyote medicine.
0:26:55 > 0:26:58It takes something that's within you,
0:26:58 > 0:27:01that's holding you back from your true self,
0:27:01 > 0:27:05the love and light person you really want to be.
0:27:05 > 0:27:09And whatever's holding you back, if you can let it go...
0:27:09 > 0:27:12it assists you.
0:27:12 > 0:27:15I felt God there with me, you know?
0:27:15 > 0:27:18And it was powerful.
0:27:21 > 0:27:24OTHERS CHANT
0:27:24 > 0:27:26SHE EXHALES
0:27:31 > 0:27:34HE EXHALES
0:27:34 > 0:27:36When I first got here, to be really honest,
0:27:36 > 0:27:38I thought it was a bit of a con.
0:27:38 > 0:27:41Just an excuse for some hippies to take drugs in the hills.
0:27:41 > 0:27:43THEY SPEAK INDISTINCTLY
0:27:43 > 0:27:46But sharing these days has made me change my mind.
0:27:48 > 0:27:52I personally don't think I talked to God,
0:27:52 > 0:27:54didn't really get my money's worth,
0:27:54 > 0:27:59but I still felt really safe and held by a group of people,
0:27:59 > 0:28:03and that in itself is a bit of an enlightening experience, you know?
0:28:03 > 0:28:06- THEY LAUGH - I can't compete with that!
0:28:06 > 0:28:11UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS
0:28:14 > 0:28:16You are amazing.
0:28:19 > 0:28:24Next time, I'm in Brazil and on the trail of another legendary drug -
0:28:24 > 0:28:25ayahuasca.
0:28:25 > 0:28:28So I'm going to knock on God's door
0:28:28 > 0:28:30and let's see if he's there.