0:00:02 > 0:00:05Imagine you've embarked on the journey of a lifetime...
0:00:07 > 0:00:10..a luxury cruise around the world.
0:00:10 > 0:00:14I've done things and seen places that other people dream of seeing.
0:00:15 > 0:00:192,000 people are travelling some of the way,
0:00:19 > 0:00:23but 400 lucky souls have signed up for the entire adventure.
0:00:25 > 0:00:28Well this, for me, is the culmination of a life's dream.
0:00:28 > 0:00:31It sure makes your eyes water.
0:00:31 > 0:00:34They'll be stopping at some of most beautiful
0:00:34 > 0:00:36and exotic places around the globe.
0:00:39 > 0:00:42I think it's the most amazing thing ever.
0:00:42 > 0:00:45But this all-inclusive package offers much more than sunshine
0:00:45 > 0:00:47and sightseeing.
0:00:47 > 0:00:50On this global odyssey, the passengers have their very
0:00:50 > 0:00:51own vicar.
0:00:51 > 0:00:56Welcome, everyone, to this very special and very happy occasion.
0:00:56 > 0:01:00The ship IS my parish, therefore, I'm seeking to minister to
0:01:00 > 0:01:03everyone onboard, whether they're believers or not.
0:01:03 > 0:01:05Welcome to The Cruise.
0:01:16 > 0:01:17Balmoral has already crossed
0:01:17 > 0:01:22the Atlantic and the Caribbean and passed through the Panama Canal.
0:01:23 > 0:01:26She's now embarking on one of the longest legs,
0:01:26 > 0:01:28across the vast Pacific Ocean.
0:01:30 > 0:01:34The chaplain onboard is the Reverend Colin Still.
0:01:35 > 0:01:39On our cruise, we're now almost as far away from home as we can be,
0:01:39 > 0:01:44and long days at sea present all sorts of opportunities and problems.
0:01:45 > 0:01:49This is a particularly long one, seven days at sea,
0:01:49 > 0:01:52but what is good is that so many of them are taking positive
0:01:52 > 0:01:56steps to make sure the quality of their life still continues.
0:02:03 > 0:02:06One group of passengers have formed their own club.
0:02:09 > 0:02:12Ian Ernshaw and Dave Davies are the ringleaders.
0:02:12 > 0:02:14CHEERING
0:02:14 > 0:02:18If you join in all these games, you'll make friends
0:02:18 > 0:02:20because they don't want to be on their own.
0:02:20 > 0:02:25They want to meet people, and the way of cruising is meeting people.
0:02:25 > 0:02:29I've had people ask me, "You come with a big crowd, didn't you?"
0:02:29 > 0:02:32And I said, "No." I said, "We didn't know a single person
0:02:32 > 0:02:34"until we got on this ship."
0:02:34 > 0:02:35And there's been a bond
0:02:35 > 0:02:41of about 20, maybe 30 people, and it's been fun all the way through.
0:02:44 > 0:02:49I look at the rather elderly passenger list in a positive way.
0:02:49 > 0:02:52They're really determined to enjoy themselves
0:02:52 > 0:02:55and to make the most of the limited time that is available.
0:02:57 > 0:02:59You can hear all the fun down there,
0:02:59 > 0:03:01all the laughter and the camaraderie.
0:03:01 > 0:03:03I know lots of people have nicknames.
0:03:03 > 0:03:05For some reason, they've called me Stumpy.
0:03:05 > 0:03:07Go on, Stumpy!
0:03:10 > 0:03:13I don't think it's cos I'm short and fat. Could be.
0:03:15 > 0:03:18Ian? Oh, he's Mr No Mates,
0:03:18 > 0:03:20cos if you get tied up with Ian, you never win nothing.
0:03:22 > 0:03:24CHEERING
0:03:27 > 0:03:29- I don't believe it!- We do!
0:03:30 > 0:03:33You're in trouble, you three, tonight.
0:03:33 > 0:03:34LAUGHTER
0:03:37 > 0:03:38Hello.
0:03:38 > 0:03:41Ian and Gail Hussey have joined the cruise to celebrate their golden
0:03:41 > 0:03:46wedding anniversary, and they've asked Colin to renew their vows.
0:03:48 > 0:03:51I just want to let Gail know that everything
0:03:51 > 0:03:56I said 50 years ago is still true today.
0:03:58 > 0:04:01Now it's just a question of finding the perfect place for the ceremony.
0:04:04 > 0:04:05That's a lovely backdrop.
0:04:05 > 0:04:08It's unfortunate that there's nothing to see apart from...
0:04:08 > 0:04:10nothing TO see apart from THE sea.
0:04:10 > 0:04:13THE sea, yeah. It would do, it would do.
0:04:13 > 0:04:14Would it?
0:04:14 > 0:04:16As long we're not doing this too much.
0:04:16 > 0:04:19We're not very good on our legs any more, you know.
0:04:19 > 0:04:23But it hasn't always been plain sailing.
0:04:23 > 0:04:28About ten years into our marriage, all sorts of peculiar
0:04:28 > 0:04:34symptoms started to occur with me, body-wise. It was diagnosed
0:04:34 > 0:04:38as being what they said, in those days, was "disseminated sclerosis".
0:04:40 > 0:04:42Which I think today is just a form of MS.
0:04:43 > 0:04:47It has been difficult, especially for Ian,
0:04:47 > 0:04:50but it's been difficult for us to live with it, too.
0:04:51 > 0:04:53I don't like all these mirrors everywhere.
0:04:53 > 0:04:56How the other half lives, eh?
0:04:56 > 0:04:57We joke and say that
0:04:57 > 0:05:00if we'd killed each other, we'd have only served half the time.
0:05:00 > 0:05:02Well, yes, this is lovely but, uh...
0:05:04 > 0:05:06Hmm.
0:05:06 > 0:05:09All we can do is just ask. And see what happens.
0:05:09 > 0:05:11I think it would be better up in the Observatory.
0:05:14 > 0:05:17Amateur dramatics are always a popular pastime.
0:05:17 > 0:05:19Good morning, ladies and gentlemen,
0:05:19 > 0:05:22and welcome to what we're going to call The Theatre.
0:05:22 > 0:05:27The producer, Carol Bunyan, has three weeks to perfect the play
0:05:27 > 0:05:31Awayday - a satire on corporate culture.
0:05:31 > 0:05:34You pull him that way, right? And then you pull him... That's it!
0:05:36 > 0:05:37It's quite a challenge
0:05:37 > 0:05:41as Carol's asking her inexperienced thespians to improvise the dialogue.
0:05:41 > 0:05:43Working with the lions backstage. I think
0:05:43 > 0:05:45he's practising his lion-taming skills.
0:05:45 > 0:05:47"Oh, good!" We all go. At which point, Sue...
0:05:47 > 0:05:50I get them to talk to each other, they're the husband,
0:05:50 > 0:05:52they're the wife. Once those characters all come together,
0:05:52 > 0:05:56I then tell them the plot of the piece, and then we spin it.
0:05:56 > 0:05:58All sounds terribly easy. It's not.
0:05:58 > 0:05:59LAUGHS
0:05:59 > 0:06:04No, no, no. It... Honestly, there's one too many gags. Honestly.
0:06:04 > 0:06:08'Sometimes in drama, because it's improvisation, it can turn,'
0:06:08 > 0:06:11if you're not careful, into psychodrama.
0:06:11 > 0:06:13Say you have a situation where somebody's falling in love
0:06:13 > 0:06:14with somebody.
0:06:14 > 0:06:17- You can call me Torquil. - Oh, Torquil!
0:06:17 > 0:06:18Oh, Susie!
0:06:18 > 0:06:21And suddenly, you see from the performance that's a little
0:06:21 > 0:06:25bit too near the truth, we just turn that story around.
0:06:25 > 0:06:28Come on, girls! On, on, on!
0:06:28 > 0:06:31When Sue gives you a cue, you move. Limp, limp, limp, limp, limp!
0:06:31 > 0:06:35You do get a lot of complications onboard. You really do.
0:06:35 > 0:06:38And erm, I used to have a note on my door, as a joke,
0:06:38 > 0:06:42"Surgery Hours", because people were, like, "Can I talk to you?"
0:06:42 > 0:06:44And you turn yourself into some sort of terrible therapist.
0:06:44 > 0:06:46I'm so glad Colin, the Reverend Colin,
0:06:46 > 0:06:48is on, who's a great chum of mine, cos he takes all
0:06:48 > 0:06:52the flack now. "Go and see Colin. He'll have a chat."
0:06:52 > 0:06:54We're now in the middle of the Pacific
0:06:54 > 0:06:57and today, we're due to cross the Equator.
0:06:57 > 0:07:03They have the crossing of the line ceremony and passengers love it.
0:07:03 > 0:07:07The tradition is to appease Neptune, the God of the Sea.
0:07:07 > 0:07:10Neptune will now face the wrongdoers of this vessel.
0:07:10 > 0:07:11Fishes must be kissed...
0:07:13 > 0:07:15..and the trusty shellbacks introduce
0:07:15 > 0:07:18the slimy polliwogs to the mysteries of the deep.
0:07:48 > 0:07:52Fine dining and free food can have their downsides.
0:07:52 > 0:07:54There's a lot of cream in this,
0:07:54 > 0:07:55so this is fattening.
0:07:55 > 0:07:57It looks very nice.
0:07:57 > 0:08:00See, I could put two or three pounds on by tomorrow.
0:08:00 > 0:08:01Then I'll have to work it off.
0:08:01 > 0:08:03Since I've started cruising,
0:08:03 > 0:08:07I've learnt you don't bring one-size clothing.
0:08:07 > 0:08:12You need to vary it because of the amount of food that you may consume.
0:08:12 > 0:08:16These trousers are a 38. I set off with these, but now,
0:08:16 > 0:08:22because they're 38, they don't fit, so they can go over there.
0:08:22 > 0:08:24These are a 40. I can... I can just get into these,
0:08:24 > 0:08:29just get into these now, but I feel now that if another...
0:08:29 > 0:08:33another couple of weeks, three weeks, and these'll be no good.
0:08:34 > 0:08:36Now I'm getting desperate. 42!
0:08:38 > 0:08:40This is the last pair of trousers I've got,
0:08:40 > 0:08:42and this is what cruising's all about.
0:08:42 > 0:08:47You come on the ship as a passenger, and you go off as cargo!
0:08:51 > 0:08:54Balmoral has now arrived at the tropical island of Tahiti.
0:08:58 > 0:09:02Time to reflect on how the ship's company are coping with the trials
0:09:02 > 0:09:05and tribulations of the long days at sea.
0:09:07 > 0:09:08People love clubs.
0:09:08 > 0:09:11People love to belong to little clubs, whatever it is.
0:09:11 > 0:09:14I see them sitting round the ship, learning their lines together
0:09:14 > 0:09:17or talking together, and they immediately become a little club.
0:09:17 > 0:09:20So we're a different kind of club, really.
0:09:20 > 0:09:24This way? Don't back me into the water.
0:09:24 > 0:09:25Forward, forward.
0:09:25 > 0:09:28Yes. I'm not going back any further.
0:09:30 > 0:09:33I have a problem there because my service is
0:09:33 > 0:09:37being in the Neptune Lounge, which is large, and typical Anglicans
0:09:37 > 0:09:41will sit at the back or they won't all sit up the front. I try
0:09:41 > 0:09:45to get them to do that but then when I did the Holy Communion, we sat
0:09:45 > 0:09:50round in a ring, and that starts to build up a sense of belonging.
0:09:50 > 0:09:53Yes, I mean, what... When they do things like mine
0:09:53 > 0:09:57or the choir, they're quite intensive and quite demanding, and I think
0:09:57 > 0:10:00that's quite good because they... It takes their mind off stuff.
0:10:02 > 0:10:04Oh, the ginger flowers again.
0:10:04 > 0:10:06I mean, I've had two people come up to me, saying,
0:10:06 > 0:10:10"I'm so glad I'm doing the play. I've forgotten what's at home."
0:10:10 > 0:10:13But I have to steer clear of lots of subjects. The very subjects
0:10:13 > 0:10:15that you don't steer clear of I have to. I mean, I can't...
0:10:15 > 0:10:19I don't want to talk about anybody dying or anybody being ill.
0:10:19 > 0:10:22I did that, too, which is why it's great having you onboard.
0:10:22 > 0:10:25"Go and talk to Colin. Just go and talk to Colin. Don't talk to me!
0:10:25 > 0:10:27"No sympathy whatsoever here, dear. Drama queen!
0:10:27 > 0:10:29"Go and talk to the nice man."
0:10:29 > 0:10:32But that's very important on a ship. Very important.
0:10:32 > 0:10:33Yeah, yeah.
0:10:40 > 0:10:43The Husseys are meeting Colin to prepare for their wedding vows.
0:10:45 > 0:10:46Right, well, first of all, then,
0:10:46 > 0:10:51I'd like to mention the family, as I said just now, in...
0:10:51 > 0:10:53in the prayers so...
0:10:53 > 0:10:55You've got two children?
0:10:55 > 0:11:00It's quite a nice reminder of the... their wedding day, and particularly,
0:11:00 > 0:11:05Gail and Ian have brought wedding photographs and family photographs.
0:11:05 > 0:11:10And this is our present family. These are our current children.
0:11:10 > 0:11:11Oh.
0:11:11 > 0:11:13They're Norwegian Buhunds,
0:11:13 > 0:11:16and as soon as I get home, I'm off to judge them at Crufts,
0:11:16 > 0:11:19which is like getting the OBE, to be invited to judge at Crufts.
0:11:19 > 0:11:20Oh, very special.
0:11:20 > 0:11:21It is, it is.
0:11:21 > 0:11:25Most of our life gets taken up with dogs.
0:11:25 > 0:11:27I'm known as the local dog lady because people come to me
0:11:27 > 0:11:30for advice, which I don't mind at all as long as they don't
0:11:30 > 0:11:31call me the local bitch!
0:11:34 > 0:11:38There we are. There's Liz and Chris, and we have three grandcats.
0:11:41 > 0:11:45When we knew that the Reverend Colin was going to be onboard,
0:11:45 > 0:11:48I said to Ian, "Shall we see if we can renew our vows?"
0:11:48 > 0:11:52He actually jumped at it. He jumped at the idea, which surprised me.
0:11:52 > 0:11:54I want to thank you for being such a pain in the butt.
0:11:54 > 0:11:56HE LAUGHS
0:11:56 > 0:11:59That's not actually what I shall say at the time.
0:11:59 > 0:12:03I have one word for the reason why we're still together - apathy.
0:12:05 > 0:12:09We have friends who...they've had the same conversation,
0:12:09 > 0:12:11but their reply had been inertia.
0:12:12 > 0:12:15BOTH: Through Jesus Christ our Lord, amen.
0:12:15 > 0:12:18And can... can I just add something on that?
0:12:18 > 0:12:20At the end of that, which it seems appropriate,
0:12:20 > 0:12:25and that whoever is left follows quickly because we're both old.
0:12:31 > 0:12:32It's St Valentine's day today
0:12:32 > 0:12:35so I've designed a special service for that.
0:12:36 > 0:12:40I hope people will enjoy it and, of course, it's got the theme of love.
0:12:42 > 0:12:43Hello, Carol.
0:12:43 > 0:12:44Good morning, Colin.
0:12:44 > 0:12:47I don't normally go to the services, but Colin has asked me
0:12:47 > 0:12:50to read The Owl And The Pussycat by Edward Lear
0:12:50 > 0:12:53because it's Valentine's Day and it's about love.
0:12:53 > 0:12:54# Love
0:12:54 > 0:12:57# Love changes everything
0:12:57 > 0:12:59# Days are longer... #
0:12:59 > 0:13:01The Owl and the Pussycat went to sea
0:13:01 > 0:13:03In a beautiful pea green boat,
0:13:03 > 0:13:06They took some money, and plenty of honey,
0:13:06 > 0:13:07Wrapped up in a five pound note.
0:13:07 > 0:13:09'Quite a lot of the people who work on the ship get
0:13:09 > 0:13:14'roped in to the services, like the choir lady and myself, the drama,'
0:13:14 > 0:13:17and it's quite nice to all join in with each other's things.
0:13:17 > 0:13:19I mean, Colin will come to the rehearsal sometimes,
0:13:19 > 0:13:23so it's, um...it's nice. It makes it a community. It's good.
0:13:23 > 0:13:26The first official St Valentine's Day was
0:13:26 > 0:13:33declared on the 14th February by Pope Gelasius in 496,
0:13:33 > 0:13:37in memory of a 3rd century martyred priest in Rome.
0:13:42 > 0:13:44ANNOUNCEMENT BELL
0:13:44 > 0:13:47'Code Alpha, Code Alpha. Deck three...'
0:13:47 > 0:13:49The "Code Alpha, Code Alpha, Code Alpha"
0:13:49 > 0:13:53is a call for the medics to go to a particular place.
0:13:53 > 0:13:55What in fact happened was that a man
0:13:55 > 0:14:00and his wife were on their way to breakfast, and the husband
0:14:00 > 0:14:05was leading the way, and then looked round and his wife had collapsed.
0:14:05 > 0:14:10The wife was taken in to the medical centre and the two doctors and three
0:14:10 > 0:14:15nurses all worked on the lady for two hours but without any success.
0:14:17 > 0:14:20Doctor Tom More dealt with the emergency.
0:14:21 > 0:14:24Unfortunately, it sometimes happens that somebody does die onboard
0:14:24 > 0:14:27and we must cope with it, you know. We have the facilities,
0:14:27 > 0:14:30and we will do our best to keep them alive.
0:14:30 > 0:14:33But, you know, if it happens in the middle of the Pacific, then
0:14:33 > 0:14:36we have to cope with it, both the person who's dying
0:14:36 > 0:14:39and then dies, and then we have to cope with the person who is
0:14:39 > 0:14:42bereaved, and it's a very important part of the work.
0:14:42 > 0:14:45To counsel someone who's bereaved is perhaps one of the most
0:14:45 > 0:14:49difficult, simply because there's very little that you can
0:14:49 > 0:14:52actually physically do to help them.
0:14:52 > 0:14:55Sometimes, you can put an arm round a person,
0:14:55 > 0:14:59but most of the time, it's really just trying to talk it through,
0:14:59 > 0:15:02and really, give a message of hope.
0:15:13 > 0:15:18Carol has only a couple of days before curtain up on her corporate satire.
0:15:18 > 0:15:21Today is our last chance. What I'd love to do
0:15:21 > 0:15:24is go straight through it and not stop for anything.
0:15:24 > 0:15:29Right, OK, let's go for it. Let's go from scene one - action.
0:15:29 > 0:15:31'Today was the first time they did a run,
0:15:31 > 0:15:35'and I tried not to stop it because I wanted to see what happened
0:15:35 > 0:15:38'if I said nothing. Because on the day, I'll be backstage.'
0:15:38 > 0:15:41Sue's on by now. You're on by now, love.
0:15:41 > 0:15:44- I've got an e-mail!- Ooh!
0:15:44 > 0:15:46It says...
0:15:47 > 0:15:50- No, I'm sorry.- CAROL: It's OK.
0:15:50 > 0:15:54- Mike shouted at me when I... - Sorry?- ..you know.- What?
0:15:54 > 0:15:58Gail and Martha are both aware that that scene went "whoop" today,
0:15:58 > 0:16:00it really hit the dirt.
0:16:00 > 0:16:03'I have to pull that one back up, for their sake.'
0:16:03 > 0:16:07Just keep on going. If you stumble, if you fall, you've got to,
0:16:07 > 0:16:10at this stage, improvise your way out of it.
0:16:10 > 0:16:13It only takes two of them to really blow it,
0:16:13 > 0:16:14and the play goes down the pan.
0:16:14 > 0:16:18This is an all-inclusive cruise,
0:16:18 > 0:16:21except for excursions... and drinks.
0:16:21 > 0:16:24So some of the passengers have set up their own speakeasy,
0:16:24 > 0:16:28and Colin can't resist.
0:16:28 > 0:16:31- Come on in, Colin.- Come in, Colin!
0:16:31 > 0:16:35'The main thing about this is for them not to drink too much.
0:16:35 > 0:16:37'Plenty of mixers, plenty of mixers.'
0:16:37 > 0:16:39- DIRECTOR:- Why don't you want them to drink too much?
0:16:39 > 0:16:41It's got to last. HE LAUGHS
0:16:41 > 0:16:45I was 16 when I went on my first ship.
0:16:45 > 0:16:48I had a holiday in Norway. I was a boy scout, and we went
0:16:48 > 0:16:53from Newcastle, on the Bergen Line, to Stavanger and Bergen.
0:16:53 > 0:16:57It was a great experience, and that set me off.
0:16:57 > 0:16:59- Well, cheers, everyone. - Cheers, everybody.
0:16:59 > 0:17:04- Cheers. Cheers, cheers, cheers. - To new friends we've all met.
0:17:04 > 0:17:05IAN: And a lovely table.
0:17:05 > 0:17:10At our age now, there's a thing called SKI-ing, we're SKI-ing -
0:17:10 > 0:17:13we're "Spending the Kids' Inheritance".
0:17:13 > 0:17:16SLURS SPEECH: Joking apart, they realise it's our time.
0:17:16 > 0:17:20I hope I didn't slur there, cos this-this...
0:17:20 > 0:17:23this brandy seems to be working now! THEY LAUGH
0:17:26 > 0:17:28Our daughter brought us down to Southampton.
0:17:28 > 0:17:32- We got off out the car and she broke down.- Really?
0:17:32 > 0:17:34I've never seen her break down like she did
0:17:34 > 0:17:37cos we was going away for seven weeks.
0:17:37 > 0:17:40You give your kids what you can give your kids,
0:17:40 > 0:17:44now your kids want to say "Thank you, go away and enjoy it."
0:17:44 > 0:17:48And we've met so many friends by these get-togethers.
0:17:48 > 0:17:52Of course, once you do that, they reciprocate
0:17:52 > 0:17:56and they invite you back to their place.
0:17:56 > 0:17:58Are you listening, Dave? THEY LAUGH
0:17:58 > 0:18:03My hearing aid is switched off! I never heard a word, then.
0:18:03 > 0:18:05You know what it's like...
0:18:08 > 0:18:12The cruise has clocked up 16,000 miles as Balmoral
0:18:12 > 0:18:14makes landfall in New Zealand.
0:18:16 > 0:18:19Colin's escorting a busy tour with four hours' driving
0:18:19 > 0:18:21and several stop offs.
0:18:25 > 0:18:29They need a top guide, and they've got one in coach driver, Norm.
0:18:29 > 0:18:32In the Rotorua area, there's a lot of activity going on
0:18:32 > 0:18:36such as four-wheel driving, bungee jumping. Anyone want to have a go?
0:18:36 > 0:18:38You've all gone very quiet!
0:18:40 > 0:18:44'After five days at sea, everyone's delighted just to
0:18:44 > 0:18:46'have their feet on soil again.'
0:18:46 > 0:18:48Bird's Nest Crater.
0:18:48 > 0:18:52Wai-O-Tapu, which is a thermal wonderland,
0:18:52 > 0:18:57and it's got lots of sulphur lakes and hot springs, and hot mud.
0:19:00 > 0:19:01It's an interesting place,
0:19:01 > 0:19:05but I wouldn't like to stay here long, would you? With this smell.
0:19:05 > 0:19:08And it reminds me of when I was at school in the chemistry lab.
0:19:08 > 0:19:12There was always a horrible smell of sulphur permeating the corridors.
0:19:12 > 0:19:13- Thanks, Norman.- No problem.
0:19:13 > 0:19:18Next stop is lunch on a paddle steamer, with a haka thrown in.
0:19:20 > 0:19:22THEY CHANT THE HAKA
0:19:28 > 0:19:30APPLAUSE
0:19:31 > 0:19:34Finally, a whistle-stop visit to a wildlife park.
0:19:38 > 0:19:40'One marvels at the diversity,
0:19:40 > 0:19:43'and it's the most amazing thing when you travel around the world
0:19:43 > 0:19:48'to see so many different animals in their natural habitat.'
0:19:51 > 0:19:54And that just leaves an hour before the ship departs.
0:19:55 > 0:19:58But they come to a grinding halt.
0:19:58 > 0:20:00There's been a crash on the highway.
0:20:00 > 0:20:03NORM: Now if this car was to move up in front...
0:20:03 > 0:20:06- Uh-oh, no, he's turning him around. - That's what we said.
0:20:06 > 0:20:11They need to find another route, and there's a complication.
0:20:11 > 0:20:14- I don't know that way. OTHER DRIVER:- Go through...
0:20:14 > 0:20:18- Past Kiwifruit? - The next one past that.
0:20:18 > 0:20:19Kiwifruit 360?
0:20:19 > 0:20:22Oh, yeah. Thanks, Norm. OK.
0:20:23 > 0:20:26We're heading back in the opposite direction.
0:20:26 > 0:20:29We've been told there's approximately a three-hour delay,
0:20:29 > 0:20:33the ship's due to sail at six o'clock, so we've got 40 minutes.
0:20:33 > 0:20:36So close, yet so far.
0:20:37 > 0:20:39We're very late now,
0:20:39 > 0:20:44and actually, we should've been back at this moment.
0:20:44 > 0:20:47Whilst Norm battles down the back roads,
0:20:47 > 0:20:51on Balmoral, they're getting making final preparations for departure.
0:20:54 > 0:20:57If they miss it, their only option will be to drive through
0:20:57 > 0:20:59the night to the next stop.
0:20:59 > 0:21:01Hey, listen, if we have to go to Auckland,
0:21:01 > 0:21:05I can stop in at my place on the way home and we'll have dinner there. EXCITED CHATTER
0:21:05 > 0:21:09I'm sure my wife would be absolutely rapt to see all of you come in.
0:21:20 > 0:21:23- Thank you very much.- Thanks for your divine intervention there.
0:21:23 > 0:21:25Thank you very much.
0:21:25 > 0:21:28After a wonderful day and a bit of a mystery tour,
0:21:28 > 0:21:31with Colin's intervention, we'd certainly make it. No problem.
0:21:32 > 0:21:34We can sail now.
0:21:34 > 0:21:36All of us are accounted for.
0:21:37 > 0:21:40One drama over, but there's plenty more to come.
0:21:42 > 0:21:44It's been a bit hectic in the last 24 hours,
0:21:44 > 0:21:47because the last run we did was... Well, it was dreadful.
0:21:47 > 0:21:52And this morning I threw all the rewrites at them, in a gentle
0:21:52 > 0:21:56sort of way, and they accepted them entirely and they've gone with it.
0:21:56 > 0:21:58'But I shan't know until we actually do it if it's worked.'
0:21:58 > 0:22:02APPLAUSE Hello, everybody, and thank you for coming.
0:22:02 > 0:22:05There's no going back as Carol's company of first-timers
0:22:05 > 0:22:08settle their nerves before the big performance.
0:22:08 > 0:22:12The Balmoral Players present, 'The Awayday'.
0:22:15 > 0:22:18Group hug, group hug.
0:22:18 > 0:22:22Oh, Major, it's time you got in touch with your feminine side!
0:22:22 > 0:22:24'It's incredibly difficult.'
0:22:24 > 0:22:28First of all, you've got people who are not used to being on the stage.
0:22:28 > 0:22:32'The stage is ever so hot and uncomfortable.'
0:22:32 > 0:22:35There you are! I've been looking for you everywhere.
0:22:35 > 0:22:38They don't have many props and they don't have any scenery,
0:22:38 > 0:22:41so it's very difficult to enter into this situation.
0:22:41 > 0:22:46I'm looking for Mavis, the girl who works down at the canteen.
0:22:46 > 0:22:49Half the time, I'm not sure how it's going down at all.
0:22:49 > 0:22:52I'm hiding backstage during the play, obviously,
0:22:52 > 0:22:54just throwing them on and dragging them off and telling them
0:22:54 > 0:22:58they look wonderful, darling. And all that nonsense!
0:23:00 > 0:23:02Carol works so hard,
0:23:02 > 0:23:06and she's so tactful, really, when she's telling us that we're rubbish.
0:23:08 > 0:23:10With husband Ian looking on,
0:23:10 > 0:23:12and Carol on tenterhooks,
0:23:12 > 0:23:16the pressure is all on Gail.
0:23:16 > 0:23:19And that Reverend Colin's got the most beautiful voice.
0:23:19 > 0:23:22He could talk me into a nunnery!
0:23:22 > 0:23:24LAUGHTER
0:23:24 > 0:23:26SHE MOUTHS
0:23:27 > 0:23:30Right, come on, let's get on with some work here.
0:23:30 > 0:23:33Can you think what rhymes with...
0:23:33 > 0:23:35Venus?
0:23:35 > 0:23:37LAUGHTER
0:23:40 > 0:23:44'What's important about doing this on the ship is that the
0:23:44 > 0:23:47'passengers have a very good time, they have great fun
0:23:47 > 0:23:51'in the improvisations, and if we get a lovely play at the end'
0:23:51 > 0:23:54of it which everybody can enjoy, that's the icing on the cake.
0:23:54 > 0:23:56Raaargh!
0:23:56 > 0:23:57RAAARGH!
0:23:57 > 0:24:00LAUGHTER
0:24:00 > 0:24:01Here he comes.
0:24:04 > 0:24:06Those lions were way too rough.
0:24:07 > 0:24:09Oh, it was a real bit of fun.
0:24:09 > 0:24:13They were very inventive, and I thought they did extremely well.
0:24:13 > 0:24:16APPLAUSE
0:24:16 > 0:24:19The Husseys' big day has arrived.
0:24:19 > 0:24:21Just time for Gale to renovate herself.
0:24:22 > 0:24:26He's probably more nervous than he shows.
0:24:26 > 0:24:30I'm a little bit nervous, to be frank, erm...
0:24:30 > 0:24:34because I haven't got any written script.
0:24:34 > 0:24:37It's really surprised me because I thought he'd get himself in a state.
0:24:40 > 0:24:42I'm going to have to do this again.
0:24:44 > 0:24:50'We've had a very difficult life, because of my illness, and...'
0:24:50 > 0:24:53I gave Gale a hell of a time.
0:24:57 > 0:25:02It's a miracle that she's still with me. It really is.
0:25:02 > 0:25:05He couldn't accept that he was ill, being a rugger player
0:25:05 > 0:25:08and having been really fit and sporty...
0:25:08 > 0:25:12'which gave him all sorts of psychological problems.
0:25:12 > 0:25:13'But there we are.
0:25:13 > 0:25:16'It's all done and dusted now.'
0:25:16 > 0:25:19And now he doesn't have to work, we get on fine.
0:25:19 > 0:25:23Mentally I was not on any, erm,
0:25:23 > 0:25:26normal planet, really,
0:25:26 > 0:25:29I suppose is the only way you can put it.
0:25:29 > 0:25:32You've done a grand job, thank you very much indeed.
0:25:32 > 0:25:35- You look fabulous, madam.- Thank you.
0:25:35 > 0:25:39Now that we have come out of this dark, dark, dark, dark tunnel,
0:25:39 > 0:25:41we're now in the light with the rest of you.
0:25:42 > 0:25:44So, whoopee!
0:25:44 > 0:25:47Oh, that'll do, that'll do.
0:25:47 > 0:25:49Blimey, I'm getting fat.
0:25:55 > 0:25:58Hello, Gale.
0:25:58 > 0:26:00Good to see you. You're looking very special.
0:26:02 > 0:26:06'People renew their marriage vows for all sorts of reasons,
0:26:06 > 0:26:08'particularly at anniversaries,
0:26:08 > 0:26:11'especially the 50th anniversary of a marriage.
0:26:11 > 0:26:13'It is a time to take stock...'
0:26:13 > 0:26:16and to have the opportunity of thanking each other
0:26:16 > 0:26:19for seeing each other through some pretty tough times
0:26:19 > 0:26:21'as well as some very happy ones.'
0:26:21 > 0:26:24But love is the fulfilling of the Lord...
0:26:24 > 0:26:27'I think the service we had was very meaningful,
0:26:27 > 0:26:31'particularly as the couple spoke to each other in a very personal way.'
0:26:31 > 0:26:37I'm going to find it very difficult to express the depth of the love
0:26:37 > 0:26:42and gratitude that I have, that you have stood by me through all
0:26:42 > 0:26:45the trials and tribulations of our life together so far.
0:26:46 > 0:26:47Bless you for that.
0:26:47 > 0:26:50'Everyone present was very touched by...'
0:26:50 > 0:26:54their sincerity and the depth of feeling that was expressed.
0:26:54 > 0:26:55- BOTH:- 'Our love for one another...'
0:26:55 > 0:26:58unite our wills in your will,
0:26:58 > 0:27:02that we may grow together in love and peace,
0:27:02 > 0:27:05all the days of our life,
0:27:05 > 0:27:08and whoever is left follows quickly thereafter.
0:27:09 > 0:27:14I am sure that from now on in, things can only get better.
0:27:14 > 0:27:17They're certainly much calmer than they have been!
0:27:17 > 0:27:20But things are good now.
0:27:20 > 0:27:22And bless you for bringing up those two lovely children,
0:27:22 > 0:27:26almost entirely single-handed. You did a brilliant job,
0:27:26 > 0:27:28and thank you ever so much.
0:27:28 > 0:27:30APPLAUSE
0:27:30 > 0:27:33'It's wonderful to have done it,
0:27:33 > 0:27:36'and the Reverend Colin has done a wonderful job.'
0:27:38 > 0:27:40And now, please, can we have some lunch?
0:27:42 > 0:27:47Over the years we've had all sorts of trials and upsets
0:27:47 > 0:27:50and this has been the woman who's been beside me
0:27:50 > 0:27:53all the way through, picking me up when I fell down...
0:27:53 > 0:27:55And pushing him down sometimes!
0:27:57 > 0:28:02These are all the things I wanted to say during the, er...
0:28:02 > 0:28:04- Renewal.- ..renewal of our vows,
0:28:04 > 0:28:06but I didn't.
0:28:06 > 0:28:08I got myself so tongue-tied
0:28:08 > 0:28:11and so worried that I was going to forget what it was I was going to say
0:28:11 > 0:28:14in the first place that I never said a single dickey bird.
0:28:14 > 0:28:15Oh, you did.
0:28:15 > 0:28:17Well, all right, I did. I said one thing.
0:28:25 > 0:28:28Next time, Colin is on a mission...
0:28:28 > 0:28:33- I've been to many seaman's missions. - So you usually go to it?- Yeah.
0:28:33 > 0:28:37..and Balmoral plays host to a modern-day Romeo and Juliet.
0:28:37 > 0:28:38'Our eyes met...'
0:28:38 > 0:28:41that was it.
0:28:41 > 0:28:43From that moment, my fate was sealed.
0:28:43 > 0:28:45SHE LAUGHS
0:29:06 > 0:29:09Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd