0:00:02 > 0:00:04Hello, I'm James May, and I am the reassembler.
0:00:05 > 0:00:07That feels very nice.
0:00:07 > 0:00:08Oh, yes! Look at that.
0:00:08 > 0:00:12'It is only when these much-loved and iconic objects are laid out in
0:00:12 > 0:00:14'hundreds of bits...'
0:00:14 > 0:00:15Oh, man in heaven!
0:00:15 > 0:00:17'..and then slowly reassembled
0:00:17 > 0:00:21'that you can truly understand and appreciate how they work...'
0:00:21 > 0:00:23Total rubbish! '..and just how ingenious they are.'
0:00:23 > 0:00:27It's good, isn't it? 'And if painstakingly putting hundreds of pieces back
0:00:27 > 0:00:29'together again...' That's quite satisfying.
0:00:29 > 0:00:31'..wasn't hard enough,
0:00:31 > 0:00:33'I then have to hope...'
0:00:33 > 0:00:35Deep joy. '..that they'll work.'
0:00:35 > 0:00:38There's some moisture on my spectacles because I started weeping.
0:00:42 > 0:00:43The Japanese, famously,
0:00:43 > 0:00:47can make anything smaller than the rest of the world thought possible -
0:00:47 > 0:00:51cameras, radios, hotel rooms and trees,
0:00:51 > 0:00:53and, as it turns out, motorcycles.
0:00:53 > 0:00:56This is a Honda Z50 Mini Trail monkey bike,
0:00:56 > 0:00:59just about the least motorcycle you can get away with.
0:00:59 > 0:01:03And it's presented here in 303 component parts and is, frankly,
0:01:03 > 0:01:06taking up far too much space. So let's put it back together.
0:01:09 > 0:01:11It's fair to say that the motorbike
0:01:11 > 0:01:13has always had a bit of an image problem.
0:01:13 > 0:01:17Its perceived status as a dangerous machine for dangerous people
0:01:17 > 0:01:21ensured that it was never the vehicle that your mother wanted you to own.
0:01:21 > 0:01:26But in the mid-1960s, Honda produced a bike that changed all that.
0:01:26 > 0:01:27Fondly known as the monkey bike,
0:01:27 > 0:01:30the Z50A became the quintessential mini motorbike
0:01:30 > 0:01:32for all the family to ride.
0:01:32 > 0:01:36Small, fun, and portable, it was, effectively,
0:01:36 > 0:01:42a gateway motorcycle which got millions of kids hooked on two-wheeled transport.
0:01:42 > 0:01:45Right, we'll begin with the frame and the front forks
0:01:45 > 0:01:50because, once we've got those together, the thing will stand up on the bench.
0:01:50 > 0:01:53As well as those two bits of ironmongery, I'll also be needing some tiny
0:01:53 > 0:01:56ball bearings. How many, I wonder?
0:01:59 > 0:02:03Now, if you were doing this like a professional, you'd look in a parts book
0:02:03 > 0:02:08to see how many balls go either side of the forks.
0:02:08 > 0:02:10But as it's come apart recently, and I know the number is correct,
0:02:10 > 0:02:13all we have to do is divide the number of balls in this dish into two.
0:02:13 > 0:02:16So let's see how many there are. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven,
0:02:16 > 0:02:21eight, nine, ten, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17...
0:02:21 > 0:02:2518...19...20...
0:02:26 > 0:02:31..21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36,
0:02:31 > 0:02:3437, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44...
0:02:34 > 0:02:36Did I come count those two?
0:02:36 > 0:02:40One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, 11...
0:02:44 > 0:02:49..33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42.
0:02:49 > 0:02:52That would mean 21 per side.
0:02:52 > 0:02:56Anybody still watching? Assuming you are, I'll get on with putting
0:02:56 > 0:03:00the bearings in the greased headset, and then we can crack on.
0:03:00 > 0:03:04So there was a whole range of these bikes made by Honda with 50, 70,
0:03:04 > 0:03:07and 90cc engines, and they were available as the Mini Trail.
0:03:07 > 0:03:10There were some other versions, which didn't have a fuel tank,
0:03:10 > 0:03:12those were given various names,
0:03:12 > 0:03:15and they were given different names in America from the rest of the world
0:03:15 > 0:03:20because certain names that Honda use, like Cub and Super Cub,
0:03:20 > 0:03:22had already been taken by other people.
0:03:22 > 0:03:26And it's mainly because American lawyers are quite aggressive about pursuing
0:03:26 > 0:03:27that sort of thing. Really,
0:03:27 > 0:03:31they should spend more time inventing some new types of cheese.
0:03:32 > 0:03:36Because, as we know, the Americans only really have one type of cheese,
0:03:36 > 0:03:40which is called cheese. They say, "You want cheese with that?"
0:03:40 > 0:03:43I say, "Ooh, yes, what sort of cheese have you got?" "It's goddamn cheese, you Communist!"
0:03:43 > 0:03:45You know.
0:03:46 > 0:03:48This is my case of tools.
0:03:49 > 0:03:50Look at this. Are you ready?
0:03:52 > 0:03:53Oh!
0:03:53 > 0:03:54METAL CLINKS
0:03:54 > 0:03:57I'd put the sockets back in the box in the wrong order.
0:03:58 > 0:04:00I'll have to be killed.
0:04:02 > 0:04:06After locating the correct socket, I can tighten these bolts,
0:04:06 > 0:04:07and that's the forks done.
0:04:07 > 0:04:10Now I can slow the pace right down
0:04:10 > 0:04:11with the front brake.
0:04:11 > 0:04:13So, those are brake shoes, obviously,
0:04:13 > 0:04:15with brake shoe material on them.
0:04:15 > 0:04:18Some irritating little springs.
0:04:19 > 0:04:20A screw, or is it a bolt?
0:04:20 > 0:04:23There's a captive nut device on the other end.
0:04:23 > 0:04:28And then we need the thing it runs in, which is the brake hub.
0:04:28 > 0:04:29We'll put it on the wheel in a minute.
0:04:32 > 0:04:37Now, the death of the British motorcycle industry, that is a very big
0:04:37 > 0:04:38and complicated subject.
0:04:38 > 0:04:41But a lesson, not just for manufacturing industry,
0:04:41 > 0:04:43but a lesson for life -
0:04:43 > 0:04:45for everybody, in all walks of it.
0:04:45 > 0:04:49Up until the '60s, the British motorcycle industry dominated the world.
0:04:50 > 0:04:53And when the Japanese came along,
0:04:53 > 0:04:56making things like mundane bikes, really,
0:04:56 > 0:04:59ride-to-work bikes, as they're often known, the British,
0:04:59 > 0:05:02and to some extent the Americans and even the Germans and the Italians,
0:05:02 > 0:05:06took the attitude that, well, the Japanese, you know, ha-ha-ha,
0:05:06 > 0:05:09funny little foreigners, they'll make cheap bikes for people to ride to
0:05:09 > 0:05:13work on, but the really important bikes, the ones that people desire,
0:05:13 > 0:05:16and where the money will be made, they will be made by us
0:05:16 > 0:05:18because we know what we're doing.
0:05:18 > 0:05:23And the mistake they made was imagining that people like Soichiro Honda
0:05:23 > 0:05:26and the people at Kawasaki and Yamaha and so on wouldn't say, well,
0:05:26 > 0:05:28we'll have a go at a big bike as well.
0:05:28 > 0:05:31And, of course, Honda did, and everybody was surprised, thinking, well,
0:05:31 > 0:05:33that's not allowed.
0:05:34 > 0:05:35But it was allowed.
0:05:37 > 0:05:39And what we should learn from that is...
0:05:40 > 0:05:43..A - not to be rude about foreigners
0:05:43 > 0:05:48because they can do stuff as well
0:05:48 > 0:05:49and secondly...
0:05:51 > 0:05:55..it's no good thinking that you will rule the world by making high-end,
0:05:55 > 0:05:59high-added-value things for executives and playboys.
0:05:59 > 0:06:02All the great car and bike manufacturers of the world are founded on small
0:06:02 > 0:06:09things for the people - VW, Skoda, Honda, Yamaha, Kawasaki...
0:06:10 > 0:06:12..Fiat. They made small, simple,
0:06:12 > 0:06:14cheap things that were accessible to a lot of people,
0:06:14 > 0:06:17and that gave them their money, their expertise, to then branch out
0:06:17 > 0:06:21and, in the case of Fiat, eventually own Ferrari.
0:06:21 > 0:06:22In the case of Honda,
0:06:22 > 0:06:25to eventually become the world's biggest manufacturer of internal
0:06:25 > 0:06:28combustion engines and producer of the Honda Super Cub -
0:06:28 > 0:06:31the bestselling machine in history.
0:06:31 > 0:06:34That's what you get by being humble.
0:06:34 > 0:06:36Now, the tricky bit here is...
0:06:39 > 0:06:42..something we talked about in the last series - springs.
0:06:42 > 0:06:45Evil things. Very useful but very evil in the workshop
0:06:45 > 0:06:48because they cause things to fly across the room, hit you in the face.
0:06:49 > 0:06:51Look. Shoe goes there.
0:06:51 > 0:06:54Other shoe, avoiding touching it with my slightly greasy fingers,
0:06:54 > 0:06:55goes there.
0:06:55 > 0:06:58That spring has to go across there,
0:06:58 > 0:07:01between those two holes. Now, that's not a distance much bigger than the
0:07:01 > 0:07:03spring, but it is a very tough spring.
0:07:05 > 0:07:08I have got a bad finger, as you can see.
0:07:08 > 0:07:11I am very weak and we're to get a series of excuses in.
0:07:13 > 0:07:17OK. I have to have the strength to pull that apart enough to get around
0:07:17 > 0:07:20the pivot. Three, two, one.
0:07:23 > 0:07:25HE GROANS
0:07:27 > 0:07:29So nearly had it then.
0:07:29 > 0:07:30Aargh!
0:07:32 > 0:07:33Is it getting very hot in here
0:07:33 > 0:07:36or is it just my acute embarrassment at not being able to reassemble the
0:07:36 > 0:07:39brakes of a tiny child's motorcycle?
0:07:43 > 0:07:44Are you ready?
0:07:46 > 0:07:52CLUNKING
0:07:53 > 0:07:55Right, so look. This is how it works.
0:07:55 > 0:07:57That is the drum, that is part of the wheel,
0:07:57 > 0:08:00that is going round and round, this is the brake assembly,
0:08:00 > 0:08:01that is part of the frame,
0:08:01 > 0:08:04in effect, cos it's anchored to the front forks.
0:08:04 > 0:08:05There's the wheel going round and round.
0:08:05 > 0:08:07Obviously, it'll do it a lot more smoothly.
0:08:07 > 0:08:11You pull the brake, the shoes spread, the wheel stops.
0:08:12 > 0:08:13See?
0:08:15 > 0:08:16It's clever, isn't it?
0:08:17 > 0:08:20After two hours and 21 minutes,
0:08:20 > 0:08:22an hour of which was spent trying to count to 42,
0:08:22 > 0:08:24I've beaten the drum brake into submission...
0:08:24 > 0:08:26So nearly had it then.
0:08:26 > 0:08:28..and attached the rear swing arm.
0:08:28 > 0:08:33Now I can pleasurably move into the realm of wheel attachment.
0:08:33 > 0:08:37The correct torque setting - it's a medium grunt, so it's about...
0:08:38 > 0:08:39Mm.
0:08:43 > 0:08:45Mm.
0:08:45 > 0:08:47There you go.
0:08:47 > 0:08:50We'll go and get the front mudguard and its fixings.
0:08:50 > 0:08:52So the mudguard itself...
0:08:55 > 0:08:56..two screws...
0:08:57 > 0:09:02..two nuts, and there are four washers - two spring and two plain.
0:09:02 > 0:09:05I'll explain why that is in a minute. I know you can't wait.
0:09:08 > 0:09:12So, washer on that side spreads the load.
0:09:12 > 0:09:16Then, from underneath, we will have the spring washer
0:09:16 > 0:09:19because that ensures that that nut can't come undone.
0:09:22 > 0:09:25And there it is. Righty tighty, lefty loosey.
0:09:25 > 0:09:28Ten millimetres there in its correct slot.
0:09:28 > 0:09:30Now, there's a long-running debate,
0:09:30 > 0:09:33particularly between me and one of my mates, Colin,
0:09:33 > 0:09:37about whether you should put the tools on the bench or back in the box.
0:09:37 > 0:09:42Now, if they're on the bench, they're to hand, as you need them.
0:09:42 > 0:09:45If you put them back in the box, you know where they are when you need
0:09:45 > 0:09:50them. And the fact is that surgeons put everything back on the tray
0:09:50 > 0:09:52in the correct position after they've used it
0:09:52 > 0:09:56so that they don't sew a patient up with a scalpel or something inside
0:09:56 > 0:09:58them. That's my argument.
0:09:58 > 0:10:01His argument is that, if I keep putting things back in the box,
0:10:01 > 0:10:03we'll never put the bike back together.
0:10:03 > 0:10:06It's sort of like a bad mechanic's marriage.
0:10:08 > 0:10:12And the advantage of having all my tools in the right place is that I can
0:10:12 > 0:10:13do this.
0:10:13 > 0:10:18HE HAMMERS TUNE OF TWINKLE, TWINKLE, LITTLE STAR
0:10:30 > 0:10:31What do you think of that?
0:10:32 > 0:10:35Right, we shall put the front wheel on.
0:10:35 > 0:10:38If we're lucky, I can get that to go in there.
0:10:45 > 0:10:49There you go. Now, let's be absolutely clear, what you should not do here,
0:10:49 > 0:10:51because it's really bad workshop practice
0:10:51 > 0:10:55and it's an offence to good tool etiquette,
0:10:55 > 0:10:57is put a screwdriver through it.
0:10:57 > 0:10:58That's just wrong.
0:11:04 > 0:11:07That's about right for a front-wheel nut on a small bike.
0:11:07 > 0:11:09Rear-wheel brake components.
0:11:12 > 0:11:15Oh, God, this, of course, means I have to do the bit
0:11:15 > 0:11:16with the springs again,
0:11:16 > 0:11:17which I hate.
0:11:17 > 0:11:19There are the two springs.
0:11:19 > 0:11:21Right, this way for massive hilarity.
0:11:24 > 0:11:26Right, there's no getting away from it,
0:11:26 > 0:11:28it's time for that springy moment.
0:11:28 > 0:11:30Ready?
0:11:30 > 0:11:32HE GRUNTS
0:11:41 > 0:11:44- What's the problem, James? - Well, it's gone over the shirt.
0:11:44 > 0:11:46Oh, dear. This is why the boiler suit should be...
0:11:51 > 0:11:53There you go, it's done.
0:11:53 > 0:11:55LAUGHTER
0:11:55 > 0:11:59'I'll stop wearing the bike and carry on reassembling it.
0:11:59 > 0:12:01'I'll need the rear mudguard.'
0:12:01 > 0:12:02So, mudguard itself.
0:12:05 > 0:12:06Four of those.
0:12:08 > 0:12:09And four washers.
0:12:11 > 0:12:14We can have a discussion about what those are over here at the bench.
0:12:14 > 0:12:19Now, back to that eternal question. What is a bolt and what is a screw?
0:12:19 > 0:12:21What is that? Now, technically, for it to be a bolt,
0:12:21 > 0:12:25it should have a doweling function, i.e. a portion that isn't threaded,
0:12:25 > 0:12:27they're to hold things in the right position,
0:12:27 > 0:12:29and is secured with a nut.
0:12:29 > 0:12:31If it's threaded all the way up,
0:12:31 > 0:12:33and it screws into a thread on another component,
0:12:33 > 0:12:34it is technically a screw.
0:12:34 > 0:12:35Now, these go into nuts.
0:12:35 > 0:12:39But they're nuts that are captive because they've been welded onto another component,
0:12:39 > 0:12:41so they're sort of going into another component,
0:12:41 > 0:12:43so what does that make that, a screw or a bolt?
0:12:43 > 0:12:46I think, apart from that I think it doesn't matter,
0:12:46 > 0:12:48I think it's a duality problem.
0:12:48 > 0:12:49It's like light.
0:12:49 > 0:12:52Is it a wave? Is it a particle?
0:12:52 > 0:12:53It depends on what you're trying to observe.
0:13:06 > 0:13:07I hate not being able to see.
0:13:07 > 0:13:11When I was young and people used to warn me about the dangers of
0:13:11 > 0:13:15playing on railways, riding bicycles without lights and so on,
0:13:15 > 0:13:18smoking behind the bike sheds, all that sort of thing,
0:13:18 > 0:13:20they used to say you'll get killed, you'll get a terrible disease,
0:13:20 > 0:13:22you think it can't happen to you, but it can.
0:13:22 > 0:13:24I did think it could happen to me.
0:13:24 > 0:13:26I always accepted that. I thought,
0:13:26 > 0:13:29"Well, you know, in the midst of life, we are in death.
0:13:29 > 0:13:32"It could be just around the corner, it could be in the next few minutes."
0:13:32 > 0:13:35I was quite happy with that idea. But I never imagined I would be old.
0:13:35 > 0:13:38It never even occurred to me.
0:13:38 > 0:13:39It was utterly unthinkable.
0:13:39 > 0:13:41And I still don't believe it.
0:13:41 > 0:13:45But here I am doing this, I've got a bad back, I can't see.
0:13:46 > 0:13:48The stain on my trousers, I'd like to point out though,
0:13:48 > 0:13:50is actually a bit of pizza from lunchtime.
0:13:50 > 0:13:52It's not because I've also become incontinent.
0:13:52 > 0:13:54I'm only 53.
0:13:54 > 0:13:58Right, that's all good. Back wheel. Brakes assembled.
0:13:58 > 0:13:59I just need the wheel and the hub.
0:14:00 > 0:14:02Let's go.
0:14:03 > 0:14:07Quite a few bits to get here. We've got the hub,
0:14:07 > 0:14:10the sprocket, back wheel.
0:14:15 > 0:14:19The Daimler-Maybach of 1885 is considered by historians
0:14:19 > 0:14:20to be the first motorcycle,
0:14:20 > 0:14:23although it should be pointed out that it's got four wheels.
0:14:23 > 0:14:26It's a sort of motorcycle with stabilisers on it.
0:14:27 > 0:14:31But I suppose, on the basis that one wheel at the back was driven
0:14:31 > 0:14:33and it had handlebars,
0:14:33 > 0:14:35it is a motorcycle of sorts.
0:14:35 > 0:14:39The motorcycle didn't really come right until well into the 1970s,
0:14:39 > 0:14:41at the very earliest.
0:14:41 > 0:14:44I mean, if you look at motorcycles from World War I era,
0:14:44 > 0:14:47it's not a bit of automotive history I know a great deal about,
0:14:47 > 0:14:50but they were terrible. Some of them didn't even have clutches,
0:14:50 > 0:14:52you had to sort of push them along to get them going.
0:14:52 > 0:14:54And you had to kill the engine to bring them to a stop.
0:14:55 > 0:14:58That, combined with the brakes being absolutely hopeless,
0:14:58 > 0:15:00was just lethal.
0:15:01 > 0:15:04I think the thing that's appealing about motorcycles, for me, anyway,
0:15:04 > 0:15:07is that it's the nearest thing a modern man has to the charger
0:15:07 > 0:15:12of the medieval knight, to the Arthurian questor of legend.
0:15:12 > 0:15:15Because it's a very similar, sort of, experience.
0:15:15 > 0:15:19You put on armour and you ride off alone into the sunset,
0:15:19 > 0:15:22or the sunrise, or whatever, to do some good deeds.
0:15:24 > 0:15:26And I think that, maybe, that is why it appeals to us.
0:15:26 > 0:15:30That and getting flies in your teeth.
0:15:30 > 0:15:32It's an interesting experience, riding a bike
0:15:32 > 0:15:35compared with driving a car. Because you do sit in a car.
0:15:35 > 0:15:39You react to what it does, you tilt your head as you go around bends,
0:15:39 > 0:15:42and you brace yourself more than you're conscious of doing,
0:15:42 > 0:15:43to be honest.
0:15:43 > 0:15:45But on a bike, especially a small bike,
0:15:45 > 0:15:48especially one as small as this,
0:15:48 > 0:15:51you are actually part of the, sort of, physics envelope of the whole thing,
0:15:51 > 0:15:54and how it works. How you move relative to the seat,
0:15:54 > 0:15:57where you tilt your head, whether or not you're tense or relaxed -
0:15:57 > 0:16:00that makes a huge difference to the way the thing performs,
0:16:00 > 0:16:03how smoothly it will go through a series of bends.
0:16:03 > 0:16:05And that's part of the appeal as well, I think.
0:16:05 > 0:16:08That you are, you really are at one with the machine,
0:16:08 > 0:16:09because you're part of it.
0:16:09 > 0:16:11Until the rider's sitting on the bike,
0:16:11 > 0:16:13the masses and the mass centralisation,
0:16:13 > 0:16:16and all that sort of stuff isn't fully resolved yet.
0:16:16 > 0:16:18You don't get on the bike, you sort of,
0:16:18 > 0:16:21without wishing to sound a bit crude about it,
0:16:21 > 0:16:22you insert the bike in you.
0:16:22 > 0:16:25Right, here we go.
0:16:25 > 0:16:26Oh, that's so nice.
0:16:34 > 0:16:37I think from this side,
0:16:37 > 0:16:38it's good, isn't it?
0:16:40 > 0:16:42There's no denying that that is a motorcycle.
0:16:42 > 0:16:43It's not much of one, but it is one.
0:16:45 > 0:16:46Right, let's put the engine in.
0:16:46 > 0:16:50We need just two bolts for this, those are definitely bolts.
0:16:50 > 0:16:54The nuts and spring washers, and the engine itself,
0:16:54 > 0:16:57which you will notice is already assembled.
0:16:57 > 0:16:58This I shall explain.
0:17:01 > 0:17:04Now, if you were watching very closely at the beginning in the aerial shot
0:17:04 > 0:17:07of the table you have spotted that the engine is already assembled.
0:17:07 > 0:17:08"Why?", you may be asking.
0:17:08 > 0:17:10Well, on The Reassembler,
0:17:10 > 0:17:14we've already put a single-cylinder engine together in the last series.
0:17:14 > 0:17:16Here are some highlights.
0:17:16 > 0:17:17Hey!
0:17:17 > 0:17:19What the hell is that?
0:17:19 > 0:17:21Do you want to see the piston go up and down?
0:17:26 > 0:17:28Brilliant, isn't it? Look at that.
0:17:28 > 0:17:30It's most of the machine.
0:17:31 > 0:17:33In eight hours and 34 minutes,
0:17:33 > 0:17:37or just under the time it takes to ride from Yeovil to Arbroath,
0:17:37 > 0:17:39I've reassembled most of the machine.
0:17:39 > 0:17:42I've made good progress with the frame and wheels,
0:17:42 > 0:17:45as well as the engine, chain and carburettor.
0:17:46 > 0:17:48Now we're going to get everything to do with your feet,
0:17:48 > 0:17:52so that's the foot pegs, the kick-starter, the gear selector,
0:17:52 > 0:17:55and the rear-brake pedal. We'll do all that in one go.
0:17:55 > 0:17:57The kick-starter.
0:17:57 > 0:17:59That is the kick-starter.
0:17:59 > 0:18:02All of the rear-brake components which is quite a lot of stuff,
0:18:02 > 0:18:07there's a spring, a clevis pin, brake pedal itself.
0:18:08 > 0:18:11And then we have the foot pegs.
0:18:11 > 0:18:12Righto.
0:18:14 > 0:18:17I think we will put on the foot pegs first.
0:18:17 > 0:18:20It's not widely known that the monkey bike,
0:18:20 > 0:18:25which we think of as a bit of comedy transport for hipsters, hippies,
0:18:25 > 0:18:26and other cool adults,
0:18:26 > 0:18:30actually started life as a piece of entertainment for children.
0:18:30 > 0:18:37The idea was that visitors to Soichiro Honda's theme park
0:18:37 > 0:18:41could have a go at riding the bikes, because they were small, so kids could do it.
0:18:41 > 0:18:43It was actually a very cunning marketing ploy.
0:18:43 > 0:18:46What it meant was the first bike that kids fell in love with was a Honda.
0:18:46 > 0:18:50The trouble is that the monkey bike proved so popular as an idea that
0:18:50 > 0:18:53Honda realised they'd have to put it into, sort of, serious production,
0:18:53 > 0:18:55and sell it to adults as well.
0:18:55 > 0:18:58Especially adults in the States who loved the idea of a miniature
0:18:58 > 0:19:04motorcycle that they could ride off-road, around their yards,
0:19:04 > 0:19:08their massive farms. Whatever.
0:19:08 > 0:19:11Once I've finished tightening up the bolts... Or are they screws?
0:19:11 > 0:19:13They're definitely bolts, I think.
0:19:13 > 0:19:16..of the foot pedals, I can get the handlebars on which is very exciting,
0:19:16 > 0:19:19because that's when it starts to look really motorbikey.
0:19:19 > 0:19:25One of the all-time consuming schisms amongst people
0:19:25 > 0:19:29who spend a lot of time doing things in sheds...
0:19:29 > 0:19:32I'm not talking about people who work in industry,
0:19:32 > 0:19:35so much as people who do this sort of thing out of sheer perversion.
0:19:35 > 0:19:37Should you drink tea or coffee?
0:19:37 > 0:19:41I find tea is more of an industrious drink.
0:19:41 > 0:19:45I think it's one of the reasons why Britain industrialised so quickly and effectively.
0:19:45 > 0:19:47Because we drank tea.
0:19:47 > 0:19:49But, also, there's the simple fact that coffee can make you a bit
0:19:49 > 0:19:51jittery if you have too much of it...
0:19:53 > 0:19:58..which is why I suppose the French weren't going to invent the first steam engine because...
0:19:58 > 0:20:00Or the Italians because they'd have a coffee
0:20:00 > 0:20:02and they just sat down and shook...
0:20:03 > 0:20:07whereas Thomas Newcomen had a cup of tea and thought,
0:20:07 > 0:20:09"Right, steam engine."
0:20:13 > 0:20:15A number of spring washers and things to go on here, because,
0:20:15 > 0:20:18obviously, these have to be very tightly secured.
0:20:19 > 0:20:21Otherwise, you'd be riding along,
0:20:21 > 0:20:25and you'd find yourself still holding the handlebars
0:20:25 > 0:20:27but the rest of the motorcycle would have disappeared.
0:20:29 > 0:20:32And just for one terrifying moment, you'd be going along
0:20:32 > 0:20:33like someone on a motorcycle,
0:20:33 > 0:20:36in the attitude of somebody on a motorcycle,
0:20:36 > 0:20:38but without the motorcycle.
0:20:40 > 0:20:43Imagine the terror.
0:20:43 > 0:20:45It wouldn't last long, I suppose, there is that.
0:20:50 > 0:20:52That's about 60 pound feet.
0:20:52 > 0:20:54That should do it.
0:20:54 > 0:20:56This is quite exciting.
0:20:56 > 0:20:58It's one of those moments where it
0:20:58 > 0:21:02becomes more motorcycley than it was just a couple of seconds ago.
0:21:02 > 0:21:03There's a bar.
0:21:14 > 0:21:19You know some sports cars have removable steering wheels?
0:21:19 > 0:21:23Whenever I've driven a car like that I've been going along something like
0:21:23 > 0:21:24an A road, and I've often wondered,
0:21:24 > 0:21:28can I take the steering wheel off and put it back on again before I have a crash.
0:21:28 > 0:21:32I think one of the dangers with these is I'd be riding along,
0:21:32 > 0:21:34hand on the throttle, and I'd think,
0:21:34 > 0:21:37I wonder if I could collapse that handlebar and get back on again
0:21:37 > 0:21:38before I get to the next bend.
0:21:38 > 0:21:40And eventually, I'd try it.
0:21:42 > 0:21:45But why wouldn't you? It's like being in a dark room with a tea cosy,
0:21:45 > 0:21:48you will put it on your head, won't you? Why wouldn't you?
0:21:48 > 0:21:49I think we'll put the front brake on,
0:21:49 > 0:21:51because as Ferdinand Porsche once said,
0:21:51 > 0:21:55nothing should be able to go faster than it can stop.
0:21:55 > 0:21:56So we need a lever.
0:21:57 > 0:22:00Nut, spring for the other end and the cable.
0:22:01 > 0:22:02Here we go.
0:22:10 > 0:22:12See, in some ways, I prefer it if I went more blind,
0:22:12 > 0:22:14then I'd just wear glasses all the time
0:22:14 > 0:22:16and I wouldn't spend half my life looking for them.
0:22:16 > 0:22:20So, the lever, there's only one lever on this because it doesn't have a clutch.
0:22:20 > 0:22:21It is centrifugal.
0:22:21 > 0:22:25The lever goes on there and it's retained with,
0:22:25 > 0:22:28this is technically a bolt because it has a doweling function.
0:22:28 > 0:22:30It's not threaded up its entire length,
0:22:30 > 0:22:33and it is secured with a nut.
0:22:33 > 0:22:39However, it also threads into the bar, which would make it a screw.
0:22:39 > 0:22:41So, you see, it's a pointless debate.
0:22:41 > 0:22:45There's no point, really, getting bogged down in it.
0:22:45 > 0:22:48In the spirit of not getting bogged down in things,
0:22:48 > 0:22:51I'll attach the other end of the brake cable.
0:22:51 > 0:22:54OK, there you go, there's a front brake.
0:22:54 > 0:22:55The motorcycle can stop.
0:22:58 > 0:23:00I, however, am not going to stop.
0:23:00 > 0:23:03I've got a monkey bike, and I'm going to reassemble it,
0:23:03 > 0:23:05whether you like it or not.
0:23:05 > 0:23:08I've been here for 12 hours and 19 minutes,
0:23:08 > 0:23:10and the night's starting to draw in.
0:23:10 > 0:23:13So let's do the lights.
0:23:13 > 0:23:14Oh, no.
0:23:14 > 0:23:16That's an interesting dilemma.
0:23:16 > 0:23:18That screw went under the side panel...
0:23:22 > 0:23:25..which, technically, I'm not allowed to touch.
0:23:27 > 0:23:30I can't touch it because I'll spoil that lovely top shot which shows the
0:23:30 > 0:23:34bike gradually diminishing on this table and
0:23:34 > 0:23:35flourishing on the bench,
0:23:35 > 0:23:38and I can't blow it out that way because it's...
0:23:38 > 0:23:39HE PUFFS
0:23:53 > 0:23:55I don't know what the rating of that bulb is,
0:23:55 > 0:23:59but I can tell you without even being able to read it that it's feeble
0:23:59 > 0:24:00in the extreme.
0:24:00 > 0:24:05So, your tyres didn't grip the road, you couldn't stop,
0:24:05 > 0:24:07and you couldn't see what you were going to hit anyway,
0:24:07 > 0:24:10because the lights were so pathetic.
0:24:10 > 0:24:15I mean, I'm amazed we stuck with it, really, the motorcycle, as an idea.
0:24:15 > 0:24:16If you proposed it now...
0:24:16 > 0:24:18Come on!
0:24:18 > 0:24:21People would say, "Don't be such an idiot."
0:24:23 > 0:24:26But stick with it they did, so I will.
0:24:26 > 0:24:27I'll attach the lights,
0:24:27 > 0:24:29then I can go back to the table and get the fuel tank.
0:24:32 > 0:24:34I love the yellow as a colour for cars and bikes.
0:24:34 > 0:24:36I think it's absolutely fantastic. I've got a yellow bike.
0:24:36 > 0:24:38I've had yellow cars. My first car was yellow,
0:24:38 > 0:24:41maybe that's got something to do with it.
0:24:46 > 0:24:48Observe the transformation.
0:24:59 > 0:25:01It doesn't need to be tight, it's mounted on rubber,
0:25:01 > 0:25:04just enough to stop it wobbling about.
0:25:04 > 0:25:07There you go. Fantastic.
0:25:07 > 0:25:10It's a toy motorcycle, but it is a motorcycle.
0:25:10 > 0:25:12It's the real thing. Let's put the seat on.
0:25:12 > 0:25:14The much repaired seat.
0:25:14 > 0:25:17Look at that. It's half vinyl, half insulating tape.
0:25:18 > 0:25:22Gaffer tape. Seat, in position.
0:25:31 > 0:25:33That's good. I love the bits of tape.
0:25:33 > 0:25:35That means it's been... It's been loved, actually, that means,
0:25:35 > 0:25:38because somebody rode it so much that it started to split
0:25:38 > 0:25:39cos they always do eventually,
0:25:39 > 0:25:41but, bothered to mend it.
0:25:41 > 0:25:44I like that. That's part of its history.
0:25:44 > 0:25:47It's part of what makes this one this one and not one of the other ones
0:25:47 > 0:25:51since they're all, essentially, copies of a master monkey bike.
0:25:51 > 0:25:53That's the nature of mass production.
0:25:53 > 0:25:57But this one, over time and use, has become specifically this one.
0:25:57 > 0:26:03Fuel pipe. I'm going to reduce the remaining-part count by 50%.
0:26:03 > 0:26:08Done it. Part number 302 of 303.
0:26:08 > 0:26:12This piece is laden with meaning if you're into finding meanings in
0:26:12 > 0:26:18things, because it links the tank, the home to the fuel of our dreams,
0:26:18 > 0:26:20petrol, which is useless by itself, of course,
0:26:20 > 0:26:23it's just an annoying smelly liquid.
0:26:23 > 0:26:25But it joins it up with the carburettor
0:26:25 > 0:26:28which is the entry point for it doing something useful,
0:26:28 > 0:26:32i.e. going into the cylinder and being burned
0:26:32 > 0:26:35so that you can...ride along.
0:26:35 > 0:26:38The union is made.
0:26:38 > 0:26:39Fuel meets the engine.
0:26:40 > 0:26:43We're ready to go, apart from that side panel.
0:26:44 > 0:26:47And you'll be amazed how tricky this is to fit.
0:26:50 > 0:26:52If you talk to people about reassembling things
0:26:52 > 0:26:53they will always try and be funny and say,
0:26:53 > 0:26:56"I put together a bicycle", or whatever, and had a part left over.
0:26:56 > 0:26:58And so do I, look, there it is. But not for long.
0:26:58 > 0:27:03Are you ready? The final piece of the 303.
0:27:03 > 0:27:05And one of the trickiest to put on.
0:27:07 > 0:27:09Here it is, the side panel.
0:27:12 > 0:27:13It's like a kung-fu move.
0:27:15 > 0:27:19Brilliant. Meaningless, though, if it doesn't work.
0:27:21 > 0:27:25If there's a better way to spend 13 hours and 51 minutes, well,
0:27:25 > 0:27:27I'd like to hear about it.
0:27:27 > 0:27:30I feel as though, together, we've come on a journey.
0:27:30 > 0:27:33It may have been me assembling the forks on the brakes
0:27:33 > 0:27:37and the electrics and all that other stuff, but I couldn't have done it without you, viewers.
0:27:37 > 0:27:39We may have had some bumpy times along the way,
0:27:39 > 0:27:42but if this monkey bike works, I feel our relationship
0:27:42 > 0:27:45will be all the stronger for it.
0:27:45 > 0:27:49It is quite small. It's also very humble.
0:27:49 > 0:27:54But it does represent complete liberty, two wheels, one piston,
0:27:54 > 0:27:56that's all you need. Well, that's all you need if it actually works.
0:27:56 > 0:27:58So let's find out.
0:27:59 > 0:28:04Throttle stop just engaging, fuel on, tiny bit of choke.
0:28:04 > 0:28:06Carburettor settings, I've done.
0:28:07 > 0:28:09Here we go.
0:28:09 > 0:28:10ENGINE ENGAGES
0:28:16 > 0:28:17Deep joy.
0:28:18 > 0:28:19Now, does it idle?
0:28:19 > 0:28:21ENGINE IDLES
0:28:24 > 0:28:25I believe it does.
0:28:26 > 0:28:31I think this calls for some sunglasses, some dry ice,
0:28:31 > 0:28:32and some Steppenwolf.
0:28:34 > 0:28:36MUSIC: Born To Be Wild by Steppenwolf
0:28:40 > 0:28:44# Get your motor runnin'
0:28:44 > 0:28:47# Head out on the highway
0:28:47 > 0:28:50# Lookin' for adventure
0:28:50 > 0:28:53# And whatever comes our way
0:28:53 > 0:28:57# Yeah, darling go and make it happen
0:28:57 > 0:29:01# Take the world in a love embrace
0:29:01 > 0:29:03# Fire all of your guns at once
0:29:03 > 0:29:06# And explode into space
0:29:06 > 0:29:10# Like a true nature's child
0:29:10 > 0:29:13# We were born, born to be wild
0:29:13 > 0:29:15# We can climb so high
0:29:15 > 0:29:20# I never want to die
0:29:20 > 0:29:21# Born to be wild... #