:09:20. > :09:24.The last game of the season and our first win. I kicked the ball and it
:09:25. > :09:33.went close to the corner and the post in front of me. They said to
:09:34. > :09:39.me, for God's sake, go and referee or something, will you? Nigel stayed
:09:40. > :09:42.with the school, taking a job as a technician and worked his way up
:09:43. > :09:49.through the referee ranks. While living at home with his parents at
:09:50. > :09:56.home. He was quick to learn the tricks of the trade, especially from
:09:57. > :10:02.mentors. So far, the only Welsh referee of the World Cup final. The
:10:03. > :10:11.earliest memories of Nigel were of a 16-year-old boy. He used to catch
:10:12. > :10:18.one, two, three buses to get to the venue where he was referee. Up at
:10:19. > :10:25.7am, didn't stop until about 9:30 p.m.. Dead keen. There was a referee
:10:26. > :10:29.who used to wear a blazer. He said when he was a referee he used to
:10:30. > :10:40.keep a whistle in his blazer pocket. By the time he put it in his mouth
:10:41. > :10:44.to blow for -- blow, he would know whether or not to blow the whistle.
:10:45. > :10:49.If it was up here it was too late, you would blow it. He said he always
:10:50. > :10:55.kept it down though. Then by the time you brought it up you would
:10:56. > :10:57.know whether or not you had to blow it. The hardest thing for a referee
:10:58. > :11:16.is knowing when or not to blow it. I have the whistle OK? Somebody
:11:17. > :11:24.called for the offence. Derek told me a happy referee was a good
:11:25. > :11:30.referee. He said, next time don't tell them and mollycoddle them, you
:11:31. > :11:34.tell them, I've asked you and now I am telling you. Do that again and
:11:35. > :11:40.you are gone. I always remember that. I stated quite clearly, the
:11:41. > :11:43.conditions are not an issue. The issue is with your binding. I
:11:44. > :11:55.suggest you get it in order. I have asked you, now I am telling you. He
:11:56. > :11:59.had a lot of 1-liners. In Wales, you are going to the same clubs every
:12:00. > :12:04.Saturday, referee a lot of the same people, internationals, top-class
:12:05. > :12:10.players. So you have to earn that reputation. Once players trust of
:12:11. > :12:14.the referee, he is well on his way. Trust between players and referees
:12:15. > :12:22.is absolutely massive. Before long, Nigel joined the company, a group of
:12:23. > :12:29.senior referees. But while success soared on the pitch, offbeat his own
:12:30. > :12:36.self-esteem and denial of his sexuality darkened. -- off it.
:12:37. > :12:39.Worried about his weight, he did weighttraining and took steroids.
:12:40. > :12:46.The biggest challenge I had was dealing with who I was. But then at
:12:47. > :12:50.about 18 or 19 I was becoming different and starting to have
:12:51. > :12:55.feelings for somebody of the same sex as me and this was all alien to
:12:56. > :13:00.me. This is not the way I have been brought up, this is not what I know.
:13:01. > :13:05.That was a very difficult time in my life. I remember doing something for
:13:06. > :13:12.the first time with another guy and I felt sick and physically sick and
:13:13. > :13:18.ashamed afterwards of what I have done. I was feeling with accepting
:13:19. > :13:22.who I was. I was brought up in a small community and not really
:13:23. > :13:28.knowing what being gay and not knowing gay people. You go back
:13:29. > :13:34.20-25 years, all of a sudden this was making me depressed. It was
:13:35. > :13:37.making me ill. With that I became bulimic, because I wasn't looking
:13:38. > :13:44.healthy, I wasn't looking well enough to attract another man, I
:13:45. > :13:48.guess. I got hooked on steroids and I couldn't come off steroids. I
:13:49. > :13:52.abused steroids at one of the big side effects is it makes you
:13:53. > :13:59.depressed as well and makes you short tempered. I was going downhill
:14:00. > :14:07.very fast to a very dark place, where there was no way out for me at
:14:08. > :14:12.one stage. I did something one night that I will regret for the rest of
:14:13. > :14:17.my life. I left a note for my mum and dad and said, I can't carry on
:14:18. > :14:22.any more with my life. I didn't tell them why. I left the house that
:14:23. > :14:28.night with a shotgun loaded, with a couple of boxes of paracetamol and a
:14:29. > :14:35.bottle of whiskey and just walked around the village. For the last
:14:36. > :14:42.time. Looking back at everything, I guess. Where I had grown up and
:14:43. > :14:50.spent 19 years of my life in this small, wonderful village and
:14:51. > :14:55.community. Funnily enough, what I took to take my own life that might
:14:56. > :15:01.actually saved me in one sense. I overdosed with paracetamol and the
:15:02. > :15:07.whiskey and it put me into a coma. If I hadn't got into that coma, I
:15:08. > :15:13.would have pulled the trigger of the gun without a doubt. I was found by
:15:14. > :15:19.the police helicopter and when my mum and dad came into see me, I was
:15:20. > :15:24.an only child as well, I remember my mum told me that night in hospital,
:15:25. > :15:27.if you do anything like that again then you take me and your dad with
:15:28. > :15:36.you because we don't want to live without you. I realised then what I
:15:37. > :15:43.had done and I told myself, you need to grow up and you need to accept
:15:44. > :15:51.who you are and that was the first big turning point in my life in
:15:52. > :15:56.getting through this, you know? That's when I have to accept I was
:15:57. > :16:00.different. But for the next eight years Nigel continued to keep his
:16:01. > :16:05.homosexuality a secret, hiding it even from his family and friends,
:16:06. > :16:09.will read what people might think, worried what would happen to his
:16:10. > :16:16.blossoming career in the rugby and media, becoming a co- presenter on
:16:17. > :16:21.the Jonathan Show. But he couldn't live the life forever. I wasn't
:16:22. > :16:25.happy in my life because I was hiding it. I was lying who I was. I
:16:26. > :16:30.was trying to live a life that I couldn't live and hiding it from
:16:31. > :16:34.people. I was worried what people, mum and dad, my friends, whether
:16:35. > :16:39.they would accept me. It is only one word with three letters, gay, but
:16:40. > :16:45.sitting down and telling them you are gay is not easy and I told my
:16:46. > :16:51.mum and she cried and I cried. Nobody is out in the macho world of
:16:52. > :16:57.rugby. Am I going to be able to carry on with my referee in? Or am I
:16:58. > :17:03.going to have to just tell my family and friends and you'll live a lie in
:17:04. > :17:08.the public eye, in the rugby world? Or am I going to have to be who I am
:17:09. > :17:13.and give up a referee in? To think that anybody has to make the
:17:14. > :17:16.decision of being who you are all continuing in the sport that you
:17:17. > :17:24.love is a decision that nobody should have to make, in being gay or
:17:25. > :17:30.carrying on in rugby. Nobody should have to make that decision. Rave and
:17:31. > :17:33.audacious, he literally came out of the closet on prime-time TV and
:17:34. > :17:38.hoped for the best. I had a text of him saying that he was gay and he
:17:39. > :17:43.was coming out. It didn't bother me, because a friend is a friend and it
:17:44. > :17:48.is up to him what he is going to do in his own time. I said that to
:17:49. > :17:53.him. I am still your friend, don't worry about it. I knew it was a
:17:54. > :17:57.difficult time for him, so we tried to make light of it and said, right,
:17:58. > :18:02.you're going to come out on the show. He wasn't sure at the start. I
:18:03. > :18:07.said, you come out of the closet and save, I am what I am, then we won't
:18:08. > :18:09.mention it and see if people catch on or not. A sickly he agreed and
:18:10. > :18:33.that's what happened. When the closet opened I came out
:18:34. > :18:39.and you have no idea what a feeling it was when pretty much everybody in
:18:40. > :18:43.the audience stood up and applauded. Then I went to my seat and everybody
:18:44. > :18:47.clapped and laughed and we got on with the show. Then the EU and those
:18:48. > :18:52.came and it has been part of the show ever since. Onset, to work with
:18:53. > :18:56.Nigel is fantastic. He has helped a lot of people by talking about it in
:18:57. > :19:01.the way that he does. He doesn't take itself too seriously and I know
:19:02. > :19:04.he gets weekly letters, e-mails, tweets, about how the way he has
:19:05. > :19:08.dealt with his sexuality has helped others. That's important to
:19:09. > :19:15.remember, that he has done it the right way. It was a key moment for
:19:16. > :19:22.sport, not just rugby, all sport. I think it was a massive step forward
:19:23. > :19:27.for him. Yes, you know, it didn't affect rugby in any way. It probably
:19:28. > :19:33.made the sport closer. It encouraged other people in sport perhaps to
:19:34. > :19:36.come out as well. I think a lot of people on the periphery thanked him
:19:37. > :19:40.for coming out and the strength he has given those individuals. Yes, it
:19:41. > :19:49.was a big step forward for rug union. I saw a more relaxed, more
:19:50. > :19:57.happy referee. I think he wasn't performing as well as he is now when
:19:58. > :20:01.that was in the back of his mind. I think it did help his refereeing. He
:20:02. > :20:06.is a nice lad, he really is a nice lad. He is liked by a lot of
:20:07. > :20:12.people, you know? Something we know is that a lot of young lesbian, gay
:20:13. > :20:15.and trans people feel that sport is something that is not for them and
:20:16. > :20:19.they might not be safe there, that it's not somewhere that will be
:20:20. > :20:23.accepting and I think the importance of people like Nigel is that they
:20:24. > :20:29.show those young people that sport is a place for anyone. Referee is by
:20:30. > :20:34.nature are open to abuse from the crowd. So if you come out as the gay
:20:35. > :20:40.referee, you're putting yourself in a position where anything could
:20:41. > :20:44.happen. And it hasn't. And I think he has been the catalyst, the one
:20:45. > :20:49.person who has exhilarated all sport towards the point where if you find
:20:50. > :20:57.out that somebody is gay you just go, so what? But some fans still
:20:58. > :21:01.hurl homophobic abuse, which Nigel has had to tackle. English rugby
:21:02. > :21:05.bosses have launched an investigation after Welsh referee
:21:06. > :21:11.Nigel Owens was allegedly subjected to homophobic abuse. One supporter
:21:12. > :21:14.from Yorkshire reported the behaviour to the Rugby Football
:21:15. > :21:18.Union and brokered the guardian. He said he couldn't believe that a
:21:19. > :21:22.bunch of men were hurling such nasty, foulmouthed, racist and
:21:23. > :21:26.homophobic abuse and he said it made him feel ashamed. It does hurt when
:21:27. > :21:31.you hear those things and it is in the papers and the press. And, you
:21:32. > :21:35.know, people are phoning you up, can you comment on this? You think, do I
:21:36. > :21:43.really need to go through all of this again? But then knowing that it
:21:44. > :21:46.helps stamp it out and knowing that it helps encourage people to stand
:21:47. > :21:50.up and speak out against this type of abuse, because those are the
:21:51. > :21:55.people who make a difference. The people who make a difference other
:21:56. > :21:58.in the stadium who wrote that letter that day to the paper, who stood up
:21:59. > :22:03.and told people, this is not acceptable. People sent in letters
:22:04. > :22:08.afterwards and said they heard this. Those other people, the true heroes,
:22:09. > :22:18.who really make the difference in stamping out abuse, that shouldn't
:22:19. > :22:20.be a part of sport or society. Nigel now finds himself lauded like never
:22:21. > :23:15.before on the rugby circuit. Despite being a globetrotting sports
:23:16. > :23:21.star, Nigel hasn't moved from home and likes nothing down returning to
:23:22. > :23:28.his village to be with his family friends and community. He wears his
:23:29. > :23:31.Welshness with pride has been recognised for it. Swapping the
:23:32. > :23:37.rugby shirt for the green down, Nigel welcomed today with writers,
:23:38. > :23:43.poets, musicians and others, honoured for their contribution to
:23:44. > :23:46.Welsh life. He is proud to speak Welsh whenever he can, even when
:23:47. > :23:56.disciplining players on the pitch. He doesn't mind speaking English and
:23:57. > :24:01.Welsh and we have had a banter on the field in both languages. But he
:24:02. > :24:04.is far too sharp for me. I never answer back because, when it comes
:24:05. > :24:09.to banter, you don't mess with Nigel. He is a big lover of the
:24:10. > :24:17.Welsh language and speaks to other players in Welsh. And when you've
:24:18. > :24:21.got Samoans, Fijians and others playing, they don't have a clue what
:24:22. > :24:25.he's talking about and we have to telling off this occasionally. With
:24:26. > :24:29.his new celebrity status, Nigel was spurred on to write a book, laying
:24:30. > :24:33.bare the inner turmoil he suffered and how he battled through. The
:24:34. > :24:38.launch at a rugby club in 2008 was the last time his mother was able to
:24:39. > :24:42.leave the house. She died of cancer a couple of months later. It is
:24:43. > :24:48.unbelievable. They had to turn people away. People couldn't get
:24:49. > :24:53.into the club. Mum was there and she told me afterwards it meant a lot to
:24:54. > :24:56.her, knowing... I had just come out of the year before. It had been a
:24:57. > :25:02.difficult time for them and me. It was like she knew, OK, I can leave
:25:03. > :25:09.this world now knowing that people respect him and accept him for who
:25:10. > :25:16.he is. I lost a massive part of my life that night. That's when I lost
:25:17. > :25:24.my mum and every time when I lined up now at an international game I
:25:25. > :25:29.always, wherever the home countries, whenever they sing anthem, just for
:25:30. > :25:33.ten seconds or so I look up into the sky and just think about her. I did
:25:34. > :25:36.about her all the time and I look at the sky and just think about her for
:25:37. > :25:56.those ten seconds. Today, Nigel, at the age of 44, is
:25:57. > :26:02.the most senior referee on the international circuit, with 60 caps
:26:03. > :26:06.going into his third World Cup. He keeps his body fit and his mind as
:26:07. > :26:15.calm as possible. For every game he listens to the same Welsh hymn.
:26:16. > :26:28.SONG PLAYS. But, despite his experience, international matches
:26:29. > :26:33.don't get any easier. Especially at the scrum and breakdown. The key
:26:34. > :26:36.area of the game is the breakdown. You have to referee that well. If
:26:37. > :26:41.you do that then the game looks after itself, plus you have more
:26:42. > :26:44.breakdowns and tackles in the game than any other phase. That's where
:26:45. > :26:51.the continuity of the game comes from. You have so much to look for
:26:52. > :26:53.in that split second. Players run off their feet, sticking their hands
:26:54. > :26:58.where they shouldn't. There's negativity. You have to deal with
:26:59. > :27:04.it. You can deal with it, do know? Whereas the scrum, if the scrum
:27:05. > :27:09.becomes a total mess, both sides collapse. There's not much you can
:27:10. > :27:12.do about that. The only thing you can do is penalised them and give
:27:13. > :27:19.them a yellow card. When they come back on if they stay up there and
:27:20. > :27:22.you have done your job. It is difficult to referee, but you can
:27:23. > :27:28.sort it out if it needs it. Back at the World Cup, Nigel displays
:27:29. > :27:31.exceptional refereeing, letting play continue while talking to his
:27:32. > :27:42.television official about it possible dangerous tackle. Let's
:27:43. > :27:45.have a look! It was. Hi. OK. Nigel is now at the pinnacle of his
:27:46. > :27:51.powers. Whether this is his last World Cup, who knows? What is
:27:52. > :27:58.certain, he has helped bring rugby and sport into the 21st century. He
:27:59. > :28:05.is top bracket. He is of the very best in an age where referee
:28:06. > :28:10.standards are going up quickly. He is a pioneer in the age of
:28:11. > :28:16.professional refereeing on many fronts and he has helped push back
:28:17. > :28:20.the boundaries of officiating at just the right moments, because the
:28:21. > :28:25.game needs to be very carefully controlled. There is a sort of
:28:26. > :28:33.universal truth about rugby, it's a simple game, but it's a very
:28:34. > :28:38.difficult game to referee well. Rugby union is not only the greatest
:28:39. > :28:41.team sport in the world on the field, but without a shard of a
:28:42. > :28:46.doubt is the greatest team sport in the world off the field, because if
:28:47. > :28:51.it wasn't for rugby union than the players, spectators, the communities
:28:52. > :28:54.of rugby, I could never be who I am today. I certainly wouldn't be going
:28:55. > :29:07.to the World Cup to referee. That's for sure.
:29:08. > :29:21.For details of organisations which offer advice and support, go
:29:22. > :29:25.online, or call BBC Action Line to hear recorded information. Lines are
:29:26. > :29:27.open 24 hours and calls are free from landlines and mobiles.