0:00:02 > 0:00:05So the BBC have asked myself and Jake to do a programme
0:00:05 > 0:00:09about Northern Ireland fans going to France this summer for the Euros.
0:00:11 > 0:00:12The thing is, neither of us
0:00:12 > 0:00:15knows nor cares anything about football.
0:00:18 > 0:00:20On the upside, we are getting to go to Paris, which is
0:00:20 > 0:00:23my excuse to drive this little French icon.
0:00:23 > 0:00:25Northern Ireland will have played
0:00:25 > 0:00:28and been knocked out of the Euros by the time I'm picked up.
0:00:30 > 0:00:33HE BEEPS HORN
0:00:33 > 0:00:35You're kidding. Somebody's kidding me here.
0:00:35 > 0:00:37COLIN LAUGHS
0:00:39 > 0:00:40Bonjour!
0:00:43 > 0:00:46- I'm not getting in it. I'm not getting in.- Go on! - I'm not getting in!
0:00:46 > 0:00:48- It's French.- French my hole.
0:00:48 > 0:00:53- It Gallic charm, get in. - Look, look. It's not a car.
0:00:59 > 0:01:02CROWD CHANTING
0:01:04 > 0:01:08Football and football fanaticism really is a mystery to us.
0:01:08 > 0:01:11So this is a real journey into the unknown.
0:01:15 > 0:01:17You've done something against somebody at the Beeb.
0:01:17 > 0:01:21Because somebody's sitting there going, "Wait, what don't they like? Both of them don't like football.
0:01:21 > 0:01:25- "Let's have them do something about football."- What I don't like about football...- Go, go, go!
0:01:25 > 0:01:27I'm going as fast as I can.
0:01:27 > 0:01:30I do not want to get into an accident on Sandy Row.
0:01:30 > 0:01:34- In a green and white car. - I don't understand the...
0:01:34 > 0:01:37- Fervour. - ..obsession people have with it.
0:01:37 > 0:01:39I genuinely cannot fathom it.
0:01:41 > 0:01:44See, when you get in a taxi and the taxi driver,
0:01:44 > 0:01:48first thing they will say is, "Are you watching the match tonight?"
0:01:48 > 0:01:51And you go, "Sorry, I don't follow football."
0:01:51 > 0:01:54What I get away with when I say that, I say, "No, I'm into boxing."
0:01:54 > 0:01:57And then they go, "Aye, he's all right. What about the cage fighting?
0:01:57 > 0:02:01- "Oh, I love the cage fighting." - No, I'm not a man, apparently.
0:02:01 > 0:02:04- I'm not a man. - Well, there's something maybe...
0:02:08 > 0:02:11Northern Ireland, that's all I know about Northern Ireland football.
0:02:11 > 0:02:15I know who he is, the person that painted him clearly has no idea what he looks like, but...
0:02:15 > 0:02:19He did not have one massive arm and one tiny little arm.
0:02:19 > 0:02:21We're going to have to know more about Northern Ireland
0:02:21 > 0:02:25football than just George Best. Something.
0:02:25 > 0:02:30- Yeah. No, we can't...- We can't just talk George Best. They'll catch us on.- We're going to be found out.
0:02:30 > 0:02:32Yeah, they'll find us out, they'll find us out.
0:02:38 > 0:02:39Give her the gutty.
0:02:41 > 0:02:45- Do you know what this is? It's a moped on four wheels.- It's not, if anything, it's a lawnmower.
0:02:45 > 0:02:48It's a lawnmower with seatbelts.
0:02:48 > 0:02:51'Ignorance is bliss, but in a bid to look professional,
0:02:51 > 0:02:54'we knew we needed to talk to someone who knows about Northern Ireland
0:02:54 > 0:02:58'football and who could explain how the Euro 16 tournament works.'
0:03:01 > 0:03:03Yes, it was obvious and unavoidable.
0:03:03 > 0:03:07The only person with this kind of information was a taxi driver.
0:03:09 > 0:03:11Meet Gary Wallace, who lives near Ballyclare.
0:03:11 > 0:03:14He's been a Northern Ireland fan for over 35 years
0:03:14 > 0:03:19and has a memorabilia collection to prove it.
0:03:19 > 0:03:21The thing about us, we have no background with football.
0:03:21 > 0:03:24We're trying to get our heads around what this is.
0:03:24 > 0:03:26You either love it or hate it.
0:03:26 > 0:03:30And the obsession with it, the sort of the details and knowing.
0:03:30 > 0:03:34How... The playing out of this thing. Explain this to us, write this down.
0:03:34 > 0:03:35GARY LAUGHS
0:03:35 > 0:03:39- So, there's six groups.- Yeah. - A, B, C,
0:03:39 > 0:03:41D, E, F.
0:03:41 > 0:03:43There's four teams in each group.
0:03:43 > 0:03:46So the four teams in each of the groups will play each other once.
0:03:46 > 0:03:50The top two teams will qualify. Plus the four best third placed teams.
0:03:50 > 0:03:54So, basically, if you win one game, you'll have three points.
0:03:54 > 0:03:58So by winning one match, you could actually qualify for the knockout
0:03:58 > 0:04:01- stages of the last 16.- As one of the third...- Third-best team.
0:04:01 > 0:04:05- Third placed team. - I sense you've got a wall chart.
0:04:05 > 0:04:08- I was just saying, they haven't printed them yet.- Have they not?
0:04:08 > 0:04:12But look at the excitement. Look at the excitement in your eyes.
0:04:12 > 0:04:14They'll not come out until nearer the tournament.
0:04:14 > 0:04:17The football albums, they'll be coming out shortly.
0:04:17 > 0:04:21- Yeah, the stickers.- They'll be the big thing.- And are grown men still going around getting the stickers?
0:04:21 > 0:04:25I know some of the guys in our club who've just been going daft, they can't wait until it comes out.
0:04:25 > 0:04:28They've finally got one with Northern Ireland in it.
0:04:28 > 0:04:33- So you're going to have grown men in work going, "Can you swap..."- Swapsies, yeah.
0:04:33 > 0:04:38So, the collection, is it on display or is it in a box?
0:04:38 > 0:04:41- I've got a wee special room up the stairs.- A special room?
0:04:41 > 0:04:45- Special room.- Where I've got stuff piled up in, so I do.
0:04:45 > 0:04:47Oh, we have to see this.
0:04:51 > 0:04:53HE LAUGHS
0:04:58 > 0:04:59This is terrifying.
0:04:59 > 0:05:01JAKE LAUGHS
0:05:03 > 0:05:06This is insane, this is like something out of The X-Files.
0:05:06 > 0:05:08This is very good, I like this.
0:05:08 > 0:05:12There's a programme, the first game I was ever at, George Best one.
0:05:12 > 0:05:16- What is your most precious? - Oh, that one. Sammy McIlroy shirt.
0:05:16 > 0:05:18- McIlory?- A complete surprise, that result that night,
0:05:18 > 0:05:20nobody expected that to happen.
0:05:20 > 0:05:24- There's an interesting one. - That's my mum with Jackie Fullerton and Georgie Best
0:05:24 > 0:05:26when he played in a friendly for Ballyclare Comrades.
0:05:26 > 0:05:31You're not the only man in the world who's said that, "There's my mum with George Best."
0:05:31 > 0:05:33Or Jackie Fullerton.
0:05:34 > 0:05:37- This has cost a fortune over the years, then?- You never
0:05:37 > 0:05:40notice how much it costs when you are just buying one item at a time.
0:05:40 > 0:05:42I think your wife might know how much it costs.
0:05:42 > 0:05:45When you add it up, it'll probably be pretty expensive.
0:05:45 > 0:05:48I'd like you to know, Gary has a very good alarm system
0:05:48 > 0:05:51- and a very large dog.- The rest... - A very large dog.
0:05:51 > 0:05:54'Yes, fact fans, you heard that right, Gary does not live alone.
0:05:54 > 0:05:57'He's married to Dee, and she started by telling us
0:05:57 > 0:05:59'how surprised she was to find us in her kitchen.'
0:05:59 > 0:06:01He doesn't tell you anything.
0:06:01 > 0:06:03- He didn't tell you we were coming today?- No.
0:06:03 > 0:06:05He got up this morning at eight o'clock, which is very
0:06:05 > 0:06:10unusual for Gary. And the Hoover was on,
0:06:10 > 0:06:12which is very unusual for Gary.
0:06:12 > 0:06:16- And...- Which room did he hoover? I'm guessing there was only one room.- One room.
0:06:16 > 0:06:19- The shrine.- Yes, no other room got hoovered.
0:06:20 > 0:06:25- I don't go into it.- Why? Does it depress you?- Depress me?
0:06:25 > 0:06:28It's the things that I could do with that room.
0:06:31 > 0:06:33This is it, you've got to draw a line, Dee.
0:06:33 > 0:06:36Look at this tablecloth, Dee, you've got to draw a line.
0:06:36 > 0:06:39Can I just say, this is not my tablecloth?
0:06:39 > 0:06:41THEY LAUGH
0:06:41 > 0:06:42This has to be... This is love.
0:06:45 > 0:06:47He went for a pint of milk, you phoned him...
0:06:47 > 0:06:51I texted him to bring home milk and bread
0:06:51 > 0:06:54for me coming home from work.
0:06:54 > 0:06:56And Gary was in Stockholm.
0:06:56 > 0:06:57THEY LAUGH
0:06:57 > 0:06:59He hadn't told you...
0:06:59 > 0:07:02- I actually don't find out... - I want to marry you!
0:07:02 > 0:07:04Why couldn't I have found you?
0:07:04 > 0:07:06If I did that, do you know what my wife would say to me?
0:07:06 > 0:07:08"Stay in Stockholm, don't come home."
0:07:10 > 0:07:12Was he like this when you married him?
0:07:12 > 0:07:14He wasn't, no, not as extreme as he is now.
0:07:14 > 0:07:18This does feel like an intervention, this does feel like an intervention.
0:07:18 > 0:07:20Does he wash those shirts whenever he gets them?
0:07:20 > 0:07:22No, you want the sweat, you want...
0:07:22 > 0:07:25You couldn't wash Sammy McIlroy's shirt.
0:07:25 > 0:07:27(I think he smells them. I think he takes it out...)
0:07:27 > 0:07:30HE SNIFFS
0:07:30 > 0:07:31So, Dee, there's a big match tonight.
0:07:31 > 0:07:34We're going to go to the match tonight. Gary has told us
0:07:34 > 0:07:36he's got a special outfit that he wears to the match.
0:07:36 > 0:07:40- Call him in, call him in, let's have a look.- Gary.- Yes, pet?
0:07:40 > 0:07:42THEY LAUGH
0:07:45 > 0:07:50I'm so sorry for you! Come here, come here. Oh, I'm so sorry.
0:07:50 > 0:07:52Can you see what's on the back?
0:07:52 > 0:07:56- "Sheepshagger." - Ballyclare Sheepshaggers.
0:07:56 > 0:08:00Nobody's going to start a fight when you're dressed like this.
0:08:00 > 0:08:02I know what else you have.
0:08:02 > 0:08:04I know how valuable that is, but believe you me,
0:08:04 > 0:08:07you've got the best wife in Northern Ireland, that's for sure.
0:08:07 > 0:08:11- You've got the best wife in Northern Ireland.- She's very understanding. - Very understanding.
0:08:11 > 0:08:12Very understanding.
0:08:12 > 0:08:14JAKE LAUGHS
0:08:17 > 0:08:20She's not as ugly as many...
0:08:22 > 0:08:23..cream buns.
0:08:27 > 0:08:28Oh.
0:08:30 > 0:08:35- There's no gluten in meringues. Sure there's no gluten meringues? - There shouldn't be any gluten.
0:08:37 > 0:08:41It's only cream and sugar. Very healthy for you. It is.
0:08:44 > 0:08:47In, um, France - patisserie, you'll be able to eat them.
0:08:47 > 0:08:52I'll tell you where I'll go, I'll go and watch you eat buns. That'll be nice. Yeah, that'll be...
0:08:52 > 0:08:53That's my life's ambition.
0:08:58 > 0:09:01Next stop, Greyabbey, to meet Bobby Wallace and his sons.
0:09:01 > 0:09:04They've bought a camper van to drive to the Euros, which is
0:09:04 > 0:09:07interesting because none of them have ever been camping.
0:09:08 > 0:09:12- Bobby.- Yes?- You don't camp. - Absolutely not.
0:09:12 > 0:09:15And your plan is to drive over in this and then camp and go to the Euros.
0:09:15 > 0:09:17The idea was me and the two sons would go,
0:09:17 > 0:09:21and we thought it would be really cool to do it in a motorhome.
0:09:26 > 0:09:30What they've actually created is a teenage boy's bedroom on wheels.
0:09:35 > 0:09:36This is compact and bijou, boys.
0:09:36 > 0:09:40This is definitely not as big as I thought on the inside.
0:09:40 > 0:09:42It a bit like the TARDIS, only in reverse, I have to tell you.
0:09:42 > 0:09:45There's a thermostat. Have you got heating in this?
0:09:45 > 0:09:49- Yeah, there's hot water and... - This is flash.
0:09:49 > 0:09:51I have an old VW, there's none of this. THEY LAUGH
0:09:51 > 0:09:54There's no toilet in my VW, which I'm quite happy about.
0:09:54 > 0:09:57See that thing? That's the thing that will break a family up.
0:09:57 > 0:10:01- Do you reckon?- You have not lived until you have sat there, right, having a cup
0:10:01 > 0:10:04of tea and eating breakfast while he's in there squeezing one out.
0:10:04 > 0:10:05JAKE MAKES FARTING NOISE
0:10:06 > 0:10:08It was time to get the motorhome on the road
0:10:08 > 0:10:11and enjoy the more welcome smell of fresh country air.
0:10:11 > 0:10:16Bobby and the boys followed us to a nearby campsite.
0:10:16 > 0:10:19I think these boys are going to get last somewhere in the south of France.
0:10:19 > 0:10:21End up picking grapes for the rest of the summer.
0:10:21 > 0:10:24This is the biggest trip these boys have done.
0:10:24 > 0:10:27HE LAUGHS
0:10:27 > 0:10:29When we got to the campsite, we waited as the lads used the
0:10:29 > 0:10:32camper van to get changed into their match gear.
0:10:34 > 0:10:37They've got music on the side of the van. Got lyrics inside of the van.
0:10:37 > 0:10:40They're going to think it's some country and western singers.
0:10:40 > 0:10:42"My new album, Dare To Dream."
0:10:42 > 0:10:44THEY LAUGH
0:10:44 > 0:10:47"Out now. On Roadkill Records."
0:10:47 > 0:10:51Roadkill Records. I'm a wee bit frightened.
0:10:57 > 0:10:59JAKE LAUGHS
0:10:59 > 0:11:02You look like three very weird Santa Clauses.
0:11:02 > 0:11:04THEY LAUGH
0:11:04 > 0:11:08- Do these things exist, or did you get them made?- These were made.
0:11:08 > 0:11:10The very latest in Euro 2016 menswear.
0:11:10 > 0:11:15- So these are officially, these would be termed "onesies"?- Yes.
0:11:15 > 0:11:18- Tellytubby outfit almost.- That's what I was trying to get in my head.
0:11:18 > 0:11:21- Yeah, yeah.- That's what I was trying to think, what is it?
0:11:21 > 0:11:24Erm, who would that be for?
0:11:24 > 0:11:27- Who would that be for? - THEY LAUGH
0:11:28 > 0:11:33- And perhaps...- Oh, for God's... - Maybe that's yourself, Colin.
0:11:33 > 0:11:34Thank you very much.
0:11:34 > 0:11:38Oh, I'm going to sneak this into the house!
0:11:38 > 0:11:40I want to sneak this into the house.
0:11:40 > 0:11:42And when she's in bed, right, I'm going to wait until she's in bed
0:11:42 > 0:11:45and I'm going to say, "I've got something for you, love.
0:11:45 > 0:11:48"I've got something for you." And I'm going to sneak this on, I'm going to walk in and go,
0:11:48 > 0:11:52"Yeah, boy!" And that's the end of the marriage.
0:11:52 > 0:11:56Yes! Lovely.
0:11:56 > 0:11:57Looking great.
0:11:57 > 0:12:00They're surprisingly comfortable. THEY LAUGH
0:12:00 > 0:12:01- For lunges?- There's a lot of...
0:12:02 > 0:12:06- ..air around you, do you know what I mean?- Pockets.
0:12:06 > 0:12:09I possibly should have kept my underwear on before I did this, but anyway.
0:12:09 > 0:12:12- CHANTING:- Let's all do the bouncy, let's all do the bouncy,
0:12:12 > 0:12:15La-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
0:12:15 > 0:12:17There's something just not right.
0:12:17 > 0:12:19I feel I've been interfered with or something.
0:12:19 > 0:12:20THEY LAUGH
0:12:24 > 0:12:27- See, we don't know any chants. - I can't do any of that.
0:12:27 > 0:12:31What is that? What is that? Does some guy just stand in a pub and go "Here, we're all going to
0:12:31 > 0:12:33"do it now, we're all going to practise this!"
0:12:33 > 0:12:37- BLEEP.- You're in the wrong gear, you're in the wrong gear.
0:12:37 > 0:12:41It's too macho for me, that whole chanting. I don't...
0:12:41 > 0:12:45I'm a bit more macho than you, there's more chance of me surviving this.
0:12:45 > 0:12:47Do you understand? Let's be honest about this.
0:12:47 > 0:12:50Just because you're dressed like a snooker player.
0:12:50 > 0:12:53I'm dressed like a lumberjack! Which of these two is more macho?
0:12:55 > 0:12:58- I'll have you know! - I'm only warning you!
0:12:58 > 0:13:00I can only protect you so far.
0:13:00 > 0:13:03- Just shout, "Come on, chaps!" - Don't be doing any of that.
0:13:03 > 0:13:05- We're already suspicious. - "Kick it, you bitch!"
0:13:05 > 0:13:08THEY LAUGH
0:13:08 > 0:13:10"A big round of applause for the other side.
0:13:10 > 0:13:13"I thought they were great!"
0:13:13 > 0:13:15Speaking of the other side, the Republic of Ireland team
0:13:15 > 0:13:18are also going to France for the Euros, so, obviously,
0:13:18 > 0:13:21we drove to Lisburn to meet one of their biggest fans
0:13:21 > 0:13:24in the North, Kenny Murdoch, who hasn't missed an away match in over
0:13:24 > 0:13:2850 games and before you ask ladies, yes, he is indeed single.
0:13:32 > 0:13:34So these are all mementos and bits of pieces you've picked up
0:13:34 > 0:13:37and managed to bring back in one piece, despite the drink?
0:13:37 > 0:13:41- There's a lot of crockery here. I wouldn't be...- There's a lot of stuff.- Yeah.- A lot of stuff.
0:13:41 > 0:13:43Just photographs and one of Belfast Telegraph.
0:13:43 > 0:13:45"Northern Ireland gripped by World Cup fever".
0:13:45 > 0:13:48I was going to the first match in Japan and I came up
0:13:48 > 0:13:50and put the flag up and this guy stopped me
0:13:50 > 0:13:54and says, "You're the first Irish man I've saw.
0:13:54 > 0:13:56"Can I take a picture?"
0:13:56 > 0:13:58- And three hours later... - THEY LAUGH
0:13:58 > 0:14:01You've put the flag in everywhere you go, you put a wee badge...?
0:14:01 > 0:14:03Put a wee badge on it.
0:14:03 > 0:14:06Let's see the flag.
0:14:06 > 0:14:09It's got all the badges. There's two badges just put on recently.
0:14:09 > 0:14:12What do you do, just hold this up? What do you have on it?
0:14:12 > 0:14:15- Those badges, what does it say? - Cliftonville FC, Belfast.
0:14:15 > 0:14:17Cliftonville FC, Belfast.
0:14:17 > 0:14:19So if people are watching the telly at home
0:14:19 > 0:14:23- and they see this and you will be there?- Yes.- Somewhere close by?
0:14:23 > 0:14:26- Close by, yeah.- So you get this up...- I get this up
0:14:26 > 0:14:31and the boys at home can see it and even the players,
0:14:31 > 0:14:35they'll come over to me and say, "Look, I saw it on TV last week,
0:14:35 > 0:14:38"you were down in Estonia or away to Israel."
0:14:38 > 0:14:42- This has seen more of the world than me.- LAUGHING: It has?
0:14:42 > 0:14:45- Yes.- Do you ever think of selling a bit of advertising space on here?
0:14:45 > 0:14:48- I could put "I want a wife". - A wife!- A wife.- There you go.
0:14:48 > 0:14:50Turn this into a Big Tinder ad.
0:14:50 > 0:14:53Somebody watching in Taiwan going, "I'll have him!"
0:14:53 > 0:14:55No, I want somebody from Lambeg. You know, that direction?
0:14:55 > 0:14:59Do you think this flag's well-hung? LAUGHTER
0:14:59 > 0:15:02You know, you need a phone number. That's what you want to put.
0:15:04 > 0:15:07- You'd get sponsored.- I could, but Cliftonville's more important.
0:15:07 > 0:15:08That's my main theme.
0:15:08 > 0:15:11- Do they give you anything for putting the flag up?- No.
0:15:11 > 0:15:15As long as they win things, I'm happy enough with that.
0:15:15 > 0:15:18- The fan. That's a fan. - As long as they win.- That's the difference between us and him.
0:15:18 > 0:15:21- What?- We're thinking money, he's thinking loyalty.
0:15:21 > 0:15:23Oh, yeah, that's my team. That's it, you know?
0:15:23 > 0:15:27And whether they are down or up, you still support them.
0:15:27 > 0:15:29From the very start of supporting Ireland it was win,
0:15:29 > 0:15:32lose or draw, just have a party.
0:15:32 > 0:15:35THEY CHANT TO TUNE OF JUST CAN'T GET ENOUGH
0:15:37 > 0:15:39Other Republic fans who know all about partying,
0:15:39 > 0:15:42albeit on a bus, are the Derry Supporters' Club.
0:15:42 > 0:15:45Depeche Mode is not what I expected!
0:15:45 > 0:15:47- BLEEP.- I'm sitting in a wet seat!
0:15:47 > 0:15:50'This lot were on their way to Dublin to see the Republic play
0:15:50 > 0:15:52'and time was of the essence.'
0:15:52 > 0:15:55The bus is nice, it's a nice bus, nothing against your bus,
0:15:55 > 0:15:58but it's a bus. And yous are late. So yous can't stop.
0:15:58 > 0:16:01We're going to Dublin and obviously going to see a few games,
0:16:01 > 0:16:03you maybe get caught short, but we want to see the match.
0:16:03 > 0:16:06John, I know he's a good bus driver and all, like,
0:16:06 > 0:16:09but sometimes he won't stop, so we got this...
0:16:09 > 0:16:11It's called a Derry urinator.
0:16:11 > 0:16:14- Urinator?- Urinator. - You already said that, then.
0:16:14 > 0:16:16THEY LAUGH
0:16:16 > 0:16:20- It's like a colostomy bag.- Yeah. All the boys contribute to it.
0:16:20 > 0:16:22- Do you know what I mean?- No!
0:16:22 > 0:16:26We will have to do a wee bit of this and on the way back,
0:16:26 > 0:16:31by the side of the road again, maybe a couple of the boys want a drink or something, they can...
0:16:31 > 0:16:32Argh.
0:16:32 > 0:16:35This is the ballot, this is what they've all been waiting for.
0:16:35 > 0:16:37What they win today will change your lives.
0:16:37 > 0:16:41It will if you work in Portadown, anyway. LAUGHTER
0:16:41 > 0:16:43Oh, it is.
0:16:43 > 0:16:47- First turn is for this beautiful notebook...- It's a mauve ticket. Mauve! Mauve!
0:16:47 > 0:16:49- It's not mauve!- It is. What's it? Orange?- Yeah.
0:16:49 > 0:16:51You have orange tickets!
0:16:53 > 0:16:58- 438.- Yay! - LAUGHTER
0:16:59 > 0:17:01CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:17:02 > 0:17:07- Next ticket, next ticket.- This is for a set of tattoos.- Ooh!- OK?
0:17:07 > 0:17:09- Classy!- Very handy. Yeah.
0:17:09 > 0:17:12Another orange ticket. 454?
0:17:12 > 0:17:13Yay!
0:17:14 > 0:17:17CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:17:17 > 0:17:18Oh, yeah!
0:17:20 > 0:17:23With the ballot over, our work here was done.
0:17:23 > 0:17:25But a toilet break was now urgently required.
0:17:25 > 0:17:28'Jake wasn't up for using the urinator,
0:17:28 > 0:17:30'so we got off and made our own arrangements.'
0:17:32 > 0:17:35We'd learned that football supporters love a good singsong.
0:17:37 > 0:17:40So it was only right we should now meet a good singer.
0:17:40 > 0:17:44We couldn't find one and met Jackie Fullerton instead.
0:17:44 > 0:17:47CHANTING: Jackie, give us a song!
0:17:47 > 0:17:51# We're not Brazil, we're Northern Ireland!
0:17:51 > 0:17:55# We're not Brazil, we're Northern Ireland!
0:17:55 > 0:17:59# We're not Brazil, we're Northern Ireland!
0:17:59 > 0:18:01# But it's all the same to me!
0:18:01 > 0:18:03# Ulst-er! #
0:18:03 > 0:18:06Now, the question I have is, when was anyone from Brazil ever
0:18:06 > 0:18:09mistaken for anyone from Northern Ireland?
0:18:09 > 0:18:13You're responsible for this! You're the man who made this world-famous.
0:18:13 > 0:18:16Well, I was asked to sing that song along with George Jones
0:18:16 > 0:18:20and we did it and it seemed to catch on.
0:18:20 > 0:18:22- They are still singing it!- I know.
0:18:22 > 0:18:25- They weren't born! - It was a big hit at the time!
0:18:26 > 0:18:30You were loved! You were the voice of Northern Ireland football for decades.
0:18:30 > 0:18:32- Oh, that's very kind of you to say that.- Well, you were. I liked it.
0:18:32 > 0:18:35I didn't watch football, but you epitomised Northern Ireland.
0:18:35 > 0:18:39I was obsessed with the way you said "Gillespie!"
0:18:39 > 0:18:42- "Pele! Just one-nil!" - THEY LAUGH
0:18:42 > 0:18:44You never said that!
0:18:44 > 0:18:47Can I just say that I was lucky enough,
0:18:47 > 0:18:50I was blessed to be in the game a long time
0:18:50 > 0:18:56and Billy Bingham took us to two World Cup finals, '82 in Spain, Mexico '86.
0:18:56 > 0:19:00And then we entered a grey period, a black period,
0:19:00 > 0:19:03and these lads still followed the team through thin and thin
0:19:03 > 0:19:07but then along came a young lad called David Healy
0:19:07 > 0:19:09and he just ignited the whole thing again
0:19:09 > 0:19:14and I was lucky enough to be commentating some of the great nights.
0:19:14 > 0:19:18We beat Spain 3-2 at Windsor, we beat England one-nil at Windsor.
0:19:18 > 0:19:20- You know you're missed?- Who by?
0:19:20 > 0:19:23Do yous miss Jackie? Do yous miss Jackie?
0:19:23 > 0:19:26- ALL: Yay!- See. They miss you, Jackie.
0:19:26 > 0:19:28- That wasn't very, er... - THEY LAUGH
0:19:28 > 0:19:30They weren't very sure!
0:19:31 > 0:19:33ALL: Jackie!
0:19:33 > 0:19:36'We couldn't talk to Jackie without asking him the big question.'
0:19:36 > 0:19:39Will Northern Ireland win Euro 16?
0:19:39 > 0:19:40Well we win it? No!
0:19:40 > 0:19:42Or...maybe we will.
0:19:42 > 0:19:45Jackie Fullerton says you're not going to win.
0:19:45 > 0:19:48I don't want to break your hearts, but Jackie's just said you're
0:19:48 > 0:19:51not going to win anything, this is your final, get in there.
0:19:51 > 0:19:54- We'll cut that bit out. - LAUGHTER
0:19:54 > 0:19:56- We can win this.- We can.
0:19:56 > 0:19:58CHANTING
0:19:58 > 0:20:01That night, Northern Ireland were playing Slovenia,
0:20:01 > 0:20:05so we headed to Windsor Park, or as it is now known by a certain section of the community,
0:20:05 > 0:20:08the National Stadium, for a piece of the action.
0:20:08 > 0:20:11This is it, we're here. That's Windsor.
0:20:11 > 0:20:14Kind of like this, this looks nice. All the crowd going in.
0:20:14 > 0:20:16It's like a Lowry painting.
0:20:16 > 0:20:19Don't talk art! Don't talk about art! Don't mention paintings.
0:20:21 > 0:20:24- We're never going to pull off that we're football fans.- No. No.- See.
0:20:24 > 0:20:26CHANTING: Everywhere we go...
0:20:26 > 0:20:28- Everywhere you go. - Everywhere you go.
0:20:28 > 0:20:30It's amazing how they're drawn to cameras.
0:20:30 > 0:20:33- There are cameras everywhere nowadays.- Yeah.- Yes?
0:20:33 > 0:20:35And they see a camera...
0:20:35 > 0:20:38CHANTING: Everywhere we go!
0:20:41 > 0:20:42You're the Pied Piper!
0:20:42 > 0:20:44Come on, join in!
0:20:44 > 0:20:47ALL: Everywhere we go,
0:20:47 > 0:20:51the Ulster boys make all the noise,
0:20:51 > 0:20:55everywhere we go!
0:20:55 > 0:20:58Everywhere we go!
0:21:03 > 0:21:07- And not so quiet.- Scarf place! Scarf place, scarf place.
0:21:07 > 0:21:09Scarf place.
0:21:09 > 0:21:12- Are these the scarves everybody's wearing now?- This is the ones.
0:21:12 > 0:21:15- No, no, no...- No, we need them now!
0:21:17 > 0:21:20How do you wear these? Is that too much?
0:21:22 > 0:21:25'Now we both look the part, all we had to do was find our seats.'
0:21:25 > 0:21:28- Thank you very much.- Cheers, guys, enjoy the match.- Thank you.
0:21:28 > 0:21:31'Murphy's in charge of the tickets. What could possibly go wrong?'
0:21:31 > 0:21:3224, 25.
0:21:34 > 0:21:35Way down there?
0:21:36 > 0:21:39- Where?- I don't know. Where the- BLEEP- are we?
0:21:39 > 0:21:41Why didn't they tell us about this?
0:21:49 > 0:21:51Is this block D?
0:21:51 > 0:21:53Yep.
0:21:54 > 0:21:56It's the wrong stand!
0:21:56 > 0:21:58Is the wrong stand!
0:22:00 > 0:22:03CHEERING
0:22:10 > 0:22:13'And because this is a football documentary,
0:22:13 > 0:22:16'we can run the mortified look on his face one more time
0:22:16 > 0:22:18'in slow motion.
0:22:18 > 0:22:21'Could. Not. Be. More. Embarrassed!'
0:22:22 > 0:22:25There were 13,500 people there that night,
0:22:25 > 0:22:30but I'm pretty sure we were the only two who got lost on the way in!
0:22:32 > 0:22:35We'll just pause for the anthems. First of all, Slovenia.
0:22:35 > 0:22:37- It wasn't my fault!- It was your fault, you've the tickets!
0:22:37 > 0:22:40I showed the guy and he said it's up here on the left!
0:22:40 > 0:22:42Half of Northern Ireland's laughing at us!
0:22:42 > 0:22:45You can't tell the North from South! Do you know where you are?
0:22:45 > 0:22:48Well, Jesus, we're in no better place if nobody here can tell
0:22:48 > 0:22:51the difference between North and South!
0:22:51 > 0:22:54The game's going to be over by the time we get there!
0:22:54 > 0:22:56- It doesn't matter.- It DOES matter!
0:22:56 > 0:22:57Well, we're ready to go.
0:22:57 > 0:23:00- This is a practical joke.- What is? - It's a practical joke.
0:23:00 > 0:23:03Just going to have us walking round the National Stadium.
0:23:03 > 0:23:05There actually is no south stand.
0:23:05 > 0:23:0713,500 packed in here.
0:23:07 > 0:23:11- Is this us?- Ask the man.- Are we in there? Hiya. Where are we?
0:23:11 > 0:23:13- We're supposed to be...- Oh, yes. Flipping hell.
0:23:13 > 0:23:15'Flipping hell indeed.
0:23:15 > 0:23:18'But, thankfully, it was us and our wild goose chase was almost over.
0:23:18 > 0:23:20'Almost.'
0:23:20 > 0:23:22They're all saying we have to make an entrance.
0:23:22 > 0:23:23They have to be late.
0:23:23 > 0:23:27- Oh, aye.- Is it the fullest bit? - Yeah.- Pick us up.
0:23:27 > 0:23:29Where's the... Sorry.
0:23:29 > 0:23:32Sorry, can I squeeze past you there? Sorry about that.
0:23:32 > 0:23:34- Sorry.- Sorry.- Sorry.- Sorry.
0:23:34 > 0:23:36I know, tell me about it.
0:23:38 > 0:23:41Thank you. Thanks.
0:23:41 > 0:23:43You sit in there.
0:23:43 > 0:23:45See? I'm getting heckled. I'm getting heckled.
0:23:47 > 0:23:49The other team's outfits are very nice.
0:23:49 > 0:23:52Don't say that to anybody else. Don't say that out loud.
0:23:54 > 0:23:57- Northern Ireland's green, isn't it? - Yep.
0:23:57 > 0:23:59How long is it on for? How long does it last?
0:23:59 > 0:24:0245 minutes. A half.
0:24:02 > 0:24:06And then there's the interval.
0:24:06 > 0:24:10It's not an interval. It's not an interval.
0:24:10 > 0:24:12- Even I know it's not an interval. - Half-time.
0:24:12 > 0:24:15It's an interval in ballet, not in football.
0:24:15 > 0:24:17- Half-time.- Yes.
0:24:17 > 0:24:19Yes! Yes!
0:24:26 > 0:24:28- COMMENTATOR:- The referee's had enough.
0:24:28 > 0:24:30It's half-time.
0:24:30 > 0:24:34MUSIC: Teenage Kicks by The Undertones
0:24:34 > 0:24:36National anthem, get up!
0:24:41 > 0:24:42Take your hat off, bit of respect.
0:24:42 > 0:24:45That's not the national anthem, you...
0:24:45 > 0:24:47# Teenage dreams so hard to beat. #
0:24:47 > 0:24:50'It felt like we could be watching history unfolding.
0:24:50 > 0:24:52'If I could keep Murph out of the bar
0:24:52 > 0:24:54'and Northern Ireland could hold on to their lead,
0:24:54 > 0:24:56'it would mean 10 games in a row unbeaten.
0:24:56 > 0:24:59'But in the second half, this happened.'
0:24:59 > 0:25:01He's going to save this, he's going to save this.
0:25:01 > 0:25:02I know he's going to save it.
0:25:02 > 0:25:05Statistically, if you hit it down the middle, you score.
0:25:10 > 0:25:12HE SHOUTS ENTHUSIASTICALLY
0:25:12 > 0:25:15- Didn't I tell you?- You did! - Didn't I tell you?
0:25:16 > 0:25:18Ay!
0:25:20 > 0:25:23Northern Ireland 1, Slovenia 0.
0:25:25 > 0:25:28- REPORTER:- That was a good night for the manager and for his players
0:25:28 > 0:25:32and just two games to go now until the fans head off to France.
0:25:32 > 0:25:37'Yes, it was next stop, France, and to get a sense of what lies
0:25:37 > 0:25:40'ahead for the fans going to Paris, that's where we went.'
0:25:40 > 0:25:43'As well as enjoying the football,
0:25:43 > 0:25:45'supporters going to Paris will need to know key things,
0:25:45 > 0:25:47'like what to eat...'
0:25:47 > 0:25:49"Hello. Look what you have done to me."
0:25:49 > 0:25:51'..how to drive...'
0:25:51 > 0:25:52My top tip if anyone's coming here,
0:25:52 > 0:25:54don't care what football team you're supporting,
0:25:54 > 0:25:56never drive a car in Paris.
0:25:56 > 0:25:57'..and where to stay.
0:25:57 > 0:25:59'We checked into an appropriately-named hotel
0:25:59 > 0:26:01'and had a chat with the owner, Sylvie.'
0:26:01 > 0:26:04- Do you notice all the difference in accents?- Yes.
0:26:04 > 0:26:07It's, actually, the truth, it's not easy for us to understand
0:26:07 > 0:26:09this Irish accent.
0:26:09 > 0:26:11- Really?- We have to listen.
0:26:11 > 0:26:14If somebody come in and says, "Do you have a p'w'r sh'w'r?"
0:26:14 > 0:26:16- Then... - THEY LAUGH
0:26:16 > 0:26:18- "Do you have a p'w'r sh'w'r?" - Tell me again.
0:26:18 > 0:26:20- P'w'r sh'w'r.- P'w'r sh'w'r.
0:26:20 > 0:26:22- "Do you have p'w'r sh'w'r in the room?"- What does it mean?
0:26:22 > 0:26:24- Power shower.- Power shower!
0:26:24 > 0:26:26- But they'll say p'w'r sh'w'r. - Then I don't get what it means.
0:26:26 > 0:26:29- "Have you any filth on the TV?" - Aye, you'll hear that one.
0:26:29 > 0:26:31- "Have you any filth on the TV?" - SHE LAUGHS
0:26:31 > 0:26:33- "Have you no filth on TV?"- No!
0:26:33 > 0:26:36What's your definition of this?
0:26:36 > 0:26:39This is pornography on the television.
0:26:39 > 0:26:40No!
0:26:40 > 0:26:42THEY LAUGH
0:26:42 > 0:26:44Do you know what a culchie is?
0:26:44 > 0:26:46- No.- Exactly.
0:26:46 > 0:26:48You're asking a woman in France if she knows what a culchie is.
0:26:48 > 0:26:51- I thought everybody knew what a culchie is.- No. Oh, my God.
0:26:51 > 0:26:54- Peasant.- Peasant?- OK. Farmer.
0:26:54 > 0:26:57- What do you call them? - Farmers.- Farmers.
0:26:57 > 0:26:59Yeah. I suppose, yes, people from country.
0:26:59 > 0:27:02- Do you know what they look like? - Yeah, I have an idea.
0:27:02 > 0:27:04Like...
0:27:04 > 0:27:06The jacket you have.
0:27:06 > 0:27:09What did I tell you yesterday?
0:27:09 > 0:27:12This is the height of sophistication in Northern Ireland,
0:27:12 > 0:27:14I'll have you know. This is cutting-edge.
0:27:14 > 0:27:16- This is very cutting.- I see.
0:27:16 > 0:27:19I will come back and have a romantic weekend with someone who
0:27:19 > 0:27:22looks slightly better than this because it was wasted on this.
0:27:22 > 0:27:27This was never going to work as a romantic weekend.
0:27:27 > 0:27:30- You're just narrow-minded.- Yeah.
0:27:30 > 0:27:35'We then met our French fixer for the trip, Laurent.
0:27:35 > 0:27:38'His job was simple, to source us a car and give us some advice
0:27:38 > 0:27:41'and tips on driving in Paris.'
0:27:43 > 0:27:44So, Laurent.
0:27:44 > 0:27:48You're the most French-looking man we could possibly find.
0:27:48 > 0:27:50- Do they do classes in school to look cool?- I know.
0:27:50 > 0:27:53- THEY LAUGH - Do they teach you how to look cool?
0:27:53 > 0:27:54No, no, no.
0:27:54 > 0:27:56- Is this just the way... - Just threw this on this morning.
0:27:56 > 0:27:57Just for Paris.
0:27:57 > 0:28:00I couldn't help but notice, there are an awful lot of dents
0:28:00 > 0:28:02in this car that you've sourced us.
0:28:02 > 0:28:04And it's got clingfilm on the roof. Clingfilm.
0:28:04 > 0:28:06It's a mobile greenhouse.
0:28:06 > 0:28:09So I'm going to attempt that, Arc de Triomphe de l'Etoile.
0:28:09 > 0:28:11- You look shocked.- Shocked!
0:28:11 > 0:28:13- Is it as scary as it looks? - No, it's not scary.
0:28:13 > 0:28:16You just have to feel confident.
0:28:16 > 0:28:19- And follow the fluid. - Is there lanes?
0:28:19 > 0:28:20- No, no, no. No lanes.- No lanes.
0:28:20 > 0:28:23- You make your lanes. - You make your lanes!
0:28:23 > 0:28:25You follow your track and slowly and cool.
0:28:25 > 0:28:28What about the other cars who are following their track,
0:28:28 > 0:28:30Laurent, how do we know they don't get in the way?
0:28:30 > 0:28:33You do your way and I try to do my best.
0:28:33 > 0:28:35Try to do your best! We're going to die.
0:28:35 > 0:28:38- Are you travelling with us? - Oh, no, no.
0:28:38 > 0:28:40THEY LAUGH
0:28:40 > 0:28:42Good man!
0:28:43 > 0:28:45I see you later on, perhaps.
0:28:45 > 0:28:48'Laurent made it sound easy, and for the sake of any fans
0:28:48 > 0:28:52'hiring cars in Paris, we had to give it a go.
0:28:52 > 0:28:53'Or did we?'
0:28:53 > 0:28:55- Are you sure?- Why not?
0:28:55 > 0:28:56Of course, look, this is...
0:28:56 > 0:28:58It can't be that difficult.
0:29:00 > 0:29:02This is the most dangerous roundabout in Europe.
0:29:02 > 0:29:04- One of the most dangerous. - This is THE most dangerous.
0:29:04 > 0:29:06It is the most dangerous.
0:29:08 > 0:29:09- Get in the car.- Yeah.
0:29:09 > 0:29:11Actually, I'll get in that side.
0:29:11 > 0:29:13I just wanted to test you.
0:29:13 > 0:29:14Just wanted to see if you...
0:29:18 > 0:29:20There's an awful smell of diesel out of this one.
0:29:22 > 0:29:25I like this, this is nice, this is Paris. This is Paris.
0:29:25 > 0:29:27I like it.
0:29:27 > 0:29:31- This is Champs-Elysees. - This is Champs-Elysees.
0:29:31 > 0:29:33Look at this. I'm not nervous. I should be nervous.
0:29:33 > 0:29:35- I don't know why I'm not nervous. - You should be.
0:29:35 > 0:29:37- That's what's worrying me. - I know, I should be nervous.
0:29:37 > 0:29:40I do have confidence in you. I would never have driven this.
0:29:40 > 0:29:43Even if I could have driven it, I wouldn't have driven it.
0:29:43 > 0:29:44All right.
0:29:45 > 0:29:47What's going on here?
0:29:47 > 0:29:50- At this rate I could have walked around it five times.- I know.
0:29:50 > 0:29:53- Come on. Go.- Go! Whoa.- There you go!
0:29:53 > 0:29:56- There you go.- Somebody hit us.
0:29:56 > 0:29:59You braked, it was your fault. You should've went on.
0:29:59 > 0:30:01I know...
0:30:01 > 0:30:03We haven't even got on the thing yet and we've been hit!
0:30:03 > 0:30:06- Look, he hit me. - We haven't even got on it yet!
0:30:06 > 0:30:09- That isn't even funny, Murph. - MURPH LAUGHS
0:30:09 > 0:30:14Oh, dear Lord. Mother of God, please. I will be a good boy.
0:30:14 > 0:30:16I will never do the things I've been doing.
0:30:16 > 0:30:19- Oh, my God.- Watch the corner, Murph!
0:30:21 > 0:30:23- There's no lanes! - There are no lanes.- No lanes!
0:30:23 > 0:30:26Oh! Look at that! Did you see what he did?!
0:30:26 > 0:30:28- Laurent said just... - Laurent's a lunatic!
0:30:28 > 0:30:30SIREN BLARES
0:30:30 > 0:30:33- You're so relaxed. Woohoo! - I can't deal with that!
0:30:33 > 0:30:35Oh!
0:30:35 > 0:30:37This isn't even funny, this isn't right.
0:30:37 > 0:30:40- It's the bikes.- It is the bikes. The bikes are dangerous.
0:30:40 > 0:30:41Look, he hasn't even got a bike,
0:30:41 > 0:30:44he's just running there with a helmet on.
0:30:44 > 0:30:47- What?!- Go, go, go!- Oh!
0:30:47 > 0:30:49This way. Come on, man!
0:30:49 > 0:30:51Let me through. Let me through.
0:30:51 > 0:30:53Please don't do this, let's go off.
0:30:53 > 0:30:55- Get off. Get off! - I'm going round again.
0:30:55 > 0:30:57MURPH LAUGHS
0:30:57 > 0:30:59- Watch out on the right!- BLEEP!
0:31:01 > 0:31:02Oh!
0:31:02 > 0:31:04Complicated here.
0:31:05 > 0:31:08- Just get us off. Seriously. - We'll go round one more time.
0:31:08 > 0:31:11No, get us off! Get us off.
0:31:11 > 0:31:15The BBC aren't paying us enough for this, get us off the roundabout.
0:31:15 > 0:31:16Oh!
0:31:20 > 0:31:22- We'll go round and we'll go off. - What?! Stop!
0:31:22 > 0:31:25Stop going round it! You keep going round. Stop going round.
0:31:25 > 0:31:28- MURPH LAUGHS - Get off!
0:31:29 > 0:31:32Oh! I don't feel well.
0:31:32 > 0:31:34- Get off.- Traffic from the right.
0:31:34 > 0:31:37- Oh, here we go, here we go! We're off!- Go, go, go, go.- We're off.
0:31:37 > 0:31:39Please, God. Please, God. Please, God.
0:31:39 > 0:31:40- Oh!- And we made it!
0:31:41 > 0:31:42What are you worrying about?
0:31:42 > 0:31:45That was the worst I've ever in my life...
0:31:45 > 0:31:48I've never in my life had an experience like that.
0:31:48 > 0:31:50- What are you worrying about? - That is insane.
0:31:50 > 0:31:53- I thought you had confidence in me. - Yeah, yeah, dead on. Right on.
0:32:03 > 0:32:05MURPHY LAUGHS
0:32:05 > 0:32:08That's all right. It sounded a lot worse.
0:32:08 > 0:32:10- Whoa!- I don't feel right.
0:32:26 > 0:32:27How long do we have to keep them on?
0:32:27 > 0:32:29- That's long enough. - That's long enough.
0:32:33 > 0:32:36- Cafe au lait. - # Ole, ole, ole, ole, ole
0:32:36 > 0:32:39- # Cafe au lait. # - Don't.
0:32:39 > 0:32:42Can you imagine how sick of that these people are going to be...
0:32:42 > 0:32:44- Don't.- ..by the end of the summer?
0:32:44 > 0:32:46- Stop.- I'm going to put this back on.
0:32:46 > 0:32:47I'm freezing.
0:32:49 > 0:32:51- That was very good. - Very, very good.
0:32:51 > 0:32:54- That almost seemed spontaneous. - I'm really...
0:32:54 > 0:32:56HE LAUGHS
0:32:58 > 0:33:01With the fans coming, it just doesn't have to be football.
0:33:01 > 0:33:03It's Paris. Do you know what I mean? You're in Paris.
0:33:03 > 0:33:04It'd be wasted if you don't do...
0:33:04 > 0:33:06You can do this, you've got the Eiffel Tower,
0:33:06 > 0:33:09you've got the museums, you've got galleries,
0:33:09 > 0:33:12you've got the cafes, you've got just watching people.
0:33:12 > 0:33:14You've got the whole thing, Paris has it all.
0:33:14 > 0:33:17Whatever you may want, Paris' got something for you.
0:33:17 > 0:33:19Or you can do that.
0:33:19 > 0:33:22- No.- Oh, yeah.- No.- Oh, come on. That looks good.- No.
0:33:22 > 0:33:25- No.- Come on.- No.- Yeah.
0:33:25 > 0:33:28- No.- Yeah.- No!
0:33:28 > 0:33:30'So after five minutes' tuition,
0:33:30 > 0:33:32'what else are two boys from Northern Ireland going to do
0:33:32 > 0:33:34'on a couple of yokes with two wheels?
0:33:34 > 0:33:36'I tell you what, race!'
0:33:36 > 0:33:38Three, two, one, go!
0:33:38 > 0:33:40Ah!
0:33:40 > 0:33:43Boy!
0:33:43 > 0:33:46Ah!
0:33:46 > 0:33:48'Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all.
0:33:48 > 0:33:50'It's a bit wet, you know.'
0:33:55 > 0:33:58LAUGHS GLEEFULLY
0:33:58 > 0:34:00You big girl's blouse!
0:34:04 > 0:34:06It's this low centre of gravity, you see.
0:34:06 > 0:34:08It's what happens when you're fatter!
0:34:08 > 0:34:10THEY LAUGH
0:34:10 > 0:34:13'No-one likes a sore loser, but a hater's going to hate.'
0:34:15 > 0:34:17'Of course, everyone knows the French
0:34:17 > 0:34:21'are renowned for their cuisine and us, not so much.
0:34:21 > 0:34:24'So, on behalf of all the fans going to France this summer,
0:34:24 > 0:34:26'we called in to this restaurant for a chat
0:34:26 > 0:34:29'and some sea snails with the maitre d', Sebastien.'
0:34:29 > 0:34:32Oh! That's...
0:34:32 > 0:34:35- Go on.- Whoa!- Go on!
0:34:35 > 0:34:37- That smells...- Go on!
0:34:40 > 0:34:43- That's not supposed to happen. - Go on.- No.
0:34:43 > 0:34:44It's psychological.
0:34:44 > 0:34:48'At this stage I was starving and just wanted something familiar.'
0:34:48 > 0:34:50- So what do you call steak and chips? - Yeah.
0:34:50 > 0:34:53- If you were asking for steak and chips.- Steak frites.
0:34:53 > 0:34:55- If I walked in and says, can we have steak frites?- No problem.
0:34:55 > 0:34:57- Frites. Steak frites.- Yeah.
0:34:57 > 0:35:00- That's what I said.- You didn't. - I said steak frites.
0:35:00 > 0:35:04- Steak frites.- Steak fr... Say it again.- Steak frites.- That's it.
0:35:06 > 0:35:08That's looks quite good. That looks good.
0:35:10 > 0:35:11It moved!
0:35:11 > 0:35:13- THEY LAUGH - It moved. I'm not eating it.
0:35:13 > 0:35:17- Try some.- You didn't even cut into it.- It moved!
0:35:17 > 0:35:21- Nice and red. - Yeah, is that rare? Or medium?
0:35:21 > 0:35:24- That's medium rare. - That's medium rare?!- Yes.
0:35:24 > 0:35:26That's what we call saignant.
0:35:29 > 0:35:31SEBASTIEN LAUGHS
0:35:31 > 0:35:33I've driven round the Arc de Triomphe, right?
0:35:33 > 0:35:36I have attempted to eat a sea snail.
0:35:36 > 0:35:39The least you can do is have a bit of steak.
0:35:39 > 0:35:41- No, if I was to intake that into my body...- Right.
0:35:41 > 0:35:45..I would out-take it onto the table immediately.
0:35:45 > 0:35:47It's because you don't have a developed palette.
0:35:47 > 0:35:50Show the man why you don't have a developed palette.
0:35:50 > 0:35:52This is the way you transport it. It's very delicate.
0:35:52 > 0:35:55This is a homage to Paris.
0:35:55 > 0:35:57These are Paris buns.
0:35:57 > 0:36:00This is what we imagine Paris tastes like.
0:36:00 > 0:36:01- OK.- Oh, look at that.
0:36:01 > 0:36:03The knife simply glides
0:36:03 > 0:36:06through this with some effort.
0:36:06 > 0:36:08This would be served as it is.
0:36:10 > 0:36:12If you feel all the moisture leaving your body,
0:36:12 > 0:36:14there's a glass of water there.
0:36:14 > 0:36:16You can use these in flood situations,
0:36:16 > 0:36:19under doors to stop the water getting in.
0:36:19 > 0:36:24- Do you see if you keep this and hang this outside the cafe...- Yeah.
0:36:24 > 0:36:27- ..when the Euros are on, they will come to you.- They will flood in.
0:36:27 > 0:36:30They will flood in. They will smell this from six miles away.
0:36:30 > 0:36:34And if they do flood, you can use them to absorb all the moisture.
0:36:34 > 0:36:36Now, to wash all of that down,
0:36:36 > 0:36:37you may not know this,
0:36:37 > 0:36:40but we are also wine connoisseurs.
0:36:40 > 0:36:43I'll present it as it's normally presented.
0:36:43 > 0:36:46- Uh-huh. - BOTTLE LID CRACKS
0:36:46 > 0:36:48- You hear the crack of that? - You hear that? That's fresh.
0:36:48 > 0:36:50I can hear them coming now.
0:36:50 > 0:36:53- Oh, there's a vintage on it. - Oh, yeah. I think it's Tuesday.
0:36:53 > 0:36:54Are you working later?
0:36:54 > 0:36:56- No.- Good.
0:36:57 > 0:36:59Just let it...breathe.
0:36:59 > 0:37:01You may be able to hear it from there.
0:37:03 > 0:37:05See what you think of that.
0:37:05 > 0:37:08- Do I actually...? - Oh, yeah. French way.
0:37:12 > 0:37:14- Not too bad. - What do you taste in that?
0:37:14 > 0:37:17- Apart from a fight?- What else?
0:37:17 > 0:37:21- Well, it's kind of maderised a little bit on the end.- OK.
0:37:21 > 0:37:23It's drinkable.
0:37:23 > 0:37:24But we would have it as an aperitif.
0:37:24 > 0:37:27See, we were expecting you to take that and go, "Eurgh!"
0:37:27 > 0:37:29No! No, look.
0:37:29 > 0:37:31THEY LAUGH
0:37:31 > 0:37:34See, this is how it starts. You see in about four hours' time.
0:37:34 > 0:37:37In four hours' time, you'll have your underpants on your head.
0:37:37 > 0:37:39Sebastien, you've qualified.
0:37:39 > 0:37:42- You are now an honorary Northern Ireland supporter.- Thank you.
0:37:42 > 0:37:45- I appreciate it.- Well done. Congratulations.- Cheers.- Good man.
0:37:49 > 0:37:53'All of the people we met, to borrow a football phrase, were legends.
0:37:53 > 0:37:58'Win, lose or draw, they'll have a great time in France this summer.'
0:37:58 > 0:38:00'As for us two, well,
0:38:00 > 0:38:04'maybe we just don't have what it takes to be true fans after all.'
0:38:05 > 0:38:08- That's it.- Yeah.- Done.- Done.
0:38:08 > 0:38:10- Football show.- Me and you!
0:38:10 > 0:38:12THEY LAUGH
0:38:12 > 0:38:15- The obvious choice...- Absolutely. - ..if you're making a football show.
0:38:15 > 0:38:17- We didn't talk to one footballer... - No.
0:38:17 > 0:38:19- ..or kick a football. - Kick a single football.
0:38:19 > 0:38:21- Are you converted?- To football? - Yeah.
0:38:21 > 0:38:22No!
0:38:22 > 0:38:24Nope.
0:38:24 > 0:38:27- Are you cold?- I am freezing.
0:38:28 > 0:38:31- I wish we'd brought them onesies. - I know, I was just thinking that!