0:00:04 > 0:00:07CROWD: Come on, Salford. Come on, Salford.
0:00:07 > 0:00:08Two years ago,
0:00:08 > 0:00:11five of Manchester United's most successful players
0:00:11 > 0:00:13bought Salford City...
0:00:13 > 0:00:14Hot chocolate's nice.
0:00:14 > 0:00:17..one of Britain's smallest football clubs.
0:00:17 > 0:00:19Some fans didn't want change.
0:00:19 > 0:00:21It's not going to be the same ever again.
0:00:21 > 0:00:24Their team of part-timers were outplayed on the pitch.
0:00:24 > 0:00:25Oh...!
0:00:25 > 0:00:26Hey!
0:00:26 > 0:00:29And their leading goal-scorer was too busy off it.
0:00:29 > 0:00:32Why the BLEEP did we buy a football club? Why?
0:00:32 > 0:00:34So it was out with the old guard...
0:00:35 > 0:00:38..and in with two of the league's toughest men.
0:00:38 > 0:00:41That, mate, is an embarrassment of a performance.
0:00:41 > 0:00:43By the end of the first season...
0:00:43 > 0:00:44Please can I have a new oven?
0:00:44 > 0:00:46..they'd made over the ground...
0:00:46 > 0:00:47CHEERING
0:00:47 > 0:00:49SHOUTING
0:00:49 > 0:00:51..their star striker found the net...
0:00:51 > 0:00:52CHEERING
0:00:52 > 0:00:53Easy, weren't it?
0:00:53 > 0:00:54CHEERING AND SCREAMING
0:00:54 > 0:00:55There is a God!
0:00:57 > 0:01:01..and an amazing winning streak won them promotion against all odds.
0:01:09 > 0:01:13It's now the class of '92's second year in charge.
0:01:13 > 0:01:16Smarten yourself up, or else them girls there won't kiss you.
0:01:16 > 0:01:20An amazing FA Cup run turned the team into national heroes.
0:01:20 > 0:01:22Oh, what a goal!
0:01:22 > 0:01:24We're going to Wembley! Wembley!
0:01:24 > 0:01:27But a shock defeat to their archrivals has put dreams of
0:01:27 > 0:01:29winning the league in jeopardy.
0:01:29 > 0:01:32How could you go from being so dominant in 45 minutes to
0:01:32 > 0:01:35a BLEEP car crash?!
0:01:35 > 0:01:36Halfway through the season...
0:01:36 > 0:01:37Do things right!
0:01:37 > 0:01:39..the team have lost it.
0:01:39 > 0:01:41As the players crumble under pressure...
0:01:41 > 0:01:43I can put up with a lot of shit. Not that.
0:01:43 > 0:01:46..their striker's goal drought continues.
0:01:46 > 0:01:50I haven't scored since before I was injured. Five months.
0:01:50 > 0:01:52And with a wedding to plan...
0:01:52 > 0:01:54Bernard's a lucky man, isn't he?
0:01:54 > 0:01:56..Salford's managers are in a spin.
0:01:56 > 0:02:00This is when you need to be strong managers, cos it's the first real bad spell you've had.
0:02:00 > 0:02:02The owners are desperate for another promotion.
0:02:02 > 0:02:06But are the class of '92 still out of their league?
0:02:07 > 0:02:10Knowing that nine months comes down to one moment,
0:02:10 > 0:02:11one decision, one shot...
0:02:13 > 0:02:14SHE SCREAMS
0:02:24 > 0:02:27Jesus. I know it's really important to you and stuff,
0:02:27 > 0:02:30but you should be proud of what you've done so far.
0:02:30 > 0:02:33Salford City's joint manager, Bernard Morley,
0:02:33 > 0:02:37is marrying his fiancee, Jemma, in just over 12 weeks.
0:02:37 > 0:02:41Yesterday, his team suffered their worst defeat all season,
0:02:41 > 0:02:43to rivals Darlington.
0:02:43 > 0:02:46Till the 70th minute, I never thought that game was ever in doubt.
0:02:46 > 0:02:48And we didn't...
0:02:48 > 0:02:49Me and Jonno didn't drop our guards.
0:02:49 > 0:02:53It's criminal. Conceding four goals at home.
0:02:53 > 0:02:55That's why I'm depressed.
0:02:55 > 0:02:58Now I have to come here now and pretend I'm in a good mood.
0:02:58 > 0:03:01Well, it's Valentine's Day today, so...
0:03:01 > 0:03:04You've not even bought me a good present! I bought you something.
0:03:04 > 0:03:07You've bought me something from the pound shop. Sundays are our days,
0:03:07 > 0:03:09so let's just forget about football for a bit,
0:03:09 > 0:03:11just while we're round here.
0:03:11 > 0:03:14And let's just concentrate on the wedding.
0:03:14 > 0:03:16Hiya! You all right?
0:03:16 > 0:03:19Today, they're visiting the venue for their wedding reception.
0:03:23 > 0:03:26So, you've got your prawn, you've got bruschetta, goat's cheese,
0:03:26 > 0:03:28you've got pate. Ah, goat's cheese.
0:03:28 > 0:03:31And then you've got a little bamboo with dumplings in.
0:03:31 > 0:03:33What's that? That's a dumpling.
0:03:33 > 0:03:36I don't think you'd like that, Bernard. He's really weird, Liz.
0:03:36 > 0:03:38It's not here, it's just... You having a bad day?
0:03:38 > 0:03:40It's just in general. Just stressed.
0:03:40 > 0:03:42We've had a dip in form.
0:03:43 > 0:03:44You going to get sacked?
0:03:44 > 0:03:47Well, at least you'll be able to enjoy your wedding day -
0:03:47 > 0:03:49you won't be stressed about the football!
0:03:49 > 0:03:51This is nice, today. We've come to talk about the wedding.
0:03:52 > 0:03:54Stop looking at the football.
0:03:54 > 0:03:57I just heard a clap, so I thought something might have happened.
0:03:57 > 0:03:59Passionate about his football, that one.
0:03:59 > 0:04:00COMMENTATOR SHOUTS
0:04:00 > 0:04:02Oh, God...
0:04:02 > 0:04:05There's also other choices which I'll give you.
0:04:05 > 0:04:08Bern, you listening? Sorry? He's watching his football.
0:04:08 > 0:04:10I like the bruschetta and the goat's cheese.
0:04:10 > 0:04:13Yes, so they'd do for vegetarians. Yeah, really nice.
0:04:15 > 0:04:16Bernard...
0:04:16 > 0:04:18Oh...!
0:04:18 > 0:04:20Right, can we talk about the wedding now, please? Sorry.
0:04:20 > 0:04:24Right... Right, so... Right, so, what about speeches?
0:04:24 > 0:04:26When are you going to do speeches?
0:04:26 > 0:04:28Come on, it's Valentine's Day and this is a beautiful opportunity to
0:04:28 > 0:04:30talk about our wedding.
0:04:30 > 0:04:34Just forget about yesterday - it's done, you've been beat, tough shit.
0:04:34 > 0:04:37Move on. Speeches we can sort out in four weeks.
0:04:40 > 0:04:42Right, are you nearly ready? It's time to go.
0:04:42 > 0:04:45Salford's co-owner, Phil Neville, and his family,
0:04:45 > 0:04:47have been in Spain for eight months
0:04:47 > 0:04:51since he took a job as assistant coach at Valencia Football Club.
0:04:51 > 0:04:52School run this morning.
0:04:52 > 0:04:54Eh? That's my princess.
0:04:56 > 0:04:57Right, let's go.
0:05:00 > 0:05:02I try and pick the kids up every night.
0:05:02 > 0:05:04I try to pick them up every night,
0:05:04 > 0:05:06because they have after-school activities.
0:05:06 > 0:05:09Isabella dances three nights a week,
0:05:09 > 0:05:11Harvey plays football three nights a week,
0:05:11 > 0:05:13so me and my wife split up and go with one each.
0:05:13 > 0:05:17Daddy, I forgot my PE kit.
0:05:17 > 0:05:18Have you got PE today? Yeah.
0:05:18 > 0:05:20And you forgot your bag? Yeah.
0:05:20 > 0:05:21Oh, brilliant(!)
0:05:21 > 0:05:25Phil's brother Gary joined him in Spain two months ago,
0:05:25 > 0:05:28taking up the Valencia manager's job.
0:05:28 > 0:05:30It's a dream move for both of them.
0:05:30 > 0:05:33Can you pick the kids up from school tomorrow or not, is that a problem?
0:05:33 > 0:05:36It's my day off tomorrow. First day off in about three weeks.
0:05:36 > 0:05:37They're 1,000 miles away,
0:05:37 > 0:05:41but their Salford team is never far from their minds.
0:05:41 > 0:05:43Normally, say, like, last season,
0:05:43 > 0:05:46if we were having tough moments, you'd go down to training and watch
0:05:46 > 0:05:50training, go down to training and lend your support because,
0:05:50 > 0:05:53ultimately, Jonno and Bernard and the lads will be thinking,
0:05:53 > 0:05:57"Oh, I wonder what Phil, Gary, Nicky and Ryan are saying, and Paul."
0:05:57 > 0:05:59And, you know, "I wonder if they're not happy with us."
0:06:01 > 0:06:03The focus is still on getting promotion this year,
0:06:03 > 0:06:05and we're not just going to...
0:06:05 > 0:06:07"Oh, we'll get promotion next year."
0:06:07 > 0:06:09No - we want promotion this year.
0:06:16 > 0:06:17At this moment, will they go up?
0:06:17 > 0:06:20You'd have to say it's 70-30 against.
0:06:20 > 0:06:21But, last season, to win the league,
0:06:21 > 0:06:24we were 80-20 against, when they came in.
0:06:24 > 0:06:26So, they've achieved great things,
0:06:26 > 0:06:29and nothing would surprise me.
0:06:29 > 0:06:31# We love you, Salford, we do
0:06:31 > 0:06:33# Oh, Salford, we love you... #
0:06:37 > 0:06:42Late February - Salford have lost three of their last six games.
0:06:42 > 0:06:44Today, they face league minnows Ilkeston.
0:06:44 > 0:06:48It's crucial the team put their recent defeats behind them.
0:06:48 > 0:06:50Let's see if we can have a good run. We did it last year -
0:06:50 > 0:06:5315 out of 17. Let's go and do 15 out of 15, yeah? Unbeaten.
0:06:53 > 0:06:56But, more importantly, let's lose the excuses,
0:06:56 > 0:07:00let's get that spirit going again, cos people question what's going on in this changing room.
0:07:00 > 0:07:03It starts now. It starts going out there, and every player
0:07:03 > 0:07:05understanding what their individual job is.
0:07:05 > 0:07:07Welcome to Ilkeston, young lady. Thank you.
0:07:07 > 0:07:08Accountant Karen Baird
0:07:08 > 0:07:11took over as chairman of the club three years ago.
0:07:11 > 0:07:14I'm hoping for a good win today, to get us back on track.
0:07:14 > 0:07:16We've had a bit of a poor run lately,
0:07:16 > 0:07:19so, fingers crossed for a good win to give them some confidence.
0:07:19 > 0:07:22When her son Bernard took over as manager,
0:07:22 > 0:07:24Mary Morley became a Salford fan.
0:07:24 > 0:07:27We're hoping to get six points off them.
0:07:27 > 0:07:29I think we need some team spirit back, if I was being honest.
0:07:29 > 0:07:32I think the team spirit's gone a little bit flat.
0:07:33 > 0:07:35Salford are playing in white.
0:07:35 > 0:07:38Stay with him, Howson. Howson, don't switch off!
0:07:38 > 0:07:4218 minutes into the game, Salford's defence give the ball away...
0:07:44 > 0:07:46..and Ilkeston seize their chance.
0:07:49 > 0:07:50Oh, come on!
0:07:53 > 0:07:55The wheels have fell off today, I think.
0:07:59 > 0:08:02I've only always got 100% to say about them,
0:08:02 > 0:08:05but they've not turned up today. It's painful to watch.
0:08:05 > 0:08:0735 minutes in and we've not even had a shot yet.
0:08:07 > 0:08:09That's pretty crap, isn't it?
0:08:12 > 0:08:14Come on! BLEEP's sake.
0:08:14 > 0:08:19I think the performance at Ilkeston was a watershed moment.
0:08:20 > 0:08:22They were playing a team of kids, really,
0:08:22 > 0:08:24and, bearing in mind our budget,
0:08:24 > 0:08:26the level of players we've brought in,
0:08:26 > 0:08:28we should have won the game easily.
0:08:28 > 0:08:30But we didn't.
0:08:30 > 0:08:31WHISTLE
0:08:31 > 0:08:32CHEERING
0:08:32 > 0:08:34Salford lose, 2-1.
0:08:34 > 0:08:37They're now nine points behind the league leaders,
0:08:37 > 0:08:41and only the top of the table team wins automatic promotion.
0:08:41 > 0:08:43Not a good day. Not a good day.
0:08:43 > 0:08:46I can't remember the last time we played that badly,
0:08:46 > 0:08:47but Ilkeston deserved it -
0:08:47 > 0:08:49they played far better than us.
0:08:49 > 0:08:52So, Ben and Jonno need to sort it out, don't they?
0:08:52 > 0:08:54That's what they're there to do.
0:08:54 > 0:08:56I'm absolutely gutted. I could cry.
0:08:56 > 0:08:57I think this is...
0:08:58 > 0:09:00..this is going to make us struggle, now.
0:09:02 > 0:09:03We're just going to have to
0:09:03 > 0:09:06rely on other teams, now, slipping up as well.
0:09:07 > 0:09:09Is it because we don't know what we're doing,
0:09:09 > 0:09:12or is it cos we can't be BLEEP bothered doing it?
0:09:12 > 0:09:14Did you hear what I said to you when you were going up? No. Why?
0:09:14 > 0:09:16I said, "What?" And then Richie said...
0:09:16 > 0:09:18What? BLEEP Richie!
0:09:18 > 0:09:20That sums this changing room up.
0:09:20 > 0:09:21Yeah, we're not bothered!
0:09:21 > 0:09:23Yeah, we don't care!
0:09:23 > 0:09:25Josh...you've got your boots on your wrong feet.
0:09:25 > 0:09:27It's that or you're not interested.
0:09:27 > 0:09:29Danny's even screaming and shouting at people!
0:09:29 > 0:09:31What the BLEEP is going on?!
0:09:32 > 0:09:35I'll pull a BLEEP off, after this.
0:09:35 > 0:09:36My balls were massive, by the way.
0:09:36 > 0:09:39I've got big bollocks.
0:09:39 > 0:09:42But don't think I'm going to BLEEP embarrass my BLEEP half-decent name
0:09:42 > 0:09:45I've earned in football cos of you BLEEP. All right?
0:09:57 > 0:10:00OK, guys. So, if you can just explain to me what exactly
0:10:00 > 0:10:02is the challenge at the moment that you're facing?
0:10:02 > 0:10:05Salford's biggest problem is a lack of goals.
0:10:05 > 0:10:08Last year, they relied on star striker Gareth Seddon
0:10:08 > 0:10:10to keep scoring. This year he's barely played,
0:10:10 > 0:10:12let alone found the net.
0:10:12 > 0:10:15I'm meeting what's known as, like, a mind coach.
0:10:15 > 0:10:19I'm hoping that he's going to, kind of, clear a few things,
0:10:19 > 0:10:22and just get me a little bit more focused, really.
0:10:24 > 0:10:27All my career, really, I've been, like, the go-to guy.
0:10:27 > 0:10:30I've always managed to, you know, deliver.
0:10:30 > 0:10:31Whereas, this season, I feel like
0:10:31 > 0:10:33everything's just kind of gone wrong.
0:10:33 > 0:10:37I'm hoping, you know, I kind of get back to the old Gaz -
0:10:37 > 0:10:40the hero's going to come on and score the winning goal,
0:10:40 > 0:10:42or be a part of the team,
0:10:42 > 0:10:44and at the minute I don't feel that.
0:10:44 > 0:10:46If you can just close your eyes.
0:10:46 > 0:10:48So, when you think about the challenges
0:10:48 > 0:10:50that you're facing at the moment,
0:10:50 > 0:10:52what pops into your mind, straightaway?
0:10:53 > 0:10:55Panic. What do you see, visually?
0:10:57 > 0:10:58Me sat on the bench.
0:10:58 > 0:11:00OK. So, what you're going to do now is
0:11:00 > 0:11:03you're going to step out of that body,
0:11:03 > 0:11:05and start walking backwards, away from the bench,
0:11:05 > 0:11:08so you can see yourself moving away from yourself.
0:11:08 > 0:11:11And, then, next to you, you notice a football on the floor.
0:11:11 > 0:11:14Inside this football represents those negative emotions
0:11:14 > 0:11:15that you've got.
0:11:15 > 0:11:18And you're going to start doing little kick-ups with it
0:11:18 > 0:11:21and you're thinking, "I'm going to absolutely volley this,"
0:11:21 > 0:11:23and you can see the sun up in the sky.
0:11:23 > 0:11:25You're thinking, "As this comes down, I'm going to hit it
0:11:25 > 0:11:28"right on the sweet spot, and it's going to fly off,
0:11:28 > 0:11:29"hit the sun right in the middle."
0:11:29 > 0:11:32And as it hits that sun you're going to celebrate for real,
0:11:32 > 0:11:35like you've just scored the best goal of your life.
0:11:35 > 0:11:37Are you ready?
0:11:37 > 0:11:38Yeah. Yeah? OK.
0:11:38 > 0:11:41You can feel the energy building in your body.
0:11:41 > 0:11:43Your foot goes back as the ball's coming down.
0:11:43 > 0:11:45You hit that sweet spot. It's flying off...
0:11:45 > 0:11:47YES...!
0:11:47 > 0:11:49Come on, celebrate like you mean it!
0:11:49 > 0:11:51Celebrate like you mean it, Gaz. Let me hear it...
0:11:51 > 0:11:53YEAH, I DID IT!
0:11:53 > 0:11:54Yes!
0:11:54 > 0:11:56Are you ready? Yeah.
0:11:56 > 0:11:58Tell me you're ready. I'm ready.
0:11:58 > 0:12:01Let me hear you shout. What noise would you make if you were ready for
0:12:01 > 0:12:03absolute energy, absolute performance?
0:12:03 > 0:12:05What noise would you make, Gaz? Come on!
0:12:05 > 0:12:07Fucking ready!
0:12:07 > 0:12:09Yes, come on. And again, three, two, one...
0:12:09 > 0:12:11I'm ready! Three, two, one...
0:12:11 > 0:12:12I'M READY!
0:12:12 > 0:12:14There we go. Good, good.
0:12:15 > 0:12:17Well done. You finished on a high.
0:12:17 > 0:12:20Thank you very much. Cheers. All right. No problem.
0:12:20 > 0:12:23I feel better. I feel a little bit more relieved.
0:12:23 > 0:12:25I feel like I can, you know,
0:12:25 > 0:12:29concentrate on the good instead of the bad, and
0:12:29 > 0:12:31you know, I'm going to have to put these into practice,
0:12:31 > 0:12:32now, leading up to the games.
0:12:36 > 0:12:39Throughout March, Salford battle to keep their hopes
0:12:39 > 0:12:41of winning the league alive.
0:12:41 > 0:12:42Do things right!
0:12:42 > 0:12:44To stand any chance of automatic promotion,
0:12:44 > 0:12:46they can't afford to lose any more games.
0:12:46 > 0:12:48Fuck off, John. Do things...
0:12:48 > 0:12:50fucking immediately!
0:12:50 > 0:12:51Or fuck off.
0:12:53 > 0:12:57But when they face rivals Darlington a second time, they're beaten 3-2.
0:12:57 > 0:12:59You don't listen to me, you don't listen to him,
0:12:59 > 0:13:01so what is the fucking point?
0:13:01 > 0:13:04And, two weeks later, when they play mid-table Skelmersdale,
0:13:04 > 0:13:06they're hammered 3-1.
0:13:06 > 0:13:07Too fucking easy
0:13:07 > 0:13:09to be broke down at the minute, us.
0:13:09 > 0:13:11Salford's hopes of coming top of the league are all but over.
0:13:11 > 0:13:14Bernard and Jonno won't be none too pleased with this result.
0:13:14 > 0:13:16BLEEP!
0:13:16 > 0:13:19Need a bit of, erm, inspiration from the bench.
0:13:23 > 0:13:26Do you know when we'll fucking start to reach our potential?
0:13:26 > 0:13:28When people take responsibility.
0:13:28 > 0:13:32Now Salford's only chance of promotion is to make the play-offs.
0:13:32 > 0:13:34Fuck off. Fuck off.
0:13:34 > 0:13:36That means staying up in the top five in the league.
0:13:38 > 0:13:41They're getting their arse kicked, by the looks of it, now.
0:13:41 > 0:13:43If they succeed, they'll play two knockout matches
0:13:43 > 0:13:44at the end of the season.
0:13:44 > 0:13:46To get promoted, they'll have to win both games.
0:13:47 > 0:13:47To get promoted, they'll have to win both games.
0:13:47 > 0:13:49What the fuck are you doing?
0:13:49 > 0:13:52Right, I can put up with a lot of shit, not that -
0:13:52 > 0:13:54that is fucking under-5s' shit.
0:13:58 > 0:13:59We can't put the ball in the net.
0:14:01 > 0:14:04They've changed their focus from winning individual games to looking
0:14:04 > 0:14:08at the bigger prize, and when you're set on the FA Cup you don't look at the FA Cup final,
0:14:08 > 0:14:12you look at each game as its own cup final, and that's what we've got to get back to doing in the league.
0:14:15 > 0:14:1829-year-old factory worker and defender Steve Howson
0:14:18 > 0:14:22was part of the squad that won Salford promotion last year.
0:14:22 > 0:14:24Unfortunately, I think winning the league
0:14:24 > 0:14:28is possibly out of touch, out of sight.
0:14:28 > 0:14:30So we've got to really, you know,
0:14:30 > 0:14:32concentrate on getting a good run together
0:14:32 > 0:14:35and getting in the play-offs. We've got a hell of a lot to do.
0:14:35 > 0:14:38It's going to be tough - there's some good sides in there.
0:14:38 > 0:14:41They don't want us to get in the play-offs, so everyone...
0:14:41 > 0:14:42everyone wants us to fail.
0:14:42 > 0:14:45If I don't go to football, I actually look...
0:14:45 > 0:14:47I follow it on Twitter, and I think,
0:14:47 > 0:14:49"Oh, crap - they're losing.
0:14:49 > 0:14:50"That's my night ruined."
0:14:51 > 0:14:54I'm either going to stay out, or I'll go home and just be like...
0:14:54 > 0:14:58sit quietly and let him watch whatever he wants on TV
0:14:58 > 0:15:00and don't speak to him.
0:15:00 > 0:15:02I base my life around football.
0:15:02 > 0:15:04But, as you get towards the end of the season,
0:15:04 > 0:15:06when you've got something to play for...
0:15:06 > 0:15:08You should always have something to play for. Yeah,
0:15:08 > 0:15:11but when you get... Cos then you wouldn't have to panic
0:15:11 > 0:15:12at the end of the season. All right.
0:15:17 > 0:15:21As Salford struggle in the league, Gary Neville's other team, Valencia,
0:15:21 > 0:15:22is also in trouble.
0:15:23 > 0:15:27His first four months as their new manager haven't gone well.
0:15:27 > 0:15:29This club has had 15 managers in 13 years.
0:15:29 > 0:15:33It's...it's known for being the toughest club.
0:15:33 > 0:15:36The people, the passion of the fans, is either here...
0:15:36 > 0:15:37or way down there.
0:15:38 > 0:15:42And it's just known for being a hostile environment to manage.
0:15:44 > 0:15:49A 7-0 defeat to Barcelona has marked a low point in the season.
0:15:49 > 0:15:53TRANSLATION:
0:16:02 > 0:16:06I've never seen fans, football fans, as angry, as...
0:16:08 > 0:16:11Yeah, angry is the right word - as that.
0:16:11 > 0:16:14You know, in England, we think we have passionate football fans,
0:16:14 > 0:16:16and we do...but I've never seen fans like that at the end of a game.
0:16:20 > 0:16:22We got back from Barcelona after being beat 7-0 -
0:16:22 > 0:16:25the fans were waiting at the airport, the fans were waiting
0:16:25 > 0:16:27at the training ground, they were all...
0:16:27 > 0:16:29They wanted the manager out, they wanted Gary to be sacked.
0:16:29 > 0:16:32They were having a go at the players.
0:16:32 > 0:16:35We couldn't get our cars out of the training ground.
0:16:35 > 0:16:39It's worse when it's your brother that they're asking to be sacked.
0:16:39 > 0:16:41I don't want to go home - I love it out here.
0:16:41 > 0:16:44I like the challenge of working with players in this country,
0:16:44 > 0:16:47and I'm looking forward to the last couple of months of the season,
0:16:47 > 0:16:50even though every game feels like a major battle and fight,
0:16:50 > 0:16:53and you're not sure what's going to happen next.
0:17:03 > 0:17:05It's Thursday night - Bernard's out training.
0:17:05 > 0:17:08CHAMPAGNE CORK POPS WOMEN SCREAM
0:17:08 > 0:17:10Jemma's got the girls over to plan her hen-do.
0:17:10 > 0:17:13When she met Bernard, she were obsessed with him, weren't she?
0:17:13 > 0:17:16I don't know. And he weren't really that interested.
0:17:16 > 0:17:19He just used to, like, snog her and stuff, and then... And she'd
0:17:19 > 0:17:21be like, "Bernard, Bernard...!"
0:17:21 > 0:17:22LAUGHTER
0:17:24 > 0:17:27I remember her saying she'd met this guy called Bernard,
0:17:27 > 0:17:29and I'm like, "Bernard? How old is he?!"
0:17:29 > 0:17:32LAUGHTER
0:17:32 > 0:17:34"He's only...he's only young, he's only two year..."
0:17:34 > 0:17:37I think he's two year older, isn't he? Yeah. "Two year older than me."
0:17:37 > 0:17:39I'm like, "Oh, right - just sounds dead old!"
0:17:41 > 0:17:44How are you feeling about your hen-do? Do you know what?
0:17:44 > 0:17:46I don't know, as long as they don't pin me on the floor,
0:17:46 > 0:17:48like an experience I've had before,
0:17:48 > 0:17:51I'll kick off. I know. What about a fat roly-poly stripper?
0:17:51 > 0:17:53Would you like one of them?
0:17:53 > 0:17:55I want someone decent, but not to hump me from behind.
0:17:55 > 0:17:59You know, when they thrust you from behind, and...? When they what, Jem?
0:17:59 > 0:18:00Thrust you! I've...I've...I hate it.
0:18:02 > 0:18:04We've got the wedding coming up.
0:18:04 > 0:18:05Will it ruin my day? I don't know.
0:18:07 > 0:18:09I just hope, for me, they might be able to switch off,
0:18:09 > 0:18:11but no matter how many times I say,
0:18:11 > 0:18:13"Oh, I'm dead proud of you, bla-de-bla-de-blah",
0:18:13 > 0:18:16it don't matter - they still want to be promoted.
0:18:16 > 0:18:19I'd love if they won promotion - love, love, love.
0:18:19 > 0:18:22And it would be the icing on the cake for the wedding -
0:18:22 > 0:18:24it would just make the wedding even better.
0:18:24 > 0:18:26So, yeah. So, fingers crossed it all goes to plan!
0:18:36 > 0:18:38We're just going to meet the managers.
0:18:39 > 0:18:41We've had a few bad results,
0:18:41 > 0:18:44but you're not going to go all season without losing, so,
0:18:44 > 0:18:47we're going to lose some now and then. But...
0:18:47 > 0:18:48there's always play-offs.
0:18:48 > 0:18:50SHE LAUGHS
0:18:50 > 0:18:51Yeah - go down to the wire.
0:18:56 > 0:18:57This is when it's testing, isn't it?
0:18:57 > 0:19:01This is when you need to be strong managers, cos it's the first real bad spell you've had.
0:19:01 > 0:19:04And I think the Darlington loss probably hit everyone harder than we
0:19:04 > 0:19:07think. It hit us a lot harder, and I'm sure it hit the players harder.
0:19:07 > 0:19:10It's probably lack of confidence as well.
0:19:10 > 0:19:12There's a lot wrong, isn't there, if we're being honest?
0:19:12 > 0:19:15Now we're out of the FA Cup, and the shit's hit the fan a little bit,
0:19:15 > 0:19:18one or two dodgy results, the lads have gone, "Don't fancy working any more."
0:19:18 > 0:19:22That's what it is, Karen. But you just nee... We need to get it back with them, though, don't we?
0:19:22 > 0:19:25We don't have to win the league, we just need to get in the play-offs.
0:19:25 > 0:19:28The mentality at the minute isn't what it should be.
0:19:28 > 0:19:31To be fair...we've had a great season, up to now.
0:19:31 > 0:19:33We now just need to plan what's the best way,
0:19:33 > 0:19:36now, to get in the play-offs. That's what we need to do.
0:19:36 > 0:19:40This isn't us putting blame on anybody - that's our team that we're picking,
0:19:40 > 0:19:42that we put in the changing room. It's on me and him, nobody else.
0:19:42 > 0:19:45But...what's changed in three or four weeks?
0:19:45 > 0:19:46Cos we haven't.
0:19:46 > 0:19:49Nobody knows what's going wrong - it's just gone wrong.
0:19:49 > 0:19:51There's summat creeped in, there's summat creeped in...
0:19:55 > 0:19:58So... And the reason everything changed last season
0:19:58 > 0:20:01was because you made a big change. Yeah. That change was us.
0:20:01 > 0:20:03Yeah - I'm not looking to do that again.
0:20:03 > 0:20:06And then we made a change by getting rid of 12 players.
0:20:06 > 0:20:08What I'm saying is there was knock-on effects with stuff.
0:20:08 > 0:20:11Get your players back Tuesday, and...
0:20:12 > 0:20:15..we could be having a totally different conversation in a week.
0:20:17 > 0:20:19Mid-March.
0:20:19 > 0:20:22With the end of the season just six weeks away,
0:20:22 > 0:20:24Jonno and Bernard make a bold move.
0:20:25 > 0:20:28They decide to take a new, softer approach.
0:20:28 > 0:20:33You know what it was like when we first come here, how me and Bernard were, and you all bought into what
0:20:33 > 0:20:37we were about. But the last few weeks, it seems to have disappeared. But let's have it right -
0:20:37 > 0:20:41from this minute, now, to the end of the season, we approach it exactly the same as we did last year.
0:20:41 > 0:20:43We're relentless, we take one game at a time,
0:20:43 > 0:20:45and anything that's in front of us, we knock it down.
0:20:45 > 0:20:47Do you understand what I'm saying?
0:20:47 > 0:20:50ALL: Yeah. Good lads. Let's go. Come on, boys. Come on, boys.
0:20:50 > 0:20:51Howson, come on!
0:20:51 > 0:20:54It's a last-ditch attempt to get the team back on top form.
0:20:57 > 0:20:59Let's go! No fear, no fear...
0:20:59 > 0:21:01Hold it there, cross the leg over.
0:21:07 > 0:21:09There you go!
0:21:09 > 0:21:11Losing side does a forfeit -
0:21:11 > 0:21:13got to get their arses out.
0:21:13 > 0:21:15Everyone belts a ball at it.
0:21:16 > 0:21:18PLAYERS LAUGH AND YELP
0:21:18 > 0:21:19Shithouses!
0:21:26 > 0:21:30So, have they actually had you in and spoke to you about next season?
0:21:30 > 0:21:33No. I'm having a bit of a nightmare at the minute, cos I thought that when I...
0:21:34 > 0:21:37..came back from injury, I'd be playing every single week.
0:21:37 > 0:21:38But then we got dropped.
0:21:38 > 0:21:42It's...oh, it's really... pissing me off, really.
0:21:42 > 0:21:44I'm not enjoying football at the minute.
0:21:44 > 0:21:46I do worry about you, because...
0:21:46 > 0:21:49you don't say stuff, you don't talk, do you?
0:21:49 > 0:21:53Even if something were worrying you, things weren't going right,
0:21:53 > 0:21:54you don't come and talk.
0:21:54 > 0:21:56I'm the man of the family, aren't I?
0:21:56 > 0:22:00I'm... I can't come to you with my problems.
0:22:00 > 0:22:02I can't come to Melissa with my problems, because I'm...
0:22:02 > 0:22:05I'm supposed to be the one who you guys...
0:22:05 > 0:22:07come to. Well, no, because I'm...
0:22:07 > 0:22:09And that's kind of... ..I'm your mum!
0:22:09 > 0:22:11Yeah, but I'm 35-year-old. And that's life, innit?
0:22:11 > 0:22:14If you need anything, just come here.
0:22:14 > 0:22:15I know.
0:22:15 > 0:22:19I know - there's always a bed in't attic, in't there, for me?
0:22:24 > 0:22:26He might be obsessed with promotion,
0:22:26 > 0:22:30but Bernard's wedding is approaching fast.
0:22:30 > 0:22:32Hello! You all right? Hello, Bernard.
0:22:32 > 0:22:35Helena. How are you? All right? Not bad.
0:22:35 > 0:22:37So he's decided to take a break from football
0:22:37 > 0:22:40to plan a surprise for his bride.
0:22:40 > 0:22:43My first dance is summat I don't want to do, it's...
0:22:43 > 0:22:46I'm not that type of person, but obviously I know I have to do it.
0:22:46 > 0:22:50But I think it would be good if it was interrupted by summat I'd worked
0:22:50 > 0:22:52on, in terms of dancing, with the four lads.
0:22:52 > 0:22:54Oh, cool. So, my plan, if you can work it,
0:22:54 > 0:22:58is obviously to pick the first dance - obviously, Jemma will do that,
0:22:58 > 0:23:01make the effort to, obviously, dance with her for at least...
0:23:01 > 0:23:03maybe half a song...
0:23:03 > 0:23:04Yeah. ..and then obviously...
0:23:05 > 0:23:09..it stopping and coming to a five-man dance where... Yeah. ..she doesn't know anything about it.
0:23:09 > 0:23:10Cool - that sounds good.
0:23:10 > 0:23:13But the only thing is that, you know, I'm not...
0:23:13 > 0:23:15Well, I can't dance.
0:23:15 > 0:23:16I'll do everything I can.
0:23:16 > 0:23:17Yeah.
0:23:17 > 0:23:19And then we'll see what happens.
0:23:24 > 0:23:27Two days later, Bernard and his best mates arrive
0:23:27 > 0:23:29for their first secret dance class.
0:23:29 > 0:23:31Helena. Nice to meet you.
0:23:31 > 0:23:32Sean. Hey, Helena, all right?
0:23:32 > 0:23:34Bernard. Jonno.
0:23:34 > 0:23:36Jonno. Sharpy.
0:23:36 > 0:23:37Sharpy. Mark - hiya.
0:23:37 > 0:23:39Mark.
0:23:39 > 0:23:40You all right, guys? Yeah.
0:23:40 > 0:23:42Are you ready? Ready.
0:23:42 > 0:23:46So, the songs we're going to do is, The Way You Make Me Feel,
0:23:46 > 0:23:48Crazy In Love, Everybody...
0:23:48 > 0:23:50REM, is that the REM?
0:23:50 > 0:23:52REM? You don't dance to REM!
0:23:54 > 0:23:56The first song is...
0:23:56 > 0:23:57Michael Jackson.
0:23:57 > 0:24:00We'll just try it with the music and I'll just shout out your counts,
0:24:00 > 0:24:02and point who goes where.
0:24:02 > 0:24:04MUSIC: The Way You Make Me Feel by Michael Jackson
0:24:04 > 0:24:06And click, click...
0:24:06 > 0:24:08Into place, into your line.
0:24:10 > 0:24:12Five, six, seven, eight...
0:24:12 > 0:24:17One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight...
0:24:17 > 0:24:21Nod, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight...
0:24:21 > 0:24:23It were quite difficult, today, to be honest with you.
0:24:23 > 0:24:26Erm, obviously, it's easy for Helena to...
0:24:26 > 0:24:29cos, obviously, she knows - she's a professional dancer, but...
0:24:29 > 0:24:31I think we worked hard and we put the effort in,
0:24:31 > 0:24:33and just hopefully it'll all come together.
0:24:35 > 0:24:37(Christ!)
0:24:37 > 0:24:38Swap places!
0:24:38 > 0:24:39Oh, shit!
0:24:42 > 0:24:46It's one of them things - if you're going to interrupt a wedding with a dance, it's got to be right.
0:24:46 > 0:24:48Cos if it goes tits up...
0:24:48 > 0:24:50we're going to be a laughing stock, aren't we?
0:24:51 > 0:24:54I think they've got a little bit of talent.
0:24:54 > 0:24:55But the passion's there.
0:24:55 > 0:24:57And I want to get it in their bodies,
0:24:57 > 0:24:59so that when they've had a few pints...
0:24:59 > 0:25:02that they don't, like, go, "What is it?"
0:25:06 > 0:25:09With just nine matches till the end of the season,
0:25:09 > 0:25:12Salford can't afford to lose any games if they're to stay
0:25:12 > 0:25:14in the league's top five.
0:25:14 > 0:25:19The managers are continuing with their softly-softly approach.
0:25:19 > 0:25:21Go back to basics, work hard, enjoy it.
0:25:21 > 0:25:24If we lose...yeah, we lose.
0:25:24 > 0:25:26But let's not have excuses for why we lose.
0:25:26 > 0:25:28Let's come in the changing room, say, "Listen, boys -
0:25:28 > 0:25:30"Gaz, you've run through a brick wall for us today,
0:25:30 > 0:25:32"can't fucking pick fault in anyone's performance,
0:25:32 > 0:25:34"we got beat by the better side".
0:25:34 > 0:25:36Nine games to go - we do things right.
0:25:36 > 0:25:37Danny!
0:25:41 > 0:25:43Salford are playing in white.
0:25:48 > 0:25:49We've hit the post twice.
0:25:49 > 0:25:51We've had a goal disallowed for offside.
0:25:51 > 0:25:52We need to score a goal now.
0:25:55 > 0:25:56Get away, get away!
0:26:07 > 0:26:09Go on, Richie!
0:26:09 > 0:26:10CHEERING
0:26:14 > 0:26:17Everybody stick to what we've got to do, yeah? Eight to go, yeah?
0:26:17 > 0:26:18Well done, boys.
0:26:19 > 0:26:24The end of March is busy with games, and the team rise to the challenge.
0:26:28 > 0:26:31The managers' new approach might just pay off.
0:26:31 > 0:26:34Well done. Howson, good lad. Proper leader there, at the end.
0:26:35 > 0:26:39But five matches still lie between Salford and the play-offs.
0:26:39 > 0:26:41The pitch will suit us, by the way.
0:26:41 > 0:26:44Get it smashed into them, look after your touch.
0:26:44 > 0:26:45We've got a lot on our tail.
0:26:46 > 0:26:47So we need to get more points,
0:26:47 > 0:26:50obviously, so we can guarantee ourselves a play-off spot.
0:26:50 > 0:26:52Come on, Pooley!
0:26:52 > 0:26:53SHE SCREAMS
0:26:55 > 0:26:58Come on, lads, come on! Come on, John.
0:26:58 > 0:27:00CHEERING
0:27:03 > 0:27:04We're happy.
0:27:10 > 0:27:12RADIO: 'BBC 5 Live.
0:27:12 > 0:27:15'In the past few minutes, Valencia have sacked Gary Neville
0:27:15 > 0:27:16'as their first team coach.
0:27:16 > 0:27:19'He really struggled in his first managerial job,
0:27:19 > 0:27:22'just three league games he won in three months in charge.
0:27:22 > 0:27:25'He's just released a statement, Gary Neville.
0:27:25 > 0:27:27'He says, "I would like to thank Valencia football club,
0:27:27 > 0:27:29'"the fans, staff..."'
0:27:33 > 0:27:34Oh, my God - been well busy.
0:27:34 > 0:27:37Cheers, babes. It's all right.
0:27:37 > 0:27:39Ooh, he's been sacked hasn't he?
0:27:39 > 0:27:40I know, yeah.
0:27:40 > 0:27:42I suppose...I think he went in too deep, didn't he?
0:27:42 > 0:27:43Going to such a big club.
0:27:43 > 0:27:45I like the fact that he did it.
0:27:45 > 0:27:47I like the fact that he challenged himself.
0:27:47 > 0:27:50He could have quite easily gone to Man United
0:27:50 > 0:27:51or gone to an English club,
0:27:51 > 0:27:54but he hasn't - he's gone abroad.
0:27:54 > 0:27:56He's got himself out of his comfort zone,
0:27:56 > 0:27:59and that's what you need to do, isn't it, to be a better person?
0:27:59 > 0:28:02And he was going into an already failing team.
0:28:02 > 0:28:03What's it say in the papers?
0:28:03 > 0:28:08It says here, it says "Neville left Valencia as the worst British manager in LA..."
0:28:08 > 0:28:10La Liga... "..in La Liga history."
0:28:10 > 0:28:12Good football knowledge there, Gaz!
0:28:12 > 0:28:14LA history? What was I thinking of, there?
0:28:14 > 0:28:16Even I knew it was La Liga!
0:28:16 > 0:28:18Yeah. I need to get back to work.
0:28:18 > 0:28:19Right, OK. Cheers for the coffee.
0:28:20 > 0:28:23That's my dream move to Valencia over.
0:28:24 > 0:28:26Brilliant!
0:28:33 > 0:28:35Are you nervous? Nervous about the morning,
0:28:35 > 0:28:38getting ready and all that stuff. Oh, no - that's funny, that.
0:28:38 > 0:28:39Jemma's planned her wedding
0:28:39 > 0:28:42for two weeks after the football season ends.
0:28:42 > 0:28:45With six weeks to go, she's getting her hair ready for the big day.
0:28:45 > 0:28:48I would have liked him in a kilt, but he won't.
0:28:48 > 0:28:50Oh, that would've been fab, wouldn't it?
0:28:50 > 0:28:52I know. He's got lovely legs, as well.
0:28:52 > 0:28:54Because he doesn't like being the centre of attention?
0:28:54 > 0:28:56He said it's bad enough his name's Bernard.
0:28:58 > 0:29:00So...he won't wear a kilt.
0:29:00 > 0:29:01Right.
0:29:02 > 0:29:07Bern proposed on the Valentine's Day of 2010.
0:29:07 > 0:29:11We planned to get married in 2012, so it was two years after,
0:29:11 > 0:29:14and then Halle came along,
0:29:14 > 0:29:18so I wasn't mentally ready for it, to get married.
0:29:18 > 0:29:20So I kind of, like, postponed it.
0:29:25 > 0:29:30It wasn't that I wasn't happy with myself - I was just in a bad place, after I had Halle.
0:29:30 > 0:29:34I just went into a really bad place, and I had really bad anxiety.
0:29:34 > 0:29:37I used to get really panicky, thinking, "Where are my kids?"
0:29:40 > 0:29:44I was on... I had counselling, I had medication for two years.
0:29:44 > 0:29:46It was awful, awful.
0:29:48 > 0:29:51I can't even remember how...
0:29:52 > 0:29:54I can't remember how I fed my kids.
0:29:54 > 0:29:59I can't remember that. It's just a total...total blur.
0:29:59 > 0:30:02You're not... You can't do that.
0:30:02 > 0:30:05I just never really spoke about it. You've not, have you?
0:30:06 > 0:30:08Don't, you'll have me starting.
0:30:11 > 0:30:15It's done now, anyway. That's gone, that part of your life.
0:30:19 > 0:30:21Sorry.
0:30:21 > 0:30:23You didn't expect it to come, did you?
0:30:23 > 0:30:26I could have either have just carried on the way I was,
0:30:26 > 0:30:29just been fat and ate crap, or...
0:30:29 > 0:30:33and look back at pictures and think, "Why didn't I do anything about it?"
0:30:33 > 0:30:35So I thought, "I need to do something about it."
0:30:37 > 0:30:39So I went running.
0:30:39 > 0:30:41I'm healthy, happy.
0:30:41 > 0:30:45Four years after I called the first one off, we're getting married.
0:30:45 > 0:30:47Three weeks. Three weeks on Saturday.
0:30:52 > 0:30:54Gary Neville is back in Salford.
0:30:56 > 0:30:59There's not a lot I can do about it, is there, really? Erm...
0:31:00 > 0:31:03I would have preferred to stay at Valencia till the end of the season.
0:31:03 > 0:31:06That's what the plan was, but the reality of it is I'm not.
0:31:06 > 0:31:09I'm back here. People say, "Are you happy to be back?"
0:31:09 > 0:31:11I don't think you can say you're happy to be back,
0:31:11 > 0:31:13but what I can say is that now I'm back, I'm happy here.
0:31:16 > 0:31:20Gary's meeting up with co-owner Paul Scholes and club chairman Karen
0:31:20 > 0:31:23to discuss which players to keep on for next season.
0:31:23 > 0:31:27Richie, we've got a one-year option, so we'll take that on him.
0:31:27 > 0:31:29Poole, we're going to try our best to keep.
0:31:29 > 0:31:34We've got Jordan anyway, and Josh Hine next season.
0:31:34 > 0:31:36Seddon leaving, I take it?
0:31:36 > 0:31:37Yeah. Is he?
0:31:38 > 0:31:40Why would we keep him?
0:31:40 > 0:31:42Who's... When are we telling him that?
0:31:43 > 0:31:45Does he know? After the end of the season.
0:31:45 > 0:31:47His contract is up, isn't it? Yeah, yeah.
0:31:47 > 0:31:50Has he asked yet, to the managers, whether they want him...?
0:31:50 > 0:31:51No-one's been told yet.
0:31:51 > 0:31:53Will he be expecting to stay, Gareth?
0:31:53 > 0:31:55No, I wouldn't have thought so.
0:31:55 > 0:31:58I can't imagine... Not even played. ..on what grounds. Not played him.
0:31:58 > 0:32:00They've not played him. No. Oh.
0:32:04 > 0:32:06I think they need to tell him in the right way and...
0:32:06 > 0:32:08take him out for a meal and stuff. Oh, shut up!
0:32:10 > 0:32:12He's been paid a lot of money to do fuck all, all season.
0:32:12 > 0:32:14He's had his bit.
0:32:16 > 0:32:18I think Gaz likes Gareth. Yeah, I know. Who does?
0:32:18 > 0:32:20Everyone knows it - he's his love child.
0:32:20 > 0:32:23No, I like all the players... His love child!
0:32:23 > 0:32:27I like all the players who've served us well in our first two years.
0:32:27 > 0:32:29I don't understand why we're discussing him. I think he's gone,
0:32:29 > 0:32:32and if you want to take him out for a meal that's fine.
0:32:32 > 0:32:34OK, I'll take him out for a meal. Well done. Pay for his beer...
0:32:34 > 0:32:36Scholesy, are you coming? No.
0:32:38 > 0:32:39Very good.
0:32:48 > 0:32:50We've got, like, five games left, I think.
0:32:50 > 0:32:53I'm just going to work my nuts off and then...
0:32:54 > 0:32:56..I just need to, like...
0:32:56 > 0:32:59come on and get the winning goal in the final or something like that.
0:32:59 > 0:33:01Something's going to happen.
0:33:01 > 0:33:03I'm going to make sure that it does.
0:33:04 > 0:33:06I just don't want to fizzle out.
0:33:06 > 0:33:07No, you want to go out on a high.
0:33:07 > 0:33:10After the year I had last season,
0:33:10 > 0:33:16being the hero and everybody kind of basically loving me, to this year...
0:33:16 > 0:33:19No-one...I don't even know if anyone remembers me round the club.
0:33:19 > 0:33:21They think I'm like an ambassador, just walking round.
0:33:21 > 0:33:23You're still my hero. I still love you!
0:33:25 > 0:33:28I really want him to do well, cos I want him to finish on a high.
0:33:28 > 0:33:32It could be his last season of football, and even if it's not,
0:33:32 > 0:33:35the he still wants to do well at Salford, if he's leaving.
0:33:35 > 0:33:38He will turn it round, cos he's so determined,
0:33:38 > 0:33:41works hard at everything that he does and that's all he's done,
0:33:41 > 0:33:42is work really hard.
0:33:42 > 0:33:44And, hopefully, they'll see that and give him a chance.
0:33:47 > 0:33:50How many have we got to play, six? Five. Five to go.
0:33:52 > 0:33:54It's Saturday, early April.
0:33:56 > 0:33:58The end of the season's in sight.
0:33:58 > 0:34:00Another month and on Saturdays,
0:34:00 > 0:34:03Tuesdays, Thursdays, it won't be football, it'll be drinking.
0:34:03 > 0:34:06We get fat over the summer, me and Jonno.
0:34:06 > 0:34:08Why do you have to drag me in on that? Cos you're fat!
0:34:08 > 0:34:11Jonno, what are you going to do after the season then?
0:34:11 > 0:34:13I'll show you what I'm going to do,
0:34:13 > 0:34:16I'm going to go in all karaoke bars in Blackpool and sing this.
0:34:16 > 0:34:17That's what I'm going to do.
0:34:19 > 0:34:20Woo!
0:34:24 > 0:34:27Tell me this isn't a fucking tune, Mikey baby!
0:34:27 > 0:34:30MUSIC: Real Gone Kid by Deacon Blue
0:34:37 > 0:34:41Salford have just five games left to earn a place in the play-offs.
0:34:41 > 0:34:45Gareth Seddon is doing his best to get back to full fitness.
0:34:47 > 0:34:49But he stays firmly on the bench.
0:34:56 > 0:34:59If sides win their games we can still fall out if we don't take our points.
0:34:59 > 0:35:04So if we haven't got energy today, and you think it's done, we will fall out the play-offs.
0:35:12 > 0:35:15As long as we take some points from there, it's two games after this -
0:35:15 > 0:35:16we should be in the top five.
0:35:18 > 0:35:21If we win, we put these to bed.
0:35:21 > 0:35:22So, go out, enjoy yourself.
0:35:22 > 0:35:24Let's go and win the game.
0:35:32 > 0:35:34The goals keep coming for Salford.
0:35:35 > 0:35:38Good season. Going for a big fucking week now, don't we?
0:35:38 > 0:35:41And a final win against Stourbridge seals the deal.
0:35:41 > 0:35:43They end third in the league.
0:35:43 > 0:35:46Salford's season all rests on two final knockout games.
0:35:46 > 0:35:49Listen, the next time we're together is Tuesday night.
0:35:49 > 0:35:54Nobody's out tonight. No-one's fucking going out and having beers or fuck all. All onto Tuesday.
0:35:54 > 0:35:56Yeah? This is it. This is our week. Yeah?
0:35:56 > 0:35:58Well done, boys. Well done.
0:36:01 > 0:36:03The players, the manager,
0:36:03 > 0:36:07the staff have done an absolutely fantastic job. To get to the second
0:36:07 > 0:36:09round of the FA Cup and into the play-offs,
0:36:09 > 0:36:12I'd have snapped your hand off at the start of the season.
0:36:12 > 0:36:15I think that to have an opportunity to think that we've got two games
0:36:15 > 0:36:18to have two successive promotions is a wonderful position to be in.
0:36:18 > 0:36:21And I would always fancy us in one-off games.
0:36:23 > 0:36:25The managers have had three successive promotions.
0:36:25 > 0:36:27They'll be believing that they can do it.
0:36:27 > 0:36:33MUSIC: Jump Around by House Of Pain
0:36:33 > 0:36:34Now, are you ready?
0:36:34 > 0:36:35So, it goes...
0:36:35 > 0:36:38One, two, three, four...
0:36:38 > 0:36:41The play-offs are in two days' time.
0:36:41 > 0:36:42..six, seven, eight...
0:36:46 > 0:36:48One, two and three, four,
0:36:48 > 0:36:50five, six, seven and again.
0:36:50 > 0:36:55One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.
0:36:55 > 0:36:56Going to have to cancel this.
0:36:56 > 0:36:58Was it the turn? Yeah, the turn.
0:36:58 > 0:37:00Going to have to cancel.
0:37:00 > 0:37:01I can't dance!
0:37:07 > 0:37:09Tuesday, 26th of April.
0:37:10 > 0:37:15Salford face Ashton United in the first of their two crunch games.
0:37:15 > 0:37:17Freezing.
0:37:17 > 0:37:19I landed, get off the plane today.
0:37:19 > 0:37:20He's scratched his car.
0:37:22 > 0:37:24I couldn't believe how cold it was. It'd snowed!
0:37:24 > 0:37:26Phil Neville has flown in from Spain to watch.
0:37:26 > 0:37:30Co-owner Paul Scholes is giving him a lift to the match.
0:37:30 > 0:37:32Everyone's coming tonight. First time ever.
0:37:33 > 0:37:36Should win. Should win, shouldn't we? Beat them 3-0,
0:37:36 > 0:37:37what was it, two or three weeks ago?
0:37:37 > 0:37:40I think we're going into it in a good run of form.
0:37:40 > 0:37:41I'm quite excited.
0:37:44 > 0:37:47You can't park like that. We've got to park that way.
0:37:47 > 0:37:48No, you can't park like that.
0:37:48 > 0:37:51Why? He's never been good at looking over his shoulder,
0:37:51 > 0:37:54do you know what I mean? He never had good vision...
0:37:54 > 0:37:55His pride and joy!
0:37:58 > 0:38:01Boys, we talked about not getting complacent all season,
0:38:01 > 0:38:03so I'm not going to change my team talk because
0:38:03 > 0:38:05it's the semifinal of the play-offs.
0:38:05 > 0:38:08It's just another game, except there's a lot more at stake today.
0:38:08 > 0:38:10And if you boys turn up and do what you do,
0:38:10 > 0:38:12I ain't got no problem with yous winning. It's as simple as that.
0:38:12 > 0:38:14Come on, boys! Come on, boys!
0:38:15 > 0:38:19Hopefully, we can either be 1-1 and they need me to come on and score,
0:38:19 > 0:38:22or it's...we're 2, 3-0 up and then I can come on.
0:38:22 > 0:38:26Either way, I just want to come on, cos it's a massive week for us.
0:38:26 > 0:38:28It's a massive week for me.
0:38:28 > 0:38:30It's the last week of my career.
0:38:30 > 0:38:31The last week of my life!
0:38:31 > 0:38:35You got your Salford shirt on? Yeah. Hey, smarten yourself up.
0:38:35 > 0:38:38I will. Or else them girls over there won't come and kiss you.
0:38:38 > 0:38:40Don't worry. What do you mean? I'm not worried!
0:38:48 > 0:38:50Winner takes all. So...
0:38:51 > 0:38:54..we've started nervous. Understandably.
0:38:56 > 0:38:57CROWD: Salford!
0:38:58 > 0:39:00This is going to be tough. To get through this tonight,
0:39:00 > 0:39:03I think it will be a major fight. You can see it already.
0:39:03 > 0:39:04Salford are in red.
0:39:04 > 0:39:07From the start, Ashton have them on the run.
0:39:07 > 0:39:08Stupid!
0:39:12 > 0:39:16But 25 minutes in, Salford break down the right wing.
0:39:16 > 0:39:18Go on!
0:39:18 > 0:39:19Go on...
0:39:19 > 0:39:20Yes!
0:39:24 > 0:39:26I don't feel comfortable. I don't know why.
0:39:26 > 0:39:28We're 1-0 up, but it's a scrappy game.
0:39:28 > 0:39:31In the second half, Ashton United strike back...
0:39:35 > 0:39:37..to equalise in the 69th minute.
0:39:40 > 0:39:42Long night, lads.
0:39:42 > 0:39:45It's 1-1 after 90 tough minutes, but there has to be a winner.
0:39:45 > 0:39:48The teams and fans face 30 minutes more.
0:39:48 > 0:39:52Listen to me, here. We've been here and played extra time before.
0:39:52 > 0:39:54We'll get chances, here.
0:39:54 > 0:39:56We'll get chances, but you've got to stay switched on.
0:39:56 > 0:39:58All right? Do the right things.
0:39:58 > 0:39:59Touch, deliver. Come on, boys, eh?
0:39:59 > 0:40:01Come on!
0:40:01 > 0:40:06With the game in the balance, the managers play Gareth Seddon.
0:40:06 > 0:40:08He's taking Seddon on.
0:40:10 > 0:40:12You ready? Sed, stay central, mate, yeah?
0:40:12 > 0:40:15You stay central - get them to run after you, yeah?
0:40:30 > 0:40:32Seconds after coming on,
0:40:32 > 0:40:36Seddon gets his first touch of the ball and shoots.
0:40:36 > 0:40:38CHEERING
0:40:42 > 0:40:44Get in!
0:40:56 > 0:40:57Seddon,
0:40:57 > 0:40:59the hero.
0:41:03 > 0:41:05The cheese selling, modelling hero.
0:41:05 > 0:41:07CHEERING
0:41:07 > 0:41:09Salford secure the win.
0:41:09 > 0:41:11Look on the pitch! Bernard's on the pitch.
0:41:11 > 0:41:13Bernard and John are on the pitch.
0:41:13 > 0:41:17There's only one game left between them and promotion.
0:41:17 > 0:41:19Tap in. Told you!
0:41:19 > 0:41:21Can't believe people are surprised.
0:41:39 > 0:41:45MUSIC: The Way You Make Me Feel by Michael Jackson
0:41:49 > 0:41:52The climax of the season is in four days' time.
0:41:52 > 0:41:54As the players rest,
0:41:54 > 0:41:57Bernard's dance troupe fit in all the practice they can.
0:42:01 > 0:42:03We have to win promotion now.
0:42:03 > 0:42:05We've got the bug. We've got the bug of going up.
0:42:05 > 0:42:08We can see the Football League getting closer to us.
0:42:12 > 0:42:13We know that we want to go up,
0:42:13 > 0:42:16and that would be an unbelievable two years.
0:42:16 > 0:42:18You'd say, second round of the FA Cup, two promotions.
0:42:19 > 0:42:21We'd take that.
0:42:29 > 0:42:31Yeah, we need to do that one again, that one.
0:42:31 > 0:42:32Piss it - we pissed it, mate.
0:42:32 > 0:42:36Starting off from the beginning again - one more. One more!
0:42:42 > 0:42:44It's the night before the big match.
0:42:44 > 0:42:48Defender Steve Howson's grandparents plan to be at the game...
0:42:48 > 0:42:50Have you had many yellow cards, this...?
0:42:50 > 0:42:52I've been a good lad. I've only had four, I think.
0:42:52 > 0:42:55..and so does most of Salford.
0:42:55 > 0:42:58Yeah, extra security in for this one.
0:42:58 > 0:42:59Grandad's part of the riot squad.
0:42:59 > 0:43:01The pressure's on now. The biggest critique.
0:43:01 > 0:43:03As long as it's not raining.
0:43:03 > 0:43:06But if we can go inside there's no worry, is there?
0:43:06 > 0:43:07You can sit here and...
0:43:07 > 0:43:09have something to drink.
0:43:09 > 0:43:11In fact, no, that would be embarrassing when you're drunk.
0:43:11 > 0:43:12GRANDAD LAUGHS
0:43:12 > 0:43:14How dare you!
0:43:21 > 0:43:22Saturday, 30th of April.
0:43:28 > 0:43:30Salford's season comes down to this.
0:43:33 > 0:43:37The play-off finals against tough opponents Workington FC.
0:43:40 > 0:43:44Jonno and Bernard are about to find out if they can win promotion
0:43:44 > 0:43:46for Salford two years in a row.
0:43:47 > 0:43:49You nervous? You buzzing?
0:43:49 > 0:43:51Got absolutely steaming last night.
0:43:51 > 0:43:53A couple of Valium, I feel brand-new.
0:43:53 > 0:43:55I'm obviously nervous, but... Bet you can't do that.
0:43:55 > 0:43:58The plus side of things, the excitement,
0:43:58 > 0:44:00is outweighing the nerves at the minute.
0:44:00 > 0:44:01Bet you can't do that.
0:44:01 > 0:44:04Football matters to me more than anything in the world.
0:44:04 > 0:44:07I would give up football for my family...
0:44:07 > 0:44:09if someone had a gun to their heads.
0:44:09 > 0:44:10That's the only time.
0:44:12 > 0:44:13I would. I don't mean...
0:44:13 > 0:44:15My family is everything.
0:44:15 > 0:44:18That's why I do things, for my family, to provide a decent life.
0:44:18 > 0:44:19I go to work in the morning,
0:44:19 > 0:44:21early doors, to provide for my wife and kids.
0:44:21 > 0:44:23But I don't like work - I hate work.
0:44:23 > 0:44:25But I love this. I love football.
0:44:25 > 0:44:27It's the only thing I've ever been,
0:44:27 > 0:44:28that's given me something to be proud of
0:44:28 > 0:44:30for my personal achievement.
0:44:30 > 0:44:33I've never done nothing. And it sounds awful, what I'm saying.
0:44:33 > 0:44:34I'd be at home with my family
0:44:34 > 0:44:36but I wouldn't know any different that's what I'd do.
0:44:36 > 0:44:39I'd invest my time into that. As soon as today's finished, that's it.
0:44:39 > 0:44:42I've got three months with my wife and kids, everything into them.
0:44:42 > 0:44:44Right, Jem, come on. I'm going.
0:44:47 > 0:44:49Good luck and stay calm.
0:44:49 > 0:44:51Always calm.
0:44:51 > 0:44:53Yes!
0:44:53 > 0:44:54Yes!
0:44:54 > 0:44:59What a score! What a score! What a, what a, what a score!
0:44:59 > 0:45:02It's just hours away from kick-off at Moor Lane.
0:45:02 > 0:45:04Nine months work comes down to one game.
0:45:04 > 0:45:09So what's nice is the managers and players want it as much as me and
0:45:09 > 0:45:12it's nice that it means so much to everyone.
0:45:12 > 0:45:14Play-off final day, isn't it?
0:45:14 > 0:45:16Biggest game in the season.
0:45:16 > 0:45:19Biggest game in Salford's history, I suppose.
0:45:19 > 0:45:21And...as such,
0:45:21 > 0:45:22I'm absolutely shaking.
0:45:24 > 0:45:27What a way to end the season. What a way to end it.
0:45:27 > 0:45:28And, if we win, oh, my God.
0:45:30 > 0:45:32It'll just be...heaven.
0:45:32 > 0:45:36This is why God invented football, for days like this.
0:45:36 > 0:45:39Knowing that nine months comes down to one moment,
0:45:39 > 0:45:41one decision, one shot...
0:45:41 > 0:45:43it's...
0:45:43 > 0:45:45It is the biggest day.
0:45:45 > 0:45:48You could argue it's the biggest day that Salford City have ever had.
0:45:48 > 0:45:52I'm nervous, I'm not going to lie to you. But so we should be.
0:45:52 > 0:45:54It's what dreams are made of. You said it before, on the way here.
0:45:54 > 0:45:57It's what we fucking aim for all season.
0:45:57 > 0:46:00Don't leave anything here. Go and blast.
0:46:02 > 0:46:04Let's go out with a bang, all of us.
0:46:08 > 0:46:10We've been through war, haven't we?
0:46:10 > 0:46:13Been through the trenches together, boys, and we're here.
0:46:14 > 0:46:17All them doubters, people that say it don't work - joint managing.
0:46:17 > 0:46:19Everything all comes collectively for today.
0:46:20 > 0:46:22We go down 1-0, don't worry about it.
0:46:22 > 0:46:24How many times have we come back from 1-0 season?
0:46:24 > 0:46:26Yeah? Come on. Enjoy it.
0:46:28 > 0:46:31On a personal level, I'm a proud man for today.
0:46:33 > 0:46:35No matter what happens, I'm a proud man.
0:46:35 > 0:46:38There'll be no coming in at the end of the game, dressing things down
0:46:38 > 0:46:41and analysing things, cos that's it - it's done.
0:46:42 > 0:46:44So this is my point, I say, listen -
0:46:44 > 0:46:47thanks for the best season I've ever had in football.
0:46:47 > 0:46:48Don't start crying.
0:46:48 > 0:46:51Now, I know it's an emotional speech,
0:46:51 > 0:46:53cos I'm on the way, here. I'm serious -
0:46:53 > 0:46:56the best year I've ever had in football. Come on, boys!
0:47:08 > 0:47:09CROWD: Go on, Salford!
0:47:09 > 0:47:11Salford get off to a shaky start...
0:47:11 > 0:47:12Oh, God...
0:47:14 > 0:47:16..as their nerves begin to show.
0:47:20 > 0:47:23Just four minutes in, Workington score.
0:47:23 > 0:47:25A rubbish start.
0:47:25 > 0:47:28Shit. We're shit at corners. We can't defend corners.
0:47:32 > 0:47:34But Salford come back at them.
0:47:42 > 0:47:43And in the 13th minute...
0:47:46 > 0:47:47CHEERING
0:47:49 > 0:47:51..Steve O'Halloran's goal makes it 1-1.
0:47:55 > 0:47:57Come on, Salford. Come on, Salford.
0:47:57 > 0:47:59Come on, Salford.
0:47:59 > 0:48:01You talk more than me, you.
0:48:01 > 0:48:03Ste O'Halloran scored...
0:48:03 > 0:48:04a corner.
0:48:04 > 0:48:06Jemma is hoping for a win more than anyone.
0:48:06 > 0:48:08It would be a perfect end to the season
0:48:08 > 0:48:10and the perfect start for the wedding.
0:48:10 > 0:48:12I just wish we was winning.
0:48:14 > 0:48:17But Workington are refusing to roll over
0:48:17 > 0:48:19and Salford can't find their rhythm.
0:48:20 > 0:48:21It's a bit shaky.
0:48:25 > 0:48:27They're missing something in midfield.
0:48:30 > 0:48:31Come on!
0:48:31 > 0:48:34Workington attack again and again.
0:48:34 > 0:48:37Get it OUT!
0:48:37 > 0:48:38Oh, for fuck's sake...
0:48:38 > 0:48:41And in the 20th minute, it pays off...
0:48:41 > 0:48:422-1.
0:48:42 > 0:48:43It's too easy, that.
0:48:47 > 0:48:49Unlucky, unlucky. Right idea.
0:48:49 > 0:48:52Wish we were winning. I wish it was us who was 2-1 up.
0:48:53 > 0:48:55But it's like so much has happened in the first half.
0:48:55 > 0:48:56It's mental.
0:48:58 > 0:49:01And it's like we've not got nothing in us.
0:49:01 > 0:49:03We're just playing shit.
0:49:05 > 0:49:09Come on, Salford. Go, go in that dressing room, get a slap.
0:49:09 > 0:49:12Get your head together. Sort it out.
0:49:12 > 0:49:15They've worked so hard all season and they're throwing it away.
0:49:15 > 0:49:17Literally giving it to them, aren't they?
0:49:17 > 0:49:19I'm just fuming. Fuming.
0:49:21 > 0:49:24They've worked so hard, they don't deserve this loss, so...
0:49:24 > 0:49:27At half-time, Workington lead 2-1.
0:49:28 > 0:49:31This is going to be the last fucking bollocking I give you, like he said.
0:49:31 > 0:49:34Cos at the end of the game, it's irrelevant. It is irrelevant.
0:49:34 > 0:49:37The preparation, the information, the way we've done things,
0:49:37 > 0:49:40talking about how to beat a side and what to do,
0:49:40 > 0:49:41you've just done the total opposite.
0:49:41 > 0:49:45Listen to us, we do not do our homework for fuck all.
0:49:45 > 0:49:47Got to think up here, boys.
0:49:47 > 0:49:48You've got to want to win.
0:49:48 > 0:49:51You've got to want to win!
0:49:51 > 0:49:52I want a score.
0:49:52 > 0:49:54I'm stomping up and down that sideline thinking,
0:49:54 > 0:49:57"Why, in the final, do we roll over? Why?"
0:49:59 > 0:50:01Go out with a fight. Wake up. Come on, boys.
0:50:01 > 0:50:04You look caught in the fucking headlights, boys, some of you.
0:50:04 > 0:50:07It's a final. They're not going to turn up and lie down for you, boys.
0:50:08 > 0:50:11They don't do that. Sides don't do that at this level of football.
0:50:11 > 0:50:15They get a third goal, it's fucking Goodnight, Sweetheart, then.
0:50:15 > 0:50:18Look, we've come in fucking 2-1 down. We can put things right.
0:50:18 > 0:50:19Don't go to pieces.
0:50:19 > 0:50:21The next goal's massive.
0:50:21 > 0:50:23They think they'll win it if they get the next goal.
0:50:23 > 0:50:26We continue to do the right things, or at least try. All right?
0:50:26 > 0:50:28Come on. Come on, boys. Come on.
0:50:32 > 0:50:33Not great.
0:50:33 > 0:50:36It's 2-1 and we're not... It's not happening, to be honest with you.
0:50:36 > 0:50:39There's a long way to go, 30 minutes or so, but...
0:50:39 > 0:50:40a bit of a worry at the moment.
0:50:40 > 0:50:43In the second half, Workington dig in defensively
0:50:43 > 0:50:45to protect their lead.
0:50:45 > 0:50:47See, we're playing too deep.
0:50:47 > 0:50:48Nothing ever goes my way.
0:50:49 > 0:50:51What time...?
0:50:51 > 0:50:54Time, yeah, about 20 minutes? 25 minutes?
0:50:54 > 0:50:55My life's over.
0:50:57 > 0:50:58Oh!
0:50:59 > 0:51:01We need a goal. We need a goal.
0:51:02 > 0:51:06With time running out, Salford pile on the pressure.
0:51:06 > 0:51:08But they can't find the Workington net.
0:51:10 > 0:51:11Offside.
0:51:18 > 0:51:21ANNOUNCER: Salford City replacing number 10, Danny Webber,
0:51:21 > 0:51:23with number 17, Gareth Seddon.
0:51:28 > 0:51:28What a save!
0:51:32 > 0:51:34How long's that? It's a game of bloody football.
0:51:34 > 0:51:37Yeah, and it's not, it's part of... It's not finished yet.
0:51:37 > 0:51:40And my husband's career. It's not finished, Jemma. Shut up!
0:51:40 > 0:51:41SHE SCREAMS
0:52:00 > 0:52:02CHEERING
0:52:06 > 0:52:08With just 11 minutes to go,
0:52:08 > 0:52:11Salford's Billy Priestley heads it in.
0:52:11 > 0:52:12It's 2-2.
0:52:13 > 0:52:16Come back twice now, so...
0:52:16 > 0:52:19It's ours for the taking now, isn't it?
0:52:22 > 0:52:24Come on!
0:52:25 > 0:52:27We're wasting them.
0:52:27 > 0:52:29There's just ten minutes left to play.
0:52:32 > 0:52:34Stop it, Jem, you're getting me going.
0:52:40 > 0:52:41I can't cope.
0:53:06 > 0:53:08CHEERING
0:53:13 > 0:53:16In the 89th minute, Jordan Hume scores.
0:53:16 > 0:53:19Salford 3, Workington 2.
0:53:30 > 0:53:32Get in!
0:53:32 > 0:53:34Dad! Dad! DAD!
0:53:34 > 0:53:36You're getting me going!
0:53:39 > 0:53:41Well done, mate. Three minutes.
0:53:41 > 0:53:44Now all Salford have to do is hang on.
0:53:46 > 0:53:47Oh, God, I can't cope.
0:53:47 > 0:53:50They scored in the last 90th minute last time.
0:53:50 > 0:53:51Got to be it.
0:53:58 > 0:53:59WHISTLE
0:53:59 > 0:54:01CHEERING
0:54:16 > 0:54:18Amazing. Absolutely unbelievable.
0:54:18 > 0:54:20Couldn't ask for any more.
0:54:20 > 0:54:21Brilliant!
0:54:30 > 0:54:31He's got it!
0:54:33 > 0:54:34I'm so proud of you!
0:54:43 > 0:54:442-1 down, 3-2 winner.
0:54:47 > 0:54:49I'm so proud of you.
0:54:58 > 0:55:01We are going up, said we going up!
0:55:03 > 0:55:04Tremendous.
0:55:06 > 0:55:08All worthwhile now, last few years.
0:55:15 > 0:55:16We got it!
0:55:16 > 0:55:18Can't even put into words how it feels.
0:55:18 > 0:55:20I'm on a different planet at the minute, I really am.
0:55:20 > 0:55:22I'm not a crier, but I feel like I could cry.
0:55:22 > 0:55:25Well, I should have a good day now. Stag do. Wedding.
0:55:25 > 0:55:29Good stag do. It just makes the wedding... Everything, everybody's buzzing so we'll just take that into
0:55:29 > 0:55:33the next couple of weeks now and, hopefully, the wedding will be as good what it's been today
0:55:33 > 0:55:35which I've no doubt it will be.
0:55:48 > 0:55:49MUSIC: I Swear by All-4-One
0:55:49 > 0:55:54# I see the questions in your eyes
0:55:54 > 0:55:59# I know what's weighing on your mind
0:56:00 > 0:56:06# You can be sure I know my part
0:56:07 > 0:56:14# Cos I'll stand beside you through the years
0:56:15 > 0:56:21# You'll only cry those happy tears
0:56:21 > 0:56:25# And though I make mistakes
0:56:25 > 0:56:29# I'll never break your heart... #
0:56:29 > 0:56:32SIREN WAILS
0:56:34 > 0:56:36CHEERING
0:56:39 > 0:56:41MUSIC: The Way You Make Me Feel by Michael Jackson
0:56:56 > 0:56:59# Hey, pretty baby., with the high heels on
0:56:59 > 0:57:04# You give me fever Like I've never ever known
0:57:04 > 0:57:09# You're just a product of loveliness
0:57:09 > 0:57:13# I like the groove of your walk Your talk, your dress... #
0:57:13 > 0:57:16MUSIC: Jump Around by House Of Pain
0:57:27 > 0:57:30They're better managers than dancers, to be fair!
0:57:31 > 0:57:33We always call Bernard stiff-arse
0:57:33 > 0:57:35cos he's just not got any rhythm.
0:57:35 > 0:57:39But that has just ended a perfect day.
0:57:39 > 0:57:41What's happened this year is what dreams are made of -
0:57:41 > 0:57:44win promotion, unbelievable FA Cup run and then, you know,
0:57:44 > 0:57:47marrying my wife who I idolise, so...
0:57:47 > 0:57:49over the moon with everything.
0:57:49 > 0:57:51MUSIC: Shiny Happy People by REM
0:57:56 > 0:57:59# Shiny happy people laughing
0:58:03 > 0:58:07# Meet me in the crowd
0:58:07 > 0:58:11# People, people
0:58:11 > 0:58:15# Throw your love around
0:58:15 > 0:58:19# Love me, love me
0:58:19 > 0:58:23# Take it into town
0:58:23 > 0:58:24# Happy... #
0:58:27 > 0:58:32I have developed a technique to help me deal with annoying idiots.
0:58:32 > 0:58:34Lee, do you want to kick this one off?
0:58:34 > 0:58:36LAUGHTER
0:58:36 > 0:58:39I have trained my cat to wink.
0:58:39 > 0:58:42We never let the truth get in the way of a good story.