0:00:02 > 0:00:04'Ladies and gentlemen, Mr John Bishop!'
0:00:06 > 0:00:08When I was 25,
0:00:08 > 0:00:10long before I ever thought of being a comedian,
0:00:10 > 0:00:14I walked away from a good job, from my girlfriend, Melanie,
0:00:14 > 0:00:17and set off on the greatest adventure of my life.
0:00:20 > 0:00:24I rode a bicycle up the east coast of Australia,
0:00:24 > 0:00:27from Sydney up to Cairns.
0:00:30 > 0:00:34I was doing it for charity but I had another reason too.
0:00:34 > 0:00:36I'd only come here because
0:00:36 > 0:00:38I didn't want the commitment of getting married.
0:00:38 > 0:00:41You know, that felt like growing up -
0:00:41 > 0:00:43this was my last big adventure.
0:00:43 > 0:00:4622 years later, I've recreated that journey
0:00:46 > 0:00:48and now I'm on the final leg.
0:00:54 > 0:00:56My time in Australia is running out,
0:00:56 > 0:01:00so I'm packing in every experience that I can.
0:01:00 > 0:01:02I want to see the things I missed
0:01:02 > 0:01:04and I want to have a little bit of fun,
0:01:04 > 0:01:08and I also want to see how Australia's changed.
0:01:08 > 0:01:14This programme contains some strong language.
0:01:14 > 0:01:17So far, I've travelled more than 2,000km,
0:01:17 > 0:01:19from the modern metropolis of Sydney
0:01:19 > 0:01:22to the rodeo town of Rockhampton.
0:01:23 > 0:01:26Now I'm deep in tropical Northern Australia.
0:01:26 > 0:01:28The country is getting wilder,
0:01:28 > 0:01:32and the rain makes me think of cycling in England with me mates.
0:01:32 > 0:01:34However, I've got to be honest, this rain's warm -
0:01:34 > 0:01:36it's a bit like a shower.
0:01:36 > 0:01:38In fact, if I had some soap, I could wash while I ride
0:01:38 > 0:01:40and get off cleaner than when I got on.
0:01:41 > 0:01:44It's so muggy I can barely breathe,
0:01:44 > 0:01:48but the Australian Army see this as the perfect environment
0:01:48 > 0:01:50to train its troops for battle.
0:01:51 > 0:01:52I'm on my way to Townsville,
0:01:52 > 0:01:56a tough garrison town in the heart of Queensland.
0:01:56 > 0:01:58This base is home to the 3rd Brigade,
0:01:58 > 0:02:01and they've invited me to train with them for the day.
0:02:04 > 0:02:06How do you do it? Is it a technique?
0:02:06 > 0:02:09- You sit down and put the straps on. - And then what?
0:02:09 > 0:02:12And then stand up. I'll give you a hand up.
0:02:12 > 0:02:14Oh, hang on, I've got to get up myself.
0:02:14 > 0:02:15I've got to do what you do.
0:02:19 > 0:02:21It's like carrying a fridge on your back.
0:02:21 > 0:02:24So you're just going to pick it up now and make me look like a wuss,
0:02:24 > 0:02:26- aren't you?- Yeah, pretty much.
0:02:26 > 0:02:28SOLDIER LAUGHS
0:02:28 > 0:02:29All right, I could have done that.
0:02:29 > 0:02:33I could have done that, it's just that, you know, I don't make him...
0:02:33 > 0:02:35Don't want to embarrass him. Thanks, mate.
0:02:37 > 0:02:39The Australian Army has a reputation
0:02:39 > 0:02:42for producing soldiers of a very high calibre.
0:02:42 > 0:02:43Troops from the 3rd Brigade
0:02:43 > 0:02:47have served in Gallipoli, Vietnam, Rwanda and Afghanistan.
0:02:49 > 0:02:51All right, mate, all right. I'm John.
0:02:51 > 0:02:53- John, pleased to meet you. How you going?- All right.
0:02:53 > 0:02:57Do you think there's a difference between English men or Aussie men?
0:02:57 > 0:02:58That's a question for the ladies.
0:03:00 > 0:03:03So are you an Aussie man? So do you wax your chest?
0:03:03 > 0:03:06Well, you've got your metrosexuals in this army,
0:03:06 > 0:03:07as with any other army,
0:03:07 > 0:03:09but, you know, that's in time with the ages.
0:03:09 > 0:03:13Everyone's waxing things. Waxing's the new shaving, I think.
0:03:13 > 0:03:15- Oh, really?- Yeah. - I didn't... You know what,
0:03:15 > 0:03:19that's the last thing I was expecting when I walked over here - we'd get into a waxing chat.
0:03:20 > 0:03:22Regardless of man-scaping techniques,
0:03:22 > 0:03:26the entire battalion is up at 6am, taking the commander's fitness test.
0:03:26 > 0:03:30Every soldier must pass, or face disciplinary action.
0:03:30 > 0:03:32I think I'm a bit out me depth. Hello, sir, I'm John.
0:03:32 > 0:03:35- How you going?- All right, mate. - Good to meet you.
0:03:36 > 0:03:39The humidity is so heavy that I was sweating standing still.
0:03:39 > 0:03:42Just doing this warm-up is killing me.
0:03:44 > 0:03:47It's a Strictly Come Dancing shimmy
0:03:47 > 0:03:49before we get on to the real hard stuff.
0:03:49 > 0:03:52The man stuff!
0:03:52 > 0:03:55Sit-ups - not easy.
0:03:56 > 0:03:58And then the press-ups.
0:03:59 > 0:04:01This is where I felt good, look.
0:04:02 > 0:04:03I'm beating the younger lads.
0:04:04 > 0:04:06I'm either brilliant or I stink.
0:04:12 > 0:04:15I never held out hope for the rope.
0:04:17 > 0:04:20And I've got a new technique that I know will catch on -
0:04:20 > 0:04:23if you can't pull up, make your chin grow.
0:04:23 > 0:04:24OK.
0:04:24 > 0:04:27I got three, just.
0:04:27 > 0:04:29And then after all that,
0:04:29 > 0:04:32we had to endure a gruelling road run,
0:04:32 > 0:04:34wearing full kit and carrying a replica gun,
0:04:34 > 0:04:37which you'd think I'd nicked off an eight-year-old.
0:04:42 > 0:04:44It's a hard way to start a day -
0:04:44 > 0:04:46running in a sauna
0:04:46 > 0:04:49and being shouted at by a man in tiny shorts.
0:04:49 > 0:04:50Get your knees up, come on!
0:04:53 > 0:04:56HE PANTS
0:05:03 > 0:05:05All right! God work.
0:05:07 > 0:05:08So did I pass?
0:05:08 > 0:05:11- A-pass for his age bracket. - Yeah, OK, well done.- That'll do.
0:05:11 > 0:05:13- A-pass on the run.- That's not bad.
0:05:13 > 0:05:17And in terms of...middle-aged, English comedians...
0:05:17 > 0:05:21- Right?- ..where do I rank as being suitable for your...
0:05:21 > 0:05:25Oh, I reckon you done pretty well. We encourage diversity, and, er...
0:05:25 > 0:05:28And you're right at home, I reckon, yeah.
0:05:28 > 0:05:32I've got cousins in the forces in England,
0:05:32 > 0:05:35and one of the things that struck me immediately
0:05:35 > 0:05:38is it's all about your mates. You know, like, all the politics,
0:05:38 > 0:05:41everything else seems to fade. It's always about your mates.
0:05:41 > 0:05:42Absolutely, and that makes you...
0:05:42 > 0:05:45Yeah, that's what gets the soldiers through the harder times,
0:05:45 > 0:05:48and particularly in operations when things can be very difficult.
0:05:48 > 0:05:49You know, that's what it's all about -
0:05:49 > 0:05:52those small teams coming together and looking after one another.
0:05:52 > 0:05:57That unique bond created between soldiers often lasts a lifetime.
0:05:59 > 0:06:03I've come to the other side of town to meet a bunch of veterans
0:06:03 > 0:06:06bound together by their love of motorcycles.
0:06:06 > 0:06:09They meet in their clubhouse, which they call a bunker.
0:06:11 > 0:06:12You can see why.
0:06:15 > 0:06:17Right up to arriving here,
0:06:17 > 0:06:20I wasn't certain that these men would talk to us.
0:06:22 > 0:06:2560,000 Australians fought in the Vietnam War,
0:06:25 > 0:06:28coming home to a nation that reviled them.
0:06:30 > 0:06:35So Cowboy, Mongrel and the boys formed The Biker Band Of Brothers.
0:06:36 > 0:06:39Personally, I spent years trying to drop the shutter on it.
0:06:39 > 0:06:41I didn't want to even remember the place.
0:06:41 > 0:06:45I hated it - everything about it wasn't good.
0:06:45 > 0:06:47And then I found this club,
0:06:47 > 0:06:50and this is the best thing that ever happened to me.
0:06:50 > 0:06:52Because I thought it was just me.
0:06:52 > 0:06:54And then I ran into mates
0:06:54 > 0:06:57that were having the same experience as me.
0:06:57 > 0:07:00How can you be...at war one minute,
0:07:00 > 0:07:03and then, like, you fly home
0:07:03 > 0:07:06and all of a sudden...
0:07:06 > 0:07:07you're back in civilian life
0:07:07 > 0:07:10where everything's politically correct?
0:07:10 > 0:07:13A kid screams and the next thing you know, you're...
0:07:13 > 0:07:17You're on edge, because when you're in a war zone,
0:07:17 > 0:07:20in a battle or...
0:07:20 > 0:07:22You know, you hear people scream -
0:07:22 > 0:07:25you can't get that out of your head, you know.
0:07:25 > 0:07:28I've seen on the board there, the...
0:07:28 > 0:07:32The coffin lid with the names of some of the members
0:07:32 > 0:07:34that have died recently.
0:07:34 > 0:07:36They've been members of this chapter.
0:07:36 > 0:07:38Sometimes they commit suicide.
0:07:38 > 0:07:41The Vietnam veterans who have done this
0:07:41 > 0:07:44have been years down the track.
0:07:44 > 0:07:45Yeah.
0:07:45 > 0:07:46And they haven't got over it,
0:07:46 > 0:07:48or something's triggered them
0:07:48 > 0:07:49and they...
0:07:49 > 0:07:52They just, er, top themselves.
0:07:52 > 0:07:55We don't sit here and talk about all the bad things.
0:07:55 > 0:07:58We sit here and laugh about the good things.
0:07:58 > 0:08:02We were bike-riding people, we had a common bond -
0:08:02 > 0:08:03it was Vietnam.
0:08:03 > 0:08:06So it was up the establishment, up the government,
0:08:06 > 0:08:10up everybody that didn't like us - we didn't like them either.
0:08:13 > 0:08:16'The lads have invited me to ride with them north from Townsville.'
0:08:16 > 0:08:18- In good hands.- Yeah.
0:08:18 > 0:08:22'It's great to get on a saddle without wearing padded shorts.'
0:08:22 > 0:08:25This, I've got to be honest with you...
0:08:25 > 0:08:30is, er, the closest I've ever come
0:08:30 > 0:08:32- to looking like a proper biker.- Yeah?
0:08:32 > 0:08:35- I'm just thinking... - We might convert you.
0:08:35 > 0:08:37Either that or a member of Village People.
0:08:49 > 0:08:51# I'm on a highway to hell
0:08:51 > 0:08:55# I'm on a highway to hell... #
0:08:55 > 0:08:57Riding with a group of fellas on Harley-Davidsons
0:08:57 > 0:09:00is not like cycling with your mates.
0:09:00 > 0:09:04For a start, white-van drivers don't dare cut these fellas up -
0:09:04 > 0:09:05they own the road.
0:09:05 > 0:09:08It's a long time since I got a backy,
0:09:08 > 0:09:11but here I'm the baby of the group.
0:09:11 > 0:09:15With that said, I feel lucky to be part of this tightknit bunch.
0:09:15 > 0:09:16Good to see you.
0:09:19 > 0:09:20How was the ride?
0:09:20 > 0:09:24Riding a motorbike is the best fun you can have with your clothes on.
0:09:27 > 0:09:29Having this...escape, really,
0:09:29 > 0:09:31by getting on the bike,
0:09:31 > 0:09:33what does it mean to you?
0:09:33 > 0:09:36Sometimes, you know, everything gets on top of you,
0:09:36 > 0:09:40and there's nothing like just going for a ride, and...
0:09:40 > 0:09:44It's peaceful. Nobody can talk to you. It's soothing.
0:09:44 > 0:09:47- Freedom.- Yeah, absolutely.
0:09:47 > 0:09:49You experienced it today. Did you enjoy it?
0:09:49 > 0:09:52Oh, yeah, it was great. It was a great sensation.
0:09:52 > 0:09:55I mean, that's the longest I've ever travelled on a motorbike, um, and...
0:09:55 > 0:09:57That's almost the distance
0:09:57 > 0:09:59from the top of England to the bottom, isn't it?
0:09:59 > 0:10:02It is, and I'll tell you what - my arse feels like it was!
0:10:02 > 0:10:03THEY ALL LAUGH
0:10:03 > 0:10:05Cos I was on the...
0:10:07 > 0:10:09It's been great to spend time with these fellas
0:10:09 > 0:10:11and, in many ways, I wish it could be longer.
0:10:11 > 0:10:14They've given me a real insight into their world,
0:10:14 > 0:10:16so I want to get on me bike, put on me Lycra,
0:10:16 > 0:10:18and give them an insight into mine.
0:10:22 > 0:10:24I've got to be honest - I'm not really surprised
0:10:24 > 0:10:27that they were less impressed with my look as I was with theirs.
0:10:27 > 0:10:31# Get your motor runnin'
0:10:31 > 0:10:33# Head out on the highway... #
0:10:33 > 0:10:36Meeting these vets reminds me of stories me dad told me
0:10:36 > 0:10:39of his Uncle Ted, who served in the Australian Army.
0:10:41 > 0:10:42I'd like to think that he found
0:10:42 > 0:10:45the close friendship that these lads have got.
0:10:50 > 0:10:51Mongrel and the lads
0:10:51 > 0:10:53have spent their lives exploring this huge country.
0:10:54 > 0:10:56They've told me of an ancient place
0:10:56 > 0:10:58which they say is like The Land That Time Forgot.
0:10:59 > 0:11:03Undara is an Aboriginal word for "a very long way".
0:11:03 > 0:11:07It's not a joke - it's 300km inland.
0:11:08 > 0:11:10So I've jumped in the car.
0:11:11 > 0:11:14I'd like to see pest control at home tackle those termite mounds.
0:11:17 > 0:11:18Now, that's...
0:11:18 > 0:11:21That's Australia - when you look at this road,
0:11:21 > 0:11:24you know why they made Mad Max here.
0:11:24 > 0:11:27The road is just one big, straight, long line
0:11:27 > 0:11:31for hundreds of kilometres.
0:11:31 > 0:11:35It's a bit of a boring drive, so it better be worth it.
0:11:35 > 0:11:37Oh, you're going to love this, mate.
0:11:37 > 0:11:39- I'm going to love it? - Yeah, it's great.
0:11:39 > 0:11:42'Bram Collins is taking me out to the Undara Lava Tubes.
0:11:42 > 0:11:45'He knows this place like his own back yard...
0:11:45 > 0:11:46'because it is.'
0:11:46 > 0:11:48Have you always lived here?
0:11:48 > 0:11:52Yeah. Well, my family were the first white settlers out here,
0:11:52 > 0:11:55on 13th of August, 1862.
0:11:55 > 0:11:58This area we're on right now
0:11:58 > 0:12:02- used to be part of a cattle station I grew up on.- Right.
0:12:03 > 0:12:05To get to the lava tubes,
0:12:05 > 0:12:09we hiked through some of the oldest forest on Earth.
0:12:10 > 0:12:16This vegetation can be traced back to the days of Gondwana,
0:12:16 > 0:12:19when Australia and Antarctica and Africa and South America
0:12:19 > 0:12:22were all part of the one continent.
0:12:22 > 0:12:26You get species of birds and butterflies down here
0:12:26 > 0:12:29that aren't naturally occurring in this region.
0:12:29 > 0:12:31To be fair, this feels very prehistoric,
0:12:31 > 0:12:35- for want of a better word. - It does, doesn't it, eh?
0:12:35 > 0:12:39It is very, very prehistoric, cos, er... Check that out, you know?
0:12:39 > 0:12:43You're looking at one of the oldest standing lava tubes
0:12:43 > 0:12:46on planet Earth today.
0:12:46 > 0:12:49190,000 years old, that is.
0:12:49 > 0:12:51- That's Jurassic Park, isn't it?- It is.
0:12:51 > 0:12:53If a dinosaur walks through there,
0:12:53 > 0:12:56you probably wouldn't bat an eyelid, would you?
0:12:56 > 0:13:00'When they were formed by a volcanic eruption 190,000 years ago,
0:13:00 > 0:13:03'each lava tube stretched for hundreds of kilometres.
0:13:03 > 0:13:06'Over the centuries, many sections have collapsed,
0:13:06 > 0:13:09'leaving behind caves like this.'
0:13:09 > 0:13:13So what we're looking at here is the hole that was left behind
0:13:13 > 0:13:16as the lava flowed away from the volcano?
0:13:16 > 0:13:18That's correct. That is correct.
0:13:18 > 0:13:20Once upon a time, this was a river here,
0:13:20 > 0:13:23and when the volcano erupted,
0:13:23 > 0:13:25the lava blanketed the country,
0:13:25 > 0:13:29but the main volume of lava channelled in the river bed.
0:13:29 > 0:13:32The air was cool in the top of the flow,
0:13:32 > 0:13:35the outside of the lava hardened,
0:13:35 > 0:13:38and that created this rock pipe,
0:13:38 > 0:13:42which kept all the heat in, which meant the lava stayed really fluid.
0:13:42 > 0:13:44The lava just gravity-fed through this pipe.
0:13:44 > 0:13:48- It just kept on going. - Until the volcano stopped erupting
0:13:48 > 0:13:52and it just drained out, leaving the hole in the pipe.
0:13:53 > 0:13:58Probably one of the most beautiful places I've ever been,
0:13:58 > 0:14:00and in 1992, I got married in here.
0:14:00 > 0:14:06Stood right there, and we had friends and family all around us.
0:14:06 > 0:14:09It was one of those standout moments in your life.
0:14:09 > 0:14:11I'll remember it forever.
0:14:11 > 0:14:13And, before, you said,
0:14:13 > 0:14:15"Don't stand in the shrub - there's likely to be..."
0:14:15 > 0:14:18- Death adders.- Death adders.- Yeah.
0:14:18 > 0:14:22Which are, like, amongst the most poisonous snakes in the world.
0:14:22 > 0:14:24Yeah, and one of the fastest striking snakes on earth.
0:14:24 > 0:14:28So when you... When you had your wedding here, did you...
0:14:28 > 0:14:30What did you do then, about the snakes?
0:14:30 > 0:14:32I didn't tell anyone.
0:14:32 > 0:14:34- You just... - HE LAUGHS LOUDLY
0:14:36 > 0:14:38Now I've been to weddings where
0:14:38 > 0:14:42there's been fights at the reception, but snakes?!
0:14:42 > 0:14:45To find out more about the deep history of this place,
0:14:45 > 0:14:48I'm meeting one of the Ewamian people,
0:14:48 > 0:14:50who have been coming to Undara for 50,000 years.
0:14:55 > 0:14:56David.
0:14:56 > 0:14:59- Hey, hey. You all right? - All right, mate? Nice to meet you.
0:14:59 > 0:15:01Hey.
0:15:01 > 0:15:02Welcome to my...
0:15:02 > 0:15:05'David Hudson is an aboriginal musician and artist
0:15:05 > 0:15:09'who grew up with Bram on his family's cattle station.'
0:15:09 > 0:15:12I'm very proud to be sitting here
0:15:12 > 0:15:14and talking to you
0:15:14 > 0:15:16and you're on my homeland.
0:15:16 > 0:15:19That's great, because you've come a long way
0:15:19 > 0:15:23and for you to have a... To get a gauge of what it's like
0:15:23 > 0:15:24to be on indigenous country,
0:15:24 > 0:15:27that's what's important to me, you know.
0:15:27 > 0:15:30Just to be able to walk amongst the fresh air - no traffic lights,
0:15:30 > 0:15:33no mobile phones. It's fantastic.
0:15:33 > 0:15:36- And to know someone with your blood has sat on that rock.- Exactly.
0:15:36 > 0:15:39- Thousands of years ago.- That's what makes it so special for me.
0:15:39 > 0:15:41'Last time I was in Australia,
0:15:41 > 0:15:44'the law didn't recognise the right of aboriginals
0:15:44 > 0:15:46'to their ancestral lands.
0:15:46 > 0:15:50'Today, David and his people are guaranteed the right
0:15:50 > 0:15:52'to come here whenever they like.'
0:15:52 > 0:15:55We have been fighting for a long, long time now
0:15:55 > 0:15:57to get our recognition in this country of ours.
0:15:57 > 0:15:59And that was determined
0:15:59 > 0:16:01by the Federal Courts in November last year,
0:16:01 > 0:16:03so that was a huge turning point for us,
0:16:03 > 0:16:06because that now means I can go and preserve the rock arts
0:16:06 > 0:16:09that my forefathers had done a long time ago.
0:16:09 > 0:16:13I'm there to make sure that these things are there
0:16:13 > 0:16:14for another 50,000 years,
0:16:14 > 0:16:16and we can walk this land,
0:16:16 > 0:16:19and you can walk it with an indigenous ranger.
0:16:19 > 0:16:22No-one can say you can't walk on this land any more.
0:16:22 > 0:16:23Our culture's still alive -
0:16:23 > 0:16:26it's a living culture, and it's in our own back yard.
0:16:26 > 0:16:28There's more to Australia
0:16:28 > 0:16:30than just kangaroos, Vegemites,
0:16:30 > 0:16:32and blond-haired surf boys.
0:16:32 > 0:16:36DIDGERIDOO PLAYS
0:17:06 > 0:17:07THEY LAUGH
0:17:07 > 0:17:10That was brilliant. You know what? I've got to be honest -
0:17:10 > 0:17:12I wasn't expecting it to be that good.
0:17:12 > 0:17:14I seriously wasn't!
0:17:14 > 0:17:15Because, you know, when someone says,
0:17:15 > 0:17:18"I've got a big thing here I blow down - it's brilliant,"
0:17:18 > 0:17:20you never expect it to be that good.
0:17:20 > 0:17:21'After the sun goes down,
0:17:21 > 0:17:25'it's even more apparent why Undara is so special.
0:17:25 > 0:17:28'Dave and Bram are bringing me to a place
0:17:28 > 0:17:31'I've always wanted to go - my very own Batcave.'
0:17:31 > 0:17:34It's like rush hour in Bat Land.
0:17:34 > 0:17:37OK, so let's just put your head down.
0:17:39 > 0:17:43OK, let me just turn my light on.
0:17:45 > 0:17:48There's just millions and millions of bats flying past.
0:17:48 > 0:17:51It's just continuous, isn't it?
0:17:51 > 0:17:53Well, in a normal lava tube,
0:17:53 > 0:17:56we'll get 2,000, 3,000 bats.
0:17:56 > 0:18:00In this lava tube, in the breeding season,
0:18:00 > 0:18:03this number swells to maybe 200,000 or 300,000 bats.
0:18:03 > 0:18:05No way.
0:18:05 > 0:18:07These are the female bats,
0:18:07 > 0:18:11They've got a big nursery down the back of the cave, down here.
0:18:11 > 0:18:14What happens is a few of the mums stay back,
0:18:14 > 0:18:18and all the other mums, they fly out at night, just gone dusk,
0:18:18 > 0:18:22and they fly out to feed in the landscape.
0:18:22 > 0:18:26- Why are they coming back in?- Well, because there's snakes out there.
0:18:26 > 0:18:29- Did you want to feel it? - Yeah, there's more snakes there.
0:18:29 > 0:18:33See, I mean, everywhere you look, there's snakes.
0:18:33 > 0:18:36There's one right above me. There's another one there...
0:18:36 > 0:18:40In my eye line now, I can see six snakes.
0:18:40 > 0:18:42You know, up to coming to Australia,
0:18:42 > 0:18:44I think that was the most I'd ever seen in me life!
0:18:45 > 0:18:51- So the snakes there are poised to catch a flying bat.- Yes.
0:18:51 > 0:18:54He's just caught one. You watch - he's going to wrap him up now.
0:18:54 > 0:18:57Now see him moving his body back up around the bat?
0:18:57 > 0:18:59He'll swallow him whole.
0:18:59 > 0:19:00Oh, God, I can see it, yeah.
0:19:03 > 0:19:07I feel like David Attenborough. I feel I should have a better accent,
0:19:07 > 0:19:09or at least a softer accent, not better.
0:19:09 > 0:19:13- AS DAVID ATTENBOROUGH:- There are millions of bats surrounding me,
0:19:13 > 0:19:17a life form that has been on this earth for thousands of years
0:19:17 > 0:19:20in this cycle of death and life.
0:19:20 > 0:19:23And they face the danger of the snakes
0:19:23 > 0:19:26that will hang precariously from the tree
0:19:26 > 0:19:28to grasp their prey,
0:19:28 > 0:19:31before constricting their bodies,
0:19:31 > 0:19:32eating their prey,
0:19:32 > 0:19:35and returning to the foot of the grave.
0:19:35 > 0:19:39I'll tell you what, eh? We'll have some of that, won't we?
0:19:39 > 0:19:41I don't know where that came from. Eh?
0:19:41 > 0:19:43No, I'm having that!
0:19:43 > 0:19:47Bollocks to these jokes - I'm on to natural history.
0:19:47 > 0:19:50It's like nothing I've ever seen and nothing you can imagine.
0:19:50 > 0:19:51This is a natural wonder of the world.
0:19:51 > 0:19:55This isn't Australian - this is unique.
0:19:55 > 0:19:58It's...amazing to feel a part of it.
0:19:58 > 0:20:03It feels like you're in the depths of Australia.
0:20:03 > 0:20:06That cycle of life has been going on for a lot longer
0:20:06 > 0:20:08than men have been coming here.
0:20:10 > 0:20:13GUITARS STRUM
0:20:15 > 0:20:18DAVID AND BRAM: # Paradise
0:20:19 > 0:20:21# Head out in the rough
0:20:21 > 0:20:25# In the shadows of the mountains
0:20:26 > 0:20:29# Living and be free
0:20:29 > 0:20:33# This is life
0:20:33 > 0:20:36# The way it ought to be
0:20:36 > 0:20:40# Oh, and others come to dream...
0:20:40 > 0:20:41Stop now.
0:20:41 > 0:20:42# Mm-mm-mm
0:20:42 > 0:20:45# It's home for you and me. #
0:20:47 > 0:20:50'These two have been mates their whole lives.
0:20:50 > 0:20:52'Dave's dad worked for Bram's dad on the cattle station.'
0:20:54 > 0:20:56I grew up in Bram's household,
0:20:56 > 0:20:59went on the station when I was only six months old.
0:20:59 > 0:21:02We were just all kids on the cattle station,
0:21:02 > 0:21:04so we were fishing and riding horses
0:21:04 > 0:21:05and swimming in the creek and...
0:21:05 > 0:21:07And Bram was trying to learn guitar.
0:21:07 > 0:21:11Using shanghais and doing all sorts of things like kids do.
0:21:11 > 0:21:15And do you think your relationship's in any way unique?
0:21:15 > 0:21:18This is as good as the two of us decide it's going to be.
0:21:18 > 0:21:22And, um, we can look back in the past,
0:21:22 > 0:21:24and you can dig up as much heartache
0:21:24 > 0:21:27and pain and suffering as you want in the past,
0:21:27 > 0:21:31and if you focus on the past, that's what you're going to get -
0:21:31 > 0:21:32you're going to get more of the same.
0:21:32 > 0:21:34Is that the same for you, Dave?
0:21:34 > 0:21:35Yeah, mate.
0:21:35 > 0:21:37I come from a very ancient culture,
0:21:37 > 0:21:39I'm very proud of that.
0:21:39 > 0:21:41And let's right the wrongs -
0:21:41 > 0:21:44we can't forget our past,
0:21:44 > 0:21:46but let's move on.
0:21:46 > 0:21:49When you're sat here, you're underneath these stars,
0:21:49 > 0:21:53and just the... In all honesty, the companionship,
0:21:53 > 0:21:56the obvious friendship, you know, you'd go a long way to find that.
0:21:56 > 0:21:59- Yeah, good one. - So it's a pleasure to be part of it,
0:21:59 > 0:22:00so thanks for letting me in.
0:22:00 > 0:22:05This is fantastic. It makes me feel like a proper Aussie.
0:22:05 > 0:22:08- Oh, yeah.- I'm sat around a camp fire, I've got a beer...- Oh, OK -
0:22:08 > 0:22:11- you've got to wear a hat.- I've got me Aussie hat. A mate bought me this.
0:22:11 > 0:22:12OK.
0:22:12 > 0:22:15- No, that's not an Aussie hat! - That's an Aussie hat.
0:22:15 > 0:22:17It was given to me by an Aussie.
0:22:17 > 0:22:19- No, and you know what they do with them hats?- What?
0:22:19 > 0:22:22They use them hats so we know who the tourists are.
0:22:24 > 0:22:26Cos I've never seen an Australian wear one of them hats yet.
0:22:26 > 0:22:29- Yes, they do. They wear them all the time.- Never, never.
0:22:29 > 0:22:31It's staying on my head.
0:22:31 > 0:22:32BRAM LAUGHS
0:22:38 > 0:22:42The next day, I'm heading back to civilisation,
0:22:42 > 0:22:48which in this case is Innisfail, the banana capital of Australia.
0:22:48 > 0:22:50When I did this trip in 1992,
0:22:50 > 0:22:53I found long-distance cycling lonely,
0:22:53 > 0:22:58so on occasion I stayed at hostels hoping to make friends.
0:22:58 > 0:23:02It's surprising how little a 25-year-old sales rep on a bike
0:23:02 > 0:23:04has in common with your average backpacker.
0:23:04 > 0:23:08That might have had something to do with how boring I was back then.
0:23:09 > 0:23:12Now I'm as old as most backpackers' dads,
0:23:12 > 0:23:15and like most dads, I actually think I'm loads of fun.
0:23:17 > 0:23:19To find out if this is true,
0:23:19 > 0:23:23I've signed up for the classic backpacking activity around here -
0:23:23 > 0:23:25picking bananas.
0:23:26 > 0:23:28Morning.
0:23:28 > 0:23:30- Morning, morning.- Hello.
0:23:30 > 0:23:33- All right, mate?- How's it going? Adam.- All right, Adam, how are you?
0:23:33 > 0:23:36- Nice to meet you, fella.- I'm Ben. - All right, Ben, how are you?
0:23:36 > 0:23:39- Nice to meet you.- Very good. Am I working with yous today?
0:23:39 > 0:23:40Yeah, yeah. You're with us today.
0:23:40 > 0:23:43I'm just seeing everyone, and they're covered in shit.
0:23:45 > 0:23:47And it really, really doesn't inspire me, this,
0:23:47 > 0:23:49- to be honest with you.- Yeah, um...
0:23:49 > 0:23:51- It's going to be fun, though. - It'll be fun.
0:23:51 > 0:23:54- Getting some bananas.- It'll be a bit wet, but it'll be fun.
0:23:54 > 0:23:56'Each morning before dawn,
0:23:56 > 0:24:00'the backpackers are driven to the banana farms outside Innisfail.'
0:24:00 > 0:24:04See, the traditional view of backpackers
0:24:04 > 0:24:06is that they're all just skiving.
0:24:06 > 0:24:09- That's what... - THEY ALL TALK AT ONCE
0:24:09 > 0:24:11Spend a day on the farm, John, and you'll see who's going to skive.
0:24:11 > 0:24:14Yeah, do you know what I mean - it's one big, long holiday, and...
0:24:14 > 0:24:17Yeah, people say that, though, but you have to work to get money
0:24:17 > 0:24:19if you've spent it all, so...
0:24:19 > 0:24:23Innisfail's banana industry has always relied on foreign labour.
0:24:23 > 0:24:26The Chinese set up the first farms
0:24:26 > 0:24:30and they were followed by Italian immigrants, like the Lizzio family,
0:24:30 > 0:24:33who own the aptly named Liverpool River Banana Farm.
0:24:33 > 0:24:37Today they depend on backpackers to harvest their fruit -
0:24:37 > 0:24:39and, of course, me.
0:24:39 > 0:24:42- Are you the boss man? - I am the boss man.
0:24:42 > 0:24:45- All right. I'm John. - Are you?- Yeah.- John?- John.
0:24:45 > 0:24:47Pleased to meet you, John.
0:24:47 > 0:24:50Pleased to meet you. Right, so this is your operation.
0:24:50 > 0:24:51This is our operation, yep.
0:24:51 > 0:24:55Right, well, I've come to, er, spend the morning here, I believe.
0:24:55 > 0:24:57Good on you, mate. We'll make a man out of you here.
0:24:57 > 0:24:59Yeah, I believe so.
0:25:01 > 0:25:03TV's own John Bishop on a tractor.
0:25:19 > 0:25:22Backpacker Ben is going to show me how banana-picking is done.
0:25:23 > 0:25:25Which is a bit like trying to get Tom Daley
0:25:25 > 0:25:29to show you how to go diving - he just makes it look easy.
0:25:29 > 0:25:32- Be careful of your foot. - Get your shoulder underneath it.
0:25:32 > 0:25:35Down there all right?
0:25:35 > 0:25:36Oh!
0:25:36 > 0:25:39'It's a lot harder than it looks.'
0:25:39 > 0:25:41One bites the dust.
0:25:42 > 0:25:44- That weighs a ton!- Ta.
0:25:44 > 0:25:46Balance it on your shoulder.
0:25:46 > 0:25:50'My ego's already more bruised than those bananas.'
0:25:50 > 0:25:52So is that... Is that me sacked now?
0:25:52 > 0:25:55Well that's one bunch gone, so it's not a good start, Johnny.
0:25:55 > 0:25:58Really? All right. Let's go, let's go.
0:25:58 > 0:26:00Get me another one.
0:26:00 > 0:26:02I can't embarrass myself by not doing it.
0:26:02 > 0:26:05There's Italians carrying them, for Christ's sake.
0:26:05 > 0:26:06This'll be make or break.
0:26:06 > 0:26:09CREAKING
0:26:11 > 0:26:12You all right, Johnny?
0:26:12 > 0:26:13Jeez!
0:26:13 > 0:26:15Have I got the rest of that?
0:26:15 > 0:26:17- Yeah.- Yeah?
0:26:20 > 0:26:22Yep, all right?
0:26:22 > 0:26:24'I never thought I'd struggle with a bunch of bananas.'
0:26:28 > 0:26:32You were taking the piss then, weren't you?
0:26:33 > 0:26:35Now the hard bit, you've got to try and get him across the...
0:26:35 > 0:26:38There's something jumping about inside, though.
0:26:38 > 0:26:40- Oh, OK.- No, you'll be all right.
0:26:40 > 0:26:43- I'm serious - there's something jumping inside.- It's just a rat.
0:26:43 > 0:26:46It's just a rat?! Oh, well, that'll be all right, then. That's made it better.
0:26:46 > 0:26:49What was that? Did you see that rat that ran past, then?
0:26:51 > 0:26:54That was a rabbit. Don't worry about it.
0:26:54 > 0:26:56It was a rabbit dressed as a rat.
0:26:56 > 0:26:57That came out of my bag.
0:26:59 > 0:27:00A rat...
0:27:03 > 0:27:05At least you know there's no snakes in that one.
0:27:06 > 0:27:08That'll do.
0:27:08 > 0:27:11- I feel like a hero now.- Yeah, you've got to pick the tree up...
0:27:11 > 0:27:12JOHN LAUGHS
0:27:12 > 0:27:15Pick him up and lay him down over here. You've got to pick him up.
0:27:15 > 0:27:17That'll do.
0:27:17 > 0:27:20- And then you do cut the leaves off? - Yeah, just chop the leaves off.- Ow!
0:27:20 > 0:27:22- LAUGHTER - Watch your bloody shin.
0:27:22 > 0:27:23My arm!
0:27:23 > 0:27:26But I thought these leaves were going to be harder.
0:27:26 > 0:27:28I nearly cut me leg off, I swung it that much.
0:27:30 > 0:27:32Oh, give me that knife back.
0:27:34 > 0:27:36Eh, eh - just to let you know, Steve,
0:27:36 > 0:27:38I'm a big deal in England, me.
0:27:38 > 0:27:41THEY ALL LAUGH
0:27:41 > 0:27:42Just so you know.
0:27:42 > 0:27:46I'm a shit banana-carrier, but in England, oof!
0:27:46 > 0:27:49I can see now why we just send convicts over here - it's shit.
0:27:49 > 0:27:51THEY ALL LAUGH
0:28:05 > 0:28:06'Back at the warehouse,
0:28:06 > 0:28:10'the bananas need to be unwrapped before they get cleaned.'
0:28:10 > 0:28:11Shall I do this one?
0:28:11 > 0:28:12Yeah, yeah.
0:28:13 > 0:28:15- Fuck off! - THEY LAUGH
0:28:15 > 0:28:17Have you seen that? Have a look at that.
0:28:17 > 0:28:20- What is it?- What's in there?
0:28:20 > 0:28:23Oh, that's a bloody... Grab him by the head, John, like that.
0:28:23 > 0:28:24'Yeah, pick on the new boy!'
0:28:24 > 0:28:27THEY LAUGH
0:28:27 > 0:28:29Yeah, the dog's even having a go!
0:28:29 > 0:28:31Do you do that to everyone on the first day?
0:28:31 > 0:28:33Yeah, we do.
0:28:33 > 0:28:34Ha, ha, ha, ha(!)
0:28:34 > 0:28:37Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah...
0:28:37 > 0:28:39That's not going in.
0:28:39 > 0:28:41On the TV, I've eaten it!
0:28:43 > 0:28:47Banana-picking initiation complete, we stop for lunch.
0:28:47 > 0:28:52Cos I did this bike ride in 1992, which...
0:28:52 > 0:28:57You're 19 - so 1992 was a long time ago.
0:28:57 > 0:28:59THEY LAUGH
0:28:59 > 0:29:03And I've got a diary of... And in the diary I wrote,
0:29:03 > 0:29:06"I stayed with backpackers, they're all wankers."
0:29:06 > 0:29:07THEY LAUGH
0:29:07 > 0:29:11"They're all..." Cos I was expecting to turn up and they'd all be, like,
0:29:11 > 0:29:14revolutionaries and dead cool and everything,
0:29:14 > 0:29:15but they were just boring.
0:29:15 > 0:29:17And now I realise they weren't boring -
0:29:17 > 0:29:20they'd been doing this all day. They were probably just knackered.
0:29:20 > 0:29:21Yeah, absolutely.
0:29:23 > 0:29:26Lunch over, it's back to those bananas.
0:29:26 > 0:29:30Listen, if the show business is dead... And, really I...
0:29:30 > 0:29:32I've done it for a year and a half, and...
0:29:32 > 0:29:33This isn't a documentary any more -
0:29:33 > 0:29:36this is my goodbye message to me wife, to say, you know,
0:29:36 > 0:29:39"I'm not coming home - I'm just going to be here, picking bananas."
0:29:39 > 0:29:41Going to come live at Budget, then?
0:29:41 > 0:29:44I'm just going to live in the budget place with you,
0:29:44 > 0:29:48and I know it'll stink and I know I'll probably get dengue fever,
0:29:48 > 0:29:49and there'll be rats running around,
0:29:49 > 0:29:52and I know there's always a chance of being bitten by a snake,
0:29:52 > 0:29:54but, eh - I'm with me mates.
0:29:54 > 0:29:57THEY LAUGH
0:29:59 > 0:30:02Go on, let's... Let's pick some bananas.
0:30:11 > 0:30:14One day of hard graft is enough for me.
0:30:14 > 0:30:17Now it's time to have some fun with my new mates.
0:30:17 > 0:30:19The meeting place is my motel,
0:30:19 > 0:30:22and we're heading off to do some white-water rafting.
0:30:25 > 0:30:29The main thing is...it's an excuse to get the backpackers washed.
0:30:31 > 0:30:32Just so their mums and dads know
0:30:32 > 0:30:34at least for one day they've been clean.
0:30:38 > 0:30:42We're travelling 60km inland, and up into the mountains.
0:30:51 > 0:30:54This is the mighty Tully River.
0:30:57 > 0:31:01From its source in the Cardwell Range,
0:31:01 > 0:31:03it plunges 130km to the sea,
0:31:03 > 0:31:06over dramatic waterfalls
0:31:06 > 0:31:08and through spectacular forest gorges.
0:31:10 > 0:31:12I've rafted in Wales before. The big difference here
0:31:12 > 0:31:15is that you won't turn blue if you fall in.
0:31:18 > 0:31:22'I used to do things like this for team-building exercises
0:31:22 > 0:31:24'when I was working for a pharmaceutical company.
0:31:24 > 0:31:28'The difference here, I actually like everyone in the boat.'
0:31:30 > 0:31:34'There's something about bouncing around in an inflatable dinghy,
0:31:34 > 0:31:35'crashing against rocks,
0:31:35 > 0:31:38'that just makes you think you're having a laugh.
0:31:38 > 0:31:41'You keep on forgetting that there's a chance one of you might drown.'
0:31:43 > 0:31:46'It brings you together. In many respects, it bonds you as a group.'
0:31:48 > 0:31:50'You even pull people out if they fall in.
0:31:50 > 0:31:52'Even the Italians.'
0:31:58 > 0:32:01'And at the end, all the backpackers got a wash.'
0:32:03 > 0:32:05'And I showed everyone me teeth.'
0:32:13 > 0:32:15I feel like an advert for fun dads everywhere.
0:32:15 > 0:32:18It's been a great day, but also, as a dad,
0:32:18 > 0:32:20I feel I need to ask them all
0:32:20 > 0:32:23what they're going to do with their lives.
0:32:23 > 0:32:26You know, where I am now, 22 years later,
0:32:26 > 0:32:27is a million miles away
0:32:27 > 0:32:30from what I thought I was going to be when I was here.
0:32:30 > 0:32:31Do you have any idea
0:32:31 > 0:32:34what you think you're going to be like in 22 years' time?
0:32:34 > 0:32:37I have absolutely no idea,
0:32:37 > 0:32:39and I am excited about that.
0:32:39 > 0:32:41Have you got a clue?
0:32:41 > 0:32:43Don't know. I reckon, 22 years,
0:32:43 > 0:32:45maybe get my own TV show,
0:32:45 > 0:32:47nice stand-up tour or something.
0:32:47 > 0:32:48THEY LAUGH
0:32:48 > 0:32:51- I can see you doing that.- There's absolutely no reason why not.
0:32:51 > 0:32:54Put it this way, when I was in your position,
0:32:54 > 0:32:56I'd done as many gigs as you have.
0:32:56 > 0:32:58Go on, John.
0:33:02 > 0:33:05The last couple of days spending time with the backpackers
0:33:05 > 0:33:08has been brilliant, to be honest.
0:33:08 > 0:33:12It's also give me a glimpse of a landscape that I would have missed.
0:33:12 > 0:33:14Just look at it.
0:33:15 > 0:33:16It's incredible.
0:33:23 > 0:33:26I'm leaving the mountains behind me to head for Cairns.
0:33:26 > 0:33:29This was the last stop on my original journey,
0:33:29 > 0:33:3022 years ago.
0:33:35 > 0:33:38I'm going to miss cycling in Australia,
0:33:38 > 0:33:43cos riding a bicycle in this country is a truly unique experience.
0:33:49 > 0:33:51- HE LAUGHS - Come on!
0:33:54 > 0:33:56Come on!
0:33:56 > 0:33:58DOG YAPS, JOHN LAUGHS
0:34:03 > 0:34:05CICADAS BUZZ
0:34:05 > 0:34:07HE GROANS
0:34:07 > 0:34:08HE LAUGHS
0:34:11 > 0:34:13That's it now - all the cycling's done.
0:34:13 > 0:34:15It was quite emotional, really, riding in.
0:34:15 > 0:34:17All the way through, the cycling has been a big part of this trip,
0:34:17 > 0:34:20so it was important to me to come riding in
0:34:20 > 0:34:23and see that road sign that says Cairns. "Welcome to Cairns."
0:34:29 > 0:34:33Where I'm going next requires four wheels instead of two,
0:34:33 > 0:34:35so I'm splitting up from the bike.
0:34:35 > 0:34:37But I want to mark our Aussie love affair,
0:34:37 > 0:34:41so I'm taking her to David Hudson, the artist I met in Undara.
0:34:43 > 0:34:45Get in, you twat.
0:34:45 > 0:34:49'Breaking up is always hard to do.'
0:34:49 > 0:34:52- Well, these are my pieces.- Yeah.
0:34:52 > 0:34:55And it's done specifically because I come from Cairns,
0:34:55 > 0:34:58we're famous for our crocodiles, inside the crocodile...
0:34:58 > 0:35:00He swallowed a barramundi.
0:35:00 > 0:35:04There's a trout, cos I come from the Barrier Reef.
0:35:04 > 0:35:07- Yeah.- A didgeridoo player...
0:35:07 > 0:35:08'David explains that
0:35:08 > 0:35:11'as well as depicting the natural world around him,
0:35:11 > 0:35:14'his paintings tell the stories of his journeys through it.'
0:35:14 > 0:35:16So you do all these designs.
0:35:16 > 0:35:20You know, if you're travelling from a mountain that's like this,
0:35:20 > 0:35:23and then if you're travelling from A to B,
0:35:23 > 0:35:25then you might stop over night.
0:35:25 > 0:35:29You might have a meeting place. So there's your circle.
0:35:29 > 0:35:32And then you might have... Say if there's two males and a female,
0:35:32 > 0:35:36there'd be this shape of a male - that's a typical male,
0:35:36 > 0:35:39around the water hole.
0:35:39 > 0:35:42Then you might have two females, which are just two curves.
0:35:42 > 0:35:44So that's two females and one male.
0:35:44 > 0:35:48- Yeah.- And so all these symbols have meanings.
0:35:48 > 0:35:50You know, and then all of a sudden,
0:35:50 > 0:35:53you've just created yourself a whole map
0:35:53 > 0:35:55of where you've travelled,
0:35:55 > 0:35:57and it's also telling your dream-time story
0:35:57 > 0:35:59of where you come from.
0:35:59 > 0:36:02It's just an incredible story of travelling from A to B to C,
0:36:02 > 0:36:05and that's exactly what you've been doing.
0:36:05 > 0:36:08This has been your walkabout,
0:36:08 > 0:36:10your travel, your song line.
0:36:11 > 0:36:14'Having David decorate my bike just seems a perfect way
0:36:14 > 0:36:17'of bringing this journey back home with me.'
0:36:17 > 0:36:20That's interesting. That's a challenge for me.
0:36:20 > 0:36:22I'm happy to paint it for you, you know.
0:36:22 > 0:36:25Well, listen, I mean, I'm impressed with everything that I've seen -
0:36:25 > 0:36:28I just hope I feel the same when you've painted me bike.
0:36:28 > 0:36:30- Oh...- I hope it's a fair-dinkum job.
0:36:30 > 0:36:32It'll be a fair-dinkum job,
0:36:32 > 0:36:34cos it's done by a fair-dinkum Aussie. Leave it with me.
0:36:36 > 0:36:39I can't wait to see how David depicts my walkabout,
0:36:39 > 0:36:41and if his painting's no good,
0:36:41 > 0:36:44at least I've got a new word for Scrabble.
0:36:44 > 0:36:45But leaving the bike behind
0:36:45 > 0:36:48doesn't mean that I'm finished with this place.
0:36:48 > 0:36:51Just off the coast is the incredible Great Barrier Reef,
0:36:51 > 0:36:54and two fellas are going to show me its wild side.
0:36:54 > 0:36:56Jamie, Richard.
0:36:56 > 0:36:59- Morning, how are you? - Morning, how are we?
0:36:59 > 0:37:01- How you going?- Very good, very good.
0:37:01 > 0:37:04'Jamie Seymour and Richard Fitzpatrick
0:37:04 > 0:37:06'are marine biologists from James Cook University.
0:37:06 > 0:37:09'Although, to be honest, they don't look like your typical academics.'
0:37:09 > 0:37:11The reef.
0:37:11 > 0:37:13You look like Aussies' version of a professor.
0:37:13 > 0:37:15I'm going to take that as a compliment.
0:37:15 > 0:37:17Yeah, do! Take it as a compliment.
0:37:17 > 0:37:20You don't get many professors in England with boarding pants,
0:37:20 > 0:37:22sunnies on, a little bit of stubble,
0:37:22 > 0:37:24who looks like he's just fell out of a bar.
0:37:24 > 0:37:27Yeah, he has!
0:37:27 > 0:37:29Oh, dear.
0:37:29 > 0:37:30Ah.
0:37:30 > 0:37:33All right, let's go.
0:37:40 > 0:37:43Jamie's known as the venom dude, and he's taking me out
0:37:43 > 0:37:46to look for some of the most dangerous animals on the reef.
0:37:48 > 0:37:51Sounds good, but somehow the dude's lost the island
0:37:51 > 0:37:53that was meant to be our base.
0:37:55 > 0:38:00So we wait, and we wait, and finally it emerges from the sea.
0:38:07 > 0:38:08This is it!
0:38:08 > 0:38:11I feel like Captain Cook.
0:38:12 > 0:38:16I should get a flag. Well, that's it now - we're British.
0:38:16 > 0:38:21This is, er, the newly claimed Bishop Island.
0:38:21 > 0:38:25The islanders have finally arrived, the sea has receded.
0:38:25 > 0:38:29It's actually beautiful. You're just in the middle of the sea
0:38:29 > 0:38:32in a...evolving island.
0:38:32 > 0:38:34Barrier Reef's all around me.
0:38:34 > 0:38:37Obviously, we're going to have some problems
0:38:37 > 0:38:39selling this as a tourist destination.
0:38:39 > 0:38:42There's a lack of facilities at the moment.
0:38:42 > 0:38:46We've got no infrastructure - hotel, car park,
0:38:46 > 0:38:47landing strip...
0:38:47 > 0:38:49or an island, most of the day.
0:38:49 > 0:38:52But for six hours of the day,
0:38:52 > 0:38:56what a perfect place to come to on holiday.
0:38:56 > 0:38:59I also feel I'm in the middle of a pretty shit pop video.
0:38:59 > 0:39:02Cos I'm the only boy-band member who could come to the island.
0:39:02 > 0:39:05The rest of Take That weren't available.
0:39:05 > 0:39:08MUSIC: "Pray" by Take That
0:39:30 > 0:39:32Up there it was pretty special,
0:39:32 > 0:39:35but down here it's mind-blowing.
0:39:35 > 0:39:39A staggering 2,300km long,
0:39:39 > 0:39:42the Barrier Reef is the biggest structure in the world
0:39:42 > 0:39:44made entirely by animals.
0:39:44 > 0:39:48It's a wild underwater world filled with extraordinary creatures
0:39:48 > 0:39:50found nowhere else on the planet.
0:39:50 > 0:39:53Normally, you're not allowed to touch anything on a coral reef,
0:39:53 > 0:39:56but as a professor of marine biology,
0:39:56 > 0:39:58Jamie knows what he's doing.
0:39:58 > 0:40:00John, have a look at this thing.
0:40:00 > 0:40:02Now, that's a sea cucumber.
0:40:07 > 0:40:10Serious cool animal,
0:40:10 > 0:40:13cos there's actually a fish that lives in its anus.
0:40:15 > 0:40:18'A fish that lives in the anus of a cucumber.
0:40:18 > 0:40:21'Even if I could speak, I'm not sure what to say to that.'
0:40:23 > 0:40:27'They don't call Jamie the venom dude for nothing.
0:40:27 > 0:40:31'Even underwater, he can sniff out a dangerous animal a mile away.'
0:40:31 > 0:40:32Keep going down here.
0:40:32 > 0:40:34'I'm glad I'm with an expert.'
0:40:34 > 0:40:36Ah-ha, there's one!
0:40:37 > 0:40:39Ah-ha, have a look at this.
0:40:39 > 0:40:41Under here.
0:40:42 > 0:40:44That thing there.
0:40:44 > 0:40:47The world's most venomous snail.
0:40:47 > 0:40:49That thing can kill you.
0:40:49 > 0:40:51Yep, they're cool. They are cool animals.
0:40:51 > 0:40:53HE LAUGHS
0:40:53 > 0:40:55I love it, I love it.
0:40:55 > 0:40:58Oh, look at this, down in here.
0:40:58 > 0:41:02A big, venomous fish. Careful. A big, venomous fish.
0:41:02 > 0:41:04It's a stonefish.
0:41:04 > 0:41:06Let's see if we can coax him out.
0:41:07 > 0:41:09An amazing animal, yeah.
0:41:09 > 0:41:10Big spines on the back.
0:41:10 > 0:41:15It's called stonefish cos they look like stones.
0:41:15 > 0:41:17We'll take him back to the boat, I think.
0:41:17 > 0:41:19We'll catch him, take him back,
0:41:19 > 0:41:22and I'll show you the venom glands on these spines.
0:41:23 > 0:41:24Let's rock'n'roll.
0:41:27 > 0:41:29Get him out to start with, so that everybody can see him.
0:41:29 > 0:41:31We'll stick him in some water.
0:41:32 > 0:41:34He looks prehistoric, doesn't he?
0:41:34 > 0:41:36Yeah, they're really old-vintage fish,
0:41:36 > 0:41:39they've been around for a really, really long time.
0:41:39 > 0:41:41They look like a rock, a little fish swims past,
0:41:41 > 0:41:44- they open their mouth, which is really wide.- Ah, look at that!- Yep.
0:41:44 > 0:41:47And sucks in the fish, and away they go.
0:41:47 > 0:41:51Along their back are these spines, and these are the worrying things.
0:41:51 > 0:41:54Each of these spines have got venom sacs associated with them.
0:41:54 > 0:41:56So I'll hold the spines up.
0:41:56 > 0:41:58If you take the piece of foam and push it down over that...
0:41:58 > 0:42:00Over those two.
0:42:00 > 0:42:01All right. Go.
0:42:01 > 0:42:04- Oh! Two at once!- Oh-ho-ho!
0:42:04 > 0:42:09You're thinking this is a rock, you walk in and you stand down...
0:42:09 > 0:42:12Those spines will stand up, that goes clean through your foot,
0:42:12 > 0:42:16and then about a tenth of a second later, you SCREAM in pain.
0:42:16 > 0:42:17They're frightening animals.
0:42:17 > 0:42:18Oh, yeah.
0:42:20 > 0:42:22What I like about Queensland,
0:42:22 > 0:42:26in fact, what I like about Australia overall,
0:42:26 > 0:42:29there's still part of it, though, could be prehistoric.
0:42:29 > 0:42:34You've got animals that belong to a time millions of years ago.
0:42:34 > 0:42:37In Australia, as I found out, snails can kill you.
0:42:37 > 0:42:40You know - who'd have thought that?
0:42:42 > 0:42:46When I came here last time, Melanie made a cassette, which,
0:42:46 > 0:42:48for anyone under 25,
0:42:48 > 0:42:52is an invention that we had that...
0:42:52 > 0:42:54HE LAUGHS
0:42:54 > 0:42:56That people used to spend hours on,
0:42:56 > 0:42:59cos it was, er... Because we didn't have e-mail or text messages,
0:42:59 > 0:43:02so it was the only way of telling someone that you liked them,
0:43:02 > 0:43:04was to make them a cassette.
0:43:04 > 0:43:05And Don't You Forget About Me
0:43:05 > 0:43:07was the first song on the first side
0:43:07 > 0:43:09that I played on the plane coming over here.
0:43:09 > 0:43:12So it's got some relevance to here.
0:43:12 > 0:43:16MUSIC: "Don't You Forget About Me" by Simple Minds
0:43:28 > 0:43:31It's almost two months since I left England,
0:43:31 > 0:43:32but before I return home,
0:43:32 > 0:43:34there's somewhere else that I want to visit.
0:43:34 > 0:43:37I'm travelling 80km north of Cairns,
0:43:37 > 0:43:39to where the Great Barrier Reef
0:43:39 > 0:43:42meets another natural wonder of the world.
0:43:44 > 0:43:47Last time, I only saw the Daintree Rainforest
0:43:47 > 0:43:50out of an aeroplane window as I left Australia.
0:43:52 > 0:43:55Today, after a short ferry ride
0:43:55 > 0:43:57across this crocodile-infested river,
0:43:57 > 0:44:02I'm entering one of the wildest, most unspoilt parts of the planet.
0:44:06 > 0:44:09It all feels a bit Apocalypse Now.
0:44:12 > 0:44:14I've never been in a rainforest.
0:44:14 > 0:44:17I think you can say that a rainforest...
0:44:17 > 0:44:20Everyone always thinks of the Amazon,
0:44:20 > 0:44:25but this is the place that even David Attenborough picked out
0:44:25 > 0:44:29as the most exciting place that he'd ever been to.
0:44:35 > 0:44:39Credit to Attenborough, he knows a thing or two about rainforests,
0:44:39 > 0:44:40and he was spot-on about Daintree.
0:44:40 > 0:44:42It's one of a kind -
0:44:42 > 0:44:45remote, beautiful,
0:44:45 > 0:44:49and 135 million years old.
0:44:54 > 0:44:59That's unbelievable, isn't it, to be able to touch something that's...
0:44:59 > 0:45:02That's been around before James Cook.
0:45:02 > 0:45:07A tree that's well over 1,000 years old. It's just staggering.
0:45:11 > 0:45:16Daintree covers 12,000 square kilometres of Northern Australia,
0:45:16 > 0:45:19but this is just a surviving remnant
0:45:19 > 0:45:23of a great forest that once spanned the earth,
0:45:23 > 0:45:27long before humans ever stood up on two legs.
0:45:27 > 0:45:29This is Cape Tribulation,
0:45:29 > 0:45:31which was pretty much the end
0:45:31 > 0:45:34of Captain Cook's famous voyage of discovery.
0:45:34 > 0:45:36It was where he discovered the Great Barrier Reef.
0:45:36 > 0:45:38Well, when I say discovered it,
0:45:38 > 0:45:41he actually crashed into it and nearly sank.
0:45:43 > 0:45:46I've pretty much followed Cook's journey from Sydney
0:45:46 > 0:45:48all along the east coast to here.
0:45:48 > 0:45:52This feels like a fitting place to finish my Australian adventure.
0:45:52 > 0:45:55You know, this is staggering -
0:45:55 > 0:45:57you've got two World Heritage Sites
0:45:57 > 0:45:59combining with the rainforest,
0:45:59 > 0:46:00with the Great Barrier Reef,
0:46:00 > 0:46:02you've got a view that is...
0:46:02 > 0:46:05It looks like it's out of a holiday advert, doesn't it?
0:46:05 > 0:46:07I mean, walking on the beach there,
0:46:07 > 0:46:10I felt like I was going to be in an advert for aftershave or something.
0:46:10 > 0:46:11It's just... It's all perfect.
0:46:15 > 0:46:18This was meant to be the end of me journey,
0:46:18 > 0:46:21this is where I thought I was going to say goodbye to Australia,
0:46:21 > 0:46:24but my experience in Australia
0:46:24 > 0:46:27is that you've got all of this,
0:46:27 > 0:46:29but it would be wasted
0:46:29 > 0:46:34if the people weren't worth spending time with.
0:46:36 > 0:46:40And it's because of people that this isn't the end.
0:46:40 > 0:46:43There's something else that I need to do
0:46:43 > 0:46:44that's more personal, I suppose.
0:46:44 > 0:46:45In the last few days,
0:46:45 > 0:46:48I've been talking to my dad back home in England,
0:46:48 > 0:46:51and he's been telling me stories of my great-uncle Ted,
0:46:51 > 0:46:53who emigrated here 90 years ago.
0:46:55 > 0:47:00It feels wrong to go home without finding out a little bit more
0:47:00 > 0:47:02about this family connection.
0:47:04 > 0:47:09So I'm going to do something that none of me family's been able to do.
0:47:09 > 0:47:12I'm going to go to where Ted lived.
0:47:24 > 0:47:27Having come all the way to the top of Australia,
0:47:27 > 0:47:32I'm now flying 3,000km south to Melbourne.
0:47:32 > 0:47:35I first heard about Great-Uncle Ted when I was 11.
0:47:35 > 0:47:38My dad had got a letter saying that Ted had died
0:47:38 > 0:47:40and he'd left us some money.
0:47:40 > 0:47:44Me dad used that money to take us all on a rare family holiday,
0:47:44 > 0:47:47so I've had fond feelings for Ted ever since.
0:47:47 > 0:47:49But apart from a few basic facts,
0:47:49 > 0:47:52our family know very little about him.
0:47:52 > 0:47:55We know that he served in the First World War in the Artillery,
0:47:55 > 0:47:59and in 1924, when he was 28 years of age,
0:47:59 > 0:48:03we know that he left Liverpool on a boat bound for Australia.
0:48:04 > 0:48:06As far as the family was concerned,
0:48:06 > 0:48:08he may as well have sailed to Narnia,
0:48:08 > 0:48:11cos in those days, when someone went to the other side of the world,
0:48:11 > 0:48:13you never saw them again.
0:48:14 > 0:48:18From records, we know that Ted stepped off the boat here,
0:48:18 > 0:48:21at the old port in Melbourne.
0:48:21 > 0:48:25After a conversation with me dad on the phone, for this journey,
0:48:25 > 0:48:28it just seemed appropriate that I should try and come here.
0:48:28 > 0:48:32And now that I'm here and I'm sat looking at the pier
0:48:32 > 0:48:36that I know he walked on when he was starting his new life.
0:48:36 > 0:48:39It's given me a connection with the place I just didn't have before.
0:48:39 > 0:48:42And to know that he walked down this pier,
0:48:42 > 0:48:46went through those gates and started a new life...
0:48:46 > 0:48:48It's quite emotional, really,
0:48:48 > 0:48:51because you feel immediately connected to it.
0:48:51 > 0:48:55I think the thing is now I've got to found out what his second step was.
0:49:02 > 0:49:05I'm driving 200 miles west of Melbourne
0:49:05 > 0:49:07to Bessiebelle, where Ted lived.
0:49:10 > 0:49:15Down here feels like a very different Australia - cool and dry,
0:49:15 > 0:49:19with a horizon that stretches as far as the eye can see.
0:49:19 > 0:49:21It's hard to imagine how Ted must have felt
0:49:21 > 0:49:24doing this journey for the first time.
0:49:24 > 0:49:26He was a Liverpool lad born and bred -
0:49:26 > 0:49:27this must have felt like
0:49:27 > 0:49:30he was walking onto the set of a cowboy film.
0:49:32 > 0:49:34I want to know how a northern bloke
0:49:34 > 0:49:37with just a few pennies in his pocket
0:49:37 > 0:49:40built a new life for himself out here in the Australian bush.
0:49:41 > 0:49:45'Bruce Sharrock has a passion for local history
0:49:45 > 0:49:48'and, over the years, he's collected old photos and documents
0:49:48 > 0:49:50'that tell the story of life in Bessiebelle.'
0:49:50 > 0:49:51Come in.
0:49:51 > 0:49:55'The earliest picture he's got of Ted is from 1924.'
0:49:56 > 0:49:57Is this him?
0:49:57 > 0:50:01Yeah, that's him, and he's working for Sam "Pompy" Porter.
0:50:01 > 0:50:03Sam "Pompy" Porter?
0:50:03 > 0:50:06Yeah. He had a stone-crushing plant.
0:50:06 > 0:50:09There was a heap of volcanic rock, and what they used to do
0:50:09 > 0:50:12was they used to crush it up for the roadworks.
0:50:12 > 0:50:15Well, he only arrived in August 1924,
0:50:15 > 0:50:18so the decision to come out west here
0:50:18 > 0:50:22couldn't have taken more than a couple of weeks at most.
0:50:22 > 0:50:24Looks like it was tough life.
0:50:24 > 0:50:25Yes.
0:50:25 > 0:50:28- Got any boxers in your family?- Yeah.
0:50:28 > 0:50:31- There's Ted.- Yeah. - With his boxing gloves on.
0:50:31 > 0:50:34Yeah, there's been a few over the years.
0:50:34 > 0:50:37And some of them have been men.
0:50:37 > 0:50:39Not a lot of punches being thrown, is there?
0:50:39 > 0:50:41No, it doesn't look like it.
0:50:41 > 0:50:45And then, in 1929,
0:50:45 > 0:50:48he went out and worked for Gerry Gleeson.
0:50:48 > 0:50:52That's Gerry Gleeson, Maggie Gleeson, and there's Ted in the middle.
0:50:52 > 0:50:54- That's him?- Yeah.
0:50:54 > 0:50:55'Over the next 20 years,
0:50:55 > 0:50:59'Ted slogged away, labouring on local farms
0:50:59 > 0:51:02'until he saved enough money to buy his own place.'
0:51:02 > 0:51:05There was 639 acres,
0:51:05 > 0:51:07all up there.
0:51:07 > 0:51:09306 that he had.
0:51:09 > 0:51:12- So nearly 1,000 acres.- Mm.
0:51:12 > 0:51:14'Bruce's photos also hold a clue
0:51:14 > 0:51:17'to another intriguing side of Ted's life -
0:51:17 > 0:51:19'one I'd often wondered about.'
0:51:19 > 0:51:21So that was his first engagement.
0:51:21 > 0:51:23His FIRST engagement?
0:51:23 > 0:51:25- Yeah, one of three.- Cos... - JOHN LAUGHS
0:51:26 > 0:51:28Good lad.
0:51:28 > 0:51:31That was the thing, cos he died a single man,
0:51:31 > 0:51:34and the message was he was a confirmed bachelor,
0:51:34 > 0:51:37so we didn't know whether that was by choice
0:51:37 > 0:51:40or by the fact that there was nobody out here, or...
0:51:40 > 0:51:41No, I know.
0:51:41 > 0:51:44- Do we know why that relationship... - No.- ..didn't work out?
0:51:44 > 0:51:46Ady sent the ring back.
0:51:46 > 0:51:50She'd met Ted Fisher over in Derrinallum,
0:51:50 > 0:51:54and she decided to go with him.
0:51:54 > 0:51:56He's a bastard, Ted Fisher!
0:51:58 > 0:52:00Gobshite.
0:52:00 > 0:52:03'Looking at the picture of Ted and Ady,
0:52:03 > 0:52:05'he didn't seem that happy anyway.
0:52:05 > 0:52:08'But I am learning so much more about the life he built for himself
0:52:08 > 0:52:09'here in Bessiebelle.'
0:52:09 > 0:52:13He came here and, you know, in the tough times.
0:52:13 > 0:52:15It looked like when he was working here to begin with,
0:52:15 > 0:52:18he was living in tents, he was breaking up rocks,
0:52:18 > 0:52:22and then he worked trying to make a life for himself as a sheep farmer.
0:52:22 > 0:52:24And, you know, it's an immigrant's story -
0:52:24 > 0:52:27it's a man who's come over with nothing.
0:52:27 > 0:52:32And you come here, you see an opportunity and you grab it.
0:52:34 > 0:52:36I want to explore Bessiebelle
0:52:36 > 0:52:39and see what mark Ted left upon the place.
0:52:40 > 0:52:41Here he is.
0:52:43 > 0:52:47They're his medals from the First World War,
0:52:47 > 0:52:49and when you look at it,
0:52:49 > 0:52:51you know that they were in his pocket when he arrived,
0:52:51 > 0:52:55when he landed on the shores in 1924.
0:52:55 > 0:52:59They're probably the only thing that he brought that's still here.
0:52:59 > 0:53:01'There are still some folk in Bessiebelle
0:53:01 > 0:53:03'who actually remember Ted.'
0:53:03 > 0:53:05You all knew him?
0:53:05 > 0:53:07- ALL:- Yes.
0:53:07 > 0:53:09Everyone remembers Ted really fondly.
0:53:09 > 0:53:12- He was a lovely old gentleman. - Yeah, he was.- Yeah, he was.
0:53:12 > 0:53:16Dad used to take him up to RSL on a Tuesday night,
0:53:16 > 0:53:19and they'd have a few sherbets, yeah, and enjoy the trip home.
0:53:19 > 0:53:22But, yeah, I bought the farm after he'd died.
0:53:22 > 0:53:23I got to tell you this,
0:53:23 > 0:53:27my first understanding that there was an Uncle Ted
0:53:27 > 0:53:30was when I was about 11,
0:53:30 > 0:53:34and a letter came through from a solicitor in Australia
0:53:34 > 0:53:37to say that he'd left some money in his will.
0:53:37 > 0:53:40- So it was your money.- It was. He would have had some in the bank.
0:53:40 > 0:53:43- Don't worry. - Oh, I know, I know.
0:53:43 > 0:53:45THEY LAUGH
0:53:46 > 0:53:49So when did you know him, then?
0:53:49 > 0:53:50What's your biggest memory of him?
0:53:50 > 0:53:53When we got married, he presented Ellen with a frying pan.
0:53:53 > 0:53:56This is 50 years ago, and we've still got it, actually.
0:53:56 > 0:53:59- There. There it is. - This the pan he gave you, Ellen?
0:53:59 > 0:54:02This is the pan he gave us for our wedding present.
0:54:02 > 0:54:03And the old bugger said,
0:54:03 > 0:54:05"Here, this'll keep him in control - you can use this."
0:54:05 > 0:54:08- So that was his sense of humour.- Yep.
0:54:08 > 0:54:10So that'll be 50 years next April.
0:54:10 > 0:54:12So every time you use it,
0:54:12 > 0:54:15you remember he gave it to you to hit him with it.
0:54:15 > 0:54:16Yeah, keep him under control.
0:54:17 > 0:54:19Yeah.
0:54:19 > 0:54:20So did anyone here go to the funeral?
0:54:20 > 0:54:22- ALL:- Yes. - Everyone. Everyone.
0:54:22 > 0:54:24You all went?
0:54:24 > 0:54:26Just about the whole district would have been there.
0:54:26 > 0:54:30He was, you know, that well liked, and it was strange -
0:54:30 > 0:54:32the coffin went down the hole,
0:54:32 > 0:54:35and everyone just stood around and looked at one another,
0:54:35 > 0:54:38because there were no relatives there.
0:54:38 > 0:54:41We were all friends, and everyone was sort of equal to Ted,
0:54:41 > 0:54:43and there was no-one you could sort of say,
0:54:43 > 0:54:45"I'm sorry your husband's just gone down there,"
0:54:45 > 0:54:47or something like that.
0:54:47 > 0:54:49It was a little bit strange.
0:54:49 > 0:54:52Yeah, and... Yeah, I can imagine that.
0:55:11 > 0:55:14Edward Bishop,
0:55:14 > 0:55:15died 23rd of October, 1977,
0:55:15 > 0:55:17aged 81.
0:55:17 > 0:55:19He had an innings.
0:55:20 > 0:55:22And it's...
0:55:23 > 0:55:27It's strange to think that me dad was named after him,
0:55:27 > 0:55:29then me brother was named after me dad.
0:55:29 > 0:55:34So our Eddie is directly linked to this.
0:55:34 > 0:55:38And to think that I'm the, er...
0:55:38 > 0:55:41I'm the first-ever relative to come here...
0:55:41 > 0:55:45I'm the first one with the same blood to ever...
0:55:45 > 0:55:48Ever stand in this place and put any flowers there.
0:55:48 > 0:55:53And because he wasn't married, cos that bastard, Ted Fisher...
0:55:54 > 0:55:58I don't know how many people have ever put flowers here.
0:55:58 > 0:56:01You know, he doesn't need me to shed a tear.
0:56:01 > 0:56:02He came and he had a good life.
0:56:02 > 0:56:05He seems to have left a lot of people with good memories
0:56:05 > 0:56:08and good smiles, and, you know, I'm one of them.
0:56:08 > 0:56:10It's nice, that, innit?
0:56:12 > 0:56:15For two months, I've been searching for the real Australia,
0:56:15 > 0:56:18trying to understand what it means to belong to this country,
0:56:18 > 0:56:21and here in Bessiebelle, in the middle of nowhere,
0:56:21 > 0:56:23I think I've finally cracked it,
0:56:23 > 0:56:26cos it turns out that my scouse Uncle Ted
0:56:26 > 0:56:30is in many ways exactly what it means to be an Australian.
0:56:30 > 0:56:32Ted was a war veteran,
0:56:32 > 0:56:35a pioneer,
0:56:35 > 0:56:36a grafter...
0:56:36 > 0:56:38Jeez!
0:56:38 > 0:56:41..a good laugh and a great mate.
0:56:41 > 0:56:43He came out here to this wild and ancient land,
0:56:43 > 0:56:47and he carved out a good life for himself with his bare hands.
0:56:47 > 0:56:50And along with countless others who did exactly the same,
0:56:50 > 0:56:53he made the Australia we see today.
0:56:53 > 0:56:56This is it. This is the end of the journey.
0:56:56 > 0:56:57Um...
0:56:57 > 0:57:00When I was looking at coming to Bessiebelle, I looked on the maps
0:57:00 > 0:57:03and there was a road called Bishops Road.
0:57:03 > 0:57:05I got in touch with the council
0:57:05 > 0:57:08and I asked if there was a road sign, and they said no.
0:57:08 > 0:57:11So I asked, "Is there any chance of having one?"
0:57:11 > 0:57:13And they've come and put one up.
0:57:13 > 0:57:17So this is the end of me journey. I've come to Australia...
0:57:17 > 0:57:21and there'll be a bit of me that's always going to be here, cos of Ted.
0:57:21 > 0:57:23Couldn't be better.
0:57:27 > 0:57:28I'm now going for a walk down me own road.
0:57:34 > 0:57:37And now something tells me I'll be back.
0:57:48 > 0:57:52But until then, I've brought my own piece of Australia home with me.
0:57:56 > 0:58:00# I'm so alone, my love Without you
0:58:03 > 0:58:08# You're part of everything I do
0:58:11 > 0:58:14# When you come back
0:58:14 > 0:58:19# And you're beside me
0:58:19 > 0:58:23# These are the words I'll sing to you
0:58:27 > 0:58:30# Welcome home
0:58:31 > 0:58:33# Welcome
0:58:35 > 0:58:36# Come on in... #
0:58:36 > 0:58:40All done. That'll be that.
0:58:40 > 0:58:43I can say goodbye to that now for another 20-odd years.
0:58:43 > 0:58:44I won't be riding that.
0:58:44 > 0:58:47And what's great...
0:58:47 > 0:58:50is I can start breathing out again.
0:58:50 > 0:58:52HE LAUGHS
0:58:52 > 0:58:55You can't beat a cushion joke. Just the best comedy ever.