0:00:02 > 0:00:05John Thomson and Simon Day have been friends for over 20 years...
0:00:07 > 0:00:08Oh, that is gorgeous!
0:00:08 > 0:00:11..ever since they rose to fame as part of The Fast Show
0:00:11 > 0:00:13in the early '90s.
0:00:13 > 0:00:15What I always wanted to do was to build a robot
0:00:15 > 0:00:17that thinks like a human.
0:00:17 > 0:00:20- You mean it can't always make up its mind?- No.
0:00:20 > 0:00:25Now these two comedians with soft hands are about to embark
0:00:25 > 0:00:27on a very different journey.
0:00:27 > 0:00:29It's a bit Curiosity Killed The Cat!
0:00:29 > 0:00:34For three weeks they'll learn the ways of the gaucho in Argentina,
0:00:34 > 0:00:39the rugged cowboy, national icon, symbol of freedom and courage.
0:00:41 > 0:00:44Whoa! I thought stand-up was terrifying until I saw this.
0:00:44 > 0:00:47This is a manly man's world.
0:00:47 > 0:00:50I am going to moisturise. It will be a secret.
0:00:50 > 0:00:51As novice riders,
0:00:51 > 0:00:55they'll be the greenest gauchos Argentina has ever seen.
0:00:55 > 0:00:58We look like security guards at a Basque separatists' rally.
0:00:58 > 0:01:03The journey from city slicker to macho gaucho will be testing...
0:01:03 > 0:01:06Right, honesty time - this is becoming hellish.
0:01:06 > 0:01:08..and not without peril...
0:01:10 > 0:01:15..as two friends, two amigos, attempt to find the gaucho within.
0:01:15 > 0:01:17# Short of leg and large of head
0:01:17 > 0:01:20# Brave of heart and kind of soul
0:01:20 > 0:01:22# John Thomson will meet his goal
0:01:22 > 0:01:24# To ride a little horse. #
0:01:24 > 0:01:27THEY LAUGH
0:01:34 > 0:01:37John and Simon leave for Argentina in a matter of days,
0:01:37 > 0:01:41so an introduction to riding seems like a good idea.
0:01:41 > 0:01:44Especially as they're not natural horsemen.
0:01:45 > 0:01:48My experience of horse riding is donkeys on
0:01:48 > 0:01:51Blackheath Common around 1971.
0:01:51 > 0:01:54I grew up quite rurally, outside of Preston,
0:01:54 > 0:01:58and there was a riding school, spitting distance from my house,
0:01:58 > 0:02:02so I learned to ride as a child and got as far as canter.
0:02:02 > 0:02:06- So I can...- Is that a place? - No...
0:02:06 > 0:02:07Did you wear jodhpurs?
0:02:07 > 0:02:11Don't remember wearing jodhpurs, I remember wearing maybe a pair of
0:02:11 > 0:02:17brown flares, because it was the 1970s, of course.
0:02:17 > 0:02:20You must have looked lovely.
0:02:20 > 0:02:21Are you holding the stirrup?
0:02:21 > 0:02:23Yeah, left foot into the stirrup,
0:02:23 > 0:02:28OK, right hand on the back of the saddle, at the side.
0:02:28 > 0:02:32They're old buddies, they went to Florida many moons ago,
0:02:32 > 0:02:36so for them, I think it's nice for them just to
0:02:36 > 0:02:38be kind of riding off into the sunset
0:02:38 > 0:02:41as old men. SHE LAUGHS
0:02:41 > 0:02:43- Shall I press play? - Yeah, OK.
0:02:43 > 0:02:48John and Simon have travelled together before, 20 years ago.
0:02:48 > 0:02:49Turn it up.
0:02:49 > 0:02:52Do they getting resounding thumbs down from us or what?
0:02:52 > 0:02:53I think they do, John.
0:02:53 > 0:02:58Am I smoking?! I can't believe it! I'm having a fag at the hotel.
0:02:58 > 0:03:00This is early '90s, John and I went to Florida on holiday
0:03:00 > 0:03:03when we were poverty stricken actors, or I was.
0:03:03 > 0:03:06I had been to America before, but I hadn't been with a mate.
0:03:06 > 0:03:07We were single, weren't we?
0:03:07 > 0:03:10The idea was to meet ladies as well, but...
0:03:10 > 0:03:12Nah, we just talked to each other.
0:03:12 > 0:03:15Well, do you know what our theme song was on this holiday after
0:03:15 > 0:03:18we realised that the lady situation wasn't going to happen?
0:03:18 > 0:03:21It was You're Never Gonna Get It.
0:03:21 > 0:03:27Such a good holiday though - we were free spirits...very lonely!
0:03:27 > 0:03:29Our relationship is exactly the same as when we met,
0:03:29 > 0:03:30it's not really altered.
0:03:30 > 0:03:33I think essentially, he makes me laugh
0:03:33 > 0:03:34and very few people make me laugh.
0:03:34 > 0:03:38I am here with Roger Moore, English film star, in some
0:03:38 > 0:03:42undergrowth at the Wet 'n' Wild theme park in Orlando.
0:03:42 > 0:03:44Mr Moore, are you enjoying yourself here today?
0:03:44 > 0:03:47- AS ROGER MOORE:- It's exceptional. I enjoyed every minute of it.
0:03:47 > 0:03:49The slides were exuberant and thrilling.
0:03:49 > 0:03:52But I do take exception to being called "dude".
0:03:52 > 0:03:53THEY LAUGH
0:03:53 > 0:03:58Hi, this is Ted down the car lot at the resort hotel - let's rock!
0:03:58 > 0:04:00This is Simon's driving lesson.
0:04:00 > 0:04:02No license, but I let him drive anyway.
0:04:03 > 0:04:04This is wicked.
0:04:06 > 0:04:09We're very good for each other, as far as keeping each other's
0:04:09 > 0:04:12spirits up. We're like a married couple.
0:04:12 > 0:04:14Look at that, we were snogging at this point...
0:04:14 > 0:04:19It begs the question... has time been kind?
0:04:19 > 0:04:24Well, it's slightly odd, some bits I remember and some bits I don't.
0:04:24 > 0:04:27We didn't have a care in the world, we didn't have
0:04:27 > 0:04:29a worry in the world then.
0:04:29 > 0:04:33Today, John and Simon are both married with children,
0:04:33 > 0:04:36embroiled in the responsibilities of family life.
0:04:36 > 0:04:39Conversations revolve around, "Did you get the milk?" "Yeah."
0:04:39 > 0:04:43"What, blue or green?" "Blue." "What size?"
0:04:43 > 0:04:45You know, you've got family,
0:04:45 > 0:04:47do all those things you never thought you'd do,
0:04:47 > 0:04:50I've got two small children who are more selfish than me
0:04:50 > 0:04:56and more childish than me, and no matter how pathetic I want to be,
0:04:56 > 0:04:59you can't do it with your own kids, you can't behave like that.
0:04:59 > 0:05:02But for three weeks, they're going to escape the pressures
0:05:02 > 0:05:04of modern-day life and reconnect
0:05:04 > 0:05:07with the free spirits they once were,
0:05:07 > 0:05:10in Argentina, land of the gaucho,
0:05:10 > 0:05:12land of the free-range man.
0:05:12 > 0:05:15The poncho of freedom. Hell, yeah, I want to go there!
0:05:15 > 0:05:17Just sit quietly...
0:05:17 > 0:05:19To get back that carefree man I was.
0:05:19 > 0:05:21To really relax, just for a little bit.
0:05:24 > 0:05:27It's a chance to get away from the creeping bindweed
0:05:27 > 0:05:30of technology - unplugging yourself, no iPad, no iPhone.
0:05:30 > 0:05:36You won't see gauchos sitting down, watching Morse
0:05:36 > 0:05:39with eight cats on them, eating chocolates.
0:05:39 > 0:05:40The cowboy alpha male thing.
0:05:40 > 0:05:43Don't get me wrong, I'm still quite macho,
0:05:43 > 0:05:47but I don't really buy into the, "Woaarrgghh!"
0:05:47 > 0:05:51I would love him to come back as a real rough and ready...
0:05:51 > 0:05:54yeah, South American, who will just pick me up on his shoulders
0:05:54 > 0:05:57and, you know, "Grr! Come on!"
0:05:57 > 0:06:02My wife has been actually quite, er, "You do that."
0:06:02 > 0:06:03And trot on.
0:06:03 > 0:06:06He's going to Argentina,
0:06:06 > 0:06:11doing this cowboy thing, and he's riding horses
0:06:11 > 0:06:14and farting, like cowboys do.
0:06:14 > 0:06:17He's not an outdoors type of guy.
0:06:17 > 0:06:20He likes his manicures and he likes his pedicures,
0:06:20 > 0:06:23he likes his eyelash tints, he likes his facials.
0:06:23 > 0:06:25..keeping that lower leg underneath you.
0:06:25 > 0:06:29Ha-ha, Jesus and Mary!
0:06:29 > 0:06:32I don't know how good he is at roughing it though,
0:06:32 > 0:06:36and he doesn't like bugs and, you know, mosquito bites,
0:06:36 > 0:06:38that sort of thing, does he?
0:06:38 > 0:06:41Obviously, I am on camera and I'll be trying to fight.
0:06:41 > 0:06:45With the family, I'd be going, "Oh, I've got a mosquito bite, oh, I'm chafing, oh, it's so hot,
0:06:45 > 0:06:49"oh, it's too cold!" But on camera, I'll be trying to behave like Clint Eastwood.
0:06:49 > 0:06:54It will be interesting to see how long that veneer lasts until it starts to crack.
0:06:54 > 0:06:57Just a little up, down, up, down...
0:06:57 > 0:07:03Maybe he will act like a cowboy,
0:07:03 > 0:07:05but in a real life, he's not a cowboy.
0:07:05 > 0:07:08I hope all the wild animals
0:07:08 > 0:07:11don't come into his tent
0:07:11 > 0:07:12and eat all his food.
0:07:12 > 0:07:18And he's pretty funny, so I don't know if cowboys are funny or not.
0:07:18 > 0:07:22POSH VOICE: Well, I can't afford both of them.
0:07:22 > 0:07:27I'd very much like to buy this one for my daughter, and if this chap
0:07:27 > 0:07:31could come along in a two-in-one deal, that would be marvellous.
0:07:31 > 0:07:33This is a lady too.
0:07:33 > 0:07:34Ah, of course she is...
0:07:34 > 0:07:37Any worries about going away for three weeks to Argentina?
0:07:37 > 0:07:39Maybe a wild horse throwing me,
0:07:39 > 0:07:44being gored, maybe, disembowelled by a steer's horns,
0:07:44 > 0:07:48or falling off a horse and being paralysed for life, really, that's the worst.
0:07:48 > 0:07:49Glad I brought it up(!)
0:07:53 > 0:07:58For 300 years, Argentina's cowboys - gauchos -
0:07:58 > 0:08:00have tended livestock across this vast country.
0:08:04 > 0:08:09From the tropics of the North to the mighty Andes Mountains in the South.
0:08:09 > 0:08:13These colourful and nomadic horsemen encapsulate the rugged spirit
0:08:13 > 0:08:15of every boyhood dream.
0:08:16 > 0:08:19It's here that John and Simon will taste the freedom
0:08:19 > 0:08:21of the traditional gaucho way of life.
0:08:25 > 0:08:28But first, they arrive in the capital, Buenos Aires -
0:08:28 > 0:08:31known as the Paris of South America.
0:08:35 > 0:08:40See, these streets are all the same. Little gems hidden away.
0:08:40 > 0:08:43Look, there's a lovely little fruit stall. That looks nice.
0:08:43 > 0:08:45Shiny apple, conference pear.
0:08:45 > 0:08:50There's a very handsome boy there with silky blue shorts on.
0:08:50 > 0:08:52- Simon, you sound like Noel Coward. - How do you speak Noel Coward?
0:08:52 > 0:08:56- PLUMMY ACCENT:- Noel Coward? - There is a very handsome boy...
0:08:56 > 0:08:59I believe he spoke very quickly...
0:09:00 > 0:09:02You've got how many years on me? Five?
0:09:02 > 0:09:04How old am I? I am 51.
0:09:04 > 0:09:07- Are you 51?- 52 in May.
0:09:07 > 0:09:09You've got seven years on me.
0:09:10 > 0:09:13So iconic is the gaucho in Argentina
0:09:13 > 0:09:16that Buenos Aires, with nary a cow in sight,
0:09:16 > 0:09:19has many high-end shops where rich cosmopolitans can at least
0:09:19 > 0:09:21dress like a gaucho.
0:09:22 > 0:09:27This would be over £100 sterling, about £120 sterling, so...
0:09:27 > 0:09:29With gaucho training imminent,
0:09:29 > 0:09:32John's need for a good pair of boots is legit.
0:09:32 > 0:09:33How can I help you?
0:09:38 > 0:09:41Er, in England, seven and a half.
0:09:41 > 0:09:43Over here, that's a 44.
0:09:43 > 0:09:44And very high instep.
0:09:46 > 0:09:49Of course, I brought my own Hermes saddle with me on the plane,
0:09:49 > 0:09:53which I bought in the '90s, and I have been waxing it.
0:09:53 > 0:09:55I refused to sell it, although I lost everything else.
0:09:55 > 0:09:58Finally come in handy!
0:10:00 > 0:10:02Ah, yes!
0:10:04 > 0:10:07These are the ones - all ready for panto!
0:10:13 > 0:10:17Over three weeks, our gauchos-to-be will first get a training
0:10:17 > 0:10:20crash course in the northern Corrientes province,
0:10:20 > 0:10:25before heading 1,500 miles south to the region of Patagonia,
0:10:25 > 0:10:29where they'll join traditional gauchos on a real cattle drive -
0:10:29 > 0:10:32bringing 200 cattle down a mountain pass,
0:10:32 > 0:10:3750 miles of riding over three days and nights.
0:10:37 > 0:10:40But for today, their simple task is to get an hour's drive
0:10:40 > 0:10:43out of the capital, for a local gaucho festival.
0:10:43 > 0:10:47We're going to Pilar, which is a suburb of Buenos Aires, BA.
0:10:47 > 0:10:51It's not that difficult, we're in Recoleta,
0:10:51 > 0:10:55we go through Barrio Norte, above Palermo, past the zoo.
0:10:55 > 0:10:58I know it's a zoo, because there's a picture of a lion,
0:10:58 > 0:11:00the universal sign of the zoo. A lion.
0:11:05 > 0:11:07Airport is to the right - we're not going there, are we?
0:11:10 > 0:11:13This is the section of the film my mum would enjoy the most.
0:11:13 > 0:11:15"Oh, God, he's navigating!"
0:11:15 > 0:11:17"Ohh, I felt sorry for John then."
0:11:17 > 0:11:21Even though we've got huge landmarks left and right,
0:11:21 > 0:11:23I have absolutely no idea where we are.
0:11:23 > 0:11:26Right, I'll give you an idea. Look for a road.
0:11:26 > 0:11:29You see, there's a signpost there, like in New York.
0:11:29 > 0:11:30The cross sections.
0:11:30 > 0:11:32It's similar to New York, it's a grid system.
0:11:32 > 0:11:34I got lost there too.
0:11:34 > 0:11:37I got lost there with you once, didn't I?
0:11:37 > 0:11:40The way they drive here - they don't even indicate!
0:11:40 > 0:11:41What you doing!?
0:11:43 > 0:11:45Oh, sh...!
0:11:45 > 0:11:47Come on. You're all right, go. Are you all right?
0:11:47 > 0:11:50He's going to go on the inside too, what nutcases!
0:11:50 > 0:11:53You can see why I didn't volunteer to drive, can't you?
0:11:53 > 0:11:54We would be dead by now.
0:11:54 > 0:11:56DISCO MUSIC PLAYS ON STEREO
0:11:56 > 0:11:57Not a bad system, is it?
0:11:59 > 0:12:0119... what year?
0:12:01 > 0:12:03# ..smoking mountains, nothing new... #
0:12:03 > 0:12:06- I think it's...- Yes?
0:12:06 > 0:12:07# ..to the mountaintop... #
0:12:07 > 0:12:10'82?
0:12:10 > 0:12:11Yes!
0:12:13 > 0:12:15THEY LAUGH
0:12:15 > 0:12:19MUSIC: "Walking on Sunshine" by Rockers Revenge
0:12:21 > 0:12:22# Uhhh... #
0:12:22 > 0:12:24It's like that, isn't it?
0:12:24 > 0:12:26# Uh-h-h-h!#
0:12:26 > 0:12:28# We work until it's time to stop
0:12:28 > 0:12:29# Oh, baby
0:12:29 > 0:12:32# You're mine, you're mine, you're
0:12:32 > 0:12:35# Walking on sunshine... #
0:12:35 > 0:12:36Turn it off, here's the toll.
0:12:36 > 0:12:39- How much is it?- 12. - They will tell you.
0:12:40 > 0:12:42Gracias.
0:12:42 > 0:12:45There must be a film somewhere... An independent film about a guy having a relationship
0:12:45 > 0:12:47with someone who works in a toll booth.
0:12:47 > 0:12:51- Can you imagine? - Brilliant idea, Simon! Yeah.
0:12:51 > 0:12:53Italian film, every day, "Hello!"
0:12:53 > 0:12:55So they drive around?
0:12:55 > 0:12:57No, it slowly builds
0:12:57 > 0:12:59and one day there is an accident or whatever and they fall in love.
0:12:59 > 0:13:02The next day he goes back and she's been fired.
0:13:02 > 0:13:05- There's an old bloke in there. - She's not there any more.
0:13:05 > 0:13:07Yes, he starts asking and all the traffic's building up.
0:13:07 > 0:13:10"Where is the lady?" he's screaming.
0:13:10 > 0:13:14We'd go to America and they'd say yes. London - no.
0:13:14 > 0:13:18No, I love it. Toll booth romance.
0:13:18 > 0:13:20Toll booth romance. I bet it's been done.
0:13:20 > 0:13:22"Aah, we gotta couple of toll booth romance films
0:13:22 > 0:13:26"in production already, get outta here!"
0:13:28 > 0:13:30Surely we should be there by now.
0:13:30 > 0:13:32- There you go, Pilar.- Hey-y-y!
0:13:34 > 0:13:37For one day a year, over 10,000 gauchos
0:13:37 > 0:13:40and gaucho fans come together.
0:13:40 > 0:13:45By horse - or by car - they travel from all over Argentina.
0:13:46 > 0:13:49They look fantastic. They've all got their colours on - they're like jockeys.
0:13:49 > 0:13:53They're here to promote their traditional culture,
0:13:53 > 0:13:56which stretches back to its heyday in the 19th century,
0:13:56 > 0:13:59when 200,000 gauchos roamed free,
0:13:59 > 0:14:03taming wild horses, hunting and gathering cattle.
0:14:03 > 0:14:07As the land was carved up into huge estancias or ranches,
0:14:07 > 0:14:12they became hired hands and their numbers began to decline.
0:14:12 > 0:14:16Today, there are only 20,000 working gauchos,
0:14:16 > 0:14:19so the festival's a great place to wave a flag for their heritage,
0:14:19 > 0:14:24and a good excuse for everyone else to have a picnic.
0:14:26 > 0:14:29John and Simon are joined by Gloria, who'll be on hand
0:14:29 > 0:14:31to translate for them whenever needed.
0:14:31 > 0:14:34And to help them buy sausages.
0:14:34 > 0:14:35How do you buy it, Gloria?
0:14:35 > 0:14:38SHE SPEAKS SPANISH
0:14:42 > 0:14:43That's incredible.
0:14:45 > 0:14:48The man to know here is Carlos Beretta.
0:14:48 > 0:14:52This is Carlos, which is the voice of the parade.
0:15:05 > 0:15:06Muchas gracias.
0:15:15 > 0:15:19Several hours of parading leaves plenty of time for shopping.
0:15:19 > 0:15:20It suits you like this.
0:15:23 > 0:15:26Back off a bit. There's a mirror, isn't there?
0:15:26 > 0:15:29It's a bit Curiosity Killed The Cat!
0:15:29 > 0:15:32I seem to remember Lisa Stansfield wearing one of them in the '80s.
0:15:32 > 0:15:35- I don't look anything like a gaucho, do I?- No.
0:15:35 > 0:15:40ANNOUNCEMENTS IN SPANISH OVER PA
0:15:42 > 0:15:44What are these? Just for decoration?
0:15:44 > 0:15:49- No, those are boleadoras. - Oh, for the...- Exactly.
0:15:49 > 0:15:50Are they called bolos?
0:15:51 > 0:15:53Boleadoras.
0:15:53 > 0:15:55That's the hardest thing to learn, isn't it?
0:15:59 > 0:16:02You throw it like this, to hit it on the temple?
0:16:04 > 0:16:05Yeah, exactly.
0:16:05 > 0:16:08These ones are very beautiful, because they are marble made.
0:16:08 > 0:16:13Shopping over, it's time for John and Simon to watch some serious
0:16:13 > 0:16:17gaucho sport, in a traditional competition called La Doma.
0:16:19 > 0:16:22BELL RINGS
0:16:22 > 0:16:25COMMENTARY IN SPANISH OVER PA
0:16:27 > 0:16:30The skills of Doma are part of the horse taming process -
0:16:30 > 0:16:32everyday work for the gaucho,
0:16:32 > 0:16:37but in competitions like this they use the most aggressive wild horses.
0:16:42 > 0:16:44Stay within the bells, one bell rings, you stay on the horse,
0:16:44 > 0:16:47the bell rings, you stayed in.
0:16:47 > 0:16:50Some of the best riders in the world are here,
0:16:50 > 0:16:51competing for big cash prizes.
0:16:55 > 0:16:57But there's a very obvious down side.
0:17:06 > 0:17:10APPLAUSE
0:17:15 > 0:17:17- In his eye? - His eye socket.
0:17:23 > 0:17:26Extraordinary - it's the most exciting thing I have seen live.
0:17:26 > 0:17:29I thought stand-up was terrifying until I saw this.
0:17:29 > 0:17:33The way the horse literally gets on his hind legs,
0:17:33 > 0:17:36- and goes back... It's unbelievable! - It was quite incredible.
0:17:36 > 0:17:38- Unbelievable!- The guts!
0:17:38 > 0:17:40They are only young kids as well who are doing it, generally.
0:17:40 > 0:17:44The guts they must have to get up there. Simon said to me, how much? I said, a million!
0:17:50 > 0:17:52There was one, he rode it and as he came past,
0:17:52 > 0:17:56I threw my boxer shorts at him and he caught them in his teeth.
0:17:56 > 0:17:58He wrung them out and gave them to his father.
0:17:58 > 0:17:59It was quite emotional.
0:18:01 > 0:18:03Bono estente!
0:18:09 > 0:18:12KNOCK ON DOOR Security!
0:18:12 > 0:18:14Morning, mate. Funny night.
0:18:14 > 0:18:17Mozzie went like "bzzzz" in my ear and I got paranoid,
0:18:17 > 0:18:19so I started chasing it around the room.
0:18:19 > 0:18:20I didn't get it.
0:18:20 > 0:18:22John, give us the Mick Jagger.
0:18:22 > 0:18:23We've got a new...
0:18:23 > 0:18:25The Mick Jagger move.
0:18:25 > 0:18:27Celebrity mosquito catching.
0:18:27 > 0:18:31Mosquitoes are becoming a slight problem, so we've got the Mick...
0:18:31 > 0:18:34the Mick Jagger... 'Ere! ..catch the mozzie move!
0:18:34 > 0:18:36There's one.
0:18:36 > 0:18:37'Ere!
0:18:38 > 0:18:42We have in front of us a ten-hour drive.
0:18:42 > 0:18:45That's with stops, not continuous,
0:18:45 > 0:18:48so it's a bit of a road trip today, bit of a slog.
0:18:48 > 0:18:51It's quite exciting using a map again.
0:18:51 > 0:18:56I do find that often, sat nav can fill you with fear.
0:18:57 > 0:19:00Simon's map reading can't.
0:19:03 > 0:19:08It's a drive of 350 miles from Pilar to their training ranch
0:19:08 > 0:19:11at Esquina, in the northern region of Corrientes.
0:19:12 > 0:19:13Gracias.
0:19:13 > 0:19:15Gracias!
0:19:19 > 0:19:22- You can be the keeper of the... - Si!
0:19:22 > 0:19:26- We are off to Esquina, to the... - Corrientes province.
0:19:26 > 0:19:30Yes, where we will meet the gauchos and start our training.
0:19:30 > 0:19:34Our wonderful fixer, Gloria, who is a native of Argentina,
0:19:34 > 0:19:38she was telling us last night about the giant wasps.
0:19:38 > 0:19:41She said, "They don't sting, they take a bite out of you."
0:19:41 > 0:19:43Yeah, the double whammy.
0:19:43 > 0:19:45My main concern is mosquitoes.
0:19:45 > 0:19:48But once we get on the horses, our main concern is staying alive.
0:19:52 > 0:19:55John and Simon pass through the vast area of Las Pampas,
0:19:55 > 0:19:58traditionally the gauchos' heartland,
0:19:58 > 0:20:02where for centuries they produced the finest beef cattle in the world.
0:20:03 > 0:20:04But in recent decades,
0:20:04 > 0:20:07wealthy industrial farmers have grown soya to raise
0:20:07 > 0:20:12their cattle in huge feedlots, squeezing out the skilful gauchos.
0:20:16 > 0:20:20- Are you drifting?- No, I'm just enjoying it.- No, he is.
0:20:20 > 0:20:22It's difficult to know whether to drift.
0:20:25 > 0:20:29As the light begins to fade, they're well behind schedule,
0:20:29 > 0:20:32still 180 miles from the ranch.
0:20:32 > 0:20:35John's driving shift is over, so it's time for Simon to take
0:20:35 > 0:20:38the wheel - a man who only passed his test in his mid-40s.
0:20:40 > 0:20:43Right-hand side of the road, yeah?
0:20:43 > 0:20:45Yeah, it's just the first thing. First rule.
0:20:47 > 0:20:49- Are you ready? - I don't know.
0:20:49 > 0:20:52One problem I have is the key knocks against my knee.
0:20:52 > 0:20:53You have that problem?
0:20:53 > 0:20:55No, I'm short of leg.
0:20:55 > 0:20:57# Short of leg and large of head
0:20:57 > 0:21:00# Brave of heart and kind of soul
0:21:00 > 0:21:02# John Thomson will meet his goal
0:21:02 > 0:21:05# To ride a little horse. #
0:21:05 > 0:21:07THEY LAUGH
0:21:07 > 0:21:10Freestyler!
0:21:10 > 0:21:12- And you're off. - I'm rolling.
0:21:12 > 0:21:14Now, when I hit my clipboard, Mr Day...
0:21:16 > 0:21:18OK, little update for everybody.
0:21:18 > 0:21:22We have decided to come on a road
0:21:22 > 0:21:24that is in terrible disrepair
0:21:24 > 0:21:26with the biggest potholes.
0:21:26 > 0:21:28I mean, like axle-cracking pot holes.
0:21:28 > 0:21:31- "Axle-Crackin' Potholes!" - There's one. A little one.
0:21:31 > 0:21:33You will witness one in a minute.
0:21:33 > 0:21:35So, we are a little bit up against it,
0:21:35 > 0:21:37because it's gonna go dark here.
0:21:37 > 0:21:39And when it goes dark along here,
0:21:39 > 0:21:42there is absolutely no street lighting.
0:21:42 > 0:21:44RUMBLING AND RATTLING
0:21:44 > 0:21:45BLEEP!
0:21:48 > 0:21:50Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho!
0:21:50 > 0:21:53It was like a shallow grave, not just a pothole!
0:21:53 > 0:21:55There's many bad holes around where we live.
0:21:55 > 0:21:58Apparently it's something to do with the ice and snow.
0:22:00 > 0:22:02- BLEEP- sake!
0:22:03 > 0:22:04Did you not see them?
0:22:07 > 0:22:08There's one!
0:22:10 > 0:22:12How are you feeling, John?
0:22:16 > 0:22:17Ooh!
0:22:17 > 0:22:18OK, sorry.
0:22:18 > 0:22:20We are all right, I think.
0:22:20 > 0:22:23You turned the engine off, mid driving...?
0:22:23 > 0:22:26No, I knocked it with my thing - my knee. I know...
0:22:26 > 0:22:30What am I supposed to do? My knee is right on the key.
0:22:30 > 0:22:31Overtaking, as it gets dark,
0:22:31 > 0:22:34is not something I'm particularly going to...
0:22:34 > 0:22:37Come over a bit, you're on the rough bit.
0:22:37 > 0:22:39It's like you when we were driving into the gaucho place.
0:22:39 > 0:22:42Don't answer back!
0:22:42 > 0:22:45Oh, no? Sorry!
0:22:45 > 0:22:47RUMBLING AND RATTLING
0:22:47 > 0:22:51- I'm gonna knock you out of this- BLEEP - car if you do that one more time.
0:22:51 > 0:22:56- DEEP VOICE:- You will have to pass before the sun goes down, my friend.
0:22:56 > 0:22:57Ha-ha, stay on the road.
0:22:57 > 0:23:00Very dangerous out there. You don't know.
0:23:00 > 0:23:02You don't speak the language.
0:23:02 > 0:23:04Biblical clouds out here.
0:23:04 > 0:23:05Amazing.
0:23:05 > 0:23:07Nice bit of low sun coming from the left.
0:23:11 > 0:23:14Ooooh. Whoa, whoa, whoa!
0:23:14 > 0:23:16Ha-ha, sorry about that.
0:23:22 > 0:23:25As the evening grows darker, the road gets smaller.
0:23:28 > 0:23:31And by 10pm, a full 12 hours after
0:23:31 > 0:23:35they left, it's pitch black and hardly a road at all.
0:23:37 > 0:23:40Finally, they reach the gates of La Pelada,
0:23:40 > 0:23:42their home for the next five days.
0:23:51 > 0:23:53It's really lovely.
0:23:54 > 0:23:57Spanish style.
0:23:57 > 0:24:01That has to be one of the longest drives - I mean, driveways.
0:24:01 > 0:24:03Would you show us to our rooms, please?
0:24:03 > 0:24:05- Yes.- Our room.
0:24:07 > 0:24:10Simon, he wants it to be quite sparse and monasterial.
0:24:10 > 0:24:12Yeah, I want whitewashed floors,
0:24:12 > 0:24:16two very small twin beds, crucifix, that's it.
0:24:16 > 0:24:18There's our room, look, I told you.
0:24:18 > 0:24:21- Come have a look in here. - That might not be yours.
0:24:22 > 0:24:25I told you what the room would be like. I predicted it.
0:24:25 > 0:24:27Look!
0:24:27 > 0:24:30- That is spooky. - I didn't see it!
0:24:33 > 0:24:35That is a bit spooky.
0:24:35 > 0:24:38Now, this is probably too big for me, this bed.
0:24:38 > 0:24:39Good night, John.
0:24:39 > 0:24:41JOHN LAUGHS
0:24:47 > 0:24:51Estancia La Pelada, on the banks of the Corrientes River,
0:24:51 > 0:24:54is a working farm of 5,000 hectares,
0:24:54 > 0:24:58deep within the campo, the countryside.
0:24:58 > 0:25:02A dozen gauchos work here, taming and training wild horses,
0:25:02 > 0:25:04and tending over 6,000 head of cattle.
0:25:05 > 0:25:09The head honcho is Dario Gallardo, and today
0:25:09 > 0:25:12he has two fresh recruits to introduce.
0:25:13 > 0:25:16Apparently the only way to bond with new gaucho chums
0:25:16 > 0:25:18is a hot cup of mate.
0:25:18 > 0:25:21Made from a plant a bit like holly, it's not just a drink,
0:25:21 > 0:25:23it's a ritual.
0:25:26 > 0:25:27It's OK.
0:25:27 > 0:25:30Yeah. It's like a very stewed tea.
0:25:42 > 0:25:44It's a vitamin supplement...
0:25:46 > 0:25:47..for a meat-heavy diet.
0:25:58 > 0:26:01Maybe later, you will decide to stop giving us mate.
0:26:05 > 0:26:07Before their training can begin,
0:26:07 > 0:26:09John and Simon need some authentic gaucho kit,
0:26:09 > 0:26:13so a drive into town is the first job of the day.
0:26:23 > 0:26:25He says the Creole are real horses.
0:26:34 > 0:26:36My mother's family are from the countryside,
0:26:36 > 0:26:38so I used to go every weekend.
0:26:38 > 0:26:41Not like this. Country, but not like this.
0:26:41 > 0:26:46I grew up around small villages, which were mainly agricultural.
0:26:46 > 0:26:48You're very good with a plough, aren't you?
0:26:48 > 0:26:51Just a one-man plough. With a yoke.
0:26:55 > 0:26:59In Esquina, Dario knows just place to get John and Simon kitted out.
0:27:06 > 0:27:08Yes.
0:27:08 > 0:27:10Blue?
0:27:14 > 0:27:18Multi bene. Perfecto!
0:27:18 > 0:27:20- Bueno?- Bueno.
0:27:20 > 0:27:22It's good?
0:27:28 > 0:27:29There you go.
0:27:29 > 0:27:31Gracias, perfecto!
0:27:31 > 0:27:32This is like Mr Benn!
0:27:33 > 0:27:39Mr Benn. And as if by magic, a gaucho appeared!
0:27:43 > 0:27:44Aaah.
0:27:47 > 0:27:48Tight, it's tight.
0:27:51 > 0:27:54Oi-oi-oi.
0:27:55 > 0:27:57Where's the old mirror? Let's have a look.
0:28:12 > 0:28:13Are these neckerchiefs?
0:28:13 > 0:28:14Do you get a woggle?
0:28:18 > 0:28:19Porta panuelo.
0:28:19 > 0:28:21- Porta paniolo? - Panuelo.
0:28:21 > 0:28:23Paniolio?
0:28:23 > 0:28:25Pan-uel-o!
0:28:25 > 0:28:27Panuelo! Porta panuelo!
0:28:27 > 0:28:32This, in England, is for the Cub Scouts, this porta...
0:28:32 > 0:28:34Porta panuelo.
0:28:34 > 0:28:39- Porta panuelo... is called a "woggle".- A woggle.
0:28:41 > 0:28:43Oh, it's quite Catholic, John, I like it.
0:28:43 > 0:28:46You're sitting by a church in Northern Spain.
0:28:51 > 0:28:53# Ay-ay-ay-aaay-y-y-y-y! #
0:28:59 > 0:29:02Back at the estancia, our gauchos-to-be gather themselves
0:29:02 > 0:29:05for their first training session.
0:29:05 > 0:29:08As novice riders, they've got some extra kit.
0:29:09 > 0:29:14- This is a...- Standard issue... - BETA approved....
0:29:14 > 0:29:18British...Equine...Travel...
0:29:18 > 0:29:20You all right? Do you need some help?
0:29:20 > 0:29:22Just zip me up.
0:29:22 > 0:29:23Sure this is open?
0:29:25 > 0:29:28I can do it. Just hold me neckerchief.
0:29:30 > 0:29:31I'll hold it, you do it.
0:29:33 > 0:29:34Don't tickle me!
0:29:34 > 0:29:37- That's it.- Done. There you go.
0:29:37 > 0:29:40Right, well, I lost mine last night in a game of cards,
0:29:40 > 0:29:42so I will just have to wear a cardigan.
0:29:50 > 0:29:53- Do you want John to hold your woggle?- No.
0:29:53 > 0:29:57INAUDIBLE CHATTER
0:29:57 > 0:29:58Good, that's it.
0:29:58 > 0:30:02Done yours? That's why you couldn't get yours on, it's already done up!
0:30:02 > 0:30:06We look like sort of security guards at a Basque separatist rally.
0:30:06 > 0:30:10- Undercover.- Some kind of like, er...
0:30:10 > 0:30:12Vatican protection league for the Pope.
0:30:13 > 0:30:17- No comprende.- No, no!
0:30:17 > 0:30:20No entrada. No! Salida!
0:30:20 > 0:30:23Si! See, I'm learning a bit.
0:30:26 > 0:30:28It's absolutely perfect weather conditions.
0:30:28 > 0:30:33A light breeze. I'd say it's about 19, maybe 18½...
0:30:33 > 0:30:36Um, for me, I can only speak for myself.
0:30:39 > 0:30:40They head for the corral,
0:30:40 > 0:30:44where Dario's horses are prepared for the working day.
0:30:44 > 0:30:45That's yours.
0:30:45 > 0:30:47- Hi! - TONGUE CLICKS
0:30:53 > 0:30:56This is where it all begins, viewers. This is where we begin our training.
0:30:56 > 0:30:59We've got about four or five days training, but we won't need more
0:30:59 > 0:31:02than two or four hours a day tops and then we go on a cattle drive.
0:31:02 > 0:31:07Full-on Bonanza. Embedded in over 600,000 head of cattle.
0:31:07 > 0:31:09Sweeping down across the Pampas.
0:31:09 > 0:31:12- Dario...- Yeah. - ..he is the handsome leader.
0:31:12 > 0:31:17- He used to be special forces. - He's a Gaucho paramilitary.
0:31:17 > 0:31:19I tell you what he is.. He's really cool.
0:31:19 > 0:31:21- He's one for the ladies, isn't he?- Oh, absolutely!
0:31:21 > 0:31:25- It's good, because we're not... - We're not that easy on the eye.
0:31:25 > 0:31:28- Not...not any more. - No.- There was a time.
0:31:32 > 0:31:33Hola!
0:31:33 > 0:31:34- Si?- Si. Si.
0:31:43 > 0:31:44Ah!
0:32:05 > 0:32:10We now have to take off our Gaucho, er, berets and put on these...
0:32:10 > 0:32:14- Off we go.- ..because of BBC safety regulations, which is a shame.
0:32:14 > 0:32:19Which we find would probably... I don't think the locals really
0:32:19 > 0:32:22- think it's a bit...- Let the comedy commence!- I think the locals think
0:32:22 > 0:32:25we're a couple of nellies, but we've no choice.
0:32:26 > 0:32:28What's his name?
0:32:37 > 0:32:39- They have 150 horses, so... - HE LAUGHS
0:32:42 > 0:32:43Perfect.
0:32:46 > 0:32:48Unbelievably responsive.
0:32:50 > 0:32:54It takes a full year to train a wild horse into a working animal.
0:32:54 > 0:32:58One fit for a gaucho... of any ability!
0:32:58 > 0:33:01Compared to English horses, it's like the difference between
0:33:01 > 0:33:04- a push-bike and a Porsche. It's like that!- I know!
0:33:05 > 0:33:09- It's like a pen!- That was the most difficult...- It's like using a pen!
0:33:09 > 0:33:10It's just like...
0:33:10 > 0:33:12Incredible!
0:33:15 > 0:33:19- OK? He's relaxed? - Yeah!- The horse.- Yeah.
0:33:33 > 0:33:35- OK... - CLICKS TONGUE
0:33:37 > 0:33:40Yeah, OK? Yes.
0:33:40 > 0:33:43- Come on, John. - JOHN CLICKS HIS TONGUE
0:33:43 > 0:33:45OK, John? Go on.
0:33:50 > 0:33:52- Amazing.- Incredible, innit?- Yeah.
0:33:52 > 0:33:54- Relax. Huh?- Sorry. - JOHN LAUGHS
0:33:54 > 0:33:55Come.
0:33:56 > 0:33:58OK?
0:33:58 > 0:34:00The Teapot Express(!)
0:34:14 > 0:34:17'The horses, because they don't live in small little stables
0:34:17 > 0:34:20'and travel around in little horse boxes, and they live free,
0:34:20 > 0:34:24'they have a totally different personality.'
0:34:24 > 0:34:25'They're amazing.
0:34:25 > 0:34:28'There's something to be said for kind of free-range.'
0:34:31 > 0:34:33Oi, oi! Oi, oi!
0:34:33 > 0:34:35Taking your eye off the ball, that's the worrying...
0:34:35 > 0:34:37As John said, it became so easy, until something happens,
0:34:37 > 0:34:40and then you see how good you are as a rider, isn't it?
0:34:40 > 0:34:43Until John goes like that with one of those saplings
0:34:43 > 0:34:46- and it goes "Whoa-tish!"- Whip?- Ha!
0:34:46 > 0:34:49'It's an idyllic setting, but here nature is up close
0:34:49 > 0:34:51'and can get personal,
0:34:51 > 0:34:53'especially the mosquitoes.'
0:34:53 > 0:34:57- What's happened?- I've been absolutely eaten alive in there.
0:34:57 > 0:35:01I think this arm's bad. I think... Can you see?
0:35:01 > 0:35:03And then, the other one here.
0:35:04 > 0:35:09Be kind when you edit this. I'm a shadow of my former self.
0:35:10 > 0:35:14I thoroughly enjoyed today. Totally different from English horse riding
0:35:14 > 0:35:17and you just do this - left, right, that's it.
0:35:17 > 0:35:19Left, right, stop.
0:35:19 > 0:35:22And then, there's a kind of move that we can make it reverse a bit.
0:35:22 > 0:35:25I'm loving the horse work, but I can't believe
0:35:25 > 0:35:29something so small could potentially ruin this whole trip.
0:35:49 > 0:35:51Next morning, and after John and Simon
0:35:51 > 0:35:55have made themselves less delicious to the mosquitoes,
0:35:55 > 0:35:56it's time for breakfast...
0:35:58 > 0:36:02..and more mate with Dario and his right-hand man Gaston.
0:36:02 > 0:36:06It's also a chance for gauchos to compare their most important tool -
0:36:06 > 0:36:11their facon, their knife, handed down from generation to generation.
0:36:11 > 0:36:14Or, in John's case, bought for £3.50.
0:36:14 > 0:36:16- Rites of passage! - LAUGHTER
0:36:19 > 0:36:21Before today's riding lesson,
0:36:21 > 0:36:24Dario takes his students on a short cultural outing.
0:36:24 > 0:36:27Do gauchos ever go on a holiday abroad?
0:36:27 > 0:36:30Do they ever travel to another country?
0:36:42 > 0:36:45Gauchos are folk heroes in Argentina.
0:36:45 > 0:36:47Even in a country that's predominantly Catholic,
0:36:47 > 0:36:52there are many roadside shrines dedicated to one in particular.
0:36:52 > 0:36:56Born and bred here in Corrientes in the 1840s - Gauchito Gil.
0:36:59 > 0:37:04He's saying thank you and was asking, er...
0:37:04 > 0:37:10for work, health, food and protection for the family.
0:37:24 > 0:37:25I'm going to pray.
0:37:28 > 0:37:30I just said no more mozzies, please.
0:37:30 > 0:37:33And I've noticed, since we started filming, you know,
0:37:33 > 0:37:37- Will, you were attacked, weren't you? Quite severely in the eye.- Yes.
0:37:37 > 0:37:42I said, "Please, Gaucho Gil..." "H-il!" sorry, Gaucho H-il,
0:37:42 > 0:37:46"Gauchito H-il, no more mozzies," and since we've stopped...
0:37:46 > 0:37:49since I said that, you haven't been bothered?
0:37:49 > 0:37:52I haven't. Have you been bothered again?
0:37:52 > 0:37:53Have you?
0:37:53 > 0:37:57- You're not...- Because I haven't asked anything.- Keep the faith!
0:37:57 > 0:37:59Come on, come on! Live it, breathe it!
0:38:01 > 0:38:03MOOING
0:38:03 > 0:38:07Argentina is the third largest exporter of beef in the world,
0:38:07 > 0:38:11and gauchos still manage 55 million head of cattle.
0:38:11 > 0:38:15Herding is their stock-in-trade, and that's the lesson today.
0:38:15 > 0:38:17With extra spice provided by the lagoon,
0:38:17 > 0:38:21full of caiman - a type of crocodile - and piranhas.
0:38:22 > 0:38:25- Crocodiles, piranhas.- Mm-hm.
0:38:25 > 0:38:28Um, these are two animals that were not mentioned to us
0:38:28 > 0:38:31- when we agreed to do this trip. - Not at all. No, not at all.
0:38:53 > 0:38:56- OK.- OK,- si. OK.- Perfect!
0:38:56 > 0:38:58HE SPEAKS SPANISH
0:39:24 > 0:39:26Amazing!
0:39:28 > 0:39:29Wey-hey!
0:39:42 > 0:39:46'It was unbelievable. It was a very freeing experience.
0:39:46 > 0:39:48'I thoroughly enjoyed it and really started to get the hang of it.
0:39:48 > 0:39:51'The saddles are so comfortable, the horses are so responsive.
0:39:51 > 0:39:53'We're both very pleased.'
0:39:55 > 0:39:57Doesn't get much better than that,
0:39:57 > 0:39:59like a real-life Marlboro advert, without the fags.
0:39:59 > 0:40:02I was getting the loose ones at the end and everything.
0:40:02 > 0:40:04They're just great horses. It's as easy as...
0:40:04 > 0:40:07falling off a horse, as they say, but...
0:40:07 > 0:40:11obviously, you know, the gauchos did all the proper...
0:40:11 > 0:40:12If it was just been us,
0:40:12 > 0:40:15I think you would've seen quite a different result.
0:40:15 > 0:40:17We probably would've got one each.
0:40:28 > 0:40:31Training's gone well, but in two days' time,
0:40:31 > 0:40:33there's a real job to be done.
0:40:33 > 0:40:36It's one of the biggest days of the year for Dario and his team -
0:40:36 > 0:40:40rounding up 300 calves and loading them onto trucks bound for market.
0:41:10 > 0:41:13I would imagine he's a very good boss to work with. There is nothing
0:41:13 > 0:41:17he ever does that discourages you, he doesn't kind of go, "Oh...why?!"
0:41:17 > 0:41:20There's no negativity, there's no kind of...
0:41:20 > 0:41:23He wants you to do well and he constantly reinforces that,
0:41:23 > 0:41:26so you're always getting that reinforcement from him
0:41:26 > 0:41:27that makes you want to do well.
0:41:27 > 0:41:30It's like Brian Clough, but nicer.
0:41:30 > 0:41:33The players who played for Brian Clough wanted to play for him.
0:41:33 > 0:41:34They wanted to achieve things for him.
0:41:34 > 0:41:36I said, um, "Do they go on holiday?"
0:41:36 > 0:41:39And they said, no, they don't. They're quite happy here.
0:41:39 > 0:41:43And they're not aspirational, so they're very content and they've got
0:41:43 > 0:41:47a great gratitude for what they have, which is very simple.
0:41:47 > 0:41:51Which is a kind of very Zen, Buddhist kind of approach.
0:41:51 > 0:41:54So they're kind of at one with nature, and they love their work.
0:41:54 > 0:41:56They don't even go to the pictures, I don't think.
0:41:56 > 0:41:58Well, you don't imagine he goes to the pictures.
0:42:00 > 0:42:02He did ask me whether the new Muppet film's any good.
0:42:02 > 0:42:05JOHN LAUGHS
0:42:05 > 0:42:07I said I haven't seen it.
0:42:07 > 0:42:09He took me aside, he said, "Ride with me."
0:42:09 > 0:42:11I rode with him for about 100 miles
0:42:11 > 0:42:14until I was literally dead tired. I mean, I fell off the horse
0:42:14 > 0:42:18and he bathed me, then started asking me about the second Muppet film.
0:42:18 > 0:42:21I'm starting to ease into this kind of, you know,
0:42:21 > 0:42:26manana relaxed kind of state of being in, it's kind of very nice.
0:42:26 > 0:42:28You know, I think it's a great way to live, you know.
0:42:28 > 0:42:32You just need a bit of company, shelter and food...
0:42:32 > 0:42:35- And ride like the wind. - And ride like the wind, yeah.
0:42:39 > 0:42:42TORRENTIAL RAINFALL
0:42:42 > 0:42:45The ranch is on the edge of a sub-tropical zone,
0:42:45 > 0:42:49so, when it rains hard, gaucho school is out.
0:42:52 > 0:42:54The teacher kicks back
0:42:54 > 0:42:55and the students do too.
0:42:55 > 0:42:58HE CHATTERS IN SPANISH
0:43:00 > 0:43:02HE EXCLAIMS IN SPANISH Si! Deflectos!
0:43:02 > 0:43:04Ah, mucho fruitos!
0:43:04 > 0:43:06Ay-eh!
0:43:45 > 0:43:47'Gaucho boys learn the vital skill of lassoing
0:43:47 > 0:43:49'as soon as they can walk.
0:43:49 > 0:43:52'John and Simon did not.'
0:43:52 > 0:43:53I'd stand back, if I were you.
0:43:58 > 0:44:01- Oi...- Oh, aye-up.
0:44:02 > 0:44:03The wrist?
0:44:06 > 0:44:08LAUGHTER
0:44:10 > 0:44:11Unlucky.
0:44:16 > 0:44:18- Yes!- You've done it!
0:44:18 > 0:44:23'Having caught a large stick, they graduate to the next pen.
0:44:23 > 0:44:26'Here, the targets are moving.'
0:44:26 > 0:44:28Ooh! Sorry, John!
0:44:28 > 0:44:30DARIO SHOUTS You all right?
0:44:33 > 0:44:34Come on, they're sitting ducks there!
0:44:34 > 0:44:36WHISTLING
0:44:44 > 0:44:46'It's a good introduction to the lasso,
0:44:46 > 0:44:51'but when used for real, there are many more factors to consider.'
0:45:01 > 0:45:02That's yours.
0:45:06 > 0:45:08'Elevenses at La Pelada.'
0:45:08 > 0:45:11- Hot! - LAUGHTER
0:45:11 > 0:45:16Tea and biscuits are replaced by yet more mate and the local delicacy -
0:45:16 > 0:45:20deep-fried piranha, plentiful in the nearby Corrientes River.
0:45:20 > 0:45:23I tell you what. That's all right.
0:45:23 > 0:45:26It's not a fishy fish. You know, some people go,
0:45:26 > 0:45:30- "Oh, it's a bit fishy," but it's kind of soft.- Yeah.- Mmm!
0:45:33 > 0:45:36In a bid to repay the hospitality of their hosts,
0:45:36 > 0:45:39John and Simon have offered to cook this evening,
0:45:39 > 0:45:41their last night at La Pelada.
0:45:41 > 0:45:43But as they head for the shops,
0:45:43 > 0:45:46the hard week of training seems to be taking its toll.
0:45:46 > 0:45:49- I'll make a spag bol, all right? - You know what you're doing?
0:45:49 > 0:45:52- What do you think? - I don't know, I'm asking you!
0:45:54 > 0:45:56By the time they reach the supermarket,
0:45:56 > 0:46:00the air is thick with some rather un-gaucho-like tension.
0:46:00 > 0:46:03- I'd go for chopped fresh tomatoes... - You're doing the pudding, aren't you?
0:46:03 > 0:46:06- Yeah. But you want to just buy your own ingredients?- Yeah.
0:46:06 > 0:46:08- You don't want me to interfere? - I'll buy the ingredients.
0:46:08 > 0:46:11- You buy the pudding.- If something's missing, can I suggest it?
0:46:11 > 0:46:14- Yes, you can.- Thank you. - I'm sure you will.
0:46:17 > 0:46:19Do you have stock? Beef stock?
0:46:19 > 0:46:22- Good point. Do we have beef stock? - We will need bouillon.
0:46:22 > 0:46:26I don't put bouillon in my spag bol.
0:46:26 > 0:46:28My wife does, she puts an Oxo cube in, but I don't.
0:46:28 > 0:46:31- I, er...- I just use the meat and the bacon and the wine.
0:46:34 > 0:46:38- You might do in an English spag bol, mate.- What?
0:46:38 > 0:46:41- Nothing.- My recipe. If you want me to do the crumble,
0:46:41 > 0:46:44- I will. You should leave it to me. - Leave it to you!
0:46:44 > 0:46:46Italians don't put Oxo in their ragu,
0:46:46 > 0:46:49and they certainly don't put red peppers in it.
0:46:52 > 0:46:55'There was a misunderstanding about this dinner thing. I was trying'
0:46:55 > 0:46:58to make some suggestions about how I would do it
0:46:58 > 0:47:00and he was kind of quite bombastic.
0:47:00 > 0:47:03I'm very much aware that I must be an absolute nightmare
0:47:03 > 0:47:05in different ways, my various neuroses, and, um...
0:47:05 > 0:47:08So I'm trying to...
0:47:08 > 0:47:11be aware of the fact that I am a nightmare.
0:47:11 > 0:47:15- Aw!- We made up. We had a tiff.- Yeah, we had a little falling out.- Yeah.
0:47:15 > 0:47:18Performers, comedians, actors, whatever you want to call it -
0:47:18 > 0:47:20we're children, essentially, aren't we?
0:47:20 > 0:47:23'But like I say, two comics. You know, it's that thing of,
0:47:23 > 0:47:26'you know, I'd get on my own nerves, you know.'
0:47:26 > 0:47:29Spag bol-gate is laid to rest,
0:47:29 > 0:47:33which is good, because news is just in from the kitchen.
0:47:33 > 0:47:34We've just discovered that
0:47:34 > 0:47:37the lady of the house is making spaghetti Bolognese..
0:47:37 > 0:47:40JOHN LAUGHS ..for lunch with fresh pasta.
0:47:40 > 0:47:44Which kind of knocks my dry pasta ragu into a cocked hat.
0:47:44 > 0:47:47- We can change it.- OK. - We can do a shepherd's pie.
0:47:47 > 0:47:50- You could make chilli con carne. - I'd rather do shepherd's pie,
0:47:50 > 0:47:53- cos I've made that. Cottage pie, shepherd's pie.- Yeah.
0:47:53 > 0:47:56Why don't I just make the spaghetti Bolognese and go, "Whose is best?
0:47:56 > 0:47:59"Whose is best? Whose is best?" I could do that.
0:48:05 > 0:48:08It's John and Simon's last training session
0:48:08 > 0:48:11and, with 300 calves to face tomorrow,
0:48:11 > 0:48:14Dario's exercises get a tad more demanding.
0:48:19 > 0:48:23AS RON MANAGER: "Ryan Giggsy, with a drop of the shoulder. Marvellous!"
0:48:25 > 0:48:26Si.
0:48:28 > 0:48:30Slowly trotting, maybe.
0:48:34 > 0:48:36'The only fear I have is hurting the animal,
0:48:36 > 0:48:38'but I think that they're really trained really hard.
0:48:38 > 0:48:41'I think, what I think is hard, they're used to a lot harder.'
0:48:41 > 0:48:44When it goes into trot, I really want to gallop.
0:48:44 > 0:48:46'I must have to give it a bit more.'
0:48:48 > 0:48:52I'm quite happy with my riding, considering how scared I was.
0:48:53 > 0:48:57But the stakes are raised again for the galloping lesson.
0:48:57 > 0:48:59A true gaucho must keep a hand free for lassoing,
0:48:59 > 0:49:02which means only one hand on the reins.
0:49:24 > 0:49:26You make it sound easy.
0:49:32 > 0:49:36- This is rather like ride the rhythm. - Exactly.- Like a reggae track.
0:49:36 > 0:49:38- Ride the rhythm is right. - Ride the rhythm.- Yeah!
0:49:41 > 0:49:43- Oh, this way?- Yeah! - DARIO LAUGHS
0:49:46 > 0:49:49MUSIC: "Jamming" by Bob Marley and the Wailers
0:49:49 > 0:49:51Yeah, perfect!
0:49:52 > 0:49:55# Ooh, yeah...
0:50:00 > 0:50:01# All right!
0:50:01 > 0:50:03# We're jammin'
0:50:06 > 0:50:08# I wanna jam it with you... #
0:50:08 > 0:50:10DARIO LAUGHS # We're jammin'... #
0:50:10 > 0:50:12Chop my hand off now.
0:50:12 > 0:50:15The thing is, Dario, he constantly re-enforces you,
0:50:15 > 0:50:17cos he's always complimenting you and high-fives.
0:50:22 > 0:50:24- Excellent.- Nice work, Si.
0:50:26 > 0:50:28'Every day has been a leap into the unknown.
0:50:28 > 0:50:31'I've already done things I didn't think I'd be able to do.'
0:50:31 > 0:50:34- Perfect!- 'One of the best things I've ever done.'
0:50:36 > 0:50:37Stop.
0:50:40 > 0:50:42And with that, the training phase
0:50:42 > 0:50:45of Argentina's newest gauchos comes to an end.
0:50:51 > 0:50:55As the Bolognese begins its transformation into shepherd's pie,
0:50:55 > 0:50:58John's apple crumble masterclass is a sell-out.
0:51:00 > 0:51:04What you do is leave it as crumbs and put the crumbs on the apple.
0:51:18 > 0:51:20This mince is a lot finer than you would expect
0:51:20 > 0:51:22in a cottage pie in the Home Counties.
0:51:22 > 0:51:25- Hello there!- Hello, Chef Day.
0:51:25 > 0:51:27I tell you, I have no idea what I'm doing.
0:51:35 > 0:51:38It needs a great big lump of meaty gravy, doesn't it?
0:51:44 > 0:51:45It needs something.
0:51:46 > 0:51:49Hey! EVERYONE CHATTERS
0:51:53 > 0:51:57- Salute!- To our gaucho friends! - To the gauchos!
0:51:57 > 0:52:01- And to all our friends at La Pelada. - Si, gracias.- Thank you.
0:52:04 > 0:52:07'The final day of reckoning is upon us tomorrow.'
0:52:07 > 0:52:10The herding of the cattle in the corral.
0:52:10 > 0:52:12'There's an air of keenness to get on the horse,'
0:52:12 > 0:52:15but there's an air of sadness too that we're leaving the campo.
0:52:15 > 0:52:17It's my kind of pudding.
0:52:23 > 0:52:25BIRDS CALL
0:52:26 > 0:52:28The final morning.
0:52:28 > 0:52:31The lorries have arrived and await their cargo.
0:52:33 > 0:52:36Despite the threat of industrial farming, gauchos can still
0:52:36 > 0:52:40make a living from delivering free-range cattle to market.
0:52:41 > 0:52:44You see, everybody's very calm, but, effectively,
0:52:44 > 0:52:47we're going to be slap bang in the middle of a stampede.
0:52:47 > 0:52:51WESTERN-STYLE MUSIC
0:52:53 > 0:52:56Dario leads John and Simon to meet up
0:52:56 > 0:52:58with the rest of the gauchos and the calves.
0:52:58 > 0:53:01JOHN AND SIMON: Hey, hey, hey!
0:53:01 > 0:53:03Hey, hey!
0:53:06 > 0:53:07Hey, hey!
0:53:15 > 0:53:17Hey, hey!
0:53:28 > 0:53:31WHISTLING
0:53:34 > 0:53:37WHISTLING AND SHOUTING
0:53:40 > 0:53:42MOOING
0:53:50 > 0:53:51Once they reach the corral,
0:53:51 > 0:53:55the work for the gauchos, and the calves, intensifies.
0:53:55 > 0:53:58It looks quite difficult, you've got to hold your horse
0:53:58 > 0:54:00and use your horses' body and your feet
0:54:00 > 0:54:04- to sort of kick them up, er, the ladder.- Kick them.- And I don't...
0:54:04 > 0:54:07I'm not desperate enough to appear that macho on television.
0:54:07 > 0:54:09I don't think my children would appreciate me
0:54:09 > 0:54:12- whipping baby cows...- Yeah. - ..on TV, to be honest.
0:54:13 > 0:54:15It's a bit intense.
0:54:15 > 0:54:19Are you saw what they did with that calf down there. They're not shy.
0:54:19 > 0:54:22The reality of gaucho life kicks in.
0:54:22 > 0:54:24It's not for the squeamish city slicker.
0:54:24 > 0:54:27Think about that when you're eating beef-burgers, everyone.
0:54:27 > 0:54:29Think about this.
0:54:30 > 0:54:34So glad that you didn't have a go, cos then I'd have to have a go too.
0:54:40 > 0:54:42Young man's game, innit? Young man's game.
0:54:44 > 0:54:46LOUD MOOING
0:54:46 > 0:54:48We got to the sharp end of it today.
0:54:48 > 0:54:51It all... The whole landscape, driven...
0:54:51 > 0:54:53As John said, beautiful, free-range thing -
0:54:53 > 0:54:56all went whoosh into a very narrow channel.
0:54:58 > 0:54:59At the end of the day, the gaucho,
0:54:59 > 0:55:02we sort of romanticised about the fact that, you know,
0:55:02 > 0:55:05they're these free spirits who don't really answer to anybody
0:55:05 > 0:55:08and all they need is the horse, the knife and the song.
0:55:08 > 0:55:12The cow ceases to be an entity, like a living thing.
0:55:12 > 0:55:16It's more of a commodity and, at the end of the day, it's their wage.
0:55:16 > 0:55:18Meat is...is money in this case.
0:55:18 > 0:55:20- "Meat is money" rather than "meat is murder".- Murder!
0:55:24 > 0:55:27John and Simon's gaucho apprenticeship
0:55:27 > 0:55:30- has come to an end. - Gracias.- Gracias.
0:55:48 > 0:55:51It's great to come here where everyone's like...
0:55:51 > 0:55:53food, horse, sleep.
0:55:53 > 0:55:55You know, it's a genuinely...
0:55:55 > 0:55:58- The simple life. - ..refreshing change.
0:55:59 > 0:56:03- SIMON LAUGHS: Yeah, man. - Thank you.- Mate, we will return.
0:56:07 > 0:56:09- Si.- Si? Si.
0:56:13 > 0:56:15- Ooh!- Oh, wow! DARIO LAUGHS
0:56:18 > 0:56:21BOTH: Gracias.
0:56:21 > 0:56:24- Amazing!- Oh, we've graduated. - Look at that.- Look at that!
0:56:27 > 0:56:30- Now we fight!- "And now we fight!" - LAUGHTER
0:56:33 > 0:56:37- No, no!- It's true that I've not truly, um...
0:56:37 > 0:56:40become a gaucho in my thinking and mentality,
0:56:40 > 0:56:43cos I was, like, "Oh, I hope I get the one with the handle,"
0:56:43 > 0:56:47with the other handle. I went, "Oh, well, I'll have this one."
0:56:47 > 0:56:50JOHN LAUGHS That's...that is the western mindset.
0:56:50 > 0:56:51- I'll swap.- Will you?
0:56:51 > 0:56:55- That's the true way of the gaucho. - I'm starting to like this one now.
0:56:55 > 0:56:58- I'm prepared... I'm happy to trade with you.- I'm not sure!- Go on!- OK.
0:56:58 > 0:57:00There you go.
0:57:00 > 0:57:01- How's that?- Gracias!
0:57:01 > 0:57:05- Si! That's all right, I don't mind. - He's learned!- I've learned the way.
0:57:12 > 0:57:16This one's worth £10,000! This one's worth a quid!
0:57:16 > 0:57:20It's almost extinct tree wood, which is called "saint's stick".
0:57:20 > 0:57:21It's delicious, smell it.
0:57:22 > 0:57:24Oh, yeah.
0:57:26 > 0:57:27(I want it back!)
0:57:27 > 0:57:30- It changes the colour... - Yeah?- ..with the weather.
0:57:30 > 0:57:33- It's blue when it rains.- What?!
0:57:33 > 0:57:34- Wow!- What?!
0:57:34 > 0:57:36- DARIO LAUGHS - Hey!
0:57:36 > 0:57:39- LIKE A GANGSTER:- You had your chance! - LAUGHTER
0:57:41 > 0:57:44- I mean, you know what you could do? - With Dario?- Yeah, you could do
0:57:44 > 0:57:48- Crocodile Dundee here in Buenos Aires.- Remake it here.
0:57:48 > 0:57:51- Well, no, he goes into the town, isn't he?- Into the city.- Yeah.
0:57:51 > 0:57:54- And he has a big knife. - The women fall in love with him.
0:57:54 > 0:57:58That's right, and he, um, he can charm animals.
0:57:58 > 0:58:01- Yeah, then a mugger attacks him and he pulls out his knife.- That's right.
0:58:01 > 0:58:04- Yeah.- And, er...- We've got to do our tollbooth film first, though,
0:58:04 > 0:58:08- haven't we?- We have! Tollbooth romance!- Don't forget that.- Yes.
0:58:09 > 0:58:12Next time, with training over,
0:58:12 > 0:58:15it's off to work for John and Simon,
0:58:15 > 0:58:19as they join a team of gauchos in remote Patagonia,
0:58:19 > 0:58:22bringing 200 cattle down a mountain pass.
0:58:22 > 0:58:2550 miles of riding into the unknown.
0:58:25 > 0:58:27I don't like surprises. Hate them!
0:58:27 > 0:58:29Three days and nights exposed to the elements...
0:58:29 > 0:58:32- Yeah, good night, John Boy, and all of that.- Good night, Jim Bob.
0:58:32 > 0:58:35An adventure of a lifetime.
0:58:35 > 0:58:37Whoa, whoa, whoa!
0:58:37 > 0:58:38That was scary!