0:00:11 > 0:00:13I'm Timothy Spall,
0:00:13 > 0:00:17this is my wife, Shane.
0:00:18 > 0:00:20And that is the North Sea.
0:00:23 > 0:00:25It might not look like it right now,
0:00:25 > 0:00:30but we're on the trip of a lifetime, travelling round the British Isles.
0:00:44 > 0:00:47This is supposed to be fun.
0:00:47 > 0:00:49Oh...
0:00:52 > 0:00:53All right.
0:00:53 > 0:00:56It's OK.
0:00:56 > 0:00:57- Oh, God.- We're in.
0:00:59 > 0:01:01- Hey!- Jesus Christ!
0:01:03 > 0:01:07Six years after leaving the Thames, we've arrived in Banff,
0:01:07 > 0:01:10in north-east Scotland.
0:01:10 > 0:01:13- You did well.- Did I do all right? - Oh, you did well.
0:01:15 > 0:01:16In that time,
0:01:16 > 0:01:19I've navigated over 1,700 miles,
0:01:19 > 0:01:21rounding the Lizard,
0:01:21 > 0:01:24taking on the Irish Sea,
0:01:24 > 0:01:27and being blown away by the beauty of western Scotland.
0:01:27 > 0:01:30Go on, have a jump.
0:01:30 > 0:01:31There you go. Hello, darling!
0:01:33 > 0:01:36After mooring for the winter in north-east Scotland,
0:01:36 > 0:01:40we're heading south for the first time,
0:01:40 > 0:01:43taking in the whole eastern coast of Britain.
0:01:43 > 0:01:46- We're going round in circles. - I am lost though, Shane.
0:01:46 > 0:01:50Right, well, let's call the coastguard, love, and get someone to take us to shelter, shall we?
0:01:50 > 0:01:53On our 500-mile journey back to London.
0:01:55 > 0:01:58To the right of Canary Wharf. We can see the Dome.
0:01:58 > 0:02:00We can see the Dome!
0:02:00 > 0:02:03# Somewhere at sea. #
0:02:14 > 0:02:15It's a spring day, isn't it?
0:02:17 > 0:02:21We're in the town of Banff, Aberdeenshire.
0:02:23 > 0:02:25It's a wonderful little place,
0:02:25 > 0:02:28one of the best preserved townscapes in Scotland.
0:02:32 > 0:02:35It's situated at the mouth of the River Deveron
0:02:35 > 0:02:37and faces the town of Macduff.
0:02:39 > 0:02:43This is very much old Scotland up here,
0:02:43 > 0:02:47where the south has very little influence on the local dialect,
0:02:47 > 0:02:50known as Doric, and the architecture.
0:02:52 > 0:02:55I mean, look at that church up there. That could almost be
0:02:55 > 0:02:59anywhere in northern Europe.
0:02:59 > 0:03:03To me, first time I saw that Macduff outcrop, it looked like...
0:03:03 > 0:03:06WOMAN SPEAKS IN LOCAL DIALECT
0:03:06 > 0:03:08Can you can hear them speaking?
0:03:08 > 0:03:11They could be speaking Norwegian.
0:03:11 > 0:03:13Aw-ricka-ma-hi!
0:03:13 > 0:03:16A bloke, the other day, said to me, he stopped, he pulled up in a van
0:03:16 > 0:03:21and said, "Ach, I was watching ye on the tele t'ther nachti.
0:03:21 > 0:03:26"In yer boaat, on the tele t'ther nacht."
0:03:26 > 0:03:29I was watching you on the television the other night.
0:03:29 > 0:03:31Nacht actually is German for night.
0:03:31 > 0:03:34It's probably Norwegian for night.
0:03:35 > 0:03:37Hiya.
0:03:38 > 0:03:41Before we came to Banff, we were in Buckie,
0:03:41 > 0:03:4315 miles up the coast of
0:03:43 > 0:03:44the Moray Firth.
0:03:45 > 0:03:50Here, we had the Princess Matilda spruced up with the full respray
0:03:50 > 0:03:54but, most importantly,
0:03:54 > 0:03:56we had the windows reinforced
0:03:56 > 0:03:58ready to take on the tempestuous North Sea.
0:04:00 > 0:04:02Money well spent, I hope.
0:04:06 > 0:04:08Before we set off on our travels again,
0:04:08 > 0:04:11I'd promised a local radio station a quick interview.
0:04:14 > 0:04:16We went through a terrible period.
0:04:16 > 0:04:21I got seriously ill in 1996, I had leukaemia. I've got over it,
0:04:21 > 0:04:22but it was a tough period.
0:04:22 > 0:04:26Is that something that sort of influenced you going to sea?
0:04:26 > 0:04:29Realising that perhaps life was really out there?
0:04:29 > 0:04:32What did I say to you, Shane, when I was slightly delirious,
0:04:32 > 0:04:37- we were going to get two things, what did I say?- Yeah, Rolls-Royce and a boat.
0:04:37 > 0:04:40The thing is that we probably would not have ended up here
0:04:40 > 0:04:43if we hadn't been doing this,
0:04:43 > 0:04:46and I can only say what a lovely time we've had,
0:04:46 > 0:04:50and we're going to go soon and it's been delightful.
0:04:50 > 0:04:52That's great. You've been absolutely lovely guests.
0:04:52 > 0:04:54We've been listening to Deveron Radio.
0:04:54 > 0:04:56We're fans, we're fans.
0:04:56 > 0:04:59When we can get it.
0:04:59 > 0:05:03When our aerial dips below low tide, we can't hear anything.
0:05:07 > 0:05:11Weather permitting, we will be on our way to Peterhead tomorrow.
0:05:11 > 0:05:1540 nautical miles away and past the treacherous Rattray Head.
0:05:16 > 0:05:21Oh, please, let us wake up in the morning so it's like this tomorrow,
0:05:21 > 0:05:26because that trip we had out from Buckie was terrifying.
0:05:41 > 0:05:43The gods are smiling on us,
0:05:43 > 0:05:48it's a glorious morning for us mariners,
0:05:48 > 0:05:53which is just as well, since today, we're taking on Rattray Head.
0:05:56 > 0:05:58Rattray Head is my new bogeyman.
0:05:58 > 0:06:01I'll probably come up here and go round it
0:06:01 > 0:06:05because the first place we're going to go to from Banff
0:06:05 > 0:06:07is Peterhead. Peter-heid!
0:06:07 > 0:06:10Every time you go, "We're going round the corner," they all go,
0:06:10 > 0:06:14"Aye, Rattray Head. Ay, hey, ah.
0:06:14 > 0:06:18"Rattray Head, och, ooh."
0:06:18 > 0:06:21So, everybody is saying it,
0:06:21 > 0:06:25even people who have never been in a boat go, "Ooh, Rattray Head, hey."
0:06:27 > 0:06:30Warnings duly noted, and we're off.
0:06:32 > 0:06:33I should be all right,
0:06:33 > 0:06:37it's not like I haven't done this before.
0:06:46 > 0:06:48It's been a lovely place, hasn't it?
0:06:50 > 0:06:52It's been a delightful winter,
0:06:52 > 0:06:56albeit a difficult place to get to.
0:07:04 > 0:07:07They're guillemots. Kittiwakes.
0:07:07 > 0:07:10I don't think they are gannets, those long-winged birds.
0:07:10 > 0:07:13No, they're guillemots.
0:07:13 > 0:07:17Look at them, all just going round in a circle. They're all gannets.
0:07:17 > 0:07:20I don't think they are gannets.
0:07:20 > 0:07:22- They are.- They're not gannets.
0:07:22 > 0:07:25They are, he said, Keith, whatever his name is.
0:07:26 > 0:07:30'Gannets or guillemots, I just hope they are a sign of good luck
0:07:30 > 0:07:33'because this is big journey for us.'
0:07:34 > 0:07:38For the first time since we were down in Cornwall,
0:07:38 > 0:07:40we are going actually south.
0:07:40 > 0:07:45'We're about to turn the final corner, to head south towards home,
0:07:45 > 0:07:48'but lurking round Rattray Head
0:07:48 > 0:07:50'is a south-westerly wind.'
0:07:50 > 0:07:52Here we go, let's have a go at this.
0:07:54 > 0:07:57- Are we coming round? - Hold on, hold on, hold on.
0:08:00 > 0:08:02It hits the land.
0:08:02 > 0:08:05Here comes a big wave, so hold on.
0:08:08 > 0:08:10And another one.
0:08:10 > 0:08:15I wouldn't want to be out here in a gale, I tell you, crikey.
0:08:15 > 0:08:18Are you going round Rattray?
0:08:18 > 0:08:21That's Rattray Head there, look.
0:08:21 > 0:08:25Rat trap head. I don't care for you, rat trap.
0:08:27 > 0:08:29On the whole, I'd rather have the Lizard.
0:08:31 > 0:08:35The weather has definitely changed.
0:08:35 > 0:08:37Maybe the people in Banff, who warned me, had a point.
0:08:39 > 0:08:43This is one of the reasons why many of them just don't take it on.
0:08:43 > 0:08:46All you got to do is look at this.
0:08:46 > 0:08:51See all these little things? Do you know what they are?
0:08:51 > 0:08:53Wrecks.
0:08:55 > 0:08:57Shit.
0:08:58 > 0:09:00This is rough.
0:09:06 > 0:09:09You never know what's going to happen, do you?
0:09:13 > 0:09:15When we left, beautiful sunny day,
0:09:15 > 0:09:17like flippin' Regent's Park lake,
0:09:17 > 0:09:19now look at it.
0:09:23 > 0:09:25This isn't quite what I had in mind
0:09:25 > 0:09:29when I was on my deathbed dreaming of taking to the seas.
0:09:31 > 0:09:35And as always, my darling Shane has come along for the ride.
0:09:38 > 0:09:40My God!
0:09:43 > 0:09:46This is horrible.
0:09:48 > 0:09:52Well, the wind's blowing, at the moment,
0:09:52 > 0:09:5516 knots,
0:09:55 > 0:09:58so that's a force five, four or five.
0:09:58 > 0:10:01So these would be regarded as not rough.
0:10:04 > 0:10:07I'm just a bit worried now
0:10:07 > 0:10:09about getting into Peterhead.
0:10:12 > 0:10:14About the approach.
0:10:16 > 0:10:19Shane, I'm going to turn the boat in a minute.
0:10:19 > 0:10:22- I know.- So brace yourself.- I am.
0:10:32 > 0:10:35- Can I come out?- Mmm.
0:10:39 > 0:10:41Oh, my word.
0:10:55 > 0:10:58Peterhead, we've made it.
0:10:58 > 0:11:02That was like being in a washing machine.
0:11:02 > 0:11:04I mean, how bizarre is this?
0:11:04 > 0:11:07From what we've just been through
0:11:07 > 0:11:09to the flat calm of this?
0:11:14 > 0:11:16Horrifying, that was horrifying.
0:11:16 > 0:11:18We were going over
0:11:18 > 0:11:2110, 15-foot waves,
0:11:21 > 0:11:24smashing into the next one. Where do you go, where do you go from here?
0:11:24 > 0:11:27There's nowhere to go. I can't go, "Mum."
0:11:27 > 0:11:31Or, "Shane, I've had enough."
0:11:31 > 0:11:32Ooh...
0:11:39 > 0:11:41Gently does it, gently Bentley.
0:11:41 > 0:11:43Oh, lovely.
0:11:43 > 0:11:47Peterhead sits at the easternmost point of mainland Scotland.
0:11:50 > 0:11:52The huge breakwaters protecting the port
0:11:52 > 0:11:56were built by prison inmates in the late 19th century.
0:11:58 > 0:12:01If that ain't attached to anything, I'm going to scream.
0:12:03 > 0:12:06It's often referred to as the 'Blue Toon'
0:12:06 > 0:12:11on account of the blue stockings the fishermen once wore.
0:12:11 > 0:12:13Not much sign of them now.
0:12:13 > 0:12:14Here we are, though, look.
0:12:14 > 0:12:16What an amazing place!
0:12:18 > 0:12:20- There's a sort of beauty to that, though, isn't there?- I love it.
0:12:20 > 0:12:23I know a lot of people go, "Ooh, I don't like it, gas cylinders."
0:12:23 > 0:12:25We've always loved stuff like that.
0:12:25 > 0:12:28And I believe that's the prison up there.
0:12:29 > 0:12:31Aye, aye, aye, aye, aye. I did all right there, didn't I?
0:12:46 > 0:12:48I've underestimated the North Sea,
0:12:48 > 0:12:53and that last journey has filled me with dread.
0:12:53 > 0:12:55For the first part of the journey, we were like that,
0:12:55 > 0:12:58for the first three hours.
0:12:58 > 0:13:01When we got to Rattray Head...
0:13:03 > 0:13:05..we were doing that.
0:13:06 > 0:13:08It was like biblical, it was horrendous,
0:13:08 > 0:13:11it was like the roughest sea I've ever been in.
0:13:15 > 0:13:18The North Sea is dangerous. You cannot sugarcoat it.
0:13:18 > 0:13:21You know, you can't mess with it, you can't say,
0:13:21 > 0:13:24"Oh, I love it here, let's stay for a couple of weeks."
0:13:24 > 0:13:28If it's behaving itself, that's when you go.
0:13:28 > 0:13:31I've read that there's a chance that the North Sea is calmer
0:13:31 > 0:13:34the further south you go,
0:13:34 > 0:13:36so as much as I love the beauty of this part of Scotland,
0:13:36 > 0:13:38we're not hanging around.
0:13:40 > 0:13:43We're off to Stonehaven, which means
0:13:43 > 0:13:46going back out into the North Sea again.
0:13:46 > 0:13:52I'm anxious, I'm nervous, because we got such a battering, and, er...
0:13:52 > 0:13:55you never know what's going to happen, really.
0:13:55 > 0:13:58So once I've calmed down and got my sea legs...
0:13:58 > 0:14:01Do you know what I'm looking forward to?
0:14:01 > 0:14:03Going back on the River Thames.
0:14:03 > 0:14:07Don't hold your breath, that's six months away, if we're lucky.
0:14:07 > 0:14:09We know the boat can take it now,
0:14:09 > 0:14:12but someone was standing on the beach at Rattray Head,
0:14:12 > 0:14:14and they saw us through the binoculars,
0:14:14 > 0:14:19and they were really worried and they were going to call the coastguard.
0:14:19 > 0:14:22Because we were moving about so much.
0:14:26 > 0:14:29I think that's Slains Castle...
0:14:32 > 0:14:34..where Bram Stoker,
0:14:34 > 0:14:38so the story goes, so the legend has it,
0:14:38 > 0:14:41once upon a time, and all that,
0:14:41 > 0:14:46that this Slains Castle, which is a ruin,
0:14:46 > 0:14:49it was the model for Dracula's castle.
0:14:49 > 0:14:51Count MacDracula.
0:14:53 > 0:14:58As tempting as it is, it's not going to stop us heading south,
0:14:58 > 0:15:03especially as the North Sea could play up at any moment.
0:15:07 > 0:15:09There we go, look at that.
0:15:09 > 0:15:16How many people have the opportunity to go past one of the big, great Scottish cities?
0:15:16 > 0:15:18I'll keep my eye on that door,
0:15:18 > 0:15:21I don't want it to chop my flippin' arm off.
0:15:21 > 0:15:23That is Aberdeen.
0:15:23 > 0:15:27Those tower blocks, there.
0:15:27 > 0:15:30That is the big seaport town of north-east Scotland.
0:15:30 > 0:15:32The Granite City.
0:15:34 > 0:15:38Or, as a taxi driver said the other day,
0:15:38 > 0:15:42"Aye, it's cos it's all grey and drab. That's why they call it that."
0:15:42 > 0:15:43"It's made out of granite."
0:15:43 > 0:15:46"Aye, but granite IS grey and drab."
0:15:46 > 0:15:49It's actually rather attractive.
0:15:54 > 0:15:56When Matilda was moored up in Banff for winter,
0:15:56 > 0:15:59we came up a few times for short holidays.
0:15:59 > 0:16:02I love it, extremely friendly people
0:16:02 > 0:16:06and it's not really on the tourist trail.
0:16:06 > 0:16:11Not like the west side, which is lovely,
0:16:11 > 0:16:14but this side, you know,
0:16:14 > 0:16:18you really get a sense of an unspoiltness about the place.
0:16:19 > 0:16:23You know, it's suffering a little bit from lack of work,
0:16:23 > 0:16:26and things like that,
0:16:26 > 0:16:32but it's a really lovely unspoilt place.
0:16:35 > 0:16:37I can see the harbour.
0:16:39 > 0:16:43Actually, I'm telling complete lies, I can't see it at all.
0:16:48 > 0:16:52We've certainly had our ups and downs on this trip.
0:16:52 > 0:16:56Coming round Rattray Head, we faced a biblical storm,
0:16:56 > 0:17:00but today, someone seems to have moved Stonehaven.
0:17:01 > 0:17:03Where is it?
0:17:03 > 0:17:06Over there. Sorry, I'm just concentrating, love.
0:17:06 > 0:17:08Have you seen it?
0:17:16 > 0:17:18Yeah, that's it there, yeah.
0:17:20 > 0:17:21There, look.
0:17:23 > 0:17:26Phew. It's still here.
0:17:28 > 0:17:31Stonehaven has actually been here since the Iron Age,
0:17:31 > 0:17:35so I would have been slightly miffed if it had suddenly moved.
0:17:39 > 0:17:41It's got a rich historical past,
0:17:41 > 0:17:46playing a part in the first battle of the Civil War in 1639.
0:17:47 > 0:17:50There's also an unfinished war memorial
0:17:50 > 0:17:54to commemorate the local lives lost in the Great War.
0:17:54 > 0:17:57It has been deliberately unfinished
0:17:57 > 0:18:00to mirror the unfinished lives of those young men.
0:18:01 > 0:18:05We're being welcomed by harbour master Jim Brown.
0:18:05 > 0:18:07Hi, Mr Brown, I presume?
0:18:08 > 0:18:11- Pleased to meet you. - Nice to meet you as well.
0:18:11 > 0:18:15I tell you what, after Rattray Head, that was nothing.
0:18:16 > 0:18:19The journey isn't quite over.
0:18:19 > 0:18:21Just one last stop.
0:18:23 > 0:18:25The best Indian in Stonehaven.
0:18:25 > 0:18:27There's an Indian in the middle of town.
0:18:27 > 0:18:29If you go up into the main street,
0:18:29 > 0:18:32along the main street on your right, there's an Indian there.
0:18:32 > 0:18:37That's always our ritual, whatever port we go to, whatever place we turn up in,
0:18:37 > 0:18:40Wales, England, Ireland, Scotland, Isle of Man,
0:18:40 > 0:18:41we always go straight for an Indian.
0:18:41 > 0:18:44It's a pleasure to meet you, mate. Real pleasure to meet you.
0:18:44 > 0:18:47And you. I'll see you in the morning, then.
0:18:47 > 0:18:50Cheers, really, thanks a lot, Jim. Thanks very much.
0:18:54 > 0:18:55Nice, isn't it?
0:18:55 > 0:18:57Isn't it lovely?
0:19:03 > 0:19:09Stonehaven harbour was developed in the 1820s by Robert Stevenson,
0:19:09 > 0:19:12the grandfather of the great Robert Louis Stevenson.
0:19:13 > 0:19:17And it became the centre of trade for silver darlings.
0:19:17 > 0:19:21That's herring to you and me.
0:19:21 > 0:19:23I wonder if they're on the menu?
0:19:30 > 0:19:35Regretfully, one night in Stonehaven has to be enough for us
0:19:35 > 0:19:38because very soon, we'll be on our way south again.
0:19:40 > 0:19:43When I was with this, full of wine and booze,
0:19:43 > 0:19:47and I stopped in the pub and the missus of the pub said,
0:19:47 > 0:19:52"My husband said if I ever get one of them, he'll kill me."
0:19:55 > 0:19:59I said, "Well, thing is, when you haven't got a car, you know,
0:19:59 > 0:20:03"it's the best way of transporting your shopping."
0:20:03 > 0:20:08So I will do my best impersonation of a man...
0:20:08 > 0:20:10with a modicum of dignity,
0:20:10 > 0:20:13pulling an old lady's trolley.
0:20:13 > 0:20:15Auf wiedersehen!
0:20:28 > 0:20:31Now there's a fellow gent
0:20:31 > 0:20:33deeply impressed with my trolley.
0:20:33 > 0:20:35Our next destination
0:20:35 > 0:20:37takes us out of Aberdeenshire
0:20:37 > 0:20:39for the first time in six months,
0:20:39 > 0:20:41as we head towards Arbroath
0:20:41 > 0:20:44and the county of Angus.
0:20:45 > 0:20:48We leave on a sea of tranquility...
0:20:51 > 0:20:54..go through a three-hour cycle in the washing machine again...
0:20:59 > 0:21:02..and arrive on a sea of tranquility.
0:21:04 > 0:21:08The North Sea is doing my head in.
0:21:08 > 0:21:10So when we came out of there,
0:21:10 > 0:21:16it was like we were in the flippin' Caribbean on a beautiful day, nothing.
0:21:16 > 0:21:20All of a sudden, bang, bang, bang, bang.
0:21:20 > 0:21:23It was a bit scary.
0:21:25 > 0:21:27But it's better than sitting home watching 'Flog It!'
0:21:29 > 0:21:35The Americans use a wonderful term when you're getting over-stressed,
0:21:35 > 0:21:39'Hey, it is decompress. We need to decompress.'
0:21:41 > 0:21:44Which is, actually, we've got the bends,
0:21:44 > 0:21:47we need to go into a bends tank of relaxation.
0:21:47 > 0:21:51- Yeah.- That's the flippin' North Sea, it seems to me.
0:21:51 > 0:21:53'But this is no time to hang about,
0:21:53 > 0:21:55'we've got to get to calmer waters
0:21:55 > 0:21:59'and we're now just 60 nautical miles from the English border
0:21:59 > 0:22:03'and, hopefully, a less turbulent North Sea.
0:22:05 > 0:22:07'But there is time to visit
0:22:07 > 0:22:09'one last Scottish port, Eyemouth.'
0:22:17 > 0:22:20That's the Isle of May, out there.
0:22:23 > 0:22:26That's Bass Rock.
0:22:27 > 0:22:30RADIO INDISTINCT
0:22:30 > 0:22:33Beautiful. Let's hope it stays this way, eh?
0:22:33 > 0:22:37When we get, if and when we get to Eyemouth,
0:22:37 > 0:22:44Eyemouth is only about seven miles from the border.
0:22:44 > 0:22:46About seven miles north of Berwick.
0:22:46 > 0:22:49- This is nice.- Beautiful.
0:22:51 > 0:22:55Don't forget... when we were on the Irish Sea,
0:22:55 > 0:22:59we had land to our left and land to our right,
0:22:59 > 0:23:03and land to our north and land to our south.
0:23:03 > 0:23:05Across there,
0:23:05 > 0:23:09400, 350 miles away, is Norway.
0:23:12 > 0:23:14And about
0:23:14 > 0:23:172,000 miles that way
0:23:17 > 0:23:19is Eastern Siberia.
0:23:20 > 0:23:23So there's a lot of sea here.
0:23:23 > 0:23:25This is a nice day,
0:23:25 > 0:23:28it's only a six-foot swell.
0:23:28 > 0:23:31Just hope it stays like this.
0:23:32 > 0:23:35I'm really looking forward to going back to England.
0:23:35 > 0:23:39I'm looking forward to going into Newcastle.
0:23:39 > 0:23:43I'm looking forward to Whitby, Skegness.
0:23:43 > 0:23:47We've been in Scotland now for six months. It's not bad, is it, really?
0:23:52 > 0:23:55Look at the planes going over. Spitfires, look.
0:23:55 > 0:23:56Look.
0:24:00 > 0:24:02They're not Spitfires.
0:24:05 > 0:24:09- Alas, not Spitfires. - Of course they're not Spitfires!
0:24:09 > 0:24:13- Completely random, though. - 'Definitely not gannets.
0:24:14 > 0:24:18'Eyemouth is in the Scottish Borders
0:24:18 > 0:24:20'and has been a major fishing port since the 13th century.
0:24:23 > 0:24:25'In 1881, it was struck by
0:24:25 > 0:24:28'one of the worst east coast fishing disasters,
0:24:28 > 0:24:32'when 129 men and 20 boats were lost at sea.
0:24:33 > 0:24:35'And judging by the way this sea can turn on you,
0:24:35 > 0:24:39'we understand how that could have happened.'
0:24:42 > 0:24:43There's even cannons up there.
0:24:49 > 0:24:51Thank you very much.
0:24:53 > 0:24:56- Hi, there, good afternoon to you. - How are you?- I'm all right.
0:24:56 > 0:24:59I don't know what's happening to the weather, I've got to check it.
0:24:59 > 0:25:01I think it will probably be one night, maybe two,
0:25:01 > 0:25:03but we don't know, if that's all right?
0:25:03 > 0:25:05- Yeah, I'll let you know. - No problem.
0:25:05 > 0:25:09- We'll be on the scene in the morning at seven o'clock.- OK.
0:25:09 > 0:25:13- Anyway, I'm going to do my greaser and do all that.- Yes, get shipshape.
0:25:13 > 0:25:16- Thank you so much.- You're very welcome. We will see you tomorrow.
0:25:16 > 0:25:19- Charming.- A pleasure meeting you. - A pleasure meeting you, mate.
0:25:19 > 0:25:23This is our last stop before we cross the border
0:25:23 > 0:25:27to the first port in England from here, Seahouses.
0:25:29 > 0:25:33Right, general... "Seahouses is a split personality.
0:25:33 > 0:25:36"This busy traditional scenic town has been horrendously modified
0:25:36 > 0:25:40"to cater for a vast season..." Horrendous,
0:25:40 > 0:25:41that's not very nice, is it?
0:25:41 > 0:25:44- No.- "..a vast season of weekend tourist trade,
0:25:44 > 0:25:47"not only from day visitors, but also from a rash of caravan sites."
0:25:47 > 0:25:50Oh, snobby!
0:25:50 > 0:25:52"Pick a quiet time, it is very attractive,
0:25:52 > 0:25:55"with splendid beach walks in both directions..."
0:25:55 > 0:26:00If you possibly can, please try to avoid the working class,
0:26:00 > 0:26:05as they eat ice creams, drop litter and are rather unattractive!
0:26:05 > 0:26:09- You're just making that up, Timmy. - It's what it says.- No, it's not.
0:26:11 > 0:26:16If you ever come across anybody declaring themselves a Geordie,
0:26:16 > 0:26:18give them a wide berth.
0:26:18 > 0:26:21They are dangerous and can be volatile.
0:26:21 > 0:26:24That's what it says!
0:26:24 > 0:26:28How dare they? Some of my favourite people, the Geordies.
0:26:28 > 0:26:33Before we leave for Seahouses and its rash of caravan sites,
0:26:33 > 0:26:36we have decided to put a message in a bottle
0:26:36 > 0:26:40to mark the crossing of the border from Scotland to England.
0:26:42 > 0:26:46- Is it too fat to go in?- No.- It might be too fat to come out, though.
0:26:50 > 0:26:54- What are you going to do, just dip the end in it?- I think so.
0:26:54 > 0:26:56I don't know.
0:26:56 > 0:27:00- It stinks.- Yeah. That should do it, shouldn't it?
0:27:02 > 0:27:04There, that was good.
0:27:04 > 0:27:08Hurrah!
0:27:08 > 0:27:09It's our message in a bottle.
0:27:12 > 0:27:13How is it out there?
0:27:13 > 0:27:15INDISTINCT REPLY
0:27:15 > 0:27:18Perfect, just how I like it.
0:27:23 > 0:27:26- Oh, it's lovely and flat, isn't it? - Yeah.
0:27:27 > 0:27:28Ready?
0:27:30 > 0:27:32Both hands together.
0:27:33 > 0:27:37Hold your hands together, and I'll kiss it as well.
0:27:37 > 0:27:39Kiss it like that.
0:27:39 > 0:27:41Right.
0:27:41 > 0:27:43Right, I want you to throw it.
0:27:43 > 0:27:46As hard as you can, and don't break it.
0:27:46 > 0:27:49I'll throw it through the window.
0:27:49 > 0:27:51Are you ready? Make a wish.
0:27:51 > 0:27:54Go on, then...
0:27:54 > 0:27:55Yay!
0:27:56 > 0:27:57Oh, it's floating.
0:27:57 > 0:27:59Of course it's floating.
0:27:59 > 0:28:03No-one's going to find it if it's going to sink, are they?
0:28:08 > 0:28:11I've been, to a certain degree, an adopted son of Newcastle.
0:28:11 > 0:28:13I mean, we have to do it,
0:28:13 > 0:28:17got to go under the Tyne Bridge, haven't we?
0:28:19 > 0:28:21I could play him. We don't look unalike, do we?
0:28:24 > 0:28:27The forecast says there's a slight...
0:28:27 > 0:28:29No, looks all right.
0:28:31 > 0:28:33We're going backwards, I expect.
0:28:33 > 0:28:36I think we might have to turn round, love.
0:28:50 > 0:28:52Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:28:52 > 0:28:57# Somewhere at sea. #